My Wife and I Fight Over Everything!
Вставка
- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- My Wife and I Fight Over Everything!
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.... We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
www.youtube.co...
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudslee...
- Churchill Mortgage - www.churchillm...
Get John’s new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future here: bit.ly/3Lmf076
Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: bit.ly/3cEP4n6
Get John’s Questions for Humans Conversation Cards:
bit.ly/3wkym67
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Watch and subscribe to all The Ramsey Network shows here: www.youtube.co...
When he says he doesn't like to lose, he doesn't realize that his desire to win will cause him to lose at having a good relationship.
I married one of those too. 4 kids and 16 yrs later I am tired and emotionally worn out where I dont care anymore!
That's all ego and pride. Which is really just insecurity.
She is exactly the same remember. Fighting takes both. My experience, Very very few women ever admit fault, or wrong doing. So, who is fighting.
@@Jaxmusicgal23doesn't that mean you might not have realized you don't like to lose either? You might be a covert narcissist
Update: She heard this and it lead to a horrible fight.
Uh oh...UH OHHHHHHHH!!!
DTB!
Please let this be a joke 😭😂
She must be mad at Dr phoney balony delony
My ex-husband always wanted to argue about everything even when here was nothing to argue about. My parents always argued so I said I would never do that. I only knew him for 3 months before marriage. After being beat up by him for 16 years n divorced I learned he is narcissistic añd doesn't know what love is. Everything was only about him and what he wanted now. After being raped, strangled, hair pulled out, thrown into walls, shaken to death, añd so much more I got my children out alive. To date 30 years later he's still he same to others. He's evil.
Props to the guy calling in. Far too many don't seek help and he sees an issue and wants to fix it.
Yeahhh something about his tone makes me think he doesn't like the advice he was given lol
I was in the military. 15 minutes early to everything. I do not like being late.
My wife was not. She would be late to many things.
Our compromise was that she would be on time to things that are important to me. And i would chill the hell out about being late to her important things. So if she was late to them, I said absolutely nothing.
This little change for us made the difference. She understands my drive to be "on time", and I understand her casual attitude to arriving when she gets there.
So I'm not trying to change her, and she isn't trying to change me.
And yes, it was a challenging discussion for us to have. Because of expectations. And us not quite meaning the same thing by "on time". Hahaha
This is great!
You guys are so lucky to have each other ❤
Hurry up n wait
I want to be on time for my job, my partner wants to be 15 minutes early we came to the exact same compromise. They also don't shop with me, put your items on the shopping list and then let me price out everything down to the ounce by myself.
I think that's a good compromise
It's not miscommunication,. he's communicating "you're wrong" perfectly
100%
I deal with that every argument until I was tired and over it at 39 yrs old and 15 yrs of marriage.
I feel the same way the caller does.
You feel like you're right about everything? @@Jaxmusicgal23
Sounds like my husband and I the first year of marriage 🤣🤣. We even fought over the right way to to boil rice 🙄.
We’ve been married for almost 20 years now and rarely fight now. When two lives becomes one, it’s takes time to adjust. Hang in there buddy. Take long walks together, take long walks by yourselves. This too shall pass.
Loved your story. I also think your username is awesome!!!
Literally me and my ex 👀. He used to stir the rice until there were several balls of congealed rice served on a plate. I got fed up trying to argue that the rice should be left alone. We didn't buy a rice cooker. We just ate balled rice for a few more months when it was his turn to cook. I didn't have the energy. 😂
First year of marriage is so hard!
@@Jss766I feel crazy. Dating my husband was amazing. Marrying him has been the best decision of my life. We obviously have our little fights like every couple but we sit on the couch & work through it & then we’re good. Our first year was amazing. It was not the typical first year 🤷♀️ every year since has been just as beautiful too.
@@OopThereItIs77777I think birth order and family background are big factors.
“one of us has to be right and one of us has to be wrong” that’s the problem my guy 😂
Wow, " Do I want to be cold? Or would I rather be 3 minutes late so I don't have to be cold"....that statement is so deep into empathizing with the other person and understanding how they are feeling.
I ended a long term friendship with my best friend because everything was a competition for her. She had to be the winner in everything, making me the loser. Every time she made me the loser I lost a little bit of regard for her until it was completely gone. One example was when I sold my house she asked me what interest rate my realtor charged me. When I told her, she pointed out that when she sold her house she negotiated a much better deal with her realtor than I did, saving her thousands of dollars compared to me. That was just one hurtful example.
Don't look back, people like that really just want to see you fail
I so dislike people who make it all about ME ME ME. A lot of the times they are jealous.
I think that’s a perfect example of Your ego getting in the way. Why did her sharing what deal she got make you feel bad? I think you put the weight of feeling bad on yourself, by comparing your situation to hers, and also realising you got a shitter deal then you thought. Take accountability for your feelings, no one, MAKES you feel anything, your interpretation seems like the source of your pain here
@@IcexQueen19A person that has to "one up" you constantly is insufferable...
Sounds like my wife's friend who was maid of honor at our wedding and had a massive cry fest about herself. Never apologized, and when my wife was her maid of honor while nursing our newborn baby, another woman who wanted to be maid of honor to my wife's friend's wedding kept bad mouthing my wife. Over the years it became an endless competition from my wife's friend...everything from having a kid, buying a house...super negative Nancy. It's okay to fire a friend, I hope you're feeling better about it all.
I had to chuckle when he said they have been married one year. Of course you’re fighting, it’s called “the adjustment year”! Dr. John, you did an amazing job with this one.
My first year with my wife was the GREATEST and so has every year thereafter. I am such a lucky guy and I know when to apologize. Dr. John did! Papa would have ripped him a new one. 🤣
I know right. I enjoy hearing stories like yours
Is the new wife raising the children from the previous marriage?
If yes, she need more understanding… and help and collaboration…
Yeah and Delony's advice of not bringing it up to not cause a fight is TERRIBLE advice. If this guy follows his advice, not only will his wife continue to not respect her husband's thoughts, but the husband is going to explode one day from the consistent lack of respect his wife has shown towards not only his thoughts on the matter, but doing nothing to rectify his concerns.
@@ellencox8415 actually, his advice was to not bring it up at that moment, but to discuss it at a different time, when tensions and emotions are not elevated.
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved!
That's profound. 💗
He hit the nail on the head of the problem at the start when he said "one of us has to be right and one of us has to be wrong."
I was married for 50 years and when we got older we laughed at the things that bothered us when we were young. (But you still have to get thru these things). Life is a great teacher.
Exactly sir! Our "issues" as newlyweds seem so silly now. We have grown so much as a couple.
Problem 1…they were so busy trying to figure out “who was wrong”
Problem 2…they were arguing over a sweater and being a few minutes late
You’re never going to make it decades of marriage (especially with children) you need to learn to let the small stuff go!
It sounds like an exhausting relationship.
Or thy will stay together and just keep fighting and resent each other while still trying to make it work.
Stop trying to be right and start trying to be “one”. You are a married couple. Who cares if you or her are right, the is more important…
Hubby still wont agree to this 16 yrs of marriage in, I am too tired to keep this insanity going.
Being chronically late to things IS unacceptable. It's disrespectful especially if it is a meeting with professionals or an appointment
Yeah, but it’s leisure/entertainment
@@nicholaslovett6248 he sounds like he's being gas lighted
@@SarahConnor562 they didn't have a fight over her being late "one time"
It's an on going issue
@@JustActNormal It's only an ongoing issue because of his misplaced insecurity about how he is perceived by others. That's the whole point.
Yea they were literally try to get to the previews to the previews, not going to miss the movie at all.
He clearly has control issues about being early to things and she’s more of an on time person
My ex-husband would walk into the marriage counselor and tell him to tell me how I was wrong.
I divorced him.
Exactly. These type of men only get worst as they go along in marriage. Being right shows no empathy, compassion and aggroance
Mine said our (female) counselor was "siding" with me. We then went to a male counselor who oddly agreed with the previous counselor.
Did him a favor
15 seconds of this caller and I could hear it a mile away - “I want to control” AND hearing that he doesn’t like to be wrong may come from him being raised and told he’s wrong about a lot of things he’s a kid. This is a deep-seeded issue here! My sister is exactly like this guy. It’s painful to be around her.
At least the guy here is getting advice and learning. I can’t even tell my sister to talk to someone about her issues bc she’s “always right!”
Exactly this reminds me of my ex-husband. Who in the end tried to kill me. It starts off with little fights like this and progresses. He is a controller. The red flags are right there in that phone call.
I've only ever dated/been with 1 woman my entire life and it's my wife of 18yrs.
The only thing we have ever argued about is if Anime is as good as it used to be.
What are your thoughts on that, and have you watched Spy Family?
I'm learning that if you draw a circle around yourself and fix everything within that circle, everything else falls into place. It is working.
Early on in my marriage my dad told me to set ground rules for fighting in my marriage.
1. No yelling
2. No fighting when really angry
3. Figure out how to work together to solve the problem.
4. No going to bed without solving issue and figuring things out.
5. Hug and kiss after problem solved
We set these rules before any big fights and so far 14 years later we still like each other 😀
"we still like each other" that's so funny to me but its also awesome
You're rather is a very smart man
I much rather be single than be yelled at for running in to grab a sweater. Hes making his wife have to walk on eggshells! Let her be herself!
Right! He sound indifferent to her well being. Nothing worse then been cold in a date.
@@musicbrazilian7065 It sounds like they are both wrong. But he's more wrong.
@@VioletEmerald He seens to be devoided of empathy.
@@musicbrazilian7065 thats funny you say that when shes not empathetic or respectful of other people and their time when being late
Yeah I seriously wouldn't have been able to enjoy the movie without my sweater.
Delony: don’t yell
Caller: that’s not typically what I do
I feel like the caller is lying, but okay
It's called "I'll be kind and agreeable while dating to get the ring then pull the switcharoo after the honeymoon phase".
Yep. Felt that sting and finally realized he doesnt feel like or thinks he needs to try or that it “matters” for the past 16 years.
Yes this is what happens then they start to blame their wife for everything that goes wrong. These men are dangerous and need help immediately
They are so concerned about communicating they are over communicating.
My husband has been doing this for 10 years and I feel like a child and an idiot. I feel suffocated like I can't even put dishes away or do anything right. It's affected my self esteem a LOT.
You realise you are in an abusive marriage,right?
Same. Only I refused to let it affect my self worth and he sadly both wants to do his own thing and never be called out while also thinking he needs to “correct” and help me.
I feel parented too and over little stupid stuff (i.e. how I use my electric toothbrush!!)
Its tiring but bot bad enough to break up our marriage with 4 kids.
I'm 10 years in too. Just did a 6 week group coaching thingy that helped me a lot! I really recommend it. I feel so much more empowered in my relationship and in my parenting too. I feel more confident in addressing some things (where I feel he is always overstepping) and am less triggered.
He punches down to make himself feel better. He is basically an insecure man baby.
You need to leave. They will kill you in the end. Your self esteem has already been slaughtered. They do not get better. They need intense therapy
Welcome to the FIRST year of marriage. It's the adjustment year. Over time, you learn to let the small stuff roll off your shoulder.. Pick your battles wisely🤷🏽♀️
I cried so much in the first year, even though people say it's the honeymoon phase.
Dude,
From her perspective: he cares more about being early to a movie than he does about her well being. She could get in the car and be early without the sweater but would he complain about giving her his jacket or shirt or say “you shoulda brought a sweater”… ?
This is clearly a control issue, not one of caring.
The type of communication John is talking about gives the person an opportunity to show love to their partner.
This guy's voice sounds very condescending to me from the beginning... Some people just love to argue and want to be right. This guy sounds like my brother-in-law. We haven't talked in a couple of years lol
Stop taking responsibility and have her start taking responsibility!
I’ve been married 45 years and late to events for 45 years. I Hate being late and it doesn’t bother my husband at all. Now I just tell him we need to be there 1 hour earlier.
It’s great that he called in. How many people wouldn’t? That alone says a lot about how he is.He seems like he needs to control her, it’s not about the time, or being late. It’s about his tolerance and feelings. I cannot relate, because my husband and I try to be on time most of the time.
Yup I wanted to get counseling our first year of marriage and my husband refuses… everytime… says if we need it we might as well just get divorced… 3 years later I have my huge Italian temper and he does his classic shut down and shut you out thing.. we hardly talk.. almost hate each other and I swear we are fighting and don’t even k ow why anymore most the time.. we are always on defense.. it’s horrible… I have been in counseling because yes I can only control me but it’s so hard when one spouse so adamantly refuses to do anything suggested to communicate better
I can tell from the tone of his voice from the start why they fight. You can hear it in his voice. He's being hostile.
He's a control freak. I feel sorry for his wife.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy - Dr Phil
My husband and I are 20 years into our relationship. I really loved when Dr John said it took him 16-20 years to figure this out. We are just now figuring this out as well, and I'll tell you, it's totally life changing ❤️
As someone who’s 8-10 years in, still struggling with marital communication, and nobody’s abusive or threatening to leave, thank you for vouching it just takes some couples a long time.
He’s a controller…100%
Yea! Paraphrasing “my wife feels like she’s on eggshells until I get mad about something.”
Around 10 mins in “my wife and I love to have these discussions is our problem.”
No she clearly does NOT 😑😑😑
I used to teach a performance type subject, so students' mistakes occurred all during class. I learned not to correct at the time of the mistake, when it was an individual. It causes the student to feel chagrined and embarrassed, even without others watching. There's too much self-esteem involved at that time. It was okay a day or 2 later, when they were separated from what needed to be corrected.
Life is too damn short to be with people who don't suit you. Find someone who makes you happy and that you get along with and enjoy going through life with.
The first year of marriage is the hardest- I am impressed he is calling in to get help. I have been married almost 20. Biggest help in our marriage is a sense of humor- laughter really does make things better
I think a LOT of relationship problems stem from poor communication and misapplied golden rule.
He does not seem to be getting it.
On our first year, we lost a whole damn weekend over which way to face dishes in the dishwasher 😂
My husband blows a gasket about how to wash dishes before loading the dishwasher. Then he says I do it on purpose to upset him. So crazy. He actually grabs dishes out of my hands and chastises me. So exhausting.
@@Flash3-22 oh no no. No. No. No. That's just me though. We may have lost a weekend but he hasn't said a peep about the way I do dishes since!
my husband and I used to fight hard until one day I learned to not fight and walk away. Sure it wasn’t easy at first- he followed me around etc. But over time we stopped fighting and started talking.
My husband and I fight over what words mean. Like “nice”. If I want to buy nice things I mean like Walmart nice. Not fancy or expensive, just not thrift store. But for my husband nice means expensive or fancy. That fight happened in our first week of marriage. Lol. We still find new words to fight over. It’s been 15 years. But now we laugh about it a lot more.
My husband and I do this too, mostly in good humor. One of the words for us was “several.” For him several means a minimum of seven. If I used the word to describe four or five of something he’d blame me for exaggerating.
To me Walmart means cheap
You're two not fighting: you're just clarifying what you mean.
So basically you guys are just newlyweds the honeymoon period is basically over and now you guys got to figure out how to be a married couple That's all and there's a learning curve there's an adjustment phase I can't wait to listen to the rest of this episode
Oh the old we argued and then we argued about how we just argued and how we could've argued better or shouldn't have argued at all
So many years of misery in this exact situation
It could have been as simple as saying, when they are NOT late,"hey hun, being on time is really important to me. Rushing gives me anxiety, and it's really helpful to have some extra time to settle in before an event starts. Could we try to work together to make that a habit?" That way she knows it's important to him, and when you love and respect someone you honor what is important to them whenever you can. And then she would make an honest effort to be on time, as they are running out the door she could say, "oh hun I know you are watching the time, I just need to grab my sweater or I will be cold and uncomfortable the whole movie!" And because he loves her, he would say, "of course darling, that would suck!" And he wouldn't dream of having his wife sacrifice her comfort for the sake of him being on time. That way they'd both be loving and respecting and caring for each other, both feel heard, both giving and both getting their needs met.
What if you have this convo and they still dont respect it?
I am so tired of the fights to get mine away from video games and ignoring what needs to get done and fixed around house and spending time proactively with me and the kids.
I gave up. Its not worth the fight.
I was trying to prevent his regret and his and me resenting him. It changed nothing and just gave us bad fights with no permanent change.
@@Jaxmusicgal23 it's a matter of what's really important here. She wanted to get a sweater. He is so but hurt that he is yelling at her. I bet she didn't even want to go after all the yelling.
As for your husband he is communicating to you that his video game matter more then anything else. And he gets defensive any time you try to talk about it. If he isn't willing to change you can't change him. You can only change yourself. I would say we need a break until he figures out what's important to him. He can play his games alone if they are so important. You want a fulltime husband not a part time husband.
Will you marry me? LOL
Married 33 years.
Been in the same spot as this guy.
Sometimes we get critical of our spouse. This winning and losing or who's Right or wrong,.
Is something. Is something like wife and I have dealt with various points of our marriage. I learned to recognize this behavior. Take some time to reflect and just accept My wife for who she is.
This. Thank you. I am this guy and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Hopefully this helps.
I’m sorry does not mean he is wrong…he needs to know that. Creating a safe environment for people to be honest is vital.
Repecting you spouse's time should be expected. If they are valuable, so is their time. Be on time. It's easy.
Dude was brave to ask for help! He was the younger me and good luck 🍀👍.
Nothing is brave about this
LOL, I was in a profession that showing up 15 minutes early was on time. Now that I'm married with kids we are 15-30 minutes late constantly, sometimes an hour or more.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
AH! One to two years? Try one to ten years! My husband does this to me all the time, trying to parent me. While also having the expectation that I mother him. It gets REALLY old. And it’s totally about control
Married 45 years and still dealing with this, I let it go once a day then I fight back, hes learned to shut ip
This guy wants his cake and to eat it too:
_How do we not fight and also how can I win the fights when we fight?_
Also, he's doing it with John. The question/argument/resolution is over and he is still knit picking... "Ya but," "ya and." Shut up, bro. The conversation is over. It's fine.
He just doesn't want it to be fine.
👏👏👏 Great way to put it
He actually said "I don't like to lose" Ohhh my...🤣
Yea she will likely put up with it for awhile especially if they have kids but u think she’s wising up
@@JustinCase780 sounds familiar to me
@@Jaxmusicgal23 I'm sorry because that is b.s. and not what a relationship is about.
My husband tends to run a little late whereas I prefer on-time or a bit early. Unless someone is waiting on us or we have an appointment, who cares?!?!
Honestly, what kind of husband would rather see his wife cold than be 3 minutes late.
Dr. John,
I love you explained this to the husband/caller. So balanced.
Thank you for modeling this.
Couples Counseling! Even individual too if possible. That will help greatly to give you both some better communication skills. Give both yourselves some grace too. You are both trying the best you can with what you have.
It's about feeling that your spouse is not honoring your needs. I spent years waiting on my husband. No more. He maybe late I leave. He doesn't care about my feelings. Now I may not come when he wants.
This guy reminds me of me. I hate being late purely because we are late. There’s no underlying psychological thing going on, I just dont like being late and when people are consistently a little late, even after rational conversations, it really starts to bother me
This guy comes across as a control freak. I feel sorry for his wife and I hope she doesn't stay long in that marriage.
This was a great topic to go over. Thanks again Dr. Delony.
I can relate to this situation. In my marriage, I often took the stereotypical male role (wanting to fix things, for example), and added to it a “need” to be right (I think the actual need was to be heard, but my husband didn’t have the skills to listen in a way that made me feel heard-and vice versa). I also spent most of my marriage trying to fix myself (and failing for reasons I now can see quite clearly-mostly because I was trying to do it alone, and change doesn’t happen alone). I spent so much energy fighting about minor things, just like he described (and being late was often one of them-I hated being late).
John is spot on. Man, the surface issue may be arriving late. But the root issue is control, being right, one-upping someone… yeah, going below the surface. It took me years to learn this… too late to save my marriage. But now I’m a mental health coach and I pray I can help another couple learn to save their marriage someday!
I spent 37 years with a man that had to be right, his way or the hwy that has no idea how to compromise or meet in the middle, or agreed then reversed that when it was time to do, who was unsupportive in every way even with our kids or backing me up with anyone, It was abusive and hellish,and never ending.He can be the better than superior one all he wants now with his mirror in own home.
“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” ~~ Dr. Phil
Dalton, your need to control is the only thing that needs to be “fixed.” Chill out.
Remember the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" "and by th way, it's all small stuff"?
10:30 "i dont like to lose arguments", that is THE problem here imho. Very prevalent asking men (not only), for one, your partner's is not someone to "win"arguments against, do satiate that somewhere else. second, when focusing on "winning" argument, care and empathy usually go out the window, so does honesty, we misconstrue what other said, we put words in their mouth, we attribute intentions that weren't there, we steamroll if we are more combative. That is NOT good at all. I personally have very little patience for that, but men should be thankful society raise women to be submissive, si they get away with shitty behaviour
He’s a control guy.
-
Too much ego on both sides. Stated by a happily married couple of 56 years. 😀😀
Great, great advice on this call. Needs to be a chapter in Dr. John's next book.
Commenters need to chill on this guy. Marriage is usually when we learn more about ourselves. It’s why it’s good for us as human beings…as long as we are teachable. Kudos to this guy.
It’s about power and control
He's all about control and belittling others and the closest ones to him, who he takes for granted, like his wife, bc he thinks they won't leave no matter what he says- it stems from deep rooted insecurities with himself...just like my dad, who's a total narcissist.
It’s often not “the thing” but what is leading up.
Dude I like this caller
This caller is CREEPY!!! His voice and words…how he puts the words together in a sentence. He sounds like a serial killer to me.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 That vibe is truly a bit off putting.
🙈🙈😅😔
I found your channel recently and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much for the advice & keep up the great work man!
This is not about being late. They pick pick pick
He’s describing a Tuesday at my household 😂
2 minutes into this video..he's irritating ME. Dude, what's the BOTTOM LINE? Am thinking "power struggle".
I’m sorry, but this call sounded ridiculous. There are so many big issues to resolve and being 3 minutes late isn’t one of them.
I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting to be places on time. Being consistently late is a character flaw because you are telling others that your time is more important / valuable than theirs.
I agree. But, if someone is consistently late maybe they are being forced/guilted into going to places they don’t want to go. That’s my case. I need to find the best approach in balancing saying “no” and supporting others even when I don’t feel like it.
Focus on the good and accept that nobody's perfect.
This isnt about 'control' its about her not respecting him. If i made plans and said we were leaving at a specific time, then i leave at that time.
Okay Hitler you sound controlling … she’s not a robot
I think Dr delony is off here. I'm the same way about being late because I'm a high anxiety person
"What's up," followed by "Not much," and then launches into the problem. He minimizes the problem in the first second of the conversation and has miscommunications. It's small but there.
I wish I’d found you a few years ago! My 22yr marriage ended and I totally believe after all those years of a great relationship, the pressures in life (health) created low tolerance that was never there before, and the need to be right, lead to a great emotional separation between us for the first time in all those years.
What kind of therapist analyses and asks the kind of questions you do Dr John? How do I find one that can help navigate any insures in future relationships
A) married 1 year….You are still getting used to living with each other. It is hard living with someone who does not do things like you do.
B ) Caller sounds a bit controlling. Nobody wants to be married to a boss.
Treat her with love and respect. Don’t raise your voice.
C ) if you treat her do well so will want to make you happy…listen to her, do acts of kindness for her, hug her, talk respectfully to her and if angry, leave the room for some time
D ) let small things go. She’s not going to be perfect ever…cherish the flaws. I always tell my husband he would be very miserable if I was just like Him. Sometimes the differences work well together.
Talking down to her, criticizing her, pretending you are always right, making big issues out of small things….all those things will bring a downfall to your marriage. Most people say you need to communicate for a marriage to work, it is true! BUT sometimes you need to know when to shut your mouth. Some people open their mouth up far too often.
Couple weeks ago my husband sent me pictures of some rice on the table from when the kids ate the knight before. He didn’t like the mini mess. Then I come home and I open the fridge and I see an exploded pepsi can my husband forgot. Point? I’m not perfect and that mini rice mess was no issue at all…so easy to clean up. Now I have to clean up a Pepsi mess (much harder to clean)…nobody is perfect so don’t act like it and don’t be arrogant
Also, women need love. They NEED it. Not sex….show her you love her by actions. If she feels that love you have a marriage that can succeed. When you do the opposite she starts hating you, gets bitter and resentful and your marriage will go down hill. Never treat her differently than with love. No hate. Not ‘I am right’. No ‘I hate that you do this and this and this’. And lastly, pay attention to yourself. What are you doing wrong? Then? Fix it. Don’t get into the trap of you can easily look at the flaws of someone else but you entirely forget to look at yourself. Again, nobody is perfect. And I know in my marriage my husband hates when I raise my voice to him. But guess what? I don’t appreciate it either so just don’t do it, ever.
Beautifully said
Why are you the one cleaning up your husband's mess? Is he a child?
I think guys would do well just to listen to their women. If she feels heard and understood she will cooperate with you. Pull out all of the information and keep asking questions. When she sighs and says i love you that how you know she feels heard and understood. then you can communicate your needs in a relaxed state. She will feel appreciated and will want to give back to you.
Sounds good on paper. But women don't work like that.
Yes!!! Spread this message far and wide
@@traetonmcglohon4563 actually .. they dooo. I hope everone gets to experience this with their SP at least once in their life.
👏👏👏
@@cruelladevil8536 meanwhile the divorce rate is at like 60% and climbing. And women file for divorce 80% of the time..... guys who date and marry women know this is good words on paper but almost never works in practical use.
Thank you John - Excellent & Honest insights for this husband!! 👏👏👍
“Since I’m the one who identifies the problem . . .” Seriously?
In small words let her be late an embarrassing you.
Look just let her know walk away and let her fixed her behavior if she dont keep walking away you dont need a person that is always taking youre time for granted.
She dont got a brain damage to forget all the time
This one really hit home! Thanks Dr John!
Sounds like my husband. I can't never do anything right, I'm always messing up, always walking on egg shells.
🙏🏼 sounds like yr married to a narcissist who is going to drain you dry 🙏🏼
He's got deep rooted insecurities I bet & takes you for granted, & says the most hurtful and belittling things to you, putting you down in order to lift himself up, bc he thinks you'll never leave, since he's taking you for granted...narcissistic behavior 101...good luck, either finding the courage and strength to leave, or at least setting clear boundaries and finding your voice and telling him enough is enough, you will not be his punching bag anymore! 💪🏼
Since you fight over evertything, the things are not the issue. Power struggle that happens a lot in first year and then it goes away. This too shall pass for you two.
I don't think it's bad that he brings up his feelings, that's healthy. I wonder if SHE is getting defensive when he simply shared...? It should be safe to bring up an issue. ♥️
They were just having normal arguments. That's all. 😊
My marriage ended because of a repetitive argument my wife and I had. She said she mentioned going to seek marriage advice from a married woman at our church. When she left me, I messaged that woman to get answers. Turned out my wife went, not to receive advice, but to confirm I was wrong and she was right. I started crying as this woman was telling me that my wife was never there to improve the marriage. Even though this woman tried her best to encourage my wife to take her eyes off of herself and on the bigger prize....a loving successful marriage...but my wife refused to listen
What was the argument about?