My Anorexia Story and how i saved my own life
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- Опубліковано 14 бер 2024
- There is always hope. Do not give up on yourself, you deserve so so much more than any life an eating disorder can provide for you.
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You are SO RIGHT when you say ppl don’t understand what anorexia does to families. When I was at my lowest worst phase of anorexia I was a total bitch. I had emotional outbursts screaming and crying because my parents tried to help me recover but I wanted to continue indulging in anorexia. I was distant and cold because my entire life was just anorexia. I had no energy or life. I’ll never forget one morning when I was arguing with my dad about eating breakfast and my younger sister broke into tears and begged me to just eat breakfast with her. Seeing her cry made me cry too and we cried for so long we were late for school. I saw my dad cry for the first time ever when I told him I’d rather die than recover from anorexia. It took a while for me to repair my relationship with my family after that. EDs tear families apart.
Not able to sleep at night because thinking something bad would happen is so real
As someone who is almost 2 years into anorexia recovery this video is not triggering. There is no numbers mentioned or calorie amounts or instructions on how to develop an ed. If you are triggered by the ng tube, hospital details or sick photos it is your responsibility to deal with it. This video does not glamorize a life with an ed nor does it promote anything. I have been off and on following Niamh since 2020 and yes some of her old posts were triggering, but this video shows a tremendous amount of growth. This is a fantastic video showing the reality of living with an ed. And for Niamh, I’m so glad to see you doing well and promoting recovery. It must have been so hard to talk in detail about your experience but I am grateful you did. This video is inspirational, you should be very proud of how much you’ve accomplished ❤ It takes a lot of bravery to be this open and vulnerable, don’t let anyone shame you for it.
Shut up
@@stella-soleil3436oh?
@@stella-soleil3436 That is not ok don't be so insensitive to people you don't even know
@@ApersonSomeone shut up
@@stella-soleil3436bro your fucking yaping I’m sure no one cares about you. To go to a positive comment about recovery and say shut up is putrid. Get a life
Please continue to fight to be healthy. I’ll be turning 40 later this year. Due to almost 30 years of an ED, substance abuse, and mental illness I don’t have a lot of promise that I’ll still be alive much longer. Anorexia/bulimia has caused me to lose teeth, hair loss (yet develop excess body and facial hair), severe insomnia, miserable anxiety, catatonia, isolated and lost friends, and overall? I’m not afraid of walking into traffic in the dark of night. I’ve overdosed on drugs so many times I’ve lost count. I’m at a point where I don’t care for my life.
I do care that those of you reading this get help while you can. I’ve no doubt I’ll be found passed away in my sleep. The damage has been done. My body’s exhausted.
However, if you’re young and reading this PLEASE fight while the strength is still somewhere within you. Much love to you all. 🌸✌️❤
please continue fighting
You can do this
Camhs traumatised me in 2013 and similarly gave me a bunch of unhealthy ideas. It’s sad to hear they don’t seem to have changed much
Ye it’s a shit system and tbh i don’t know anyone who they’ve helped :( i would love to change it someday but i doubt that will ever happen unfortunately
Yeah same - I was under Camhs in New Zealand and it was the exact same - no legit help, forced fbt and them just giving me ideas and low key motivating me to get worse 🥲
CAMHS are absolutely USELESS
My brother had a different type of eating disorder, ARFID, and Camhs referred him to a dietician as they thought he didn't understand how to structure his meals rather than identifying the obvious root cause which was a fear of food textures due to autism. They are ridiculous.
Cahms in Australia did f*** all 4 me 😂 The people in charge of me just looked like they were bored and listened to me but didn’t do anything seriously. when I realised I was autistic I felt like I understood myself better but it really sucked in my teen years.
i am just coming out a relapse and this video has really solidified the need for recovery. so thank you so much.
I hate that so many people when they need help (speaking from experience) and try to reach for it... and get to the hospitals and to the people that are supposed to help THEY DON'T HELP. THEY DON'T FIX YOU. THEY ONLY MAKE SURE YOU DON'T DIE.
when you left social media i was so proud of you, i truly felt like you wanted to get better
As a person who developed bulimia at 13 and has been clean a year after 5, I was going to watch your video to hopefully trigger old behaviors but I watched every second and you’ve inspired me to truly love and take care of my body you are amazing, beautiful, and strong please keeping loving yourself.
This is so inspiring I don’t want to be in that mindset ever again
I am in recovery right now and honestly I only struggled with anorexia (not even full blown) for 6 months ,but trying to rid myself of anorexic thoughts and food anxiety has literally felt impossible. Until this video I honestly thought I would never fully recover. You have given me so much hope. This video is invaluable to me. Thank you!
As a nurse who was working with patients in hospital with eating disorders. I am so sorry for what you went through. I know that it causes so much additional trauma. I wish we could reform the way it’s done - they say the goal is to get patient enough nutrition to not die but it often feels traumatizing as you say.
Eating disorders are so scary and so difficult to recover from, but it is possible to get better and feel better. Thank you for speaking about the harsh reality of this illness. Eating disorders are all consuming and they take up so much time and energy. I've suffered from anorexia for years. My hospital experiences were so traumatizing. Being in the hospital is not fun. Recovery is not a straight line. There are ups and downs. I still struggle with anorexia. I have to resist the urge to weigh myself. When I eat, I tell myself I need this food to survive. I don't want to get worse. I tell my story to let others know there is nothing glamorous about this illness. I am glad I found your video. You are very articulate. This has made me want to get better and keep fighting. For anyone struggling, please keep fighting. Don't let this illness consume you. The road to recovery is long and there are ups and downs. But it is absolutely possible to heal. No one is perfect. We all have struggles and pain in life. Thank you for sharing your experience
Darling, you are so great! Do not give up! My sister also suffers from anorexia and does not want to admit it. It's hard for her and for her family and friends. You have already taken many serious steps, don’t forget about it! At one time, the book by psychologist David Hawkins, Letting Go, helped me a lot; perhaps it can be useful to you when working with yourself and your beliefs. I sincerely wish you success and health!🌼
@@annapavlinova24 Thank you. I appreciate your words of encouragement. It means a lot
Niamh I’m so glad to see you recovering I just wish you didn’t feel the need to share your low weight photos:( I think this could have been an incredibly inspiring video without them!
It’s just so crazy that most people still think anorexia has only to do with the weight of looks of the person (especially people that are supposed to help). The weight is more like a symptom or a consequence of anorexia, but the true disease is mental! I hate people saying like: gain weight and then we can talk, like NO, first we talk, the healthy body will come naturally after.
You’re such a strong and beautiful young woman and I really hope you can live happy and healthy from now on. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s so important! ❤️❤️
I was the same age as you when I started my recovery. I got accepted to the hospital and got so so much better, my ED practically healed and for 2 years I was the best version of myself. Then my grandma died...Oh god, I wish I could go back and tell myself that the battle was far from over. PLEASE, KEEP CHECKING ON YOU MONTHLY, BI-MONTHLY, YEARLY, DO NOT LET THE ED GET TO YOU AGAIN.
niamh! i cried my eyes out towards the end of this video:,)
i've followed you since around august 2020, when those first tiktoks blew up, and i've kept up through most of the events and admissions you talk about through this; I was in recovery from late 2022 and always believed you had it in you to succeed and fight back and i can't begin to explain how happy i am to see you finally getting to live! (also yes the adhd diagnosis makes a lot of sense- i was diagnosed with autism and adhd after recovering and had a super routine/numbers oriented ed too- theyre so comorbid its mad!)
watching you now on tiktok live or talking like this, having so much more energy and joy- its such a testament to how hard youve worked to pull yourself through and i hope you're as proud of yourself as i know we all are
Stop i will cry. Thank you so so much & thank you for sticking by me for so long that’s amazing to hear. And yes the ADHD makes sooo much sense now I’ve learned more about ADHD in women it explains A LOT!
5 years recovered here! It's so crazy looking back with a recovered mind on how your sick mind used to think. It seems so silly retrospectively, but when you're in it, it feels so overwhelming and impossible to overcome. So happy to see you were able to choose recovery for yourself, it is truly amazing to be able to be free from the disorder.
niamh, i have followed you on social media for a few years and i have never been so overwhelmingly proud of a stranger before - as someone who has struggled with depression and an eating disorder before, i relate to a lot of your story and i'm so happy that you are living a much happier and more fulfilled life now. really rooting for you xxx
honeslty i'm ready to get mad if someone comments the fact that you showed your photos. you CAN'T tell me that she's proana for showing some photos while talking about how her eds was about to destroy her family. That's what open your eyes and makes you want to recover. My mom still get distressed if I eat less for a day while I'm ill, 'cause I literally gave her a trauma. She get so scared, it doesn't matter if I didn't actually relapse, just seeing me skipping a meal, cause I had a large lunch and I'm still digesting it, it's a trigger for her, she can just think that I relapsed and I'm faking to not being hungry and it's incredible sad. It just hurts. I had an ed cause the amount of selfhate that I had would make me ignore the fact that I could eventually kill myself, but seeing my mom suffer? No. Just no. Not worth it, I can't do it anymore, I don't wanna ever see her like this again. Didn't even finished the video but I had to comment this. Showing a bodycheck while talking about the side effect makes you doubt your ed, it makes u question "yes, i want to look like this, but I'm willing to sacrifice my whole family mental health for it?" Absolutely not
Congrats on your recovery!!! You did great.
it actually makes perfect sense to me that you got such good grades after your paris trip. i know you didn't have any professional guidance during that time in your life, but you were doing something called 'risk replacement'. you were replacing your ED (in part) as the target of your obsessive perfectionist mindset with educational perfectionism. it is a common practice with addicts, they are encouraged to replace drugs with caffeine, sugar, shopping, etc. in the beginning of recovery. many people still carry small forms of risk replacement in their lives. some people can't stop smoking cigarettes or else they will relapse on heroin. even if you didn't realize, you were fighting to get better by putting so much of yourself into your education.
I wondered about you having ADHD when you were talking about your thoughts process - sadly, it’s very common for ADHD/Autistic girls to develop eating disorders (as one in recovery myself from a different eating disorder lol). I really hope you continue to feel better - it breaks my heart seeing those older photos of you and also the way you were treated at hospitals/Camhs. It does get better and you will always feel better in yourself when you have recovered ❤
I was thinking the same thing
autistic fem with an ED here too. I was anorexic at 15, recovery was so difficult. Still worth it of course
I overcame my anorexia and have had 2 beautiful children which i never thought i could, i occasionally have bad thoughts but my children get me through anorexia is hell thanx for sharing your story so brave hope you never go back wards
wow, i just finished the whole video in one sitting and i want to say how touching this was 🥹 eating disorders i feel can be so glamourised online when they are just the complete opposite. it is an awful, awful illness. i’m so glad you’ve come so far despite all these hardships 💗
holy shit- i am in tears rn. i am genuinely so so so proud of you
been following you on instagram for a while and i hadn’t checked your account for a while but this video just got recommended to me and i am so so proud of you
honestly so so proud of you niamh, seeing your recovery story has given me sm hope for myself and i’m so incredibly glad that you’re now living the life that you deserve to live, and experiencing the happiness you’ve worked so hard to find 💗
girl youve blocked me on like 100 different tiktok accounts for encoraging you to seek recovery, im so happy to see you doing well
whattt?
I think this is a you problem; if you’re making 100 different accounts on tiktok telling her to recover, that’s harassment.
@@gr3yfaerie she was making new accounts when they got deleted
@@gr3yfaerie she was the one making new accounts bcs she kept getting blocked
maybe stop harassing her
That was an incredible video Niamh, i saw your TikTok back a while ago and was so genuinely concerned but noticed you stepped away from social media and never saw you again. I was so happy to see this in my UA-cam recommendation, and you should be so SO proud of yourself. You are amazing, have a brilliant, fulfilling, beautiful life
congratulations on ur recovery, i watched this whole vid cause it came on my feed, you are so strong
I used to follow your journey on instagram but haven’t been on insta for a long while. Seeing this on my home page on UA-cam made me so happy!! You appear so much better! You look happier and brighter and I’m so proud of you! I hope you continue to do so well, sending lots of love! Xx❤
i’ve been following your tiktok for ages and just found your youtube! i love you and so proud of how far you’ve come!!
omg im so proud of you!! i've been following your story thru ur various accounts and I'm just so so happy you are able to share your story and help others. you are an inspiration
it's so good to see you opening up & i'm very happy to see that you’re doing much better now 💕
This was so wonderful to watch and to see you get to where you are right now- I was anorexic for 17 years- in and out of hospitals and things. After 17 years of hell, I am now 12 years into recovery and it's great! I'm so glad you got there too- I give you all of the love and pray that you stay there!
You’ve been through so much. Genuinely such a strong human being. Ur amazing
This video came across my recommendations and I had to click because I thought I recognized you from somewhere. It happens to be that I was following your tiktoks during 2020 or so, which was when I was also struggling with my body image and endless cycles of disordered eating. Since then I've gotten a lot better and fortunately I'm in a much healthier headspace rn. It warms my heart so much to see that you've also been better, and it still feels like a kind of a support to know that someone who was also struggling made it through beside me without me even knowing❤
you are such a huge inspiration to me, I’m currently going through inpatient at a psych ward for Ed treatment and it’s an absolute living nightmare, and seeing you go through similar things and overcoming them gives me hope I can do it too. one day I hope to be as strong as you !! Soso proud of you 💗
i cried. thank you for sharing your story, i'm so happy you had the strenght to took yourself out of all of that. i'm proud of you!
i just stumbled upon your channel and as someone who is also recovered now i love this and i’m so proud of you
I am so unbelievably proud of you❤️ I have been struggling with anorexia since 2019 as well and I am finally a lot better and it is just so so amazing to see your process and I wish you all the best!!! You are amazing and you are a big inspiration that you survived this illness! So proud!!
this is the best eating disorder story i’ve ever watched, thank you so much for this. you have no idea how proud i am of you 🩷🩷
Beyond proud of you for having the courage to share your authentic story so well.
Very inspirational! Thanks for sharing your story btw. I know you've received so much needless scrutiny on instagram, and I'm so happy you feel comfortable sharing your entire journey even after how people have treated you online. Your videos and your tiktoks are so fun. You give me hope for recovering
The end is so so motivating ❤️ i’ve watched your TikTok in 2020/21 and I can’t describe how happy I were yesterday, when I found your instagram and saw how happy you are now! Go on and live you life! Give your beautiful body everything, because your body didnt gave up, eventho your mind wanted. You are wonderful.
i am so proud of you niamh !! ive been following you for a long time and i am just to happy to see where you are now
this felt like you were telling my story. I'm so inspired and proud of how far you've come and your mindset. i'm still struggling to love my new body and not reminisce on my 'sick' self because i know it would never have been enough. thank you for sharing ♡
I am SOOOOOO proud of you, idk why but I start tearing up as I listening.
I love you’re story, it’s so inspiring. I have myself been as low at you was, and in fighted to were I am now. I love everything about you and I so happy forever you. Be proud of yourself, it’s take a lot of effort.
this makes me so extremely happy. I used to watch your tiktoks and I was in the same boat, feeling so so alone and helpess, but it makes my heart feel so full seeing you doing better, i am now fully recovered as well🥺
you are so knowledgeable! i am in nursing school right now and learning many mental health disorders and correlating it w health labs and human anatomy, and you have you made so many great points. You are such a bright soul, and you tell ur story in a beautiful teacher-like way, i just felt engaged and inspired.
thank you
Im so glad youre happier now and enjoying food!
Thank you for your story. As you told it I wondered how you could have possibly turned that corner to recovery and freedom. But liking at the bright lively woman telling the story compared to the sick girl in the images, I knew you’d done it. You are a survivor! You can do it all, have it all!
This is honestly so motivating I’m so so proud of you
niamh, i've followed you on various social media platforms since 2019/2020 and it is such a damn joy to see you thriving. you should be so, so proud of yourself and know that we're proud too.
Thank you so much to post this video and I’m really amazed by your journey and recovery 🎉❤!!! Your video has really inspired me to continue my recovery ❤️🩹 ! I follow you since September 2022 when I was at hospital in my lowest from my anorexia. I don’t want to explain my journey but I really recognize me on what you say and following you has really helped me a lot!! I love your positivity when you talk and I thank you to be Niamh!! Sorry for my mediocre English language i’m french😭
You are one of my biggest inspiration! ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a beautiful person 💖💛💜💚 I don’t have an ED, but I have C-PTSD, BPD and ADHD which can feel like the torture you described. many with BPD also suffer an ED. Your recovery is amazing and I’m feeling so happy for you! Never quit living the life you deserve 💖
Sending you so so much love and hugs I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve been through you are so so inspirational and amazing 💕🩷🩷💕💕💕🩷
The thing I most relate to - the nurses attachment
I've had literally the same thought as u said, this is unreal how similar ppl get while being under the anorexia paws
Also, I was a viewer of ur social media since early 2020
So I'm really just tangled with ur story at the spiritual level, I know how it sounds but I can't explain it otherwise
I just want u to know I've never been more proud of anyone than I am proud of u
And it's really calming to see u smile
I'm still struggling, actually my ed also started in 2017, I'm diagnosed with anorexia since 2019, been hospitalised 8 times
So I am able to try to imagine ur pain during hospitalisations and stuff, you're really strong, mature and just self aware - it's almost shocking me how powerful you are
Thank u for staying alive, u really helped me get through my life also (I can say we've been to hell together)
What you are, is an incredible storyteller. I don’t know what your future dreams and hopes are but you are a gifted storyteller. Perhaps this will enable you to process what you’ve been through and to move forwards in spite of your traumatic experiences.
Your resilience is a wonderful thing to witness. I hope you never return to the ED and that your life continues to move in a positive direction.
Congrats on your recovery, your strength and your beauty. Your message will surely help those ready to receive it.
i remember watching you the first time you tried to recover and i quite literally don't recognise you, you are so amazing, keep going
So well said, you sound far wiser than your years. Well done on your recovery!❤
sending you so much strength sweetheart, you can do it!!!🫂💞
I cried watching this. First with sadness, then with happiness. It's so good to see you looking so well. ❤
Thank u so so much for sharing ur story!!
You don't know how many people you help with it.
You inspire me so so much. Thank you!!
Please never stop doing such videos 😭🙏🏻
I am more than proud of you.
hey ive been following you on ig since the very beginning
Your a MIRACLE!!!! Congratulations sweetheart 😊. What a beautiful story. You give me hope that people can change. Thank-you. Bless you.
Thank you for sharing it. I don't have any eating disorder but i watched it all. You have no idea how strong you are, and also your mom. Live your life in piece! You deserve it.
i have struggled with an eating disorder for two years maybe? though our disorders our quite different (mine is ARFID, and related to the fear of making myself sick, i have emetophobia) i comepletly understand the despair and depression you felt during this. though i’ve recovered a lot, and have been able to put on a healthy body weight, it still affects me every day. i was so afraid to eat, doing the weirdest things to avoid it. from an outside perspective, i looked crazy, and if literally anyone else i knew was doing it would be so shocked, but to me it was so normal. your story resonated a lot with me, and though we come from pretty different paths of it, i relate a lot. it’s a brave thing to put this story out, but it’s highly appreaciated. thank you for sharing and i hope we can beat this together. 🤍
I am so proud of you Niamh! You are so strong xx
You are so brave. I am so happy for you. You helped me remember how it was way back when. I had EDs. I had forgotten all those thoughts and obsessions. It’s good to remember! We are success stories!!💖
I just really want to go you a massive hug, I suffer aswell and all those feeling I totally know how you felt and it’s one of the most shittiest things to go through and I would never ever ever wish this upon my worst enemy
I've been here since the may/June 2020 disposablesmile tiktok period and following ur journey and this honestly made me cry I'm so so so happy for you, it all sounded extremely traumatic and you and your family deserve the world Niamh
my AN experience was so similar at 14, i know how traumatising it is to go through that at a young age, you're so amazing niamh
LOL your self awareness at 16:10. this is a super real and honest video and i'm sorry CAMHS fails to see who you are. congratulations for pulling yourself out at this and best wishes going forward
I’ve been following you since 2020 and I am so glad to see you come back making progress in recovery. People are unnecessarily cruel to you. Even other anorexics don’t seem to understand that you have anorexia and body dysmorphia which is why you behave the way you do. They’d get sooooo mad at you then do the same exact things that you did. I’m wishing you luck in recovery you’re such a sweetheart.
I relate to your story a lot! I had anorexia for a long time too and i'm now recovered for more than a year! I'm so proud of you, thank you so much for sharing your story. It shows everyone that recovery is possible!❤
this makes me so happy thankyou so much for sharing your story,You are beautiful and amazing and you should be so so so proud of yourself
I‘m so so so happy, you got healed and found a good relationship to food. You can be so proud girl!❤
So proud of you well done! You’ve come so far!🤍
What a story you’re so strong ❤❤watched the entire video which I never do but it was so worth as someone who struggles with body image it’s hard not to ridicule ur body but it’s truly your temple and deserves to b nourished
ive been following you for SO long on instagram I strongly feel its been since before 2020. I am so proud of you and hope you reach the stars one day ☺
I’m so proud of you. Your story is really inspiring.
I have been struggling with restriction and the summer you were ill as well, I was at my lowest. I got better by the time September rolled around, then by November, I fell into a relapse. By December, I was getting better again. I had been doing so good- but I am falling into a relapse again. I’m going to listen to your words: I’m the one who can put an end to my suffering. I have that control. Instead of skipping breakfast and lunch tomorrow, I’m going to eat. Thank you, so much, for this video and for helping me get through this.
This sounds so hard, Niamh, the pain you were in. You are amazing to come out the other side. You are so BRAVE. You are indeed needed and I am so glad you are still here. I’m so excited to see where your life goes from here 🩵
I've followed you on TikTok since about 2020. seeing how happy you are now and how far you have come makes me so proud of you! I'm so glad that you are happy and chose recovery.
I remember seeing you on insta/tiktok back in 2020 & could see you were struggling. I’m a bit older than you but also from edinburgh so immediately recognised you again and i’m so glad to see you’re doing much better, but sad about what you’ve been through since then❤
To add, you told this story so well & with so much honesty❤
i’m so proud of you sweetie ♥️
First of all, the little strawberry painting or picture you have on your wall is adorable! We have the same style it seems :-) watching this video was eye opening for me.. I’ve never related to someone’s story like I do yours. I wish I could give you the biggest hug, you were so young going through this alone. I’ll be 21 in August and watching this video felt like I was talking to my younger self. I wish the best for you and I hope you stay rich in health and happiness
I'm so proud of you hen. You're so strong and doing so well. Keep it up. ❤
I've also had the most awful experience with CAHMS as well! They've caused me so many problems whilst recovering from anorexia. I'm so glad to see someone that can relate to my experiences! Thanks you so much
its amazing how you look like a completely different person in such a great way. Your hair is gorgeous now!
so proud of how far you’ve come 💕
Thank you for sharing your recovery journey ;-)
Niamh I'm actually crying. This is the most beautiful, touching and inspiring video I've ever seen on the topic of eating disorders. Your bubbly sense of life and joy, the spark in your eyes.... It's everything 🥹🫶
Also if you ever want to, I'd be SO down to collaborate 🤭
Thank you so so much. That honestly means the world to me🫶
Niamh you are such a inspiration! I have been following you for a long time and I’m so so happy seeing you bloom again
Omg I’m so proud of you this made me so happy ❤️❤️❤️
you are so brave! you are beautiful inside and out. you are such an inspiration and I am so happy that you are in recovery and doing so much better!
Thank you thank you thank you. Recovering was the best decision i ever made! Ily
You look amazing. That glow! Even your voice sounds glorious and bright.