I’m glad you said that about surgery because it’s INSANE to think girls my age or younger (23) are getting surgery 😭 like ??? Can we please just give ourselves a chance to grow fully into our bodies?
i kind of agree, but also as women, our bodies are ALWAYS changing throughout adulthood. there isn't really a point where your body isn't fluctuating in some way. as far as we go, your body is basically as "filled out" or at its "peak" by 23 lol, so there's really not a set time to get surgery if that's what you want to do.
I want to get boob reduction surgery when im 25 due to how much back pain i get the same with butt reduction due to how hard it is for me to find pants that fit. Usually with a proper mind set you should be able to get a therapist before the surgery to see if you actually be ok(reason is not due to body dysmorphia) with it and the side effects.
yesss i see a bunch of girls i went to school with getting their noses and boobs done, they look completely different by the age of 20?? and its just sad tbh, i dont judge them bc i've also struggled with a lot of body dismorphia and i know that if i had the money i would've gotten some job done already but as time passess by i realize that so many of the procedures i was obsessed with years ago aren't even necessary on anyone (like i remeber wanting to get an eyelift bc my left eye is slightly smaller than the other one and thats so?? irrelevant ... and now with time and practicing self love a bit -basically just accepting my features- i find it so cute) so it makes me sad that these girls don't get the chance to even try to coexist with these so called imperfections before making such big desition...
my therapist told me recently that telling myself "I am a bad person" doesn't motivate me to be better, it actually just keeps me stuck in my rut because I think I can never change. I think a similar thing is going on with our current movement of feminism. the more we say "all men," the more we make masculinity/men INHERENTLY bad, the less we motivate them to be better. I love love love the idea of rediscovering a positive view of masculinity so we can give our young boys an ideal to be inspired by, rather than a label they will never escape. Loved the video as always, Dustin !!!!
I def hate the "men hating feminism", because it often doesn't even have any feminism behind it, just hatred. Being hateful because of trauma isn't activism or anything, but also men asking feminists (women) to make them role models that they could "use" for learning isn't productive either. Men and boys need man-models, because 1. Most men don't actually listen to women nor relate to them 2. Boys need safe spaces to practice healthy practices and if the only safe space is with women, it means that they will regress while being back with the boys. Which leaves us with adult men that need to start talking on roles and way more work that is associated with femininity, aka childcare, teaching small children, volunteering, being active parents, therapists, educating themselves etc, which is all work that needs a lot of social skills, patience and emotional intelligence, but isn't paid well or not at all. While feminism brought actual money and financial freedom to women, equality of workload in all areas will (temporarily) decrease financial gain of men, because women-dominated fields are low pay and even without taking into account fiends of work, prioritizing personal growth instead of financial gain will move priorities and affect work too. The motivation cannot be matched without actual social pressure from other men that actually want to change.
But dosen't the "all men" thing play into people that in thinking that feminist are against men in the first place. It's ridiculous that people have to constantly go "not all men" just to not get attacked when what they're saying about 80 percent of men on the globe is true. It's also funny how male feminist don't have to say "not all men" and they don't get attacked. Just funny to me. I personally don't think men need to be caudled and the reason that a lot of guys wanna say "not all men" is because they think they're better than the next guy and don't really want to try to be even better. I think change comes from within and if you decide not to change because a woman on the Internet said "men"... you've already lost the plot. There are podcasters that talk mess about women and specifically say "all women" and yet women still self-improve. Their feeling of wanting to be a better person isn't based on alpha males saying "not all women" when talking about gold diggers. I think it's a problem that society feels like we should coo a man into being a better person. I feel like wanting to be a better person and a role model comes from within and that someone dosen't have to "soften" their speech to get you to do it.
when i think of positive masculinity, i think of my dad. he's a great dad and when i think of him, i think of feeling safe. i think protection can be a positive masculine trait!
@@guillermoperezdepina1646its not about knowing how to figth,but being someone able to provide security and comfort,yoy dont need to know how to figth,but be prompt to defend your lovdd ones if needed,im also latin btw
Both parents protect. Or there is only part time protection when one adult is present. Women fail to protect children from abusers as poorly as men perpetrate or are complicit to abusive males and females. Idk if that is clear, but iels 100% the job of both parents or All caregivers of children to both nurture, clean, groom, feed, teach and protect. Men show up great, women show up great. When it's a juvinile pointing competition, everyone pointing is denying their own accountability and responsibilities.
i relate to this sm but from a female perspective. from a young age i noticed in conversations men were more respected and carried the conversation with dominance. majority of my family members and relatives are male so whenever it was holidays and hanging out i was always the one female. my cousins would ostracize me and it left my self esteem and respectability broken and because of that i rejected everything feminine. i hate femininity sm and looked up to masculinity. i wanted to become “one of the boys” so from a very young age i would try to wear clothes similar to my brother and i always went to the boys section. my parents hated the clothes i chose and would always berate me for not being feminine enough. then growing up i slowly started to realize the toxic masculinity and how we live in a patriarchal society and i started to hate men. i even started looking at my dad and own brother differently even though my dads literally the sweetest guy. but from my environment and the way i grew up even when i tried to have female friends i felt like i wasn’t feminine enough even though they prob wouldn’t judge me and when i tried to hang out with the boys no matter how masculine i tried to act they always dominated conversations so i felt invisible. this led to isolation and depression all the way through my teen years. this all changed when i moved to college and i was put in a different environment. i wanted to change my perspective and be able to trust female friendships and males as well. i joined a school club and the rest was history. i made so many male and female friends that weren’t toxic and they just accepted me for who i was. because of that i was able to experiment with my femininity and masculinity and started wearing skirts and switching it up and become unconditionally myself. so i’m def in a more positive mindset now that i threw away all my prejudice❤️❤️
wooahhh i really resonate with what you were going through!! wanting to be one of the boys and feeling like you can never bridge that gap, and then not feeling feminine enough when you're around girls T T i had a similar experience growing up and only recently realized that i just want to be seen for who *i* am without having to conform to one gender haha aaaaaa i'm really happy to know that you've found your place to grow and be yourself, that's so great!!
Growing up with a lot of brothers and guy cousins plus their friends that were always around i experienced the same thing but i noticed that in addition to literally everything you said that femininity was always regarded as something bad or weak for example with frazes like ‘stop crying like a girl’ or things like that. and so i thought ‘well if i adopt more masculine traits and act the same way that feeling of that over bearing power dynamic will go away’ and i basically went through that same faze. And im only starting to be more attracted to more feminine traits now knowing that that’s ok and doesn’t mean in any way that your weak or inferior to anyone or a whole other gender
@@ktnguyen4412as a woman, I also felt the same towards girls growing up. The neediness and codependency, the constant need for validation from others. Not speaking out or honestly because of fear of not being liked. Asking your friend to go to the bathroom with you made me roll my eyes all the time. The reason I was sour towards other girls was due to not being able to relate to them. Why waste time on what others think? Why date in middle and high school when you know it’s not going to last? Why cry over the smallest thing? This lack of empathy stemmed from my mother having BPD and NPD. She was a terrible mother and terrible person. Insecure, dramatic, hypocritical, codependent, vain, etc. she’s the epitome of toxic femininity. It was hard for me to trust other girls growing up because of her. I was fond of my dad and brothers, so I gravitated towards boys. “Less drama,” or so I thought. When I got to college, I finally realized anyone could be a piece of shit, regardless of what their sex is. And historically… men are worse. Waging war, enslaving people, bombing others - it’s egregious and not every man did that, however I can say confidently it was ALWAYS a man doing that, waging war or running a trafficking ring. I just don’t like people now.
it’s something i’ve noticed in my partner. it took him about ten months before he cried to me. he’s always been scared of being gentle and loveabl, but the longer we’ve been together, the more of that he’s showing. he was taught to be this big man with no emotion or empathy, but now he is okay with being vulnerable with those close to him and i see it as such a beautiful thing.
I used to think similarly to you as I definitely felt insecure for not being the most athletic, not having large muscles, and generally not relating to other guys growing up. However, I have come to realize that masculinity and femininity is only as real as society makes it - it’s comparable to international borders or the very concept of race itself. They are all obviously real but only because their importance is perpetuated. In reality, none of them have any significance - it’s just personal expression, just land, and just physical appearance. What’s the most unfortunate is that because society deems them important, it’s a means for prejudice and discrimination through genderism, xenophobia, and racism. Masculinity/femininity, border lines, and race do not exist fundamentally - only systemically. That is why I choose to not care anymore about masculinity or femininity. Giving less of a shit liberated me so much. I enjoy painting my nails, putting on eyeshadow sometimes, and wearing crop tops - it’s my own personal self-expression with no regard to what society says, and this has made me feel so much more confident and attractive as well. I also appreciate the self-expression of others more because I see them as an wonderful individual rather than simply the one defying societal norms. To be so invested in how you are perceived is to deprive yourself from enjoying life fully.
Definitely working on not over analyzing myself. I used to be liked by everyone for my personality then when I got to hs I became extremely self conscious of my self expression because I realized I wasn’t straight
as a trans guy, i totally agree with everything you talked about. it's so weird to me personally, because growing up i've never had a preference for "masculine stuff", but once i started to actually explore my identidy and and be like "oh wow yes i'm a guy", was when i started to have the feeling of being off. i think it's more of a insecurity metter, about how i'm afraid i won't ever be enough of a boy for liking a lot of things that are considering feminine stuff and having mostly girl friends and etc, because idk you're not expected by society to have a relationship with a girl unless it's romantic or your family, and you're not expected to have the bare minimum self care, or to like "girly" things such as idk sanrio and taylor swift, but "masculine" interests just always seemed so boring to me that it's something very difficult to deconstruct and explore more. it kinda makes me sad that i've never been able to experience boyhood, even knowing that it's a lot of times a toxic environment to grow up on. i guess i'm still learning how to be more chill about my "feminine side" (if you can put it like that) and how it's ok to like what i like and it doesn't make me any less of a man
Your video made me feel so much better about myself and about me connecting with my feminine and masculine identity. As a guy, I felt exactly the same way you felt towards men. I always felt a hostile environment when I was with a man. At first, during the beginning of my puberty, I tried to blend in with the bros of my school, but I ended up being a joke to them. But when I was with a girl, I could just be myself. Then during high school, there were a few guys that I considered my friends, they were cool and very nice but our interests never really met and when we had interests in common, I was always so scared to continue and develop the friendship. I just hope one day I get a guy friend who we can get each other.
This is litchrally me. I grew up friends with all my brothers, all their friends, and all my friends (all guys), but when I got to hs I was kinda repulsed by guys and haven’t had a friendship with a guy since 8th grade
as a woman 😭I cant help but relate to all of these feelings man. Especially in the context of dating, it feels impossible to actually find a decent, sweet guy.
this is very important video to me, as a transgender guy i can relate so much, cause even tho i am who i am, i dont want to be this stereotypical alpha man. i love taylor swift, experimenting with my looks, cleaning, decorating and all of it that is considered “girly”. i cry, im sensitive, i show my emotions and im not ashamed of it. thanks dustin!
It feels so disgusting how the only answer to this comment is transphobia, really? For 8 days? Trans*men are men, the real masculinity is humanity. Leo, you are good enough.
i needed to watch this video, i myself is a transgender man who hated men for my entire life and even after coming out i had a hard time accepting that i had become what i always hated the most. i still cry very often bc i know the world will never see me as a person with feelings, interests and history, i will always just be a bad man in the eyes of the world. i am struggling to begin the "rediscover masculinity" journey bc i dont know where to start. but i will eventually, thank you for putting things in perspective so well dustin!!
For anyone who is interested, Hybrid Calisthenics is one fitness influencer I've found to be pretty wholesome and low-pressure! The guy on there gives great tutorials with lots of variations for people who might not be used to moving or have limited mobility, and it's helped motivate me to take care of myself just to enjoy existing as myself (and there's no yelling)
Yes! I wanted to recommend him, but was looking in the comments if he's already suggested. I love his content, I love his vibe and how it's very to the basics, while understanding that everyone has to start somewhere. Besides his workout tips, I just love coming across his shorts because it always leaves me feeling happier with life. Another youtube channel that's very similar is MovementByDavid, he goes more into flexibility, but similar vibe and attitude.
This video damn near made me cry. I relate so much to your dialogue about masculinity. Thank you SO MUCH for being able to articulate what I can’t. I love you dustin 😭😭
From the Barbie movie, it made me feel like it was pushing for people to be themselves rather than something that's imaginary. Like to just be human by feeling what you're feeling and the emotions that you have without judgement or expectation of how you're supposed to be. "You're this identity and that identity and all these experiences, and then you're dead." Those ideas aren't there anymore when you're dead. I feel as though I made up those identities in high school because of media with the jocks, the nerds, and pretty people, the untouchables, and smart kids, etc. and slotted myself into places instead of just livin'? The positive times with guy friends is when we did tease each other and got competitive but it was often with a sense of playground fun like you know these people are just playing with them. Or you're getting competitive because it was fun to grow and to help someone else to grow like a rival. I find it funny that I had more girl bullies that would make fun of you for how you looked and calling you a creep when you're just minding your own business playing by yourself or eating lunch. There was one girl in tennis who would always yell at the guys and say that they're better and spit in our gatorades and water bottles. And that girl in soccer who would dig her cleats into my toes when I was tying my shoes and told me not to cry. I don't see these girls as a benchmark for all girls because there were also a lot of incredibly nice girls. Rather just bad people and lessons/expectations taught while growing up intermingling with other lives in school and in public. I don't wanna continue to be reserved out of fear of acting out or being called those things, and not for the sake of being more manly, but just to enjoy myself more and all the good and bad that comes with me? Like even if you aren't any of these identities you're still here, you still exist. Ken is ken, Barbie is barbie, Allen is Allen. Everybody is themselves. What that is is up to them to figure out.
dang im sad and happy reading all these comments. sad in the sense so many ppl are describing how hard it was(is) feeling out of place for so long or have a part of u hidden in order to fit in w 'norms'. but i'm also happy to see the amount of people that feel safe enough to share their feelings and experiences on here even if its an uncomfortable topic to discuss for some
I'm a guy and I feel the same as you do. I had a lot of masculine presence in my childhood, but I always felt somewhat opressed and overloaded by what's considered "male" energy. Everything they did had to be so harsh and intense in a way that I just couldn't bear. Because of that, I spent most of my life being way more comfortable around girls and women. Even now, despite not feeling as awkward when meeting another guy as before, I still don't have a lot of friendships with other men because I think most of them are not very interesting to interact with.
As a kid I had to go to this doctor to train my tongue posture. I didn’t know why and what I was doing there as a kid - because the exercise were rlly silly - but through these mewing videos I re-remembered that time and started doing these exercises again. My jaw actually moved forward and my tongue can now rests on top of my mouth after 1-2 years. I couldn’t even hold it on top in the beginning. I can also swallow properly now which is cool. So there is some depth to it if you have some issues but I’m not prettier. I gained some self confidence but that’s because of therapy.
i have the exact same feelings about men. my hatred for men was at its peak when i was a teenager because i heard a lot of stuff guys would talk about in the class backseats and most of the time they were disgusting things, just toxic masculinity and misogny at a disgusting level. at that time i had a guy friend (the only one i ever really approached myself bc i just really liked him as a person) that was similar to you, but that didn't stop me from having such a negative view about them, because all the other guys were awful. i befriended another guy now (my friend's bf) who's actually really sweet and healthy abt his masculinity, many years later my first guy friend. those were the only two straight men i have ever felt safe around and funnily they held the same views towards men, they say that the male friendships they had were mostly about toxic teasing, hitting each other or that men just weren't fun to hang around, so they prefered friendships with women or lgbtq people. i don't hate men anymore, the word hate is too strong, but i also can't say i can fully trust a man due to my experiences in my teens, which genuinely saddens me. i know positive masculinity is actually amazing, but it's not the main culture between men (that's a fact i checked for myself ty) and it just makes me SAD. that's why we have to look out for the next generations. young boys have the right to grown up in more positive and kinder enviroments to become the beautiful humans they should be.
Wow, thank you for starting to see men as human beings and not hating us, which is the most basic thing you can do as a person 😒, you and your friends are so empathetic and clearly you don't know the slightest thing about men or our "culture".
10:08 fr that's why I like those guys who make videos about calisthenics because they're usually much more chill and less pretentious. I love Colin Murray and yvguo.
The timing of me finding this video cause is somewhat perfect. I'm just waking up from a forced nap i took in attmept to take a break from criticizing and hating my physical looks all day. Like i was so angry and tired i had to shut my body down so i couldn't think about it anymore. I relate so much to everything you've said, as someone suffering from severe insecurity about my looks and currently watching it grow worse for me everyday. At this point i might just admit i have body dismorphia. I just feel like nothing i do makes a difference, and i do a lot. Help
I'm sorry that you're experiencing this right now. If you have the means to do so, I'd look into therapy. A lot of the Betterhelp ads seem legit and sounds nice, so maybe that's something you could check out. Or just finding someone that you can maybe talk to! I know it's only been a month, but I hope you're doing a little better!
Im so happy you made this video Dustin, as a fellow male who’s mainly grown up around girl friends for most of my life, I’ve found it very hard up until recently to be able to just vibe well with most men I’ve encountered in my life. It made me jealous that I missed out on having a male friend group, especially when you see media and think that you’ve missed out of what should be “normal” for boys to experience. Growing up I was also more creative, I loved music, I loved to draw, and I was in touch with my emotions, and lots of the ppl in my life would describe me as nice or kind. But deep down there was always that underlying feeling of being less than other men around me due to this, even though that isn’t the case. Ever since I found your channel years back, it was so comforting to see someone that I could relate to so well. Thanks for this video :)
as a trans guy, i relate to this pretty heavily. i play a lot of "masculine" sports because i enjoy them, but also because i wanted to be more "manly." i've always thought that i need to go to the gym or work out in order to be considered more masculine, but despised gym culture because it has always felt so toxic to me. i've never had strong male friendships and i constantly envy those who have them, whether its a strong friendship between two guys or a guy and a girl. i think that also growing up as a girl has caused me to be closer with girls and i think that made me realise that i didn't like men at all. but that never stopped me from wanting to be one and experience boyhood at the same time? i'm not sure if any of this makes sense but i really appreciate this video, so thank you, dustin!
Stand by Me, one of my favorite movies. grew up surrounded by toxicity. Got in trouble by not being as toxic as I needed to be, made me to be a loner, a loner because I also did not identify with femininity, or possibly kept my distance to protect myself from being call a pansy/girly. I also read the book, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Liked it very much.
atistotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe is such an amazing book i still have my notes when i was reading it and i loved it so much so glad to hear you loved it as well dustin
Omg this made me flashback to the Dude Wipes debacle 😭like only when someone decided to put WIPES, a wet version of what you were already using, in a Black package with bold text did you find it okay to use WIPES? They're WIPESSS. Also I heard a debate about whether it's okay to buy a man flowers or a man buy himself flowers... it's a plant??? it's never that deep.
From a "male" perspective as someone who can't stand men, especially straight men, I find it tiring this notion that we should collectively be "nicer" and more "compassionate" to man as if they haven't been on the receiving hand of said kindness and compassion. I am surrounded by amazing, loving and caring women, who extend this version of themselves to anyone around them. The truth is that unless it becomes a trend for men to be nice, kind and compassionate LEAD by men it will never happened, which in turns kills any hope or interest of mine in seeking peace with men.
I can agree with a lot of what you're saying here however, do you think that rhetoric echoed in this video and across the internet is conducive to the change you want to see? I'm not trying to be a dick or pull a gotcha, that's a genuine question. I don't see this push for compassion for men you're talking about, its mostly discussions like this video. I think its more productive to continue to call out mens bad behavior, highlight women's experiences with bad men AND also uplift the positive images / role models doing the right thing. I'm not saying we have to uplift them for doing the bare minimum but I don't see how perpetually talking like this person helps the situation either.
10:48 honestly, Peter Le has been pretty good as far as editing, gym, aesthetic, and gentlemeness. He recently posted a gym vlog like right around your last video release!
Alpha male ROARR 🦁!! That really made me laugh. From a girl’s perspective I loveeeee your discussion so much. When I was younger, i used to think that I was attracted to ‘masculine’ men but now, I value qualities like kindness, introspection and gentleness so much more. But I’m also like “where are these men!??!??”. Thank you Dustin for taking one for the team and I hope you influence a new generation of boys to be as thoughtful and confident about their feelings as you ❤️❤️
I can talk about this for hours. As a girl I’ve never felt feminine enough and I’ve never felt confident enough to try masculine styles. I’m also a gym rat and struggle between getting the lean feminine body vs the “muscle mommy” look😭 I feel like I don’t want to be on either sides of masculinity or femininity. I have a bad perception on both sides and just want to exist outside of the binary, if that makes any sense.
I found this video by chance. Compared to how I was growing up (hardcore internet kid) I feel pretty out of touch with trends nowadays. This was interesting to watch and I cannot imagine growing up in such a time. I grew up when people looked all kinds of way! I agree with almost everything, I will reiterate that yes people most of the time wanna look better to be *treated better* , so actually insecurity isn't the sole reason for doing plastic surgery as you said imo. I myself always viewed myself externally neutrally where the positivity I associate with how I look came from me loving myself, knowing myself, my personality and looking at the mirror and knowing that rather than an object to be stripped out of all historical associations of its owner and be 'rated', it is *me*. Nowadays, I look at myself as if I were an outsider, I try to think of how I am perceived, and I 'rate' myself. Growing up with a lot of cousins, relatives, school friends and family friends, they all eventually come to 'fill in' their faces/appearance. Their faces cannot be separate from who they are, how I know them, their voices, their body language. Nowadays we are exposed to endless streams of strangers irl and online. We view people as objects more than ever. I also agree it is important that we were never meant to be so aware of how we look, cognitively. Another issue is, all of this emphasis of how you look, truly places you outside of yourself, causing you to operate, be, and live in such a dissociated state and perception that you forget to just be, take in experiences. All this emphasis in movements of 'bettering' your looks, of this chase that doesn't truly ever reach an end, you're too occupied to truly live just the way you are to make space for things that matter like experiencing life firsthand. You're too occupied with something that is always in the future.
Hey Dustin, I really do appreciate your take on this topic. For me personally the constant pressure men have to endure from constant judgement is backfiring into overworking yourself, not really getting to know yourself and trying to fit into this box, which leaves no room for growth. However accepting yourself and slowly growing with time and naturally adapting to what it truly means to be a man, aside from all toxicity is truly a powermove, and I applaud and praise you for that alongside with your honesty. As a girl who is currently 22, I always felt weird because I never truly learnt to adapt to girlhood. As of now, I have a similar journey like you, finding my feminine side and slowly accepting and embracing it, In the end there is not really much of a change, it is just a different point of view and perception, adaption . It is cool to feel comfortable in doing what slowly feels familiar whatever it might be. Life is all about learning, trying and embracing. You are doing a great job at that! Love you and I truly appreciate your videos, you brightened up my day :)
GIRL, I had been the same when I was your age. As someone who was always called a Tomboy and who never really understood why, because...why are they calling me a boy when I'm a girl? Why am I not a woman just because I'm assertive or like to laugh loudly? It puzzled me to no end, so my logical answer was becoming a pick-me girl (i know...I know...). It took a lot of years and reading to learn to embrace myself as a woman and to embrace girly things that everyone did (and still do!) talk down because they're associated with women. Yes I like makeup and skincare and if you can't see there's as much science behind it as playing/developing computer games then that's on you because yiu simply don't understand the depth of the topic. No, I don't want lipstick or perfume because I'm a woman. I am a PERSON and I get to pick and chose which characteristics and interests I take up regardless of whether they're perceived as male or female. Don't even get me started about entering motherhood...😅 Anyway....long story short, you're not alone, you're doing great, I can't wait for you to pick hobbies you truly enjoy and to decide which kind of a person you want to be❤
My looks are important to me, but I also have hobbies and interests outside of my looks. It helps me on days I’m not feeling cute, because I have all of the other interests.
The majority of men are raised not to show emotions and just suppress them. It's rare that, for example, you see a man cry, let alone talk about how he really feels. Many of them also have a strange perspective about how they should behave towards others and about relationships with others in general. I too have given up on this many times - where I live (the Balkans) everything is even more "traditional" and it's rare to find a man who isn't macho and raised in such a way that he doesn't show emotions. I have seen many times how parents scold their child because he cries, even if he is crying because of pain due to an injury or something similar. No wonder they grow up to be such people. But it is true that I notice more and more men who share their feelings and have this 'femininity' to them. But in the end there are bad representatives of every gender, but I can agree that is more common for woman to have more empathy and be more open. Overall this is a really important topic and am glad that someone is talking about it 🙂
What I really don't understand about my male friends is that when we talk about mental health and they say the male suicide rate is higher than womens and that they always have to be strong and such. 10 minutes later when another friend joins the conversation, they flame him for his body weight and bodyshame him for the first 2 minutes and always bring it up during the conversation. They say they're just joking and no one takes it seriously. But still, how can the same people that just complained about how they as males have to be so strong and have it so hard in life, how can they be such bullies a seccond later??? It makes no sense. How can they complain but also be the source of their problems??? .-.
As a woman with a long history of abuse my various men in my life, I never really appreciated masculinity. But now that I am older, I have found good men who are caring and loving and gentle,.. if I had to sum up positive masculinity in one word I would choose "protective." I also think I have a good insight into this as a disabled teenage girl, as there are many times I need to assistance of men in public as I have passed out/ need help standing etc. A good man will stop at nothing to protect the health and wellness of a woman (or person in general) that he truly cares about. There are good men out there!! I promise!!
As someone who isn’t classified as a stereotypical “male”, I’m gonna say that I never understood why feminine men put women on a pedestal. I grew up with very toxic parents, one of them being my mother, and I never really understood why women are put on a pedestal, especially at the end of the day, we’re all humans. You wouldn’t trust me simply because I am or I’m not a particular person. I know a lot of people won’t agree with me, but this just feels like something shallow that was thrown on me, especially since I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community and have yet to support this argument. 😕
If you like movies about boyhood, definitely watch "My Life As A Dog", it's so sweet and kind of sad but also like a more sensitive and fragile boy who struggles with masculinity in a very strange way
This is ironically relatable because its kind of the opposite for me, im a girl and my friend group is all guys, n ofc i have my bestie female friend apart from them, but needless to say I dont really find it easy to become friends with other girls. And I know he says he thinks of women as very nice and all yet i find that though my guy friends are rowdy, i feel a lot more comfortable, n we never really tick each other off fr, theres no drama either. N goofing around n being active is fun. (Ex, playing volleyball or tag or working out). Whereas when ive had female friends they tend to kind of use me in little ways, n basically just give me the short end of the stick in situations, i feel like my feelings matter less than theirs do to me. N they just seem easy to tick off, n u cant mess around w them bc theyll get upset. Or they gossip n say stuff abt ppl which i really dont like hearing. Like, im not gonna join u on hating on someone xd
I realy like Strength Side for my fitness content. They're way chiller and are focused on bodyweight training and stretches. It's kind of like white mom yoga but with actual strength benefits
there is such a great video from 10 years ago I think called 'On Being Ugly' by karakamos on here that talks about your value in society based on your looks and being "ugly". I haven't seen it in a while but I remember watching it in high school and it really affecting me.
Growing up in a toxic masculinity society like a countryside in Vietnam make it even more obvious but of course people around me didn’t realize that and even consumed that is “culture”. And it was so ridiculously that as soon as I’m 18, I want to get out of the town and didn’t ever wanted to come back or live there when I retired. The toxicity disgusts me, the society make me sick and make me think that I am the problem. You know the social media does saying that the environment wasn’t the excuse for who you are, change your perspective and habit not the environment but I THINK IT IS AND ITS NOT OUR FAULT, IT’S JUST THEY GROWING UP WITH THAT MINDSET DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO BE LIKE THEM
I can relate to this so much, I'm a full straight male but the way men are portrayed on media and it's subsequent impact on younger boys are something I've never been able to relate to. I also loved the way you talked about women which is something I've always thought after all I was raised by my mother along with my sister, and many of what I consider positive traits have a "femenine energy". Nowadays I'm trying to accept this side of me a bit more, definitely it helps to have such a sweet girl as best friend who accepts me for who I am. :)
Unrelated but I like your domo hat :D I really liked mid90s but I skateboarded and was used to this dynamic haha I wish you the best in finding your own kind of positive masculinity
In lieu of your craving for male media that isn’t toxic/out rightly negative and negating kindness I’d HIGHLY recommend “Darius the Great is Not Okay” and its sequel!! Two beautiful books about a male character who enters and exits many a scenario gracefully and interprets boyhood in a very nuanced way despite his age!
Ok this is maybe gonna be a weird comment but growing up as a black girl who was a tomboy I kinda related to what you said. I mean I did receive toxic masculinity because I was a women who « acted like a boy » so I see what you mean you said that you wished you had positive masculinity growing up cause me too. I also wished middleschoolers weren’t so seperated by their sex because I think this is the root of having négative masculinity /feminity.
I love your Chanel so much Dustin. I Can really relate to a lot of the topics you talk about. You make your videos feel so safe and I always find myself waiting for your next video to come out. Thank you ❤
i think the reason its so hard to define positive masculinity, is bc masulinity is essentially a power dynamic created to oppress those deemed "too feminine" i personally know lots of cases where female friend groups embrace a more "feminine" man into their group, not as a token but as a genuine friend. ive never seen or heard of a group of men doing the same for a girl. this is bc at its core, masculinity is a guarded privilege that most men want to keep exclusive to themselves.
I’m the same, as a woman I’m personally very repulsed by masculinity in its stereotypical form. in my experience it makes men scary and disgusting to be around, zero emotional management skills and poor hygiene, no thank you. even though I’m bisexual my sexual preferences are feminine men AND women I don’t think it’s going to change for me in this lifetime even if we do remedy the masculinity crisis. I so badly want to do away with gender stereotypes but it doesn’t seem like it’s going away any time soon so whatever lol
Okay first omg my names on the cup. Secondly didn't know I've been mewing my whole life. Like that's just naturally how my tongue rests in my mouth. Also my boy sent me this so I'm bout to watch the rest and get back to him
10:35 if someone wants to watch fitness creator that doesn't yell at you I can recommend Hampton from Hybrid Calisthenics. I don't know his content very well but I watch a few videos and he inspired me to work out more and he looks like a very positive person
I’m a Demi boy and this was… extremely relatable. It’s part of why I don’t consider myself completely a man, it’s difficult when the stereotype of masculinity and masculine behavior is terribly toxic. Like why is it masculine to be rude and aggressive 😅 like…isn’t that kinda dangerous in general?
gentle and clam men are so awsome and humanly, being aggressive and arrogant, feels like the soul of the person has scars and the person dont wanna acknowledge it, you are not an animal, beinv vurnable at times and showing emotions is what makes you human, it is what makes you a living being, living life without showing emotions is not masuline isnt it just dead, like isnt it just like being unalive? Resepectful and emotionally mature men are awsome and what we need, its good for them too being able to understand what you want, respecting others feeling and regulating your emotions normally, is not femmine , its what normal mature human should be or its not less masculine its a common practice which should come to a wise and mature and normal adult, we are not always perfect and its okayyyyy, honestly men who are always agressive alpha beta sigma, are exhusting , a gentle being is healing to soul, not only to others but to own soul as all.
I agree on the surgery part so much, like nowdays people are just normalizing surgery, which I am not in a favour of, kinda dystopian , like its there wish let me do surgery, but bro after some time it would be everyones wish, beacuse why not many time it also stops the inner growth, I am not a super attractive person, really really average, and I have my moments of insecurity but I don't let it take over beacuse it's normal to feel this way, and the saying is true you are in charge of your own happiness, as long as you dont mind others, you are happy with yourself, and accept things and accept it's not the only thing in life... it becomes better like your whole life is not how you look, by thinking and clinging to it, you are just making your life worse, and you will be never satisfied, you will always feel missing and lost, and then as your yourself why do we not understand ourselves? True happiness comes from within knowing there are people who love you, you don't need 100s of people around you at the end of the day you are gonna end up with one person or none so why it matters, the inner growth for such people is nil, being comfortable and with content with yourself is a practice. The musk deer always things where is the smell coming from he always runs , here and there till his whole life it drives him crazy, but in actual the smell is coming from his stomach... it's same with happiness and satisfaction. Also in my opinion gentle and clam men are so awsome and humanly, being aggressive and arrogant, feels like the soul of the person has scars and the person dont wanna acknowledge it, you are not an animal, beinv vurnable at times and showing emotions is what makes you human, it is what makes you a living being, living life without showing emotions is not masuline isnt it just dead, like isnt it just like being unalive? Resepectful and emotionally mature men are awsome and what we need, its good for them too being able to understand what you want, respecting others feeling and regulating your emotions normally, is not femmine , its what normal mature human should be or its not less masculine its a common practice which should come to a wise and mature and normal adult, we are not always perfect and its okayyyyy, honestly men who are always agressive alpha beta sigma, are exhusting , a gentle being is healing to soul, not only to others but to its soul as all.
"Close" is a really good movie that "talks" about this, and I say "talk" just because I think it just pour it into you, and you get to make your own conclusions, i´ts really good and it´s on MOVIE
I’m glad you said that about surgery because it’s INSANE to think girls my age or younger (23) are getting surgery 😭 like ??? Can we please just give ourselves a chance to grow fully into our bodies?
FRRR!
i kind of agree, but also as women, our bodies are ALWAYS changing throughout adulthood. there isn't really a point where your body isn't fluctuating in some way. as far as we go, your body is basically as "filled out" or at its "peak" by 23 lol, so there's really not a set time to get surgery if that's what you want to do.
I want to get boob reduction surgery when im 25 due to how much back pain i get the same with butt reduction due to how hard it is for me to find pants that fit.
Usually with a proper mind set you should be able to get a therapist before the surgery to see if you actually be ok(reason is not due to body dysmorphia) with it and the side effects.
I know a girl, who got her lips done at 17??? Cause her mother also got one so SHE ALLOWED THAT 😭😭
yesss i see a bunch of girls i went to school with getting their noses and boobs done, they look completely different by the age of 20?? and its just sad tbh, i dont judge them bc i've also struggled with a lot of body dismorphia and i know that if i had the money i would've gotten some job done already but as time passess by i realize that so many of the procedures i was obsessed with years ago aren't even necessary on anyone (like i remeber wanting to get an eyelift bc my left eye is slightly smaller than the other one and thats so?? irrelevant ... and now with time and practicing self love a bit -basically just accepting my features- i find it so cute) so it makes me sad that these girls don't get the chance to even try to coexist with these so called imperfections before making such big desition...
my therapist told me recently that telling myself "I am a bad person" doesn't motivate me to be better, it actually just keeps me stuck in my rut because I think I can never change. I think a similar thing is going on with our current movement of feminism. the more we say "all men," the more we make masculinity/men INHERENTLY bad, the less we motivate them to be better. I love love love the idea of rediscovering a positive view of masculinity so we can give our young boys an ideal to be inspired by, rather than a label they will never escape.
Loved the video as always, Dustin !!!!
I def hate the "men hating feminism", because it often doesn't even have any feminism behind it, just hatred. Being hateful because of trauma isn't activism or anything, but also men asking feminists (women) to make them role models that they could "use" for learning isn't productive either. Men and boys need man-models, because 1. Most men don't actually listen to women nor relate to them 2. Boys need safe spaces to practice healthy practices and if the only safe space is with women, it means that they will regress while being back with the boys. Which leaves us with adult men that need to start talking on roles and way more work that is associated with femininity, aka childcare, teaching small children, volunteering, being active parents, therapists, educating themselves etc, which is all work that needs a lot of social skills, patience and emotional intelligence, but isn't paid well or not at all. While feminism brought actual money and financial freedom to women, equality of workload in all areas will (temporarily) decrease financial gain of men, because women-dominated fields are low pay and even without taking into account fiends of work, prioritizing personal growth instead of financial gain will move priorities and affect work too. The motivation cannot be matched without actual social pressure from other men that actually want to change.
But dosen't the "all men" thing play into people that in thinking that feminist are against men in the first place. It's ridiculous that people have to constantly go "not all men" just to not get attacked when what they're saying about 80 percent of men on the globe is true. It's also funny how male feminist don't have to say "not all men" and they don't get attacked. Just funny to me.
I personally don't think men need to be caudled and the reason that a lot of guys wanna say "not all men" is because they think they're better than the next guy and don't really want to try to be even better. I think change comes from within and if you decide not to change because a woman on the Internet said "men"... you've already lost the plot. There are podcasters that talk mess about women and specifically say "all women" and yet women still self-improve. Their feeling of wanting to be a better person isn't based on alpha males saying "not all women" when talking about gold diggers. I think it's a problem that society feels like we should coo a man into being a better person. I feel like wanting to be a better person and a role model comes from within and that someone dosen't have to "soften" their speech to get you to do it.
when i think of positive masculinity, i think of my dad. he's a great dad and when i think of him, i think of feeling safe. i think protection can be a positive masculine trait!
@@guillermoperezdepina1646its not about knowing how to figth,but being someone able to provide security and comfort,yoy dont need to know how to figth,but be prompt to defend your lovdd ones if needed,im also latin btw
Both parents protect. Or there is only part time protection when one adult is present. Women fail to protect children from abusers as poorly as men perpetrate or are complicit to abusive males and females.
Idk if that is clear, but iels 100% the job of both parents or All caregivers of children to both nurture, clean, groom, feed, teach and protect. Men show up great, women show up great. When it's a juvinile pointing competition, everyone pointing is denying their own accountability and responsibilities.
i relate to this sm but from a female perspective. from a young age i noticed in conversations men were more respected and carried the conversation with dominance. majority of my family members and relatives are male so whenever it was holidays and hanging out i was always the one female. my cousins would ostracize me and it left my self esteem and respectability broken and because of that i rejected everything feminine. i hate femininity sm and looked up to masculinity. i wanted to become “one of the boys” so from a very young age i would try to wear clothes similar to my brother and i always went to the boys section. my parents hated the clothes i chose and would always berate me for not being feminine enough. then growing up i slowly started to realize the toxic masculinity and how we live in a patriarchal society and i started to hate men. i even started looking at my dad and own brother differently even though my dads literally the sweetest guy. but from my environment and the way i grew up even when i tried to have female friends i felt like i wasn’t feminine enough even though they prob wouldn’t judge me and when i tried to hang out with the boys no matter how masculine i tried to act they always dominated conversations so i felt invisible. this led to isolation and depression all the way through my teen years. this all changed when i moved to college and i was put in a different environment. i wanted to change my perspective and be able to trust female friendships and males as well. i joined a school club and the rest was history. i made so many male and female friends that weren’t toxic and they just accepted me for who i was. because of that i was able to experiment with my femininity and masculinity and started wearing skirts and switching it up and become unconditionally myself. so i’m def in a more positive mindset now that i threw away all my prejudice❤️❤️
wooahhh i really resonate with what you were going through!! wanting to be one of the boys and feeling like you can never bridge that gap, and then not feeling feminine enough when you're around girls T T i had a similar experience growing up and only recently realized that i just want to be seen for who *i* am without having to conform to one gender haha
aaaaaa i'm really happy to know that you've found your place to grow and be yourself, that's so great!!
so real, I was so stuck in the like ”I hate pink and dancing, tomboy mindset” up until like 8-9th grade, it’s all such bs
I'm the same but as a guy
Growing up with a lot of brothers and guy cousins plus their friends that were always around i experienced the same thing but i noticed that in addition to literally everything you said that femininity was always regarded as something bad or weak for example with frazes like ‘stop crying like a girl’ or things like that. and so i thought ‘well if i adopt more masculine traits and act the same way that feeling of that over bearing power dynamic will go away’ and i basically went through that same faze. And im only starting to be more attracted to more feminine traits now knowing that that’s ok and doesn’t mean in any way that your weak or inferior to anyone or a whole other gender
dustin i'm a girl, but your feelings towards masculinity are exactly how i've felt about femininity growing up
Could you elaborate? I'm not trying to be rude I'm just curious
@@ktnguyen4412as a woman, I also felt the same towards girls growing up.
The neediness and codependency, the constant need for validation from others. Not speaking out or honestly because of fear of not being liked. Asking your friend to go to the bathroom with you made me roll my eyes all the time.
The reason I was sour towards other girls was due to not being able to relate to them. Why waste time on what others think? Why date in middle and high school when you know it’s not going to last? Why cry over the smallest thing?
This lack of empathy stemmed from my mother having BPD and NPD. She was a terrible mother and terrible person. Insecure, dramatic, hypocritical, codependent, vain, etc. she’s the epitome of toxic femininity. It was hard for me to trust other girls growing up because of her. I was fond of my dad and brothers, so I gravitated towards boys. “Less drama,” or so I thought.
When I got to college, I finally realized anyone could be a piece of shit, regardless of what their sex is.
And historically… men are worse. Waging war, enslaving people, bombing others - it’s egregious and not every man did that, however I can say confidently it was ALWAYS a man doing that, waging war or running a trafficking ring.
I just don’t like people now.
it’s something i’ve noticed in my partner. it took him about ten months before he cried to me. he’s always been scared of being gentle and loveabl, but the longer we’ve been together, the more of that he’s showing. he was taught to be this big man with no emotion or empathy, but now he is okay with being vulnerable with those close to him and i see it as such a beautiful thing.
I used to think similarly to you as I definitely felt insecure for not being the most athletic, not having large muscles, and generally not relating to other guys growing up.
However, I have come to realize that masculinity and femininity is only as real as society makes it - it’s comparable to international borders or the very concept of race itself. They are all obviously real but only because their importance is perpetuated. In reality, none of them have any significance - it’s just personal expression, just land, and just physical appearance. What’s the most unfortunate is that because society deems them important, it’s a means for prejudice and discrimination through genderism, xenophobia, and racism.
Masculinity/femininity, border lines, and race do not exist fundamentally - only systemically.
That is why I choose to not care anymore about masculinity or femininity. Giving less of a shit liberated me so much. I enjoy painting my nails, putting on eyeshadow sometimes, and wearing crop tops - it’s my own personal self-expression with no regard to what society says, and this has made me feel so much more confident and attractive as well.
I also appreciate the self-expression of others more because I see them as an wonderful individual rather than simply the one defying societal norms.
To be so invested in how you are perceived is to deprive yourself from enjoying life fully.
Definitely working on not over analyzing myself. I used to be liked by everyone for my personality then when I got to hs I became extremely self conscious of my self expression because I realized I wasn’t straight
Dustin, I just wanted to say that that green is THE look on you!!!!
as a trans guy, i totally agree with everything you talked about. it's so weird to me personally, because growing up i've never had a preference for "masculine stuff", but once i started to actually explore my identidy and and be like "oh wow yes i'm a guy", was when i started to have the feeling of being off. i think it's more of a insecurity metter, about how i'm afraid i won't ever be enough of a boy for liking a lot of things that are considering feminine stuff and having mostly girl friends and etc, because idk you're not expected by society to have a relationship with a girl unless it's romantic or your family, and you're not expected to have the bare minimum self care, or to like "girly" things such as idk sanrio and taylor swift, but "masculine" interests just always seemed so boring to me that it's something very difficult to deconstruct and explore more. it kinda makes me sad that i've never been able to experience boyhood, even knowing that it's a lot of times a toxic environment to grow up on. i guess i'm still learning how to be more chill about my "feminine side" (if you can put it like that) and how it's ok to like what i like and it doesn't make me any less of a man
Your video made me feel so much better about myself and about me connecting with my feminine and masculine identity. As a guy, I felt exactly the same way you felt towards men. I always felt a hostile environment when I was with a man. At first, during the beginning of my puberty, I tried to blend in with the bros of my school, but I ended up being a joke to them. But when I was with a girl, I could just be myself. Then during high school, there were a few guys that I considered my friends, they were cool and very nice but our interests never really met and when we had interests in common, I was always so scared to continue and develop the friendship. I just hope one day I get a guy friend who we can get each other.
Hello? Are you me?😭
You guys are freaks
This is litchrally me. I grew up friends with all my brothers, all their friends, and all my friends (all guys), but when I got to hs I was kinda repulsed by guys and haven’t had a friendship with a guy since 8th grade
as a woman 😭I cant help but relate to all of these feelings man. Especially in the context of dating, it feels impossible to actually find a decent, sweet guy.
Tysm for making this!!!! I grew/am growing up not feeling man enough as well, it’s comforting to see I’m not the only one :)
this is very important video to me, as a transgender guy i can relate so much, cause even tho i am who i am, i dont want to be this stereotypical alpha man. i love taylor swift, experimenting with my looks, cleaning, decorating and all of it that is considered “girly”. i cry, im sensitive, i show my emotions and im not ashamed of it. thanks dustin!
Freak
It feels so disgusting how the only answer to this comment is transphobia, really? For 8 days? Trans*men are men, the real masculinity is humanity. Leo, you are good enough.
@@ispgravy4233your mom
So sorry my friend but you’re not a guy not matter how much you want to be
they are wdym?@@lazylaughst2907
i needed to watch this video, i myself is a transgender man who hated men for my entire life and even after coming out i had a hard time accepting that i had become what i always hated the most. i still cry very often bc i know the world will never see me as a person with feelings, interests and history, i will always just be a bad man in the eyes of the world. i am struggling to begin the "rediscover masculinity" journey bc i dont know where to start. but i will eventually, thank you for putting things in perspective so well dustin!!
aw such a difficult journey!! i think consuming media with positive masculinity is a good start and/or making friends with guys with common interests
For anyone who is interested, Hybrid Calisthenics is one fitness influencer I've found to be pretty wholesome and low-pressure! The guy on there gives great tutorials with lots of variations for people who might not be used to moving or have limited mobility, and it's helped motivate me to take care of myself just to enjoy existing as myself (and there's no yelling)
second this!! i love hampton❤️🫶🏽
Yes! I wanted to recommend him, but was looking in the comments if he's already suggested.
I love his content, I love his vibe and how it's very to the basics, while understanding that everyone has to start somewhere.
Besides his workout tips, I just love coming across his shorts because it always leaves me feeling happier with life.
Another youtube channel that's very similar is MovementByDavid, he goes more into flexibility, but similar vibe and attitude.
You beat me to it 😊
Yes! He’s so sweet 😌
SOOOO real... finally someone speaking about this topic!
This video damn near made me cry. I relate so much to your dialogue about masculinity. Thank you SO MUCH for being able to articulate what I can’t. I love you dustin 😭😭
From the Barbie movie, it made me feel like it was pushing for people to be themselves rather than something that's imaginary. Like to just be human by feeling what you're feeling and the emotions that you have without judgement or expectation of how you're supposed to be. "You're this identity and that identity and all these experiences, and then you're dead." Those ideas aren't there anymore when you're dead.
I feel as though I made up those identities in high school because of media with the jocks, the nerds, and pretty people, the untouchables, and smart kids, etc. and slotted myself into places instead of just livin'? The positive times with guy friends is when we did tease each other and got competitive but it was often with a sense of playground fun like you know these people are just playing with them. Or you're getting competitive because it was fun to grow and to help someone else to grow like a rival.
I find it funny that I had more girl bullies that would make fun of you for how you looked and calling you a creep when you're just minding your own business playing by yourself or eating lunch. There was one girl in tennis who would always yell at the guys and say that they're better and spit in our gatorades and water bottles. And that girl in soccer who would dig her cleats into my toes when I was tying my shoes and told me not to cry. I don't see these girls as a benchmark for all girls because there were also a lot of incredibly nice girls. Rather just bad people and lessons/expectations taught while growing up intermingling with other lives in school and in public.
I don't wanna continue to be reserved out of fear of acting out or being called those things, and not for the sake of being more manly, but just to enjoy myself more and all the good and bad that comes with me? Like even if you aren't any of these identities you're still here, you still exist. Ken is ken, Barbie is barbie, Allen is Allen. Everybody is themselves. What that is is up to them to figure out.
its so refreshing seeing someone else explain these feelings and thoughts. In a bitter sweet way its nice to know its not just me
dang im sad and happy reading all these comments. sad in the sense so many ppl are describing how hard it was(is) feeling out of place for so long or have a part of u hidden in order to fit in w 'norms'. but i'm also happy to see the amount of people that feel safe enough to share their feelings and experiences on here even if its an uncomfortable topic to discuss for some
I'm a guy and I feel the same as you do. I had a lot of masculine presence in my childhood, but I always felt somewhat opressed and overloaded by what's considered "male" energy. Everything they did had to be so harsh and intense in a way that I just couldn't bear. Because of that, I spent most of my life being way more comfortable around girls and women. Even now, despite not feeling as awkward when meeting another guy as before, I still don't have a lot of friendships with other men because I think most of them are not very interesting to interact with.
All of this
As a kid I had to go to this doctor to train my tongue posture. I didn’t know why and what I was doing there as a kid - because the exercise were rlly silly - but through these mewing videos I re-remembered that time and started doing these exercises again. My jaw actually moved forward and my tongue can now rests on top of my mouth after 1-2 years. I couldn’t even hold it on top in the beginning. I can also swallow properly now which is cool. So there is some depth to it if you have some issues but I’m not prettier. I gained some self confidence but that’s because of therapy.
i have the exact same feelings about men. my hatred for men was at its peak when i was a teenager because i heard a lot of stuff guys would talk about in the class backseats and most of the time they were disgusting things, just toxic masculinity and misogny at a disgusting level. at that time i had a guy friend (the only one i ever really approached myself bc i just really liked him as a person) that was similar to you, but that didn't stop me from having such a negative view about them, because all the other guys were awful. i befriended another guy now (my friend's bf) who's actually really sweet and healthy abt his masculinity, many years later my first guy friend. those were the only two straight men i have ever felt safe around and funnily they held the same views towards men, they say that the male friendships they had were mostly about toxic teasing, hitting each other or that men just weren't fun to hang around, so they prefered friendships with women or lgbtq people. i don't hate men anymore, the word hate is too strong, but i also can't say i can fully trust a man due to my experiences in my teens, which genuinely saddens me. i know positive masculinity is actually amazing, but it's not the main culture between men (that's a fact i checked for myself ty) and it just makes me SAD. that's why we have to look out for the next generations. young boys have the right to grown up in more positive and kinder enviroments to become the beautiful humans they should be.
Wow, thank you for starting to see men as human beings and not hating us, which is the most basic thing you can do as a person 😒, you and your friends are so empathetic and clearly you don't know the slightest thing about men or our "culture".
Your words resonate with me as a male and for that reason I am following
12:44 i think that this is why we never feel completely satisfied. we want to fit every ideal that we have even when those ideals are incompatible
10:08 fr that's why I like those guys who make videos about calisthenics because they're usually much more chill and less pretentious.
I love Colin Murray and yvguo.
This was such a needed topic to be talked about. Thanks Dustin for being so vocal about it.❤
The timing of me finding this video cause is somewhat perfect. I'm just waking up from a forced nap i took in attmept to take a break from criticizing and hating my physical looks all day. Like i was so angry and tired i had to shut my body down so i couldn't think about it anymore. I relate so much to everything you've said, as someone suffering from severe insecurity about my looks and currently watching it grow worse for me everyday. At this point i might just admit i have body dismorphia. I just feel like nothing i do makes a difference, and i do a lot. Help
I'm sorry that you're experiencing this right now. If you have the means to do so, I'd look into therapy. A lot of the Betterhelp ads seem legit and sounds nice, so maybe that's something you could check out. Or just finding someone that you can maybe talk to! I know it's only been a month, but I hope you're doing a little better!
Im so happy you made this video Dustin, as a fellow male who’s mainly grown up around girl friends for most of my life, I’ve found it very hard up until recently to be able to just vibe well with most men I’ve encountered in my life. It made me jealous that I missed out on having a male friend group, especially when you see media and think that you’ve missed out of what should be “normal” for boys to experience. Growing up I was also more creative, I loved music, I loved to draw, and I was in touch with my emotions, and lots of the ppl in my life would describe me as nice or kind. But deep down there was always that underlying feeling of being less than other men around me due to this, even though that isn’t the case. Ever since I found your channel years back, it was so comforting to see someone that I could relate to so well. Thanks for this video :)
as a trans guy, i relate to this pretty heavily. i play a lot of "masculine" sports because i enjoy them, but also because i wanted to be more "manly." i've always thought that i need to go to the gym or work out in order to be considered more masculine, but despised gym culture because it has always felt so toxic to me. i've never had strong male friendships and i constantly envy those who have them, whether its a strong friendship between two guys or a guy and a girl. i think that also growing up as a girl has caused me to be closer with girls and i think that made me realise that i didn't like men at all. but that never stopped me from wanting to be one and experience boyhood at the same time? i'm not sure if any of this makes sense but i really appreciate this video, so thank you, dustin!
Such an important topic! I love your channel Dustin ❤️
Stand by Me, one of my favorite movies. grew up surrounded by toxicity. Got in trouble by not being as toxic as I needed to be, made me to be a loner, a loner because I also did not identify with femininity, or possibly kept my distance to protect myself from being call a pansy/girly. I also read the book, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Liked it very much.
atistotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe is such an amazing book i still have my notes when i was reading it and i loved it so much so glad to hear you loved it as well dustin
You look like a nice person to genuinely have a conversation with
Omg this made me flashback to the Dude Wipes debacle 😭like only when someone decided to put WIPES, a wet version of what you were already using, in a Black package with bold text did you find it okay to use WIPES? They're WIPESSS. Also I heard a debate about whether it's okay to buy a man flowers or a man buy himself flowers... it's a plant??? it's never that deep.
From a "male" perspective as someone who can't stand men, especially straight men, I find it tiring this notion that we should collectively be "nicer" and more "compassionate" to man as if they haven't been on the receiving hand of said kindness and compassion. I am surrounded by amazing, loving and caring women, who extend this version of themselves to anyone around them. The truth is that unless it becomes a trend for men to be nice, kind and compassionate LEAD by men it will never happened, which in turns kills any hope or interest of mine in seeking peace with men.
I can agree with a lot of what you're saying here however, do you think that rhetoric echoed in this video and across the internet is conducive to the change you want to see? I'm not trying to be a dick or pull a gotcha, that's a genuine question. I don't see this push for compassion for men you're talking about, its mostly discussions like this video. I think its more productive to continue to call out mens bad behavior, highlight women's experiences with bad men AND also uplift the positive images / role models doing the right thing. I'm not saying we have to uplift them for doing the bare minimum but I don't see how perpetually talking like this person helps the situation either.
Two months late, but this person said that would be the best scenario. Not that it was happening.@@dren5810
10:48 honestly, Peter Le has been pretty good as far as editing, gym, aesthetic, and gentlemeness. He recently posted a gym vlog like right around your last video release!
Alpha male ROARR 🦁!! That really made me laugh. From a girl’s perspective I loveeeee your discussion so much. When I was younger, i used to think that I was attracted to ‘masculine’ men but now, I value qualities like kindness, introspection and gentleness so much more. But I’m also like “where are these men!??!??”. Thank you Dustin for taking one for the team and I hope you influence a new generation of boys to be as thoughtful and confident about their feelings as you ❤️❤️
I can talk about this for hours. As a girl I’ve never felt feminine enough and I’ve never felt confident enough to try masculine styles. I’m also a gym rat and struggle between getting the lean feminine body vs the “muscle mommy” look😭 I feel like I don’t want to be on either sides of masculinity or femininity. I have a bad perception on both sides and just want to exist outside of the binary, if that makes any sense.
You have no idea how much I needed a dustin sit-down video.
I found this video by chance. Compared to how I was growing up (hardcore internet kid) I feel pretty out of touch with trends nowadays. This was interesting to watch and I cannot imagine growing up in such a time. I grew up when people looked all kinds of way!
I agree with almost everything, I will reiterate that yes people most of the time wanna look better to be *treated better* , so actually insecurity isn't the sole reason for doing plastic surgery as you said imo. I myself always viewed myself externally neutrally where the positivity I associate with how I look came from me loving myself, knowing myself, my personality and looking at the mirror and knowing that rather than an object to be stripped out of all historical associations of its owner and be 'rated', it is *me*. Nowadays, I look at myself as if I were an outsider, I try to think of how I am perceived, and I 'rate' myself. Growing up with a lot of cousins, relatives, school friends and family friends, they all eventually come to 'fill in' their faces/appearance. Their faces cannot be separate from who they are, how I know them, their voices, their body language. Nowadays we are exposed to endless streams of strangers irl and online. We view people as objects more than ever.
I also agree it is important that we were never meant to be so aware of how we look, cognitively. Another issue is, all of this emphasis of how you look, truly places you outside of yourself, causing you to operate, be, and live in such a dissociated state and perception that you forget to just be, take in experiences. All this emphasis in movements of 'bettering' your looks, of this chase that doesn't truly ever reach an end, you're too occupied to truly live just the way you are to make space for things that matter like experiencing life firsthand. You're too occupied with something that is always in the future.
Hey Dustin, I really do appreciate your take on this topic. For me personally the constant pressure men have to endure from constant judgement is backfiring into overworking yourself, not really getting to know yourself and trying to fit into this box, which leaves no room for growth. However accepting yourself and slowly growing with time and naturally adapting to what it truly means to be a man, aside from all toxicity is truly a powermove, and I applaud and praise you for that alongside with your honesty.
As a girl who is currently 22, I always felt weird because I never truly learnt to adapt to girlhood. As of now, I have a similar journey like you, finding my feminine side and slowly accepting and embracing it, In the end there is not really much of a change, it is just a different point of view and perception, adaption . It is cool to feel comfortable in doing what slowly feels familiar whatever it might be. Life is all about learning, trying and embracing. You are doing a great job at that! Love you and I truly appreciate your videos, you brightened up my day :)
GIRL, I had been the same when I was your age. As someone who was always called a Tomboy and who never really understood why, because...why are they calling me a boy when I'm a girl? Why am I not a woman just because I'm assertive or like to laugh loudly? It puzzled me to no end, so my logical answer was becoming a pick-me girl (i know...I know...). It took a lot of years and reading to learn to embrace myself as a woman and to embrace girly things that everyone did (and still do!) talk down because they're associated with women. Yes I like makeup and skincare and if you can't see there's as much science behind it as playing/developing computer games then that's on you because yiu simply don't understand the depth of the topic. No, I don't want lipstick or perfume because I'm a woman.
I am a PERSON and I get to pick and chose which characteristics and interests I take up regardless of whether they're perceived as male or female.
Don't even get me started about entering motherhood...😅
Anyway....long story short, you're not alone, you're doing great, I can't wait for you to pick hobbies you truly enjoy and to decide which kind of a person you want to be❤
Joe Lee is one of my favs for some chill gym vlogs
My looks are important to me, but I also have hobbies and interests outside of my looks. It helps me on days I’m not feeling cute, because I have all of the other interests.
5:56 THIS!
Leanbeefpatty is a nice balance between calm but also energetic
This video helped restore my faith in men. Thank you.
i relate to this so much
im crying
thank you, dustin!
You articulated all your points really well and I appreciate how well thought-out and honest this video is, thank you for taking the time to make this
The majority of men are raised not to show emotions and just suppress them. It's rare that, for example, you see a man cry, let alone talk about how he really feels. Many of them also have a strange perspective about how they should behave towards others and about relationships with others in general. I too have given up on this many times - where I live (the Balkans) everything is even more "traditional" and it's rare to find a man who isn't macho and raised in such a way that he doesn't show emotions. I have seen many times how parents scold their child because he cries, even if he is crying because of pain due to an injury or something similar. No wonder they grow up to be such people. But it is true that I notice more and more men who share their feelings and have this 'femininity' to them. But in the end there are bad representatives of every gender, but I can agree that is more common for woman to have more empathy and be more open. Overall this is a really important topic and am glad that someone is talking about it 🙂
What I really don't understand about my male friends is that when we talk about mental health and they say the male suicide rate is higher than womens and that they always have to be strong and such. 10 minutes later when another friend joins the conversation, they flame him for his body weight and bodyshame him for the first 2 minutes and always bring it up during the conversation. They say they're just joking and no one takes it seriously. But still, how can the same people that just complained about how they as males have to be so strong and have it so hard in life, how can they be such bullies a seccond later??? It makes no sense. How can they complain but also be the source of their problems??? .-.
As a woman with a long history of abuse my various men in my life, I never really appreciated masculinity. But now that I am older, I have found good men who are caring and loving and gentle,.. if I had to sum up positive masculinity in one word I would choose "protective." I also think I have a good insight into this as a disabled teenage girl, as there are many times I need to assistance of men in public as I have passed out/ need help standing etc. A good man will stop at nothing to protect the health and wellness of a woman (or person in general) that he truly cares about. There are good men out there!! I promise!!
As someone who isn’t classified as a stereotypical “male”, I’m gonna say that I never understood why feminine men put women on a pedestal. I grew up with very toxic parents, one of them being my mother, and I never really understood why women are put on a pedestal, especially at the end of the day, we’re all humans. You wouldn’t trust me simply because I am or I’m not a particular person. I know a lot of people won’t agree with me, but this just feels like something shallow that was thrown on me, especially since I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community and have yet to support this argument. 😕
If you like movies about boyhood, definitely watch "My Life As A Dog", it's so sweet and kind of sad but also like a more sensitive and fragile boy who struggles with masculinity in a very strange way
This is ironically relatable because its kind of the opposite for me, im a girl and my friend group is all guys, n ofc i have my bestie female friend apart from them, but needless to say I dont really find it easy to become friends with other girls.
And I know he says he thinks of women as very nice and all yet i find that though my guy friends are rowdy, i feel a lot more comfortable, n we never really tick each other off fr, theres no drama either. N goofing around n being active is fun. (Ex, playing volleyball or tag or working out).
Whereas when ive had female friends they tend to kind of use me in little ways, n basically just give me the short end of the stick in situations, i feel like my feelings matter less than theirs do to me. N they just seem easy to tick off, n u cant mess around w them bc theyll get upset. Or they gossip n say stuff abt ppl which i really dont like hearing. Like, im not gonna join u on hating on someone xd
Dear Dustin,
You have my heart with all the content that you put out
Great video :)
Ive struggled with the same issues, needed to be reminded being me is ok :)
'i just think girls are so great! they're just so much... better" thanks dustin
I realy like Strength Side for my fitness content. They're way chiller and are focused on bodyweight training and stretches. It's kind of like white mom yoga but with actual strength benefits
there is such a great video from 10 years ago I think called 'On Being Ugly' by karakamos on here that talks about your value in society based on your looks and being "ugly". I haven't seen it in a while but I remember watching it in high school and it really affecting me.
the friends bfs thing is SOOOO real
thank you for talking about this.....such a hard topic that isnt talked about a lot in my social circle.....
after all your videos i feel inspired to journal you articulate your thoughts so well i feel like i always learn something from you
Growing up in a toxic masculinity society like a countryside in Vietnam make it even more obvious but of course people around me didn’t realize that and even consumed that is “culture”. And it was so ridiculously that as soon as I’m 18, I want to get out of the town and didn’t ever wanted to come back or live there when I retired. The toxicity disgusts me, the society make me sick and make me think that I am the problem. You know the social media does saying that the environment wasn’t the excuse for who you are, change your perspective and habit not the environment but I THINK IT IS AND ITS NOT OUR FAULT, IT’S JUST THEY GROWING UP WITH THAT MINDSET DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO BE LIKE THEM
love this ♥️♥️ but i’ve heard that if you exist and are the way you are that means people like you exist xxx
I just love the whole vibe of the video. Thank you for making my evening
Dustin, couldn't agree with you more throughout the video, so real and so true. Also, I suggest you watch the sturniolo triplets
You remind me of my self in so many ways
You’re such a nice guy
I can relate to this so much, I'm a full straight male but the way men are portrayed on media and it's subsequent impact on younger boys are something I've never been able to relate to. I also loved the way you talked about women which is something I've always thought after all I was raised by my mother along with my sister, and many of what I consider positive traits have a "femenine energy". Nowadays I'm trying to accept this side of me a bit more, definitely it helps to have such a sweet girl as best friend who accepts me for who I am. :)
I'm always so happy when you upload. This was a very insightful take into all this ✨
Unrelated but I like your domo hat :D I really liked mid90s but I skateboarded and was used to this dynamic haha
I wish you the best in finding your own kind of positive masculinity
There is Wanhee here on YT, he's one of the more chill fitness influencers I found, he makes videos for aesthetic trainings!!
The Domo hat!!! But also I agree w you a lot of good points king
love these long ranting videos!
In lieu of your craving for male media that isn’t toxic/out rightly negative and negating kindness I’d HIGHLY recommend “Darius the Great is Not Okay” and its sequel!! Two beautiful books about a male character who enters and exits many a scenario gracefully and interprets boyhood in a very nuanced way despite his age!
love you for making this video
Ok this is maybe gonna be a weird comment but growing up as a black girl who was a tomboy I kinda related to what you said. I mean I did receive toxic masculinity because I was a women who « acted like a boy » so I see what you mean you said that you wished you had positive masculinity growing up cause me too. I also wished middleschoolers weren’t so seperated by their sex because I think this is the root of having négative masculinity /feminity.
I love your Chanel so much Dustin. I Can really relate to a lot of the topics you talk about. You make your videos feel so safe and I always find myself waiting for your next video to come out. Thank you ❤
You're AMAZING Dustin ❤ I LOVE U 🥰
thank you so much for these thought videos, you have such good points!!
i think the reason its so hard to define positive masculinity, is bc masulinity is essentially a power dynamic created to oppress those deemed "too feminine"
i personally know lots of cases where female friend groups embrace a more "feminine" man into their group, not as a token but as a genuine friend. ive never seen or heard of a group of men doing the same for a girl. this is bc at its core, masculinity is a guarded privilege that most men want to keep exclusive to themselves.
I’m the same, as a woman I’m personally very repulsed by masculinity in its stereotypical form. in my experience it makes men scary and disgusting to be around, zero emotional management skills and poor hygiene, no thank you. even though I’m bisexual my sexual preferences are feminine men AND women I don’t think it’s going to change for me in this lifetime even if we do remedy the masculinity crisis. I so badly want to do away with gender stereotypes but it doesn’t seem like it’s going away any time soon so whatever lol
So excited to watch the video aaaaaaaaaaaa
i think you should do a gym video! i have the same problem with fitness influencers and i think you could do a great chill video about it
⭐⭐"WAS smthing I said"⭐⭐
Okay first omg my names on the cup. Secondly didn't know I've been mewing my whole life. Like that's just naturally how my tongue rests in my mouth. Also my boy sent me this so I'm bout to watch the rest and get back to him
10:35 if someone wants to watch fitness creator that doesn't yell at you I can recommend Hampton from Hybrid Calisthenics. I don't know his content very well but I watch a few videos and he inspired me to work out more and he looks like a very positive person
If your looking for chill gym content it's the girly's gym ruitine videos for me Becca Watson's are very relaxing to me! 👍
this video is so fun .thank u for being my longtime parasocial friend
I hope you find real friends one day
I’m a Demi boy and this was… extremely relatable.
It’s part of why I don’t consider myself completely a man, it’s difficult when the stereotype of masculinity and masculine behavior is terribly toxic. Like why is it masculine to be rude and aggressive 😅 like…isn’t that kinda dangerous in general?
unrelated but LOVE THE BROWN HATTT
dustin vuong my favorite man on the internet ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
gentle and clam men are so awsome and humanly, being aggressive and arrogant, feels like the soul of the person has scars and the person dont wanna acknowledge it, you are not an animal, beinv vurnable at times and showing emotions is what makes you human, it is what makes you a living being, living life without showing emotions is not masuline isnt it just dead, like isnt it just like being unalive? Resepectful and emotionally mature men are awsome and what we need, its good for them too being able to understand what you want, respecting others feeling and regulating your emotions normally, is not femmine , its what normal mature human should be or its not less masculine its a common practice which should come to a wise and mature and normal adult, we are not always perfect and its okayyyyy, honestly men who are always agressive alpha beta sigma, are exhusting , a gentle being is healing to soul, not only to others but to own soul as all.
I agree on the surgery part so much, like nowdays people are just normalizing surgery, which I am not in a favour of, kinda dystopian , like its there wish let me do surgery, but bro after some time it would be everyones wish, beacuse why not many time it also stops the inner growth, I am not a super attractive person, really really average, and I have my moments of insecurity but I don't let it take over beacuse it's normal to feel this way, and the saying is true you are in charge of your own happiness, as long as you dont mind others, you are happy with yourself, and accept things and accept it's not the only thing in life... it becomes better like your whole life is not how you look, by thinking and clinging to it, you are just making your life worse, and you will be never satisfied, you will always feel missing and lost, and then as your yourself why do we not understand ourselves? True happiness comes from within knowing there are people who love you, you don't need 100s of people around you at the end of the day you are gonna end up with one person or none so why it matters, the inner growth for such people is nil, being comfortable and with content with yourself is a practice.
The musk deer always things where is the smell coming from he always runs , here and there till his whole life it drives him crazy, but in actual the smell is coming from his stomach... it's same with happiness and satisfaction.
Also in my opinion gentle and clam men are so awsome and humanly, being aggressive and arrogant, feels like the soul of the person has scars and the person dont wanna acknowledge it, you are not an animal, beinv vurnable at times and showing emotions is what makes you human, it is what makes you a living being, living life without showing emotions is not masuline isnt it just dead, like isnt it just like being unalive? Resepectful and emotionally mature men are awsome and what we need, its good for them too being able to understand what you want, respecting others feeling and regulating your emotions normally, is not femmine , its what normal mature human should be or its not less masculine its a common practice which should come to a wise and mature and normal adult, we are not always perfect and its okayyyyy, honestly men who are always agressive alpha beta sigma, are exhusting , a gentle being is healing to soul, not only to others but to its soul as all.
so freaking cute
"Close" is a really good movie that "talks" about this, and I say "talk" just because I think it just pour it into you, and you get to make your own conclusions, i´ts really good and it´s on MOVIE
Looksmaxing in my opinion is just constantly being focused on looking your best and it can be really toxic.
Alpha male "Rrwaaahhh!!" 😡💪🪓👺 I almost spit my rice 😂
I'm actually growing not" girl enough" and people always ask if I'm lesbian just because I'm masculine ( 16y)