I am a mortician, and I can say that I have seen these words spoken in funeral arrangement conferences. It's really sad to see people speak to people who have lost loved ones this way, usually with the intention of rushing through the funeral arrangements and the funeral itself. It's demoralizing. Grief is sharp, and it's real, and it's a process.
We lost our 13 month old last September. She loved her whole Life in the NICU and my life was literally on hold during her stay as I was in the hospital with her daily while my other kids were in school. When she passed, I lost my daughter, my daily routine, my closest friends (which is what her nurses had become). A week ago, on bare bed Mother’s Day, a close relative lost it because I didn’t come to lunch (I was having a hard time not breaking down and didn’t want to make others uncomfortable) and their response was I need to be able to suck it up and move on and get over it. It was a gut punch and I honestly have no idea how to move forward with this person. And what you say is so true, because until the memorial service, everyone was supportive. After that, radio silence. People move on with life. And I am glad they can. Some of us just don’t have that option. On the other side, I had a sweet Facebook message from someone recently (the first in months from anyone) and she said I have wanted to tell you I am praying, but I didn’t want to remind you of something. I let her know that I was so thankful she reached out and I assured her she didn’t need to worry, there isn’t a day I’m not thinking of my daughter. What you say at the end about being there is so true. Just be there, hold space and let us know you are ok if we grieve around you. Just a text saying “hey, I was thinking about you and missing (loved one). I’m here if you want to talk.” Even that means so much. Thank you for this-I captures it all so well. ❤❤ so grateful for the is channel and how you cover grief. I know I’m not ready for a grief councilor yet, and it has been helpful for tools and even just feeling seen. Thank you.
I love that you guys talk about the fact that being vulnerable isn't the wrong choice, just sometimes people aren't ready yet. My boyfriend and I lost someone and we couldn't go to each other for a little while. I needed someone to talk about it with but I understood that he wasn't ready and there was nothing wrong with that, I just needed to find someone who was ready
This was a very timely post for me. Thank you. My son is extremely ill with organ failure happening since September. He may not make it, and he's only 27 years old. Right now I'm grieving in motion, and althoughI do have some support, it's difficult because I don't know what each day will bring. I'm realizing you can sometimes end up supporting others while they are horrified by the possible outcome you end up ignoring your own process. Thank you both for great posts. I would love to see a future post about that.
One clip from Star Trek DS9 that really resonated with me when I was widowed. Sisko was tormented by the memories of losing his wife in the Borg invasion. The spirits in the wormhole kept using those memories as a backdrop for communicating with him. Sisko exclaimed in his frustration, "Why do you bring me here?!" The spirit replied, "You bring us here." He realized that he hadn't figured out how to move on.
A psychiatrist literally told me if I wasn't "over" the loss of my husband of 24 years to cancer by six months after he died, that "it wasn't grief, it was mental illness." Six months. It's now been 15 years. I'll never be "over it."
I always say, "It takes as long as it takes to grieve." I lost my brother, my father, and my mother within 3 years. It's like a bandage being ripped off before the wound was healed, twice. It wasn't until they were all over that I began to grieve. I learned one doesn't really get over it; one just learns to go on until the pain doesn't hurt as much or one doesn't think of the deceased as much.
For grief, really, the only thing that has helped me is time. Not only giving it time, but giving myself specific, open times to grieve. Once every few weeks, while I’m alone, I allow myself to feel the grief of my losses, and to think about why it hurts. This has helped me tremendously, since it has kept me from sealing away anything, or ignoring emotions to try and be happy, past it.
I've lost someone who was absolutely dear to me and for so many years i just thought no one would love me the same way. That I wouldn't let myself feel that again. Years later I found that person in a dear friend. We both found and accepted each other. She never wanted to fix me, 'cause like you said, that hole and loss will forever be there, but if you let yourself feel love again, it fills with new things, new adventures, new memories. When we lose someone, we also lose a part of ourselves. And we'll never get that back. So, I kinda had to reinvent myself. Become someone else at least in honor to their memory. The scene with Rocky hit me hard. It's pretty accurate
I find my grief creeps up on me. I don't burst into tears thinking about my late husband anymore, but there's still a hurt there. It's easier to talk about him and share stories about him, but there are times it just hurts so much. I still haven't gone through his things, but I feel like the time is coming soon where I can. Nobody has told me to get over it or get things done (aside from some gentle hints from an aunt), and I'm really appreciative of the people in my life who have supported me. Edit: the biggest help for me has just been time and one on one conversations with friends. They knew my husband too, they may not really grieve him in the same way but they grieve him too.
After my mom died everyone was as there but in the aftermath it was talk through it and trying to get me to move on. However I was numb and what I needed was just someone to sit with me in silence and let me work through it as my pace. Since everyone was telling me to talk and I didn’t want to I shut down emotionally and just went through the motions to get people to leave me alone. I appreciate how you talk about people being ready. For me it was I had to get past the numb to be open and since I felt rushed I didn’t get past the numb feeling for years
This video came at the right time for me personally,my husband just went to his grandfathers funeral and i felt so much guilt not being able to be their because my family 3 days before the funeral lost my uncle to his long battle with cancer and i didnt want to make my dad watch the kids whilst he mourned his brother and respect my husbands nans wishes not to let the babies see her upset, but my husband said its fine because youve been here the whole time. In regards to my uncle no matter how much i told myself im okay and im gunna live my life the way my uncle did with joy and never letting an experience pass me by when my dad called i burst into tears it finally hit but even though my 4 year old and 6 year old were in the room i wept and told them its okay i just miss my uncle and crying is the only way i can show that sometimes.
Accepting that you may never fully "get over it," or 100% recover, is key. Sometimes it's one of the bad days or bad hours, and you just work through it until things are sunnier again. And reach out for support if you need it.
Indeed grief is not only when you loose someone to death, also when you have dreamed a life with a person and suddenly without warning they start to leave you, it feels like the world suddenly changed and all you knew until then is no more. Is a hole in your heart where the person had their place and now you don't know what to do with it. To me admiting that it has happened was the first stage, not running from my emotions and opening up about them, vulnerability was the next step. Idk for how long I will still honl on to it because it feels like without that you indeed can't breath but you know you'll be okay. Friends have been a safe haven and those who experienced loss in any way shape or form too, they can tell you that is okay bot to be okay and that you will re learn how to live your life. 💔
Unattended Sorrows by Stephen Levine was my favorite book on grief. I reread it occasionally. It talks about all the things we might not think of as something we might need to attend to. Loss of a person, a dream, a relationship, our health and more. When we scattered my mother’s ashes from a boat a few months after her death all I wanted was for people to share stories of my at the dinner afterwards. For some reason they didn’t. I felt very alone. People telling stories, sharing memories of your loved one with you can be really healing. It helped me connect to other people instead of feeling alone with them.
Thank you for this video. My husband of 35 years died 1 1/2 years ago. A few days ago my best friend called to say her husband died suddenly. Now that we are joined as two grieving widows I can use all the advice I can get to face her fresh grief while mine is still just below the surface. Some of what you said resonated for me and tells me that my instincts have been taking me in the right direction towards being her friend.
Lost my father in august of 2019 (he was stabbed over 42 times-the guy who did it is currently serving two life sentences in prison due to the fact my father wasn’t his only victim. If he killed one more person he would have been a categorized as a serial killer). Lost my mom a year and a half after my father. I cried less losing my mom because she spent my entire life up until her death being a narcissistic abuser. I think going to disney (odd as it may seem my father was a HUGE disney fanatic and we have some good and bad memories there) has sort of helped the healing process a bit visiting somewhere that my father loved and enjoyed. It seems like whenever I go he’s watching over me. Although I’m sure he watching over me even when I’m not at disney.
❤ I am so sorry for your losses ❤ Glad to see that you were able to make the Journey to a place of meaning for your Dad, and connect with him that way. Love and Light to you 🌚 🌛 🕊
I have been grieving for 20 years,when I lost my parents. I cry on and off all day every day . They were the only 2 people that loved me,professional help did not help at all😢
For the past month, I've been talking to a counselor about the death of both my grandfathers, across the country from me, in 1994. They died within one week of each other during Easter. I've been grieving then for almost 30 years now, becoming profoundly depressed during the season of Lent, and I'm just now ready to face everything I thought and felt back then. It's been rough and I won't really know if this counseling is useful for almost another year! Best wishes for us broken folks
I commented about this in a different video but on January 22, 2017 I lost my cousin to gun violence (someone murdered him) and it was so hard…still is. you guys are right that there is just some types of grief you never “get over” but that you learn to live with. I like to think of grief as a weight: when you first lift it, it’s HEAVY but as you continue lifting it, it gets easy to lift. The weight (pain) is still the same but our body adapts to it so it gets to a point where it is not crushing us. As for what helped me through my pain: talking about it with whoever would listen made me feel less alone.
What really helped me through my incredibly complicated grief was one of my dad's friends. My dad died due to an accident at work, and one of my dad's friends apologized to me. I had a very complicated relationship with my dad to say the least and his friend went kind of Robin Williams on me and told me it wasn't my fault. He also told me that he wished he had tried harder because he saw what was happening (we had a huge falling out) and flat out had told my dad if he kept on doing what he was doing, that I was going to get fed up and just give up on him (which is exactly what happened). It gave me a sense of relief to be seen and know that someone else was able to see him flawed..
Recently watched the film P.S, I love you, only a few weeks after my grandmother died. I hadn't thought I was that grieved over her death, but found my self weeping through the movie. A biggie for us for grief that we have experienced has been receiving a special needs diagnosis for our child. So few people get it. Kiddo is still the same person, but the struggles we've been dealing with her have a reason and aren't because she's just being stubborn, and our assumptions or interpretations of motives and behavior up to now have been wrong so often, so much wrong that it hurt the parent child relationship, and the amount of work needed to heal that and move forward in a healthy way and a compassionate way has been so hard. And we find ourselves having to fight for our kid and excuse and explain to so many people. We can't just be anymore.
I think a show you guys should look at when it comes to grieving someone who died too young is Ugly Betty, hell they deal with that topic twice once with Hilda than again later with Daniel both of them have a SO who died young one through a shooting the other through cancer and both deal with the loss in interesting and different ways.
When ever I struggle with the loss of something I 1) Talk to my therapist, and 2) Talk with someone older who has gone through the same thing. When I lost a grandmother, that I saw pretty much everyday, to cancer and after a lot of the crying, once I was ready to talk about her one thing that helped was talking about the process with other people who were going through the same thing. I also found older women not to replace my grandma but step into some of the roles she played in my life. And since she had cancer we had some heads up so while she could she divvied up her jewelry and gave it to me and my sisters and when I am really missing her I wear it. I also have had to grieve not having the kind of childhood that I wanted, so I try to give the kids in my life the kind of childhood I wish I had.
I have a lot of dead hopes, and dreams. I live in a perpetual state of loss. Pain is my closest friend. Passion has a room in my house, it doesn't live in the basement.
I lost my father because of Covid. We did not have a good relationship for a long time (alcoholism). I wasn't able to say goodbye, because we lived in a different country, and restrictions were at full. I lived with my wife and she was (and still is) amazing. At the worst time I concentrated myself on my work and studies (was able to finish college shortly after my father have passed). After a while I have learned to remember the good sides of him (he had an amazing sense of humour). What makes me still sad a bit, that he always wanted grandkids, and I wanted him to have a relationship with my future kids (with some boundaries), but my daughter was only on the way a couple of months after his passing. After my daughter was born I reached out to his childhood best friend, asking for some stories of him that I could tell onward about him to my daughter, and try to use my experiences to become a good father and break the family pattern (both my grandfathers were addicts as well). I learned not to hold my grudges against him because it simply makes no sense anymore, and even if I miss the connection we already didn't have for a long time, I know that a part of him will continue to live in us, and he would want me to learn from his mistake and live on the best I can, and I owe it to my kiddo as well.
Hello! I would love to see a video about how to handle Anxiety for when someone you care about needs medical attention. Mothers day just passed and mothers go through challenging situations when their children have to go to the ER . I only have my dog, no children. But my anxiety goes through the roof every time something happened to him and outside of calling my mom and taking deep breaths I don't know how to help my self get through it. Every time is just as hard as the last💔
I had to stop communication with a dear friend because couldn't handle their behaviour, no matter how many times we tried to discuss things they just couldn't help their way of seeing things, often immature and pessimistic... And even though most of our communications'd started to leave me angry or tired of having to be the always supportive and loving one (I couldn't be that and surely weren't that many of the times) I still loved that person and knew that behind all of those insecurities, traumas and pain - they still loved me and I still loved them. Still do and can't help to think that I were a coward who left them in the time of need. And I sincerely don't know if I did the right thing, seeing such vids always makes me fall back to thoughts about them and how I already did enough by being there.... That the low quality of our interactions were temporary and if only I stayed and tried to overcome my egoism then everything would've been just fine.... If only I'd given them some time to improve I didn't own them so I couldn't possibly lose them, but the feeling is there and I don't know what to do about it... Will the time heal? Or is there something, anything I can do to help myself move on?
I lost my grandma, my best friend, and both of my sisters all within about a 4 year time span. And as my sister was dying from cancer my best friend since childhood decided to tell me that I'm not the person she thought I was and that I was sticking my head in the dirt and not preparing for the future and she cut me out of her life. It's been so hard losing both siblings and I feel like we are the forgotten group. Even in this video losing a child and a spouse was mentioned but losing a sibling was once again forgotten. Sometimes I feel so alone and unsupported.
3:00 We can still analyse short excerpts from books on YT though! Or maybe accurate excerpts from movie adaptations...? Might be worth a try, similar to the Cinema Therapy model. 🤔
After years of grief, introspection and upheaval and thinking I was doing better after losing my mum as a 21 year old I accidentally found a person who is like her and she teaches me cello. She gives me all the things (encouragement, patience, comfort) I wish I got from my mum who passed away and it is really healing for me. I don't think she knows how much she has helped me. I can sense she has been through a lot, she is very emotionally mature, so confident and free spirited it gives me hope I can be like that too. I am lucky to have found her but if you lost someone and you had unresolved things with them it might be good to find someone who can fill that kind of role for you for me an artistic mentor type but it could be so many more different things for you. Sharing with friends who have gone through the same things and being supported by found family or relatives also really really help.
Over several years, I lost all my family to various causes. In all that, I never figured out how to deal with death. I did learn something though. Many years before my family started dying, I lost my religion. I was living alone when it happened, and going to university, studying biology for nursing. Suddenly one night while I was studying, my brain made some critical connections, and I realized all my religious beliefs I'd had all my life weren't real. Going from thinking I had an immortal soul to it being fake felt like I'd been sentenced to death. The days, weeks, months, even years that followed, I didn't know it because I hadn't lost a close family member yet, but it felt exactly like grief, just like I'd lost somebody I loved. The only thing that ever helped me deal with death is time.
I lost a friend who I saw as a kid brother back in April. I thought that I was doing pretty well with the whole process but the last three months have just been so lonely. Everyone around me has moved on and I just feel like I’m drowning with everyone forgetting about me. I don’t need much… just a “how are you doing?” every once in awhile…
I had a doctor tell me I should be over my mother's death after 2 years. I will NEVER get over what happened to her. What a jerk this guy was. I've seen 4 different therapists since she died, and none of them knew how to help me, so I've given up.
As someone whose helping their SO through their grieving process, what can I do when it becomes too much for me? How do I help with their needs, sit in grief with them while also paying attention to my own? I find myself feeling so guilty when I want to be alone when I know they are in pain and that I’m that person for them. Sometimes I worry I’m making things worse.
At the time, honestly I was annoyed at all the people... and didnt want anything to do with them. I don't know if i was annoyed at them trying to relate to the pain? or tell me they know what it feels like to lose a family member because they lost a cat? idk. I don't know why people coming around to try and show support rubbed me the wrong way. None of these people knew what I was going through, it seemed like comfort only came from people who also experienced loss. People I know who had gone through something similar I could see that pain in their eyes, that was relatable. that seemed to help. Is this normal?
I lost 4 uncles and aunts to cancer in 8 years, before my grandma passed away. I was 13 when it started. I understand I got into a severe depression for my body to numb my feelings. It's been 17 years, and just now I feel like coming back to reality, but it's so, so hard to dodge dissociation. Most of the times I feel like Jim Carrey's Truman, and being transgender don't help.
It's kind of hard for me to say but I'd like to at least tell my story. At the age of 15 I lost my baby brother who was born of special needs. To me, he was the most innocent person I will ever meet and the day I lost him was the day I felt like my mind and spirit broke. I had hardships prior from bullying and being alienated from everyone to the point where I yearned to leave. However, I had the responsibilities of being the eldest brother for my siblings and I felt shameful even wrathful towards myself and had the thoughts of suicide. I'm 24 now and I even left my hometown and I'm still struggling to even be alive. Like to feed myself or how to buy a car or even find a home to live. All I've ever known was from my past hometown and it feels like heavy weights and chains that hold me down. Now I realize that I have felt alone for practically my whole life so far. Forgive me for the long story but I tried to keep it short. Hope everyone else is doing okay though. 👍🏼
My husband got told this after weeks of being his mom's palliative care in his senior year and losing her right before Mother's Day. The remaining family sought therapy, and they told a grieving teen who lost his best friend, "Just get over it. Here's some depression meds." Over a decade later he finally was willing to try therapy again and it was a massive difference. ❤️ I hope anyone dealing with grief this Mother's Day was able to find some peace. 🫂
I am a mortician, and I can say that I have seen these words spoken in funeral arrangement conferences. It's really sad to see people speak to people who have lost loved ones this way, usually with the intention of rushing through the funeral arrangements and the funeral itself. It's demoralizing. Grief is sharp, and it's real, and it's a process.
We lost our 13 month old last September. She loved her whole
Life in the NICU and my life was literally on hold during her stay as I was in the hospital with her daily while my other kids were in school. When she passed, I lost my daughter, my daily routine, my closest friends (which is what her nurses had become). A week ago, on bare bed Mother’s Day, a close relative lost it because I didn’t come to lunch (I was having a hard time not breaking down and didn’t want to make others uncomfortable) and their response was I need to be able to suck it up and move on and get over it. It was a gut punch and I honestly have no idea how to move forward with this person.
And what you say is so true, because until the memorial service, everyone was supportive. After that, radio silence. People move on with life. And I am glad they can. Some of us just don’t have that option.
On the other side, I had a sweet Facebook message from someone recently (the first in months from anyone) and she said I have wanted to tell you I am praying, but I didn’t want to remind you of something. I let her know that I was so thankful she reached out and I assured her she didn’t need to worry, there isn’t a day I’m not thinking of my daughter.
What you say at the end about being there is so true. Just be there, hold space and let us know you are ok if we grieve around you. Just a text saying “hey, I was thinking about you and missing (loved one). I’m here if you want to talk.” Even that means so much.
Thank you for this-I captures it all so well. ❤❤ so grateful for the is channel and how you cover grief. I know I’m not ready for a grief councilor yet, and it has been helpful for tools and even just feeling seen. Thank you.
I love that you guys talk about the fact that being vulnerable isn't the wrong choice, just sometimes people aren't ready yet. My boyfriend and I lost someone and we couldn't go to each other for a little while. I needed someone to talk about it with but I understood that he wasn't ready and there was nothing wrong with that, I just needed to find someone who was ready
That's beautiful!
This was a very timely post for me. Thank you. My son is extremely ill with organ failure happening since September. He may not make it, and he's only 27 years old. Right now I'm grieving in motion, and althoughI do have some support, it's difficult because I don't know what each day will bring. I'm realizing you can sometimes end up supporting others while they are horrified by the possible outcome you end up ignoring your own process. Thank you both for great posts. I would love to see a future post about that.
One clip from Star Trek DS9 that really resonated with me when I was widowed. Sisko was tormented by the memories of losing his wife in the Borg invasion. The spirits in the wormhole kept using those memories as a backdrop for communicating with him. Sisko exclaimed in his frustration, "Why do you bring me here?!" The spirit replied, "You bring us here." He realized that he hadn't figured out how to move on.
A psychiatrist literally told me if I wasn't "over" the loss of my husband of 24 years to cancer by six months after he died, that "it wasn't grief, it was mental illness." Six months. It's now been 15 years. I'll never be "over it."
I always say, "It takes as long as it takes to grieve." I lost my brother, my father, and my mother within 3 years. It's like a bandage being ripped off before the wound was healed, twice. It wasn't until they were all over that I began to grieve. I learned one doesn't really get over it; one just learns to go on until the pain doesn't hurt as much or one doesn't think of the deceased as much.
For grief, really, the only thing that has helped me is time. Not only giving it time, but giving myself specific, open times to grieve. Once every few weeks, while I’m alone, I allow myself to feel the grief of my losses, and to think about why it hurts. This has helped me tremendously, since it has kept me from sealing away anything, or ignoring emotions to try and be happy, past it.
I've lost someone who was absolutely dear to me and for so many years i just thought no one would love me the same way. That I wouldn't let myself feel that again.
Years later I found that person in a dear friend. We both found and accepted each other. She never wanted to fix me, 'cause like you said, that hole and loss will forever be there, but if you let yourself feel love again, it fills with new things, new adventures, new memories.
When we lose someone, we also lose a part of ourselves. And we'll never get that back.
So, I kinda had to reinvent myself. Become someone else at least in honor to their memory.
The scene with Rocky hit me hard. It's pretty accurate
I find my grief creeps up on me. I don't burst into tears thinking about my late husband anymore, but there's still a hurt there. It's easier to talk about him and share stories about him, but there are times it just hurts so much.
I still haven't gone through his things, but I feel like the time is coming soon where I can. Nobody has told me to get over it or get things done (aside from some gentle hints from an aunt), and I'm really appreciative of the people in my life who have supported me.
Edit: the biggest help for me has just been time and one on one conversations with friends. They knew my husband too, they may not really grieve him in the same way but they grieve him too.
Hugs Shandor. I'm so glad you have loved ones to support you and remember your late husband with.
After my mom died everyone was as there but in the aftermath it was talk through it and trying to get me to move on. However I was numb and what I needed was just someone to sit with me in silence and let me work through it as my pace. Since everyone was telling me to talk and I didn’t want to I shut down emotionally and just went through the motions to get people to leave me alone. I appreciate how you talk about people being ready. For me it was I had to get past the numb to be open and since I felt rushed I didn’t get past the numb feeling for years
This video came at the right time for me personally,my husband just went to his grandfathers funeral and i felt so much guilt not being able to be their because my family 3 days before the funeral lost my uncle to his long battle with cancer and i didnt want to make my dad watch the kids whilst he mourned his brother and respect my husbands nans wishes not to let the babies see her upset, but my husband said its fine because youve been here the whole time. In regards to my uncle no matter how much i told myself im okay and im gunna live my life the way my uncle did with joy and never letting an experience pass me by when my dad called i burst into tears it finally hit but even though my 4 year old and 6 year old were in the room i wept and told them its okay i just miss my uncle and crying is the only way i can show that sometimes.
Accepting that you may never fully "get over it," or 100% recover, is key. Sometimes it's one of the bad days or bad hours, and you just work through it until things are sunnier again. And reach out for support if you need it.
Indeed grief is not only when you loose someone to death, also when you have dreamed a life with a person and suddenly without warning they start to leave you, it feels like the world suddenly changed and all you knew until then is no more. Is a hole in your heart where the person had their place and now you don't know what to do with it.
To me admiting that it has happened was the first stage, not running from my emotions and opening up about them, vulnerability was the next step. Idk for how long I will still honl on to it because it feels like without that you indeed can't breath but you know you'll be okay.
Friends have been a safe haven and those who experienced loss in any way shape or form too, they can tell you that is okay bot to be okay and that you will re learn how to live your life. 💔
Unattended Sorrows by Stephen Levine was my favorite book on grief. I reread it occasionally. It talks about all the things we might not think of as something we might need to attend to. Loss of a person, a dream, a relationship, our health and more.
When we scattered my mother’s ashes from a boat a few months after her death all I wanted was for people to share stories of my at the dinner afterwards. For some reason they didn’t. I felt very alone. People telling stories, sharing memories of your loved one with you can be really healing. It helped me connect to other people instead of feeling alone with them.
Sharing stories can be a beautiful way of remembering loved ones.
Thank you for this video. My husband of 35 years died 1 1/2 years ago. A few days ago my best friend called to say her husband died suddenly. Now that we are joined as two grieving widows I can use all the advice I can get to face her fresh grief while mine is still just below the surface. Some of what you said resonated for me and tells me that my instincts have been taking me in the right direction towards being her friend.
I really needed this today. Thank you.
You're welcome (HUGS)
Lost my father in august of 2019 (he was stabbed over 42 times-the guy who did it is currently serving two life sentences in prison due to the fact my father wasn’t his only victim. If he killed one more person he would have been a categorized as a serial killer). Lost my mom a year and a half after my father. I cried less losing my mom because she spent my entire life up until her death being a narcissistic abuser.
I think going to disney (odd as it may seem my father was a HUGE disney fanatic and we have some good and bad memories there) has sort of helped the healing process a bit visiting somewhere that my father loved and enjoyed. It seems like whenever I go he’s watching over me. Although I’m sure he watching over me even when I’m not at disney.
❤ I am so sorry for your losses ❤ Glad to see that you were able to make the Journey to a place of meaning for your Dad, and connect with him that way. Love and Light to you 🌚 🌛 🕊
I have been grieving for 20 years,when I lost my parents. I cry on and off all day every day . They were the only 2 people that loved me,professional help did not help at all😢
Hugs drew. I'm sorry you are going through that. That is heavy and hard.
🫂🫂🫂
For the past month, I've been talking to a counselor about the death of both my grandfathers, across the country from me, in 1994. They died within one week of each other during Easter.
I've been grieving then for almost 30 years now, becoming profoundly depressed during the season of Lent, and I'm just now ready to face everything I thought and felt back then. It's been rough and I won't really know if this counseling is useful for almost another year! Best wishes for us broken folks
I commented about this in a different video but on January 22, 2017 I lost my cousin to gun violence (someone murdered him) and it was so hard…still is.
you guys are right that there is just some types of grief you never “get over” but that you learn to live with. I like to think of grief as a weight: when you first lift it, it’s HEAVY but as you continue lifting it, it gets easy to lift. The weight (pain) is still the same but our body adapts to it so it gets to a point where it is not crushing us.
As for what helped me through my pain: talking about it with whoever would listen made me feel less alone.
What really helped me through my incredibly complicated grief was one of my dad's friends. My dad died due to an accident at work, and one of my dad's friends apologized to me. I had a very complicated relationship with my dad to say the least and his friend went kind of Robin Williams on me and told me it wasn't my fault. He also told me that he wished he had tried harder because he saw what was happening (we had a huge falling out) and flat out had told my dad if he kept on doing what he was doing, that I was going to get fed up and just give up on him (which is exactly what happened). It gave me a sense of relief to be seen and know that someone else was able to see him flawed..
Recently watched the film P.S, I love you, only a few weeks after my grandmother died. I hadn't thought I was that grieved over her death, but found my self weeping through the movie. A biggie for us for grief that we have experienced has been receiving a special needs diagnosis for our child. So few people get it. Kiddo is still the same person, but the struggles we've been dealing with her have a reason and aren't because she's just being stubborn, and our assumptions or interpretations of motives and behavior up to now have been wrong so often, so much wrong that it hurt the parent child relationship, and the amount of work needed to heal that and move forward in a healthy way and a compassionate way has been so hard. And we find ourselves having to fight for our kid and excuse and explain to so many people. We can't just be anymore.
I think a show you guys should look at when it comes to grieving someone who died too young is Ugly Betty, hell they deal with that topic twice once with Hilda than again later with Daniel both of them have a SO who died young one through a shooting the other through cancer and both deal with the loss in interesting and different ways.
When ever I struggle with the loss of something I 1) Talk to my therapist, and 2) Talk with someone older who has gone through the same thing.
When I lost a grandmother, that I saw pretty much everyday, to cancer and after a lot of the crying, once I was ready to talk about her one thing that helped was talking about the process with other people who were going through the same thing. I also found older women not to replace my grandma but step into some of the roles she played in my life. And since she had cancer we had some heads up so while she could she divvied up her jewelry and gave it to me and my sisters and when I am really missing her I wear it.
I also have had to grieve not having the kind of childhood that I wanted, so I try to give the kids in my life the kind of childhood I wish I had.
Thank you guys for making content so regularly. Love you
🤗
I have a lot of dead hopes, and dreams. I live in a perpetual state of loss.
Pain is my closest friend.
Passion has a room in my house, it doesn't live in the basement.
I lost my father because of Covid. We did not have a good relationship for a long time (alcoholism). I wasn't able to say goodbye, because we lived in a different country, and restrictions were at full. I lived with my wife and she was (and still is) amazing. At the worst time I concentrated myself on my work and studies (was able to finish college shortly after my father have passed). After a while I have learned to remember the good sides of him (he had an amazing sense of humour). What makes me still sad a bit, that he always wanted grandkids, and I wanted him to have a relationship with my future kids (with some boundaries), but my daughter was only on the way a couple of months after his passing. After my daughter was born I reached out to his childhood best friend, asking for some stories of him that I could tell onward about him to my daughter, and try to use my experiences to become a good father and break the family pattern (both my grandfathers were addicts as well). I learned not to hold my grudges against him because it simply makes no sense anymore, and even if I miss the connection we already didn't have for a long time, I know that a part of him will continue to live in us, and he would want me to learn from his mistake and live on the best I can, and I owe it to my kiddo as well.
Hello! I would love to see a video about how to handle Anxiety for when someone you care about needs medical attention. Mothers day just passed and mothers go through challenging situations when their children have to go to the ER .
I only have my dog, no children. But my anxiety goes through the roof every time something happened to him and outside of calling my mom and taking deep breaths I don't know how to help my self get through it. Every time is just as hard as the last💔
I had to stop communication with a dear friend because couldn't handle their behaviour, no matter how many times we tried to discuss things they just couldn't help their way of seeing things, often immature and pessimistic... And even though most of our communications'd started to leave me angry or tired of having to be the always supportive and loving one (I couldn't be that and surely weren't that many of the times) I still loved that person and knew that behind all of those insecurities, traumas and pain - they still loved me and I still loved them. Still do and can't help to think that I were a coward who left them in the time of need. And I sincerely don't know if I did the right thing, seeing such vids always makes me fall back to thoughts about them and how I already did enough by being there.... That the low quality of our interactions were temporary and if only I stayed and tried to overcome my egoism then everything would've been just fine.... If only I'd given them some time to improve
I didn't own them so I couldn't possibly lose them, but the feeling is there and I don't know what to do about it... Will the time heal? Or is there something, anything I can do to help myself move on?
I lost my grandma, my best friend, and both of my sisters all within about a 4 year time span. And as my sister was dying from cancer my best friend since childhood decided to tell me that I'm not the person she thought I was and that I was sticking my head in the dirt and not preparing for the future and she cut me out of her life. It's been so hard losing both siblings and I feel like we are the forgotten group. Even in this video losing a child and a spouse was mentioned but losing a sibling was once again forgotten. Sometimes I feel so alone and unsupported.
3:00 We can still analyse short excerpts from books on YT though! Or maybe accurate excerpts from movie adaptations...?
Might be worth a try, similar to the Cinema Therapy model. 🤔
After years of grief, introspection and upheaval and thinking I was doing better after losing my mum as a 21 year old I accidentally found a person who is like her and she teaches me cello. She gives me all the things (encouragement, patience, comfort) I wish I got from my mum who passed away and it is really healing for me. I don't think she knows how much she has helped me. I can sense she has been through a lot, she is very emotionally mature, so confident and free spirited it gives me hope I can be like that too. I am lucky to have found her but if you lost someone and you had unresolved things with them it might be good to find someone who can fill that kind of role for you for me an artistic mentor type but it could be so many more different things for you. Sharing with friends who have gone through the same things and being supported by found family or relatives also really really help.
Over several years, I lost all my family to various causes. In all that, I never figured out how to deal with death. I did learn something though. Many years before my family started dying, I lost my religion. I was living alone when it happened, and going to university, studying biology for nursing. Suddenly one night while I was studying, my brain made some critical connections, and I realized all my religious beliefs I'd had all my life weren't real. Going from thinking I had an immortal soul to it being fake felt like I'd been sentenced to death. The days, weeks, months, even years that followed, I didn't know it because I hadn't lost a close family member yet, but it felt exactly like grief, just like I'd lost somebody I loved. The only thing that ever helped me deal with death is time.
It's been 12 years. So much has happened to the point where I've had no time to take care of myself, to grieve, and to get help. I'm dead inside
Hey you're doing great
I lost a friend who I saw as a kid brother back in April. I thought that I was doing pretty well with the whole process but the last three months have just been so lonely. Everyone around me has moved on and I just feel like I’m drowning with everyone forgetting about me. I don’t need much… just a “how are you doing?” every once in awhile…
How are you doing?
I had a doctor tell me I should be over my mother's death after 2 years. I will NEVER get over what happened to her. What a jerk this guy was.
I've seen 4 different therapists since she died, and none of them knew how to help me, so I've given up.
It just feels more and more richer upper class and suburbia middle class are alien worlds how people deal culturally and so on.
As someone whose helping their SO through their grieving process, what can I do when it becomes too much for me? How do I help with their needs, sit in grief with them while also paying attention to my own? I find myself feeling so guilty when I want to be alone when I know they are in pain and that I’m that person for them. Sometimes I worry I’m making things worse.
Is it ok to go grief counseling over a lost pet? They really become part of the family.
At the time, honestly I was annoyed at all the people... and didnt want anything to do with them. I don't know if i was annoyed at them trying to relate to the pain? or tell me they know what it feels like to lose a family member because they lost a cat? idk. I don't know why people coming around to try and show support rubbed me the wrong way. None of these people knew what I was going through, it seemed like comfort only came from people who also experienced loss. People I know who had gone through something similar I could see that pain in their eyes, that was relatable. that seemed to help. Is this normal?
Yeah I think this is one of those things that must be sadly experienced in order to truly understand.
I lost 4 uncles and aunts to cancer in 8 years, before my grandma passed away. I was 13 when it started. I understand I got into a severe depression for my body to numb my feelings. It's been 17 years, and just now I feel like coming back to reality, but it's so, so hard to dodge dissociation. Most of the times I feel like Jim Carrey's Truman, and being transgender don't help.
It's kind of hard for me to say but I'd like to at least tell my story. At the age of 15 I lost my baby brother who was born of special needs. To me, he was the most innocent person I will ever meet and the day I lost him was the day I felt like my mind and spirit broke. I had hardships prior from bullying and being alienated from everyone to the point where I yearned to leave. However, I had the responsibilities of being the eldest brother for my siblings and I felt shameful even wrathful towards myself and had the thoughts of suicide. I'm 24 now and I even left my hometown and I'm still struggling to even be alive. Like to feed myself or how to buy a car or even find a home to live. All I've ever known was from my past hometown and it feels like heavy weights and chains that hold me down. Now I realize that I have felt alone for practically my whole life so far. Forgive me for the long story but I tried to keep it short. Hope everyone else is doing okay though. 👍🏼
I find it hard when my gran died
When does it end
😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭
❤
Is that a bruise on his face?
My husband got told this after weeks of being his mom's palliative care in his senior year and losing her right before Mother's Day. The remaining family sought therapy, and they told a grieving teen who lost his best friend, "Just get over it. Here's some depression meds." Over a decade later he finally was willing to try therapy again and it was a massive difference. ❤️
I hope anyone dealing with grief this Mother's Day was able to find some peace. 🫂
(Got anyone else that needs it)
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You are not alone.
We are all here in the dark with you.
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