"Is it very hard?" "No. It's exactly the same as being dead, which is not difficult, is it? Being dead is easy. You don't do anything at all. You can't do anything when you're dead." God, that's heart wrenching.
That's one reason why don't believe he can just think 7 second far. He wouldn't be able to say something so deep. Because from listening to the question, then find such an amazing answer and put it into words needs AT LEAST 1 minute.
@@thomasb.2506 In my opinion British people are way snappier with things like this, they're very witty and charming. I'm not surprised at all that this came to his mind, as he is dearly in love with his wife still, he even calls her semi-frequently, but I'm sure it would be more often if it weren't for the people helping him.
I think it's not so much that he can only remember things for 7 seconds, but rather that he can only hold on to one train of thought, and as soon as he lets go of that train of thought he's forgotten it. He clearly carried conversations much longer than 7 seconds in the video.
I really can’t imagine suddenly becoming aware for the first time in years, getting so excited that you have to go write it down, only to find the book is already filled with your own handwriting recording that exact thing happening over and over, the most recent one being just minutes ago.
@@acleanpairofsocks that's terrifying. I wonder if he experiences the fear. Because it seems like this is just a human without consciousness. Like he's just the body and that's it. Strange as it gets in my opinion.
@@SAM-bz9zj I agree it's too little time wise. But I don't think it's easy to be there and have almost nothing of your mate left.... Just a body and a wit, but no recollection of your history, no way to connect on anything except the current moment.
@Mister Paradise I know it must be terribly difficult for this woman. I do hope she goes back and views this video and comments. Then she would realize The importance of being by his side more on a daily basis or perhaps a couple times a week. I know I have seen many people go through similar situations however I think her situation is much better than what I have seen my friends go through when dealing with dementia. I do hope she returns to him more quickly because he awaits for her return. I am sorry I have not replied quicker. It seems to be UA-cam is not sending me comments or replies back towards my comment. To me this is a form of censorship and I do not like what has been taking place. Anyway have a great day.
Or another way to look at this is after so long of marraige (I guess even though he doesn't know how long it's been) he still get this crazy love for her
Flashbacks of my own Dad. An insulin overdose stole his long and short term memory when he was 44. He was a great Dad, but he was left w/ no recall of raising my sister and me. He only remembered his own life up to the age of about 18. He had to rely on caregivers for the last 30 years of his life. As a diabetic he couldn't recall if he'd taken his insulin 5 min. ago...or eaten breakfast etc...but he was a proud former Marine and when he was unsure, he would make up an answer and deliver it w/all the conviction of someone who really knows. It was a dangerous power struggle to manage his diabetes. RIP Dad.
@@christinamoore9308 damn sounds like my grandfather who is probably going to die in the next month at most. He was always kinda combative regarding his diabetes. these last months he didnt remember if he had eaten, taken insulin or really anything at all. he even forgets he has to pee and ends up trying to rush to the bathroom, unsuccesfully.
@@iluvatarchem weird...Has your life really been so cushy and boring that you don't have a story of your own? That's wild. I see it's made you angry and bitter enough to throw shade at strangers on line. So sad. Most ppl know this, but if you check the comments for a video about a mountain climbing accident, you'll likely find people in the comments sharing stories about their own mountain climbing accidents. If you check comments in a video about a ckn soup recipe, you'll see people sharing their own ckn soup recipes, and if you check the comments in a video about a puppy rescue, you'll find comments about unrelated efforts to rescue puppies. It's not random at all. It's highly predictable human behavior. May you never know anything about the kind of decades-long, family tragedies that millions endure everyday. trump voter.
Nothing wrong with speech and playing music :) He also seem to have a good mood most of the time, but probably often confused and sad too. Cool old man :)
It's so interesting how he seems to say things like "no idea," "never seen it before," "unknown to me," etc. very flatly and matter of factly. Maybe over years and years, some bit of subconscious learning has happened and he's not really surprised by that fact anymore. Maybe that's why the aggression and distress went down too.
i'm sure that whether he consciously remembers it or not, he's also sick of having to answer the same questions over and over and over and over and over and perform these same little tricks over and over and over for "normal" people to watch in awe and horror and feel humanity again in their ability to feel pity for him.
He's still in there. His subconscious. When she spoke to him in the church about how much a difference he's made you can see him getting choked up. She spoke for so long his subconscious was listening the whole time. We know so little about our brains. Another interesting thing was him being upset in the early years with the condition and how it settled. I believe his subconscious accepted it whether he's aware of it or not. I'm trying to think of an example of this in a fully capable brain but I can't think of any at the moment. I may come back and edit this comment with examples.
The hard part wit this poor man is that HE KNOWS. He's not living some magical life where he doesn't even know he has issues, the man recognizes that he cannot think. That hit me hard when he stated he is completely incapable of thinking, he was making concious efforts to use a part of his brain that he knows is there but just not working.
I think what really terrifies me is that he's still so mentally present . He's not absently just existing as a vegetable, he's able to make conversation, even joking around and being quite charming. With late-stage dementia, the person will just be incoherent and confused, but Clive is a perfectly normal man who just isn't taking in any new information.
"So millions of people know you." "How embarassing" I laughed with him at first, until it hit me that only 3 minutes into this documentary I already know more about him than he does. That's terrifying
@@goite2654 he won’t remember what he ate but he will definitely know that he is full or is hungry. The feeling of your stomach and hunger is like breathing, it’s involuntary. You don’t have to tell yourself to be hungry and eat, it’s all on autopilot
This happened to my father. Herpesviral encephalitis. His body is still alive, but my dad very much died 11 years ago. It's so hard to explain to people that I just stopped trying, now I simply say that my father died.
@@elpusegato I can't even imagine how terrible it must feel to know that your own father isn't the same person he used to be mentally. I can only hope that you can live in peace despite your situation and that you and your father are doing well in life.
Every time he says "This is the first time I've seen a human being", he thinks this is the first time he has said it. He thinks this is the first time he came up with that answer.
@@joannestark3023 in fact, it isn't... because he has no idea he did say it before and he is stuck in a loop... i wonder how he breaks out of this loop... would he be stuck FOREVER if his room wouldn't change? or have no humans inside?
I wonder if he has recollections of his life and who he was prior to the virus mentioned in this video. Am curious how he is doing now some 15 or so years after this documentary was made. I can't find his wife's book on Kindle, unfortunately. :(
my aunt has lost her ability to remember things from a few seconds ago, much like him, but obviously not as bad. i can say though that my aunt repeats phrases and completely forgets she had ever said it. it’s kinda scary but unlike him she remembers past memories
Maybe, but he is a very smart man, despite the amnesia. He's probably figured out more than a few times that he has said a phrase more than once. It probably goes something like he comes up with "new" phrase, figures out he's probably has said it before and then immediately forgets. Poor dude
It breaks mine. It would have been better for everyone if he totally forgot his wife. She probably, because of that, had felt bound to him. Not everyone is cut out to live a life of servitude with nothing in return. Her whole life was wasted along side his. It's doubly tragic. She must have cursed the fates for that - he remembers nothing but me?? God.
When my grandma was alive and had alzheimer's, she'd have these moments where she'd become aware that there was something wrong and she'd start crying and asking why she was like this. Then a minute later she'd go back to being lost and out of it. Super sad
She said God did bless her, remember? She found the love that filled her emptiness. I have felt it as well, though I am agnostic. I am unsure if it was a "god" I felt, I tend to think it was more like our connection to one another, that we are all linked and together we are "god". People can feel that link sometimes.
@@LadyPashta i know exactly what Debrah is speaking of, because i experienced the same thing. to fill the empty void inside you, you need Jesus, there is no other way. I got down on my knees and asked Jesus for forgiveness, (i was not raised Christian) and basicly asked Him to reveal Himself to me, and He did. it was the most supernatural thing i ever experienced, it really cant be explained through words.may God bless you and reveal Him Self to you.
Amazing how he has no recollection of even having a diary at all, as he is literally walking over to write down his next entry in it. It’s like he has a subconscious awareness of certain routines, without the specifics.
I recommend the book, "The Power of Habit", which delves deeper into how a lot of things become habitual and instilled into a deeper part of the brain called the basal ganglia, saving the brain resources making some things automated. A similar case of having only short-term memory is brought up within the book, very interesting stuff.
It's non-declarative memory, and therefore a different memory that doesn't seem to be affected by the virus. He seems to have problems with his declarative memory.
I have quite severe complex PTSD due to childhood trauma and my brain didn't develop normally. Memories get wiped on occasion almost at random as a coping mechanism. I feel like a different brand new person each day because so much from the day previous is lost to me. My friends will describe things we've done together and it's like hearing a story about someone else. Sometimes it gets me really down and I wish I could have had a normal brain but watching this makes me realise I'm lucky to have the memories that I do have.
I also have CPTSD and when I watched this I said: "wow there are people who have it much worse" Because of chronic therapy at least I have some good days now. But when I am in emotional flashbacks that's really horrible.
@@jlnioannou i don't know what I have but it seems similar to cptsd and I can think back to things that couldve given me it. My life has come to a halt. Constant stress and dissociation. I recently started trying to stop dissociating at least emotionally. Now it's constant stress with some fear drizzled in. Even at fleeting times when I truly relax its overwhelming and stressful to relax and feels awful. I also am just emotionally unstable and at times like now feel as though I'm forgetting 90% of what I see with my eyes the moment it exits my vision and it almost feels as though my eyes aren't working. It's driving me mad. Since my first time getting high I have only felt worse and worse. And getting high is just instant panic attack that feels never ending and basically does never end. All it assists in doing is making me feel terrified and in a permanent state of hopelessness and haze. I used to be so smart. I used to feel like my brain would just work. Like I understood everything. I used to be so happy. I don't even remember when that was, it was so long ago. All I can do is talk about it. It won't go away no matter what I do.
@@gmodiscool14 you probably have CPTSD. You need to get help from a trained clinical psychologist. I started therapy a few years ago - if I didn't I'd probably be dead by now. In three very stressful periods of my life I also had to take medication for a while. I don't take any now.
It makes a lot of sense if you look at the parts of the brain he lost. I dont have any insight into that but it his personality is not lost. Him as a person is there but cant realize himself. Its like you being in the dark seing nothing but being there very much.
@@joelthorstensson2772 That’s the information we’ve been told, read up on it. His understanding is he possibly woke up from a coma, he frequently ask to see a doctor, or someone. He simply can not understand his situation, not in the time allotted nor under most circumstances this is a very difficult thing to process let alone under a minute. To my understanding he seems to have an extremely friendly personality and understandable one too. I know if I was asked what seems to be seemingly dumb question, I would answer quite aggressively, honestly makes me want to change. But back to the point he doesn’t understand what happened, he has a sense of self.
@@toms.4382 This doesn’t explain that now he is much more mellow than before. He used to have tantrums and fits of rage because of his frustration at what? Not being able to properly live. Over time that mellowed down, obviously he’s not consciously aware of that, but maybe subconsciously
@don't care unfortunately that is the tale of life. Things are very unfair and more often than not, things don't go according to plan... I try to look at the bigger picture of things whenever I feel like such, I compare the largest existing star to our planet to be reminded of how small we really are.
If wonder why he’s stopped outbursting angrily then..... extreme amnesia produces extreme melancholy. You wouldn’t wanna make the first person you’ve seen (you think) in 30 years upset.
This is the first time in a while a documentary has made me cry. I have chronic migraines, and in the past I've had episodes that are very close to what he's describing. An incessant need to regain your mentality. Frustration and anguish. For me I've lost sight, become dyslexic, auditorially alinguistic, and mute. But even more so it's the feeling of absolute confusion, spun around with more dizzying force than a roller coaster. Spending hours on the floor wondering how long it's been, not knowing how long it's going to last, grasping at something just recently forgotten that holds the secret. This is what I need to do. This is what I'm forgetting. But it's impossible to reach, as ephemeral as the darkness encroaching my vision. It's not black, it's absence. Incomphrehension. Nothing. Death.
I’m so sorry to hear your pain and I will pray for you. Can I say that you have an amazing way with words, what you wrote there was so beautifully written even though it describes something so horrible. You have a real gift, I hope you find a way to write more and share your world with the world
Im sorry, I experience this too. I'm not sure if it's any consolation, hearing this from another person, but you can get more used to it, your reactions do adjust, even if you don't remember it. It brings the stress down. You can create a supportive environment around you to make you less likely to panic and more likely to weather the storm. And sometimes there is great affection for that support, which replaces the fear. I wish you all the best, and hope for your full recovery. But if it doesn't arrive, your experience can still be made easier. Our lives actually are more than memory, even if we are losing something of great value. There is more to have. Sometimes it feels like that matters. Sometimes it doesn't. but sometimes it does
@@adamoganyan8981 You try to deal with him only remembering every seven seconds on an every day/365 days a year and it would probably drive you insane.
... it's strange to bring marriage into play here. This is story about a connection that goes way deeper and far beyond. Like she said: She's also a widow. And of those ... some remarry, some don't. Some have to in order to live, some need to stay away from that. But you're right: Deborah is an awesome woman. And they are still a lovely and cute couple.
@@FR0STBL0D I agree with you. My comment does seem to say that other spouses who leave, are lesser. That is definitely not true. I don't know if I could stay. One doesn't know until you are in the situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Good on her for sticking around but I don't really understand why she only visits once a month seeing how much he enjoys her company. I mean I guess It doesn't make a difference whether she visits once a day or once a month because seven seconds after she leaves it will feel to him like he has never even met her before, aside from knowing that she exists. It must feel like somewhat of a burden to her.
@@alexblaze8878 not at all, he himself even talks about his state of “unconsciousness” being comparable to death. In every mental sense of the word, the man is trapped. It is quite hard breaking
@@alexblaze8878 it likely took years of hard work and effort to get him to stop panicking about losing time and "being unconscious" every few minutes to ingrain into his long term memory what is going on.
He isn't the same person. He's a partial person in his mind. He looks the same and sounds like the same man. Beyond that there is no memory of anything. Claiming love continues is wrong. He doesn't know his own children and they said he loved them.
This made me cry. Taking care of my grandfather with advanced Alzheimer’s is soooooo much like this. He was a music minister for 40 years, and his career is one of the few things he remembers with clarity… I remind him of things he sang and I try to learn things on the piano that he would know… And he has the same humor. Witty, corny, etc…. And the same heart. That man means the world to me, and this world will not be the same without him.
"You're the first human beings I've seen, three of you. Two men and one lady. The first people I've seen since being ill. No difference between day and night, no thoughts at all, no dreams. Precisely like death." The description is always similar. He seems so alive but his experience is of a dead man walking. I don't blame him for his violent episodes early in his illness. It's amazing how he can react so well to the present without any past.
He seems to react based on his mood, when his sister left his mood went really down, also some of his responses and actions seems to be something he learns in some way, he developed some kind of routine, like crossing his diary entries and some other details shown in the documentary...
@@c_urrutia I have little to no knowledge about this but because of his situation, does it make emotions more heightened, as a result? Like, his wife or his kids leaving for the day, while something that would be not much of an issue with most people, it would be like some big situation? I have no clue and only basing it off of similar feelings I had while high on weed.
His explosive episodes make so much sense at the beginning though. He was scared cause he had no idea why he was in that place. Then secondly his wife was trying to constantly make him remember what he wrote on that diary, and he was so frustrated because he genuinely had forgotten. No wonder this man was like that. I sympathize
He had outbursts because he was confused and desperate, the trauma of being completely self-aware yet having no capacity to access any actual contextual memory or form new ones. The name of the first documentary was a truly an accurate description for it, "prisoner of consciousness". He is conscious of his own reality, yet has no ability to recall this reality, it's like being stuck in a psychological paradox. However, through time his subconsious memory has learnt and gotten used to this illness. Just like every organic lifeform evolves and learns through repeated patterns and habit, his mind has adapted to his new reality on a subconscious level even though he himself can't think that or remember it
His ex wife tortures him ! She takes him to the church, where he conducted before his memory loss. After this she tells him the whole story about him conducting, with such a sweet voice as if she loves him. As you can guess, he starts to cry, because he does not remember anything about it. This wife is a mean serpent, I hate her !
@@brochacho8156i watch alot of docs but i don’t have a fav, i pefer music and films personally. I never trust enough to allow someone to show what their reailty is, its like fiction to me.
I am so impressed how self aware he is about it and that even with no ability to form memories he is still able to talk about his illness and describe it very accurately.
It's amazing that he seems fairly aware of his "unconsciousness". He doesn't seem to panic. I work with alzheimer's patients. The similarities are astounding, but the difference are clear. He's a lovely man. And his wife is an angel.
@@lextherapy8208 in my 8 years experience, I'd say he's aware that he has missing memory. He seems to except the fact. Alzheimer's patients, in my experience, have no understanding of their disease. (I had one client who could be told they had it, and she could accept it, but this knowledge wouldn't last). Alzheimer's patients tend to be "stuck" in a period in life. My 86 yo client was convinced we were in college together. (I was in my late 30's). I'm sure there are more examples, but that's all I have right now.
@@Take-A-Ride People can say the word "amazing" without using it in the tone that it's a giddy wonderous amazing. You can use the word "amazing" while also talking about something extremely depressing. Op means just that, it's incredible that he is aware, is that a happy good thing? No, but is it almost insane that he can? Yes.
For a man who has little sense of self and no memory, he makes do in a way that many of us probably could never. Though he will never be himself again, he still is joyful and peaceful. Keep going, Clive, and may God bless you.
@ you wouldnt be happy about your condition. You wouldn't even know you have this condition. You wouldnt be able to think long enough for that. All you would know is confusion and that nothing in your life makes sense anymore.
I love how Clive holds his wife in such high regard even when guessing her job he says “Head of the United Nations” “Head of the British Empire”. They’re relationship is so cute
He reminds me of my dad during Alzheimer's. People sometimes say that a loved one with dementia leaves long before they die. My dad was always himself until his last week. His jokes, facial expressions, and things that make him happy were always the same. I learned not to ask him if he remembered certain things because it would make him frustrated. I would just talk about the present and future, and bring him a favorite snack, and that made him content. I would come to his room at memory care and say "Hi Dad!" then point to me and say my name then plop down on his bed like I owned the place. He always seemed happy to see me. Was it because he remembered me as his daughter (he never objected to me calling him dad) or the essence of me was familiar enough to him? Or was it because I reacted in a way that he remembered subconsciously. I don't know but I developed a stronger relationship with him during his years with Alzheimer's than when I was a kid.
The final exchange made me shed a tear Interviewer: "If you could do anything now, if you had free choice, what would you do next?" Clive: "Oh a gin and tonic, I think, with a cigarette. Then, of course, waiting for time to elude and disappear. And her arrival."
@@c_urrutia I think that’s him having at least some understanding of his current reality: he waits for time to elude and disappear in his next “consciusness reset” and then for the arrival of his wife, as he perceives her again.
you can see he is still himself. he still has the subconscious cognition that he always had it seems. But he just doesnt know where anything came from. I read every line of the diary that i could and you can see that he isnt completely gone otherwise every entry would be the exact same revelation almost, but as years went on his book drastically changed even some of his vocabulary changed. He became less angry as time went on because i think his subconscious is still there in some capacity and our subconscious comes from our experiences so there is some "remembering" going on that he doesnt realize.
This is so soul crushing. You can see in his eyes that he doesn’t know who any of these people are and why they’re talking to him. He’s stuck in an endless loop but he still retains his intelligence. He acts polite but I honestly think this is just pure torture for him. That clip of him from back in the 70s/80s where you see him visibly nauseous…terrible.
Him being a bit childish is a way of coping, I guess. The wonder and excitement he sometimes shows like he's still a much younger man. It's terrible but also inspiring to see him lifting himself up that way too.
The saddest part about this is that he is just SO SMART. He might be a super famous musician worldwide right now if this hadn't happened. Why am I crying lmao
How is this the saddest part? The saddest part his life was basically taken away and he is suffering for years so are the people who love him. But no, the saddest thing for you is he didn't get famous. Like if he wasn't a musician and just an ordinary working man it wouldn't be as sad.
@@annastasia.1 what i meant to say is that his life wouldn't just be good, it would be amazing, if he hadn't lost his memory ability. you woke up angry today or something?
@@kainaris being successful in an industry doesn't necessarily mean you're having a happy life. It doesn't mean anything. You better think before saying things.
After being struck by lightning back in 1999, my memory is gone, been married since 2002, don't remember our wedding, we have three daughters, don't remember their births, I remember our photos we have at home but not the actual events, same thing with a lot of things, I used to read a lot, nowadays I can't even read a newspaper, I usually forget what I'm reading about and have to go back and read from the beginning. My number memory is very much there, remember numberplates etc from my childhood while the rest of it is a blank. I can talk to my wife about something that took place in 2023 and she'll give me a confused look and tell me in happened in 2010. For me, it's been a year while for the rest of the world it's been a decade. I was 20 years old a few years ago, I can't believe I'm actually 43. I usually remember every day stuff, like somethings that has to do with school etc, but the things that matters are gone, months and years are sped up, like time is going fast forward. Time is slipping through my fingers.
The terrifying thing about this situation for me is how clearly intelligent he is. The scariest thing for intelligence is loss of itself, and he not only realizes that something is horribly wrong with his memory, but can actually analyze it with what little time he has to remember his analysis. This must be _torturous_ on I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream level. What a brilliant person he would have been if not for his disability.
@@ariarimeowmeow I think he has knowledge, but not the memory of acquiring it and no roadmap to formulate an idea to a conclusion, like having a CD filled with information and a broken laser reader
Reminds me of finally getting the right medication for a neurological problem that caused numbness and paralysis, starting in my feet and as a musician I work by playing an instrument to feed my family and I got help when I already had to resort to easier pieces. I wanted to scream at my hands to follow my commands, it was hard and yesterday was literally the first day I felt like some sensation in the feet may come back.
@@jan.plays.guitar While I am very glad that you've found medicine that allowed you to regain control of your hands (currently working on a brain-digi barrier thing to rectify that, but I can't speak much about it) it's one thing to will your muscles to do something and your muscles refusing, and it's completely another to not even have any idea when and where you had willed your muscles to move. I hope you make a speedy and permanent recovery, but the amount of anguish this guy experiences daily is just unfathomable to me
This is an unimaginable existential nightmare of ungodly proportions. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of unending abrupt beginning of consciousness.
This is so unsettling and difficult to wrap my head around. He is obviously really intelligent, and it seems like he's accepted his condition, even though he can't remember any of the thought processes.
Ikrrr! I cannot tell what it is, maybe his personality has changed slightly with time, making him more accepting of whatever happens. Or he's simply that intelligent, his brain o'clock resets and his first thought is "guess I have amnesia"
Well i guess it became just such a big thing in life that it became a part of him without the need to remember it. Like you dont have to think about your own name, or gender or something that is a part of you since "forever".
The thing that's so fascinating is what doesn't seem to be on the radar of this documentary; The fact that his brain, somewhere, *created* space for subconscious memories. Like he knows that he can't remember anything. He's not permanently freaking out about it anymore. You ask him about it and he's like "no, I don't remember. I have never seen a human being before." but that's something he inherently knows, and is calm about. Because his brain understands it. It expects it. There aren't any more violent outbursts because he doesn't feel afraid about it.
Maybe it's the fact that his long term memory isn't destroyed completely, just well, almost. He can remember his wife's looks and ways, he can also remember his own name and the English language. None of this would be possible if long term memory were destroyed entirely. It seems that the most deeply consolidated memories remain, the things you were remembered of a million times. Your native language, your name, the love of your life. I honestly have no clue, but maybe it's the same with his condition. After being told a million times that he has forgotten, he eventually has come to remember that he has this condition and was able to come to terms with it.
I also noticed how he sometimes says "since I've been ill", which means he can recall that he was ill and cite that as the reason why he is not able to remember like a normal person. I'm not sure if he was trained to do this or if he has repeated it so many times that it buried itself in his long term memory somehow.
@@raintreerefuge4679 Yet we saw he had violent outbursts in relation to that lack of memory before. But he's much more tranquil about it now. Fear of the unknown drives a fight-or-flight response, and he does not know ANYTHING, EVER... but he's neither fighting nor flighting.
Her way of describing things is indescribably wonderful. She manages to express very complex, profound human emotions very clearly and in appropriate way. She is Clive's replacement of his spirit
hamaslemany: The kind of soul mate we all search for in life. Wonderful woman Clive married. Even though he can't remember anything, she still loves him no matter what. Not many women, or even people could deal with that kind of situation.
I’ve watched this whole documentary several times, and I just noticed one of the pages in his diary says “Deborah for Eternity”. With this man literally trying to grasp every second of his life, sometimes that’s all he is able to write before he resets. It’s so tragically sweet how much he loves her.
When he’s asked “where is your diary?” He doesn’t say “what diary?”, he says “no idea, i’ve never seen it.” It’s like he’s always somehow aware of his amnesia deep down.
@@Luschan people aware there is something missing in their mind. Which is why if someone asked "What happened to you" once someone got drunk real hard last night, people most of time will say "I don't know." Which showed they know there is something missing in their memory
you can really tell the raw condition of his brain, because now you can just see how it is without all his experiences , emotions and memories in the way. Like for example something is in us maybe grown into us as we grew up in our teenage years that is not our memory but something beyond the psychological realm that grows in our brain. This gives such a chance to see this part of the brain because with memory and all the rest in the way you and neither the person itself can see the raw brain.
@@TrollProductionsMC Not really, he still has memories. He just doesn't have the ability to make new ones or retain short term memories. There's a frame of a person there, most certainly not a raw brain.
@@Simulator51 He doesn't have memories of events, it's his first time seeing his wife but he knows its his wife, he knows stuff but doesnt know the events and why he knows these stuff. With raw brain I don't mean a brain without anything as I said a brain without experiences, emotions and memories in the way.
@@Simulator51 They said he doesn't have any memories, not even his old ones. He has what you could call "ghosts" of memories. He knows he's married, but he doesn't remember the courtship or the wedding. He knows his son's face, he just can't remember how, nor his son's name. He doesn't know that he was a composer for the BBC. He doesn't remember ever having met a person before, and repeatedly says through the video, "You're the first people I've ever seen in my life. I have no memories before this." Yet he knows what people are; he knows how to talk, how to make clever remarks, how to sing and play songs. You could surmise that his brain has lost the ability to store details about events, but some of the farther-reaching information and the skills acquired from those events are stored in a different part of his brain that still works.
What scares me and I hope I’m not right. I wonder if the way he remembers people, is by their voices, like music. So if he lives long enough with her and her voice changes from old age, he won’t have a clue who she is then. He’ll know who his wife is from her young voice but not her old voice. That’s why he can’t recognize his sister or his children. He just remembers their voices and that clues him in on his wife.
She has to be the most supporting wife to ever exist, this is true love right here..."clive and i are in a different plane, we are in a world where there's no time"
And even if I got left after something like this happened to me I couldn't blame them. I mean just watching this brought me to tears multiple times, I couldn't imagine the emotional stress I would cause someone to endure that loved me like that. She's an actual angel. But only a slight fraction of the pain she felt I was able to feel and even that was monumental.
Those voice messages were absolutely heartbreaking, you can hear the absolute terror in his voice. Poor man, but lucky man to have such supportive and loving family
Yeah those voicemails really got me as well. I cannot even imagine the pain he has endured repeatedly. It's an endless cycle. Bless him. Also, his wife is a saint.
I guess the only solace being that he doesn't remember being enraged about it. Imagine waking up every minute, but actually retaining how maddening it is... that would drive me to kill myself, for sure. But for him, it happens again and again, but he has no memory of it.
@@Flea_ip yk I guess you’re right but the way he says it every time and the way he’s scrawled it in his notebook/diary and the fact that he sees the previous entry just a few minutes ago would probably still be terrifying. The human brain is fascinating I just can’t imagine what it’s like
Maybe. It could be like how we dream though. Just a constant, strange state where you want to ask questions but you just sort of go along with stuff until you wake up.
"We don't need to be in time, we don't need to be in any particular place because we're on another plane, Clive and I. We're in a world where there is no time". Now that's love. I simply can't stop my tears from falling.
@@lohphat You say that, but honestly everyone seems to have essentially made their peace with it. Even Clive himself. I wouldn't say this is particularly pleasant for anyone, and you can most clearly see the pain in his kids, but they haven't seen him in so long he may as well be dead to them; the pain would be the same. The wife has grown to appreciate this to that alternative. Apart from frustration and appearances, it doesn't seem so bad as to wish death for him.
When they're apart, he can't remember her and she can't forget him. I find that incredibly, beautifully sad. He's both dead and alive but really neither. God bless her for giving her the strength and courage to go on in such difficult circumstances. Their love is truly timeless.
They literally ask him at some point what he wants to do and he is talking about her arrival. He does remember her, he just doesn't remember anything they have ever done together. He's in that loop where he constantly thinks "What just happened, I can't remember anything? I just woke up from a coma? Got to write that down. Gotta call my wife. Waiting for her arrival." Can you imagine...I honestly don't want to.
After hearing him say "this is the first time i have ever seen a human being" i understand what its like to be him. Imagine just waking up from a sleep and the person next to you starts talking about how are you and they ask "so what are you going to be doing later" and you say "i don't know i just woke up for the first time i literally have never seen you before" but you didn't just wake up because you have been alive for years. For him his life will be as the following: not sick, sick, the last 7 seconds im alive and that's it.
yes, but do you think he remembers what tennis is? and she never said that he watched tennis, out of the two sports she listed. I argue he said intentness and the subtitles were correct. "Intention or purpose" i choose to translate what he said as, Love is just what you feel, you don't love said person for any reason, some people choose to love people over their body's, and therefore tend to neglect their partners mental needs. some people fall in love with people's personalities and neglect their physical needs. People may even fall in love with someone for the purpose of just having a family. But if you fall in love without intention. it's just love and you're Intune with that person on every level. Thats just the way I see it.
Watching someone so intelligent try and figure out their entire life in several seconds before it's gone is a new type of cruel pain I never knew existed. His mind has stayed incredibly sharp, considering how long he has gone without any new memories or mental stimulation.
I'd almost say that he is under constant mental stimulation. He is in a constant state of feeling that every experience is entirely new and everything he is told he is learning for the first time. Every waking moment of his life is new memories and extreme stimulation. I'm less impressed he's still sharp and more impressed that his mind hasn't completely snapped.
@@hunnyjar8937 well, i think muscle memory also plays a role in it. happens to me sometimes. i’ll just play a piece without even knowing the name or where i got it from. he’s still incredible being able to learn pieces with his condition though.
The memory could be recorded to where only his subconscious would have access. He may very well "remember" detail to a certain extent on a subconscious level. Much like deja vu
When he was standing in tears hearing his wife tell him about the beautiful concert he put on at the church.. The utter disbelief that he was able to do such a thing. I was bawling 😭
it just gets me every time I watch it. makes you think of life, makes you question so so many things, questioning what being alive actually is, and shows you love that is only shown in stories. I just am completely unable to describe how great this documentary is.
Holy damn, he’s so quick-witted! Very funny guy. His passion for music is captivating, and his love for his wife is so cute. Like, he doesn’t know anything about her, just knows he loves her.
I feel Ike he shows love truly does exist man!! Like if you can forget everything about the person you love except they made you fall for them so much harder that they’re the only few people you remember that’s real man!
The way he responds to a question, there is no delay! How quickly he processes it or because there is no other thought there to go through to consider for an answer.
Well, there's evidence that he isn't forgetting everything, simply the specifics. Like if I asked you, "What year did you go to school" that's information you'd probably need to recall from memory somehow, by reconstructing some mental image maybe. But if I asked you, "Have you been to school?" you probably don't even need to think you'd just say, "Yes!" That, and he's aware that he's ill and probably instinctively tries to come up with a coherent response before forgetting what he's responding to or what he's even saying. It's incredibly impressive to watch him hold a conversation and I'm sure there was a lot of training involved. This man is remarkable :)
He was angry in the beginning of his illness whereas now he is very calm even though his conditoon hasn't got any better. He can't remember anything but his mind somehow found a peace.. Really hard to understand.
Yeah I wonder if he’s on medications or if it just happened like that. I’d think that if he was persistently agitated, some sort of sedative may have been prescribed but who knows.
@@joshuagavaghan224 There's a point in the documentary where it's mentioned that they don't know why he's become so calm over the years. Maybe generally being at peace or generally being frustrated has to do with a part of the brain that is not influenced by the hippocampus.
Not to hard to imagine. While most of the damage is permanent, the brain is still incredible at making new connections for old systems. Of course this process only goes so far sometimes but it seems like parts of his brain have learned to become accustomed to his current condition. All that cortisol being released is still recognized by the brain sub-conciously so internally it knows he was constantly in a stressed state and something had to be done about that. Just my theory though.
Id guess hormone levels changing with age Drugs Or what id put my money on something akin to muscle memory doing its work which doesn't require the hippocampus to work remember most of his brain still works
It's like the opposite of a ghost. A ghost sees themselves as alive but to everyone else they're dead. But he seems to see himself as dead, but to everyone else he is still alive, talented, and adorable.
Well, he doesn't exist from his own perspective, his all life is single 30 seconds of wakefulness with no future or the past. In a way, he is in a lucid comatose state, he is neither sentient nor sapient outside of what he perceives as a single moment of wakefulness. It appears that initially, he was suffering from this condition as the moment of wakefulness and restart were rather sharp leaving him confused and disoriented. I suppose he becomes less awake over the years as he just going with the events making us perceive him as a fairly coherent individual with only mild disorientation, yet his memory function has not improved it's hard to notice the exact moment he loses the connection and gets awake again in the later footage.
This documentary has made me realize that knowledge is different and distinct from memory. This guy can't remember the things he did with his wife, but still he can look at her and know she's someone he loves. Truly fascinating.
Wow , then love just might be the part of what Science or none believers think is a brain control part of life, yet this shows it's more of a spirit or deep power that can never be destroyed , and still will be after Death may be.
You'll notice I think that earlier in his illness he never mentions that he knows he's ill. Now 20 years later he knows. I think this is what led to lessen his outbursts. I think his brain slowly rewired itself to at least grasp onto this and it makes everything slightly less scary.
Reading up on his case online, it seems he can learn via repetition - for example he might anticipate something happening in a recorded video, but he has no recollection of how he learnt it was going to happen.
@@izzieb then it makes sense that he has retained some of the habitual impulses or the rememberance of things he did before he was ill: like his wife, calling her ny her name, playing music, remembering to write in a journal every time, just being aware that he's ill... fascinating but horrifying
My grandmother had Lewy Body dementia, and in her early stages after diagnosis she would get angry and paranoid about things, but as she got worse she accepted it and was much more sweet and docile. Obviously her condition progressed whereas Clive's remained the same, but perhaps there are some parallels.
'If you could do anything now, if you had free choice, what would you do next?' 'Have a gin and tonic, and a cigarette, and of course waiting for time to renew and disappear, and her arrival.' That was such a powerful response. The intelligence, eloquence and love in this man is awe inspiring.
mannn. Idk if this bud got me emotional but you can see how just sad everybody is truly. He is so smart and kind. He must be terrified most of the time bc he knows time is going on he just can't control anything in his mind. that concert scene was deep.
@@dennisdaeditor he probably doesn't even remember remembering that he remembers when he remembered that he remembers that time he remembered that he remembers nothing until he remembers that he cant remember that he will never remember. 😥
Its like when you take acid for the first time and you cant hold a steady point in time and you're just existing lost and then you come back to reality and you're able to put a pin in time, right before you lose it again. Man subconsciously learned to just go with the vibe and maintain a constant netural. Brilliant
And the way he talks about her "I dont care how late it is come to me midnight or 1oclock i dont mind i just love you more then anything please come to me" welp ive cried
The best way to make him happier is to tell him jokes and then repeat the same joke that he laughs at the most
i... i mean its the truth
Please come visit mean hospital if I ever have another seizure.
Comedy Gold, literally
imagine "coming to" while laughing to a joke and not knowing why
Nahhhhh🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Is it very hard?"
"No. It's exactly the same as being dead, which is not difficult, is it? Being dead is easy. You don't do anything at all. You can't do anything when you're dead."
God, that's heart wrenching.
This video haunts me. Absolutely horrific.
@@KennyVert R/ProfileChecksOut
May God bless him.
@@AlexanderYamada Exactly! 😭
It’s comforting to me. Just knowing it is The End, no suffering, no regret…it’s beautiful in a way.
He’s so charming and intelligent. “What does love mean?”
“Zero in tennis and everything in life.”
I love that quote.
That's one reason why don't believe he can just think 7 second far. He wouldn't be able to say something so deep. Because from listening to the question, then find such an amazing answer and put it into words needs AT LEAST 1 minute.
@@thomasb.2506 In my opinion British people are way snappier with things like this, they're very witty and charming. I'm not surprised at all that this came to his mind, as he is dearly in love with his wife still, he even calls her semi-frequently, but I'm sure it would be more often if it weren't for the people helping him.
Tom&Leyla Brown I say way deeper things when in a similar state of being absolutely baked
@@thomasb.2506 it's a skill, just like playing music, he's good at improvising
I think it's not so much that he can only remember things for 7 seconds, but rather that he can only hold on to one train of thought, and as soon as he lets go of that train of thought he's forgotten it. He clearly carried conversations much longer than 7 seconds in the video.
I really can’t imagine suddenly becoming aware for the first time in years, getting so excited that you have to go write it down, only to find the book is already filled with your own handwriting recording that exact thing happening over and over, the most recent one being just minutes ago.
@@acleanpairofsocks that's terrifying. I wonder if he experiences the fear. Because it seems like this is just a human without consciousness. Like he's just the body and that's it. Strange as it gets in my opinion.
Imagine loving someone so much that the ONLY thing in the entire world that you can remember is them
I feel that
Music
@@SAM-bz9zj I imagine that you can only handle it so often.
@@SAM-bz9zj I agree it's too little time wise. But I don't think it's easy to be there and have almost nothing of your mate left.... Just a body and a wit, but no recollection of your history, no way to connect on anything except the current moment.
You mean meth?
The way he repeats "first time I've seen a human being" is terrifying. This is true loneliness: you don't even have yourself.
the way he so calmly says it too. It's so strange
“In what... 30 years?”
I don't believe he can understand loneliness in its entirety anymore. It's the weirdest paradox of being stuck somewhere in the middle.
he says he feels like he’s dead. he’s literally living in limbo.
his aggressive outburst probably stopped due to him growing lonely
He waits for her arrival, meaning he knows she's gone, even though he doesn't remember. The power of feeling is amazing.
@Mister Paradise I know it must be terribly difficult for this woman. I do hope she goes back and views this video and comments. Then she would realize The importance of being by his side more on a daily basis or perhaps a couple times a week. I know I have seen many people go through similar situations however I think her situation is much better than what I have seen my friends go through when dealing with dementia. I do hope she returns to him more quickly because he awaits for her return. I am sorry I have not replied quicker. It seems to be UA-cam is not sending me comments or replies back towards my comment. To me this is a form of censorship and I do not like what has been taking place. Anyway have a great day.
@WhatsTigUpToNow ? Beautiful 💯😊
Or another way to look at this is after so long of marraige (I guess even though he doesn't know how long it's been) he still get this crazy love for her
its actually kinda sad she couldve tried to visit more than once a month
Good comment
Flashbacks of my own Dad. An insulin overdose stole his long and short term memory when he was 44. He was a great Dad, but he was left w/ no recall of raising my sister and me. He only remembered his own life up to the age of about 18. He had to rely on caregivers for the last 30 years of his life. As a diabetic he couldn't recall if he'd taken his insulin 5 min. ago...or eaten breakfast etc...but he was a proud former Marine and when he was unsure, he would make up an answer and deliver it w/all the conviction of someone who really knows. It was a dangerous power struggle to manage his diabetes. RIP Dad.
Rip sounds like a legend
and the random person on utube that has a similar (and obviously fake) story.
ffs gtfo
@@christinamoore9308 damn sounds like my grandfather who is probably going to die in the next month at most. He was always kinda combative regarding his diabetes. these last months he didnt remember if he had eaten, taken insulin or really anything at all. he even forgets he has to pee and ends up trying to rush to the bathroom, unsuccesfully.
@@iluvatarchem weird...Has your life really been so cushy and boring that you don't have a story of your own? That's wild. I see it's made you angry and bitter enough to throw shade at strangers on line. So sad. Most ppl know this, but if you check the comments for a video about a mountain climbing accident, you'll likely find people in the comments sharing stories about their own mountain climbing accidents. If you check comments in a video about a ckn soup recipe, you'll see people sharing their own ckn soup recipes, and if you check the comments in a video about a puppy rescue, you'll find comments about unrelated efforts to rescue puppies. It's not random at all. It's highly predictable human behavior. May you never know anything about the kind of decades-long, family tragedies that millions endure everyday. trump voter.
@@iluvatarchem no need to be so cocky and rude
Even with his brain heavily destroyed he is capable of making smarter remarks than most people.
Completely
I bet he was a hilarious smartass before this happened
Nothing wrong with speech and playing music :)
He also seem to have a good mood most of the time, but probably often confused and sad too. Cool old man :)
Jaja. He is still smarter than most Americans.
Smarter than libtards......
"What does love mean?"
"Zero in tennis and everything in life."
Dude is totally brain-damaged and still sharper than me.
😂😂😂
HAHAHA
This is so funny
I literally thought the same way thing, I really wonder what his answer would have been if there wasn't any of the brain damage...
Intents
It's so interesting how he seems to say things like "no idea," "never seen it before," "unknown to me," etc. very flatly and matter of factly. Maybe over years and years, some bit of subconscious learning has happened and he's not really surprised by that fact anymore. Maybe that's why the aggression and distress went down too.
Ksenia like how he knows to check his watch & record in the dairy.. that he subconsciously knows to do certain things or think about them
Yeah it seems his brain has just submitted to it. Given up trying to fight against it.
i'm sure that whether he consciously remembers it or not, he's also sick of having to answer the same questions over and over and over and over and over and perform these same little tricks over and over and over for "normal" people to watch in awe and horror and feel humanity again in their ability to feel pity for him.
He's still in there. His subconscious. When she spoke to him in the church about how much a difference he's made you can see him getting choked up. She spoke for so long his subconscious was listening the whole time. We know so little about our brains. Another interesting thing was him being upset in the early years with the condition and how it settled. I believe his subconscious accepted it whether he's aware of it or not. I'm trying to think of an example of this in a fully capable brain but I can't think of any at the moment. I may come back and edit this comment with examples.
That and the environment around him has probably adapted to his condition which helps him cope
The hard part wit this poor man is that HE KNOWS. He's not living some magical life where he doesn't even know he has issues, the man recognizes that he cannot think. That hit me hard when he stated he is completely incapable of thinking, he was making concious efforts to use a part of his brain that he knows is there but just not working.
It's a testament to his character that, despite his condition, he is still a strikingly intelligent, charismatic and interesting person.
Yes, he has a bright light up in his head, but he has lost most of the things this light can hit.
LMAO your profile pic!
Kirby and Peter Griffin
@@ericmsandoval kirby griffin: its a testament to his chatacter..... ;) imagien kirby griffin talking.
bimpson
His condition doesn't really give him a choice to do otherwise
I think what really terrifies me is that he's still so mentally present . He's not absently just existing as a vegetable, he's able to make conversation, even joking around and being quite charming. With late-stage dementia, the person will just be incoherent and confused, but Clive is a perfectly normal man who just isn't taking in any new information.
All he has is the present.
Really weird yeah
@@ivyarianrhod all we have is the present
@@dfredankey But you have past and future too to hold. Not him. Present is all he has.
This thread is deep.
"So millions of people know you."
"How embarassing"
I laughed with him at first, until it hit me that only 3 minutes into this documentary I already know more about him than he does. That's terrifying
Does it terrifies you when he remembers eating...
And forgets everything else
Well put, Gideon Jones.
@@goite2654 and he cant remember what he ate
@@goite2654 no...thats basic instinct and for the body to survive it needs energy
@@goite2654 he won’t remember what he ate but he will definitely know that he is full or is hungry. The feeling of your stomach and hunger is like breathing, it’s involuntary. You don’t have to tell yourself to be hungry and eat, it’s all on autopilot
This happened to my father. Herpesviral encephalitis. His body is still alive, but my dad very much died 11 years ago. It's so hard to explain to people that I just stopped trying, now I simply say that my father died.
Take care bud!
It just hurts to read this. Feel so sorry for you.
I hope your father’s soul has been released from his body and is no longer suffering.
@@elpusegato I can't even imagine how terrible it must feel to know that your own father isn't the same person he used to be mentally. I can only hope that you can live in peace despite your situation and that you and your father are doing well in life.
That's so strange. No consciousness but the machinery is still functional. It's like a picture.
Every time he says "This is the first time I've seen a human being", he thinks this is the first time he has said it. He thinks this is the first time he came up with that answer.
He has no recollection of saying it previously or, perhaps to an extent, who the people are. Man that must be so frustrating.
@@joannestark3023 in fact, it isn't... because he has no idea he did say it before and he is stuck in a loop... i wonder how he breaks out of this loop... would he be stuck FOREVER if his room wouldn't change? or have no humans inside?
I wonder if he has recollections of his life and who he was prior to the virus mentioned in this video. Am curious how he is doing now some 15 or so years after this documentary was made. I can't find his wife's book on Kindle, unfortunately. :(
my aunt has lost her ability to remember things from a few seconds ago, much like him, but obviously not as bad. i can say though that my aunt repeats phrases and completely forgets she had ever said it. it’s kinda scary but unlike him she remembers past memories
Maybe, but he is a very smart man, despite the amnesia. He's probably figured out more than a few times that he has said a phrase more than once. It probably goes something like he comes up with "new" phrase, figures out he's probably has said it before and then immediately forgets. Poor dude
The fact that he gets so excited to see his wife and jumps like a kid in a candy store melts my heart 😫❤️
@Lord Bang-a-Lot my guy simping to the fullest
IKR!!! I wish she would visit him more 💔💔
Ugh they love each other so so much. It's so wholesome.
@Johnny Steffy so he remembers her but doesnt remember she was there a month ago? Hard to believe, crazy.
It breaks mine. It would have been better for everyone if he totally forgot his wife. She probably, because of that, had felt bound to him. Not everyone is cut out to live a life of servitude with nothing in return. Her whole life was wasted along side his. It's doubly tragic. She must have cursed the fates for that - he remembers nothing but me?? God.
it's incredibly unsettling to watch, since he clearly knows things are wrong - and him working out over and over that he's in that situation... scary
Just like PTSD.
True... 0-0
like a broken record
Like Momento
When my grandma was alive and had alzheimer's, she'd have these moments where she'd become aware that there was something wrong and she'd start crying and asking why she was like this. Then a minute later she'd go back to being lost and out of it. Super sad
18:45 the entry that said I AM ALIVE is absolutely heartbreaking. I wish him all the best.
“You take my breath away “
“It’s better to not stop breathing my dear”
I am in tearsss
I’m in tears for Debrah, can you imagine?
Jacob D I can only imagine...
She must be a strong woman. God bless her.
She said God did bless her, remember? She found the love that filled her emptiness. I have felt it as well, though I am agnostic. I am unsure if it was a "god" I felt, I tend to think it was more like our connection to one another, that we are all linked and together we are "god". People can feel that link sometimes.
@@LadyPashta i know exactly what Debrah is speaking of, because i experienced the same thing. to fill the empty void inside you, you need Jesus, there is no other way. I got down on my knees and asked Jesus for forgiveness, (i was not raised Christian) and basicly asked Him to reveal Himself to me, and He did. it was the most supernatural thing i ever experienced, it really cant be explained through words.may God bless you and reveal Him Self to you.
LadyPashta Why would someone pretend to be her husband?
"I've brought some flowers for that lovely wife of yours" says his son
"She's Gorgeous isn't she?" he said with such a proud grin
My heart melted :')
I literally just seem that part. Awesome
tell me about that fantroll
@@pinkgoth6 that would mean thinking back to my late high school/early Uni days and psychologically? That'd be a massive blow.
Come on!!...really??
@@pinkgoth6 no
Amazing how he has no recollection of even having a diary at all, as he is literally walking over to write down his next entry in it. It’s like he has a subconscious awareness of certain routines, without the specifics.
That has to be it. When he says “I’ve never heard a note” or “I’ve never seen a person” but he knows what a note is and he knows what a person is.
@@Michelle-rv9ks right
I recommend the book, "The Power of Habit", which delves deeper into how a lot of things become habitual and instilled into a deeper part of the brain called the basal ganglia, saving the brain resources making some things automated. A similar case of having only short-term memory is brought up within the book, very interesting stuff.
I was thinking the same thing.
It's non-declarative memory, and therefore a different memory that doesn't seem to be affected by the virus. He seems to have problems with his declarative memory.
I have quite severe complex PTSD due to childhood trauma and my brain didn't develop normally. Memories get wiped on occasion almost at random as a coping mechanism. I feel like a different brand new person each day because so much from the day previous is lost to me. My friends will describe things we've done together and it's like hearing a story about someone else. Sometimes it gets me really down and I wish I could have had a normal brain but watching this makes me realise I'm lucky to have the memories that I do have.
As a person with a normal brain, this sounds terrible for anyone
Same. Generally I find it easier to just live in the moment and try not to think about having no memory of what happened in the last week.
I also have CPTSD and when I watched this I said: "wow there are people who have it much worse" Because of chronic therapy at least I have some good days now. But when I am in emotional flashbacks that's really horrible.
@@jlnioannou i don't know what I have but it seems similar to cptsd and I can think back to things that couldve given me it. My life has come to a halt. Constant stress and dissociation. I recently started trying to stop dissociating at least emotionally. Now it's constant stress with some fear drizzled in. Even at fleeting times when I truly relax its overwhelming and stressful to relax and feels awful. I also am just emotionally unstable and at times like now feel as though I'm forgetting 90% of what I see with my eyes the moment it exits my vision and it almost feels as though my eyes aren't working. It's driving me mad.
Since my first time getting high I have only felt worse and worse. And getting high is just instant panic attack that feels never ending and basically does never end. All it assists in doing is making me feel terrified and in a permanent state of hopelessness and haze. I used to be so smart. I used to feel like my brain would just work. Like I understood everything. I used to be so happy. I don't even remember when that was, it was so long ago. All I can do is talk about it. It won't go away no matter what I do.
@@gmodiscool14 you probably have CPTSD. You need to get help from a trained clinical psychologist. I started therapy a few years ago - if I didn't I'd probably be dead by now. In three very stressful periods of my life I also had to take medication for a while. I don't take any now.
as soon as everyone leaves, to him he's been alone for as long as he can remember.
that's horrible.
I mean he can only remember seven seconds, so does that mean he is only alone for seven seconds?
But he doesn't realize he only has a seven second memory.
NOOOOO, THATS HORABLE, HE DESERVES SOOOOO MUCH MORE, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS APPON ANYONE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!!!
So sad
You're comment, and the realisation that that is how he must feel all the time, really hit me hard. It must be a very lonely existence for him.
he understands his situation but remembers none of it.. it's so weird
It makes a lot of sense if you look at the parts of the brain he lost. I dont have any insight into that but it his personality is not lost. Him as a person is there but cant realize himself. Its like you being in the dark seing nothing but being there very much.
Wrong, he does NOT understand his situation or why he is the way he is.
@@merodbloxlover45 and you know this how?
@@joelthorstensson2772 That’s the information we’ve been told, read up on it. His understanding is he possibly woke up from a coma, he frequently ask to see a doctor, or someone. He simply can not understand his situation, not in the time allotted nor under most circumstances this is a very difficult thing to process let alone under a minute. To my understanding he seems to have an extremely friendly personality and understandable one too. I know if I was asked what seems to be seemingly dumb question, I would answer quite aggressively, honestly makes me want to change. But back to the point he doesn’t understand what happened, he has a sense of self.
@@toms.4382 This doesn’t explain that now he is much more mellow than before. He used to have tantrums and fits of rage because of his frustration at what? Not being able to properly live. Over time that mellowed down, obviously he’s not consciously aware of that, but maybe subconsciously
"You're the first 4 people I've seen in 30 years"
Perfectly sums up what it feels like for him...
🥺
Heartbreaking
@don't care unfortunately that is the tale of life.
Things are very unfair and more often than not, things don't go according to plan...
I try to look at the bigger picture of things whenever I feel like such, I compare the largest existing star to our planet to be reminded of how small we really are.
If wonder why he’s stopped outbursting angrily then..... extreme amnesia produces extreme melancholy. You wouldn’t wanna make the first person you’ve seen (you think) in 30 years upset.
What's interestingly curious is how he knows about 30 years has passed since the incident.
This is the first time in a while a documentary has made me cry. I have chronic migraines, and in the past I've had episodes that are very close to what he's describing. An incessant need to regain your mentality. Frustration and anguish. For me I've lost sight, become dyslexic, auditorially alinguistic, and mute. But even more so it's the feeling of absolute confusion, spun around with more dizzying force than a roller coaster. Spending hours on the floor wondering how long it's been, not knowing how long it's going to last, grasping at something just recently forgotten that holds the secret. This is what I need to do. This is what I'm forgetting. But it's impossible to reach, as ephemeral as the darkness encroaching my vision. It's not black, it's absence. Incomphrehension. Nothing. Death.
Hoping and praying that you're better and that your situation will continue to improve. May God bless you in Jesus Christ!
Hope you are getting better and doing well in this current moment. If not, I wish the best for you.
I’m so sorry to hear your pain and I will pray for you. Can I say that you have an amazing way with words, what you wrote there was so beautifully written even though it describes something so horrible. You have a real gift, I hope you find a way to write more and share your world with the world
Im sorry, I experience this too. I'm not sure if it's any consolation, hearing this from another person, but you can get more used to it, your reactions do adjust, even if you don't remember it. It brings the stress down. You can create a supportive environment around you to make you less likely to panic and more likely to weather the storm. And sometimes there is great affection for that support, which replaces the fear. I wish you all the best, and hope for your full recovery. But if it doesn't arrive, your experience can still be made easier. Our lives actually are more than memory, even if we are losing something of great value. There is more to have. Sometimes it feels like that matters. Sometimes it doesn't. but sometimes it does
She took "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" to heart. She is a strong lady and wonderful wife.
Who visits once a month and didn’t take poor the man to the hospital. She ain’t that innocent!!!
@@adamoganyan8981 You try to deal with him only remembering every seven seconds on an every day/365 days a year and it would probably drive you insane.
... it's strange to bring marriage into play here. This is story about a connection that goes way deeper and far beyond.
Like she said: She's also a widow.
And of those ... some remarry, some don't. Some have to in order to live, some need to stay away from that.
But you're right: Deborah is an awesome woman. And they are still a lovely and cute couple.
@@FR0STBL0D I agree with you. My comment does seem to say that other spouses who leave, are lesser. That is definitely not true. I don't know if I could stay. One doesn't know until you are in the situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Good on her for sticking around but I don't really understand why she only visits once a month seeing how much he enjoys her company. I mean I guess It doesn't make a difference whether she visits once a day or once a month because seven seconds after she leaves it will feel to him like he has never even met her before, aside from knowing that she exists. It must feel like somewhat of a burden to her.
Somehow the worst part is how he’s obviously ‘still there’. He’s the same person, but trapped.
He’s only trapped in our perception of what being trapped means. To him, his condition is perfectly normal.
@@alexblaze8878 not at all, he himself even talks about his state of “unconsciousness” being comparable to death. In every mental sense of the word, the man is trapped. It is quite hard breaking
@@nathmukherjee8865 that seems odd considering his 7 second memory
@@alexblaze8878 it likely took years of hard work and effort to get him to stop panicking about losing time and "being unconscious" every few minutes to ingrain into his long term memory what is going on.
He isn't the same person. He's a partial person in his mind. He looks the same and sounds like the same man. Beyond that there is no memory of anything. Claiming love continues is wrong. He doesn't know his own children and they said he loved them.
......"He knows me, he might not remember anything about me.....but he knows me"
My heart😢😍
I can’t find it pin it
@@hellohellohello517 5.50
This made me cry. Taking care of my grandfather with advanced Alzheimer’s is soooooo much like this. He was a music minister for 40 years, and his career is one of the few things he remembers with clarity… I remind him of things he sang and I try to learn things on the piano that he would know… And he has the same humor. Witty, corny, etc…. And the same heart. That man means the world to me, and this world will not be the same without him.
"You're the first human beings I've seen, three of you. Two men and one lady. The first people I've seen since being ill. No difference between day and night, no thoughts at all, no dreams. Precisely like death." The description is always similar. He seems so alive but his experience is of a dead man walking. I don't blame him for his violent episodes early in his illness. It's amazing how he can react so well to the present without any past.
He seems to react based on his mood, when his sister left his mood went really down, also some of his responses and actions seems to be something he learns in some way, he developed some kind of routine, like crossing his diary entries and some other details shown in the documentary...
@@c_urrutia I have little to no knowledge about this but because of his situation, does it make emotions more heightened, as a result? Like, his wife or his kids leaving for the day, while something that would be not much of an issue with most people, it would be like some big situation?
I have no clue and only basing it off of similar feelings I had while high on weed.
@@JLCL01 Now you're thinking we make him do a crap ton of coke an see the results.
His explosive episodes make so much sense at the beginning though. He was scared cause he had no idea why he was in that place. Then secondly his wife was trying to constantly make him remember what he wrote on that diary, and he was so frustrated because he genuinely had forgotten. No wonder this man was like that. I sympathize
He had outbursts because he was confused and desperate, the trauma of being completely self-aware yet having no capacity to access any actual contextual memory or form new ones. The name of the first documentary was a truly an accurate description for it, "prisoner of consciousness".
He is conscious of his own reality, yet has no ability to recall this reality, it's like being stuck in a psychological paradox.
However, through time his subconsious memory has learnt and gotten used to this illness. Just like every organic lifeform evolves and learns through repeated patterns and habit, his mind has adapted to his new reality on a subconscious level even though he himself can't think that or remember it
His wife exudes class, beauty and elegance what a wonderful strong loving lady
Yes, she's a very beautiful, impressive soul.
His ex wife tortures him ! She takes him to the church, where he conducted before his memory loss. After this she tells him the whole story about him conducting, with such a sweet voice as if she loves him. As you can guess, he starts to cry, because he does not remember anything about it. This wife is a mean serpent, I hate her !
Achatina Slak You are the stupid person everyone searches for in the comment section.
With the way she speaks if you told me she was a published author I would not question it.
@@CC-tw6su his logic, is of that the lib hive mind cannot understand, it's called logic and realism.
This is the scariest documentary I’ve ever seen. How fragile is human consciousness.
What’s your favorite documentary that you’ve seen ?
@@brochacho8156i watch alot of docs but i don’t have a fav, i pefer music and films personally. I never trust enough to allow someone to show what their reailty is, its like fiction to me.
This is the first documentary I've ever seen
Same. Ugh frightening af
@@brochacho8156 I needed color Jim Carey is really good
I am so impressed how self aware he is about it and that even with no ability to form memories he is still able to talk about his illness and describe it very accurately.
I know this sounds corny, but it shows you how powerful love and music are. They are the only two things Clive really finds familiar.
Exactly
Love transcends memory. That what I thought watching this.
Running up that hill
Amen!!!
That's EXACTLY what I also got from watching this!
He never forgot his music and he knows how to call his wife!
Could’ve been anything, just happened to be his wife and music that he kept
I just cried and cried watching this. His desperate voice mails for his wife to visit him moments after she left. So sad.
Sam Danielle me too, this broke my heart
Breaks my heart continuously.
why cant fkrs poorf their own comment.. .. voice mails ..wtf ??
I cried the entire time. :(
It's amazing that he seems fairly aware of his "unconsciousness". He doesn't seem to panic. I work with alzheimer's patients. The similarities are astounding, but the difference are clear. He's a lovely man. And his wife is an angel.
What would you say the differences are?
@@lextherapy8208 in my 8 years experience, I'd say he's aware that he has missing memory. He seems to except the fact. Alzheimer's patients, in my experience, have no understanding of their disease. (I had one client who could be told they had it, and she could accept it, but this knowledge wouldn't last). Alzheimer's patients tend to be "stuck" in a period in life. My 86 yo client was convinced we were in college together. (I was in my late 30's). I'm sure there are more examples, but that's all I have right now.
'Amazing' how?
@@zoeyrochellezhombie829 why are you so bothered by every comment with the word “amazing” in it
@@Take-A-Ride People can say the word "amazing" without using it in the tone that it's a giddy wonderous amazing. You can use the word "amazing" while also talking about something extremely depressing. Op means just that, it's incredible that he is aware, is that a happy good thing? No, but is it almost insane that he can? Yes.
The way she loves him, encourages him, and cares for him is so special and wholesome and wonderful. God bless her and him as well
He might have a very short memory but he is extremely intelligent, brilliant.
He was.
No, he is. He just doesn't have the ability to show it.
Vasto Lorde just think how fascinating he would be had he not lost his memory.
Vasto Lorde true at the beginning he seemed slow but as the documentary went on he seemed smart.
"I haven't seen a human in years".
My heart cries for him.
Somehow he could tell that it has been years huh
@@Youuuuuu his soul must have just FELT like it was years
@Don Makaveli Why did it strike u as funny? Just curious?
what part of 7 seconds memory did you not understand?
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 seconds and everything after that is "infinity".
@@kenjidev576 there was a 45 second moment
He could not have wished for a more caring and loving wife.
she is a gem.....an amazing woman
Very true.
Nice synth rack mate, Is that a memory Moog depicted in the middle over the Jupiter 8?
you said it barry
He could not HAVE, not OF. How did you not learn this in school?
For a man who has little sense of self and no memory, he makes do in a way that many of us probably could never. Though he will never be himself again, he still is joyful and peaceful. Keep going, Clive, and may God bless you.
High level comment here.
God is what put him in this horrible situation. God is evil.
For the first time ever, I appreciate my painful memories.
Yeah I was kind of thinking the same thing. I remember every good and bad thing from my life and sometimes I hate it.
I wish I could forget some memories ...
I am very thankful for your comment 🤗🤗
@ you wouldnt be happy about your condition. You wouldn't even know you have this condition. You wouldnt be able to think long enough for that. All you would know is confusion and that nothing in your life makes sense anymore.
@ this condition would give you a whole new level of worry and no way to work through it. I cant imagine a worse state.
I love how Clive holds his wife in such high regard even when guessing her job he says “Head of the United Nations” “Head of the British Empire”. They’re relationship is so cute
The way he sees himself in a state of death and his wife; his angel that he forever waits for.
I cried so hard.
right ;((
You're not alone.
And this feels like he's interviewing in heaven, 42:38
Beautiful perspective
Yes, I am still sobbing. This is what love is.
He reminds me of my dad during Alzheimer's. People sometimes say that a loved one with dementia leaves long before they die. My dad was always himself until his last week. His jokes, facial expressions, and things that make him happy were always the same. I learned not to ask him if he remembered certain things because it would make him frustrated. I would just talk about the present and future, and bring him a favorite snack, and that made him content.
I would come to his room at memory care and say "Hi Dad!" then point to me and say my name then plop down on his bed like I owned the place. He always seemed happy to see me. Was it because he remembered me as his daughter (he never objected to me calling him dad) or the essence of me was familiar enough to him? Or was it because I reacted in a way that he remembered subconsciously. I don't know but I developed a stronger relationship with him during his years with Alzheimer's than when I was a kid.
The final exchange made me shed a tear
Interviewer: "If you could do anything now, if you had free choice, what would you do next?"
Clive: "Oh a gin and tonic, I think, with a cigarette. Then, of course, waiting for time to elude and disappear. And her arrival."
Was he talking about death?
@@c_urrutia I think "her arrival" was referring to death
@@gandalf1753 I had the same impression...
@@c_urrutia, I feel like he was talking about his wife because the camera shows a photo of her on top of the piano right after he answers.
@@c_urrutia I think that’s him having at least some understanding of his current reality: he waits for time to elude and disappear in his next “consciusness reset” and then for the arrival of his wife, as he perceives her again.
That's a shame, because you really can tell that he is a n extremely intelligent and passionate man, but that's just taken away from him
Marcel Zager
To send 20 years without learning ANYTHING new...
his still passionate and intelligent. memory taken away does not take away his character
you can see he is still himself. he still has the subconscious cognition that he always had it seems. But he just doesnt know where anything came from. I read every line of the diary that i could and you can see that he isnt completely gone otherwise every entry would be the exact same revelation almost, but as years went on his book drastically changed even some of his vocabulary changed. He became less angry as time went on because i think his subconscious is still there in some capacity and our subconscious comes from our experiences so there is some "remembering" going on that he doesnt realize.
@@verbatimshelf3121 long term memory is stored differently I think that's why
@You're Not That Guy there's something called procedural memory that is stored differently in the brain
This is so soul crushing. You can see in his eyes that he doesn’t know who any of these people are and why they’re talking to him. He’s stuck in an endless loop but he still retains his intelligence. He acts polite but I honestly think this is just pure torture for him. That clip of him from back in the 70s/80s where you see him visibly nauseous…terrible.
There needs to be a Black Mirror episode based on this.
9:00 this clip?
I think its 16:10
@@hypermangi8265
@@hypermangi8265 No
Him being a bit childish is a way of coping, I guess. The wonder and excitement he sometimes shows like he's still a much younger man. It's terrible but also inspiring to see him lifting himself up that way too.
The saddest part about this is that he is just SO SMART. He might be a super famous musician worldwide right now if this hadn't happened. Why am I crying lmao
yeah.. why are you
I cried almost the whole video
How is this the saddest part? The saddest part his life was basically taken away and he is suffering for years so are the people who love him. But no, the saddest thing for you is he didn't get famous. Like if he wasn't a musician and just an ordinary working man it wouldn't be as sad.
@@annastasia.1 what i meant to say is that his life wouldn't just be good, it would be amazing, if he hadn't lost his memory ability. you woke up angry today or something?
@@kainaris being successful in an industry doesn't necessarily mean you're having a happy life. It doesn't mean anything. You better think before saying things.
"you were marvelous, you still are marvelous". Man that got me. This lady is incredible.
Ikr, I’m in tears
I’m sobbing
Ikr
"What do you miss?"
"Being a musician. Being in love."
Most moving and thought-provoking documentary I've seen ❤
"Are you paid to come here"
"Thankfully we are"
"HOORAY"
I like him.
He's just such a softy :]
This made me laugh so much 🤣
Didn’t he say alright?
Either way that was super cute
he dont want to be nuisance to anyone
So do I .
After being struck by lightning back in 1999, my memory is gone, been married since 2002, don't remember our wedding, we have three daughters, don't remember their births, I remember our photos we have at home but not the actual events, same thing with a lot of things, I used to read a lot, nowadays I can't even read a newspaper, I usually forget what I'm reading about and have to go back and read from the beginning.
My number memory is very much there, remember numberplates etc from my childhood while the rest of it is a blank.
I can talk to my wife about something that took place in 2023 and she'll give me a confused look and tell me in happened in 2010. For me, it's been a year while for the rest of the world it's been a decade.
I was 20 years old a few years ago,
I can't believe I'm actually 43.
I usually remember every day stuff, like somethings that has to do with school etc, but the things that matters are gone, months and years are sped up, like time is going fast forward.
Time is slipping through my fingers.
Do you remember this comment?
@@SleepyOctopus1
Until you commented, nope don't remember it.
Hey - if this is real, I hope you well on the rest of your life. You may not consciously remember it, but your soul knows that event has happened.
@@hl2bigboss define soul
All power to you, my friend
The terrifying thing about this situation for me is how clearly intelligent he is. The scariest thing for intelligence is loss of itself, and he not only realizes that something is horribly wrong with his memory, but can actually analyze it with what little time he has to remember his analysis. This must be _torturous_ on I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream level.
What a brilliant person he would have been if not for his disability.
But its interesting how it shows how intelligence is independent of knowledge, or how knowledge is independent of memory
@@ariarimeowmeow I think he has knowledge, but not the memory of acquiring it and no roadmap to formulate an idea to a conclusion, like having a CD filled with information and a broken laser reader
Reminds me of finally getting the right medication for a neurological problem that caused numbness and paralysis, starting in my feet and as a musician I work by playing an instrument to feed my family and I got help when I already had to resort to easier pieces. I wanted to scream at my hands to follow my commands, it was hard and yesterday was literally the first day I felt like some sensation in the feet may come back.
@@jan.plays.guitar While I am very glad that you've found medicine that allowed you to regain control of your hands (currently working on a brain-digi barrier thing to rectify that, but I can't speak much about it) it's one thing to will your muscles to do something and your muscles refusing, and it's completely another to not even have any idea when and where you had willed your muscles to move.
I hope you make a speedy and permanent recovery, but the amount of anguish this guy experiences daily is just unfathomable to me
@@FiksIIanzO maybe read the first three words I commented again ;)
This is an unimaginable existential nightmare of ungodly proportions. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of unending abrupt beginning of consciousness.
what
Someone trying to act smart with big words
Jasmine Casserly: Well he used them correctly, so that counts for something right?
Same. That must be one of the worst existences anyone should have to endure. Can't imagine it.
Neither can he
This is so unsettling and difficult to wrap my head around. He is obviously really intelligent, and it seems like he's accepted his condition, even though he can't remember any of the thought processes.
Ikrrr! I cannot tell what it is, maybe his personality has changed slightly with time, making him more accepting of whatever happens. Or he's simply that intelligent, his brain o'clock resets and his first thought is "guess I have amnesia"
it's like he knows but can't remember it's really hard to understand
Well
Yeah
Well i guess it became just such a big thing in life that it became a part of him without the need to remember it. Like you dont have to think about your own name, or gender or something that is a part of you since "forever".
My total respect goes to Deborah who has stood by her man through the good and the bad. Bless you!
The way he repeats "no dreams, no thoughts" gets to me. Something about it is strangely poetic.
Poetic?
@@j.b.8546 sauce on this please
rinpana!!
rin is my favorite love live girl
@@felix8898 a man with amazing taste, I see
The thing that's so fascinating is what doesn't seem to be on the radar of this documentary; The fact that his brain, somewhere, *created* space for subconscious memories. Like he knows that he can't remember anything. He's not permanently freaking out about it anymore. You ask him about it and he's like "no, I don't remember. I have never seen a human being before." but that's something he inherently knows, and is calm about. Because his brain understands it. It expects it. There aren't any more violent outbursts because he doesn't feel afraid about it.
The brain really is a facinating thing!
Maybe it's the fact that his long term memory isn't destroyed completely, just well, almost. He can remember his wife's looks and ways, he can also remember his own name and the English language. None of this would be possible if long term memory were destroyed entirely. It seems that the most deeply consolidated memories remain, the things you were remembered of a million times. Your native language, your name, the love of your life. I honestly have no clue, but maybe it's the same with his condition. After being told a million times that he has forgotten, he eventually has come to remember that he has this condition and was able to come to terms with it.
I also noticed how he sometimes says "since I've been ill", which means he can recall that he was ill and cite that as the reason why he is not able to remember like a normal person. I'm not sure if he was trained to do this or if he has repeated it so many times that it buried itself in his long term memory somehow.
Those are no memories. Those are conclusions based on his lack of memory.
@@raintreerefuge4679 Yet we saw he had violent outbursts in relation to that lack of memory before. But he's much more tranquil about it now. Fear of the unknown drives a fight-or-flight response, and he does not know ANYTHING, EVER... but he's neither fighting nor flighting.
Her way of describing things is indescribably wonderful. She manages to express very complex, profound human emotions very clearly and in appropriate way. She is Clive's replacement of his spirit
hamaslemany: The kind of soul mate we all search for in life. Wonderful woman Clive married. Even though he can't remember anything, she still loves him no matter what. Not many women, or even people could deal with that kind of situation.
It would be terrible if he outlived his wife
He would be so sad
@@dundermifflin3847: No, because he wouldn't remember she ever existed. You can't be sad if you can't remember what you've lost.
@@tigervalley62 no because it says that he ask to see her sometimes, and he remembers her from before the amnesia
You worded that so classy and correctly.
I’ve watched this whole documentary several times, and I just noticed one of the pages in his diary says “Deborah for Eternity”. With this man literally trying to grasp every second of his life, sometimes that’s all he is able to write before he resets. It’s so tragically sweet how much he loves her.
When he’s asked “where is your diary?” He doesn’t say “what diary?”, he says “no idea, i’ve never seen it.” It’s like he’s always somehow aware of his amnesia deep down.
I have so many thoughts about this guy. It’s so hard to wrap your mind around what it must be like to have his condition.
@@Luschan people aware there is something missing in their mind. Which is why if someone asked "What happened to you" once someone got drunk real hard last night, people most of time will say "I don't know." Which showed they know there is something missing in their memory
He is aware of his amnesia
it’s also possible that his daily writing of the diary is remembered through his procedural memory.
@@Luschan My mom had frontemporal dementia for 6 years I sort of understand but not completely!
Damn... A seven second memory and it still doesn't outpace his wit.
was just about to say the same
"people told him to slow down. he never did". i would agree.
Talk about someone being sharp as a knife. Tragedy such a disease crippled such a genius mind.
Yes, this guy is amazing, funny and witty even in this condition, imagine how intelligent he was at his full potential
moral of the story. never be too busy that you dont wash your hands before you eat.
It's interesting how his mind works. It's obvious he was highly intelligent before.
still is
you see the way he plays piano
you can really tell the raw condition of his brain, because now you can just see how it is without all his experiences , emotions and memories in the way. Like for example something is in us maybe grown into us as we grew up in our teenage years that is not our memory but something beyond the psychological realm that grows in our brain. This gives such a chance to see this part of the brain because with memory and all the rest in the way you and neither the person itself can see the raw brain.
@@TrollProductionsMC Not really, he still has memories. He just doesn't have the ability to make new ones or retain short term memories. There's a frame of a person there, most certainly not a raw brain.
@@Simulator51 He doesn't have memories of events, it's his first time seeing his wife but he knows its his wife, he knows stuff but doesnt know the events and why he knows these stuff. With raw brain I don't mean a brain without anything as I said a brain without experiences, emotions and memories in the way.
@@Simulator51 They said he doesn't have any memories, not even his old ones. He has what you could call "ghosts" of memories.
He knows he's married, but he doesn't remember the courtship or the wedding. He knows his son's face, he just can't remember how, nor his son's name. He doesn't know that he was a composer for the BBC. He doesn't remember ever having met a person before, and repeatedly says through the video, "You're the first people I've ever seen in my life. I have no memories before this." Yet he knows what people are; he knows how to talk, how to make clever remarks, how to sing and play songs.
You could surmise that his brain has lost the ability to store details about events, but some of the farther-reaching information and the skills acquired from those events are stored in a different part of his brain that still works.
I just cannot believe how incredible this is.
A movie needs to be made about him and his wife.
He seems to be running off pure soul.
"He knows me. He might not remember anything about me, but he knows me. He knows what I'm like."
I actually let out a little sob
Yes, that was beautiful.
What scares me and I hope I’m not right. I wonder if the way he remembers people, is by their voices, like music. So if he lives long enough with her and her voice changes from old age, he won’t have a clue who she is then. He’ll know who his wife is from her young voice but not her old voice. That’s why he can’t recognize his sister or his children. He just remembers their voices and that clues him in on his wife.
@@brando3344 oh god I hope not, she’s like the only factor in his life that still makes sense😭
She has to be the most supporting wife to ever exist, this is true love right here..."clive and i are in a different plane, we are in a world where there's no time"
That's for sure.
Most people would have given up on him and left him alone like that.
And even if I got left after something like this happened to me I couldn't blame them. I mean just watching this brought me to tears multiple times, I couldn't imagine the emotional stress I would cause someone to endure that loved me like that. She's an actual angel. But only a slight fraction of the pain she felt I was able to feel and even that was monumental.
@@nploda1408 She tried to give up on him but she couldn't do it. Her love for him is too strong.
@@Valvex_ what part of she lives 40 miles away do you not understand?
One of the best quotes of the film. Truly the definition of love
Those voice messages were absolutely heartbreaking, you can hear the absolute terror in his voice. Poor man, but lucky man to have such supportive and loving family
Yeah those voicemails really got me as well. I cannot even imagine the pain he has endured repeatedly. It's an endless cycle. Bless him. Also, his wife is a saint.
Well, his wife anyway.
36:24 did you even watch? The son hasn’t visited him in 7 years.
@@XX2020XX Yeah the person that we are replying to deleted their comment. So we look like we're replying to no one! We've been had. LOL
@ERIC R HARRINGTON : DICTATOR OF DEALS can you
Clive is still alive. He's been like this almost 40 years now. The poor man.
I'm surprised he's still alive. Not sure how old this documentary is, but it looks pretty old. I wonder how he's doing now.
@@Matt92Machine Thus documentary was made in 2005
He's been like this for 7 seconds now, actually.
@@Bessux Dude, too soon.
@@Matt92Machinestill the same
‘Waking up’ every minute hundreds of thousands of times would drive anyone insane. It’s unfathomable what this man goes through
I guess the only solace being that he doesn't remember being enraged about it. Imagine waking up every minute, but actually retaining how maddening it is... that would drive me to kill myself, for sure. But for him, it happens again and again, but he has no memory of it.
@@Flea_ip yk I guess you’re right but the way he says it every time and the way he’s scrawled it in his notebook/diary and the fact that he sees the previous entry just a few minutes ago would probably still be terrifying. The human brain is fascinating I just can’t imagine what it’s like
Maybe. It could be like how we dream though. Just a constant, strange state where you want to ask questions but you just sort of go along with stuff until you wake up.
@@JJokerMoreau I imagine sometimes he realises it though, or even being just on the brink of remembering it is so frustrating
@@JJokerMoreau wow! That was a super well thought observation... dreams have the same dynamics as what he's experiencing!
"We don't need to be in time, we don't need to be in any particular place because we're on another plane, Clive and I. We're in a world where there is no time".
Now that's love. I simply can't stop my tears from falling.
Geoffrey Bronson, 45 S E C O N D S L A T E R
Suck it up baby
"You're the first four people I've seen in 30 years."
Jesus christ.
What I don't understand is how he doesn't remember anything, but does know it has been 30 years, and does remember it occurs due to him being ill
Yepp yepp
In jesus name amen
Then again seven seconds later.
@@lohphat You say that, but honestly everyone seems to have essentially made their peace with it. Even Clive himself. I wouldn't say this is particularly pleasant for anyone, and you can most clearly see the pain in his kids, but they haven't seen him in so long he may as well be dead to them; the pain would be the same. The wife has grown to appreciate this to that alternative. Apart from frustration and appearances, it doesn't seem so bad as to wish death for him.
Her love for him is beautiful, but the way he doesn’t know her, but still knows/enjoys her is fascinating 🥰🙏🏾
"What does it mean to you when Debra arrives?"
"Heaven on Earth has arrived". Omg. 😭💓
God bless
I'm sure your someone's heaven on earth. 😇
a hit and a miss
Debra is amaziiiing !!! I found her so calm and patient it's beautiful !
I read this as it played on the video haha
her: “you’re being filmed for tv right now and million of people know you”
Clive: “how embarrassing”
Good heavens!
He's so charming ❤️
I found that moment rather sad... millions of people know him, and he doesn't know anyone at all. Everybody he sees is always a stranger.
@@marwaizem7050 What would that change ?
When they're apart, he can't remember her and she can't forget him. I find that incredibly, beautifully sad. He's both dead and alive but really neither. God bless her for giving her the strength and courage to go on in such difficult circumstances. Their love is truly timeless.
That was really beautiful 😍
I think he does remember her when she's not there.
schrödingers human
They literally ask him at some point what he wants to do and he is talking about her arrival. He does remember her, he just doesn't remember anything they have ever done together. He's in that loop where he constantly thinks "What just happened, I can't remember anything? I just woke up from a coma? Got to write that down. Gotta call my wife. Waiting for her arrival." Can you imagine...I honestly don't want to.
After hearing him say "this is the first time i have ever seen a human being" i understand what its like to be him. Imagine just waking up from a sleep and the person next to you starts talking about how are you and they ask "so what are you going to be doing later" and you say "i don't know i just woke up for the first time i literally have never seen you before" but you didn't just wake up because you have been alive for years. For him his life will be as the following: not sick, sick, the last 7 seconds im alive and that's it.
@@JamesSheldonUnofficial that's the interesting thing. You don't understand what its like to be him , cause you know. And he could never.
"What is love to you?"
"Zero in tennis and everything in life."
That is ridiculously deep and beautiful.
I heard that but i didn't understand. What does that mean?
subtitles said “zero intentness and everything in life” ?
That is the part that got me too.
@@EchoRoss cause subtitles are AI trying to decipher the words. When things arent clearly spoken on the audio, the subtitles messes up
yes, but do you think he remembers what tennis is? and she never said that he watched tennis, out of the two sports she listed. I argue he said intentness and the subtitles were correct. "Intention or purpose" i choose to translate what he said as, Love is just what you feel, you don't love said person for any reason, some people choose to love people over their body's, and therefore tend to neglect their partners mental needs. some people fall in love with people's personalities and neglect their physical needs. People may even fall in love with someone for the purpose of just having a family. But if you fall in love without intention. it's just love and you're Intune with that person on every level. Thats just the way I see it.
Watching someone so intelligent try and figure out their entire life in several seconds before it's gone is a new type of cruel pain I never knew existed. His mind has stayed incredibly sharp, considering how long he has gone without any new memories or mental stimulation.
I'd almost say that he is under constant mental stimulation. He is in a constant state of feeling that every experience is entirely new and everything he is told he is learning for the first time. Every waking moment of his life is new memories and extreme stimulation. I'm less impressed he's still sharp and more impressed that his mind hasn't completely snapped.
Technically he's the best sight reader in music history, no? That shows his minds strength despite the situation and he is now one of my idols
@@hunnyjar8937 well, i think muscle memory also plays a role in it. happens to me sometimes. i’ll just play a piece without even knowing the name or where i got it from. he’s still incredible being able to learn pieces with his condition though.
The memory could be recorded to where only his subconscious would have access. He may very well "remember" detail to a certain extent on a subconscious level. Much like deja vu
I think it’s just the opposite. Mental anguish is directly linked to memory. With zero memory there is no anguish.
When he was standing in tears hearing his wife tell him about the beautiful concert he put on at the church.. The utter disbelief that he was able to do such a thing.
I was bawling 😭
it just gets me every time I watch it.
makes you think of life, makes you question so so many things, questioning what being alive actually is, and shows you love that is only shown in stories.
I just am completely unable to describe how great this documentary is.
Holy damn, he’s so quick-witted! Very funny guy. His passion for music is captivating, and his love for his wife is so cute. Like, he doesn’t know anything about her, just knows he loves her.
Right 🥺
"Holy damn" 🥺
I feel Ike he shows love truly does exist man!! Like if you can forget everything about the person you love except they made you fall for them so much harder that they’re the only few people you remember that’s real man!
The way he responds to a question, there is no delay! How quickly he processes it or because there is no other thought there to go through to consider for an answer.
Or no emotion to attach to his response.
@@TiffanyMaryJean the emotions are there he becomes happy sad and angry so its not the lack of emotions
Me as an over thinker, Im having difficulty processing anything. So maybe you are right.
Well, there's evidence that he isn't forgetting everything, simply the specifics. Like if I asked you, "What year did you go to school" that's information you'd probably need to recall from memory somehow, by reconstructing some mental image maybe. But if I asked you, "Have you been to school?" you probably don't even need to think you'd just say, "Yes!"
That, and he's aware that he's ill and probably instinctively tries to come up with a coherent response before forgetting what he's responding to or what he's even saying.
It's incredibly impressive to watch him hold a conversation and I'm sure there was a lot of training involved. This man is remarkable :)
ua-cam.com/video/O0-Gf0LUBfs/v-deo.html
He was angry in the beginning of his illness whereas now he is very calm even though his conditoon hasn't got any better. He can't remember anything but his mind somehow found a peace.. Really hard to understand.
Yeah I wonder if he’s on medications or if it just happened like that. I’d think that if he was persistently agitated, some sort of sedative may have been prescribed but who knows.
@@joshuagavaghan224 There's a point in the documentary where it's mentioned that they don't know why he's become so calm over the years. Maybe generally being at peace or generally being frustrated has to do with a part of the brain that is not influenced by the hippocampus.
Not to hard to imagine. While most of the damage is permanent, the brain is still incredible at making new connections for old systems. Of course this process only goes so far sometimes but it seems like parts of his brain have learned to become accustomed to his current condition. All that cortisol being released is still recognized by the brain sub-conciously so internally it knows he was constantly in a stressed state and something had to be done about that. Just my theory though.
let's not forget that he is highly drugged
Id guess hormone levels changing with age
Drugs
Or what id put my money on something akin to muscle memory doing its work which doesn't require the hippocampus to work remember most of his brain still works
47:08 the way he keeps a picture of her on top of the piano, so when he plays he's playing for her all the time 💔🥲
“What does love mean?”
“0 in tennis and everything in life”
What a beautifully crafted answer, on the spot
I don’t get it 😭
@@loober.6500 "love" is the term for a score of zero in a game of tennis :)
@@tirsedenia ohhhh yo he smooth 👀 lol
i think he said intentness instead..
turn on captions :)
6:55
@@kimberly.z no he definitely said tennis..
It's like the opposite of a ghost. A ghost sees themselves as alive but to everyone else they're dead. But he seems to see himself as dead, but to everyone else he is still alive, talented, and adorable.
Nice chloe
Well put!
Well said.
Well, he doesn't exist from his own perspective, his all life is single 30 seconds of wakefulness with no future or the past. In a way, he is in a lucid comatose state, he is neither sentient nor sapient outside of what he perceives as a single moment of wakefulness. It appears that initially, he was suffering from this condition as the moment of wakefulness and restart were rather sharp leaving him confused and disoriented. I suppose he becomes less awake over the years as he just going with the events making us perceive him as a fairly coherent individual with only mild disorientation, yet his memory function has not improved it's hard to notice the exact moment he loses the connection and gets awake again in the later footage.
@@AntonLennikov my god anton you give me panic attacks
This documentary has made me realize that knowledge is different and distinct from memory. This guy can't remember the things he did with his wife, but still he can look at her and know she's someone he loves. Truly fascinating.
Wow , then love just might be the part of what Science or none believers think is a brain control part of life, yet this shows it's more of a spirit or deep power that can never be destroyed , and still will be after Death may be.
@@trafficjon400 Or it's in a different part of the brain that wasn't fried lol.
That's because energy recognises like energy
@@nataliegian the american education system everybody
Emotions and memory are in different parts of the brain
Clive is so charming & a joy and my goodness Debra is like a breath of fresh air!
'what does it mean to you when deborah comes to visit?' 'heaven on earth arrives' my heart melted oh my gosh
Teared up a little.
BECKY REBEKAH that sounded like a cliché to me, both what he said and how you felt about it.
edit: i take that back forget i said anything
the "I AM ALIVE" written in his diary was terribly sad
And that "I DO LIVE!!" written in the same way at 21:01
The entirety of that diary was eerie to look at
try it out, it will make you feel...
@@twaggs21 feel what
Shows the mental torture
You'll notice I think that earlier in his illness he never mentions that he knows he's ill. Now 20 years later he knows. I think this is what led to lessen his outbursts. I think his brain slowly rewired itself to at least grasp onto this and it makes everything slightly less scary.
Reading up on his case online, it seems he can learn via repetition - for example he might anticipate something happening in a recorded video, but he has no recollection of how he learnt it was going to happen.
@@izzieb then it makes sense that he has retained some of the habitual impulses or the rememberance of things he did before he was ill: like his wife, calling her ny her name, playing music, remembering to write in a journal every time, just being aware that he's ill... fascinating but horrifying
My grandmother had Lewy Body dementia, and in her early stages after diagnosis she would get angry and paranoid about things, but as she got worse she accepted it and was much more sweet and docile. Obviously her condition progressed whereas Clive's remained the same, but perhaps there are some parallels.
Great point.
I think its the soul that eventually accepts
i cried for the last 25 minutes of this
it’s too heartbreaking to see what could’ve been of their life together yet can never exist in reality
'If you could do anything now, if you had free choice, what would you do next?'
'Have a gin and tonic, and a cigarette, and of course waiting for time to renew and disappear, and her arrival.'
That was such a powerful response. The intelligence, eloquence and love in this man is awe inspiring.
Jesus Christ it's like a poem. It IS.
and he says arrival and not return
mannn. Idk if this bud got me emotional but you can see how just sad everybody is truly. He is so smart and kind. He must be terrified most of the time bc he knows time is going on he just can't control anything in his mind. that concert scene was deep.
Might even be that he has this realization everytime his memory resets, truly sad.
It's not your bud, buddy. I cried like a baby watching this
@@dennisdaeditor he probably doesn't even remember remembering that he remembers when he remembered that he remembers that time he remembered that he remembers nothing until he remembers that he cant remember that he will never remember. 😥
Nah. He wont be scared. Cuz he has no idea.
Its like when you take acid for the first time and you cant hold a steady point in time and you're just existing lost and then you come back to reality and you're able to put a pin in time, right before you lose it again. Man subconsciously learned to just go with the vibe and maintain a constant netural. Brilliant
i cried when he begged her to see him after just leaving.
At what minute
@@footballknowledge07 16:25
me too.
Heartbreaking
And the way he talks about her "I dont care how late it is come to me midnight or 1oclock i dont mind i just love you more then anything please come to me"
welp ive cried
I can’t find a single recording/ footage of any of Clive’s concerts. It sounds like they would’ve been magic to listen to