There are two things that immediately come to mind when you guys talked about INFP's not being succesfull despite being talented/gifted. First is that INFP's for sure are not the most consistent of people. They get into something really fast and deep, but they also fall out of interest as quickly and as forcefully. So it's hard for INFP's to be consistent when they lose interest or when they start doubting themselves. The second thing is that INFP's in my experience are modest people who do not like to advertise themselves. I for sure always downplay my strenghts and talents. I know, intellectually, why that is a bad thing and why I should market myself, but it's so against my personal values that I just can't do it. I detest tooting my own horn, so to speak. And without marketing yourself it's very difficult for other people to notice your talents and give you opportunities in this world we live in.
I'm an infp and I used to feel this way, but thankfully, I learned to no longer sell "myself" or toot my own horn, but instead to market by teaching, sharing my clients' experiences and emotions, how we helped solve that emotional problem along with the other benefits they get. It feels SO much better and it's more effective! I love getting to educate people and teach them what I find interesting or helpful and I adjust my content per their feedback. Then I get informed people who truly want me to work with them instead of me trying to convince someone that my service or "skill" is a fit. (truly only for demonstration purposes, you can find an example on our instagram. ig.com/joyfullyfittransformation [I write the captions, do the design work and reels and get to put my artistic flare into the health and wellness field, which can certainly lack that INFP feel to it, ;-) please, be friendly, of course. I am still a sensitive infp, after all. lol.]) The other thing I am thankful for learning years, was the rule of 10 thousand hours, which is said to be what masters of any craft have in common to have spent working on that particular craft. Get nice and comfy with sucking until you reach that 10k hours of whatever it is you're so willing to dream and drone on for 3 hours to that friend like she's talking about in the video and know that if someone else is "better" than you (whatever that means of course) at that thing without spending as much time yet, usually it's due to having access to someone directly who has spent at least 10k hours or more working with them, leading to what I've learned is known as "time collapsing" and a wonderful secret of those who truly master their craft in ways others dare only dream. I don't claim to know it all, but I know my "oh-so-many weaknesses" so I've had very SJ business coaches to help me not be so INFP when I needed things done and I highly recommend hiring a coach in whatever field you dream of to master it if it's a dream you're willing to put that 10 thousand hours into! If you can't afford a coach, watch hours of youtube, but have a plan in place of how to reach that 10 thousand hours of application of what you're watching or learning or you'll be like that episode of Sheldon on Big Bang Theory claiming learning to swim via internet because the knowledge is all there. lol ( all of my "you" statements are the general "you", literarily speaking) If even one tiny little part of that novella of a comment above helps someone even remotely, I'll be ecstatic, but if nothing else, hopefully, it was a bit amusing to read. I read the comment and could totally relate, but have been very blessed to have gotten some tough love over the years from some amazing coaches and leaders and wanted to encourage you all! Blessings! -Lance infp, 4w5 entrepreneur and fitness coach (what a combo!) P.S. Alexis, great videos! I enjoyed the ISFP perspective on us infp's, too. I think more of us need to hear all of what you both said here! At least, I sure did each time someone broke those misaligned habits I had. Cheers!
I can relate. And yet what if we could approach marketing in a more detached way. Get our selves, our egos, out of the way for the sake of our well-being in life, not to mention more soulful satisfaction? It wouldn't be so egotistical to market ourselves if we move our ego - our feelings - our Fi - out of the equation. Maybe this is one benefit of that Te, if we were to access it. As an INFP who works in freelance, the requirement to manage myself and manage my clients cracks open a good deal of Te.
@@jmealy8163 I get so mad at myself because everyone else can do it so why can’t I? There are so many things that are just “life” that I am blocked from and can’t access it
I think unhealthy INFPs are actually all struggling with inattentive ADHD. I’ve been looking into it for myself and I’ve realized the traits line up pretty well. The being late all the time, picking up and dropping hobbies a lot, being depressive, scattered, messy, procrastination, spurts of hyper fixation, “laziness” (in quotes because lazy is such a trigger word and it’s really not that we want to be that way, it’s just a function of dealing with an executive function disorder). Depression and anxiety can also cause some of these issues. I urge anyone out there dealing with these problems to get help.
Thank you for pointing this out. I’m so surprised these two very smart individuals failed to mention this. Or maybe they chose to not mention this because they don’t believe in ADHD. The struggle is real. Some of us are sensitive to medications and have to work at it without the meds. “Lazy” is just plain rude! The struggle is real. I’m one of those people that place post it notes everywhere but fail to actually notice them. I will write out a shopping list and then forget to bring the damn thing with me.🤪 I will start the dishes then go to my kids bedroom to gather any cups , only to start tidying their room while the water is still running in the kitchen. 🤪
I think it’s kind of unfair to suggest that ‘these smart people should have known’. It’s very possible (and likely, I’d think) that this connection between INFP and ADHD wouldn’t be immediately recognized by most people. (especially by anyone out there who isn’t INFP & ADHD themselves)
@@SpiritMirrors My point exactly. Unless they have ADHD or are INFP’s it’s difficult for them to understand and be able to make this connection. My true point is, they are rude as 🤬. Sooo smart yet so dumb.
Well, I will agree that the word ‘lazy’ is a very loaded, problematic, and even dehumanizing word for anyone to be using, since it usually instantly invalidates someone’s life situation / factors that have them feeling stuck in the first place. Which as someone with chronic executive functioning issues, hearing the same invalidating sentiments from people over and over in life is far more likely to push us deeper into a depressive hole away from other people. (Despite some people ‘meaning well’ by the words that they’re using to try and help us at times) It sucks that society at large typically doesn’t always have this insight readily available to them to have more empathy regarding people’s circumstances, but it’s also not their fault unless they’re deliberately bullying someone or being mean. But that’s just life, and I think every single human being on this earth has many many blind spots regarding other people and how we function. Including us. So while I do agree with you that using the word ‘lazy’ is problematic, I don’t agree that they’re deliberately trying to be rude nor ignorant by their descriptions at all, but rather, it’s a big world and we’re all learning new things and perspectives every day. I think that at their core, they sincerely want INFPs to succeed, but INFP, and especially ADHD is often heavily stigmatized and misunderstood (even by other INFPs/ADHD people at times!), so although it’s invalidating to be misunderstood or to have things sometimes phrased in somewhat harsh or inaccurate ways, I don’t believe is fair to always assume ‘malice’ because of it, in the same way that we don’t want other people to assume we’re ‘lazy’ because of our own traits. I wish everyone here well. We’re all figuring it out as we go. ♥️
I'm ENFJ, also I'm 6'3 and look like Jude Law with a beard, so anywho, I'm talking to this girl and we sparked at first sight, I'm pretty sure that she's Infp, but anyway, she wore my style clothes and glasses. I think that's infp jealousy.
Ignoring others feelings happens with me when I am burned out. Its not that your issues are not important to us but that we made the mistake of pulling too much in without letting anything out. Eventually something breaks and then we feel guilty for ignoring you. Most people seem to be able to balance what comes in but some of us mess that up as we try to save the world.
I might be egoistic here but I just need to have my time until I feel present for my friends and THEN I’ll help them with their struggles. I’ve done a lot of “you before me”, but lately I’ve been focusing on myself first because I understood that I was struggling too and needed to focus on my problems first.
This. I honestly feel like I’ve improved as a person but everyone has their slip ups. Sometimes I have to remind myself that other people have stuff going on too. But I did struggle a lot with this back when I had a ton of toxic friendships.. I was so drained that I just didn’t care and therefore wasn’t able to be there for anyone the way that I wanted to.
I'm an INFP and am curious if any others struggle with being themselves in front of other people. With my friends i'm full of energy and like to make then laugh, but around other "friend groups" i'm so much more reserved and adapt to their personality style a bit. Makes me question a lot who i really am and is kind of frustrating.
I definitely struggled with this when I was in public school (online school now) I would mask to appear less noticeable because I was afraid of how people would see me. I don’t really get out as much but I try to embrace myself when I can and feel okay to do so.
OH ABSOLUTELY. i have maybe 1 or 2 friends where i'm truly being myself, and be the goof ball that i am. But yes, around "friend groups" . Completely reserved and passive.
I have had literally only like 3 friends where I’ve felt I’m as much as my authentic self as I possibly could be.. however, I always have this sense in my mind that I can never be Truly authentic around most anyone because my rationalization is it’s just so hard to understand, even for me so I keep some things to myself always no matter what and that also causes me a bit of turmoil lol
This is one of my favorite video of INFP. It took me a while to realize I wasn't doing anything with my life. Then it still took me some years to figure out what to do about it. Everything you guys talked about was what I experienced in my 20s and still today. Everything was spot on. I like that there's practical advice I can use. Especially with changing the routine to change a habit.
@@joriusmagnus6425 same here. Now, there's a lot going on in my life, I have 2 kids, going to work and trying to finish school. When I discovered that I have many other interests, I had this strong desire to do them ALL! And I thought to myself it is possible to do them as long as I do it little by little. I'm a massage therapist going through the Physical Therapist Assistant program. Before this I took some woodworking classes (bc I think I would need it in the future. Lol) and still after the PTA program, I plan on taking horticulture classes. I'm not taking these classes randomly. It's just, I know what I want now. And I know where I want to be. My goal is to live in the country.. of course not isolated but somewhere beautiful and peaceful. This plan was what I came up with.
@@AkaRuby that's awesome! I also want to live somewhere quiet. I'm in an urban environment now. I work as a store manager. I also plan to finish school, but I need an hourly job with less hours so I can do that. (I work 50 to 70 hours a week.)
As a middle-aged INFP, it is easier to develop your Te by taking your values and ideals and trying to turn them into something in the world that helps people. I set up an amateur dramatics society, an athletics race and many neighbourhood projects from community gardens to car boot sales. My point is that we INFPs are drawn to tackling social problems, so take some action to mitigate those problems in your community and don't just talk about taking action. You won't always succeed to your own standards, but you will make a difference to those you connect with. Speaking from experience, when organising events like an athletic race, you can usually find officials in your local area whose experience you can draw on to devise a strategy to market your event and organise it on the day. By taking action and just trying things out, you'll probably end up balancing your Fi and Te and gain a lot of confidence from seeing tangible results in the real world that you can draw on for your more personal writing and artistic projects.
One thing I do that annoys myself as an INFP is that when I finally find someone I’m comfortable with, I feel I overshare so much and so fast because it’s like I’ve been holding it in so much haha and this eventually leads to me feeling I’m taking too much from others without giving as much and I truly hate that feeling 😅
As someone who's seeing this as your second video I want to assure you it doesn't come accross as attacking. I think the way you both choose to word and structure this video is really practical. You talk about what and why as well as giving solutions. It doesn't come across as a personal attack but rather things to look out for as signs of being unhealthy. Thank you and I hope everyone reading this has an amazing day/night! xo
A great career/side hustle I've found as an INFP is massage therapy. It only took a year of school and now around 30 hours a week provides me a comfortable lifestyle while I can pursue non-money producing interests with the rest of my time. Massage is the kind of thing where there are a lot of right ways to do it, and I can just get in a flow state and vibe with a person for an hour, usually in silence. Sometimes they like to talk, but the conversations are apt to meander into interesting directions and it's not a big deal when we both stop talking for twenty minutes and just be for a while. If they care to draw them out of me, they can walk away with all kinds of Ne insights on whatever is going on in their life.
I was a massage therapist in middle age. I loved it! Early in life I was an elementary school teacher. I loved the freedom of scheduling massage when I wanted and not being locked into a 9 to 5 job. I loved the creativity, each massage is different according to the person’s needs. I had my own practice and also taught at the massage school. All of it was rewarding and I had control over what to do. Also, I was helping people and had time for other creative pursuits and time for my family. A great profession for an INFP!
It doesn't seem like a lot of jobs available here in New Orleans La. for massage therapy. And they seem to want you to have a lot of experience when you start. Where are you? Are there lots of jobs for it? Is it physically hard? I mean how many hours can you handle a day. How much is the pay?
Waiting to be inspired has a more sinister shadow behind it. There is a feeling that something is not in place just yet, but should be. It is this dichotomy which causes contention, and ultimately stress, which in turn sabotages "inspiration." Sometimes, it is better to admit where you are at and address those shortcomings. For me (INFJ, but I have some INFP traits due to balanced P/J), I have been recovering from a very stressful period of my life. I have to realize that I can't just ignore this and push myself into my goals. If I try, my love for my life goals will quickly be run into the ground, making it even harder to get them started again. I have found that I need to give myself permission to rest and recover. I need to become a better manager of myself, allowing myself to become the best I can be rather than forcing myself to be a factory that just churns out results. Don't sacrifice your heart for your mind's sake!
Haha omg! Yes a factory that churns out results! ... i cant help but be disappointedin myself if a few days has gone by without a song, or video or some sort of creative thing. Ive always said im like a shark in the way that if it stops swimming it will di3, if i stop writing music and being creative ill di3
Actually, all of the reasons you listed are **exactly** why I love INFPs. They're sweet, nice, calm, serene. So beautiful! I love their introverted feeling, because it is reassuringly relatable. Sincerely, an INFJ.
Okay, we are only at 7:15, and I'm already being called out! Yes, I DO like to get into that "depressive state," and wallow in self-pity just for the fun of wallowing in self-pity and despair. There is something poetical in the feeling, and because of my introverted feeling, I want to experience each feeling to it's full potential. So if I'm sad, let me just be sad and feel the Pain!
Right? I noticed recently that I definitely over-identify with my feelings when I’m in that state. I hate feeling sad, but it can be comforting. And it helps me lean into my feelings and learn more about myself.
Correct me if im wrong but actually i dont think its that unhealthy if u dont do it all the time or let it prevent you from working on yourself. Its better than suppressing your emotions atleast. Sometimes when i feel desperate and depressed i just tell myself: ok let that stuff out and give yourself a break for today. And when i feel better i start to motivate myself again and go on. I feel bad for my enfj mother though because she totally absorbs my sadness and somehow wants to help me feel better but I just need that time for myself. Trying to hide it doesn’t help. She senses it even from the other room with doors closed
I’ve been having a hard time figuring out if I’m an INFP or INFJ. But this video made it clear that I’m an INFP. You both identified so many of the issues I’m experiencing. Thank you!
At 22 I was a teacher for 3 years. Planning lessons killed me. Then I stayed home and was a mom. During that time I worked on Te habits (I do better with the flexibility of routines than schedules). Now I’m 40 and all my kids are in school and I’ve never been more passionate about life because I parse out my days for writing poetry, writing articles on whatever I’m fixated on, painting, and meeting friends. My first self-illustrated poetry book will be published in a month. My new growth track is frightening - marketing myself! I hate that so very much. I also know I need to learn to put value on my creations and start making money on them but I don’t know how to do that and it freaks me out… but I will get there. I can’t yet wrap my head around what I need to do or not do with my Si.
It is interesting that other INFPs like to talk about their problems. I am an INFP and I rarely like to talk about the problems I have. I always avoid them to a point where people around me think I am hiding something from them. I can play it well for a long time. I just find talking about them more tiring. I don't have the energy to elaborate in general I think :/
Yeah I’m not like that either. I’ve always been shy or embarrassed of sharing my problems. I have to be very close with someone. But now that Im aware of it it’s gotten better as I got older.
Wow, those are some unhealthy INFPs. I've always done my best not to inflict any of my BS on other people. But I can't cope with depression when it hits me. When I flunked out of University, when my mother nearly died in the ICU, when my marriage collapsed, and when my father died. All of those events sank me into depression, and it was hard to drag myself out, each time.
I am an INFP and this video set me on fire🔥 I should say that writing comment is not what I do often and seem a little bit uncomfortable But I should let you know that was a good content
I have been blessed with having very good best friends all of my life , but as an INFP , I have not been one to retain those friendships, I let them go for no good reason just out of neglect or changes in life or moving away and I've always had trouble on my end retaining friendships, but if I were to call up any of them right now it would be a welcoming affair.
Same here. But when it became extremely difficult for me to find new friends i regretted it so much that i swore to myself i will never let any of my friends go ever again. Its my biggest regret today. I miss all of them a lot
One thing I wanna say about 'playing the victim' thing which I seem to do a lot, is that I'm never conscious of it until it's pointed out to me. Like just now when you said this I started dissecting all the negative situations that happened to me last week in which I felt 'wronged' but it didn't take long while attempting to be objective for the real reasons to come up on their own.. I contributed in some way to all of these situations just without being aware of it at the time. I will try to be more aware of this as I feel this is my worst one at the moment and it's the one that causes me to get stuck in a destructive Fi-Si loop the most. I think I overcame my 'depressive' state, at least the unhealthy aspect of it and I am hopeful about the future most of the time, although it still feels nice to brood and feel sad for no reason sometimes lol, but in the end it results in a cathartic cry that releases stress and gives me enough energy to keep pushing forward, rather than feel more depressed and hopeless.
:O ! ! ! The level of detail in this video is fantastic, thank you for creating this series! One of my biggest hurdles was figuring out what I wanted to dedicate my time/life/focus on work-wise/for a living. Everything has a way of working itself out. We only live one life and I'm going to live it to my highest potential!
Fuck, yall are calling me out ... With time ive been able to recognize the more unhealthy traits of myself but atm i struggle with sticking with my goals and dreams and DAMN yall are calling me OUT but i need to hear this so with much love, THANK YOU 🤍🤗
Very perceptive, this resonated. Thank you. I have fought against my weak points for a long time but have not completely overcome them. I chose a job which allowed me to lay many of these traits to rest. No fan of playing the victim, never late to any function, performing well in chosen career, listen to others - but still a hot mess in my personal life.
Hello, first time viewer with the urge to leave a comment! I am an INFP and really do appreciate the insights in the video and wanted to leave a little bit of insight on my own thoughts even if no one reads them just to have something be said. The section on FI was really interesting I will in my statements do my best to speak only for myself and not for anyone else, we are all our own people and each have our reasons for our actions. The depression fixations are oddly accurate but not whole, while I am actually in agreement that it can be overshadowing our other infatuation with emotions in general since it is a bit unusual. For me the sadder emotions are just as important to truly understand as any other even as unpalatable as it is, I would not personally think it strange for anyone else to try to avoid the unpleasant thoughts that may dwell in our minds most of the time but in the same vein it would do me a disservice to not grasp the hows and why's I feel how I do in the moment even if it would be a better time to not give it any credence at the time. Personally I spend just as much time thinking about the most absurd inconsequential things that could possible spring up... For instance its hard to start a two sided conversation on futility of balancing logic and emotions in a world where discourse turns to argument too quickly conversely no one cares about someone trying to sort out feelings of limerence and true love in a movie that hardly anyone remembers 10 hours after watching. A unifying topic for me has been one where the shared human experience can handle the lifting such as negative experience and emotions, its really easy to get someone to spend 20 minutes straight explaining their dissatisfaction with their day to day life and while its good for them to vent it also helps me to be able to see the different vantage points that they have and how these small interactions shape the mood of the remainder of the day. As for the people that focus on injustice and inequality but do nothing about it are in my personal opinion just trying to draw undue attention to their opinions they dont themselves have high value upon. Its mostly a matter of ego at worst and someone that just doesnt understand that general outrage at something that doesnt relate to anything they or the people they are preaching to is incapable of making a change in at best. The NE part makes sense in a strictly logical sense but i cant agree on the thought process that all effort needs to lead to progress in a long term goal. I really wish I had more ambition but at the end of the day if i get a sound nights sleep and dont have too many regrets then it was a productive day and leans to my own philosophy of as long as you are taking steps regardless of a structured path every step in itself is an achievement for better or worse as long as you are not repeating footfalls then it is a step in the "right" direction. Progress doesnt need to be toward a goal imo it just has to give you the oppertunity to grow and learn from the distance you make. Im putting some effort in a comment for a video from a while ago that no one will read in all likelihood but it doesnt deter me in any ways since it is giving me the chance to actually put thought in and give some time to whimsy which in my mind is something that you can never truly regret, doing something for the sake of experience even if it has no notable effect on anything doesnt make it less worthy of attention. further on the NE section is that to me at least its impossible to waste time, sure 2k hours in skyrim is not going to mean anything in a tangible sense but the release of stress and losing sense of time for a few hours is enough to fill a little bit of my time with fun and the rest needed to relax from dealing with life in general. for me its crucial that life be at the foremost worth living and that means filled with unimportant and uneventful filler like any good show/anime, without that there is no real soul in it and the magic of it all be made lesser for it. as for the drugs and flakey in relationships ties in with the problem with people not caring about someone's health issues not to bash on people but seems like they were just driven by selfishness and self-importance and hypocrisy, you cant truly expect someone to care for anyone if you try to alter your own experiences into something that is more palatable, the past may give us scars that we wish would have never happened but they still shape who we are now, trying to reevaluate what gave it meaning after the fact is an unhealthy coping mechanism and is close enough to gaslighting yourself as you can get. Mental fortitude really is something that they should have being instilled from us at a young age, not to diminish the negativity mind you but to actually teach you that if you can undue the past you might as well not run from it either and just try to salvage something that you can learn from at a later time. on the topic of SI annoyances its best to keep in mind that everyone try to remember that tangible gain is not the end all be all for everyone. For example I spend my days in games or on twitch and if I see someone having a hard time I will try to help if I can even if its just a random poem that tries to encapulate their current situation and make it more manageable for them, its not much I dont save writings hardly ever and what i write is meant to have one use in that moment it may not make a problem better but if it evenly remotely helps them in the moment then I am perfectly content with it and even if neither person remembers it in a day or two its putting my efforts into more than just saying "hope it gets better!" or "hang in there!" and that is enough for me. people have a weird fixation on being remembered or having a legacy but its always an end goal it is much more interesting to treat the journey with the same level of importance but its not about "a dream job" for everyone for at least 1 person its surviving day to day and that really is enough. A job gives you more *reason* to do something but it doesnt limit you to only doing it as a job. the TE topic is a bit a sore spot for me I very much dislike how I am under that process... I agree its best to be well rounded I personally cant use my mind more than my heart and thats a major weakness for me. Im aware that ambition is good but in the most illogical way possible i will have the most galvanized passion to be lazy its paradoxical. P.S Inspiration is fake its just really just emotion and emotions dont randomly just appear they have to have a spark anyone that cant write or draw because they dont have inspiration in my opinion just mean "dont feel like it" more of an excuse and cop out.
I'm glad I'd discovered your channel. I'm an INFP and I'm very suprised how much you know about me in that deep level. For the first time I felt so understood and seen by someone, in words even I couldn't put into words. Thank you so much for sharing your insights and shedding some light in the hardships I'm going through esp about pursuing my passion in life. Will definitely read the book, War of Art❤
Si Child constantly keeps failure in the back of their mind that's why we give up easy on our dreams. Inferior Te makes us weak at doing practical things to make stuff happen involving those dreams. We are not designed to see our dreams come true, we are only use dreams as a capacity for what the world could be. That's why we are the healer archetype or sage archetype. We give advice well but sages often accomplish very little themselves. Failure is at the forefront of my mind of single thing I do. This is why I don't try and often try to take my life because trying and anything exerting effort feels futile that will end in failure. The path to anything measurable is going to be very small incremental steps because we aren't good at things. The things we are good at we don't have a helping hand to make them happen in the real world ie garbage Te. I've had to take the lowest skilled job you could think of just to pay my bills and feed myself because I have failed at everything I have tried. For the dreamer type we are often content just dreaming things because the idea itself is rewarding enough. But since other people don't see it that way they see us as not having value because we don't do anything with those ideas in the real world this we are a failure and wasting our potential. But our entire potential is drawing out the dream so a person better equipped can bring it to fruition. The sage is the old man with the stick. He's not the one going to win the marathon, he's the one that inspires the runner who wins.
I see myself in your comment. Still, I want to make my dreams come true and do a job I like. Polish my skills and knowledge. But it really is hard and I am full of angst... So I understand if other INFPs don't even try because of fear of failure. I just accepted about myself that I'm not a very practical person und learn practical things in very small steps. So, I will try and do my best. If I succeed, than I will gain so much self worth and self confidence. If not, than dispite all the pain I at least tried. 😊 I wish you that you will find your path und and a job you like. 🍀🍀🍀
I agree. I think this not only makes us great teachers, but can also challenge this notion that everyone has to be productive all the time. I think that as an INFP I can be extremely hard on myself, and the added pressure of having to be "successful" can get really overwhelming sometimes. But I do accept the premise of the video - which is that striving for balance is a healthier way to exist.
My experience as an INFP with a history of intermittent depressive episodes over a 30-yr period since my late teens: 1) depressive episode because I'm alone and nobody gets me. 2) One day I get this epiphany experience and start writing about it. 3) After days of laboring over this mini-masterpiece of literature I'm finally satisfied it expresses something profound about the "real me" so now it's time to share it. Only then realizing there's nobody to share it with because I've already ghosted everybody that could tolerate me, and the idea of exposing it to strangers fills me with panic. So I end up dragging and dropping the file to the trash bucket. 4) Back to step 1.
I will say though, I do like that we can just release things into the depths of the internet at least. Doing so with art still feel cathartic to me, and I don’t feel like I have to solicit it to people, but the people can still see it and choose to engage (or not) if they want too. I do like that concept of “Here’s this thing I did, check it out if you want. Or don’t!”. Either way I’ve been able to share it to the world in some way. 🙂
I feel like if we infps are artist or celebrities, Alexis would be the perfect agent lol, she can understand the good parts of infps and help us to reach our best.
This video is GOLD! Best video of INFP on the UA-cam for sure! Left my own country when I was 15, than lived in many different ones, and I always put the fault of not having a very professional language, yes can speak 3 languages, but never worked on my communication skills and social skills.
I love this video as an infp, I believe one of the best gifts one can give is advice. This is definitely a video I will be coming back to for motivation
I just figured out I am an INFP. I think I originally missed diagnosed. I relate much more with I NFP than my other testing. This video is very helpful. Much appreciated. I don’t want to look back at my life 20 years from now having sat through this exciting time Without contributing my art
I appreciate this video so much! And as an infp with an intj best friend, I see some similarities between the two of you and what you say, so it's even more comforting to hear that you love us
I experience the depressive state a lot ,I struggle with time management and people anxiety a lot ,and am.pretty much disabled.so the whole not having anything to look forward to is definitely a thing.that fuels My depression.
Thanks for making this video, it's an amazing one! I've been waiting for it since the first "annoying things X do" one xD You've described my life and all the problems I'm facing right now so accurately, it's scary :O I think as ppl grow older they realize some of those things by themselves, but there's one thing about realizing but it's way harder to actually find a way to change it. Getting rid of unhealthy habits is really difficult, but the advice you gave here is a very good start! ♥
Thank you for this video. My biggest struggle has been sticking to something- because I wonder, is it worth all this effort? And then I self defeat. Accomplish nothing. And then get depressed that I accomplish nothing. It’s a horrible cycle. So, thank you for pointing this out!!! Sticking to things…. Okay! Lol.
Once I’m done with a relationship I’m done! No romanticizing old relationships here. I mean there are a couple old relationships I think of here and there but those didn’t end badly, they just grew apart. If they ended badly I don’t think of them fondly ever again. You speak very well about INFP because yeah we are probably too shy or don’t want to put ourselves out there in certain ways so we give up.
Hi INFP here. Hmmmm.. I sorta pride myself of having a strong work-ethic (NOT a fan of "quiet-quitting) while other personalities are much quicker to find the easy way out. And i always take responsability for my actions. Actually a big thing for me when ppl dont do so. You can be or do whatever you like, but you HAVE to own up to the consequences of life choices. I dunno if Im the only INFP who belive this..
I also pride myself on my work ethic at jobs, and often receive very positive performance reviews. Downside though, is that sometimes people have tried to take advantage of that, or on rarer occasions even act petty towards me/passive aggressively have tried to sabotage me in some way. Sometimes I laugh and think it’s stupid + try to keep my head down and work, but I’ve also had it where I’ve literally walked out on work places that prioritize manipulative social structures, gossiping, and ‘appearances’ over actually getting much meaningful work done. I definitely don’t seem to get on with those types, probably because I indirectly make them look bad by contrast. But it’s literally a job, we’re supposed to be there to work, no? 😂 some seem to disagree apparently lol. But yeah, unfortunately, over my 18ish years of working, I’ve never kept a job for longer than 2 years. Most jobs last me 3-6 months on average. (Various reasons for switching jobs, not always because of toxic work culture)
In my experience (and I am an INFP) even long dedication, hard work, attempts to get one's work in the public, and all of this over multiple decades is not enough -- don't get INFP's hopes up by telling us we need to stick with it more, etc. The problem is more likely a mismatch with the values prevailing in society than it is with INFP's being lazy or whatever. It was interesting to hear your critique, but ultimately I have to dismiss it.
@@everope I have as a matter of fact made *giving* *up* the key principle governing my life, and I am very, very happy about it! I have found that creative projects still often happen anyway, but now they simply happen effortlessly for their own sake, and I enjoy them for their own sake entirely. So I don't have to think or wonder or fear about anyone else! 😊 What is destined to happen (and only that) will happen! No effort is required, and so indeed any effort is, by definition even, wasted -- you are so right!
@HelicalToroidUnleashed this sounds like some of the crazy thoughts swirling around my head too😄 except in different situations. I personally try to do EVERYTHING AT ALL TIMES 😅 problem is that EVERY one of my interests seems to be open ended without any real "end" ya know. So theres just always more getting piled on.more things i need to get around to doing and or finishing. Throw in pretty severe sleep deprivationa, super bad social anxiety and 16+ years at the same dead end, low pay, souless, full time retail job. Its exausting. I just found out about INFP after reluctantly taking a personality test and repeatedly getting it. a whole lot is starting to make some semblance of sense🫤
@@disembodiedstudios I can certainly relate! I spent my 20's and 30's in similar jobs, and my 40's in a higher paid but even more souless job. Now in my 50's I have time to work on my music compositions, but with no interest in them whatsoever from society at large, so I very much have to simply work on them for their own sake. Being an INFP is not easy -- in a nutshell I have found that I really have to go within and actually not pay any attention at all to what others think and do. As a kind of corollary to that I also have to accept whatever goes on in the world as destined to happen exactly as it is; I can't do anything about any of it. In my own case Ramana Maharshi has helped me tremendously, but each must find his/her own Guru within! Everything we need is there (never expect anything from the outside world!)
@@jnanapralayaoh i get that for sure! I hate that i seek validation in my art 😅 i fear it will all turn out to simply be ... for myself 😔 which just makes things a lot less exciting. I just want to move people emotionally
I disagree with you about the self absorption and not thinking about others. I have never been like that!! Always thinking about others instead of myself. Maybe because of family teaching me and also because of Christian values. Other INFPs of my generation are the same. Most of the rest is very descriptive of me especially the writing. I often use it to write poetry to help myself and others to rise above the depression . When I get depressed, I often will make something creative to give to someone else to take focus off myself. 20:59
Im sorry, but i cant stand when people suggest that developing Te is the best path for growth for an INFP, and completely ignore all of the benefits they can get from focusing on developing their Ne, just because Te is he more valued function in society. Frankly I believe that the best path for growth and Happiness in an INFP is to focus on Developing their Ne and to come to grips that their Te is just going to be a weakness and to use it sparingly. My reasoning is that in order to be balanced you need to have a good handle on your Decision making functions and your perceiving functions. So why would you focus on you extraverted decision making function (Te) when your inroverted Decision making funtion (Fi)is so strong and the function your most comfortable with. Instead you should focus on growing your perceiving function. And of the two since your strongest function is an Introverted one you should focus on growing your extroverted Perceiving function (Ne).
So, so helpful...This explains *so* much of my life biography!! I have always felt I had really strong S as well as N, so was not sure if I was an ISFP or even an ISFJ rather than an INFP...The toggling between Ne and Si is explained here in such depth that really rings true to my experience. Thank you so much!!
Do you like patterns? Do you like to talk about theoretical or abstract concepts or philosophy. If you do then you are an intuitive personality type if not you are a sensor. ISFP’s are open but they love living in the moment they use Fi but they are extroverted sensing dominant also. They can actually stay on their own tasks better and get stuff done. Where an INFP would be more in our head daydreaming and getting distracted by possiblites
Thank you so much, this is so helpful!! I think I am an N, then, based on what you’ve described, after all - I do like talking about concepts quite a lot, and though I do have some S characteristics, I think I’m rather slower to action than not (so far), in my everyday settings. :) Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out in thinking through this!! Hope you’re enjoying a great day, as well - all the best to you!! :) 🥹🙏🙏
I am an spiritual awakened infp. Making me an infp-t. It's can be a lonely world. Being authentic is rare. I wouldn't change who I am due to being who I have become protects me from narcissistic abuse.
I realised while watching this video... I've been really depressed and lost all my life. I've passed as an infj most of the time since I had to use their functions to survive kind of, especiallyat work and with my family... but I am an infp. And when I turned 30 and two years since I've changed a lot and suddenly I feel so much better about myself and my life. And I didn't know what I changed but when you talked about developing Te I realised I've unconsciously worked on that the last few years- since my thinking friends have encouraged it. It really has made me more balanced. So Te is definitely something worth working on. At least to me. (Sry english isn't my first language).
I didn't take any offense to the critiques, I agree with them and have noticed some of them for myself as well - thank goodness for helpful critiques, without them we'd be blind to ourselves if we have those negative qualities and our lives might be led by them otherwise. That last part you mentioned about writing about the past is a super tool for INFP's, writing autobiographically is a way to granularly examine and also plan and ponder life in the murkiness of uncertainty, but also in the pursuit of creative endeavors - along with correctly putting the past in place so that it doesn't hinder you any longer, in repetition or regret.
Omg the opposite functions butting heads thing is true. Though we aren't direct opposites, I'm an Infp-t involved with an isfp-t... We communicate in wildly different manners. However, thanks to this person, I've been able to actually see my negative traits from a different perspective. But one letter really does make a huge difference. I know we both are being super patient with each other because we both need to be. Him especially. I can be so negative, disorganized, unproductive and sad
I'm an INFP and I think it's awfull that people take advantage of the system and not work because they have welfare. That is for people who actually need it and should have a time limit. Even though I don't like my current job, I take it seriously. What I would love to do is writing comedy. But that doesn't stop me from going to my current job everyday as quality assurance officer of anti money laundering and showing up. That being said, I do have an advantage at my job where I can start working between 7am and 11am. Therefore I am never late 😛 But I agree with the rest. I am constantly late to things, and since I have a lot of headaches and health issues, I don't like commiting to a certain time because I'll never know how I will feel, I might be sick and then feel bad about cancelling. And damn I don't do drugs, but I do a lot of junk food. And I don't do a lot of video games, but I like manga, anime a lot and when I was a teenager I went overboard with that and that was almost that I would read/ watch when I got home after school.
I am very INFP and can usually spot or pick out other INFPs, basically when I feel a statement or multiple statements from someone that I would totally say or feel myself... but I get fooled by INFJs... So many times they throw me off and only when I hear their motivation as to why they said that, do I second guess my initial placement. As far as our depressiveness. Not only do I really want to feel the moment, the ebb and flow of the dark makes the light brighter. You've got to LOVE the Kate Bush song "Under the Ivy" even as a male, it is like my INFP Anthem... *I sit here in the thunder, the green on the grey I feel it all around me* I don't know about the work thing as one of my favorite books is Atlas Shrugged.... BUT you are spot on with the punctuality issues 😅 Your explanation of Hippies makes me want to join the Hippie Coven... lol or whatever you call it. Absolutely on getting fixated on random things and/or the "hobby of the day". lol Apparently I need to work on my laziness hehehe And Read War of Art.
I do tend to catch myself on playing the victim and I would always try to correct myself whenever I see it for myself or when other people point it out.
when i was in school i did very well academically and tested as an INTP in my sophomore year, fast forward 3 years post grad and im very depressed and test as an INFP. But yeah, after researching the functions its very clear im an INFP. I do find ESTPs a bit annoying. it's quite ironic considering ESTP is my favorite type. i tried to model my personality as ESTP tv characters when i was a kid.
I learned that all of my issues that I thought were for a lot of different reasons and maybe my bipolar disorder were actually just because I wan an unhealthy INFP... I mean I definitely have most of the issues you said if not all of them. And it's kind of both scary and soothing at the same time. Scary because I found the reason to all of my issues and they don't feel special anymore? and soothing because of basically the same reason I guess, that there is a reason for all of them and so there is something that I can do about them and also I am not alone in this. So it really depends on how you want to look at it. You find it scary or soothing it's all up to you or like me both. Oh and you make me think that all those years going to therapy have gone to waste lol.
this video is great and i agree with a lot of it but you keep repeating how infps are lazy and don't have a work ethic that kinda turned me off. i don't think that is really the problem, like it's more an unmotivation or indecision or an awkwardness...
Literally cause when we really like something and we really find something we are interested in, we are not lazy at all. If we didn’t make something is not because of laziness it’s because we don’t have motivation and actually we blame ourselves because of that, we need that motivation to carry on
Still dazzled 20 minutes later... Need to rewatch the video to fully absorb what you said. New subscriber to your UA-cam & Instagram accounts. Thank you 💗
I've done the test on different sites, and it's always INFP. But i noticed that on 16personalities, it says 53% F - 47% T, and 52% N - 48% S. Maybe my weaker functions aren't that weak and my dominant ones aren't that dominant. In general, i resonate with the INFP descriptions, except the ones where i'm supposed to be apologetic and passive.
Thanks for making this ill have to revisit it every once in a while. Some of these things i know ive struggled with in the past and have finallt fixed. But about 80% i still need to work on majorly id say.
24:35 😂😂😂 yeah exactly this is so helpful. It is funny because I’m a singer now, years ago my parents wouldn’t let me be a singer so I ended up choosing business school and had to learn how to use my Te. But at the end of the course I thought my values weren’t aligned to the business field (like I generalized), graduated and entered music school. Then I graduated again realized my values weren’t aligned either. And now confused so studying about this is helping me so much. I hope I can make my Fi stop getting in my way. In music me Te is telling me I could make more money, in business my Fi said it is meaningless.
"Their Te is whispering: there haven't been metrics; the results aren't coming in" I've never heard of it that way- the whisperings of the inferior function.
If you are a chameleon with other people you are an INFJ. If the thought of being a chameleon repulses you, you are probably an INFP. Our Fi requires we be authentic to ourselves before fitting in with others
For me its difficult to know when I'm in the right (I can find a thousand times I was in the wrong, toxic mindset I know), so my victim play is like "I admit it, I am to blame..., so even if its true that I am the problem it just comes out as deception/manipulation tactics to the listener. Truth is Im just stating eveything bad I think about myself at the time of speeking. I can't write anything that sounds like an actual story, It's very much scroll like format. I left the world building to ferment in a world of its own I keep drawing characters from the story, but I never add context when I post the drawings online (Im so mysterious lmao) so they end up being characters with just a design and a name. Very rarely would I give them a personality.
I'm a borderline I/E, but have taken the test over several decades, and it still comes out just over the border as an I. My NFP's are pretty solid. I say that to qualify when I say punctuality is sort of a religion with me, one I caught from my mother.
I really understand the growth part. So many times that I thought about doing irrelevant job instead of my passion career, but then I realized that if both ways have their own difficulty, why I don't just go with a passion one from the first place (I know that it because I afraid if it not success or perfect as I thought, or if I lose the energy to do it but still need to create something to the point that I start hating it)
I’m an INFP and a writer. Last year, I graduated from high school and thus it was time to enter a bigger world. I initially choose a study of political science. But pretty early on, I didn’t feel like that suited me. And I couldn’t really connect with others and started self isolating. I quit the course. I’ve reevaluated the entire process. And I did come back to uni with now American Studies and Linguistics being two remaining options. Still though, I’m not sure about those. About the uni in general. I could handle it from a grades standpoint. But I found my brief stint of political science to feel limiting and creatively draining. Both of those remaining studies are more closely related to my writing interests, but they might still be too far apart. And I may still feel boxed in and creatively drained. I’ve only really started looking into writing studies until I was pretty far into the process. It does really interest me. And maybe it suits me far more than a university study. But I haven’t attended any open days or anything, so I think I can’t be certain. I’ve had a lot more time to do some creative pursuits. And I’ve been indulging in those a bit. But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I started watching the INFP videos on this channel only a few days ago, but now I clearly know I’ve fallen into a habit of falling into a oftentimes lazy SI state. And I felt/feel like I am not doing enough with the time I’ve had on my hands since I quit political science. Ive learned some new skills and worked on creative pursuits and such… but still, it feels like there’s too much I didn’t do. I honestly really, really wanted to be done with high school last year. But now that I’m in this ambiguous phase, not really knowing what I want in my life (wondering if writing [and a bit of music] is what I should pursue as more than a hobby and a/the passion), I feel like… at least I knew what to expect from high school. And I had two of my three friends there, so I could easily see them on a daily basis. If I really want to pursue the creativity, the writing, fully… it’s not really anything you’re expected to do. Let alone something you’re prepared to pursue. That’s what’s been hard in my life recently. Felt like sharing because this channel really improved my knowledge on an INFP’s inner workings and I relate to so much of it.
I stumbled on this & I do agree with some. But onebug thing I don't agree with is I love to work!! As a matter of fact I am currently unemployed & it's making me go crazy, literally. I'm too hyper & need to exercise my brain muscle. I'm in the medical field & having a hard time right now.. so send me some good vibes because I need to feel like I'm helping others s well as it would help me. Thank you!
About us focused on ourselves. Well that's what we care about. And what we have to say. We expect you to do the same without us having to ask. I am VERY interested in your problems so please do me a favor and tell me about them. We ll take turns. I HATE asking questions, because I m not assertive. I feel rude and nosey. I figured you will tell me what you want to tell me. But secretly I want to know everything. I just don't assert myself. Or initiate. I may not know what to say about your problems all the time, but still glad you shared it. I feel close to you. . I love people extremely deeply. Sometimes if I m stressed or tired or just had enough socializing, I will withdraw. That's when I may take a rain check.
The problem I have is AI is taking the jobs I want so I stopped studying for coding, graphic design, and drawing. Plus I have to support myself financially and art won't do that. The other personality types can do accounting, CEO, nursing etc. with no problem, so they don't understand. our plight. We are not creating difficulties for ourselves on purpose. I would want to be successful.
I agree about hopping in relationships but Myers Briggs says we are very loyal. My relationship with an ESFJ is 30 years is successful, but It's partly because of him. I kept a wondering eye😕
Old video, but I'll comment. I'm an INFP male and I don't relate with "always late" or "lazy" descriptions. I'm obsessive about being on time. I'm always the first to arrive for appointments and dates. I get upset at people who can't be on time. I work around the INFP time blindness by hyper focusing on time. I also began working very young. I delivered newspapers in elementary school. 5:00am, 6 days a week. I never missed deliveries. I was 11. I've always worked, and felt ashamed when not employed . I love my inner world and will indulge in it, but to a point. I seek out people and do things like lift weights to ground myself.
@@everope Hello. I am enneagram 4w5, which I suppose means I possess qualities of 4 and 5. I read the description for 4w5 and self-sufficiency and competence and mastery are core values.
also. What kind of writing we should do? I would like to write textbooks, teach something, etc. but I don't have a degree, and there are enough books out there already. I feel like how can I write a book without any credentials. Should we write fiction? The thing is I never watch movies, cause I feel I don't have time for it. Writing all day seems boring, but I think I'm good at it. I used to write to 2 friends by mail once a week for years growing up. I don't think I would say I am 'passionate' about it. However, I read a lot. I can read all day. What I read are books on learning new things and new interest, psychology, self help, and computer stuff. I never read fiction. So, maybe I shouldn't choose writing? Acting seems exciting, but I can't take up anything in college-I'm 53 now. Not much jobs in that and I'm too introverted. Singing is pretty nice, but can't make a living out of it. Writing poems feels right, but can't make a living out of that. I would like to write lyrics, but how can I get it famous? Hopeless. I love to dance, but I'm too old for that. I got a certificate from google to do UX Design for 8 months. They said you could start right away which was a lie, and come to find out you have to explain your creative decisions to the bosses and do presentations which they never mentioned. I would not like that at all. So then I decided to teach myself coding since I don't want to go into debt at this age for schooling. Then Chat GPT came in, so I quit learning that (it was hard to learn too) since Ai is replacing coders. Then I started learning graphic design and drawing but then Ai is probably replacing that. It just seems the world doesn't have room for me. If I write, would I write a story, or blogs about different things that I've learned over the years (there is so much already written about everything out there. I don't see how that can be new). I tried teaching videos on you tube and messed up a few times. Lost encouragement when not much happened. Help
31:15 Great Advice I've mentored many Artist into being a Commercial Artist. It is a difficult road for them. Best short advice, understand the mechanics of the profession + stop doing free work.
@@PositivePulse123 Yes, and many other postions - but basically designers. I draw machines, program, and systems design. Still a commercial artist when you boil it down ❤⚗✏🖌📐
There are two things that immediately come to mind when you guys talked about INFP's not being succesfull despite being talented/gifted. First is that INFP's for sure are not the most consistent of people. They get into something really fast and deep, but they also fall out of interest as quickly and as forcefully. So it's hard for INFP's to be consistent when they lose interest or when they start doubting themselves.
The second thing is that INFP's in my experience are modest people who do not like to advertise themselves. I for sure always downplay my strenghts and talents. I know, intellectually, why that is a bad thing and why I should market myself, but it's so against my personal values that I just can't do it. I detest tooting my own horn, so to speak. And without marketing yourself it's very difficult for other people to notice your talents and give you opportunities in this world we live in.
that was really well put, as an intp I can relate to these two things.
Agree
I'm an infp and I used to feel this way, but thankfully, I learned to no longer sell "myself" or toot my own horn, but instead to market by teaching, sharing my clients' experiences and emotions, how we helped solve that emotional problem along with the other benefits they get. It feels SO much better and it's more effective!
I love getting to educate people and teach them what I find interesting or helpful and I adjust my content per their feedback. Then I get informed people who truly want me to work with them instead of me trying to convince someone that my service or "skill" is a fit. (truly only for demonstration purposes, you can find an example on our instagram. ig.com/joyfullyfittransformation [I write the captions, do the design work and reels and get to put my artistic flare into the health and wellness field, which can certainly lack that INFP feel to it, ;-) please, be friendly, of course. I am still a sensitive infp, after all. lol.])
The other thing I am thankful for learning years, was the rule of 10 thousand hours, which is said to be what masters of any craft have in common to have spent working on that particular craft. Get nice and comfy with sucking until you reach that 10k hours of whatever it is you're so willing to dream and drone on for 3 hours to that friend like she's talking about in the video and know that if someone else is "better" than you (whatever that means of course) at that thing without spending as much time yet, usually it's due to having access to someone directly who has spent at least 10k hours or more working with them, leading to what I've learned is known as "time collapsing" and a wonderful secret of those who truly master their craft in ways others dare only dream.
I don't claim to know it all, but I know my "oh-so-many weaknesses" so I've had very SJ business coaches to help me not be so INFP when I needed things done and I highly recommend hiring a coach in whatever field you dream of to master it if it's a dream you're willing to put that 10 thousand hours into!
If you can't afford a coach, watch hours of youtube, but have a plan in place of how to reach that 10 thousand hours of application of what you're watching or learning or you'll be like that episode of Sheldon on Big Bang Theory claiming learning to swim via internet because the knowledge is all there. lol ( all of my "you" statements are the general "you", literarily speaking)
If even one tiny little part of that novella of a comment above helps someone even remotely, I'll be ecstatic, but if nothing else, hopefully, it was a bit amusing to read. I read the comment and could totally relate, but have been very blessed to have gotten some tough love over the years from some amazing coaches and leaders and wanted to encourage you all! Blessings!
-Lance
infp, 4w5 entrepreneur and fitness coach (what a combo!)
P.S. Alexis, great videos! I enjoyed the ISFP perspective on us infp's, too. I think more of us need to hear all of what you both said here! At least, I sure did each time someone broke those misaligned habits I had. Cheers!
I can relate. And yet what if we could approach marketing in a more detached way. Get our selves, our egos, out of the way for the sake of our well-being in life, not to mention more soulful satisfaction? It wouldn't be so egotistical to market ourselves if we move our ego - our feelings - our Fi - out of the equation. Maybe this is one benefit of that Te, if we were to access it.
As an INFP who works in freelance, the requirement to manage myself and manage my clients cracks open a good deal of Te.
@@jmealy8163 I get so mad at myself because everyone else can do it so why can’t I? There are so many things that are just “life” that I am blocked from and can’t access it
I think unhealthy INFPs are actually all struggling with inattentive ADHD. I’ve been looking into it for myself and I’ve realized the traits line up pretty well. The being late all the time, picking up and dropping hobbies a lot, being depressive, scattered, messy, procrastination, spurts of hyper fixation, “laziness” (in quotes because lazy is such a trigger word and it’s really not that we want to be that way, it’s just a function of dealing with an executive function disorder). Depression and anxiety can also cause some of these issues. I urge anyone out there dealing with these problems to get help.
Thank you for pointing this out. I’m so surprised these two very smart individuals failed to mention this. Or maybe they chose to not mention this because they don’t believe in ADHD. The struggle is real. Some of us are sensitive to medications and have to work at it without the meds. “Lazy” is just plain rude! The struggle is real. I’m one of those people that place post it notes everywhere but fail to actually notice them. I will write out a shopping list and then forget to bring the damn thing with me.🤪 I will start the dishes then go to my kids bedroom to gather any cups , only to start tidying their room while the water is still running in the kitchen. 🤪
This is true for me. Diagnosed as a kid, started meds in my 30’s.
I’ve often wondered how many people with ADHD are INFP / INFP are ADHD.
I think it’s kind of unfair to suggest that ‘these smart people should have known’. It’s very possible (and likely, I’d think) that this connection between INFP and ADHD wouldn’t be immediately recognized by most people. (especially by anyone out there who isn’t INFP & ADHD themselves)
@@SpiritMirrors My point exactly. Unless they have ADHD or are INFP’s it’s difficult for them to understand and be able to make this connection. My true point is, they are rude as 🤬. Sooo smart yet so dumb.
Well, I will agree that the word ‘lazy’ is a very loaded, problematic, and even dehumanizing word for anyone to be using, since it usually instantly invalidates someone’s life situation / factors that have them feeling stuck in the first place.
Which as someone with chronic executive functioning issues, hearing the same invalidating sentiments from people over and over in life is far more likely to push us deeper into a depressive hole away from other people. (Despite some people ‘meaning well’ by the words that they’re using to try and help us at times)
It sucks that society at large typically doesn’t always have this insight readily available to them to have more empathy regarding people’s circumstances, but it’s also not their fault unless they’re deliberately bullying someone or being mean. But that’s just life, and I think every single human being on this earth has many many blind spots regarding other people and how we function. Including us.
So while I do agree with you that using the word ‘lazy’ is problematic, I don’t agree that they’re deliberately trying to be rude nor ignorant by their descriptions at all, but rather, it’s a big world and we’re all learning new things and perspectives every day.
I think that at their core, they sincerely want INFPs to succeed, but INFP, and especially ADHD is often heavily stigmatized and misunderstood (even by other INFPs/ADHD people at times!), so although it’s invalidating to be misunderstood or to have things sometimes phrased in somewhat harsh or inaccurate ways, I don’t believe is fair to always assume ‘malice’ because of it, in the same way that we don’t want other people to assume we’re ‘lazy’ because of our own traits.
I wish everyone here well.
We’re all figuring it out as we go.
♥️
INFP squad checking in
How goes it? As a fellow INFP, I'm trying to procrastinate on my novel. I mean...work on my novel.
@@Drazeroth8 funny! I also am procrastinating like always. Get to your novel!
Squaaaaddd
I'm ENFJ, also I'm 6'3 and look like Jude Law with a beard, so anywho, I'm talking to this girl and we sparked at first sight, I'm pretty sure that she's Infp, but anyway, she wore my style clothes and glasses.
I think that's infp jealousy.
Hell yeah
Ignoring others feelings happens with me when I am burned out. Its not that your issues are not important to us but that we made the mistake of pulling too much in without letting anything out. Eventually something breaks and then we feel guilty for ignoring you. Most people seem to be able to balance what comes in but some of us mess that up as we try to save the world.
I might be egoistic here but I just need to have my time until I feel present for my friends and THEN I’ll help them with their struggles. I’ve done a lot of “you before me”, but lately I’ve been focusing on myself first because I understood that I was struggling too and needed to focus on my problems first.
Yeah, you can carry entire world for some time but after some threshold you cannot help at all
this
This. I honestly feel like I’ve improved as a person but everyone has their slip ups. Sometimes I have to remind myself that other people have stuff going on too. But I did struggle a lot with this back when I had a ton of toxic friendships.. I was so drained that I just didn’t care and therefore wasn’t able to be there for anyone the way that I wanted to.
I'm an INFP and am curious if any others struggle with being themselves in front of other people. With my friends i'm full of energy and like to make then laugh, but around other "friend groups" i'm so much more reserved and adapt to their personality style a bit. Makes me question a lot who i really am and is kind of frustrating.
Same! And then I start thinking, "Would they like me more if they saw me with my friends?" As if I'm not in control of who I am around these people.
I definitely struggled with this when I was in public school (online school now) I would mask to appear less noticeable because I was afraid of how people would see me. I don’t really get out as much but I try to embrace myself when I can and feel okay to do so.
Yes I 1000 percent resonate with this
OH ABSOLUTELY. i have maybe 1 or 2 friends where i'm truly being myself, and be the goof ball that i am. But yes, around "friend groups" . Completely reserved and passive.
I have had literally only like 3 friends where I’ve felt I’m as much as my authentic self as I possibly could be.. however, I always have this sense in my mind that I can never be Truly authentic around most anyone because my rationalization is it’s just so hard to understand, even for me so I keep some things to myself always no matter what and that also causes me a bit of turmoil lol
This is one of my favorite video of INFP. It took me a while to realize I wasn't doing anything with my life. Then it still took me some years to figure out what to do about it. Everything you guys talked about was what I experienced in my 20s and still today. Everything was spot on. I like that there's practical advice I can use. Especially with changing the routine to change a habit.
Funny comment and (sadly) true. We HAVE to realize - and believe in -our true potential and find a way to make it our path.
I was just like that in my 20's too. Now I'm too productive, at the expense of everything else, and don't know how to slow down.
Dudes I'm 20 and I'm struggling with this, how can u be do right?
@@joriusmagnus6425 same here. Now, there's a lot going on in my life, I have 2 kids, going to work and trying to finish school. When I discovered that I have many other interests, I had this strong desire to do them ALL! And I thought to myself it is possible to do them as long as I do it little by little. I'm a massage therapist going through the Physical Therapist Assistant program. Before this I took some woodworking classes (bc I think I would need it in the future. Lol) and still after the PTA program, I plan on taking horticulture classes. I'm not taking these classes randomly. It's just, I know what I want now. And I know where I want to be. My goal is to live in the country.. of course not isolated but somewhere beautiful and peaceful. This plan was what I came up with.
@@AkaRuby that's awesome! I also want to live somewhere quiet. I'm in an urban environment now. I work as a store manager. I also plan to finish school, but I need an hourly job with less hours so I can do that. (I work 50 to 70 hours a week.)
I feel so attacked and appreciated at the same time it's confusing
As a middle-aged INFP, it is easier to develop your Te by taking your values and ideals and trying to turn them into something in the world that helps people. I set up an amateur dramatics society, an athletics race and many neighbourhood projects from community gardens to car boot sales. My point is that we INFPs are drawn to tackling social problems, so take some action to mitigate those problems in your community and don't just talk about taking action. You won't always succeed to your own standards, but you will make a difference to those you connect with. Speaking from experience, when organising events like an athletic race, you can usually find officials in your local area whose experience you can draw on to devise a strategy to market your event and organise it on the day. By taking action and just trying things out, you'll probably end up balancing your Fi and Te and gain a lot of confidence from seeing tangible results in the real world that you can draw on for your more personal writing and artistic projects.
Thanks for these words of wisdom & enlightenment!
Couldn’t agree with it more!
One thing I do that annoys myself as an INFP is that when I finally find someone I’m comfortable with, I feel I overshare so much and so fast because it’s like I’ve been holding it in so much haha and this eventually leads to me feeling I’m taking too much from others without giving as much and I truly hate that feeling 😅
That describes me to a T!!
Lmaoo i do this with new friends and then im like oh crap now theyll think i talk too much or dont shut up 😂 i just wanted to be heard for alil 😅
As someone who's seeing this as your second video I want to assure you it doesn't come accross as attacking. I think the way you both choose to word and structure this video is really practical. You talk about what and why as well as giving solutions. It doesn't come across as a personal attack but rather things to look out for as signs of being unhealthy. Thank you and I hope everyone reading this has an amazing day/night! xo
A great career/side hustle I've found as an INFP is massage therapy. It only took a year of school and now around 30 hours a week provides me a comfortable lifestyle while I can pursue non-money producing interests with the rest of my time. Massage is the kind of thing where there are a lot of right ways to do it, and I can just get in a flow state and vibe with a person for an hour, usually in silence. Sometimes they like to talk, but the conversations are apt to meander into interesting directions and it's not a big deal when we both stop talking for twenty minutes and just be for a while. If they care to draw them out of me, they can walk away with all kinds of Ne insights on whatever is going on in their life.
I was a massage therapist in middle age. I loved it! Early in life I was an elementary school teacher. I loved the freedom of scheduling massage when I wanted and not being locked into a 9 to 5 job. I loved the creativity, each massage is different according to the person’s needs. I had my own practice and also taught at the massage school. All of it was rewarding and I had control over what to do. Also, I was helping people and had time for other creative pursuits and time for my family. A great profession for an INFP!
It doesn't seem like a lot of jobs available here in New Orleans La. for massage therapy. And they seem to want you to have a lot of experience when you start. Where are you? Are there lots of jobs for it? Is it physically hard? I mean how many hours can you handle a day. How much is the pay?
Waiting to be inspired has a more sinister shadow behind it. There is a feeling that something is not in place just yet, but should be. It is this dichotomy which causes contention, and ultimately stress, which in turn sabotages "inspiration." Sometimes, it is better to admit where you are at and address those shortcomings. For me (INFJ, but I have some INFP traits due to balanced P/J), I have been recovering from a very stressful period of my life. I have to realize that I can't just ignore this and push myself into my goals. If I try, my love for my life goals will quickly be run into the ground, making it even harder to get them started again. I have found that I need to give myself permission to rest and recover. I need to become a better manager of myself, allowing myself to become the best I can be rather than forcing myself to be a factory that just churns out results.
Don't sacrifice your heart for your mind's sake!
Haha omg! Yes a factory that churns out results! ... i cant help but be disappointedin myself if a few days has gone by without a song, or video or some sort of creative thing. Ive always said im like a shark in the way that if it stops swimming it will di3, if i stop writing music and being creative ill di3
Actually, all of the reasons you listed are **exactly** why I love INFPs. They're sweet, nice, calm, serene. So beautiful! I love their introverted feeling, because it is reassuringly relatable. Sincerely, an INFJ.
Okay, we are only at 7:15, and I'm already being called out! Yes, I DO like to get into that "depressive state," and wallow in self-pity just for the fun of wallowing in self-pity and despair. There is something poetical in the feeling, and because of my introverted feeling, I want to experience each feeling to it's full potential. So if I'm sad, let me just be sad and feel the Pain!
Right? I noticed recently that I definitely over-identify with my feelings when I’m in that state. I hate feeling sad, but it can be comforting. And it helps me lean into my feelings and learn more about myself.
Correct me if im wrong but actually i dont think its that unhealthy if u dont do it all the time or let it prevent you from working on yourself. Its better than suppressing your emotions atleast. Sometimes when i feel desperate and depressed i just tell myself: ok let that stuff out and give yourself a break for today. And when i feel better i start to motivate myself again and go on. I feel bad for my enfj mother though because she totally absorbs my sadness and somehow wants to help me feel better but I just need that time for myself. Trying to hide it doesn’t help. She senses it even from the other room with doors closed
I’ve been having a hard time figuring out if I’m an INFP or INFJ. But this video made it clear that I’m an INFP. You both identified so many of the issues I’m experiencing. Thank you!
I’m an INFP and I love this video. I have many of these negative traits especially the poor work ethic.
At 22 I was a teacher for 3 years. Planning lessons killed me. Then I stayed home and was a mom. During that time I worked on Te habits (I do better with the flexibility of routines than schedules). Now I’m 40 and all my kids are in school and I’ve never been more passionate about life because I parse out my days for writing poetry, writing articles on whatever I’m fixated on, painting, and meeting friends. My first self-illustrated poetry book will be published in a month. My new growth track is frightening - marketing myself! I hate that so very much. I also know I need to learn to put value on my creations and start making money on them but I don’t know how to do that and it freaks me out… but I will get there.
I can’t yet wrap my head around what I need to do or not do with my Si.
It is interesting that other INFPs like to talk about their problems. I am an INFP and I rarely like to talk about the problems I have. I always avoid them to a point where people around me think I am hiding something from them. I can play it well for a long time. I just find talking about them more tiring. I don't have the energy to elaborate in general I think :/
I get it. I do that too. I just don’t want others to think that I have all these problems 😢
Yeah I’m not like that either. I’ve always been shy or embarrassed of sharing my problems. I have to be very close with someone. But now that Im aware of it it’s gotten better as I got older.
Wow, those are some unhealthy INFPs. I've always done my best not to inflict any of my BS on other people. But I can't cope with depression when it hits me. When I flunked out of University, when my mother nearly died in the ICU, when my marriage collapsed, and when my father died. All of those events sank me into depression, and it was hard to drag myself out, each time.
I am an INFP and this video set me on fire🔥
I should say that writing comment is not what I do often and seem a little bit uncomfortable
But I should let you know that was a good content
Thanks for commenting - glad it resonated with you!
I have been blessed with having very good best friends all of my life , but as an INFP , I have not been one to retain those friendships, I let them go for no good reason just out of neglect or changes in life or moving away and I've always had trouble on my end retaining friendships, but if I were to call up any of them right now it would be a welcoming affair.
Same here. But when it became extremely difficult for me to find new friends i regretted it so much that i swore to myself i will never let any of my friends go ever again. Its my biggest regret today. I miss all of them a lot
One thing I wanna say about 'playing the victim' thing which I seem to do a lot, is that I'm never conscious of it until it's pointed out to me. Like just now when you said this I started dissecting all the negative situations that happened to me last week in which I felt 'wronged' but it didn't take long while attempting to be objective for the real reasons to come up on their own.. I contributed in some way to all of these situations just without being aware of it at the time.
I will try to be more aware of this as I feel this is my worst one at the moment and it's the one that causes me to get stuck in a destructive Fi-Si loop the most. I think I overcame my 'depressive' state, at least the unhealthy aspect of it and I am hopeful about the future most of the time, although it still feels nice to brood and feel sad for no reason sometimes lol, but in the end it results in a cathartic cry that releases stress and gives me enough energy to keep pushing forward, rather than feel more depressed and hopeless.
:O ! ! ! The level of detail in this video is fantastic, thank you for creating this series! One of my biggest hurdles was figuring out what I wanted to dedicate my time/life/focus on work-wise/for a living. Everything has a way of working itself out. We only live one life and I'm going to live it to my highest potential!
Fuck, yall are calling me out ... With time ive been able to recognize the more unhealthy traits of myself but atm i struggle with sticking with my goals and dreams and DAMN yall are calling me OUT but i need to hear this so with much love, THANK YOU 🤍🤗
Very perceptive, this resonated. Thank you. I have fought against my weak points for a long time but have not completely overcome them. I chose a job which allowed me to lay many of these traits to rest. No fan of playing the victim, never late to any function, performing well in chosen career, listen to others - but still a hot mess in my personal life.
This vid was a massive call out haha but I’m grateful for the wake up call. Thanks for the advice :)
You guys are so kind. Thanks for this mental medicine. I will use this to strengthen myself and reach my goals
Hello, first time viewer with the urge to leave a comment! I am an INFP and really do appreciate the insights in the video and wanted to leave a little bit of insight on my own thoughts even if no one reads them just to have something be said. The section on FI was really interesting I will in my statements do my best to speak only for myself and not for anyone else, we are all our own people and each have our reasons for our actions. The depression fixations are oddly accurate but not whole, while I am actually in agreement that it can be overshadowing our other infatuation with emotions in general since it is a bit unusual. For me the sadder emotions are just as important to truly understand as any other even as unpalatable as it is, I would not personally think it strange for anyone else to try to avoid the unpleasant thoughts that may dwell in our minds most of the time but in the same vein it would do me a disservice to not grasp the hows and why's I feel how I do in the moment even if it would be a better time to not give it any credence at the time. Personally I spend just as much time thinking about the most absurd inconsequential things that could possible spring up... For instance its hard to start a two sided conversation on futility of balancing logic and emotions in a world where discourse turns to argument too quickly conversely no one cares about someone trying to sort out feelings of limerence and true love in a movie that hardly anyone remembers 10 hours after watching. A unifying topic for me has been one where the shared human experience can handle the lifting such as negative experience and emotions, its really easy to get someone to spend 20 minutes straight explaining their dissatisfaction with their day to day life and while its good for them to vent it also helps me to be able to see the different vantage points that they have and how these small interactions shape the mood of the remainder of the day. As for the people that focus on injustice and inequality but do nothing about it are in my personal opinion just trying to draw undue attention to their opinions they dont themselves have high value upon. Its mostly a matter of ego at worst and someone that just doesnt understand that general outrage at something that doesnt relate to anything they or the people they are preaching to is incapable of making a change in at best. The NE part makes sense in a strictly logical sense but i cant agree on the thought process that all effort needs to lead to progress in a long term goal. I really wish I had more ambition but at the end of the day if i get a sound nights sleep and dont have too many regrets then it was a productive day and leans to my own philosophy of as long as you are taking steps regardless of a structured path every step in itself is an achievement for better or worse as long as you are not repeating footfalls then it is a step in the "right" direction. Progress doesnt need to be toward a goal imo it just has to give you the oppertunity to grow and learn from the distance you make. Im putting some effort in a comment for a video from a while ago that no one will read in all likelihood but it doesnt deter me in any ways since it is giving me the chance to actually put thought in and give some time to whimsy which in my mind is something that you can never truly regret, doing something for the sake of experience even if it has no notable effect on anything doesnt make it less worthy of attention. further on the NE section is that to me at least its impossible to waste time, sure 2k hours in skyrim is not going to mean anything in a tangible sense but the release of stress and losing sense of time for a few hours is enough to fill a little bit of my time with fun and the rest needed to relax from dealing with life in general. for me its crucial that life be at the foremost worth living and that means filled with unimportant and uneventful filler like any good show/anime, without that there is no real soul in it and the magic of it all be made lesser for it. as for the drugs and flakey in relationships ties in with the problem with people not caring about someone's health issues not to bash on people but seems like they were just driven by selfishness and self-importance and hypocrisy, you cant truly expect someone to care for anyone if you try to alter your own experiences into something that is more palatable, the past may give us scars that we wish would have never happened but they still shape who we are now, trying to reevaluate what gave it meaning after the fact is an unhealthy coping mechanism and is close enough to gaslighting yourself as you can get. Mental fortitude really is something that they should have being instilled from us at a young age, not to diminish the negativity mind you but to actually teach you that if you can undue the past you might as well not run from it either and just try to salvage something that you can learn from at a later time. on the topic of SI annoyances its best to keep in mind that everyone try to remember that tangible gain is not the end all be all for everyone. For example I spend my days in games or on twitch and if I see someone having a hard time I will try to help if I can even if its just a random poem that tries to encapulate their current situation and make it more manageable for them, its not much I dont save writings hardly ever and what i write is meant to have one use in that moment it may not make a problem better but if it evenly remotely helps them in the moment then I am perfectly content with it and even if neither person remembers it in a day or two its putting my efforts into more than just saying "hope it gets better!" or "hang in there!" and that is enough for me. people have a weird fixation on being remembered or having a legacy but its always an end goal it is much more interesting to treat the journey with the same level of importance but its not about "a dream job" for everyone for at least 1 person its surviving day to day and that really is enough. A job gives you more *reason* to do something but it doesnt limit you to only doing it as a job. the TE topic is a bit a sore spot for me I very much dislike how I am under that process... I agree its best to be well rounded I personally cant use my mind more than my heart and thats a major weakness for me. Im aware that ambition is good but in the most illogical way possible i will have the most galvanized passion to be lazy its paradoxical. P.S Inspiration is fake its just really just emotion and emotions dont randomly just appear they have to have a spark anyone that cant write or draw because they dont have inspiration in my opinion just mean "dont feel like it" more of an excuse and cop out.
I read your comment, just wanted to let you know.
I'm glad I'd discovered your channel. I'm an INFP and I'm very suprised how much you know about me in that deep level. For the first time I felt so understood and seen by someone, in words even I couldn't put into words. Thank you so much for sharing your insights and shedding some light in the hardships I'm going through esp about pursuing my passion in life. Will definitely read the book, War of Art❤
Si Child constantly keeps failure in the back of their mind that's why we give up easy on our dreams. Inferior Te makes us weak at doing practical things to make stuff happen involving those dreams. We are not designed to see our dreams come true, we are only use dreams as a capacity for what the world could be. That's why we are the healer archetype or sage archetype. We give advice well but sages often accomplish very little themselves. Failure is at the forefront of my mind of single thing I do. This is why I don't try and often try to take my life because trying and anything exerting effort feels futile that will end in failure. The path to anything measurable is going to be very small incremental steps because we aren't good at things. The things we are good at we don't have a helping hand to make them happen in the real world ie garbage Te. I've had to take the lowest skilled job you could think of just to pay my bills and feed myself because I have failed at everything I have tried. For the dreamer type we are often content just dreaming things because the idea itself is rewarding enough. But since other people don't see it that way they see us as not having value because we don't do anything with those ideas in the real world this we are a failure and wasting our potential. But our entire potential is drawing out the dream so a person better equipped can bring it to fruition. The sage is the old man with the stick. He's not the one going to win the marathon, he's the one that inspires the runner who wins.
I see myself in your comment.
Still, I want to make my dreams come true and do a job I like. Polish my skills and knowledge.
But it really is hard and I am full of angst... So I understand if other INFPs don't even try because of fear of failure.
I just accepted about myself that I'm not a very practical person und learn practical things in very small steps.
So, I will try and do my best. If I succeed, than I will gain so much self worth and self confidence.
If not, than dispite all the pain I at least tried. 😊
I wish you that you will find your path und and a job you like. 🍀🍀🍀
Wow. Well said!
I agree. I think this not only makes us great teachers, but can also challenge this notion that everyone has to be productive all the time. I think that as an INFP I can be extremely hard on myself, and the added pressure of having to be "successful" can get really overwhelming sometimes. But I do accept the premise of the video - which is that striving for balance is a healthier way to exist.
@@felinefirebrand4590 productivity is a virtue to ones designed to be productive. Even God took a sabbath.
Alexis IS the INFP whisperer! THANK YOU both for schooling me on me.
So insightful ❤ Totally grilled the shyte out of INFPs in a good way! 🥂
Surprisingly, because I'm not particularly fun to this type this is one of my favorite videos you guys have done. The descriptions are spot on.
This was a great inspiring video. No need to apologize for anything you said.
My experience as an INFP with a history of intermittent depressive episodes over a 30-yr period since my late teens: 1) depressive episode because I'm alone and nobody gets me. 2) One day I get this epiphany experience and start writing about it. 3) After days of laboring over this mini-masterpiece of literature I'm finally satisfied it expresses something profound about the "real me" so now it's time to share it. Only then realizing there's nobody to share it with because I've already ghosted everybody that could tolerate me, and the idea of exposing it to strangers fills me with panic. So I end up dragging and dropping the file to the trash bucket. 4) Back to step 1.
I will say though, I do like that we can just release things into the depths of the internet at least.
Doing so with art still feel cathartic to me, and I don’t feel like I have to solicit it to people, but the people can still see it and choose to engage (or not) if they want too.
I do like that concept of “Here’s this thing I did, check it out if you want. Or don’t!”. Either way I’ve been able to share it to the world in some way. 🙂
I feel like if we infps are artist or celebrities, Alexis would be the perfect agent lol, she can understand the good parts of infps and help us to reach our best.
This video is GOLD! Best video of INFP on the UA-cam for sure! Left my own country when I was 15, than lived in many different ones, and I always put the fault of not having a very professional language, yes can speak 3 languages, but never worked on my communication skills and social skills.
I love this video as an infp, I believe one of the best gifts one can give is advice. This is definitely a video I will be coming back to for motivation
I just figured out I am an INFP. I think I originally missed diagnosed. I relate much more with I NFP than my other testing. This video is very helpful. Much appreciated. I don’t want to look back at my life 20 years from now having sat through this exciting time Without contributing my art
I appreciate this video so much! And as an infp with an intj best friend, I see some similarities between the two of you and what you say, so it's even more comforting to hear that you love us
I experience the depressive state a lot ,I struggle with time management and people anxiety a lot ,and am.pretty much disabled.so the whole not having anything to look forward to is definitely a thing.that fuels My depression.
Thanks for making this video, it's an amazing one! I've been waiting for it since the first "annoying things X do" one xD
You've described my life and all the problems I'm facing right now so accurately, it's scary :O
I think as ppl grow older they realize some of those things by themselves, but there's one thing about realizing but it's way harder to actually find a way to change it. Getting rid of unhealthy habits is really difficult, but the advice you gave here is a very good start! ♥
Awesome! Hope it proves useful for you :)
Thank you for this video.
My biggest struggle has been sticking to something- because I wonder, is it worth all this effort?
And then I self defeat.
Accomplish nothing.
And then get depressed that I accomplish nothing.
It’s a horrible cycle.
So, thank you for pointing this out!!! Sticking to things…. Okay! Lol.
its not the end of the world
A LOVE FOR DEPRESSION MAHHHHH U GET IT
Yeah the title fits the content…classic INFP blind spots….really enjoyed this….
Once I’m done with a relationship I’m done! No romanticizing old relationships here. I mean there are a couple old relationships I think of here and there but those didn’t end badly, they just grew apart. If they ended badly I don’t think of them fondly ever again. You speak very well about INFP because yeah we are probably too shy or don’t want to put ourselves out there in certain ways so we give up.
Hi INFP here. Hmmmm.. I sorta pride myself of having a strong work-ethic (NOT a fan of "quiet-quitting) while other personalities are much quicker to find the easy way out. And i always take responsability for my actions. Actually a big thing for me when ppl dont do so. You can be or do whatever you like, but you HAVE to own up to the consequences of life choices. I dunno if Im the only INFP who belive this..
I also pride myself on my work ethic at jobs, and often receive very positive performance reviews. Downside though, is that sometimes people have tried to take advantage of that, or on rarer occasions even act petty towards me/passive aggressively have tried to sabotage me in some way.
Sometimes I laugh and think it’s stupid + try to keep my head down and work, but I’ve also had it where I’ve literally walked out on work places that prioritize manipulative social structures, gossiping, and ‘appearances’ over actually getting much meaningful work done.
I definitely don’t seem to get on with those types, probably because I indirectly make them look bad by contrast. But it’s literally a job, we’re supposed to be there to work, no? 😂 some seem to disagree apparently lol.
But yeah, unfortunately, over my 18ish years of working, I’ve never kept a job for longer than 2 years. Most jobs last me 3-6 months on average. (Various reasons for switching jobs, not always because of toxic work culture)
Every other INFP knows this, we are just immature in developing our Te
This speaks to your personal Fi values
In my experience (and I am an INFP) even long dedication, hard work, attempts to get one's work in the public, and all of this over multiple decades is not enough -- don't get INFP's hopes up by telling us we need to stick with it more, etc. The problem is more likely a mismatch with the values prevailing in society than it is with INFP's being lazy or whatever. It was interesting to hear your critique, but ultimately I have to dismiss it.
This is what I fear, that all my efforts would be wasted in the end if I actually tried.
@@everope I have as a matter of fact made *giving* *up* the key principle governing my life, and I am very, very happy about it! I have found that creative projects still often happen anyway, but now they simply happen effortlessly for their own sake, and I enjoy them for their own sake entirely. So I don't have to think or wonder or fear about anyone else! 😊 What is destined to happen (and only that) will happen! No effort is required, and so indeed any effort is, by definition even, wasted -- you are so right!
@HelicalToroidUnleashed this sounds like some of the crazy thoughts swirling around my head too😄 except in different situations. I personally try to do EVERYTHING AT ALL TIMES 😅 problem is that EVERY one of my interests seems to be open ended without any real "end" ya know. So theres just always more getting piled on.more things i need to get around to doing and or finishing. Throw in pretty severe sleep deprivationa, super bad social anxiety and 16+ years at the same dead end, low pay, souless, full time retail job. Its exausting. I just found out about INFP after reluctantly taking a personality test and repeatedly getting it.
a whole lot is starting to make some semblance of sense🫤
@@disembodiedstudios I can certainly relate! I spent my 20's and 30's in similar jobs, and my 40's in a higher paid but even more souless job. Now in my 50's I have time to work on my music compositions, but with no interest in them whatsoever from society at large, so I very much have to simply work on them for their own sake. Being an INFP is not easy -- in a nutshell I have found that I really have to go within and actually not pay any attention at all to what others think and do. As a kind of corollary to that I also have to accept whatever goes on in the world as destined to happen exactly as it is; I can't do anything about any of it. In my own case Ramana Maharshi has helped me tremendously, but each must find his/her own Guru within! Everything we need is there (never expect anything from the outside world!)
@@jnanapralayaoh i get that for sure! I hate that i seek validation in my art 😅 i fear it will all turn out to simply be ... for myself 😔 which just makes things a lot less exciting. I just want to move people emotionally
As an INFP, I hate the fact that what have just been discussed were painfully accurate.
I disagree with you about the self absorption and not thinking about others. I have never been like that!! Always thinking about others instead of myself. Maybe because of family teaching me and also because of Christian values. Other INFPs of my generation are the same. Most of the rest is very descriptive of me especially the writing. I often use it to write poetry to help myself and others to rise above the depression . When I get depressed, I often will make something creative to give to someone else to take focus off myself. 20:59
No drugs ever, but can comfort with food sometimes
its just something common with INFPs doesnt mean everyone does it
Im sorry, but i cant stand when people suggest that developing Te is the best path for growth for an INFP, and completely ignore all of the benefits they can get from focusing on developing their Ne, just because Te is he more valued function in society.
Frankly I believe that the best path for growth and Happiness in an INFP is to focus on Developing their Ne and to come to grips that their Te is just going to be a weakness and to use it sparingly.
My reasoning is that in order to be balanced you need to have a good handle on your Decision making functions and your perceiving functions. So why would you focus on you extraverted decision making function (Te) when your inroverted Decision making funtion (Fi)is so strong and the function your most comfortable with. Instead you should focus on growing your perceiving function. And of the two since your strongest function is an Introverted one you should focus on growing your extroverted Perceiving function (Ne).
So, so helpful...This explains *so* much of my life biography!! I have always felt I had really strong S as well as N, so was not sure if I was an ISFP or even an ISFJ rather than an INFP...The toggling between Ne and Si is explained here in such depth that really rings true to my experience. Thank you so much!!
Do you like patterns? Do you like to talk about theoretical or abstract concepts or philosophy. If you do then you are an intuitive personality type if not you are a sensor. ISFP’s are open but they love living in the moment they use Fi but they are extroverted sensing dominant also. They can actually stay on their own tasks better and get stuff done. Where an INFP would be more in our head daydreaming and getting distracted by possiblites
Thank you so much, this is so helpful!! I think I am an N, then, based on what you’ve described, after all - I do like talking about concepts quite a lot, and though I do have some S characteristics, I think I’m rather slower to action than not (so far), in my everyday settings. :) Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out in thinking through this!! Hope you’re enjoying a great day, as well - all the best to you!! :) 🥹🙏🙏
I am an spiritual awakened infp. Making me an infp-t. It's can be a lonely world. Being authentic is rare.
I wouldn't change who I am due to being who I have become protects me from narcissistic abuse.
As an INFP, I think you pretty much described me on the Ne Annoyances part 😂
Thank you so much for this! I can't put into words what I want to say but your insights really helps me in my current situation 🤧
I realised while watching this video... I've been really depressed and lost all my life. I've passed as an infj most of the time since I had to use their functions to survive kind of, especiallyat work and with my family... but I am an infp. And when I turned 30 and two years since I've changed a lot and suddenly I feel so much better about myself and my life. And I didn't know what I changed but when you talked about developing Te I realised I've unconsciously worked on that the last few years- since my thinking friends have encouraged it. It really has made me more balanced. So Te is definitely something worth working on. At least to me. (Sry english isn't my first language).
I didn't take any offense to the critiques, I agree with them and have noticed some of them for myself as well - thank goodness for helpful critiques, without them we'd be blind to ourselves if we have those negative qualities and our lives might be led by them otherwise. That last part you mentioned about writing about the past is a super tool for INFP's, writing autobiographically is a way to granularly examine and also plan and ponder life in the murkiness of uncertainty, but also in the pursuit of creative endeavors - along with correctly putting the past in place so that it doesn't hinder you any longer, in repetition or regret.
This video series is super enjoyable and informative! Happy to see it :)
love how Fi annoyances is the longest chapter
😂😂
I really agree with what their talking about around the min mark. That struggle between new ideas and mastering one thing is very real.
I loved the question you suggested, toward the end, that INFPs could ask themselves about what they could do differently over the next five years!
I have never felt more understood. Ever.
Also, this is dead on and so helpful!
I just ordered the war of art :) thank you
Omg the opposite functions butting heads thing is true. Though we aren't direct opposites, I'm an Infp-t involved with an isfp-t... We communicate in wildly different manners. However, thanks to this person, I've been able to actually see my negative traits from a different perspective. But one letter really does make a huge difference. I know we both are being super patient with each other because we both need to be. Him especially. I can be so negative, disorganized, unproductive and sad
I'm an INFP and I think it's awfull that people take advantage of the system and not work because they have welfare. That is for people who actually need it and should have a time limit. Even though I don't like my current job, I take it seriously. What I would love to do is writing comedy. But that doesn't stop me from going to my current job everyday as quality assurance officer of anti money laundering and showing up. That being said, I do have an advantage at my job where I can start working between 7am and 11am. Therefore I am never late 😛
But I agree with the rest. I am constantly late to things, and since I have a lot of headaches and health issues, I don't like commiting to a certain time because I'll never know how I will feel, I might be sick and then feel bad about cancelling.
And damn I don't do drugs, but I do a lot of junk food. And I don't do a lot of video games, but I like manga, anime a lot and when I was a teenager I went overboard with that and that was almost that I would read/ watch when I got home after school.
You guys are so cool. Thanks for making this video.
You basically said how I should start living my life normally, thank you both lots❤❤❤
I am very INFP and can usually spot or pick out other INFPs, basically when I feel a statement or multiple statements from someone that I would totally say or feel myself... but I get fooled by INFJs... So many times they throw me off and only when I hear their motivation as to why they said that, do I second guess my initial placement.
As far as our depressiveness. Not only do I really want to feel the moment, the ebb and flow of the dark makes the light brighter. You've got to LOVE the Kate Bush song "Under the Ivy" even as a male, it is like my INFP Anthem...
*I sit here in the thunder, the green on the grey I feel it all around me*
I don't know about the work thing as one of my favorite books is Atlas Shrugged.... BUT you are spot on with the punctuality issues 😅
Your explanation of Hippies makes me want to join the Hippie Coven... lol or whatever you call it.
Absolutely on getting fixated on random things and/or the "hobby of the day". lol
Apparently I need to work on my laziness hehehe And Read War of Art.
I do tend to catch myself on playing the victim and I would always try to correct myself whenever I see it for myself or when other people point it out.
when i was in school i did very well academically and tested as an INTP in my sophomore year, fast forward 3 years post grad and im very depressed and test as an INFP. But yeah, after researching the functions its very clear im an INFP.
I do find ESTPs a bit annoying. it's quite ironic considering ESTP is my favorite type. i tried to model my personality as ESTP tv characters when i was a kid.
I learned that all of my issues that I thought were for a lot of different reasons and maybe my bipolar disorder were actually just because I wan an unhealthy INFP... I mean I definitely have most of the issues you said if not all of them. And it's kind of both scary and soothing at the same time. Scary because I found the reason to all of my issues and they don't feel special anymore? and soothing because of basically the same reason I guess, that there is a reason for all of them and so there is something that I can do about them and also I am not alone in this. So it really depends on how you want to look at it. You find it scary or soothing it's all up to you or like me both. Oh and you make me think that all those years going to therapy have gone to waste lol.
7:00 totally agree
this video is great and i agree with a lot of it but you keep repeating how infps are lazy and don't have a work ethic that kinda turned me off. i don't think that is really the problem, like it's more an unmotivation or indecision or an awkwardness...
Literally cause when we really like something and we really find something we are interested in, we are not lazy at all. If we didn’t make something is not because of laziness it’s because we don’t have motivation and actually we blame ourselves because of that, we need that motivation to carry on
Still dazzled 20 minutes later... Need to rewatch the video to fully absorb what you said. New subscriber to your UA-cam & Instagram accounts.
Thank you 💗
I've done the test on different sites, and it's always INFP. But i noticed that on 16personalities, it says 53% F - 47% T, and 52% N - 48% S. Maybe my weaker functions aren't that weak and my dominant ones aren't that dominant. In general, i resonate with the INFP descriptions, except the ones where i'm supposed to be apologetic and passive.
Thanks for making this ill have to revisit it every once in a while. Some of these things i know ive struggled with in the past and have finallt fixed. But about 80% i still need to work on majorly id say.
Bravo 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Great job, you both!!! I like hearing it straightforward. Tough love and honesty 🙏🏼🥰❤️
24:35 😂😂😂 yeah exactly this is so helpful. It is funny because I’m a singer now, years ago my parents wouldn’t let me be a singer so I ended up choosing business school and had to learn how to use my Te. But at the end of the course I thought my values weren’t aligned to the business field (like I generalized), graduated and entered music school. Then I graduated again realized my values weren’t aligned either. And now confused so studying about this is helping me so much. I hope I can make my Fi stop getting in my way. In music me Te is telling me I could make more money, in business my Fi said it is meaningless.
no one has never explained my behavior pattern well like that , THANK YOU 🙏
"Their Te is whispering: there haven't been metrics; the results aren't coming in"
I've never heard of it that way- the whisperings of the inferior function.
Wow, you guys really know your stuff! This was extremely helpful, thank you!
Over 30 years, I’ve mostly tested INFP but once INFJ
If you are a chameleon with other people you are an INFJ. If the thought of being a chameleon repulses you, you are probably an INFP. Our Fi requires we be authentic to ourselves before fitting in with others
I am an infp. (Just found out) I also have obsessive compoltion disorder. Idk its tough. I am 34 and I have had over 60 jobs. It sucks.
For me its difficult to know when I'm in the right (I can find a thousand times I was in the wrong, toxic mindset I know), so my victim play is like "I admit it, I am to blame..., so even if its true that I am the problem it just comes out as deception/manipulation tactics to the listener. Truth is Im just stating eveything bad I think about myself at the time of speeking.
I can't write anything that sounds like an actual story, It's very much scroll like format. I left the world building to ferment in a world of its own I keep drawing characters from the story, but I never add context when I post the drawings online (Im so mysterious lmao) so they end up being characters with just a design and a name. Very rarely would I give them a personality.
wow i feel so called out. this is so true
I'm a borderline I/E, but have taken the test over several decades, and it still comes out just over the border as an I. My NFP's are pretty solid. I say that to qualify when I say punctuality is sort of a religion with me, one I caught from my mother.
cognitive function
I really understand the growth part. So many times that I thought about doing irrelevant job instead of my passion career, but then I realized that if both ways have their own difficulty, why I don't just go with a passion one from the first place (I know that it because I afraid if it not success or perfect as I thought, or if I lose the energy to do it but still need to create something to the point that I start hating it)
Hard truths. Thank you for sharing this so kindly.
I’m an INFP and a writer. Last year, I graduated from high school and thus it was time to enter a bigger world. I initially choose a study of political science. But pretty early on, I didn’t feel like that suited me. And I couldn’t really connect with others and started self isolating. I quit the course.
I’ve reevaluated the entire process. And I did come back to uni with now American Studies and Linguistics being two remaining options. Still though, I’m not sure about those. About the uni in general. I could handle it from a grades standpoint. But I found my brief stint of political science to feel limiting and creatively draining. Both of those remaining studies are more closely related to my writing interests, but they might still be too far apart. And I may still feel boxed in and creatively drained. I’ve only really started looking into writing studies until I was pretty far into the process. It does really interest me. And maybe it suits me far more than a university study. But I haven’t attended any open days or anything, so I think I can’t be certain.
I’ve had a lot more time to do some creative pursuits. And I’ve been indulging in those a bit. But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I started watching the INFP videos on this channel only a few days ago, but now I clearly know I’ve fallen into a habit of falling into a oftentimes lazy SI state. And I felt/feel like I am not doing enough with the time I’ve had on my hands since I quit political science. Ive learned some new skills and worked on creative pursuits and such… but still, it feels like there’s too much I didn’t do. I honestly really, really wanted to be done with high school last year. But now that I’m in this ambiguous phase, not really knowing what I want in my life (wondering if writing [and a bit of music] is what I should pursue as more than a hobby and a/the passion), I feel like… at least I knew what to expect from high school. And I had two of my three friends there, so I could easily see them on a daily basis. If I really want to pursue the creativity, the writing, fully… it’s not really anything you’re expected to do. Let alone something you’re prepared to pursue.
That’s what’s been hard in my life recently. Felt like sharing because this channel really improved my knowledge on an INFP’s inner workings and I relate to so much of it.
I stumbled on this & I do agree with some. But onebug thing I don't agree with is I love to work!! As a matter of fact I am currently unemployed & it's making me go crazy, literally. I'm too hyper & need to exercise my brain muscle. I'm in the medical field & having a hard time right now.. so send me some good vibes because I need to feel like I'm helping others s well as it would help me. Thank you!
This is actually very accurate
About us focused on ourselves. Well that's what we care about. And what we have to say. We expect you to do the same without us having to ask. I am VERY interested in your problems so please do me a favor and tell me about them. We ll take turns. I HATE asking questions, because I m not assertive. I feel rude and nosey. I figured you will tell me what you want to tell me. But secretly I want to know everything. I just don't assert myself. Or initiate. I may not know what to say about your problems all the time, but still glad you shared it. I feel close to you. . I love people extremely deeply. Sometimes if I m stressed or tired or just had enough socializing, I will withdraw. That's when I may take a rain check.
The problem I have is AI is taking the jobs I want so I stopped studying for coding, graphic design, and drawing. Plus I have to support myself financially and art won't do that. The other personality types can do accounting, CEO, nursing etc. with no problem, so they don't understand. our plight. We are not creating difficulties for ourselves on purpose. I would want to be successful.
I agree about hopping in relationships but Myers Briggs says we are very loyal. My relationship with an ESFJ is 30 years is successful, but It's partly because of him. I kept a wondering eye😕
Old video, but I'll comment. I'm an INFP male and I don't relate with "always late" or "lazy" descriptions. I'm obsessive about being on time. I'm always the first to arrive for appointments and dates. I get upset at people who can't be on time. I work around the INFP time blindness by hyper focusing on time. I also began working very young. I delivered newspapers in elementary school. 5:00am, 6 days a week. I never missed deliveries. I was 11. I've always worked, and felt ashamed when not employed . I love my inner world and will indulge in it, but to a point. I seek out people and do things like lift weights to ground myself.
You might be an enneagram 5, self-sufficiency is very important to us
@@everope Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm enneagram 4w5 if that helps.
@@everope Hello. I am enneagram 4w5, which I suppose means I possess qualities of 4 and 5. I read the description for 4w5 and self-sufficiency and competence and mastery are core values.
I don't care about social justice (only ill treatment of children and the elderly) but everything else resonated.
Fi isn't really depressive, it's more melancholic as said so by Carl Jung
Ahh, romantically depressive! I resemble that lol
@@loriwilliams9102 lol nice term to describe melancholy, "romanticized depression"
yh but how come half of the infps online are like that and not melancholic?
@@lookiams, half the infps online aren’t infps and probably took a crappy online test.
also. What kind of writing we should do? I would like to write textbooks, teach something, etc. but I don't have a degree, and there are enough books out there already. I feel like how can I write a book without any credentials. Should we write fiction? The thing is I never watch movies, cause I feel I don't have time for it. Writing all day seems boring, but I think I'm good at it. I used to write to 2 friends by mail once a week for years growing up. I don't think I would say I am 'passionate' about it. However, I read a lot. I can read all day. What I read are books on learning new things and new interest, psychology, self help, and computer stuff. I never read fiction. So, maybe I shouldn't choose writing? Acting seems exciting, but I can't take up anything in college-I'm 53 now. Not much jobs in that and I'm too introverted. Singing is pretty nice, but can't make a living out of it. Writing poems feels right, but can't make a living out of that. I would like to write lyrics, but how can I get it famous? Hopeless. I love to dance, but I'm too old for that. I got a certificate from google to do UX Design for 8 months. They said you could start right away which was a lie, and come to find out you have to explain your creative decisions to the bosses and do presentations which they never mentioned. I would not like that at all. So then I decided to teach myself coding since I don't want to go into debt at this age for schooling. Then Chat GPT came in, so I quit learning that (it was hard to learn too) since Ai is replacing coders. Then I started learning graphic design and drawing but then Ai is probably replacing that. It just seems the world doesn't have room for me. If I write, would I write a story, or blogs about different things that I've learned over the years (there is so much already written about everything out there. I don't see how that can be new). I tried teaching videos on you tube and messed up a few times. Lost encouragement when not much happened. Help
Wish i had heard it younger. That hits me hard.
Very accurate, thank you.
31:15 Great Advice
I've mentored many Artist into being a Commercial Artist. It is a difficult road for them. Best short advice, understand the mechanics of the profession + stop doing free work.
AI is taking those jobs. What do you consider a commercial art job? Graphic design?
@@PositivePulse123 Yes, and many other postions - but basically designers. I draw machines, program, and systems design. Still a commercial artist when you boil it down ❤⚗✏🖌📐