What I LOVE about your journey is it shows that two people may not be meant for forever together in marriage, but can still help each other grow in love and move towards a brighter future together. This is so inspiring, I came from a family that ALWAYS saw an end as a failure, and it taught me a lot of bad behaviors I needed to unlearn in adulthood. Thank you for modeling a healthier way to be 🙂
It's disheartening to see how many people in the comments continue to be so unnecessary mean to Alicia and keep jumping to conclusions regarding their divorce. While some of it may come from a place of concern for Jonathan, I do not think that he would want others to be so unkind to the person he considers family and clearly respects deeply. I also think it's pretty rude considering that they share a very intimate and personal part of their lives with us in the hopes of helping others. I for one find Alicia's videos thought-provoking and her views on life intriguing as she sees so many things differently than I do. Yet as a woman (who keeps suppressing the closer side of her personality), I can relate to so many of her experiences. I believe she's already said in a video before that she's been self-sacrificing to the point of self-betrayal. That really stuck with me and ever since that I've been trying to catch myself falling into this habit. I completely understand where she's coming from as it tends to be most women's experience in life, made worse by relationships where there are different maturity levels. Lastly, I must add that it's a breath of fresh air to see a mature woman being unapologetically herself and not succumbing to self-blame and shame. All in all, I think Alicia is a great role model and I'm looking forward to see more of her videos.
I couldn’t agree more. I feel much the same way as Alicia does and I think it’s unbelievably inconsiderate for people to verbally attack her regardless of their personal feelings. Alicia and Jono most definitely do not have to share this part of their life. Public scrutiny comes with its own set of problems. I really appreciate Alicia’s videos specifically as I’m on my own healing journey just as an individual and her insight is one that I value very much.
I’ll raise my hand and admit that I was one of those people-though I never left a comment about Alicia, because I don’t believe in being mean or judgmental in discourse BUT in my heart I DID blame her because I was so devastated. I had been watching their marriage series together when they announced it, and I was so upset that I couldn’t finish the rest of the videos. In my mind, they were champions of working throughout their opposites in marriage and then (because I hadn’t gotten far the series) their announcement hit me out of the left field. It felt like I would continue the series for nothing. (I know this is not true, but obviously I was distraught) In addition, it bothered me how in the series, Jono would be very vulnerable and share an authentic struggle and take FULL responsibility for everything going wrong and Alicia would sit there like “yeah, these are things you struggle with” and let him beat himself up and she would hardly ever do the same with herself, as if everything was Jono’s doing. It felt one-sided as if Jono would apologize for all his mistakes but she was somehow immune to making mistakes. (I say this without having watched the entirety of their series) So my mind automatically started concluding, “well, she’s been married before, who is the common denominator in both marriages ending?” and “men rarely RARELY initiate divorce, so it must have been her because she has stated before that she had envisioned a different life with traveling the world, and Jono has a humble occupation” and so forth. I have great respect for Alicia and she and I are super similar in mentality and temperament, so this is probably a “mirror reflection” of things that I do not like in myself. I do feel that Jono is more authentic and raw and gutted about the divorce. Alicia is more guarded about revealing vulnerability, even in this video. It’s like she’s moved on. And that’s ok. I’m glad she made this, even if it was more on the superficial side (edit: VAGUE, not superficial, is what I meant). It’s her life and her privacy and we shouldn’t be speculating. ❤
Thanks, you two. Most of us only see angry breakups/divorces. Thanks for not sugarcoating how hard it is, but showing how to part as ACTUAL friends! Something brings people together in the first place and honoring that and not being bitter and angry is such a great example.
This must be a really vulnerable thing to share and I just want to say thank you for your courage and openness. I hope the Internet will be kind and reasonable in its response.
I've known this channel for years but since the divorce I'm an even bigger fan (that sounds bad), but let me explain. You strike me as super integer and honest, because even though you two are relationship experts, you did the hard and brave thing. Huge respect for discussing "What's the healthiest version of our relationship?" and then realizing it. Takes so much guts!
Alicia, you and your ex are both the loveliest. There was some good advice here. I especially like what you said about knowing your needs and creating space for them. The respect and graciousness you have for each other in this difficult time is heartwarming. I'm glad you make these videos despite the less kind comments that seem to be projecting onto you and Jonathan. As you know, they tell you nothing about who you actually are. All my respect to you both.
-That's so cool what you said about the Hebrew word for perfection! (Shlemut, I believe.) -Thank you for answering questions/telling your side of things!
I've really appreciated this series. I divorced someone who was very public and often doing projects - it was soul-crushingly exhausting to be the invisible support essentially single-parenting while married, watching all my dreams fall to the wayside for years because all resources were diverted to my partner with none left over for me. Not saying that this is yall, but that listening to both of you has been helpful in my healing of that experience. I would have liked for my divorce to have been as amicable as yours, and it's nice to see you're friends and supporting each other 💛
First, thank you, Alicia, for being open to answering questions that you're comfortable with. I'm going into my third divorce right now. Alicia's response to that first question is perfect. Every relationship we have teaches us something new, whether it be a marriage or other kind of relationship. To be humble enough to accept that truth is both fantastic and healing. Also, I very much love the phrase "self-sacrificing to the point of self-betrayal." This is something that I've recently realized I have been doing in my relationships, and it's going to take a lot of work and effort to not continue doing that whenever my next relationship happens.
First of all, you have my support. I have been through two divorces and I’m about to get married again in a few months. There are those who may snicker and claim that I am the “only common denominator” but that would be a gross misrepresentation of what happened, since both relationships were so different and the way they ended was so different. I did not anticipate ever marrying again, but my partner proposed unexpectedly and marriage is very important to him. I 100% do not see this relationship going down the same path as the last one. Additionally, I’ve learned so much more about how to love and be loved and how to be a supportive partner this time around.
@NoraGuy Thank you for your empathy and understanding. Both are truly appreciated. Congrats on your upcoming wedding, as well! I wish you and your fiance all the best ❤.
Thanks for being so vulnerable. ❤ I know it’s hard for both of y’all to be so vulnerable about y’all’s divorce, and it’s sad to see some of these commenters criticizing Alicia. It’s not our business to know all your details of why y’all got divorced. It’s amazing to me y’all are still friends and still co-parent. ❤
Thank you so much for this video, you explain it so well and so clearly. It's a perspective that's healthy and loving and there is space for our needs and well-being! I'm very grateful for this perspective. My parents have a marriage of "better suffering than divorce" and it has been torturous to live with the mindset of divorce being a failure because it is already a heavy decision to have to make sometimes because you do love the person immensely, just not like that anymore... too much pain is usually associated with divorce and too much negativity. You guys are a great example of tackling the challenge of divorce maturely and with your highest values at heart!
I'm a little perterbed by the comments asking Alicia to "take more responsibility" as if her self-sacrofice to the point of self-betrayal was not a big enough issue all on its own. No one has to be a villain in order to be their own antagonist. If their marriage was fostering an environment that was fracturing their sense of self and threatening their integrity, why isn't that enough of a reason to admit it was unsustainable? They are still friends and co-parents and business partners. But for whatever reason, being married was bringing a dynamic that was not healthy nor sustainable. Jono and Alicia chose to be together in a way that would help them remain whole as individuals.
@@carlosjosejimenezbermudez9255 It was "self sacrifice to the point of self-betrayal". If a partner constantly has to diminish themselves, or put their needs last or say yes when they really want to say no, it's the same as living a lie. The only thing is they are lying to themselves first and their spouse second. A healthy relationship is built on honesty and trust. You should not have to lie about who you are to make the relationship work. If the relationship must change for each member to be fully themselves, then even if it isn't a marriage but a different kind of connection, it will ultimately be 100x better.
@@carlosjosejimenezbermudez9255 "self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal". If you have to deny aspects of yourself, or have needs go unmet to sustain a relationship, you are betraying not only yourself, but lying to your partner about the kind of person you are. A healthy relationship is based on honesty and trust. If you cannot be honest about your needs and cannot trust those needs will be met, the relationship is unsustainable and unhealthy.
- know you needs - feeling safe to express your needs - leaving the space open for those needs to be met! That last one is so unspoken in it's importance. I'll be able to support a friend with this. That's the part that both of us stumble over, cause somehow we can do exactly that for each other, but ppl around us frequently let both of us hanging with that one (and our neurodiversity!) Thank you, Alicia!!!!
I applaud this. It took me years to rebuild from the divorce. She simply couldn't get it through her skull that it was over. Was abusive because I refused to respond to her anymore. I learned a lot from that. Thankful it's in the past.
I like that you include the Hebrew Scripture in this. One other interesting fact about that quote is that in Greek, which the New Testament, where Jesus says that, is written in, it is actually not a command, as all translations I've read claim, but future tense - "you will become perfect". I noticed that when we were translating the Sermon of the Mount a few years ago. Also, the future tense form of that verb is a deponent, meaning it is the same in passive form as in active form, so it can just as well mean "you will be made perfect". So, we are not expected to be able to become perfect here and now, but in Christ's future kingdom we will be perfected ... That's a releaving thing to know ❤
Alicia didn’t have to do this vid. I for one appreciate it❤🎉. Sometimes, as it turns out, a pair is better as friends than they are as a couple. And they seem to be doing just fine. I think they’ll be okay.
As a non religious, non traditional person, understanding all of this feels intuitive. I don't have a sense of "responsibility" to marriage as an institution & so it's fine if you all see more fulfillment in the relationship & family via living separate (romantically). I think there's value showing these relationships that are successful in a non-nuclear/non-traditional way. Really, the narrative that you need a romantic partnership to survive life & to raise children is probably exaggerated.
I appreciate this video, though i wish your answers weren't so vague! I understand why they have to be, however. I'm glad the two of you can demonstrate what healthy divorce looks like.
I had that thought for a second aswell but then I thought about my own journey and it's so huge and nuanced and full of detail, it would never be possible to explain that with words.
I got divorced once before realizing this is not for me, and I cannot imagine doing this marrying & divorcing thing over and over again for 3 times. I think society is more openned and understanding these days to the idea of people living together or dating without remarrying or even marring at all for the first place. Things have changed and a lot of us don't need marriage as a part of our adult lives and it's ok and nothing is wrong with it.
Is there really 0 way to prevent marriage that will end in divorce and to prevent marriage where you end up keeping enduring it just for the sake of not divorcing? Is it truly unpreventable and unpredictable? My friend wants to get married and have kids, but he says he got severely physiclly abused by his father and both physically and verbally bullied during high school to university years. He said it once that he's afraid that he will not make in a married life. Is he just realistic or too pessimistic?
I believe Jonathan mentioned the book “How to avoid falling in love with a jerk” in some of their previous videos on their divorce. I believe that book is really good one, because behind the catchy title one of the first things it encourages is to know your own self deeply and intimately with the traumas, needs and painful spots, and if possible to explore those before marriage with a therapist. Your friend is already on a good path if he knows his weaknesses and traumas, maybe he needs some help in making sure that he has the tools to handle things if those traumas are triggered? Maybe that’s something he can work on, which can give him more confidence as he starts dating and looks for love and partner. As for the marriage lasting… unfortunately I don’t think you can guarantee it. It also depends on how the other would handle it and whether they themselves are willing to know themselves and work on traumas or painful dynamics. There’s a channel here on YT called “Jimmy on relationships” and there is one video about 7 signs that you’ve found the one, if I remember correctly. Right off the bat he dismisses the concept of “the one” and then he talks about how to make it work. And a quote I really love from that video is about the willingness to work on the relationship and go to therapy, that one sign that that’s the right person if they can answer positively to the questions “But will you be willing to come to therapy with me and to work on it even if you think that I am the problem?” And I find that really beautiful and really a good sign. It still may not work out but hopefully it won’t be destructive to one or both parties!
You are right about the meaning of the word but wrong about what whole/integral would have meant to people in that context. In our context we often use it to mean accepting flaws, but flaws for the Hebrews were lacks, absences, breaches, tearing apart, by definition, absence of wholeness or integrity. Inded we can see this in common English up until recently. For a structure to have integrity means it has no breaches, it may not necessarily be omnipotent, but given what it is, it has no breaks or cracks.
THIS I never understood why it's a thing in the first place. And honestly, it puts a thin layer of... I'm not sure how to say it... "plastic-ness" to the content? Like it takes away a bit of its genuineness?
I feel the need to address something for those saying Alicia doesn’t show as much accountability as Jono. When she is saying that she was self sacrificing to the point of self betrayal, that is the accountability. Society has conditioned us to see women’s self sacrifice as a virtue when in real practice, it isn’t. I think the societal “water we swim in” is why some people are missing the point. As someone who relates to what she is talking about with self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal, it isn’t a virtue, but an unhealthy coping mechanism. And it is something for me personally that I need to be aware of so I don’t let it ruin my relationships. I know stories of many women who lose themselves in caring for a family so much so that they have identity crises and don’t even know who they are as individuals. That isn’t healthy for anyone. And yet, it is often what is asked and expected of women. I think Alicia is being really brave and a fantastic example as she speaks about this and shows how women deserve to be seen and treated as whole people too.
Excellent points! This is what I've come to conclude: this concept of a woman self sacrificing her sense of self is self betrayal and is not virtuous or healthy- is actually a woke feminist voice. Women need to be liberated and stay true to themselves above all else! Which makes it clear that this viewpoint does not align with my own, and therefore I am not going to pursue interest/time/views supporting it. Other messages, yes; resilience, hope in change, attachment styles etc. But I am not interested in hearing how serving myself is the ultimate standard of integrity that guides my life and relationships. Bye Felicia, I mean Alicia 😘
@@whitdent2031 I think you completely read my point wrong. My point was exactly what you criticized as woke feminism. My point is that self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal is a problem and we should, as women, be supported in staying true to ourselves. Staying true to yourself doesn’t mean you are selfish or never think of others. I want to clarify that when I said I relate to what Alicia said and have to consciously be aware to not ruin my relationships with self betrayal, I wasn’t saying that Alicia did let it ruin her relationship.
Jesus took time for himself. He rested. He also set healthy boundaries. These values are not woke feminism. They are divine attributes. You can’t take care of others until you’ve taken care of yourself. You must sharpen the saw or you can’t chop down the tree. You must fill the gas tank or you won’t make it to your destination. I’m not saying to never sacrifice. But to always sacrifice is just as bad.
@meldosify1085 I am a fan of self care. Put your oxygen mask on first before others. But to say there is no value in self sacrifice- that's difficult. Alicia talks about long-term goals like going to college at a young age and denying herself temporary things for long-term gains. Why wasn't that mentality allowed in the period of family building? Why is it self betrayal in regards to marriage/family building, but that same principle is applauded in other areas of life? I'm just not following. And why does the perception of self betrayal mean you give up on your marriage vows. I really don't understand the logic. She doesn't have to explain it. I'm just saying that what she has explained thus far doesn't hit home for me. And I'm sad to hear so many women applaud this logic when, in reality, it sounds a little self-destructive to me. Sorry, not sorry.
@@whitdent2031 No one in this thread is saying that all self sacrifice is bad. And self betrayal can happen in any relationship, not just a marriage. It can happen in work relationships, between siblings, or with friend groups. The reason that self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal is harmful in my experience is that it leads to feelings of pain and resentment that are very real. Even if you love a person a lot, and even if they are unaware or unintentionally a source of pain, it is still real. And can lead to the point where maintaining or staying in the relationship in the same way is unsustainable. It is fine if you would make different choices for yourself in terms of sacrifice and values in relationships. AND Alicia and others of us here are sharing our perspectives in the hope that maybe you can learn to hold space and grace for those who are different than you.
Thank you for sharing! I am having difficulty understanding some phrases used for healing purposes. - Self betrayal derived from self-sacrificing too much, which results in other aggreements/contracts being justifiably negated. Isn't self-sacrificing a way to say no in the present in pursuit of long-term goals? Like if you were personally building your dream home but for 18 months during the building process you self sacrificed your time, sleep, physical goals, finances, leisure activities, travels or friend relationships- in the pursuit of building your home. But knowing that over the course of a lifetime- these things will be restored to balance. The same is true of getting through a strenuous degree, etc. Isn't this a 'closer mindset'. And couldn't it apply to the years of building a family without being perceived as 'self betrayal'? I just struggle with the ideaology that integrity means you don't self-sacrifice because this is self betrayal. Because it means the opposite for me. Isn't it the idea that we should lay down our lives for others to find ourselves, Right? Anyway, I am not trying to assume anything, as much as I am trying to challenge thought processes that sound more self-destructive than healing to me. And I'm trying to use only phrases/ideas that you've shared. Because your use of integrity to serve self is different than the idea of use self to prove integrity. Wishing you healing, peace and love.
Intresting what you have written. I think her definition on self-sacrificing is when you compromise to please others, because you think if you don't please they won't love you. So you actually don't show your true self and that is the way of 'self-betrayel'. But you are absolutely right we should sacrifise when we decide it is worth it, and we don't expect anything for excanhge.
@dorottyagyarmathy2823 thank you for your reply. I agree with your interpretation of the definition of self betrayal. And I can see what a big issue it is for women specifically. I just hope women can heal, grow, and forgive while still keeping marriage and family roles intact, especially when there is a caring and supportive partner. I'm sure there's more to it and that everyone is on the path they're supposed to be on and all will be well.
@@whitdent2031Based on my studies this kind of people pleasing behavior with self-sacrificing not really a woman problem, usually it comes from the experience what kind of parenting the child had. If the child learns the love is up to conditions (like the parent mood, if he/she always nice, agrreable ect.)than it is easy to generalize it in every relathionship. But I also hope everybody can heal, and find their way. Esther Perel said: everybody lives in different relathionships through their lifes just somebody can do it with the same person, somebody do it with different partners.
Thank you Alicia for your openness. But again, I actually re-listened really intently to what you just said, and I'm not sure anyone else picked up on what you were really saying about you, Alicia, your core values, what you cannot live without, what would shrivel your soul if you could not get it. What I am hearing Alicia is your core value is that a good life for you is one with constantly new experiences, constantly shifting environments, constantly learning lessons from each change. What you are really advocating with your side of Mended Light is what I suppose you would consider to be "ethical constant experiencing." You do fulfill your commitments, to the letter. And as you say, you have realized what you value most isn't the accolades or titles you can earn. But what you are not expressing to your audience is your other truth about marriage. It is misleading for you to claim no one goes into marriage for divorce. There is in fact an advocacy for decades now of a different view of marriage as a series of say 7 year contracts, where each partner has a chance at the end of each 7 year time period of simply ending things and walking away, hopefully amicably. That is where I think your core value of being an ethical experiencer is bleeding into what you are trying to teach about marriage, because what you are actually doing is trying to train people to conduct their marriages as an experiencer. The flip side is that someone trained to view marriage from such a perspective can hardly object when the other simply decides it is time to move on and experience another existence, because we all learned so much from our time together and are now better people, right?
@@icysims5257 yes. They said they've done the work when doing the videos for this channel (I still don't understand how people doing videos with the theme of this channel don't go to a couple therapist to sort out the issues, but hey, maybe I'm the one in the wrong) and arrived at the conclusion they want to remain friends
I had no idea that you guys were divorced till this day. First time I saw you it was last year in a much older video where the two of you were describing your own and each other personalities. And seeing your husband being so happy-go-lucky about the differences my INFJ intuition told me "hmm that's weird, they shouldn't make it". Then I saw your husband in Cinema Therapy giving your dynamics as an example or sth like that and I doubted myself thinking " Well, mayby I'm just narrow minded, it can work for people". Now I see my Ni Fe Ti Se was right. I simply saw you as the masculine figure in the relationship and that is not the position for a woman to be in. It will burn her out completely.
Thanks for sharing you two's personal stories. But ... I just think you are failing to level with us, and also, you are not actually allowing Jono to express what are his real feelings. Because to be blunt, there is no evidence there is any person with whom you will ever feel satisfied with growing old together. At this point, you have probably tried every one of you two's theory of personality types with the same result. That would have been the honest thing to say to Jono when you two first started dating, the admission that for you, marriage is not forever, and that someday, some year, you will no longer be married to that person. That is simply the empirical fact of your life so far. Also just listening to Jono, objectively, you were the best thing that ever happened to him. It is striking how in Jono's videos he is always saying how he screwed this up, such as not letting you be the breadwinner, having a porn addiction, etc. But Jono went from someone who could not focus to having finished his degrees to become a licensed therapist, with his own practice and sharing this business with you, because of the assistance and discipline you helped him with. And he got to have kids with you and will have you to at least co-parent them into adulthood. What seems to me that is being obviously denied to Jono is the ability for him to admit that continuing to be married to you as both of you grow old would also have been the best thing to happen to him in the future, as long as he could figure out to let you travel around the world for business for maybe months at time while he holds down the fort at home. Jono is, for the brand of you two's business, not being allowed to actually admit loss that he did not will to happen. It has to be sold as a mutual decision, when the logic is the complete opposite, that you simply decided it was time to go, and nothing Jono could say or do would change that. In presenting what I think is simply a false picture of your divorce, you are denying to a huge percentage of people a reflection on the fundamental tragedy of romance, the longing to be with someone forever who does not return that affection, that level of commitment. You are denying a fundamental truth of the human condition.
Jono here, as I read and respont to UA-cam comments more than Alicia does. I appreciate you sharing your perspectives, though I must say many of these conclusions are incorrect and even hurtful to a person I still consider family. I've got a busy few days ahead, but I will circle back to clarify in detail when I can.
I'm not going to address everything you've said here because I don't really feel it's my place to do that, but I just wanted to point out that if what you claim were true - if the divorce wasn't truly mutual and they were only presenting it that way for the sake of the brand - it would make absolutely no sense for them to make multiple videos talking about their divorce and their experiences with that. They could have easily made a single announcement post that announced their divorce but said they prefer to keep the details private and left it at that, and they have cultivated an audience that probably would have respected the desire to keep their lives private. In no way did they *have* to talk about their divorce or their experiences for the sake of the brand, and in fact, in some ways it might have been easier to choose *not* to talk about it. If it was all about brand image, they could have easily said we're getting divorced and we ask that you respect our privacy and trust us when we say it was a mutual decision made together. Instead, they did the harder thing and chose to share their story - opening their personal lives to speculation like your comment here - in the hopes that it might help others out there.
We don’t know every detail of what happened in their marriage-nor should we. It’s’ remarkable that they’re sharing what they are. I imagine in any divorce or relationship difficulty there are things which should not be shared because it would simply be tossing one person under the bus and into the court of public opinion in a way that would not be healthy and could not be a part of a respectful friendship after the fact. Therefore, we will never have the information required to adequately judge their relationship, if it was even appropriate for us to do it in the first place (it’s not). I know it’s hard not to take sides and it’s so very human to want to defend SOMEONE and want to place blame somewhere, but that is 100% not our job. Only they, the ones inside the marriage, can really ever know what happened. The fact that are carefully sharing part of it is amazing and an honor for those of us witnessing it. It offers us perspective and assistance in our own relationships we may not otherwise have. But you have to see it for what it is and not stay in this obsession with having certainty around a story that isn’t yours-any certainty you believe you have is going to be completely made up based on your need, and not the truth. Take a deep breath. Be at peace. You get to be the judge of your own relationships friend, not theirs.
I agree with all of these comments to a small degree, from what I have watched and heard from an outside prospective the main comment was a similar view that I had but not as aggressive or bias due to we don’t understand the situation. They might have shared what they are going through and how to be co parents but the only videos I’ve seen anyone owning up to their mistakes or blame is Jono. For me I feel that maybe his wife was badly hurt or dealing with some type of trauma that isn’t allowing her to move forward or heal so her relationships will continue to be the same results till she does some self healing and explore her career opportunities but that isn’t a fact it’s an assumption. As for their reasons of divorce it is very unclear all we know is that they are getting a divorce so it’s Natural we start creating stories in our head to understand why it didn’t work out. Also it’s ok if someone just doesn’t want to be in a relationship even jf there is nothing wrong. Don’t allow our comments or opinions to hurt you, we don’t know any of you and you don’t own us anything. We appreciate the videos even if some of our opinions come off harsh. Some of us are just so damage we could never comprehend a healthy relationship ending because we never even seen a healthy relationship. I as Many people are terribly broken inside and we don’t understand how to communicate. Regardless if I sounded harsh right now I love these videos and am trying to learn to be a kinder person to my family.
The fact that Alicia and Jono have shared as much as they have is something we should be grateful for, as ultimately absolutely none of it is any of our business. They can share as much or as little as they please.
You're actually misinterpreting that scripture passage. The passage is a comparative one so you really can't just use one particular term out of context. It says "be ye perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect...". It is commonly taught that God IS without flaw or fault. We are expected to strive for that knowing that God will be the one to get us there since by nature we are flawed human beings. This also correlates later with passages that discuss the concept of purgatory (a state or place of cleansing after death) where a persons works be burned or cleansed. They will be saved as though by fire...but I digress. We are called towards perfection as is more literally understood if you are actually reading it in context of the passage. It's not just a "state of wholeness" since you can be "whole" with flaws. Satan for example is "whole". He just chose to be whole with malice and lies. As an angel given far superior intellect, logic and reason, he knew exactly what he was giving up and what would be his gain. You even see this represented in Milton's Paradise Lost when he remarks that he would rather play first fiddle in hell than 2nd in heaven. Some people do serve themselves via what others would call "wrong doing" and do not see integrity as a value worth pursuing. They are "whole" as far as they are concerned. That is the epitome of selfishness. "My needs, my wants. my desires always come first and that is how things are meant to be".
@@misterwishart No. In fact, Scripture specifically references the dangers of open interpretation. One passage recounts a person being asked if they understood what they were reading and they replied with "how can I understand unless somebody explains it to me", another account specifically says "even if an angel come down and preach anything other than what we have taught let him be anathema (let him be damned). Scripture also specifically warns "reading/interpreting to ones own destruction". It is a specific appeal to a teaching authority. Scripture backs this up by pointing out that the information (for Scripture) is sufficient but that not everything is contained within Scripture. So if you're looking for the "whole message" you need to refer to the mentioned teaching authority.
@TheRindy84 - And when you say that, I assume you are referring to a specific English interpretation of scripture, also interpreted from either Aramaic, Hebrew or Greek?
@@misterwishartplus, most people aren’t learning those interpretations of scripture unless they’re seeking out spiritual guidance from religious authorities.
I didn't even woch the video. It's probably just a reflection of how I'm feeling right now but if even good people get divorced why bother starting relationships why try?
They are not. They are still friends, co-parents to their kids, and business partners. This entire series has been going over how they are going about this. It's very helpful!
@i.b.640 You are right. That was an odd phrase for me to use. They are parents who are choosing to work together as best as they can to provide for both of their kids in peace. No talking poorly about each other behind their back, etc.
@i.b.640 As someone who grew up with contentious parents, I can understand why it's used. It's really just a shorter way to give the connotation and impression they they're working together, like a co-pilot kind of a thing. English is weird 🤣.
Dear Alicia and dear Jonathan, Thank you for sharing your stories. I’ve been listening to your videos for maybe nearing 2 years and they have been a source of inspiration and strength many times. I just wanted to thank you and to say that it was incredibly brave of you to stay in the relationship when it was too painful to handle. Our close relationships are the ones in the most delicate position and are unfortunately the ones that have the greatest potential to hurt us. It really takes a lot of courage and resilience to stand up and confront that pain time after time and day after day and not break the relationship. Thanks for sharing both of your points of view. They are indeed very helpful and both of you are amazing people! I am learning a lot from both of you and what I love the most about your videos is how from your different perspectives they encourage us to be our authentic selves with all the flows and strengths with dignity! 😊
The amount of respect they have for each other really is staggering and a breath of fresh air in today’s society.
What I LOVE about your journey is it shows that two people may not be meant for forever together in marriage, but can still help each other grow in love and move towards a brighter future together. This is so inspiring, I came from a family that ALWAYS saw an end as a failure, and it taught me a lot of bad behaviors I needed to unlearn in adulthood. Thank you for modeling a healthier way to be 🙂
It's disheartening to see how many people in the comments continue to be so unnecessary mean to Alicia and keep jumping to conclusions regarding their divorce. While some of it may come from a place of concern for Jonathan, I do not think that he would want others to be so unkind to the person he considers family and clearly respects deeply. I also think it's pretty rude considering that they share a very intimate and personal part of their lives with us in the hopes of helping others.
I for one find Alicia's videos thought-provoking and her views on life intriguing as she sees so many things differently than I do. Yet as a woman (who keeps suppressing the closer side of her personality), I can relate to so many of her experiences. I believe she's already said in a video before that she's been self-sacrificing to the point of self-betrayal. That really stuck with me and ever since that I've been trying to catch myself falling into this habit. I completely understand where she's coming from as it tends to be most women's experience in life, made worse by relationships where there are different maturity levels.
Lastly, I must add that it's a breath of fresh air to see a mature woman being unapologetically herself and not succumbing to self-blame and shame. All in all, I think Alicia is a great role model and I'm looking forward to see more of her videos.
You have earned a Michael Scott level, "THANK YOU!!!"
a big YESSSS
I couldn’t agree more. I feel much the same way as Alicia does and I think it’s unbelievably inconsiderate for people to verbally attack her regardless of their personal feelings. Alicia and Jono most definitely do not have to share this part of their life. Public scrutiny comes with its own set of problems. I really appreciate Alicia’s videos specifically as I’m on my own healing journey just as an individual and her insight is one that I value very much.
I’ll raise my hand and admit that I was one of those people-though I never left a comment about Alicia, because I don’t believe in being mean or judgmental in discourse BUT in my heart I DID blame her because I was so devastated.
I had been watching their marriage series together when they announced it, and I was so upset that I couldn’t finish the rest of the videos. In my mind, they were champions of working throughout their opposites in marriage and then (because I hadn’t gotten far the series) their announcement hit me out of the left field. It felt like I would continue the series for nothing. (I know this is not true, but obviously I was distraught) In addition, it bothered me how in the series, Jono would be very vulnerable and share an authentic struggle and take FULL responsibility for everything going wrong and Alicia would sit there like “yeah, these are things you struggle with” and let him beat himself up and she would hardly ever do the same with herself, as if everything was Jono’s doing. It felt one-sided as if Jono would apologize for all his mistakes but she was somehow immune to making mistakes. (I say this without having watched the entirety of their series)
So my mind automatically started concluding, “well, she’s been married before, who is the common denominator in both marriages ending?” and “men rarely RARELY initiate divorce, so it must have been her because she has stated before that she had envisioned a different life with traveling the world, and Jono has a humble occupation” and so forth.
I have great respect for Alicia and she and I are super similar in mentality and temperament, so this is probably a “mirror reflection” of things that I do not like in myself.
I do feel that Jono is more authentic and raw and gutted about the divorce. Alicia is more guarded about revealing vulnerability, even in this video. It’s like she’s moved on. And that’s ok. I’m glad she made this, even if it was more on the superficial side (edit: VAGUE, not superficial, is what I meant). It’s her life and her privacy and we shouldn’t be speculating. ❤
Thanks, you two. Most of us only see angry breakups/divorces. Thanks for not sugarcoating how hard it is, but showing how to part as ACTUAL friends! Something brings people together in the first place and honoring that and not being bitter and angry is such a great example.
Thanks for sharing your story, Alicia. It's incredibly brave to be open and honest about your experiences, and I wish the best for you going forward.
This must be a really vulnerable thing to share and I just want to say thank you for your courage and openness. I hope the Internet will be kind and reasonable in its response.
I've known this channel for years but since the divorce I'm an even bigger fan (that sounds bad), but let me explain.
You strike me as super integer and honest, because even though you two are relationship experts, you did the hard and brave thing. Huge respect for discussing "What's the healthiest version of our relationship?" and then realizing it. Takes so much guts!
Makes perfect sense to me
Alicia, you and your ex are both the loveliest. There was some good advice here. I especially like what you said about knowing your needs and creating space for them. The respect and graciousness you have for each other in this difficult time is heartwarming. I'm glad you make these videos despite the less kind comments that seem to be projecting onto you and Jonathan. As you know, they tell you nothing about who you actually are. All my respect to you both.
-That's so cool what you said about the Hebrew word for perfection! (Shlemut, I believe.)
-Thank you for answering questions/telling your side of things!
I've really appreciated this series. I divorced someone who was very public and often doing projects - it was soul-crushingly exhausting to be the invisible support essentially single-parenting while married, watching all my dreams fall to the wayside for years because all resources were diverted to my partner with none left over for me. Not saying that this is yall, but that listening to both of you has been helpful in my healing of that experience.
I would have liked for my divorce to have been as amicable as yours, and it's nice to see you're friends and supporting each other 💛
First, thank you, Alicia, for being open to answering questions that you're comfortable with.
I'm going into my third divorce right now. Alicia's response to that first question is perfect. Every relationship we have teaches us something new, whether it be a marriage or other kind of relationship. To be humble enough to accept that truth is both fantastic and healing.
Also, I very much love the phrase "self-sacrificing to the point of self-betrayal." This is something that I've recently realized I have been doing in my relationships, and it's going to take a lot of work and effort to not continue doing that whenever my next relationship happens.
First of all, you have my support. I have been through two divorces and I’m about to get married again in a few months. There are those who may snicker and claim that I am the “only common denominator” but that would be a gross misrepresentation of what happened, since both relationships were so different and the way they ended was so different.
I did not anticipate ever marrying again, but my partner proposed unexpectedly and marriage is very important to him. I 100% do not see this relationship going down the same path as the last one. Additionally, I’ve learned so much more about how to love and be loved and how to be a supportive partner this time around.
@NoraGuy Thank you for your empathy and understanding. Both are truly appreciated. Congrats on your upcoming wedding, as well! I wish you and your fiance all the best ❤.
Thanks for being so vulnerable. ❤ I know it’s hard for both of y’all to be so vulnerable about y’all’s divorce, and it’s sad to see some of these commenters criticizing Alicia. It’s not our business to know all your details of why y’all got divorced. It’s amazing to me y’all are still friends and still co-parent. ❤
Thank you so much for this video, you explain it so well and so clearly. It's a perspective that's healthy and loving and there is space for our needs and well-being! I'm very grateful for this perspective. My parents have a marriage of "better suffering than divorce" and it has been torturous to live with the mindset of divorce being a failure because it is already a heavy decision to have to make sometimes because you do love the person immensely, just not like that anymore... too much pain is usually associated with divorce and too much negativity. You guys are a great example of tackling the challenge of divorce maturely and with your highest values at heart!
I'm a little perterbed by the comments asking Alicia to "take more responsibility" as if her self-sacrofice to the point of self-betrayal was not a big enough issue all on its own.
No one has to be a villain in order to be their own antagonist. If their marriage was fostering an environment that was fracturing their sense of self and threatening their integrity, why isn't that enough of a reason to admit it was unsustainable?
They are still friends and co-parents and business partners. But for whatever reason, being married was bringing a dynamic that was not healthy nor sustainable. Jono and Alicia chose to be together in a way that would help them remain whole as individuals.
👏 Thank 👏 you 👏
What was the betrayal to herself supposedly spoken? Words like that mean nothing without substance to back them up.
@@carlosjosejimenezbermudez9255 It was "self sacrifice to the point of self-betrayal". If a partner constantly has to diminish themselves, or put their needs last or say yes when they really want to say no, it's the same as living a lie. The only thing is they are lying to themselves first and their spouse second.
A healthy relationship is built on honesty and trust. You should not have to lie about who you are to make the relationship work. If the relationship must change for each member to be fully themselves, then even if it isn't a marriage but a different kind of connection, it will ultimately be 100x better.
@@carlosjosejimenezbermudez9255 "self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal". If you have to deny aspects of yourself, or have needs go unmet to sustain a relationship, you are betraying not only yourself, but lying to your partner about the kind of person you are.
A healthy relationship is based on honesty and trust. If you cannot be honest about your needs and cannot trust those needs will be met, the relationship is unsustainable and unhealthy.
Thank you for being who you are.
- know you needs
- feeling safe to express your needs
- leaving the space open for those needs to be met!
That last one is so unspoken in it's importance. I'll be able to support a friend with this. That's the part that both of us stumble over, cause somehow we can do exactly that for each other, but ppl around us frequently let both of us hanging with that one (and our neurodiversity!)
Thank you, Alicia!!!!
I applaud this. It took me years to rebuild from the divorce. She simply couldn't get it through her skull that it was over. Was abusive because I refused to respond to her anymore. I learned a lot from that. Thankful it's in the past.
Thank you Alicia for sharing your wisdom.❤
You have inspired me to be a better person.
I like that you include the Hebrew Scripture in this. One other interesting fact about that quote is that in Greek, which the New Testament, where Jesus says that, is written in, it is actually not a command, as all translations I've read claim, but future tense - "you will become perfect". I noticed that when we were translating the Sermon of the Mount a few years ago. Also, the future tense form of that verb is a deponent, meaning it is the same in passive form as in active form, so it can just as well mean "you will be made perfect". So, we are not expected to be able to become perfect here and now, but in Christ's future kingdom we will be perfected ... That's a releaving thing to know ❤
I'm sure his video is great, but we don't often hear from you on your own, so I'll watch this one first.
It takes time to heal. Even when we are the ones that want out. Just accept that there is a grieving period we go through like any human being has to.
Alicia didn’t have to do this vid. I for one appreciate it❤🎉.
Sometimes, as it turns out, a pair is better as friends than they are as a couple. And they seem to be doing just fine. I think they’ll be okay.
As a non religious, non traditional person, understanding all of this feels intuitive. I don't have a sense of "responsibility" to marriage as an institution & so it's fine if you all see more fulfillment in the relationship & family via living separate (romantically). I think there's value showing these relationships that are successful in a non-nuclear/non-traditional way. Really, the narrative that you need a romantic partnership to survive life & to raise children is probably exaggerated.
Thank you so much for this. When you talked about self-sacrificing to the point where ir felt like self-betrayal - you gave me so much to think about.
Thank you Alicia and Jono for taking us along as much as you are open to. Well done
We're so glad you're with us on this journey. 💜
You are such a role model❤❤ both of you!☺️🌞
I appreciate this video, though i wish your answers weren't so vague! I understand why they have to be, however. I'm glad the two of you can demonstrate what healthy divorce looks like.
I had that thought for a second aswell but then I thought about my own journey and it's so huge and nuanced and full of detail, it would never be possible to explain that with words.
I got divorced once before realizing this is not for me, and I cannot imagine doing this marrying & divorcing thing over and over again for 3 times.
I think society is more openned and understanding these days to the idea of people living together or dating without remarrying or even marring at all for the first place. Things have changed and a lot of us don't need marriage as a part of our adult lives and it's ok and nothing is wrong with it.
Great video!❤
You are so kind. Thank you for watching! 💜
Is there really 0 way to prevent marriage that will end in divorce and to prevent marriage where you end up keeping enduring it just for the sake of not divorcing? Is it truly unpreventable and unpredictable?
My friend wants to get married and have kids, but he says he got severely physiclly abused by his father and both physically and verbally bullied during high school to university years. He said it once that he's afraid that he will not make in a married life. Is he just realistic or too pessimistic?
I love this question! And you're friend seems to at least be very self aware which is a good starting point for a marriage
Tell him to go therapy and keep going while he’s married.
There IS a way to prevent a marriage that ends in divorce! Don't get married! :)
I believe Jonathan mentioned the book “How to avoid falling in love with a jerk” in some of their previous videos on their divorce. I believe that book is really good one, because behind the catchy title one of the first things it encourages is to know your own self deeply and intimately with the traumas, needs and painful spots, and if possible to explore those before marriage with a therapist. Your friend is already on a good path if he knows his weaknesses and traumas, maybe he needs some help in making sure that he has the tools to handle things if those traumas are triggered? Maybe that’s something he can work on, which can give him more confidence as he starts dating and looks for love and partner.
As for the marriage lasting… unfortunately I don’t think you can guarantee it. It also depends on how the other would handle it and whether they themselves are willing to know themselves and work on traumas or painful dynamics. There’s a channel here on YT called “Jimmy on relationships” and there is one video about 7 signs that you’ve found the one, if I remember correctly. Right off the bat he dismisses the concept of “the one” and then he talks about how to make it work. And a quote I really love from that video is about the willingness to work on the relationship and go to therapy, that one sign that that’s the right person if they can answer positively to the questions “But will you be willing to come to therapy with me and to work on it even if you think that I am the problem?” And I find that really beautiful and really a good sign. It still may not work out but hopefully it won’t be destructive to one or both parties!
He needs to deal with his trauma, whether he's going to want a marriage or not, good luck to him
You are right about the meaning of the word but wrong about what whole/integral would have meant to people in that context. In our context we often use it to mean accepting flaws, but flaws for the Hebrews were lacks, absences, breaches, tearing apart, by definition, absence of wholeness or integrity. Inded we can see this in common English up until recently. For a structure to have integrity means it has no breaches, it may not necessarily be omnipotent, but given what it is, it has no breaks or cracks.
I love your content but please please please leave out those fill-in clips of random people doing random things.
THIS
I never understood why it's a thing in the first place. And honestly, it puts a thin layer of... I'm not sure how to say it... "plastic-ness" to the content? Like it takes away a bit of its genuineness?
Definitely a note to the editor
😂humans and our projections 🤦🏾. Anyway, thank you both for sharing
I feel the need to address something for those saying Alicia doesn’t show as much accountability as Jono. When she is saying that she was self sacrificing to the point of self betrayal, that is the accountability. Society has conditioned us to see women’s self sacrifice as a virtue when in real practice, it isn’t. I think the societal “water we swim in” is why some people are missing the point. As someone who relates to what she is talking about with self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal, it isn’t a virtue, but an unhealthy coping mechanism. And it is something for me personally that I need to be aware of so I don’t let it ruin my relationships. I know stories of many women who lose themselves in caring for a family so much so that they have identity crises and don’t even know who they are as individuals. That isn’t healthy for anyone. And yet, it is often what is asked and expected of women. I think Alicia is being really brave and a fantastic example as she speaks about this and shows how women deserve to be seen and treated as whole people too.
Excellent points!
This is what I've come to conclude: this concept of a woman self sacrificing her sense of self is self betrayal and is not virtuous or healthy- is actually a woke feminist voice. Women need to be liberated and stay true to themselves above all else!
Which makes it clear that this viewpoint does not align with my own, and therefore I am not going to pursue interest/time/views supporting it.
Other messages, yes; resilience, hope in change, attachment styles etc.
But I am not interested in hearing how serving myself is the ultimate standard of integrity that guides my life and relationships.
Bye Felicia, I mean Alicia 😘
@@whitdent2031 I think you completely read my point wrong. My point was exactly what you criticized as woke feminism. My point is that self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal is a problem and we should, as women, be supported in staying true to ourselves. Staying true to yourself doesn’t mean you are selfish or never think of others.
I want to clarify that when I said I relate to what Alicia said and have to consciously be aware to not ruin my relationships with self betrayal, I wasn’t saying that Alicia did let it ruin her relationship.
Jesus took time for himself. He rested. He also set healthy boundaries. These values are not woke feminism. They are divine attributes. You can’t take care of others until you’ve taken care of yourself. You must sharpen the saw or you can’t chop down the tree. You must fill the gas tank or you won’t make it to your destination. I’m not saying to never sacrifice. But to always sacrifice is just as bad.
@meldosify1085 I am a fan of self care. Put your oxygen mask on first before others.
But to say there is no value in self sacrifice- that's difficult. Alicia talks about long-term goals like going to college at a young age and denying herself temporary things for long-term gains. Why wasn't that mentality allowed in the period of family building? Why is it self betrayal in regards to marriage/family building, but that same principle is applauded in other areas of life? I'm just not following. And why does the perception of self betrayal mean you give up on your marriage vows. I really don't understand the logic. She doesn't have to explain it. I'm just saying that what she has explained thus far doesn't hit home for me. And I'm sad to hear so many women applaud this logic when, in reality, it sounds a little self-destructive to me. Sorry, not sorry.
@@whitdent2031 No one in this thread is saying that all self sacrifice is bad. And self betrayal can happen in any relationship, not just a marriage. It can happen in work relationships, between siblings, or with friend groups. The reason that self sacrifice to the point of self betrayal is harmful in my experience is that it leads to feelings of pain and resentment that are very real. Even if you love a person a lot, and even if they are unaware or unintentionally a source of pain, it is still real. And can lead to the point where maintaining or staying in the relationship in the same way is unsustainable.
It is fine if you would make different choices for yourself in terms of sacrifice and values in relationships. AND Alicia and others of us here are sharing our perspectives in the hope that maybe you can learn to hold space and grace for those who are different than you.
Right!?
comment for the algorithm
I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here. There's an imbalance in the SMV.
I'm just curious, what sort of behaviors was he displaying that could potentially erode the friendship between you two?
Thank you for sharing!
I am having difficulty understanding some phrases used for healing purposes.
- Self betrayal derived from self-sacrificing too much, which results in other aggreements/contracts being justifiably negated.
Isn't self-sacrificing a way to say no in the present in pursuit of long-term goals? Like if you were personally building your dream home but for 18 months during the building process you self sacrificed your time, sleep, physical goals, finances, leisure activities, travels or friend relationships- in the pursuit of building your home. But knowing that over the course of a lifetime- these things will be restored to balance. The same is true of getting through a strenuous degree, etc. Isn't this a 'closer mindset'. And couldn't it apply to the years of building a family without being perceived as 'self betrayal'?
I just struggle with the ideaology that integrity means you don't self-sacrifice because this is self betrayal.
Because it means the opposite for me.
Isn't it the idea that we should lay down our lives for others to find ourselves, Right?
Anyway, I am not trying to assume anything, as much as I am trying to challenge thought processes that sound more self-destructive than healing to me. And I'm trying to use only phrases/ideas that you've shared. Because your use of integrity to serve self is different than the idea of use self to prove integrity.
Wishing you healing, peace and love.
Intresting what you have written. I think her definition on self-sacrificing is when you compromise to please others, because you think if you don't please they won't love you. So you actually don't show your true self and that is the way of 'self-betrayel'.
But you are absolutely right we should sacrifise when we decide it is worth it, and we don't expect anything for excanhge.
@dorottyagyarmathy2823 thank you for your reply. I agree with your interpretation of the definition of self betrayal. And I can see what a big issue it is for women specifically.
I just hope women can heal, grow, and forgive while still keeping marriage and family roles intact, especially when there is a caring and supportive partner.
I'm sure there's more to it and that everyone is on the path they're supposed to be on and all will be well.
@@whitdent2031Based on my studies this kind of people pleasing behavior with self-sacrificing not really a woman problem, usually it comes from the experience what kind of parenting the child had. If the child learns the love is up to conditions (like the parent mood, if he/she always nice, agrreable ect.)than it is easy to generalize it in every relathionship. But I also hope everybody can heal, and find their way. Esther Perel said: everybody lives in different relathionships through their lifes just somebody can do it with the same person, somebody do it with different partners.
Thank you Alicia for your openness. But again, I actually re-listened really intently to what you just said, and I'm not sure anyone else picked up on what you were really saying about you, Alicia, your core values, what you cannot live without, what would shrivel your soul if you could not get it. What I am hearing Alicia is your core value is that a good life for you is one with constantly new experiences, constantly shifting environments, constantly learning lessons from each change. What you are really advocating with your side of Mended Light is what I suppose you would consider to be "ethical constant experiencing." You do fulfill your commitments, to the letter. And as you say, you have realized what you value most isn't the accolades or titles you can earn. But what you are not expressing to your audience is your other truth about marriage. It is misleading for you to claim no one goes into marriage for divorce. There is in fact an advocacy for decades now of a different view of marriage as a series of say 7 year contracts, where each partner has a chance at the end of each 7 year time period of simply ending things and walking away, hopefully amicably. That is where I think your core value of being an ethical experiencer is bleeding into what you are trying to teach about marriage, because what you are actually doing is trying to train people to conduct their marriages as an experiencer. The flip side is that someone trained to view marriage from such a perspective can hardly object when the other simply decides it is time to move on and experience another existence, because we all learned so much from our time together and are now better people, right?
They divorced?
@@icysims5257 yes. They said they've done the work when doing the videos for this channel (I still don't understand how people doing videos with the theme of this channel don't go to a couple therapist to sort out the issues, but hey, maybe I'm the one in the wrong) and arrived at the conclusion they want to remain friends
They are, yes. There are many videos where they are sharing their journey. Strongly recommend checking them out!
I had no idea that you guys were divorced till this day. First time I saw you it was last year in a much older video where the two of you were describing your own and each other personalities. And seeing your husband being so happy-go-lucky about the differences my INFJ intuition told me "hmm that's weird, they shouldn't make it". Then I saw your husband in Cinema Therapy giving your dynamics as an example or sth like that and I doubted myself thinking " Well, mayby I'm just narrow minded, it can work for people". Now I see my Ni Fe Ti Se was right. I simply saw you as the masculine figure in the relationship and that is not the position for a woman to be in. It will burn her out completely.
that doesn't sound feminist =/
Too much stock video 😕
Good video btw
What's wrong with it though?
Thanks for sharing you two's personal stories. But ... I just think you are failing to level with us, and also, you are not actually allowing Jono to express what are his real feelings. Because to be blunt, there is no evidence there is any person with whom you will ever feel satisfied with growing old together. At this point, you have probably tried every one of you two's theory of personality types with the same result. That would have been the honest thing to say to Jono when you two first started dating, the admission that for you, marriage is not forever, and that someday, some year, you will no longer be married to that person. That is simply the empirical fact of your life so far. Also just listening to Jono, objectively, you were the best thing that ever happened to him. It is striking how in Jono's videos he is always saying how he screwed this up, such as not letting you be the breadwinner, having a porn addiction, etc. But Jono went from someone who could not focus to having finished his degrees to become a licensed therapist, with his own practice and sharing this business with you, because of the assistance and discipline you helped him with. And he got to have kids with you and will have you to at least co-parent them into adulthood. What seems to me that is being obviously denied to Jono is the ability for him to admit that continuing to be married to you as both of you grow old would also have been the best thing to happen to him in the future, as long as he could figure out to let you travel around the world for business for maybe months at time while he holds down the fort at home. Jono is, for the brand of you two's business, not being allowed to actually admit loss that he did not will to happen. It has to be sold as a mutual decision, when the logic is the complete opposite, that you simply decided it was time to go, and nothing Jono could say or do would change that. In presenting what I think is simply a false picture of your divorce, you are denying to a huge percentage of people a reflection on the fundamental tragedy of romance, the longing to be with someone forever who does not return that affection, that level of commitment. You are denying a fundamental truth of the human condition.
Jono here, as I read and respont to UA-cam comments more than Alicia does. I appreciate you sharing your perspectives, though I must say many of these conclusions are incorrect and even hurtful to a person I still consider family. I've got a busy few days ahead, but I will circle back to clarify in detail when I can.
I'm not going to address everything you've said here because I don't really feel it's my place to do that, but I just wanted to point out that if what you claim were true - if the divorce wasn't truly mutual and they were only presenting it that way for the sake of the brand - it would make absolutely no sense for them to make multiple videos talking about their divorce and their experiences with that. They could have easily made a single announcement post that announced their divorce but said they prefer to keep the details private and left it at that, and they have cultivated an audience that probably would have respected the desire to keep their lives private. In no way did they *have* to talk about their divorce or their experiences for the sake of the brand, and in fact, in some ways it might have been easier to choose *not* to talk about it. If it was all about brand image, they could have easily said we're getting divorced and we ask that you respect our privacy and trust us when we say it was a mutual decision made together. Instead, they did the harder thing and chose to share their story - opening their personal lives to speculation like your comment here - in the hopes that it might help others out there.
We don’t know every detail of what happened in their marriage-nor should we. It’s’ remarkable that they’re sharing what they are. I imagine in any divorce or relationship difficulty there are things which should not be shared because it would simply be tossing one person under the bus and into the court of public opinion in a way that would not be healthy and could not be a part of a respectful friendship after the fact. Therefore, we will never have the information required to adequately judge their relationship, if it was even appropriate for us to do it in the first place (it’s not). I know it’s hard not to take sides and it’s so very human to want to defend SOMEONE and want to place blame somewhere, but that is 100% not our job. Only they, the ones inside the marriage, can really ever know what happened. The fact that are carefully sharing part of it is amazing and an honor for those of us witnessing it. It offers us perspective and assistance in our own relationships we may not otherwise have. But you have to see it for what it is and not stay in this obsession with having certainty around a story that isn’t yours-any certainty you believe you have is going to be completely made up based on your need, and not the truth. Take a deep breath. Be at peace. You get to be the judge of your own relationships friend, not theirs.
I agree with all of these comments to a small degree, from what I have watched and heard from an outside prospective the main comment was a similar view that I had but not as aggressive or bias due to we don’t understand the situation. They might have shared what they are going through and how to be co parents but the only videos I’ve seen anyone owning up to their mistakes or blame is Jono. For me I feel that maybe his wife was badly hurt or dealing with some type of trauma that isn’t allowing her to move forward or heal so her relationships will continue to be the same results till she does some self healing and explore her career opportunities but that isn’t a fact it’s an assumption. As for their reasons of divorce it is very unclear all we know is that they are getting a divorce so it’s
Natural we start creating stories in our head to understand why it didn’t work out. Also it’s ok if someone just doesn’t want to be in a relationship even jf there is nothing wrong. Don’t allow our comments or opinions to hurt you, we don’t know any of you and you don’t own us anything. We appreciate the videos even if some of our opinions come off harsh. Some of us are just so damage we could never comprehend a healthy relationship ending because we never even seen a healthy relationship. I as Many people are terribly broken inside and we don’t understand how to communicate. Regardless if I sounded harsh right now I love these videos and am trying to learn to be a kinder person to my family.
The fact that Alicia and Jono have shared as much as they have is something we should be grateful for, as ultimately absolutely none of it is any of our business. They can share as much or as little as they please.
You're actually misinterpreting that scripture passage. The passage is a comparative one so you really can't just use one particular term out of context. It says "be ye perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect...". It is commonly taught that God IS without flaw or fault. We are expected to strive for that knowing that God will be the one to get us there since by nature we are flawed human beings. This also correlates later with passages that discuss the concept of purgatory (a state or place of cleansing after death) where a persons works be burned or cleansed. They will be saved as though by fire...but I digress. We are called towards perfection as is more literally understood if you are actually reading it in context of the passage. It's not just a "state of wholeness" since you can be "whole" with flaws. Satan for example is "whole". He just chose to be whole with malice and lies. As an angel given far superior intellect, logic and reason, he knew exactly what he was giving up and what would be his gain. You even see this represented in Milton's Paradise Lost when he remarks that he would rather play first fiddle in hell than 2nd in heaven. Some people do serve themselves via what others would call "wrong doing" and do not see integrity as a value worth pursuing. They are "whole" as far as they are concerned. That is the epitome of selfishness. "My needs, my wants. my desires always come first and that is how things are meant to be".
I thought the point of scripture was that it is open to interpretation?
@@misterwishart No. In fact, Scripture specifically references the dangers of open interpretation. One passage recounts a person being asked if they understood what they were reading and they replied with "how can I understand unless somebody explains it to me", another account specifically says "even if an angel come down and preach anything other than what we have taught let him be anathema (let him be damned). Scripture also specifically warns "reading/interpreting to ones own destruction". It is a specific appeal to a teaching authority. Scripture backs this up by pointing out that the information (for Scripture) is sufficient but that not everything is contained within Scripture. So if you're looking for the "whole message" you need to refer to the mentioned teaching authority.
@TheRindy84 - And when you say that, I assume you are referring to a specific English interpretation of scripture, also interpreted from either Aramaic, Hebrew or Greek?
@@misterwishartplus, most people aren’t learning those interpretations of scripture unless they’re seeking out spiritual guidance from religious authorities.
@@TheRindy84 So, here is a question: What is the ultimate teaching authority? If you know what it is, I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts
I didn't even woch the video. It's probably just a reflection of how I'm feeling right now but if even good people get divorced why bother starting relationships why try?
Giving and receiving love, learning, etc for me. All things come to an end but did we love and become someone "better " in the process?
@@rorycolgan I'm tired of having my romantic partners turn into life lessons. Some of us are just done.
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@@aleksandrac9335 The one with the hairy chest.
@@aleksandrac9335 nice name, I might say 😁😊
Why are they still together ?
They are not. They are still friends, co-parents to their kids, and business partners. This entire series has been going over how they are going about this. It's very helpful!
@@SaucyJTD I find co-parents such an odd word. You are simply ... parents, regardless of your relationship-status...
@i.b.640 You are right. That was an odd phrase for me to use. They are parents who are choosing to work together as best as they can to provide for both of their kids in peace. No talking poorly about each other behind their back, etc.
@@SaucyJTD It's the phrase that they use and that half of the intern uses, so it was no critique to you, it just strikes me as odd 😅
@i.b.640 As someone who grew up with contentious parents, I can understand why it's used. It's really just a shorter way to give the connotation and impression they they're working together, like a co-pilot kind of a thing.
English is weird 🤣.
Dear Alicia and dear Jonathan,
Thank you for sharing your stories. I’ve been listening to your videos for maybe nearing 2 years and they have been a source of inspiration and strength many times. I just wanted to thank you and to say that it was incredibly brave of you to stay in the relationship when it was too painful to handle. Our close relationships are the ones in the most delicate position and are unfortunately the ones that have the greatest potential to hurt us. It really takes a lot of courage and resilience to stand up and confront that pain time after time and day after day and not break the relationship. Thanks for sharing both of your points of view. They are indeed very helpful and both of you are amazing people! I am learning a lot from both of you and what I love the most about your videos is how from your different perspectives they encourage us to be our authentic selves with all the flows and strengths with dignity! 😊