When is it okay to reach out to my therapist? | ep. 203
Вставка
- Опубліковано 14 лют 2024
- This week licensed therapist Kati Morton answers audience questions about when and why we would need to reach out to our therapist in between sessions, whether or not therapists judge our “crazy” thoughts, and the difference between fidgeting and self injury. She then talks about dissociation, the different diagnoses and symptoms, and how to work through it. Finally, she discusses why it can be hard for us to get away from our abusers, and some nice ways of telling people we can’t be there for them right now.
Questions & timestamps:
1. Hi Kati! My therapist always says that I can reach out to her any time that I’m in crisis. I never do even when I’m feeling really down, anxious, and/or dysregulated because I’m not and have never had suicidal or self-harming behaviors. But I’ve gone through some really tough emotions and thoughts when I wanted to reach out. What does it mean to be “in crisis” and when is it appropriate to reach out to your therapist outside of your sessions? 00:41
2. What goes on in a therapists head when their client is saying something that the therapist thinks is “crazy”? Does the therapist ever have a hard time not judging or showing judgment to their client by accident? Thanks for all you do and the time and effort you put in every week! 08:14
3. My question is about anxiety fidgeting and self injury. In my therapy sessions, especially if we are talking about a hard topic, I tend to pinch and scratch my hands, to the point where I leave with red marks and sometimes bruises on them. I don’t realize I’m doing it because I’m so focused on the topic at hand and explaining my thoughts clearly to my therapist. Is this just anxiety? Or is this self injury? Either way I don’t know if it’s bad or typical or just plain fidgeting. Thanks for everything! 15:08
4. I dissociate a lot. Sometimes I do things that I have no memory of. Thankfully, nothing bad. A lot of times when I dissociate I become a little girl. She emails my therapist, colors Winnie the Pooh pictures for her. Sometimes I am like a very angry teenager. I don’t have DID that we know of, but something is happening. There are also times that I feel as if I’m not really me being a mom to my kids, but I cover it so well that they... 20:43
5. I hope you don't mind me asking this question again as it didn't get picked the last time. Why is it so hard to walk away from your abusers? In my case it is moving out from home. (I'm in my early twenties). 34:30
6. I’m the friend that people tend to come to when they need to vent. All of my friends and family know if they need someone I’ll be there! Sometimes though I get overwhelmed with that. Is there a nice way to explain that I am not able to listen to them vent right now? Thanks Kati!! 41:39
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @katimorton
MY BOOKS (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
PATREON www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS
Instacart: instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB
Amazon: geni.us/4J8wb
PARTNERSHIP
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
My old therapist acted like “here we go again” when I reached out, so I never reach out. I suffer in silence
I was in bad crisis and she didn’t reach out until I was in session. She was like you need to handle this on your own. WTH?
Sounds like your therapist needs therapy
@niteycat your therapist needs supervision and maybe her/ his need therapy too! Idk why they said that! I'm so sorry! I self harm and have sucide thoughts but she's let's me email her anytime and it helps me just emailing her! I love my therapist
That's a bad therapist. I said what I said.
I’m back again to rewatch with my bestie and I had to comment, bad therapist to make you feel any type of way except good!
I contact my therapist when I am in crisis. He’s awesome!
I hate that word too. I contact him when I’m lacking the tools to cope in that moment
Also I speak to him on the phone, I’ve never met him in person. My primary care dr told me of the behavioral health initiative
I like it when my therapist tells me to reach out if I need her. She doesn’t do it every week, only when I’m being extra crazy, so I know to keep an eye on myself. I’ve never actually reached out to her because it feels weird and I agree with the comment that said they’d feel like they were bothering their therapist. She has other patients to take care of, totally unreasonable of me to take up five minutes of her time when I’m at my wits end or considering heading to the ER. Yes, I know that’s crazy talk and she knows I’m working on it.
😊😊😊
You should add chapters
As an autistic adult (waiting for diagnosis) I really wish there was a relationships handbook!! You just said things no one had ever bothered to teach me!! 💚
What I love about my therapist is that she explains things to me. Even the things that are simple for many people. And she does it over and over again if I need it. She explains for the tenth time, with the same patience as the first time.
@@Nasa87ve Your therapist sounds great!
I've not been very lucky with therapists - my last one dumped me in October because she "wanted to reduce her hours" & the reduction was me! No real ending, not had the capacity to look for another as I feel it would probably be the same
@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231 Oh no, I'm so sorry this happened to you! It's always been a fear of mine that my therapist would just suddenly throw me out one day. She hasn't yet tho and I've been there for over six years now, with many ups and downs and my sometimes "complicated" questions and behaviour (being an autistic person with cPTSD and lots of social anxiety). I don't wanna brag with that or make you jealous or something. Just wanting to give you some hope that there's other therapists out there and everyone can get one with the right fit. It might need some trials (and I know, lots of fcking energy, so take your time!) and it might be a bit more difficult for us neurodivergent beans, but hang in there and you'll find a therapist that's right for your needs. And that can be so damn healing and helpful. Hope you'll soon find that person you deserve who's ready to make up for what you seem to not have received as a child 💚
I was in grad school and in a dark place and my therapist decided to switch to full time nursing. We had just one session after she told me. Not long after I ODed on psych meds. I was beside myself. I leaned on her way too much. I felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me…!
@@Eshrimpski it's so unsettling!! I understand that therapists are human beings too, with the right to live how they want, but surely their supervisor should warn them how abruptly leaving might affect their clients?! I'm really sorry you had to go through that & I hope you've been able to recover since 💚
Hi Kati, just wanna say thank you for all you do, your videos helped me through high school, college, and medical school!
Some great stuff here!. Thankyou for answering these questions and thankyou to the people that asked them
I recently faced the reality that therapists are not equal. Even after finally making the excruciating effort to reach out and start going after 10 yrs. The one I picked that I thought had the experience and tools to help me just plain didn't. And caused more frustration and floundering feeling like I wasnt getting the help I needed to cope. So I was able to put the effort into trying another one, and she's amazing! Meets me where I'm at, holds space for difficult feelings, provides explanations, understandimg and tools! I am honestly stunned at the difference. KEEP TRYING! KEEP LOOKING! Use every tool in the shed. And have patience with yourself along the journey ❤.
THIS! And now that I found a good one I want to shout to the world that it’s possible to find a good one but you absolutely have to keep trying. I went thru a few before and I know how hard it is to start over more than once with a new therapist but it is SO worth it when you find one that is great!
I just recently found your channel and I've been using UA-cam videos as a sort of at-home therapy for awhile now. I would honestly prefer actual therapy, but since my dad met a certain stepmom I won't name when I was entering middle school, I've been kind of tossed aside, so I gave up on looking for actual help when I tried to overdose on Tylenol (don't really know if this is a thing, but I wanted out, so I tried to swallow a bottle of about 100 Tylenol) and was caught, but instead of getting help, my parents took away my medicine, gave me a lecture, and went on like I didn't actually need help. I'm glad that people online are at least giving reassuring words and educating on mental health.
This video has helped me I've isolated myself for quite too long it's good to hear other people's stories I will definitely chime in more in the future when I have time I hope it will help someone. And thank you Katie for your work.
Kati, I love your openness and willingness to be vulnerable with us! Your content has helped me since I was a teenager, and I really trust your judgement and advice. Thank you for all you do!
Thank you so much for sharing!
Hello and good afternoon people in the comments I'm Nikki from uk been watching and following Kati for a few years now I'm here to send care support and love with what ever you are struggling with or going through in your life with what ever mental health issues you are going through ❤❤❤🙏
Thank you ❤same
Thank you for answering my add-on question. I really appreciate your help and insight. X
Wow katie you have always helped and gave me a space❤
Kati Morton. Hello good afternoon nice to see you again and hear your soft calming voice I haven't been watching and keeping up with these AKA podcasts I'm struggling and not coping with my depression and anxiety very well I'm also going though physical health issues right now anyway you looking good I'm ready to watch and listen ❤❤❤
I've been suicidal my whole life.
Such a hard, hard, painful, difficult,
abusive, traumatic life, so far...
At the beginning of 2023,
to top everything off...
The man whom I revered
as my best friend,
abandoned and betrayed me.
He replaced me.
NOW, I AM UNDERSTANDING/REMEMBERING:
It's all a game.
We are here to explore, to have adventures,
to unlearn and to learn and to relearn...
I keep getting the message: "it's not that serious"!
The universe, the multiverse,
she now sings inside me...
Like I'm a sacred cathedral!✨💛
The last time I dissociated I was feeling very angry and sad (I have borderline). My body was tingly and numb and when I slapped my legs I couldn't feel it. I don't watch myself from a 3rd person pov but I don't feel like what my eyes are seeing is real. It feels like I'm watching a movie about my surroundings. My head feels foggy and I just don't feel real.
Kati, how do you always know what I need to hear? It feels like I'm listening to my therapist. She is a LOT like you.
I resonate SOOOO much with the “burden” label…I’ve almost always, until the last 5-6 years, engaged in poor coping skills BEFORE reaching out…IDK if it’s lack of trust, or fear of being let down…
I love Dissociate, because I'm in a world I love, I fantasy a world that I loved, a life i created like inception and I don't want to leave!
I know that for your Tuesday videos you’re are looking back on CEN and how we grew up but there may be some of us who don’t remember when we were kids but all your stuff is resonating to the current us, that should be acknowledged too as you explain your topics each week.
Hey Kati! Thank you for answering my question about the fear of moving out! I told a friend about the situation and she said to her it sounds like agoraphobia. What is the difference?
I have a question about DPDR. I want to talk to a therapist about this, but I am currently on a waiting list. I was just diagnosed with PTSD and my psychiatrist believes it’s from medical issues I’ve been dealing with since I was little. My pain was often dismissed as a kid or I was told I was making it out to be worse than it was. I have been noticing that when my pain or health issues flare up, I dissociate quite often. I think I do this because that’s how I learned to separate myself from my pain because I was forced to deal with it without medication for so long. Can chronic health issues cause this issue with DPDR? How do you train your body and mind to be present when you’re physically in pain?
I also struggle with a lot of fatigue and daytime sleepiness from chronic insomnia as well as the other health issues. In order to be productive, I have had to push through that brain fog almost by sheer force of will, even though my body feels like it could just collapse at any given moment. I feel like I’m on autopilot where I have huge issues with my memory and recollection, or I feel like I’m watching myself from a third person perspective. It’s very disorienting sometimes and I have a hard time controlling it.
I was also recently diagnosed with hEDS and AuADHD if that helps with context.
I'm a diagnosed autistic. What you described as "depersonalisation" is a constant struggle to me, and it gets worse to deal with because the mechanisms that help me regulate are not comfortable (earplugs, gloves, sunglasses, naps during the day, etc) and usually also mean removing myself from situations that would otherwise be fun or beneficial, but the emotional overload doesn't even allow me to convey that I actually wanted to stay present, because "the person" living the moment couldn't handle it anymore.
I'm getting better at staying present, but unfortunately it's almost impossible to have the required control over situations while maintaining a job, because our age's goals are not neurodivergent-friendly.
Anyway, for the person thinking they are alone in this, know that even though the experience is solitary, there are more people living it. It is incredibly lonely, specially because life+most people don't give us the time we need to work through the invisible barrier. But there are ways to work on it. I had a good therapist who helped me develop some mechanisms, and maybe you can ask a therapist to help you do the same. I still struggle, but much less than before, and occasionally I get some big breakthroughs. It's worth trying.
Kati thank you thank you a lot 😺
I dissociate often and a lot of times it’s for hours on end. When I get out of it I rarely remember anything and if I do it’s very fuzzy. A lot of times I’ll snap back into reality with new Sh injuries that I don’t remember doing but I know it was me. I’m not really sure what I can do about it.
Question:
I’m a 13 year old girl and i live with both of my parents and two brothers one 15 years old and the other 3 years old…I have depression, suicidal thoughts, I think chronic headaches, a delusional disorder and I self harm…my older brother used to abuse me since I was 11 to 12 and then abused my mother in front of me and also abused me and my mother one time getting my baby brother into the fight too…..I’m going to a therapist soon my mother knows about my depression and suicidal thoughts and I told her symptoms of the chronic headaches and delusional disorder without saying it directly but i didn’t tell her about the self harm since she kinda reacted badly even though she was trying to help me and secretly told my father when I told her not to….to be honest I’m fine with this and ik I can handle it….but I’m still asking for advice….and also…I just can’t let my baby brother live like this and watch this all he may forget it now cause his young age but it needs to stop sooner or later….my baby brother has been saying my older brother hit him while playing…my parents are downplaying it and I just don’t know what to do….my baby brother also has been trying to hit and sometimes getting mad crazy….so I’m also asking for advice for that…
Thank you so much your videos really help ❤
I learn or become aware of something new about myself every time I watch these... it's usually something that should've been obvious.
Thank you for the video. Quick Question: a 3 year diploma in counselling or 6-8 years of study to become a neuropsychologist, what are your thoughts on this? P.S: decision is to be made by a person who is changing his career in 30s.
Cold water helps. I don't love cold showers but I ran into the lake when it was freezing cold last spring and I've been cooling off with cold water on my forehead sporadically for a long time. The only problem sometimes I get scared to practice my skills. Like the more work I do the more I feel I need help. I also like taking warm baths and showers but sometimes I feel like it won't help me that much if I do it now so I wait until later and also my skin gets really itchy because we have hard water here. When I got out of the lake I shivered for about twenty minutes but now I have that memory that tells me I was OK last year when I got out even when I was shivering cold, I had a good time that day so it's still OK to practice these activities when I'm ready. I'm just feeling a bit stuck with all these memories of how I used to be really healthy and now I can't always regulate as good because the part of my brain that feels fear and anxiety is really active. I know I have some addictions and I'm trying really hard to break them but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Hey, Katie. How bad have you seen dissociation get? Is it normal for a physical white film to cover the eyes if dissociated bad enough? Thanks!
My therapist has been amazing, even supporting me in times when I'm not currently seeing him.
I once texted him to ask if he had a session open that day or the next, and he responded by asking if he could call me. He called me, turns out he was at the airport and said he had "a few hours to kill" and that I could tell him what's going on to prep for tomorrow's session when he got back to the area, or if it was small we could just talk it out over the phone. We spoke for like fifteen minutes, and he didn't charge me.
Come this past December, I had one of the absolute worst experiences of my life, and I knew from the past that he was a late-night person, so from the ER I texted him at like 11:30pm saying, "You available tomorrow?" and he came back saying, "Yeah, what's up?" and listed the times 10, 11, 12, 1, and 2 to come in. I told him it was too big a crisis to unload at the time, and asked if I could have "10 and 11." He said, "Show up when you can and we'll see how long it takes." - I was with this poor man from 10am to 2:30. He had to take a pee break and we got snacks. He only charged me for 1 session, instead of 4.
The relationship is defintiely complex, but I am so happy to know I can trust him and he truly means it that he'll support me whenever he can how he can. He's never said no to an emergency, but he's definitely made it firmly known that he might not be available when I reach out, and to be prepared for that. Maybe if I had more crisises I'd have ended up out of alignment with him by now. Lol
I know for a fact not all mental therapists are the same. But the idea of repeating the experience of having one to trust and depend will likely never come to realisation. My last one refused to advise me when I was in dire emotional pain. She never returned my desperate calls. Instead, I was captured by guards and taken to a mental institution. I am not sure how it happened. But, I awoke to being in a cell. I spent a month in that cell. When my release was nigh, I was given the telephone numbers for several mental therapists. I did not contact any. I just kept returning to the psychiatric appointments for medication adjustments and wellness checks. It is doubtful I will ever go to mental therapy again. ¥
How does everyone know when they disassociate? I usually figure it out only later that I checked out
You’re the best
I only reach out to my therapist when I'm having S.H urges cause it helps me to take off some of the anger and upset of the moment.
Ive stopped such behavior significantly and ive stopped messaging him; I worry about looking too attention seeking or annoying.
I have an unrelated question, are all of us, like all of us victims of childhood trauma to some extent? I believe there is nothing like perfect parents, perfect childhood, perfect life but surely there are some people who had healthier relationships with their parents and had healthier childhoods so maybe their extent of childhood trauma is less or doesn't significantly impact them. Would love it if you could talk about it Kati!
My psychologist doesn’t allow contact for anyone between sessions unless it is to ask for an extra session or reschedule an appt. Other than that nothing.
For me my dissociation feel like I'm watch a TV show. Like it's all a play put on in front of me but it's not real and I'm not really there. It's not till somone take to me or tried to get my attention that I kinda snap out of it, and it's really jarring.
Hypervigilance uummmm think I got this symptom and need to work on identifying it occurring during my life cuz I think I might be so use to doing it BUT I always can talk myself out of doing things the right way or at all b/c of the not knowing and the anxiety and anxiousness it creates having to do or try something new - I know depression talking huh but the hypervigilance needs to accept its okay again b'c my body n brain ain't accepting anyone's BS do to lack of trust and poor treatment growing up
I’m afraid to ask for help cause whenever I do I feel like I’m being punished
My only friend bounces her legs constantly. I think it’s her meds!
Why would it be? Half of the population juat does that
It could be, some psych meds cause muscle spasms. Have you mentioned it to her? If it is a med issue it could get worse and interfere with her life.
A lot of medications cause restlessness.
I’ve mentioned it numerous times. She recently stopped taking hydroxyzine pomoate and it’s subsided somewhat
I’m sorry I don’t do that. But I do have some need to move my toes not knowing why.
First!
41:00 bingo to living situation being the only thing we know. The devil 👿 we know vs. the devil 👿 we don’t
Headphones? Hi, how come you’re wearing headphones? Curious.
So that noise and reverberation are eliminated
As you talk into the microphone your brain processes what it's hearing through the headphones which gives you the chance to self-review and make minor tweaks.
The ex shrink offered to reach out to her, then when I did she claimed she doesn't work between sessions, even though she was the one who said to call her. Its a trap. Don't reach out to a therapist.
Left a message for the resident m.d. never called me back its been a week that a red flag l'm sure.
If only, sometimes it takes months to a year
@@draalttom844 I think this resident is somewhat unsettled because the m.d. asked me questions that weren't as revivant to my current goals.
I think road rage is being in crisis.
Unfortunately, my worst moments emotionally often happen in the late hours when any reasonable therapist would be asleep, so there is no way I could text my therapist then without feeling like a huge burden, since I'd probably be waking her up 🫤
Unfortunately, my worst moments emotionally often happen in the late hours when any reasonable therapist would be asleep, so there is no way I could text my therapist then without feeling like a huge burden, since I'd probably be waking her up 🫤