Living With a Dissociative Disorder | My Life With
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2022
- Depersonalization Derealization aka DP/DR is a dissociative disorder in which a person feels detached from their body and their surroundings. In this episode of My Life With, VICE spends time with Jen to show a first-hand perspective of what her life looks like living with this disorder.
On May 13, 2022, two days before this video’s originally scheduled release date, Jen's younger brother succumbed to his lifelong battle against treatment-resistant mental illness and took his own life. Here's an update from Jen about the importance of sharing this aspect of her story in understanding her experience with DP/DR: jenniferhoffer.com/vice-my-li...
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Much love to everyone suffering from derealization and depersonalization. Mine started 10 years ago and I'll never forget that feeling of being instantly wiped like a slate. One moment I had an identity and memories and understanding of the world around me, and the next, nothing. Worked like hell to build myself back up again and now I'm at the point where I can just say "I know this doesn't feel like my body right now, but it is and I will continue with my day"
I remember I was like 8, and morning of summer camp slowly felt more and more disconnected. Scary feeling, and it's even scarier that I'm still stuck like this.
Lol same best thing you can do is to just keep going don’t stop in your tracks keep surviving
Ah I hear you
@@Lemoncaredo u have this disorder
i want to study u please
I did a double take when I saw this video, as I have been living with this disorder for years. It's miserable. I wake up in the same city I've lived in my whole life and feel like a visitor. People I've known my whole life feel like complete strangers. It's almost impossible to form emotional connections to people because you never feel like you're really there. Life feels like a dream you can't shut off. It messes with your perception so bad it makes you feel like an alien. Yet somehow, no therapist or psychiatrist has ever heard of or treated this specific disorder before, which only adds to the feeling of unreality.
Sounds awful. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Your last sentence really hit hard.
Be thankful for the bubble of peacefulness you have. Think about it people literally dieting to make it to America from 3rd world countries. I live in Houston the fluctuation of migrants has increased. I’m thankful for I was born here and still am here, I understand your feeling but then reclaim how fortunate I am to have my bubble of peace.
@@wood-wheel-wizard Stop dismissing other human beings who are suffering. Yes, she might have other things in her life going for her but her struggles are valid too. The people you mentioned have nothing to do with this person's mental health or situation.
This type of thinking, that you should just shut up and be grateful for xyz bc others have it worse than you DOESN'T help. Sometimes people want to be listened to and you are showing that you are not intrested in trying to understand nor help this poor soul. Society needs to stop repeating these dumb platitudes and learn how to empathize. Rant over.
I am genuinely sorry you are forced to live this way Op and I wish I could offer helpful advice but unfortunately I have no answers. I can also relate to what it's like when your body/mind feels like a cage. Sleeping is my only escape.
@@wood-wheel-wizard I'm sure you mean well with this comment, but a lot of people do not benefit from being compared to the struggles of others - for many people, it brings up shame and guilt. ex. Other people have it worse off than me, why should I feel bad? I'm just selfish, e.t.c.
It does benefit some people to compare, and I actually do find some solice in comparing myself to others - I see people worse off than me thriving, and that gives me hope. This is a DBT method that is brought up in therapy a lot, but under the strict guidelines that you ONLY think this way if it makes you feel more positive, and that you never tell it to other people. But In general, It's not a good idea to tell people this.
Honestly I’m in tears reading the comments here. I haven’t cried in probably 5 or 6 years. I can’t overstate how comforting it is, to see that there ARE ACTUALLY others who are experiencing what I’m experiencing! That I’m not crazy, that I’m not alone!!
She put into words EXACTLY what I’ve been feeling. I could never describe it to anyone. She hit it on the head, all of it.
I hope you’re all able to recover as well, and are staying strong, too ✌️
You aren’t alone. On Sept 11 2016 driving home from the gym after taking a lot of pre workout and vaping, I experienced low blood sugar (which I never really experienced before, which then led to a full blown panic attack) legs weak, heart racing, black floaters in eyes. Remember I was driving home so I nearly crashed. Well that all led to multiple panic attacks for months on end for a good 5 months. I literally haven’t been the same since. It’s scary bc I’ve been feeling numb in the head and face for a while and have had tests done and nothing came back abnormal.
Im going to make another neuro appt soon and psychiatrist appt to explain what I’m feeling. This girl explains what I feel everyday.
As of right this moment I have Covid and it’s like enhancing everything. It’s so scary. But I believe in The Lord and I pray.
WE ARE NEVER ALONE.
crying with you 💙
I’ve experienced this a couple of times during extreme periods of stress, anxiety and depression. It’s like the hardest thing to even describe. Like nothing feels real or you’re not attached to anything. It’s kind of like being in a bubble. It feels like I have no emotional attachment to anything.
Please don’t ever date anyone
Hank have some compassion, nobody wants to date someone with no heart or empathy or others.
@@hankhill3417 lmfao. This generation is absolutely insane
I dated a chick who claimed she had DID she literally bit off a deaf man’s ear during an argument. I truly believe she’s just a sick lady because….. she also tried to off her kids. Obviously she told me none of this but I gave her a chance anyway. Once I realized I just ghosted her.
One month later the police show up at my house saying “why are you harassing her?” I had not seen or spoken to her in a month and they said she filed a restraining order against you and we’re here to enforce it. I had been given a court date and I obviously showed up and told the judge that I haven’t seen or spoke to her in months.
She brought her dog into court I could tell right away the judge didn’t like her probably because she tried to off her own children.
Her name was Jennifer and she gave me an alias said her last name was Hall but it’s actually Hull. I researched Jen hall and saw no crimes or things that I don’t consider bad. I had to receive a restraining order to find out her actual name and her degenerate deviant ways. The judge still gave her a chance and said “has he ever assaulted you” she paused then said no he hasn’t. She interrupted me when I was explaining to the judge my side which is common courtesy, right? So the judge let her have it for that, because I had to listen to her rant and rave about me and supposedly what I did? She had no proof because it didn’t happen. Her plan was to come after me and get money out of me which she was babbling about with a stranger while I’m literally in court waiting. Anyways I don’t think she’s DID she’s just crazy and it’s sad because she’s very pretty and I gave her a chance.FTR I’ve never assaulted a female I wasn’t raised that way.
All thanks to #drituatinnitusdoc the buzzing sound in my ear has finally stop.. Life is back again, thanks Dr
I don’t think many people understand how debilitating this condition can be. Thank you for shedding light on this 💜
in what way ?
It absolutely broke me for many months… I was very lost, confused and most of all: scared
@@Stoneyy Damn. How are you now, friend? Better?
Its not even bad, its more interesting than anything to have it.
@@casperchristensen6451 yes, it took a long time, but what helped is acceptance of it and understanding that’s it’s a part of me now
As a long long time depersonalization sufferer I’m glad vice is giving people with our condition a voice
100% needs more awarness. Going on 12 years now.
@@djsjsjsjjd Same here got it in 2009
Yeah same, I remember it wasn't known at all. A lot more people seem to have it today with all the isolation and technological distractions. Getting more nature and exposure to real things helps... travel and adventure can help
@@JimmyJaxJellyStax As someone who has had this condition for 10 years, that is the best advice there is. Taking in any kind of stimulation will only further separate your mind.
@@tashaneumann42 Absolutely - I used to have it worse about a decade ago, still comes and goes but I'm confident my experiences in travels and getting out in the world more made a difference. It's somewhat returned now with working remote these past 2 years and barely getting out as much - also work burnout (ironic having the most in remote work but maybe not a surprise with not having that official physical clocking out from the job).
Her photographs really express the feeling of isolation from reality so well.
Exactly thats what I also thought
I’ve dealt with this for about 20 years. The easiest and hardest advice I can give is to stop fighting the feeling. Give into it, you’re body will go into autopilot, and keep going about its way. You’re not crazy, you’re not going crazy. It took me a little time, but once I got over the fear of that wave hitting me out of nowhere, I would literally laugh at myself, and say is that the best that you got? For me personally I don’t know if that feeling ever truly went all the way away, but it becomes your new normal. And when you snatch the fear from this battle, you take away its power. Just remember, it always goes away. A problem is only a problem when you think about it, be healthy and stay occupied even when your mind is racing. You have survived every other time, you are batting 1000. 🤟
I appreciate this post, it's nice to hear people describing the anxiety that comes with it. I'll tell myself these things next time I'm in it. Thank you :)
I totally get this, when I recovered (which I thought I never will) it became my jump off point to every problem of stress. That I can deal with anything that comes my way because I feel like I have dealt with the worst. It also gives you caution not to be on abusive situation anymore so as to protect yourself from coming back to that again.
thank you
The way you describe it is exactly how it is for me. Feels like a wave that comes on, peaks, and fades. And my body is on autopilot.
its literally being stagnant staying in the same place and not processing urself or not STIMULATING ur brain thorugh physical... do something instead mroron
Usually caused by trauma or highly stressful events. A good book on this is “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk
ok thanks ! i have 2 traumas ,i live with PTSD , i feel better now but i ll look into it , thanks !
Jen was reading this at the time we filmed this!
@@sallyburtnick7207 it happened to me once i was driving my car , in high density traffic . started with a panic attack , and then i was floating in my body . didnt liked the experience at all .
The book is very good, but it's quite triggering as well. I was in a really good place for 5 years before listening to it and then it opened a lot of previously closed doors.
Another great read is Alice Millers "drama of the gifted child"
as someone with dpdr thank you vice for shedding light on this. much love to everyone that had to go through this you will get through it i promise
I can tell you how to get rid of it if you want.
I had my first episode of this condition about 7 years ago. I went to a psychiatrist and they did not know what to do. For the first 3-4 months I had panic attacks, was suicidal, and was could barely focus for more than a couple minutes. For years I felt like I was dead and I was watching my life from 5 feet above my body while the panic attacks persisted.
It’s been about a few years I have barely had any symptoms of this. Back when I had this there was barely any information on it so this is why I’m sharing this info. What i really think helped me get through it was:
Sleeping 7-8 hours a night - Staying away from caffeine as much as possible (this did help a lot) - Staying away from drugs( drinking) - regulating stress
When going through this , try to stay happy and watch a lot of comedic movies and laugh ! Get your body and blood pumping and try to feel alive as much as possible.
If your going through this now : you will get through it ! Take care your body and listen to what earth or universe is trying to tell you.
Thank you Vice for sharing this !! This is a very scary condition and we need more info on it .
Thank you . I’ve had it on and off since I was 12, but the episodes I had were rare and didn’t last long so although I was scared of them I was concerned long term and lived pretty normally. When I was 22 , I had a mental breakdown and the dissociation was so intense I was actually going insane and losing my grip on reality . My parents were going to admit me to a mental hospital and I wanted to die from how scared I felt all the time . It’s almost a year later and I’m a lot better , but I still feel constantly dissociated . I’ve just come to accept the feeling instead of letting it scare me like it did before . It still affects me a lot though, I can’t even hold a job right now . But I’m hoping in a year or two I’ll be “here” again and wake up ):
Going to second this. Stop drinking alcohol! It’s so frusterating because we think turning to a couple drinks to feel something is ok, but it really makes it worse in the long run. I drank through a period of my life with DPDR and I regret it. Even one drink a day for a while can cause worsening symptoms
It's odd to me that therapists (like mine) go through so much training and yet a majority of them as in this video just can't be therapeutic to any of their clients. They want to push people into EMDR and hash out all the trauma which is even more destabilizing and awful. Medicate the hell out of everyone when behavior modification therapy to help ground and stabilize would be more effective. It's apparent to me that no one in America knows how to really treat complex disorders like DID, DRDP or trauma.
Thankyouu. I have it since I was 16 years hopefully it will go away
Dissociation is incredibly difficult to describe, especially if you’ve never heard someone else experience it. Thank you for this video. I’m not crazy!🎊 🎉
"im not crazy"...the irony lol
Couldn't of said it better
We all disassociate but trauma might be experienced and this is used as a coping mechanism that impairs your ability to love like a normal human
@@tvismyonlyfriend Does it? I mean I've felt what she is describing but I don't think it's the same, I think for me it's some kind of aura i experience during possible onset of a seizure (i don't have one every time but definitely right before other times)
It's like a combination of deja vu and a feeling like nothing is real, combined with actual hallucinations. I used to ask my wife if she was really there or was I hallucinating, hearing voices or like a quick memory that someone else was just there talking or something.
These episodes typically don't last long however.. like 15-30 minutes max and I'm normal again.
@@IGD-974 your probably having panic attacks. They last for ten minutes to an hour.
I had this for about 18 months. After starting a taper off of klonopin.
I’m lucky to have survived it.
It feels like you are walking through life without a soul.
I’m so scared to taper. I think I’m just going to stay on!
@@rebelbeaute1441 you look young. Do you think 10 or 15 years down the road will be easier?
You might not have issues. Some people don’t.
The longer you wait, the more you can count on it being a very bad experience.
I have CPTSD and found it incredible when in my current psych noticed me dissociating in one of my early sessions with them. I have often felt that strange feeling that she describes so well, it's like a here-but-not-really-here sensation, as if you are in the passenger seat of your body rather than the driver. I am grateful she is sharing her experience and finding a way to channel it through her work
I had DPDR back in 2020 and it lasted for about six months. Those of you who are struggling, just know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Its not permanent nor is it dangerous. It’s there to protect you. If you pay attention, it will show you areas in your life that you need to work on and change in order to 100% recover… Definitely a life teacher.
You are right for most people it takes a few months to 2 years no matter what they do.
But for some it is permanent....
How did you recover?
How did you recover?
If you are reading this, I want you to know that you can overcome this!! Depersonalization/derealization is a horrible feeling but its just that a FEELING. It stems from your Anxiety disorder and no amount of medication will get you thru it unless you figure out and realize that if you CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK, YOU CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL! This is extremely difficult todo but hear me out. Sit with it and stop paying attention to how weird and uncomfortable it feels and stop worrying of how many years its been since you last felt normal or if you ever will. You are normal! If you have the ability to feel this way is because you are normal but you are going thru immense stress!! Your brain is so tired of the anxiety and stress that it wants to move away from your head leaving you with this damn feeling. I dealt with it for over 6 years of none stop feeling this way. The only place i felt “normal” was in my sleep! But then I realized that I was only able to feel depersonalized if I noticed it! And my brain was constantly noticing it. Thats when I realized it was more of a habit now than an actual issue. I would feel anxious or panicky and then boom depersonalized for days and weeks because I would keep noticing it. Go outside of your comfort zone. Make yourself anxious, make yourself depersonalized, tell yourself that this is nothing but an uncomfortable feeling and sit with it. Spin around whenever you feel the most depersonalized or anxious and you will see little by little how your own brain will start to realize that it is all a bluff!!
I’ve had this disorder since I was 10. It feels like you’re going crazy but understanding it and why my brain does it made me feel way better.
I’ve had dpdr for about five years now. It’s just your brain’s coping mechanism
I’ve had dpdr for about five years now. It’s just your brain’s coping mechanism
I was 12 when it started. Now i'm 35 and it took almost my whole Life to learn trough YT what this is called. Now that i know it a couple of years it feels better to have a Name for it cause i always felt like an Alien. You can't explain it. The more i learned in Therapy over the Years, and the more i worked on my Mental Health the better it got.
Now ok?
@@opiumeyes2858 did it affect your studies and career?
I had my first episode when I was 12 years old I described it to my mother as best I could. She didn’t understand and had her on things and struggles she was dealing with. I was left alone with living like this for 4 years. When it went away.. life went back to normal. Anytime I would remember it. I would feel myself slowly slipping away. Once it caught me and I had another episode for two weeks. When I came out I swore to myself I would never think about it or tell anyone. Years went by.. when I was 27 years old I woke up and was completely detached from reality. It was so terrifying. Like having an abusive ex knock on your door and just left themselves into your house. The difference is now I can articulate what I feel. I feel like I’m on auto pilot. It’s as if you are playing a game on a computer in first person mode. It blows my that I can do things without telling myself to do them. My body knows the routine of life. My mind obverses from the outside in.
I’m glad people to see vice doing a video on this. No one in my life understand and even cares to learn. It’s as if because I’m not screaming or crying in the streets that it’s not real.
The irony of that.. is that I don’t feel real anymore.
Your not alone DRDP people out there. 💛
Thank you for this, it's as if you read my mind and wrote it all down. I first experienced it at 11 years old and went through the exact same situation. It's extremely difficult to live with, I wish you all the best. Hugs
Right there with you ❤️
Have you been with a loved one that had to experience this with you? What can a bf or gf do for someone going through this?
this is me i had it at 13 and its been here for 5 years chronically. my onset was very sudden I didnt even have a panic attack. I woke up with it one day. The fact the experience was so incommunicable meant i spent 4 years going around thinking i had grown up but now i know that it isn't healthy. How do you know when life is normal? what does it feel like?
@@mariyashandle if your asking me i'm guessing your out, when your out you'll know.
I’ve struggled with it every day since I was eight, I’m eighteen now. I thought I was crazy for so long, the diagnosis four years ago saved my life. If you’re experiencing this disorder you’re absolutely not alone and you will get through it ❤️
@DECLAN_TRIPPER ON IG AND TELEGRAM nah
@DECLAN_TRIPPER ON IG AND TELEGRAM psychoactive substances are known triggers for DPDR and dissociative symptoms in general, and will only make things worse. you're encouraging vulnerable people to go psychotic. shame on you.
i've been struggling with this since high school, always nice to know you're not alone. is there anything specific that has helped you?
@@mezzanine9275 I will give you a list of things to do everyday to get rid of it. It’s not going to go straight away but give it a few weeks and maybe months and you will be fine:
1. Take a cold shower everyday (trust me it works and it’s just really good for mental health overall) it probably won’t do much after the first time but slowly you will ease back into reality
2. exercise everyday
3. every morning write down 3 things that you are grateful for ( it sounds like bullshit but just trust me it’s really good for ur mental health and it is a skill, eventually u will start to become more grateful which will put you in better moods)
4. Meditate listening to relaxing music or a guided meditation for 5-10 minutes everyday
Do these things everyday especially the cold showers and you will be fine. At first it’s going to feel weird and maybe even scary but that’s just you coming back into reality. Hot baths are really good as well, take a cold shower in the morning and then take a hot bath maybe like once a week before bed. This is how i got out of it.
@@snid4454 with the cold showers do the wim hof breathing exercise, its on youtube. And try to keep your heart rate down during the day
I've had several episodes of this over the years as a response to severe anxiety and panic attacks. I experienced a deep sense of disconnection from the world, everything felt strange and unreal, I felt as though I was in a dream and watching the world through a veil of white noise. I felt as though I couldn't log in to the moment. I also experienced lots of existential questions about thr nature of reality, and obsessed about whether i even existed at all. It's an extremely frightening experience. I know now it was my brain trying to dissociate from the trauma of panic disorder, but in reality all it did was cause me so much more anxiety.
Sorry you feel this way. I can perhaps suggest you read the Quran cuz it has helped me. I hope you will get better
I've had DP since I was 13, and at first I didn't know what it was so I went through hell for my entire teenage. At 20 I managed to control my anxiety and I could live a rather normal life and do the things I wanted in life. Today I'm 32 and I'm in complete control of it... but I still have it 24/7. I'm not expecting it to ever go away. But I decided a long time ago that it's not gonna win.
Look up the user handle above 👆, he's a sure plug with the best healing products for anxiety, depression. The HEALER is really doing a great job in PTSD
I've struggled with this for years and have not had any idea of how to cope with it. Everyone you tell about it thinks you're making it up and it makes you feel even crazier. Thank you for telling your story Jen. There are a lot of us out here dealing with DP/DR with zero clue what to do and this story is really helpful and hopeful.
its not even bad, when I have it I think its really interesting
Yes it’s horrific. Just know it will get better. I know I didn’t really trust anybody when I had it. Someone could tel me life was real but how was I to know that they’re not just…robots? I suppose.
You will get through it tho. I can’t tell you how long it will be but I wish I had an answer. I wish I could tell you what helped me overcome it but I can’t, only time for me.
I hope you find peace soon but stay strong until you do.
This happens to me - I can’t do anything until it’s over. When you look back on an episode I can’t remember doing anything significant or productive. My creativity is shot. I think i have been going through it for a lot longer than I give myself credit for. I feel “removed” as she says everything seems “fragmented” where the only thing I can really notice is the anxiety i am feeling because of it.
I’m so sorry this also happens to you. Thank you for sharing 🥺❤️
Me too! But it manifests in quite a different way I think. for me it's not a problem. I don't feel isolated from everything or people just myself and my surroundings. For me it's actually a wonderful feeling now I'm used to it. Don't think I had it in my youth much... I wouldn't give it up for the world now though!
I guess this is what some addicts of disassociative drugs actually choose as a way of existing? And that's interesting. Perhaps perspective has a lot to do with it too?
It's sad that this young lady finds it disturbing. I hope she finds her peace with it soon. But her art is incredible. It really enhances that same feeling in me when I look at it. Incredible 😶
Perhaps we all have this to differing degrees? Many people describe moments like this I know. From what I heard from others thats quite common. But the moment in most people's experience, doesn't linger long. In most people's experience maybe it doesn't linger long enough to notice it at all? Meaning it's not really an unnatural feeling. Just to notice it and have it remain is unusual.
....I'll shut up now. 🫢
@@khalilahd. Aw ❤️
This channel really helped me recover. he has a website aswell ua-cam.com/users/Dpmanual
Sorry to hear, friend. Sounds like torture.
Have you talked with a psychologist or psychiatrist?
It’s so validating to see this piece. I remember when I was younger and struggling with some really bad episodes of DPDR, I would try to find annythingg online about it--comfort in others sharing this scary experience or info on how to cope. There was nothing. It made the feelings of isolation and spaciness deeper. I haven’t had an episode in years but it feels good to know more content is out there if I need it, and that it’s there for others experiencing these feelings.
Whoever recorded this, he/she gets it. The camera angles and the composition.
This is how it feels.
👆👆👆Look up that handle, he ships swiftly,
Surest plug🍄🍄🍫💯.....
Thank you for this video Vice. I have this condition and I appreciate you bringing this disorder to public attention. We really need more scientific research on DPDR.
@DECLAN_TRIPPER ON INSTAGRAM Shut up.
Great video and thanks to Vice for giving this some exposure.
I've had this condition since i was 10 years old, i'm now 40. For me it definitely gets worse in stressful situations.
A good help as others have mentioned is being 'comfortable' with the discomfort of being dissociated and detached. Not fighting the feeling and just letting you body and mind go with the flow. It's something that hasn't completely gone away but has tapered down to something i can call normal.
I’ve had this my entire life. It’s just grown with time. The isolation, feeling removed from myself etc.
Me too. I don’t consider it a disorder.
Same. Have always had it. Am dissociated 24/7. Can function pretty much normally because I am so used to it. Traumatized of course but used to it. A glass wall is not the best description for me as many people describe it. It is more like a feeling of solipsism.
@@DJCHomestay looking into solipsism is the worst decision i ever made tbh
This is probably the first person’s story that I’ve heard about dissociation, what it feels like to consistently dissociate, and have that ebb & flow of it. I feel extremely seen from this & can relate to finding a voice through proper therapy after having a therapist for far too long that became attached and unable to recognize they were hurting me more than help because of their therapy style. It prolonged 10 years of more trauma than it needed to from not being able to have the correct diagnosis to get the help I needed. From having a proper trauma therapist, I’ve made such huge changes in only a 6 month time that has been helping me get increasingly more present. It makes such a difference & having support from the right people. Thank you, Vice for sharing this. Thank you Jen for speaking about this and being brave like we all traumatized mf’s are when we choose to heal.
Wow, her photography is spot on in capturing the anxiety you feel when you're suffering with dissociation. I had a dissociative episode after my dad died. Lasted for about a year or so. I felt like an alien inside my own body, like I wasn't real. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone either, because I was paranoid that they knew that "wasn't me" or I "wasn't real." It was absolutely horrendous, one of the worst things I've ever been through, and I do believe it was caused by the trauma of losing my dad so suddenly and unexpectedly the day before Thanksgiving. I was supposed to see him, and he kept trying to call me, but I was dodging his calls, because I assumed I would see him on Thanksgiving and was busy and dealing with other things, and then I woke up to a phone call from my brother-in-law telling me he was gone. I remember screaming "no" into the phone a hundred times, having to be drug into the room where the viewing was being held, and my cousins all turning on me and trying to push me out of my grandmother's life, because they wanted her money and my dad was no longer in the way. And I was so worried about what would happen to my grandmother, as she was in the early stages of alzheimers, and I wasn't capable of taking care of her at that time. All of a sudden, my whole world was turned upside down, and I felt like I had no one and like I had completely lost my identity. I still have the occasional fleeting episode from time to time, but thankfully, the dissociation passed slowly as I processed my trauma and put the pieces of my life back together...and very much like the artist said, learned to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Sending strength to anyone who is suffering with this right now. Just remember that feelings aren't facts, and just because you feel this way now, it doesn't mean you will always feel this way. You are real and you matter...you're just processing something bigger than you could have ever been prepared for. Stay strong. ❤️
I’ve always thought everyone lived in a daydream state. As I start to get older I see it’s impact on my life and personality. I’m 21 don’t really having goals or even thinking about the future. I’ve always said I’ve truly lived in the moment but never realized the reality was I couldn’t leave the moment I was in. I feel “stuck” in my surroundings, but it all feels like a daydream. I take it day by day, but am always enveloped in this dream state. I’ve never felt I’ve had multiple personalities, but definitely know there are “two sides to my personality” if you will. Its just hard to pinpoint and categorize. I really appreciate shedding light on this, makes it feel alittle less scary, and a little less alone.
Jen did such an exquisite job of explaining this DP/DR piece of trauma. I lived in it for most of my life, but have been free for about 5 years, and so grateful. Her photography is brilliant. Well come and thanks for sharing Jen. Brava!
Hey❤what helped you the most on your journey of getting free?✌️
I've had depersonalization for almost 3 years now. I can say after my first year of having it, I finally got used to it. Don't try to fight it & just let it flow through you or you will be stressed.
Stress is the #1 killer, Don't be stressed.
Yes, your perception will be different & unique, let it be. Many people will think you're crazy so don't even bother telling people unless you have a licensed physician who has studied it, or someone who has DPD themselves.
Im scared man
@@Noyader Meditation can help.
Give it time, give yourself time to embrace it.
Fighting it will only make it 10x worse
@@IamHardtokill thank you man, I'm trying to adapt but it's difficult
@@Noyader I know the feeling, it's difficult but you will make it.💪🏾💪🏾🔥
We are warriors
@@IamHardtokill youre a good as dude man, appreciate the help by all means 🤘
I was abused and went through episodes of this quite often. I have been to therapy and if you find the right therapy it can help. I don't disassociate nearly as much.
Also it really helps to have people around that you can trust.
For the longest time I had no idea what I was experiencing. I'd just start feeling like everything around me wasn't real and like I didn't exist or wasn't in control of my own body. It's hard to really explain the feelings. Kind of like I was in a video game watching the role of myself or in like a dream like state but at the same time knew I wasn't? It's strange af
But what if everything around you isnt real i have the same condition what if we live in something like the matrix and only us with those conditions are real but live in another realm while coexisting in this one. Well we do our body is here in this physical 3 d realm but our soul our spirit is somwhere else and its not 3 dimensional that justifies our dreams the ability to hear our thoughts with out opening our mouth to speak with out opening our mouth to see with out our eyes think about it i could have explained it better but i hope you get it
@@youngkikoskicrew2051 I thought about things like that many many times haha like for real though but yeah I know exactly what you're saying
A spiritual awakening feels like this too. It isn’t always a disorder or illness.
@@hhholly facts
@@youngkikoskicrew2051 I’ve experienced both the illness and spiritual awakening.
Having had a few concussions from sports injuries it really put a warp speed on the disassociation for me. It's sort of like a wave that just comes and goes with the tide. There's a long list of reasons along with trauma that wrap into those waves and how they ebb and flow. Feeling grounded for me ha always been about being outside in nature. It just allows all of your emotions to get pulled into the surroundings and that sense that life is raw helps bring me into the present. Be well out there - take care of yourselves and don't get caught in those riptides of life.
if this happens to you because of a concussion, you can heal it with hyperbaric oxygen therapy!! it helped me a LOT
@@julesbonasera8669 Have to look into that for sure - finding a good chiro and masseuse was very healing as well for me. Definitely still need to do maintenance on the mind and body!
@@thebikehub7421 wishing you a full recovery 🙏🏻
@@julesbonasera8669 ❤Thanks so much!
Peace and love, Jen you are awe-inspiring and keep up the photography. You are a Deity and deserve everything your kind heart desires
i've been diagnosed with dpdr for like, 2 years now? meds don't really work for me unfortunately so i'm pretty much always dissociated at this point - but it's taught me a great few things about listening to my limits and whatnot. my therapist hasn't been super helpful in terms of treating dissociation but there are some books (like the body keeps the score) that have been helpful to me personally. best of luck to anyone also dealing with this!
How does a loved one deal with your dpdr?
@@Adubs808 It varies, very much. Not all of them are understanding and not all of them know about it. I'm fairly good at hiding the regular day-to-day dissociation when I need to.
Mostly though, my supportive loved ones, my partner in particular, just deal with it by listening to me? I tell them what I need and they tell me what they need and we try to compromise where we can. Good communication (when possible) is vital. They're also wonderfully patient with me when I'm dissociating too much to properly function and they help out based on guidelines we've established beforehand.
So yeah, that''s mostly how. I hope that answers your question?
Oh my god! I’ve been waiting so long for someone to speak out about this! When I first experienced this I felt like I was going crazy and this is never going to stop, this was the worst time of my life. But step by step I understood the cause of it and was able to cope with it. Thank you so much for sharing
Suffering from mental disorder, I'll best recommend you look up the user name above 👆, the HEALER gat the best healing products. That I can vouch for
Disassociation feels like your watching a movie. It feels like your an observer of life rather than actually being present and living. You know your real, what's happening around you is real, but it feels like a dream. It's easy to loose track of conversations and makes it hard to concentrate. It makes it hard to connect with others because you are more focused on your thoughts, than what's actually happening. It's a defense mechanism, sometimes to protect ourselves we mentally disconnect from our bodies. I can totally relate as someone who has anxiety and panic attacks.
Thank you for this! I have dissociative episodes and dissociative seizures (I have Functional Neurological Disorder) and this was a really good way to describe some of those feelings. Definitely going to share this, as it could be so helpful to friends and family, to help understand.
Been dealing with this 24/7 for 11 years now. Originally I was mainly dealing with Derealization, then when that got too intense, I got Depersonalization as a bonus. Thanks so much for spreading light on this topic ❤
"A disassociative society makes for disassociative people" --> hit me *hard* thank you for sharing your story, I truly hope you work through your trauma 🖤💛
I’m really glad vice did a piece on this. I struggled with for more than half a decade and it was as horrific as it was ineffable. At the time there was hardly any research or known treatments. It’s hard to explain just how debilitating and strange this disorder really is. Luckily, there is more and more exposure which means more recognition among medical and mental health professionals, which means more research and treatment options. Also, by bringing this kind of thing to light, people inevitably find out that they are not alone. There are great online communities dedicated to dpd where others who suffer from dpd offer each other support and encouragement. Just talking with others who know what your going through will help more than you think. Plus people with Dpd are the kindest and most thoughtful people out there on the web.
@Derek Schellenberg . I'm curious...how would you see the intersection of your DP with an immersement in gaming and fiction ? The phrase horrific and ineffable is so 'exact'. Is there a possibility we could discuss this further ? Best regards, N
Thank you so much for this. Putting it into such vivid and real perspective. I struggle with this as well, and I don't really know what to do.
I felt so validated just from them putting “DP DR” on the title card. Kudos to Vice for covering this one. This doesn’t even begin to convey the horror and unease that DPDR creates
I have suffered with DPDR since 2016 and this disorder has been the single hardest thing I have ever had to deal with…and I’m nowhere near resolved. I’m so glad videos like this are being made to raise awareness about this horrific disorder
This is the first time I am totally unable comprehend what this must be like, and what another is feeling. Mental illness sucks and truthfully is relatable to empathic people, but this...I can't even imagine how or why or when...
I hope she's found relief 💙
I genuinely want to understand this now. Thanks for sharing.
I had a full year where I struggled everyday with this and it was horrible. I thought I was crazy, I had to leave my job and was planning suicide. Absolutely a nightmare experience
Sorry to hear that, how did you get through it and how are you doing nowadays?
i tried anti-psychotics but i couldn't stay on them. I really just had to wait it out and it went away after about a year and half. After about 2 years i don't experience it anymore, but i'm always scared it'll come back. I think if it does come back i'll just submit myself to the hospital rather than struggle like i was
So thankful for this video! I finally understand what i was feeling for years now. I am lucky to have such good coping skills but this explains a lot for me.
Thank you for this insight into your struggle. The way you reflect on this condition and your outlook on life might give some hope to others. So sorry to read about the loss of your brother and the difficulties your whole family had to face.
I’m 33 and have had depersonalization-derealization since I was a teenager. I didn’t know that’s what it was until my 20s. I was in therapy for 12 years, ended it with professional therapists about two years ago. They weren’t helping with their own confusion and insistence on CBT. But I found that learning to heal through Buddhism, shadow work, learning and creating my own grounding techniques, learning internal family systems on my own has been more helpful than professional therapists. It’s really a pain in the ass for me to find a specialist in trauma, and I would like to try EMDR, but the therapists were either not close enough to get to in my city by public transit (I don’t drive or know people who can reliably drive me) or the EMDR therapists don’t take insurance. Sliding scales are usually too expensive for me to pay for every week.
My heart goes out to anyone struggling with this. I had a stroke that hit the area of my brain that controlled perception, and it caused some intense dissociation for the first few weeks. It was so hard to describe to people that everything looked the same but it all felt different. My apartment didn't feel like mine, and I just felt so far away. I still struggle to accurately describe it, and it wasn't until my neurologist explained it to me that I was able to quantify those feelings in any way.
Ive been living with depersonalization for 3 years now thank you for bringing awareness vice
It happened to me for a few months, it feels really weird, you are very brave girl. Sending all the love!
It’s so relieving to find a video that puts everything I’ve been dealing with into words.
For everyone experiencing this and wondering if it ever ends - I can tell you it does! I had DPDR when I was in my late teens. 29 now and never had it again.
The solution is healthy lifestyle, particularly good diet and exercise! Meditation is also a must. And making the DECISION consciously that you will get on with your life!
Yes, exercise and diet was huge for me as well. Also, being social, focusing on your goals, and truly believing that positive thoughts can overcome anything because when you believe they can then they can.
Meditation is not for everyone because it in self causes dissociation. Lots of research on this.
DBT therapy really helped me with my dissociation. For those struggling with it, there is hope.
I just broke down crying. thank you for making me not feel "alone" for the first time since i can remember.
I have suffered mostly undiagnosed and untreated from DPDR, aside from drugs and alcohol, for almost 2 decades. I am finally realizing the nature of DPDR and how to live and thrive with it. I am brand new and on baby deer legs but it gets better every day. I have used EMDR in the past for addiction and trauma and found it very beneficial. I need to return to it. But anyway I just wanted to qualify and relate to your experience and express my appreciation for your art. Your work is very linear and symmetrical. It's very satisfying for the eyes. It's quite good and beautiful. Keep up the great work.
EFT (tapping) can have an amazing impact on integrating trauma and dissociation.
This is so interesting! Thank you for all involved in this brilliantly insightful project!
thank you for making this, I'm currently on 8 different psychiatric medications assuming some of the same ones, thank for bringing awareness and giving insight into the mental struggles people endure
@DECLAN_TRIPPER ON INSTAGRAM boi?
She describes this so well… I feel it to the core, but can never put into words.
I grew up with Dissociation Disorder myself. Waking up to this video… wow. I can’t help but laugh because I know I’m not alone. Thank you Vice for being the best.
Hey Sabrina, I know how terrible this feeling can be. This channel helped me recover ua-cam.com/users/Dpmanual he has a website as well.
@Sabrina, I noticed from the titles of your YT videos that you are into new age astrology. This attracts demons, is strictly prohibited by God. The root cause of dissociation disorder is demonic. Turn from this, seek a pastor for prayer and deliverance. Seek God. Only Jesus can heal you. Sorry to hear you suffer from this.
“There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord.”
Deuteronomy 18:10-11
@@molinaafo Thank you for looking out. I am a follower of Christ and Jesus is my best friend. I don’t consent to the New Age indoctrinations and rebuke any and all attacks that may try to come my way in the name of Jesus Christ. 🙏🏽
@@SabrinaRiccio shamanic priestess? Really? Come on…Repent of this. This will lead you no where, and will fill your life with grief. Make Jesus your lord, not your buddy. He will give you the peace you seek.
I could never describe it on my own or in my own words, but she has described it perfectly. Thank you
ikr I didn't know what it was at first and my mom was making up excuses like "oh maybe it's hormones" 😐😂
Finally - someone's talking about it. Been in a dissociative state for 6 months and still recovering. My heart goes out to anybody experiencing this, it's vastly underestimated and a truly nasty experience ❤️
I'm so sorry to hear about what this woman is going through and what many of you in the comments are. I've gone through DPDR for most of my adult life in one form or another. There were several non-consecutive years where I was badly disabled by it. It was horrifying at its worst. It's only recently that I've been able to be really well recovered, though past trauma often threatens to overwhelm me, and I have to go to the healthy techniques I utilize to process it. But I try to use those techniques daily as just a general regiment of wellness. But even when I get flare ups here and there, I have a much better ability to process them and recover, and am glad to say my life is way better than ever, even while the challenges to me keep coming.
this makes me feel not alone. Thank you
Wow, our stories are so so similar its insane. Thank you so much for this truly.
Dude! That woosh feeling. I've never been able to put that into words my entire life. Although, thankfully for me despite the intensity and discomfort of the feeling it would often be temporary, though still can feel inescapable for an hour or so. Always when lying on bed before falling asleep at night, usually during moments of thinking "too much", or feeling an emotional extreme.
Wow thank you vice… I’ve been going through this ever since I got shot at 16 years old … I never knew how to explain this … that’s the first time I had a out of body experience, I saw my self at the hospital with a light on me just getting sewed up
LIVING WITH A DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER, THANKS FOR SHARING..."SUPER SUPER AWESOME VIDEO!!! 🔥I love the way you put it together!! I think this is one of the best ones yet !! ❤ Looking forward to your next one! It's awesome!!
My heart is full to see I am not alone. Im struggled with this for years and never knew how to open up about it. I had a very traumatizing childhood and have been "lost" ever since. Nights where I dream make it the worst as well as thinking about much time has changed... but it's beautiful to know I am not alone ❤
Thanks, for this it really helped me that you have the courage to talk about your experience. It does change even after many years of dissociation, it can also come back when things become frightening which is difficult. I hope you make more of these and I wish you all the best, I think your yoga is a very cool method. I hope you are able to feel your feelings soon, much affection from a fellow sufferer.
Got hit hard with DDD 6 months ago after a large portion of my family passed away/period of housing instability and fleeing an attempted robbery at gun point. Returning to college was so strange, I had been away for a year dealing with those events, and in that time everyone I knew graduated and moved away which made it even worse. And because of the pandemic and what I was going through it was all too easy to isolate myself socially. I felt like a ghost in 3rd person, just floating around town, emotionless, expecting to see familiar faces and never finding them. Sometimes I'd take a seat in class and the next thing I know it's over like nothing happened in between. With the help of therapy and cubes (not recommending) I've finally started to ground myself, but it's an ongoing process. I've dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life, but this experience has been especially distressing, there were many times where I thought I was genuinely going insane.
Thank you for sharing. Praying for continued healing! 🙏🏿💗
I had an episode not too long ago after getting out the hospital, was stress triggered. Felt like everything was something else, can't describe it outside that glass wall she mentioned. Weirdest damn feeling I've ever had. I do not wish it on no one, it's how I imagine things in a cage or aquarium would feel if they knew what it was.
I've described it as feeling suspended in jello/seeing the world through jello. It's definitely bizarre to experience and harder to describe.
@@toejammiepie that fits also, I remember constantly rocking and asking my wife what time it was over and over and I was really bothered by the concept of time.
Notice how progressive Democrats all have made up disorders lol 😂
Wow thank you for sharing. I know it couldn’t be easy
Hey so what really helped me was this channel ua-cam.com/users/Dpmanual I am fully recovered from DP and I want everyone to know you don't have to be stuck with this. You can recover.
What a strong woman, mental health in itself is incredibly tough and can be crippling, it erodes away at you.
Having a disorder such as this where one's sense of reality, life's sensations are so distant and that sense of grounding is so difficult and uncertain. That's got to be awful.
I have BPD/ADHD/CPTSD and it's so difficult not only to survive but indeed live in a world where a very large number of the population and services don't acknowledge or believe because it's "invisible" and mistreat / misunderstand those suffering.
Life's incredibly difficult for so many people who not only have to constantly battle the public, family, even "friends" for their disorders to be recognised and their struggles to be taken seriously but also having to battle the "support" services that are already massively underfunded, overstretched, understaffed, underappreciated and indifferent.
Things will get better, I hope.
stay safe all.
@DECLAN_TRIPPER ON INSTAGRAM No thanks officer.
I appreciate the visibility here. I’ve been dissociating since I was six, and got hit with dissociative amnesia in my early 30s, and a few years later after fleeing a wildfire I experienced DPDR. When your symptoms improve following a dissociative disorder diagnosis, healing can even be confusing and you still are hit with a sense of imposter syndrome. Most people with DPDR are fearful they are becoming schizophrenic because they don’t know how to express the isolation in their experience of the world. It can ebb and flow a lot, but DBT, IFS, AF-EMDR, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Hakomi and more modalities have helped me unlock sensations in my body and interoception allows me to connect those sensations to my emotions and needs. I am so grateful for neural plasticity and the ability to rewire our brains.
@ Crystal Rose Bryan . Appreciate your rich response... you have obviously done a lot of work on the project of "re-wiring". Still - I'm curious how much time in a day you spend just working at addressing the problem? I would greatly value further insight into your ongoing process, if that is possible. Thanks, Nina
Hi @@ninaromm5491...I think we can only be self-aware as much as we work at it, and it can't always be 24/7. If we look at it like skill-building and coming back to ourselves, I feel like over time it just becomes a way of life. I don't think healing is linear, but sometimes it feels a lot like a spiritual practice. Managing my symptoms will usually make me pay closer attention, but setting boundaries and keeping them seems to keep me in a place of not being as overwhelmed.
Have you been properly diagnosed?
I went through a really bad experience from weed and suffered this. Luckily it was short term and passed within a few days.
Sympathy to everyone who suffers with this.
Have you watched the movie Numb starring Mathew Perry?
my first episode was absolutely terrifying and i will never forget how scared i felt
Your are incredible! Your vulnerability has me finally asking better questions about myself.
Thank you!!!!!
been living with dpdr for almost a year now and it's changed every aspect of who I was as a person. all the sensations she mentioned couldn't be any closer to my reality, terrible living like this. thank you vice for bring attention to this
Thank you to this wonderful person for letting us into her world.
I've experienced this a few times from photo-sensitive epilepsy, and anxiety attacks. It's absolutely unnerving. If you've ever looked through the other end of binoculars out of curiosity (you know how everything looks like it's stretched almost and far away), well that's what it feels like. Nothing feels real and the world just looks completely different. You just cant understand how horrific and isolating it is unless you've experienced it. I wish I could support those who struggle with this ❤ I'm here, I see you, I hear you. You're NOT crazy and you ARE going to get through it.
So sad to hear so many people that live with this for so long. It happened to me once and I think I will never forget that horrible experience. I was at a party with friends I love but all of a sudden it was like everything turned into a movie. I was listening and talking but there was no emotions, no connections, it was like I was not there, like I was no-longer in control of my own actions, yet I where there at the same time. Nothing felt real anymore. Going through this often must be horrible, I really hope you all find a way to get better.
I didn't know there were others who dissociate over long periods. I've been in a dissociative state for 21-22 years straight. I don't remember what it's like for the world to feel real. Thank you for sharing your experience and what has helped you.
As someone with DPDR… bless ❤️ such a great video
Phew I had it for about a month years ago and i thought it would never go away again, guess I am lucky considering the comments and the girl in the video, remember experiencing this for the first time when i was really young on a vacation, its literally like staring though a glass and your mind doesnt feel home. Great video 👍
Thank you for making this. It means alot. I disassociate through half if it but I got all of it.
I connected to this so deeply. Gives me comfort knowing I'm not alone.
I have Maladaptive Daydreaming which is apparently also a form of dissociation so i can relate to some extend. I hope things will get much better for her and everyone experiencing these kind of disorders. It can be really hard on every aspect of life.
I was once miserable and had it for like months but i recovered (100%) from this, you can do it too!
Looking back I definitely have disassociated for longer than I'd realised at diagnosis. I was finally diagnosed with this during a study abroad and it was the scariest, most unsettling situation I'd experienced in my life at that point.
Feeling like an alien is a great way to put it. I tend to feel very fragile and almost baby like. Desperately wanting someone to take care of me, while also not wanting to be around anyone haha 😅
During a flare up, I always feel like I know my emotions and 'me' will return in an explosion/avalanche of emotion. And it's the waiting for it to 'hit' that always freaks me out. Because I have no control over when the 'veil' will break or when it will come on.
Not a fun condition at all. Really appreciated this video and the incredible photography shown 😊💜
i'm crying. For years I thought I was crazy but when I learned about depersonalisation, I felt understood
I’ve had this for 4 years now. I’ve learned to live with it and make it my best friend.
I have a dissociative disorder and her art is actually so true. Such a good video
Are you in any meds
Its very nice seeing this disorder get some attention, dispersonalization, derealization and dissociative disorder are all basically the same thing.
And it all comes down to severe stress and trauma which has caused the coping chemical in your brain to become more present than nessacary.
Usually most people go through this experience during a highly stressful event and thats the only time they feel it.
But if you go through that level of stress on a consistant basis then that how you develop these disorders.
I know it feels very scary, this is coming from personal experience with these disorders but you must understand that it does go away on its own as long as you stop feeding your anxiety with worrysome thoughts and irrational fear.
You will get through it, it just takes cognitive training and perhaps applying some changes to your personal life.
Thank you for being willing and open to sharing your story with us.
Oh man totally understand how she feels