Why We Attract Difficult People | The Number One Mistake We Make | Communication Skills

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  • Опубліковано 4 лют 2025
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    Have you ever wondered why some people seem to surround themselves with positive people--and why we attract difficult people. WHY IS THAT? In this free online communication training video, Dan advances his theory about the one mistake people make that results in their attracting difficult people. (Well, this is ONE mistake among many possible). You'll have to watch his video to see what it is :). The good news is that Dan will tell you what to do about it--so you STOP attracting negative people into your life.
    #difficultpeople #attractingdifficultpeople #whyweattractdifficultpeople #freeonlinecommunicationtraining #professionalcommunicationtrainingonline
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    Dan can be reached at dan@danoconnortraining.com. You can learn more about him and his training on his website, www.DanOConnorTraining.com, or you can call him at 877-570-1573 701-205-4141 if calling from outside the US.

КОМЕНТАРІ • 101

  • @dianamac90
    @dianamac90 5 років тому +38

    Thank you! I've always believed that we "teach people how to treat us" and this validates my feeling.

  • @wanketta
    @wanketta 5 років тому +21

    I read that bullies just want a victim. Resistance ends bullying, eventually.

  • @TH-xx9cn
    @TH-xx9cn Рік тому +2

    So true "what you allow gets repeated" I allowed alot of that with my mentally unhealthy family- had a son with a Narcissist & 4-5 people in the work place- and so no surprises not strong/ supportive friends. If i didnt go through it I may not have believed it- finally I'm at a point of dusting myself off & recognizing they are happy being that way/ dont want to change. So, the machine is temporarily out of order as it is in need of repair.(primarily needing mature, happy, solid people)Thanks be to God, for people offering sound advice and maturity to want to change myself to no longer accept bad behaiour. My deepest gratitude to you Dan. You truly are a wizard of words.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +1

      Many thanks, T H and I hope you became a YT channel member :)

    • @jimreadey4837
      @jimreadey4837 Рік тому

      @@TheWizardOfWords
      Dan, I'm fairly literal-minded, and I'm not clear what the instruction _Know their names_ means. Are you saying, merely, that it's important to literally know your nemesis's name? Or to say his name aloud to his face? Or to know what he represents (e.g., a sniper) to you, and to look at him knowingly when he transgresses you?
      Sorry... it's just not sinking in, and I'd like to understand so I can pass this information on to my partner who deals with difficult personalities at her workplace -- but, not always very effectively.

  • @SydMountaineer
    @SydMountaineer 2 роки тому +15

    Also, know their "name" as in identifying their "game". When we are able to identify their behavior, it leads to learning how to deal with them.

  • @KimberlyLetsGo
    @KimberlyLetsGo 5 років тому +20

    The analogy of the ATM machine was wonderful!!

  • @queenbee7074
    @queenbee7074 2 роки тому +4

    My gosh where were you when I was starting my career! It took me years to build my boundaries at work n see the behaviour for what it is

  • @MsPriyaLal
    @MsPriyaLal 5 років тому +9

    I like how I always leave watching your videos not with just some canned phrase or word, but something to reflect on and think about at a deeper level!

  • @icomd
    @icomd 5 років тому +19

    This was ABSOLUTELY amazing! I am working towards releasing toxic people from my life and this is golden. Do you consult individually?

  • @IfSheWants
    @IfSheWants 5 років тому +11

    Kaboom!!! * LIGHTBULB MOMENT* I am a walking atm! 🤔😲🤯.
    Yes!!! Thank you for putting this in a way that makes sense.
    I appreciate you and your insights 😊.

  • @c.williams4583
    @c.williams4583 3 роки тому +8

    EXCELLENT TRUTH - and so creatively entertaining! And concise, as well???!! Top notch video! 👍

  • @nicolecarnevale3226
    @nicolecarnevale3226 Рік тому +2

    Dan,
    Spreading communication skills helps people understand and relate with one another. If we can at least understand the other persons point of view we can reach a middle ground.
    What a glorious world we’d inhabit. Thank you for sharing your gift with all of us, searching for a middle ground.

  • @loverainthunder
    @loverainthunder 5 років тому +8

    This is a fact!! Great video thanks.

  • @suzannebunbury2961
    @suzannebunbury2961 2 роки тому

    Thanks!

  • @M.K.B.1133
    @M.K.B.1133 4 роки тому +3

    Hahah! What the heck! Dan your killing it!!It was the Princess and the Frog and Rumplestilkin was a completely different fairy tale. That made my whole night!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  4 роки тому +1

      My mother should have read to me more than she did. Let's blame her.

  • @jeannemarie3704
    @jeannemarie3704 5 років тому +6

    Know they enemy names! This is great. Thx!

  • @Sandtauruspig
    @Sandtauruspig 10 місяців тому +2

    If someone is constantly focused on cutting you down that means they are threatened by you. We focus on what threatens us. If there was a loud explosion outside or someone was screaming "FIRE!!! HELP!"" then most of us would immediately forget and drop everything we were doing and focus in that direction.

  • @bibiebarbie4325
    @bibiebarbie4325 5 років тому +5

    Thank you for your videos, I’m grateful for them and they teach me how to deal with people at the workplace

  • @theresaandrade5708
    @theresaandrade5708 4 роки тому +3

    This rang true for me, I have been having this thought recently, if I only knew their name, this wouldn't be happening.

  • @suzannebunbury2961
    @suzannebunbury2961 2 роки тому +2

    Thank you. You are my hero. I just received two book of yours from Amazon. That foreshadows what I will be focusing on next week. My deepest thanks…

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 роки тому

      Suzanne, I am grateful for your kind words and support. Truly grateful. Dan

  • @TallMichelleWithTheLongHair
    @TallMichelleWithTheLongHair 3 роки тому +6

    I had to start the video over because I kept laughing about the "Maybe the dingo ate your baby" comment.
    I haven't heard that in years.

  • @iquecanseco8876
    @iquecanseco8876 5 років тому +11

    "what gets rewarded gets repeated"

  • @gabrielle-AVFloyd
    @gabrielle-AVFloyd Рік тому

    Wow yes that really resonates with me! So helpful!!!🙏💙🍀

  • @karenbrown6348
    @karenbrown6348 2 роки тому +1

    Excellent. Incredibly helpful

  • @sirrantsalott
    @sirrantsalott Рік тому +1

    ✨ I HAVE DOMINION ✨

  • @whotelakecity2001
    @whotelakecity2001 2 роки тому +3

    This is like food for the soul.

  • @AlexSmith-ix4oe
    @AlexSmith-ix4oe 5 років тому +8

    Great advice! Thank you, quick and to the point and new information

  • @Ce2009ce
    @Ce2009ce 3 роки тому +1

    Thank u I needed ur advise on this problem..as time goes by I’m hving to deal w/ruder n ruder pple ..Even at a innocent place lik going to a dog run w/my baby/my Pom where pple bring their dogs to enjoy off the leash freedom..I come across rude pple this one person thinks it’s ok to b argumentive abt the simplest conversation..for no reason.. it’s probably to get a rise out of me..bcz I’m a quiet person..after trying for months to shrug it off..I cldnt any more I finally told him off..I’m done.. don’t talk to me any more!!

  • @pearlmoonoverwater
    @pearlmoonoverwater 4 роки тому +2

    Oh Dan, you are so funny and your content is very helpful. Thank you.

  • @mushka6202
    @mushka6202 2 роки тому +1

    Dan, you crack me up. I love your wit. 😆

  • @julieb7093
    @julieb7093 2 роки тому

    I enjoy your content! Thank you!

  • @karenzilverberg4699
    @karenzilverberg4699 Рік тому

    Thanks.

  • @behroozshahdaftar4209
    @behroozshahdaftar4209 Рік тому

    Thank you.

  • @vickigonya9432
    @vickigonya9432 Рік тому +1

    I always took up for those being attacked by a bully or bullies all throughout school. I never accepted it in the workplace. Nothing ends an attack like a more poiniently placed outing of the bully's deepest insecurities driving the behavior. My narcissist had a game whicht my girl friend and I called " guess what my flaw of the day is" he thought he was undermining my day at work by saying little things designed to be hurtful and undermine my confidence. 🤣🤣 i.e- you have 1 eye smaller than the other. I modeled for 2 decades and knew that to be untrue. So I turned around in front of the men that showed up to do some framing at the house--- and said, "Oh well, as IF that wart under your eye were attractive." Which he had!! Totally knocked him off ofhis game. I don't care what other people think , I never have nor do they hold the power to crush my spirit.

  • @hbkas3549
    @hbkas3549 5 місяців тому

    Very interesting you are a good teacher!! I also laugh out loud 😂

  • @you_dont_wanna_know1969
    @you_dont_wanna_know1969 2 роки тому

    "I can transform a pumpkin into a carriage... I can change everything around me with the right words..."
    I believe it. Words, thoughts, ideas, expression... their power is under estimated frequently.

  • @mercurious6699
    @mercurious6699 5 років тому

    good point, thank you

  • @lori9423
    @lori9423 5 років тому

    I need this, thanks !

  • @pv0315
    @pv0315 5 років тому

    Pleasure and inspiring to watch you

  • @dorapete4536
    @dorapete4536 3 роки тому +1

    This is gold!

  • @staceykersting705
    @staceykersting705 5 років тому

    Hi, Dan. Madge says hi, too. We're soaking in it as u speak! Oh, she's doin the dishes!

  • @jessicabiecker4995
    @jessicabiecker4995 Рік тому +1

    Hiii! I joined

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому

      I see that you joined and are commenting and that is WONDERFUL. Thank you :)

  • @Su_aSponte
    @Su_aSponte 3 роки тому

    Exactly why i hide my name. Some people use that power for sabotage all too often!

  • @mosim9691
    @mosim9691 5 років тому +1

    Come on! Tell it!

  • @lisalegrand3171
    @lisalegrand3171 3 роки тому +1

    Ouch….been asking myself about my shit magnet….thanks for waking me up!!!☺️

  • @sarbunoemi4454
    @sarbunoemi4454 9 місяців тому

    What about coworkers who boss you around especially newcomers, the ones you have trained?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  9 місяців тому

      Check out my YT channels--many longs and shorts on the topic.

  • @LL-rk5lv
    @LL-rk5lv 5 років тому +5

    What can I do with a lazy co worker who make me responsible for the things he has to do.

    • @easylivingsherpa
      @easylivingsherpa 5 років тому +10

      Your only option is to talk to him and if that doesn't work go to the supervisor. But only if the supervisor isn't his friend or favorite. If that happens then you're fucked. Find another job. The work place is not a democracy and HR is not your friend, they are there to protect the company only.

    • @language-n-learning
      @language-n-learning 5 років тому +5

      @@easylivingsherpa Great advice, except I would replace "not a democracy" with "not truly run based on fair policies, rules or laws". A democracy, after all, is simply 'mob rule'. If the majority of the people, including your boss, don't want to abide by the policies, rules and laws that are supposed to govern the department, then you either have to join the abusive crowd, prepare for an ugly fight against a bunch of bullies, or find another job ASAP. Unfortunately, ASAP is not always "soon".

    • @easylivingsherpa
      @easylivingsherpa 5 років тому +1

      @@language-n-learning Such is life huh. Sucks but it's been this way since creation.

    • @language-n-learning
      @language-n-learning 5 років тому +1

      @@stephena1196 Absolutely not. Most people mindlessly parrot that term and have no clue what it means. "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United State of America and to the _________________ for which it stands...". A democracy means "mob rule". It means the majority gets to vote to steal stuff from everybody else or abuse people in other ways. Democracies are evil, and most people are obliviously to that fact.

    • @language-n-learning
      @language-n-learning 5 років тому +2

      @@stephena1196 Think about what you just wrote. Not everyone has the right to vote. Not everyone votes. Yet the majority of active voters get to decide (supposedly) who is elected (or selected) to hold office. (And don't forget the Electoral College system.) Then the politicians get into office and do whatever the bankers and corporations tell them to. And everyone has to submit to this system.

  • @jessicabiecker4995
    @jessicabiecker4995 Рік тому

    I like how you compare behavior reward system to 🏧 😂so true though

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +1

      Thanks for your comment and your membership, Jessica.

  • @LinYouToo
    @LinYouToo 5 років тому +4

    Where is the rest? I’d love to see the rest of this according to each type.

  • @redroses8025
    @redroses8025 3 роки тому

    Ok.. I must have missed the point totally..So I have to ask.. What should I do when it comes to bullies and difficult people?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 роки тому +1

      Check out a few more videos I've done on the topic, Redroses. Search my UA-cam channel and you'll find what you're looking for--I hope :)

  • @jimreadey4837
    @jimreadey4837 Рік тому

    I'm fairly literal-minded, and I'm not clear what the instruction _Know their names_ means. Is he saying, merely, that it's important to literally know your nemesis's name? Or to say his name aloud to his face? Or to know what he represents (e.g., a sniper) to you, and to look at him knowingly when he transgresses you?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +1

      The latter, Jim. Know who he is--e.g. sniper.

    • @jimreadey4837
      @jimreadey4837 Рік тому

      @@TheWizardOfWords Thank you, Dan -- looking forward to sharing and discussing this video with my partner, now!
      (Speaking of knowing their names... this was the first time I'd seen yours on screen. Coincidentally, one of my clients' is also *Dan O'Connor.* ☘ Maybe _that_ temporarily distracted or jumbled my brain.)

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому

      Yes, we Irish are brain jumblers. There is also a Dan O'Connor who was up to something or other that got ME on the no-fly list for quite awhile, until I could prove that whereas I might be an Irish terror sometimes, I am not an Irish terrorist.

    • @jimreadey4837
      @jimreadey4837 Рік тому

      @@TheWizardOfWords Well, that stinks... and I hope it wasn't my client.
      Yes, the Irish are a jumbling lot -- I strongly suspect it may have something to do with the limericks.
      Fwiw, I was reminded today that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland. (My response: Are the Irish proud of the traits that differentiate us from the people of Iceland...? Yes we *R!)*

  • @pv0315
    @pv0315 5 років тому +3

    Sir you are great. Perfect badass attitude..

  • @xxbatflowerxx
    @xxbatflowerxx 5 років тому +1

    You're funny and I like you.

  • @mcmic1212
    @mcmic1212 4 роки тому

    The untold story of the princess and the golden ball 😂

  • @fazbell
    @fazbell 2 роки тому

    We gat hired and have ZERO control over the people around us. Even if you're a "supervisor". Media jobs are the worst but most jobs are similar.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 роки тому

      True, but you can control how they treat YOU by how you respond to them. Can standing up for yourself get you fired? Yes, but that indicates you were in the wrong place to begin with. Not all work environments are toxic. Having said that--I hear you and am not trying to minimize the struggle. It's real all right. All we can do is our best :)

  • @silverink1824
    @silverink1824 3 роки тому +1

    If you ever need to do a brother's Grimm fairy tale analogy I am more than happy if you would want to ask me which fairy tale goes where and what the depth of the complexity of that fairy tale I can see you identifying talking about at least three or four different fairy tales that I count when you were trying to figure out this princess with a ball and I definitely think I know the know the right story you're talking about and Cinderella and sleeping beauty oh honey they get darker and really scary and messed up for women I would love to talk about fairy tales with you if you could teach me these skills but I'm already watching your videos so you're already there

    • @karenbrown6348
      @karenbrown6348 2 роки тому

      I love the Grimms Fairy tails as well. My Father hated the Disney tales and so I grew up with real dark fairy tails. I found more dark modern version ones as well. Sleeping Beauty does not wake up in this one.

  • @HeavenlyDivineTaro
    @HeavenlyDivineTaro 4 роки тому

    Am I subscribed yet?! Yes, ok good. I love this man :shoves popcorn n mouth: this is my spongebob. Hella liars and narcissist out here mane. I shut some shit down today, I decided not to engage and I saw for my situation it worked immediately. Lol! He finna write a book and movie about this princess with the golden ball lmfao, c how religion got mixed n the shit. And then rumplestilskin came lmfao I mean, if u think about it all the fairy tales r similar af it can be confusing.
    #1 is like banishing demon

  • @HeavenlyDivineTaro
    @HeavenlyDivineTaro 4 роки тому

    Haha "I have no idea what she was doing" that's generally how those fairy tale/movies go. Everytime I watch a movie, if they made any since it wouldn't b a movie anymore I guess rumplestilskins would be a documentary

  • @LoveFaithLive
    @LoveFaithLive 2 роки тому

    What? I have no idea what the answer was. No help at all in this video. I don’t get it. It’s simply just walking away from these people isn’t it, just don’t react to them at all. But a lot of times you *can’t* do anything about certain difficult people bc of their position in your life e.g. your boss. If you call out your boss they’re going to tell you to take a hike. So “knowing their name” doesn’t do a thing for us.

  • @sage8889
    @sage8889 5 років тому +1

    🎓🎓🎓🎓

  • @Youtubewonderer
    @Youtubewonderer Рік тому

    ✨🌷🙏🏻🌷✨

  • @sarasorensen2650
    @sarasorensen2650 4 роки тому

    The Frog Prince .
    Rumplestiltskin was the troll.who spun straw into gold for the Miller's daughter to wed the king.

  • @DJ-fh7xn
    @DJ-fh7xn 2 роки тому

    This is not true with people who have malignant...