So true. My is giving money, paying college, and buying stuff for young women but, when I spent for me, the the house, gifts for grand children its a big problem. His excuse is I am wasting money????? 😎😎😎 so sick!!!!
This. Explains my ex covert gf and her beholding to the lead narcissist who was also an ex, a secret they kept. I always felt like sloppy seconds even before I was aware of the dynamic. She made it a point to triangulate using him. Seems clever but is textbook.
I dealt with a narc for 5 months and once I confirmed he was nothing but a NPD dude, I was out and done. You cannot allow this in your life. It’s not about you but about them. Let go, learn and grow from this and find a authentic partner.
@@CDRFINANCE For female narcs I think stud farm or stable is the analogous term. Female narcs can have a regular lover and then supplement the lover with risky one-off or short term sexual encounters with relative strangers they meet in daily life, to spice things up. If you are the unaware chump back home, in an imaginary relationship, and in love with, the narc’s false self, it is dangerous from an STD perspective. If the narc is regularly flaring up in anger or has imposed a schedule like you walking the dog to get you out of the house for a while, here’s a hint: watch the house….free show. If you then bust in on the spouse and lover, it only feeds the narc a delicious banquet of supply. Better to exert superhuman willpower, stay quiet and go see a lawyer before you bail out if there’s property or kids involved. Just saying.
You're always left feeling like you are not good enough. The narcissist always has someone else they're being inappropriate with and it leaves you constantly feeling anxious.
@denisesalles7248 thankfully we don't because I already know if I were to show affection to our children it would turn into a competition. It just hurts when you love someone and you start to feel your love could change them or that it's really your fault. I am realizing that I don't have control and it's up to her how she reacts. It's just hard. And the small jabs at my character about how she's a stronger person than me, more mature, more responsible are like small paper cuts over time that bleed you dry.
@@Noah_Pendernarcissist don't see people as people. They only see people as emotional and spiritual food sources. Your feelings are irrelevant to them. They'll pretend to care only to make sure you are still feeding their needs.
Yes, the entire 9 years was about him trying to make me jealous. Then he'd say " Why are you so insecure? It's really annoying " Recently, ( he Says!) he's reconnected with an ex f*** buddy from 20 yrs ago and while they're " friends as of now " - " It's possible" he's " Not going to lie about it " 🙄🙄 that they could have an intimate physical relationship in the future. He even sends me PICTURES of himself at a campfire late on a Friday night ) and just last night a pic of a flaming charcoal grill saying " Grilling steaks " When I asked him where, he replied " Friends" So, feeling insecure and baited I asked " That friend?" His response was " Maybe" Omg his triangulation b.s.!!! I mean WHY would he send me pics, letting me KNOW he's out somewhere (and Telling me ) he's with " A friend???" My bff says he's just taunting me, wanting to get that negative supply. Sometimes I can blow off his comments and not let it get to me,other times I feed right into it, becoming extremely upset and dysregulated. Just Why?? Why does he feel the need to shove it in my face???
You're Right. My Narc Ex Girlfriend actually had the nerve to tell me to my face that there's a lot of men wishing they could replace me in her life. I looked her dead in her eyes and told her CHOOSE ONE OF THEM and moved out and left her high n dry 24 hours later.
Yes! They'll treat you like an option and a pain in the butt until you're not interested anymore. Suddenly you're everything they could hope for again. They're exhausting. 🙄
Yes! A thousand times, yes! All of this, yes! If I ever said ANYTHING about ANY of it, the problem was NOT his behavior, but my lack of confidence and excessive sensitivity. The thing is, I entered the relationship with a lot of confidence. I left the relationship a shell of who I was. I’m getting that confidence back.
The same has happened to me. I was a happy, confident person two years ago. I have become a shell of who I was. I’m slowly working on gaining my confidence back each day. I’m so glad this community is here! Together, we will make it through this, and come through shining on the other side!
This is an all too familiar experience - my nex introduced insecurities in me that were never there because of their constant comparison and inappropriate attention to people that shouldn’t matter.
Yessssss. I’ve never been insecure but now…I can’t find a rock big enough for me to hide under. But when we’re apart and I’m surrounded by healthy people I like myself (A LOT) and forget the devaluation and rise above.
@@theduallanguagechannel Spend as much time with the healthy people as you can. If you are still with this person I would ask why and what is holding you back? Staying for kids teaches the kids to be unhealthy - my 13 yr old calls me names and makes her little sister cry and curl up into a ball like her did to me. Divorce or breaking up sucks but it sucks more to stay with someone who sucks the life from your soul. Keep being around happy and healthy people and you will get better and better, but if you are returning home to this person the feeling of wanting to hide under that rock will come back. If you don't want to live under a rock then that person can't be in your life.
My father often tells me, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Last time he did this I responded with, "Why can't she be more like me? The difference between my sister and me is she puts up with your crap and I don't."
I have met a few people with narcissistic tendencies. They all have substance abuse problems, but their real and deepest addiction is to the chaos and drama. They enjoy getting someone to be vulnerable, then using that to expose and injure the person whose trust they gained. They are addicted to destruction because on some level they are wounded and enjoy the misery they inflict (because misery loves company). They want to make others close to them suffer and feel the way they do. It's really quite sad. I honestly believe it is only a problem God can fix - or death.
He says he is just being nice and friendly when he is always touching other women's shoulders. He really turns on the charm and laughs in such a delightful manner.
Yep. Mine did that. He thought they all enjoyed his touch. They made fun of him for the unwanted touch. They only accepted the behavior because he was in a position of power. I wish they had called him on his creepy overreaching behaviors to his face!
Yes, male narcs love attention, but esp. female attention & will call their girlfriend or spouse insecure. They also use anyone who will agree with them but, the person they speak of doesn't have a clue as to the truth or they don't compare apples to apples, surface info. only as if that other persons opinion is supposed to hold water with you even if they don't know you.
I know a guy like that who is charismatic in a crowd and he is always hugging women. I recall him in the past saying that he doesn't see anything wrong with polyamory, which seems to be a red flag in narcissistic behavior. I have seen him out with two women on one occasion. Now some people are fine with polyamory, but it just seemed creepy somehow.
It was a harem-some but I was being “insecure” and “ridiculous.” The social media triangulation and inappropriate behavior was intolerable (among others - always texting other women who are just “friends”). Glad I am out! Still very hurt but relief comes in slowly each day.
Mine said he wanted to still be friends. I asked why. He replied with a list of everything "I did wrong" in the relationship. I laughed and said "Good point. No " and walked away from it.
An empath who requires truth in their life is impossible for a narcissist to deal with, so they need flying monkeys. Just an example....the average politician is a lying narcissist, and those in the msm are flying monkeys.
Narcissism are Satan's Device every thing from them They're hurting people left and right violating the Law violating human standards they lie after lied top of lies..they eat a.diet lies..hahahaha you need to Delete them in your life and in your mind.gone..
This is spot on, shame it took me 25 years to understand why I was so miserable... If anyone says they are staying for the sake of the children I'll tell them to stop sleepwalking into more misery.
Yep, 28 years here. I stayed for my daughter, but I wouldn't do it again. I could have been a better father if I had a normal woman or was alone. It's absolute torture.
I get why you say that and genrally this argument always comes from a woman. I am currently still in my relationship of 25 years fixing to leave. A man losing much more than the women but the will suffer much more in the longterm. Women often willingly don't realize how detrimental it is to remove the father figures from a child's life. Nowadays the pursuit of happiness is simply, one bad mood from divorce.
Yeah, I had the same. For seventeen years. Notice that I didn’t use the word “only” or “just” seventeen years. There’s a lot I could say, but kudos for your reclamation indeed! Above all else, to thine own self be true. Idk about you but I still feel as if I’m practicing. And hopefully improving, which is what I wish for you and all others who have walked this bumpy path in life.
100%!!! Mine talks about his ex all the time. “Well, my ex didn’t act like you.” “My ex didn’t complain and cry when I insulted her like you do.” “I don’t know why you’re acting like this, my ex never did that.” And on and on. Another example, “everyone else in my life has no problem with how I make fun of them, how come you do? You’re too sensitive. You can’t take a joke.” It’s an endless cycle of abuse. It’s really sickening.
Yes! “I only have these issues with you” always amazed me because I was literally there witnessing them have issues with or badmouth the very people they claim not to have issues with. It was the two faced behavior, amongst other things, that I walked away from and now I am the bad guy because I am not there for them. It’s frustrating.
And when you first met him, according to him, his ex was a demon right? Now the ex is perfect so you feel insecure. Yeah I've been there. Don't fall for it.
For God's sake YES. She works for him and manages his accounts. Cougar married he 10 year younger lover. Add in two adult daughters, not his. All for his money. Proved everywhere by everyone. Just disgusting. I am not even part of this relationship. Just an object in the corner. His maid and raising his biological child. A ghost of a human.
I agree only use them as a better supply because she has a car and an apt where she can cook for him or take him for a restaurant and possibly give him sex in a privacy setting
Most every time I see a video posted and think “this one probably won’t apply to me”, I end up watching it regardless and come away from it thinking “how did I not see this and end the relationship sooner?” Once again Dr. Ramani, you hit it out of the park.
This is so true! LOL! I sometimes watch just to keep my Spidey skills sharp, then….boom! There I am in her stories (to a lesser or greater degree). Education and information are our tickets out. And since we have spent a lifetime being gaslighted and lied to and confused, we NEED daily reminders of what is REAL!
Narcissists are people who want their cake and to eat it too. They must be surrounded by adoring fans and lovers who are needed to prop up their fragile egos. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be enough for them. For they are abysmally lacking in self-worth. They are insecure, needy, crippled beings with neither love for themselves nor anyone else. We have little choice but to forgive them, work on healing ourselves and making ourselves whole.
When I first saw her she looked sad. In time I realized she would share that sadness with anyone trying to cheer her up. She only wanted what she could not have.
@@OfSoulAndSin To forgive means to walk away and forget the narcissist forever. You then have the time to focus on yourself. Creating the life, you desire and surrounding yourself with those who respect both themselves and others.
This has been life for 38 yrs. I never once felt like he was “all in” the marriage. I felt he 100% of the time had one foot out the door. The divorce has been final for 5 months now. I am not able to “move on” from the marriage but I am able to move forward. Move forward with the lesson’s I’ve learned about myself and the boundaries I now know I need in any relationship just to name a few. The content within this channel arms me with what I need to watch for in another potential romantic relationship. It also helps me immensely with professional relationships.
I am in the middle of a divorce from my spouse of 37 years...he refuses to move out and this has been the most stressful year. Thank God for this channel and the wealth of information! Blessings on your freedom and continued healing. I look forward to my future knowing what I now know.
@@kaymackay1161 ugh I’m so sorry you are going through this. Stand your ground and do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. If his lips are moving, it’s a lie. It took me 2 yrs to finalize the divorce. He made it as ugly and as stressful as he possibly could. Keep coming back to Dr. Ramani’s words and you will make it! I’m praying for you.
@@ssully1377 awe, thank you so much!!! I do believe I have found the silver lining in all of this, and it is a complete and total reliance on God. He sees and hears and knows what is happening and He will see me through. Thank you for your prayers, they are golden to me and we are sisters in Him! (FYI my maiden name is Sullivan). Stronger Together ❤
My father actually does that all the time. When he’s young he cheated a couple of times. As the children grew up, he and my mother (both narcs) compared us with other kids. Always talk about my cousins’ fancy jobs, degrees, wealths ... and make us feel suck about ourselves. Other times they talk about how they help others and how those people admire them.
I lived through 31 yr marriage with a narcissist. Always felt a 3rd person in our marriage. I have read/listen to everything I can on narcissism. I learned so much about the disorder and how to heal myself. But my most comfort is knowing that my God is always with me. He has guided me and loved me through it all. Prayers for you.
I am so messed up and lost right now. I am just over a week out of a 30 year marriage with a man I am very suspicious of now that he is narcissistic. Out of desperation I asked the universe to give me a sign I was doing the right thing. I turned on my computer and this video was there. I can not even begin to tell you importance of the timing and how relevant this video had been. Thank you for all you share with us Dr. Ramanni, your work has been so helpful. X
This was the worst part of the "relationship" for me, the constant triangulation and throwing me off balance. It started from day 1 really. Constantly showing me pictures of other women "look, this is who I'm going to start to work for" or "look, this is my female co-worker", or "look, this is the girl I met the other day, she messaged me at 3 in the morning", and then towards the end he'd constantly talk about his female co-worker, referring to her as his best friend, whom he would go out clubbing with (he never went out clubbing with me). And when I found a picture on her social media taken at his house and confronted him, he said "well, yes, she did sleep in the bed with me, we've done that quite a few times, but nothing ever happened". That was the end for me. OVER and OUT! 3 months NO CONTACT. No more mind fu**ery.
Hah my Ex saw the side girl bra once during videos and later boobs but didnt forgot to mention they were not as nice like me and he is not at all interested in her. He is marrying her this year.
This makes a lot of sense. My ex claimed he was really great friends with all of his exes (red flag), and would keep in touch with a lot of them. I figured out that it was triangulation on his part. And when we split up, I made it clear we would not remain friends. It really pissed him off that I wouldn't hang about for him to keep me on a shelf for ego kibbles.
I'm friends with my exes but it means no bad on who i am with, i won't favor them over her or disrespect her by being inappropriate. If i am with someone i will see and talk to my female "friends" ALOT LESS. And if they see me i don't mind being with my significant other, there is nothing to sneak in.
@@dennisrobinson8008 That's wonderful and I feel there are circumstances where one can be friends with an ex-partner. I should have added that my ex hasn't said anything positive about any of his ex's, claiming they were all cheaters and liars. Hence, why it was a big red flag for me when he claimed he is still great friends with all of these women. Not once did he discuss or own up to his own failings in those relationships.
@@vedicleo5286 Hi. One of my ex was a really good friend to have. She's helpful of her friends, doesn't backstab them or get jealous. She treats her friends and people very well. As her man i was treated great.... I messed that up ending in year 2004. So it would have been a greater loss to lose her friendship because she is not common in this world... We were not talking much for 3-5 years or so, but today we talk quite a bit and i'm appreciative of her friendship. I have other ex that have men other situations so i lay all the way back, out of their business, but it makes me feel good when i know they are doing good in their situations... On the guys saying their ex are all liars and cheaters.... Some friend groups are like that, so while it's probably better not to say anything, it's not always a lie but they did chose them. So you could say "stop crying to me about them, you chose them"...
God this is exactly how it was with my ex, it absolutely felt like a threesome. There was ALWAYS some other woman in his life, always "just a friend" but he had obvious feelings for them. And every time I brought up how uncomfortable I was with his completely inappropriate levels of closeness with other women I was controlling, unreasonable, looking for problems, needed therapy, and just didn't want him to have friends. He _can't_ stop texting his ex at 3am, that would hurt her feelings! But hurting mine is perfectly okay. He _can't_ stop sending heart emojis and I-miss-yous to female friends who have no idea he's in a relationship, that's their "friendship dynamic" and he's "just being nice"! I should be happy he's so nice to these poor lonely girls who need a good friend! Well how about being nice to ME for once?! They're always SO NICE to everyone but their partners! AAAAARGH I still get so mad thinking about it lol. He basically cheated on me for 3 years straight and made me feel crazy for not liking it.
Yup. Same here!!! Called me insecure! Lolol. For not liking how these women would text him at 11 pm at night or any time we were together blowing up his phone
Omg. This is exactly the deal. I fell in love w him at 19. Young and dumb he was involved w 3 other woman at the time saying they were crazy etc etc. I believed all his bs. He groomed me for many many years. We've been on and off. Now I'm 37 still dealing w this insanity but after watching all these videos I've discovered what's wrong w him. Told me I'm crazy psychopath my whole life. Everything is my fault. Now all these tears have gone by and he had a couple kids in between our on and offs. Its absolutely insane and I've taken him back. Different times believing his promises. It's sickening he's still talking to and cheating w I believe at least 2 other woman so it's the same story history repeating itself. Now I'm working on getting out no longer in denial and accepting he won't change and if I stay ill be unhappy for the rest of my life. On the other hand the trauma bond is so intense I go back and forth planning my escape and then he's nice to me good sex mask goes back on and I start to think maybe I'll deal w it bc I don't want him w anyone else and I don't want the others to win. Maybe i can someohow accept his lies or cheating from time to time. Total insanity . However there is no prize here just sadness. Sometimes I'm disgusted w myself but I'm and can't believe it came to this It's truly embaressing to family and friends who know the story.
@@nataliemyers7348 Sounds like youi need to find your self-pride and self-esteem and get out. The longer you stay with this person, the worse you might feel about yourself.
@@nataliemyers7348 But I can definitely appreciate your honesty about the other women he's with in your situation (when you say you 'don't want the others to win'.) Maybe other women can relate to that reasoning. But you can ask yourself, too, what are these other women 'winning'?? Are they 'winning' a cheater? Someone who will probably call them crazy, also, like he's called you? That's not 'winning', that's definitely losing. Please think about that.
Every time we went to a social gathering he would let me know someone had come on to him. Once he told me the hostess slipped him the tongue on the greet kiss at the door. Flirted with every waitress we ever had. I never took the bait in 5 years and got jealous at all, that infuriated him. So proud of myself.I believe they are, he always talked about other woman, constantly. I don't think its ever two people, your replacement is picked the minute your relationship starts, he is looking over your shoulder at the next one.
My narc likes to lurk in the corner of a room during any gathering and silently judge everyone. He reminds me of Dr. Evil's hairless cat. I don't know why, but the image is perfect for him.
@@missednoahsarc2654 doesn’t the words safe feel so comforting.!!! I’m so blessed to have outcome it’s only been a few months and it feels like a weights off my shoulder.
@@zaniyahhundley8591 YES! Proud of you! I've been free since spring and I am so content in my life with the simplest things. He really changed me for the better after I escaped. I am so happy and joyful.
Yes! He was always comparing me to let me know I was never enough. Now that we’re over, he uses me to triangulate his new partners. He keeps acting like I was the love of his life that he lost but I wanna call those women and say “We didn’t have the great love he tells you we had because he treated me just like he’s treating you now. I was never good enough for him. Also-run, girl!” 😂
For mine- he is the charming best friend & confidant of every women in the tri state area. And he confides in them about my inadequacies. So he’s always “dating” and spending his charm elsewhere, then coming home to be cold & taciturn. But he never sleeps w/ any of them, so he’s still a “really nice guy”.
same with my ex. I bought the song and dance about not sleeping with them. but that turned out to be a lie. he was sleeping with the ones who would let him. I imagine all narcs do...
OMStars! This video really helped me understand some things. He was triangulating when we were dating and I only just now understand. Together 30 years, married for 28 and finally getting divorced. Taking my life back.
@@mindthegap741 thank you! Keeping my eyes forward. I appreciate your encouragement! It’s so good to understand how many folks have walked this same path.
I don't know at what stage you are in your divorce process, but the following video might help. I experienced everything with my Ex that Dr. Ramani is describing. ua-cam.com/video/P-AS7gjv1wU/v-deo.html
I was together with mine for 30, married for 28. I didn't even know what it was he was doing to me while in the midst of the marriage. It took him discarding me for me to finally start to see. You will get to a place of peace. Dr. Ramani's videos have helped me the most out of all other channels. I read a lot about it at first before finding her videos.
My ex who I happened to work with had a co-worker of ours hanging out in his room with him every day for 2 years straight even after I confronted him about it. His excuse was he didn't own the room and couldn't control who came in there to "use" it. He topped it all off with saying that his room was the coolest room in the building and that's why she wanted to hang out there.
Yes, triangulation is to maintain power and control! Thank you for saying that after infidelity, relationships don’t often get stronger. When I took my Ex back, spent more years, emotion, time and money after infidelity, it was a waste of time. I ruminated and was exhausted. Move on people, we deserve better! Free yourself!
@@zenmasterj9497 bottom line, if you don’t see yourself growing old, raising children or having any trust in this person with your life, cut your losses. I was gaslit for years. You can’t get that time back.
You described my spouse a lot in this video! I caught him cheating with other women, very painful 😢 and heartbreaking 💔 after 31 years of marriage I know who he really is now. I asked him to move out 8 months ago and I am letting this marriage dissolve. I am not going back to toxic. My naivety over the years has gotten me in trouble. No more! I have gone through great pain, program work and therapist to get some good recovery under my belt. Thank you Dr. Ramani
I think that whether you're in a narcissistic relationship or if you just know a narcissist, you are in a threesom relationship. I believe that that is how narcissist maximize their odds of getting their supply needs met.
Sometimes these videos feel like a psychic reading.It's so amazing to hear your experiences being described for what they are when you've for the longest time wondered if they even existed.
When things get tough, they look elsewhere. When things go well for them, they look elsewhere. When it serves them to compare you to others, they will plant that comparison in casual conversation. You will be compared to a catalog of all of the positive attributes in people around you, and be expected to be all of them, wrapped up in one.
Dr Ramani I really appreciate that you show up your face in your videos with the complete natural look, no makeup no hair dye etc. Because you don’t need that for validation and respect, unlike the superficial and insecure people.
Never thought of this aspect being a bigger part of relationship with a narcissistic spouse but you're right on! Thank you for opening my eyes to narcissism. It only took me 47 years of marriage to finally get some answers to what in the world was happening in my life 🤔!
Same, 47 years of marriage and I never knew what was going on until after I left him! He used triangulation immediately after we met and for the remainder of the marriage. I had no clue what that even was. So glad I’m out and now married to the man of my dreams. Every day is a joy. I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. Best of luck to you.
My husband doesn't ever compare me to his ex's so to speak, he does it without saying it though by the amount of praise he would display for their accomplishments or looks. It used to hurt so much but I get why he did this now. This happened very early in the relationship, he doesn't do it anymore. And it used to mess with my mind because he'd never compliment me. He will also do nice things for people over me, like go out of his way to open shopping mall doors for any stranger while I'm left opening my door 😂 I laugh because I'm so enlightened by Dr Ramani as to why he does this. It's not about me, it's all on him. I am enough for him, for anyone actually. HE'S lucky to have me. Thank you Dr Ramani for your work, you are healing souls ❤️
@@claratreeborn8647 Hi, yes I'm staying. Trust me I have left many times. When I decided to put me first and my needs, and I stopped engaging with the toxicity so to speak, our relationship changed. His narccissm isn't about me. It's about him, I don't have to do the dance. How I see it is, his insecurities have absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't fix him, but I can manage and chose how I respond.
Triangulation is a type of psychological warfare. One friend or lover Pitts you against another who is usually your replacement.😉 Keeping it real 100%.
I found pictures of EX girlfriend on his phone that he downloaded from her social media. He made side-by -side comparisons of my photos next to hers- so creepy! Your description of the narcissist is spot on. They try to make you feel like you’re not good enough- because they know it’s the other way around.
My 76 year old dad took the inappropriate social media behavior to a whole new level. He began by having my mother drive him an hour to the beach 2x's a week and take pictures of teenage girls. He then posted them online (obvioisly without consent) where he gained lots of attention and even some pushback. After a year of that, he began a "photography studio" where he took sexual glamor shots of women in his cabin. Listening to my mother and siblings defend this behavior as cringy, yes, but within his rights was some of the worst gaslighting I have experienced. Not a day goes by that I regret going no contact 2+ years ago!! Thanks Dr. Ramani!!!
Listening to this, I’m realizing my former husband did this a lot. Since I’m not the paranoid jealous type, I didn’t even realize it for years. Rather than getting insecure this way-by the time I was done with that man believe me- I was thrilled to let some other person deal with his sick BS because I was DONE!
I knew a person who started a fan club - to themself. To this day I can’t think of what tops that. You can’t even make this stuff up. It’s that ridiculous. They literally cannot function without being surrounded by admirers and believe you are the same. I’ve also noticed that when your life is going well, that’s when they’ll choose to resurface. Any other time, it’s crickets.
Yes, I agree; sometimes they make it seem innocent but they are really dishing it. They like inflicting pain that they cannot take a quarter of. Ignoring them and making them or whatever they’re doing seem irrelevant is one way of calling them out from my experience. Boy, does this make them cringe😅 Thank you Dr. Ramani for another good one.
My ex did that obvious, rude stare at other women. I spoke to him about it repeatedly. By the end of our relationship, I was bracing myself any time we left the house because I knew there was going to be a woman who would catch his attention, all of his attention. He would literally stop talking or listening to me and hyper-focus on another woman, for minutes, not seconds, as I sat there feeling massively uncomfortable then deny it and say I was being insecure. Enumerable conversations yet, every time he was, "shocked" and would say he didn't know what I was talking about. In hindsight, it was such a head game.
At the start of the relationship, my narcissistic ex-husband was putting his ex-wife down frequently. By the end of our relationship, he was regularly saying good things about her. Interesting how there was still the same group of three people but two of our roles had changed.
OMG this is EXACTLY what mine did. At the start nothing but bad things about the ex. Made me feel sorry for him and how poorly she treated him, how she never cared for him or cooked a meal, how disconnected they were, how they never had sex or intimacy, how she was “fat” and had gained so much weight, he wasn’t attracted to her etc. At the end of our relationship she was “wonderful”, accepting, not fat, a good friend, etc etc etc. And when I kicked him out (finally) he ran to her and stayed with her! Probably slept with her too, may still be, who knows. All I know is he is SICK and the entire 2 years I was with him was a mind f**k, sucking me in masterfully then treating me like garbage. I was too hooked in already to run for the hills at the 6 month mark. I chose to endure the abuse for many more months. It was awful. I am still recovering from it.
Yes I am seeing this dynamic after many years, he pitted me against the ex, to keep me from befriending her, and then towards the end befriended her again himself to make me feel bad.
Same! My ex talked so much crap about his ex for the first few years, and then next thing you know they are “coparenting well” and having family dinners and saying that he thinks she is getting the wrong idea and wants to have more kids with him etc. this was all while we were together!
The triangulation is one of the most exhausting parts of the relationship. My ex always had these “female friends” that he’d give more attention to and speak about admirably. He’d schedule activities with them and text them all the time while sitting with me. He’d even call them during our arguments and wrap them up in our drama. One day he even said “You’re just like my ex. She kept accusing me of cheating with you that eventually I figured I should just do it!” The crazy thing is he basically told on himself because at that time he was claiming to be single and we had already begun ours before I found out who she was. During our entire relationship he only ever referred to her as his ex who I was always competing with. He had been gaslighting me this entire time. I broke up with him not too long after.
Same here. I think my ex wrote post-its himself with ‘love you’ pretending it comes from him - making sure I found them in his trousers etc… just to see my reaction how jealous I was. Didnot know this…. Now after seeing Dr Ramani’s video’s I start to realise… If only I would have know…. I would have stayed indifferent…. Its like I found out the manual to handle him too late….
It took me about two years of researching narcissism to finally understand and realize I needed to leave-but I didn’t fully believe that he was a narcissist until I left and watched him spiral exactly the way that the research said he would. My life improved drastically the moment I cut him out of it. Your videos slowly got through to me. You helped me get my life back. Thank you.
I came to know about it after the relationship broke. He was raging alot and eventually I slapped on his leg as I was sitting on floor crying. He called jn quits and took the flight the very next day to finalise things with other girl he was dating. Thank God he quit otherwise Even though I knew I was not happy, I was not able to had the courage to quit myself. I was going back again like a prisoner
Thats really true 5 years i was on and off with the covert narcissist and have no idea about only until the last time i caught him cheating and instead of fixing things up he totally get lost not even asking if im alive thats y i questioned myself and watching videos about NPD i look back for all that 5 years then i only realized that all that 5 years is just a full drama play of a psychopath devil person i never knew. Though sometimes we r praying that its not true and still we have the hope that he will change coz somehow they r once a sweet generous and loving person during d love bombing stage.. but girl freedom from them is the best gift u could ever give urself ❤ god bless our poor loving soul
8 min in & you've literally described my marriage perfectly. Those are the day to day things that get forgotten in the long term because of the choreographed bigger explosions!! It's all so disturbing to realize, even 1 year after getting out!
Same here after getting out and looking back I see things so clearly with dr Ramani a help the triangulation games the fake future promises that were always just in reach but needed a little more time the breadcrumbs constant fights about leaving the house like a garage because in 20years he could put up a shed and used our home as storage The never wanting to do repairs around our home excuse we don't have the money but paying for a membership at shooting club purchasing an air rifle and cylinder. Yet he would buy curtains because we didn't have money Using my son's birthdays as reasons to buy what he wanted eg computor tv etc and using his friend's wife birthday party to celebrate his sons birthday cheapskate while buying a birthday cake to show up at his friend's wife party His idea of a good night out to drive to a carpark then sit in the car on his phone ignoring everyone Our other days out only existed if we went with his friends then all his attention was on them again we were nearly noticed but he would be saying how good it was to get out with the family to them If we went shopping for clothing he would get so angry afterwards it just applied the whole day But he would be on the phone telling his friends how he had taken us out on a shopping trip it was bizarre and only after he has left am Finally realising just what he was doing
Not just applicable to romantic relationships. If you do business with a narcissist, this applies. If you work FOR, work WITH, or HIRE a narcissist, this applies. If you have a friend or relative who's a narcissist, this applies. If you carpool with a narcissist, this applies. All too often, these internet discussions focus on romantic relationships to the point that the narcissist's behaviors only affect close personal relationships. This can lead to people tuning out the message because their mate/partner isn't a narcissist. We ALL need to recognize and manage narcissistic behaviors. We ALL interact with narcissists outside our families.
You can never have a private, trusted argument/conversation with a narcissist. "You know even my sister thinks you are wrong about ...". You get to the point that you can't trust telling them anything personal and keeping it to themselves. So you don't and it winds up being the beginning of the end of the relationship.
This just happened to me. My husband asked me what I thought of our daughters prom dress, I said what I thought, he turned around and sent her a screen shot of it? Never mind that he felt the same about the dress, but could bring his self to say it he had to pretend it was me and me alone. Later he did speak his mind about the dress. But why always throw me under the bus? Coward comes to mind
I had to spend 6 hours with my son’s mother yesterday. She tried everything to make me jealous and my cognitive dissonance was horrific. Takes me about a week to recover every time I see her. Just hearing about my replacement is like a knife in the gut. These dynamics are very very real !!!!
Can you try mantras and the broken record technique before, during, and after and encounter with her?? It could help! I started getting tattoos to help remember my values… seems drastic but I almost had to do it bc dealing with my family was so hard and it actually helped me begin to recenter my focus.
I always felt like his ex was between us, with us wherever we went. She was perfect, made the best food, best lover, on and on. I used to dislike her intensely. I now admire her. She got out after 18 months. I tolerated him for almost 8 years. 🤢
This is so good because they do this to evoke jealousy in the person and get that type of reaction from the person. Sometimes, it's not even with new supply.. it's not always in the discard phase, it can be throughout the whole relationship. This is so good not many people touch on it enough.
This video hits hard, I'm not on social media, and she took advantage of it. She had a complete differn't life online, if I had issues with her talking to an old boyfriend or 5 of them, she called me paranoid. She is keeping her next victim close. So glad I found you Dr Ramani
Yes, I agree, lol, and heartbreaking. The comparison is constant. All the examples you are giving are true, exactly as you describe it, all of it💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani💕💕💕
A narc wants their partner to feel less than to give them power. Men often compare women & the narc can try to implant self doubt (ex. you're just insecure) or can go so far as to tell you what you feel (brain washing) saying things that are often not true (ex. you know you compare yourself & think you're not good enough.... but I don't know why). They are very manipulative.
Dude there's actually a possibility that it actually does break your heart but not in the way that we normally use the word but like in the sense of like how a machine breaks... like I just left the doctor and I'm in stage 2 hypertension and I'm in my 30s and I don't have a history of heart disease but two years of the mental emotional abuse and gaslighting and just crazy making non-functioning no reality or stolen reality may potentially actually break your heart in a sense of give you heart disease... they say stress contributes to heart disease well the mind-body connection is wreaked havoc on so enough of this of abuse or an extreme period of this abuse could potentially raise your blood pressure enough that you're in a hypertension state or category whatever
Sobbing my heart out, not about him, but about the garden I thought we were creating.... I feel so stupid, a season of him sharing pictures of blossoming flowers on social media, but not actually participating in 'our' garden.... sounds really stupid, but its a reflection of our relationship
Everything you said is 100% spot on, I always felt like I wasn't enough and there's always someone else in the relationship. The openly flirting with waiters and then gaslighting afterwards: "you are too sensitive!" "oh! I forgot that you won't allow me to speak to other people." and then comparing me to his previously relationships in a sexual way. Later I found out that he's probably with 3+ guys at the sane time... I'm so glad that I made the decision to leave it all behind and go no contact. It's the only way to heal from a narcissist.
So true, my Narc played on my insecurities to lower my guard. When I would question the suspicious behavior, the Narc would just tell me that it was my own insecurity which was leading me to be jealous. Over time I started to question myself and would talk myself out of challenging their triangulations because I thought I was over reacting. . . NEVER AGAIN
After listening to your videos, I feel like the blurry pictures in my life come into focus more and more. It’s a bunch of jaw dropping, eye opening moments that help me to feel more and more normal. All of those horrible gut feelings that I have felt, and still continue to feel, I pay more and more attention to instead of feeling like I’m the crazy person. I’m learning to hone into these gut instincts and step back instead of reacting with the emotions that come with being gaslighted, devalued, triangulated, etc… Dr. Ramani, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for this very real therapy and for all of the comments from people who have been through this and those still going through it. Just having the validation means the world to me. Thank you!!!!
I told my narc, you want to act single? You want to keep flirting? Ok, let's have an open relationship this way I no longer have to worry, no longer have to go thru your phone. I'm effin exhausted 😢. I recommend you all say this to your narcs. There response is priceless as well as the look on their face.. ...🤭🤫
My little narcissist ex-boyfriend did this so I turned the threesome into a foursome, and did this to him-when he told me that I’d better watch out because I could easily be replaced I told him that he wouldn’t last more than a minute with his next one once she found out what a narcissist he was; then laughed in his face-go ahead babe give it a go-he did and failed and today he dates, but no takers-because he didn’t change-and his ‘human’ mask has never fit him very well-the thing about narcissistic people is that they are constant and predictable, he’s a one-off kind of guy maybe, good for a few dates-but not a keeper, although Bless His Heart he keeps trying.
I told my ex narc that I wanted to do all of her girlfriends too! Shut her right down cuz she knows that I would and I'm too much of a competition for her she gets scared because her supplies will stay with me. #lesbianencounter get him where it hurts right between the legs and their little insecure mind!
Dr Ramani, it's over a year since I first found your channel. I'm still amazed at how accurately you describe what my life was. I have gone through exactly all those exact examples you have given. The worst part is how this Narc wanted to drill it into my head that she was something special. Yet so shallow and predictable.
Same here. I agree with every word. It’s amazing (sadly) how predictable it was and, even more, how this pattern seems to repeat almost universally according to the testimonies we read here.
The narcissist I was with started to mention polyamory and me being the people pleaser, went with it because I wanted to keep them happy. We had even tried a third person and I was never comfortable. Basically they broke up with me because they wanted to be “free” but stay friends. I’m so happy I went no contact with them. Thank you for this video!
Not personally, but what I've seen with 3 ppl relationships is: Everybody's playing their own 'hand' at the poker table. And if any 2 have greater 'gravity,' it will eventually become a 2 partner relationship once they cast out the 'third wheel.'
My ex narc tried the 'open relationship' card after I found his betrayal with women online. I booted him within an hour. Narcs are always in an open relationship, you just don't know it...
That's totally NOT what polyamory is and, given the level of mutual trust and respect actual polyamory relationships and families work on, I doubt any narcissist EVER could be involved in it. Narcissists would use anything and anyone to justify their own actions, if they even bother to. No contact is the way whenever possible.
My exhusband began flirting with waitresses and store clerks. He began acting like a weird old man. When we were newlyweds, he’d always compare me to his mother, and she’d compare me to “the one girl that got away.” I’m so glad to be out of all that.
ABSOLUTELY!!! The deeper I get into understanding narcissists, the more I see my family "training" prepared me for dealing with the high range vulnerable narcissist who recently barged back into my life. My parents always triangulated me & my siblings, and even played the other spouse against kids, so when I recognized my narc ex- triangulating his 2 kids against each other and against his best "friend" (there's several chapters in that relationship alone) it was an early peek behind the "curtain" of the dark tetrad. It still took some time to acknowledge the evil because none of us want to think that people can be so inhumane, but it is real.
Thank you so much dr ramini! Your content has given me the closure I needed and never got. You would never know the extent of how much you helped me. Sending so much love xxx
My ex kept two of their ex’s as “close friends” always felt Like I was in a relationship with two other people, towards the end even found text messages when the ex’s said they were “soul mates”I was always confuse because all the gaslighting until getting the knowledge from Dr Ramani and could actually made sense of it all. I’m no contact for more than 3 years now! Thank you Dr Ramani
This video is SO on point! My ex used to continually talk about his (all woman) singing group, and in particular the young female teacher. (He’s not a creative type) I thought nothing of it at first - we all have hobbies, which I think is a healthy thing. I do sports with male team members too. But this singing teacher became his talking point every single time I was with him - and I really started feeling uncomfortable and confused about it. Which is of course why he did it! As he started the devalue this talk became really odd and unpleasant - coupled with him taking strange, impulsive ‘mystery weekends away’ (during a pandemic!) Tbh I now doubt very much the singing teacher was mutually interested in him. And in fact, he might not have been interested in her, but just enjoyed using her to needle me and feel that power play for himself. I strongly suspect he was TRYING to be unfaithful with other people from the get-go, but as a narcissistic, fading man in his 50s, might not have succeeded. The whole relationship made me so horribly unhappy and insecure at the time. Such a weird, creepy experience. I now mainly view this guy as a graceless, ageing man with a faulty personality, desperate for attention and power. It’s a bit sad. I feel lucky both to be out of the relationship, and not the one grappling with narcissism. That is HIS future. I don’t envy it!
Ooh yeah…there was ALWAYS someone else in our relationship. Ex’s, new “friends”, comparisons with my brothers and how much they make, multiple affairs. I’m so happy to be free from her.
That must have been so horrible. I met one ,luckily for me she only wanted have some weird friendship thing that I don't do. I met her at the library she seemed like a nice lady , but I just found out what a narcissist is. one day she ask if I would go to a outside event with her and I said yes, she wanted to drive and pick me up. I had good time but it seemed she was not really into it with me, and she didn't want to stay to the end like she had to go , she drops me off and stays off to side in her car talking to somebody, the next day I text her and asked if she had a boyfriend, she never answers my texts and than she lost it and insulted me and told goodbye for good. earlier she gave compliments WTF. I dodged a bullet
My narc told me that, as a man, it was natural for him to "look at other people". I can almost believe that. But now I know why he felt compelled to tell ME about it all the time. He even went so far as to openly admire and covet movie stars then insist that we watch their movies together while he openly admired their assets and their intelligence or whatever. ..He also obsessed over his last girlfriend..and compared me to other people's girlfriends. Now I know WHY! Thank you again, Dr. Ramani.
Sounds like my ex. Every conversation filled with self absolving BS while he was overly possessive and jealous even of the affection I had for my pets...
Same. A gentlemen does not treat his partner like this. No excuses. A lot of guys and gals believe that too… “that’s just how guys are….they’re visual creatures.” There was a study done where newly married men were shown photos of attractive females I think, and the ones that swiped the photo faster felt that even though the person in the photo was attractive, they werent more attractive than their partner and didn’t compared to their partner because beauty is subjective and they valued their partner and were not proned to cheating. But men who took longer to swipe the photo away were found to have cheated or would cheat. I forget the actual details but it was something like this. My partner used to stare so hard and nonstop unable to take his focus off another female until she was out of range of his sight. It could be 5 minutes or 30 seconds. And when I told him it makes me uncomfortable and to have some respect for me and not do it right in front of my face like that he would gaslight and rage…like violently rage.
Sounds like my exes. One would happily comment to me on any attractive woman on TV or in passing. The other would tell me his high libido is genetic and he can't help it. Nah, he just needed an excuse to cheat lol
It’s so unattractive for a grown man to behave like that. It’s creepy, immature, and it shows that there’s not much of anything going on upstairs. They never evolve past the horny teenage stage.
yes my roomate’s boyfriend (also a roomate) started talking about how hot an actress was right in front of us (including my bf) so i realized she wasnt saying anything. i stood up for what happened and he still tried to defend himself ☠️ some ppl choose that life fr and its mean. but they dont care 😭😭
My covert narcissist ex was always making excuses for her guy friends and keeping exs in her life. After 2 yrs I left. Funny that after I left....a few months later she blocked me on all social media. Funny how I asked, begged, then demanded for her to block her exs who kept msging her and she wouldn't. But she blocked me. Lol. Never again going to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to exs and guy friends. Nope.
Sounds exactly like my ex, relationship lasted the same amount of time too. Finally when I stopped being a simp, putting up with her lies and didn’t fall for her manipulation anymore she decided we “grew apart.” She didn’t block me though, she made the mistake of continuing to follow me on social media, got to see me clubbing it up with a group of girls and making out with one of them, then she finally unfollowed me. 😂
same here just reversed, my ex bf refused to put distance between him and his countless lady friends but blocked me in a sec...I so relate with your comment, Eric, because been living it exactly..just obviously reversed gender situation.
Wow this happened to me this week. My [now ex] bf is still extremely close with his ex. He talked to her and spends more time with her than he did with me. I asked him numerous times to set some boundaries and limit contact and he refused, despite saying how much he cared about me and that he wanted to marry me. I broke up with him. I few days later I stupidly called him and I found out I was blocked. Lol, and supposedly I was the most important lady in his life. He blocked me in a heartbeat but won't let go of her for anything.
I wish I knew years ago that my ex not only was fully aware of the pain he inflicted on me, but actually enjoyed it. I had no idea that such people exist !
Dr Ramani ~ you literally SAVED my life . I am an executive, running 3 Companies & I was so close to being extinguished. He is a criminal Narcissist & I was close to triggering him. Thank God you helped me navigate to safety . Phew …. It’s like you read my journal 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
His mother is the other woman in our relationship. When I was dating her son, my then future MIL said, "You're lucky I'm letting you have my son. Any woman would be lucky to have my son!" I thought she was joking. She was not.
They see their perfect son & think you're not good enough or are manipulating them somehow (that's really funny, you being the manipulator), but never that same son being a nightmare in a marriage or relationship.
His mother didn't say that but when he did had contact with her, she was validating and instigating to more abuse as abusing me was a special bond between them.
My ex MIL said a similar thing during her speech at our wedding. Basically that she wouldn't let just anyone take her son from her, but she liked me enough that she would grudgingly accept it.
As a narcissist, thank you for all your videos in helping me come to realise just how fucked up my thinking and behaviour has been for embarrassingly too long.
I’ve left a 4 month narcissistic relationship and I can say almost every video the Dr. has posted ended up sounding like my own life, dealing with a Vulnerable Narcissist. Concerning this video, there was always a third person in many ways(other Narcissists that she was closer to physically while I was in the room, flirting with others on OUR dates out, yet no affection towards me, pretty much aligned with examples in this video) Feeling like I was going crazy. So much help and support really gave me the strength to end it and leave. Thank you Dr. 🙏
I call it "the pet". There is always someone in the middle of us who needs to be "saved" in my partner's eyes, and actually meets the criteria for BPD. It brings insecurity and it is time-consuming...
I’m hurting and going thru this alone. Truly by myself. As of yesterday I ended a 13 year relationship with my now ex (hurts to say that of him). He is blatantly in front of me seeing another girl. I’ve got zero self esteem no confidence at all. I feel head to toe completely ruined by him. Everything was my fault the entire 13 years. He told me (and I’m sure he knew it would hurt me by saying it) he told me that “now this is going to sound shallow but she is tight”. I lost it I left crying. I have no friends anymore. My mother whom I look after has Alzheimer’s. My son has mental health issues. They both live with me. I’m trying to stay afloat. I’m not able to share discuss anything anymore about my ongoings hurts etc…so here I am commenting. I’ve begun to watch the videos. I came across your name Dr. Ramani by simply scrolling thru videos. Nothing in particular. I’m glad I did. Al you say I can relate to or recognize the behavior regarding him. Thank you for the videos. Your taking the time to make them and for free is wonderful. I know your time is precious. I just wanted to end this by saying thank you to you. Very helpful and insightful.
Cheryl Wade your mud The other side is awesome. We are all alone even when in a room full of people. I left mine 4 weeks ago and more healing in that time than last four years and l lost my eldest son. Partner never once asked “how are you) I feel free to
You are not alone. I was with mine for 34 years. I am now taking care and living with my adult disabled daughter who is on the schizophrenic spectrum. You are NOT alone, but you have my sympathy, bc I know how hard this is!!
You are not alone. I went thru my marriage finding out about his issues. Psychopaths-Charmers, Grandiose Covert Narcissist, Crack addict. I went thru Hell!! They are purposed to destroy us. Destruction is of Satan. They could careless who they hurt. It's like a game & a joke to them. They will get what they deserve!!. At least you have 2 ppl to say hello to. I have no1! I am lonely, hurt & healing daily. He still tries to call & text. It's Satan trying to destroy us. You must have a sweet soul. Keep holding your head up & press on. Life will get better. Love on yourself!!!
My narc mother has triangulated me with my narcissist brother my entire life. Another subtle triangulation is complimenting cousins who are all “sooooo good looking”. I have never received a compliment from my mother and if I did it was something I inherited from her.
Every time one of my cousins came to visit, my father gave me the silent treatment for days after she left. Inevitably, I got the "why can't you be like Debbie" question. His anger about it was confusing and extremely demeaning.
I had to check to see if I wrote this comment bc it was exactly my family situation- until I went permanent no contact. Thank you for sharing and helping me not feel so alone.
Narcs can't turn anyone away. It is a numbers game. They will tell you they have many waiting in the wings, so to speak, just waiting their turn. It is a sick game that seems to make them happy. The sad thing as they sure know how to get a woman, but have a difficult time keeping them. Three is always a crowd.
Exactly! Thank you Dr. Ramani. Third parties, triangulation, being devalues, discarded etc. certainly took its toll on me. A most distressing experience. I’m healing my self worth.
This is exactly how my ex was!!! Everyone else was so shiny to him and he treated me like I was dull.
Well said.
Same 😔
That's a perfect analogy.
So freeing to know other women understand this exact experience.
So true. My is giving money, paying college, and buying stuff for young women but, when I spent for me, the the house, gifts for grand children its a big problem. His excuse is I am wasting money????? 😎😎😎 so sick!!!!
After you get discarded there's only two options,become a member of their harem or walk away and never look back.
This. Explains my ex covert gf and her beholding to the lead narcissist who was also an ex, a secret they kept. I always felt like sloppy seconds even before I was aware of the dynamic. She made it a point to triangulate using him. Seems clever but is textbook.
I think harem is to flattering, more like scalps of men in a female narcs case.
Exactly run, and don't look Back!!!
I dealt with a narc for 5 months and once I confirmed he was nothing but a NPD dude, I was out and done. You cannot allow this in your life. It’s not about you but about them. Let go, learn and grow from this and find a authentic partner.
@@CDRFINANCE For female narcs I think stud farm or stable is the analogous term. Female narcs can have a regular lover and then supplement the lover with risky one-off or short term sexual encounters with relative strangers they meet in daily life, to spice things up. If you are the unaware chump back home, in an imaginary relationship, and in love with, the narc’s false self, it is dangerous from an STD perspective. If the narc is regularly flaring up in anger or has imposed a schedule like you walking the dog to get you out of the house for a while, here’s a hint: watch the house….free show. If you then bust in on the spouse and lover, it only feeds the narc a delicious banquet of supply. Better to exert superhuman willpower, stay quiet and go see a lawyer before you bail out if there’s property or kids involved. Just saying.
You're always left feeling like you are not good enough. The narcissist always has someone else they're being inappropriate with and it leaves you constantly feeling anxious.
Ugh. This is so perfect it's frightening. Just realizing this and feeling completely disgusted.
Just found out my wife has been in contact with another married man for our entire 2.5 year marriage and that he truly fulfills her.
@@Noah_Pender I am so sorry for you. If you don't have kids, or even if you do, get out while you can.
@denisesalles7248 thankfully we don't because I already know if I were to show affection to our children it would turn into a competition. It just hurts when you love someone and you start to feel your love could change them or that it's really your fault. I am realizing that I don't have control and it's up to her how she reacts. It's just hard. And the small jabs at my character about how she's a stronger person than me, more mature, more responsible are like small paper cuts over time that bleed you dry.
@@Noah_Pendernarcissist don't see people as people. They only see people as emotional and spiritual food sources. Your feelings are irrelevant to them. They'll pretend to care only to make sure you are still feeding their needs.
This triangulation was the hallmark of my relationship. Continuous attempts to make me jealous, then gaslight in to telling me I was jealous.
Same
Yes, the entire 9 years was about him trying to make me jealous.
Then he'd say " Why are you so insecure? It's really annoying "
Recently, ( he Says!) he's reconnected with an ex f*** buddy from 20 yrs ago and while they're
" friends as of now " - " It's possible" he's " Not going to lie about it " 🙄🙄 that they could have an intimate physical relationship in the future.
He even sends me PICTURES of himself at a campfire late on a Friday night ) and just last night a pic of a flaming charcoal grill saying " Grilling steaks "
When I asked him where, he replied " Friends"
So, feeling insecure and baited I asked " That friend?"
His response was " Maybe"
Omg his triangulation b.s.!!!
I mean WHY would he send me pics, letting me KNOW he's out somewhere (and Telling me ) he's with " A friend???"
My bff says he's just taunting me, wanting to get that negative supply.
Sometimes I can blow off his comments and not let it get to me,other times I feed right into it, becoming extremely upset and dysregulated.
Just Why?? Why does he feel the need to shove it in my face???
Yes and I'm really disgusted by this tactic...
I left...
@@suzanne4396run
You're Right. My Narc Ex Girlfriend actually had the nerve to tell me to my face that there's a lot of men wishing they could replace me in her life. I looked her dead in her eyes and told her CHOOSE ONE OF THEM and moved out and left her high n dry 24 hours later.
U did the right thing...
Good for you! Self respect is the key to not letting someone take advantage of you. Mad props 🙏🏾
👏🏽
Yes definitely they are!
Good for you!
Yes! They'll treat you like an option and a pain in the butt until you're not interested anymore. Suddenly you're everything they could hope for again. They're exhausting. 🙄
Yep. You show them the door or another women pays you attention and you a at home plate again till the threat leaves.
Oh God, and this happen over and over
Unfortunately not always…
Well said
Honestly they never seem to know what they want...bunch of confused entities ...wth
Yes! A thousand times, yes! All of this, yes! If I ever said ANYTHING about ANY of it, the problem was NOT his behavior, but my lack of confidence and excessive sensitivity. The thing is, I entered the relationship with a lot of confidence. I left the relationship a shell of who I was.
I’m getting that confidence back.
Exactly right. That’s how I felt. Went in with confidence, left with none. Finally getting a little back.
The same has happened to me. I was a happy, confident person two years ago. I have become a shell of who I was. I’m slowly working on gaining my confidence back each day. I’m so glad this community is here! Together, we will make it through this, and come through shining on the other side!
💔💔Same
Same. You go girl, get your power back💪🧡
Wow that's a very good n unique response
Been there! I do not think I can go through that again. I would rather stay single forever!
Not just inappropriate,they go all out to induce,jealousy and inaecurity in you.
Why?
@@edithturner6119they are insincere
Yeah
Exactly Lorrain!!
This is an all too familiar experience - my nex introduced insecurities in me that were never there because of their constant comparison and inappropriate attention to people that shouldn’t matter.
same same same uhg
SAME
Same, insecurities I never had before I now had. Building life back day by day.
Yessssss. I’ve never been insecure but now…I can’t find a rock big enough for me to hide under.
But when we’re apart and I’m surrounded by healthy people I like myself (A LOT) and forget the devaluation and rise above.
@@theduallanguagechannel Spend as much time with the healthy people as you can. If you are still with this person I would ask why and what is holding you back? Staying for kids teaches the kids to be unhealthy - my 13 yr old calls me names and makes her little sister cry and curl up into a ball like her did to me. Divorce or breaking up sucks but it sucks more to stay with someone who sucks the life from your soul.
Keep being around happy and healthy people and you will get better and better, but if you are returning home to this person the feeling of wanting to hide under that rock will come back. If you don't want to live under a rock then that person can't be in your life.
My father often tells me, "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
Last time he did this I responded with, "Why can't she be more like me? The difference between my sister and me is she puts up with your crap and I don't."
💥 nice
Well said!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
and what did they say/do after that?
@@cacatr4495 Crickets. No real answer or a topic change.
Like a boss
They always have supplies on the side. Not worth being in a competition for an unloving, toxic individual
They think relationships & attention is a competition. Sad and cruel. I hope they get fixed someday lol (I'm OUT lol)
@@dominus6695Theyre not worth the time or energy
its insane how they have to have this chaos, in almost all their relationships.
"Insane" is the perfect term for this pathology.
I have met a few people with narcissistic tendencies. They all have substance abuse problems, but their real and deepest addiction is to the chaos and drama. They enjoy getting someone to be vulnerable, then using that to expose and injure the person whose trust they gained. They are addicted to destruction because on some level they are wounded and enjoy the misery they inflict (because misery loves company). They want to make others close to them suffer and feel the way they do. It's really quite sad. I honestly believe it is only a problem God can fix - or death.
He says he is just being nice and friendly when he is always touching other women's shoulders. He really turns on the charm and laughs in such a delightful manner.
Yep. Mine did that. He thought they all enjoyed his touch. They made fun of him for the unwanted touch. They only accepted the behavior because he was in a position of power. I wish they had called him on his creepy overreaching behaviors to his face!
Yes, male narcs love attention, but esp. female attention & will call their girlfriend or spouse insecure. They also use anyone who will agree with them but, the person they speak of doesn't have a clue as to the truth or they don't compare apples to apples, surface info. only as if that other persons opinion is supposed to hold water with you even if they don't know you.
Relate 💯💯💯
I know a guy like that who is charismatic in a crowd and he is always hugging women. I recall him in the past saying that he doesn't see anything wrong with polyamory, which seems to be a red flag in narcissistic behavior. I have seen him out with two women on one occasion. Now some people are fine with polyamory, but it just seemed creepy somehow.
Leave
No relationship needs 3 people. That’s infidelity / adultery. Period.
100% correct
It was a harem-some but I was being “insecure” and “ridiculous.” The social media triangulation and inappropriate behavior was intolerable (among others - always texting other women who are just “friends”). Glad I am out! Still very hurt but relief comes in slowly each day.
I know exactly what you are feeling. 🤗
I hear you 100%. You are not alone! Harem-some is absolutely right.
@@80islandia just an awful feeling to be picking up the pieces of the destruction they left. So hard. Thank you.
@@barbaraviniegra I get it! Sending a big hug and wishes for a better future after healing at whatever pace you need.
they really are all the same arent they?... 😒
There's always someone ELSE. THEY PLAY THEIR OWN CHILDREN back and forth.
My parents did this
Comparisons are the main topic of every conversation and shaming method within the family.
Absolutely! My malignant narcissist mother played us children against each other.
So true
I saw this. To be fair, it happens to some extent in regular households too.
After a relationship with a narcissist never be friends with them
Walk away and don't look back
100% facts.
Friendly.
Not friends.
Mine said he wanted to still be friends. I asked why. He replied with a list of everything "I did wrong" in the relationship. I laughed and said "Good point. No " and walked away from it.
@@John-ee5dh avoid them to let them steep in their self made misery
They will make you hurt Bc keep weakness information about u😂
“There is always someone else for a narcissist “ can’t agree you more!!
yes, an other victim on the waiting list
An empath who requires truth in their life is impossible for a narcissist to deal with, so they need flying monkeys.
Just an example....the average politician is a lying narcissist, and those in the msm are flying monkeys.
100% true!!! There was ALWAYS a 3rd person in our relationship. His focus was never on me
shortyw74,You look gorgeous 🌷,you don’t need a narcissist in your life!
Narcissism are Satan's Device every thing from them They're hurting people left and right violating the Law violating human standards they lie after lied top of lies..they eat a.diet lies..hahahaha you need to Delete them in your life and in your mind.gone..
and probably a fourth and fifth person also.
In fact, his focus was never on you or any other supply.
His focus was only on himself & and sadly, they are selfish to the core of their hearts.
This is spot on, shame it took me 25 years to understand why I was so miserable... If anyone says they are staying for the sake of the children I'll tell them to stop sleepwalking into more misery.
Agreed kids prefer a happy present parent and that's near impossible with a narc
Yep, 28 years here. I stayed for my daughter, but I wouldn't do it again. I could have been a better father if I had a normal woman or was alone. It's absolute torture.
I get why you say that and genrally this argument always comes from a woman. I am currently still in my relationship of 25 years fixing to leave. A man losing much more than the women but the will suffer much more in the longterm. Women often willingly don't realize how detrimental it is to remove the father figures from a child's life. Nowadays the pursuit of happiness is simply, one bad mood from divorce.
Yeah, I had the same. For seventeen years. Notice that I didn’t use the word “only” or “just” seventeen years. There’s a lot I could say, but kudos for your reclamation indeed! Above all else, to thine own self be true. Idk about you but I still feel as if I’m practicing. And hopefully improving, which is what I wish for you and all others who have walked this bumpy path in life.
And stop hurting the children also!
100%!!! Mine talks about his ex all the time. “Well, my ex didn’t act like you.” “My ex didn’t complain and cry when I insulted her like you do.” “I don’t know why you’re acting like this, my ex never did that.” And on and on. Another example, “everyone else in my life has no problem with how I make fun of them, how come you do? You’re too sensitive. You can’t take a joke.” It’s an endless cycle of abuse. It’s really sickening.
Yes! “I only have these issues with you” always amazed me because I was literally there witnessing them have issues with or badmouth the very people they claim not to have issues with. It was the two faced behavior, amongst other things, that I walked away from and now I am the bad guy because I am not there for them. It’s frustrating.
I Told the narc ex I filled her gas tank. She scoffed and said my ex did that all the time...I should've ran away then. I'm out now.
Same here....so sick of it!!!!!!strong...Sanet
And when you first met him, according to him, his ex was a demon right? Now the ex is perfect so you feel insecure. Yeah I've been there. Don't fall for it.
For God's sake YES. She works for him and manages his accounts. Cougar married he 10 year younger lover. Add in two adult daughters, not his. All for his money. Proved everywhere by everyone. Just disgusting. I am not even part of this relationship. Just an object in the corner. His maid and raising his biological child. A ghost of a human.
I watch your videos every single day to educate myself and to keep on reminding myself that it’s not worth it to go back. Thank you!
I feel like I may end up doing this too! When I get to that point in my journey 🙏
Omg! I was thinking of going back too before this video which reminded me that threesome is a never ending present with my ex.
NEVER Go Back, they DISCARD you AGAIN, Even Worse. RUN !
Please don't ever go back
I have been listening to your videos also as the morale support I need to stay no contact. Thank you.
I got to believe that it’s no point to be jealous of a narcissist because as he doesn’t love you he doesn’t love any of the others
Very true and they will be treated the same eventually.
I agree only use them as a better supply because she has a car and an apt where she can cook for him or take him for a restaurant and possibly give him sex in a privacy setting
Most every time I see a video posted and think “this one probably won’t apply to me”, I end up watching it regardless and come away from it thinking “how did I not see this and end the relationship sooner?” Once again Dr. Ramani, you hit it out of the park.
This is so true! LOL! I sometimes watch just to keep my Spidey skills sharp, then….boom! There I am in her stories (to a lesser or greater degree). Education and information are our tickets out. And since we have spent a lifetime being gaslighted and lied to and confused, we NEED daily reminders of what is REAL!
I had that exact same thought about this video! It has opened my mind to so much that has been happening to me.
@@connergustafson1746 Me too!!
I know what you mean 😊
Word 😂
Narcissists are people who want their cake and to eat it too. They must be surrounded by adoring fans and lovers who are needed to prop up their fragile egos. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be enough for them. For they are abysmally lacking in self-worth. They are insecure, needy, crippled beings with neither love for themselves nor anyone else. We have little choice but to forgive them, work on healing ourselves and making ourselves whole.
When I first saw her she looked sad. In time I realized she would share that sadness with anyone trying to cheer her up.
She only wanted what she could not have.
I don’t have to forgive.
@@OfSoulAndSin
You are 100% correct.
Do not forgive them
@@OfSoulAndSin To forgive means to walk away and forget the narcissist forever. You then have the time to focus on yourself. Creating the life, you desire and surrounding yourself with those who respect both themselves and others.
Yeah, it’s like being in a relationship with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde you never know which one you’re gonna get
This has been life for 38 yrs. I never once felt like he was “all in” the marriage. I felt he 100% of the time had one foot out the door. The divorce has been final for 5 months now. I am not able to “move on” from the marriage but I am able to move forward. Move forward with the lesson’s I’ve learned about myself and the boundaries I now know I need in any relationship just to name a few. The content within this channel arms me with what I need to watch for in another potential romantic relationship. It also helps me immensely with professional relationships.
I am in the middle of a divorce from my spouse of 37 years...he refuses to move out and this has been the most stressful year. Thank God for this channel and the wealth of information! Blessings on your freedom and continued healing. I look forward to my future knowing what I now know.
@@kaymackay1161 ugh I’m so sorry you are going through this. Stand your ground and do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. If his lips are moving, it’s a lie. It took me 2 yrs to finalize the divorce. He made it as ugly and as stressful as he possibly could. Keep coming back to Dr. Ramani’s words and you will make it! I’m praying for you.
@@ssully1377 awe, thank you so much!!! I do believe I have found the silver lining in all of this, and it is a complete and total reliance on God. He sees and hears and knows what is happening and He will see me through. Thank you for your prayers, they are golden to me and we are sisters in Him! (FYI my maiden name is Sullivan). Stronger Together ❤
My father actually does that all the time. When he’s young he cheated a couple of times. As the children grew up, he and my mother (both narcs) compared us with other kids. Always talk about my cousins’ fancy jobs, degrees, wealths ... and make us feel suck about ourselves. Other times they talk about how they help others and how those people admire them.
I lived through 31 yr marriage with a narcissist. Always felt a 3rd person in our marriage. I have read/listen to everything I can on narcissism.
I learned so much about the disorder and how to heal myself.
But my most comfort is knowing that my God is always with me.
He has guided me and loved me through it all. Prayers for you.
I am so messed up and lost right now. I am just over a week out of a 30 year marriage with a man I am very suspicious of now that he is narcissistic. Out of desperation I asked the universe to give me a sign I was doing the right thing. I turned on my computer and this video was there. I can not even begin to tell you importance of the timing and how relevant this video had been. Thank you for all you share with us Dr. Ramanni, your work has been so helpful. X
God is good. Stay strong 💪🏻
I'm pulling for you! Faith is the opposite of fear; trust that God has a plan for you and wants you to be happy. I want you to be happy too ❤️
❤️
Wow, you are doing the right thing, for yourself and those who truly love you.
I’m so lost and can’t stop crying , this should be made illegal to damage someone like this .
This was the worst part of the "relationship" for me, the constant triangulation and throwing me off balance. It started from day 1 really. Constantly showing me pictures of other women "look, this is who I'm going to start to work for" or "look, this is my female co-worker", or "look, this is the girl I met the other day, she messaged me at 3 in the morning", and then towards the end he'd constantly talk about his female co-worker, referring to her as his best friend, whom he would go out clubbing with (he never went out clubbing with me). And when I found a picture on her social media taken at his house and confronted him, he said "well, yes, she did sleep in the bed with me, we've done that quite a few times, but nothing ever happened". That was the end for me. OVER and OUT! 3 months NO CONTACT. No more mind fu**ery.
So bad
Hah my Ex saw the side girl bra once during videos and later boobs but didnt forgot to mention they were not as nice like me and he is not at all interested in her. He is marrying her this year.
@@Ray-yh7ng if he’s marrying her, gotta be much more to her than the boobs.
This makes a lot of sense. My ex claimed he was really great friends with all of his exes (red flag), and would keep in touch with a lot of them. I figured out that it was triangulation on his part. And when we split up, I made it clear we would not remain friends. It really pissed him off that I wouldn't hang about for him to keep me on a shelf for ego kibbles.
Ego kibbles... brilliant, lol
Ego kibble! I’m stealing that!!😆
I'm friends with my exes but it means no bad on who i am with, i won't favor them over her or disrespect her by being inappropriate. If i am with someone i will see and talk to my female "friends" ALOT LESS. And if they see me i don't mind being with my significant other, there is nothing to sneak in.
@@dennisrobinson8008 That's wonderful and I feel there are circumstances where one can be friends with an ex-partner. I should have added that my ex hasn't said anything positive about any of his ex's, claiming they were all cheaters and liars. Hence, why it was a big red flag for me when he claimed he is still great friends with all of these women. Not once did he discuss or own up to his own failings in those relationships.
@@vedicleo5286 Hi. One of my ex was a really good friend to have. She's helpful of her friends, doesn't backstab them or get jealous. She treats her friends and people very well. As her man i was treated great.... I messed that up ending in year 2004. So it would have been a greater loss to lose her friendship because she is not common in this world... We were not talking much for 3-5 years or so, but today we talk quite a bit and i'm appreciative of her friendship. I have other ex that have men other situations so i lay all the way back, out of their business, but it makes me feel good when i know they are doing good in their situations...
On the guys saying their ex are all liars and cheaters.... Some friend groups are like that, so while it's probably better not to say anything, it's not always a lie but they did chose them. So you could say "stop crying to me about them, you chose them"...
God this is exactly how it was with my ex, it absolutely felt like a threesome. There was ALWAYS some other woman in his life, always "just a friend" but he had obvious feelings for them. And every time I brought up how uncomfortable I was with his completely inappropriate levels of closeness with other women I was controlling, unreasonable, looking for problems, needed therapy, and just didn't want him to have friends. He _can't_ stop texting his ex at 3am, that would hurt her feelings! But hurting mine is perfectly okay. He _can't_ stop sending heart emojis and I-miss-yous to female friends who have no idea he's in a relationship, that's their "friendship dynamic" and he's "just being nice"! I should be happy he's so nice to these poor lonely girls who need a good friend! Well how about being nice to ME for once?! They're always SO NICE to everyone but their partners! AAAAARGH I still get so mad thinking about it lol. He basically cheated on me for 3 years straight and made me feel crazy for not liking it.
Yup. Same here!!! Called me insecure! Lolol. For not liking how these women would text him at 11 pm at night or any time we were together blowing up his phone
Omg. This is exactly the deal. I fell in love w him at 19. Young and dumb he was involved w 3 other woman at the time saying they were crazy etc etc. I believed all his bs. He groomed me for many many years. We've been on and off. Now I'm 37 still dealing w this insanity but after watching all these videos I've discovered what's wrong w him. Told me I'm crazy psychopath my whole life. Everything is my fault. Now all these tears have gone by and he had a couple kids in between our on and offs. Its absolutely insane and I've taken him back. Different times believing his promises. It's sickening he's still talking to and cheating w I believe at least 2 other woman so it's the same story history repeating itself. Now I'm working on getting out no longer in denial and accepting he won't change and if I stay ill be unhappy for the rest of my life. On the other hand the trauma bond is so intense I go back and forth planning my escape and then he's nice to me good sex mask goes back on and I start to think maybe I'll deal w it bc I don't want him w anyone else and I don't want the others to win. Maybe i can someohow accept his lies or cheating from time to time. Total insanity . However there is no prize here just sadness. Sometimes I'm disgusted w myself but I'm and can't believe it came to this It's truly embaressing to family and friends who know the story.
@@nataliemyers7348 Sounds like youi need to find your self-pride and self-esteem and get out. The longer you stay with this person, the worse you might feel about yourself.
@@nataliemyers7348 But I can definitely appreciate your honesty about the other women he's with in your situation (when you say you 'don't want the others to win'.) Maybe other women can relate to that reasoning. But you can ask yourself, too, what are these other women 'winning'?? Are they 'winning' a cheater? Someone who will probably call them crazy, also, like he's called you? That's not 'winning', that's definitely losing. Please think about that.
I feel exactly the same!! And im thinking "the other woman" has narcissistic traits too. Once that goes down, it'll be veeery interesting!
Every time we went to a social gathering he would let me know someone had come on to him. Once he told me the hostess slipped him the tongue on the greet kiss at the door. Flirted with every waitress we ever had. I never took the bait in 5 years and got jealous at all, that infuriated him. So proud of myself.I believe they are, he always talked about other woman, constantly. I don't think its ever two people, your replacement is picked the minute your relationship starts, he is looking over your shoulder at the next one.
Always staring at other people or noticing other people... my life story with my ex narcissist.
Mine too! He was so judgmental in a horrible way. I'd be like what is wrong with you??!! Im safe now
My narc likes to lurk in the corner of a room during any gathering and silently judge everyone. He reminds me of Dr. Evil's hairless cat. I don't know why, but the image is perfect for him.
@@glizzard1894 so scary 😧
@@missednoahsarc2654 doesn’t the words safe feel so comforting.!!! I’m so blessed to have outcome it’s only been a few months and it feels like a weights off my shoulder.
@@zaniyahhundley8591 YES! Proud of you! I've been free since spring and I am so content in my life with the simplest things. He really changed me for the better after I escaped. I am so happy and joyful.
Yes! He was always comparing me to let me know I was never enough. Now that we’re over, he uses me to triangulate his new partners. He keeps acting like I was the love of his life that he lost but I wanna call those women and say “We didn’t have the great love he tells you we had because he treated me just like he’s treating you now. I was never good enough for him. Also-run, girl!” 😂
It's like living with an axe over your head all the time.
For mine- he is the charming best friend & confidant of every women in the tri state area. And he confides in them about my inadequacies. So he’s always “dating” and spending his charm elsewhere, then coming home to be cold & taciturn. But he never sleeps w/ any of them, so he’s still a “really nice guy”.
🙄😕Yup. Yours and mine must be from the same cloning tank🤢🤢🤢🤓😄✌
Sounds like my ex.
You’d be surprised.
Yep. Nite had a “work wife” so many side pieces... I’m beginning to see the discard is a blessing
same with my ex. I bought the song and dance about not sleeping with them. but that turned out to be a lie. he was sleeping with the ones who would let him. I imagine all narcs do...
OMStars! This video really helped me understand some things. He was triangulating when we were dating and I only just now understand. Together 30 years, married for 28 and finally getting divorced. Taking my life back.
Good Luck Paula,
I finally got divorced after 30 years. Best decision I ever made.
@@mindthegap741 thank you! Keeping my eyes forward. I appreciate your encouragement! It’s so good to understand how many folks have walked this same path.
I don't know at what stage you are in your divorce process, but the following video might help. I experienced everything with my Ex that Dr. Ramani is describing. ua-cam.com/video/P-AS7gjv1wU/v-deo.html
I was together with mine for 30, married for 28. I didn't even know what it was he was doing to me while in the midst of the marriage. It took him discarding me for me to finally start to see. You will get to a place of peace. Dr. Ramani's videos have helped me the most out of all other channels. I read a lot about it at first before finding her videos.
Getting out after 15 years myself. I am learning so much from these videos. He was triangulating me from the beginning as well. Knowledge is power
My ex who I happened to work with had a co-worker of ours hanging out in his room with him every day for 2 years straight even after I confronted him about it. His excuse was he didn't own the room and couldn't control who came in there to "use" it. He topped it all off with saying that his room was the coolest room in the building and that's why she wanted to hang out there.
Yes, triangulation is to maintain power and control! Thank you for saying that after infidelity, relationships don’t often get stronger. When I took my Ex back, spent more years, emotion, time and money after infidelity, it was a waste of time. I ruminated and was exhausted. Move on people, we deserve better! Free yourself!
Well said , I just walked away from a relationship like that. I went through exactly what you spoke of.
@@zenmasterj9497 bottom line, if you don’t see yourself growing old, raising children or having any trust in this person with your life, cut your losses. I was gaslit for years. You can’t get that time back.
@@barbaraschultz1442absolutely
You described my spouse a lot in this video!
I caught him cheating with other women, very painful 😢 and heartbreaking 💔 after 31 years of marriage I know who he really is now. I asked him to move out 8 months ago and I am letting this marriage dissolve. I am not going back to toxic. My naivety over the years has gotten me in trouble. No more! I have gone through great pain, program work and therapist to get some good recovery under my belt.
Thank you Dr. Ramani
Congratulations! Sending you love, peace, healing and power.
Brave 👍🏻
I think that whether you're in a narcissistic relationship or if you just know a narcissist, you are in a threesom relationship. I believe that that is how narcissist maximize their odds of getting their supply needs met.
Nailed it Bouy....✨⚜️✨
Sometimes these videos feel like a psychic reading.It's so amazing to hear your experiences being described for what they are when you've for the longest time wondered if they even existed.
I wish I had this crystal ball when I was in that bad relationship. But we all will learn. Now I see it so clearly
When things get tough, they look elsewhere. When things go well for them, they look elsewhere. When it serves them to compare you to others, they will plant that comparison in casual conversation. You will be compared to a catalog of all of the positive attributes in people around you, and be expected to be all of them, wrapped up in one.
Dr Ramani I really appreciate that you show up your face in your videos with the complete natural look, no makeup no hair dye etc. Because you don’t need that for validation and respect, unlike the superficial and insecure people.
Never thought of this aspect being a bigger part of relationship with a narcissistic spouse but you're right on! Thank you for opening my eyes to narcissism. It only took me 47 years of marriage to finally get some answers to what in the world was happening in my life 🤔!
🍁🧡🙏🧡🍂
Took me 45. Pretty sad, isn't it? 😥
It's never too late.
Same, 47 years of marriage and I never knew what was going on until after I left him! He used triangulation immediately after we met and for the remainder of the marriage. I had no clue what that even was. So glad I’m out and now married to the man of my dreams. Every day is a joy. I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. Best of luck to you.
i left before i turn 80. i am a 45 year old guy.
My husband doesn't ever compare me to his ex's so to speak, he does it without saying it though by the amount of praise he would display for their accomplishments or looks. It used to hurt so much but I get why he did this now. This happened very early in the relationship, he doesn't do it anymore. And it used to mess with my mind because he'd never compliment me. He will also do nice things for people over me, like go out of his way to open shopping mall doors for any stranger while I'm left opening my door 😂 I laugh because I'm so enlightened by Dr Ramani as to why he does this. It's not about me, it's all on him. I am enough for him, for anyone actually. HE'S lucky to have me. Thank you Dr Ramani for your work, you are healing souls ❤️
How do you cope now?
It can be so unspoken and hard to articulate! Thanks for sharing your story. It resonates with mine.
If you don't mind me asking, are you staying?
@@claratreeborn8647 Hi, yes I'm staying. Trust me I have left many times. When I decided to put me first and my needs, and I stopped engaging with the toxicity so to speak, our relationship changed. His narccissm isn't about me. It's about him, I don't have to do the dance. How I see it is, his insecurities have absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't fix him, but I can manage and chose how I respond.
@@narcissisticabuseawareness3607 I replied! I don't see it though?!
Triangulation is a type of psychological warfare. One friend or lover Pitts you against another who is usually your replacement.😉 Keeping it real 100%.
Yyyup
if it;s another narc then no replacement, just sexual fuel.
I found pictures of EX girlfriend on his phone that he downloaded from her social media. He made side-by -side comparisons of my photos next to hers- so creepy! Your description of the narcissist is spot on. They try to make you feel like you’re not good enough- because they know it’s the other way around.
Robin Jean,You are beautiful 🌷,you don’t need a narcissist in your life!
@@jackpetersen7545 Thank you 🙏🏻
@@robinmichellejean You are welcome dear.I am Jack from USA 🇺🇸.You?
@@robinmichellejean Which country are you from?
My God 💔
My 76 year old dad took the inappropriate social media behavior to a whole new level. He began by having my mother drive him an hour to the beach 2x's a week and take pictures of teenage girls. He then posted them online (obvioisly without consent) where he gained lots of attention and even some pushback. After a year of that, he began a "photography studio" where he took sexual glamor shots of women in his cabin. Listening to my mother and siblings defend this behavior as cringy, yes, but within his rights was some of the worst gaslighting I have experienced. Not a day goes by that I regret going no contact 2+ years ago!! Thanks Dr. Ramani!!!
Yikes on bikes.
Òh wow.
Listening to this, I’m realizing my former husband did this a lot. Since I’m not the paranoid jealous type, I didn’t even realize it for years. Rather than getting insecure this way-by the time I was done with that man believe me- I was thrilled to let some other person deal with his sick BS because I was DONE!
I knew a person who started a fan club - to themself. To this day I can’t think of what tops that. You can’t even make this stuff up. It’s that ridiculous. They literally cannot function without being surrounded by admirers and believe you are the same.
I’ve also noticed that when your life is going well, that’s when they’ll choose to resurface. Any other time, it’s crickets.
Hilarious. That's what it look like doesn't it? How absurd. LOL
Yes, I agree; sometimes they make it seem innocent but they are really dishing it. They like inflicting pain that they cannot take a quarter of. Ignoring them and making them or whatever they’re doing seem irrelevant is one way of calling them out from my experience. Boy, does this make them cringe😅 Thank you Dr. Ramani for another good one.
My ex did that obvious, rude stare at other women. I spoke to him about it repeatedly. By the end of our relationship, I was bracing myself any time we left the house because I knew there was going to be a woman who would catch his attention, all of his attention. He would literally stop talking or listening to me and hyper-focus on another woman, for minutes, not seconds, as I sat there feeling massively uncomfortable then deny it and say I was being insecure. Enumerable conversations yet, every time he was, "shocked" and would say he didn't know what I was talking about. In hindsight, it was such a head game.
My husband has triangulated me with his mother for 13 years but I didn't even realize it until recently. I am divorcing him. Freedom is near!
At the start of the relationship, my narcissistic ex-husband was putting his ex-wife down frequently. By the end of our relationship, he was regularly saying good things about her. Interesting how there was still the same group of three people but two of our roles had changed.
OMG this is EXACTLY what mine did. At the start nothing but bad things about the ex. Made me feel sorry for him and how poorly she treated him, how she never cared for him or cooked a meal, how disconnected they were, how they never had sex or intimacy, how she was “fat” and had gained so much weight, he wasn’t attracted to her etc.
At the end of our relationship she was “wonderful”, accepting, not fat, a good friend, etc etc etc. And when I kicked him out (finally) he ran to her and stayed with her! Probably slept with her too, may still be, who knows. All I know is he is SICK and the entire 2 years I was with him was a mind f**k, sucking me in masterfully then treating me like garbage. I was too hooked in already to run for the hills at the 6 month mark. I chose to endure the abuse for many more months. It was awful. I am still recovering from it.
Yes I am seeing this dynamic after many years, he pitted me against the ex, to keep me from befriending her, and then towards the end befriended her again himself to make me feel bad.
Same! My ex talked so much crap about his ex for the first few years, and then next thing you know they are “coparenting well” and having family dinners and saying that he thinks she is getting the wrong idea and wants to have more kids with him etc. this was all while we were together!
The triangulation is one of the most exhausting parts of the relationship. My ex always had these “female friends” that he’d give more attention to and speak about admirably. He’d schedule activities with them and text them all the time while sitting with me. He’d even call them during our arguments and wrap them up in our drama. One day he even said “You’re just like my ex. She kept accusing me of cheating with you that eventually I figured I should just do it!” The crazy thing is he basically told on himself because at that time he was claiming to be single and we had already begun ours before I found out who she was. During our entire relationship he only ever referred to her as his ex who I was always competing with. He had been gaslighting me this entire time. I broke up with him not too long after.
Bro ppl are messed up
💯 my story. He is my ex now. The best thing ever. 🎉
Same here. I think my ex wrote post-its himself with ‘love you’ pretending it comes from him - making sure I found them in his trousers etc… just to see my reaction how jealous I was. Didnot know this…. Now after seeing Dr Ramani’s video’s I start to realise… If only I would have know…. I would have stayed indifferent…. Its like I found out the manual to handle him too late….
Just been through this. Amazing how the story is always so familiar. You just have to laugh sometimes. Humans. SMH.
I have the same experience
It took me about two years of researching narcissism to finally understand and realize I needed to leave-but I didn’t fully believe that he was a narcissist until I left and watched him spiral exactly the way that the research said he would. My life improved drastically the moment I cut him out of it. Your videos slowly got through to me. You helped me get my life back. Thank you.
I came to know about it after the relationship broke. He was raging alot and eventually I slapped on his leg as I was sitting on floor crying. He called jn quits and took the flight the very next day to finalise things with other girl he was dating.
Thank God he quit otherwise Even though I knew I was not happy, I was not able to had the courage to quit myself. I was going back again like a prisoner
Thats really true 5 years i was on and off with the covert narcissist and have no idea about only until the last time i caught him cheating and instead of fixing things up he totally get lost not even asking if im alive thats y i questioned myself and watching videos about NPD i look back for all that 5 years then i only realized that all that 5 years is just a full drama play of a psychopath devil person i never knew. Though sometimes we r praying that its not true and still we have the hope that he will change coz somehow they r once a sweet generous and loving person during d love bombing stage.. but girl freedom from them is the best gift u could ever give urself ❤ god bless our poor loving soul
8 min in & you've literally described my marriage perfectly. Those are the day to day things that get forgotten in the long term because of the choreographed bigger explosions!! It's all so disturbing to realize, even 1 year after getting out!
Same here after getting out and looking back I see things so clearly with dr Ramani a help the triangulation games the fake future promises that were always just in reach but needed a little more time the breadcrumbs constant fights about leaving the house like a garage because in 20years he could put up a shed and used our home as storage
The never wanting to do repairs around our home excuse we don't have the money but paying for a membership at shooting club purchasing an air rifle and cylinder. Yet he would buy curtains because we didn't have money
Using my son's birthdays as reasons to buy what he wanted eg computor tv etc and using his friend's wife birthday party to celebrate his sons birthday cheapskate while buying a birthday cake to show up at his friend's wife party
His idea of a good night out to drive to a carpark then sit in the car on his phone ignoring everyone
Our other days out only existed if we went with his friends then all his attention was on them again we were nearly noticed but he would be saying how good it was to get out with the family to them
If we went shopping for clothing he would get so angry afterwards it just applied the whole day
But he would be on the phone telling his friends how he had taken us out on a shopping trip it was bizarre and only after he has left am Finally realising just what he was doing
Not just applicable to romantic relationships. If you do business with a narcissist, this applies. If you work FOR, work WITH, or HIRE a narcissist, this applies. If you have a friend or relative who's a narcissist, this applies. If you carpool with a narcissist, this applies. All too often, these internet discussions focus on romantic relationships to the point that the narcissist's behaviors only affect close personal relationships. This can lead to people tuning out the message because their mate/partner isn't a narcissist. We ALL need to recognize and manage narcissistic behaviors. We ALL interact with narcissists outside our families.
You can never have a private, trusted argument/conversation with a narcissist. "You know even my sister thinks you are wrong about ...". You get to the point that you can't trust telling them anything personal and keeping it to themselves. So you don't and it winds up being the beginning of the end of the relationship.
Yes i never thought of it like that.
Now that's the truth!
I know right. My hubby always blabbed everything.
This just happened to me. My husband asked me what I thought of our daughters prom dress, I said what I thought, he turned around and sent her a screen shot of it? Never mind that he felt the same about the dress, but could bring his self to say it he had to pretend it was me and me alone. Later he did speak his mind about the dress. But why always throw me under the bus? Coward comes to mind
@@diannp6153 oh my goodness! My husband does that.
I had to spend 6 hours with my son’s mother yesterday. She tried everything to make me jealous and my cognitive dissonance was horrific. Takes me about a week to recover every time I see her. Just hearing about my replacement is like a knife in the gut. These dynamics are very very real !!!!
Can you try mantras and the broken record technique before, during, and after and encounter with her?? It could help!
I started getting tattoos to help remember my values… seems drastic but I almost had to do it bc dealing with my family was so hard and it actually helped me begin to recenter my focus.
The week to recover is so real.
Isn't it amazing how all narcs are SO much alike? Bet that really pisses them off. 😂😂😂
crazy!!!
😂
lol 😜
I always felt like his ex was between us, with us wherever we went. She was perfect, made the best food, best lover, on and on. I used to dislike her intensely. I now admire her. She got out after 18 months. I tolerated him for almost 8 years. 🤢
This is so good because they do this to evoke jealousy in the person and get that type of reaction from the person. Sometimes, it's not even with new supply.. it's not always in the discard phase, it can be throughout the whole relationship. This is so good not many people touch on it enough.
Yep
This video hits hard, I'm not on social media, and she took advantage of it.
She had a complete differn't life online, if I had issues with her talking to an old boyfriend or 5 of them, she called me paranoid. She is keeping her next victim close.
So glad I found you Dr Ramani
Yes, I agree, lol, and heartbreaking. The comparison is constant. All the examples you are giving are true, exactly as you describe it, all of it💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani💕💕💕
Everything to the T 🙄🤦♀️ Dr. Ramani is the only person who would understand me. 😔 I wish we were friends
@@ladysigma9654 Yes, she is amazing💖
A narc wants their partner to feel less than to give them power. Men often compare women & the narc can try to implant self doubt (ex. you're just insecure) or can go so far as to tell you what you feel (brain washing) saying things that are often not true (ex. you know you compare yourself & think you're not good enough.... but I don't know why). They are very manipulative.
@@LG-kx8xl Yes, you are right. thank you for the reply💜
Dude there's actually a possibility that it actually does break your heart but not in the way that we normally use the word but like in the sense of like how a machine breaks... like I just left the doctor and I'm in stage 2 hypertension and I'm in my 30s and I don't have a history of heart disease but two years of the mental emotional abuse and gaslighting and just crazy making non-functioning no reality or stolen reality may potentially actually break your heart in a sense of give you heart disease... they say stress contributes to heart disease well the mind-body connection is wreaked havoc on so enough of this of abuse or an extreme period of this abuse could potentially raise your blood pressure enough that you're in a hypertension state or category whatever
Sobbing my heart out, not about him, but about the garden I thought we were creating.... I feel so stupid, a season of him sharing pictures of blossoming flowers on social media, but not actually participating in 'our' garden.... sounds really stupid, but its a reflection of our relationship
Everything you said is 100% spot on, I always felt like I wasn't enough and there's always someone else in the relationship. The openly flirting with waiters and then gaslighting afterwards: "you are too sensitive!" "oh! I forgot that you won't allow me to speak to other people." and then comparing me to his previously relationships in a sexual way. Later I found out that he's probably with 3+ guys at the sane time... I'm so glad that I made the decision to leave it all behind and go no contact. It's the only way to heal from a narcissist.
So true, my Narc played on my insecurities to lower my guard. When I would question the suspicious behavior, the Narc would just tell me that it was my own insecurity which was leading me to be jealous. Over time I started to question myself and would talk myself out of challenging their triangulations because I thought I was over reacting. . . NEVER AGAIN
After listening to your videos, I feel like the blurry pictures in my life come into focus more and more. It’s a bunch of jaw dropping, eye opening moments that help me to feel more and more normal. All of those horrible gut feelings that I have felt, and still continue to feel, I pay more and more attention to instead of feeling like I’m the crazy person. I’m learning to hone into these gut instincts and step back instead of reacting with the emotions that come with being gaslighted, devalued, triangulated, etc… Dr. Ramani, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for this very real therapy and for all of the comments from people who have been through this and those still going through it. Just having the validation means the world to me. Thank you!!!!
I told my narc, you want to act single? You want to keep flirting? Ok, let's have an open relationship this way I no longer have to worry, no longer have to go thru your phone. I'm effin exhausted 😢. I recommend you all say this to your narcs. There response is priceless as well as the look on their face.. ...🤭🤫
My little narcissist ex-boyfriend did this so I turned the threesome into a foursome, and did this to him-when he told me that I’d better watch out because I could easily be replaced I told him that he wouldn’t last more than a minute with his next one once she found out what a narcissist he was; then laughed in his face-go ahead babe give it a go-he did and failed and today he dates, but no takers-because he didn’t change-and his ‘human’ mask has never fit him very well-the thing about narcissistic people is that they are constant and predictable, he’s a one-off kind of guy maybe, good for a few dates-but not a keeper, although Bless His Heart he keeps trying.
💥💥💪🏽🙌🏾🙌🏾
🙌😄🙌well put
I told my ex narc that I wanted to do all of her girlfriends too! Shut her right down cuz she knows that I would and I'm too much of a competition for her she gets scared because her supplies will stay with me.
#lesbianencounter get him where it hurts right between the legs and their little insecure mind!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣✌️👏👏.
@@debbibobetty5620 Are you sure she's the narc?
Dr Ramani, it's over a year since I first found your channel. I'm still amazed at how accurately you describe what my life was. I have gone through exactly all those exact examples you have given.
The worst part is how this Narc wanted to drill it into my head that she was something special. Yet so shallow and predictable.
Same here. I agree with every word. It’s amazing (sadly) how predictable it was and, even more, how this pattern seems to repeat almost universally according to the testimonies we read here.
Amen. ‘Keeping you on edge’ is a perfect description.
The narcissist I was with started to mention polyamory and me being the people pleaser, went with it because I wanted to keep them happy. We had even tried a third person and I was never comfortable. Basically they broke up with me because they wanted to be “free” but stay friends. I’m so happy I went no contact with them. Thank you for this video!
Not personally, but what I've seen with 3 ppl relationships is: Everybody's playing their own 'hand' at the poker table. And if any 2 have greater 'gravity,' it will eventually become a 2 partner relationship once they cast out the 'third wheel.'
My ex narc tried the 'open relationship' card after I found his betrayal with women online. I booted him within an hour. Narcs are always in an open relationship, you just don't know it...
That's totally NOT what polyamory is and, given the level of mutual trust and respect actual polyamory relationships and families work on, I doubt any narcissist EVER could be involved in it. Narcissists would use anything and anyone to justify their own actions, if they even bother to. No contact is the way whenever possible.
@@FM-by1rl 💯 accurate. Narcs don’t want to commit.
I feel you
My exhusband began flirting with waitresses and store clerks. He began acting like a weird old man. When we were newlyweds, he’d always compare me to his mother, and she’d compare me to “the one girl that got away.” I’m so glad to be out of all that.
ABSOLUTELY!!! The deeper I get into understanding narcissists, the more I see my family "training" prepared me for dealing with the high range vulnerable narcissist who recently barged back into my life. My parents always triangulated me & my siblings, and even played the other spouse against kids, so when I recognized my narc ex- triangulating his 2 kids against each other and against his best "friend" (there's several chapters in that relationship alone) it was an early peek behind the "curtain" of the dark tetrad. It still took some time to acknowledge the evil because none of us want to think that people can be so inhumane, but it is real.
Thank you so much dr ramini! Your content has given me the closure I needed and never got. You would never know the extent of how much you helped me. Sending so much love xxx
My ex kept two of their ex’s as “close friends” always felt Like I was in a relationship with two other people, towards the end even found text messages when the ex’s said they were “soul mates”I was always confuse because all the gaslighting until getting the knowledge from Dr Ramani and could actually made sense of it all. I’m no contact for more than 3 years now! Thank you Dr Ramani
My life exactly for last 5 years. Just ended the relationship 3 weeks ago. It makes so much sense now !
Same here
This video is SO on point! My ex used to continually talk about his (all woman) singing group, and in particular the young female teacher. (He’s not a creative type) I thought nothing of it at first - we all have hobbies, which I think is a healthy thing. I do sports with male team members too. But this singing teacher became his talking point every single time I was with him - and I really started feeling uncomfortable and confused about it. Which is of course why he did it! As he started the devalue this talk became really odd and unpleasant - coupled with him taking strange, impulsive ‘mystery weekends away’ (during a pandemic!) Tbh I now doubt very much the singing teacher was mutually interested in him. And in fact, he might not have been interested in her, but just enjoyed using her to needle me and feel that power play for himself. I strongly suspect he was TRYING to be unfaithful with other people from the get-go, but as a narcissistic, fading man in his 50s, might not have succeeded.
The whole relationship made me so horribly unhappy and insecure at the time. Such a weird, creepy experience. I now mainly view this guy as a graceless, ageing man with a faulty personality, desperate for attention and power. It’s a bit sad. I feel lucky both to be out of the relationship, and not the one grappling with narcissism. That is HIS future. I don’t envy it!
Ooh yeah…there was ALWAYS someone else in our relationship. Ex’s, new “friends”, comparisons with my brothers and how much they make, multiple affairs. I’m so happy to be free from her.
That must have been so horrible. I met one ,luckily for me she only wanted have some weird friendship thing that I don't do. I met her at the library she seemed like a nice lady , but I just found out what a narcissist is. one day she ask if I would go to a outside event with her and I said yes, she wanted to drive and pick me up. I had good time but it seemed she was not really into it with me, and she didn't want to stay to the end like she had to go , she drops me off and stays off to side in her car talking to somebody, the next day I text her and asked if she had a boyfriend, she never answers my texts and than she lost it and insulted me and told goodbye for good. earlier she gave compliments WTF. I dodged a bullet
The narc tried to make me jealous, and seemed disappointed when I wasn't.
Yeah, I knew he was looking for a reaction at the discard. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Must have been disappointing to him.
My narc told me that, as a man, it was natural for him to "look at other people". I can almost believe that. But now I know why he felt compelled to tell ME about it all the time. He even went so far as to openly admire and covet movie stars then insist that we watch their movies together while he openly admired their assets and their intelligence or whatever. ..He also obsessed over his last girlfriend..and compared me to other people's girlfriends. Now I know WHY! Thank you again, Dr. Ramani.
Sounds like my ex. Every conversation filled with self absolving BS while he was overly possessive and jealous even of the affection I had for my pets...
Same. A gentlemen does not treat his partner like this. No excuses. A lot of guys and gals believe that too… “that’s just how guys are….they’re visual creatures.” There was a study done where newly married men were shown photos of attractive females I think, and the ones that swiped the photo faster felt that even though the person in the photo was attractive, they werent more attractive than their partner and didn’t compared to their partner because beauty is subjective and they valued their partner and were not proned to cheating. But men who took longer to swipe the photo away were found to have cheated or would cheat. I forget the actual details but it was something like this. My partner used to stare so hard and nonstop unable to take his focus off another female until she was out of range of his sight. It could be 5 minutes or 30 seconds. And when I told him it makes me uncomfortable and to have some respect for me and not do it right in front of my face like that he would gaslight and rage…like violently rage.
Sounds like my exes. One would happily comment to me on any attractive woman on TV or in passing. The other would tell me his high libido is genetic and he can't help it. Nah, he just needed an excuse to cheat lol
It’s so unattractive for a grown man to behave like that. It’s creepy, immature, and it shows that there’s not much of anything going on upstairs. They never evolve past the horny teenage stage.
yes my roomate’s boyfriend (also a roomate) started talking about how hot an actress was right in front of us (including my bf) so i realized she wasnt saying anything. i stood up for what happened and he still tried to defend himself ☠️ some ppl choose that life fr and its mean. but they dont care 😭😭
I'm Happy I learned about triangulation of narcissist but even happier to be FREE‼🙏🏽
My covert narcissist ex was always making excuses for her guy friends and keeping exs in her life. After 2 yrs I left. Funny that after I left....a few months later she blocked me on all social media. Funny how I asked, begged, then demanded for her to block her exs who kept msging her and she wouldn't. But she blocked me. Lol. Never again going to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to exs and guy friends. Nope.
Oops same here. She was still talking to the ex and even spent some time at his place. I dumped her even before our child got delivered.
Sounds exactly like my ex, relationship lasted the same amount of time too. Finally when I stopped being a simp, putting up with her lies and didn’t fall for her manipulation anymore she decided we “grew apart.” She didn’t block me though, she made the mistake of continuing to follow me on social media, got to see me clubbing it up with a group of girls and making out with one of them, then she finally unfollowed me. 😂
same here just reversed, my ex bf refused to put distance between him and his countless lady friends but blocked me in a sec...I so relate with your comment, Eric, because been living it exactly..just obviously reversed gender situation.
Wow this happened to me this week. My [now ex] bf is still extremely close with his ex. He talked to her and spends more time with her than he did with me. I asked him numerous times to set some boundaries and limit contact and he refused, despite saying how much he cared about me and that he wanted to marry me. I broke up with him. I few days later I stupidly called him and I found out I was blocked. Lol, and supposedly I was the most important lady in his life. He blocked me in a heartbeat but won't let go of her for anything.
I can agree with this - I was married to both my wife and her mother, and her mother was more important to her than I ever was!
I wish I knew years ago that my ex not only was fully aware of the pain he inflicted on me, but actually enjoyed it. I had no idea that such people exist !
They do
Exactly!!I don't know why why they exist
I'm almost 60 and my dearly evil "NOTher" enjoys hurting me ALSO. Blessed & blocked with no contact took 8 months to invoke
Same, she watched me have a nervous breakdown
Dr Ramani ~ you literally SAVED my life . I am an executive, running 3 Companies & I was so close to being extinguished. He is a criminal Narcissist & I was close to triggering him. Thank God you helped me navigate to safety . Phew …. It’s like you read my journal
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
His mother is the other woman in our relationship. When I was dating her son, my then future MIL said, "You're lucky I'm letting you have my son. Any woman would be lucky to have my son!" I thought she was joking. She was not.
🤮
They see their perfect son & think you're not good enough or are manipulating them somehow (that's really funny, you being the manipulator), but never that same son being a nightmare in a marriage or relationship.
His mother didn't say that but when he did had contact with her, she was validating and instigating to more abuse as abusing me was a special bond between them.
My ex MIL said a similar thing during her speech at our wedding. Basically that she wouldn't let just anyone take her son from her, but she liked me enough that she would grudgingly accept it.
Vaknin and Grannon did a talk on that couple of days ago. You introject the deficit and they project the deficit. Become aware is their advice.
Dr. Ramani for the Nobel Peace prize! She is LITERALLY helping so many people through these videos! Thanks Doc! Hope you are doing well 😊
As a narcissist, thank you for all your videos in helping me come to realise just how fucked up my thinking and behaviour has been for embarrassingly too long.
wow, am glad you have become aware of the patterns. good luck in your healing jounery
@@ruthpamela2024 thank you, I appreciate your support :)
This is good thing you know who you are🤔👍✌️Keep learning ✌️🌈
It’s totally worth it to work on getting better. Hope you find relief from npd and continue to improve.
That's like a breath of fresh air....good luck!!!
I’ve left a 4 month narcissistic relationship and I can say almost every video the Dr. has posted ended up sounding like my own life, dealing with a Vulnerable Narcissist. Concerning this video, there was always a third person in many ways(other Narcissists that she was closer to physically while I was in the room, flirting with others on OUR dates out, yet no affection towards me, pretty much aligned with examples in this video) Feeling like I was going crazy. So much help and support really gave me the strength to end it and leave. Thank you Dr. 🙏
I call it "the pet". There is always someone in the middle of us who needs to be "saved" in my partner's eyes, and actually meets the criteria for BPD. It brings insecurity and it is time-consuming...
It's the drama triangle, the saviour, the persecuter (you) and the rescuee
I’m hurting and going thru this alone. Truly by myself. As of yesterday I ended a 13 year relationship with my now ex (hurts to say that of him). He is blatantly in front of me seeing another girl. I’ve got zero self esteem no confidence at all. I feel head to toe completely ruined by him. Everything was my fault the entire 13 years. He told me (and I’m sure he knew it would hurt me by saying it) he told me that “now this is going to sound shallow but she is tight”. I lost it I left crying. I have no friends anymore. My mother whom I look after has Alzheimer’s. My son has mental health issues. They both live with me. I’m trying to stay afloat. I’m not able to share discuss anything anymore about my ongoings hurts etc…so here I am commenting. I’ve begun to watch the videos. I came across your name Dr. Ramani by simply scrolling thru videos. Nothing in particular. I’m glad I did. Al you say I can relate to or recognize the behavior regarding him. Thank you for the videos. Your taking the time to make them and for free is wonderful. I know your time is precious. I just wanted to end this by saying thank you to you. Very helpful and insightful.
Cheryl
Wade your mud
The other side is awesome. We are all alone even when in a room full of people.
I left mine 4 weeks ago and more healing in that time than last four years and l lost my eldest son. Partner never once asked “how are you)
I feel free to
You are not alone. I was with mine for 34 years. I am now taking care and living with my adult disabled daughter who is on the schizophrenic spectrum. You are NOT alone, but you have my sympathy, bc I know how hard this is!!
A year from now you won't even recognize yourself from your progress just keep going forward❤
It's been 10 month since leaving , how r u feeling today
You are not alone. I went thru my marriage finding out about his issues. Psychopaths-Charmers,
Grandiose Covert Narcissist, Crack addict. I went thru Hell!! They are purposed to destroy us. Destruction is of Satan. They could careless who they hurt. It's like a game & a joke to them. They will get what they deserve!!. At least you have 2 ppl to say hello to. I have no1! I am lonely, hurt & healing daily. He still tries to call & text. It's Satan trying to destroy us. You must have a sweet soul. Keep holding your head up & press on. Life will get better. Love on yourself!!!
My narc mother has triangulated me with my narcissist brother my entire life. Another subtle triangulation is complimenting cousins who are all “sooooo good looking”. I have never received a compliment from my mother and if I did it was something I inherited from her.
I so know it! Thanks for sharing
Every time one of my cousins came to visit, my father gave me the silent treatment for days after she left. Inevitably, I got the "why can't you be like Debbie" question. His anger about it was confusing and extremely demeaning.
Wow... Same. My narc mother.
I was compared to everyone in my class by my mother !!!
I had to check to see if I wrote this comment bc it was exactly my family situation- until I went permanent no contact. Thank you for sharing and helping me not feel so alone.
This video couldn't be more to the point. A perfect description of my father's behaviour as well as of the last 2,5 years of my life with my ex.
Narcs can't turn anyone away. It is a numbers game. They will tell you they have many waiting in the wings, so to speak, just waiting their turn. It is a sick game that seems to make them happy. The sad thing as they sure know how to get a woman, but have a difficult time keeping them. Three is always a crowd.
Exactly! Thank you Dr. Ramani. Third parties, triangulation, being devalues, discarded etc. certainly took its toll on me. A most distressing experience. I’m healing my self worth.
🎉🎉