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Stress can deplete Vitamin B levels (like b12) which can cause extreme fatigue. Worth getting tested and can be easily treated with b12 injections. [edit to add: I am not suggesting b12 is the fix-all, but it can help with energy to cope with other aspects of life that are causing stress]
Most of the people for sure. Endless issues you have to deal with, and no results, improvements or changes whatsoever. It often leads to burnout and clinical depression. An only way to stop it is actually stop it, take to time for a beak and live your own life, whatever it takes.
@@christineb8148My doctor won’t give me B12 injections, I have asked him and he said he wants to see proof that it works.🤨 I have heard this works well for fatigue. Can you recommend where one can get B12 injections?
Exactly same here, being shamed or dismissed ESPECIALLY when I'm sad and depressed about anything at all. Shamed for struggling at all. Being shamed and dismissed for being human with emotional needs and support.
Back in the day when I had no choice but to endure abusive circumstances, I would walk in the forest, sometimes for hours, every day when the weather permitted. It was one of the best things I've done for myself.
Nature is very calming and grounding. It feels like an escape from the everyday stress. It's the only place not disrupted by superficial thing's, electronics, negativity, the hustle and bustle of life. It's the one place you can feel free 😌
@@SBecktacular Believe me when I say I've done a lot of unhealthy coping in my days as well. I just wanted to throw out one of the healthy ones for anyone who might find it useful. Wishing you all the best in your recovery.
"Effective time management contributes to reducing overwhelm, allowing more opportunities for self-soothing activities." I think that's one of the reasons narcissistic parents try to INTERFERE with our effective time management
Isn't it the weirdest thing that we have tried therapist after therapist only to solve nothing. But someone addresses the multiple causes/remedies and we listen and finally begin to understand and move toward some degree of healing or at least coping better.
@@johnboydmills I thought my therapist was bored with me, too. I began to wonder if that reaction was just another sign of the damage I experienced in childhood. Maybe we assume we are not worth someone's interest. My therapist also would yawn and that really did me in. Now I know that isn't fair because there can be many reasons for yawning, but it still made me want to stop going.
I have cats and fish tanks. I plan nice meals, I do the laundry and clean the apartment. I bought a cleaning robot that helps me. I have lots of house plants to take care of, my kids all grew up. I am an introvert person. I pray all the time.
I'm 57 years old.For 55 of those years I tortured myself trying to understand why my mother was so cold and passive aggressively cruel to me. She couldn't even pretend that she loves me leaving me to feel like I'm unlovable. Since I went no contact and did deep soul searching I know feel a calm and peacefulness and know I am worthy of love. I now know that there was nothing wrong with me , I was just unfortunately born to a woman who could only love herself.
I went through something similar. For me, after years of struggle with feeling defective through the eyes of a parent, that affected me in more ways than one, I finally understood that they were just an asshole. All of a sudden I no longer was affected by their nasty jabs at me. This got them angry, even physically violent at one point. But there was no goong back for me: I made the choice to choose my self over a relationship with them- something they forced me to make and that nobody should ever force a "loved one" to make. On top of it being a sham as well, in that no relationship of any value was ever on offer- just the false promise of one, made by my 'father' throwing in being nice every now and again, so as to confuse me and keep me hanging believing it was actually possible to get his love somehow. What an asshole!!!!
I can relate to your story. I recently went no contact with my mother (again) and I can honestly say that I'm much happier not dealing with her criticism and negativity.
My exact thought as well. My aging and ailing Narc Mom is the sad example...if she had truly loved herself, she would have found ways to enjoy her golden years @@daleg4299
My narcissist mother to this day (I am 59) still tries to shame me and make me feel guilty. I had a very close personal friend die unexpectedly. She showed me zero empathy for my loss. Yet she likes to say "I love you with all of my heart".
Anytime any family member mistreated me and I vocalized it, it was always met with everyone defending the offending family member. That I should just “accept it” that I should “understand”. Plus how they cheated me of any inheritance from my father and still to this day gaslight me even though I present material evidence to the contrary. I’m “mentally ill”. Eff them. Didn’t go to my Mom’s wake, and I don’t deal with my siblings
I understand. I did not go back for my father's funeral, because my narcissistic mother is freaking scary. It was a good decision. She has not improved. She will only deteriorate further in her abusive behavior, because her main supply is GONE. Matthew 19: 29-30 Even Jesus said, "Let the dead bury the dead." Meaning the soulless...... are the only ones concerned with funerals -- because it deals with inheritance -- materialism -- worldly objects. Choosing to walk away from the family dysfunction is a blessing for future generations.
Yep. When I'd tell my parents i was being beaten up, they said I was tattling. When I complained how my sibling was stealing my things, they said to steal his things. And when they would verbally abuse me and i'd say things back, they'd say I was causing trouble.
I sucked my thumb until I was five, I've been told by my much older sister. That's not normal either. Perhaps teachers at school told me to stop, or perhaps someone paid attention to me at school, or perhaps I was just away from the drunken sadness when finally in school. God, I loved school so much.
My ex would purposely throw away my 2 toddler's binkies. He would tell me I was messing up their teeth and enabling them. They were 2 and 4 year's old. They were subjected daily to ridicule and told they were "too big to be acting like babies". I kept buying more binkies and everything my ex would throw out the binky I would buy another. It was his toxic way of trying to control the narrative..
I sucked my thumb, only at night as a way to help me fall asleep, until I was 8. My mother forced me to quit by putting a sock over my hand and pinning it to the long sleeve of my winter nightgown. I started chewing pens and pen caps after that. Chewed pens until I started smoking in high school.
Since the abuse started right at birth, up until high-school/college I genuinely thought it was really freaky type weird that other people cared about how they felt. That just didn't make any sense to me, still doesn't fully sink in
I drank from a baby bottle until about age 5, as a way of self soothing, as well as constantly chewing gum and chewing on bones, especially after my mother went off on me . For whatever reason, these tactics brought me comfort
00:00 🧘 Self-soothing is a crucial skill often hindered in children of narcissistic parents, but it's reclaimable through various methods. 02:13 🏃♀ Physical activity is vital for self-soothing, aiding in stress release and maintaining overall well-being. 03:07 🛌 Prioritize self-care by ensuring adequate sleep, healthy eating, maintaining routines, and learning the power of saying 'no' when necessary. 05:06 📝 Journaling acts as a self-soothing mechanism, aiding in self-reflection and understanding of one's thoughts and emotions. 05:45 💭 Engage in positive self-talk by challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with rational, positive affirmations. 06:52 🧘♂ Meditation and relaxation techniques help calm the body and reduce anxiety and stress, promoting self-soothing. 08:00 🎨 Creative outlets, such as hobbies, writing, music, or other activities, serve as effective means for self-soothing and personal enjoyment. 09:36 ⏰ Effective time management contributes to reducing overwhelm, allowing more opportunities for self-soothing activities. 10:27 🤗 Practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself and focusing on your well-being, learning to love yourself. 11:09 🧘♀ Becoming a neutral observer in distressing situations can aid in self-soothing by detaching from toxic anxiety or negativity. 11:51 🛡 Acknowledge the distinction between oneself and others to reduce stress, stating "I am not them, and they are not me." 12:30 🗣 Use techniques to talk oneself down during emotional distress, engaging in activities that redirect focus and calm the mind.
A lot of my hobbies became other focused and now I realized that I'm living to be happy and not prove my self worth to anyone. I was seeking love through them. I realized it's for me to love myself and live my life for me.
A tip on getting support that I had to learn. When you spend time with people, invest in other people first, then keep investing in those who invest back. In other words, don't share what you're going through if not asked, outside of basic positivity or glossed over negativity (unless it's an emergency of course!). If asked, only give surface level details unless you already know the person invests in you well. Most people will not invest back, but they are not healthy people for you. If no one invests back, expand your circle to another group. You will eventually find at least one person who will invest back. I know it's easy to want everyone to care and who wants to put on a face? But there are too many lazy victims out there, so unfortunately we have to. Think of it as the climb before an amazing mountain view. It's hard, but you will get there. Also, hosting or joining groups for your hobbies is a great place to start! Just understand a lack of consistency in showing up may just mean busy lives and their own self soothing, not a lack of care.
Thank you, Jerry! I can't help but think the narcissist confrontation leads to habitual "sneaking around", development of bad habits, as well as shutting down good habits, refraining from exploiting talents. When you're young, naive, malleable/vulnerable, it's hard to question what the narcissist is doing, but looking back I really wish I'd pushed back harder. I knew our mother was wrong and harmful, but still gave her too much respect. She didn't deserve it.
I respected my mother out of fear. She was abusive and I felt weak and unable to stand up to her. She was also freakishly strong, a rugged Tom boy/farmer type. She was also a skilled wrestler. I literally feared for my life every time she abused me. I was afraid to speak up to adults about her because I worried they wouldn't believe me, worried they'd tell her what I said and then I'd be forced to face the consequences. Some of us know our mother's didn't deserve respect but we gave it in order to survive another day.
If you're an adult you don't need to keep subjecting yourself to anyone, even a parent. If you're a minor that's different but as adults we have the power to remove anyone we choose from our life. Family isn't defined by blood. It's defined by love, loyalty and mutual respect. A Holiday isn't a good enough reason to expose ourselves to a toxic person. If we chose to do this then we need to question our own toxic patterns in our behavior that is causing us to keep ourselves stuck in a toxic cycle.
So true … carbohydrates are self soothing to so many - myself included - addictions to substances unhealthy relationships filled the void for years … great video
Yes! I have just literally created a healthy food plan, mindful of carbs as I was listening to this. I am aware of this child/teenager screaming out inside of me in relation to abuse/neglect and absorbing parents that didn't know how to love themselves and also probably on the autistic spectrum, trying to raise two autistic children, one , very obvious, the other (myself) not so obvious at first. It was a nightmare. So grateful for content like this. I am almost 50.
@LiveFreeAndFearless I feel you. I've always had issues with food. I was a chubby kid because I learned early on how to use food to self soothe. Of course, I got picked on because of my weight... at home and at school, which only made me want to eat more. My mother liked to tell me when and how much to eat. She liked to tell me: "You've had enough." When I was 13, I put myself on a diet, lost a lot of weight and became anorexic. My mother took me to see my pediatrician after seeing me in a bikini at my lowest weight. The doctor told me to gain weight or he'd put me in a hospital and they'd feed me through a tube in my arm. I was unaffected by this threat, but I was afraid of what my dad would do if I didn't comply... so I did as I was told, like the "good girl" and gained some weight. There was no talk therapy, no support... Just: EAT Simple, right? I yo yo dieted throughout my twenties and thirties... and for most of my forties. Now, in my late 50's post menopause, and I'm fat. I really don't care. I love my food. It's always been there for me and it changes how I feel. I sound like an addict... because I am, in a way.
Thank you Jerry. Its crazy that I made it to 34 years old without these skills. I wrote each one down and I'm googleing each one individually. Lol I don't know what self care looks like. But I'm learning
I had an old grey flannel blanket, and my narc female parent took it away. I didn't even think to ask why. She was a hoarder, so I found it years later in the basement.
One thing that hit me while watching this video is that I cannot fathom the idea of my mom journaling. If I really try, I can imagine her venting about how unfair and painful life is, but legitimate self reflection journaling....I can't imagine it. I don't know if she is capable of reaching that level anymore.
Thank you. I'm hoping this helps. Until I saw the title, it had never occurred to me that this was anything other than a personal problem unique to me. I have tremendous anger issues and the bane of my life has been that I don't know how to let it go. Exercise, for instance, will usually drive me into a rage, for its seeming pointlessness. Whereas hard work does not trouble me, unless I'm doing it for myself, but it also doesn't help abate anger. I routinely get hurt by the misunderstandings of others, seemingly as if they have not got the imagination to include my feelings or values, and all the frustration, tolerance, patience, and forgiveness make me very angry, very often, and I have no releases or resolutions. Setting boundaries isn't viable, because i cannot lower my expectations of others low enough to include most people without feeling contempt and disgust. It forces me to face what I endured, over and over, and never put it behind me, and forces me to recognize how comparatively easily others have lived. Injustice. Anger.
Can you make a video about how to work with allergy to intimacy? I value your opinion so much and I struggle to find advice on this subject other than "you will become more comfortable with intimacy over time as you experience intimate relationships." But for me, its very hard even flirting with others. I'm a dismissive avoidant on healing road.
Thank you Jerry for the lesson on How to calm down. I saw your video, “Calmness is everything.” Like boundaries, many people say “do it” without explaining How. Noise frys my nervous system. So does conflict or being exposed to someone else’s high reactivity. I need to go offline, from everything, to let my nervous system reset. It takes a while. I find it soothing to lie under a weighted blanket. To me it feels like a calming hand on me. Jerry your content over the years has taught me and helped me immensely. I’m not sick, I was born into a sick intergenerational organization full of members who are blind, deaf, and dumb that they are sick (dysfunctional). I recently learned their communication style (gaslighting, invalidation, undermining) is sick and a manipulation tactic, and I was raised to believe that was normal. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
I've not thought about this for years, but my parent burnt my soothing blanket in front of me when I was a kid, in a bid to make me grow up. Wow. As a parent myself now, this is actually a really sickening thought. Just wow.
I had a small flannel pillow that I had used since I was a baby. As I grew older I put it on top of a regular pillow. I liked the warmth and texture of it because I got chronic ear infections. One day I came home from school and found out my mother had thrown out the pillow. Actually dismantled it before discarding so not like I could just pull it out of the trash. I learned then that nothing was really 'mine'.
Guys, I had 4 sessions with an online trauma therapist past month. Jerry Wise covers everything she mentioned, and more. Jerry Wise really is the BEST.
I really appreciate you, I’m happy I found your channel. I’m going to be 50 years old in the next couple years and I had to develop these tools on my own. In my own way, I have used all of those techniques. It’s so nice to have it laid out in an understandable way. I enjoy who I am, and have explored a lot of topics over the years, I consider myself a thinker and someone natural at psychology but somehow, of course my own condition has eluded me. I’m finally making breakthroughs in acknowledging my inherited narcissism. I know that my family setting growing up was completely dysfunctional, there were good qualities, but until now have I really pegged the type of dysfunction and uncovered how its affected my life and my behavior. This is great knowledge to have especially earlier in life!
My favorite "simple math problem" is to just start doubling from 1 and see how far I get. It starts simple (1, 2, 4, 8, 16...) works up in complexity (2048, 4096, 8192, 16384...) and it's somewhat relevant to my career in IT, as that's how maximum possible values increase as you add bits.
Jerry, i somehow stumbled into your videos through the algorithm and probably my search history. Im waking up to the realization thay I have been in nothing but narcissistic relationships and I'm questioning whether its me that is a narc. Your video on scapegoats mentioned some things that cut through so much mental noise that it became abundantly clear that, even though I may be, my ex is too and is not realizing.
We all have narcissistic traits. The thing is that we were raised in ways that are known for creating narcissism and so we are right to consider just how narcissistic we may be. I wonder if you realize that there is a big difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and being narcissistic? If not, it may help you to answer your concerns about your behavior.
Thank you, Jerry. These are great suggestions and I appreciate your understanding about how we may not have been taught about self-soothing as children but we can learn now.
I used to suck my thumb as a child, usually when my parents weren’t really paying attention to me, but my mum always kept telling me I was too big to do that, whenever she did notice. I guess I did learn to control it eventually - I remember feeling shocked during my early thirties when I found myself regularly waking up in the morning with my thumb in my mouth.
Journaling is a self-smoothing technique same as talking to friends. Imagine while growing up, your mom didn't let you have friends and also, read your journals when you were in school and scold you for writing all these thoughts.
Thank you so much ! Very useful strategies ! Especially I liked: radical acceptance of others not wellbeing (without immediately trying to rescue them :) !), but all of them are helpful and wise 🙂
Great video as always. I had a lot of creative outlets/hobbies when I was younger, but as I got older those parts of me were very discreetly weaponized by the family. I was made to believe that the value of the creative outlets in my life was directly determined by 1. how much my art pleased other people, 2. how much they validated the artistic interests of other family members and 3. how I would be able to turn my art into a financially stable career. When I wasn't making art, nobody really liked me. This pressure to create personal value based on my art caused me to spiral into perfectionism which ultimately killed my love for art, and it's been about 15 years since I've actually enjoyed art making. Fortunately I've found passion in new things for the first time in over 15 years, and it feels great. It just sucks that my parents will always view me as some kind of sunk cost for investing so much time and money into getting me into an art-based career, something I never actually wanted.
My experience with art involved my mother sabotaging my free scholarship to an art school when I was a senior in highschool. I had told her weeks in advance about having to meet with the school to discuss my scholarship and fill out the student enrollment paperwork to RISD(Rhode Island School Of Design). On the day of my meeting my mother gave me an attitude after I reminded her and asked her if she could still drive me to the school. She told me she wasn't going to bring me to my meeting. I went and asked my grandmother for a ride and she told me no and suggested I take the city bus. I had never ridden on a bus, so I didn't know what to do.. I asked my mother for cab money and she told me no.. She pointed out how I had a job and how I should manage my money better.. It's true,, I did have a job but I had just gotten through paying my mother $1,000 for her old car, payed for my prom dress, shoes, salon, pics, limo, plus paid for my bridesaid dress, shoes, additional salon appointment, wedding gift, etc.. I was just a kid but I was treated like a hated roomate and an inconvenience.. I was flat broke, couldn't even afford a bus ticket.. I looked up the address to the school on my mom's computer and I started walking. The school was 3 hours away walking and it involved me having to walk on the highway at some points. I walked for almost 2 hours and then I realized I had forgotten my personal identification information. I started to cry out of frustration.. I sat down on the side of the highway. A state trooper pulled up and asked if I was ok. I explained my circumstances.He offered to give me a ride to the school but he wanted to call my mother first to make sure she knew where I was. I told me to forget about the school and asked if he could just bring me back home? The state trooper called my mom but no one answered the phone. He gave me a water bottle, tissues and a ride back home. When he pulled up to the house my mother was outside gardening. The cop spoke to her about how I had been found on the side of the highway. My mother acted shocked, like she didn't know I had even left.. She apologized to the cop and thanked him for bringing me home. Before the cop left he asked me to go over to his cruiser for a minute. He gave me his personal business card and told me if I ever needed help to contact the number on the card. He asked if I was ok before he left. My mom was glaring over at me from behind the cop. I told the cop I was ok. When he left she told me to get my a** in the house and told me I was grounded for a month for embaressing her.. When I went in the house I hurried to call the school and I asked if it was possible to reschedule my meeting. They told me no, said it was a now or never deal.. I apologized for any inconvenience then went upstairs to my room and cried myself to sleep.. After my mother sabotaged my art scholarship I hated anything to do with art. I even somehow lost my ability to be artistic. It's like my brain blocked out the entire part of the memory, which included my artistic abilities. 20 year's have gone by. It's only recently that I decided to give art another chance. I've been sculpting. At first I struggled with my art. I felt like a toddler trying to create art. But it feels like a muscle that needs to be exercised. The more I express myself with my sculpting the better I'm becoming. I'm sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to share my experiences with my lack of interest in art. I hope someday you return back to your art. I hope you're able to find joy in it and make it about expressing yourself vs pleasing other's. Art is peaceful, it's also an extension of ourselves. I hope when the time is right you find your way back to art 💝
@@DailyDose926 well, shit. I want to say your family let you down, but it would be an insult to you to use the term "family" to describe who these people are to you. Thank goodness for that police officer...he gave you solid evidence that there is good in the world and that your personhood isn't "the problem." For me that person was the therapist I met in my early twenties. Having someone validate the reality of your dysfunctional family is the key that opens the door to a better life.
Always good stuff...I am still not on board with the "radical acceptance." Maybe I need to radically accept that.. I do hear it from you and others so it is a "thing." I have been sick for the past month.. I probably have/had Covid and I really need to hear this message.. There are parts of me that are still dealing with that sickness but I am allowing other parts to express themselves.. One example would be that I have been playing my guitar again..
Sounds like you need to wear sandals & get a lot of sunlight in the early morning. I love radical acceptance bc it allows others to be stupid without me needing to get involved. Being sick is awful. Have you made yourself 🍲?
Excellent self soothing tips thanks Jerry, especially hobbies, creativity, journalling and neutral observation. Combined, l find exploring new interests, writing up personal insights and reflecting from afar as outsider really helps.
I have Trichotillomania... they caused it. It's the only thing that calms me down. When we lost our dog in 2021... it got way worse. I'm in a bad spell right now. Have battled it on and off for 39 years...
Much appreciated GREAT info I especially appreciated the mantra. I am not them. They are not me and try to do a math problem that is relatively simple as a way to restabilize. I have not heard of either of those before. Very very helpful. Thank you thank you
Lol, my reaction to tense situations or the rages or the whatever was to immediately disassociate. Literally the opposite of mindfulness. Or I would just hide for ages in my room to avoid my mother, blocking my ears so I couldn't listen to the screaming.
I respectfully disagree on the developmental self soothing. From what I have learned and in my own experience. From infant to several years of age kids sooth by co-regulation. That means they need the parent to pick up the child for a sense of protection, give a meaningful gaze of eye contact, show mirroring of there emotion physically and verbally “wow, that was scary huh?”, show them in your calm demeanor, that they are ok and wait for them to go through that emotion. Shushing them,telling them not to cry, telling them that’s not scary, denying their current state of emotions, instead of guiding them through it is gaslighting them. Building a very insecure subconscious. Children that suck their thumb, have no real guidance, so they use the only things available to them that regulates them or soothes them.
In my case gym is the best therapy. I honestly think it saved my life. I see also big bennefits in being present and mindfull but for some reason this is much harder for me.
Great ideas. I noticed once a new mom that saw her baby with his thumb in his mouth and she slapped it away. The look on his face. I didn’t know what to make of that.
I really have a high problem accepting help from anyone if I get the chance or access to that, how do I clear up the guilt cause I feel like I have to pay anyone who helps me back(just realised from my actions trying to go meet individuals with same interests who I asked help from )
Someone helps you, you'll help another person, that person will help someone else. This is how help works. By accepting a help you help that person to "pay" for the help he/she received from someone else. Besides, you can always mention that you have a difficulty with accepting help and ask if you would need to do anything in return. This way it'll be clear for both sides. Never hesitate to ask and clarify.
I wish these things helped me. Unfortunately, it tends to be the same list of self help strategies, over and over again, regardless of where you look. Journaling since I was 8. Exercise, routine, hobbies, etc etc all feel like tiny band-aids to me even though I do them. That's why I finally moved on to meds. They are the only thing that had some real impact, for me.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
Wondering if anyone also has extreme fatigue as a result of dealing with narcissistic family .
Stress can deplete Vitamin B levels (like b12) which can cause extreme fatigue. Worth getting tested and can be easily treated with b12 injections. [edit to add: I am not suggesting b12 is the fix-all, but it can help with energy to cope with other aspects of life that are causing stress]
Most of the people for sure. Endless issues you have to deal with, and no results, improvements or changes whatsoever. It often leads to burnout and clinical depression. An only way to stop it is actually stop it, take to time for a beak and live your own life, whatever it takes.
Yes, anxiety as well, very triggering even weeks or months before having to see them
@@christineb8148My doctor won’t give me B12 injections, I have asked him and he said he wants to see proof that it works.🤨
I have heard this works well for fatigue. Can you recommend where one can get B12 injections?
Here I am! I get ill (even with fever) weeks before they visit 😅
Shaming was all that my parents did.
No nurture, no empathy, no care.
Just shaming and ridicule.
They should never have had children.
I hear you, I feel this deeply. Holding you in my heart ❤️ hugs 🤗
I know that feel
@@mariamadsen7071
Thank you, sending hugs in return xxx
@@Pukeyray
Yes!!!!
Or maybe 11.…... 😱😱😱🤬
Exactly same here, being shamed or dismissed ESPECIALLY when I'm sad and depressed about anything at all. Shamed for struggling at all. Being shamed and dismissed for being human with emotional needs and support.
Back in the day when I had no choice but to endure abusive circumstances, I would walk in the forest, sometimes for hours, every day when the weather permitted. It was one of the best things I've done for myself.
I used to do the same thing! I still find it very soothing
Nature is very calming and grounding. It feels like an escape from the everyday stress. It's the only place not disrupted by superficial thing's, electronics, negativity, the hustle and bustle of life. It's the one place you can feel free 😌
Me too! But I would drink beer - it was like I was trying everything I could to self soothe but only in a 1/2 healthy way
@@SBecktacular Believe me when I say I've done a lot of unhealthy coping in my days as well.
I just wanted to throw out one of the healthy ones for anyone who might find it useful.
Wishing you all the best in your recovery.
I did that also have vivid memories of those long hours in the shade and protection of the forest.
I love "I am not them, and they are not me." I use it all the time now.
"Effective time management contributes to reducing overwhelm, allowing more opportunities for self-soothing activities." I think that's one of the reasons narcissistic parents try to INTERFERE with our effective time management
Also, they want a child to be controlled and available 24/7 for their needs.
I think you have helped me more than my own therapist, thank you
You’re very welcome, I’m glad my work is helping you. Thanks for watching
It’s amazing how the right people/UA-camrs/info can have that effect.
Much more!
Isn't it the weirdest thing that we have tried therapist after therapist only to solve nothing. But someone addresses the multiple causes/remedies and we listen and finally begin to understand and move toward some degree of healing or at least coping better.
@@johnboydmills I thought my therapist was bored with me, too. I began to wonder if that reaction was just another sign of the damage I experienced in childhood. Maybe we assume we are not worth someone's interest. My therapist also would yawn and that really did me in. Now I know that isn't fair because there can be many reasons for yawning, but it still made me want to stop going.
I have cats and fish tanks. I plan nice meals, I do the laundry and clean the apartment. I bought a cleaning robot that helps me. I have lots of house plants to take care of, my kids all grew up. I am an introvert person. I pray all the time.
This might be the most important video for CPTSD sufferers!!
I'm 57 years old.For 55 of those years I tortured myself trying to understand why my mother was so cold and passive aggressively cruel to me. She couldn't even pretend that she loves me leaving me to feel like I'm unlovable. Since I went no contact and did deep soul searching I know feel a calm and peacefulness and know I am worthy of love. I now know that there was nothing wrong with me , I was just unfortunately born to a woman who could only love herself.
I went through something similar. For me, after years of struggle with feeling defective through the eyes of a parent, that affected me in more ways than one, I finally understood that they were just an asshole. All of a sudden I no longer was affected by their nasty jabs at me. This got them angry, even physically violent at one point. But there was no goong back for me: I made the choice to choose my self over a relationship with them- something they forced me to make and that nobody should ever force a "loved one" to make. On top of it being a sham as well, in that no relationship of any value was ever on offer- just the false promise of one, made by my 'father' throwing in being nice every now and again, so as to confuse me and keep me hanging believing it was actually possible to get his love somehow.
What an asshole!!!!
Guess what Stacy: she couldn't really love herself either. You made the right choice.
Blessings to you
you made me lol @@lambchop6278
I can relate to your story. I recently went no contact with my mother (again) and I can honestly say that I'm much happier not dealing with her criticism and negativity.
My exact thought as well. My aging and ailing Narc Mom is the sad example...if she had truly loved herself, she would have found ways to enjoy her golden years @@daleg4299
My narcissist mother to this day (I am 59) still tries to shame me and make me feel guilty. I had a very close personal friend die unexpectedly. She showed me zero empathy for my loss. Yet she likes to say "I love you with all of my heart".
They should say "I love objectifying you with all my heart".
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions
Anytime any family member mistreated me and I vocalized it, it was always met with everyone defending the offending family member. That I should just “accept it” that I should “understand”. Plus how they cheated me of any inheritance from my father and still to this day gaslight me even though I present material evidence to the contrary. I’m “mentally ill”. Eff them. Didn’t go to my Mom’s wake, and I don’t deal with my siblings
I understand. I did not go back for my father's funeral, because my narcissistic mother is freaking scary. It was a good decision. She has not improved. She will only deteriorate further in her abusive behavior, because her main supply is GONE. Matthew 19: 29-30 Even Jesus said, "Let the dead bury the dead." Meaning the soulless...... are the only ones concerned with funerals -- because it deals with inheritance -- materialism -- worldly objects. Choosing to walk away from the family dysfunction is a blessing for future generations.
Yep. When I'd tell my parents i was being beaten up, they said I was tattling. When I complained how my sibling was stealing my things, they said to steal his things. And when they would verbally abuse me and i'd say things back, they'd say I was causing trouble.
I sucked my thumb until I was five, I've been told by my much older sister. That's not normal either. Perhaps teachers at school told me to stop, or perhaps someone paid attention to me at school, or perhaps I was just away from the drunken sadness when finally in school. God, I loved school so much.
My ex would purposely throw away my 2 toddler's binkies. He would tell me I was messing up their teeth and enabling them. They were 2 and 4 year's old. They were subjected daily to ridicule and told they were "too big to be acting like babies". I kept buying more binkies and everything my ex would throw out the binky I would buy another. It was his toxic way of trying to control the narrative..
I sucked my thumb, only at night as a way to help me fall asleep, until I was 8. My mother forced me to quit by putting a sock over my hand and pinning it to the long sleeve of my winter nightgown. I started chewing pens and pen caps after that. Chewed pens until I started smoking in high school.
@@deadparrot5953 I sucked my thumb until about 12 and realized I needed to stop. I use to wet my bed too.
@@deadparrot5953 😢
@@DailyDose926 I wish I could have given the first person I married some kind of a test to see if they were suitable as a husband.
Since the abuse started right at birth, up until high-school/college I genuinely thought it was really freaky type weird that other people cared about how they felt. That just didn't make any sense to me, still doesn't fully sink in
I drank from a baby bottle until about age 5, as a way of self soothing, as well as constantly chewing gum and chewing on bones, especially after my mother went off on me .
For whatever reason, these tactics brought me comfort
00:00 🧘 Self-soothing is a crucial skill often hindered in children of narcissistic parents, but it's reclaimable through various methods.
02:13 🏃♀ Physical activity is vital for self-soothing, aiding in stress release and maintaining overall well-being.
03:07 🛌 Prioritize self-care by ensuring adequate sleep, healthy eating, maintaining routines, and learning the power of saying 'no' when necessary.
05:06 📝 Journaling acts as a self-soothing mechanism, aiding in self-reflection and understanding of one's thoughts and emotions.
05:45 💭 Engage in positive self-talk by challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with rational, positive affirmations.
06:52 🧘♂ Meditation and relaxation techniques help calm the body and reduce anxiety and stress, promoting self-soothing.
08:00 🎨 Creative outlets, such as hobbies, writing, music, or other activities, serve as effective means for self-soothing and personal enjoyment.
09:36 ⏰ Effective time management contributes to reducing overwhelm, allowing more opportunities for self-soothing activities.
10:27 🤗 Practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself and focusing on your well-being, learning to love yourself.
11:09 🧘♀ Becoming a neutral observer in distressing situations can aid in self-soothing by detaching from toxic anxiety or negativity.
11:51 🛡 Acknowledge the distinction between oneself and others to reduce stress, stating "I am not them, and they are not me."
12:30 🗣 Use techniques to talk oneself down during emotional distress, engaging in activities that redirect focus and calm the mind.
Thank you so much for time stamping and giving a little description ❤
Thanks
Thank you!
Thank you so much, hearing it is good but reading it is like it is stamped into my brain and I can remember it easier.😀
❤ thanks❤
I love bookstores too
A lot of my hobbies became other focused and now I realized that I'm living to be happy and not prove my self worth to anyone. I was seeking love through them. I realized it's for me to love myself and live my life for me.
If I took a deep breath to naturally calm down, I would be barked at that I was 'huffing'.
A tip on getting support that I had to learn.
When you spend time with people, invest in other people first, then keep investing in those who invest back. In other words, don't share what you're going through if not asked, outside of basic positivity or glossed over negativity (unless it's an emergency of course!). If asked, only give surface level details unless you already know the person invests in you well. Most people will not invest back, but they are not healthy people for you. If no one invests back, expand your circle to another group. You will eventually find at least one person who will invest back. I know it's easy to want everyone to care and who wants to put on a face? But there are too many lazy victims out there, so unfortunately we have to. Think of it as the climb before an amazing mountain view. It's hard, but you will get there.
Also, hosting or joining groups for your hobbies is a great place to start! Just understand a lack of consistency in showing up may just mean busy lives and their own self soothing, not a lack of care.
Thank you, Jerry! I can't help but think the narcissist confrontation leads to habitual "sneaking around", development of bad habits, as well as shutting down good habits, refraining from exploiting talents.
When you're young, naive, malleable/vulnerable, it's hard to question what the narcissist is doing, but looking back I really wish I'd pushed back harder. I knew our mother was wrong and harmful, but still gave her too much respect. She didn't deserve it.
I respected my mother out of fear. She was abusive and I felt weak and unable to stand up to her. She was also freakishly strong, a rugged Tom boy/farmer type. She was also a skilled wrestler. I literally feared for my life every time she abused me. I was afraid to speak up to adults about her because I worried they wouldn't believe me, worried they'd tell her what I said and then I'd be forced to face the consequences. Some of us know our mother's didn't deserve respect but we gave it in order to survive another day.
Yep
@@DailyDose926yep
I sucked my thumb until I was sixteen years old. I think that says a lot about me having to comfort myself because of having two narc parents.
Millions of people keep sucking cigarettes all life long for the same reason. At least you did not poison yourself.
@@aammssaammdang
When i listen this i know how i never loved and taking care of myself 😮 Now i learning how to, step by step.
You were so helpful in this video. Big thank you 🙏 because Christmas is a difficult time when having to deal with a narc parent and their enablers.
If you're an adult you don't need to keep subjecting yourself to anyone, even a parent. If you're a minor that's different but as adults we have the power to remove anyone we choose from our life. Family isn't defined by blood. It's defined by love, loyalty and mutual respect. A Holiday isn't a good enough reason to expose ourselves to a toxic person. If we chose to do this then we need to question our own toxic patterns in our behavior that is causing us to keep ourselves stuck in a toxic cycle.
Thank you @@DailyDose926
So true … carbohydrates are self soothing to so many - myself included - addictions to substances unhealthy relationships filled the void for years … great video
I love my carbs!!
Yes, they are my only "cure" now and only addiction left in life.
Yes! I have just literally created a healthy food plan, mindful of carbs as I was listening to this. I am aware of this child/teenager screaming out inside of me in relation to abuse/neglect and absorbing parents that didn't know how to love themselves and also probably on the autistic spectrum, trying to raise two autistic children, one , very obvious, the other (myself) not so obvious at first. It was a nightmare. So grateful for content like this. I am almost 50.
@@EverythingIsIllusion22 I gained so much weight and almost developped bulimia. I almost began smoking, drinking and self-harming.
@LiveFreeAndFearless I feel you. I've always had issues with food. I was a chubby kid because I learned early on how to use food to self soothe. Of course, I got picked on because of my weight... at home and at school, which only made me want to eat more. My mother liked to tell me when and how much to eat. She liked to tell me: "You've had enough."
When I was 13, I put myself on a diet, lost a lot of weight and became anorexic. My mother took me to see my pediatrician after seeing me in a bikini at my lowest weight. The doctor told me to gain weight or he'd put me in a hospital and they'd feed me through a tube in my arm. I was unaffected by this threat, but I was afraid of what my dad would do if I didn't comply... so I did as I was told, like the "good girl" and gained some weight. There was no talk therapy, no support... Just: EAT Simple, right? I yo yo dieted throughout my twenties and thirties... and for most of my forties. Now, in my late 50's post menopause, and I'm fat. I really don't care. I love my food. It's always been there for me and it changes how I feel. I sound like an addict... because I am, in a way.
Thank you Jerry. Its crazy that I made it to 34 years old without these skills. I wrote each one down and I'm googleing each one individually. Lol I don't know what self care looks like. But I'm learning
You are not the only one, better now than never. 🧡
These are golden nuggets of survival and a brand new life.
I had an old grey flannel blanket, and my narc female parent took it away. I didn't even think to ask why. She was a hoarder, so I found it years later in the basement.
Thank you so much Mr Wise, you’re true to your last name ,thank you🙏🏼
One thing that hit me while watching this video is that I cannot fathom the idea of my mom journaling. If I really try, I can imagine her venting about how unfair and painful life is, but legitimate self reflection journaling....I can't imagine it. I don't know if she is capable of reaching that level anymore.
Thank you so much for these self-soothing techniques! I never learned them.❤
I don't know why, but this made me cry. In a good self soothing way. Thank you
You're welcome 😊
Thank you so much for providing these videos. They are extremely helpful. 🙏
Thank you. I'm hoping this helps. Until I saw the title, it had never occurred to me that this was anything other than a personal problem unique to me. I have tremendous anger issues and the bane of my life has been that I don't know how to let it go. Exercise, for instance, will usually drive me into a rage, for its seeming pointlessness. Whereas hard work does not trouble me, unless I'm doing it for myself, but it also doesn't help abate anger. I routinely get hurt by the misunderstandings of others, seemingly as if they have not got the imagination to include my feelings or values, and all the frustration, tolerance, patience, and forgiveness make me very angry, very often, and I have no releases or resolutions. Setting boundaries isn't viable, because i cannot lower my expectations of others low enough to include most people without feeling contempt and disgust. It forces me to face what I endured, over and over, and never put it behind me, and forces me to recognize how comparatively easily others have lived. Injustice. Anger.
There is always so much anger beneath the surface. Oh, I get that.
Can you make a video about how to work with allergy to intimacy? I value your opinion so much and I struggle to find advice on this subject other than "you will become more comfortable with intimacy over time as you experience intimate relationships." But for me, its very hard even flirting with others. I'm a dismissive avoidant on healing road.
Ya I know what you mean. When* Someone is nice to me, I assume the worst
Thank you Jerry for the lesson on How to calm down.
I saw your video, “Calmness is everything.”
Like boundaries, many people say “do it” without explaining How.
Noise frys my nervous system. So does conflict or being exposed to someone else’s high reactivity. I need to go offline, from everything, to let my nervous system reset. It takes a while.
I find it soothing to lie under a weighted blanket. To me it feels like a calming hand on me.
Jerry your content over the years has taught me and helped me immensely. I’m not sick, I was born into a sick intergenerational organization full of members who are blind, deaf, and dumb that they are sick (dysfunctional). I recently learned their communication style (gaslighting, invalidation, undermining) is sick and a manipulation tactic, and I was raised to believe that was normal.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
I've not thought about this for years, but my parent burnt my soothing blanket in front of me when I was a kid, in a bid to make me grow up. Wow. As a parent myself now, this is actually a really sickening thought. Just wow.
I had a small flannel pillow that I had used since I was a baby. As I grew older I put it on top of a regular pillow. I liked the warmth and texture of it because I got chronic ear infections. One day I came home from school and found out my mother had thrown out the pillow. Actually dismantled it before discarding so not like I could just pull it out of the trash. I learned then that nothing was really 'mine'.
Horse cart problem. Not funny but I just imagine the picture😂. Thank you. Must laugh💜
Guys, I had 4 sessions with an online trauma therapist past month. Jerry Wise covers everything she mentioned, and more. Jerry Wise really is the BEST.
I really appreciate you, I’m happy I found your channel.
I’m going to be 50 years old in the next couple years and I had to develop these tools on my own.
In my own way, I have used all of those techniques. It’s so nice to have it laid out in an understandable way.
I enjoy who I am, and have explored a lot of topics over the years, I consider myself a thinker and someone natural at psychology but somehow, of course my own condition has eluded me.
I’m finally making breakthroughs in acknowledging my inherited narcissism.
I know that my family setting growing up was completely dysfunctional, there were good qualities, but until now have I really pegged the type of dysfunction and uncovered how its affected my life and my behavior. This is great knowledge to have especially earlier in life!
Same here. Am 50 next year and glad I found this knowledge now. I am also late diagnosed autistic. I wish you well in life. Greetings from UK. :)
I sucked my thumb until i was in 5th grade!!
My favorite "simple math problem" is to just start doubling from 1 and see how far I get. It starts simple (1, 2, 4, 8, 16...) works up in complexity (2048, 4096, 8192, 16384...) and it's somewhat relevant to my career in IT, as that's how maximum possible values increase as you add bits.
That sounds relaxing. I couldn't go very far😂😂😂😂 I'm impressed
Thank you Jerry! I really work on emotional regulation right now. I was never taught.
There was never an example of self-soothing. 😢
Jerry, i somehow stumbled into your videos through the algorithm and probably my search history. Im waking up to the realization thay I have been in nothing but narcissistic relationships and I'm questioning whether its me that is a narc. Your video on scapegoats mentioned some things that cut through so much mental noise that it became abundantly clear that, even though I may be, my ex is too and is not realizing.
We all have narcissistic traits. The thing is that we were raised in ways that are known for creating narcissism and so we are right to consider just how narcissistic we may be. I wonder if you realize that there is a big difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and being narcissistic? If not, it may help you to answer your concerns about your behavior.
Thank you, Jerry. These are great suggestions and I appreciate your understanding about how we may not have been taught about self-soothing as children but we can learn now.
wow - i was stressed in utero because i came out the womb sucking my thumb. and YES i remember being shamed for it by an uncle!
Thank you, Jerry. On weekends I binge watch your videos for 8 hours. I appreciate your work and knowledge. You're an earth angel.
I used to suck my thumb as a child, usually when my parents weren’t really paying attention to me, but my mum always kept telling me I was too big to do that, whenever she did notice. I guess I did learn to control it eventually - I remember feeling shocked during my early thirties when I found myself regularly waking up in the morning with my thumb in my mouth.
Thank you Jerry, always such great advice for me to practice.
Glad it was helpful! thanks for watching
I will need to watch this video some times, because it makes me remember and think a lot so I get distracted and I do not catch all it said in it.
Journaling is a self-smoothing technique same as talking to friends. Imagine while growing up, your mom didn't let you have friends and also, read your journals when you were in school and scold you for writing all these thoughts.
Thank you so much. This is an excellent video. I am a UA-cam psychology junkie. And this is so simple, practical, down to earth many many thanks❤
I'm having really time hard time moving out of emotionality as you suggest especially when that has such a great purpose for doing art
creative outlets saved my life as a teen in the chaos i dont know HOW i got through unscathed if not for the hours blissfully drawing
Thank you so much ! Very useful strategies ! Especially I liked: radical acceptance of others not wellbeing
(without immediately trying to rescue them :) !), but all of them are helpful and wise 🙂
Great video as always. I had a lot of creative outlets/hobbies when I was younger, but as I got older those parts of me were very discreetly weaponized by the family. I was made to believe that the value of the creative outlets in my life was directly determined by 1. how much my art pleased other people, 2. how much they validated the artistic interests of other family members and 3. how I would be able to turn my art into a financially stable career. When I wasn't making art, nobody really liked me. This pressure to create personal value based on my art caused me to spiral into perfectionism which ultimately killed my love for art, and it's been about 15 years since I've actually enjoyed art making. Fortunately I've found passion in new things for the first time in over 15 years, and it feels great. It just sucks that my parents will always view me as some kind of sunk cost for investing so much time and money into getting me into an art-based career, something I never actually wanted.
My experience with art involved my mother sabotaging my free scholarship to an art school when I was a senior in highschool. I had told her weeks in advance about having to meet with the school to discuss my scholarship and fill out the student enrollment paperwork to RISD(Rhode Island School Of Design). On the day of my meeting my mother gave me an attitude after I reminded her and asked her if she could still drive me to the school. She told me she wasn't going to bring me to my meeting. I went and asked my grandmother for a ride and she told me no and suggested I take the city bus. I had never ridden on a bus, so I didn't know what to do.. I asked my mother for cab money and she told me no.. She pointed out how I had a job and how I should manage my money better.. It's true,, I did have a job but I had just gotten through paying my mother $1,000 for her old car, payed for my prom dress, shoes, salon, pics, limo, plus paid for my bridesaid dress, shoes, additional salon appointment, wedding gift, etc.. I was just a kid but I was treated like a hated roomate and an inconvenience.. I was flat broke, couldn't even afford a bus ticket.. I looked up the address to the school on my mom's computer and I started walking. The school was 3 hours away walking and it involved me having to walk on the highway at some points. I walked for almost 2 hours and then I realized I had forgotten my personal identification information. I started to cry out of frustration.. I sat down on the side of the highway. A state trooper pulled up and asked if I was ok. I explained my circumstances.He offered to give me a ride to the school but he wanted to call my mother first to make sure she knew where I was. I told me to forget about the school and asked if he could just bring me back home? The state trooper called my mom but no one answered the phone. He gave me a water bottle, tissues and a ride back home. When he pulled up to the house my mother was outside gardening. The cop spoke to her about how I had been found on the side of the highway. My mother acted shocked, like she didn't know I had even left.. She apologized to the cop and thanked him for bringing me home. Before the cop left he asked me to go over to his cruiser for a minute. He gave me his personal business card and told me if I ever needed help to contact the number on the card. He asked if I was ok before he left. My mom was glaring over at me from behind the cop. I told the cop I was ok. When he left she told me to get my a** in the house and told me I was grounded for a month for embaressing her..
When I went in the house I hurried to call the school and I asked if it was possible to reschedule my meeting. They told me no, said it was a now or never deal.. I apologized for any inconvenience then went upstairs to my room and cried myself to sleep.. After my mother sabotaged my art scholarship I hated anything to do with art. I even somehow lost my ability to be artistic. It's like my brain blocked out the entire part of the memory, which included my artistic abilities. 20 year's have gone by. It's only recently that I decided to give art another chance. I've been sculpting. At first I struggled with my art. I felt like a toddler trying to create art. But it feels like a muscle that needs to be exercised. The more I express myself with my sculpting the better I'm becoming.
I'm sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to share my experiences with my lack of interest in art. I hope someday you return back to your art. I hope you're able to find joy in it and make it about expressing yourself vs pleasing other's. Art is peaceful, it's also an extension of ourselves. I hope when the time is right you find your way back to art 💝
@@DailyDose926 well, shit. I want to say your family let you down, but it would be an insult to you to use the term "family" to describe who these people are to you. Thank goodness for that police officer...he gave you solid evidence that there is good in the world and that your personhood isn't "the problem." For me that person was the therapist I met in my early twenties. Having someone validate the reality of your dysfunctional family is the key that opens the door to a better life.
Always good stuff...I am still not on board with the "radical acceptance." Maybe I need to radically accept that.. I do hear it from you and others so it is a "thing."
I have been sick for the past month.. I probably have/had Covid and I really need to hear this message.. There are parts of me that are still dealing with that sickness but I am allowing other parts to express themselves.. One example would be that I have been playing my guitar again..
Sounds like you need to wear sandals & get a lot of sunlight in the early morning. I love radical acceptance bc it allows others to be stupid without me needing to get involved. Being sick is awful. Have you made yourself 🍲?
🎸♾️
God bless you Jerry ❤
Yeah these are actually helpful. I'm doing most of them already.
In-utero thumb sucker, until age 6. Over half of these I tried to do but was self-sabotaged by family.
Excellent self soothing tips thanks Jerry, especially hobbies, creativity, journalling and neutral observation. Combined, l find exploring new interests, writing up personal insights and reflecting from afar as outsider really helps.
Glad you enjoyed it
Thank you, this is such a helpful topic!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you Jerry.Merry Christman ❤
This channel is very insightful and helpful, I greatly appreciate your wisdoms sir.
I clicked on this video so fast that I think my finger got screen burn. 😂 how to cope was one of the missing pieces I felt was never taught.
This video was lovely, and so useful. Easy to follow, encouraging and non threatening. Such a pleasant find. Thank you🌺
You are so welcome! Welcome to the community
I have Trichotillomania... they caused it. It's the only thing that calms me down. When we lost our dog in 2021... it got way worse. I'm in a bad spell right now. Have battled it on and off for 39 years...
Maybe it's time for a puppy
I got a puppy a year and half ago and it has been a blessing.
Great suggestions except for the math problem. Maybe I could try congugating a verb instead.
Thank you Jerry. Excellent tips.
resonates, much appreciated as always Jerry.
I needed this I’ve been searching for self soothing didn’t realize it was rooted in my trauma
very nice & interesting list, thanks Jerry
Thank you.
Thank you so much! Ut's great that you put them all together like that
Much appreciated GREAT info I especially appreciated the mantra. I am not them. They are not me and try to do a math problem that is relatively simple as a way to restabilize. I have not heard of either of those before. Very very helpful. Thank you thank you
Beautiful ❤ thank you 😊
Thank You Jerry, this is so useful to me now, i needed some “procedures” infos!✨✨✨✨✨
Thank you Jerry! This was very helpful for me!
I love u, and thank u more than words can say, Jerry. Thank u for ur amazing work 🕊🙏💓GOD bless u!
Oh wow how kind. I hope you will share my videos with others. Thanks for watching.
Thank you, Mr. Wise 🙏🏼
Welcome!
@@jerrywise ☺
Thank you
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thanks again
Thank you for this wonderful message.God bless you ❤
Excellent video! thank you! 🙏
Thank you Jerry for these self soothing tips.All of them will be a great help for me. Watching your videos self sooth me too.
Since you mentioned deep breathing, I highly recommend breathwork, but please be careful to find a trauma informed approach.
Lol, my reaction to tense situations or the rages or the whatever was to immediately disassociate. Literally the opposite of mindfulness. Or I would just hide for ages in my room to avoid my mother, blocking my ears so I couldn't listen to the screaming.
Thank you ❤ so important
You're so welcome!❤️
I respectfully disagree on the developmental self soothing. From what I have learned and in my own experience. From infant to several years of age kids sooth by co-regulation. That means they need the parent to pick up the child for a sense of protection, give a meaningful gaze of eye contact, show mirroring of there emotion physically and verbally “wow, that was scary huh?”, show them in your calm demeanor, that they are ok and wait for them to go through that emotion. Shushing them,telling them not to cry, telling them that’s not scary, denying their current state of emotions, instead of guiding them through it is gaslighting them. Building a very insecure subconscious. Children that suck their thumb, have no real guidance, so they use the only things available to them that regulates them or soothes them.
I would agree with you. However, I do see co-regulation and self-soothing as developing at the same time. Thank you for watching.
Co-regulation is the way children learn to soothe themselves.
@@shipratrika2586bingo
In my case gym is the best therapy.
I honestly think it saved my life.
I see also big bennefits in being present and mindfull but for some reason this is much harder for me.
Great ideas. I noticed once a new mom that saw her baby with his thumb in his mouth and she slapped it away. The look on his face. I didn’t know what to make of that.
❤Thank you Jerry❤
Thank you, Jerry. Excellent suggestions and some reminders of how to self-soothe.
I really have a high problem accepting help from anyone if I get the chance or access to that, how do I clear up the guilt cause I feel like I have to pay anyone who helps me back(just realised from my actions trying to go meet individuals with same interests who I asked help from )
Someone helps you, you'll help another person, that person will help someone else. This is how help works. By accepting a help you help that person to "pay" for the help he/she received from someone else. Besides, you can always mention that you have a difficulty with accepting help and ask if you would need to do anything in return. This way it'll be clear for both sides. Never hesitate to ask and clarify.
Always some good tips 🙏
Tnx for this
I wish these things helped me. Unfortunately, it tends to be the same list of self help strategies, over and over again, regardless of where you look. Journaling since I was 8. Exercise, routine, hobbies, etc etc all feel like tiny band-aids to me even though I do them. That's why I finally moved on to meds. They are the only thing that had some real impact, for me.
Thanks Jerry ❤
Thank you!!!
You're welcome!
This is one of your best video! Thank you! :)