10 CRAZY things my eating disorder made me do!
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- Опубліковано 26 бер 2021
- My eating disorder made me do a lot of crazy and weird things! Can you relate to any of these?
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It’s crazy how no matter how different we all are, Ed makes us do the same things
Girl, I literally did almost all of the things on the list too..it’s been a few years since I engaged in some of these habits so its weird to think about them now. Reminder of how far I have come. Thanks for a great video, you feel like a sister figure!
Thank you so much for this comment! So happy for how far you've come! That's really inspiring to me
I’ve always used the smallest silverware. It would make me feel like I was eating more because I could take more bites. I would use smaller bowls/plates too. So they would look fuller.
I struggle with disordered eating/eating disorder because of trauma. My dad died in 2020 as a result of a massive heart attack, and he had heart health issues (which runs rampant in my family), and at one point, my cholesterol was a 350....well over the "healthy" range. This terrified me, and so I made some very drastic changes....like cutting out foods with lots of cholesterol except for "Self Care Fridays" or whatever (basically the restrict binge cycle...no purging, but have been tempted). I also have PTSD as a result of my dad's death, as I was directly involved by giving him CPR.
Knowing that I wasn't consuming enough food, and not being motivated to eat, one of the behaviors I have is "hiding" during lunch while at work. Like I will make myself a cup of coffee, and maybe grab some chocolate, knowing that's all I'm eating (despite me actually wanting and needing an actual lunch), and finding a spot where I won't be as noticed by my coworkers and questioned about me not eating. I've also lied a lot, stating that I wasn't really hungry......and yes, it goes completely against what I've been rasied not to do, and I freaking hate it.
I am gradually working on that. I'm working with an intuitive eating/health at every size based dietician. I've been with her since March of this year in addition to working with my trauma based therapist. My dietician and I are trying are going to try and plan meals for the time being, I've realized that I cannot trust myself to not eat 3 meals a day most days (and snacks as needed/wanted), and see how that goes.
I do that with oats, but nothing else. I don’t measure my oats though. I never stole food from other people, but I used to shoplift. I used to eat with the smallest spoon. Exercise is still a problem. Running is now challenging because I developed arthritis because of my habit of running in order to purge. I still hide food, can’t seem to break the habit.
With the pouring and removing food thing, I’ve been doing that ever since the beginning of my eating disorder. I do it especially with cereal. I still haven’t fully recovered so I still do this.
The shame associated with stealing food because you feel the urge to binge is SO REAL! I would do this as a little girl (yes, I've struggled with this for a very long time)
Love this! Yes, similar to Lauren Elizabeth I’ve done most of these things, especially the taking out and putting back of different foods. It was always safer with less. I did a similar thing as you did with the drinks only my go to was coffee and tea and I would never allow milk or sugar in them. Hearing your journey sends me back to the times when I did most of these when I was at my worst and it’s so purifying to see and feel how far we have come.
So I'm not the only one who did that! Oh and yes I can relate to the coffee!! One thing I appreciate about being in recovery is how much better my coffee tastes with milk and creamer. I'm so happy to hear that you have come so far in your journey :)
@@kristimichelle yes! It’s crazy how food and drink actually tastes if that makes sense? Thank you! We are all making so much progress and I love how we can help support each other!
I literally still cant have sugary coffee.
When i was peak ana ironically though i drank fraps at least once a week. But then like a year ago my boyfriend started buying a coffee brand and i out of the blue started really liking black coffee. Now i for some reason cannot, will not, drink sweet coffee. I love black coffee but if someone put sugar in mycoffee cup i dont know if i could drink it 😅😅
Hi Kristi! I can totally relate to everything you are going through. Thank you for sharing, it has helped me feel better. I am so scared at times because I feel like im going crazy!!!
I totally relate to feeling like you're going crazy! I promise you're not, it's just your ED being terrible. I'm wishing you all the best in your recovery journey.
Yes to all! You are not alone!
I have done all these things and I'm so glad I found you❤ Your videos are so helpful
I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you for watching!
See for me on number two I isn’t of throwing it away for me, my siblings were always more than happy to take whatever I didn’t want so I’d just say I was full or ate earlier and they’d take it
I got really into aryuveda and yoga and sometimes they recommend you eat no more than two handfuls of rice/lentils at a meal. And so I would scoop the food into my hands and then put it back so I only had 1.5,handfuls because I felt like my stomach was too full otherwise. I had this idea that my stomach being full was me being "bloated", idk. I only really felt comfortable while fasting because eating stressed me out
I also felt anxious with anyone seeing me eating. I always wanted to do it in private. Or if anyone saw me cooking.
Lol actually so many of the ones you mention I relate to also. Big utensils, stealing food, hiding food, proving to myself my dedication by throwing things out.
Thank you for helping me realize that I actually did have an eating disorder and me choosing to 'go all in' and just eat whatever now is not me being fat/lazy/undisciplined, but really what I need to do for my health.
Not going to lie watering down juice makes it last longer / add ice cause cold juice
Juice has always been an issue for me….The only way I ever drank juice is if I made it myself through a juicer and it was generally always a green juice……personally though even as a kid I was never a juice person….I prefer to eat the orange or the apple……
I do the thing which you thought nobody would do😅It's crazy and kinda sad
I used to purge with laxatives and Alli fat blockers and strong carb blockers. Exercise was anouther form of purging for me. Iam the only one that had a purging problem with alli fat blockers and strong carb blockers? I ask because I have not talked too others with this issue. Just curious. I still have a issue with this when under alot of stress
My digestive problems started because of ED and so I became reliant on laxatives and colonics for relief. I am probably much older than you (49) and as my digestion got worse, so did my ED because of intolerances. So I still use some for relief but not to purge. I have heard of carb blockers but never used them….I just went low carb but that made my system even worse……… I pray that you get past this because the longer you use laxatives, the more you weaken your digestive system and that causes mineral and electrolyte imbalances……it’s not worth it. 🙏
@@AZTracyLynn ur right
I’ve used laxatives since I was 15 (now 57) and not recovered and still use them and abuse them. You’re not alone with this one but I’ve watched many UA-camrs recovery story and have not heard it mentioned.
I move things back into their containers all the time 😳
I'm not alone!
Your eyes match your blousse!
Haha I wish I could say that was on purpose!
Idk what makes you think you're alone in doing these things. Not to be rude, but no one is that unique. I've done all these things, unfortunately. Most people who have struggled with disordered eating have done these things. It's way more common than you think.
Edit:
I do understand why you may have felt alone in this actually, or like you're the only one who does this. We don't openly talk about these things because it seems embarrassing, which can make one feel like these experiences are unique to them.