Yea I thought coming into this video I would be surprised at how bad it looked even tho I still loved the movie as a kid ...but you're totally right it looks really good even in 2021 like I said I was expecting something closer to how the first toy story looks today,. But it definitely isn't like that at all...when small soldiers first came out it scared the shit out of me it wasn't until a few years later that i watched it again and it became my favorite VHS I owned. Also that barbie being chipped and tying the kid down scene made 7 or 8 year old me feel very at the time unexplainably weird ... LOL I now know what was happening to me hahaha I think those scenes were the first time 10 year old me really started to see girls in a little bit of a different way lol
If they would've left out the "You stupid toy!" it would've been perfect. Chip kicks Archer to the ground and says "Victory is ours!" then Allen says "Have I got a shock for you!" grabs Chip and places him in the transformer. Would've been a great one liner pun but "You stupid toy!" ruined it.
R.I.P. Dick Miller. Also, one detail the movie made was that the Commando toys, (except for Tommy Lee Jones), were voiced by actual veterans of the army, navy, etc.
I honestly dont like how he went in on this movie it was far from being bad. I always thought the design for the remote control cars with all the weapons on it was really cool. Also the Barbie scene was so clever idc what anyone says
@@Tacomans_56 Can you elaborate on how the Barbie scene was clever? I found it a little odd that the soldiers painted on camo underwear and how they were somehow able to mass produce the military chips.
Tacoman The main bulk of the video is to make fun of the movie just take it with a grain of salt it’s entertaining. But at the end of the video he summarized how he really feels about the movie all jokes aside. He even does this with movies he loves a lot it just jokes for the most part.
This movie had everything. Amazing looking characters to get as figurines, your first girl crush, action scenes with battles, what do you want more ? Also, the concept started by "The Indian in the cupboard" was so enticing to me, having been a lone child who spent so many hours playing with figurines and making up dialogues and plots in my head.
Unironically me too. Loved this movie and the battle at the end was the cherry in my opinion. Though I do agree with NC that it was a missed opportunity to have other Major Chip Hazards commanding squads with the main one being the general of the army. I mean they already ripped off Patton
@@jinhunterslay1638 they were supposed to be kid friendly educational toys, but when they were assigned the role of the soldier's enemy, they were literally designed to hide and lose.
Because I have to make this joke... YOU! ARE! JUST! TOOOOOYYYYS!!!! You aren't the real Small Soldiers, you're... DAAAH, you're just action figures! You... are a _child's... playthings!_
In the movie it was kind of explained how the Gorgonites got put as the enemy. The Gorgonites were the first toy pitch and the CEO didn't really go for it, but decided that the Commandos needed something to fight. I guess when programming the toys they kept the original story and personality for the Gorgonites which comes off as passive. And I just realized I'm beginning to care way to much about this movie.
That's the thing: this movie is way too endearing, I feel the exact same way. The script may be unfocused, but I'll be damned if I ever cared, because the art design is too cool and the supporting cast has way too much personality. The main characters may be dumb even, but the commandos are just too much fun to watch, so I barely even noticed anything else.
@@hardcoreking52 I like the movie. Maybe I'm giving it some free passes because my childhood. But I think he made some good points. The whole Barbie thing is a little weird.
Fun fact: The original Toy Story was almost canceled because Woody was originally a horribly unlikable and mean character. Pixar had to rewrite the movie before Disney would continue funding it! I think this movie is what it would be like if Pixar never rewrote Toy Story.
+Karnera Mythos It's not like they're that rare though. A lot of the amiibos scalpers bought i order to earn money are still available in stores for standard prices.
her parents bought them for her. Seriously shes in her early teens of course she didn't buy any of them not hard to guess mommy wanted her daughter to have a set. So that collection says a lot about her mother. ... I kinda want to meet her
Ssj Ichigo Right, and I happen to have Mega Man, as well as his gold version (but that's because I love the classic series and I have the collection for the 3DS). I also have Rosalina, Wii Fit Trainer, and Lucina, to name a few. I nabbed Callie & Marie on release day. Surprisingly, they were available for pre-order. They won't be for long, so I'm glad I secured my purchase. Amiibo-hunting is a dangerous game, lemme tell ya.
One time we threw a firework into the firepit that lets out a "snake" of ash ascending towards the heavens. However, seeing as it was growing out of a firepit it looked more like hell so I called said firework "Satan's Boner".
Parents forcing their normative behavior on kids? I’m no SJW but I didn’t think this was that modern of a conflict. I think the OP misses the mark on this, not that it matters.
To be fair, as a small kid I was into old Superman cartoons and my parents thought I was really into Superman so told all my relatives and their friends that if they couldn't think of a good gift idea they can always go with something Superman related and I'd love it. As a small kid it worked out fine, but as I grew older I wasn't into the character as much any more. Now I'm in my 30s and I still get gifted Superman shit. I can see the same lazy type of gifting leading to this teen girl having a Barbie collection. Although I never hated Superman, I did get tired of Superman gifts. I had other interests, but I was reduced to "the kid who loves Superman".
I used to get collector Barbie dolls from a relative when I had never asked for them. I would have them up on a shelf in my room mainly because I didn’t know what else to do with them. So I completely understand why she has them up in her room without liking them.
@@jemofthe80s18 yeah my grandma bought me a new porcelain doll every year for my birthday and I had to keep them because my parents told me if I didn't have them displayed prominently when Grandma came to visit it would hurt her feelings.
When I was a small boy I was really into Superman, so my parents told all my relatives and friends that they could get me anything Superman related and I would love it, and despite outgrowing that character, and despite being a grown adult in his 30s, I still get gifted Superman stuff. Albeit it transitioned from toys to clothing, I still get Superman stuff to this day. My mom still swears by it, and I really don't have the heart to tell her to stop. Honestly her reaction to me receiving the gift is more precious than the actual gift itself.
Yup collectables forced on us by relatives wanting to live vicariously through toy purchases... I guess that was mainly a girl's experience. My mom was obsessed with getting my sister and I porcelain baby dolls. (shiver)
Being currently in high school, i can confirm this statement exactly. Except I'm kinda chunky in the gut area. But other than that I'm a general freakishly tall teenage boy who has been outcastes for no real reason other than I make dark humor memes.
This was one of my favorites growing up. I had most the gorganites. I had the really big Archer that said his movies quotes lol. I had no idea this was considered a bad movie. It’s a childhood classic in my mind.
7:22 you know, the skit at this timestamp here could actually be done very cleverly for a hero-villain dynamic. The villain is deceiving and putting on this facade of being harmless, if not downright charming. While the hero, though not exactly a knight in shining armor, is honest with who he is and holds no shame in presenting himself for you to fully see and judge on your own terms. i wouldn't mind a show or book about that kinda concept!
I honestly loved Small Soldiers when I was little. It was like a more toned down Gremlins, other than that insane barbie scene. That shit was traumatizing.
I always loved the movie. the barbie scene never bothered me. I still have it on VHS :) none of my friends had any idea that the movie existed. I tried talking to htem about it and they would always tell me I must have made it up
With Small Soldiers I thought there was more mileage to be had from the soldier characters, they actually ended up being more popular than the Gorgonites.
i assumed all the barbies were made the same to be cheaper to animate i guess, not sure why they had to be in their underwear tho, maybe just shove them in some military camo
Well, if they wanted to put them in army-themed costumes...they probably would've given them army costumes because there are probably Barbie outfits like that already and it would look pretty awesome. They DEFINITELY just wanted underwear Frankenstein Barbies for some weird reason.
Well gee, clothes that give no protection and hinder movement unlike the painted on ones on the action figures? Sure, put those back on to make a scene that's supposed to be just plain freaky attempt to be funny and end up confusing.
Alex Silva Too bad the movie built around the animatronics was shit. I'd actually watch a movie about the world created for the toys. but obviously with the Gorgonites being the good guys and the Commando Elite the bad guys.
I honestly can't believe the soundtrack to this movie. How the fuck did they get Zeppelin's permission for Communication Breakdown? Zeppelin are like, FAMOUSLY conservative about licensing their music. They wouldn't even let Wayne's World use the first four notes of "Stairway to Heaven." Jack Black had to get an auditorium of thousands to beg for their permission to use "Immigrant Song" in School of Rock, so how the fuck did Dreamworks get the license to an entire song?!
Allens dad-"How do you explain this?!" Allen-"I was dusting it and it fell over." Allens dad-"Oh you were dusting with what a Crokay Mallet?" This is in the scene where Allens dad goes to check on him at the store and he notices something wrong with the wooden sailboat and the sail snaps off. The dad cracks me up in that scene.
"It's not good to take something marketed as innocent and cute and make it tortuous and scary" I love that Doug managed to get to the point that the movie is trying to make but tripped into it in the most insane, ignorant and backwards way possible and without actually realizing that was the point of the movie. In case anyone doesn't realize, the filmmaker is satirising marketing war and violence for consumerism, that's why the soldiers are the bad guys and why the movie is intentionally creepy and off-putting with surprisingly realistic violence being inflicted on the toys.
I completely loved this film and wished it had a sequel. When I first saw it I bought a bunch of the gorganites and I still have my archer one on my shelf.
Elle Calladine it's technically the same concept Soldiers people look up to go and take out the aliens but turns out the aliens are good and the commander is just a dick to them lol This was basically Toy Avatar
But aren't you "locked" onto the original once you familiarize yourself with it, lessening the chances of being "fooled" by knockoffs? I think they depend on people who haven't familiarized themselves with the original, but are vaguely aware of the original's idea. Mind you, if something's a knockoff, it does not automatically make it bad.
I've seen NC mentioning Donald Trump in some really old videos, like from 2008 It was during that era when Trump was buying everything and seemed just a strange millionaire, not a psycho candidate for president of the US
matt sweatgast Well, i want to know what people see so upsetting about Trump. People call him racist, homophobe, mysoginistic, xenophobe, etc. and i didn't hear anything from his own mouth that could even suggest something like that. I am just confused about why some people hate him so much. Looks like they are just twisting his words just like the media does.
Instantly recognized Sarah Michelle Gellar as one of the Gwendy doll voices. Seemed a bit random, so I had to look it up to be sure, and it turns out I was right. Christina Ricci is the other one, apparently.
To review this film fairly, you need to go be a 90s kid again. It was pure fun, didn't treat kids with kids' gloves and had a rather serious (and unintentional?) message about AI and not abusing technology. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie as a kid, and I still had some of the toys till not too long ago. As an adult, yeah it's gonna be shit. But as a kid? It's everything I wanted in a movie
my top 5 favorite movies as a kid No joke....this movie had everything haha 1. toys 2. Toys vs toys 3 Toys turn into a army and begin there world domaination plan lol.
11:15 That part always scared me as a kid. I guess I was just really disturbed at watching an action figure get brutally murdered in a garbage disposal.
For some reason, when I was a kid, I really liked the scene with the barbies? I guess it partly appealed to the part of me who loved playing with barbies, but I somehow never got creeped out by that scene... I did always wonder why their hair and clothes were removed and I just guessed that it was to make them look more fearsome or something idk...
My justification was so their clothes/hair wouldn't light on fire with the sparks from the machines. Faces were melted for a reason. Plus i remember it being kinda hard to get the doll clothes back on. And once they ripped them open to implant their jerry rigged chips their clothes probably didnt fit anymore anyway.
yeah i played with barbies all the time and i remember particularly loving that scene.... i also remember sitting down one day and just chopping all my barbies hair off. dont know if the former influenced the latter but it disturbs me that some people have found this rogue barbie scene even remotely sexy. wtf but you do you i guess.
Antz is better than A Bug's Life and while I for the first time see the parallel between this and Toy Story, for the last 20 years I've seen no similarity whatsoever. Biggest intractable difference between them-the toys and humans interact in Small Soldiers, which completely changes the dynamic.
Robert Marchione Nooooo, antz is an abomination! I don't know much about it but I see those ants and I'm like "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!! THOSE THINGS AREN'T ANTS, THEY'RE SPAWNS OF THE DEVIL!!!!!" (The cgi is bad)
Joe Dante made The Howling, an episode of the Twilight Zone and a segment of the Twilight Zone movie as well. Wait did that guy just say a nuclear blast will stop those toys? You wanna nuke a town for a couple of toys!?
I think Nostalgia Critic gets way too carried away by his assumption that this movie is nothing more than a rip-off of Toy Story. The fact is that Small Soldiers has a lot more on its mind, and it's a deeply thought-provoking portrait of how "losers" (i.e. the Gorgonites) can become heroes during wartime -- as long as they possess the ability to teach themselves how to fight for what they believe in. If you'd like to hear more, search for my video "In defense of Small Soldiers" on UA-cam.
adamzanzie No. Just no. Disbelief can't be suspended enough for this movie. A microchip can't miraculously turn a piece of plastic into something that can fucking move. A microchip can't replicate and manufacture an artificial skeletal and muscular system from out of thin air. Are we supposed to believe that this chip somehow built a tiny robot? Fuck no. And why did the exact same chip make one toy murderous and the other toy peaceful? This movie is trash.
cootaloot So Toy Story is trash too? I don't think this movie was seriously trying to validate itself that hard. It's a movie. Sure the microchip explanation is weak, flimsy, and unbelievable, but what does Toy Story have to explain its toy being alive? Do you hate all fiction movies? Harry Potter? Anything with sci-fi, aliens, magic, or other unexplainable things? I honestly don't even know why you brought that up anyway, as the original comment didn't seem to have anything to do with what you said.
At 15:10 he both says and shows on screen "Sexually Confused Arousal Therapy" or SCAT which is a fetish to do with feces right after saying FE TISH MO VIE. Took me 2 mins to catch my breath from laughing.
18:00 This film was not originally meant to be a family friendly film. It wasn’t until half way through filming that the studio decided to tone it down. So they just kept in the crazy Barbie shit instead of reshooting it or cutting it out entirely.
Goddamn it, now I want a rodeo burger. Mmm, flame-broiled, melty cheese, with crispy onion rings piled on, tangy bbq sauce, man, the rodeo burger is everything a commenter like me could ever want in his Burger King burg- wait, what was this movie about again?
@@MarthaRoseQuartz Fun fact. Bubble Bass is actually really ordering. He's using fry cook lingo. Binging with Babish recreated it. Here's a translation of Bass's order. www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/BikiniBottomTwitter/comments/7xyvc7/the_meaning_of_bubble_bass_order_in_comments/
Not gonna lie, the animation and puppetry still impresses me to this day.
Yea I thought coming into this video I would be surprised at how bad it looked even tho I still loved the movie as a kid ...but you're totally right it looks really good even in 2021 like I said I was expecting something closer to how the first toy story looks today,. But it definitely isn't like that at all...when small soldiers first came out it scared the shit out of me it wasn't until a few years later that i watched it again and it became my favorite VHS I owned. Also that barbie being chipped and tying the kid down scene made 7 or 8 year old me feel very at the time unexplainably weird ... LOL I now know what was happening to me hahaha I think those scenes were the first time 10 year old me really started to see girls in a little bit of a different way lol
You know what would've been the perfect line for when he killed Chip? "Consider this your dishonorable discharge!" That works sooooooo much better.
That’s a pretty good one liner for the situation, I honestly don’t know if anyone could top that
@@FatherTime89 Closest I've got is a play on "Batteries not Included."
O_O
That was gold!
If they would've left out the "You stupid toy!" it would've been perfect. Chip kicks Archer to the ground and says "Victory is ours!" then Allen says "Have I got a shock for you!" grabs Chip and places him in the transformer. Would've been a great one liner pun but "You stupid toy!" ruined it.
Gross. Discharge
This is the kind of movie you watched as a kid and tried to remember its name for the rest of your life
Lol just remembered the movie by reading the title.
God damn, Kurosawa looks like a giant.
It was one of my favorites. I had two of the gorgons and like three of the soldiers.
God did the marketing work and I wanted them all of course.
I can't agree with you anymore
EXACTLY
R.I.P. Dick Miller.
Also, one detail the movie made was that the Commando toys, (except for Tommy Lee Jones), were voiced by actual veterans of the army, navy, etc.
That's actually some good trivia
It was also the last performance from Phil Hartman.
Interesting
RIP phil heartman. this was his last movie
Jim Brown served in the military?
I absolutely loved the contraptions the soldiers made.
A nail gun turned into a machine gun?
Freaking AWESOME!
I honestly dont like how he went in on this movie it was far from being bad. I always thought the design for the remote control cars with all the weapons on it was really cool. Also the Barbie scene was so clever idc what anyone says
@@Tacomans_56 It's still a severely flawed movie. It's still highly entertaining though.
@@Tacomans_56 Can you elaborate on how the Barbie scene was clever? I found it a little odd that the soldiers painted on camo underwear and how they were somehow able to mass produce the military chips.
Tacoman The main bulk of the video is to make fun of the movie just take it with a grain of salt it’s entertaining. But at the end of the video he summarized how he really feels about the movie all jokes aside. He even does this with movies he loves a lot it just jokes for the most part.
They nailed it
I honestly love the ending when the gorgonites are in their ship trying to find their home. I always felt it was an emotional moment for me.
agreed, if only we all could have such a moment
I always just thought that they eventually sank and short circuited ,and to this day still rest at the bottom of the river
Vicente Ortega Rubilar me too it’s a beautiful scene, Archer and the Gorgonites are pure hearted toys
@Bad Cattitude you can't really use the word die when it comes to toys/robotic like beings.
This is a perfect movie to me!
Nothing can convince me otherwise!
I unironically love this movie.
same
This was my favorite movie growing up so im a little salty that he has issues with it
That's fair, but it has it's flaws & lost potential.
@@Tacomans_56 The movie is awful, but it's the good kind of the awful.
Same
The Commando Elite vs Gorgonites idea would've been a great cartoon show and would have spawned dozens of toy opportunities if done right
Honestly as a kid it felt like He-man vs gi joe .
What is Avatar?
@@TheNoble117 More like He-Man vs COBRA.
We call that Warhammer 40k.
Especially if you have Space Marines and Imperial Guard against Orks, Eldars, or Tau.
@@powerist209 true, but i was more thinking something made for kids, 40k definitely isn't made for kids lmao
"They're not shielded from EMP. A nuclear blast would wipe them out."
I'm pretty sure a nuclear blast would wipe out everything.
"They're not shielded from EMP. A nuclear blast would wipe them out."
So you mean we should use an EMP then?
"Oh uh, yea that's what I meant."
Twinkies would survive...
Roaches tho
@@DanteKrystal Roaches would die in a nuclear blast. It's just the fallout they'd survive.
Fun fact:
Kirsten Dunst appeared in the Spider-Man trilogy, while Denis Leary appeared in The Amazing Spider-Man series.
Relevant
@Iafiv Iv bet you're fun at parties
@Iafiv Iv touche. I can respect that. Though technically, I'm an adult.
We all did recognize her later in the Spider-Man movies
16 year old kristen dunst seems- oh no, the fbi is here
This movie had everything. Amazing looking characters to get as figurines, your first girl crush, action scenes with battles, what do you want more ? Also, the concept started by "The Indian in the cupboard" was so enticing to me, having been a lone child who spent so many hours playing with figurines and making up dialogues and plots in my head.
Same, even the Indian in the Cupboard part.
Unironically me too. Loved this movie and the battle at the end was the cherry in my opinion. Though I do agree with NC that it was a missed opportunity to have other Major Chip Hazards commanding squads with the main one being the general of the army. I mean they already ripped off Patton
I can't wait for the modern reboot, "The Indigenous Person of Color in the Cupboard"
They explained why the Gorgaknights were so Timid it’s a pretty big part of their whole creation story. 🤷🏾♂️
Which is?
(I’m too lazy to look it up and read through the plot)
This is random M
@@jinhunterslay1638 they were supposed to be kid friendly educational toys, but when they were assigned the role of the soldier's enemy, they were literally designed to hide and lose.
@@futurehistoryarchaeologist4480 oh, so it's programmed into their personality?
@@jinhunterslay1638 More or less
Are you fucking kidding? Small soldiers was amazing. It's a beloved classic.
Are you scared?
We're all scared.
You'd have to be crazy not to be scared.
This went Apocolypse Now real quick.
I actually use that quote many times
@@Jozhster Questions, so many questions...
Vsevolod Shipitcyn I just like using random movie quotes in my vocabulary
you'd think it was a reference, but oddly enough it's not
I LOVE how fucked up this entire sequence is.
Because I have to make this joke...
YOU! ARE! JUST! TOOOOOYYYYS!!!! You aren't the real Small Soldiers, you're... DAAAH, you're just action figures! You... are a _child's... playthings!_
@Tim Henke Oh yeah?! Well, good riddance, ya loonies!!
24AMPER you are a sad strange little man. And you have my respect.
+Lucas Pospeshil It's a Toy story reference.
Good riddance ya loonies!
YOU. ARE. A. TOY!!!!!
In the movie it was kind of explained how the Gorgonites got put as the enemy. The Gorgonites were the first toy pitch and the CEO didn't really go for it, but decided that the Commandos needed something to fight. I guess when programming the toys they kept the original story and personality for the Gorgonites which comes off as passive.
And I just realized I'm beginning to care way to much about this movie.
I thought the same thing, thank you for typing it out
That's fine, I like Doug, but this was a weak review.
That's the thing: this movie is way too endearing, I feel the exact same way. The script may be unfocused, but I'll be damned if I ever cared, because the art design is too cool and the supporting cast has way too much personality. The main characters may be dumb even, but the commandos are just too much fun to watch, so I barely even noticed anything else.
@@TheHalflingLad As a kid, I loved the Commando's, still do. They steal every scene they're in.
@@hardcoreking52
I like the movie. Maybe I'm giving it some free passes because my childhood. But I think he made some good points. The whole Barbie thing is a little weird.
Fun fact: The original Toy Story was almost canceled because Woody was originally a horribly unlikable and mean character. Pixar had to rewrite the movie before Disney would continue funding it! I think this movie is what it would be like if Pixar never rewrote Toy Story.
Interesting. I never knew that.
DarthNinja65
I read it in a book about Steve Jobs.
+ProbeVoyages Cool
ProbeVoyages Lies.
woody gets wood
*I've always hated these things*
"Then why do you collect them"
Ever heard of Amiibos?
It's the opposite for me: I love amiibos, but I hate collecting them (cause some fall into scalper's hands).
+Karnera Mythos It's not like they're that rare though. A lot of the amiibos scalpers bought i order to earn money are still available in stores for standard prices.
but the ones karnera is refering to is the limited release once like lucario, marth, etc, I'm still trying to find a mega man
her parents bought them for her. Seriously shes in her early teens of course she didn't buy any of them not hard to guess mommy wanted her daughter to have a set. So that collection says a lot about her mother. ... I kinda want to meet her
Ssj Ichigo Right, and I happen to have Mega Man, as well as his gold version (but that's because I love the classic series and I have the collection for the 3DS). I also have Rosalina, Wii Fit Trainer, and Lucina, to name a few. I nabbed Callie & Marie on release day. Surprisingly, they were available for pre-order. They won't be for long, so I'm glad I secured my purchase.
Amiibo-hunting is a dangerous game, lemme tell ya.
Devil Boner Hype!
yes the hype of DEVIL BONER!!!!!!
mine always shrinks after I see a re upload ):
He needs he's own series
lol yeah hypee!!
One time we threw a firework into the firepit that lets out a "snake" of ash ascending towards the heavens. However, seeing as it was growing out of a firepit it looked more like hell so I called said firework "Satan's Boner".
19:06 "I've always hated these things!"
Nostalgia Critic: "Then why the hell do you collect them?"
Parents forcing their normative behavior on kids? I’m no SJW but I didn’t think this was that modern of a conflict. I think the OP misses the mark on this, not that it matters.
Yeah I watched the video too
To be fair, as a small kid I was into old Superman cartoons and my parents thought I was really into Superman so told all my relatives and their friends that if they couldn't think of a good gift idea they can always go with something Superman related and I'd love it. As a small kid it worked out fine, but as I grew older I wasn't into the character as much any more. Now I'm in my 30s and I still get gifted Superman shit. I can see the same lazy type of gifting leading to this teen girl having a Barbie collection. Although I never hated Superman, I did get tired of Superman gifts. I had other interests, but I was reduced to "the kid who loves Superman".
Must've been either hand-me-downs or unwanted gifts from relatives.
My sister has my grandmom and moms collection.
My daughter has my wife's dolls but she doesn't like them either.
I used to get collector Barbie dolls from a relative when I had never asked for them. I would have them up on a shelf in my room mainly because I didn’t know what else to do with them. So I completely understand why she has them up in her room without liking them.
Kimberly Schwartz My sister had that happen to her too. It wasn’t until she was 17 that the Barbie collectables stopped.
I’m assuming your barbie Dolls never tied you up and stuffed a sock in your mouth though?😂
@@jemofthe80s18 yeah my grandma bought me a new porcelain doll every year for my birthday and I had to keep them because my parents told me if I didn't have them displayed prominently when Grandma came to visit it would hurt her feelings.
When I was a small boy I was really into Superman, so my parents told all my relatives and friends that they could get me anything Superman related and I would love it, and despite outgrowing that character, and despite being a grown adult in his 30s, I still get gifted Superman stuff. Albeit it transitioned from toys to clothing, I still get Superman stuff to this day. My mom still swears by it, and I really don't have the heart to tell her to stop. Honestly her reaction to me receiving the gift is more precious than the actual gift itself.
Yup collectables forced on us by relatives wanting to live vicariously through toy purchases... I guess that was mainly a girl's experience. My mom was obsessed with getting my sister and I porcelain baby dolls. (shiver)
'Normal Good Looking Boy Who for some Reason is still an Outcast'
The sad reality of high school.
That Generic Smash Player tru dat
I was that kid, except I had a mouth bigger than Tyrion Lanister and a sense of humor that was at best a combination of Adam Sandler, and Bugs Bunny.
Jackson Gibbs You too?!
Being currently in high school, i can confirm this statement exactly. Except I'm kinda chunky in the gut area. But other than that I'm a general freakishly tall teenage boy who has been outcastes for no real reason other than I make dark humor memes.
Yall are probably outcasts because you dont talk to anyone. Confidence is key
Yess, Small Soldiers is a childhood favourite of mine.
Mine too!
yup
Same
Same
Me too! I even had an Archer toy.
This was one of my childhood favorites. Hard to believe it's been 25 years
7:28 Awesome! Devil Boner's first appearance! *HE'S CHILD FRIENDLY!!*
jagarcia0705 is it?
*I'M SOFT AND CUDDLY!!*
jagarcia0705 put me on a cereal box!
i would legitimately watch a show with the hero being devils boner kinda like a hero nobody likes but he is a hero anyway kinda thing
The Barbie part was like something from the dark web.😂
And how do you know that? Hmmm... XD
This is like Totally SPARTA!
Fet-ish mov-ie
Like it something bad. It's awesome. You, Americans, such a soiboys
Or toys are us' nightmare
This was one of my favorites growing up. I had most the gorganites. I had the really big Archer that said his movies quotes lol. I had no idea this was considered a bad movie. It’s a childhood classic in my mind.
Same, there are still a lot of people who loves it, don't let other people change your mind :)
Not gonna lie...... This was my favorite movie as a kid and still is one of my favorites.
This movie is Gremlins, Toy Story, and Child's Play all put in a blender.
Terminator as well.
'like, oh my god, this is totally Sparta.'- Nostalgia Critic 2016
wood woo This review came out in 2014
I honestly think that would have been a great line if it had been included.
Genuinely surprised Devil Boner isn't a Borderlands character or boss.
WE NEED TO START A PETITION
Please Gearbox
Borderlands was inspired by Mad Max
Someone make a mod for that!
+Jeremiah Elijah me too
7:22
you know, the skit at this timestamp here could actually be done very cleverly for a hero-villain dynamic. The villain is deceiving and putting on this facade of being harmless, if not downright charming. While the hero, though not exactly a knight in shining armor, is honest with who he is and holds no shame in presenting himself for you to fully see and judge on your own terms.
i wouldn't mind a show or book about that kinda concept!
Berserk
That'd be an interesting concept for a comic adaptation of the war between the Gorgonites and the Commandos.
I honestly loved Small Soldiers when I was little. It was like a more toned down Gremlins, other than that insane barbie scene. That shit was traumatizing.
Exactly!
+Callutts same!
I always loved the movie. the barbie scene never bothered me. I still have it on VHS :) none of my friends had any idea that the movie existed. I tried talking to htem about it and they would always tell me I must have made it up
I'm glad I'm not the only one whom, upon seeing this review, remembered the fucking creepy barbie doll scene shit lol.
i liked this movie too i like having the toys destroying shit in movies
I have one thing that came from Dreamworks to counter this movie
The Road to El Dorado
On the trail, they blazed!
*SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!*
What a coincidence my grandma's name is Devilboner
Cancerous Gaming Inc.
Strange, my third sons name is devilboner.
2ndUltimo Weird, my stepaunt's cat's name is Usingthesamejoke
Hm....that's funny..
My step-nephew's name is, Frank.
Cancerous Gaming Inc. Hey! What a coincidence! So's my cousin!
With Small Soldiers I thought there was more mileage to be had from the soldier characters, they actually ended up being more popular than the Gorgonites.
They stole so many scenes, the little war card they made were awesome.
Those deformed Barbie dolls look and sound like Frau Engel in Wolfenstein: The New Order and New Colossus.
I loved this movie as a kid. and I even thought the barbie part was ok, and a bit funny when they attack the main character and the boyfriend.
This movie is great, don't feel ashamed lol
21:32 I loved the extra soldier that said: "Great balls of fi-" *dies*. That made me laugh, more of chuckled.
Devilboner: the movie
Rated r starts this friday
“Sometimes appearances can be deceiving, yet he’s the hero”
Oh my god... the toy maker is Ian from Alvin and the Chipmunks...
Yep. Same actor.
david "his voice confuses me but makes me happy" cross
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Thank god someone noticed David Cross as the toymaker. I can't believe Critic didn't see that.
Also Tobias Fünke
i assumed all the barbies were made the same to be cheaper to animate i guess, not sure why they had to be in their underwear tho, maybe just shove them in some military camo
Well, if they wanted to put them in army-themed costumes...they probably would've given them army costumes because there are probably Barbie outfits like that already and it would look pretty awesome. They DEFINITELY just wanted underwear Frankenstein Barbies for some weird reason.
Well gee, clothes that give no protection and hinder movement unlike the painted on ones on the action figures? Sure, put those back on to make a scene that's supposed to be just plain freaky attempt to be funny and end up confusing.
Matt Lionrider you're putting too much thought into it
RIP Phil Hartman.
His last movie 😢
This was his last movie? I never knew that. I really miss his characters on The Simpsons. No more Troy McClure or Lionel Huntz.
RIP Dick Miller, also.
The new Child's Play has the same plot as this, with the military chip bullshit.
This did it better though. Somehow...
Mike Henderson they did it better because it’s child’s play
This movie was my shit as a kid. I'm so glad my grandpa introduced it to me
I realy like the looks of the toys
bountydoodles me too.
when the movie came out they brought the toys out if I remember correctly.
Ocula (the little walking eyestalk alien) was always my favorite. I found him bizarrely adorable when I first saw him...and I _still_ do now.
The animatronics on this movie are superb. By the one and only Stan Winston
Alex Silva Too bad the movie built around the animatronics was shit. I'd actually watch a movie about the world created for the toys. but obviously with the Gorgonites being the good guys and the Commando Elite the bad guys.
I honestly can't believe the soundtrack to this movie. How the fuck did they get Zeppelin's permission for Communication Breakdown? Zeppelin are like, FAMOUSLY conservative about licensing their music. They wouldn't even let Wayne's World use the first four notes of "Stairway to Heaven." Jack Black had to get an auditorium of thousands to beg for their permission to use "Immigrant Song" in School of Rock, so how the fuck did Dreamworks get the license to an entire song?!
The f2p Pyro t
It's the classical word
You make some excellent points, good sir.
Eric Bishton It s that hard to get permission for immigrant song? What about Thor Ragnarok? Howd they get it for that?
lol it's Thor. how couldn't they?
I’m not sure but I think they might not be Communication Breakdown (even if it does sound a lot like it).
“So Archer goes into the DANGER ZONE!!!, you were all waiting for it I caved in” 😂 that line always cracked me up
I loved this movie to the point when I seen it on Netflix I had. My kids watch it lol
14:46 That horrified look on NC's face is priceless!
Still got this on vhs
NO small soldiers was great
THANK YOU
Yes was not is
@@birchwood5889 no. Is
22:57 I have a better bad-ass finishing line for that situation:
"You are dishonorably discharged."
And thus, on this day. A recurring character was born.
Alan!
@@AustinBlack28 ALAN
Newbie637 Alan!
Devil Boomer.
Devil boomer
.... The creepy thing about that Buzz was that you just moved its eyes ONLY SLIGHTLY.
TheRedneckRoman16 I know, right? And it made me laugh!
Allens dad-"How do you explain this?!"
Allen-"I was dusting it and it fell over."
Allens dad-"Oh you were dusting with what a Crokay Mallet?"
This is in the scene where Allens dad goes to check on him at the store and he notices something wrong with the wooden sailboat and the sail snaps off. The dad cracks me up in that scene.
*Allen's dad (apostrophe)
*croquet mallet
"Burger King, We're fucking scary"
Burgrmeister your profile picture fits your comment
7:33 and that's how the greatest Nostalgia Critic character got started.
I remember when I was little and after me and my brother watched this he got a Chip Hazard action figure and it scared the crap out of me
"It's not good to take something marketed as innocent and cute and make it tortuous and scary"
I love that Doug managed to get to the point that the movie is trying to make but tripped into it in the most insane, ignorant and backwards way possible and without actually realizing that was the point of the movie.
In case anyone doesn't realize, the filmmaker is satirising marketing war and violence for consumerism, that's why the soldiers are the bad guys and why the movie is intentionally creepy and off-putting with surprisingly realistic violence being inflicted on the toys.
You hit the nail on the head with that one (No pun intended)
I completely loved this film and wished it had a sequel. When I first saw it I bought a bunch of the gorganites and I still have my archer one on my shelf.
The Commander toy reminds me of the Commander from Avatar 😂
Elle Calladine it's technically the same concept
Soldiers people look up to go and take out the aliens but turns out the aliens are good and the commander is just a dick to them lol
This was basically Toy Avatar
The Commander was the best part of that movie.
You just blew my goddamn mind
I wonder now if James Cameron saw this.
@@GreatMewtwo Maybe he saw it on HBO right after FernGully in 2001 or 2002.
This movie disturbed me when I was little...
the trailer disturbed me!
ME TOO!!! I had it on VHS but I never watched it cause I was too scared.
OMG SAME!! here's hoping that critic can overcome my nostalgia fears =v=;;;
The soldier with the huge green creeped me out
Callutts Pussy
7:40 around: "PUT ME IN A CEREAL BOX"!
I would do that, if in power sir, that sounds incredibly dope, perhaps instead we give you a movie instead?
that line in the lab, with the microchips..surprising after 20years, it's not even sci-fi anymore.
Ugh I loved this movie as a kid. TBH: I saw this before I saw toystory.
I think all ripoffs are counting on these people who did not see the original.
+James A ooooo I heard about that mortal combat, in buy it, Lou Cane is the best XD, I don't know why I never played games before, :)
After watching the reviews I kinda want to see this movie
But aren't you "locked" onto the original once you familiarize yourself with it, lessening the chances of being "fooled" by knockoffs? I think they depend on people who haven't familiarized themselves with the original, but are vaguely aware of the original's idea.
Mind you, if something's a knockoff, it does not automatically make it bad.
I loved it. It's a really fun watch. I think the Critic's getting too old.
2:18 "Advanced battlefield technology" *shows 1950s tanks*
Scott Krafft were they m41a1 bulldogs?
Scott Krafft lol
Scott Krafft next you'll be saying we have automatic rifles
Scott Krafft how didn't I notice that
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE RODEO BURGER!
BUT WHAT'S BEYOND THAT? 😂🤣
@@316whatupz [INSERT CLICHE HERE]
that trump reference... if only he knew.
I've seen NC mentioning Donald Trump in some really old videos, like from 2008
It was during that era when Trump was buying everything and seemed just a strange millionaire, not a psycho candidate for president of the US
why do you think is a psycho?
matt sweatgast Well, i want to know what people see so upsetting about Trump. People call him racist, homophobe, mysoginistic, xenophobe, etc. and i didn't hear anything from his own mouth that could even suggest something like that. I am just confused about why some people hate him so much. Looks like they are just twisting his words just like the media does.
ArminMeiwes23
Find another guy to interview and let me just have my opinon without explanation thank you
matt sweatgast Ok, i will continue to be confused i guess. Don't you think this is an irracional fear of yours? if not, please, explain.
"PUT ME ON A CEREAL BOX!"
HE'S CHILD FRIENDLY!!
Akshay Ravi Kumar PART OF THIS COMPLETE BREAKFAST, BUY MY TOYS!
"My mother never loved me" and i would buy his cereal
Instantly recognized Sarah Michelle Gellar as one of the Gwendy doll voices. Seemed a bit random, so I had to look it up to be sure, and it turns out I was right. Christina Ricci is the other one, apparently.
What a hellish combo...
Wow. Buffy as a toy...
"the dirty dozen" are the commando elite and "spinal tap" are the gorgonites, this movie really had strangely great voice acting
Holy creppy out of place cameos Batman!
Wednesday Addams?
To review this film fairly, you need to go be a 90s kid again. It was pure fun, didn't treat kids with kids' gloves and had a rather serious (and unintentional?) message about AI and not abusing technology. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie as a kid, and I still had some of the toys till not too long ago. As an adult, yeah it's gonna be shit. But as a kid? It's everything I wanted in a movie
Treating it fairly means not acting like a 90's kid. Because kids liked everything.
To review this film fairly, you have to ignore it's flaws.
@@Emisop no, i remember being a kid and watching godzilla final wars...
that shit was horrible
*thinks of Barbie dolls* You liked some straaaange things as a kid.
Brianna Chiavetta i watched movies like Robocop and Halloween as a kid for fun. Guess im different
I love how the mom sees this and automatically assumes he is on meth
Wouldn't you?
my top 5 favorite movies as a kid No joke....this movie had everything haha
1. toys
2. Toys vs toys
3 Toys turn into a army and begin there world domaination plan lol.
11:15 That part always scared me as a kid. I guess I was just really disturbed at watching an action figure get brutally murdered in a garbage disposal.
I thought small soldiers was great,it’s a classic,an obscure classic but still good!
*90s
for fucks sake it's '90s
For some reason, when I was a kid, I really liked the scene with the barbies? I guess it partly appealed to the part of me who loved playing with barbies, but I somehow never got creeped out by that scene... I did always wonder why their hair and clothes were removed and I just guessed that it was to make them look more fearsome or something idk...
I liked it because fetish tbh, although I didn't understand that at the time.
My justification was so their clothes/hair wouldn't light on fire with the sparks from the machines. Faces were melted for a reason. Plus i remember it being kinda hard to get the doll clothes back on. And once they ripped them open to implant their jerry rigged chips their clothes probably didnt fit anymore anyway.
yeah i played with barbies all the time and i remember particularly loving that scene.... i also remember sitting down one day and just chopping all my barbies hair off. dont know if the former influenced the latter but it disturbs me that some people have found this rogue barbie scene even remotely sexy. wtf but you do you i guess.
It wasn't scary to me either; in fact, I liked the scene in Toy Story where all the toys revolted against Sid.
Gloomy Fish watchmojo said it was creepy and I agree I wasn't werided out
Antz is better than A Bug's Life and while I for the first time see the parallel between this and Toy Story, for the last 20 years I've seen no similarity whatsoever. Biggest intractable difference between them-the toys and humans interact in Small Soldiers, which completely changes the dynamic.
Robert Marchione Nooooo, antz is an abomination! I don't know much about it but I see those ants and I'm like "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!! THOSE THINGS AREN'T ANTS, THEY'RE SPAWNS OF THE DEVIL!!!!!" (The cgi is bad)
Anybody who says Antz is better than A Bug's Life should burn in my book. I'm sorry, but HOW could you not like Flik?
I'm surprised he didn't bring up Child's Play.
Bugs life is better if you're 4 Antz is better if you're 12
@@irvinalexanderflores Actually other way around. Bugs Life is for kids Antz is more for teens.
Joe Dante made The Howling, an episode of the Twilight Zone and a segment of the Twilight Zone movie as well.
Wait did that guy just say a nuclear blast will stop those toys? You wanna nuke a town for a couple of toys!?
They said an EMP could fry the chips. The scene Critic shows is when they're explaining what could cause an EMP.
R.I.P. Phil Hartman. His final film before his tragic death.
Phil Hartman was in Small Soldiers? Good golly, that makes it one of the last things he did before his murder. :(
I think it was the last thing he did, there's a dedication to him in the credits
Evan Allen Last thing he did was the English Dub of Kiki's Delivery Service.
15:20. My hypothesis. Budget. It’s cheaper to use the same 3 or 4 models than to make dozens of different models.
I REALLY hated this movie when I was younger. Those Barbies scarred me for years...
this is my favorite movie
That was my favorite part xD
so,you hate this movie because,the barbies' scared you...
+Yandere Clementine your name unnerves me deeply.
+Yui Shishido wait a minute,my name???...
One thing he doesn't bring up is this was Phil Hartman's last role before his murder. There's even a dedication to him at the end.
I think Nostalgia Critic gets way too carried away by his assumption that this movie is nothing more than a rip-off of Toy Story. The fact is that Small Soldiers has a lot more on its mind, and it's a deeply thought-provoking portrait of how "losers" (i.e. the Gorgonites) can become heroes during wartime -- as long as they possess the ability to teach themselves how to fight for what they believe in. If you'd like to hear more, search for my video "In defense of Small Soldiers" on UA-cam.
adamzanzie No. Just no. Disbelief can't be suspended enough for this movie. A microchip can't miraculously turn a piece of plastic into something that can fucking move. A microchip can't replicate and manufacture an artificial skeletal and muscular system from out of thin air. Are we supposed to believe that this chip somehow built a tiny robot? Fuck no. And why did the exact same chip make one toy murderous and the other toy peaceful?
This movie is trash.
cootaloot So Toy Story is trash too? I don't think this movie was seriously trying to validate itself that hard. It's a movie. Sure the microchip explanation is weak, flimsy, and unbelievable, but what does Toy Story have to explain its toy being alive? Do you hate all fiction movies? Harry Potter? Anything with sci-fi, aliens, magic, or other unexplainable things? I honestly don't even know why you brought that up anyway, as the original comment didn't seem to have anything to do with what you said.
I thought this was supposed to be like Child's Play?
Also weren't both films done at the same time? Also the films are totally different. One is for all four quadrants, one is a genre film.
true
I absolutely love Small Soldiers!! It is a Childhood classic for me!!
At 15:10 he both says and shows on screen "Sexually Confused Arousal Therapy" or SCAT which is a fetish to do with feces right after saying FE TISH MO VIE.
Took me 2 mins to catch my breath from laughing.
18:00
This film was not originally meant to be a family friendly film. It wasn’t until half way through filming that the studio decided to tone it down. So they just kept in the crazy Barbie shit instead of reshooting it or cutting it out entirely.
24:03 Because apparently the actual event couldn't possibly be what they were referencing.
There actually was a barbie that (very) briefly sold. It was intended (I think) as some kind of superhero barbie, but was nicknamed "BDSM-barbie"
"Are you scared? Were all scared. You'd have to be crazy, not to be scared" cmon I remember that quote, its burned in my memory.
0:41 I think Doug predicted the new child’s play reboot movie. Including the red eye thing.
I had this movie on VHS growing up in the 90's.
Triple xXx Werewolf Same! And I had the game for Game Boy!
Same, I got it for Christmas in 1998!
Goddamn it, now I want a rodeo burger. Mmm, flame-broiled, melty cheese, with crispy onion rings piled on, tangy bbq sauce, man, the rodeo burger is everything a commenter like me could ever want in his Burger King burg- wait, what was this movie about again?
Avery Graham "I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft..."
Avery Graham you can't handle the rodeo burger
@@MarthaRoseQuartz Fun fact. Bubble Bass is actually really ordering. He's using fry cook lingo. Binging with Babish recreated it. Here's a translation of Bass's order. www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/BikiniBottomTwitter/comments/7xyvc7/the_meaning_of_bubble_bass_order_in_comments/
Logical Overdrive Burger King is good stuff 🍔 🍟 🥤
it's a small world after all
genie said it in Aladdin
2016 Me: Oh this devil Bonner seems dumb. He won't come back.
2019 Me: Damit I love Devil Bonner. Where is he?
You don't miss him enough to spell "Boner" right....
17:15 - ROTFLMAO, That stare .....
What if Buzz had a military chip inside him that made him think he had that kind of a mission?
Then Toy Story would get a PG rating.
He’d be AWSOME but instead we got this
Say what you want about this movie, Tommy Lee's delivery is spot on the whole time.
His character alone makes this movie watchable.
I find this a really enjoyable film, great practical effects too.