@@Freddy-iz8wl Basically how can you own a smartphone and still can't spell BASICALLY correctly. Basically dummies should be banned from owning a smartphone.
It was a strict bartender when I heard it, but an IRS man could be even stricter. Reminds me of the one where a feddie shows up and tells the farmer he’s got to examine his fields. The farmer says, well, if you have to, but don’t go in the field over there. The feddie says “I have a BADGE that says I can.” When the feddie got to the field, he was soon being chased by a huge bull. The farmer, watching from safety called out “Show him your BADGE!”
St. Peter was taking some new arrivals around heaven and when going through on place with high walls he asked everyone if they would be very quiet. After getting through one man asked St. Peter why they had to be so quiet. St. Peter looked at the man and said, well, the Catholics are on one side and the Baptists are on the other and they think they're the only ones here!
Texas Tom is by far the Greatest at comedy in a long time. I found myself bursting out at laughing . if we were neighbors I would be over all the time, wow. I needed that belly laugh. Tim Randolph/ California
Neighbor looked over the fence and saw the neighbor kid next door putting dirt in a hole. Neighbor said," whatchadoin?" Little kid said, " oh, I'm just burying my goldfish." "Why's the hole so big?" the neighbor asked. "Cause he's in your cat!" the kid replied.
Guy finds a genie lamp, gives it a rub and out comes genie. "You have ONE wish, make it good" "Alright, I want a freeway from New York to Beijing, over the sea and everything" Genie says "nah, its gotta be something realistic, that's too crazy" "Allright" says the guy, "I want to understand women and know what they want" "... how many lanes you want on that freeway?"
@@bobwinkler1268 thats the way i heard it. I haven't changed anything except translate it from another language. Do you know how jokes work? They live, travel and evolve.
Good one as usual , how do you remember all of those jokes !! There are days you really makes me laugh and I thank you for that . Again thanks for sharing and making me laugh it really helps more than you know ,😊👍😆
Always cracks me up this one About the third time I've heard it as soon as he said irs I was laughing but still had to watch it to the end just to listen to the delivery of 5he joke.
Being in pain sucks. No one can judge or feel your pain it’s your burden. I’m weeks away from having my triple fusion extended from L4 to S1 to L3 to S1. Through my back. Then four bone graft cages through my stomach then fuse my pelvis to my sacrum both sides. After seeing him yesterday thinking I was going straight in since I’ve lost feeling to my genitals and bowl control but after telling him about neck and shoulder pain he done tests on my hands and fingers and told me I have a major nerve compressed in my neck and he now needs to fuse that before the other three surgeries. All because after finally having my back fused and a right hip replacement and feeling the best I had in 26 years without sciatic in both legs for the first time. After three years of physio hydro and heeling I got the all clear from my surgeon so booked in for a remedial massage at an osteopath and after laying on his bed he oiled my back then cracked it right on the fusion when I’d told him my past surgeries turns out it was a clerical error so now struggling more than I ever have due to the fact he broke my back in three places and now my neck is screwed from trying to compensate for everything else. I guess what I’m trying to explain is I seen my mum in pain from sciatica when I was a kid and I doubted her and never believed she was in that much pain. It’s when your alone with your pain and thoughts you realise that everyone’s pain is different and should never be judged or put in a category. Well here’s to health 😂🇦🇺 cheers John from Wollongong Australia. Christ I’ve written a book 😃
@@John-nl4lt hey John from what you said it seems like we share similar pain only my joints are fusing without surgery, I have Rheumatoid arthritis, Ankylosing Spondylitis and severe Osteoporosis so 90% of my spine and neck are fused so much that my ribcage is overlapping my pelvis and I have lost 6 inches in height and I am in constant pain but with a positive attitude every day I can open my eyes and say I am still alive. I hope that you will have much better days ahead and best wishes from Ireland. Ps mine feels like a book too Slaínte
My grandfather told me that one in Jr high. I’m 48 yrs old and that joke is still just as funny as the day pop told me. Keep’em coming brother, you’ve told a few I laughed so hard I farted 🤙🏼🇺🇸
Thank u for the wonderful memory I knew I heard it before and very well said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Mammaw Jean would of loved you on the back porch with us on Sundays also Jerry Clower was her next door neighbor but thank you for the memories 😍😍😘
MAN!! I just was scrolling one day just about a week or two ago & I clicked on one of your clips..I've been a fan since!! I Love your stuff keep em coming!! I've even tried to repeat to my wife, 😆..I'm not u, so in just shared your link with her&she loves it.. Thank you for keeping us smiling. Your new favorite fan in N.C.
The visual that is generated in the mind of the man standing on the desk pissing everywhere is not a pleasant visual even if you make him shout "yeee hawww" ... lol 🤣
Basically the same joke Quentin Tarantino says to Cheech Marin in desperado
What I was thinking
It’s funnier when Quentin Tarantino tells it !!!
By basically you mean exactly
Basicly everyone didnt see desperado
@@Freddy-iz8wl Basically how can you own a smartphone and still can't spell BASICALLY correctly. Basically dummies should be banned from owning a smartphone.
How you remember these jokes and say them without a hiccup is hilarious! Keep em coming!
He’s been telling it for years.
Yes ---I want pee on the IRS too !!!!!!!!!11
Probably because he steals them this is pretty much the joke that Quentin Tarantino tells the bartender in the movie Desperado
Heard that one about 5 years ago still funny to hear it again every now and then.
It was a strict bartender when I heard it, but an IRS man could be even stricter.
Reminds me of the one where a feddie shows up and tells the farmer he’s got to examine his fields.
The farmer says, well, if you have to, but don’t go in the field over there.
The feddie says “I have a BADGE that says I can.”
When the feddie got to the field, he was soon being chased by a huge bull.
The farmer, watching from safety called out “Show him your BADGE!”
Smokin a joint while I heard this ... lol
I seriously loved that joke! Give us more, please!
The oldies never die, Keep'em Coming ✌️
St. Peter was taking some new arrivals around heaven and when going through on place with high walls he asked everyone if they would be very quiet. After getting through one man asked St. Peter why they had to be so quiet. St. Peter looked at the man and said, well, the Catholics are on one side and the Baptists are on the other and they think they're the only ones here!
One of the top 4 funniest joke I heard in my life, keep them coming man
LMBO Quentin Tarantino in Desperado
He is so funny most of the time. I enjoy watching him telling his jokes. He makes your day many times.
Texas Tom is by far the Greatest at comedy in a long time. I found myself bursting out at laughing . if we were neighbors I would be over all the time, wow. I needed that belly laugh. Tim Randolph/ California
Tom..I am getting slimmer and slimmer..bring on the summer!!!..love🇬🇧💯
That's chic wilfong joke lol 😂 good one though
It's an old joke, chick wasn't the originator
I remember it as a bartender joke.
I laughed so hard the tears ran down my leg.
😂😂😂 that's a smart old man😂😂😂😂 that was cute. Thanks for sharing😂😂😂
It was told a little different in desperado by Quentin Tarantino
Neighbor looked over the fence and saw the neighbor kid next door putting dirt in a hole. Neighbor said," whatchadoin?"
Little kid said, " oh, I'm just burying my goldfish."
"Why's the hole so big?" the neighbor asked.
"Cause he's in your cat!" the kid replied.
Lmao
That is funnier than the joke in the video.
Hahahah. Im dead. Kid killed the cat.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You make me laugh! Thank you for that. People used to tell jokes all the time and I missed them!
That’s hilarious! I wish I could tell jokes so smoothly!LOL
I knew the punchline and even a year later, it's still funny as hell!!!!
Never heard this one!! This was hilarious, thanks for sharing!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Guy finds a genie lamp, gives it a rub and out comes genie. "You have ONE wish, make it good"
"Alright, I want a freeway from New York to Beijing, over the sea and everything"
Genie says "nah, its gotta be something realistic, that's too crazy"
"Allright" says the guy, "I want to understand women and know what they want"
"... how many lanes you want on that freeway?"
That's not how that joke was written still funny but so wrong. Next time dont change it do it right or not at all
@@bobwinkler1268 thats the way i heard it. I haven't changed anything except translate it from another language. Do you know how jokes work? They live, travel and evolve.
@@bobwinkler1268 its a joke. Have a beer dude. Life’s too shirt to be a dick.
Lol🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@chiefskingdom4151 Damn right, I wish I woke up with this attitude everyday
Love this guy!!
This is probably the best joke I've heard 😁😆😂🤣
Good one as usual , how do you remember all of those jokes !! There are days you really makes me laugh and I thank you for that . Again thanks for sharing and making me laugh it really helps more than you know ,😊👍😆
Always cracks me up this one
About the third time I've heard it as soon as he said irs I was laughing but still had to watch it to the end just to listen to the delivery of 5he joke.
I was too intimidated by your Affliction shirt to listen to your joke. 😂
Where do you come up with all these jokes😂🤣 hilarious....thanks for keeping me laughing.
It sometimes pays to be a betting man...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣 That poor lawyer. 🤣🤣🤣
Love your jokes they help me get through the day considering I'm in pain they help me
Being in pain sucks. No one can judge or feel your pain it’s your burden. I’m weeks away from having my triple fusion extended from L4 to S1 to L3 to S1. Through my back. Then four bone graft cages through my stomach then fuse my pelvis to my sacrum both sides. After seeing him yesterday thinking I was going straight in since I’ve lost feeling to my genitals and bowl control but after telling him about neck and shoulder pain he done tests on my hands and fingers and told me I have a major nerve compressed in my neck and he now needs to fuse that before the other three surgeries. All because after finally having my back fused and a right hip replacement and feeling the best I had in 26 years without sciatic in both legs for the first time. After three years of physio hydro and heeling I got the all clear from my surgeon so booked in for a remedial massage at an osteopath and after laying on his bed he oiled my back then cracked it right on the fusion when I’d told him my past surgeries turns out it was a clerical error so now struggling more than I ever have due to the fact he broke my back in three places and now my neck is screwed from trying to compensate for everything else. I guess what I’m trying to explain is I seen my mum in pain from sciatica when I was a kid and I doubted her and never believed she was in that much pain. It’s when your alone with your pain and thoughts you realise that everyone’s pain is different and should never be judged or put in a category. Well here’s to health 😂🇦🇺 cheers John from Wollongong Australia. Christ I’ve written a book 😃
@@John-nl4lt hey John from what you said it seems like we share similar pain only my joints are fusing without surgery, I have Rheumatoid arthritis, Ankylosing Spondylitis and severe Osteoporosis so 90% of my spine and neck are fused so much that my ribcage is overlapping my pelvis and I have lost 6 inches in height and I am in constant pain but with a positive attitude every day I can open my eyes and say I am still alive. I hope that you will have much better days ahead and best wishes from Ireland. Ps mine feels like a book too Slaínte
It's all in the delivery, and god damn you delivered that well.😂
Yeahhh! Top shelf jokes indeed. Old, but still classic.
Love your jokes Texas Tom!! Keep them coming!
Looking good, Tom! This is funny 🤣
And so are you
😂😂😂😂😂, you're an awesome joke teller 😂😂.
Thank you! I needed that Laugh! 😁🤣
My grandfather told me that one in Jr high. I’m 48 yrs old and that joke is still just as funny as the day pop told me. Keep’em coming brother, you’ve told a few I laughed so hard I farted 🤙🏼🇺🇸
Common joke told many ways. It still makes me laugh. I’m old vet an heard my share of them. You get me laughin.
Tom....
Ur NUTZ, but I love you man! Keep 'em coming hoss!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.... thank you for your videos 💙🤘🇺🇲🎄
My throat hurts from laughing so hard!
Love your style!!
Lmao Love Ur Videos Look Forward To Them U Do A Great Job Keep It Up
Yooooooo😂😂im so glad I stopped by
As an Irishman I approve this joke 👍
OMG I laughed out loud now everyone is looking at me like I m crazy. Well I m really crazy so that's OK. Love yall from outside of Helotes TX.
Tom I love your channel and all the jokes you tell
I freakin LOVE your jokes ...
Hilarious. Texas Tom always make me laugh my ass off and sleep really well. Thank you
Hahaha,funny thing is that I heard this while taking a piss.
A great joke! And you told it so well, thank you!
By my count, the IRS is entitled to $42,500 of the winnings in this joke
ROFLMAO, now that was funnnnnnnnny.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yep, heard a version several years ago but it's still funny as hell.
Thank u for the wonderful memory I knew I heard it before and very well said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Mammaw Jean would of loved you on the back porch with us on Sundays also Jerry Clower was her next door neighbor but thank you for the memories 😍😍😘
Lol keep them coming!
Outstanding A/F...😂
That joke is so good I posted it on my channel back in 2019. I like your version too. LoL
This is always a classic
Awesome bro...thank you for the smiles!!!
Great joke...love that twist at the end.
I seen a bumper sticker it said get high on milk my cows on grass 😆
Variation of the joke told in Desperado.... So a good one
MAN!! I just was scrolling one day just about a week or two ago & I clicked on one of your clips..I've been a fan since!! I Love your stuff keep em coming!! I've even tried to repeat to my wife, 😆..I'm not u, so in just shared your link with her&she loves it.. Thank you for keeping us smiling. Your new favorite fan in N.C.
Oh hell, made my day 🤣🤣🤣
THAT had me laughing so hard I had to pee!
LMAO...that was a great joke 😂🤣😂
You got talent telling these jokes. 👍
I like Texas Tom. He is comical to say the least. Enjoyed this joke for sure.
Now that was funny. Thanks for the laugh.:))
That is damn good right there 👌
That is a great old joke. New millennium kids can't tell jokes like our grandparents did. Keep them coming
Always love to hear his jokes
Fucking hilarious Randall!! 🤣😂
The visual that is generated in the mind of the man standing on the desk pissing everywhere is not a pleasant visual even if you make him shout "yeee hawww" ... lol 🤣
That was a classic indeed!
classic... never gets old
That’s a good one right there now😂
That’s a ripper 😂😂😂
🤣🤣 fucking right on I'll have to remember that one .
I've never heard that one before your a hoot😂😂😂😂😂😂
I remember that joke from Desperado! Best joke ever!
Hey good lookin. Love your jokes 🤣🤑
The best gambler in the world😂
They sit behind bulletproof proof glass now.
lol 😆
Maybe this is why 😆
Laugh so hard 🤣
It was great
That’s the best one yet ! 🎊 👍 👏
I remember this one from chick wilfong love that joke 😂😂😂😂😂
That is an oldie but goodie… one of my favorites… and I always forget the punchline
Thanks for the chuckle. : )
Heard this joke and my parents could hear me laughing next door
I went to buy condoms. The chemist said that will be $4.50 plus tax. I told her forget the tax I’ll glue them on. 😂🇦🇺
That's a good one.🤣🤣🤣
The IRS Man was talking to the Mr. Potato Head of humans!
That’s funny as hell lmfao
I’ll sub for that one 🤣🤣
an oldie but a goldie... 🤣🤣
That never gets old
As long as you don’t try to tell to the same person twice.
Oldie but a goodie 👍