The settling one is such a dangerous mindset though imo. cause ofc there will always be someone "better" and someone that matches your standrds better but if you keep chasing that instead of settling for someone you have a good genuine connection with you're never going to be satisfed and happy with your life. There is no best person. I reckon at the end of the day you cant go wrong with dating your best friend xD
that was exactly what i needed to hear omg- i just met someone who absolut doesn't fit my type but they r just SO nice and i felt so comfortable around them the second we exchanged numbers and rlly got to know eachother. i was so unsure if i am crushing on them or if i should rlly go for them since they aren't my type and i were confused about them anyways. i have been questioning this for the past few days and this comment just came up on time. so thank u, rlly! :))
I also think what makes the people in our life unique isn't that they are the perfect person for us, but the expierences we have with them. They become your soulmate because your lives are tied together
exactly my thoughts. i think the mindset of "there could be the perfect partner out there for me" is a mindset that will ultimately not see what is in front of you, something that might be already pretty close to perfect but you abandon it for the "possibility of better".
I totally felt everything you said with only being the only male friend in the group and having to wait outside looking crazy for the girls to come out the bathroom and it is totally hard to find genuine male friends especially men who have the same interests like you. And I totally felt on the UA-cam aspect. I feel the same way I feel like there are so many girl UA-camrs, who are doing what I do and it’s so hard to find like other male lifestyle UA-camrs
I feel like holding this idea of the “perfect person” can be kind of unhealthy. This reminds me of my sentiments when I was younger and before I started dating and hooking up etc. Having this super high standard ever present in your mind when you go out and meet someone can actually be harmful, because in a sense, you’re not giving that person the opportunity to change your mind; you’re walking in with a barrier already raised. I feel like you should always go into relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic with 0 expectations. Personally, I found when I stopped thinking and actively searching for a relationship/hookup I started finding more and enjoying myself. Also side note, having super high standards for others means you can only hold yourself to a similar or higher degree, which can be tiring and sprout insecurities. My advice: go with the flow, if you happen to meet someone you vibe with, go along with it and see where you end up ! That’s the beauty of life and the human experience.
Dustin is back at it again talking about the things we wanna hear!! How does he do it? Love love love all the recent content you’ve been SERVING to us💚
honestly i believe commitment issues are real but not in the way we’ve grown accustomed to approach them: i think of them as a response to some sort of basic emotion (like anger, fear, sadness or the combination of them), which then results in different defense mechanisms (like attachment styles for instance) to make us feel safe in our beliefs no matter how damaging they are to ourselves and others (i.e “i’m not enough” “there’s no one out there for me” etc). For me, the best way to get past this is therapy (through dustin’s promo code 🤪) and also to let ourselves experience things without the constant need of over analyzing them, because when we get distanced from feeling, we lose sight of who we are and who we love. thanks for coming to my ted talk 💋
dustin, i swear, if we were friends, i dont think sleeping would be a part of our sleepovers anymore.. we'll just talk about basically everything, from what to why
If you are looking for male lifestyle-youtubers who have a similar calm and comforting vibe I can really recommend joe lee, Andrew Kim, Benji plant or Hwaniiee :) They do have a slightly different focus in their daily life but I always enjoy watching their vlogs just as I do yours and just wanted to share
As someone who's deeply in love for the past 4 year I think a big part is growing together and learning to be "perfect" for each other. Literally nothing is perfect so calling anything perfect includes some flaws, it's kinda like the fault in our stars quote (ik cheesy) about how there's endless infinities between 0 and 1 and more between 0 and 2. Also it's probably a side effect of LA bc so many people are fake with surgery but don't get caught up in appearance, having a deep relationship makes someone more "aesthetically beautiful" to you and having a long-term relationship includes loving someone when they're sick or at their lowest so they won't always be a 10/10 even if they are conventionally attractive to you. I agree people settle for appearance but not for who the person is at their core, or at least you shouldn't, bc looks fade.
I feel like once feelings are involved, where you feel a genuine connection with this person, all of their “flaws” or shortcomings are not seen as imperfect and you start to even like their flaws :/ I relate to this because with the dude I used to genuinely like, all of my icks I would usually have for dudes didn’t seem to apply to him… kind of made me like him more haha
This is soooo trueee except the only way I know this is good is that the person had come to accept their flaws and acknowledged mistakes they made in the past, so seeing them be conscious of it and having TAKEN VISIBLE STEPS to do better is what makes me like them moreee
The "there are so many people out there who could be so good for you" is super interesting to me cus I struggled a long time with it. A friend recently helped me realize its just fomo and constant fomo is no way to live ahaha. Ive lived in 3 countries for substantial amounts of time and travelled , and did have life changing experiences and encounters and ended up thinking the travelling had made those happen when in fact it was me committing to my desires at a certain time of my life (so back in the day, travelling with no idea of what could be out there) that made those happen. Being open to life changing you and stuff ... I feel like relationships are the same, you have to comitt to an extent to learn something from a relationship and sometimes our fantasies of love are a way to protect ourselves from harsh realities of getting hurt or simply of not knowing what to do, how to love, how to share. Standards make sense but its also okay to try things that dont meet your standard because you could be surprised finding out you have room for smth else. But then, for me its all about listening to your heart, obviously you're not gonna date someone who attracts you in no way, but your heart or intuition or whatever will tell you when something is worth exploring
Your standards aren't high necessarily, to me it seems that its because there is no real connection, once you find someone who you have a real connection with, their looks become far less important simply because it feels amazing to be in their presence. It's just that when the connection isn't there then you have nothing to go off other than looks.
@@filtrations so many people end up unhappy simply because they think they need someone, just keep your heart open and someone will land in it eventually.
It's insane because at this point, I can relate with EVERY thing he say about love and insecurities 😅😢 Anyway, lov how u always put in words what I think and passing through ❤
i think the fact that in society and love we have this idea of the “perfect person”/soulmates is messed up because there is not reason for love to be romanticized to this extent 😭😭 i think love/romantic relationships should be thought of as any other relationships in our life like parents, family, friends etc.. and the specific friends family parents you have are based on your life circumstances/environmment/by chance but we are still we are able to find connection and happiness with these people so thats living proof that we don’t need “perfection” in our lives and life is messy but that’s ok. its like youre meeting them on your own journey whether its the neighborhood or school or workplace you go to.. and despite them having flaws no one every longs so desperately for “the perfect friend” we tend to just accept those people for the love they give to us and the things they do for us. but at the same time if we want a romantic relationship its good to put yourself out there and meet new people like you said + i forgot my other points LMAO
i feel like in a world where outward beauty is abundant, it’s important to look for compatibility rather than just pure attraction. i think that rather than seeking a person who has certain attributes (‘dream partner), it’s better to seek the kind of relationship and lifestyle that u want to build with them. someone who will meet your emotional standards of how u think u deserve to be loved and the way u want to love someone:) i guess the only way to find this out is by meeting people and continuing to put yourself out there
Hey Dustin I love your videos! As someone who has been blessed to experience romantic love, my partners “flaws” have always been some of the greatest gifts and lessons to me. Really we’re just all so different and there’s beauty in falling in love because of that. Even my relationships that didn’t last brought me to the love I have now and made me grow immensely. I don’t usually comment but I thought hopefully I can speak to comforting perspective on having to lower standards (but I’d only lower them about 🤏 much and has to be for the right person😂) Thank you for having this open conversation, they’re always needed
No just insecure… being bully by family, family and ppl at school majority of my life didn’t help me when it was time to get in a relationship because I was more so worried about why the person like me or the insecurities, instead of valuing the person who love me.
Wanting to see what’s out there instead of settling while also still craving the feeling of being with someone is extremely relatable. One of the best videos I’ve ever seen that articulates my own thoughts lol❤
Dude, I'm going through the same issue right now but mostly cause since I began to open up about my gender Identity people just seem to feel weirded out by it(? Like, everyone who has ever shown interest in me has later "reculado" when finding out how I identified. Even my own friends made me feel guilty about it, as if I owed them ""sorority"". Like, i thought our thing was stronger than fucking gender. Ofc i was able to grow apart from them, but then the cicle went on and on with tons of different people. All this made me feel unable to open up and commit, since everytime i did people didn't like who i was. So i settled with not having real friends nor trying to seek, and being by myself :) Now, whenever someone tries to get closer to me i just turn my survival instincts on, the Spidey Senses, and isolate myself once again. For now it works, i feel fine tbh, but it's not like younger me had the chance to choose loneliness lmao Anyways love all your videos, you're literally so cool and real, and sing so beautifully ❤
Omg this topic 😫 I’m completely in love with the idea of having your person, I want that, I need that, but I’m so worry that it may never going to happen to me, I’m so insecure right now, even though people genuinely say that I look good I just can’t get it, I was so bullied in high school that I just know that if someone likes me back I’ll be worrying 101% about if I look good enough for them, if they’re not gonna feel uncomfortable holding hands with me, if they’re gonna realize I’m not interesting enough, if they’re gonna think that I’m too shy and childish for just a kiss, and it just breaks me, because I know I deserve better, I do have high standards, I want the fairytale, but even though I know all that and feel bad for thinking that way it just so engraved in my brain that I‘m sure if I get in a relationship I’ll suffer and make the other person suffer more than what we’ll enjoy. And I’m already 20 and it makes me uneasy the fact that at this age most of my friends have had or are in relationships and I’m scared of being left out, but sincerely at this point of my life I just know that I can’t get in a relationship until I’ll be able to defend, respect and care for myself enough Thank you for the talk 💜
for my whole teenage years i avoided romantic relationships because i thought i was scared of opening up or committing to someone but now i am in perfectly good relationship and it wasn’t hard for me at all to commit. maybe i’ve grown as a person, maybe i just found someone that feels right…
The main issue with standards is that most people who have them do not meet them. Often times mediocre ppl want extraordinary partners. The problem within that is that mediocre ppl are not setting standards in their own life individually to obtain or be worthy of an above average partner. If you aren't able to provide yourself with what you require/desire then it's fundamentally delusional to have standards for others do so in relation to you. I am a strong advocate for being/meeting your own standards before imposing your standards in others.
Ashley(bestressed) gave this analogy that when you are in the dating scene its equivalent to having a deck of cards facing down. Only after you've flipped a card over is when when you can see what it is. Assuming you rate people on a scale of 1 to 10. When you pick a card and get lets say 5, you don't know if thats the highest you can get or if there's better. So you might set the 5 aside and pick the next card and get a 3 or a 4 or you can get a 10. It's a game of chance really 12:03
I think it’s a matter of time, and as you said, you know when you know. You’re also growing as a person so you may not be the same person in 10 years from now. Keep growing Dustin and as always thanks for sharing such honest thoughts! They’re very relatable as you also mention the flip side of the topic and your awareness of it. You’ll definitely keep learning and growing
Hi- this is the first video i saw- and i relate so intensely! I ave subscribed ofc. I think from what i have briefly watched you represent me so much- and i feel comforted. About the guy friends thing- I struggle with it a lot, but slowly, i have sort of just accepted it, and not tried to force it. I find i get enough from my female friends to the point it would be pointless trying to seek a guy friend for solely he being male. When ive tried, lines have gotten crossed or maybe i wasnt looking in the right places LOL
I can relate so muchhh, I really want more guy friends because idk I get intimidated a lot and feel like I'm being judged but I'm not, i just need more masculine ppl in my life cuz I crave it, I wanna show my masculine side to others
This is going to be really annoying to hear but truly, when you meet the right person, they will be attractive to you. It doesn’t matter if they are not what you usually would go for. So, I would take the time to give people a chance, instead of hyper focusing on if they meet all your standards.
So like In my school there's this guy and apparently people tell me he doesn't really talk to girls and the only girl he does talk to as a friend he made clear that he doesn't like her. So his friend that's a girl started shipping me and him out of the blue (I thought woah this kid is actually pretty cute) and I then I got his number from a friend and talked to him for 3 days in a row for about an hour or so- I'm scared to commit *ANY ADVISE?* I really don't wanna be rejected...
Bit of advice, there's no such thing as "the one", and meeting the perfect person won't undo your own insecurities. It comes from you not them, and framing it as if they should kinda comes across like you're making it their responsibility to be the perfect fit that completes you rather than a fantastic person who compliments you. And yeah I agree, too much time online and seeing all these artificial displays of what an "ideal" relationship and ideal people look like (you keep saying standards but only talk about looks) will give you a false perception that a perfect relationship with no compromises exists when it doesn't. No one who is trying to sell an idea of their relationship as ideal is gonna post the ugly parts of it, the compromises they had to make to be with that person, or all the ways in which that person falls short of their "ideal". Issues of commitment definitely exist, and one you kinda display is a deeply ingrained aversion to settle. The idea that maybe someone in a different town or state or country somewhere exists who is more beautiful, talented, and engaging to talk to who will help melt away other internal struggles you face is making it impossible for you to commit to any of the people you realistically can meet in front of you. Or maybe you have the ability to travel so that abundance isn't just a perception. In either case good luck, just remember people are people and everybody poops
Dustin thanks for posting and making my day as always. I've been watching you since about sophomore year of high school and now I'm a sophomore in college about to transfer to UCLA and I really want to thank you for getting me through all these years of education 😭. I have my last finals of sophomore year tomorrow so this is a godsend video Also completely relate on the part of making guy friends being a miracle. Like what?? Guy friends?? That's insane pfttt. But I'm really proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone as always and making new friends!
To me, I always thought about commitment issues as somebody who, because of past trauma, found it difficult to be able to give their all into a relationship, like because there was something wrong with their mindset, the relationship doesn't feel full. Weird way to explain it. The example that always comes to my mind is like Chuck in Gossip Girl with his relationship with Blair which I know is a terrible example because he's a horrible human being and their relationship was super toxic. But do you get what I mean? Idk eh just wanted to support and comment! Merch looks great!
Majority of my friends are female but i do have male friend but we are not as close as how I am with my girls . My male friends are great people and they are funny as hell but they just don't understand me and i just can't get close to them for some reason.
Im in the same boat as you: I like people who don't like me back. When I find someone I like, I chase them until they like me. When people start to like me, I stop liking them. For me, its because I don't think I'm worthy of love, so when people show interest I unconsciously get turned off. Also might have to do with having a high ego and low self esteem. Hope this helps! xoxo
Or maybe you put a lot of effort when you chase them and subconsciously expect a lot in return, and when they just mildly like you back you feel disappointed. 🤔 I think, it's common on early stages of getting to know each other, that someone is more interested. And then it balances out, if it's a good relationships. Not an expert, but I'd suggest you maybe to relax and enjoy your results for some time at least. And don't push yourself too much to make a lot of effort, just a right amount. Because when you not enjoy results of your efforts, your brain stops giving you energy on those tasks, and you end up very frustrated and unmotivated in this field.
1. You’re shallow because you really prioritise a very high standard of beauty. Sure, you do you, have your high standards just so you know beauty is only skin deep and will not last a lifetime. If you’re constantly chasing the closest thing to perfection while you yourself aren’t perfect then you’ll never be able to find true love. Because even if you think you’ve found the perfect girl. The prettiest of the lot, the minute she hits her 40s and starts having saggy skin, wrinkles and whatnot, you might feel that “love” for her dwindle. Just saying, high preferences = low chances at true love. 2. Leagues. I disagree with you completely on wanting to date someone outside of your league. Let’s say physically on a scale of 1-10, you are an 8. Pretty high up there but there are more beautiful looking people than you but you’re pining after women who are 9.5 or even a perfect 10 (physically only). The 9.5s and 10s are going to want very wealthy, powerful men. Most of the time, their looks don’t even matter anymore, as long as the dude pulls in millions of dollars, they will go for them because regardless of physically, they have already reached a 10 or 9.5 themselves. Thus, you really do have to find someone who is more within your league and you kinda have to add up income to scale as well. With all of that said, seriously, even just typing all this there is nothing romantic in this at all. It all sounds so cold, void and transactional. “Oh, you’re a pretty 10? I’m a rich millionaire who’s ugly but can pull a 10. How bout it, baby?” “Okay!” 3. I’m telling you here and now that if you continue to hunt for perfection in people and by doing so that means you have to swim through an ocean of people, I seriously believe you will never find true love nor will you ever be truly happy. Dating many people, being single for long periods of time because you’re hopping into various new relationships quickly will always result in a very unsatisfied and jaded person. Even when you meet a really good attractive person, you’ll always think “But there’s gotta be someone better!” and sorry, but that is just such a toxic mindset. Majority of people who’ve had a high body count, have dated hundreds of people, etc are never truly happy romantically. They have become too jaded, had too many heartbreaks, have too many high standards and just can’t seem to settle. There are 7 billion people out there…you can’t be dating them all (and especially without heavy repercussions in terms of your psyche). 4. We who fell in love and marry the first guy or 3rd of 4th guy aren’t “settling” for someone. That is such a toxic way of thinking, no wonder you cannot commit. Marrying the first, 3rd or 4th person just means that we have found the right person who fits our way of life as perfectly as humanly possible and that there’s love there. Genuine, real, sincere love. They know that sure a perfect 10 like Brad Pitt and Christian Bale exist out there but they would rather be with *this* person. *_This_* one human who loves them, knows them, will be there for them even when all beauty has been stripped away, even when they are at their ugliest in behaviour and in appearance, even when things have grown “mundane” and “repetitive” (um, hello, spice up your life, work at it to become a more loving couple, duh), even when they are sickly or have been disfigured. Nothing can stop their love, nothing. You say you want to true love but you are shallow, have impossibly high standards and will not settle, you’re planning on going through a pile of bodies before you find the “perfect” one…A list of actions you do or plan to do that sound very devoid of true romance and love. I’m gonna be straight up with you and all your subscribers who agreed with you, as you are right now, you will not find true love.
Dustin mentioning that there weren't a lot of other men on this side of UA-cam reminded me of this small vlog channel i watch, not quite the same niche but still very sweet day in the life videos if anyone is interested! the channel is maakkun!
i-... i've never felt so called out and attacked and yet 100% completely understood at the same time💀 who let you inside my brain and let you read my entire monologue and inner thoughts on this? everything point and counterpoint you made is literally every single thought i've ever had and struggled with concerning this topic. you crazy and real for this
First, I'd like to point out that this comment is to show a different perspective of the issue, and not criticise you blindly, even though it will probably sound like it. Dustin. To be honest, GET IT REAL. This whole video is you trying to justify the unachievable standards you have about relationships and romantic love. Just admit that like most people that live chronically on the internet, you want a person that implicitly will work as a status for you, an object, an accessory. One thing is having high standards (which, for example, I have) and another one is unachievable ones where you are the only one getting benefited. I assume that's why you haven't found someone yet, it's not like you live in a small village with scarce outside contact with people of your age. So, I'd suggest you analyse your priorities, or at least, what you honestly prioritise when making the final decision of investing and not investing in a person. Living expecting an imaginary fantasy is not the way to go, wait until it comes to you, but you have to work and live through the imperfection first. I might be wrong. But still, give it a chance. I really do hope you find someone you love and care for
I know you go on to debunk your “high standards” in the vid, but I just want to further demystify this concept. The term “high standards” is literally contradictory. A standard is a base level of something, your basic expectations for a partner. To try to say that someone has HIGH standards infers some kind of universal standard that everyone adheres to, and that your expectations exceed your worth. Just like so much social lingo, it’s a ploy to make yourself feel bad so others can feel better about themselves. Plot twist, everyone is allowed to feel good about themselves! As the word may suggest, standards are individual, they will fluctuate between each person who has them, and each person being measured against them.
ALSO everyone’s measurement of the different ‘ideals’ of your standard are different. For example, if attractiveness is important to you, you are the only person who finds people attractive the way you find people attractive! You are the only person who is you.
"men do not make me laugh" dustin youre so real for this
it makes sense 'cause he's really feminine
i’ve never felt so called out
I love how we always have this same conversation yet somehow it sounds fresh every time.
The settling one is such a dangerous mindset though imo. cause ofc there will always be someone "better" and someone that matches your standrds better but if you keep chasing that instead of settling for someone you have a good genuine connection with you're never going to be satisfed and happy with your life. There is no best person. I reckon at the end of the day you cant go wrong with dating your best friend xD
totally agree!
that was exactly what i needed to hear omg-
i just met someone who absolut doesn't fit my type but they r just SO nice and i felt so comfortable around them the second we exchanged numbers and rlly got to know eachother.
i was so unsure if i am crushing on them or if i should rlly go for them since they aren't my type and i were confused about them anyways. i have been questioning this for the past few days and this comment just came up on time.
so thank u, rlly! :))
I also think what makes the people in our life unique isn't that they are the perfect person for us, but the expierences we have with them. They become your soulmate because your lives are tied together
@@urlocalleouwuI FEEL THE SAME legit never felt so heard
exactly my thoughts. i think the mindset of "there could be the perfect partner out there for me" is a mindset that will ultimately not see what is in front of you, something that might be already pretty close to perfect but you abandon it for the "possibility of better".
I totally felt everything you said with only being the only male friend in the group and having to wait outside looking crazy for the girls to come out the bathroom and it is totally hard to find genuine male friends especially men who have the same interests like you. And I totally felt on the UA-cam aspect. I feel the same way I feel like there are so many girl UA-camrs, who are doing what I do and it’s so hard to find like other male lifestyle UA-camrs
just checked out your channel- It looks amazing!! I hope you find good connections.
@@amethyst6603 awww thank you smm 💗
I feel like holding this idea of the “perfect person” can be kind of unhealthy. This reminds me of my sentiments when I was younger and before I started dating and hooking up etc. Having this super high standard ever present in your mind when you go out and meet someone can actually be harmful, because in a sense, you’re not giving that person the opportunity to change your mind; you’re walking in with a barrier already raised. I feel like you should always go into relationships, whether it be platonic or romantic with 0 expectations. Personally, I found when I stopped thinking and actively searching for a relationship/hookup I started finding more and enjoying myself. Also side note, having super high standards for others means you can only hold yourself to a similar or higher degree, which can be tiring and sprout insecurities. My advice: go with the flow, if you happen to meet someone you vibe with, go along with it and see where you end up ! That’s the beauty of life and the human experience.
Dustin is back at it again talking about the things we wanna hear!! How does he do it? Love love love all the recent content you’ve been SERVING to us💚
HAHA TY!! literally been posting so consistently it’s WILD
honestly i believe commitment issues are real but not in the way we’ve grown accustomed to approach them: i think of them as a response to some sort of basic emotion (like anger, fear, sadness or the combination of them), which then results in different defense mechanisms (like attachment styles for instance) to make us feel safe in our beliefs no matter how damaging they are to ourselves and others (i.e “i’m not enough” “there’s no one out there for me” etc).
For me, the best way to get past this is therapy (through dustin’s promo code 🤪) and also to let ourselves experience things without the constant need of over analyzing them, because when we get distanced from feeling, we lose sight of who we are and who we love.
thanks for coming to my ted talk 💋
dustin, i swear, if we were friends, i dont think sleeping would be a part of our sleepovers anymore.. we'll just talk about basically everything, from what to why
Felt this to my core
The title…… it’s gonna be a good one
If you are looking for male lifestyle-youtubers who have a similar calm and comforting vibe I can really recommend joe lee, Andrew Kim, Benji plant or Hwaniiee :) They do have a slightly different focus in their daily life but I always enjoy watching their vlogs just as I do yours and just wanted to share
love andrew kim and hwaniiee
ur actually the most relatable person ever ty for ur uploads u got me thru this semester ❤
i love ur talking videos they seem so.. real
As someone who's deeply in love for the past 4 year I think a big part is growing together and learning to be "perfect" for each other. Literally nothing is perfect so calling anything perfect includes some flaws, it's kinda like the fault in our stars quote (ik cheesy) about how there's endless infinities between 0 and 1 and more between 0 and 2. Also it's probably a side effect of LA bc so many people are fake with surgery but don't get caught up in appearance, having a deep relationship makes someone more "aesthetically beautiful" to you and having a long-term relationship includes loving someone when they're sick or at their lowest so they won't always be a 10/10 even if they are conventionally attractive to you. I agree people settle for appearance but not for who the person is at their core, or at least you shouldn't, bc looks fade.
I agree!
I feel like once feelings are involved, where you feel a genuine connection with this person, all of their “flaws” or shortcomings are not seen as imperfect and you start to even like their flaws :/ I relate to this because with the dude I used to genuinely like, all of my icks I would usually have for dudes didn’t seem to apply to him… kind of made me like him more haha
This is soooo trueee except the only way I know this is good is that the person had come to accept their flaws and acknowledged mistakes they made in the past, so seeing them be conscious of it and having TAKEN VISIBLE STEPS to do better is what makes me like them moreee
I love how it feels like he know my entire life
i can't believe how you ALWAYS find the right words to describe such a complex experience for some of us!! it's so hard for me to explain 😭
i really needed to here all of that
love you!!!!!!! also i graduate from hs on june 2nd! its been since freshman year ive been watching you, we bascially grew up together in a way lol
The "there are so many people out there who could be so good for you" is super interesting to me cus I struggled a long time with it. A friend recently helped me realize its just fomo and constant fomo is no way to live ahaha. Ive lived in 3 countries for substantial amounts of time and travelled , and did have life changing experiences and encounters and ended up thinking the travelling had made those happen when in fact it was me committing to my desires at a certain time of my life (so back in the day, travelling with no idea of what could be out there) that made those happen. Being open to life changing you and stuff ... I feel like relationships are the same, you have to comitt to an extent to learn something from a relationship and sometimes our fantasies of love are a way to protect ourselves from harsh realities of getting hurt or simply of not knowing what to do, how to love, how to share. Standards make sense but its also okay to try things that dont meet your standard because you could be surprised finding out you have room for smth else. But then, for me its all about listening to your heart, obviously you're not gonna date someone who attracts you in no way, but your heart or intuition or whatever will tell you when something is worth exploring
Your standards aren't high necessarily, to me it seems that its because there is no real connection, once you find someone who you have a real connection with, their looks become far less important simply because it feels amazing to be in their presence. It's just that when the connection isn't there then you have nothing to go off other than looks.
this !
@@filtrations so many people end up unhappy simply because they think they need someone, just keep your heart open and someone will land in it eventually.
It's insane because at this point, I can relate with EVERY thing he say about love and insecurities 😅😢
Anyway, lov how u always put in words what I think and passing through ❤
i think the fact that in society and love we have this idea of the “perfect person”/soulmates is messed up because there is not reason for love to be romanticized to this extent 😭😭 i think love/romantic relationships should be thought of as any other relationships in our life like parents, family, friends etc.. and the specific friends family parents you have are based on your life circumstances/environmment/by chance but we are still we are able to find connection and happiness with these people so thats living proof that we don’t need “perfection” in our lives and life is messy but that’s ok. its like youre meeting them on your own journey whether its the neighborhood or school or workplace you go to.. and despite them having flaws no one every longs so desperately for “the perfect friend” we tend to just accept those people for the love they give to us and the things they do for us. but at the same time if we want a romantic relationship its good to put yourself out there and meet new people like you said + i forgot my other points LMAO
well said
i feel like in a world where outward beauty is abundant, it’s important to look for compatibility rather than just pure attraction. i think that rather than seeking a person who has certain attributes (‘dream partner), it’s better to seek the kind of relationship and lifestyle that u want to build with them. someone who will meet your emotional standards of how u think u deserve to be loved and the way u want to love someone:) i guess the only way to find this out is by meeting people and continuing to put yourself out there
Hey Dustin I love your videos! As someone who has been blessed to experience romantic love, my partners “flaws” have always been some of the greatest gifts and lessons to me. Really we’re just all so different and there’s beauty in falling in love because of that. Even my relationships that didn’t last brought me to the love I have now and made me grow immensely. I don’t usually comment but I thought hopefully I can speak to comforting perspective on having to lower standards (but I’d only lower them about 🤏 much and has to be for the right person😂) Thank you for having this open conversation, they’re always needed
No just insecure… being bully by family, family and ppl at school majority of my life didn’t help me when it was time to get in a relationship because I was more so worried about why the person like me or the insecurities, instead of valuing the person who love me.
Wanting to see what’s out there instead of settling while also still craving the feeling of being with someone is extremely relatable. One of the best videos I’ve ever seen that articulates my own thoughts lol❤
pPLEASEEE make the tote in black im a goth bish but i LOVE the design sm
Dude, I'm going through the same issue right now but mostly cause since I began to open up about my gender Identity people just seem to feel weirded out by it(? Like, everyone who has ever shown interest in me has later "reculado" when finding out how I identified. Even my own friends made me feel guilty about it, as if I owed them ""sorority"". Like, i thought our thing was stronger than fucking gender. Ofc i was able to grow apart from them, but then the cicle went on and on with tons of different people.
All this made me feel unable to open up and commit, since everytime i did people didn't like who i was.
So i settled with not having real friends nor trying to seek, and being by myself :)
Now, whenever someone tries to get closer to me i just turn my survival instincts on, the Spidey Senses, and isolate myself once again.
For now it works, i feel fine tbh, but it's not like younger me had the chance to choose loneliness lmao
Anyways love all your videos, you're literally so cool and real, and sing so beautifully ❤
Omg this topic 😫
I’m completely in love with the idea of having your person, I want that, I need that, but I’m so worry that it may never going to happen to me, I’m so insecure right now, even though people genuinely say that I look good I just can’t get it, I was so bullied in high school that I just know that if someone likes me back I’ll be worrying 101% about if I look good enough for them, if they’re not gonna feel uncomfortable holding hands with me, if they’re gonna realize I’m not interesting enough, if they’re gonna think that I’m too shy and childish for just a kiss, and it just breaks me, because I know I deserve better, I do have high standards, I want the fairytale, but even though I know all that and feel bad for thinking that way it just so engraved in my brain that I‘m sure if I get in a relationship I’ll suffer and make the other person suffer more than what we’ll enjoy.
And I’m already 20 and it makes me uneasy the fact that at this age most of my friends have had or are in relationships and I’m scared of being left out, but sincerely at this point of my life I just know that I can’t get in a relationship until I’ll be able to defend, respect and care for myself enough
Thank you for the talk 💜
for my whole teenage years i avoided romantic relationships because i thought i was scared of opening up or committing to someone but now i am in perfectly good relationship and it wasn’t hard for me at all to commit. maybe i’ve grown as a person, maybe i just found someone that feels right…
i love your videos sm!!
I need someone like Dustin to have conversations with, like the relate-ability is insane
The main issue with standards is that most people who have them do not meet them. Often times mediocre ppl want extraordinary partners. The problem within that is that mediocre ppl are not setting standards in their own life individually to obtain or be worthy of an above average partner. If you aren't able to provide yourself with what you require/desire then it's fundamentally delusional to have standards for others do so in relation to you. I am a strong advocate for being/meeting your own standards before imposing your standards in others.
Thank you for this topic. Seems like everyone can relate to this in some way.
Ashley(bestressed) gave this analogy that when you are in the dating scene its equivalent to having a deck of cards facing down. Only after you've flipped a card over is when when you can see what it is. Assuming you rate people on a scale of 1 to 10. When you pick a card and get lets say 5, you don't know if thats the highest you can get or if there's better. So you might set the 5 aside and pick the next card and get a 3 or a 4 or you can get a 10. It's a game of chance really 12:03
omg dustin I ordered your tote bag.
I think it’s a matter of time, and as you said, you know when you know. You’re also growing as a person so you may not be the same person in 10 years from now. Keep growing Dustin and as always thanks for sharing such honest thoughts! They’re very relatable as you also mention the flip side of the topic and your awareness of it. You’ll definitely keep learning and growing
Hi- this is the first video i saw- and i relate so intensely! I ave subscribed ofc. I think from what i have briefly watched you represent me so much- and i feel comforted. About the guy friends thing- I struggle with it a lot, but slowly, i have sort of just accepted it, and not tried to force it. I find i get enough from my female friends to the point it would be pointless trying to seek a guy friend for solely he being male. When ive tried, lines have gotten crossed or maybe i wasnt looking in the right places LOL
but then what bothers me is why lower my standards if I’m gonna settle anyways? like what lower the bar only for it to go lower
whenever I am doubting my (love)life I know Dustin got my back
I can relate so muchhh, I really want more guy friends because idk I get intimidated a lot and feel like I'm being judged but I'm not, i just need more masculine ppl in my life cuz I crave it, I wanna show my masculine side to others
dustin stop being relatable challenge
impossible
omg i FEEL u for the i finally made guy friends HAHAHA
This is going to be really annoying to hear but truly, when you meet the right person, they will be attractive to you. It doesn’t matter if they are not what you usually would go for. So, I would take the time to give people a chance, instead of hyper focusing on if they meet all your standards.
So like In my school there's this guy and apparently people tell me he doesn't really talk to girls and the only girl he does talk to as a friend he made clear that he doesn't like her. So his friend that's a girl started shipping me and him out of the blue (I thought woah this kid is actually pretty cute) and I then I got his number from a friend and talked to him for 3 days in a row for about an hour or so- I'm scared to commit *ANY ADVISE?* I really don't wanna be rejected...
Bit of advice, there's no such thing as "the one", and meeting the perfect person won't undo your own insecurities. It comes from you not them, and framing it as if they should kinda comes across like you're making it their responsibility to be the perfect fit that completes you rather than a fantastic person who compliments you.
And yeah I agree, too much time online and seeing all these artificial displays of what an "ideal" relationship and ideal people look like (you keep saying standards but only talk about looks) will give you a false perception that a perfect relationship with no compromises exists when it doesn't. No one who is trying to sell an idea of their relationship as ideal is gonna post the ugly parts of it, the compromises they had to make to be with that person, or all the ways in which that person falls short of their "ideal".
Issues of commitment definitely exist, and one you kinda display is a deeply ingrained aversion to settle. The idea that maybe someone in a different town or state or country somewhere exists who is more beautiful, talented, and engaging to talk to who will help melt away other internal struggles you face is making it impossible for you to commit to any of the people you realistically can meet in front of you. Or maybe you have the ability to travel so that abundance isn't just a perception. In either case good luck, just remember people are people and everybody poops
loved this vid!
I just love when Dustin talks ..I enjoy hearing his voice honestly really soothing
9:54 that's me right there 😅
Do you have high standards or is it self sabotaging.
exactly
...so my phone is def listening to me
dustin knows all
This video was so funny! I love that you've been uploading more ❤
Dustin thanks for posting and making my day as always. I've been watching you since about sophomore year of high school and now I'm a sophomore in college about to transfer to UCLA and I really want to thank you for getting me through all these years of education 😭. I have my last finals of sophomore year tomorrow so this is a godsend video
Also completely relate on the part of making guy friends being a miracle. Like what?? Guy friends?? That's insane pfttt. But I'm really proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone as always and making new friends!
AWWW TY FOR WATCHING
@@dustinvuong THANK UUU ILY
dustin is genuinely so pretty and intelligent like ??? men need to open their eyes
To me, I always thought about commitment issues as somebody who, because of past trauma, found it difficult to be able to give their all into a relationship, like because there was something wrong with their mindset, the relationship doesn't feel full. Weird way to explain it. The example that always comes to my mind is like Chuck in Gossip Girl with his relationship with Blair which I know is a terrible example because he's a horrible human being and their relationship was super toxic. But do you get what I mean? Idk eh just wanted to support and comment! Merch looks great!
i relate to the guy friend thing
I ADORE the little editing dustin clips that just pop in, it's so much fun!
Majority of my friends are female but i do have male friend but we are not as close as how I am with my girls . My male friends are great people and they are funny as hell but they just don't understand me and i just can't get close to them for some reason.
When I meet my husband it felt like I already knew him. Idk we’re not perfect but that’s how I knew. It’s been 8 years of work 😅 going on to 9.
Welcome to another episode of will I feel personally attacked
I really love your videos, Dustin 💌🤲🏼 thank u for the new one
Commitment issues all come from the trauma we experienced in the past. Great video.
THE JAKE FINN BMO LSP PILLOWS crying
Im in the same boat as you: I like people who don't like me back. When I find someone I like, I chase them until they like me. When people start to like me, I stop liking them. For me, its because I don't think I'm worthy of love, so when people show interest I unconsciously get turned off. Also might have to do with having a high ego and low self esteem. Hope this helps! xoxo
Or maybe you put a lot of effort when you chase them and subconsciously expect a lot in return, and when they just mildly like you back you feel disappointed. 🤔 I think, it's common on early stages of getting to know each other, that someone is more interested. And then it balances out, if it's a good relationships.
Not an expert, but I'd suggest you maybe to relax and enjoy your results for some time at least. And don't push yourself too much to make a lot of effort, just a right amount.
Because when you not enjoy results of your efforts, your brain stops giving you energy on those tasks, and you end up very frustrated and unmotivated in this field.
The way u give no fucks about LEAD 💀💀
1. You’re shallow because you really prioritise a very high standard of beauty. Sure, you do you, have your high standards just so you know beauty is only skin deep and will not last a lifetime. If you’re constantly chasing the closest thing to perfection while you yourself aren’t perfect then you’ll never be able to find true love. Because even if you think you’ve found the perfect girl. The prettiest of the lot, the minute she hits her 40s and starts having saggy skin, wrinkles and whatnot, you might feel that “love” for her dwindle. Just saying, high preferences = low chances at true love.
2. Leagues. I disagree with you completely on wanting to date someone outside of your league. Let’s say physically on a scale of 1-10, you are an 8. Pretty high up there but there are more beautiful looking people than you but you’re pining after women who are 9.5 or even a perfect 10 (physically only). The 9.5s and 10s are going to want very wealthy, powerful men. Most of the time, their looks don’t even matter anymore, as long as the dude pulls in millions of dollars, they will go for them because regardless of physically, they have already reached a 10 or 9.5 themselves. Thus, you really do have to find someone who is more within your league and you kinda have to add up income to scale as well. With all of that said, seriously, even just typing all this there is nothing romantic in this at all. It all sounds so cold, void and transactional. “Oh, you’re a pretty 10? I’m a rich millionaire who’s ugly but can pull a 10. How bout it, baby?” “Okay!”
3. I’m telling you here and now that if you continue to hunt for perfection in people and by doing so that means you have to swim through an ocean of people, I seriously believe you will never find true love nor will you ever be truly happy. Dating many people, being single for long periods of time because you’re hopping into various new relationships quickly will always result in a very unsatisfied and jaded person. Even when you meet a really good attractive person, you’ll always think “But there’s gotta be someone better!” and sorry, but that is just such a toxic mindset. Majority of people who’ve had a high body count, have dated hundreds of people, etc are never truly happy romantically. They have become too jaded, had too many heartbreaks, have too many high standards and just can’t seem to settle. There are 7 billion people out there…you can’t be dating them all (and especially without heavy repercussions in terms of your psyche).
4. We who fell in love and marry the first guy or 3rd of 4th guy aren’t “settling” for someone. That is such a toxic way of thinking, no wonder you cannot commit. Marrying the first, 3rd or 4th person just means that we have found the right person who fits our way of life as perfectly as humanly possible and that there’s love there. Genuine, real, sincere love. They know that sure a perfect 10 like Brad Pitt and Christian Bale exist out there but they would rather be with *this* person. *_This_* one human who loves them, knows them, will be there for them even when all beauty has been stripped away, even when they are at their ugliest in behaviour and in appearance, even when things have grown “mundane” and “repetitive” (um, hello, spice up your life, work at it to become a more loving couple, duh), even when they are sickly or have been disfigured. Nothing can stop their love, nothing.
You say you want to true love but you are shallow, have impossibly high standards and will not settle, you’re planning on going through a pile of bodies before you find the “perfect” one…A list of actions you do or plan to do that sound very devoid of true romance and love. I’m gonna be straight up with you and all your subscribers who agreed with you, as you are right now, you will not find true love.
help i have high standards too
U deserve all the love in the world justin! Fr these videos help me sort out my thoughts and makes LIVING a whole lot easier 💚💚💚
Time to get called out (I've never been in a relationship)
Love your videos
dustin you should read 'on earth we're briefly gorgeous' by ocean vuong if you haven't already. i just read it ands it's amazing
I’ve been drinking out of those snoopy cups for 17 years of my life, and never did I know they had lead.
this video made me feel so much better about dating and the idea of settling
I just came to watch a nice dustin video and now I feel like I'm in therapy 😅
i’m craving oj rn
you sound like you would break a lot of hearts. i feel like this idea of finding perfect love is harmless unless you get into a relationship
Dustin mentioning that there weren't a lot of other men on this side of UA-cam reminded me of this small vlog channel i watch, not quite the same niche but still very sweet day in the life videos if anyone is interested! the channel is maakkun!
“pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it” is one of my favorite quotes
I think sagitturius men or fire sign man are funny
But overall I just don't like men
Glad you're having a fun time growing as a person! Don't worry, Roseville is still not the wave haha
No because this video is like someone took my thoughts out of ny head and is saying them outloud 💀
Dustin what an adorable beauty you are makes me wanna kiss your sweet cheek
i-... i've never felt so called out and attacked and yet 100% completely understood at the same time💀
who let you inside my brain and let you read my entire monologue and inner thoughts on this? everything point and counterpoint you made is literally every single thought i've ever had and struggled with concerning this topic. you crazy and real for this
When I date someone I always have trust issues and insecurities. I always have a hunch he'd cheat on me and it always turn out I'm right 😢
hm why do you like monogamy so much ? sounds like insecurity to me 🤨
threw my phone when i saw this notification but that’s a me problem
i need to talk about this with my therapist or smt bc why am i so called out
First, I'd like to point out that this comment is to show a different perspective of the issue, and not criticise you blindly, even though it will probably sound like it.
Dustin. To be honest, GET IT REAL. This whole video is you trying to justify the unachievable standards you have about relationships and romantic love. Just admit that like most people that live chronically on the internet, you want a person that implicitly will work as a status for you, an object, an accessory. One thing is having high standards (which, for example, I have) and another one is unachievable ones where you are the only one getting benefited. I assume that's why you haven't found someone yet, it's not like you live in a small village with scarce outside contact with people of your age. So, I'd suggest you analyse your priorities, or at least, what you honestly prioritise when making the final decision of investing and not investing in a person. Living expecting an imaginary fantasy is not the way to go, wait until it comes to you, but you have to work and live through the imperfection first.
I might be wrong. But still, give it a chance. I really do hope you find someone you love and care for
2:31 ME, I made a guy friend and i still cant believe I did it
i can't get over the beginning pls how do I continue to the video
I know you go on to debunk your “high standards” in the vid, but I just want to further demystify this concept. The term “high standards” is literally contradictory. A standard is a base level of something, your basic expectations for a partner. To try to say that someone has HIGH standards infers some kind of universal standard that everyone adheres to, and that your expectations exceed your worth. Just like so much social lingo, it’s a ploy to make yourself feel bad so others can feel better about themselves. Plot twist, everyone is allowed to feel good about themselves! As the word may suggest, standards are individual, they will fluctuate between each person who has them, and each person being measured against them.
ALSO everyone’s measurement of the different ‘ideals’ of your standard are different. For example, if attractiveness is important to you, you are the only person who finds people attractive the way you find people attractive! You are the only person who is you.
Yeah, that's y I'm different like - a lot of people are douchy. Let's call it surrounded by douchebags 😂💔
Men do not make me laugh other than Dustin ✋
HEY WHAT ABOUT BENJI HE DOES AESTHETIC CONTENT
W video but do you remember the video you posted on December 3rd 2019?
youtube really said "here, for you"
you rlly just came after me like that
ugh bro i needed this
I LOVE THE TOTE BAG DESIGN