it's time to LET GO of these type of "FRIENDS"
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- Опубліковано 24 тра 2023
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I already did. It’s a done deal 👍🏻
Ruri you should make a video on Flow - On how to get productive with your day. I think that will benefit us all.
@@ehteshamali2893 that's a very good idea. Let me write it down✍Thank you!
Maybe you could make a video about your foreign trips... how to improve our speech... fitness mistakes and recomms... dating advices from a beautiful woman (how to approach and get such a beautiful woman like you)... 🌹
Sin shortens life, because of our sins we are separated from God.There is nothing in this world worth going to hellfire for. Repent of your sins and be born again, Jesus Christ is coming back everyone
Bad friends often ruin your trust by sharing your personal information without your consent leading to strained relationships
THIS!!!!!
Couldn’t agree more 😕
That is exactly what passed me. Now, I distanced myself from them.
Yes, gossipers are toxic!
OMG i had this friend who would share her boyfriend’s fetishes and sexual habits without his consent and that was a MAJOR red flag to me
We should never expect "perfect" friendships . Some of the best people struggle with friendship .
Struggle and growth are truly what makes up perfect relationships between people. This concept of "perfect" stuff lacking conflict is simply false, nothing is learned from such experience.
just like world's most handsome man was ultimately cheated on
Struggle is fine, but real friends will not discourage you from succeeding just like a real friend will not just let you make mistakes.
It's truly hard to Identify what a "Real friend" is.. there's so many criteria that contradict each other. I really don't know what the bottom line is when you're looking for a Friend that's supposed to be "True"
@Arifumii, it's not really that hard. Real friends have your back. They aren't just yes men. Real friends can disagree but still be friends. Real friends bring out the best in you.
"Be the friend you wish to have" 💯
"friend urself bcs no one will be a perfect friend!"
I did and I got ruined
The other person used me and threw me at the end.
Great and all but I'm surrounded by methheads, mentally ll, criminals.
@@tayluvofficialI know that that’s why I prefer not to exert any effort with anyone and to be alone is the best choice .
Wrong, people will just take advantage of you and screw you over. You have to find someone else that's the friend you wish to have :)
Almost all friendships I've had have been toxic. Real friends are an extreme rarity.
It' not rare only, it actually doesn't exist.
Some friends are legit, they'll grow with you and stay with you, even when a fight happens or a celebration occurs.
Just take acquaintances or friendships as you go along. Keep those who cherish you as much as you cherish yourself.
Welcome to "Murica"
@@kobinsadvance You're implying that you aren't a good friend either.
@@Huetete Yes, you are correct. I ain't a good friend because I know true friendship doesn't exist just as true love doesn't exist. One day you will realize this too and it will be too late.
In this age, you are really lucky if you can find even one friend that you can fully trust for the rest of your life. Time is so strange that you cannot trust anyone, this is not only for friends, but also for your siblings.
Time never allows for stagnancy. Change must occur. Because of that, friendships can change and based on how you and your friend take on each other, the relationship could be severed or kept.
So true! As people change, grow, and have their own relationships/family... trust/priorities change.
True words 🙌🏼
So true- 3 bitch made dusty half brothers. Glad I made it out
It's easier if you have a foundation, guidelines and a moral compass. Mine is Jesus Christ, the Words He layed downed in Love, defines the right & wrong.
A lot people decline Him out of offense, doubt, dislike, or something but I reccomend giving His Word a read.
A great teacher for It would be Pasture Robert Breaker.
It was hard to say goodbye to a friendship of over 20 years. I constantly wondered what I had done wrong. However, in the end, I realized that person wasn't truly my friend but someone who was causing me trouble. It's strange to know that an enemy is never the one who betrays you, but actually someone you considered a brother was the real enemy
Read 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.
@@kobinsadvance i read the book i stopped in the middle because i can't handle the pressure i feel like he tell me or explain to me evry wrong or mistake i done . but i am motivated to read it once more
@@ib507zh Oh hoo
Ah. Hits the heart. Difficult because of the 20 years of friendship.
I decided to terminate a 13 years friendship, and now Im relieved.
I have to disagree about the part about seeking friends who will make a point of criticizing you if you aren't "growing" enough to their standards. It's good to have friends who will tell you the truth if you ask. But I'm already fully aware of my own progress, I don't need someone needling me and giving unsolicited advice about how far along I'm on something according to how they perceive it.
on the other hand, we overestimate our own progress, so friends who can clearly see where we are can tell us, and we should be grateful (unless they’re being rude about it or it’s obvious they’re lying)
Your comment translates to english as pride and ego
You literally misunderstood her point.
I get what you're saying brother but she doesn't mean it in criticising way because criticism does more harm than good. She's talking about encouraging or making you understand in a way that will help you or give the push you need to get out of that shell you are or may not be aware of.
I helped my friend grow by mixing criticism,jokes,facts, neutrality and encouragement i.e also called as constructive criticism.
Some standards are universal. Sometimes when we aren’t well we start to excuse our bad habits pretending this is just what we want, because is easier and you just lack motivation to keep growing (precisely cus of your bad habits) and it’s important for friends to give you a reality shock, and not sugarcoat it, in order for you to not stagnate in a objectively bad stage.. besides real friends tend to realize when you’re sabotaging yourself and when you’re actually genuinely content in your comfort zone. If they’re too obsessive and can’t never chill, they’re not in a good mindset either, then it’s time for you to snap them out of it too.
Having too many friends is overatted. They don't develop social skills as highly as you think. Just making acquaintances is more than enough to get through life.
This
Quality over quantity, always 🙌🏻
You are contradicting yourself (?)
Amongst Indo-European steppe culture it was foolish to have "Many" friends, as it was a feminine/female trait. They had only a few people, for example 3-4 very good friends they could trust. Having many friends is exhausting. Also you cannot call someone a friend if you can´t trust him fully. I don´t even know why people want that. They simply feel lonely and need contacts everywhere. Anyway, I live after this tradition, because it´s the truth.
@@CultOfSol777 friendless misogynist
Careful because you can end up surrounded by perfectionist friends that will belittle you or use you as a measuring stick to feel better about themselves.
So true, being too good of a friend can be very bad for your health.
@@HL390indeed I had to learn that the hard way sadly
I recently just distanced myself from a person I considered my friend for 24 years. I can not be with someone who constantly makes excuses for his degenerate behaviour. People need to realize that sometimes its better to be alone then to have so called "Friends".
your friend is much better off. follow your leader :)
I learned a similar lesson the hard way. Loneliness is certainly better than sticking around with the wrong people.
i thought that being alone was for the better, then sooner realized that being alone is worse
@@creativeeditor6909 its not about being alone, when someone is bad for your mental health and is not your support you have no growth and no benefit or true friendship in that relationship. You shouldn't isolate from everyone but you should stop being around toxic people who do not care about you. Why would you even give people like that your time?! So being alone is better than to be around bad company
or you could try making better friends but it is really your own choice
This thing is a double edged sword. Sometimes you get into a real ambitious group, and than you find yourself persuing things you care about in a context of that group, but that might not be really good for you in a long term. For example, everyone is working while studying - and you start to feel obligated to find a job even if you struggle with academia while they don't struggle or struggle but don't care about it. Well, if you don't have your own established goals and established boundaries you can easily become a follower and your following may diminish your progress in life.
So I would say a soft "no" to the fact that friends should be always challenging and that you must challenge other. Friends should be a support system, based on mutual respect and acceptance. Challenging yourself is your own job, not theirs.
general rule for the internet: take someones good advice and change or adjust it so that it works for you. Some of her tips might give you a new perspective, some wont work in your current situation. But use your own brain instead of someone else's to-do-list.
Well doing more isn’t the same as doing right. Look at all the rich people who are awful and all the genuinely kind poor people. You said you would struggle with academics, and there’s people who struggle to even get out of bed, or perhaps struggle to even speak, or read, or walk
@@xxMpEGxx
I agree.
@@xxMpEGxx Yes but this video reeks of "cut people out of your life who aren't successful".
@@Krytern well here comes the "use your own brain" part of my comment. Your radical understanding of her advice is a reflection of your own mind.
Toxic friends will ruin your life and good friends will help you stay sane in your vulnerable times, above all the most important thing for me is to be your own best friend because no matter how good friends you might have there will be times when they don't have time for you and prioritize other things. Love and protect yourself before committing to others. Don't let other people be the only source to your happiness, being able to be emotionally independent is good! And do you best to have people that love and accept you for who you are! Have a good day everyone! Much love to you all!
You can count your real friends on one hand.
The thing is I lost all hopes in humanity, and I need atleast some friends, or anything socially.
I have autism, and I love doing nothing by myself, literally nothing is fun if I can't share with others, I just hate doing things alone, just by myself. It's been like that since long, but losing hope in humanity is just the result of me seeing how trash people are.
I am lonely, isolated, I just crave connections but I am so scared of social connections either, because it has never been good for me. Nothing is good for me I guess
"Be the friend you wish to have" truely the best thing ive ever been told.
Except that is a perfect recipe for even worse misery, sociopaths hunt down people like that because they are also the most guilible and naive due to their optimistic nature. I used to be like that, people only take advantage of your kindness and when you start to defend yourself, they manipulate everyone else around the both of you and turn everyone against you so no thank you.
this seems like a good advice but it might not be.it all.depends who younhang out with
you can give your heart and still fall short
Darkness, set boundaries so they don’t mistake “your kindness for weakness”. Don’t be so available don’t be so helpful
@@BarbaraM-lv7pe
I hate setting boundaries. Did Jesus set boundaries, or was he just himself?
@@DarknessIsThePath yea someone did that exactly same thing to me and it sucked
I think I was the toxic part of my friendships. I had 8 friends and now I have 0 and Im alone. 2 I abandoned, 2 abandoned me, 1 died, 2 got married and left town and 1 started a career as a lawyer and went to study who knows where. Everyone had my number but nobody ever called me even once the moment we all graduated and life started. But I guess you could say that I also didnt call them so that doesnt mean much, I just suck at socializing and I accepted that its better for me to stay alone until I die.
you can still get your socializing skills better. it's never too late !
Don't be to hard on yourself buddy, you can change if you believe.
@@hassansong7630 Thats the thing tho, I dont believe and I dont want to change.
Sin shortens life, because of our sins we are separated from God.There is nothing in this world worth going to hellfire for. Repent of your sins and be born again, Jesus Christ is coming back everyone
Relationships are complicated, and being alone can be an opportunity to think things through.
While I do agree that toxic friendships can ruin your life, I think we should not be so eager do disqualify someone based on some "red flags". Remember, everyone is struggling as you do, and sometimes a good friend is just going trough a lot.
This tends to happen more frequently in underdeveloped countries where everyone's life is difficult, so if you live in such environments, you defenitely should consider lowering the bar a little. Life is not a competition and helping others is a sign that you are doing well to the point you can afford to.
Yeah yeah, fuck that, it only works on people who want to better their lives and not finding yourseld repeating the same adviced that go unheard or putting up qith their antisocial personality and leaving each enxounter wanting to.die...consiatency is key, of they repeat the same bad behaviour a couple of times you can be sure it will happen again.
This is so real though.
I live in a third world country and everything you said is just false. Being fucked doesn't excuse you for being an asshole. It also doesn't have anything to do with values such as honor, honesty, empathy, etc
People in poor countries are usually always seeking to take advantage of one another every way they can. But it doesn't matter where you're from, being an asshole is always a choice so, yeah, I'm not lowering my bar specially since I already met wonderful people to call friends and an angel to call my wife.
Integrity can be found in the poorest corners of the planet. If you sense someone’s mindset is hold themselves back, listening to their ideas will only hold you back too
the only toxic friendship is if they are manipulating and guilt tripping you in doing something you can't do. No is no.
Like forcing them to hangout. Leave this Insecure people who can't be happy by themselves.
You are only a good friend to them if you satisfy their needs. They don't care about your needs. (Ex. Being busy with school, just want rest for day, etc.)
I'm glad you are realizing this much younger than I did. "Friends" are often just losers trying to keep you down to make themselves feel better about their lack of effort in life. Find better people. You can have fun with anyone, so it's better to do it with people who encourage you.
You are right... But I can't find quality friends... İn my class all of them are silly and doing so much absurd things... Where will I find better people?😟
@@honeygirl1926 It's all about time, at the current moment you might not find them and that's alright. It naturally happens, just like suddenly stumbling upon a diamond mine.
So don't be disheartened, you'll eventually find them. ٩( ᐛ )و
@@oichikaichikoo5490 I hope I can find but i have no so much hope..beacuse in my country, people are suitable for those attitudes really...
@@honeygirl1926 That's an assumption, usually the most common reason for being disheartened is our own assumptions. When we assume something, later on it converts into a belief.
You might feel like your country doesn't have majority of people like that, but look at yourself you're a kind of person who would support your friend, so your existence is an evidence that there are chances of people that you desire to be friends with exist in an area near you.
Let's keep a positive attitude, keeping a negative one will result in you just being hopeless and depressed. Keeping a positive one, will at least make you more happier.
Best of wishes for finding a great friend.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
@@oichikaichikoo5490 you talked so well ☺️☺️ Thank you for motivating me❤️
Screw the financial stuff. Friends are there to have fun and to talk to. I love my friends. If im broke, that's on me, not my friends
A friend of mine makes more money than me but he doesn’t shame me for it not making as much as him. We usually hang once a week and we chill with one another.
From my experience loyalty is the most important pillar for a strong friendship, cause you can be friends with anyone but without consistency, the relationship will fade away quickly because some if not most of those friendships are built around a benefit whether it's mutual or personnal benefit. To summarize all this we should love our friends as human beings and not as beneficial machines.
W
I agree wholeheartedly. After I realized my "friend" was only using me as a means to their own happiness and their loyalty was only available if it suited their needs. I.e. being entirely able to defend me from my own family and even grow to hate my family because of their toxicity, but when I was very openly mistreated by THEIR family, all they could do about it was say "I dunno man, they're just like that." It took many years for me to realize this person was not actually my friend, but now I know what to look for with this kind of person, someone who is both disloyal and dishonest. Passive aggression is also a huge red flag. Those traits can absolutely destroy whoever is subjected to these behaviors and I work every day to make sure that I am the best I can be for the people I love while also maintaining the balance of caring for myself. I think that's what people forget about being a good friend, hell, being a good person: you have to make a conscious effort every day. You can't just do one good thing for a friend but have no respect for them or no intention of continuing to do and be good afterwards.
Misplaced loyalty is also a thing however.
Bernie, sounds like generational trauma all around
I agree. This girls kind of a tool. She talks about how she lost interest in her friends for not being ambitious enough and not having super deep conversations constantly, but then says her friends were uncomfortable with how successful she was becoming and ditched her.
I'm not sure I can agree with your conclusion. I think there's a difference between having friends and having a life-coach. Toxic friendships are bad and nobody should have a friend who brings them down, but I wouldn't over-focus on potential for growth in favor of personal connection.
Too many people forget that it is easier to grow as a person if you have friends who support you not just by helping you achieve your goals, but also telling you it's okay if you don't. For so many people, fear of failure paralyzes them into not trying - which can be so much stronger if you surround yourself with over-achievers. Having a friend who is telling you you are more than your achievements can be freeing. Helping me realize that I can try and fail and fail and fail again and my friends will be there for me, not judge me, provide a bit of comfort to relax and vent and unwind and get ready to try again. A great friend will cheer you on when you're winning, help you when you're struggling and cheer you up when you fail. Find those and your life will be better.
100% agree
Золоті слова!👑
Beautiful.
I do believe people come into our lives to fill a particular role at a given time. But when that role is no longer required and their purpose fulfilled they will then leave or something will happen for them to be no longer a part of our lives. This has been my experience with friends over the course of my life and I believe although it can be hard to let go initially, the signs are there when the relationship turns sour and they’re no longer a positive impact on your life. Just know some friendships don’t have to last forever and nor should they. Make room for the right people to come into your life and I can promise you’ll feel so much happier for it!☺️
True
I love this and have honestly felt the same way. Friendships come and go depending on your needs, goals, and current stage in life.
I've now realized that I was a part of so called 'toxic friendship' with my bff since childhood. Fat shaming is often considered severe and people talk about it and encourage it but only less people think that skinny shaming is as equally toxic as fat shaming, my friends always used to skinny shame me, first I took it lightly but as I slowly grew up, it has become my insecurity, I'm quite tall in fact I was the tallest in my friend group and my so called bffs used to point that out making me feel insecure. Not long ago I posted a picture of myself on whatsapp status and my so called bff were quick enough to point out by saying 'you look like a bamboo' 'you look like you're about to break'. But im thankful that im quite far from them now as im doing my uni in another city. Toxic friendship is really scary.
Thank you Ruri for bringing this topic and talking about it.
Good luck with your life
Who needs enemies when you’ve got friends like those. Glad you’re in a different city. You do not need that kind of behaviour, I’m surprised how entitled they are thinking they can talk to you like that? No. No way. They’ve got to go
y3seul, since the friendship has been around so long, for your own self respect need to call out your friends poor respect for you and question why they think their behavior is acceptable? What do your other friends think about this bff ?
The modern era of mental health talks about "cutting toxic friendships". But I don't think there's enough information about cultivating, growing and fighting for friendships. As life and things change, it becomes more important for people to be able to distinguish healthy from unhealthy friendships but even more important in how we manage and maintain these friendships. And I think One thing that's important here is being able to have tough conversations rather than just walking away in silence every time things get tough. This doesn't mean stick with toxic friendships, but it does mean, revaluate friendships and talk things out with those meaningful friendships. You don't want to be surrounded by "Yes-men" but you don't want people who are negative all the time either. You definitely want people who are real and are willing to challenge you. Personal growth is hindered when you have people who only say yes and don't offer contrasting viewpoints when they are truly needed. People talk about being lonely so much but I feel like this era has shown more of how to get rid of people and not much of how to keep long-lasting and healthy friendships. Have those hard talks, don't be afraid.
Yes!! THIS! One of my best friends was a guy and I could say anything to him. I didn't have to walk on eggshells. We were both honest with each other. That's why I'm still mourning his death from nearly 4 years ago. He was someone I could truly be myself with.
i feel like too many people call normal friendships toxic nowadays tbh, others not changing and growing the same way you're changing (not brining to the table exactly what you want them to bring) doesn't just mean that they're toxic. friendships grow and change just like people, if the friendships isn't the same anymore with that person it doesn't mean that suddenly the friend was toxic
liked your advice about looking into one's self to see if they were the person they would want to be friends with! neat video 👍
I agree. It''s not just about aiming for more "ambitious" friends while disregarding the less successful ones (while you could be that empowering friend for them), and you never know what this "lazy" friend could help you with.
@@MadeInPoland182 Agreed! One of my "lazy" friends has been an extremely supportive person who was always down to talk and validate me in my most emotionally difficult times :)
Yeah, Ive always had a problem with that shit. Like for sure cut out friends that are terrible people. But cutting friends off solely because they arent obsessed with hustle culture is legitimately insane. As if grinding has anything to do with how good of a friend someone can be. A lot of psychopaths/sociopaths are "grindset" people. Does that mean you should choose them over a caring friend who you have a great time with just because they work at McDonald's?
My “lazy” friend was ultimately trying to talk me out of all of the things I would talk with her about unless it matched up with what she believed in or saw for me.
@@PrettyZ-qu6ws then my comment doesn't apply to you now does it :P
It already did ruin my life. Met some parasites disguised as friends back in HS who clung to me too long. Been trying to pick up the pieces of my life ever since. The sadness and regret can be so crippling at times.
I feel you 😢
Oh my this sounds intense. Can you share a little about about this? Only, I’m so curious
Looking back in highschool i should've stuck to myself 😂
I'm an extreme introvert, so the only friends I have who actually stuck around to put unnecessary effort into our relationship,
so I have a very small circle of friends, maybe 4-5? but they're family, I love them to pieces, they're ever supportive and always ready to listen and give damn good advice : )
They're giants, my desire to be worthy enough to call myself their friend pushes me to better myself everyday : )
... and here I thought having 4-5 friends were a lot.
@@juliacaradetrakinas I have only 1 best friend 2 good friends and the rest broke my trust
Imagine having friends....@@Monokuma-1
Nah, I literally had to cut someone out of my life who talks just like you. He criticized me when I didn't ask for advice and he would go on and on about being better than others because he didn't hook up and he didn't sit on his phone and he studied for countless hours and yada yada. Meanwhile, he is literally in a worse off place than me, and I never once put him down for it because I can respect that he already knows his situation and can handle his own. You don't need to talk down about "less ambitious" people. No need to compare just appreciate them for what they are, different. Some friends are situational like at work or for gaming or what have you, some friends are closer to your values and may have a deeper connection, and some friends you may see once a year and you never talk but you still cherish each other and cheer each other on. I just hope you don't look down on people for not having your values when they aren't hurting anyone by existing and you can have different flavors of friends in your life. It sounds like codependence where you have to micromanage the people around you in order to keep the environment inspiring to you. I would hope you feel more in control of yourself than that.
Good points.
I agree. I’m a pretty successful person and am all about my personal growth, but I have friends who still live at home with their parents, who love social media, who like to party, who work part-time, etc. I don’t like the idea of looking down on others for a different way of living if it’s not hurting anyone.
Easier said than done. I feel like I m judging people based on their academical past and I try my best not to. But this thing was engraved in my brain because of my parents who told me I was always the best because I had good grades. Even if I move past the fact that some people are not that smart after all, I bump into hypocrisy( people who pretend to be smarter than they actually are, putting you down for your accomplishments and saying that they aren t THAT important, people who make fun of you for not knowing one thing , even if they dont have extended knowledge). This is where I start judging again and put them in their place. I also hate friends that dont have discipline, even if they are not smart enough. Because a good routine is better than being born inteligent.
There are also friends that talk a lot about themselves, and when it s your time to talk, they vanish or they give a quick response.
I want to change myself because I know I m not perfect, but at the same time I have expectations for others to be better.
@@evelynnnyt I agree, but you also have to ask yourself, are these friends happy for you as you accomplish things in life? (Just as you are happy to hear about their parties and the things that mean a lot to them.)
If so, your friends are amazing and it's a beautiful blessing.
gucci, look at those who don’t aspire like you do. Besides that aspect, how do you feel about them 🥰? Good people are good people no matter where they are in life. Remember that. They are not their grades just like you aren’t. They may not share the values or the drive you do, but if they love you as a friend, they’re keepers. Just as you hope they don’t denigrate your achievements, don’t impose your pov on others in a consistent manner. You may not want to lose them. Enjoy them.
Honestly I'm glad I started to watch your content again. I think the biggest problem actually when working towards success is not the lack of discipline, the lack of ability or talent, it's the belief in yourself. I started uni this year and went through all sorts of transformations and gotta say some people were really not happy with my lifestyle of pursuing something more in life and kinda passive agressively belittled me.
The realization was really scary because it really shows that there are countless people out there who never had anyone to inspire them and to serve as a beacon of light and hope for them in the world. They will be never uncovered secret performers.
Have you encountered these feelings too? Like slowly, gradually loosing faith and motivation in both your goals and yourself, asking whether youre not missing out on things others do, asking "what if they are actually right" and stuff like that. It's real scary how others can mess with you.
While I definitely agree with surrounding yourself with motivated friends who will inspire you and have deep ambitions, be careful not to let this poison your friend radar into only seeking those who care a lot about their career.
There's A LOT more to life than being financially successful, and while society will tell you time and time again that your career should be your #1 priority, your loved ones aren't gonna remember you for how you paid the bills. They're gonna remember your character and the energy you radiate. Make that energy positive
Yeah this video just reeks of "cut the friends out of your life who aren't successful to trying to be successful". I think this woman is just hyper-materialistic because people measure success in different ways it isn't all about money.
This touches me a lot. I quit highschool for my senior year to learn at home. It was revealing to see many friends turn their back on me, even resent me for this decision. Ever since, I've never found a way to build long lasting relationships. But it's also my responsibility, since I've never made it a priority over my work. I hope I'll manage to find balance.
This video hit me hard. I am a college student who has spent one and a half years in the online mode, so coming back to the offline mode kinda seemed a bit hard for me. I stuck around a few friends for one semester (semester 4), but when we moved onto the next one, I felt something was off. I often felt lonely and a supposed "misfit" in that group and, at times, played around with my insecurities. While I was in this bad phase, another group of people who I spoke to ever since college begun, started to comfort me and make me feel motivated and worth something. So, I realised that these people were the ones I were meant to be with as we have similar goals and aspirations, but that came with a clause. I would have to distance myself from the people I spent a semester with. It was hard for me to accept, but I decided that it was better for me to move on rather than getting hurt by them once again. Now me and my friends are happily enjoying each other's company, enjoying life while working towards building a better version of us.
To all those younger people out there, if you ever find yourself in a situation like that, then please don't decide to run away from these situations thinking that you're just overthinking it. It only brings you more harm than good. And don't worry, if you ever feel that the change hurts, then it is probably the best solution because trust me, you will never regret it. I was a prisoner of my own insecurities, and now I feel as lively as a dog, ready to explore more opportunities. Until then, stay safe and hang around with the people who resonate your energy and thoughts and don't feel afraid when a situation like this arises, because the only way you avoid it, is by facing it head on. Lots of love to all the young boys and girls out there💜
I do feel it, how good it is when we are surrounded by friends or have friends who listen to and support our ideas.
Your so close to 1M subs!!!
"Be the friend you wish to have"
+ 1 respect
One of my biggest achievement is probably the fact ive never had a toxic friend, friends who are unmotivated, behind on studues, sure but never were they toxic
The video I wish I saw a few years ago 😢 it’s so important to surround yourself with pure well intentioned people 🙏🏽
When I was in university I was very sociable, outgoing and hit it off with people quite easily. But one day (I was a third-year student then) I stopped initiating that communication - writing first, suggesting things, and 98% of those people disappeared from my life pretty quickly. It was an important lesson.
Sadly it is not just friends but family as well. I am currently experiencing this as certain people in my family seems as if they do not want to grow. They are too complacent with their current lives and make terrible financial decisions. I never realized how bad it was until I took a step back and recognized the situation and in turn it affected me. I started to realize that I would slowly but surely be like them if I stayed any longer but I try to cut off as much contact as possible or at the very least try to have very minimal communications with them as possible during family events. It is a sad reality but different people have different goals/priorities.
I know this feeling far too well you’re not alone sometime I just wanna give up and died.
This is the reason why I just have a few friends... I just wanted a toxicity free life.. I don't engage in hook ups.. I found peace and my life became more and more positive ❤
Surrounding yourself with the right people is like having a support squad that boosts your mental gains and fuels your ambition. Say goodbye to energy vampires and welcome friends who inspire, motivate, and bring joy to your life. It's time to level up those friendship goals, folks!
I'm just going through a phase where I feel kinda lonely and don't talk to much to people. I'm trying to reconnect with myself and judging if my old friends are actually the kind of people I want to continue hanging out with. This video was precise. You're the kind of person that I'd love to have as a friend, and advice from youtubers like you and others like Dr.K and Better Ideas really encourage me to be better.
I love that you talk about these topics, keep going with the awesome content
Just don't fall into the trap of cutting out friends because they aren't successful. Everyone measures success differently it isn't all about money you can get friends who are poor but will cheer you on when you gain success, and encourage you when you're trying.
igna01, I understand where you’re coming from. Covid crashed my job and I have been ever so slowly thinking about many aspects of my life and their satisfaction levels within, and have thought that exact same thing regarding friends. The questions will help us find a new place to be within our lives.
2:40 the quote about friends challenging you to be the best version of yourself is one of the most accurate sentences said in history
And what if you do that and the friend gets really defensive and mad that you challenged them being set in their ways?
slime, they’re not ready to hear your constructive suggestion, don’t like the way you offer them or have other insecurities or think that you’re controlling. Healthy people can take criticism and glean something out of it without taking it personally
Not always. I lived a very one-sided life for many years. Being the supportive friend for others. Giving time, insight, and even money to help those around me. When it came time to receive support when I was at my lowest, most of those people were instantly unavailable, no shoulder to lean on, no advice, no ear to listen or even just let me vent. My troubles were an annoyance to them. When I became very ill, almost life threatening, aside from my mother, everyone abandoned me. Friends and even family. Being the friend you want others to be, can very easily be abused and manipulated by others. In my case, I learned to be the only friend I needed, and negotiating needs UPFRONT before engaging with others. It seems cynical, but if I didn't I would have actually been dead right now.
I gave 'friends' money. Big mistake. Never saw the $$$ again
I was not ready for that blue jacket! It's like vintage but modern and cool. This video resonated with me a lot. I was pretty stagnant in life until meeting the group of friends I have now.
I find the higher I climb or try to climb, people around me got more toxic and conniving. Probably due to competition, u will rarely find true friends up there. In my opinion, Its important to keep a circle of friends totally unrelated to your career for mental respite.
I think with these kind of opinions it's important to remember some people struggle to even have friends and don't have the luxury to chose who to engage with.
@@makizenin1840you ain’t lie
Too many people in the world to have bad company, dump and move your body.
I have some really good friends who have such a golden heart , and they have dreams just like me . They wanna be smth big and are working towards that goal. We also wake up early and whenever free , we go early morning for fun and activity, they also focus on being fit and healthy. But there are also many people who consider me their friends but I don't, cuze they are good people but they don't even let me sleep at night. Just because they are night owls , doesn't mean I am too. It's really hard being away from home for college and then you get people like them, they are good people but they are just the average people, who don't have dreams. When I go home , I am always disciplined and working but when i come home , my sleep cycle and everything disrupts. I just wanna leave this place as soon as possible.
I believe the saying goes something like "you're the sum of the closest people you surround yourself with" and that starts from within by taking initiative on defining who you want to be. I learned that early on in life as well and glad to hear you discussing it. Banger video as usual and hope to be able to meet you one day!
My life has been on a standstill since I broke my neck, spine and skull in 2012 lol I'm actually ok
Something I learned from my family is to always give as little information as possible about things I'm doing or planning to do, because envy is something you can't predict and for those who believe it, it's a negative energy dumped on you.
True you can't predict envy, but you have to have honest friendships. Don't ever dim your light in order to prevent someone else from being jealous. That's not a true friendship. People need to learn to be happy for each other, not jealous.
@@BeYounique...Maryanne indeed, you are right and thank you for the comment, I can say that during these months I have changed my rather rigid way of thinking a little, I can say that I open up a little more about certain things, ofc, without exaggerating.
@@pedroh.9607 That's wonderful. You never know who you may inspire!! Share your beautiful life and wins. The right people will be happy for you. The jealous ones show their true colors.
soooo true , better to hav no friends than so called "friends".
This arrived at the right moment. Ive been struggling to make friends who are into self improvement and being better people until I realised that I am not that dedicated to self improvement because if I actually was I wouldn’t care about such people who only ended up by hurting me or using me for their own sake. I have learned a lot and im ready to be the architect of my own environment.
Sometimes becoming a better friend and a better person means you grow out of the people who helped you get there. Some of the friends you make might start off helping you become a better version of yourself, but as you ascend, they are not immune to jealousy and envy, and could try to pull you down and turn you into a bad guy. Some people have gone through the process of becoming a greater friend, and stagnated, and will get upset when you strive to do even better. You can try to pull them up, but unless they want it for themselves, it's a losing battle.
Remember, nobody is a permanent in your life, no matter how much it hurts. But also nobody has the right to try to force you to be a permanent in theirs.
Great video. I got a raise and promoted at a job. Someone from my college told me to go quit my job because I would fail. He also told me to find a job that paid way less than him like flip burgers or push shopping carts. Talk about insecure. A friend would say congrats and you will do well.
I'm almost 30yo, and I dropped some friends in my life, but I would not recommend dropping all of them, my core friend group is 3 girls I met in my high school, we grew up together, we are like sisters, and we help each other, even tho some have slower growth than others, some made mistakes, and life gets in the way for most of us from having that flourishing amazing growth.
I could never have left my friend that struggled with mental illness and finishing up college finals that took +2 years of her life.
Or to abandon my friend that started her own business that failed...
And I was patient and supported my third friend in finding her career in graphic design that took her 4 years to get.
I heard a lot of people that moved to other cities or country in pursuit of better living or better pay, and are now lonely in their free time, I would rather be patient and stay close to my friends than have a lot of money and no life
Love this line :- 5:20
You don’t have to be the victim of your environment you can also be the architect of it.
I really wish I had been able to see this video 40 years ago! You’re making points here that I just came to terms with during the pandemic! You’re amazing! Keep up your great works!!!!
Thank you for this! Lately I've been feeling suffocated by my friend group in school and realized I'm becoming toxic in order to fit in. It's hard to leave from being comfortable but this video gave me the push to leave.
Thank you so much! Looking forward on your next videos
I used to talk to a friend almost everyday before I decided to cut ties. Known this person for over 10 years and when I started seeing the negatively it was bringing to me, that is when I felt it was best to end the friendship. I've never been good making friends and so since then, I have been friendless. But this experience gave me time to learn myself, what I desire in life, growth, learn and keep learning skills, and grow as a person. It was definitely difficult and struggled with the change.
I did not think something like this was going to happen but it did. And now I'm mainly focusing myself and grow as a person.
I am so proud of me that I choose friends too carefully and can say I have the best and supportive ones ❤️
I had a friend that hated seeing me get better and I could see It in him every time he talked, then he started rumors about me so I dropped him, then I found out some things he did and I gave him a taste of his own medicine, with the knowledge I had of him I made everyone disowned him and leave him like he did to me. I realized what I did wasn't that cool but, I think he needed that to happen to him.
Just found your channel because I'm learning Japanese. And so far you put off a vibe similar to what I was from the time I was 17 to about 26. After traveling and doing the backpacking stuff in America, making friends sort of just happened. Some fell off naturally in a healthy way and I'd say majority of them ended because I cared so much about the relationship I forgot who I was becoming because I'd always be that friend to always answer to all my phone calls, video calls and other types of media that someone could use to reach me. Those I'd say highlight what toxicity is. It's the drowning of ones wellbeing in order to keep the ship on water. And eventually, the one keeping the ship afloat just has to swim off. And as sad as it was to do, I couldn't just ghost, I confronted. And at the hand of confrontation, their true colors became vibrant and I became an enemy. I also became toxic and put myself back into therapy to cope.
Becoming an enemy of once a friend is one hard pill to swallow. But the bitter truth makes for a great life. The truth is, we're all imperfect and that's beautiful.
Thank you for informative content 😁
I had really bad friends back in high school, I never knew they were toxic or bad, they always pointed out my insecurities to make me feel bad about myself, I didn't knew this was bullying, until after 3 years when I found really good people in my college, they really changed my perspective of what friendships look like. I learned a lot from these experiences. I'm never gonna settle for less and mediocrity when it comes to socializing, even if that means I'd have to stay lonely, loneliness is better than having bad friends
Real friends are those who motivate us, inspire us, challenge us to become the best version of yourself
"When it's good, it's really good, and when it's bad I go to pieces..." -- David Bowie
People have the right to stay in their comfort zone if they want to. Only because you want to push boundaries, it doesn't mean the others have to do the same. And a friend, pushing you, become invasive, unwelcome and negative. There are different stages and views in life. At some point someone may want to rest and remain that way, with it being a great triumph for that person. Money, recognition, are not the only measures of success. I liked your talk, and agree with part of it, congratulations.💙
This is true. I’m 53 and still battle with memories of friendships more than 30 years ago
Thank you Ruri! You have confirmed to me that it's normal to outgrow everyone around and not feel bad about it. I feel so zen with myself now. Sending much love to anyone reading this. You deserve it! ♥
"The price of growth is outgrowing people.
In practice, it’s nearly impossible to “grow together” as true growth requires obsession." - Naval
I noticed as I worked on myself that this would make people feel inferior and they would be cruel in various ways to drag me down, it takes real strength to accept loneliness over less than you deserve
I’m in that period of time rn, where I choose peace and loneliness over fake ass bitches. Everything happens for a reason, and I really do think, its important, to learn being alone. It’s in these quiet moments of your life, you got your values and boundaries on the paper.
Thank you so much for making this video. i've been struggling with my "friend circle" for a while now but i also didnt realize that alot of it actually falls on my responsibility of being a good friend as well, instead of pointing the blame on them.
I knew what you said
I have experienced this myself and I am still lonely
I'm still 17 not an adult yet I've experienced some adult's around me couldn't
Thank you big sister, I hope your video reaches to them
I’ve been friends with someone for more than 10 years. I always found it weird because she would always copy me or ask me questions on where I got my clothes to where I would go shopping. She also asked about my upbringing and seemed to resent me with the activities I had or family trips. Mind you, I never rubbed it in her face. I told my mom and she said, “oh she sees you as an inspiration”. In my mind, she was single white female. Now that we’re getting closer to our 40’s, there’s things that pop up. For example, when we were in the process of getting a house, she assumed we didn’t have money for it, so she suggested a fixer upper shack. I’m reality, we could’ve afforded way more and what she suggested wasn’t something we ever considered. At that time, I felt like she had a tiny bit of an ego about it bc she had something over me. Truth is, we didn’t want to settle and ended up getting the house we could afford. This friendship has a major imbalance because of things like this. The mentality she grew up with, her values, etc. I’ve never showed off or rubbed it in her face. And maybe my mom was right- I was just inspiration or a Pinterest board to her because I grew up in a different socioeconomic class than her. I find that I have way more in common with my husband than I do with her. Also, because her and her siblings didn’t grow up with much, her siblings (who married into money) flaunt and show off like crazy, which I find very tacky but I’m still respectful about it. I feel silly thinking it took me years to figure this out. It’s hard to be friends with someone when there’s an imbalance and see you as someone they want to emulate. There’s a matter of time until they throw you under the bus.
Beautiful, she’s sending weird vibes b/c there’s mixed feelings there: copycat, feeling less than by her sibs and projecting it on you. She may have low self esteem and needs to find her own passion to pursue in life. If she can handle it, discuss this with her when you notice her passive aggressive behavior. Hopefully the years put into this friendship will find her open to your pov. If not, maybe she needs some counseling. She’s seeing everyone climb up financially and is feeling left behind
I have 2 persons in class whom I approach for any small academic help. I don't hang out with anyone. I prefer being alone. Carrying out my plans, looking and observing people and things around me trying to overcome my resistance. It has never been so good. ❤
Toxic people surround themselves with people whom they deem as less than them and people who are easy to mold so they will never be confronted with their own insecurities. Toxic people will only keep you down and show you flaws, mistakes.
My friend said it best: "These days I just cut out the people who aren’t suited to me. Life’s too short for that. I have a small group of friends these days and we all have each others back. It’s a two way street".
And he knows what he's talking about. He worked his tail off to become one of the top DJ's in his country.
The concept of friendship is dynamic when seen from the perspective of the life cycle. As you mature, as your real priorities evolve and emerge, it will change.
That's why I have faded away out of my friends lives. I don't want to the weight that holds them back. They can do better. My time as a major part of their lives has come to a close. I'll just be, just become that memory that they look back at and smile. My absence and fading away is the best way to show them that I love them.
I'd like to express my appreciation to you, Ruri , cuz u talked about the destructive impact toxic friends can have on one's life ! Ty 4 providing a thoughtful perspective on this topic 💚🎧!!
Your channel it's a gold mine of self awareness and personal growth 📈
You have pinpointed EXACTLY everything I have been facing and sorting out in my mind for the last 3 almost 4 years, to this very day!!! You articulated and answered the things I was unsure about and now I have a significantly much stronger vision of what I need to do!! Thank you so much for this video!!
True friends should be a "soft place to fall". Let their therapist push them forward out of their so called comfort zones.
I have not yet found a single person in my collage with a growth mindset, every collage student I have met at my collage scrolls mindlessly on TikTok and Instagram with a screen time of many hours a day. I'm trying to remove myself from them but it's so hard to do so when I haven't found anybody (and I am looking) with a mindset for personal development. For now, it's kind of damage limitation, I'd rather be by myself than be with people who instil bad habits into me (until I find my people)
Why do you vilify your ex-friends? They became friends with you because you were someone they enjoyed being around. When you changed, neither of you enjoyed each other's presence. They are not bad people, you grew apart. Do not blame them because they had different life circumstances than you.
What a wonderful & true video, thanks for sharing this. I myself have noticed that my circle of friends has gotten smaller as I've got older, I could start to see the toxic ones and distanced myself. Now I'm on this new UA-cam journey with my channel and can clearly see who is supporting me, motivating me, inspiring me and who isn't. You just helped put it further into perspective, thanks.
if a friend consistently makes you feel like they're bringing bad luck into your life or unnecessary time wasting, dump those fools, they are just using you
This video was so on target on what you need to do to be your best self. You are the architect of your life. You want to pick friends that are your cheerleader, encourage you and never bring you down. You want to be around people you respect and inspire you. You want to continue to grow. Thank you for this video. 🙂💥💯
Such a timely video. I had to get away from a superficial friend, and I was really comfortable because I was too vulnerable. Discern the real friends!
Today is hard to get real friendship. It's getting each time more scarse this type of thing. Therefore if you have a real friend give attention and value it. Toxic friendship is more common than we can imagine, just think about and you are counting so many in your life. Take out them of your life, bring people who turn you into a better person, who supports you in your worst moment.
Just don't fall into the trap of cutting out friends because they aren't successful. Everyone measures success differently it isn't all about money you can get friends who are poor but will cheer you on when you gain success, and encourage you when you're trying.
Not everyone is hyper-materialistic and greedy.
Thanks for the reminder about making friends with people different from us :D It's really important to have people challenge our views from time to time even if it may not be the most pleasant and comfortable. Also, I love your fit in this video so much ahh
Recently one of my few friends stopped talking to me and I didn't try to reach out either. He's the embodiment of a toxic friend, as he fits everything Ruri described in this video. But I don't really have anyone else to hang out with and I did enjoy his company a lot of times, despite the toxicity. I wouldn't have distanced myself from him, so I'm glad he did it first...
I just don't know how to get new friends, but I guess I should face the discomfort and challenge of doing that rather than staying at home doing nothing and falling back in depression. I really needed this video as a boost of motivation. Every time I watch one of her videos, this girl is always more useful than my therapist, at least in the short time.
Find some new hobbies and the friends will come!
Thank you ruri, I don't honestly have much friends irl but still I feel like there're some that doesn't feel that right so I cut em out actually most of em. And more focused on my personal growth to achieve my goals. Truly eye opening message from you really appreciate it.
I used to be surrounded by a lot of toxic friends, "friends" who have grown with me, and when I started to learn English they start mocking me but I didn't surrender, I know my English isn't perfect but I try to improve it bit by bit even though they laughed of my failures. Now I broke apart with some of them and started to improve my own, I started to learn German and some physics stuff but I'm feeling better with it. Thank you Ruri, since I started to watch your videos I started to feel better with myself.
I used to have friends that judged me for the choices I made in my career. I've always been in 2 minds and confused; they instead of supporting me, they chose to talk shit behind my back. I used to play with them when I was a child but as you said, things change and our path take different directions and that's okay!
I don't talk to my friend for one day
My friend:
Toxic friends tend to influence people and seeking attention to manipulate them by praising and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, a closed friend of mine was a toxic friend in reality. I was influenced to choose a wrong college and major that didn’t serve me under the influence of a toxic friend. I paid the price trying hard later in my life to choose another career path.
My friends are chill and happy chaps. Idk why or how ppl call other friends when you don’t even bond. Like what
What I look for in friendships and partnerships is essentially the same as what I can offer them, so to be more specific: communicate about your personal values and if they overlap you're good to go