I think the World Building sheet at 4:48 is great for the writer as his overall (world) background info and Abbie's diagram at 6:53 is great for the character.
@@aryahasey6298 well, I think there’s a lot hidden in the Harry Potter characters. The reason we feel connected to Harry in the first book is because he is suffering a terrible injustice at the hands of the Dursleys. Injustice is something we’ve all experienced at one time or another, so it’s relatable in its own way. Also, there’s that 2:1 curiosity ratio that Abbie was talking about: we see Harry being delivered to the Dursley’s as a child, but we really don’t know what it is that makes him so important, but we need to know. That’s what hooks us in the first book anyways.
I struggled hours trying to figure out a way to write my new story and I just gave up , you're videos are the only thing that encouraged me to write it again
@@mwesirilani7456 did you get inspired by something? Cuz I've heard a similar story in a drama, the girl gets into a car accident and falls from the bridge and drowns, later when she wakes up, she finds herself at an unknown place and later finds that she time travelled, This plot was quite interesting but the plot twist shocked me VERY MUCH
with building a fantasy country I always try to include the five main parts - history- how has their past formed their country today - religion- what kind of religion- what do they worship and how do they view death and the afterlife - art- this can be clothing, music, visual art, architecture , language and education - warfare- what is their view of war/how do they fight wars - politics- what kind of government do they have and why, as well as their relationship with neighboring countries
Someone once told me that good worldbuilding is like baking the perfect batch of cookies-mix in just the right details, and your readers will gobble up every single crumb!
@@KGBeast. My technique for writing exposition is basically what I have termed 'drive-by exposition' I learnt about this when learning about classical epic poems, such as Beowulf and Homer's The Odyssey, in college
@@katgreer6113 I plan all the world building in advance, but when writing I only introduce it as it's relevant. She started the video by talking about the issue of info dumping. You can't info dump if you only talk stuff as it becomes relevant.
@tyliwoodrow2774 Oh yes that's true. I never struggled with info dumping. Cus there's nothing for me to infodump I can just never come up with what my world to be like in the first place. In other words, I had very few ideas...
This is exactly what I need!!!! I have this terrible tendency to love making the worldbuilding before I start weiting and then lose sight of what I actually need. I have pages upon pages of worldbuilding that just aren't enough, because I don't know where to use them. And thats not a bad thing, I work best when I have the information I'm going off of, but it's terrible when I don't have what is needed to make the story make sense. I'm so glad for this, because it gives perspective on what is actually important for the story. Thank you so much for sharing 🥰
Over the past year, I completed my first manuscript as an info dump. The second draft is where my story is told. It seems simpler for me to express myself using this writing style. Thanks for the great tips.
From personal experience: don't develop a worldbuilding system that is so complex that you spend more time maintaining it than you do writing the story.
The world building chart is so helpful. Your videos makes us better writers. I like the Big World, Inner World, and Small World. Great breakdown. Thank you, Abbie.
As an RPG world builder mixing the larger maps with your limited character map is basically what it means to be a DM. The players build their map which is a character-focused view of their part of the story. The DM builds the larger world as it is the canvas to put the characters in. Answering all those questions leads to new areas of conflict and story. It also leads to things like a thieves guild bar with a stuffed bear named Bobo that if you speak ill of you're likely to not leave the bar. Making a story that hyper-focuses on the character and their immediate conflict is fine but it's a bit shallow. Even in your examples, you took from other writers world-building to slide your own paint over. I totally agree the story should be about the protagonist and their struggles with the antagonist but those large questions are even there in what you have here. At the minimum, you need to make this same map for the antagonist unless you want a mustache-twisting villain. Having a group of players showing up on day one with new characters that answer all your questions leads to having a very limited story as it is. For example, (and a total stereotype) a ranger, a rouge, and a wizard walk into a bar. The characters would naturally want to know the names of the people in the bar and what they see. They might want to know what is on the menu to grab a bite to eat. Sure you could go with generic medieval fantasy with John the bartender and Mary the barmaid serving lamb chops and potatoes. Personally, that gets old. Bar two: The Ogre Den A large figure dressed in a white silk shirt and trousers of the finest cloth sits behind the bar. If it was not for two large tusks jetting out of his mouth and his massive size you would swear he could fit into any hall surrounded by other nobils. He looks up from his work with a harsh voice, "What can I get ya? One second" … looking at a group of half-orcs, "Put down the table, I just cleaned that up". Bar three: The Goblin Den As you step into the bar those of you taller than a dwarf find yourself cramped and having to watch your head from the random items hung from the ceiling. a half dozen goblins dressed in aprons, darting from table to table, bring food and drink to the crowd of patrons primarily made up of other goblins and sailors from the nearby docs. How our trio of heroes will respond to these places as well as their personal motivation is where the story comes from. Setting matters. Food for thought...
My current project has a protagonist in a post-apocalyptic fantasy world who has traveled a great distance to end up where the story starts, so he is automatically out of his element and lacking knowledge of the pre-apocalyptic world. This is another good way to filter the world building information: a "fish out of water" protagonist who wouldn't naturally know all of that information from the start.
Was traveling this week, so just getting to this, but looking forward to it. BUT I wanted to make sure to compliment the thumbnail!!! Definitely got my attention!
Thank you for this video, Abbie! I always struggle writing fantasy worlds because whenever I explain it in books, the description is SO BORING, but this is really helpful!
Yes, this is great. Some authors don't trust the reader and want to explain every button, every blade of grass. Books like that can be a slog to read through. They don't let the reader be pulled in by the story.
Ciao Abbie! Ti seguo dall'Italia. Volevo farti sapere che ti stimo molto. Non ho ritrovato in nessuno il tuo modo innovativo e interessante di spiegare storytelling. Grazie ai tuoi video sto iniziando a far contare la mia storia e mi ispiri a dare il meglio di me ogni giorno. Spero di diventare come te quando saró grande. (Sarei felicissima se mi rispondessi) ❤
Could you do a video on killing off characters? I'm writing a zombie apocalypse book. No one important has died and I feel like that's kind of too good to be true. But I also know that killing off a character just because you want someone to die can pull the reader out of the story. There is A LOT to unpack when wanting to kill off a character effectively. HELP ME ABBIE!!!
Killing characters is coin with two face: 1. A tragedy that will stuck in reader mind. 2. A reason for some readers to drop the book (I stoped reading song of ice and fire after Rob's death and I just read some brief spoilers of what happens after that)
@@mah2418 I think character deaths have to *mean* something; it has to affect other characters. I would recommend treating character deaths as killing off aspects of a whole person, and it has to push the narrative forward. But having said that, even if you want to create a character that lives to the end, mortality should still play an important role.
Everything needs to happen for a reason. If you kill a character for shock value, then its cheap. But if you kill a character that has a personal goal (ie. Protect their sister, spread someones ashes, etc), then it might push your other characters to accept that goal onto themselves. That persons death might give someone PTSD, someone who was scared to take action might feel compelled to do it. Someone else who refused to help now blames themselves for that persons death and has a character growth moment. Death should be often or common in war or apocalypses. Its impossible for everyone to survive every situation, and having someone have a mental breakdown and start killing or stealing food before running away is also possible. You can try going back to your outline and re-plan a death or two that you feel like would have the most impact on your story and characters.
Yall actually helped a lot thank you for the advice! I just killed off a character that I know would be the best and most effective to kill off, it was really hard to let her go you guys!!! i'm like crying but I feel like that means I did it right. Right? RIGHT?? 😭
this is too good to be out there on youtube for free… it’s concentrated usefulness and with great examples! thank you so much for sharing this, Abbie🙏❤️🔥
Some authors nowadays info-dump to little, they give us enough information to understand the plot, but the world is difficult to grasp, which is frustrating. In A Song of Ice and Fire, there are sometimes a sentence or two detailing things about society and history that makes everything easier to understand.
A little here and there is definitely fine! But it rarely works _before_ you are invested in the story. In the bad example she gave, I would be out of there within a few sentences haha!
World building, I love world building! Right now I’m working on an adventure fantasy story and I didn’t know too well how I was going to world build and still have the internal conflict of my protagonist be the main center of it all. So this video is perfect!
Wow. I really had to pause the video just to mention how incredibly thought out this whole video is because it wouldn't let me focus on what you're saying. The absolutely most effectively helpful content on youtube for me, since forever. Amazing. THANK YOU
It's like Abbie somehow knows exactly what I'm trying to do for a story and then she posts a video about it haha I've been doing some world building and solidifying of my magic system as part of my novel planning process recently and then I just see this video!! Perfect!!
Yasssss I'm so excited to see this, especially after hoping she would do a world-building vid 😊 I was literally starting a dystopian/sci-fi novel, so this is perfect
The info dump reads like a Wikipedia entry about the world of the story. It's something you let readers have after they are addicted and want to geekout on lore.
I'm making a Sci-Fi adventure novel and comic. I have 3 main tricks; First one is to create simple hook at beginning to tease the readers and trigger their curiosity. Then the rest is simple; unfold the worldbuilding organically through main plot. Your worldbuilding needs to FOLLOW the plot, not the other way around, that way the plot and characters don't get overshadowed by massive infodumping. Second trick is NOT to reveal too much. I work on Post-Apocalyptic world of 2211 where mankind went back into tribal lifestyle due to unkown great disaster. The key here is 'unknown'. I have dozens of tribes, factions and raiders but I only pick 2-4 of them to be main highlights, the rest are just mentioned as background aspects that don't get more than few mentions. This way reader can imagine the rest of the world and create an organic, revolving timeline within their minds. Third trick is for authors; be flexible with your worldbuilding. I know some people are more comfortable in creating concrete world with solid rules, cultures etc before writing the story, but honestly focusing too much on scribbling your world will suck much of your focus to develop your story and characters instead. So my advice is to just create enough world but let it develop itself as you tell your stories. Shape the world as your characters navigate themselves. Similar to 2nd trick, this one will create more fluid reveal on your worldbuilding rather than dumping them all at the beginning.
What you called an "info dump" created a picture in my head like a movie, but when you showed it through the plot, it felt like I had to hurry and that kept repeating in my head. I lost interest in this story. This feeling of hurry overwhelmed me more than the "info dump". I have to know who the MC and the family are first, what the MC is afraid of and only then does the question arise, why is the MC afraid of it. Showing through plot is long-winded and for me personally exhausting to read. I would stop a book like this after half a chapter. I like it short, concise and straight to the point without too much beating around the bush. A very interesting video. Thank you for this. Greetings from Germany.
I learned how to worldbuild by reading Ascendance of a Bookworm and used that work as my role-model for how to introduce a reader to the world. It was an expert class at all the things discussed here, which explains why I was able to do exactly the things this video discusses in each story I've written so far, but in my most recent story far better than either of my previous attempts.
Abbie just wanna tell you that you’re a lifesaver!! Back then, I had only an idea and a dream and had no clue how to make it all work. But all your videos have helped me immensely in outlining my own story. Thank you so much ☺️
I’m really glad you showed this sneak peek! Your live trainings seem to have way more value than I expected, and they appear to be affordable too! Now I just wish I didn’t literally have $4 in my bank account LOL
Abbie, thank you so much for this video as it really an eye opener. Living in a nursing home I don't have the funds to take your courses however I love you and your sisters channels as it has been a big help as I write my debut novel.
Re: Using your storyworld to deepen your character's inner conflict; I think it really depends on the genre you are writing in. A lot of the issues that I notice with amateur fantasy novels is that the world seems to be too conveniently built around the story, as if the world sort of sprung into being specifically for the character and his/her arc, and sort of ends after the character's story ends. This feels like a sort of convenience world building rather than proper worldbuilding. It will be incohesive and contain a lot of inconcistencies or illogical things just to make the specific story work. If anything, I feel that it often leads to weak plot points. Plus it also makes the world flat, because it will mostly contain details that are inherently relevant to the plot, instead of having a world that seems to exist without the plot. Things like little language quirks or habits, that make the world seem alive and real. Should the internal conflict be strong enough to be interesting in any world? Yes, ofcourse. But should that take away from a logically and well-built world? Not in my opinion.. Proper writing is where the two come together, not just one or the other. (Specifically talking about the 'big world' part)
Thank you so much for the work you do here! I am just getting into writing and it is because of your videos. I wanted to start writing some short stories, but it seemed so daunting that I had no idea what makes a story good and how to do it myself. Yesterday I wrote an outline for a sci-fi short story and all this world-building information started rushing into my head so I wanted to know how and when I should present it. And here is this video, just at the right moment. :D
Well. This is it 😂 I’m getting the live training sub as soon as finish my current draft lol. Abbie this is SO GOOD and my next project is a romantasy so I think I need the full training! (Plus the editing training, and the one on dialogue which is really hard for me for some reason 😂) THANK YOU for sharing this!!!
Love this so much!! Worldbuilding is one of my favorite things to write about. I actually creating the world first by describing who lives in this world. And then I go to the characters within the story and then I go back to the world and see how the characters fit into the world that I created and would they fit outside of this world or not. And unfortunately, I won't be able to see the rest of the live training because even though I have patron now. I can't afford to upgrade my patron account unfortunately.
Well, now you've got me excited about the story. 😆 I can already picture two plot twists: 1) the middle sister betrays her family and turns one or two of the other sisters in (maybe that's makes Yumi have to rescue her or them later); and 2) even though it's "a man's world," she has the revelation that there are men that don't like the Astronarchy either. (Maybe for women they're conscripted at 18 - 21 if not married, while men are conscripted at 21 - 25 if not married.) That could introduce a love interest, or just a battle buddy. (Maybe he's not good at technology; he prefers music, art, or athletics that the government looks down upon.)
I love your clear and concise strategies for writing fiction. You have helped me greatly. I am questioning the possibility of having two protagonists my current project. Keep up the great instruction. Thanks
Given that you write contemporary, and your own admission that these stories don’t require a lot of worldbuilding - or at least, not a lot of setup for worldbuilding, because it’s already established and known - I didn’t expect much from this video, but I was positively surprised. 👏 👏 👏 I assumed you’d be “pushed out of your own comfort zone”, having to give advice on something you yourself may have little experience with. Instead, you connected worldbuilding back to the things you have a lot of experience with, namely, character-driven stories. The result is a “bottom-up” way of building the world from the protagonist outwards, rather than “top-down” from the big world to the protagonist. I’m pretty sure this can avoid a lot of the common pitfalls surrounding worldbuilding (such as info-dumps / answering questions before they’ve been asked). The only downside I see with it right now is it might come off a little solipsistic, as the world only matters to the extent that it matters to the protagonist. 😉
Great training! Loved the advice of don't put it in if it's not being asked about, and the different diagrams. Those really help with organizing. I love world building but sometimes i go overboard so i have to keep it all in a separate word document and use it for reference as i go along with the actual story. It keeps me from being too expositiony and i still get the thrill of imagining all the fun stuff. Also i like to draw topical maps of where all the stuff is and where the characters live because I'm a little too extra about it lol
32:22 “Dialogue is a great vehicle to unload some of that worldbuildling.” Yes, I’ve found that, too, but careful: It easily manifests in a single character, either a bookish or a very experienced one, simply recounting a bunch of facts / events / history to some other characters. In that case, you just have a regular info dump with quotation marks around it - potentially made worse by “as you know, Bob”. You did your best to avoid the latter with your sci-fi example, but it only works because I can somewhat plausibly assume that Mika doesn’t know all the things Yumi recounts to her in this scene. It’s also phrased in a way that emphasises the characters’ opinions on a set of shared knowledge, rather than on telling each other the facts themselves. Still, it’s probably an exchange that would never take place this way in real life, as these shared facts often go completely unspoken in such conversations. Brandon Sanderson does this a lot - however, at the cost of leaving the reader confused, because they’re not “part of the fold” yet, they don’t know what these characters are talking about. And thus, my often confused mind often ends up saying “no” to his books. He seems to be really determined to avoid “as you know, Bob”, but I’d rather have that slight short break of immersion than being left out of knowing what is even going on, just for the sake of within-story realism. It’s funny, because once you understand this problem, you see it everywhere - even in well-written dialogue, such that doesn’t really qualify as “as you know, Bob”, you suddenly notice how the author is trying to feed all of this information to the reader while still having it come off as a natural conversation. This realisation makes a lot of dialogue feel “forced” if you read something with your own author mindset, because you immediately realise this exchange is only on the page to convey information to the reader - to most casual readers’, luckily, it’s hard to notice.
This video was so so helpful and informative, so many good key takeaways that are gonna help so many writers - thank you so much Abbie. PS you have me hooked with your opening paragraph, genuinely want to have that book written by you now haha please consider writing a sci-fi 😍 you are incredible and I really appreciate the knowledge you share ❤
Also a tip if you info dump a lot while drafting…save the info dumplings that are special to you in a little info dump folder in your project and write short stories about them later to get it out of your system. There are always parts of the world I think up and love but aren’t relevant and I want to get excited about them but keep it out of the manuscript lol. I literally call the folder “dumplings” cause they are my babies 😂
back in 2016 a bit before graduation from grade 12, I've tried to make a super hero world, but I just stopped a bit after I've graduated. but the end of this year and the beginning of this coming year, I would love to start writing a fantasy world, and this video (And others) that I've started watching and have the knowledge to create form the ground up, it's about vampires werewolf's witches/wizards, immortals, hunters ect. thank you for creating this video, I took some notes and I would come back to this video to do a bit of a refresher.
I like the idea of this worldbuilding mind map. Starting with the character and building out. And the previous mind map. I can see how conflicts could occur just by looking at the template.
Your do's and don'ts is a good checklist. As a script/story guy I often think of the first act of Star Wars 1977. It features 25 visual feasts - from gold robots in space to dirty, little, desert creatures - which would be tough to describe in detail. Or maybe I just a described them?
18:52 Why I do like speculative fiction more, is that you can shape the entire world you’re in into something that suits your story. There’s a lot of room for symbolism and visual storytelling opportunities. You have full creative liberty and only have to adhere to your own rules. The downside is that with great imagination, comes great responsibility. You have to be clear, concise and consistent.
You are amazing... Loved the art and content locked in this video. A special thank you for making me aware of my own flaws when it comes to world-building. I ignored the protagonist's inner world. I've noticed that my protagonists seem to fade into oblivion at times even when he is THERE. Maybe this could be the reason, I chose to ignore his perspective. Hmm! Thanks a Millon 🙏🙏🌻🌻
Hi Abbie!! I just ordered your book The Otherworld, and I can’t wait to read it. I also wanted to say that it’s been about a year since I started writing, and I genuinely don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you and your channel. So thank you, so so so much!! On another note, I had a question that’s been itching my brain for a while now, and confusing me whenever I’d write. Is it okay to give your character multiple Misbeliefs?? What I’ve been doing lately is give them a main one, that would define the story’s theme. But I have a knack for over-complicating my characters, so I tend to give them multiple fears, flaws, strengths, etc … which would eventually lead to more Misbeliefs that I‘d want to focus on. I hope this made sense hahaha. Let me/us know! ❤
I find that building as the story crosses it works well. My issue is second guessing if I have enough info already established on page or not enough, but either way I don't go the route of throwing too much in there at once
I think the big thing about info dumping is that people get excited talking about their world. The caveat of being your own #1 fan is that you might get excited to talk about things before it’s needed, like that person who tells you the end before you read the book, or says lines right before you hear the character speak. In that regard, I would suggest creating another document where you can write about the world as ideas come to you, like your own wiki. This way you can “info dump” without info dumping the story. Here’s a thought I’ve been working with: every character has their own beliefs and misconceptions; are groups, factions, or nations their own character identities? And if so, do these groups have their own beliefs and misconceptions? People like to write what is, but I think it’s interesting to look at the false beliefs. Just as in the real world, cultures have their own superstition, like the falsehood that the sun orbits the Earth. Everyone knows the sun is actually inside the Earth and we’re all on the inside, and that we’re just being spun around by a man with a fork!
Hi Abbie! I’m kinda new here so I don’t know if you’ve done this before, but I think it would be cool if you could rewrite a story you wrote when you were a kid or teenager! I just thought it would be a cool idea if you have time
When you talk about something in your videos, it seems simple, interesting and exciting, but when I start using your advice, everything suddenly becomes complicated and somehow overwhelming. Sometimes I even lose all motivation to write... Maybe it's because of my inexperience or I'm too hard on myself?... In any case, thanks for your videos!
My dialogue usually feels unnatural when the characters are only saying things for the benefit of the reader, like how do we explain concepts these characters should already know in a way that doesn’t feel out of place?
Thanks! This was very helpful! Some of your tips I was already following (telling the story through action) while others I was not (word dumping in the beginning). I am typing a story involving two protagonists in a contemporary world that involves a time jump. I am going to mimic a similar format with two protagonists based on Saving Private Ryan (story has nothing to do with WW2, but I noticed the movie had two protagonists), & I think this video helped me figure out a way to create a hook in the beginning. Thanks! I will check out your website now.
I like Dan Abnett’s style of world building where you get the lore as the character travels around. The best example is his novel Traitor General. My only issue when it comes to doing this the description of certain aspects of the world due to limited vocabulary. I’m struggling with this in my rough draft.
@@feathercompressorallow me to provide an example. This district was alive: a bright golden sheen stretching along the city blocks. People capering in small groups or dawdled near the curbs. Late night employees kept the streets clean. It was almost beautiful, until the blaring horns of a passing airship made its presence known. As the cart crossed the zone, more patrols of (bad guys) and drone units filled every other vacant block of the (main character’s) district. Sometimes they had K-9 units, strutting their malicious caliber at any sort of gallivanting leers. Occasional broadcasts were cycled played at a few stationary posts, more times than he could count. Some encouraged suspicious activity to be reported to their local hub. Home sweet home.
@@neofulcrum5013 thanks for sharing. Here's an alternative (not saying it's better, just want to give you options, and I may have misunderstood some details): This district wore a golden mask: scattered crowds wandered the lamplit streets, flitting like bees between the flowers of this cocktail bar and that rooftop restaurant. But the evening buzz was easily overshadowed. The mask covered only the eyes, not the ears. Airship horns. Patrol chatter. Security drones above the alleys. Sniffer dogs held by a thin leash. And at every guardpost, loudspeakers barked. Before curfew, after curfew, and at all times in between: report suspicious activity, and don't forget the curfew. Without all this noise, who could sleep? It just wouldn't feel like home. I rearranged details to vary my sentence length and gather some things into little clusters that I find easier to read. But that's my personal style. If you're interested in talking more about this, I have a small writer's discord server that you'd be welcome in.
General Zento was looking angrily at the hologram. He needed a mind like Yumi to calibrate the planetary plasma canon, a weapon with a magnitude that would make assaults on other solar systems viable from a remote distance. He remembered the last engineer. Who calibrated the cannon wrongly and destroyed himself and the whole military base of the X12 planet ... He still came out as a hero in the eyes of the populace. The ministry of information would write on billboards that the Great Zento survived the attack and led a heroic counter offense. But now he was in front of the Astromancer. "We are putting all efforts towards the cannon" Astromancer"Why isn't it complete?"Zento "If our calculations are wrong ...." Astromancer "I have begun to loose fate in your leadership, the cannon must be operational! You are dissmissed! In his private quarters, Zento lamented "What can I do?" Yami an adviser disguised as a maid answered. "A rebellion. " Zento pointed his laser pistol at the woman. "The BT89 planet is about to be lost to the Inquisitor's army we could cut of their supplies to the gerboradium crystals and gain that rebellious engineer 's trust." Zento "indeed! She would surely calibrate the plasma cannons if she believed it would help her meaningless cause!"
Me: *struggles outlining my historical fantasy book*
Abby: *posts a video on worldbuilding*
Me: wait, how did you know-
FR I literally just decided today that I want to make a fantasy world for a book and Abbie Posted this video
*gasp* Vis?! You're here too!!! I'm struggling with world building with my Piroska book!!🤗😭😂
I think the World Building sheet at 4:48 is great for the writer as his overall (world) background info and Abbie's diagram at 6:53 is great for the character.
@@PaintingOrchids8 OH MY GOSH YOURE HERE TOO 😱🤣
That’s amazing!!! Like I said, I’m here for historical fantasy lol
@@aryahasey6298 well, I think there’s a lot hidden in the Harry Potter characters. The reason we feel connected to Harry in the first book is because he is suffering a terrible injustice at the hands of the Dursleys. Injustice is something we’ve all experienced at one time or another, so it’s relatable in its own way. Also, there’s that 2:1 curiosity ratio that Abbie was talking about: we see Harry being delivered to the Dursley’s as a child, but we really don’t know what it is that makes him so important, but we need to know. That’s what hooks us in the first book anyways.
I struggled hours trying to figure out a way to write my new story and I just gave up , you're videos are the only thing that encouraged me to write it again
What’s it about/the premise? What genre is it?
it's basically about a girl who mistakenly fall into the immortal realm ,when trying to suicide by jumping down a mountain
@@mwesirilani7456 did you get inspired by something? Cuz I've heard a similar story in a drama, the girl gets into a car accident and falls from the bridge and drowns, later when she wakes up, she finds herself at an unknown place and later finds that she time travelled,
This plot was quite interesting but the plot twist shocked me VERY MUCH
@mwesirilani7456 that sounds like something I'd love to read
@@Joanneyxx Thanks ❤️
with building a fantasy country I always try to include the five main parts
- history- how has their past formed their country today
- religion- what kind of religion- what do they worship and how do they view death and the afterlife
- art- this can be clothing, music, visual art, architecture , language and education
- warfare- what is their view of war/how do they fight wars
- politics- what kind of government do they have and why, as well as their relationship with neighboring countries
Someone once told me that good worldbuilding is like baking the perfect batch of cookies-mix in just the right details, and your readers will gobble up every single crumb!
@@KGBeast. My technique for writing exposition is basically what I have termed 'drive-by exposition'
I learnt about this when learning about classical epic poems, such as Beowulf and Homer's The Odyssey, in college
World building has never been a problem for me. I only build the world as my character passes through it.
Thats how I do it too. Or I give a tiny bit of world building as its relevant in the moment.
then that means you already know what your world is like before you write it. we don't know 😭
@@katgreer6113 I plan all the world building in advance, but when writing I only introduce it as it's relevant. She started the video by talking about the issue of info dumping. You can't info dump if you only talk stuff as it becomes relevant.
@tyliwoodrow2774
Oh yes that's true. I never struggled with info dumping. Cus there's nothing for me to infodump I can just never come up with what my world to be like in the first place. In other words, I had very few ideas...
Same. But I also tend to be very scenery-blind; I’m very character-focused and have to remember that the world is important too
I’m not a sci-fi person but Abbie really hooked me with that story. I WANT TO READ MORE OF IT!!!!!!!!!! Anyone else with me?
👇
Yes!
yesss
Me too😂
This is exactly what I need!!!!
I have this terrible tendency to love making the worldbuilding before I start weiting and then lose sight of what I actually need. I have pages upon pages of worldbuilding that just aren't enough, because I don't know where to use them. And thats not a bad thing, I work best when I have the information I'm going off of, but it's terrible when I don't have what is needed to make the story make sense.
I'm so glad for this, because it gives perspective on what is actually important for the story.
Thank you so much for sharing 🥰
Over the past year, I completed my first manuscript as an info dump. The second draft is where my story is told. It seems simpler for me to express myself using this writing style. Thanks for the great tips.
From personal experience: don't develop a worldbuilding system that is so complex that you spend more time maintaining it than you do writing the story.
The world building chart is so helpful. Your videos makes us better writers. I like the Big World, Inner World, and Small World. Great breakdown. Thank you, Abbie.
As an RPG world builder mixing the larger maps with your limited character map is basically what it means to be a DM. The players build their map which is a character-focused view of their part of the story. The DM builds the larger world as it is the canvas to put the characters in. Answering all those questions leads to new areas of conflict and story. It also leads to things like a thieves guild bar with a stuffed bear named Bobo that if you speak ill of you're likely to not leave the bar.
Making a story that hyper-focuses on the character and their immediate conflict is fine but it's a bit shallow. Even in your examples, you took from other writers world-building to slide your own paint over. I totally agree the story should be about the protagonist and their struggles with the antagonist but those large questions are even there in what you have here. At the minimum, you need to make this same map for the antagonist unless you want a mustache-twisting villain.
Having a group of players showing up on day one with new characters that answer all your questions leads to having a very limited story as it is. For example, (and a total stereotype) a ranger, a rouge, and a wizard walk into a bar. The characters would naturally want to know the names of the people in the bar and what they see. They might want to know what is on the menu to grab a bite to eat. Sure you could go with generic medieval fantasy with John the bartender and Mary the barmaid serving lamb chops and potatoes. Personally, that gets old.
Bar two: The Ogre Den
A large figure dressed in a white silk shirt and trousers of the finest cloth sits behind the bar. If it was not for two large tusks jetting out of his mouth and his massive size you would swear he could fit into any hall surrounded by other nobils. He looks up from his work with a harsh voice, "What can I get ya? One second" … looking at a group of half-orcs, "Put down the table, I just cleaned that up".
Bar three: The Goblin Den
As you step into the bar those of you taller than a dwarf find yourself cramped and having to watch your head from the random items hung from the ceiling. a half dozen goblins dressed in aprons, darting from table to table, bring food and drink to the crowd of patrons primarily made up of other goblins and sailors from the nearby docs.
How our trio of heroes will respond to these places as well as their personal motivation is where the story comes from. Setting matters.
Food for thought...
The queen has posted!!! I love world building videos and I really struggle with it!Thanks for making this video Abbie can’t wait to watch it ❤
To put it in short, all you got to do is make sure the world building details matter to the characters
My current project has a protagonist in a post-apocalyptic fantasy world who has traveled a great distance to end up where the story starts, so he is automatically out of his element and lacking knowledge of the pre-apocalyptic world. This is another good way to filter the world building information: a "fish out of water" protagonist who wouldn't naturally know all of that information from the start.
That's why we have so many isekai protagonists.
Was traveling this week, so just getting to this, but looking forward to it. BUT I wanted to make sure to compliment the thumbnail!!! Definitely got my attention!
Thank you for this video, Abbie! I always struggle writing fantasy worlds because whenever I explain it in books, the description is SO BORING, but this is really helpful!
I can’t believe I am writing historical fiction but find myself watching Abbie’s(whose genre is quite different than mine) videos. Thank you Ms Abbie!
This is one of the best lessons I’ve watched concerning world building. And your example is really good!
You did it. You hooked me onto that story, and I want more!
Yes, this is great. Some authors don't trust the reader and want to explain every button, every blade of grass. Books like that can be a slog to read through. They don't let the reader be pulled in by the story.
I love that you give examples, and opportunities for you to show us the process in action. It really helps a lot. 🤗
Ciao Abbie! Ti seguo dall'Italia. Volevo farti sapere che ti stimo molto. Non ho ritrovato in nessuno il tuo modo innovativo e interessante di spiegare storytelling. Grazie ai tuoi video sto iniziando a far contare la mia storia e mi ispiri a dare il meglio di me ogni giorno. Spero di diventare come te quando saró grande.
(Sarei felicissima se mi rispondessi) ❤
Could you do a video on killing off characters? I'm writing a zombie apocalypse book. No one important has died and I feel like that's kind of too good to be true. But I also know that killing off a character just because you want someone to die can pull the reader out of the story.
There is A LOT to unpack when wanting to kill off a character effectively. HELP ME ABBIE!!!
Killing characters is coin with two face:
1. A tragedy that will stuck in reader mind.
2. A reason for some readers to drop the book (I stoped reading song of ice and fire after Rob's death and I just read some brief spoilers of what happens after that)
@@mah2418 I think character deaths have to *mean* something; it has to affect other characters. I would recommend treating character deaths as killing off aspects of a whole person, and it has to push the narrative forward.
But having said that, even if you want to create a character that lives to the end, mortality should still play an important role.
@@rchom I think you were responding to @S3mi7, But you mentioned me instead.
Everything needs to happen for a reason. If you kill a character for shock value, then its cheap. But if you kill a character that has a personal goal (ie. Protect their sister, spread someones ashes, etc), then it might push your other characters to accept that goal onto themselves. That persons death might give someone PTSD, someone who was scared to take action might feel compelled to do it. Someone else who refused to help now blames themselves for that persons death and has a character growth moment. Death should be often or common in war or apocalypses. Its impossible for everyone to survive every situation, and having someone have a mental breakdown and start killing or stealing food before running away is also possible.
You can try going back to your outline and re-plan a death or two that you feel like would have the most impact on your story and characters.
Yall actually helped a lot thank you for the advice! I just killed off a character that I know would be the best and most effective to kill off, it was really hard to let her go you guys!!! i'm like crying but I feel like that means I did it right. Right? RIGHT?? 😭
this is too good to be out there on youtube for free… it’s concentrated usefulness and with great examples! thank you so much for sharing this, Abbie🙏❤️🔥
I've come to the conclusion that, aside from offering some great information, Abbie is one of the most likeable people on the internet :)
Boże przeczytałam twoją książkę „ 100 dni słońca ” dosłownie w dwa dni ta książka jest niesamowita i na pewno przeczytam inne twoje dzieła ❤❤
Some authors nowadays info-dump to little, they give us enough information to understand the plot, but the world is difficult to grasp, which is frustrating. In A Song of Ice and Fire, there are sometimes a sentence or two detailing things about society and history that makes everything easier to understand.
A little here and there is definitely fine! But it rarely works _before_ you are invested in the story. In the bad example she gave, I would be out of there within a few sentences haha!
It wouldnt be called infodumping if its too little tbh. The key here is to be just 'enough'.
World building, I love world building! Right now I’m working on an adventure fantasy story and I didn’t know too well how I was going to world build and still have the internal conflict of my protagonist be the main center of it all. So this video is perfect!
Wow. I really had to pause the video just to mention how incredibly thought out this whole video is because it wouldn't let me focus on what you're saying.
The absolutely most effectively helpful content on youtube for me, since forever.
Amazing.
THANK YOU
It's like Abbie somehow knows exactly what I'm trying to do for a story and then she posts a video about it haha I've been doing some world building and solidifying of my magic system as part of my novel planning process recently and then I just see this video!! Perfect!!
Yasssss I'm so excited to see this, especially after hoping she would do a world-building vid 😊 I was literally starting a dystopian/sci-fi novel, so this is perfect
The info dump reads like a Wikipedia entry about the world of the story. It's something you let readers have after they are addicted and want to geekout on lore.
I always enjoy going through videos like this and finding out I’m doing a lot of these things by default. Not everything, but a lot.
So needed!!! Thank you🙏🏻✨♥️
I'm making a Sci-Fi adventure novel and comic. I have 3 main tricks;
First one is to create simple hook at beginning to tease the readers and trigger their curiosity. Then the rest is simple; unfold the worldbuilding organically through main plot. Your worldbuilding needs to FOLLOW the plot, not the other way around, that way the plot and characters don't get overshadowed by massive infodumping.
Second trick is NOT to reveal too much. I work on Post-Apocalyptic world of 2211 where mankind went back into tribal lifestyle due to unkown great disaster. The key here is 'unknown'. I have dozens of tribes, factions and raiders but I only pick 2-4 of them to be main highlights, the rest are just mentioned as background aspects that don't get more than few mentions. This way reader can imagine the rest of the world and create an organic, revolving timeline within their minds.
Third trick is for authors; be flexible with your worldbuilding. I know some people are more comfortable in creating concrete world with solid rules, cultures etc before writing the story, but honestly focusing too much on scribbling your world will suck much of your focus to develop your story and characters instead. So my advice is to just create enough world but let it develop itself as you tell your stories. Shape the world as your characters navigate themselves. Similar to 2nd trick, this one will create more fluid reveal on your worldbuilding rather than dumping them all at the beginning.
What you called an "info dump" created a picture in my head like a movie, but when you showed it through the plot, it felt like I had to hurry and that kept repeating in my head. I lost interest in this story. This feeling of hurry overwhelmed me more than the "info dump". I have to know who the MC and the family are first, what the MC is afraid of and only then does the question arise, why is the MC afraid of it. Showing through plot is long-winded and for me personally exhausting to read. I would stop a book like this after half a chapter. I like it short, concise and straight to the point without too much beating around the bush. A very interesting video. Thank you for this. Greetings from Germany.
I learned how to worldbuild by reading Ascendance of a Bookworm and used that work as my role-model for how to introduce a reader to the world.
It was an expert class at all the things discussed here, which explains why I was able to do exactly the things this video discusses in each story I've written so far, but in my most recent story far better than either of my previous attempts.
I was actually just thinking about this maga driving home today
Excellent pointers! I would never *say* a character is Ingenious, that needs to be demonstrated by having her tinker with something in the story.
Thank you. This is so needed by me. Explaining without slowing down pacing. Definitely i need that
Abbie just wanna tell you that you’re a lifesaver!! Back then, I had only an idea and a dream and had no clue how to make it all work. But all your videos have helped me immensely in outlining my own story. Thank you so much ☺️
This is so timely! I just started watching this live training the other day 😯 I can't wait to dive more into this topic!
I think world building should be providing information when need and not info dump.
I’m really glad you showed this sneak peek! Your live trainings seem to have way more value than I expected, and they appear to be affordable too! Now I just wish I didn’t literally have $4 in my bank account LOL
I love this!!! I was aware of most of it, but it's so fun to talk about it! You reminded me of several lessons and gave me extra insight!
Yesss! So happy i had a spine procedure yesterday so I'm home to watch this! ❤
Abbie, thank you so much for this video as it really an eye opener. Living in a nursing home I don't have the funds to take your courses however I love you and your sisters channels as it has been a big help as I write my debut novel.
Re: Using your storyworld to deepen your character's inner conflict; I think it really depends on the genre you are writing in. A lot of the issues that I notice with amateur fantasy novels is that the world seems to be too conveniently built around the story, as if the world sort of sprung into being specifically for the character and his/her arc, and sort of ends after the character's story ends. This feels like a sort of convenience world building rather than proper worldbuilding. It will be incohesive and contain a lot of inconcistencies or illogical things just to make the specific story work. If anything, I feel that it often leads to weak plot points.
Plus it also makes the world flat, because it will mostly contain details that are inherently relevant to the plot, instead of having a world that seems to exist without the plot. Things like little language quirks or habits, that make the world seem alive and real.
Should the internal conflict be strong enough to be interesting in any world? Yes, ofcourse. But should that take away from a logically and well-built world? Not in my opinion.. Proper writing is where the two come together, not just one or the other. (Specifically talking about the 'big world' part)
*Abbie Emmons uploads a new video about writing*
This is a good day
you literally posted this at the PERFECT time
Alright. You made me rewrite my first chapter. Thank you.
This video is gold. You gave us information and advice in the most useful way. Thank you!
Thank you so much for the work you do here! I am just getting into writing and it is because of your videos. I wanted to start writing some short stories, but it seemed so daunting that I had no idea what makes a story good and how to do it myself. Yesterday I wrote an outline for a sci-fi short story and all this world-building information started rushing into my head so I wanted to know how and when I should present it. And here is this video, just at the right moment. :D
Well. This is it 😂 I’m getting the live training sub as soon as finish my current draft lol. Abbie this is SO GOOD and my next project is a romantasy so I think I need the full training! (Plus the editing training, and the one on dialogue which is really hard for me for some reason 😂) THANK YOU for sharing this!!!
That example made me want to pick up the book. That’s how you write compelling story and a start to the book
THANK YOU FOR THIS
I’m 14 and I don’t even write but I love imagining stories in my head 😂 I’m obsessed with your videos ❤
Wow this was amazing!! Thank you so much Abbie ❤
Love this so much!! Worldbuilding is one of my favorite things to write about. I actually creating the world first by describing who lives in this world. And then I go to the characters within the story and then I go back to the world and see how the characters fit into the world that I created and would they fit outside of this world or not. And unfortunately, I won't be able to see the rest of the live training because even though I have patron now. I can't afford to upgrade my patron account unfortunately.
Well, now you've got me excited about the story. 😆 I can already picture two plot twists: 1) the middle sister betrays her family and turns one or two of the other sisters in (maybe that's makes Yumi have to rescue her or them later); and 2) even though it's "a man's world," she has the revelation that there are men that don't like the Astronarchy either. (Maybe for women they're conscripted at 18 - 21 if not married, while men are conscripted at 21 - 25 if not married.) That could introduce a love interest, or just a battle buddy. (Maybe he's not good at technology; he prefers music, art, or athletics that the government looks down upon.)
I love your clear and concise strategies for writing fiction. You have helped me greatly. I am questioning the possibility of having two protagonists my current project. Keep up the great instruction. Thanks
I've actually really honestly been hoping for an Abiie worldbuilding vid, so thank you!
Wow, this is personally uncannily apt and applicable. How prescient of you. Well done once again, wizards.
Given that you write contemporary, and your own admission that these stories don’t require a lot of worldbuilding - or at least, not a lot of setup for worldbuilding, because it’s already established and known - I didn’t expect much from this video, but I was positively surprised. 👏 👏 👏 I assumed you’d be “pushed out of your own comfort zone”, having to give advice on something you yourself may have little experience with. Instead, you connected worldbuilding back to the things you have a lot of experience with, namely, character-driven stories.
The result is a “bottom-up” way of building the world from the protagonist outwards, rather than “top-down” from the big world to the protagonist. I’m pretty sure this can avoid a lot of the common pitfalls surrounding worldbuilding (such as info-dumps / answering questions before they’ve been asked). The only downside I see with it right now is it might come off a little solipsistic, as the world only matters to the extent that it matters to the protagonist. 😉
Great training! Loved the advice of don't put it in if it's not being asked about, and the different diagrams. Those really help with organizing.
I love world building but sometimes i go overboard so i have to keep it all in a separate word document and use it for reference as i go along with the actual story. It keeps me from being too expositiony and i still get the thrill of imagining all the fun stuff. Also i like to draw topical maps of where all the stuff is and where the characters live because I'm a little too extra about it lol
I was thinking about world building and you literally posted it! You're a mind reader. ❤
Info dumping was my arch nemesis until I started watching Abbies channel. Thank you for everything you do! ❤
32:22 “Dialogue is a great vehicle to unload some of that worldbuildling.” Yes, I’ve found that, too, but careful: It easily manifests in a single character, either a bookish or a very experienced one, simply recounting a bunch of facts / events / history to some other characters. In that case, you just have a regular info dump with quotation marks around it - potentially made worse by “as you know, Bob”.
You did your best to avoid the latter with your sci-fi example, but it only works because I can somewhat plausibly assume that Mika doesn’t know all the things Yumi recounts to her in this scene. It’s also phrased in a way that emphasises the characters’ opinions on a set of shared knowledge, rather than on telling each other the facts themselves. Still, it’s probably an exchange that would never take place this way in real life, as these shared facts often go completely unspoken in such conversations.
Brandon Sanderson does this a lot - however, at the cost of leaving the reader confused, because they’re not “part of the fold” yet, they don’t know what these characters are talking about. And thus, my often confused mind often ends up saying “no” to his books. He seems to be really determined to avoid “as you know, Bob”, but I’d rather have that slight short break of immersion than being left out of knowing what is even going on, just for the sake of within-story realism.
It’s funny, because once you understand this problem, you see it everywhere - even in well-written dialogue, such that doesn’t really qualify as “as you know, Bob”, you suddenly notice how the author is trying to feed all of this information to the reader while still having it come off as a natural conversation. This realisation makes a lot of dialogue feel “forced” if you read something with your own author mindset, because you immediately realise this exchange is only on the page to convey information to the reader - to most casual readers’, luckily, it’s hard to notice.
I'm LOVING your new video style!
This video was so so helpful and informative, so many good key takeaways that are gonna help so many writers - thank you so much Abbie. PS you have me hooked with your opening paragraph, genuinely want to have that book written by you now haha please consider writing a sci-fi 😍 you are incredible and I really appreciate the knowledge you share ❤
Also a tip if you info dump a lot while drafting…save the info dumplings that are special to you in a little info dump folder in your project and write short stories about them later to get it out of your system. There are always parts of the world I think up and love but aren’t relevant and I want to get excited about them but keep it out of the manuscript lol. I literally call the folder “dumplings” cause they are my babies 😂
Im so happy, I´m learning english and I can understand you, that means that i can heard and understand English, thanks
back in 2016 a bit before graduation from grade 12, I've tried to make a super hero world, but I just stopped a bit after I've graduated. but the end of this year and the beginning of this coming year, I would love to start writing a fantasy world, and this video (And others) that I've started watching and have the knowledge to create form the ground up, it's about vampires werewolf's witches/wizards, immortals, hunters ect. thank you for creating this video, I took some notes and I would come back to this video to do a bit of a refresher.
😊outstanding, thank you Abbie for the knowledge that you share with us...
making a story in a fictional world, thanks yo!
Hey, I noticed your user picture is Marinette from the TV series Miraculous. I love Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir!
I like the idea of this worldbuilding mind map. Starting with the character and building out. And the previous mind map. I can see how conflicts could occur just by looking at the template.
Your do's and don'ts is a good checklist.
As a script/story guy I often think of the first act of Star Wars 1977.
It features 25 visual feasts - from gold robots in space to dirty, little, desert creatures - which would be tough to describe in detail.
Or maybe I just a described them?
Love this! Please write this space sci-fi story!
18:52
Why I do like speculative fiction more, is that you can shape the entire world you’re in into something that suits your story. There’s a lot of room for symbolism and visual storytelling opportunities. You have full creative liberty and only have to adhere to your own rules. The downside is that with great imagination, comes great responsibility. You have to be clear, concise and consistent.
Abbie, can you do a video about naming your story and chapters
Hi Abbie thank u for the helpful vids😊
You are amazing... Loved the art and content locked in this video. A special thank you for making me aware of my own flaws when it comes to world-building. I ignored the protagonist's inner world. I've noticed that my protagonists seem to fade into oblivion at times even when he is THERE. Maybe this could be the reason, I chose to ignore his perspective. Hmm! Thanks a Millon 🙏🙏🌻🌻
I love all your videos Abbie. ❤
This one here is my new favourite 😍
Thanks ❤❤❤ Luv Luv Luv it!!! 😊
Hi Abbie!! I just ordered your book The Otherworld, and I can’t wait to read it. I also wanted to say that it’s been about a year since I started writing, and I genuinely don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you and your channel. So thank you, so so so much!!
On another note, I had a question that’s been itching my brain for a while now, and confusing me whenever I’d write. Is it okay to give your character multiple Misbeliefs??
What I’ve been doing lately is give them a main one, that would define the story’s theme. But I have a knack for over-complicating my characters, so I tend to give them multiple fears, flaws, strengths, etc … which would eventually lead to more Misbeliefs that I‘d want to focus on.
I hope this made sense hahaha. Let me/us know! ❤
I find that building as the story crosses it works well. My issue is second guessing if I have enough info already established on page or not enough, but either way I don't go the route of throwing too much in there at once
I think the big thing about info dumping is that people get excited talking about their world. The caveat of being your own #1 fan is that you might get excited to talk about things before it’s needed, like that person who tells you the end before you read the book, or says lines right before you hear the character speak.
In that regard, I would suggest creating another document where you can write about the world as ideas come to you, like your own wiki. This way you can “info dump” without info dumping the story.
Here’s a thought I’ve been working with: every character has their own beliefs and misconceptions; are groups, factions, or nations their own character identities? And if so, do these groups have their own beliefs and misconceptions? People like to write what is, but I think it’s interesting to look at the false beliefs. Just as in the real world, cultures have their own superstition, like the falsehood that the sun orbits the Earth. Everyone knows the sun is actually inside the Earth and we’re all on the inside, and that we’re just being spun around by a man with a fork!
Hi Abbie! I’m kinda new here so I don’t know if you’ve done this before, but I think it would be cool if you could rewrite a story you wrote when you were a kid or teenager! I just thought it would be a cool idea if you have time
22:35 AMEN. Most important tip i needed for writing.
DOES SHE READ MIND OR SOMETHING?!! I NEEDED IT SOOOOOOOOO BADDDDD
THNXXXXX ABBIEEEE❤❤❤
Thank you for the training
When you talk about something in your videos, it seems simple, interesting and exciting, but when I start using your advice, everything suddenly becomes complicated and somehow overwhelming. Sometimes I even lose all motivation to write... Maybe it's because of my inexperience or I'm too hard on myself?... In any case, thanks for your videos!
Excellent information, Abby!
My dialogue usually feels unnatural when the characters are only saying things for the benefit of the reader, like how do we explain concepts these characters should already know in a way that doesn’t feel out of place?
@ectoberd that's a great example!
@ectoberd i love atla, I honest to god wrote my college essay about it lol
This is the thing which ive been craving for so long 😊
Thanks! This was very helpful! Some of your tips I was already following (telling the story through action) while others I was not (word dumping in the beginning). I am typing a story involving two protagonists in a contemporary world that involves a time jump. I am going to mimic a similar format with two protagonists based on Saving Private Ryan (story has nothing to do with WW2, but I noticed the movie had two protagonists), & I think this video helped me figure out a way to create a hook in the beginning. Thanks! I will check out your website now.
Perfect timing!❤
This is great! Sing I’m writing fiction about griffins, this helped me with the idea!
World building is fun! I enjoy writing about fictional worlds, the laws of physics are at you command.
I like Dan Abnett’s style of world building where you get the lore as the character travels around. The best example is his novel Traitor General.
My only issue when it comes to doing this the description of certain aspects of the world due to limited vocabulary.
I’m struggling with this in my rough draft.
I don't know what you've already tried, but you can work with limited vocab by using comparisons and appealing to several senses (smell, taste, etc.).
@@feathercompressorallow me to provide an example.
This district was alive: a bright golden sheen stretching along the city blocks. People capering in small groups or dawdled near the curbs. Late night employees kept the streets clean. It was almost beautiful, until the blaring horns of a passing airship made its presence known. As the cart crossed the zone, more patrols of (bad guys) and drone units filled every other vacant block of the (main character’s) district. Sometimes they had K-9 units, strutting their malicious caliber at any sort of gallivanting leers. Occasional broadcasts were cycled played at a few stationary posts, more times than he could count. Some encouraged suspicious activity to be reported to their local hub. Home sweet home.
@@neofulcrum5013 thanks for sharing. Here's an alternative (not saying it's better, just want to give you options, and I may have misunderstood some details):
This district wore a golden mask: scattered crowds wandered the lamplit streets, flitting like bees between the flowers of this cocktail bar and that rooftop restaurant. But the evening buzz was easily overshadowed. The mask covered only the eyes, not the ears. Airship horns. Patrol chatter. Security drones above the alleys. Sniffer dogs held by a thin leash. And at every guardpost, loudspeakers barked. Before curfew, after curfew, and at all times in between: report suspicious activity, and don't forget the curfew. Without all this noise, who could sleep? It just wouldn't feel like home.
I rearranged details to vary my sentence length and gather some things into little clusters that I find easier to read. But that's my personal style. If you're interested in talking more about this, I have a small writer's discord server that you'd be welcome in.
@@feathercompressor wow, that IS very descriptive. Well done
@@neofulcrum5013 but I used the details you provided, so I think you are on the right track. Keep it up ~
General Zento was looking angrily at the hologram. He needed a mind like Yumi to calibrate the planetary plasma canon, a weapon with a magnitude that would make assaults on other solar systems viable from a remote distance.
He remembered the last engineer. Who calibrated the cannon wrongly and destroyed himself and the whole military base of the X12 planet ... He still came out as a hero in the eyes of the populace. The ministry of information would write on billboards that the Great Zento survived the attack and led a heroic counter offense.
But now he was in front of the Astromancer. "We are putting all efforts towards the cannon" Astromancer"Why isn't it complete?"Zento "If our calculations are wrong ...." Astromancer "I have begun to loose fate in your leadership, the cannon must be operational! You are dissmissed!
In his private quarters, Zento lamented "What can I do?" Yami an adviser disguised as a maid answered. "A rebellion. " Zento pointed his laser pistol at the woman. "The BT89 planet is about to be lost to the Inquisitor's army we could cut of their supplies to the gerboradium crystals and gain that rebellious engineer 's trust."
Zento "indeed! She would surely calibrate the plasma cannons if she believed it would help her meaningless cause!"
I have a hard time with the middle of the story. Can’t seem to know how to keep it interesting and tie it all together.