John Mulaney: “For Years, I was a child”
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- Опубліковано 20 тра 2023
- Get to know John Mulaney through seven jokes about why the OJ Simpson trial was so entertaining, the reason to avoid 13-year-olds, and why he quit drinking.
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"Know Mulaney" not one cocaine joke
because that's not all that there is to him.
God loves us and has forgiveness for our darkest times. John has been an addict, but there are far more interesting things about him to talk about. God bless you!
It’s weird how people keep pretending his new special just didn’t happen and that he didn’t literally say, in front of millions of people, that in almost everything we know him from, he was high, on at LEAST cocaine. Or rushing to cover it up/sweep it under the rug which isn’t in his best interest, or anyone else’s who can learn from his mistakes! It should be focused on, bc that’s what he’s supposed to be focused on. Hiding it or ignoring it will just land him back in the cycle he JUST got out of!
Cocaine is the joke. 😂 JK its awesome and I'm sorry our guy got caught up in the deep end. You can never blame inanimate objects for anything. No ones perfect and we should all understand that fact. Cocaine IS awesome tho.
@@yasuke9317 lol tbh, I feel like “Cocaine IS the joke” is the joke he probably would have made after seeing this. 🤣 I have no idea if it’s awesome or not, though. My friends never allowed me to try it when we were at parties. Apparently, being ADHD and unmedicated was more than enough for them to deal with, bc the only time anyone EVER offered me any at a party, my best friend jumped in and said “thank you, but she’s already annoying enough”. LOL I wasn’t even a little offended, the truth is the truth!
P.s.- don’t worry. I’m medicated now.
I love his comedic story-telling. He really draws you in and then hits you with his punchline. It's a fun experience listening to him.
Its like reading a great book.
I think you just explains comedy.
Yeah, he should turn pro.
Sounds like every comedian lol
I love how he talks about his exes and cusses lol
He is so dorky looking
Glad they're still circulating the "Salt 'n' Pepper Diner" bit. It was the first thing I'd ever heard from him, and I've loved him ever since. 😂
I'm glad there's video of it, cuz I swear there was a time when only the audio was avaliable. It might actually be the first thing I ever heard from him too now that I think about it!
This is the 1st I've heard of him. He's hilarious 😂
I feel so guilty for laughing at the pain of a man with a black cup of coffee hearing What’s New Pussycat for the 5th time…😂💜
P
@@Washougalite1 were you in a coma, or living with an isolated tribe or something? How have you just now heard of this comedic genius?
“I am a proud Asian-American woman! I am a Tiger Mom.” Killed me💀
Man he is good. And getting better!
5:51 "You'd love him Lucy" I love that friendly, kind, wholesome interaction with a fan.
Take me creep vibes tbh
@@summerperez4450 I thought it was a lovely interaction, and the girl and her family were all clearly delighted too.
I went to go see him live in december. he interacted with this one young fan and it was honestly really wholesome. it was mainly just him being shocked because the fan said her mother called him the “nancy reagan of my generation”
@@thekinglymidas I'm no strangers to offensive comedy, but I must admit, I love the clean comedians who do not attack the audience the best.
Wholesome. What's with that word popping up all over? What do you mean, "wholesome"?
As a 13 yr old, i can confirm that 13 yr olds are in fact, the meanest people in the world.
as an adult i can confirm i am afraid of you
@@beek.4860 :) 14 yr old here, it does NOT get better with age.
@@depressed_beanit does get better with age, but 13-14 really isn't that much of an age gap. Middle/high school is a really rough time, and adults love to say "it'll only get worse from here" -- that is NOT true. I had a major falling out with some friends in highschool and I was deeply insecure about it at the time, but once you hit adulthood, you can look back and see that no one is a good person in high school. Once you're out, you'll look back and be a lot less proud of the things you did at that age. Just do the best you can in the meantime.
@@drewjay8940 Actually, that isn't always the case. I know some people who are obviously older than me, duh, that didn't get better. They are 25 now and still act 12.
@@depressed_beanDon't worry, it actually will get better! It just takes a couple years. 12-14 was more or less the nadir of adolescence for me. High school is MUCH better than middle school. You'll have more freedom and won't be stuck with the same annoying people ALL the time like you tend be in middle school. So, you get to meet more cool people you like and spend less time with the jerks.
Freshmen year, people will still be kind of annoying, but it's still better than middle school, and every year after that gets better. I'm rooting for you both! You've got this. :)
I love that he ran around with John and John. John, John and John were a hilarious John's³
"Your name better not be fucking John" lmao
John, Johnn n Johnny!
@@ZeldaEd123 double n's up to no good
"The best meal of my life!" Proceeds to say absolutely nothing about the food 🤣
It ain't about the food sometimes. Best meal of my life was eating diner food breakfast out of a takeout box with no silverware on a moving bus while on my way to the County Drama Festival with my friends during highschool. The food was pretty good, at best. But I was surrounded by my friends, and i was going to see about seven different theatre performances by other schools all day. We sang on the bus rides, we laughed and cried at the shows, and we played games all day.
The Salt n Pepper Diner is my favorite bit he has, but this iteration is the BEST. Ive heard his bit on a CD, and it doesn't compare. His energy and charisma is night and day
it was probably the coke
@@cmen6895 oh most definitely lmao I just didn’t wanna be the one to say it
That and Horse in a Hospital never fail to crack me up.
I was just thinking, "he's not wearing a suit? What the hell is this?"
@@squee599Man, he took ALL the cocaine for that one.
He and Tom Segura are my favorite Asian comedians.
😂😂😂
He's not asian
@@louisehawkins7392 Neither is Tom Segura, but they’ve both made jokes about people thinking they’re Asian.
It was a niche joke for me to make but I think a few people got it.
Same. 😅
Sagurrrraaaa!
I absolutely love John Mulaney. He's so hilariously funny, even about serious issues. When he tells a joke, I can actually Invision it that way he's telling it and the punch line still hits me. I would love to see him perform.
It's so worth it. I saw him on his Kid Gorgeous tour and I was absolutely dying.
He is less funny when he isn't coked up
Not true. He’s sober now & just as funny
John Mulaney is the type of guy to have a best friend named John.
A best friend or two named John, even.
His best friends are Jaun, Jim, and Jane.
They're spelled those ways, and they are each pronounced "John".
"That dead end shuffle that women do when you chase them" in a bi-sentence. Priceless 😂
We did something similar in college. We went into a pizzeria and played "Pump Up The Jam" by Technotronic twenty-five times in a row, but we left immediately. We did not want to share in the experience. We went back in two hours later and the jukebox had been unplugged.
Funny thing is many jukeboxes start right back up when plugged in.
Well, then… pump up the volume! 😎
This gag wouldn't work on me. When I like a song, I put it on repeat 24/7. haha. I'll be like, "Yes!" *fist pump*
Ditto Kung Fu Fighting but I stayed and cried when they turned off the juke box - cos I was 9
Cunk on Earth (on Netflix at least) does this with the Pump up the Jam video on pretty much every episode. It's better each time.
The 8th graders thing is accurate. I was teaching middle school and some kid called me feet gross because he was made at me for making him stay in his seat or something. I had been wearing sandals alot. So I stopped wearing my sandals. Not a week later another girl said "Teacher, how come you don't wear your sandals anymore? Is it because you don't like your feet?" Like WTF? How did she know?
Middle school kids are evil on earth🙌
They are the worst 😂
As a eighth grader, I can confirm, we are the most offensive and mean grade in our school.
You were TEACHING middle school? How are you a teacher and you still write "alot"?
@joedkat Well, aren't you a smart one! Go yell your teacher you corrected someone's spelling on UA-cam! Maybe they'll give you extra credit! Buy be sure to also mention that you didn't put a comma between 2 independent clauses.
9:01 i love how when he imitates 13-year-old boys, he has less high-pitched voice than when he imitates himself
The absolute joy in the "And i'm gaining on her! :D" kills me everytime
So true about 13 year- olds. One neighbors 13 year old kid treated me like I had a plague, the others kept messing with my doorbell. I am private person and this drove me nuts. Luckily, one moved, the other just visiting. Really stretched my sense of humanity to the limits. Monsters. Had to remind myself I was their age once.😮
I'd just unplug the doorbell.
"I an a private" ...so NOT in the military.
they said "private person", as in they don't like being in public or conversing with people.@@markfoster1520
I hated teens when I was a teen too so hating them now is just the same
You needed a Squirt-Em Doorbell. Someone should make those. Press the button, get drenched. Or buy a veritable SuperSoaker & wait in the bushes for the little @zzholes....
I’m 72 years old approximately 50 years ago my brother told me that he and his friends were in a restaurant and they put five dollars worth of money in it and they pressed yellow submarine. After it played six times the manager came out open the jukebox up took the record out close the jukebox and walked away.
Too funny!
Almost think I want to try it at some point too, just to watch all the reactions
In my local town every Christmas we have music playing on the street, usually lots of classic Christmas songs. Last year, someone accidentally put on the song "you've got a friend in me" on a loop.. And it stayed playing, on repeat, for an ENTIRE DAY to the whole town 😂
"Accidentally" Lol
Sounds like the kinda thing that would be playing on loop in an empty street during the zombie apocalypse
that's beautiful
"...And he's been onto us since the beginning" might just be my favorite aside from any joke I've ever heard.
9:16 I think my favourite line from any stand up show might be "...before I went through puberty I had a voice like a little flute."
We played "He's bouncin off my booty cheeks" 8 times at a country/biker bar the other day, lmfao, best thing ever.
I am a proud Asian American women and you WILL treat me with respect lmfao
"11 up and one over, ya simple bitch" damn near made me snort up my drink. This man is goddamn hilarious
"I am a proud asian-american woman" i completely lost it!!!!!
"I know you know, I'm telling Lucy!"
When I was in high school in the 70’s, I did something similar. We had a jukebox in the cafeteria and for a week straight, I played Donnie Osmond every day at lunch. By the fourth day, when I walked to the jukebox, I was pelted with milk cartons and lunch rolls. It was a great day.
At a ski resort, a friend and I set the jukebox to play "Single Ladies" over and over again.
Just ate at a diner that has a jukebox that could play any song anonymously through a companion app... this bit was in the back of my mind the whole time 😈😈😈
you should have done it
He cut out the bit in the salt & pepper diner joke about the dad with 2 little girls flipping his table. Its my favorite part 😂
Hello, pardon me for jumping into your timeline. I most say you have that tremendous attraction on your beautiful profile. I Don't normally write in the comments section but your beautiful hair caught my attention and sorry to ask is it natural?🌹🌹🌹🌹
This man is the epitome of humor. Whatta guy. I love his comedy, and wish he and his wife, many happy returns:)
I got bad news for you on that front, fam.
😅
yeahhhhh about that. Which wife, specifically?
im pretty sure he cheated on his wife
Dude! Have you been on mars??? Google his marriage
His story about the insane high school party was one of the funniest bits I have EVER heard from any comedian!
My buddy and I did the what’s new pussycat prank after hearing this joke. It works.
😂
Were tf did u find a diner with a jukebox ?
@@verakoo6187 - I remember going to a diner a few years ago at London Victoria Train Station 🇬🇧 where the diner upstairs has jukeboxes on the table (they work digitally but look like tiny jukeboxes so I guess it kinda counts…?) xD
@@verakoo6187 it was a ripoff of silver diner. They used to be all over northern VA
I did that before he was born, but we played, "Happy Bday to you". We figured it was the worst possible song.
I remember me and my best friend in high school/college riding around stoned laughing our asses off listening to the radio and Tom Jones' "What's new Pussycat?" plays. I think we would have both died young had we heard it seven times in a row!
God how I adore this man. It's been a couple years since I've watched his old specials but they used to bring me so much laughter in painful times. Also loved back then no one really knew about him so it was so fun getting peoples reactions.
As concerns "What's New Pussycat.": When I was trucking many years ago, I was westbound in the Texas panhandle. "They're Coming to Take Me Away Ha Ha" came on the radio. Then again. And again. For about 200 miles, while I could still pull in the station I would periodically check back. "Ha Ha" until the station faded away. The next day I read in the paper that some genius in marketing had thought this would be a good way to announce the station's change of format to rock and roll. Apparently death threats were made. Of course, it 𝘸𝘢𝘴 Texas.
The trial got on my nerves so bad. I was pregnant. I had heartburn,it kept interrupting my soap operas And we didn’t have cable😂
If that's you in your UA-cam photo, you must be aging like wine if you were old enough to be pregnant during the OJ trial.
That was thirty years ago now, wasn't it?
@@kingayy9267 L rizz
I had a broken arm that required surgery, so I was home from work for a couple months. I was rivited!
@@kingayy9267 “Aging like wine” absolutely stealing that line!
@@sero.toniiiit's a pretty common line
Mulaney may be the only comic who looks just as polished when he was new as he does years later. Only difference is he hadn’t developed his complete unique style/suit, etc… but look at the evolution of Bill Burr or Louis CK and their road was a lot longer. Mulaney was Mulaney out the box, and only keeps getting better like a fine wine. A whiney fine wine! ❤
This is so true and he makes it look natural and effortless. I also don’t see it coming as often as with others
I've heard all of these bits multiple times and I'm listening to them all again because he's such a good story teller, despite me not learning anything new about John Mulaney here. lol
John is easily a top-10 stand-up all time for me- bro has the perfect delivery and can setup a story better than most. Whenever I'm in dire need of a good reliable laugh it's either him, CK, or Segura
How do you separate the art from the artist enough to enjoy anything from CK? He's a disgusting sexual predator.
Goddamn, booing an alcoholic for quitting drinking without him even making the joke first. It wasn't that long ago, but it really was a different time.
As an irish guy, John Mulaney starting off with an Irish joke is why I love this dude 😂😂😂
Yea man, let's leave the feelings-sharing to the Italians 🤣🤣🇮🇪
The "17 years ago" gave me an existential crisis
Why, because it’s now been 28 years since that movie came out?
@@perrywclifton yeah... because I knew that today is definitely more than that but it came as a shock the realization that it was 17 + another 14 from this standup (it's 31 years actually since the movie came out)
About his chasing the lady in the subway i totally expected him to say, "and i tapped her on the shoulder and said, 'you're it.'"
😂😂
😂😂😂
I did the What's New Pussycat thing in about 1965 on a bowling alley jukebox when I was about 8 for some reason! I was with a teenaged babysitter and her friend and about 6 other little kids. I put in a handful of quarters. It played like 6 or 7 times, and eventually some employee pulled the plug
Amazing!!!! 👏🏼
You did a Mulaney bit 17 years before Mulaney was even born? Respect.
What song did you choose?
@@TheKillahKyla Same song, What's New Pussycat!
Mulaney is one of the few comedians that will have me in tears by the end of his set!
I had a friend pull that music prank on me once. We were driving home from a water park in his car and he wanted to play some of his favorite music for me. Sure, sounds great. I think it was heading into the third or fourth playthrough when I was like 'wtf?' and he just starts laughing. He was never a prankster so he caught me by surprise.
I once spent months showing someone failed card tricks… until I did an actual card trick and it just… blew their mind. Fun to wait a few months for the reaction to that punchline. 😝
I love your story btw. Thank you for sharing.
John could definitely spin a story. He's starting to become one of my favorite storytellers.😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅❤
Baby J was an absolute GOAT. I was once asked if anyone has told me that I look like a young John Mulaney. I told him "No, Because I was over on the bench." The guy that asked me had no idea if I even knew who John Mulaney was. his reaction was priceless
Oh man... The Story of the Salt and Pepper Diner never gets old!
“Papa, today I met a boy with no eyes” MADE ME ALMOST CHOKE ON MY WATER
I love his comedy
17:30 Jane Mansfield agrees
Imagine only hearing the audio and thinking of Spider Ham
I can definitely see the “energy” that he gave up during rehab 😂
"For years I was a child" is absolutely Bill Cosby's "I started out as a child".
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 U know what tickles me??? As I was humming a Native American (Choctaw) song, "Ink Pata", he mentioned the pitter patter if Native American feet, lol
This reminds me of a time when I was a kid. We went to the country kitchen. They had those personal booth jukeboxes. It was malfunctioning and it was playing John Mellencamp's "Jack & Diane" over and over. Never got so sick of that song so quickly, and I initially liked that song.
He aint wrong about Joke #7. So true it is hilarious.
So for #5, one night out, my husband, after a blackout, woke up with more money not knowing how he made it. I knew he sold cigarettes to someone for $20 but the most fun was having him try to guess how he made the money! lmao still married to him but still find it funny.
I'd never heard, "What's New Pussycat," until today. I could barely sit through one playing. It's hard to believe it peaked at number 3 in 1965.
I was not alive for this, but I know it was the theme song for a movie that had a ton of big name actors at the time-Peter O’Toole, Peter Sellers, Ursula Andress, Woody Allen-so I think the cross-promotion made it bigger than if it was just released by itself.
".... and GoOf aRounD with the murder evidence." Bruh ! 🤣
Aw these are like his worst jokes and they are still hilarious
🏆I am a proud Asian American woman.
Hello, pardon me for jumping into your timeline. I most say you have that tremendous attraction on your beautiful profile. I Don't normally write in the comments section but your beautiful hair caught my attention and sorry to ask is it natural?🌹🌹🌹🌹
@@Kelvin_Flores Yes,it is I've never had a timeline jumper Thank you Happy Holidays.
@@williampetrovich1998 wishing you the very best of Christmas my dear, you seem to be a great fan of John just like me. Where are you from?
@@Kelvin_Flores New York
He oddly looks like my Italian teacher in the first two skits
We saw him in Cleveland years ago, and what a great show! Great guy!
I dig a lot of his older specials but his latest (Baby J) is a masterpiece for many reasons.
It's actually kind of weird to see him onstage in a tshirt, the suit and tie is a signature look for him now
Mulaney is starting to become my favorite comedian!
He's mine too!
Just realised that Malcolm is basically 100% Asian 🤣
Wild watching him morph from John Mulaney to Sean Baker to Billy Eichner to Spider-Ham
I love that John is wearing suits on stage now, it “suits “ him 😅❤
Hello, pardon me for jumping into your timeline. I most say you have that tremendous attraction on your beautiful profile. I Don't normally write in the comments section but your beautiful hair caught my attention and sorry to ask is it natural?🌹🌹🌹🌹
He makes me laugh out loud. Love him❤
❤
Just busting out by my lonesome watching this.❤️
Dude, #1 had me literally, Im not BS-ing, LITERALLY rolling on the floor laughing!
"He said somethin about the knife store" 😂😂😂😂
I am 100% with you on this. I appreciate you maintaining some realness and factual commentary.
My friends and I some 15 years ago did the same song numerous times on the jukebox but with Europe’s “Final Countdown,” we were escorted out of the bar and the jukebox unplugged on the fourth play.
Thank you, laughed the whole time
UA-cam algorithm to me: You've watched enough videos of Ron Swanson. Now watch John Mulaney.
I was eating in an Hotel restuarant and When You're Gone by Bryan Adams and Melanie C played and repeated over the whole meal. After a while we just all laughed everytime it started over.
I love John. Saw him at Davies Symphony Hall in SF. Love him.
If he thinks I wouldn’t get lost in New York, he’s greatly underestimating my ability to get lost. All one would have to do is spin me around a couple of times.
Hello, pardon me for jumping into your timeline. I most say you have that tremendous attraction on your beautiful profile. I Don't normally write in the comments section but your beautiful hair caught my attention and sorry to ask is it natural?🌹🌹🌹🌹
So hilarious. Thank you
Is it just me or does Mulaney without a suit feel like he's practicing
The whole whats new pussycat thing got me cry laughing! thank you!
The same is true for Scottish jumpers/sweaters. My stepmother made me one and that’s when I knew for sure she hated me. Took ten layers of skin off my face just getting it on. My neck was rubbed raw. Never wore it again.
My favorite of his bits is “Why buy the cow?”
When he said "high-waisted", I thought he said "high, wasted"!
wow, it was like getting to know myself through john.
He's like a cross breed between young Tom cruise and Matthew Broderick
Who had a late-stage growth spurt 😂
24 years old, helping to run this little burger joint that's rather famous locally... and we had this old-fashioned jukebox that played two for a quarter. So this 9 or 10 year-old kid puts in TWO DOLLARS and turns our little 38-seat diner into Def Leppard Hell on Earth by selecting "Pour Some Sugar" for eternal replay. By round four people were in obvious distress: some were on the ragged edge of control, clenching their teeth or their hands and just staring ahead at nothing; a few were slumped with an air of defeat and looked close to tears. More than one person came to me, entreating me to PLEASE unplug that infernal machine. The sighs of relief when I finally did were audible and widespread. But the worst part? I get home, and my roommate has his girlfriend over, and SHE was playing HER favorite song... Can you guess what it was? 😵💫
Haven't listened to Def Leppard since.
I have one more annoying than that. I was at a bar one night with a popular local band and the place was packed. This girl walks up to me, smiles and says "Can I please borrow your phone for a sec? It's a local call". She was gorgeous so I said sure but I kept my eye on her in case she was going to run with my phone. She was about six feet from me with her back turned. After a few minutes she turns and hands me my phone and was pouring on the charm about how gracious and helpful I was. An hour later I needed my phone and she had changed the language feature to Chinese.
Refund that poor kid
I so enjoy watching the video's of you singing with Jenna. I can tell she loves it too by her attentiveness to you as you belt out another one of those fine tunes of music I grew up listening to & personally enjoy. Jenna always looks so pretty when adorned with a couple flowers tucked in between her horns & ears. Thanks for sharing. Have a Blessed Day.
this is so relatable. I was also a child for years.
Literally tears, snort laughing 😂🤣😂💛
He was running for the D-Train, and she was running FROM it!😂😂😂
Thanks for the chuckles!
Need to make this "Get to know John Mulaney in Eight Jokes" and add his joke involving Delta Airlines.
This guy needs his own young sheldon style show, the boy with no eyes 😂😂😂😂
John Mulaney explaining the OJ Simpson case to a 13 year old girl is oddly enjoyable
My half irish half scottish father and my irish grandfather definitely don't really talk about their feelings (honestly though it's like my grandfather went copy paste and created my father... then he went copy paste and made my older brother.... granted I look more like our dad then he does, but he acts more like our dad then I do)
I'm from Chicago and close in age, and I swear I remember a no-eyed kid at either a block party or a July 4th thing, but I was so young I can't confirm the facts of this vague memory...