5 CONTROVERSIAL LESSONS INFJs LEARN THROUGH BULLIES & NARCISSISTS
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- Опубліковано 8 кві 2023
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: INFJs may attract more attention from bullies and narcissists than most people, but don't worry - it's not all doom and gloom! In fact, there are five controversial lessons we can learn through these encounters. Today let’s take a look at how our experiences with the darker side of humanity give us valuable insights into ourselves (and life in general). So come along as delve deeper into what this unique journey has to offer...
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What are your most important lessons learned dealing with bullies & narcissists?
1)Setting Boundaries
2) Healthy Selfishness
3)Trust has to be earned and not given away
4) Trusting Intuition
Putting yourself as first priority...
Be authentic because they can’t achieve that. And they freak out & distant themselves quietly when you are unapologetically authentic. 😎
Giving an all-knowing grin, an Ooookay, and walk away ignoring them from then on. I’ve got no time to waste on soulless people.
@@paulh3381now this does put a smile on my face. Heartless people deserve others like them, until they are ready to grow and heal into better versions of themselves.
Narcs taught me how the Devil thinks and operates. These lessons were instrumental in making me a better Exorcist. ;)
There is no end to a narcissist's demands😑
Yup.
True
Agreed!!
Putting myself first is the best thing I have ever done for myself.
Basically, if I have to be honest I could not to this day understand the "bullies perspective" no matter how hard I try as an infj. But fellow infjs, please don't let people walk all over you, it's not good in the long run - be respectful but also set boundaries, this can be hard for us infjs but we have to train ourselves so that we can gain the respect we deserve.
What I’ve learned also, is to trust my instinct more than my very eyes.
I needed this. I've had so many people come in and out of my life tearing me down. And I couldn't understand whyyy..until I realized they were projecting themselves onto me. And I always see the GOOD in people even if they don't show it I know it's there and it makes it so hard to give up on someone. But sometimes there's no answer why. It just is.
People always project things into infj because infj have something that they don't. They are miserable people.
Many thanks, Wenzes. I've learned from narcissists and bullies to love myself more than others. To be careful with me, kind and soft even when I am unperfect. I don't have to fit in other shoes, I have to fit in mine first, even if I stand alone. I am learning to show my true self at the beginning not while the process is going to avoid unnecessary doorslaming situations and to set healthy boundaries. It is a new way of living but it helps a lot to increase my life quality. As well as I am currently learning not to be too polite, not to be too helpful. First of all, I am questioning myself if I'll be okay with that decision later or do I really like the person, do I really want to spend time with her or him? LG to all INFJ's from Germany 🌺
you might find the echoism book useful by craig malkin, i found it really helpful
Love your words, our progress seems rather similar !
Yes I seem to be on a similar track lately. It's a better balance than before. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts
I'm an INFJ Sigma , I've only one friend currently and that's you my soul sis ❤️
I’ve had bullies and one psychopath in my life. That last one tried to kill me.
Yo me too. Almost killed
• I am 60 so have learned many lessons.
1. Helps to help others, but found that mutually beneficial is best because I am motivated to help others over myself so multi-benefitting is best.
2. Second one I do not have any comment. Maybe an issue early in life, but became irritating.
3. Have my own identity. It doesn’t match that of others, but would be difficult to navigate the world without it.
4. I know who I am, and I would love to be my friend.
I will be 53 tomorrow and I have in the past 2 years learned of my unique INFJ personality. I sought help for decades and was always given SSRI's which did no good. You mentioned something in other videos that seared into my brain. You mentioned to look at your friends and ask if they would be friends with each other. That really hit home to me. I was not aware that I mimicked my environment as much as I did to survive. That really caused me great trepidation as I did not like who I was then. As it is I am basically a loner hippy type. I worked as an Indigenous Man (The only one in my profession for my 30-year career) in the Offshore Oilfields of Louisiana. To which is basically a melting pot of every narcissist and Ex high school jock that blew their knee out so didn't finish college and were put on these oil platforms to RULE. It was like Lord of the Flys, and I was Piggy. When my financial obligations to my children were over, I filed suit and won an uncontested Federal Hostile Work Environment Suit to which the Companies lawyer withdraw after my Deposition. They had no case! I was awarded a large sum, however the owner of the company sold everything prior to the verdict and is in hiding so I will never see a dime of that money. Today I am a shell of my former self, learning who I really am. Not the person I was emulating, but attempting to find out who JOSH is. I am unhirable as the first page of Google if you enter my name is my Lawsuit and articles written on it. That was 5 years ago. Today it is just my Dog Shark Bait and I, we live on my small sailboat and sail the remote Keys and Everglades avoiding people at all costs. They frighten me. My power comes from solar and my diesel salvaged from refugee boats as they land and are whisked away by Coast Guard. However, I have NEVER been healthier. Last May before I sailed away, I was hospitalized 5 times with heart issues and suicide attempts. Now I have never PHYSICALLY felt better. You mentioned something in this episode that I am trying. I am attempting to discover "My Own Identity." I watch your videos as I can as I do not always have access to Wi-Fi. Thank You for shedding light as to WHAT I am. You have helped me realize that yes, I am different, but not insane as I was thinking for so long. I had no idea there were others like me because as I said, Lord of the Flys for 2 weeks at a time and on my 7 days off from work I hid in my cabin in the woods to decompress. the whole-time dreading having to go live in that environment again. Thank You Wenzes,
I took some pretty hard hits from bullies starting from toddlerhood. My older brother tormented me any time grown-ups weren't watching. My parents split when I was six years old, and Mom sucked at picking out men to marry after that. My stepfathers were all bullies. The second one adopted me and my siblings, but he was a tyrant of the worst sort. Mother was not much better. Not going into detail, but I learned first that they couldn't kill me; and if they did, so what? Once the fear of death is no longer a factor, a bully is cake. Bullies find out fast with me, now. I may be slight of build, but when I rage, the fucking world shakes. Not a point of pride. I'm working on this.
Your rage is justified, karma will sort them out sooner or later.
@@koylejeune4332 Funny you should mention that. The second stepfather (tyrant of the worst sort) is finishing his days in prison with no hope of parole. One down.
You're not alone. Thanks for sharing. My parents/steps are old now...I am no-contact...just waiiiting......for those assholes to fall.
@Chrystal07 Good job! Keep going. You got this. It feels so wonderful to be at peace.
I wish I knew I was so different all my life ago...
If your going to fight back don't explain it first or compromise, they use it against you.
I just don't know what people are for anymore, besides irritation and to duck and hide from mostly.
it's never too late to learn
120% Correct. The hardship I experienced catapulted me into the life I am now experiencing. And I don't think I would be where I am now if that did not happen. I can only be grateful.
Such an eyeopener this video is! Almost every relation I had- be it with my parents, husband, siblings, or friends- I was being trampled upon emotionally. Yet, my empathy never let me hold them responsible for what they were doing to me. Now, I am getting in touch with the INFJ power. There is still a lot of work to do. Wenzes, love and gratitude to you for empowering the INFJ community.
PS: Sending love to my fellow INFJs. Stay strong, and never abandon yourself. Save yourself, nurture yourself before you set out to do something precious for this planet in your own special ways. May the force of Universe be with you ❤️
I remember being a little girl in elementary school, seeing some bullying taunts, and vowing to myself that I would never EVER cause pain like that to others! ❤
I AM thankful for the things I have been through because I am stronger than I've ever been and I'm ready to accomplish something big.
I could never be thankful for all the pain narcisists and bullies have caused me and how they shaped me and twisted my life forever. No matter the lessons, it was far from worth it. Stop romanticising pain and taking it as something positive. That’s sick.
Agree
What you said about roles here was so true, ppl often don't want you to be yourself but the perfect something and I finally saw that is not something I want to put up with anymore. Nowadays if ppl treat me without respect they are getting called out and door slammed if necessary too. I never regretted blocking ppl out because an INFJ only does that after receiving abuse for years. We give ppl thousands of second chances because we are too tolerant and wanting to help others to the point where we don't see that isn't reciprocated but taken advantage of as garbage can fir negative talk and as emotional punching bags. I love very few people in this world, only the ones that never used me like that and the rest doesn't need to know anything about me, I have learned to be constantly on guard for now otherwise everything I say will be used against me or belittled only to devalue me.
Yeah we must keep our mouth
Oh emm. I experienced these in my previous job, and watching Wenzes' videos at that time gave me the courage to quit and not give a sh** about what they're gonna think of me. i was miserable in that job. thank you always, Wenzes
"...and that our strength to take on negative energy is just limited." (3:35) YES. Very nicely put.
This was so awesome! Thank you. You helped me get away/go no-contact with my emotionally abusive parents. I went no-contact 3 years ago and did some hard core self-analysis/a ton of therapy. I feel so much peace now. Whenever, I feel I am back-sliding, I watch one of your videos and it helps me keep moving forward. Thanks again. So grateful!
Thanks. Abusive parents have only one place which is the nursing home
Your Ni will help you distinguish people's agendas you need to use your dominate function so you don't get sucked into a toxic sphere .
If there is such a thing as narcissist repellent it’s radical self love (healthy compassion-based love, not grandiosity, that is).
But honestly, nothing will keep all narcissists away all the time. You have to keep them out by not accepting mistreatment.
I love what you said about protecting that inner child and being a friend to yourself. I’m still working at this, but I hope I’ll find myself on the other side. Thank you for being a light to us INFJS!Your insights are so life transforming!
Thank you for sharing this perspective, Wenzes. I keep catching myself looking at things from others perspective and thinking about how they feel but not looking or considering my own. I appreciate you bringing this forward now as I am training myself to let go of the guilt of considering my own needs.❤🎉
Some take kindness for weakness. Narcs are teachers for the empath and vice versa. We all have a dark side. Narcs bring it into the light for empaths. Narcs have a light side. The dark side of an empath brings the light out in a narc. Humanity is balancing duality inside each individual brain at this time. There is no avoiding the lessons for all to move beyond our current exsistance as humanbeings into humankind. Evolution in real time at a light speed.
I do not try to help narcissists or bullies once I find out who they are. They think so differently from us that nothing you say means anything to them. After all, they are so superior to the rest of us, so how could we possibly contribute anything of value to their thinking?
Coming from a parent who never guided nor nurtured me, I have had bullies in my formative years and narcissists in my adult years, so I need to continue to stand on my boundaries and standards, and not waver.
I have to learn to pour into my cup first and foremost.
My mother used to make a fuss about me being "standoffish" but now as an adult, I understand why I was because it was my protective armour to where I don't play a role that isn't authentically me. My mother's running gag is: "I know you; I gave birth to you..." and I'm like No, maam you don't because if you did, I wouldn't be in this place mentally, emotionally. I'm cool on "making the wrong friends" but I am a dope ass person!
great vidoe, i found the book on echoism by craig malkin called rethining narcissm really helpful for me as an infj to not feel guity to put my needs first, I would recomend it all infjs
My mind gave me this solutions even before I understood what they were.Started creating boundaries and mothering my inner child,it is interesting to see that most infjs go through this.
Cause folks take kindness for weakness and we put others before ourselves so the cycle continues until we see what's going on and jump off the ride.
No1 Is such a hard lesson, or at least I had to learn it the hard way. I exhausted myself trying to help my ex, only to find out after I left that he was actually wanted by the police??!! No 2. I will translate this into: Not taking crap from others. It's ok to tell someone to shove off and in one case, putting in a formal complaint.
No 3 It's ok to be my entire random, weird, awesome, crazy, creative, self at all times in any situation. It's nothing to be ashamed of, guilty of, or it doesn't mean I am irresponsible or childish, silly, stupid, etc.
No 4 I don't need to be the nice girl, perfect or anything other then me. If I'm upset, I am allowed. If I am angry, I am allowed, If I am cranky and frustrated, I am allowed.
No 5
its not just liking yourself but liking our lives and the lives we are living. It all links together.
This is excellent.❤
While I agree we should learn to put ourselves first, I dont believe we need to go throigh such horrendous soul scarring episodes in order to learn it.
Most if the narcs I've had my life destroyed by were close family members. Now I have almost no family. That's a lifetime of bullying narcs and I dont cherish it at all.
These Five Points go together very well.
I especially appreciate your emphasis on reason#1 (We can't put others first) and reason #2 (We have to fight back). I believe these two items work hand in hand. In fact, I have a hunch that these first two items form the backbone of the next three. I believe all of these points are necessary.
As I began to practice these five points, my biggest challenge was to put aside the earlier advice I was given by supposedly well-meaning adults when they would interpret my "putting myself first" as being egotistical. That was when I learned the difference between egotism and self-care, and believe me there is a difference! ❤️🙂
And this video does a good job of showing us that.
Wenzes right on girl 👍! Been blasting bullies all my life and narcs. I see them all daily. Now it only takes a sentence from me to have them both turn tail and run. My down time has been for me and learning much. Thank You Wenzes. 😊 No I’m not a monster I love people and often help but on my terms. Have to clearly hear the other voices around me before I engage. Thanks.
Epic as always
So actually I get bullied multiple times BECAUSE I insist on being my authentic self….anyway, let’s try this one more time 😢👍
Spot on accurate! So relatable.
Awesome info, Wenzes. Thank you!
Hmmm, I could have done without those not so nice people. :) But really, you're absolutely correct those people did teach me that I needed to assert myself and put up some pretty strategic boundaries. They also made me more empathetic. I never wanted anyone to feel that disappointment that I felt when I wasn't accepted for who I was. We are taught that we have to keep conquering the evil with good!
Great advice 💚
TES, YES & YESSSSS!!!! HUGE THANK YOU for the Clarification & Sharing 🙏🏻💫💞🙌💥👍💃🏼
Absolutely right 👍👍👌👌
You are great! Thanks for your help!
Excellent video and advice!!👍😃
Great insights…thank you
You make so much sense
Thank you so much for all of your videos! All of your lessons are golden, but this one hits home with me. I've been doing a lot of shadow work and transforming myself into the person I really am. Setting boundaries and making sure my energy is reciprocated has made such an impact on my life in itself. And through my work, I am seeing the 'real' me that was there all along before my ego started constructing this 'other' me that needed a lot of tough love, but was protecting that sensitive, vulnerable core self. I gave all the lessons I've learned to that younger self and leveled up significantly. Learning I am an INFJ has made so much in my life fall into place and make sense. I didn't know that my MBTI is essentially an instruction guide to how my brain works. And as an introspective type, you know what gold that is. Thank you so much for helping me navigate these waters!
I love your advise; this is true for anyone who is suffering from abuse from bullies and narcissists👍
Excellent video thanks for your help 💖
Thanks!
Thank you my fellow INFJ, I am learning so much from you.
This was such a helpful reminder and supportive to our infj brains!! Thanks Wenzes!! 😊😊
Wenze's I'm dealing with both.However,they'll be surprised when no more in my life.Wenze's you're the best coach and guide.I'm learning from thou.Jerome
Love it 💕💕💕💕
Thank you Wenzes. I watch your videos from Sudan and I find it very helpful. Thank you for really making a difference in my life❤
True. I got those lessons. It was not nice but it is better now than ever before ;)
All points accurate in my experience.
You 'give and give' and you just feel that you are being 'used'. I have had at least two downfalls and was forced to 'resign' from my previous employer. You have to set up high boundaries and especially 'avoid' covert naracists. Naracists 'steal' your identity because they have no identity themselves. You need to 'protect' yourself first. Your own wellbeing is totally destroyed by naracists who are totally jealous of your success. It may mean loosing some 'friends' but you 'will' find new friends. Always 'be yourself' and quietly 'walk away'. Yes you will 'still' be surrounded by naracists but you need to be 'true' to who you are. Naracists never 'give up' but 'stick to your guns'. You cannot change a naracist so do not even try to change them. Once the 'love bombing' 'stops' you will then see the nasty person that the naracist really is. Others will not see this but continue on your own path. Never try to 'justify yourself' to a naracist or their 'flying monkeys'. The flying monkeys are the friends of the naracist that he 'hides behind' and do his dirty work. You will have a naracist and his monkeys all out to destroy you, but give absolutely no response and never answer no matter what they say even if it means ignoring phone calls and attending certain events. Many will be 'taken in' by the superficial charm of the naracist and will try to make you believe that you are at fault. This is the false narrative that naracists love to pedal. They are masters of half truths and lies. Never respond to their 'crumbs' of generosity because that is all you will ever get. Everything they do for you always comes with 'strings attached'. They want to 'Rob you' of your identity and take it for themselves as naracists have no identity. They are like parrots who parrot back what everyone else is saying. They are actors behind a mask, who act in a play where they are the chief character. The covert naracist is the most dangerous and the hardest to spot. They could even be your best friend. Observe their actions. You will discover that what they say and what they do are the total opposite. Never expect an apology and do not go looking for one. Keep your boundaries and barriers high and maintain 'no contact'. Be thankful that you 'escaped' from the grasp of such nasty evil people. Naracists are everywhere and 'love' positions of authority over others including in the church. They will stoop to any level of deception and will even 'use' vunerable adults and working as 'carers' as a 'cover' to 'hide' the evil people that they most certainly are. Do not be fooled by superficial charm and fine words. Actions speak louder than words. Observe what others 'do' and what they say they will do. The saying is 'never trust a charmer'. If its 'too good to be true', it is too good to be true.
You'r so smart! Thank you for the great informative channel. I'm INFJ and really love you'r videos 🤍
❤ Spot-on observation. I now have a narcissist in my life and have been struggling with the relationship greatly.
This 00:15:00min narrative has given me the basis of a platform to which I can stand, and survive.
Nicely done!!!
I am INFP type but everything is so resonate with me and my life 😳🤯😳🤯😳 Maybe I more INFJ ?
The more you invest in yourself the less you invest in narcissists and bullies and their wounds. And that really scares them!
Yes
I ❤️ your content, thanks to you I now wear a new cologne called narc b gone. 🥰
I am a new sub, and I'm so happy I found your channel. I have to start off and ask you if you are reincarnated from some wise person from the past. Trouble is, I can't think of one. You know your sh*(. In the past two years, I have finally gotten to the point that I do love myself. And there is no one in my life who is more important than me. (I had to compromise and say the following ;) There may be those as important, but no one more important. I just shake my head bc you are so spot on. It feels good to hear you talk. I feel so validated, I am giddy. lol I don't mean to sound crazy. I am in a rare excellent mood tonight,. Thank you for all of your hard work in making these videos. It's very obvious that you know your sh*& and that you research everything.
I'd thought these things were common sense. I had to learn them in 3rd grade, 30 years ago.
~ ok, I will find the waiting list; I know it’s somewhere. * ton of progress for me on #1 in last year * idk, I learned in 4th or 5th grade to out bully the bully, still my standard operating procedure. *also think having to physically defend myself from my older brother beating me up all the time, so I absorbed a physical toughness of sorts, or a willingness to back up my words with physical action, if it devolved into them not backing the he// up off me. Father of my sons, a narcissist abuser, learned not to put his hands on me because he ended up getting the worst of it.
I absolutely hated being married so much that I VOWED to never, ever do that again. I haven’t & I won’t; my freedom & autonomy are as vital to me as oxygen.
When you "get" why someone is bullying you and "forgive them" - you are enabling them. You are saying "It is okay to behave this way because you are suffering". The problem with this thinking is you have inadvertently given permission for a grown up person to behave selfishly and abusively to others "because". See around 11.20 for the inspiration nexus. So, the issue for INFJs is not just about how someone makes us feel, but how that same behaviour will impact on others. This is where Sigma INFJ can kick in. We can see the behaviour, and why the behaviour came about. But we can also see the toxicity and dysfunction that comes from the behaviour and associated paradigms. INFJs understand fractals. We get that that passing insult and brush off can be either the symptom or precipitation point of systemic racism, slavery, human/sex trafficking, mobster behaviours. We "get" that "innocuous" behaviour is a symptom or herald of a larger or more deep seated issue. When the system is corrupt and moribund (e.g. slave aboding in Soweto under Apartheid pre 1980s) then being nice and meek is the only way forward. There are other times where being nice and meek is actually enabling and "permitting" corruption and abuse. INFJs, who see in fractals, understand the bigger picture implications of those small innocuous events. Sometimes what we do goes unnoticed, we are like angels who give a moment of clarity and peace in lonely or difficult times. Other times, we are like a clarion bell, where our recognition of the game, calling out of the game for what it is, or simply resounding "we have choice, and this is the choice we make" leads to a ripple that transcends space and time. So, when we stand up to that rude brushoff, even if it is walking away acknowledging we have been dismissed without due consideration. We have done a "Sky High" ground ripple. It looks like we did nothing, but suddenly the ground everyone was standing on is less certain and needs closer scrutiny. In this sense, INFJs are like hidden faults in valleys. Everything looks calm and smooth. Little do the naive know what faults and forces are lying underground that can terraform the entire landscape if the wrong forces are applied.
The problem with INFJ playing superhero is that all those earthquakes we create shake us too. And when we are young, we can endure the constant life changing events all around us but as the days, years & decades pass, we become shattered too. Shaking the world drives away most people. And having often wasted our energy saving others may leave us too empty to do what we really needed to do, recover ourselves. It is so easy to get lost in the maze of humanity. (After marching in the streets, fighting against injustice, working for those abused, I can tell you as an elder the most difficult reality of aging is realizing how cold the human world truly is)In the end I emptied myself out and now face my own emptiness. Remember to hold back & treasure some our your power. I wish I could have been gentle when often I was too fierce, too demanding, forcing myself to reach goals exhausted, without enjoying the world around me. One day you will need someone & you will realize that you pushed everyone away demanding too much truth, too much insight, too much multidimensional reality. No one can keep up, so we leave them in the dust, only to find we are the ones alone, lost in the desert.
Surrounded by them most of my life 😂😢
Bam💥
I’m getting a huge dose
I am the parent of my inner child yes....
How does an INFJ heal from 10 years with a Narcissist. Anyone got solid advice being an INFJ? Not your typical bull answers, but something unique to us specifically.
Dr.Ramani YT channel
❤❤❤❤
❤❤❤
Narcissist have never enough espessily by putting you down !!! 3:31
To have my own identity
I've attracted bullies, all my life and the narcissist came later in my adult life
❤
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
🎯🎯🎯🎯
When the narcs smear campaign is in full flow how do you get their agents to think for themselves and see what’s really going on?
You don't. They never see the truth.
You don't. Trying to convince people that they're dysfunctional is a mistake.
who landed here without clicking anything? youtube brought you here after watching some video on maybe love or twin flames?
wenzes why do you repeat? It's like i don't get to hear the point at least in first 5 minutes. Now my default mechanism is skip the first bits, yet there are repetitions (phrases , thoughts etc)
These narcissist get paid up here ..😀❤️
💙🕸🕷🕸💙...i think my Inner Lil'Spider went hunted house took the crayon's and rewrote the shining...well have fun
ISFP
Should we attack the narcissist
NO THEY WANT US OUT OR UNDER LITTELY ......... 0:59
there was once an infj who felt guilty all his life because he did steal in youth or childhood in a shop, well, i did steal in the sum material stuff that cost about 300 dollars after time, but You are bullied probably more from commercials than from me, just don't buy it, ignore it, and You should be more authentic after a while again?! some might be inclined get glaucoma earlier from not looking not just centered (this damage might even be not that severe in there for them), but also around in the angles rather, i might now get glaucoma on both eyes because i stitched into them because of anger (it was still only a slight hit, be warned, the cornea or dura can with some means be perforated by human strength, this in turn did not happen here obviously [to me]), i dont care about my health as long as im left in peace from pain?! dunno me trying to be helpful?! me wanting to sleep
I'm not thankful for the tens of thousands of dollars I am out due to these ppl.
Same
Do INFJs of both genders get along romantically?
Lol