Girl Defined’s Bethany on navigating a mixed-faith marriage (part 2)
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
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I would still watch if it was recorded on a tin can!
@@zelrex4657 you dropped this 👑
This is incredibly touching to see. I've been married 22 years and this is still happening for my husband and i, both of us also deconstructing. Very happy for them. ❤
12min in, Bethany explaining how she wishes others would understand how she loves Dave, how it’s not a choice, how much it hurts to be told that they should break up because he’s an atheist even though she adores him as he is.
That’s how gay people feel when someone tells them they should be straight. They can’t explain why they love someone of the same gender. They just DO. It’s powerful and beautiful and not a choice. And it hurts so much to be told they are wrong and need to break up with the love of their life.
I don’t say this to attack Bethany but to highlight that we are all human with the same emotions, dreams, and the need for love. We are not so different. We can understand each other. I hope Bethany reflects on these feelings in both herself and in others.
Love is love is love.
So well said!!❤
Beautiful comment ❤️
You nailed it.
I am so happy with how far she has come, but she is still hasn’t quite gotten there yet when it comes to this.
I think (well, maybe I just really hope and see the potential!) that she will make that final realization and embrace it.
The first step towards accepting people who are different from us is realizing the humanity we have in common and humanizing people we might not agree with.
No matter where Bethany ends up, her progress and vulnerability are already impressive.
I was outed as pansexual and polyamorous in a very public way and I have watched media and individuals online attack my character for loving more than one person even more than they attack my orientation. I wish more people understood that love is love, and that just because they don’t understand how I can love in the ways I do, my life and my emotions and commitments still exist. There are truly no words adequate to describe how it feels to watch as people who clearly don’t understand judge aspects of my life and my character instead of trying to understand or hold space for someone unlike themselves.
No matter if Bethany would judge me or not, it’s beautiful to see her grow towards a more empathetic perspective where she accepts her husband as he is and loves him. We don’t have to agree with one another to hold space for each-other.
@@TheHonorableAudio I think it takes quite a bit of time for many people who were raised in this environment to shift their thinking/programming. For Bethany its been 30+ years of programming and she recently had a radical shift in how she sees her family/relationship. Sure it's been building for a while for her, but it recently "clicked". I think she will actually get there (and maybe she is privately) but probably won't acknowledge it for a little bit longer due to her community pressures and the many years of programming.
I know for me, I stopped practicing Catholicism at 18, but I still took almost a decade to get rid of some of the bigoted thoughts I had even though I no longer believed them, they sometimes just popped up due to where I live and who I interacted with at times. I actively had to correct those thoughts at times even years later. It's crazy what can stick around in your brain sometimes even when you don't want it there.
I also have a lot of hope that a year from now, we will see a lot more growth from Bethany.
Y’all ignore whatever hate from Reddit that comes your way- you are doing great work
Empathy is EVERYTHING. There is no other way to inspire change.
Yes!! Couldn’t agree more
We HAVE to be able to keep having loving conversations with people who don’t think the same as us. No one is going to change their views from being yelled at online and told they are terrible and horrible by people that they’ve never met and have no connection with - it feels unbelievable that that people don’t get that.
@@clareforrester4725 it really boggles my mind how obtuse some people can be!
The growth that Bethany and Dav have shown shown is a testament to what empathy and compassion can do. That’s not to say that it’s all thanks to ZotS, because I’m sure they’ve been through the wringer tackling this within their own lives.
But the fact that these conversations can happen with class and civility and LOVE is an amazing thing.
YES YES YES!!
I think it’s easy to dismiss them as a bunch of angry people. But anger has a source, and I’ve been trying to understand what the hell happened over there. I think it’s a mix of trauma response and groupthink.
If you told me a year ago I would be heeding solid advice from Bethany Beal, and I would be crying listening to her express her love for her husband and her life, I would have called you an insane person. Thank you to all of you for reminding me the humanity of everyone. No one is just their ideals. No one is an island. No one is static.
Best comment!
Same here. She is showing her vulnerability and the pure love she has for her spouse. They seem to find so much joy in loving each other.
The real question is, "can you find that joy without god?". Short answer; yes and it's SO freeing.
That's what I wanted to say to Bethany at one point as she was sharing how joyful her relationship with Dav had become. I thought about how life has SO much more joy without a god belief and she's barely scratching the surface. I think she just has to allow herself to go there mentally, and I'm not sure she will.
@@420girl4life I think she will, one day. She's more of a slow burner. The way she described it in the video, she still wants to take time and be present with her kids which I think is great. If I had kids, I would have gone down the rabbit hole and not surfaced for months haha.
Everything is better without religion though! "God" becomes a middle man in between you and yourself. Without that invisible friend which you base your entire reality on, you are free to FINALLY connect with yourself. Religion is inhumane.
“There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.”
Proverbs 14:12
@@Florette439 That is just gibberish. What exactly does that scripture mean to you? That if you stray from god you're going to hell? That sounds like a threat. If that's the case, what a cruel and controlling god you follow and no thanks. I want to follow my own path and don't need some made up dude dictating my life.
@@clvsterfvckofwhatthefvck7981
It means God created us to be with us. But also gave us the freedom to choose if we want to be with him, to choose him means forever with him. To not choose him means death and to not be with him. To truly experience him means to want to be with him forever
Excuse me??? We get a PART 2????? 🎉❤
I can relate to Bethany's comments on needing to take things slower. My deconstruction has been very slow. For similar reasons. Sometimes with a baby it is hard to find the capacity. ❤
I feel this way about therapy and unpacking childhood trauma. Like not for nothing but sometimes I’m just too busy to be mending from the trauma of discovering yet another repressed memory, and capitalism doesn’t stop just because I have an inner child to appease. I think there’s some power in finding your own healing pace though, and that’s healing in its own right when you weren’t always allowed to yield that power.
@@Suprachiasmatic so well put I agree ❤️
Yeah, there was a time where it was going too fast for me, and that meant things stopped holding meaning, and essentially, nothing stuck. I have to redo all that work.
Religion has a way of removing informed consent from our lives. It’s beautiful to see two people learn and explore what it means to make choices everyday not because they were told to, but because they are truly exploring life and who they are.
Exactly what I was thinking, but you expressed it much better.
Looking back it felt like I deconverted overnight. But I recently reread my journals, and it was 4 years. It’s a process, probably best to happen slowly.
I was never religious but have recently made huge changes in my life based on 'deconstructing' many harmful non-religious ideas I had. I totally get what you mean, it's so easy to think of myself as 'before the change' a few years ago vs 'after the change' now, but truly there were hundreds of versions of me in between who were trying their best everyday to be the best version of me.
Sometimes it feels like I wasted so much time but truly it was one step after the other and each of those steps were important.
For me one second I believed in god and the next I realised I didn’t. It took me years to figure out all the reasons why. It helps to listen to others put the right words to your thoughts.
Wow. Bethy realizing love > hate and dogma and fear is so amazing to watch.
Let me see Bethany sit in the same room with someone transgendered.
the breakup text at the end is heartbreaking. I hope they're both choosing love and freedom 💔
Breakup from what
Every time I see dav he’s downing a kombucha. His gut microbiome must be elite
Bethany's philosophical attitude and her ability to hold space for what's happening is so impressive. Especially given where she's come from.
In my Jehovah's Witness days I was 1000% less enlightened than she is now.
Christianity nearly killed me but she really seems to be becoming the kind of Christian I have respect for.
If anyone can make a mixed faith marriage work, these two can.
Routing for you Bethany, whether you continue on down the path of deconstruction or not ❤
This is rarer than a total solar eclipse. And I'm so here for it! Congratulations on the deconstruction, Dav!
Dave says "Can I make long term commitment and trust that I will not stop growing?" What a statement. So encouraging to hear.
My husband and I are “mixed faith,” sort of. I’m an atheist and he’s a deconstructing evangelical. When we met he was already deconstructing, but it’s a very slow process. We’ve been together for about 12 years and the only issue we’ve ever had with differing religious beliefs was when we had a baby. His parents are still evangelical, so there was a lot of pressure to baptize and to get our child into a Bible study class asap. I’ve always been very forthcoming if we ever had a child, they can decide whether to be religious when they’re a teen/in high school. I’m not comfortable with pushing him into a religion at such a young age. When he’s older, he can choose to be religious or not.
I'm in a similar situation, so just curious how did you end up deciding on baptizing your baby and bible study class? How did the confrontation with the family go? (We're starting IVF soon so these questions are very much on the table these days)
It’s kind of been a process. My husband and I are usually on the same page with letting our boy choose for himself when he’s older if he wants to learn more about Christianity (or whichever religion), get baptized and go to church/Bible study. It seems like every couple of years, my husband’s family is able to guilt him enough to where after talking with them sometimes, he starts wondering if we should sign our son up for a Bible study. So, we’ll randomly have that talk about every other year, but we always end up agreeing to wait because he remembers the religious trauma he went through as a kid and adult being raised in an evangelical household. He’s non denominational now.
Thankfully, there wasn’t a huge confrontation with his family because they live across the country. They’ve visited us twice, otherwise it’s a lot of phonecalls and FaceTime calls. That does make it easier with confrontations. If they still lived near us I think it would be a much bigger issue.
Also, I hope everything goes well with your IVF!
This is what people need to hear, people brought up in these extreme fundementalist environments need years of therapy to overcome it, i hope your husband actually starts attending therapy as therapy is the likely best tool for this if your hubby is not in therapy already.
@@lindseystein9676i hope you both get serious therapy like for real
I was in the same position as Bethany with thinking that if god was real that he’d draw my sister back in who was starting to question the faith. I put in overtime work praying for her to come back to god. It wasn’t until we were at a praise and worship event that she started crying, I instantly started praising god and crying as well thinking my sister had found her way back. But then she said to me, “none of this is real.” Her tears were ones of anger and sadness for the realization that she must let this old life and way of thinking go. It was this moment that I became open to actually questioning the churches teachings and really wanting to learn everything instead of blindly following. It can be a painful journey to deconstruct but I’m so grateful we are where we are today. Sometimes it makes me think of the story of Adam and Eve, once they ate the apple from the tree of wisdom. I’m happy that I’m a free thinker now who is able to form my own opinion. That’s my little ~testimony~ I guess. Couldn’t help but to share since I said the exact same thing. Bias from my life experience aside, I truly wish Bethany and Dave happiness and peace, however it winds up looking like for them.
So with regard to the text at the end - I went through a very public destabilization of my own relationship several years ago (locally public not internet famous) and I remember very well how there were times I really wanted to share how things were working with the world and other times I felt I could trust no one outside of myself and my partner.
I don't know that Bethany and Dav may be having similar feelings, but that last text makes me suspect that they are. So from someone several years further down that road, I'd like them to know that it does get easier and encourage them not to cut contact entirely. They people who are willing to support you in the moment - both irl and online and even if they were initially strangers - are worth keeping around even if at a distance for a while.
That last message from them at the very end is so ominous yet intriguing. It would be pretty unrealistic tbh for things to really go as smoothly as they seem to be in this video, so I guess that message is confirmation of that--maybe I'm projecting, but when I've heard people say they're 'focusing on their life together', it often means that things are rocky. I hope I'm wrong, but if that is the case I hope they both get through whatever is happening now okay.
One's religion doesn't have to be their entire identity. Dav is the same person he always was at his core; we all have beliefs that change throughout our lives. He isn't a deviant because his beliefs changed in the arena of religion. I'm really proud that Bethany seems to realize and accept that. ❤
It's like how Hank Green (I think it was him at least) explained how he and his brother get along while one is a christian and the other an atheist.
He basically said, while we may disagree where the 'voice' comes from, we do agree on what it says. We have the same values, one of us believes they come from god and one of us believes they come from within ourselves. But we both agree about kindness, integrity, etc.
Well said.
I love everything you guys share, criminally under-subscribed channel! I'm so happy you guys are growing and can't wait to keep seeing you guys take off!
I feel like these two should be archived and studied. Incredible and interesting people
I LOVE getting into the weeds with these difficult philosophical questions! This was such a cool insight into what deconstruction looks like👌 I really appreciate that they're willing to show some of this process❤
I resonated so much with Bethany in this episode. Having grown up in Christian fundamentalism I was always told that education was the enemy. It wasn’t until someone said to me, if God created everything and god knows everything then how could us leaning the information he put before us be a threat to him, that I felt free to learn and explore my own beliefs. Keeping learning and growing people, it truly does set you free.
As an exmormon, Bethany acknowledging that she used to be afraid that you can't read or learn about different ideas or "you'll lose everything", feels like a huge thing. Like these are pivotal characteristics on the beginning of the path towards growth. And I don't mean specifically growth towards leaving faith, I mean towards building a life that works for her, making her belief system work for her instead of the other way around.
Oh god, I’m only 14 minutes in and Bethany has already got me crying, lord have mercy what are you guys doing to me? I have too many feelings for this!
💜💜💜💜💜
Literally! The raw vulnerability and new growth is so awe inspiring
Same here. 😭
I thought maybe it was me being a bit hormonal but I cried listening to her like three times 😂🥲
I love, love, loooove that y’all are fostering an environment of love and openness for Bethany and Dav, which is furthermore opening that same environment for other people who are either in faith crisis or deconstruction, in a place of uncertainty. I also love that you’re creating a space of loving disagreement, and meeting people like Bethany where they are rather than dismissing them as hateful bigots. Yes, Bethany’s most extreme beliefs are hateful, but as you pointed out in the first part of this podcast, it does come from a place of love as fucked up as that is. She genuinely doesn’t understand how her beliefs equate to hate and bigotry, and offering to meet her where she is is a far more effective strategy of potentially helping her leave her limiting and harmful beliefs than dismissing her or yelling at her would be.
I understand where the snark redditors are coming from, there was a time in my life I may have agreed with them, but the older I get, the more I realize love and friendship go so much further than aggression. Daryl Davis is a shining example of this, and in a lot of ways, y’all are doing a super similar version of what he does with videos like these.
Keep. Going!!!!!!!
Having heard a number of Bethany's takes over the years that were not the best, it is so fantastic of ZotS to give her the space to put out some different takes, and I think it shows some real grit on Bethany's part to step into that space and say some of these things that she has wrestled with. Fantastic all round, and strongly recommend that all four participants read Terry Pratchett's 'Small Gods' if they haven't already; a lot of expansion on a lot of the ideas here.
Oooh thanks for the rec! 💜
I know Bethy said there will be lots of changes on the GD channel & in the video where Dav shared where he’s at with religion she also said how from right when they began dating she wanted to create content with him but it never rly happened. I’d LOVE Dav & Bethy to have their own channel & chronicle this journey, each discuss their views or things along that line. That would be so interesting but also rly powerful. 💗💜
I would subscribe so quick 😅
They actually do have a channel together! It has a couple of videos on it already but they don’t post too much
This is the most beautiful & humble Bethany I have ever seen & heard. I can sense her zeal for growth & learning & seeking truth. She is a precious and example of a creature in the willing process of transformation out of love & honesty. I can see why Dave is so in love with her. Likewise there is no question as to why Bethany is so hot for Dave. I can't say enough about him and his family. They are truly blessed. I find myself walking what they have.
Thank you to Zelph for creating his space for the us to get to know these beautiful people. I'm o glad you befriended them as you have so much richness to share.
KEEP ON KEEPING ON like you're doing BETHANY! ❤ & Dave too🤗
I feel so weird and great about these conversations.
I've been overly judgemental towards people, it's hard. When I was a teen I was the worst kind of Christian, and I hated that about myself, but I felt it was needed for me to uphold the rules and structures. I was upholding patriarchal Christianity because I was scared to step outside the bounds.
Then I went to Bible college (Moody) and I began deconstruction because I was faced with actually reading the scriptures in koinye Greek, Aramaic, Hebrew. I was forced to deconstruct because the Christianity I was sold was a lie.
I think I'd still be a Christian if I was raised in a Christianity where love was the focus, not the rules and sin. If I was told that the vast majority of the Tanakh was always understood as poetry, or how the Four Gospels are pseudonymous and not actually by those Apostles, I would have be fine.
But because high control religions demand exact literalism, they fall apart.
I'm not opposed to Christianity at ALL. I'm against high control groups.
I keep joking that I'm one conversation away from converting to reform Judaism (currently I am not because the nearest Reform synagogue is hyper Zionist and supporting Israel which is counter to my beliefs and the other communities in other communities).
Anyway, all that to say, I'm praying for you both, Bethany and Dav. It's tough. I understand it's uncomfortable because a lot of the pain comes from other people in these discussions.
Just watched for the second of what will no doubt be double-digit viewings. You have captured a great if necessarily imperfect snapshot of deconstruction in motion. Congratulations on asking well-crafted yet respectful questions. I agree with a few other commenters that D&B are being less than entirely candid, but given the trajectory of this very public relationship ... look at the ground they have covered and have yet to traverse, individually and as a couple. "Will they or won't they stay together" is a cheap game, and as several ppl have said here--we aren't clairvoyant. I've got my private bet _and_ its none of my business. Meanwhile, I wish them the best, especially Dav, who has been covering some scary ground with admirable integrity.
Yeah exactly, of course they're not baring their complete raw souls to the internet, I don't think any of us who have been through this should expect them to. But we can definitely see the vulnerability that's there, it's genuine.
I am OVERJOYED. I'll watch this and put my thoughts in the replies to this comment. The first part was so cathartic and such a hit of dopamine, I like kind of want to wait to watch so I can keep the tension going 😅
Okay, I've finished it.
This might sound weird to some other non-Christians, but I really resonate with Bethany. I've also been working on finding myself, but not forgetting to live the life thats happening in front of me. It's a tricky balance, for sure.
And can I just say, Bethany, that you are so brave. Our situations are different, but we are both allowing our partners to move past the bubble of our expectations and be their true selves. Yes, it's scary to have a partner not 10000% on the same page and work on de-enmeshing, but it's so beautiful. And to see you giving yourself such grace and patience through your journey of learning and love, oh it fills my heart to the brim.
This! I feel just the same! 😅
Omg I am so ready for this! You all having these discussions is so lovely to listen to!
Minus the audio 😜
I appreciate you following up with their life changes, but honesty this felt "to much too soon" for Bethany. She is currently in the struggle of figuring things out, so the breakaway text isn't all that surprising. I hope they find happiness and enjoy life while respecting others.
Oh but the text 😭😭😭 I really hope they're both ok ❤️
These are some of my favorite videos on the internet. I love seeing the growth and vulnerability. I can't wait to continue watching their relationship blossom. Bless Dav, he is helping to heal generational traumas.
I'm so touched by Bethany getting so vulnerable here, it's the most i have ever been able to connect with her and i really appreciate it.
Oh my god i would die to hear bethany and Dave on Esther Perels podcast!
NO YOU HAVE TO MANIFEST US GOING ON THERE FIRST!!!!!
That would be incredible 😮
Who is Esther Perels?
@@CharlesPayet oop...you took the question right out of my brain. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I CAN FEEL YOU CRAWLING AROUND IN THERE! 😊
@@CharlesPayet she is an astounding relationship therapist that has a really interesting podcast where she talks to couples. I feel like it would be soo soo cool to see her perspective on their navigation of their interfaith relationship. look her up!
So when's the reaction video to all this? There's a lot to unpack, I'd love to hear what Sam and Tanner have to say about all of this in retrospect, especially given the ending, and Bethany's pseudo-departure from social media. I think getting offline is the best thing for their family for now, but I actually do hope they'll come back around with an update down the road. Though I guess there's not a lot they could say that wouldn't get torn apart by certain sections of the internet.
Well, wishing them well regardless, and rooting for more of a sociopolitical deconstruction than a religious one, that results in them truly wanting all people to be treated with love, respect, and freedom to make their own choices in life. I'd love to see them both become less "Christian" and more like Christ.
I love a Bart Ehrman shout out, the true king of academic christianity studies UA-cam
omg I read your username in Hannah's voice
I'M SCREAMING 😭😭😭 I love these so much and I'm so sad we're not gonna get more Zelph + Beth and Dav content. I haven't started yet but part 1 was just so lovely, the way they talk together is so sweet and understanding and they give each other (especially Bethany, re: some of the Girl Defined stuff) so much grace.
Just seeing these four makes me smile like crazy, they got me giggling and kicking my feet fr. Ugh. I love them and I'm SO happy for Sam and Tanner getting their dream collab.
Each addition to this saga gives me e n e r g y like my emotional intelligence bumps up a level every time. It's been a joy watching this all unfold like a lotus flower risen from the lake, Bethany especially has become like night and day in how she presents herself. I can feel her genuine personality and spirit coming out more and more, and as someone who has known about girl defined for years as an atheist, I would be her friend. She's so open and honest about the journey and I can feel a kinship as a neurodivergent silly goose, her way of explaining her mindset and memories is so familiar to me and my autistic and/or adhd friends and family. I think it could be possible that's why she loves structure and needing to know ''what to do'', but she's extremely curious and wants all the info.
If you're looking for eye opening historic and religious context, the rise and fall of civilizations is an interesting avenue. I'd suggest 8. The Sumerians - Fall of the First Cities by the Fall of Civilizations channel here, it goes into some events that could explain the flood and other early Christian foundational stories, and it's all round super interesting and such fun to binge. Happy learning ya cool kids.
I wish that they would have touched more on her previous statements about the man being the spiritual leader and that the wife should follow her husband. They did address the sexual aspect and to a degree the spiritual but it feels lacking considering the whole “Mr struggle” video and the fact that they have been so outspoken about how important the man is as the leader in “God’s design for marriage”. Part 3?
There were so many very good points of discussion in this video! I’m just truly happy to see two people so open to learning about themselves, each other, and the world around them. To hear Bethy say that you can’t be everything to one person is kind of incredible, it’s exactly what I say all the time. Which makes it sad to see that end screen. I fully support them backing off social media to focus on their lives, but to leave the chat? I admit I felt sad about that. I hope they don’t isolate themselves too much. Thanks for doing this, thanks for sharing it. I hope it models a healthy approach for a lot of people out there.
❤❤❤ I love everything about this and good for the Beals for taking a step back from social media and focusing on themselves. And thank you Zelph for doing this!
I am intensely living and researching polyamory and the relation between freedom and commitment for 20 years now. And it's wonderful to follow this conversation of the 4 of you and feel really inspired.
Thank you for making this. I too am now discovering the experience of “love” that I was only promised in Christianity. Empathy, connection and kindness must be the way forward. So much love to all four of you.
I really admire both B and D's growth and understanding of each other and the bigger picture in this conversation and throughout their interactions with Zelph. However, I am a little troubled by Dav's text at the end withdrawing from the chat. I hope he realises it's possible to go on a personal journey while also keeping in touch with friends. I really feel that you both have valuable ongoing insights to offer both B and D, whether in private or in public. It makes me a little sad to think that the interactions might be over.
On the plus side, it seems they're both realising how rich life and love can be when you experience them through choice rather than religious doctrine.
To be honest, I would also have liked to hear from B on how this whole experience is going to impact Girl Defined going forwards. In these conversations, she's embraced so many progressive concepts in service of D's journey but on balance, more people are still going to see her GD videos preaching the exact opposite. I don't mean to be cynical or a downer but I really hope this all causes B to reevaluate the messages GD is putting out into the world.
Anyway, well done Zelph!! You've achieved something truly wonderful here! ❤
This feels like a therapy session for Dav & Bethany, but great therapy session! Tanner and Samantha are good at listening, and asking the right questions.
I get them stepping back. They’ve been really vulnerable and put a lot of themselves out there on the internet, but the “break up” text felt a little ominous. I hope they’re okay. It just feels a little strange to me that they would need to pull away from people they’ve met IRL, but I guess them meeting you two has been a part of their social media experience.
Yeah that made me kinda sad to see. They all seemed to have a such a good connection. I respect it but didn’t expect it either.
What break up text are y’all talking about? In the video it seems very VL clear that they love each other and want to stand together
@@ichbinwerichbin5565 agreed haha I feel like I missed something here?
What “break up” text? Did D&B send it to Zelph? Anyone got a link?
It's right at the end at the 1.03 mark just before it ends
I’ve rly loved seeing this side of them & love that you all had this conversation with so much kindness & empathy for each persons current situation in spite of the differences. I wish we could all, as a society, do more of this. In politics it seems like each side focuses solely on their most opposing view rather than making the starting point where can we agree or budge enough to get things done & that sucks for all the people the rely on them to get things done in the the country.
These videos with Bethy and Dav have been incredibly moving and have impacted the way I see people. Thanks for the absolute banger videos. And I wish for nothing but the best for the Beals in their future, even if we online don't see much of them again. Listening to them talk about their relationship and their love really has me cheering them on from afar.
beals defined actually made me scream
I hope Dav and Bethany are able to come back to some of these relationships at some point. I get needing some space and time to reflect. I just hope they don't withdraw to an unhealthy degree.
I identify a lot with Dav and so hearing him explain how he is choosing to commit to Bethany is uncomfortable to watch because it feels so familiar. If he’s anything like me he probably went through a lot of mental gymnastics in order to maintain his faith for as long as he did until he leaned into his deconstruction. Dav seems to be tying himself up in philosophical knots in order to bind himself to Bethany. I’m really worried that this is a pattern for him and that one day eventually he’ll have to come to terms with how he truly feels about his relationship with Bethany and the harm that will cause her. He will need to come to terms with the fact that there will be times in life were we will cause others pain even if we don’t intend to. You can’t live a life of honesty and integrity without first being honest with yourself.
I really like Dav and Bethany but this video honestly has me worried for them as a couple. I really hope they both find happiness whether it’s with each other or apart. ❤
Such admiration for Bethany and genuinely grateful for her perspective in this video.
Loved everything about this! It's so sweet to hear how open and compassionate Bethany and Dav are to one another's views and how supportive they each are of the other's growth.
I’m humbled by this honesty and compassion, very well done
These videos have been such an amazing experience. When/if Bethy and Dave decide to come back onto social media, I’d be so excited to hear you all talk about the Gnostic Gospels
Kinda sad that they have decided to go offline for a while cause now i can't watch them growing further, but honestly it's the best decision for sure, for them. Being public can be super tough.
Awwww I love you guys together! And your evolving friendship :D Love from the UK xxxx
Everyone's raw honesty and love here is a joy to watch.
I love where this channel has gone ❤😄💃🏾
12:16 EXACTLY BETHANY. ITS NOT A CHOICE. 😂 You’d think she’d see the irony in her statement after she’s been so against the LGBTQ+ community…
I think it's bc of being raised in an fundementalist environment, religion does a lot of shit to you mentally, it tells you what to think and that thinking outside the box is "wrong"
This is so heartwarming.
Dave and Bethany have such a special relationship. You can really tell they love each other deeply and fully. Another great conversation!
Oh my god I can’t wait to watch this! Sat with my cereal and ready to get stuck in 🎉❤
You know what I love about this? The empathy and positivity of all of this. There's so much negativity, and it sometimes feels like you can never have a conversation like this without it devolving into ugliness. So this is refreshing! I recently watched a reaction to part 1, and the person was criticizing Bethany for not apologizing for things she's said and done in the past that she's changed her mind on. I actually defended her in the comments even though I'm an atheist, and I mostly disagree with what Girl Defined has put out into the world. But this video was not the place to criticize her, and she's going through a lot and handling it in a very admirable way! If Bethany and Dav see this, I'm sending ❤ your way.
Beautiful Collaboration ❤
Blown. Away.
This video was a privilege to my exploration! 🥰
Dav should start a podcast, I love hearing him talk
Thanks guys 🎉
I love Dav's perspective/questions on Christianity and history. I have many of the same questions in my own faith journey.
Ugh I love this!!!
Dav, thank you for your words on both commitment/marriage and the search for the historical truth of Jesus, Dav, it actually gave me a lot to think about! Also, Bethany, I'm so glad for your perspective of not being afraid to learn and investigate things and knowing that if God is the truth then you'll find that truth (or if he is not true, then you'd "better be looking"! ❤).
I never thought I'd be thinking about Erich Fromm when watching Girl Defined--freedom is so scary, giving up legalism, dogmatic authorities, and the false necessity of "commitment/obligation" is difficult--it's so interesting to see that represented. I feel so happy that Bethany and Dav are finding their own way together.
LOVE THIS FOR YALL SOOO MUXH
This is just lovely. I had a great conversation with my cousin recently about her deconstructing extremism and scrupulosity. Today she is still a devoted Christian, but she is raising her kids In a progressive church where they won't be subjected to shame, prejudice, and biblical literalism. She lets them dress outside gender norms, changes pronouns in children's books to represent varied identities, and fosters curiosity about nature and science. Now, I'm a lifelong atheist and love hearing about journeys out of religion. But I equally love stories about people who keep their faith while rejecting the toxic structures of extremism. Thanks to the Beal family being vulnerable and sharing their stories. There's a place for you in this crazy world of love and learning ❤❤❤
Not me taking relationship advice from D&B omg lol
I love the plot twist and character arc.
my heart is melting 💗
I’m sad I don’t remember a lot about my deconstruction. I unfortunately didn’t journal a lot :( That time of my life feels so cloudy and confusing. I eventually came out the other way, but it took yeaaaaars!! I’m glad Bethany has this in video, and you guys to help her assimilate everything. 💕💕💕
LET’s GOOOO
I'm encouraged by Bethany's growth and curiosity, especially her curiosity without (too much) judgement and I hope she keeps going and continues to thrive. She looks like she could actually start living by the core Christian tenants (love thy neighbour etc etc) and not the political Christianity that is so prevalent. Obviously I have a lot of respect for Dav's integrity, but damn is he a deep thinker, I think I would be so overwhelmed 24/7 if I had his brain!!
He might be too far gone from Christianity now, but he was really sounding like he could have gone down the Orthodox route when he started talking about Augustinian Christianity there 😅
I think there's a lot to learn from their relationship and how they handle diacussions and differing opinions even for people who do have the same faith or lack thereof. Our current dating culture, probably influenced by dating apps, teaches us that in order to be happy, we have to find a person who ticks all our demands. Bethany herself made a video in the past about all the things that a potential husband needs to be. In reality, its the connection, intimacy and mutual respect that truly give value to our lives
I agree! Though I think it’s totally fine to not aspire to lifelong romantic partnership with one person and I love that we’re starting to understand the value of other approaches/configurations!
You can practice freedom of choice and still be loyal to your commitments at the same time.
I never thought I would be saying this, but Dav and Bethany are relationship goals. They are doing so well and I'm so proud of them, especially Bethany. I am also so proud of Sam and Tanner for making this incredible collab happen. Keep up the great work everyone!!!
This is so cool.
im not a christian anymore, but I know that the bible/jesus warns against “fear” dozens of times. given that, it always boggles my mind how fear focused christianity is. I love seeing christian’s comes to the realization that fear is unnecessary when youre living from a place of love :)
Part 2?! I am overjoyed.
First thing, less than 20 seconds in, it’s so obvious in their body language that things have improved since the last talk. ❤
It's refreshing to see Bethany being so open and in love. I'm shocked her husband is deconstructing and the fact she is so open to it is amazing.
YESSSSSSSS!
I’m wondering if Bethany is facing a Sad Heaven situation. That would be really sad and I could definitely see the grief that would cause.
What is the text screenshot at the end about??
I love a happy ending 🥹
43:38 "If you really believe... god is big enough." Holy shit