Most people who are blackpilled didn't become blackpilled without trying to make a change , trying to improve for years they were unsuccessful and reality puts them in place
In my experience, people who "try to make a change" and experience repeated failure are usually self sabotaging in some way. A lot of them fear failure. They fear failure so much that they would rather make themselves deliberately fail instead of sincerely putting forth effort at the risk of "actually" failing. People need to accept that success often only comes after a lot of trial and error.
I’ve never seen a therapist admit the truth that there are many clients that truly don’t have hope. Just be honest. You know not all every client can get better
this is literally it. i’m tired. i’m *really* tired. i’m sick and tired. and i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. and while i will never be one to rob anyone of their hope/dream/positivity, i will not entertain such things as they’re not guaranteed and therefore count as “risks”. and i will not risk such “nice” things when the other side of that risk is “negativity”. and more times than not all this positivity ends up not happening, and now i have to deal with negativity instead. that despair from lack of hope has cooled my heart to near absolute zero temperature
If you’re absolutely certain that you made the right decision, then you don’t actually have a problem. Accept what comes with depressive realism. Unless of course, some part of you believes deep down that this dichotomy doesn’t reflect reality and that your depressive realism isn’t very productive. But big if
What is not mentioned is that you can fail despite your best efforts. That's just the way life is... Hopelessness doesn't come out of nowhere, nor does failing and giving up despite some effort affect your will to keep fighting... No, what is really devastating is that the fight lasts so long and is so exhausting until you simply can't go on. How much longer are we supposed to fight this unwinnable battle? Until we're 40? 50? Is it even worth it at that point?
I feel you. I don't think its about fighting, it's about letting go and accepting the good and the bad. Do what you want to do in life bc our time is limited and we shouldn't die with regrets
I get that, that when I gave up and just followed some strange things from intuition. Like it felt the universe was conspiring against me. Something changed mid 20s. I think i might have been acceptance but it's like life just fell into place. It was mind set change but not one I did intentionally it just sort happened when I went into bout depression losing my job and acceptance that lasted about 6 weeks where I came out on the clueless just happy to have job but things really changed. In hindsight I subconsciously made a lot odd decision that lead to success.
What he’s saying is basically instead of running from the hopelessness, accept the fact that your situation actually is shit and not rely on something flimsy like hope and after that is when you’ll actually be able to get to work. The emotional burden of hoping for something better actually takes away energy from improving and trying to achieve better outcomes. Realize that your hopelessness is real and valid but that it was also learned and thus can be unlearned.
"Need to feel it" is easy to say, but HOW? Like, I feel it 24/7, so I'm not sure how else to feel it. I write about it, I say what I'm feeling out loud, I do my best to embrace it, but that doesn't seem to change anything... When someone says I need to feel it, and confront it, it just sounds mystical to me.
I think its all about understanding why you feel it so that you can eventually let it go, but it's hard and you can't rush it, you have to be patient with the process
It can be mystical. If you are a high testosterone individual, it really will not come out until your test drops low enough to feel it. I think the best time to do it is at night, or after enough physical exertion. As a man I feel like you almost need a routine for this, along with working with a professional.
Here’s a concrete practice, a Dr K classic. Set a timer for 1 hour (or start easy, 20 mins), sit and stare at a wall until timer is up. Notice everything that comes up, but don’t attach to any of it. In particular in this case, try to gently bring up the feeling of hopelessness. Where do you feel it in your body? Heart? Throat? Head? Shoulders? What does it feel like? Pressure? Heat? Chills? Tingling? Don’t think about how to get rid of it or why it’s there, simply feel “what is it like for me to be hopeless?” That practice lets your body process the feeling, and doing it every day will make you more and more sensitive to the precise feeling, which in turn helps you process and dissolve it.
So improve the stuff you can. Life’s fucking unfair and you can’t change everything. Accept the things you can control and do the best you can. There’s no guarantee everything will turn out how you want but even if success is unlikely, it’s better odds than giving up ‘cause you’re *checks notes* barely less than average height. I’d rather try and fail than live with regret.
Hey boyo its better to be short you will have more leg space if you take a flight (which most short dudes cant even afford due to taller men getting paid more statistically) And you will dodge bullets brah. You will filter all these evil women out brah that are superficial. ( Just dodge all the bullets like in the matrix bro)
I agree. Applying for law jobs right now out of law school. Been rejected by 27 firms in a row and had 16 interviews. Each one gets harder and harder. I’m out of hope…
It will happen keep going. I almost quit nursing in the beginning due to toxic work environment, but this little words of encouragement helped me from a stranger.
I admit that even after watching the whole video, I have no idea at all what he means with vague phrase like "tackling hopelessness directly". I wish he used more concrete examples or gave some simple practice because phrases like "accept your feelings and something beautiful will happen" just sound like noise of every other self-help expert in black piller's instagram feed.
The issue with what you want is that the root of the problem isn't concrete and can't fully be resolved through physical practices. Simplified a lot, it's an abstract psychological problem; it's a mindset issue. Perspectives aren't concrete and aren't often resolved through a couple of simple physical practices (although they are certainly boosted and supplemented by actionable practices). In order to resolve an issue that revolves around perspectives/mindsets, you have to understand and embody a change in how you perceive things. Until then, you will stay stuck.
Because he has no answer for this himself, he cant refute the blackpill and knows that but wants to still keep making money from lonely dudes. the blackpill tackles hopelessness with a realistic non bs approach. improve your looks/money/status. think about it if therapy was the answer why there is still tons of lonely men ot there?
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, much thanks to you Dr K. I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo, cheers!
Just came back from an extended family gathering for my uncles celebration of life. Everybody there including my brothers in my generation are married and either have kids or are planning on having them soon and make great money. My family is really nice and everybody would come up to me and be like, wow you look great! But inside, i dont know what to do with my life and feel like a huge waste of a human being. I come from a family of successful people where it was all ring before spring for them. Im 31 years old, jobless, hardly any friends, no romantic partners for years now and have so much complex trauma and confusion with life that I feel like I am drowning and wasting so much potential but wont ever see the light at the end of the tunnel and won't ever meet any great significant other in my life. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself, but it is so hard to when everyone around me has a life and i just want to be loved and feel confident again.
I'm 33, been single for basically more than a decade. (And the relationships I had before were intensely shallow) My 3 younger brothers are all married with good jobs. You're not alone. There's a portion of men who society will never accept, both in the job market & the relationship market. The only thing that makes it unbearable is crap like what this guy talks about in his video. He's pissing on his audience & tell them it's rain.
Don't listen to the black pillers. Cultivate empathy and see, what society wants from you - and what do you want. My story is that I was this hopeless black piller a decade ago, befor it was cool. Now, I figured out that technically I am aroace, so the source of my frustration was external, and it is not a miracle that I hated every second of this. It was just not natural for me. About job seeking: if you know what you want, it builds up an internal motivation, which doesn't have to be "coached" into you. What do you like to do? What are your skills? All in all, you have to figure this out, but a therapist can help. Also don't reduce human relationships into a meat market. People are more crazier than any market, and that is okay.
@@Secret_Takodachi “never accept” why? I get feeling hopeless but claiming “never” is like claiming omniscience. Maybe you perfectly understand why things haven’t worked out for you in the past, and you’re already doing everything you can. Maybe you won’t ever be accepted, even if you’re doing everything right, but you can’t know that for sure. Nobody can know the future. Question that belief - even if there’s zero room to improve your own circumstances (which I doubt), even if the odds stacked against you are a billion to one, you don’t know that shit for sure. It’s fine to be mad at the vid, but consider why it irks you so much. Did he say anything factually incorrect? Did you?
dude why don’t you try to find something real that brings you enjoyment? just find 1 thing that you like to do. u only get one life, and if you enjoy playing video games and doing nothing then fine but it sounds like you don’t like the feeling you get when you do that stuff so just find 1 thing that is real
@@mindgames4389 We dont experience "reality", but rather just what information our senses collect, what our brain then makes out of that, and then in our consciessness we'll get some thought based on the whole process. If we feel something is absolute certain, than thats just a part of our brain is saying it is, which is regardless of it actually being true or not. And thats not a bad thing, thats just how it is. Yet eg when we get depressed, our brain starts presenting things as black and white, it struggles with nuance.
@@termitreter6545 Brother your senses interact with reality… smell is molecules, hearing is sound waves, sight is light reflecting off objects, etc. Even depression is an imbalance in brain chemistry aka something very real, not imagined. There are even organisms without brains that can detect these things. We all know if you step off a high ledge that gravity will take effect regardless of what you think so ignore reality at your own peril.
Rehab Room and the Dr. Mew have destroyed the sweet income these grifters had. Now the grifters are the looksmaxer. This video is a desesperate move by Dr. K to try to get back his pre-2022 revenue...he's been thinking about this cope for about year and here's the video...he has some sort of excel sheet where he checks revenue/subscritions after a video is posted. This guy is very evil...if he really wanted to help ppl he wouldn't be giving these 100 dollar per session ...the tools should be out there for people to read nad follow.
7:45 - explains why I applied for sector jobs after graduation, constantly got ghosted let alone rejected, and haven't wanted to try again in the years since
I applied to hundreds of places for rent. I was discouraged at first, but towards the end every time I went to a viewing and I wasn't chosen I felt relief. I know that I need to throw the dice many more times on this new online format that the world works on now. I'm sure that's gonna be the same after I finish uni and look for a job myself/ internship before that.
I feel like he didnt say much. Acknowledge it and become aware of your emotions? Is that all? I think everyone who is hopeless know that theyre hopeless and what's going in their heads and what contributes to those thoughts.
Did you think watching some 22 minute UA-cam video was gonna fix your problems - ironically he has done in this video what he is claiming to stop the blackpill from doing he exploited you
@@aryantiwari1945 I dont think he even states or claims to have a cure but he knows that there are a lot of people who are hopeless and videos with thumbnails like these and his whole brand would lead people to believe he does again exploiting you
Emotions are not in your head, they're in your body. It's not about knowing that you're hopeless, it's about directly and consciously feeling and validating your hopelessness and other (negative) emotions. That instead of avoiding them through constant thinking or trying to change external factors.
@@A23049 i don't understand the concept. if i cry, feel emotions, does it count? well, it doesn't change anything at all. they keep affecting my life and coming up again and again. i'll accept them again and again, but nothing will change.
I kind of feel like Dr. K wouldn't give a fair presentation of what is wrong with men AND women. In a general sense, of course. I definitely think a gender war is starting if it has not already started. IMO, men struggle with images/videos on the hubs. Men are expected to earn more than women when women are getting higher salaries than men. Nothing wrong with women earning more, but the expectation that men must still earn more than women is a problem. Women may have been taught that they are beautiful and can do no wrong and that Prince Charming is the goal. Which may have formed a sense of entitlement in women from a young age. Women may only start becoming more humble and respectful as they get older with lessons learned and faded beauty. But of course this is just my opinion and I'm sure there are different opinions than my own. I don't have research on it. Just my own experience.
Looks like my comment was deleted, so I'll say it again. It would be great if Dr. K addressed these topics, but I doubt that he will give a fair presentation on men AND women.
Ngl, watching these videos have just made me fall deeper into the blackpill. Im more convinced life just isnt worth living. The modern world has just irrevocably broken us
This is not the message of the BP, live life the best you can and dont do stupid things. Theres always a way to cope and be happy and its not necesarilly being able to manipulate masses.
By acknowledging that trying to control the outcome is hopeless, you can move on without having to give up. All you can do is put your effort in. It's not up to you whether that's reciprocated.
@ScaryMango6755 You won't become a monk, but you will stop putting your self-worth in the hands of someone who might reject you for no fault of your own
You are trying to acknowledge something that isnt certain, therefore its manifestation an assumption a declaration of reality. Giving up is not trying, and not trying? That is true failure. Creating a narrative that things WILL end a certain way will instill that thought as reality and end up as a self full filling prophecy.
I feel like there's really no reason to keep trying. I'm lonely and I can't go outside without feeling a lot of anxiety and fear of people... shit I can't even commit to go to work everyday. I always feel exhausted and angry. I'm taking medication, I'm on a waiting list for getting therapy. But nothing it's really changing and I'm still stuck in the same place for years and I just feel useless and hopeless. My birthday is in a few days and it just makes me depressed. I don't want it to happen. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't understand life
Hey, I've been there my man, and I believe you can pull through. Honestly, it just takes patience and work, I've dealt with an avoidance disorder/ADHD/sleep disorder for a really long time. My honest advice, try to work on one thing at a time and do something everyday outside of your comfort zone. For me I was terrified of people so I started by just waving at people at grocery stores and on walks, then I did a bit of grocery work so I'd have to be around them, then for the absolute terror that is dating, I pushed myself to use a dating app as often as I could. I also would game with and chat with people online. Once you do that long enough and realize people aren't out to eat you, Try making yourself go to an online meet up doing something simple, like walking a trail or riding a bike. You don't really have to do anything besides just being there. That all probably sounds horrifying, but the intensity of the fear drops with each step. Each time you push yourself, try not to get hung up on any mistakes when you do these, and back yourself up positively for trying something on your own.
I dont get it, isn't that what everyone is doing when they make the "black pill reading list" for example. That is finally accepting that they feel hopeless and that it's not necessarily wrong. How does one accept being hopeless without just.. You know. Society is so fucked, I don't feel welcome att all to this world. It feels like hell. Usually these help and I get it but now I'm just confused. This is just my thoughts I don't usually focus on these things unless I'm feeling low for whatever reason and it never really helps to acknowledge it. I haven't really looked into these rainbowpill groups so can't talk on that. Or am I supposed to accept the feeling but not the fact? Because sure it might not be literally hopeless but it really feels like the world is working against me (and this is a world where struggle for resources exists, that's a fact). It might not be hopeless but it still feels like a place you wouldn't want to be at. For example if you're in a toxic group you should leave. Wherever I go there's pain. And I'm not objectively doing badly other than my career so it's not a problem with goals, it even feels like I use resources that I don't deserve. I guess that makes sense because work thing. Damn my thought are a mess hehe, maybe I don't understand this because it's not aimed at me, I honestly don't believe that it's hopeless, just feels unnecessary if that makes sense. But might as well let it play out and se what happens, time flies.
“I feel hopeless” is a fact, “the future IS hopeless” is a prediction…but no one can know the entire future with certainty. Strive, my friend, and even if you do not succeed, you at least did not guarantee yourself failure by succumbing to the black pill rot. It exists to erode your spirit and profit off our your hopelessness - if you spent your whole life striving and failing, that’s still better than not trying at all (at whatever it is you seek). Whatever that is, I sincerely hope you achieve it.
Interesting this came out today. I’ve been feeling incredibly suicidal and hopeless. The genuine trying my hardest for a long time to feel like I’m not seeing what I want out of existing is exactly how I feel. Like what is it about me that prevents me to exist like the folks around me.
@@instantpug7036 they mean the ABILITY to exist as they themselves want, a skill that everyone around them *seems to have.* Not that they want to be LIKE the other people.
the joke is that your serounding feels the same but does not show it because they all play it save, and supress their emotions. you who noticed the meaningless of life, you can life with the base essenz of life, to bring good into the world and have a good time. if you want a blessing: May my lord jesus christ help you and us all to find rest in our pressing lifes, as to guide us to a way where we can be happy.
You need to change the question you're asking yourself and priming your subconscious. Start to ask yourself: What is great about me/this situation/life?
Y'all need to look at Professor Allen Downey's chart of rates of marriage by decade of birth, on his blog "Probably Overthinking It", the post is called "Millennials are Not Getting Married". Seriously, *look* at it. This is a civilisational problem. Saying "la la la I can't hear you" does not change the truth.
The problem is not the presence of failure, it's an abscence of success. I'm so tired of people that do the "it's OK, everybody fails sometimes" or "toughen up, kiddo" dance. Because it's not about failure. It's about no success.
Never thought about it that way tbh. Stayed up till 1AM last night thinking about how much better my life will be once I do “X”. At the same time felt like I was on the verge of tears - but couldn’t get anything out. So it’s all rooted in avoidance huh? Think I’m gonna take a walk after I get these dishes done.
Kurzgesagt’s video on loneliness was a video that taught me to understand and accept a lot of the things you discuss in this video. I am a lonely mafacr which means that I’m in a lot of pain. Constantly. And because I’m in a state of agony I became over protective of my self which means I got more cautious than necessary. And because I’m overly cautious I act differently and turn good situations into bad ones or cut people of because my overprotectiveness senses something negative where in actually there’s nothing.
Damn that sounds exactly like myself. I suppose I should watch that video. Sorry your dealing with that it makes daily life hard and pretty frustrating.
I dunno. Sometimes it seems to me this is far more a systemic problem than failiure on individual level. People used to have their relationships, marriage, jobs etc. sorted for the most part by mid-twenties. When we postpone these big life decisions, we "grow out" of natural socilal circles that existed in schools, universities etc, where most people "recruted" their lifelong friends and partners. First, you need to have the right environment if people are to thrive.
I agree and disagree at the same time. Because many people lose their friends, jobs, partners in the middle of their life. So you will always kinda have to start over with one thing or the other. The only constant is change.
There are absolutely systemic problems. The trick is that all the changes needed to fix systemic problems start with doing something at the individual level.
@@randxalthor Dont get me wrong - it can absolutely be done. You can get a girlfriend still in your 30s or 40s. You can start a career. Just, it seems the demands and amount of effort is so much higher that I do not think this is suistanable for general population
Think out of the box. Why are you so troubled by living by strangers standards? You are you. Good days willcome as you realize its not about others its about you and YOU ARE different, and it is a blessing. Why would anyone want to be another lamb in the farm?
I kind of fell into this rabbit hole for a while and for all I tried, it was still other people who helped me feel comfortable in my skin. I moved to a western country to study at a university. I stumbled into a girl I was working with for a module project and we started talking. Idk why, but it was easy for me to talk and be in the moment. She later came up to me in a lecture break where I was sitting and teased me. I flirted a bit with her in a practical hour and held hands while fighting over who should get the last bit of a snack. That really gave me confidence and now I notice how I can look people in the eyes and stand straight. It's as if I wanted to make sure that I didn't bring attention to myself before and now that's gone. I didn't notice this before, but now it feels like a weight is off my chest. She wasn't really interested because I asked her to hang out and she refused when it was just the two of us and she recently mentioned that she has a boyfriend. I really don't mind though. Not only her, but other people here treating me like a decent human being helped me come out of my shell. That's when others with confirmed mental issues tried to insult me and convince me that I am also in some way mentally sick like them. I went to a psychologist when I was younger because of a teacher saying I wasn't paying attention in class(it was too easy) and he said there was nothing wrong with me. It's just that I had trouble getting closer with other people after I befriended them and I always felt like I had to put a lot of effort just to maintain relationships. I think they felt how I put up barriers around me and how I refused many invitations. All of these insecurities of mine seem to wash away not because I worked on myself, but because of my many interactions in university with new people. Having people genuinely appreciate your presence can do wonders. Some people say you can't be friends with girls or they are using you for attention while you aren't getting action. I think that's so stupid now when I just appreciate them caring and being open more than just the physical relationship. If it does get to that point, awesome, but always looking for locking her in is just stupid now in hindsight. That's not really what I was looking for, but just people treating me like the normal human that I am and not some worthless social reject. Sorry for the long comment. I hope you get some insight from this.
i had the exact same experience since i started working+college in september. my boss, coworker, customers and all my new friends treat me really well and i think it also helped with me trying my best to open up to people again. feels good to just be myself with lots of energy and love to spread as it is returned the same way
Great story, and I'm glad you're doing better. HOWEVER, I have to warn you of something: if you're actually INTERESTED in a woman ROMANTICALLY, DO NOT pursue a friendship with her! Instead, express your interest quickly (telling her to give you her number, so you can ask her out); even if she says 'no', she'll perceive you as being confident for expressing yourself authentically, as opposed to being passively pleasing, putting yourself in the friend zone, hiding your feelings and then getting angry, resentful and vindictive when the girl rejects you years later. Based on my experience, you'll save yourself a ton of misery.
I was struggling with intense self-harm thoughts and your video appeared. I feel you are my guardian angel Dr K. I wish my perpetual hopelessness ends soon. I don't want to keep living in this constant state of misery. My efforts seem futile and the whole year has ended.😞
And each day is a new day. A chance for us to touch the sun and enjoy it's warmth. You my friend...and each of us it worthy of that and more. Take care friend.
Good on you for commenting and watching the video. It's proof you're still making an effort. I hope you find the help you need. I believe you are capable of changing for the better!
Look for help my friend. Ive lived like you for all my life, im 42 now, and im falling too deep once more. But, tje support from antidepressants helps a lot, as it place my brain in a "normal" state I can see ams think much easier and stop seeing all black and lost. Cause otherway theres nothing i can do, wjen u r this low you cant tell anybody because its too much. I feel deeply ashamed to open up. Good luck .
when i was having a really bad time for years (different reason) and the frustration was really high, i could always comfort myself by telling myself "yeah well, life is not fair. it is how it is". that brought me back to more constructive thoughts about what else can i try to make my situation better. to focus on myself and my options and not on others and what they have. i'm glad that finally someone acknowledges that people don't have the same chances in life. it's so annoying that women like to say "uhh everyone is beautiful in their own way". no, they're not. and ugly people do have it harder. people with no real talents also have it harder. people born into poverty have it harder. hell, some children even get cancer and die. as long as people tell themself these "equality-lies", they dont see their own personal options to improve.
I'm 37, average looking and couldn't find ONE date in more than ten years. Not even matches and chats on dating apps. It has nothing to do with me being negative.
i have been black pilled in a job search. i was in a toxic job, lots of verbal abuse every day, kept applying for new jobs every week. for years. i just kept saying "false hope is better than no hope at all" as i kept applying and applying. a couple years of continuing without hope and i lucked into a new one.
I'm one of the target demogrpahics of black pill thought. Person of color, short, not a great hairline. I pretty much never got picked on for any of these things growing up, and nobody outside certain online communities full of trolls would even bring it up. Women have expressed interest in me, regardless of those "issues". 10-15 years ago, I did spend time online, but this "doomerism" around dating for men didn't seem nearly as widespread. Redpill/PUA stuff was blowing up big in the early 10's, but back then the message was mostly that if you couldn't attract women, it was your fault and your responsibility. I'm not saying those groups didn't have problems even back then, but the stuff about looksmaxxing, height obsession and so on was usually turned around and called as an exccuse/copout for guys not being successful in dating and life. There seems to have been a relationship between what happened at the start of the decade - a pandemic - and the rise of more "mainstream" black pill talking points. Simultaneous social atrophy due to lockdown/stay at home measures, and people spending criticial formative years interacting with the world behind screens instead of IRL, probably lead to folks who started to really internalize the really insidious rhetoric around controversial talking points like lookism. In other words, people have formed their opinions about the world online, in times when they should have been getting their ideas and socialization from co-ed environments with mixed peer groups like school and work. I think it's always been accepted that more attractive people had more options, for obvious reasons, but most people were still perfectly acceptable relationship partners for someone. Only recently has this idea that men who don't have all the perfect genetics are completely out of the market and have zero hope has blown up. Even now, I noticed a lot of men care way more about things like their height and hairline than I ever remember growing up. This is especially true with younger millenials and Gen Z, in my observation. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention, but I swear this kind of body dysmorphia didn't exist with young men when I was in high school and college.
you said you have no hope in there being a cure for balding and that those people are essentially helpless despite their feelings being valid on many levels as you also mentioned
Nah bro you gotta lay of that negative toxic mindset you inkwell. Just buy his cope courses bro and after enough grifting you too can become adonisssssss.
I feel like there is something missing from that video. That this is just the beginning of the journey. Acknoledge the hopelessnes and all the Bad Stuff that has happened, but then what?
You're right. I'm not Buddhist but Buddha said acknowledging your suffering is the first step to your salvation. I'd read more from him, he made a whole guide thousands of years ago that is still relevant today. I think it's called the 8 fold path or sm
Hey Dr K you helped me a lot to expand my view on self compassion that is, it is not a self pity show rather accepting and facing your thoughts and feelings and working on them with, awareness of internal mechanism and many other factors, situations and perceptions. I want to say I am happy now and with this I will continue to improve my wisdom and external circumstances and reaching higher consciousness about self and things
Haha, that title is pure projection. BP is literally just a metaphor that's up for individual interpretation. Dr.K is actually taking your money (sometimes HUNDREDS) , promising he can help you through Discord lool. You tell me which sounds more predatory.
How can people buy his courses when they can literally just type in search bar here on youtube "Jeremy Meeks" is beyond me. Literally just type that and get blackpilled instantly.
I don't think I understand what is being said here. If my romantic life isn't fulfilling, my career doesn't put food in my belly, and I understand I look like an overfilled bag of potatoes, I should just acknowledge all of that then carry on and brush my teeth? I am 34, acknowledging those things with an "Well... it bes like that sometimes tho." and moving on to the next task has lost me 20 years of my life.
No, it’s called being proactive and getting out there and doing something about it. Start working out, stop eating garbage, get a better job or study to get a better one, etc. it’s better than stewing around feeling sorry for yourself.
@@whysoblutube That sounds like the antithesis of the video though, running away to the Swolehouse and/or Library is precisely what avoidance is. At 13:18 Dr. K basically said that the response should be to tell myself "It bes like that sometimes.", then see out my other tasks for the day. I'm serious about this, I'm not fucking around.
@ going to the gym or library isn’t avoidance, though. Staying home dwelling in misery in the basement - that’s avoidance. Not taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others for your issues, that’s avoidance. There’s a distinction.
@aland7236 BPD patient here - I tackled "radical acceptance" in DBT therapy, and It took me years until I realized that "acceptance" only means to stop beating yourself up for where you are, and stop constantly wishing for things and your feelings to be different right now. Instead, make the best out of the given situation. So you're single. And yes, that can make you sad. It's just what is right now. Thinking "Man, I wish I had a girlfriend and I wish I wasn't sad" a thousand times (as I like to do 😉) is not going to change this. Instead: What can you do to make things a little bit better for you right now, just in this moment? And so you push on, it's like standing still and moving forward at the same time - very weird, and I still work on it. But yeah, it's actually transformative in a bizarre way. Cleans your mind and sets free new energy.
@@whysoblutube I agree with @aland7236 cause I've been in that place myself. Working out was a great cope for me because I was just projecting myself into that "perfected, flawless" future version of me, thus avoiding actually dealing with stuff in the present. "Taking responsibility" is a fine concept but if you're a sub5, people won't treat you much differently whether you have your shit together or not. Looks can only be overcome if someone gets to know you more closely, for which you will have far less opportunities to begin with due to those bad looks.
I've been feeling painfully lonely since falling out with a close friend of mine with whom I developed a (serious) romantic interest. Since then, I've tried many things that were advised to me, and while I do believe that some of those helped me get to a better place as a person, they did not at all help me solve the problem. I'm still lonely, I get hardly any interactions with people I see or run into. At this point, what I've given up on is putting so much effort into doing things that aren't me and make me unnecessarily uncomfortable throughout my daily life. It doesn't help. I've grown somewhat cynical and hopeless about many thing but on the other hand I keep going for a strong desire to be proven wrong in those negative views. I see little point in keeping going, but my (sometimes overly) rational mind refuses to believe giving up entirely will make things better. It just feels like soldiering on is the only option.
I am really sorry. 3 years ago i also had a falling out with my best friend that i fell in love with. Good thing is, we reconciled. We're about a year into our friendship again and we're closer than before. I still love him so much but im not sure if he returns the same feelings so im contented with getting to spend time with him even as a friend. I have a lot more affection for him than normal friends but i consider it a perk nowadays. Im also his closest friend, so he means the world to me regardless if we ever make it a romantic thing. I fully believe if youve gotten to a point of getting that close with someone that you'll sort it out. Might take years before it happens, itll hurt. But youll be okay. Your friend is hurting a lot more than you might imagine. And as simple as it seems it takes a lot of time for some people to let their pride down and sort it out. Even if both sides are longing for that connection again.
@eline7214 Thanks for sharing your experience. Knowing things can work out that way is nice and I'm glad you're on good terms with your friend. As for my case, I don't think it's particularly healthy for either of us to stay in touch too much, even though I really want to. We didn't split on bad terms and agreed to remain friends, but at the time I didn't fully realise what that would imply. I was too naïve and inexperienced to, and also believed that having them still there as a friend would be better than losing them entirely in life. The times that we do still talk and she sometimes gives me an update on her life, particularly about seeing other people, I feel like a piece of me that was broken from before crumbles into dust. As much as I want her to have that sort of happiness, I can't bear to watch as she finds it with someone else while I'm forced to sit on the sidelines. Which is an inevitable outcome. It's a conflict in my mindset that I can't shake off and I don't think it's one that someone you'd call your friend can afford to have. I'll spare you the details but the way things played out just feels incredibly unfair to me, but in my experience, that's just life... I do hope she doesn't hurt as much as you suggest they might. I also don't think she understands how I feel at all, and quite frankly I wish she never has to. For now, there's just a lot that I need to address on a mental level.
@@HexVertex You love her so much. I hope you understand how beautiful you are for that. Your feelings are so genuine and thoughtful i can feel it from your writing. I understand completely what youre going through, from what it sounds to me like unrequited love. All you think about is her happiness but it still hurts to see her getting it from someone else. You are right. Yeah, that situation isnt too healthy for you as of now. I used to be exactly where you are emotionally, and it sucks when the person you love isnt capable of exacting the same amount of thoughtfulness that things end up unfair sometimes. Even though i have no idea of your detailed situation, i already resonate at a core level 😭 I know it seems impossible right now, and its hurting a lot but you will get to a place where the love you have for her can exist in a platonic relationship if thats what you want. Grieve the loss of what could've been, by all means. But trust me, whether its romantic or not, how you feel is the same. You love her fundamentally for who she is as a person. Its a gift, truly. Your ability to love someone so strongly. For now, i do want you to be selfish and perhaps give up on her. Focus on building yourself and letting the parts you love about her inspire you. Everything you love about her try to cultivate it in yourself. Find a relationship where you are loved too. If this friendship stands this test, it will be one of your strongest. The way you love her can be incorporated into a friendship eventually, and it strengthens your connection. It is possible. 💗 Truly rooting for you, i hope you flourish and overcome this painful time.
A lot of people in the comments are rightfully asking HOW do you actually "feel hopelessness"? I hope this helps a bit: Here’s a concrete practice, a Dr K classic. Set a timer for 1 hour (or start easy, 20 mins), sit and stare at a wall until timer is up. Notice everything that comes up, but don’t attach to any of it. In particular in this case, try to gently bring up the feeling of hopelessness. Where do you feel it in your body? Heart? Throat? Head? Shoulders? What does it feel like? Pressure? Heat? Chills? Tingling? Don’t think about how to get rid of it or why it’s there, simply feel “what is it like for me to be hopeless?” That practice lets your body process the feeling, and doing it every day will make you more and more sensitive to the precise feeling, and you'll discover new facets of it, which in turn helps you process and dissolve it more and more.
Great job, thank you so much for talking about suppressed emotions and obsessive thoughts. It helped me understand what is going on in my head and how to combat it. I limiting my coping behaviours. I cry more often and am very sad. On the other hand, my ability to focus increased. My anger is more manageable ect. I’m on a correct path of fixing my life.
This is fucking me up because all the things you said to not do are the things my former therapists had me do. Or to change my thoughts in order to change my emotions. Or change my behaviors to change my emotions. And I was a teenager at this point, so my parents pushed me to keep going to school and doing normal life things. I've now been in therapy for 15 fucking years and only last year did I meet a therapist who seemed to hear what I was trying to explain all along. That I don't want to try anymore, but I want to, want to. I want to have the desire to live. But all the thought reforming, behavioral activation, or lifestyle changes in the world isn't going to do that. I'm doing DBT now and I have trauma (or so she says) so we're doing prolonged exposure. That's what made your factoid about treating acute PTSD-like symptoms especially enlightening to me
My hopelessness comes from my mom making take a "who let the dogs out" dance when i was about 9. It makes me feel like im destined to be this wuss of a man. I didnt realize until recently that i spent a large portion of energy keeping that a secret from friends and denying that was part of my past. I was only in it for like 2 months, and then played football the next 6 years, but for whatever reason, my brain tells me 'because i was in a silly dance, that is who i am' but im not. I hated that dance. I pissed the teachers off everyday. I should have been skateboarding like my friends were. I just turned 30, and that self doubt still affects me
I've done much worse much more embarrassing stuff, with less accomplishments and I don't feel this way. If that's the only thing that's bothering you its in your head. You literally played football for 6 years, people will know you more for that than some shit you probably won't bring up you did for 2 months. And even if you do bring it up, yeah maybe some people will tease you for it, but others will see it as a wholesome thing you did when you were a child. Also a lot of people did embarrassing stuff when they were younger, and even still do it when they're older. It doesn't make it less cringe, but it is what it is. You do things that are embarrassing. Some people are cringe and don't even know it. People make mistakes and try to hide them. I wet my bed until I was 10 but nobody knew about it. I wasn't stupid enough to tell anyone.
Well, I was attractive when I was young and it didn’t bring me any happiness. Now I’m fat, old and hopelessly single, and realise that broken spirits is what prevents us from finding love and happiness. Looks, careers and such definitely affect our chances in life, but let’s be honest, most people are just average. And there are plenty of really ugly and poor people in happy relationships. Just some of us are so shitty people that we can’t even do what the ugliest and poorest do when they feel okay about themselves. I think I might have taken it into a new level of depressing.
The reality is that looks aren't anywhere near as important as people like to say they are, hypergamy has been scientifically disproven, and people with polarizing looks and odd features do well in their niche. Late bloomers tend to "stick the landing" on relationships better than people who started early and learned bad habits. I like scrawny nerds. Don't care about height. Don't like beards. Don't GaF about cars. That already breaks a lot of stereotypes. My current partner was a virgin who'd never had a girlfriend. We started as online friends. Nobody can force happiness, or even hope. But if you're open to new experiences when the right person comes along, evaluating rather than obsessing, you could get lucky.
@@Trammiliin_nr2 I used to think my issues were all my fault. Then in my 40s came the diagnoses: CPTSD, regular PTSD, AvPD, ADHD... yikes. Chances are, all the cruelties echoing in your head have a root cause. Abuse, bullying, neurodivergences... if you investigate, you may find those root causes, and even if you don't have the tools to get official help yet, the fact that you're here on the doc's channel says you're doing your best. You may not be able to believe it right now--I sure didn't--but chances are, you deserve self-compassion. Imagine another you from a parallel universe: would you have compassion for them? That question got me started.
@@WynneL I’m actually in therapy with cPTSD, depression and anxiety. And being medicated for ADHD. Plus I have insomnia and chronic pain, so I don’t sleep either. And THIS is what causes my issues. Not how I look or how much money I make. 😂 I’ve observed life, and I see how people born with significant disabilities grow up absolutely awesome people if they grow in supportive and loving families. There was a girl who was born without legs, but she learnt skateboarding and enjoys her life the fullest. Her adoptive parents supported her and filled her life with love and empowerment. And I’ve seen many more similar stories. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely do not minimize their struggles, but admire their spirit. And I thought how come that despite their obvious hardships, they are so content and happy, and I have all my limbs intact and I can’t even cope with simply being an adult without being constantly on the verge of burnout and swinging between mild and incapacitating depression. And I figured it’s the broken spirit that holds us back. I think black pillers are deceiving themselves with this narrative that only the “top 10” are able to find a partner or a good job. They just don’t want to face the truth that they are rotten inside, because it’s much harder to accept. And it’s easier to blame those who won’t date them, bad genes, shallowness of other people etc. I once started talking with a guy online and he asked me out. There were some slight red flags and I rejected. As a response I got a kilometer long rant how he asked a female friend what he should do to get a date, and he did everything correct and women are so stupid. Not nessecarily an incel-rant, but definitely a “nice guy”. He also refused to accept that maybe he causes the rejections with his strange belief system.
I think you miss a deeper pont in this problem. I know what i should do, like engaging in the emotion and dont avoid it. But it feels so bad when i do it so my body just says “ dont do it“ and i dont. How do i overcome this ?
Thanks Dr. K, your videos have helped me over the years. 19:34 really resonates with me. In highschool they called it "reflection" you say "self relatedness". We were required to journal on a weekly basis. But the most valuable thing I was ever taught in school wasnt even academic. It was the ability to ask myself. "How do I feel?" "Why do I feel this way?" "What do I think about how I feel?" On its surface it seems silly or obvious. But its easy to be cruel to yourself. Its difficult to be honest with yourself. At least it was for me at first.
The issue I personally face within this is, that I get used to hopelessness, cause it at least feels familiar and denying this hopelessness feels like fleeing from reality. Defencelessness (Martin P. Seligman & Steven F. Mayer, 1967). I'm so used to rejection, that I might be even more afraid of acceptance and commitment. I love my mind.
It sounds like you have already realized that your mind is not reality. It is just a series of ideas and emotions that recognizes the familiarity and comfort of hopelessness. You recognize it already which means you have the power to change it if you wish. Many people benefit from professional help, you don't have to do it alone.
@rw5622 Sadly I've had 6 treatment of 3 different settings in the past 6 years and by now I'm not even validly diagnosed let alone effectively treated. It keeps being interesting. 😄
The way I see it, blackpillers are stuck in a vicious cycle of putting too much pressure on themselves to behave a certain way or have certain things, then when they inevitably fail to have those things, they end up putting even more pressure on themselves. I feel like they think that they only have value if they do those things/have those things. Thus, if they don't have those things, then they're worthless, and no one wants to feel that way. They're seeking external validation instead of getting it from themselves. So I think the first thing to do would be to accept yourself. It's okay to not have a romantic partner. Not everyone needs to get married and have children. It's okay to not have an amazing career. Not everyone needs to be Bill Gates. It's okay to be ugly. Not everyone needs to look like a supermodel. That doesn't make you any less human. It's okay to be yourself. We're all just characters playing the roles that evolution gave us. We do have some choice, but it's very limited. As such, there's no sense in comparing your character to someone else's, any more than there is in comparing a fish to a monkey. Start treating yourself like a person instead of a tool. Pay attention to your body and your subconscious. Listen to what they're trying to say. That usually solves the problem.
Ok so here's my question, If I'm ready to accept that by taking more and more desperate actions to try to find love (which were actually motivated by my own fear) was actually not helping me, and lead to a negative feedback loop of being hurt by more rejections and negative experiences; then how do I attribute the negative outcomes of those attempts in a way that's not super negative? It's extremely hard for me to not view it in a black-and-white way where it's either "my fault and i deserve it" or "life just sucks". Neither of those is helpful to me.
Dr. K who wants to help us: "Don't suppress your emotions" Parents: "If you don't stop crying you will get another slap!" I wonder how some of us turned out this way😑
Your parents were not safe people. You need to parent your inner child safely now that they are not controlling your life anymore. It's hard, but being the parent you needed for your inner child will eventually bring peace.
They got some point tho, tho it's not applicable at all times. There's time and place for showing emotions, and usually parents and they know it or at least subconsciously--that they are a representation of the outside world--showing those negative emotions most of the time isn't good, in fact it can be manipulating and can be seen as a manipulator. Sadly not all has developed EQ to discern what's what
Yea but parents arent supposed to teach this their child by traumatizing them lol Parents simply should nurture a child, make them as confident and happy as possible
There's also power in accepting and acknowledging that we may end up alone in the end, but that we can still lead fulfilling lives - dating is the area we have the least control over in our lives (you can't control how other people see you and, for hetero men, you cannot control how masculine you look or how tall you are, even if you can shift things slightly with haircuts and some muscle). I say focus on the financial security (not the same as money-worship), friendships (much easier than dating), and hobbies/passions. If someone wants to be a part of the life you build, then great, if not, keep it moving.
The blackpill is real, there are people like me who really have no hope, and it is the worst thing in the world, anyone with or without attractiveness can conquer anyone and enjoy a relationship, the problem is that I have a brain injury that prevents me from having a normal life, and it is the most horrible thing in the world, even if many girls wanted me, I will not be able to be with any of them because I do not have the energy. I can't do anything because of the brain damage, and girls nowadays demand more and more without any kind of control, often without offering much in return, mostly because they don't demand anything from themselves
The biggest problem is people misinterpreting blackpill observations. You can still get a girlfriend but you won't get a top-tier model without being top tier yourself
Having a relationship isn't the only thing that makes life worth living. So there is hope. Just not hope in one aspect of life. If you can accept that it's not life that is the problem but what you choose to value you can find peace in life. You can work on changing yourself and your desires. You can be happy/content and live a good meaningful life. But you can't do much about the world. Read Stoic philosophy like Epictetus if you want to actually be happy.
@@ns1extreme stoicism is a tool to create obedient slaves. While to me personally life is worth living for reasons I don't wanna bring up as to not appear as a fool, I don't blame people, who decided to end it all. Who knows, maybe to them this was the only logical way to be the change they wanted to see in the world.
@@DWbo-r7v I have a severe brain damage, the problem with that is that it doesn't allow me to do anything, therefore, I will never be able to be in a relationship
@@ns1extreme No, it is impossible for me to be happy because I have a brain injury that prevents me from feeling good or calm, and means I can only sleep 3 hours a day. It is torture to live like this, I will never be able to have a relationship because of that.
I don't know. I think it's okay to give up. Just don't let it make you bitter and suck every joy out of your life. Each attempt will never guarantee a win or guarantee that you're getting closer to getting what you want. Just take the little wins and start to develop more gratitude in your personal life. At least that's what has worked for me to not get sucked in to the bs of "pills" whether they be black, red or blue.
10:25 is such an important statement that goes unnoticed within others. Even if people don't intentionally treat others different, they still do because of whatever bias they have.
My partner of 9 years passed away a few months ago and you may have just helped me reframe my relationship to my hopelessness dr.k thank you for this important work you do for us all
thanks so much for the video, I took notes. I just started with a new therapist. In spite of my childhood trauma (PTSD), he wanted to jump straight to anxiety coping strategies, one of which involved distancing myself from my emotions. I told him that I felt completely numb from that because it gave me the power to distance myself from every thought and feeling, essentially alienating them from me. I told him that instead, I wanted to do PTSD work and talk about my family in-depth. Thankfully he agreed. Now it's been 9 weeks and I think I'm hitting my limit on divulging and detoxing the trauma. I hope that I've done the right thing in order to be able to move onwards and upwards.
It sounds like you've turned that onto the right tracks and you're heading in the right direction. My guess is you're doing some form of exposure therapy... if it's getting a bit much, there are some less intense and quicker methods which can work - EMDR is one well known way... there's also the Rewind technique that comes out of the Human Givens approach. For context on that, there's a charity here in the UK for Veterans called PTSD Resolution which did some clinical studies - they found substantial benefit for most people within a handful of sessions. I'm not a therapist myself, but just thought I'd mention these approaches in case they do help. Whether it's helpful or not, I wish you good luck.
@@am01264 I’m going to look further into that! Thank you for sharing 😊 (pausing to imagine our society’s impact if contributions like this were normalized..maybe, one day 😅
@@am01264 EMDR is the exact "distancing oneself from emotions" exercise that made me feel numb and alienated from my own emotions, as lizzie described, when it was attempted on me for (C)PTSD. The more I did it the worse I felt. Recommend heavily against.
Just as an example, treatment centers won't touch trauma w clients. It's usually very destabilizing and can lead clients to leaving and getting loaded. I think that's the approach your therapist wanted to start with so you didn't get overwhelmed. I didn't talk about my childhood trauma until I was seeing my therapist for a year regularly. She said we could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. Everyone is different, and it's good you asked for what you needed.
It will take longer than 9 weeks-you'll have to keep coming back to it, probably. You might need to look for a trauma-informed therapist, and who does more than only pure CBT and coping skills.
Wow that's the best explanation of lasting negative emotions I've ever heard. That applies not only to self beliefs and negative experiences, but also to trauma, I think
It took the 30-second into to realize that I’m in the blackpill headspace. The whole “relationships aren’t possible for me” hit like a ton of bricks. My initial thought was, “well, but my past experiences are…. actually probably as nuanced as anyone thinking this. Crap.” Okay, then- I suppose awareness is generally the first step in addressing a problem. Let’s hear it, Dr.K!
@@NobodyListensToCasandraThe term Blackpill is less about a specific community than becoming a hopeless individual whose mentality will lead to destructive actions toward oneself (themselves included) out of spite for their perception of Reality
I used to suffer a lot from not feeling good enough for other people. Social media has shown me that humanity sucks anyway and I have ceased to need anyone’s validation. The social judgement of the stupid culture I’m in means nothing to me. I’m at peace being as alone as I can be.
I found this fascinating, but at the end at what point do you actually go back to relate with the external world? All that internal work must have an external outcome in the end
He is a buddist first and foremost, he literally wants you to get rid of your desires and sit under a tree doing nothing until you die, and trust him you will be happy about it. Its not much different from the " you will own nothing and love it" kind of crowd.
My keystone habit in life throughout my teens and 20s was lifting weights. Even though my 20s were pretty horrific in terms of effort vs results, I had lifting weights. Then the boomer political regime took that from me so they could do their covid lockdowns to consolidate more money and power. That was it for me, my hope vanished as my gym remained closed for a year plus. SCAM CITY.
There are so many ugly on the inside and out people in relationships, that it's not an excuse - it'd kinda be easier if it were 😅😢 Edit: I'm a single not-pretty female, you guys have it easier 😅
I have been dealing with black pill ideations for the past 5 years. It wasn't until having an argument with AI about determinism and nihilism that things changed. In this chat I said a Buddhist concept I learned and the AI rifted and played off it and said, "Buddhism isn't about answers, but it is about acceptance." It hit me like a ton of bricks. This video is reaffirming my pursuit of acceptance in and of the world.
AI is super powerful for stuff like this. It can be like journalling but someone actually talks back and gives feedback, angles, pointers etc. For me its very helpful dealing with health anxiety
Most people who are blackpilled didn't become blackpilled without trying to make a change , trying to improve for years they were unsuccessful and reality puts them in place
That's what he is saying
In my experience, people who "try to make a change" and experience repeated failure are usually self sabotaging in some way. A lot of them fear failure. They fear failure so much that they would rather make themselves deliberately fail instead of sincerely putting forth effort at the risk of "actually" failing. People need to accept that success often only comes after a lot of trial and error.
Is this what you think or a general affirmation you think is true ? Did you try to change your habits to find success or to accept your emotions ?
Did you even watch the video? He said directly this to accept hopelessness instead of running from it.
I’ve never seen a therapist admit the truth that there are many clients that truly don’t have hope. Just be honest. You know not all every client can get better
I’m tired boss…
@@levelup2014 estoy cansado jefe…
@@levelup2014 Me too. High five! xD
Yo tambien
Keep working
this is literally it. i’m tired. i’m *really* tired. i’m sick and tired. and i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. and while i will never be one to rob anyone of their hope/dream/positivity, i will not entertain such things as they’re not guaranteed and therefore count as “risks”. and i will not risk such “nice” things when the other side of that risk is “negativity”. and more times than not all this positivity ends up not happening, and now i have to deal with negativity instead. that despair from lack of hope has cooled my heart to near absolute zero temperature
"Bro just be yourself bro"
"Never get UP"
everyday i wake up!
it's over bros
Goated philosopher Meeks
400 weeks vs 1 meeks
To me the idea of Delusional hope sounds worse than depressive realism.
That's the thing about us, we would rather choose to feel bad than fool ourselves to be happy. Nihilism vs absurdism all over again
If you’re absolutely certain that you made the right decision, then you don’t actually have a problem. Accept what comes with depressive realism.
Unless of course, some part of you believes deep down that this dichotomy doesn’t reflect reality and that your depressive realism isn’t very productive. But big if
"i think life might be worth living"
"Delusional hope."
The fact you call it "delusional" is why you keep making your reality harder for yourself.
Did you even watch what he said in the video or just commented? This is exactly he talks.
You are gonna griiiiind, you are gonna IMPROOOOVE everyday!
Have you improooooooooved today?
@@petter3995 i can feel it imprroooving inside of me.
Ah ah me too brother and I have THE EVIDENCE to prove it
Lately started feeling like love is kinda dead within modern dating due to various factors and dr k drops this
You are acting like its going to fix anything
@Anaximandro_1814 To be honest, anything in life is worth over the blackpill ideology lol
Same but I'll tell you something that I've been really considering is religion, literally all of my problems can be fixed
@Anaximandro_1814 "They are all perfect" bro.
He's tapped in
What is not mentioned is that you can fail despite your best efforts. That's just the way life is... Hopelessness doesn't come out of nowhere, nor does failing and giving up despite some effort affect your will to keep fighting... No, what is really devastating is that the fight lasts so long and is so exhausting until you simply can't go on. How much longer are we supposed to fight this unwinnable battle? Until we're 40? 50? Is it even worth it at that point?
I feel you. I don't think its about fighting, it's about letting go and accepting the good and the bad. Do what you want to do in life bc our time is limited and we shouldn't die with regrets
Nah bro everyone knows your prime is in your 90s bro.
Just keep buying his courses and keep improooovin 😎😎😎
@@jaydeegreat88 who said “we” shouldn’t and who said that its bad
he literally brought it up
I get that, that when I gave up and just followed some strange things from intuition. Like it felt the universe was conspiring against me. Something changed mid 20s. I think i might have been acceptance but it's like life just fell into place. It was mind set change but not one I did intentionally it just sort happened when I went into bout depression losing my job and acceptance that lasted about 6 weeks where I came out on the clueless just happy to have job but things really changed. In hindsight I subconsciously made a lot odd decision that lead to success.
What he’s saying is basically instead of running from the hopelessness, accept the fact that your situation actually is shit and not rely on something flimsy like hope and after that is when you’ll actually be able to get to work. The emotional burden of hoping for something better actually takes away energy from improving and trying to achieve better outcomes. Realize that your hopelessness is real and valid but that it was also learned and thus can be unlearned.
It nevER began Mr K
"Need to feel it" is easy to say, but HOW?
Like, I feel it 24/7, so I'm not sure how else to feel it. I write about it, I say what I'm feeling out loud, I do my best to embrace it, but that doesn't seem to change anything... When someone says I need to feel it, and confront it, it just sounds mystical to me.
I think its all about understanding why you feel it so that you can eventually let it go, but it's hard and you can't rush it, you have to be patient with the process
And also don't let it stop you from living your life and experiencing new things, that helps a lot
It can be mystical. If you are a high testosterone individual, it really will not come out until your test drops low enough to feel it.
I think the best time to do it is at night, or after enough physical exertion. As a man I feel like you almost need a routine for this, along with working with a professional.
Same
Here’s a concrete practice, a Dr K classic. Set a timer for 1 hour (or start easy, 20 mins), sit and stare at a wall until timer is up.
Notice everything that comes up, but don’t attach to any of it. In particular in this case, try to gently bring up the feeling of hopelessness. Where do you feel it in your body? Heart? Throat? Head? Shoulders? What does it feel like? Pressure? Heat? Chills? Tingling? Don’t think about how to get rid of it or why it’s there, simply feel “what is it like for me to be hopeless?” That practice lets your body process the feeling, and doing it every day will make you more and more sensitive to the precise feeling, which in turn helps you process and dissolve it.
And then Austin Wayne will joint the chat and tell me i need to improooveeee im 5'7 no improvement for my height
Just take 400 showers while getting a haircut and lifting weights at the same time bro
So improve the stuff you can. Life’s fucking unfair and you can’t change everything. Accept the things you can control and do the best you can. There’s no guarantee everything will turn out how you want but even if success is unlikely, it’s better odds than giving up ‘cause you’re *checks notes* barely less than average height. I’d rather try and fail than live with regret.
LMFAAAO
I am a 5’4 bald Indian janitor. I been taking 3 showers a day now. Think I have some hope now
Hey boyo its better to be short you will have more leg space if you take a flight (which most short dudes cant even afford due to taller men getting paid more statistically)
And you will dodge bullets brah. You will filter all these evil women out brah that are superficial. ( Just dodge all the bullets like in the matrix bro)
I agree. Applying for law jobs right now out of law school. Been rejected by 27 firms in a row and had 16 interviews. Each one gets harder and harder. I’m out of hope…
It will happen keep going. I almost quit nursing in the beginning due to toxic work environment, but this little words of encouragement helped me from a stranger.
@@x80WildCat08x Your suffering is meaningless
@LOL_MANN who asked you?
@@lexi6081 Truth is often disappointing
This exact thing happened to me. I eventually found a very sketchy articling position and stuck with it long enough to be miserable and alone. Gj me
every cope has an end
Based Saint Hamudi take.
I admit that even after watching the whole video, I have no idea at all what he means with vague phrase like "tackling hopelessness directly". I wish he used more concrete examples or gave some simple practice because phrases like "accept your feelings and something beautiful will happen" just sound like noise of every other self-help expert in black piller's instagram feed.
The issue with what you want is that the root of the problem isn't concrete and can't fully be resolved through physical practices. Simplified a lot, it's an abstract psychological problem; it's a mindset issue. Perspectives aren't concrete and aren't often resolved through a couple of simple physical practices (although they are certainly boosted and supplemented by actionable practices). In order to resolve an issue that revolves around perspectives/mindsets, you have to understand and embody a change in how you perceive things. Until then, you will stay stuck.
Because he has no answer for this himself, he cant refute the blackpill and knows that but wants to still keep making money from lonely dudes. the blackpill tackles hopelessness with a realistic non bs approach. improve your looks/money/status. think about it if therapy was the answer why there is still tons of lonely men ot there?
@@lordenvincar what % of blackpillers leave the community?
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, much thanks to you Dr K. I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo, cheers!
Just came back from an extended family gathering for my uncles celebration of life. Everybody there including my brothers in my generation are married and either have kids or are planning on having them soon and make great money. My family is really nice and everybody would come up to me and be like, wow you look great! But inside, i dont know what to do with my life and feel like a huge waste of a human being. I come from a family of successful people where it was all ring before spring for them. Im 31 years old, jobless, hardly any friends, no romantic partners for years now and have so much complex trauma and confusion with life that I feel like I am drowning and wasting so much potential but wont ever see the light at the end of the tunnel and won't ever meet any great significant other in my life. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself, but it is so hard to when everyone around me has a life and i just want to be loved and feel confident again.
I'm 33, been single for basically more than a decade. (And the relationships I had before were intensely shallow) My 3 younger brothers are all married with good jobs.
You're not alone. There's a portion of men who society will never accept, both in the job market & the relationship market.
The only thing that makes it unbearable is crap like what this guy talks about in his video.
He's pissing on his audience & tell them it's rain.
Don't listen to the black pillers. Cultivate empathy and see, what society wants from you - and what do you want. My story is that I was this hopeless black piller a decade ago, befor it was cool. Now, I figured out that technically I am aroace, so the source of my frustration was external, and it is not a miracle that I hated every second of this. It was just not natural for me.
About job seeking: if you know what you want, it builds up an internal motivation, which doesn't have to be "coached" into you. What do you like to do? What are your skills?
All in all, you have to figure this out, but a therapist can help.
Also don't reduce human relationships into a meat market. People are more crazier than any market, and that is okay.
relatable 😭
@@Secret_Takodachi “never accept” why? I get feeling hopeless but claiming “never” is like claiming omniscience. Maybe you perfectly understand why things haven’t worked out for you in the past, and you’re already doing everything you can. Maybe you won’t ever be accepted, even if you’re doing everything right, but you can’t know that for sure. Nobody can know the future. Question that belief - even if there’s zero room to improve your own circumstances (which I doubt), even if the odds stacked against you are a billion to one, you don’t know that shit for sure. It’s fine to be mad at the vid, but consider why it irks you so much. Did he say anything factually incorrect? Did you?
dude why don’t you try to find something real that brings you enjoyment? just find 1 thing that you like to do. u only get one life, and if you enjoy playing video games and doing nothing then fine but it sounds like you don’t like the feeling you get when you do that stuff so just find 1 thing that is real
I don't think dating is impossible for men or whatever, I think it's impossible for me
well said
You shouldnt believe everything your brain thinks
@@termitreter6545 No, but you should believe everything reality tells you
@@mindgames4389 We dont experience "reality", but rather just what information our senses collect, what our brain then makes out of that, and then in our consciessness we'll get some thought based on the whole process.
If we feel something is absolute certain, than thats just a part of our brain is saying it is, which is regardless of it actually being true or not.
And thats not a bad thing, thats just how it is. Yet eg when we get depressed, our brain starts presenting things as black and white, it struggles with nuance.
@@termitreter6545 Brother your senses interact with reality… smell is molecules, hearing is sound waves, sight is light reflecting off objects, etc. Even depression is an imbalance in brain chemistry aka something very real, not imagined. There are even organisms without brains that can detect these things.
We all know if you step off a high ledge that gravity will take effect regardless of what you think so ignore reality at your own peril.
Just keep working wagie. Everything will work out fine. (Not for you but for corporate profits)
NEET is comfy NEET is cool
NEET is free from work and school
Wagie works and Wagie dies
NEET eats tendies sauce and fries
Lol wut? Did you even watch the video my dude?
Bro, be an online entrepreneur like every other hustle zoomer on UA-cam bro, trust me bro.
Stop whining, start investing, learn capital allocation, or build something, start a biz
Bigger the Mogg Harder the cope.
Hmm, yes I believe you're quoting Aristotle?
@@Balloonbot I think this one was Socrates
@bobertastic6541realistically, probably Plato.
Chances of me getting laid (without paying for it) or getting a GF is the same chance as winning the mega million
You considered mRNA-injections yet?
@ No idea what that is if you’re talking about PEDs no there’s no benefit to using those
Meanwhile chad lays down his xbox controller and orders some girls over like he is ordering pizza.
Brootal.
Dont be a free agent in life
Rehab Room 🙌
Let the blackpill guide you
reading this put a smile on my face
Rehab Room and the Dr. Mew have destroyed the sweet income these grifters had. Now the grifters are the looksmaxer. This video is a desesperate move by Dr. K to try to get back his pre-2022 revenue...he's been thinking about this cope for about year and here's the video...he has some sort of excel sheet where he checks revenue/subscritions after a video is posted. This guy is very evil...if he really wanted to help ppl he wouldn't be giving these 100 dollar per session ...the tools should be out there for people to read nad follow.
I actually don't know what that means. What's a free agent?
"trust me bro it will get better"
"just try, don't give up"
And how hard did you really try?
yes
"Anything is possible! Don't ever give up! Keep grinding keep hustling, shoot for your dreams!" - a great man
Anyway the blackpill is real
@@felipeignaciomartinezcacer8754 no one is arguing against the blackpoll
The mogging will never end
7:45 - explains why I applied for sector jobs after graduation, constantly got ghosted let alone rejected, and haven't wanted to try again in the years since
I applied to hundreds of places for rent. I was discouraged at first, but towards the end every time I went to a viewing and I wasn't chosen I felt relief. I know that I need to throw the dice many more times on this new online format that the world works on now. I'm sure that's gonna be the same after I finish uni and look for a job myself/ internship before that.
"Never get up." -Aristotle
I feel like he didnt say much.
Acknowledge it and become aware of your emotions?
Is that all? I think everyone who is hopeless know that theyre hopeless and what's going in their heads and what contributes to those thoughts.
Did you think watching some 22 minute UA-cam video was gonna fix your problems - ironically he has done in this video what he is claiming to stop the blackpill from doing he exploited you
@Wow-hr1gl i think he's pretending to have a cure when he knows there isn't any for some people
@@aryantiwari1945 I dont think he even states or claims to have a cure but he knows that there are a lot of people who are hopeless and videos with thumbnails like these and his whole brand would lead people to believe he does again exploiting you
Emotions are not in your head, they're in your body. It's not about knowing that you're hopeless, it's about directly and consciously feeling and validating your hopelessness and other (negative) emotions. That instead of avoiding them through constant thinking or trying to change external factors.
@@A23049 i don't understand the concept. if i cry, feel emotions, does it count? well, it doesn't change anything at all. they keep affecting my life and coming up again and again. i'll accept them again and again, but nothing will change.
Dr. K should address some of the topics in his subreddit. Young men are really struggling with dating and its turning into a gender war.
As long as winning side keeps winning, it will not think of negotiations
I kind of feel like Dr. K wouldn't give a fair presentation of what is wrong with men AND women. In a general sense, of course. I definitely think a gender war is starting if it has not already started.
IMO, men struggle with images/videos on the hubs. Men are expected to earn more than women when women are getting higher salaries than men. Nothing wrong with women earning more, but the expectation that men must still earn more than women is a problem.
Women may have been taught that they are beautiful and can do no wrong and that Prince Charming is the goal. Which may have formed a sense of entitlement in women from a young age. Women may only start becoming more humble and respectful as they get older with lessons learned and faded beauty.
But of course this is just my opinion and I'm sure there are different opinions than my own. I don't have research on it. Just my own experience.
@@andybreadley429 Good point. Why would they? That would be pretty foolish
Looks like my comment was deleted, so I'll say it again.
It would be great if Dr. K addressed these topics, but I doubt that he will give a fair presentation on men AND women.
Take the voting rights aways problem solved
So you're saying the blackpill appeared for no reason?
it's just a chemical imbalance
@@LuigiMario-o7o😂😂😂😂
Ngl, watching these videos have just made me fall deeper into the blackpill. Im more convinced life just isnt worth living. The modern world has just irrevocably broken us
This is not the message of the BP, live life the best you can and dont do stupid things. Theres always a way to cope and be happy and its not necesarilly being able to manipulate masses.
By acknowledge that dating is hopeless, I can give up and move on
By acknowledging that trying to control the outcome is hopeless, you can move on without having to give up.
All you can do is put your effort in. It's not up to you whether that's reciprocated.
do you truly Move on? Like you will become a monk?
@ScaryMango6755 You won't become a monk, but you will stop putting your self-worth in the hands of someone who might reject you for no fault of your own
You are trying to acknowledge something that isnt certain, therefore its manifestation an assumption a declaration of reality. Giving up is not trying, and not trying? That is true failure. Creating a narrative that things WILL end a certain way will instill that thought as reality and end up as a self full filling prophecy.
I feel like there's really no reason to keep trying. I'm lonely and I can't go outside without feeling a lot of anxiety and fear of people... shit I can't even commit to go to work everyday. I always feel exhausted and angry. I'm taking medication, I'm on a waiting list for getting therapy. But nothing it's really changing and I'm still stuck in the same place for years and I just feel useless and hopeless. My birthday is in a few days and it just makes me depressed. I don't want it to happen.
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't understand life
Dont you dare go hollow.
@@FoxinnyVi or else?
Shit sucks, but hang in there buddy, you’ll get there
What do you think creates the anxiety? Are there other specific reasons why life's shit for you?
Hey, I've been there my man, and I believe you can pull through. Honestly, it just takes patience and work, I've dealt with an avoidance disorder/ADHD/sleep disorder for a really long time. My honest advice, try to work on one thing at a time and do something everyday outside of your comfort zone. For me I was terrified of people so I started by just waving at people at grocery stores and on walks, then I did a bit of grocery work so I'd have to be around them, then for the absolute terror that is dating, I pushed myself to use a dating app as often as I could. I also would game with and chat with people online. Once you do that long enough and realize people aren't out to eat you, Try making yourself go to an online meet up doing something simple, like walking a trail or riding a bike. You don't really have to do anything besides just being there. That all probably sounds horrifying, but the intensity of the fear drops with each step. Each time you push yourself, try not to get hung up on any mistakes when you do these, and back yourself up positively for trying something on your own.
I dont get it, isn't that what everyone is doing when they make the "black pill reading list" for example. That is finally accepting that they feel hopeless and that it's not necessarily wrong. How does one accept being hopeless without just.. You know. Society is so fucked, I don't feel welcome att all to this world. It feels like hell. Usually these help and I get it but now I'm just confused.
This is just my thoughts I don't usually focus on these things unless I'm feeling low for whatever reason and it never really helps to acknowledge it. I haven't really looked into these rainbowpill groups so can't talk on that.
Or am I supposed to accept the feeling but not the fact? Because sure it might not be literally hopeless but it really feels like the world is working against me (and this is a world where struggle for resources exists, that's a fact). It might not be hopeless but it still feels like a place you wouldn't want to be at. For example if you're in a toxic group you should leave. Wherever I go there's pain. And I'm not objectively doing badly other than my career so it's not a problem with goals, it even feels like I use resources that I don't deserve. I guess that makes sense because work thing.
Damn my thought are a mess hehe, maybe I don't understand this because it's not aimed at me, I honestly don't believe that it's hopeless, just feels unnecessary if that makes sense. But might as well let it play out and se what happens, time flies.
“I feel hopeless” is a fact, “the future IS hopeless” is a prediction…but no one can know the entire future with certainty. Strive, my friend, and even if you do not succeed, you at least did not guarantee yourself failure by succumbing to the black pill rot. It exists to erode your spirit and profit off our your hopelessness - if you spent your whole life striving and failing, that’s still better than not trying at all (at whatever it is you seek). Whatever that is, I sincerely hope you achieve it.
coping everyday push the reality away
keep coping and never get up guys everything is possible with showering, wishful thinking and some gaslighting
At least watch the video... he said these that accepts hopelessness!
Interesting this came out today. I’ve been feeling incredibly suicidal and hopeless. The genuine trying my hardest for a long time to feel like I’m not seeing what I want out of existing is exactly how I feel. Like what is it about me that prevents me to exist like the folks around me.
Why do you have to exist like the folks around you?
@@instantpug7036 they mean the ABILITY to exist as they themselves want, a skill that everyone around them *seems to have.* Not that they want to be LIKE the other people.
the joke is that your serounding feels the same but does not show it because they all play it save, and supress their emotions. you who noticed the meaningless of life, you can life with the base essenz of life, to bring good into the world and have a good time.
if you want a blessing:
May my lord jesus christ help you and us all to find rest in our pressing lifes, as to guide us to a way where we can be happy.
I don't know if this means much from an internet stranger, but I hope things look up for you.
You need to change the question you're asking yourself and priming your subconscious. Start to ask yourself: What is great about me/this situation/life?
Y'all need to look at Professor Allen Downey's chart of rates of marriage by decade of birth, on his blog "Probably Overthinking It", the post is called "Millennials are Not Getting Married". Seriously, *look* at it.
This is a civilisational problem. Saying "la la la I can't hear you" does not change the truth.
he knows lol
Our "society" also feeds on suffering.
The problem is not the presence of failure, it's an abscence of success.
I'm so tired of people that do the "it's OK, everybody fails sometimes" or "toughen up, kiddo" dance. Because it's not about failure. It's about no success.
the absence of success is failure. you either succeed or fail.
@@LuigiMario-o7oOr it's nothing, because you've stopped trying.
@ irrelevant failure
@@LuigiMario-o7o there is a difference between failing 9/10 and 10/10 times
@@Straga_Severa_ you get micro successes, but accepting that the main goal isn't complete allows one to get out of assessment and back to action
Ive been rejected by countless women for the past for the past 15 years and this guy says that there is hope there maybe be hope but not for me.
Never thought about it that way tbh. Stayed up till 1AM last night thinking about how much better my life will be once I do “X”. At the same time felt like I was on the verge of tears - but couldn’t get anything out.
So it’s all rooted in avoidance huh? Think I’m gonna take a walk after I get these dishes done.
Taking a walk sounds like avoidance
@@Wow-hr1gl Depends on what you are avoiding. If you are avoiding your own thoughts, a walk is a way to confront those thoughts head on.
@@Darth_Insidious I think sitting alone is definitely more powerful if your aim is to confront your thoughts the walk is a distraction
@@Wow-hr1gl My brain moves better if my body is moving. If I'm not moving, my thoughts can often spin without going anywhere.
Avoidance from embracing evolutionary biology and its consequences 😅
It's over but it never began
As Saint Hamudi would say: “It’s over buddy booyyoooo”
Gaslighting
Kurzgesagt’s video on loneliness was a video that taught me to understand and accept a lot of the things you discuss in this video. I am a lonely mafacr which means that I’m in a lot of pain. Constantly. And because I’m in a state of agony I became over protective of my self which means I got more cautious than necessary. And because I’m overly cautious I act differently and turn good situations into bad ones or cut people of because my overprotectiveness senses something negative where in actually there’s nothing.
Anyway the blackpill is real
Damn that sounds exactly like myself. I suppose I should watch that video. Sorry your dealing with that it makes daily life hard and pretty frustrating.
whoa did I write this comment, or did you! Thanks for sharing. It's wild how alike most of us really are.
Try CBT.. And how are you going to trust anyone if you aren't going to be able to be vulnerable?
So relatable, it's the feedback loop from hell
I dunno. Sometimes it seems to me this is far more a systemic problem than failiure on individual level.
People used to have their relationships, marriage, jobs etc. sorted for the most part by mid-twenties.
When we postpone these big life decisions, we "grow out" of natural socilal circles that existed in schools, universities etc, where most people "recruted" their lifelong friends and partners.
First, you need to have the right environment if people are to thrive.
I agree and disagree at the same time. Because many people lose their friends, jobs, partners in the middle of their life. So you will always kinda have to start over with one thing or the other. The only constant is change.
There are absolutely systemic problems. The trick is that all the changes needed to fix systemic problems start with doing something at the individual level.
@@instantpug7036 Good point, yeh
@@randxalthor Dont get me wrong - it can absolutely be done. You can get a girlfriend still in your 30s or 40s. You can start a career. Just, it seems the demands and amount of effort is so much higher that I do not think this is suistanable for general population
Think out of the box. Why are you so troubled by living by strangers standards? You are you. Good days willcome as you realize its not about others its about you and YOU ARE different, and it is a blessing. Why would anyone want to be another lamb in the farm?
I kind of fell into this rabbit hole for a while and for all I tried, it was still other people who helped me feel comfortable in my skin. I moved to a western country to study at a university. I stumbled into a girl I was working with for a module project and we started talking. Idk why, but it was easy for me to talk and be in the moment. She later came up to me in a lecture break where I was sitting and teased me. I flirted a bit with her in a practical hour and held hands while fighting over who should get the last bit of a snack.
That really gave me confidence and now I notice how I can look people in the eyes and stand straight. It's as if I wanted to make sure that I didn't bring attention to myself before and now that's gone. I didn't notice this before, but now it feels like a weight is off my chest.
She wasn't really interested because I asked her to hang out and she refused when it was just the two of us and she recently mentioned that she has a boyfriend. I really don't mind though. Not only her, but other people here treating me like a decent human being helped me come out of my shell. That's when others with confirmed mental issues tried to insult me and convince me that I am also in some way mentally sick like them. I went to a psychologist when I was younger because of a teacher saying I wasn't paying attention in class(it was too easy) and he said there was nothing wrong with me. It's just that I had trouble getting closer with other people after I befriended them and I always felt like I had to put a lot of effort just to maintain relationships. I think they felt how I put up barriers around me and how I refused many invitations.
All of these insecurities of mine seem to wash away not because I worked on myself, but because of my many interactions in university with new people. Having people genuinely appreciate your presence can do wonders.
Some people say you can't be friends with girls or they are using you for attention while you aren't getting action. I think that's so stupid now when I just appreciate them caring and being open more than just the physical relationship. If it does get to that point, awesome, but always looking for locking her in is just stupid now in hindsight. That's not really what I was looking for, but just people treating me like the normal human that I am and not some worthless social reject. Sorry for the long comment. I hope you get some insight from this.
i had the exact same experience since i started working+college in september. my boss, coworker, customers and all my new friends treat me really well and i think it also helped with me trying my best to open up to people again. feels good to just be myself with lots of energy and love to spread as it is returned the same way
W bro
sucks you had to goi through that. she was young and immature
Great story, and I'm glad you're doing better. HOWEVER, I have to warn you of something: if you're actually INTERESTED in a woman ROMANTICALLY, DO NOT pursue a friendship with her! Instead, express your interest quickly (telling her to give you her number, so you can ask her out); even if she says 'no', she'll perceive you as being confident for expressing yourself authentically, as opposed to being passively pleasing, putting yourself in the friend zone, hiding your feelings and then getting angry, resentful and vindictive when the girl rejects you years later.
Based on my experience, you'll save yourself a ton of misery.
So did she have a BF while holding hands with you? I'm trying to understand that part but it seems it could be a yes or no...
I was struggling with intense self-harm thoughts and your video appeared. I feel you are my guardian angel Dr K. I wish my perpetual hopelessness ends soon. I don't want to keep living in this constant state of misery. My efforts seem futile and the whole year has ended.😞
The good thing is, there's a new year after this one ends. The bad thing is, there's a new year after this one ends.
And each day is a new day. A chance for us to touch the sun and enjoy it's warmth. You my friend...and each of us it worthy of that and more. Take care friend.
Keep going
Good on you for commenting and watching the video. It's proof you're still making an effort. I hope you find the help you need. I believe you are capable of changing for the better!
Look for help my friend. Ive lived like you for all my life, im 42 now, and im falling too deep once more. But, tje support from antidepressants helps a lot, as it place my brain in a "normal" state I can see ams think much easier and stop seeing all black and lost. Cause otherway theres nothing i can do, wjen u r this low you cant tell anybody because its too much. I feel deeply ashamed to open up. Good luck .
when i was having a really bad time for years (different reason) and the frustration was really high, i could always comfort myself by telling myself "yeah well, life is not fair. it is how it is". that brought me back to more constructive thoughts about what else can i try to make my situation better. to focus on myself and my options and not on others and what they have.
i'm glad that finally someone acknowledges that people don't have the same chances in life. it's so annoying that women like to say "uhh everyone is beautiful in their own way". no, they're not. and ugly people do have it harder. people with no real talents also have it harder. people born into poverty have it harder. hell, some children even get cancer and die.
as long as people tell themself these "equality-lies", they dont see their own personal options to improve.
I was quite content being hopeless without blackpill
did dr k just "just shower bro" at 10:54?? lol
Nah first buy my cope course then take my bs advice brah, you gonna imroooov unc.
I'm 37, average looking and couldn't find ONE date in more than ten years. Not even matches and chats on dating apps. It has nothing to do with me being negative.
No bro it's your personality if you stop hating women and go to the gym and stop with your complaints and negative mindset 😅
@@BEEETRUS not sure if you're serious. "Just take a shower, bro."
@@BEEETRUS so true bro!
@@Nelex5000 how would they have seen his "mindset" through the picture
@@BEEETRUS im joking buddy boyo
i have been black pilled in a job search. i was in a toxic job, lots of verbal abuse every day, kept applying for new jobs every week. for years. i just kept saying "false hope is better than no hope at all" as i kept applying and applying. a couple years of continuing without hope and i lucked into a new one.
I'm one of the target demogrpahics of black pill thought. Person of color, short, not a great hairline. I pretty much never got picked on for any of these things growing up, and nobody outside certain online communities full of trolls would even bring it up. Women have expressed interest in me, regardless of those "issues".
10-15 years ago, I did spend time online, but this "doomerism" around dating for men didn't seem nearly as widespread. Redpill/PUA stuff was blowing up big in the early 10's, but back then the message was mostly that if you couldn't attract women, it was your fault and your responsibility. I'm not saying those groups didn't have problems even back then, but the stuff about looksmaxxing, height obsession and so on was usually turned around and called as an exccuse/copout for guys not being successful in dating and life. There seems to have been a relationship between what happened at the start of the decade - a pandemic - and the rise of more "mainstream" black pill talking points. Simultaneous social atrophy due to lockdown/stay at home measures, and people spending criticial formative years interacting with the world behind screens instead of IRL, probably lead to folks who started to really internalize the really insidious rhetoric around controversial talking points like lookism. In other words, people have formed their opinions about the world online, in times when they should have been getting their ideas and socialization from co-ed environments with mixed peer groups like school and work.
I think it's always been accepted that more attractive people had more options, for obvious reasons, but most people were still perfectly acceptable relationship partners for someone. Only recently has this idea that men who don't have all the perfect genetics are completely out of the market and have zero hope has blown up. Even now, I noticed a lot of men care way more about things like their height and hairline than I ever remember growing up. This is especially true with younger millenials and Gen Z, in my observation. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention, but I swear this kind of body dysmorphia didn't exist with young men when I was in high school and college.
you didn't grow up in this situation, you don't know what it's like
@@gplastic actually, I probably have a lot more in common with "sub 5 males" than you think.
As someone who’s fy in college this year, 19, I found this post insightful. Especially since you didn’t grow up in this era.
Black pill isnt doomerism....its supposed to teach acceptance to how evolutionary biology works
People care more about these things because they are less ignorant perhaps?
you said you have no hope in there being a cure for balding and that those people are essentially helpless despite their feelings being valid on many levels as you also mentioned
The BP showed me the truth and I’ve never been happier. I’m not sure the negative stigma behind it. Read the book of Ecclesiastes.
Nah bro you gotta lay of that negative toxic mindset you inkwell.
Just buy his cope courses bro and after enough grifting you too can become adonisssssss.
@@DeOngezelligGarnaal Rumour has it that if you spin around and say, “I AM ADONIS” 3 times at the top of your lungs you automatically get laid
@@DeOngezelligGarnaal "IM ADONIS,IM ADONIS, IM ADONIS"
@TheMightyShrimp 😂😂😂😂 never get up
I am Bob. I think, I'm a pretty high value man.
Wow wish I heard this back in 2023 before things started going down hill. Keep it up Doc
I feel like there is something missing from that video. That this is just the beginning of the journey. Acknoledge the hopelessnes and all the Bad Stuff that has happened, but then what?
You're right. I'm not Buddhist but Buddha said acknowledging your suffering is the first step to your salvation. I'd read more from him, he made a whole guide thousands of years ago that is still relevant today. I think it's called the 8 fold path or sm
Then buy his courses so he can teach you how to become a high value man like Jeremy Meeks 🤣
Tbh I have no idea who that is.
Hey Dr K you helped me a lot to expand my view on self compassion that is, it is not a self pity show rather accepting and facing your thoughts and feelings and working on them with, awareness of internal mechanism and many other factors, situations and perceptions.
I want to say I am happy now and with this I will continue to improve my wisdom and external circumstances and reaching higher consciousness about self and things
Haha, that title is pure projection. BP is literally just a metaphor that's up for individual interpretation. Dr.K is actually taking your money (sometimes HUNDREDS) , promising he can help you through Discord lool. You tell me which sounds more predatory.
How can people buy his courses when they can literally just type in search bar here on youtube "Jeremy Meeks" is beyond me. Literally just type that and get blackpilled instantly.
I see, so funny enough the reason I am hopeful is because I am so lazy that I haven't try the things everyone say works🤣🤣
Don't settle.
Fails after fails, trying never succeding.... they are not exploring anything they are Just describing reality and The reality Is really Black.
I don't think I understand what is being said here. If my romantic life isn't fulfilling, my career doesn't put food in my belly, and I understand I look like an overfilled bag of potatoes, I should just acknowledge all of that then carry on and brush my teeth? I am 34, acknowledging those things with an "Well... it bes like that sometimes tho." and moving on to the next task has lost me 20 years of my life.
No, it’s called being proactive and getting out there and doing something about it. Start working out, stop eating garbage, get a better job or study to get a better one, etc. it’s better than stewing around feeling sorry for yourself.
@@whysoblutube That sounds like the antithesis of the video though, running away to the Swolehouse and/or Library is precisely what avoidance is. At 13:18 Dr. K basically said that the response should be to tell myself "It bes like that sometimes.", then see out my other tasks for the day.
I'm serious about this, I'm not fucking around.
@ going to the gym or library isn’t avoidance, though. Staying home dwelling in misery in the basement - that’s avoidance. Not taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others for your issues, that’s avoidance. There’s a distinction.
@aland7236 BPD patient here - I tackled "radical acceptance" in DBT therapy, and It took me years until I realized that "acceptance" only means to stop beating yourself up for where you are, and stop constantly wishing for things and your feelings to be different right now. Instead, make the best out of the given situation.
So you're single. And yes, that can make you sad. It's just what is right now. Thinking "Man, I wish I had a girlfriend and I wish I wasn't sad" a thousand times (as I like to do 😉) is not going to change this. Instead: What can you do to make things a little bit better for you right now, just in this moment? And so you push on, it's like standing still and moving forward at the same time - very weird, and I still work on it. But yeah, it's actually transformative in a bizarre way. Cleans your mind and sets free new energy.
@@whysoblutube I agree with @aland7236 cause I've been in that place myself. Working out was a great cope for me because I was just projecting myself into that "perfected, flawless" future version of me, thus avoiding actually dealing with stuff in the present. "Taking responsibility" is a fine concept but if you're a sub5, people won't treat you much differently whether you have your shit together or not. Looks can only be overcome if someone gets to know you more closely, for which you will have far less opportunities to begin with due to those bad looks.
I've been feeling painfully lonely since falling out with a close friend of mine with whom I developed a (serious) romantic interest. Since then, I've tried many things that were advised to me, and while I do believe that some of those helped me get to a better place as a person, they did not at all help me solve the problem.
I'm still lonely, I get hardly any interactions with people I see or run into. At this point, what I've given up on is putting so much effort into doing things that aren't me and make me unnecessarily uncomfortable throughout my daily life. It doesn't help.
I've grown somewhat cynical and hopeless about many thing but on the other hand I keep going for a strong desire to be proven wrong in those negative views.
I see little point in keeping going, but my (sometimes overly) rational mind refuses to believe giving up entirely will make things better. It just feels like soldiering on is the only option.
I am really sorry. 3 years ago i also had a falling out with my best friend that i fell in love with. Good thing is, we reconciled. We're about a year into our friendship again and we're closer than before. I still love him so much but im not sure if he returns the same feelings so im contented with getting to spend time with him even as a friend. I have a lot more affection for him than normal friends but i consider it a perk nowadays. Im also his closest friend, so he means the world to me regardless if we ever make it a romantic thing.
I fully believe if youve gotten to a point of getting that close with someone that you'll sort it out. Might take years before it happens, itll hurt. But youll be okay.
Your friend is hurting a lot more than you might imagine. And as simple as it seems it takes a lot of time for some people to let their pride down and sort it out. Even if both sides are longing for that connection again.
@eline7214 Thanks for sharing your experience. Knowing things can work out that way is nice and I'm glad you're on good terms with your friend.
As for my case, I don't think it's particularly healthy for either of us to stay in touch too much, even though I really want to. We didn't split on bad terms and agreed to remain friends, but at the time I didn't fully realise what that would imply. I was too naïve and inexperienced to, and also believed that having them still there as a friend would be better than losing them entirely in life. The times that we do still talk and she sometimes gives me an update on her life, particularly about seeing other people, I feel like a piece of me that was broken from before crumbles into dust. As much as I want her to have that sort of happiness, I can't bear to watch as she finds it with someone else while I'm forced to sit on the sidelines. Which is an inevitable outcome.
It's a conflict in my mindset that I can't shake off and I don't think it's one that someone you'd call your friend can afford to have.
I'll spare you the details but the way things played out just feels incredibly unfair to me, but in my experience, that's just life...
I do hope she doesn't hurt as much as you suggest they might. I also don't think she understands how I feel at all, and quite frankly I wish she never has to.
For now, there's just a lot that I need to address on a mental level.
@@HexVertex You love her so much. I hope you understand how beautiful you are for that. Your feelings are so genuine and thoughtful i can feel it from your writing. I understand completely what youre going through, from what it sounds to me like unrequited love. All you think about is her happiness but it still hurts to see her getting it from someone else.
You are right. Yeah, that situation isnt too healthy for you as of now. I used to be exactly where you are emotionally, and it sucks when the person you love isnt capable of exacting the same amount of thoughtfulness that things end up unfair sometimes. Even though i have no idea of your detailed situation, i already resonate at a core level 😭
I know it seems impossible right now, and its hurting a lot but you will get to a place where the love you have for her can exist in a platonic relationship if thats what you want. Grieve the loss of what could've been, by all means. But trust me, whether its romantic or not, how you feel is the same. You love her fundamentally for who she is as a person.
Its a gift, truly. Your ability to love someone so strongly. For now, i do want you to be selfish and perhaps give up on her. Focus on building yourself and letting the parts you love about her inspire you. Everything you love about her try to cultivate it in yourself. Find a relationship where you are loved too.
If this friendship stands this test, it will be one of your strongest. The way you love her can be incorporated into a friendship eventually, and it strengthens your connection. It is possible. 💗 Truly rooting for you, i hope you flourish and overcome this painful time.
@@HexVertex also apologies for the long ass message i DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS THAT LONG 😭 i got carried away fr
@@alexa_codes This is such an inspiring message. I appreciate the thoughtfulness and effort so much. Thank you, I'll try!
Great video Dr. Kope
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
A lot of people in the comments are rightfully asking HOW do you actually "feel hopelessness"? I hope this helps a bit:
Here’s a concrete practice, a Dr K classic. Set a timer for 1 hour (or start easy, 20 mins), sit and stare at a wall until timer is up.
Notice everything that comes up, but don’t attach to any of it. In particular in this case, try to gently bring up the feeling of hopelessness. Where do you feel it in your body? Heart? Throat? Head? Shoulders? What does it feel like? Pressure? Heat? Chills? Tingling? Don’t think about how to get rid of it or why it’s there, simply feel “what is it like for me to be hopeless?” That practice lets your body process the feeling, and doing it every day will make you more and more sensitive to the precise feeling, and you'll discover new facets of it, which in turn helps you process and dissolve it more and more.
Great job, thank you so much for talking about suppressed emotions and obsessive thoughts.
It helped me understand what is going on in my head and how to combat it.
I limiting my coping behaviours. I cry more often and am very sad. On the other hand, my ability to focus increased. My anger is more manageable ect.
I’m on a correct path of fixing my life.
This is fucking me up because all the things you said to not do are the things my former therapists had me do. Or to change my thoughts in order to change my emotions. Or change my behaviors to change my emotions. And I was a teenager at this point, so my parents pushed me to keep going to school and doing normal life things. I've now been in therapy for 15 fucking years and only last year did I meet a therapist who seemed to hear what I was trying to explain all along. That I don't want to try anymore, but I want to, want to. I want to have the desire to live. But all the thought reforming, behavioral activation, or lifestyle changes in the world isn't going to do that. I'm doing DBT now and I have trauma (or so she says) so we're doing prolonged exposure. That's what made your factoid about treating acute PTSD-like symptoms especially enlightening to me
As always perfect timing
My hopelessness comes from my mom making take a "who let the dogs out" dance when i was about 9. It makes me feel like im destined to be this wuss of a man. I didnt realize until recently that i spent a large portion of energy keeping that a secret from friends and denying that was part of my past. I was only in it for like 2 months, and then played football the next 6 years, but for whatever reason, my brain tells me 'because i was in a silly dance, that is who i am' but im not. I hated that dance. I pissed the teachers off everyday. I should have been skateboarding like my friends were.
I just turned 30, and that self doubt still affects me
I've done much worse much more embarrassing stuff, with less accomplishments and I don't feel this way. If that's the only thing that's bothering you its in your head. You literally played football for 6 years, people will know you more for that than some shit you probably won't bring up you did for 2 months. And even if you do bring it up, yeah maybe some people will tease you for it, but others will see it as a wholesome thing you did when you were a child.
Also a lot of people did embarrassing stuff when they were younger, and even still do it when they're older. It doesn't make it less cringe, but it is what it is. You do things that are embarrassing. Some people are cringe and don't even know it. People make mistakes and try to hide them.
I wet my bed until I was 10 but nobody knew about it. I wasn't stupid enough to tell anyone.
2:07 not even 5 minutes into the video and Unhealthy Gaslighter already tries to sell his cope course.
The Grifting never stops.
you can just watch the videos you know
Dr K will go into all sorts of rationalizations, so that he doesn't have to admit that women's expectations are absurd
Factual
So the answer is to accept that you you aren’t attractive enough and may never find a relationship. Then be happy about it 🥳🎉🎊
LOL
Well, I was attractive when I was young and it didn’t bring me any happiness. Now I’m fat, old and hopelessly single, and realise that broken spirits is what prevents us from finding love and happiness. Looks, careers and such definitely affect our chances in life, but let’s be honest, most people are just average. And there are plenty of really ugly and poor people in happy relationships. Just some of us are so shitty people that we can’t even do what the ugliest and poorest do when they feel okay about themselves. I think I might have taken it into a new level of depressing.
The reality is that looks aren't anywhere near as important as people like to say they are, hypergamy has been scientifically disproven, and people with polarizing looks and odd features do well in their niche. Late bloomers tend to "stick the landing" on relationships better than people who started early and learned bad habits. I like scrawny nerds. Don't care about height. Don't like beards. Don't GaF about cars. That already breaks a lot of stereotypes. My current partner was a virgin who'd never had a girlfriend. We started as online friends.
Nobody can force happiness, or even hope. But if you're open to new experiences when the right person comes along, evaluating rather than obsessing, you could get lucky.
@@Trammiliin_nr2 I used to think my issues were all my fault. Then in my 40s came the diagnoses: CPTSD, regular PTSD, AvPD, ADHD... yikes.
Chances are, all the cruelties echoing in your head have a root cause. Abuse, bullying, neurodivergences... if you investigate, you may find those root causes, and even if you don't have the tools to get official help yet, the fact that you're here on the doc's channel says you're doing your best. You may not be able to believe it right now--I sure didn't--but chances are, you deserve self-compassion. Imagine another you from a parallel universe: would you have compassion for them? That question got me started.
@@WynneL I’m actually in therapy with cPTSD, depression and anxiety. And being medicated for ADHD. Plus I have insomnia and chronic pain, so I don’t sleep either. And THIS is what causes my issues. Not how I look or how much money I make. 😂
I’ve observed life, and I see how people born with significant disabilities grow up absolutely awesome people if they grow in supportive and loving families. There was a girl who was born without legs, but she learnt skateboarding and enjoys her life the fullest. Her adoptive parents supported her and filled her life with love and empowerment. And I’ve seen many more similar stories. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely do not minimize their struggles, but admire their spirit.
And I thought how come that despite their obvious hardships, they are so content and happy, and I have all my limbs intact and I can’t even cope with simply being an adult without being constantly on the verge of burnout and swinging between mild and incapacitating depression. And I figured it’s the broken spirit that holds us back.
I think black pillers are deceiving themselves with this narrative that only the “top 10” are able to find a partner or a good job. They just don’t want to face the truth that they are rotten inside, because it’s much harder to accept. And it’s easier to blame those who won’t date them, bad genes, shallowness of other people etc.
I once started talking with a guy online and he asked me out. There were some slight red flags and I rejected. As a response I got a kilometer long rant how he asked a female friend what he should do to get a date, and he did everything correct and women are so stupid. Not nessecarily an incel-rant, but definitely a “nice guy”. He also refused to accept that maybe he causes the rejections with his strange belief system.
I think you miss a deeper pont in this problem.
I know what i should do, like engaging in the emotion and dont avoid it.
But it feels so bad when i do it so my body just says “ dont do it“ and i dont. How do i overcome this ?
Thanks Dr. K, your videos have helped me over the years. 19:34 really resonates with me. In highschool they called it "reflection" you say "self relatedness".
We were required to journal on a weekly basis.
But the most valuable thing I was ever taught in school wasnt even academic. It was the ability to ask myself.
"How do I feel?" "Why do I feel this way?" "What do I think about how I feel?"
On its surface it seems silly or obvious. But its easy to be cruel to yourself. Its difficult to be honest with yourself. At least it was for me at first.
That’s why having friends is so important. A friend will promptly acknowledge that you are ugly haha
only mirror needed 💀
Never get up
- Jeremy Meeks
Based. - Chad 🗿
The issue I personally face within this is, that I get used to hopelessness, cause it at least feels familiar and denying this hopelessness feels like fleeing from reality. Defencelessness (Martin P. Seligman & Steven F. Mayer, 1967). I'm so used to rejection, that I might be even more afraid of acceptance and commitment. I love my mind.
It sounds like you have already realized that your mind is not reality. It is just a series of ideas and emotions that recognizes the familiarity and comfort of hopelessness. You recognize it already which means you have the power to change it if you wish. Many people benefit from professional help, you don't have to do it alone.
@rw5622 Sadly I've had 6 treatment of 3 different settings in the past 6 years and by now I'm not even validly diagnosed let alone effectively treated. It keeps being interesting. 😄
I still don't understand what needs to be done.
The way I see it, blackpillers are stuck in a vicious cycle of putting too much pressure on themselves to behave a certain way or have certain things, then when they inevitably fail to have those things, they end up putting even more pressure on themselves. I feel like they think that they only have value if they do those things/have those things. Thus, if they don't have those things, then they're worthless, and no one wants to feel that way. They're seeking external validation instead of getting it from themselves. So I think the first thing to do would be to accept yourself. It's okay to not have a romantic partner. Not everyone needs to get married and have children. It's okay to not have an amazing career. Not everyone needs to be Bill Gates. It's okay to be ugly. Not everyone needs to look like a supermodel. That doesn't make you any less human. It's okay to be yourself. We're all just characters playing the roles that evolution gave us. We do have some choice, but it's very limited. As such, there's no sense in comparing your character to someone else's, any more than there is in comparing a fish to a monkey.
Start treating yourself like a person instead of a tool. Pay attention to your body and your subconscious. Listen to what they're trying to say. That usually solves the problem.
Same
Because nothing can be done. Blackpill = truth. Hope = cope.
Literally Live Your Life. Don't take it so serious but don't neglect the important things to you
Ok so here's my question, If I'm ready to accept that by taking more and more desperate actions to try to find love (which were actually motivated by my own fear) was actually not helping me, and lead to a negative feedback loop of being hurt by more rejections and negative experiences; then how do I attribute the negative outcomes of those attempts in a way that's not super negative? It's extremely hard for me to not view it in a black-and-white way where it's either "my fault and i deserve it" or "life just sucks". Neither of those is helpful to me.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Compatibility, sex, and different goals can be the reason you and another person wouldn’t be for right for each other.
Dr. K who wants to help us: "Don't suppress your emotions"
Parents: "If you don't stop crying you will get another slap!"
I wonder how some of us turned out this way😑
Your parents were not safe people. You need to parent your inner child safely now that they are not controlling your life anymore. It's hard, but being the parent you needed for your inner child will eventually bring peace.
They got some point tho, tho it's not applicable at all times. There's time and place for showing emotions, and usually parents and they know it or at least subconsciously--that they are a representation of the outside world--showing those negative emotions most of the time isn't good, in fact it can be manipulating and can be seen as a manipulator. Sadly not all has developed EQ to discern what's what
Yea but parents arent supposed to teach this their child by traumatizing them lol
Parents simply should nurture a child, make them as confident and happy as possible
@@nolandderlugner1351if it was so simple...
"Fear will keep them in line" - Some parents.
There's also power in accepting and acknowledging that we may end up alone in the end, but that we can still lead fulfilling lives - dating is the area we have the least control over in our lives (you can't control how other people see you and, for hetero men, you cannot control how masculine you look or how tall you are, even if you can shift things slightly with haircuts and some muscle).
I say focus on the financial security (not the same as money-worship), friendships (much easier than dating), and hobbies/passions. If someone wants to be a part of the life you build, then great, if not, keep it moving.
The blackpill is real, there are people like me who really have no hope, and it is the worst thing in the world, anyone with or without attractiveness can conquer anyone and enjoy a relationship, the problem is that I have a brain injury that prevents me from having a normal life, and it is the most horrible thing in the world, even if many girls wanted me, I will not be able to be with any of them because I do not have the energy. I can't do anything because of the brain damage, and girls nowadays demand more and more without any kind of control, often without offering much in return, mostly because they don't demand anything from themselves
The biggest problem is people misinterpreting blackpill observations.
You can still get a girlfriend but you won't get a top-tier model without being top tier yourself
Having a relationship isn't the only thing that makes life worth living. So there is hope. Just not hope in one aspect of life. If you can accept that it's not life that is the problem but what you choose to value you can find peace in life. You can work on changing yourself and your desires. You can be happy/content and live a good meaningful life. But you can't do much about the world. Read Stoic philosophy like Epictetus if you want to actually be happy.
@@ns1extreme stoicism is a tool to create obedient slaves.
While to me personally life is worth living for reasons I don't wanna bring up as to not appear as a fool, I don't blame people, who decided to end it all. Who knows, maybe to them this was the only logical way to be the change they wanted to see in the world.
@@DWbo-r7v I have a severe brain damage, the problem with that is that it doesn't allow me to do anything, therefore, I will never be able to be in a relationship
@@ns1extreme No, it is impossible for me to be happy because I have a brain injury that prevents me from feeling good or calm, and means I can only sleep 3 hours a day. It is torture to live like this, I will never be able to have a relationship because of that.
I don't know. I think it's okay to give up. Just don't let it make you bitter and suck every joy out of your life. Each attempt will never guarantee a win or guarantee that you're getting closer to getting what you want. Just take the little wins and start to develop more gratitude in your personal life. At least that's what has worked for me to not get sucked in to the bs of "pills" whether they be black, red or blue.
Love this! I was in this spot for a while and have plenty of friends who are currently there. Thanks for talking about this. Thanks Dr K!
Watching this made me realize people think black pill just means incel LOL
It’s really not that far from it lmao
10:25 is such an important statement that goes unnoticed within others. Even if people don't intentionally treat others different, they still do because of whatever bias they have.
My partner of 9 years passed away a few months ago and you may have just helped me reframe my relationship to my hopelessness dr.k thank you for this important work you do for us all
And then today I flew. It was amazing and I am going to do it as soon as I leave the studio.
Yeah sorry Dr K but it's over lil bro. It was actually over before it started
Gotta tell you something,
It never began
Depends on the situation.
@@petter3995 Dont cry because its over, cry because it never began.
its beyong over
Only self improvement you can do is being low bodyfat and surgeries, the rest is cope
thanks so much for the video, I took notes.
I just started with a new therapist. In spite of my childhood trauma (PTSD), he wanted to jump straight to anxiety coping strategies, one of which involved distancing myself from my emotions. I told him that I felt completely numb from that because it gave me the power to distance myself from every thought and feeling, essentially alienating them from me. I told him that instead, I wanted to do PTSD work and talk about my family in-depth. Thankfully he agreed. Now it's been 9 weeks and I think I'm hitting my limit on divulging and detoxing the trauma. I hope that I've done the right thing in order to be able to move onwards and upwards.
It sounds like you've turned that onto the right tracks and you're heading in the right direction.
My guess is you're doing some form of exposure therapy... if it's getting a bit much, there are some less intense and quicker methods which can work - EMDR is one well known way... there's also the Rewind technique that comes out of the Human Givens approach. For context on that, there's a charity here in the UK for Veterans called PTSD Resolution which did some clinical studies - they found substantial benefit for most people within a handful of sessions.
I'm not a therapist myself, but just thought I'd mention these approaches in case they do help.
Whether it's helpful or not, I wish you good luck.
@@am01264 I’m going to look further into that! Thank you for sharing 😊 (pausing to imagine our society’s impact if contributions like this were normalized..maybe, one day 😅
@@am01264 EMDR is the exact "distancing oneself from emotions" exercise that made me feel numb and alienated from my own emotions, as lizzie described, when it was attempted on me for (C)PTSD. The more I did it the worse I felt. Recommend heavily against.
Just as an example, treatment centers won't touch trauma w clients. It's usually very destabilizing and can lead clients to leaving and getting loaded.
I think that's the approach your therapist wanted to start with so you didn't get overwhelmed.
I didn't talk about my childhood trauma until I was seeing my therapist for a year regularly. She said we could go as fast or as slow as I wanted.
Everyone is different, and it's good you asked for what you needed.
It will take longer than 9 weeks-you'll have to keep coming back to it, probably. You might need to look for a trauma-informed therapist, and who does more than only pure CBT and coping skills.
Wow that's the best explanation of lasting negative emotions I've ever heard. That applies not only to self beliefs and negative experiences, but also to trauma, I think
It took the 30-second into to realize that I’m in the blackpill headspace. The whole “relationships aren’t possible for me” hit like a ton of bricks. My initial thought was, “well, but my past experiences are…. actually probably as nuanced as anyone thinking this. Crap.” Okay, then- I suppose awareness is generally the first step in addressing a problem. Let’s hear it, Dr.K!
Having watched the entire video: 💯
@@NobodyListensToCasandraThe term Blackpill is less about a specific community than becoming a hopeless individual whose mentality will lead to destructive actions toward oneself (themselves included) out of spite for their perception of Reality
I used to suffer a lot from not feeling good enough for other people. Social media has shown me that humanity sucks anyway and I have ceased to need anyone’s validation. The social judgement of the stupid culture I’m in means nothing to me. I’m at peace being as alone as I can be.
Keep coping Dr. Curry
I found this fascinating, but at the end at what point do you actually go back to relate with the external world? All that internal work must have an external outcome in the end
He is a buddist first and foremost, he literally wants you to get rid of your desires and sit under a tree doing nothing until you die, and trust him you will be happy about it. Its not much different from the " you will own nothing and love it" kind of crowd.
My keystone habit in life throughout my teens and 20s was lifting weights. Even though my 20s were pretty horrific in terms of effort vs results, I had lifting weights. Then the boomer political regime took that from me so they could do their covid lockdowns to consolidate more money and power. That was it for me, my hope vanished as my gym remained closed for a year plus. SCAM CITY.
10:18 "sometimes we *are* ugly"
LMAO
Dude frrrrrrrr
There are so many ugly on the inside and out people in relationships, that it's not an excuse - it'd kinda be easier if it were 😅😢 Edit: I'm a single not-pretty female, you guys have it easier 😅
What if you just learn to accept the hopelessness and reach contentment anyways?
I have been dealing with black pill ideations for the past 5 years. It wasn't until having an argument with AI about determinism and nihilism that things changed. In this chat I said a Buddhist concept I learned and the AI rifted and played off it and said, "Buddhism isn't about answers, but it is about acceptance." It hit me like a ton of bricks. This video is reaffirming my pursuit of acceptance in and of the world.
Which ai you are using?
"When we accept our limitations, we go beyond them." ~ Einstein
Which ai r u using
AI is super powerful for stuff like this. It can be like journalling but someone actually talks back and gives feedback, angles, pointers etc. For me its very helpful dealing with health anxiety