Lol, aromanticism for me means having to look up the definitions of "romantic attraction" way too often. Also accidentally writing queer-coded characters as a default (oops all queers), because I have a hard time defining and portraying big cis-het experiences.
Even looking up the definitions I get it wrong, I'm more of a "writes a little by herself to pass the time" than a serious writer type but I've tried to create romance scenes and I've been told by my best friend and older sisters that what I wrote looks more like a buddy story with kissing and making out shoehorned in. And I'm like "wait, isn't that just what romance is?" This was before I discovered that I'm aro.
Yes, I like that a lot, too. I'm in an unfortunate spot where I'm perceived as being in the uncanny valley between straight and queer, being an aromantic allosexual (heterosexual), both the straights and the queer community at large see me as outside of their respective groups. That line made me feel validated, which I appreciate a lot.
I'm not aromantic, but I found this video very informative. I really wish people understood that aromantic people bring something to the queer community, because a lot of people think aromantics don't have anything special because their identity is "a lack" of something but I personally have learnt so much from aromantic people. [Ps: I loved the outside sounds]
Thank you so much. ❤ I'm aromantic and discovered it just this summer so I'm learning a lot both about my orientation and myself in general and also feeling like I can say "yes, that makes so much sense" about things I didn't have words for. I'm 23 years old and despite knowing about aromanticism as far back as 2015, it took me years to understand that the hybrid of sexual and platonic attraction I was experiencing around certain guys wasn't romantic attraction or a crush but more of a squish..
I never really considered the political identity that comes with being aro/ace, it gives me a lot to consider when I think about how I define my aroace identity! Thank you for sharing these questions and responses and opening up conversation to discuss these topics! PS I also found you through tumblr😂
1. I feel like it’s when I’d rather focus on other relationships I guess (I think I feel romantic attraction sometimes maybe) 2. I was watching lavendertowne’s (the art UA-camr) video about pride flags and she did one about aro and I was like “you can be that??? I’m not just too young for romance?? I’m the weird one??? Wow” 3. That it doesn’t mean you’re also ace and vice versa. Cause every one thinks that you need sex for romance and vice versa. most people I know are like know what aro/ace is or knows the idea of it but they think your aro you must be ace and vice versa.
So happy to see you guys upload!! Thank you for making this video, it's always great to share a range of people's thoughts and experiences especially with aromanticism because it's such a broad spectrum! Y'all are awesome :)
RE the tumblr thing: I definitely found most of my info through there, because I couldn't find anything beyond info about full aromanticism and microlabel definitions, and my experience is more complicated than that. Reading people's tumblr posts about their own experiences with the aro specturm was the only way I found enough validation for experiences similar enough to mine to feel like I was actually on the aro specturm myself. Found you guys around the same time because I was watching every aro video I could find hoping for a new microlabel to research (before I decided to just identify as arospec haha). I don't remember which specifically came first though.
You two give me so much qpr goals 😍 Kinda reminds me of me and a friend (we‘re not in a qpr) To the video subject: I don‘t know if I‘m aro cause I don‘t know how to define romantic attraction. So in the moment I‘m not labeling romantic attraction for me (I like the term wtf-romantic but not to use it like irl). And I‘m very ace 🖤 Thanks for the video, I like the nature sounds 🌿
Kaden's beautiful face is occasionally obscured by foliage. Anywho, back to the topic of how did I realize: Most of my romantic relationships would only last 2 months, culminating in an awful breakup. I was unhappy being somebody's boyfriend/enbyfriend. Should feel special and comforted that someone thinks I belong to them? But I feel so ick about the concept of belonging to someone, because it makes me think of ownership, which is fundamentally problematic, and overwhelmingly gross! Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about this belonging to someone thing. Maybe those past relationships were just utterly unhealthy, and I just haven't found the RIGHT person. Maybe the problem is that I'm not monogamous, and THAT is why those relationships didn't work out! After decades of dating experience and self-reflection, I've come to the conclusion that I am most likely aromantic, and that there's nothing wrong with me.
Not to like highjack this vid/comments section in the name of asexuals or anything, but I wish more people knew that sexual attraction and sex drive are 2 different things, and that sex drive amongst people on the aspec is also a spectrum. Far too many times I’ve heard people say a character is Ace because they don’t have/want sex, so I feel like if people even know what asexuality even is in the first place, they think it’s just not being interested in sex. More people need to learn the terms sex positive/negative and sex flavorable/indifferent, and repulsed.
What I wish allo people knew other than that we exist are the words many aroace spec people use to describe types of attraction other than romantic and sexual attraction, like platonic attraction, sensual attraction and aesthetic attraction. I think these words make it easier for me to describe my feelings and experiences in a way that makes their difference to romantic and sexual attraction very clear. If more people knew those words it might be easier for aroace spec people to understand their identity much sooner because they don’t confuse aesthetic attraction with a crush or sensual attraction with sexual attraction. Another thing that some other aroace spec people might actually disagree with is that allo people shouldn’t inherently exclude aroace spec from conversations about romantic or sexual attraction/expierences after learning they’re aroace spec. We can decide ourselves what we’re comfortable talking about and being aroace spec doesn’t equate to being a prude or being disinterested in the experiences of others. As long as everyone knows and respects that I’m aroace, I don’t mind talking about the romantic/sexual relationships and experiences of others at all. But I think my friends assuming that I’m disinterested in these topics/conversations in middle school and high school indirectly lead to me being excluded from the friend group in general, because there was a long period of time when all allo people wanted to talk about were their crushes and relationships and new sexual/romantic experiences. Which is totally okay and normal for that age, but them expecting me to be inherently disinterested in their experiences because of my being aroace lead to me being completely excluded for a while. Anyway, these are the things I wish allo people knew about the aromantic (and asexual) experience. And also just that we exist and there’s a difference between asexual and aromantic.
one issue I have with being sure I'm aro/ace is so many of the accounts and info involve things like high school I was home schooled and have never been in a setting like that even when I went to church regularly it was mostly older people
Hey Spacey's!! thanks for another video. Good to see you all again. I'm aro ace and Aspie, i definitely feel that I've rejected romantic and sexual attraction due to the fact that everyone seems to be so focused on it and always seeking an explanation as to why i don't want it too. I love hearing what you all have to say as well as you reading others responses. Nice to see you Kaden. Love the shirt, earrings and your hair. Stay happy.
One thing I wished was more known about aroa (and aspec identities in general) is that attraction beyond sexual and romantic exist! I currently identify as aroace, but I still feel like I Feel attraction towards people. I find women pretty a lot of the time, and I certainly feel a feeling inside that I've since attributed to physical attraction! I rarely seek out romantic relationships with people, but I can still think they're cute from afar!
I so so agree with what you said at the end about aromanticism being important, Elle. I feel like both aro and ace identities provide such an interesting perspective on what it means to feel love or connection, which I think is really important
aw too bad I didn't hear any of my answers cuz i feel like i made some unique points, but it was really fun taking it and i hope you were able to read mine but i understand you might not be able to read and include all 🖤🩶🤍💚 oh btw i know your channel is really accepting to all forms of identity so i felt safe to answer the questions truthfully, i sometimes feel like aros wouldn't accept me as arospec for not being aro enough, but thanks to you i know that's not the case
y'all were definitely my tandem-with-tumblr experience for recognizing being aroacespec, lol. I feel like both of mine fluctuate a bit, but i'm always on the low end of both romantic and sexual attraction. I constantly have to look up the definitions to both to even decipher if either are totally possible.
I don't know if this book is translated in English, but in "Das Ende der Ehe" (The End of Marriage) Emilia Roig wrote a sentencen that just made me cry from the vastness it implyes for love outside the "normal" social construct. "When we are most intensly in love with a person and feel the urge to express this feeling we often can't think of anything else but to say "I want to marry you and start a family with you" because there is no other narrative in wich love unfolds and blossoms." I grow outside the guarden where everything is prepaired and regulated for the plants. Time to grow and blossom in the wilderness. Also I found out about aro/ace through a guy I know and was like "naaah, that can't be me, pfff" till I found your channel... Was a rough ride, it still feels weard to identify as queer even thoigh I'm aro/ace. Thank you non the less.
Well, if white is alloromantic, black is aromantic, grey is grayromantic in the middle, I'd say I'm like when the sky is dark but it's still technically twilight but there's the faintest hint of light on the horizon. In other words, I'm more "astronomical twilight aro" than "midnight aro" or maybe I'm "total solar eclipse aro" because I'm such a rare variant and I don't know anyone like me. I experience some nominally romantic feelings on rare occasion but I'm not entirely sure, they might just be platonic, emotional, and sexual attraction blended together to create this quasi-romantic feeling. For years I thought I had a more "pure" idea of romance, I was wondering why with most people they saw some as lovers, some as friends, but never the twain shall meet. I was always like "shouldn't you be in a committed relationship with a close friend?" and the romantic scenes in movies I'd pay more attention to the music or the setting, and I've accidentally flirted with people before by sending love songs and to me it was like "no, I just think these are pretty songs, that's it". Personally if I'd use a song to flirt it'd be "Unwritten".
For me aromatism means being really confused over the idea of romance and where it starts, ends and etc. Fie me relationships have two categories: friendship and family, so my brain is being quirky with romance. I like reading romance books, but I think the romance part goes through my brains linse of understanding and filters it to something kinda platonic, queerplatonic. Also feeling no romantic interest at all, seeing friends and family as all i need ( plus maybe aroacequeerplatonic partner if I'll find, but it's not necessary) I see romance as something cute, but have no interest being in romantic relationships. :P (Also does anyone here gets a random fear of suddenly falling in love and becoming crazy or something? Just me? )
Lol, aromanticism for me means having to look up the definitions of "romantic attraction" way too often. Also accidentally writing queer-coded characters as a default (oops all queers), because I have a hard time defining and portraying big cis-het experiences.
Even looking up the definitions I get it wrong, I'm more of a "writes a little by herself to pass the time" than a serious writer type but I've tried to create romance scenes and I've been told by my best friend and older sisters that what I wrote looks more like a buddy story with kissing and making out shoehorned in. And I'm like "wait, isn't that just what romance is?" This was before I discovered that I'm aro.
I love this line: "essentially, being aro is queer af." ❤
Yes, I like that a lot, too. I'm in an unfortunate spot where I'm perceived as being in the uncanny valley between straight and queer, being an aromantic allosexual (heterosexual), both the straights and the queer community at large see me as outside of their respective groups. That line made me feel validated, which I appreciate a lot.
I'm not aromantic, but I found this video very informative.
I really wish people understood that aromantic people bring something to the queer community, because a lot of people think aromantics don't have anything special because their identity is "a lack" of something but I personally have learnt so much from aromantic people.
[Ps: I loved the outside sounds]
Thank you so much. ❤ I'm aromantic and discovered it just this summer so I'm learning a lot both about my orientation and myself in general and also feeling like I can say "yes, that makes so much sense" about things I didn't have words for. I'm 23 years old and despite knowing about aromanticism as far back as 2015, it took me years to understand that the hybrid of sexual and platonic attraction I was experiencing around certain guys wasn't romantic attraction or a crush but more of a squish..
I never really considered the political identity that comes with being aro/ace, it gives me a lot to consider when I think about how I define my aroace identity! Thank you for sharing these questions and responses and opening up conversation to discuss these topics!
PS I also found you through tumblr😂
Yoooooo, Tumblr to Spacey Aces pipeline, let's go!
1. I feel like it’s when I’d rather focus on other relationships I guess (I think I feel romantic attraction sometimes maybe)
2. I was watching lavendertowne’s (the art UA-camr) video about pride flags and she did one about aro and I was like “you can be that??? I’m not just too young for romance?? I’m the weird one??? Wow”
3. That it doesn’t mean you’re also ace and vice versa. Cause every one thinks that you need sex for romance and vice versa. most people I know are like know what aro/ace is or knows the idea of it but they think your aro you must be ace and vice versa.
So happy to see you guys upload!! Thank you for making this video, it's always great to share a range of people's thoughts and experiences especially with aromanticism because it's such a broad spectrum! Y'all are awesome :)
Thank you!! :D
RE the tumblr thing: I definitely found most of my info through there, because I couldn't find anything beyond info about full aromanticism and microlabel definitions, and my experience is more complicated than that. Reading people's tumblr posts about their own experiences with the aro specturm was the only way I found enough validation for experiences similar enough to mine to feel like I was actually on the aro specturm myself. Found you guys around the same time because I was watching every aro video I could find hoping for a new microlabel to research (before I decided to just identify as arospec haha). I don't remember which specifically came first though.
You two give me so much qpr goals 😍 Kinda reminds me of me and a friend (we‘re not in a qpr)
To the video subject: I don‘t know if I‘m aro cause I don‘t know how to define romantic attraction. So in the moment I‘m not labeling romantic attraction for me (I like the term wtf-romantic but not to use it like irl). And I‘m very ace 🖤
Thanks for the video, I like the nature sounds 🌿
Kaden's beautiful face is occasionally obscured by foliage. Anywho, back to the topic of how did I realize: Most of my romantic relationships would only last 2 months, culminating in an awful breakup. I was unhappy being somebody's boyfriend/enbyfriend. Should feel special and comforted that someone thinks I belong to them? But I feel so ick about the concept of belonging to someone, because it makes me think of ownership, which is fundamentally problematic, and overwhelmingly gross! Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about this belonging to someone thing. Maybe those past relationships were just utterly unhealthy, and I just haven't found the RIGHT person. Maybe the problem is that I'm not monogamous, and THAT is why those relationships didn't work out! After decades of dating experience and self-reflection, I've come to the conclusion that I am most likely aromantic, and that there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm not aro at all, just here to learn. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
Not to like highjack this vid/comments section in the name of asexuals or anything, but I wish more people knew that sexual attraction and sex drive are 2 different things, and that sex drive amongst people on the aspec is also a spectrum. Far too many times I’ve heard people say a character is Ace because they don’t have/want sex, so I feel like if people even know what asexuality even is in the first place, they think it’s just not being interested in sex. More people need to learn the terms sex positive/negative and sex flavorable/indifferent, and repulsed.
Damn, I missed the survey! My personal take is that I've never had a crush, so I'm aromantic as far as I know
What I wish allo people knew other than that we exist are the words many aroace spec people use to describe types of attraction other than romantic and sexual attraction, like platonic attraction, sensual attraction and aesthetic attraction. I think these words make it easier for me to describe my feelings and experiences in a way that makes their difference to romantic and sexual attraction very clear. If more people knew those words it might be easier for aroace spec people to understand their identity much sooner because they don’t confuse aesthetic attraction with a crush or sensual attraction with sexual attraction.
Another thing that some other aroace spec people might actually disagree with is that allo people shouldn’t inherently exclude aroace spec from conversations about romantic or sexual attraction/expierences after learning they’re aroace spec. We can decide ourselves what we’re comfortable talking about and being aroace spec doesn’t equate to being a prude or being disinterested in the experiences of others.
As long as everyone knows and respects that I’m aroace, I don’t mind talking about the romantic/sexual relationships and experiences of others at all. But I think my friends assuming that I’m disinterested in these topics/conversations in middle school and high school indirectly lead to me being excluded from the friend group in general, because there was a long period of time when all allo people wanted to talk about were their crushes and relationships and new sexual/romantic experiences. Which is totally okay and normal for that age, but them expecting me to be inherently disinterested in their experiences because of my being aroace lead to me being completely excluded for a while.
Anyway, these are the things I wish allo people knew about the aromantic (and asexual) experience.
And also just that we exist and there’s a difference between asexual and aromantic.
one issue I have with being sure I'm aro/ace is so many of the accounts and info involve things like high school
I was home schooled and have never been in a setting like that
even when I went to church regularly it was mostly older people
I can see that being a complicating factor when it comes to relating to others' experiences.
Hey Spacey's!! thanks for another video. Good to see you all again. I'm aro ace and Aspie, i definitely feel that I've rejected romantic and sexual attraction due to the fact that everyone seems to be so focused on it and always seeking an explanation as to why i don't want it too. I love hearing what you all have to say as well as you reading others responses. Nice to see you Kaden. Love the shirt, earrings and your hair. Stay happy.
One thing I wished was more known about aroa (and aspec identities in general) is that attraction beyond sexual and romantic exist! I currently identify as aroace, but I still feel like I Feel attraction towards people. I find women pretty a lot of the time, and I certainly feel a feeling inside that I've since attributed to physical attraction! I rarely seek out romantic relationships with people, but I can still think they're cute from afar!
I so so agree with what you said at the end about aromanticism being important, Elle. I feel like both aro and ace identities provide such an interesting perspective on what it means to feel love or connection, which I think is really important
i'm just one minute into the video but i have to say this channel is just so beautiful! much love from a fellow arospec girlie :)
Thank you so much!!
Nice to see y'all again. This was enlightening. Thank you for the edutainment. (Also, you two seem to have a lovely dynamic.)
Yeah! This exactly me for real! It’s so nice seeing everyone here talking about their AroAce
aw too bad I didn't hear any of my answers cuz i feel like i made some unique points, but it was really fun taking it and i hope you were able to read mine but i understand you might not be able to read and include all 🖤🩶🤍💚
oh btw i know your channel is really accepting to all forms of identity so i felt safe to answer the questions truthfully, i sometimes feel like aros wouldn't accept me as arospec for not being aro enough, but thanks to you i know that's not the case
y'all were definitely my tandem-with-tumblr experience for recognizing being aroacespec, lol. I feel like both of mine fluctuate a bit, but i'm always on the low end of both romantic and sexual attraction. I constantly have to look up the definitions to both to even decipher if either are totally possible.
Thanks for the video. I'm asexual, but strongly romantic, like hopelessly 😂
Soo it's a bit hard for me to understand how aromanticism work
I don't know if this book is translated in English, but in "Das Ende der Ehe" (The End of Marriage) Emilia Roig wrote a sentencen that just made me cry from the vastness it implyes for love outside the "normal" social construct.
"When we are most intensly in love with a person and feel the urge to express this feeling we often can't think of anything else but to say "I want to marry you and start a family with you" because there is no other narrative in wich love unfolds and blossoms." I grow outside the guarden where everything is prepaired and regulated for the plants. Time to grow and blossom in the wilderness.
Also I found out about aro/ace through a guy I know and was like "naaah, that can't be me, pfff" till I found your channel... Was a rough ride, it still feels weard to identify as queer even thoigh I'm aro/ace. Thank you non the less.
I love that the nature setting is the colors of the aro flag! 💚💚🤍🩶🖤
Well, if white is alloromantic, black is aromantic, grey is grayromantic in the middle, I'd say I'm like when the sky is dark but it's still technically twilight but there's the faintest hint of light on the horizon. In other words, I'm more "astronomical twilight aro" than "midnight aro" or maybe I'm "total solar eclipse aro" because I'm such a rare variant and I don't know anyone like me. I experience some nominally romantic feelings on rare occasion but I'm not entirely sure, they might just be platonic, emotional, and sexual attraction blended together to create this quasi-romantic feeling. For years I thought I had a more "pure" idea of romance, I was wondering why with most people they saw some as lovers, some as friends, but never the twain shall meet. I was always like "shouldn't you be in a committed relationship with a close friend?" and the romantic scenes in movies I'd pay more attention to the music or the setting, and I've accidentally flirted with people before by sending love songs and to me it was like "no, I just think these are pretty songs, that's it". Personally if I'd use a song to flirt it'd be "Unwritten".
Also great video love everything you do!!
For me aromatism means being really confused over the idea of romance and where it starts, ends and etc. Fie me relationships have two categories: friendship and family, so my brain is being quirky with romance. I like reading romance books, but I think the romance part goes through my brains linse of understanding and filters it to something kinda platonic, queerplatonic. Also feeling no romantic interest at all, seeing friends and family as all i need ( plus maybe aroacequeerplatonic partner if I'll find, but it's not necessary) I see romance as something cute, but have no interest being in romantic relationships. :P
(Also does anyone here gets a random fear of suddenly falling in love and becoming crazy or something? Just me? )
I remember doing this, It felt like and age ago. Maybe you could do more?
Aww I missed the survey 😞
I'm sure we'll do more in the future :)
Is it aromatic to love dragons/dnd, love cake love purple, not really want romance, can live without it, and never get crushes???
the video seemed very quiet
PATATOOO
I made it in 💚🤍🖤