❤ You said your child doesn’t need you to reason with them through everything -they need you to help them to feel heard. This is golden. *Tell me more* is a beautiful phrase and when it’s followed up with listening and responding with empathy, it is truly golden. I think I spent too much time trying to reason in the past but children live within their own emotions as we all do. Imagine someone trying to reason with us when they have all the power over us. It really makes no sense.
The reason a child will continue to ask for the same things over and over is that they have learned from past experience that if they pester you enough you will eventually give in snd let them do what they wanted to do in the first place. They have learned that if Mommy gets frustrated enough she will finally let them have their way just to get the child to shut up and stop asking. I cannot stress strongly enough that it is critical when you say "NO" the first time you stick to it. DO NOT give in even if you get annoyed or frustrated. Doing so creates a monster that you will not want to deal with as they grow older.
I love the mantra! I use "You tell me." That usually gets the kids to think about all the posibilities and established limits. I also like to follow with, "And then what?" That helps to extend the conversation and help them resolve to decide foe themselves.
Thanks I try those 3 words, tell me more..to express this to 20 year old who needs help with her nana in the phillipeanes, she poor and consistently asking for my help, need money as I have little money at this point see if can or cannot help, but I give it go to see what she comes up with to stop her going on at me, I love her , but need to be strong Thanks for sharing your thoughts and knowledge as this will help, keep you updated on how it went down
My daughter is 11 and has been caught shoplifting twice, skipping school eight times, and constantly lies and disobeys. I've tried everything that I can think of to correct this but nothing seems to work. I'm sorry, but "tell me more" just doesn't sound like it's going to work.
You're right. It won't work for me too. My son is only 10 But already hitting me. I couldn't even speak out or he'll throw things like mobile. I'm a single mother and my son didn't grew up with me because I used to work overseas now I'm struggling
Can you give one or two examples of what a full conversation should sound like AFTER the child "Tells you more." For example, in the sugary treat example, if they share their desire and can express why they would like the treat, then what should happen? Do we respond to the same question the same way tomorrow? Thanks in advance!
One way I deal with kids questions is to ask them why I said no, for example. Hey Chrissy, can I have a treat?" Me: "No, its almost bed time" or " You've already had one today" Kid: "Yhea, but I'd really like one" Me: "Why?" or "Tell me more" Kid: "I would really like how yummy it is and I just want to eat it" Me: "Why do you think I said no?" Kid: "It was bedtime" Me: "What happens if you eat that sugary treat?" Kid: "I won't be able to fall asleep" Me: "Is that a good thing?" Kid: "No" Me: Why? Kid: "I'll be grumpy in the morning and won't want to ________" or "I'll miss _____". I personally find that flipping it so that they are answering the questions work really well.
my teenage daughter if I asked her tell me what you feel. She's hides the whole thing, though the other one also a teen we communicate well, even though we have bumps we talk through anything and everything. My other daughter is reserved and quiet I tried all I can to make her share her frustrations
Maybe she needs prompting in such a way that you validated those feelings she has first.. for example... I can see that you are really_______(frustrated, angry, sad etc) at the moment, is that because I/you... won't, didn't, can't ___________ ? I find this technique works on little ones and shy children. Sometimes all they can muster is a yes or no or a non of shake of the head at first but it slowly helps to build confidence because it is giving them the language and a format to express what they feel. 😊
I like these three words, but it feels like they would give false hope to the child that they would get what they ask for if only they explain it better. What if the answer is still "no"?
+Diana Thanks for the Video! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you researched - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a good one off guide for becoming an excellent parent without the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my good mate called Gray after many years got astronomical success with it.
Great video content! Apologies for butting in, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you heard about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for becoming an excellent parent minus the headache. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my friend Sam got astronomical success with it.
These are great words but I think it may not work for every situation. Depending on how challenging the behaviour is it you may need other methods to get the behaviour under some control then use this approach
......I'm skeptical this will work on a child who actually enjoys causing pain to others for their entertainment. Edit: im going to test this before I write it off. I'll update later.
I think when behaviours get in the way of relationship the behaviour has to be dealt with then relationship after. Some other strategies might be needed before the “tell me more”
Personally I hated these kind of starters. I Always felt patronized and get more pissed off about the situation. On the other hand I felt I could always come up with a work around for any rule/issue. Like no park without sister; my Friend can come with me. No candy before bed; I'll drink warm relaxing tea after.
❤ You said your child doesn’t need you to reason with them through everything -they need you to help them to feel heard. This is golden. *Tell me more* is a beautiful phrase and when it’s followed up with listening and responding with empathy, it is truly golden. I think I spent too much time trying to reason in the past but children live within their own emotions as we all do. Imagine someone trying to reason with us when they have all the power over us. It really makes no sense.
"It's about Conciousness not perfection", I love that, thank you.
The reason a child will continue to ask for the same things over and over is that they have learned from past experience that if they pester you enough you will eventually give in snd let them do what they wanted to do in the first place. They have learned that if Mommy gets frustrated enough she will finally let them have their way just to get the child to shut up and stop asking. I cannot stress strongly enough that it is critical when you say "NO" the first time you stick to it. DO NOT give in even if you get annoyed or frustrated. Doing so creates a monster that you will not want to deal with as they grow older.
I love the mantra! I use "You tell me." That usually gets the kids to think about all the posibilities and established limits. I also like to follow with, "And then what?" That helps to extend the conversation and help them resolve to decide foe themselves.
I love how your strategies encourage connections and empowerment.
Going to show this in our Young Adult Sunday School class this morning.
Thanks I try those 3 words, tell me more..to express this to 20 year old who needs help with her nana in the phillipeanes, she poor and consistently asking for my help, need money as I have little money at this point see if can or cannot help, but I give it go to see what she comes up with to stop her going on at me, I love her , but need to be strong
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and knowledge as this will help, keep you updated on how it went down
My daughter is 11 and has been caught shoplifting twice, skipping school eight times, and constantly lies and disobeys. I've tried everything that I can think of to correct this but nothing seems to work. I'm sorry, but "tell me more" just doesn't sound like it's going to work.
Sorry to hear about your difficulties with parenting but its worth a try
You're right. It won't work for me too. My son is only 10 But already hitting me. I couldn't even speak out or he'll throw things like mobile. I'm a single mother and my son didn't grew up with me because I used to work overseas now I'm struggling
@blckcloud73
That won't work
Can you give one or two examples of what a full conversation should sound like AFTER the child "Tells you more." For example, in the sugary treat example, if they share their desire and can express why they would like the treat, then what should happen? Do we respond to the same question the same way tomorrow? Thanks in advance!
K Pax following
so true
One way I deal with kids questions is to ask them why I said no, for example. Hey Chrissy, can I have a treat?" Me: "No, its almost bed time" or " You've already had one today" Kid: "Yhea, but I'd really like one" Me: "Why?" or "Tell me more" Kid: "I would really like how yummy it is and I just want to eat it" Me: "Why do you think I said no?" Kid: "It was bedtime" Me: "What happens if you eat that sugary treat?" Kid: "I won't be able to fall asleep" Me: "Is that a good thing?" Kid: "No" Me: Why? Kid: "I'll be grumpy in the morning and won't want to ________" or "I'll miss _____". I personally find that flipping it so that they are answering the questions work really well.
hmmm...veryyy interesting. Thanks Lori.
my teenage daughter if I asked her tell me what you feel. She's hides the whole thing, though the other one also a teen we communicate well, even though we have bumps we talk through anything and everything. My other daughter is reserved and quiet I tried all I can to make her share her frustrations
Maybe she needs prompting in such a way that you validated those feelings she has first.. for example... I can see that you are really_______(frustrated, angry, sad etc) at the moment, is that because I/you... won't, didn't, can't ___________ ? I find this technique works on little ones and shy children. Sometimes all they can muster is a yes or no or a non of shake of the head at first but it slowly helps to build confidence because it is giving them the language and a format to express what they feel. 😊
I like these three words, but it feels like they would give false hope to the child that they would get what they ask for if only they explain it better. What if the answer is still "no"?
Diana
+Diana
Thanks for the Video! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you researched - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a good one off guide for becoming an excellent parent without the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my good mate called Gray after many years got astronomical success with it.
Great video content! Apologies for butting in, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you heard about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for becoming an excellent parent minus the headache. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my friend Sam got astronomical success with it.
These are great words but I think it may not work for every situation. Depending on how challenging the behaviour is it you may need other methods to get the behaviour under some control then use this approach
Parents need to use methods that work for them and not by what others recommend
True to some extent. Some methods are universal, some need adjustments to work and won't work at all (based on numerous factors).
Sometimes it’s good to find other ways of parenting and we can add it to what we already know. I ding that approach helpa
Have you found that this works with toddlers too?
Kinda, the younger kids start telling a story and get side tracked, thus the issue is dropped, lol.
anyone knows how to say that "tell me more" in indonesian? not simply literal translation but what do we Indonesians say to express that
I need help with my daughter
......I'm skeptical this will work on a child who actually enjoys causing pain to others for their entertainment.
Edit: im going to test this before I write it off. I'll update later.
Update?
@@Tctiffanyshes currently in therapy and I hope we can work it out without meds.
I think when behaviours get in the way of relationship the behaviour has to be dealt with then relationship after. Some other strategies might be needed before the “tell me more”
Tell me more
Was Lori talking to Michelle Obama? I didn't know she had kids.
1x
Personally I hated these kind of starters. I Always felt patronized and get more pissed off about the situation.
On the other hand I felt I could always come up with a work around for any rule/issue. Like no park without sister; my Friend can come with me. No candy before bed; I'll drink warm relaxing tea after.