What (& What Not) to Say to Divorced People at Church
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- "We all have the opportunity and the power to make people in a delicate phase of their lives feel welcome in our ward families"
Read the LDS Living article here: www.ldsliving.c...
And Sisters please don’t assume because they are
single they are fishing for your husband or wife. And if you are single DON’T!
I want to add an experience I had where I said something which could have been terrible if said to the wrong person. A friend I had known long ago told me she was divorced. She was waiting for the shame to come from me. All I said with a big smile was, Congratulations!” After a stunned second or two she cracked up laughing! I knew what it is like to be single.
Church members are terrible about assuming the man is the problem. As the custodial parent, I constantly had to defend myself. Judgement was ridiculous. From no help with moving, to no help with meals, to no home teachers, and “helpful” invites to play tennis in the early morning at the exact time I’m driving a son to early morning seminary, get two younger kids up, and putting 45 miles on the car dropping kids off all before getting to work.
No offers to help..nothing....I am forever grateful for my Heavenly Father who made sure i was not comfortless even though no one around me helped.
I kept my covenants from day one, and she left both me and the kids...and yet members judged me.
Thankfully I also know that it wasn’t God...He just didn’t have very helpful tools. So we figured it out together. Remarried to a faithful LDS woman, adopted her additional 5 children, blended, 8, and even eventually were able to be sealed in the temple.
Members can be very judgmental of divorce....but testimonies are not of people...I have distanced myself from the people somewhat, but never from my covenants or the gospel.
Yes, it takes two to mess up a marriage. But men and women are equally capable of being awful to each other. Stop assuming it’s the man’s fault.
That’s awful. I’m sorry you had no support. People need to learn to love abs not judge and also realize it’s not their place to punish but to serve. God bless.
I am sorry, I had a very similar experience.
Remarriage is adultery as clearly noted in the Bible. Repent
I'm going through a separation and she blames me for everything when is her that she's putting work before us.
@Linet Akinyi not according to original version of Bible. There's no divorce no exceptions
Lol when people sat they are divorced I say "oh, okay" and move on. Usually its so opposite of what they expect, they're caught off guard and can't converse for a good minute.
No they aren't caught off guard, that is how 99.999999% of people respond.
I just tell people she has multiple personalities and was horribly abusive and 30 years was enough. But that’s me. (Yes it’s true)
Yunno
You should not ask any questions about the past marriage. So rude.
Can we just say: "I have no idea what to say, help me out. Otherwise I'm here for you."
I have seen some people been excluded because they were divorced, and also married woman worry that the divorced woman would sleep with their husband, guess what??? my husband got involved with a MARRIED woman from work!! and of course destroyed my marriage and we are leading to divorce, its the most cruel pain i have ever experienced! i already feel lonely, single and lost.. dont know if ill loose my friends because most of the good ones are married , some members of the church are already noticing im always alone with my kids and when they ask i say.. well he broke the vow , i mean, there are so many more problems... i would just say: do u have time to listen all the drama??
Why when someone die friends visit and bring food and when i marriage dies they leave us alone?? i dont understand!
It is a very lonely experience. One I would wish on no one.
Everyone is different though. I always try to remember it our responsibility not to be easily offended. Life is hard for all of us.
These two seem like lovely and amazing human beings! And also, she is beautiful!
agreed
he's not bad either and he's available and he's English! Come on ladies!
I love this happy and positive attitude of these friends, hahaha. My divorce process was painful and I remember that being well focused helped me a lot to cope better with the situation. People's reaction to our change in marital status is also understandable, even if it hurts. So I made an effort to be focused on the right people who could help me. I also focused on my goals, dreams, responsibilities, as well as staying close to the Lord. After several years I was able to find a way to smile and joke again, but it was all part of the process of learning great life lessons.
he's not bad either and he's available and he's English! Come on ladies!
thanks so much and bytheway, you two make a cute couple, he makes you laugh :)
Please drop the music 😒 otherwise, 100% amazing content!
I found them flippant, unserious.
Better to weep tears for the separation from God and the angels than make silly jokes, provide advice available anywhere and pretend everything’s okay. It’s NOT.
@@BTLFAEN What a judgement to make. You know neither of these people, I assume. Until you have died on the cross for their sins and experienced everything they have, you have absolutely no right (nor the ability) to judge them.
@@BTLFAEN it is a serious matter. I appreciate that you are bold in recognizing that seriousness. Perhaps it may be a revelation to you the sense of humor our Heavenly Father has. Healing is aided by His power in that quality he perfectly possesses. Remember that the sealing power is a priesthood key and responsibility of judgement and a help in broken covenants or conditions that are very difficult to know how to resolve. Being in such a situation is extremely difficult. How it weighs on the minds and hearts of everyone is awkward without some guidance. This effort was honorable, loving and kind. Hopeful. Healing. Merciful. Not perfect, but very good. Each of us has the assurance that if we keep things within the bounds the Lord sets and our intent is pure, and we act with full purpose of heart, that the Lord will provide the fullness of His promises as we obey Him.
Can y’all please go on a date?
Also if someone has never been married we often get judged as “too picky” or that something is wrong with us...love is the answer be kind, sensitive, and empathetic we all have our gethsemane experiences and what we need is love and compassion
It's real simple tell her it's none of her down business then turn around and ask the gym if he would like to join you for a call for I may be a cocktail that's what I would do and I'll heartbeat. And as you know she is a Karen.
The video just popped up in my feed...
I like your energy Nathan and Calee
It's very helpful to know what to say and NOT say...
Can we just add NOT GIVING OUR OPINION, SHOWING SOME LOVE AND RESPECT ❤
Tell the truth. Get over it. And get out of the cult. Find Jesus.
alright get married already you too !
The thing I hated hearing was " you're young you have all the time."
Uh..
From a non lds person am able to contribute.
Oh you of little faith
See what I feel frustrated hearing is about how I'm still young and have time to get married the first time. Sure, but it's not helpful to say it. It's ok to not have answers, you know?
My favorite answer is, why do you ask? It's just my favoritea
How long ago was this? These two need to get married! What a dynamic duo 😀
This was years ago, haha. Nathan is an excellent guy, my family is really close with his family. I hope he finds someone he feels he connects with well.
Thank you Calee for the spiritual music you sing. And of course this cute little video.
Be prayerful and comment with the Spirit...
Nice video
"what happened"?!
Oh the judge just signed the divorce papers and mailed them to me.
OMGOSH...I LOVE HIS ACCENT!!
She's cute and has a sense of humor
he's not bad either and he's available and he's English! Come on ladies!
What IS the question here?
Your will or Mine, Lord?
Mostly Mine, so iam Happy....
That they;broke sacred covenants with God.
So that's what it has come to now.....instructional videos for Mormons teaching them how to have basic manners. Here's an over riding principle, someone else's life is none of your business. Not even at church, the end.
Spirits are raised with warmth and happy surroundings THANK YOU BOTH FOR THIS LIL DELIGHTFUL CHEERFUL VID ON A HARD TIME IN HAVING TO PUSH ON 🤗
She gave too much information from the jump. Answer the question being asked and no more
I❤️Calee!
This is was good and very true. Thank u.
You TWO should go on a date! ;)
That should probably be on the 'what not to say' list 😂😂😂
lol! this is sooo my lds life as divorcee! lol
Been there, gone through that. You have a great presentation on a tuft subject.
The Bible says remarriage is adultery . Why are you dating ? Why sinning against God and promoting sin. Stop
my congregation had a sermon months ago referencing a fable about a woman who had married 3 brothers because that was the custom when one had died; one after another.
and the brothers were discussing who would have this woman in the afterlife
it didn't sound like anyone of them wanted to be with this woman; not even the first guy!
I think about it because my wife passed.
I have all these high value attributes and everyone is expecting me to solve the lack of love in some other member's life who never go looking for love outside of saying 'No' to the tourist creeps who attend service for 2 weeks and then are never seen again.
I don't like the lack of motivation. It's like being hit on at the office.
Things were so much easier being young and dumb.
Try try try to NOT divorce. However, life is basically NOT about being happy.
If it were, who REALLY needs LDS church? Or ANY church or Buddhism or...?
Happiness is basically a plateau.
And the elevation of this plateau not even as high as Jerusalem.
FORGET happiness. Go for the REAL gold.
"Men are that they might have joy."
"Endure (it) well"
We are meant to choose happiness, even in trials. I understand what you're trying to say, but it comes off as very judgemental.
@@NsTheName Joy and happiness are not quite the same thing. Life is suffering for many in this world, and it's always been that way. I actually liked his comment about happiness being a plateau.
I think that one of the reasons people get depressed in our society is because they are expected to be happy all the time.
@@tarp11z I absolutely agree. My comment was in reference to her first statement. I know the man in the video and I don't love the blanket statement on his behalf. God knows each of our hearts and He will take care of us.
That said, you can still choose joy and you can choose happiness and still have moments where you allow yourself to feel the sorrow.
I myself work on this daily. I haven't had the opportunity to have a family of my own and there are moments where the pain of that is so crushing I just can't choose to be happy. So I allow the sorrow for the evening and the next day I choose happiness again.
To choose joy and to endure is not meant as a blithe statement, but as a very real option that I myself have to choose despite the fact that nothing in my life seems "right." I'd rather try to choose happiness, though, than live my entire life in despair. Man is that he might have joy...eventually :P
@@NsTheName I agree. It's hard as a single in the Church. I was single for many years. Anyway, I wish you the best, single or married. God bless.
@@tarp11z Thank you, I appreciate that. I wish you the best as well. Someday this will all be done and we'll have the bigger picture.