Steven Seagal Movie Belly Of The Beast Is An Insult To All Humanity - Worst Movie Ever

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  • Опубліковано 3 жов 2024
  • Re-upload as UA-cam restricted video for secret reasons they refuse to explain.
    The bad Steven Seagal movie Belly Of The Beast is a complete failure on every level. His fighting ability is now as bad as his acting, but nobody ever told him. It's unclear if he never watches his movies, somehow thinks they're good, or just doesn't care.
    #stevenseagal #badmovies #sobaditsgood #recap #movierecap

КОМЕНТАРІ • 5 тис.

  • @meows_at_the_moon
    @meows_at_the_moon Рік тому +6918

    Seagal needs to make a movie where he saves the Olympics by winning every gold medal himself on behalf of whatever country he's pretending to be from that day.

    • @Mitch_Conner75926
      @Mitch_Conner75926 Рік тому +294

      He’s a Yale professor sir. Get it right.. 😂

    • @GrizzledTanker
      @GrizzledTanker Рік тому +249

      Well, he lives in Russia now. So he'll probably get banned for doping.

    • @HamanKarn567
      @HamanKarn567 Рік тому +110

      Russian mongol these days

    • @CarlosSpicyWang
      @CarlosSpicyWang Рік тому +3

      Seagal is a traitorous piece of shit. Russian Nazi lover.

    • @joe718gt4
      @joe718gt4 Рік тому +128

      Only after gunning down security guards and hospitality first, as usual

  • @ArcherSuh4721
    @ArcherSuh4721 Рік тому +3025

    Bringing Seagal a family-sized meal is the most realistic moment of this movie.

    • @xxxCyber24xxx
      @xxxCyber24xxx Рік тому +91

      This comment had me dying for like 5 minutes 🤣🤣🤣

    • @ericksantos6672
      @ericksantos6672 Рік тому +12

      Bruh kkkkk

    • @frwystr
      @frwystr Рік тому +15

      💀

    • @Knuckles2oO6
      @Knuckles2oO6 Рік тому +12

      😂😂😂

    • @fiddlefaddle1
      @fiddlefaddle1 Рік тому +83

      Seagal helps feed thousands of starving children...........................by skipping his lunch!

  • @Aguijon1982
    @Aguijon1982 Рік тому +2130

    "I fear not the man who makes a thousand bad movies but I fear the man who makes one bad movie a thousand times."
    Bruce Lee

    • @fathernature7874
      @fathernature7874 Рік тому +153

      And seagal did both.
      Bruce Lee's Neighbor

    • @ziginaigra
      @ziginaigra Рік тому +13

      😂

    • @alexscott730
      @alexscott730 Рік тому +6

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @tommyzDad
      @tommyzDad Рік тому +6

      @@fathernature7874 Nah, man -- Jennifer Lawrence did both, and she was the first. She founded Jeet Kune Do. 😜

    • @KeivSquirrel
      @KeivSquirrel Рік тому +12

      He created the same movie.

  • @joshshin6819
    @joshshin6819 Рік тому +504

    I love how no matter how old Seagal gets his movies stay in the late 80s and early 90s

    • @DefendYoungstown
      @DefendYoungstown 11 місяців тому +23

      :Seagal voice:
      "You know what I like about these action movies? I keep getting older, and they stay the same age! Haahaaa, yes they do! Yes they do!"
      (Yes, you can also insert the ~actual~ line about "high school girls", with all the barely legal love interests... but the logic is applied to every movie as a whole and not just the ladies in it.)

    • @AR-ey1ur
      @AR-ey1ur 7 місяців тому +24

      To be fair that's when the best movies were made. Hollywood is dead now.

    • @Silverfox1982
      @Silverfox1982 6 місяців тому +11

      @@AR-ey1urif 80’s/90’s Seagal movies are the best ever, give me anything from dead Hollywood😂

    • @AR-ey1ur
      @AR-ey1ur 6 місяців тому +17

      @@Silverfox1982 Compared to modern, woke movies, Segal movies are absolute masterpieces of cinematography.

    • @Silverfox1982
      @Silverfox1982 6 місяців тому +19

      @@AR-ey1ur You almost had me for a second😂 Wait, are u serious?

  • @Ben-zn8pe
    @Ben-zn8pe Рік тому +725

    “To confuse your enemies, you must first confuse yourself”
    -Sun Tzu Jr.

  • @Saku19
    @Saku19 Рік тому +444

    Belly Of The Beast, I actually thought it was just about his beer gut.

  • @tombuck
    @tombuck Рік тому +763

    This movie like “Taken” except the only thing taken is our time.

    • @DaveMcGarry
      @DaveMcGarry Рік тому +54

      Taken the piss

    • @Hybzy
      @Hybzy Рік тому +65

      Steven Seagal has a very special set of skills, skills that he has acquired over a very long career, skills that make him a nightmare for people that like good cinema.

    • @tamermelegy6659
      @tamermelegy6659 Рік тому +11

      😂😂😂

    • @darrinkemp1755
      @darrinkemp1755 Рік тому +11

      And our souls.

    • @mightyoaks77
      @mightyoaks77 Рік тому +7

      🤣🤣🤣🤣 seriously tho Come on, what about the amazing piece of professional athleticism at 1:30? Were so lucky it was caught on film for posterity, it was one of them where was you moments in history......

  • @jamesbubu
    @jamesbubu Рік тому +977

    Steven Seagal is one of the most inspirational and talented actors of our generation.
    - Steven Seagal

    • @dmonix1
      @dmonix1 Рік тому +1

      Men want to be him and women can't get enough of him.....😂😊

    • @mikegeld1280
      @mikegeld1280 Рік тому +13

      Lmaoooooooooo! ,,,,,,NOT

    • @zepeda201
      @zepeda201 11 місяців тому +12

      I laughed a little too long from this

    • @mikegeld1280
      @mikegeld1280 11 місяців тому +2

      Lmao 🤣 are u F ing serious?! Dude,,,,this is a joke right,we used to watch s.seagull movies JUST to clown them,geez those were good times ,I remember laughing so hard !!!

    • @all0utmetal735
      @all0utmetal735 8 місяців тому +8

      @mikegeld1280 kinda missed the joke there bud….

  • @j.k.6781
    @j.k.6781 Рік тому +1272

    "But seagal desperately wants people to believe he is desirable...
    Nobody does, and he is not"
    I'm dying laughing here

    • @SupremacyGamesYT
      @SupremacyGamesYT Рік тому +5

      We DO, and his IS

    • @AnAdorableWombat1
      @AnAdorableWombat1 Рік тому +28

      @@SupremacyGamesYT you do and he is not

    • @micnorton9487
      @micnorton9487 Рік тому +12

      I know man this guy is a scream, his critiques are about a thousand times better than the Steven Seagal movie and shorter too lol...

    • @hapwn
      @hapwn Рік тому +8

      Steven Seagal knows Victoria's secret.

    • @stevenrobert8567
      @stevenrobert8567 Рік тому

      He was a jerk when he was young. Now he looks fat and super thick in the face. He is not likeable. If it wasn't for his martial arts training, he would have never made it in Hollywood.

  • @YaoEspirito
    @YaoEspirito Рік тому +841

    I like how he can call a whole string of Seagal movies "the worst movie in the world", and then makes the case that each really is.
    Fantastic series.

    • @panhead55
      @panhead55 Рік тому

      The magic boobies state you are correct…

    • @dmc6262
      @dmc6262 Рік тому +29

      Because his 1st movie was the worst in the world & each subsequent one is worse than the previous one so the title moves on. They were all the worst movie at some point in time.

    • @bnw1994
      @bnw1994 Рік тому +11

      @@dmc6262 the worst movie in the world, so far.

    • @1mission786
      @1mission786 Рік тому

      The asshole says dozens of people are being paid to denigrate him.

    • @donguapo7862
      @donguapo7862 Рік тому +8

      The reasons why are even better one title said it was bad it killed Santa clause 🤣🤣🤣

  • @Milliardo5
    @Milliardo5 Рік тому +1110

    It's ironic when you really want Seagal to make more terrible movies just so there's always a guaranteed supply of hilarious reviews for them.

    • @saia24
      @saia24 Рік тому +63

      Hilarious to think that probably these reviews have a better rating than the movies themselves lol

    • @ftrunks2k
      @ftrunks2k Рік тому +3

      @@saia24 this is the only reason people may choose to buy the steaming pile of shit that are Seagal movies.

    • @jimmyzhao2673
      @jimmyzhao2673 Рік тому +9

      Yes please ! More Seagal films.

    • @AztecMC1
      @AztecMC1 Рік тому +19

      ive literally seen more segall movie reviews than i have marvel movie phases…

    • @alekesam
      @alekesam Рік тому +5

      For real. I'm trying to pace myself because I don't want to r7n out of movies.

  • @Palindrome3945
    @Palindrome3945 Рік тому +129

    "While this is happening, Ryu is fighting the entire Thailand army"
    The more I watch these videos, the more I laugh on the little things.

  • @gangisspawn1
    @gangisspawn1 Рік тому +706

    "He died the most predictable way possible by running away, slipping on a tomato, sliding through frozen fish, and hitting a clever." Yes, I'm so tired of that classic movie troup! 🤣🤣

    • @Bigedub101
      @Bigedub101 Рік тому +38

      Exactly this is sooo boring and repetitive 😂🤣

    • @metalzonemt-2
      @metalzonemt-2 Рік тому +15

      Yeah, it's a thing in every goddamn movie from Godfather to Silence of the Lambs.

    • @bryanlongshore6198
      @bryanlongshore6198 Рік тому +9

      That's how most people die.....or slipping on a banana peel and falling in front of a train...the 2nd most common cause of death..

    • @frankvonfrauner
      @frankvonfrauner 10 місяців тому +7

      It was just missing the Wilhelm Scream

    • @sethlangston181
      @sethlangston181 5 місяців тому +4

      "Even Seagal was wondering if this has gotten too stupid, even for him" 😂

  • @FunkySpaceLord
    @FunkySpaceLord Рік тому +720

    Steven is a fighter. He's been fighting against diets and good acting for decades

    • @xro1983
      @xro1983 Рік тому +22

      😂😂

    • @paulgoogol2652
      @paulgoogol2652 Рік тому +16

      which was not too bad for him as fighting burns some calories.

    • @hapwn
      @hapwn Рік тому +14

      Steven Seagal never had a heart attack, heart attack have Steven Seagal.

    • @MinusTheRogue
      @MinusTheRogue Рік тому +5

      Losing the fight it seems…

    • @somaraisan
      @somaraisan 7 місяців тому +2

      He like the Jamie Oliver of making movie

  • @beno1129
    @beno1129 Рік тому +519

    Come on, give Seagal a break. At least he had the compassion to do his sex scene fully clothed. It could have been much worse is what I'm saying

    • @rfe8nn2
      @rfe8nn2 Рік тому

      Plus he gave us the greatest excuse to stare at boobies. Hun I had to look at her boobs!! I had to decode a message.

    • @CerberusLives
      @CerberusLives Рік тому +144

      Fortunately, I don't think there's a chance in hell that he'd want anyone to know what he actually looks like under that circus tent he calls a shirt.

    • @benjaminkamm6031
      @benjaminkamm6031 Рік тому

      Dude, he seems like the type to 69 and have the lady on bottom. Like an animal lol

    • @snaker9er
      @snaker9er Рік тому

      I genuinely wish he let down his ponytail and did full penetration

    • @einarvalentinoronn9870
      @einarvalentinoronn9870 Рік тому +17

      @@CerberusLives 😁😆😄😅🤣😂

  • @canicheenrage
    @canicheenrage Рік тому +119

    Note that when he's jumping through the wagon to the small cart, he's jumping perpendicularly to the tracks, but lands on the cart in the tracks direction, allowing for momentum to push the cart forward. Another proof Seagal is a master of Space and Time.

    • @Borg14
      @Borg14 Рік тому +9

      Good catch! hahaha

    • @OzgurNevres
      @OzgurNevres Рік тому +18

      He has enouh mass to bend the space-time.

    • @BruceBanner420s
      @BruceBanner420s 8 місяців тому +7

      I rewinded that scene so many times laughing so hard 🤣

    • @CONTACTLIGHTTOMMY
      @CONTACTLIGHTTOMMY 7 місяців тому +8

      Yeah... I saw that too.
      I like to imagine them setting up the scene, and one of the camera guys trying to explain the geometry of the shot to Seagal. Realism? Fckit.

    • @Goldenleyend
      @Goldenleyend 6 місяців тому +6

      Clearly the train tracks cross at that point 😂😂

  • @Mantinhas
    @Mantinhas Рік тому +786

    There's no way Seagal became self-aware and named a movie after his own gut.

    • @thekiller7994
      @thekiller7994 Рік тому +24

      He probably named it because it sounded cool

    • @yaredo895
      @yaredo895 Рік тому +10

      😂😂😂

    • @rhatikeo
      @rhatikeo Рік тому +26

      You have no idea lol his ego is so big he doesn't even know he exist only his hunger let's him know he's a beast

    • @SunnySingh-nk4zj
      @SunnySingh-nk4zj Рік тому +7

      😂

    • @buckfitches2087
      @buckfitches2087 Рік тому +7

      🤣🤣

  • @why_not_both
    @why_not_both Рік тому +397

    “I am not making this up. This actually happens in the movie…” 😂

    • @xro1983
      @xro1983 Рік тому +9

      😂😂😂

    • @DaniGerman1499
      @DaniGerman1499 Рік тому +31

      Literally fucking lost it at that part

    • @Trendleader863
      @Trendleader863 Рік тому +5

      I spit my fish tacos out at that part

    • @malteschaper3782
      @malteschaper3782 Рік тому +2

      Had to pause the video at that point to recollect.

    • @theultimatereductionist7592
      @theultimatereductionist7592 Рік тому +4

      Consider ourselves lucky. The scene could have been a LOT worse. It could have been Seagal pulling down his pants and... well you fill in the rest.

  • @godfather4377
    @godfather4377 Рік тому +359

    I'll never get over him killing the taxi driver like he's in a Grand Theft Auto game. LOL

    • @SofaKingShit
      @SofaKingShit Рік тому +24

      I'm no international legal expert but I'm guessing that sort of thing might get him in trouble with the Thailand authorities, unless there's a reciprocal agreement that each other's security forces can execute each other's service workers.

    • @notatrollll
      @notatrollll Рік тому +23

      @strelokstalker212that was just seagals excuse

    • @KasumiRINA
      @KasumiRINA Рік тому +11

      @@SofaKingShit in Thailand he's probably jailed in solitary until US government bangs their head on the wall in frustration and gives some big shot drug dealer or arms trader in exchange... like look at Britney Griner, they had to free the Lord of War prototype dude for a goddamn idiot who thought moving into an extreme-right-wing dictatorship for a job while being a black lesbian AND taking cannabis with her was a good idea. And that's minor offense (though admittedly, Thailand is 100 times more free than russia), but you can see stories of people trapped abroad for drug smuggling (Thailand included) and it's not fun for them. An ordinary person would face hell for murder like that but actual special forces member doing this would warrant an international scandal and highly publicized prisoner exchange.

    • @cliff311976
      @cliff311976 Рік тому

      ​@@KasumiRINA Right wing dictatorship?
      You mean America?

    • @Rossanna2000
      @Rossanna2000 6 місяців тому +3

      ​@@cliff311976i think right wing or ultranationalism is better than communism 😁

  • @SpectreStatus
    @SpectreStatus Рік тому +55

    "There's this weird old man, who has a Steven Seagal voodoo doll..... Yes I'm serious.." 😄😄

  • @7rich79
    @7rich79 Рік тому +717

    "A man with a plot can make a movie. A man who has lost the plot can make any movie." - Steven Seagal probably.

  • @andrewkelly6828
    @andrewkelly6828 Рік тому +167

    "The family sized order of food she brought is starting to win him over..." 🤣

    • @JoMagic-ny8zu
      @JoMagic-ny8zu Рік тому +11

      She knew the rule.. A way to a man's ❤️ is through his stomach..🍔💩👍

  • @Docru911
    @Docru911 Рік тому +110

    “Because a gun that’s pointing at you while floating off the ground isn’t suspicious af.” 😂😂😂

  • @kerrj7285
    @kerrj7285 Рік тому +201

    "While this is happening, Ryu is fighting the entire Thailand army" I was laughing throughout the whole video, but I absolutely lost it here

    • @go_better
      @go_better Рік тому +4

      Ahaha

    • @tailedgates9
      @tailedgates9 Рік тому +16

      He stole the movie. XD He was the real hero.

    • @captainmidnightgaming
      @captainmidnightgaming Рік тому +15

      Of course he has to carve a swath through Thailand, Sagat and Bison are there

  • @roberttangen6026
    @roberttangen6026 Рік тому +211

    "Who can barely even make out the high-speed blur slowly rolling past them." Thats gold my friend.

  • @geraldframinghammer2626
    @geraldframinghammer2626 Рік тому +118

    "...Seagal goes where the, uh, magic boobies tell him to go..." 🤣🤣

  • @painkiller2899
    @painkiller2899 Рік тому +532

    If Steve seagal would have worked in Bollywood he would have been super duper star of India 😂😂😂

    • @SILOPshuvambanerjee
      @SILOPshuvambanerjee Рік тому +39

      I agree with you as an Indian

    • @GF-mf7ml
      @GF-mf7ml Рік тому +1

      Indian movie are ridiculous anyway

    • @downeedles9249
      @downeedles9249 Рік тому +43

      I'm not sure i want to see him dance

    • @Donadzea
      @Donadzea Рік тому +82

      @@downeedles9249 You will never see him dance, that would be his body double.

    • @EternalFlame-f3z
      @EternalFlame-f3z Рік тому +6

      ​@@downeedles9249that'd be op😂😂😂

  • @mansymousa7599
    @mansymousa7599 Рік тому +164

    I like how he implies every Seagal movie is "the worst movie ever" and somehow I absolutely agree lol what a guy Seagal is

  • @bilalattique
    @bilalattique Рік тому +217

    "Even seagal's wondering whether it's gotten stupid even for him". I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @djangomatador9442
      @djangomatador9442 Рік тому +29

      "Nah, we good"

    • @PygmalionFaciebat
      @PygmalionFaciebat Рік тому +3

      @@djangomatador9442 Just imagine, how stupid the cut out scenes have to be, when a "kill by a tomato" he Steven answers with "nah, , we good" xD ... i would love to see a compilation of cut out scenes from Seagulls movies xD

  • @samkitty5894
    @samkitty5894 Рік тому +141

    Seagal's acting range, in his face is amazing... One look covers all the emotions and feelings....Constipation, happiness, anger, joy, curiosity, concern, love, caring, sleepiness, anticipation, enjoyment, erection, etc.

    • @the_kombinator
      @the_kombinator Рік тому +3

      Calculon can learn from Seagal.

    • @Bojan849
      @Bojan849 Рік тому

      Old joke, new idiots, right? 🤣

    • @rosemarymcgrory-eb2gd
      @rosemarymcgrory-eb2gd Рік тому +1

      😂😂 😂😂😂 epic 👍👍👍👍

    • @sayresrudy2644
      @sayresrudy2644 11 місяців тому

      😅😂😂😂

    • @nicka140
      @nicka140 10 місяців тому

      Please tell me im not the only one who had seagals same facial expression flash in their head while reading every emotion. 😂😂😂

  • @geeman4085
    @geeman4085 Рік тому +197

    "And gives us this most disgusting love scene of all time" 😂😂

  • @Omrentonth999
    @Omrentonth999 Рік тому +107

    Seagal really believes people find true love at strip clubs lol I died

  • @knowledgebits346
    @knowledgebits346 Рік тому +154

    Steven Segal can rightfully claim that he now has a belly of the beast

  • @wtfiswiththosehandles
    @wtfiswiththosehandles Рік тому +260

    "Seagal goes where the magic boobies tell him to go"
    Man, for once I wish I was like Seagal.

    • @danielwilliams7562
      @danielwilliams7562 Рік тому +8

      I would like this comment but then it would no longer be the holy 69

    • @PygmalionFaciebat
      @PygmalionFaciebat Рік тому +4

      @@danielwilliams7562 Its now 109 likes anyway - so you can like it ;)

    • @Lilboozibert
      @Lilboozibert Рік тому +4

      ~ And somehow, that's the best writing of Seagal's career.

  • @paintedsky3879
    @paintedsky3879 Рік тому +28

    Slipping on a tomato then sliding on a table full of frozen fish face first into a meat cleaver is actually a very common accident. Make sure not to leave tomatoes on the floor near the frozen fish table, and always slide feet first with legs apart.

    • @Bigedub101
      @Bigedub101 2 місяці тому +4

      And make sure to put ur cleavers away

  • @civil_villain
    @civil_villain Рік тому +210

    I've been worried about Steven for a long time. His weight fluctuates so much during his movies, I can't help but think he's working so hard to entertain us, that he's not taking good enough care of himself.

    • @MrPobanz
      @MrPobanz Рік тому +36

      Christian Bale in Machinist is nothing compared to Seagals levels of commitment!

    • @Krystalmyth
      @Krystalmyth Рік тому +57

      He has no time to workout or take care of himself because he's so busy practicing Bullshido for us and his movies. 😭

    • @Mitch_Conner75926
      @Mitch_Conner75926 Рік тому +27

      @@MrPobanz I heard seagal ate bale on his way to the buffet..

    • @JamesHannagan
      @JamesHannagan Рік тому +11

      It's because he just films random clips at various times which then end up edited together into an incoherent straight-to-video movie. So in one scene he's gained a sun tan and 10kg since the previous scene.

    • @capsuleboi
      @capsuleboi Рік тому +9

      It's ok, Steven is just using his chi to strategically shift his mounds of protective aikido fat to different parts of his body for maximum effect.

  • @Damian-lu8sx
    @Damian-lu8sx Рік тому +323

    No matter how much you beat yourself up and think little of yourself, just remind yourself that someone like Steven Seagal exists and you're not him

    • @jayroo10
      @jayroo10 Рік тому +11

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @alexnava8729
      @alexnava8729 Рік тому +10

      He’s still wealthy and doesn’t seem to care what others think. Talk about him negatively or positively, people still talk about him. He’s chilling I’m sure.

    • @henrijs1733
      @henrijs1733 Рік тому +4

      he's still entertaining millions of people, as you can see. surely a rapist/pedo/Hitler would be a better comparison.

    • @00_rei90
      @00_rei90 Рік тому +2

      I'd love be a multi millionaire starring in my own action movies (no matter how cheesy and ridiculous) and banging all these roasties for a chance to be a movie star

    • @goldensloth7
      @goldensloth7 Рік тому +1

      awww thank you

  • @SpaceIce
    @SpaceIce  Рік тому +1572

    Re-upload. UA-cam restricted last video and claims they're not allowed to say why

    • @deviltronix
      @deviltronix Рік тому +244

      UA-cam has become total garbage. Maybe you could upload to Odyssee as well?

    • @eriklunden5218
      @eriklunden5218 Рік тому +142

      I have a strong opinion on this, but I can't tell you.

    • @GrubbJunker
      @GrubbJunker Рік тому +161

      This is the same video that was re-uploaded before? Seagal movies are so similar I really can't tell which is which.

    • @LeiCal69
      @LeiCal69 Рік тому +22

      @@deviltronix Naaa if they said they are not allowed to say it imply court orders, not saying Space Ice is getting sue but maybe the film was involved in a suit, just my guess.

    • @christophercollins3632
      @christophercollins3632 Рік тому +2

      You blurred that swimmer’s buttcrack in the beginning. I remember thirsting over her.
      Our culture is so upside-down. Exploding bodies, no problem. Buttcrack, demonetized.

  • @Wildcat_93
    @Wildcat_93 Рік тому +38

    Seagal really is like the kid on the playground who tries to convince you that he French-kissed the girl several grades above him as well as the teacher and also that he has secret powers. That bit with the fuckin voodoo guy really brings it all home though. I guess he just had to let everyone who thought he was completely full of himself already know that he was not full yet and clearly still had much more room in that bloated ego of his to go.

  • @Countdownsmiles
    @Countdownsmiles Рік тому +140

    I like how this guy covered his bases by pronouncing "Ryu" 3 different ways throughout the video to avoid getting called out for pronouncing it wrong lol

    • @Twulfbynight
      @Twulfbynight Рік тому +28

      Ryu was actually the best part of this farce 😂

    • @Ratciclefan
      @Ratciclefan Рік тому +4

      "Roo" near the end was definitely the biggest surprise 😂

  • @macrograms
    @macrograms Рік тому +192

    the amount of effort it took for Steven to roll over on that railroad trolley car was amazing. he must have eaten breakfast twice that day to have enough energy to roll over. what a legend.

  • @Iburn247
    @Iburn247 Рік тому +58

    I can't stop laughing while watching this 🤣 "wonders if it's too stupid even for him... But it isn't" 🤣🤣🤣

  • @lesleystuart8934
    @lesleystuart8934 Рік тому +49

    The narration is so absolutely hilarious that I hope that Seagal makes loads more " action movies " so that you can keep doing these narratives. I have spent all afternoon, with a dodgy mouth after a trip to the dentist, laughing my head off!
    Brilliant, brilliant, thank you.

  • @mfrost71w
    @mfrost71w Рік тому +403

    He's a genius - he made Under Siege, a good movie, so that everyone will watch his next 200 films thinking "surely he can't have made only one good film?" Not realising that every film he's made since is the worst ever film ever made until the next one he makes.

    • @FuShengAlex
      @FuShengAlex Рік тому +35

      Under Siege copied Die Hard. Although it was his biggest earner....Hard to Kill was his best movie

    • @homelessjesse9453
      @homelessjesse9453 Рік тому +21

      @@FuShengAlex Personally, I love Marked for Death. Those Jamaican gangsters were badass.

    • @DerMeister821
      @DerMeister821 Рік тому +10

      Under Siege wasn't even that good though. Most movies I re-watch at some point in my life. I've never re-visited that one.

    • @davidkymdell452
      @davidkymdell452 Рік тому +34

      The two things I remember about Under Siege is the knife fight with Tommy Lee Jones and Erica Eleniak popping out of a cake...naked...I think 🤔

    • @mfrost71w
      @mfrost71w Рік тому +19

      @@DerMeister821 no, I quite liked Under Siege and it had much better production values than most of his films. Also, another genius move, his acting looks much better than normal because the other stars are as one dimensional as him - Gary Busey can only play Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones can only play Tommy Lee Jones

  • @jjmac1847
    @jjmac1847 Рік тому +77

    "seagal goes where the magic boobies told him to go" im in stitches!

    • @kentgrinton5093
      @kentgrinton5093 Рік тому

      Hope you’re not drinking or eating when you hear the greatest words
      Magic Boobies

    • @MrMairu555
      @MrMairu555 Рік тому +6

      Totally believable. I've gone where the magic boobies have told me in Thailand many times! 🤣🤣🤣

  • @vincentvanzant321
    @vincentvanzant321 Рік тому +110

    I just wish we got a seagal video game. All stats maxed out at very beginning. 7 different story lines happening all at once with 4 going absolutely nowhere and ending abruptly. Then takes out the final boss while sitting down flailing his arms wildly. That game would be BADASS!!!!

    • @F1lip3JF
      @F1lip3JF Рік тому +4

      THAT would be amazing.

    • @brendonculhane7321
      @brendonculhane7321 Рік тому +7

      Actually Konami released a fighting game on the PS1 called Kensei : Sacred Fist. One of the playable characters bares a close resemblance to Mr Seagal.

    • @vincentvanzant321
      @vincentvanzant321 Рік тому +5

      @@brendonculhane7321 now I have to find this game.

    • @ericwoods6286
      @ericwoods6286 Рік тому +4

      Sifu pc community already made a mod for that. One of his special focus attacks calls in a body double when the player needs to do some high flying gymnastics work. No guns, it's just kung fu from the base game.

    • @sharpfalcon6196
      @sharpfalcon6196 10 місяців тому

      @@brendonculhane7321 Douglas Anderson looks incredibly like 1990s Steven Seagal.

  • @head_bussa
    @head_bussa Рік тому +17

    Seagal is the type of guy who has so much pride. If he gets a movie script that shows him being hit once in a fight, we won't approve it.

    • @sethlangston181
      @sethlangston181 5 місяців тому +3

      The only time he does get hit was by some random voodoo guy that was introduced 5 minutes before the end of the movie, but even then, voodoo guy is randomly killed off by chanting Buddhist monks 😂

  • @julieta203
    @julieta203 Рік тому +52

    " Seagal really believes people find true love at strip clubs" That was pure gold!

    • @kirkhotopp2522
      @kirkhotopp2522 2 місяці тому

      Steven Seagal can find true taking a Lady from A Strip Bar to The Golden Corral

  • @YoursTruly_16
    @YoursTruly_16 3 місяці тому +3

    'He does what he does best.'
    'Go to a Strip club'😆

  • @elduderinoakahisdudeness
    @elduderinoakahisdudeness Рік тому +53

    The magic boobies message was the best part of the plot.

  • @jay-ham5649
    @jay-ham5649 Рік тому +69

    “Family sized order of food is starting to win him over” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @DarkKnightCap
    @DarkKnightCap Рік тому +45

    He has to have the world record for fight scenes while sitting down.

  • @OldNerdPlayingOldPCGames
    @OldNerdPlayingOldPCGames Рік тому +132

    14:59 Actually, Seagal got sore while filming, but he's so lazy he didn't want to repeat the shot, so they had to add the voodoo afterward to explain it appropriately.

    • @CDPW
      @CDPW Рік тому +39

      What would've been more realistic is explaining he had a heart attack from eating too much nachos.

    • @OldNerdPlayingOldPCGames
      @OldNerdPlayingOldPCGames Рік тому +4

      @@CDPW Indeed, this is also very probable. Poor man, I started to feel sorry for him. He should rather have used a double, as always.

  • @DangerousPuhson
    @DangerousPuhson Рік тому +15

    Love the consistency in cycling through the pronunciations of "Reye-yoo", "Ree-yoo", and "Roo" throughout. Gold.

  • @abdulmodibbo6319
    @abdulmodibbo6319 Рік тому +53

    "And everyone just start shooting everyone else" best plot twist ever.

  • @rodneyjessop3398
    @rodneyjessop3398 Рік тому +276

    When the cost of living goes through the roof and it is hard to find anything to smile about God bless Steven for making yet another comic master piece for all to laugh with/ at.

    • @matricule69
      @matricule69 Рік тому +15

      i had the exact same feeling...it made me laugh....and relax and see the the absurdity in this world

    • @dreia2405
      @dreia2405 Рік тому +6

      How about blessing Space Ice too 😃

    • @cybergothika6906
      @cybergothika6906 Рік тому +1

      Amem, my brother.

    • @jrbear-qb4ko
      @jrbear-qb4ko Рік тому +3

      Belly of the beast, the most appropriate title for a Seagal movie I've ever seen.

  • @NDB-Semper
    @NDB-Semper Рік тому +7

    "Even Segal's wondering if this is too stupid, even for him." Superior narration Mr. Ice

  • @noControl556
    @noControl556 Рік тому +36

    Got to give it to Seagal for having the balls to call a move "Belly of the Beast" with a gut like that.

  • @christophermolina9231
    @christophermolina9231 Рік тому +72

    The secret location written on the lady’s chest had me in stitches 😂

  • @omerta316
    @omerta316 Рік тому +11

    He's basically playing himself in every movie

  • @definitelynotseagal-iz3qc
    @definitelynotseagal-iz3qc Рік тому +43

    The police chief guy does not risk moving while Seagal is not looking at him because he knows of Seagal's deadly no-look aiming technique all too well. Also, Seagal is actually tracking him by his reflection in the other officers forehead sweat. Duh.

  • @WraithDesignz
    @WraithDesignz Рік тому +179

    These are such GOLD. Please, never stop making these unless it pisses you off and your sick of this shit, but even so....never stop. I couldn't laugh harder if I wished it.

    • @AmunitionMagicn
      @AmunitionMagicn Рік тому +13

      I second this guys comment. Never stop because these are priceless.

    • @BewareTheLilyOfTheValley
      @BewareTheLilyOfTheValley Рік тому +6

      He'll run out of movies eventually, but I still hope he finds other horrible movies to review.

    • @moncreebrown948
      @moncreebrown948 Рік тому +1

      Man I swear, this shit is way too funny.

    • @WraithDesignz
      @WraithDesignz Рік тому +1

      @@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley I see TV series in the near future then, and possibly, followed by video games and their storylines and how F'd up some can be. :P

  • @qpeocn
    @qpeocn Рік тому +35

    Funny how the kidnapped daughter disappeared from plot. 🤣

  • @pvt.prinny759
    @pvt.prinny759 Рік тому +17

    I’m actually impressed he is very good at writing movies like an AI would

  • @shivalishankersharma1562
    @shivalishankersharma1562 Рік тому +227

    I lost it at the voodoo guy stabbing the doll and Seagal trying to express what is supposed to be pain by slightly frowning his eyebrows

    • @SILOPshuvambanerjee
      @SILOPshuvambanerjee Рік тому +16

      I loved when the Taxi guy got killed for no reason

    • @YokaiX
      @YokaiX Рік тому +6

      ​​@@SILOPshuvambanerjeeHe didn't wanna pay the driver

    • @birbwatcher5515
      @birbwatcher5515 Рік тому

      i was lost at those magic boobs who reveals secrets

    • @38dragoon38
      @38dragoon38 Рік тому

      He looked like he was hungry rather than in pain!

    • @Pandalka
      @Pandalka Рік тому +1

      @@SILOPshuvambanerjee and how nobody in that universe cares about all the dead bodies left behind

  • @moxifloxi
    @moxifloxi Рік тому +31

    UA-cam’s guidelines are a joke 💀
    Never ever stop making these

  • @MrQynchou
    @MrQynchou Рік тому +29

    "a high speed blur slowly rolling past them"
    these recaps are too good

  • @ModestCube100
    @ModestCube100 Рік тому +20

    When he was sliding I lost it😂😂😂😂

  • @ObeyBanksy
    @ObeyBanksy Рік тому +88

    Absolutely hilarious commentary, very clever. I almost feel like Seagal simply films like 5 minute blocks and then just mixes and matches these blocks at random until he reaches the desired length, slaps a title on it and calls it a movie.

  • @eoinoconnell185
    @eoinoconnell185 Рік тому +222

    As of 2022, Segal's net worth is $16 million.
    Truly one of the greatest comedy actors of all time !

    • @Daemonarch2k6
      @Daemonarch2k6 Рік тому +16

      Legends had it, that seagal movies have so much seagal stunt doubles in it, than marvel movies CGI-artists in them.

    • @Milo-il9qc
      @Milo-il9qc Рік тому +6

      also one of the most athletic aswell as intelligent people on the planet

    • @colmanpm
      @colmanpm Рік тому

      Wow. That much?🤨😂🙈

    • @The_Original_Brad_Miller
      @The_Original_Brad_Miller Рік тому +3

      And that is the true secret of Segal..... Every one complains his movies are pure $hit, but they are released overseas and Segal gets Paid again and again lol

    • @Flint-Dibble-the-Don
      @Flint-Dibble-the-Don Рік тому +8

      @@The_Original_Brad_Miller He's the face of a money laundering front. He's paid to make it all seem legit.

  • @ac4185
    @ac4185 Рік тому +101

    Life isn't fair. He has the looks, the fighting skills, and the acting chops. What do I have?

    • @suXses
      @suXses Рік тому +38

      Asthma? Diabetes? Hypertension? Delusions of grandeur? I'm sure Seagal has atleast three of these.

    • @humbleking800
      @humbleking800 Рік тому +1

      Also a world renowned Blues Guitarist

    • @mozi3051
      @mozi3051 Рік тому +22

      The priviledge of watching him.

    • @falconeshield
      @falconeshield Рік тому +4

      A valid passport?

    • @jsilva4847
      @jsilva4847 Рік тому +3

      Shame?

  • @joestunnerboxing
    @joestunnerboxing Рік тому +9

    Seagal's permanent furrowed brow always suggests he's just realised he's left the iron on.

  • @SirWilliamKidney
    @SirWilliamKidney Рік тому +58

    I'm glad we finally get to see such a realistic representation of a Taiwanese voodoo monk telepathy battle! Western movies are just scared of showing so much realism I'm glad Seagal can cut through the bull and give us real life action!

    • @viriya24
      @viriya24 Рік тому +1

      It’s Thailand. I feel bad for Taiwan taking the responsibility of this. We are going to proudly take the L

  • @destinyjamcookie
    @destinyjamcookie Рік тому +23

    “Even seagull’s wondering if this has gotten too stupid even for him” nah we’re good 😂

  • @BknMoonStudios
    @BknMoonStudios Рік тому +330

    The fact that Ryu destroyed an army of Tailandese soldiers in the same time it took Seagal to defeat _one_ person will never stop being hilarious to me.

    • @user-njyzcip
      @user-njyzcip Рік тому +27

      Thai*

    • @snowwhitever2336
      @snowwhitever2336 Рік тому

      @@user-njyzcip ok smartypants . no one cares . here is your raw egg. enjoy.

    • @snowwhitever2336
      @snowwhitever2336 Рік тому

      @@user-njyzcip you are dumb as a rock. what if i can watch gaming videos and also play games myself. how dare i do something i enjoy and how dare i enjoy watching gaming videos you nerd.

    • @Nobody-yt9gz
      @Nobody-yt9gz Рік тому +10

      The lad continued to kill what remained from the army and Stevy found the general during that by the way

    • @rfe8nn2
      @rfe8nn2 Рік тому +21

      When in Thailand do what Van Damme does and not Steven Seagal.

  • @frederickwagner5776
    @frederickwagner5776 Рік тому +12

    This guy bagging on Seagal has got to be some of the highest value entertainment out there 😂

  • @RM-dq9ne
    @RM-dq9ne Рік тому +85

    "Still more believable than Seagal doing gymnastics " im dead 😂

    • @Haibing22
      @Haibing22 Рік тому +2

      “Oh, for f**ks sake, Seagal!” 😂😂😂

  • @d3l3tes00n
    @d3l3tes00n Рік тому +20

    You have the best titles for these videos. They're always 100% correct, too. My favorite was, "Steven Seagal's movie The Foreigner is the worst movie since his last." I died.

  • @joeschlotthauer840
    @joeschlotthauer840 Рік тому +17

    2:31, the actor falling down is trying to hide his laughter.

  • @si0054
    @si0054 Рік тому +10

    I can’t even imagine the lunacy that goes on during takes. It’s like Seagull is purposely taking the piss, that’s got to be it. Seagull has an immense sense of depreciating humour and we have all missed it. 😂😂😂

  • @ericrecano8557
    @ericrecano8557 Рік тому +52

    This review was a bonafide masterpiece-how Sensei Seagal is able to keep cranking these terrible movies out is a mystery since I find it hard to believe that any of these make any profit-but I’m glad he does so that you can keep making these amazing reviews!

    • @davidconsumerofmath
      @davidconsumerofmath Рік тому +1

      Is a mystery to me too as well how they keep on making a profit??? As surely they must, why else do they keep on getting made??

  • @omnianima4540
    @omnianima4540 Рік тому +22

    Me and my mom watched a shit ton of movies back then, whenever this guy came up she would just laugh and instantly switch the channel and drop a few jokes about him, like I didn't have any opinion since I hadn't watched anything. Now 2:36 Minutes in, I understand everything

  • @gregorypatterson7530
    @gregorypatterson7530 Рік тому +9

    Bro the breast scene was crazy 🤣😂😂😂😂😂. I can't believe I use to think Steven Segal's movies were good 😂😂

  • @ThomasfromDenmark1
    @ThomasfromDenmark1 Рік тому +16

    "What he does best - goes to a stripclub, makes stripper fall in love with him" LoooooL broh, everytime!

    • @JoMagic-ny8zu
      @JoMagic-ny8zu Рік тому +1

      It's because these chicks can't resist the dadbod....💪

  • @nanucit
    @nanucit Рік тому +105

    12:09 the US saving the hostages by killing the hostages is the most believable part of all Seagull's movies 🗽

    • @kobaltsteel6418
      @kobaltsteel6418 Рік тому +2

      And even then, I still don't think that happens... they'd probably take forever to save them instead, for some reason

    • @TheDigitalThreat
      @TheDigitalThreat Рік тому

      @@kobaltsteel6418 in reality they wouldnt be in that situation! As the government- well the CIA, would be the ones holding the hostages to begin with~!

    • @charlescossel7948
      @charlescossel7948 Рік тому +1

      Totally brilliant!

    • @DeadFishFactory
      @DeadFishFactory Рік тому +5

      I think that's Russian special forces more than US ones.

    • @mosesgoldbergshekelstien1520
      @mosesgoldbergshekelstien1520 Рік тому

      @@DeadFishFactory nah sounds like America “ let’s save the kids at WACO by lighting them on fire then we will pose on the corpses of the dead and take pictures but then do a Netflix doco and say it made us sad that we killed women and children “

  • @shockwave402
    @shockwave402 Рік тому +15

    I love all the "Anyways" transitions in all these videos after he gives up on trying to explain the stupidity in these films.

  • @nuzhinga
    @nuzhinga 7 місяців тому +5

    Seagal just makes up some hand signals. 😂

  • @Downbeers
    @Downbeers Рік тому +18

    The only good thing to come out of Steven Seagal movies are Space Ice’s reviews, and for this reason I hope Steven never stops making movies

    • @fanofgodjimindiva2497
      @fanofgodjimindiva2497 Рік тому +2

      Ralphthemoviemaker has also made some hilarious reviews of Steven Seagal's movies

  • @brianlash154
    @brianlash154 Рік тому +40

    There was a time when I was younger and took these movies serious and believed everything I saw

  • @ryanhills3456
    @ryanhills3456 Рік тому +21

    When a man makes a full-time career roasting Steven Seagal, and it gets funnier with each video. The hero we didn't ask for but the hero we've always needed.

  • @nabeelahmedkhanofficial
    @nabeelahmedkhanofficial Рік тому +18

    Its remarkable how Seagal with literally zero talent in acting, story writing and direction doesn't let it stop him from doing acting, story writing and direction.

  • @JohnThunder
    @JohnThunder Рік тому +69

    7 rules for life of Steven Seagal ( I learned ) from this movie :
    - Act like you own your shit - ( even if you don't )
    - Do some fancy hands in the air dance with a serious face - ( Next Level Bullshido )
    - When running watch out for Tomatoes on the floor they can be deadly -
    - You can always find TRUE LOVE 100% at a Strip Club -
    - If you mumble too much when speaking, just dub your voice -
    - When in doubt, in life, run and join a monastery -
    - When shooting a gun and you run out of ammo, just fiddle with the slide and continue firing ( works every time )

    • @petergray7576
      @petergray7576 Рік тому +18

      Rule eight:
      -Never.... EVER.... reveal how fat you've gotten. Refrain from any physical activity, use body doubles and dubbing, and if you're face becomes fat, grow the stupidest beard in human history to conceal. Also refrain from taking your clothes off.

    • @hgfuhgvg
      @hgfuhgvg Рік тому +15

      From another movie: when shot through the heart, wrap a shirt around the chest. 100% guaranteed to work

    • @mpicc4808
      @mpicc4808 Рік тому +3

      😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂

    • @Daemonarch2k6
      @Daemonarch2k6 Рік тому +1

      Bullshido! Excellent, that's where i could get the black belt in!

    • @mayhemmcfly4229
      @mayhemmcfly4229 Рік тому +1

      The "Mumble too much? Dub your own voice" and "When in doubt, run off and join a monastery"....
      Those just killed me. The wisdom you can pick up from UA-cam comments never ceases to amaze 👍

  • @salvambala7779
    @salvambala7779 Рік тому +20

    Shout out to seagal for making the best satirical action movies. Legendary comedian

  • @denimjeanz916
    @denimjeanz916 Рік тому +25

    “There is no darkness without light and yet there is light without darkness, I am have both within me” -Steven Seagal

    • @Retardah
      @Retardah Рік тому +1

      Dumbest quote ever.

  • @jho2255
    @jho2255 Рік тому +1

    "See that's definitely him"
    Looool im dead

  • @BaldHeadedManc
    @BaldHeadedManc Рік тому +115

    Him sliding across the floor was INSANE😂😂 that had to be someone who didn't like him that allowed that to make the cut...then again it was probably Seagal who was like, "Yeah, that looks good."🤦🏼‍♂️

    • @thediaz07
      @thediaz07 Рік тому +11

      😂😆😆😂 lol exactly what was the point of him sliding?

    • @Mitch_Conner75926
      @Mitch_Conner75926 Рік тому +11

      @@thediaz07 To show how “agile” he is 😂

    • @thediaz07
      @thediaz07 Рік тому +9

      @@Mitch_Conner75926 LMAO 🤣 to show how agile his stunt double is...lol did you see the part when he punched the guys and they went flying 20 feet??

    • @dizzy1369
      @dizzy1369 Рік тому +4

      I think he was trying to show that he can do it better than van Damme. Pssst, he can't. 🤣🤣🤣 No one did it better than Weng Weng though 🤣😂🤣

    • @BaldHeadedManc
      @BaldHeadedManc Рік тому +4

      @@dizzy1369 probably cause Weng Weng actually got shoved across the floor, I love that shit, they'd need heavy machinery to do that to Seagal😂😂

  • @joe1504
    @joe1504 Рік тому +21

    I'm starting to think Segal is trolling us with this over the top movies that make no sense. Love him or hate him, nobody will forget him. Legend

  • @JMurdochNZ
    @JMurdochNZ Рік тому +16

    I was brushing my teeth at the hand signals bit and nearly sprayed toothpaste foam everywhere. Great video as always dude.

  • @roryslaine7896
    @roryslaine7896 Рік тому +187

    At this point, I am CONVINCED that finding someone who watches Sensei Seagals movies unironically or not for comedy purposes is rarer than seeing a a Unicorn walking down the street with a leprechaun on it's back.

    • @mohammadsattar5488
      @mohammadsattar5488 Рік тому +9

      Check out a guy named Jason Brant. He and his mates all.watch mostly Sensei Seagal movies and just rip into him. It hilarious

    • @videoestres
      @videoestres Рік тому +11

      my dad likes his movies

    • @gotaplay
      @gotaplay Рік тому +2

      " Sensei " ????? That's a joke , that guy is a legend in his own mind .. Not to mention he owes $200,000 in fines to SEC ( securities and exchange commission )

    • @mohammadsattar5488
      @mohammadsattar5488 Рік тому +7

      @@gotaplay I take it sarcasm is lost on you ?

    • @platonicbuu7454
      @platonicbuu7454 Рік тому +7

      my dad still takes them seriously. it's amazing

  • @Horizon344
    @Horizon344 Рік тому +13

    5:28 That's a man dressed as a woman, isn't it??