That attractiveness is the Holy Spirit working on us. I DON'T think this advice of putting yourself in the friend zone is good at all. If you know they're Godly and you are attracted to him/her then DO NOT intentionally make friends with them with the hope of it becoming romantic. I say go for it right away. If rejection happens, it is easier (not easy) to decide to be friends, with God's guidance.
@@paullavoie5542 Absolutely it is important for it to be more than physical attraction, but I don't think liking someone for their appearance is lust. Lust is a neglect of their personhood combined with intense, cultivated sexual desire. God gave us sex drives, and He called it good. Song of Songs is an example of a Godly enjoyment of beauty and sex, this is perfectly legitimate. That said, marriage should be Godly, and the person's should love Jesus. If God stays the number 1, that's the most important part.
My girlfriend, and hopefully soon to be spouse, didn’t catch my eyes at first. We spoke many months without a hint of attraction towards each other. But as we became friends, I just fell madly in love with her out of nowhere. And after 7 years of being together, I can’t get over her! I thank God everyday, and I hope to her marry within a few months time if He wills.
James 4:13-17 says that we shouldn’t say “I plan to do such and such,” for it is the Lord who wills if we even live that long to do such and such. So, I’m referring to Him willing if I live that long to marry whom I wish. I don’t believe God wills for you to marry a specific person (just not an unbeliever 2nd Cor 6:14). 1 Cor 7:39 does that when a woman’s husband dies, that she is free to marry “whom she wills”, which suggests that God doesn’t intend for people in the church to marry a specific person in the church.
@@2ndPigeon I don’t think any Christian thinker suggests that God is some sort of micro-manager. He gives us a conscience, as stated in Romans Ch 14, to make certain decisions on our own.
@@2ndPigeon I think the area of “free will” only applies in the soteriology dept... like if humans have the free will to choose God (or if God has to intervene to bring them to do it). But in the everyday Christian life, we make choices on our own (as long as the don’t violate God’s precepts).
@@Dancediva240i am not a Christian anymore, lol... maybe it's just that when someone else meet our standards it is sexy. Anything that we're looking for. Kinda logical
I like his advice on friendship first. That's what happened to me and my SO. He is shorter than me, so I didn't even consider him a candidate at first. But he was so loving and kind. He was such a good friend. One day, I had the sudden realization I had fallen in love with him. It was crazy. I had become incredibly attracted to him, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We went from him chasing me to me chasing him lol
There’s a shorter man than me that likes me and he is Godly man .. but I’m not physically attracted to him at all. And I have been praying for a Godly man. 2 prophets are telling me they see us together and God will be with us if we get to together. I’m so stuck. Maybe I’ll stay friends with him first
@@Lerr777 I will say, the height dif felt a little weird at first, since I’m 5 inches taller, but after like 3 months it stopped being weird to me, and now I’m too far gone it would be so weird to date a tall guy 😂 1000000% attracted to my fiancé including his height. Maybe after getting to know the guy you’re talking about as friends in a group, you could try a casual date to see if there might be any romantic feelings.
@@annabelleland7318 😂 😂.. when you go short you never go back lol. I’ll try that casual date. Sigh! Was even getting abit angry with God, like why would you send me someone I’m not even attracted to, but I told myself to shut up cause who am I to even get angry with God, if his indeed from God I’ll go with it.
As a Godly man who's been married for 23 years, and is the father of two daughters, I think this advice is absolutely right. Attraction, in the physical or sexual sense, is so fickle and generally very temporary. Attraction must be fueled by something deeper in order for it to last. To have a partner or spouse who loves the Lord like you do is worth searching for. Don't try to fool yourself into think you're attracted to them. If you're not, you're not. Don't pretend or you'll end up hurting both of you. But give it a chance. Love blooms in more unlikely places than this. Be patient and follow the Lord.
But you said “give it a chance” So when you met your wife you weren’t attracted to her physically at all? I doubt that. But I get what your trying to say. I just disagree. Girls and guys can both have standards that they want in a spouse. And to want to be able to not lie when you say they are beautiful (see Songs of Solomon) is not wrong. In fact I think it is in line with scripture.
@@mscottster444 yes, I found her attractive. My primary hesitation was that she wasn’t my “type.” Once I moved beyond that surface limitation, I found that I actually WAS attracted to her. And I think that we can be attracted to a wider range of people than we might suppose. But if you find the other person strongly off-putting for some reason, it might take a little Godly intervention to warn up those hearts. 😀❤️
@@DavidMontgomery1 well you said you found her attractive initially. The means (I think) you noticed her without having to force yourself. Congratulations man! I’m just saying if I don’t think a girl is beautiful physically I’m not asking her out and potentially leading her on. I’ll be her friend, but I’m not asking her out. If you get want I mean. But I know it’s not ultimate and eventually looks fade, so it is not the most important thing, but if it’s not there I’m not gonna pursue someone and I don’t think it’s wrong or a sin to be the same way as me. Or you can be different either way! 👍
@@mscottster444 "I’m just saying if I don’t think a girl is beautiful physically I’m not asking her out and potentially leading her on. I’ll be her friend, but I’m not asking her out. If you get want I mean. " This is the reason why I like to get men's opinions on this topic - you fellas are more authentic and honest. You don't (for the most part) subscribe to this let the attraction grow school of thought, which essentially is very selfish, because you are giving the person false hope that you wanna see them more, when actually you're just trying to gauge if you will wanna jump their bones by the nth date. Very self-serving and totally against how the lord would want you to treat ppl I would think.
Attraction, in the physical or sexual sense, is so fickle and generally very temporary. Why do so many ppl assume just because we say attraction is important, that that's ALL we value in a person? We also want someone who is a decent human being.
I’m not dating or marrying a man I’m not attracted to. Come on, we have to have eyes inky for this person as long as we both are alive. No, good looks don’t trump godliness but why put ourselves in a position where we have to fight to be attracted to our spouse?
So what if you marry a Physically handsome man, and two years later he is invoved in car accident that leaves him severely disfigured, what will you do? where will get the attraction from? secondly how do you measure physical attraction? where do your standards comr from? Are you thinking of a tall, muscular man with brown eyes and beautiful lips? if yes, how did your preferences come to be that way? from society or from you ineherent self? no matter your answer, i suggest that christians have been largely and unduly influenced by worldly standards of beauty, that we subconsciously regard certain characteristics to be beautiful because society forces us to. Remeber zachaeus in the Bible? He was a very short man who most women today won't find attractive, but if these women personally witnessed Jesus dine with Zachaeus, they will most probably immediately find zachaeus attractive and choose him amongst other men for marriage simply because of Jesus' encounter with him. My point is not that physical attraction is not important, but that christians need to review what they consider physical attraction with utmost scrutiny. Question: what if Jesus appeared to you and tod you that a blind man named ________ will be the best husband for you and that you had the choice to marry any other man though your experience with other men will not be as great as withthe blind man. WILL BLINDNESS BECOME ATTRACTIVE?
@@KekeMoloto Amen sister! Just visited your channel and subscribed!! It's so great! And I'm so blessed to know you! So whether you like it or not I hereby declare you my new sister in Christ 😂😂😂😂 (kidding) There's also a Facebook page and UA-cam channel where you can find me in case you were going to ask 😁
jason tabifor hahaha lovely to e-meet you my newfound brother in Christ 😁🙌🏾. Thank you for the awesome feedback re my channel. I welcome you with open arms 🤗. Yes, do let me know where I can find your UA-cam and Facebook pages. God bless you!
That person you are looking or hoping for does NOT have to be a beauty queen or look like a Disney Prince BUT they should be attractive to YOU! Looks are not all that matters but we are human and were created this way for a reason. I hate when Christians try to be over spiritual and complicate things. Ofcourse they should be attractive to YOU! I see plenty of unattractive men and women every day but they dont look the same in my eyes as they do to someone who loves them and is attractive to THEM! I'm sure plenty of people think the same way about my husband and I but we are attracted to each other so who cares. I would never marry someone if I'm not attracted to them. And yes looks do fade. That's when we have a convo about unconditional love but you have to be attracted to the person first. Duh.
Thanks for your answer I was looking for one because I felt guilty about having a preference but after reading your comment and listening to the video I don’t have to feel that way anymore
I am a guy that loves your answer. It’s not ultimate but I like you won’t ask a girl to marry me if I’m not physically attracted to them. I don’t give many girls a chance because their not attractive physically to me. But, I will add that if I was still struggling with Porn that might have been the problem but I haven’t in 7 months so I don’t think it applies to me anymore. If the girls I never even give a chance get married I think it should be to a guy that is physical attracted to them at first. If that makes me shallow I’m shallow and I don’t care. In Songs of Songs the guy tell the woman she’s beautiful. If he doesn’t think your beautiful I’d look for someone else. Agree with you. 💪
The fruits of the spirit are the only thing that can be attractive to me. Good looks without the prescience of god will burn out real quick. It’s like one of those good looking bananas that are completely mush as soon as u peel them back
I completely agree with this advice. Neither my wife nor I were attracted to one another when we met or for a good while after that. We became good friends due to our shared spiritual "wavelength" and godliness. As we developed our friendship with no expectations or desires of a romantic relationship, the romantic desire developed naturally. A time came while dating when I decided she was the one and that I would forsake all others. My attraction to her has grown exponentially since then. Now, 9 years later (happily married for 7 of those), we are still enthralled with one another!
I would say that most people are like you. There are those of us who I would call binaries. The attraction switch is either on or off and nothing can change that. Binaries know that there are other people not like them. Non binaries assume that the whole world is non binary.
I think attraction is very important in someone you want to marry, but i also think that attraction definitely can be found in more than just the physiology. A man in which arms children feel comfortable, a man who can make you laugh your heart out, a man who is not afraid of telling you the truth, a man who stands to his word. That is something. Go and find that in the fitness hall! It's more likely that you will find that kind of a man at sunday in the church listening to what God says to him.
The answer to this question is no. And the idea that you're gonna be friends with a girl you don't find attractive and hope that something might develop through friendship is a completely unrealistic expectation. So I don't really like Chandler's answer here. I would say sure, be friends with that person, if that's something you'd like to do. But don't expect anything romantic to come about through friendship. The point is, God is going to bring you together with someone you ARE attracted to physically. The simple fact is being physically attracted to someone is a completely legitimate motivator. There has to be more, spiritually, but it does often start there. And we aren't going to be able to overspiritualize a situation by saying well if shes godly it doesnt matter. No, honestly, it still does matter. You may not like that, but it does.
@@beckyjones3578 yes you would. You would remember how beautiful she was when you first met her and how her beauty evolved over the years but the attraction - even if you dont feel like having sex on the kitchen table anymore like horny jackrabbits - will still be there. In some way. Imagine if I introduced you to someone you dont find attractive NOW and said when you're 100 you wont find him attractive anymore, would you accept this person whole-heartedly thinking it's gonna fade anyway so might as well date this ugly guy?
My friends and I did this when we were younger; cultivated plutonic friendships over the years with women who we hoped, would evolve into a romantic situation later. What happened in 98% of these cases was, the women considered us their best friends, “loved us like a brother” and dated other men and eventually married away. Once you’re placed in the so-called “friend zone”, it’s nearly impossible to get out. So I no longer pursue plutonic friendships like this video promotes.
How about pursuing friendship with her in the hopes of just being a friend to her 🤷🏽♀️ I don't mean any disrespect, but I don't see why the pursuit of friendship has to include a "hope that feelings will grow into something more"
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30 But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 Thank God that I got a husband like Jesus.
Thank you Pastor Chandler for this response! It doesn't have to be all or nothing. A godly woman would make a great non-romantic friend, and who knows, maybe later, the tastes may change and there could be a relationship.
As long as she is attractive to me… It would actually be awesome to date a girl that I thought was ridiculously hot yet the rest of the world that was ugly so I never had to worry about guys trying to steal her ha ha. But seriously, beauty is in the eye of the beholder... Outside of that, I would not recommend dating someone who you are not physically attracted to otherwise. They are going to figure it out, and it will just result in heartache.
You guys are doing a really good job. maybe not everybody it's ready to hear those wise tips and thats ok, God will make clear for those who seek to please him. But i'm impressed how spiritual it's those advices. God Bless all you guys!
"Just stay in proximity, grow in your friendship and let's hope something grows from there." That sums up his answer. The first two are a good idea, but I'm not sure you must hope something grows from there. Just serve the Lord and have fun. And IF something grows from there: nice. If not: no problem. But please do NOT date her. She might fall in love with you and when it doesn't work out for you after 3 to 4 dates and you decide to not continue on this dating path, she may have attached to you already and get her feelings hurt big time. Because if she really isn't that beautiful (but beauty IS in the eye of the beholder!), she might not be used to romantic attention and read too much into it. So always make sure you meet her in groups and not alone. You already like her as a sister in Christ and maybe also as a friend. So enjoy that, without tainting it with something that might never be. If you in this situation find you do not want to be without her anymore, then love has grown. Personaly, I love my spouse. The person. I loved the body for the person that was in there, that I could reach through the body. But hey, we were best friends first. It just developed from there and we learned to overlook little beauty 'mistakes'. They were futile in comparison to the vast beauty of the soul we saw. Another thought: some girls are not taught to look well, or even discouraged so they might not become vain. Have you ever seen make-over programmes? That beautiful swan was in there all along, hiding under a bad haircut, lumpy clothes, colors that don't fit her complexion, a wrong understanding of the basics of make-up, and ugly glasses. Such things can be helped and taught well. Maybe some women, who are more mature in taking care of their outer parts, could take her under their wings for a bit, to help the transformation. All women like to feel they are beautiful. And if they feel they are not, all such women do hurt from that on the inside, feeding their insecurity and sometimes resulting in an outward appearance of 'tan'. Getting her the help to escape from that, is a gentle thing to do. Be sure it is anonymous. If all of the above do not help you fall in love with her, you probably are meant to be someone else's husband. ALWAYS ask your Heavenly Father to give you the spouse He thinks fits. Just entrust this aspect of your being into His capable care and continue to serve Him. In his time He will make it happen. And if not, not all people marry. But in Him you already live a fulfilling life. The apostle Paul was glad He was single, because in this way he could concentrate on the work God gave him to do. And Paul also advised people to stay single like him, although he didn't forbid marriage. That's quite a different look on things. If you do not know where in the Bible these things are mentioned, than just read your Bible. Hint: New Testament. If you cannot be bothered to find it through reading, I doubt you are godly enough for any godly girl.
Marrying a woman you are not attracted to could cause future problems within the marriage, even if they are Godly. Marry a Godly woman that you find attractive my people
I dated a girl I didn’t find attractive at first, and we almost got engaged. So if you think physical attraction isn’t an idolatry, think again. I didn’t find her attractive at first because of outward looks, but my view on attraction I can say has changed. I swore that we weren’t going to go past the first two dates, but once I got to know her I fell in love with her. Unfortunately it didn’t work out and she broke up with me/but in a mutual way of agreeing that there were important reasons that would keep us from pursuing marriage, but it was a good lesson nonetheless for me in learning for my first time dating what biblical romantic love apart from marriage looks like. I get it, it’s scary to date someone who you don’t find attractive physically, I’ve been there a 100% in experience. I almost broke up with her within the first few months because I didn’t want to hurt her by ending it too far in because of doubt. Love does grow beyond looks, my relationship/experience with her is living proof of that. I was blind to true biblical romantic love because of what my eyes saw rather than looking at the important things. Having that said I do believe that it’s preferable that you don’t date somebody who your not attracted too, BUT ...also be aware that your attraction may be blind and you might be missing out on someone very special. So don’t not date someone either just because they aren't up to your standards. I get that there is a limit as some attraction is important, but don't be afraid to lower the bar for your expectations/standards. Now I’m wishing we were still together, because I love her. I wish I didn’t overthink attraction. People can actually change their physical appearance and you can discuss that in a Godly way with your wife/husband in marriage if you’re worried about attraction. Though be sure to guard against it being an idol.
If we can trust God & go to Him for our daily needs, why is it then that we give Him walking papers when it comes to finding someone to love? Are you honestly gonna tell me you don't think God knows what attracts you? HAHA! I'm quite certain He knows more about what you like than YOU do! WORSHIP HIM, PRAY FOR YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE, & … Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! - Psalm 27:14
charles butts And in that faith a man goes out and looks for it. He doesn't sit in his cowardice and expect God to make the phone ring. God won't hand a man a wife on a silver platter. Men are to be conquerors, leaders, bold. For a real Godly woman anything less just won't do!
@@michaelbedsole970 You just don't know that without Him allowing your heart to beat, your eye-finger coordination, providing you your gadgets, you won't be typing those comments at all. All good things come from Him. And the misery you see? It's because of sin, the curse of sin that is in this world. But did God fail? No. Because HE HAS been working to rid of this world sin to make a new one with perfect righteousness in it, thus a land of no more sorrow nor tears. The question is, will you join Him.
@@animaticToshiue Doesn't logically follow. A deity with absolute power, omnipotence, is therefore responsible for everything that happens... good or bad.
This is off tiopic, but i am starting to really get into apologetics, im a christian btw. Does anyone know where I could potentially go to train in this area? I dont really know anything on the subject but thought this might be an alright place to ask about it.
ImOvercharged CARM.com or .org, but also there are good guys to watch on here, James White, Jeff Durbin, there are many books you could buy, Van Til is someone ive heard of, and also Greg Bahnsen is someone ive heard of as well, i think all these people do presuppositional apologetics so have fun studying apologetics for the glory of God!
Get Covenental Apologetics by K. Scott Oliphant. I've had a burning passion for it too in the last 2 years I'm 19 now and presuppositional ( Or Covenantal apologetics) has helped a lot in university. I believe its the most God honouring and encouraging method of defending the faith. I also enjoy watching a lot of debates too which feature Dr James White, he's a great God-honouring debater.
There is a Reformed Presuppositional Apologetics group on Facebook that is solid. You should read "Always Ready" by Greg Bahnsen, "Ultimate Proof of Creation" by Dr. Jason Lisle, and then once you're more comfortable with presuppositional apologetics, you can move on to Van Til.
If the attraction isn’t there from the beginning (from both players) it will never happen. There may be some rare exceptions to that rule but these are exceptions and highly circumstantial. Don’t waste your time befriending someone in hopes they eventually come around. It will always end in heartache and disappointment.
Very good message. However, just one question. Three (3) times the speaker used the word “young”. Why do most married people assume that all singles are “young”? There are some us that have been serving God loyally for decades & praying for a Godly spouse all that time, yet are still single ...single NOT by choice.
Dating someone whom youre not attracted to is like saying, i dont have a choice and lying to yourself. This is not Gods best. Just be friends. Gf/bf may not last but friendships do.
I think it's about personality,strong Chrisitian Charactor,and a strong faith in God with each other more then anything. Looks fade away as you age. And looks can fade also is you get deathly sick! A real Chrisitan life together is what really matters!
Hey I can’t find a biblical answer anywhere for this topic, so I’ll leave it in the comments in hopes of finding wisdom. The woman I want to propose to has had a skin deep attraction her whole life. She envisioned herself married to a specific race of people, and the majority of her sexual ventures before she was saved was with this group. She assures me that I am better than this attraction because of how Christ uses me, and that I have redefined her attraction. but I’m still concerned about where her heart may be. I believe she is God sent, but I am still afraid at times and the enemy uses it against me frequently. What can I do?
Hey dude! Maybe the best for you is to ask this question to a pastor or a person who's planted in the Bible and know your situation, because answering you without knowing you and the girl personally can be dangerous :/
Many times I think men are not usually attracted to women because they tend to be overweight. Again, not always the case but that’s usually the case. This overweight is usually caused by poor will power when it comes to eating as well as a lack of exercise. I believe that if someone who loves and pursues God, they will automatically try and take of their bodies because the bible says that our bodies are temples of the holy spirit. So if someone doesn’t care about their nutrition and physical activity, do they really love God?
Johnny Cash I don't know what to believe about your statement, but I'd like to hold it as true. I recently got proposed to by a rather over-weight brother from church, I am an athlete nd model, dancer etc by profession. He was everything I looked for in a man, but rather got larger and larger every time I saw him, I started feeling that in no way would God want us to let ourselves go, not to this extent. My friends thought he was 34 when in fact he is 24 with a dad bod, and no intention to change. I had to let it go, it harmed me mentally, I was beginning to feel as though I was over weight nd just had to let myself go. If he is 24 and looks 34, how old will he look at 30? Maybe he wanted a Christian trophy to boost he's ego, I won't speak for him, but rather a person who won't let themselves go
True but there's also the internal struggle that we don't see.....pornography addiction amongst men. And a self-righteous attitude even with a beautiful physique. We Christians will fail in some area.
@@lpl433 Which is understandable, but when pursing a Godly woman who cherishes the temple God has give her control over, this Godly man needs to submit to the Holy Spirit and take care of His physical body! We cannot do the work of the kingdom if we are physically unhealthy, it is unfortunately a topic that is normalized in the church..well that and gluttony (acceptable sin). We need to think about how our bad eating habits and wellness can affect our generations, our children and our community! The world is waiting to see Daniels in the face of worldly food standards!
This is an over simplified view...people are overweight for other easons. If you don't find fat people attractive just say that...and don't make it a " they must not love god enough issue" . Sounds like your trying to justify something
That's true what he said about placement. Sometimes, actually we put the physics first. And we can do it or think this way cuz to be honest, even the Bible shows it. Like, (before Jesus arrival of course) there are SO MANY, SO MANY places in the bible where they say things like: he saw that she was beautiful and took her as his wife...; she was beautiful and he wanted to marry her... So it is really predictable that we're gonna react to those verses this way. That we're gonna associate love with beauty, marriage with passion, marriage with beauty and so on.. many of the marriages in the bible begin with the fact that they're beautiful or attractive. So we start thinking " wow, is the physical all what matters to God?", " Is godly love only about physical beauty?".. But we must remember that most of those marriages didn't include God, but our own desires. Examples of marriages arranged by God in the Bible are: Rebekah and Isaac *we have to remember that Abraham's servant prayed before Rebekah came near him. And yeah, Isaac do says that Rebekah is a very beautiful woman later, of course but yet he didn't choose her. Or maybe he didn't even looked at her visual at first. They don't mention it at least. All Isaac did was submitting to God's choice. He just really cared about what Abraham's (another man following God) servant said about his father's command and the prayer story. It only says "and she became his wife; and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.". And this marriage was so what I call of "god-given", that even the moment when they met each other officially for the first time was supposed to be a spiritual moment! Since he pretended to meditate or to pray if I remember well. Man, this is really God revealing his presence, his glory or his acceptance, we can say, for those ones. And and...we gotta remember this one: Boaz and Ruth (there is LITERALLY no part, no point where they mention how they saw each other's physical at all, what they said was...watch out this is such a good thing to remind, they said that they had found *Favor*!) *we must remember that Ruth was beginning her walk with God and that Boaz was such an example of godly man that no matter what he kept treating her with all the kindness in the world because he had saw her *character and current faith in our ALMIGHTY GOD❤🙏 And, to finish, they are there, all of them, in the genealogy of the Messiah 🤧💗 Of course there are other couples arranged by God in the Bible, but I just wanted to point these ones out. And first of all of course, our dear Adam and Eve, my brothers and sisters! I find no part where they say that they were physically attracted or at least pleased with the physics of each other. It only mentions that they had relations since they were husband and wife. So, maybe at the end there isn't a RULE or a LAW saying that couples gotta have this attraction, or that they shouldn't. I just really love how creative our God is, because He is THE ALMIGHTY and His plans are so mind-blowing that sometimes we can't even understand it, neither fully know how He makes things work out. So, whatever are the means that God uses to make this amazing and wonderful thing which is marriage work let's just "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6🙏 May God bless you, child of God who read until here💕May God be with us! Amen!
I totally agree with the former part of his encouragement: learn how to maintain godly, healthy, and fruitful friendships with the opposite sex. In the kingdom of God, men and women need to learn from each other and work together for His glory and for our own edification. But I'm not sure I agree with the latter part of his encouragement to seek close proximity and hope that the friendship will become something more. It isn't necessary. Paul encouraged singles to stay single and focus on the mission of Christ. And it's easier to do this in safe friendships with the opposite sex where no expectations of anything more are present. Those are often the biggest blessings too. If God catches you by surprise and you end up falling for the person you weren't initially attracted to, now THAT would be wonderful. And totally organic. I get what he's saying but I'm just not fond of the added, unnecessary hopeful intent.
Aijeleth Lee The whole bottom half of your comment is as neutered as it would encourage Christians to become. What makes you think we need to try and "fix" our natural sexuality with doctrine?
In the book of Timothy it say to treat young women as sisters and older women as mothers. Why would Paul give this advice to a young man if it wasn't the Godly thing to do? In this way we destroy Lust.
This is such an easy question to answer. There are so many godly women out there who you probably do find attractive, so why force yourself to someone whom you don't find attractive? I would feel so sorry for that poor woman.
@@2ndPigeon very good question. Somebody pls enlighten me lol. What is godly? I pray everyday too but sometimes because I want God to know how mad at him I am. Does that make me godly?
I can’t imagine asking a girl out on a date with out physical attraction. I know it’s not all about physical attraction. But if you are physical attractive to her, it will always be easier to oversee her mistakes and will be easier to forgive her. And of corse women age, But men fade just as quick as women. So that’s a growing process together. Today I really regret that I didn’t accept that one most beautiful girl I have ever see, just because preachers said the might not be the most spiritual girl n the group, Even tho she was a Christian. Later there was that very nice behaving Christian girl, I was trying to get some feelings for her. And she noticed after some time, even tho I didn’t flirt at her. She became exited about it and was hoping I would ask her out for a date and move on. But I just never couldn’t do it, I just wasn’t feeling anything for her. I know she is a great Christian lady but I would be fake to her if I ask her out. I don’t like to look back in live but I do regret some things. After becoming a bit more mature I realizeD so many things. I’m asking God for a nice looking girl and obviously spiritual as well To match up with spiritual live goals.
Everyone is always trying to make everything sexy, including godliness but Godliness is not meant to be sexy it's meant to be beautiful and pure ❤♥️💋 but however when you find someone attractive, it seems like everything about them is sexy to you. The way they chew, the way they pick their teeth, or the way they yell when they get angry. But regardless of what it is that you find attractive about someone its mostly just lust and craving sexual attention
Good advice I guess, but it's not as simple. The best advice would be to just look out for someone you actually feel a bit of attraction and is also a devoted christian. Then get to know this person and see if you two are actually spiritually, mentally and physically compatible. I've seen so many odd female/male friendships in the church where it's always this vague we're just friends yet there's flirting going around but we're not really couple type thing and in a lot of the times it doesn't end up well. I think you should just be honest with yourself and with your intentions and just go for that.
I'm not sure I agree with this answer. It sounds kind of weird. Also, the Word doesn't say man & wife become mingled souls; it says man & woman become ONE FLESH. Where's Pastor John?!?
Dwayne Mcdowell hiya! Oh my gosh absolutely. That physical spark is really important. And imagine if I was dating a guy & found out he never thought I was pretty! Kind of hurtful! Better for him to just love me as a sister & not kid himself. I think that if you're in the Word of God daily and are living by the Spirit, then you can trust that your regenerate self will be attracted to the right things (testing everything by the Scriptures of course); and if you find a brother/sister in Christ who you're attracted to & who loves the Lord, then go for it!
I call it a "recreation date" and it's not what God wants for and from us! That s why we must read and study the bible all the time, that is the light for our eyes and safe ground for our feet. Our hearts are absolutely deceiving, God s will comes first but we need to battle wrong feelings, the concupiscences of our flesh, eyes and soul! The world has millions of distractions that please our ego but not the Lord. When we understand that it's God s will, God s timing and God s way then we don't feel the heaviness on our shoulders...A life in constant prayer, many times a day and stay on alert when the Lord "talk" to us!
Physical attraction alone isn't a good enough reason. By itself it's not strong enough for a relationship. But it also can't be left out when you admire and enjoy the character and personality of a fruitful sister.
@@User_Happy35 True. But after the 1000 years are over and the city is brought down to the New Earth? The Bible is silent in this area. If there are God ordained Biblical couples that will be saved, why not the rest of humanity?
Ya it seems deceptive. according to I kissed dating dating goodbye" dating without the intention of getting married is a waste of time. " Friends with the hope of more? John c Maxwell talks about living with intentionally. Things happen in your brain when you see someone your attracted too it's not just the culture. I'm intentionally allowing myself to get sideswiped by someone who is persuing my friend that would hurt. Like intentionally putting a loaded gun pionted at your foot.
Decide whether you have a future with her. Neither attraction nor godliness is enough for a marriage (We have been married for over 50 years!) Think of the song "Believe me, if all those endearing young charms." It makes the point very well.
A guy told me that we cannot expect God to give an ordinary person extradinary things. Some people are like pigeons and some like eagles. We see pigeons and say, wow they are so ordinary and common why did God make so many. But we should not look down on them because God made them for his purposes, but then we have extraordinary people who shine brightly and are fearless a mighty image of God’s power and grace. The eagle. If you think that the Eagle means a physically beautiful person you’ve missed the point. If you are an Eagle do not be upset that you can’t hang out with pigeon, just because someone can’t appreciate who you are on the inside. Jesus’ loves you, take care.
Imagine being honest with a godly woman and telling her: "I have no physical or sexual attraction to you but you're godly so I want to date you." What kind of idiot would marry that guy?
I was not physically to my wife and i still have trouble finding her physically attractive but i would not trade her for the most beautiful woman in the world because i love my wife so much that a woman of such beauty couldn't even begin to compare with how amazing my wife is and i would be sick and horrified by a relationship with any other woman no matter how beautiful they are.
I was not physically to my wife and i still have trouble finding her physically attractive but... Your wife, after reading this line, will not care about a single word that comes after BUT.
How about asking the Holy Spirit if that is the person you will marry ? Save yourself a lot of time wasted in dating someone not Gods will for you. Jesus only did what the father did .. try that kind of Christianity. Instead of basing everything on whether your flesh is getting righteousness from someone’s beauty which is really just why you find him /her attractive) why don’t you first ask God is this the one .. and then allow yourself to get attracted to who now is the one you’re going to marry because you’ve heard God. This is why the world can’t stand christians we are just as carnal as they are.. Led by the lust for beauty instead of the Holy Spirit. If this was my podcast I’d say ‘become a real Christian and start being led by the Holy Spirit not the lust of your eyes or lack thereof’.. seriously people it’s called Christ-ianity for a reason be like Christ.
This topic is still relevant. So they reuploaded it. They get a lot of people asking the same questions on topics that have been covered before and sometimes a previous answer to a topic is sufficient and not needing a "new" response. That's why they re-upload videos.
I met a girl years ago on a dating site, we had Tons in common and she knew God. I couldn't see a good picture of her for the first week or two, but I was really into her, she was saving sex for marriage and everything. Then when I did see her I just wasn't into her at all.. She was a woman but she had a very masculine figure and face and a huge Frankenstein monster forehead. It was really sad. It worked out for her in the end though, spotted her on facebook, she's married with a baby now.
I'm a single guy, I think a lot of girls would like me. So far I've seen that I either immediately love your character and looks or I don't. I pray Christ guides me to whoever He wants for me, if He has someone in mind. Always in His time
Get to know everybody as brothers and sisters in Christ.if nothing else you gain a friendship and could be blessed by it.If something blossoms into something else then embrace it but stop seeing people as potential partners and not worthy if they don't look to be the one.Also stop grading people according to how attractive they are.Looks fade but a beautiful soul is always worth more and makes someone beautiful.
I think attraction is important, godliness is attractive. The reason I would approach at first is because of the externals generally modest clothes and overall attractiveness. No doubt the Holy Spirit will change us.
"God created them male and female, for this reason a man will leave his home and be joined to his wife", the point of this is that the reason a man will leave is because he is attracted to a woman due to her nature as a woman. So physical attraction is definitely important. Being Godly is definitely important as well. To say that we should pursue the most Godly woman in hopes of physical attraction later would be tricky because of the fact that the symbol of the first marriage, Adam and Eve, was that Eve was from the same substance as Adam. So look for somebody who is similar to you. I've dated very Godly women before, and they began to drive me insane because we weren't similar in personalities. Due to this, I thought that it was wrong of me that I no longer liked them romantically because of how Godly they were. However, the Godliness or faith of a woman is not the only reason a man will leave his household and be joined to his wife.
If you find a real christian woman you better get attracted to her, I'm not sure how many if any I have met that even know one thing that the bible says about how they should conduct themselves, but they can tell you how you need to be unrealistically and non biblically. You have found a treasure.
1st Tim 5:1 and 2; " Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers and the younger as sisters, with all purity. We are brothers and sisters in Christ and are not friends but family. We are called to marry and not date. Because of the Pagan culture that we are inundated with daily through media of all sorts we have come to believe dating is necessary in order to get married but it is not.
This is very helpful for me as a single man contemplating marriage. I would not be attracted to a woman with tattoos or body piercings (besides earrings). I find that very trashy.
Matt Chandler? I thought this was John Piper! I have very little respect for Mr Chandler’s view of this topic. I don’t mean to offend but his ideas could seriously injure someone when he could be advocating a people set apart for God and he should preach the truth at all cost. First of all, when we allow ourselves to get involved in a relationship with someone we will never marry, we are giving ourselves away. Give a little here and a little there and see what sticks? God have mercy, no! I’d rather die single than live wishing I were single because I didn’t keep my vessel in purity or hadn’t kept my heart for the woman God prepares for me. Romantic relationships are vain and superficial, built on trying to construct a relationship that isn’t consistent with the behavior or character of the people involved in the relationship. On the other hand, one of the best parts of the classic, “Fidler on the Roof” is the part when the Mamma and Papa finally realize they actually love each other after twenty-five years of marriage. Love is not an emotion, not the sense of love that holds a relationship together anyways. Not the kind of love that keeps a heart single towards the wife of his youth. To borrow words from Voddie Baucham, “Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of the object.” God taught me this in principle a while before I heard this specific description but thank-you Voddie for so eloquently phrasing it! Here in Utah, dating is a rampant disease. It is possible for Christians to have diseases but come now, don’t ever encourage unhealthy relationships. We can’t do well to sample a little of one person and jump to the next and jump to the next. No. What Paul Washer preaches on this particular subject is almost right on: I think I recall that when someone says he is dating a girl, Mr Washer asks what makes the young man believe that this is the woman he should marry. "Recreational dating", dating to pick out a spouse, or even dating someone you are certain you will marry is very dangerous and foolhardy, for the state of the heart, if nothing else. I have heard many stories where people wait on God and He guides them, and many who break His principles and must reap consequences of that. Don’t offer the sacrifice of your life on the altar to self or any other god which heathen do serve, including the altar of a woman God intended to be another man's wife. Wait to lay your life down for a woman and presently ensuing children until the appointed time. Remember Saul and the sacrifice he made in haste for he would not wait. Never hope a relationship will go somewhere it never should. Yes, I site Paul Washer and Voddie Baucham, but God has shown us these principles before I knew who these fine men were. We homeschooled and homechurched -- talk about unsocialized! We interacted with adults more than children and saw firsthand the devastating effects of men and women listening to the counsel of the world. Even a relationship that has lasted decades which is built on the wrong foundation simply cannot glorify God the way he intended marriage to. I have much more to say but UA-cam is a rotten platform to critique from. I have said my piece and will pray the Holy Spirit convicts the children of God to honor Him in their relationships.
Wow is one of the best words to describe the feelings a person has about myriads of topics, yet one of the most meaningless words when facial expressions, tone of voice, and context are nearing insufficiency or completely lacking. I really don't know what to make of it sometimes. Maybe I've hit a home run or maybe you just absolutely think I'm nuts. Either way, thanks for the comment.
Oh, is that right? I apologize for the inconvenience that must be. It's a little complicated, but it has basically been eighteen years. I was about six when Mom and Dad first came to the Lord, and though I was baptized at seven, I don't know for sure when I received the Holy Spirit. I now believe that children should not be baptized until they are old enough to grasp the Gospel but oh well. I did eventually get baptized again after reaching my twenties and concluding that my baptism wasn't valid, and I'm 23 now. I am part of an unofficial homechurch and are seeking God about how He wants us to plan and live our lives. How long have you known the Lord, and how long have you spoken English?
I have serious problems/issues with questions like this. It seems that people in the church are far too obsessed with mating! 1) I see NO biblical justification for dating. 2) why is the questioner so obsessed with dating that he/she would even consider doing such a thing? This is insanity! I really believe people should focus more on pursuing GOD & then if/when HE decides that HE wants you to be married, HE will provide the person you'll be attracted to in every appropriate way.
I would suggest stop treating The Church like a dating club! I swear most single people I see there are only coming to get matched up. Try an online dating service. The commitment rate is certainly no better & by that hedonistic question it's quite obvious that "a Godly girl" is simply a buzzword to hide the carnality!
Jake, I see a BIG problem in turning the church into a dating scene. I have no issues with meeting someone there to spend your life with. I have a lot of issues with going there for that purpose. Tell me; since Jesus drove the money changers out of the temple for turning His Father's house into a den of thieves, imagine what He might do today if he walked into the local church and found a bunch of singles gathered to get their freak on? That's essentially what is going on in the church today. Divorce & extra-marital sex is higher among the churched than in any part of society. With all of these horny singles running around trying to pair up, how exactly do you make a valid argument against same sex marriage or teenagers wanting to 'hook up'? We're gathered to WORSHIP OUR GOD! NOT find a date!
As for dating, check out what Paul Washer says on the matter. Bad things happen when a young man & young lady who are romantically inclined get alone together. If a person is truly interested in someone, spend time together in a group setting.
charles butts Be honest mate, you were burned by a lady you met at church, right? As for Paul Washer, I watched that video too. A) guy has a super hot wife by anyone's standards. B) He advised that dating was dangerous and sinful but than drscribed the time he spent with his wife before marrying her. That time spent was DATING but he just doesn't call it that! I love Paul Washer but the brother is often too holy for his own good.
Well this didn't age well seeing as how Matt Chandler is now embroiled in an inappropriate affair with another women. I didn't realize that his wife stuck with him through cancer. It somehow makes his betrayal of her even more horrible...
"Don't pursue a relationship with someone you're not attracted to just hang around a lot to see if the girl eventually piques your interest" "Compatibility is important unless it's physical compatibility" "Physical attraction doesn't exist among the elderly" Can I get a yikes. Does this man think that real people build relationships of of physical appearance? Does this person think physical attraction is some mystery that you can't figure out until you already have a stable relationship? Honestly. If you're not attracted to someone it's not just a physical problem. Separating physical attraction from the other types is not how attraction works. If you don't like someone then don't date them, there's usually a reason and it should not be this complicated.
Physical attraction and what constitutes it depends on the individual and that is highly subjective. For example I know a guy who likes big women. I certainly don't share his makeup in that area and anyone who he finds attractive I would find repulsive. I have known marriages where the physical attraction between the two was not super outstanding but they made the marriage work anyway. Not all people could do that. I am what I would refer to as a binary. Ive met some other people like me and we are a minority in the overall population. The attraction switch is either on or off for us. I don't care how great of a cook you are, how wonderful a potential mother you are\, how hard you work, etc..... If I don't find you attractive according to my standards (which are quite liberal by the way) I don't want to have sex with you. I would rather be watching a ballgame than faking intimacy with you. Us non binaries realizer that most people are not like us but non binary people can't seem to fathom that everyone own the world is not necessarily like them. Yes physical beauty fades but it fades across the board. A person starting out homely will generally look a lot worse of time also. Like would be a whole lot easier for me if I could have just "grown to be attraCTED someone" but by my 30's I figured out that it went going to happen. Thankfully I met a woman who was a wonderful Christian that I was really attracted to and I married her, .We've been having a great marriage for 18 years and I still find her hot!
He's contradicting himself. He's saying we should _not_ pursue someone who's not attractive to us, but then saying that we _should_ pursue someone IN HOPES that they DO become attractive to us. Pursuing someone as a friend is still pursuing someone. What if during the pursuing, the other person starts developing feelings for you but you still don't develop feelings for them in the long run? Then it would be like playing with the other person's emotions and life for your own experimentation. Don't waste your time or the other person's time with this nonsense.
unattractive people are not going get better looking either, I would like to start out with someone at least I have a physical attraction to and build it from there otherwise down the road you find yourself in a roommate marriage may get along but sexless.
You gotta have a healthy balance. If physical attraction is irrelevant, then God would have made us all amoebas who who reproduce asexually. All marriages have their challenges, whether you are Christian or not. Sometimes physical attraction/sexual stuff is the only thing that carries you both through the hard times. I'm not saying it's the ONLY or most important factor either, so don't misunderstand me.
If the man is sexually pure, then he should find her physically attractive, as long as she is sexually pure. If he does not find her physically attractive, and she has been pursuing purity, then the girl should look elsewhere. Nowadays, I will tell you that I can look at most women and feel a tug of attraction for them, as a single guy. The ones I don’t find attractive usually have acne or some lower countenance about them, like lower or less happy mood, that makes me believe that they may have a relationship with someone else, so I don’t pursue them. If women are worried about their looks or that guys find them attractive, first, make sure you are seeking God and pursuing purity, and second, a pure man Will find you attractive, against his own will even! And you will find him attractive too. Pure women are beautiful-trust me-as are pure men. So you should be praying for someone like that. God created the physical as a subset of the spiritual. If the guy isn’t attracted to you physically, that’s a hardwired response and sign that you should take as a red flag to pray and look for someone else and wait on God. There may be special circumstances such as Chandler described with someone with cancer. It really does take a courageous and godly man to love someone he does not find attractive physically, but for how God has naturally made us, for most of us, I would not recommend Chandler’s advice here.
It’s sad that so many Christian men are so vain that they will write off an incredible godly woman for a woman who is pretty but whose character or spiritual strength is not admirable. It’s also crazy how women show much more grace towards men that aren’t considered attractive but men don’t want to show any grace towards women if they don’t meet his physical standard of beauty??? Wow the church is backwards
shan braz God gave women beauty and it is good. And beauty isn't that hard to achieve. Unless one is a burn victim or elephant woman they just need motivation and discipline. Lose the extra weight, get a reasonable make over, buy better clothes ....have some personal dignity! I see over weight girls sitting around complaining no one asks them out. Seriously decent looking but just fat. Get off your butt, stop complaining, put the frapp down and go for a run!!!! I see effeminate men with no courage sitting by themselves resenting the alpha males. They cover up their fear and impotence with fake holiness and self-righteous words. "Dude, stop being such a pathetic excuse of a man! "-- is what I want to say to these sad sacks!
All things being equal go for the prettier one. She says no, go for the next prettiest one---assuming they all have good character. Do you think an ugly wife is the only way God sanctifies a husband? What kind of monkery do you believe in? Bro, sexual attraction is NOT the most important thing but it is the FIRST thing. It's what brings us to the game. It's vital. It's God given. Read Song of Songs sometime. I find it funny that men who preach about holiness in marriage either have attractive wives or they have no wife at all and are pathetic socially awkward effeminate cowardly men covering up their regrets with fake advice on how to be holy like they are. No thanks. The guy with the hot wife is a hypocrite ( ah hum Paul Washer) or they are just pathetic.
That's an ABSOLUTELY FALSE STATEMENT. Women are just as shallow, in fact worse when it comes to looks. I am 5'9 and have been rejected by women (even so-called godly women) because of it.
I would never want a guy to date me if he does not find me attractive at all.
Same here. You need it to become physical with your spouse.
Same. Ain't going to last long and high chances are he'll cheat or sexually fantasize about someone else.
Hey arbre tree, that alone makes you beautiful,walk away from ignorant evil. Simple to do beautiful.
That attractiveness is the Holy Spirit working on us. I DON'T think this advice of putting yourself in the friend zone is good at all. If you know they're Godly and you are attracted to him/her then DO NOT intentionally make friends with them with the hope of it becoming romantic. I say go for it right away. If rejection happens, it is easier (not easy) to decide to be friends, with God's guidance.
@@paullavoie5542 Absolutely it is important for it to be more than physical attraction, but I don't think liking someone for their appearance is lust. Lust is a neglect of their personhood combined with intense, cultivated sexual desire. God gave us sex drives, and He called it good. Song of Songs is an example of a Godly enjoyment of beauty and sex, this is perfectly legitimate. That said, marriage should be Godly, and the person's should love Jesus. If God stays the number 1, that's the most important part.
My girlfriend, and hopefully soon to be spouse, didn’t catch my eyes at first. We spoke many months without a hint of attraction towards each other. But as we became friends, I just fell madly in love with her out of nowhere. And after 7 years of being together, I can’t get over her! I thank God everyday, and I hope to her marry within a few months time if He wills.
How would you know if He doesn't will it?
James 4:13-17 says that we shouldn’t say “I plan to do such and such,” for it is the Lord who wills if we even live that long to do such and such. So, I’m referring to Him willing if I live that long to marry whom I wish.
I don’t believe God wills for you to marry a specific person (just not an unbeliever 2nd Cor 6:14). 1 Cor 7:39 does that when a woman’s husband dies, that she is free to marry “whom she wills”, which suggests that God doesn’t intend for people in the church to marry a specific person in the church.
@@progodspeed2311 Well there goes the free will argument
@@2ndPigeon I don’t think any Christian thinker suggests that God is some sort of micro-manager. He gives us a conscience, as stated in Romans Ch 14, to make certain decisions on our own.
@@2ndPigeon I think the area of “free will” only applies in the soteriology dept... like if humans have the free will to choose God (or if God has to intervene to bring them to do it). But in the everyday Christian life, we make choices on our own (as long as the don’t violate God’s precepts).
"Godliness is sexy to godly people" SO TRUEEEE🙏👌💞
ikr
not for me....
how is godliness sexy? For me being a decent human being with a backbone is sexy.
@@Dancediva240i am not a Christian anymore, lol... maybe it's just that when someone else meet our standards it is sexy. Anything that we're looking for. Kinda logical
So true!
I like his advice on friendship first. That's what happened to me and my SO. He is shorter than me, so I didn't even consider him a candidate at first. But he was so loving and kind. He was such a good friend. One day, I had the sudden realization I had fallen in love with him. It was crazy. I had become incredibly attracted to him, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We went from him chasing me to me chasing him lol
I love your story cos that’s the best way to fall in love God bless you both.
As a shorter than average man, this is highly encouraging. God bless you 🙏🏼
There’s a shorter man than me that likes me and he is Godly man .. but I’m not physically attracted to him at all. And I have been praying for a Godly man. 2 prophets are telling me they see us together and God will be with us if we get to together. I’m so stuck. Maybe I’ll stay friends with him first
@@Lerr777 I will say, the height dif felt a little weird at first, since I’m 5 inches taller, but after like 3 months it stopped being weird to me, and now I’m too far gone it would be so weird to date a tall guy 😂 1000000% attracted to my fiancé including his height.
Maybe after getting to know the guy you’re talking about as friends in a group, you could try a casual date to see if there might be any romantic feelings.
@@annabelleland7318 😂 😂.. when you go short you never go back lol. I’ll try that casual date. Sigh! Was even getting abit angry with God, like why would you send me someone I’m not even attracted to, but I told myself to shut up cause who am I to even get angry with God, if his indeed from God I’ll go with it.
As a Godly man who's been married for 23 years, and is the father of two daughters, I think this advice is absolutely right. Attraction, in the physical or sexual sense, is so fickle and generally very temporary. Attraction must be fueled by something deeper in order for it to last. To have a partner or spouse who loves the Lord like you do is worth searching for. Don't try to fool yourself into think you're attracted to them. If you're not, you're not. Don't pretend or you'll end up hurting both of you. But give it a chance. Love blooms in more unlikely places than this. Be patient and follow the Lord.
But you said “give it a chance”
So when you met your wife you weren’t attracted to her physically at all?
I doubt that. But I get what your trying to say. I just disagree. Girls and guys can both have standards that they want in a spouse. And to want to be able to not lie when you say they are beautiful (see Songs of Solomon) is not wrong. In fact I think it is in line with scripture.
@@mscottster444 yes, I found her attractive. My primary hesitation was that she wasn’t my “type.” Once I moved beyond that surface limitation, I found that I actually WAS attracted to her. And I think that we can be attracted to a wider range of people than we might suppose.
But if you find the other person strongly off-putting for some reason, it might take a little Godly intervention to warn up those hearts. 😀❤️
@@DavidMontgomery1 well you said you found her attractive initially. The means (I think) you noticed her without having to force yourself. Congratulations man!
I’m just saying if I don’t think a girl is beautiful physically I’m not asking her out and potentially leading her on. I’ll be her friend, but I’m not asking her out. If you get want I mean.
But I know it’s not ultimate and eventually looks fade, so it is not the most important thing, but if it’s not there I’m not gonna pursue someone and I don’t think it’s wrong or a sin to be the same way as me. Or you can be different either way! 👍
@@mscottster444 "I’m just saying if I don’t think a girl is beautiful physically I’m not asking her out and potentially leading her on. I’ll be her friend, but I’m not asking her out. If you get want I mean. "
This is the reason why I like to get men's opinions on this topic - you fellas are more authentic and honest.
You don't (for the most part) subscribe to this let the attraction grow school of thought, which essentially is very selfish, because you are giving the person false hope that you wanna see them more, when actually you're just trying to gauge if you will wanna jump their bones by the nth date. Very self-serving and totally against how the lord would want you to treat ppl I would think.
Attraction, in the physical or sexual sense, is so fickle and generally very temporary.
Why do so many ppl assume just because we say attraction is important, that that's ALL we value in a person? We also want someone who is a decent human being.
I’m not dating or marrying a man I’m not attracted to. Come on, we have to have eyes inky for this person as long as we both are alive. No, good looks don’t trump godliness but why put ourselves in a position where we have to fight to be attracted to our spouse?
So what if you marry a Physically handsome man, and two years later he is invoved in car accident that leaves him severely disfigured, what will you do? where will get the attraction from?
secondly how do you measure physical attraction? where do your standards comr from? Are you thinking of a tall, muscular man with brown eyes and beautiful lips? if yes, how did your preferences come to be that way? from society or from you ineherent self? no matter your answer, i suggest that christians have been largely and unduly influenced by worldly standards of beauty, that we subconsciously regard certain characteristics to be beautiful because society forces us to. Remeber zachaeus in the Bible? He was a very short man who most women today won't find attractive, but if these women personally witnessed Jesus dine with Zachaeus, they will most probably immediately find zachaeus attractive and choose him amongst other men for marriage simply because of Jesus' encounter with him.
My point is not that physical attraction is not important, but that christians need to review what they consider physical attraction with utmost scrutiny.
Question: what if Jesus appeared to you and tod you that a blind man named ________ will be the best husband for you and that you had the choice to marry any other man though your experience with other men will not be as great as withthe blind man. WILL BLINDNESS BECOME ATTRACTIVE?
@@jasontabifor75 I was about to say the same thing.
jason tabifor Amen amen amen!
@@KekeMoloto Amen sister! Just visited your channel and subscribed!! It's so great! And I'm so blessed to know you! So whether you like it or not I hereby declare you my new sister in Christ 😂😂😂😂 (kidding)
There's also a Facebook page and UA-cam channel where you can find me in case you were going to ask 😁
jason tabifor hahaha lovely to e-meet you my newfound brother in Christ 😁🙌🏾. Thank you for the awesome feedback re my channel. I welcome you with open arms 🤗. Yes, do let me know where I can find your UA-cam and Facebook pages. God bless you!
That person you are looking or hoping for does NOT have to be a beauty queen or look like a Disney Prince BUT they should be attractive to YOU! Looks are not all that matters but we are human and were created this way for a reason. I hate when Christians try to be over spiritual and complicate things. Ofcourse they should be attractive to YOU! I see plenty of unattractive men and women every day but they dont look the same in my eyes as they do to someone who loves them and is attractive to THEM! I'm sure plenty of people think the same way about my husband and I but we are attracted to each other so who cares. I would never marry someone if I'm not attracted to them. And yes looks do fade. That's when we have a convo about unconditional love but you have to be attracted to the person first. Duh.
AMEN SISTER
My thoughts exactly
Thanks for your answer I was looking for one because I felt guilty about having a preference but after reading your comment and listening to the video I don’t have to feel that way anymore
I am a guy that loves your answer. It’s not ultimate but I like you won’t ask a girl to marry me if I’m not physically attracted to them. I don’t give many girls a chance because their not attractive physically to me. But, I will add that if I was still struggling with Porn that might have been the problem but I haven’t in 7 months so I don’t think it applies to me anymore. If the girls I never even give a chance get married I think it should be to a guy that is physical attracted to them at first. If that makes me shallow I’m shallow and I don’t care.
In Songs of Songs the guy tell the woman she’s beautiful. If he doesn’t think your beautiful I’d look for someone else.
Agree with you. 💪
amen
Godliness is the sexiest quality to be found in a lady.
youre having sex with the body not her godliness
Jane Erstić No, one has sex with a person, not just a body.
Oke if you're into that dude.
The term "sexy" is best not used, because it's in line with objectifying the person.
The fruits of the spirit are the only thing that can be attractive to me. Good looks without the prescience of god will burn out real quick. It’s like one of those good looking bananas that are completely mush as soon as u peel them back
I completely agree with this advice. Neither my wife nor I were attracted to one another when we met or for a good while after that. We became good friends due to our shared spiritual "wavelength" and godliness. As we developed our friendship with no expectations or desires of a romantic relationship, the romantic desire developed naturally.
A time came while dating when I decided she was the one and that I would forsake all others. My attraction to her has grown exponentially since then. Now, 9 years later (happily married for 7 of those), we are still enthralled with one another!
I would say that most people are like you. There are those of us who I would call binaries. The attraction switch is either on or off and nothing can change that. Binaries know that there are other people not like them. Non binaries assume that the whole world is non binary.
I think attraction is very important in someone you want to marry, but i also think that attraction definitely can be found in more than just the physiology. A man in which arms children feel comfortable, a man who can make you laugh your heart out, a man who is not afraid of telling you the truth, a man who stands to his word. That is something. Go and find that in the fitness hall! It's more likely that you will find that kind of a man at sunday in the church listening to what God says to him.
If God want to pair two of you up, then He'll make this person attractive to you.
I think so too
Amen!!
No !!!! That’s not how it works. God does not pair people up.
Pak Ng where is free will in your comment and also if it doesn’t work out do they blame God?
@@kevinwilson3337 Of course he does. He knows everything in advance.
The answer to this question is no. And the idea that you're gonna be friends with a girl you don't find attractive and hope that something might develop through friendship is a completely unrealistic expectation. So I don't really like Chandler's answer here. I would say sure, be friends with that person, if that's something you'd like to do. But don't expect anything romantic to come about through friendship. The point is, God is going to bring you together with someone you ARE attracted to physically. The simple fact is being physically attracted to someone is a completely legitimate motivator. There has to be more, spiritually, but it does often start there. And we aren't going to be able to overspiritualize a situation by saying well if shes godly it doesnt matter. No, honestly, it still does matter. You may not like that, but it does.
If you were togther until you both are a 100 or more. Would you still find that person attractive?
Thank you for such an honest and great answer!
@@beckyjones3578 yes you would. You would remember how beautiful she was when you first met her and how her beauty evolved over the years but the attraction - even if you dont feel like having sex on the kitchen table anymore like horny jackrabbits - will still be there. In some way.
Imagine if I introduced you to someone you dont find attractive NOW and said when you're 100 you wont find him attractive anymore, would you accept this person whole-heartedly thinking it's gonna fade anyway so might as well date this ugly guy?
My friends and I did this when we were younger; cultivated plutonic friendships over the years with women who we hoped, would evolve into a romantic situation later. What happened in 98% of these cases was, the women considered us their best friends, “loved us like a brother” and dated other men and eventually married away. Once you’re placed in the so-called “friend zone”, it’s nearly impossible to get out. So I no longer pursue plutonic friendships like this video promotes.
I know that there are many teenagers in the church who agonize over and get scared about this issue... thank you for this message.
How about pursuing friendship with her in the hopes of just being a friend to her 🤷🏽♀️ I don't mean any disrespect, but I don't see why the pursuit of friendship has to include a "hope that feelings will grow into something more"
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
Thank God that I got a husband like Jesus.
Does your husband tell slaves to obey their masters and does he bring a sword during arguments?
@@2ndPigeon Read the Bible with open heart and mind
@@kathesnobbycat4586 That's what the Muslims tell me about the Qur'an as well.
@@2ndPigeon Uhh, with Quran debunking go to Acts17Apologetics or Apostate Prophet. With the Bible, it's probably in your house somewhere.
@@kathesnobbycat4586 You want some bible debunking website as well? I can give you the first 20 Google hits if you want.
Thank you for allowing God to speak through you.
Really helpful stuff, thank you Matt
Thank you Pastor Chandler for this response! It doesn't have to be all or nothing. A godly woman would make a great non-romantic friend, and who knows, maybe later, the tastes may change and there could be a relationship.
The Elvensong this is Matt chandler
@@bethestandardallday Thanks for the correction!
Looks are not everything,
But without looks, there's nothing else
As long as she is attractive to me… It would actually be awesome to date a girl that I thought was ridiculously hot yet the rest of the world that was ugly so I never had to worry about guys trying to steal her ha ha. But seriously, beauty is in the eye of the
beholder... Outside of that, I would not recommend dating someone who you are not physically attracted to otherwise. They are going to figure it out, and it will just result in heartache.
You guys are doing a really good job.
maybe not everybody it's ready to hear those wise tips and thats ok, God will make clear for those who seek to please him.
But i'm impressed how spiritual it's those advices.
God Bless all you guys!
I'd argue spiritual advice is no advice at all
@@2ndPigeon Jesus is Lord.
@@alexdionisio9360 Because a book says so?
@@2ndPigeon It's more than just a book.
@@alexdionisio9360 I guess you're right. It's written by superstitious people in more ignorant times.
Can't say that about many books.
"Just stay in proximity, grow in your friendship and let's hope something grows from there." That sums up his answer. The first two are a good idea, but I'm not sure you must hope something grows from there. Just serve the Lord and have fun. And IF something grows from there: nice. If not: no problem.
But please do NOT date her. She might fall in love with you and when it doesn't work out for you after 3 to 4 dates and you decide to not continue on this dating path, she may have attached to you already and get her feelings hurt big time. Because if she really isn't that beautiful (but beauty IS in the eye of the beholder!), she might not be used to romantic attention and read too much into it.
So always make sure you meet her in groups and not alone. You already like her as a sister in Christ and maybe also as a friend. So enjoy that, without tainting it with something that might never be. If you in this situation find you do not want to be without her anymore, then love has grown.
Personaly, I love my spouse. The person. I loved the body for the person that was in there, that I could reach through the body. But hey, we were best friends first. It just developed from there and we learned to overlook little beauty 'mistakes'. They were futile in comparison to the vast beauty of the soul we saw.
Another thought: some girls are not taught to look well, or even discouraged so they might not become vain. Have you ever seen make-over programmes? That beautiful swan was in there all along, hiding under a bad haircut, lumpy clothes, colors that don't fit her complexion, a wrong understanding of the basics of make-up, and ugly glasses. Such things can be helped and taught well. Maybe some women, who are more mature in taking care of their outer parts, could take her under their wings for a bit, to help the transformation. All women like to feel they are beautiful. And if they feel they are not, all such women do hurt from that on the inside, feeding their insecurity and sometimes resulting in an outward appearance of 'tan'. Getting her the help to escape from that, is a gentle thing to do. Be sure it is anonymous.
If all of the above do not help you fall in love with her, you probably are meant to be someone else's husband.
ALWAYS ask your Heavenly Father to give you the spouse He thinks fits. Just entrust this aspect of your being into His capable care and continue to serve Him. In his time He will make it happen. And if not, not all people marry. But in Him you already live a fulfilling life. The apostle Paul was glad He was single, because in this way he could concentrate on the work God gave him to do. And Paul also advised people to stay single like him, although he didn't forbid marriage. That's quite a different look on things.
If you do not know where in the Bible these things are mentioned, than just read your Bible. Hint: New Testament. If you cannot be bothered to find it through reading, I doubt you are godly enough for any godly girl.
Garden Joy Solid godly wisdom. Thank you for sharing!
how do u have time to write all this
@@my2moneypits Some people actually care and love to serve others with the knowledge they have achieved.
You might want to try it :)
The ending was epic 😂
Thank you, very pleasing to read.
W comment
Marrying a woman you are not attracted to could cause future problems within the marriage, even if they are Godly. Marry a Godly woman that you find attractive my people
I dated a girl I didn’t find attractive at first, and we almost got engaged. So if you think physical attraction isn’t an idolatry, think again. I didn’t find her attractive at first because of outward looks, but my view on attraction I can say has changed. I swore that we weren’t going to go past the first two dates, but once I got to know her I fell in love with her. Unfortunately it didn’t work out and she broke up with me/but in a mutual way of agreeing that there were important reasons that would keep us from pursuing marriage, but it was a good lesson nonetheless for me in learning for my first time dating what biblical romantic love apart from marriage looks like. I get it, it’s scary to date someone who you don’t find attractive physically, I’ve been there a 100% in experience. I almost broke up with her within the first few months because I didn’t want to hurt her by ending it too far in because of doubt.
Love does grow beyond looks, my relationship/experience with her is living proof of that. I was blind to true biblical romantic love because of what my eyes saw rather than looking at the important things.
Having that said I do believe that it’s preferable that you don’t date somebody who your not attracted too, BUT ...also be aware that your attraction may be blind and you might be missing out on someone very special. So don’t not date someone either just because they aren't up to your standards. I get that there is a limit as some attraction is important, but don't be afraid to lower the bar for your expectations/standards.
Now I’m wishing we were still together, because I love her. I wish I didn’t overthink attraction. People can actually change their physical appearance and you can discuss that in a Godly way with your wife/husband in marriage if you’re worried about attraction. Though be sure to guard against it being an idol.
Great comment!
Thanks! I hope it gives some clarity to people struggling with this topic, and I hope it stirs up mediation on considering the important things.
Ben I respect you bro👊
Wow, impressive!
I guess I should lower my standards too.
If we can trust God & go to Him for our daily needs, why is it then that we give Him walking papers when it comes to finding someone to love? Are you honestly gonna tell me you don't think God knows what attracts you? HAHA! I'm quite certain He knows more about what you like than YOU do!
WORSHIP HIM, PRAY FOR YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE, & …
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! - Psalm 27:14
charles butts And in that faith a man goes out and looks for it. He doesn't sit in his cowardice and expect God to make the phone ring. God won't hand a man a wife on a silver platter.
Men are to be conquerors, leaders, bold. For a real Godly woman anything less just won't do!
@@YTTraveler777 In reality, your deity won't hand a man anything... that's why people always have to get things done themselves.
Only, we see people starving, suffering, going without things they need all the time and all over the world. Your deity isn't reliable.
@@michaelbedsole970 You just don't know that without Him allowing your heart to beat, your eye-finger coordination, providing you your gadgets, you won't be typing those comments at all. All good things come from Him.
And the misery you see? It's because of sin, the curse of sin that is in this world. But did God fail? No. Because HE HAS been working to rid of this world sin to make a new one with perfect righteousness in it, thus a land of no more sorrow nor tears. The question is, will you join Him.
@@animaticToshiue Doesn't logically follow. A deity with absolute power, omnipotence, is therefore responsible for everything that happens... good or bad.
This is off tiopic, but i am starting to really get into apologetics, im a christian btw. Does anyone know where I could potentially go to train in this area? I dont really know anything on the subject but thought this might be an alright place to ask about it.
ImOvercharged CARM.com or .org, but also there are good guys to watch on here, James White, Jeff Durbin, there are many books you could buy, Van Til is someone ive heard of, and also Greg Bahnsen is someone ive heard of as well, i think all these people do presuppositional apologetics so have fun studying apologetics for the glory of God!
Veritas evangelical seminary
Get Covenental Apologetics by K. Scott Oliphant. I've had a burning passion for it too in the last 2 years I'm 19 now and presuppositional ( Or Covenantal apologetics) has helped a lot in university. I believe its the most God honouring and encouraging method of defending the faith.
I also enjoy watching a lot of debates too which feature Dr James White, he's a great God-honouring debater.
ImOvercharged ua-cam.com/users/rzimmedia
There is a Reformed Presuppositional Apologetics group on Facebook that is solid. You should read "Always Ready" by Greg Bahnsen, "Ultimate Proof of Creation" by Dr. Jason Lisle, and then once you're more comfortable with presuppositional apologetics, you can move on to Van Til.
fantastic answer
If the attraction isn’t there from the beginning (from both players) it will never happen. There may be some rare exceptions to that rule but these are exceptions and highly circumstantial. Don’t waste your time befriending someone in hopes they eventually come around. It will always end in heartache and disappointment.
Character and Godliness always wins.
Very good message. However, just one question. Three (3) times the speaker used the word “young”. Why do most married people assume that all singles are “young”? There are some us that have been serving God loyally for decades & praying for a Godly spouse all that time, yet are still single ...single NOT by choice.
Dating someone whom youre not attracted to is like saying, i dont have a choice and lying to yourself. This is not Gods best. Just be friends. Gf/bf may not last but friendships do.
Bluntly, no. Not everyone who fears God is a good partner for you specifically.
I think it's about personality,strong Chrisitian Charactor,and a strong faith in God with each other more then anything. Looks fade away as you age. And looks can fade also is you get deathly sick! A real Chrisitan life together is what really matters!
Hey I can’t find a biblical answer anywhere for this topic, so I’ll leave it in the comments in hopes of finding wisdom. The woman I want to propose to has had a skin deep attraction her whole life. She envisioned herself married to a specific race of people, and the majority of her sexual ventures before she was saved was with this group. She assures me that I am better than this attraction because of how Christ uses me, and that I have redefined her attraction. but I’m still concerned about where her heart may be. I believe she is God sent, but I am still afraid at times and the enemy uses it against me frequently. What can I do?
Hey dude! Maybe the best for you is to ask this question to a pastor or a person who's planted in the Bible and know your situation, because answering you without knowing you and the girl personally can be dangerous :/
Many times I think men are not usually attracted to women because they tend to be overweight. Again, not always the case but that’s usually the case. This overweight is usually caused by poor will power when it comes to eating as well as a lack of exercise. I believe that if someone who loves and pursues God, they will automatically try and take of their bodies because the bible says that our bodies are temples of the holy spirit. So if someone doesn’t care about their nutrition and physical activity, do they really love God?
Johnny Cash I don't know what to believe about your statement, but I'd like to hold it as true. I recently got proposed to by a rather over-weight brother from church, I am an athlete nd model, dancer etc by profession. He was everything I looked for in a man, but rather got larger and larger every time I saw him, I started feeling that in no way would God want us to let ourselves go, not to this extent. My friends thought he was 34 when in fact he is 24 with a dad bod, and no intention to change. I had to let it go, it harmed me mentally, I was beginning to feel as though I was over weight nd just had to let myself go. If he is 24 and looks 34, how old will he look at 30? Maybe he wanted a Christian trophy to boost he's ego, I won't speak for him, but rather a person who won't let themselves go
True but there's also the internal struggle that we don't see.....pornography addiction amongst men. And a self-righteous attitude even with a beautiful physique. We Christians will fail in some area.
@@lpl433 Which is understandable, but when pursing a Godly woman who cherishes the temple God has give her control over, this Godly man needs to submit to the Holy Spirit and take care of His physical body! We cannot do the work of the kingdom if we are physically unhealthy, it is unfortunately a topic that is normalized in the church..well that and gluttony (acceptable sin). We need to think about how our bad eating habits and wellness can affect our generations, our children and our community! The world is waiting to see Daniels in the face of worldly food standards!
This is an over simplified view...people are overweight for other easons. If you don't find fat people attractive just say that...and don't make it a " they must not love god enough issue" . Sounds like your trying to justify something
That's true what he said about placement. Sometimes, actually we put the physics first. And we can do it or think this way cuz to be honest, even the Bible shows it. Like, (before Jesus arrival of course) there are SO MANY, SO MANY places in the bible where they say things like: he saw that she was beautiful and took her as his wife...; she was beautiful and he wanted to marry her...
So it is really predictable that we're gonna react to those verses this way. That we're gonna associate love with beauty, marriage with passion, marriage with beauty and so on.. many of the marriages in the bible begin with the fact that they're beautiful or attractive. So we start thinking " wow, is the physical all what matters to God?", " Is godly love only about physical beauty?"..
But we must remember that most of those marriages didn't include God, but our own desires. Examples of marriages arranged by God in the Bible are: Rebekah and Isaac *we have to remember that Abraham's servant prayed before Rebekah came near him. And yeah, Isaac do says that Rebekah is a very beautiful woman later, of course but yet he didn't choose her. Or maybe he didn't even looked at her visual at first. They don't mention it at least. All Isaac did was submitting to God's choice. He just really cared about what Abraham's (another man following God) servant said about his father's command and the prayer story. It only says "and she became his wife; and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.". And this marriage was so what I call of "god-given", that even the moment when they met each other officially for the first time was supposed to be a spiritual moment! Since he pretended to meditate or to pray if I remember well. Man, this is really God revealing his presence, his glory or his acceptance, we can say, for those ones.
And and...we gotta remember this one: Boaz and Ruth (there is LITERALLY no part, no point where they mention how they saw each other's physical at all, what they said was...watch out this is such a good thing to remind, they said that they had found *Favor*!) *we must remember that Ruth was beginning her walk with God and that Boaz was such an example of godly man that no matter what he kept treating her with all the kindness in the world because he had saw her *character and current faith in our ALMIGHTY GOD❤🙏
And, to finish, they are there, all of them, in the genealogy of the Messiah 🤧💗
Of course there are other couples arranged by God in the Bible, but I just wanted to point these ones out. And first of all of course, our dear Adam and Eve, my brothers and sisters! I find no part where they say that they were physically attracted or at least pleased with the physics of each other. It only mentions that they had relations since they were husband and wife. So, maybe at the end there isn't a RULE or a LAW saying that couples gotta have this attraction, or that they shouldn't. I just really love how creative our God is, because He is THE ALMIGHTY and His plans are so mind-blowing that sometimes we can't even understand it, neither fully know how He makes things work out. So, whatever are the means that God uses to make this amazing and wonderful thing which is marriage work let's just "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6🙏
May God bless you, child of God who read until here💕May God be with us! Amen!
I totally agree with the former part of his encouragement: learn how to maintain godly, healthy, and fruitful friendships with the opposite sex. In the kingdom of God, men and women need to learn from each other and work together for His glory and for our own edification. But I'm not sure I agree with the latter part of his encouragement to seek close proximity and hope that the friendship will become something more. It isn't necessary. Paul encouraged singles to stay single and focus on the mission of Christ. And it's easier to do this in safe friendships with the opposite sex where no expectations of anything more are present. Those are often the biggest blessings too.
If God catches you by surprise and you end up falling for the person you weren't initially attracted to, now THAT would be wonderful. And totally organic.
I get what he's saying but I'm just not fond of the added, unnecessary hopeful intent.
Aijeleth Lee
The whole bottom half of your comment is as neutered as it would encourage Christians to become. What makes you think we need to try and "fix" our natural sexuality with doctrine?
In the book of Timothy it say to treat young women as sisters and older women as mothers. Why would Paul give this advice to a young man if it wasn't the Godly thing to do? In this way we destroy Lust.
This is such an easy question to answer. There are so many godly women out there who you probably do find attractive, so why force yourself to someone whom you don't find attractive? I would feel so sorry for that poor woman.
I’m looking for a godly man who I am physically attracted to.
What does godly even mean?
@@2ndPigeon very good question. Somebody pls enlighten me lol. What is godly? I pray everyday too but sometimes because I want God to know how mad at him I am. Does that make me godly?
@@Dancediva240 AI honestly don't think it means anything. Just another religious platitude like spiritual or holy.
@@Dancediva240 you try to follow Jesus. So try to attend church, not to lust, not to listen to explicit music, etc
I can’t imagine asking a girl out on a date with out physical attraction. I know it’s not all about physical attraction. But if you are physical attractive to her, it will always be easier to oversee her mistakes and will be easier to forgive her. And of corse women age, But men fade just as quick as women. So that’s a growing process together. Today I really regret that I didn’t accept that one most beautiful girl I have ever see, just because preachers said the might not be the most spiritual girl n the group, Even tho she was a Christian. Later there was that very nice behaving Christian girl, I was trying to get some feelings for her. And she noticed after some time, even tho I didn’t flirt at her. She became exited about it and was hoping I would ask her out for a date and move on. But I just never couldn’t do it, I just wasn’t feeling anything for her. I know she is a great Christian lady but I would be fake to her if I ask her out. I don’t like to look back in live but I do regret some things. After becoming a bit more mature I realizeD so many things. I’m asking God for a nice looking girl and obviously spiritual as well To match up with spiritual live goals.
A very honest sincere and genuine post.
Everyone is always trying to make everything sexy, including godliness but Godliness is not meant to be sexy it's meant to be beautiful and pure ❤♥️💋 but however when you find someone attractive, it seems like everything about them is sexy to you. The way they chew, the way they pick their teeth, or the way they yell when they get angry. But regardless of what it is that you find attractive about someone its mostly just lust and craving sexual attention
Good advice I guess, but it's not as simple. The best advice would be to just look out for someone you actually feel a bit of attraction and is also a devoted christian. Then get to know this person and see if you two are actually spiritually, mentally and physically compatible. I've seen so many odd female/male friendships in the church where it's always this vague we're just friends yet there's flirting going around but we're not really couple type thing and in a lot of the times it doesn't end up well. I think you should just be honest with yourself and with your intentions and just go for that.
I'm not sure I agree with this answer. It sounds kind of weird. Also, the Word doesn't say man & wife become mingled souls; it says man & woman become ONE FLESH. Where's Pastor John?!?
yeah i hated this answer. don't worry about attraction and hope it comes later?! that sounds like you're setting yourself up for disaster
Dwayne Mcdowell hiya! Oh my gosh absolutely. That physical spark is really important. And imagine if I was dating a guy & found out he never thought I was pretty! Kind of hurtful! Better for him to just love me as a sister & not kid himself. I think that if you're in the Word of God daily and are living by the Spirit, then you can trust that your regenerate self will be attracted to the right things (testing everything by the Scriptures of course); and if you find a brother/sister in Christ who you're attracted to & who loves the Lord, then go for it!
Just letting you know, don't expect friendships to grow.
I call it a "recreation date" and it's not what God wants for and from us! That s why we must read and study the bible all the time, that is the light for our eyes and safe ground for our feet. Our hearts are absolutely deceiving, God s will comes first but we need to battle wrong feelings, the concupiscences of our flesh, eyes and soul! The world has millions of distractions that please our ego but not the Lord. When we understand that it's God s will, God s timing and God s way then we don't feel the heaviness on our shoulders...A life in constant prayer, many times a day and stay on alert when the Lord "talk" to us!
Physical attraction alone isn't a good enough reason. By itself it's not strong enough for a relationship. But it also can't be left out when you admire and enjoy the character and personality of a fruitful sister.
I want us to be both attracted to each other and heck as a Christian couple when we get to Heaven our looks won’t fade then 😂
It won't matter in heaven. There are no married couples in heaven
@@User_Happy35 True. But after the 1000 years are over and the city is brought down to the New Earth? The Bible is silent in this area. If there are God ordained Biblical couples that will be saved, why not the rest of humanity?
Ya it seems deceptive. according to I kissed dating dating goodbye" dating without the intention of getting married is a waste of time. " Friends with the hope of more? John c Maxwell talks about living with intentionally. Things happen in your brain when you see someone your attracted too it's not just the culture. I'm intentionally allowing myself to get sideswiped by someone who is persuing my friend that would hurt. Like intentionally putting a loaded gun pionted at your foot.
At least you said "it's not a good idea" because there is a slippery slope with that.
Decide whether you have a future with her. Neither attraction nor godliness is enough for a marriage (We have been married for over 50 years!) Think of the song "Believe me, if all those endearing young charms." It makes the point very well.
A guy told me that we cannot expect God to give an ordinary person extradinary things. Some people are like pigeons and some like eagles. We see pigeons and say, wow they are so ordinary and common why did God make so many. But we should not look down on them because God made them for his purposes, but then we have extraordinary people who shine brightly and are fearless a mighty image of God’s power and grace. The eagle. If you think that the Eagle means a physically beautiful person you’ve missed the point. If you are an Eagle do not be upset that you can’t hang out with pigeon, just because someone can’t appreciate who you are on the inside. Jesus’ loves you, take care.
Imagine being honest with a godly woman and telling her: "I have no physical or sexual attraction to you but you're godly so I want to date you." What kind of idiot would marry that guy?
A religious person
@@2ndPigeon heheheheheheheheh
But what if the attraction falls away later when they aren’t as close to God as they use to be?
Beth Stewart
You can't put "but what if" on your plate.
Beth, that is a good question that needs an answer. I’m sorry I don’t have an answer.
what does what you said even mean??
I was not physically to my wife and i still have trouble finding her physically attractive but i would not trade her for the most beautiful woman in the world because i love my wife so much that a woman of such beauty couldn't even begin to compare with how amazing my wife is and i would be sick and horrified by a relationship with any other woman no matter how beautiful they are.
I was not physically to my wife and i still have trouble finding her physically attractive but...
Your wife, after reading this line, will not care about a single word that comes after BUT.
How about asking the Holy Spirit if that is the person you will marry ? Save yourself a lot of time wasted in dating someone not Gods will for you. Jesus only did what the father did .. try that kind of Christianity. Instead of basing everything on whether your flesh is getting righteousness from someone’s beauty which is really just why you find him /her attractive) why don’t you first ask God is this the one .. and then allow yourself to get attracted to who now is the one you’re going to marry because you’ve heard God.
This is why the world can’t stand christians we are just as carnal as they are.. Led by the lust for beauty instead of the Holy Spirit.
If this was my podcast I’d say ‘become a real Christian and start being led by the Holy Spirit not the lust of your eyes or lack thereof’.. seriously people it’s called Christ-ianity for a reason be like Christ.
2015?
This topic is still relevant. So they reuploaded it. They get a lot of people asking the same questions on topics that have been covered before and sometimes a previous answer to a topic is sufficient and not needing a "new" response. That's why they re-upload videos.
I do believe that there is no universal answer for this. Everyone 's story is different.
I met a girl years ago on a dating site, we had Tons in common and she knew God. I couldn't see a good picture of her for the first week or two, but I was really into her, she was saving sex for marriage and everything. Then when I did see her I just wasn't into her at all.. She was a woman but she had a very masculine figure and face and a huge Frankenstein monster forehead.
It was really sad.
It worked out for her in the end though, spotted her on facebook, she's married with a baby now.
Yea i didn't leave satisfied with this answer. I've tried teaching myself to be attracted to a girl, it doesn't work for guys.
Sounds like Catfished to me😂😂😂😂😂
s s lmao 😂
Look good from afar, but far from looking good?
I'm a single guy, I think a lot of girls would like me. So far I've seen that I either immediately love your character and looks or I don't. I pray Christ guides me to whoever He wants for me, if He has someone in mind. Always in His time
Get to know everybody as brothers and sisters in Christ.if nothing else you gain a friendship and could be blessed by it.If something blossoms into something else then embrace it but stop seeing people as potential partners and not worthy if they don't look to be the one.Also stop grading people according to how attractive they are.Looks fade but a beautiful soul is always worth more and makes someone beautiful.
Is this John piper?
🔥🔥🔥
Is this pastor seventhday Adventist
I think attraction is important, godliness is attractive. The reason I would approach at first is because of the externals generally modest clothes and overall attractiveness. No doubt the Holy Spirit will change us.
3:50 and on are 🔥🔥🔥
"God created them male and female, for this reason a man will leave his home and be joined to his wife", the point of this is that the reason a man will leave is because he is attracted to a woman due to her nature as a woman. So physical attraction is definitely important. Being Godly is definitely important as well. To say that we should pursue the most Godly woman in hopes of physical attraction later would be tricky because of the fact that the symbol of the first marriage, Adam and Eve, was that Eve was from the same substance as Adam. So look for somebody who is similar to you. I've dated very Godly women before, and they began to drive me insane because we weren't similar in personalities. Due to this, I thought that it was wrong of me that I no longer liked them romantically because of how Godly they were. However, the Godliness or faith of a woman is not the only reason a man will leave his household and be joined to his wife.
The introduction really confused me.
If you find a real christian woman you better get attracted to her, I'm not sure how many if any I have met that even know one thing that the bible says about how they should conduct themselves, but they can tell you how you need to be unrealistically and non biblically. You have found a treasure.
1st Tim 5:1 and 2; " Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers and the younger as sisters, with all purity. We are brothers and sisters in Christ and are not friends but family. We are called to marry and not date. Because of the Pagan culture that we are inundated with daily through media of all sorts we have come to believe dating is necessary in order to get married but it is not.
This is very helpful for me as a single man contemplating marriage. I would not be attracted to a woman with tattoos or body piercings (besides earrings). I find that very trashy.
help us Lord to love and appreciate that which is within more than that which is without
I’m not sure if a Godly woman is sexy but it’s attractive to a Godly person!
Let love be genuine and mutual
The word date is rather a slang
Expression derived from usa
Also the word woo could be rather a romantic expression!
I have no idea what you're trying to say
absolutely not
Because the men better damn well get what they want am I right?
Matt Chandler? I thought this was John Piper! I have very little respect for Mr Chandler’s view of this topic. I don’t mean to offend but his ideas could seriously injure someone when he could be advocating a people set apart for God and he should preach the truth at all cost. First of all, when we allow ourselves to get involved in a relationship with someone we will never marry, we are giving ourselves away. Give a little here and a little there and see what sticks? God have mercy, no! I’d rather die single than live wishing I were single because I didn’t keep my vessel in purity or hadn’t kept my heart for the woman God prepares for me. Romantic relationships are vain and superficial, built on trying to construct a relationship that isn’t consistent with the behavior or character of the people involved in the relationship. On the other hand, one of the best parts of the classic, “Fidler on the Roof” is the part when the Mamma and Papa finally realize they actually love each other after twenty-five years of marriage. Love is not an emotion, not the sense of love that holds a relationship together anyways. Not the kind of love that keeps a heart single towards the wife of his youth. To borrow words from Voddie Baucham, “Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of the object.” God taught me this in principle a while before I heard this specific description but thank-you Voddie for so eloquently phrasing it!
Here in Utah, dating is a rampant disease. It is possible for Christians to have diseases but come now, don’t ever encourage unhealthy relationships. We can’t do well to sample a little of one person and jump to the next and jump to the next. No. What Paul Washer preaches on this particular subject is almost right on: I think I recall that when someone says he is dating a girl, Mr Washer asks what makes the young man believe that this is the woman he should marry. "Recreational dating", dating to pick out a spouse, or even dating someone you are certain you will marry is very dangerous and foolhardy, for the state of the heart, if nothing else. I have heard many stories where people wait on God and He guides them, and many who break His principles and must reap consequences of that. Don’t offer the sacrifice of your life on the altar to self or any other god which heathen do serve, including the altar of a woman God intended to be another man's wife. Wait to lay your life down for a woman and presently ensuing children until the appointed time. Remember Saul and the sacrifice he made in haste for he would not wait. Never hope a relationship will go somewhere it never should.
Yes, I site Paul Washer and Voddie Baucham, but God has shown us these principles before I knew who these fine men were. We homeschooled and homechurched -- talk about unsocialized! We interacted with adults more than children and saw firsthand the devastating effects of men and women listening to the counsel of the world. Even a relationship that has lasted decades which is built on the wrong foundation simply cannot glorify God the way he intended marriage to. I have much more to say but UA-cam is a rotten platform to critique from. I have said my piece and will pray the Holy Spirit convicts the children of God to honor Him in their relationships.
Kai Maxfield woooow
Wow is one of the best words to describe the feelings a person has about myriads of topics, yet one of the most meaningless words when facial expressions, tone of voice, and context are nearing insufficiency or completely lacking. I really don't know what to make of it sometimes. Maybe I've hit a home run or maybe you just absolutely think I'm nuts. Either way, thanks for the comment.
Come to think of it, maybe I am just absolutely nuts.
Kai Maxfield hahahaha well you make me google a lot of your words because English is not my first language, how long have you been in Christ!?
Oh, is that right? I apologize for the inconvenience that must be. It's a little complicated, but it has basically been eighteen years. I was about six when Mom and Dad first came to the Lord, and though I was baptized at seven, I don't know for sure when I received the Holy Spirit. I now believe that children should not be baptized until they are old enough to grasp the Gospel but oh well. I did eventually get baptized again after reaching my twenties and concluding that my baptism wasn't valid, and I'm 23 now. I am part of an unofficial homechurch and are seeking God about how He wants us to plan and live our lives.
How long have you known the Lord, and how long have you spoken English?
hi
hey
I have serious problems/issues with questions like this. It seems that people in the church are far too obsessed with mating! 1) I see NO biblical justification for dating. 2) why is the questioner so obsessed with dating that he/she would even consider doing such a thing?
This is insanity! I really believe people should focus more on pursuing GOD & then if/when HE decides that HE wants you to be married, HE will provide the person you'll be attracted to in every appropriate way.
What would you suggest as an alternative to dating then. Arranged marriage?
I would suggest stop treating The Church like a dating club! I swear most single people I see there are only coming to get matched up. Try an online dating service. The commitment rate is certainly no better & by that hedonistic question it's quite obvious that "a Godly girl" is simply a buzzword to hide the carnality!
Jake, I see a BIG problem in turning the church into a dating scene. I have no issues with meeting someone there to spend your life with. I have a lot of issues with going there for that purpose.
Tell me; since Jesus drove the money changers out of the temple for turning His Father's house into a den of thieves, imagine what He might do today if he walked into the local church and found a bunch of singles gathered to get their freak on? That's essentially what is going on in the church today. Divorce & extra-marital sex is higher among the churched than in any part of society. With all of these horny singles running around trying to pair up, how exactly do you make a valid argument against same sex marriage or teenagers wanting to 'hook up'?
We're gathered to WORSHIP OUR GOD! NOT find a date!
As for dating, check out what Paul Washer says on the matter. Bad things happen when a young man & young lady who are romantically inclined get alone together. If a person is truly interested in someone, spend time together in a group setting.
charles butts Be honest mate, you were burned by a lady you met at church, right?
As for Paul Washer, I watched that video too. A) guy has a super hot wife by anyone's standards.
B) He advised that dating was dangerous and sinful but than drscribed the time he spent with his wife before marrying her. That time spent was DATING but he just doesn't call it that! I love Paul Washer but the brother is often too holy for his own good.
Well this didn't age well seeing as how Matt Chandler is now embroiled in an inappropriate affair with another women. I didn't realize that his wife stuck with him through cancer. It somehow makes his betrayal of her even more horrible...
"Don't pursue a relationship with someone you're not attracted to just hang around a lot to see if the girl eventually piques your interest"
"Compatibility is important unless it's physical compatibility"
"Physical attraction doesn't exist among the elderly"
Can I get a yikes.
Does this man think that real people build relationships of of physical appearance?
Does this person think physical attraction is some mystery that you can't figure out until you already have a stable relationship?
Honestly.
If you're not attracted to someone it's not just a physical problem. Separating physical attraction from the other types is not how attraction works.
If you don't like someone then don't date them, there's usually a reason and it should not be this complicated.
Physical attraction and what constitutes it depends on the individual and that is highly subjective. For example I know a guy who likes big women. I certainly don't share his makeup in that area and anyone who he finds attractive I would find repulsive. I have known marriages where the physical attraction between the two was not super outstanding but they made the marriage work anyway. Not all people could do that. I am what I would refer to as a binary. Ive met some other people like me and we are a minority in the overall population. The attraction switch is either on or off for us. I don't care how great of a cook you are, how wonderful a potential mother you are\, how hard you work, etc..... If I don't find you attractive according to my standards (which are quite liberal by the way) I don't want to have sex with you. I would rather be watching a ballgame than faking intimacy with you. Us non binaries realizer that most people are not like us but non binary people can't seem to fathom that everyone own the world is not necessarily like them. Yes physical beauty fades but it fades across the board. A person starting out homely will generally look a lot worse of time also. Like would be a whole lot easier for me if I could have just "grown to be attraCTED someone" but by my 30's I figured out that it went going to happen. Thankfully I met a woman who was a wonderful Christian that I was really attracted to and I married her, .We've been having a great marriage for 18 years and I still find her hot!
I don’t think he should because she might fall for him regardless
I don’t think boys and girls should be friends
He's contradicting himself. He's saying we should _not_ pursue someone who's not attractive to us, but then saying that we _should_ pursue someone IN HOPES that they DO become attractive to us. Pursuing someone as a friend is still pursuing someone. What if during the pursuing, the other person starts developing feelings for you but you still don't develop feelings for them in the long run? Then it would be like playing with the other person's emotions and life for your own experimentation. Don't waste your time or the other person's time with this nonsense.
Beauty is vain
However a woman who fears the lord etc!
Sure godliness is sexy to godly people, however, physical attraction has nothing to do with character, values, and morals
Proverbs 31:30 😂😂
unattractive people are not going get better looking either, I would like to start out with someone at least I have a physical attraction to and build it from there otherwise down the road you find yourself in a roommate marriage may get along but sexless.
You gotta have a healthy balance. If physical attraction is irrelevant, then God would have made us all amoebas who who reproduce asexually. All marriages have their challenges, whether you are Christian or not. Sometimes physical attraction/sexual stuff is the only thing that carries you both through the hard times. I'm not saying it's the ONLY or most important factor either, so don't misunderstand me.
God's graces carry me thru hard times.
Godliness is sexy to Godly people 😊
Godliness is sexy to Godly people. Nice!
No it's not sexy. Wrong word. Godly character is admired and praiseworthy.
If the man is sexually pure, then he should find her physically attractive, as long as she is sexually pure. If he does not find her physically attractive, and she has been pursuing purity, then the girl should look elsewhere. Nowadays, I will tell you that I can look at most women and feel a tug of attraction for them, as a single guy. The ones I don’t find attractive usually have acne or some lower countenance about them, like lower or less happy mood, that makes me believe that they may have a relationship with someone else, so I don’t pursue them. If women are worried about their looks or that guys find them attractive, first, make sure you are seeking God and pursuing purity, and second, a pure man Will find you attractive, against his own will even! And you will find him attractive too. Pure women are beautiful-trust me-as are pure men. So you should be praying for someone like that. God created the physical as a subset of the spiritual. If the guy isn’t attracted to you physically, that’s a hardwired response and sign that you should take as a red flag to pray and look for someone else and wait on God. There may be special circumstances such as Chandler described with someone with cancer. It really does take a courageous and godly man to love someone he does not find attractive physically, but for how God has naturally made us, for most of us, I would not recommend Chandler’s advice here.
😂😂😂😂
you should date a godly woman
Ummm no.
It’s sad that so many Christian men are so vain that they will write off an incredible godly woman for a woman who is pretty but whose character or spiritual strength is not admirable. It’s also crazy how women show much more grace towards men that aren’t considered attractive but men don’t want to show any grace towards women if they don’t meet his physical standard of beauty??? Wow the church is backwards
shan braz God gave women beauty and it is good. And beauty isn't that hard to achieve. Unless one is a burn victim or elephant woman they just need motivation and discipline. Lose the extra weight, get a reasonable make over, buy better clothes ....have some personal dignity!
I see over weight girls sitting around complaining no one asks them out. Seriously decent looking but just fat. Get off your butt, stop complaining, put the frapp down and go for a run!!!!
I see effeminate men with no courage sitting by themselves resenting the alpha males. They cover up their fear and impotence with fake holiness and self-righteous words. "Dude, stop being such a pathetic excuse of a man! "-- is what I want to say to these sad sacks!
All things being equal go for the prettier one. She says no, go for the next prettiest one---assuming they all have good character.
Do you think an ugly wife is the only way God sanctifies a husband? What kind of monkery do you believe in?
Bro, sexual attraction is NOT the most important thing but it is the FIRST thing. It's what brings us to the game. It's vital. It's God given. Read Song of Songs sometime.
I find it funny that men who preach about holiness in marriage either have attractive wives or they have no wife at all and are pathetic socially awkward effeminate cowardly men covering up their regrets with fake advice on how to be holy like they are. No thanks.
The guy with the hot wife is a hypocrite ( ah hum Paul Washer) or they are just pathetic.
I love Paul Washer but the brother is just wrong headed sometimes.
You also sound like you are white knighting. Advice- don't be a white knight. No one likes a white knight.
That's an ABSOLUTELY FALSE STATEMENT. Women are just as shallow, in fact worse when it comes to looks. I am 5'9 and have been rejected by women (even so-called godly women) because of it.
Is it Love?if not,then you are just fooling yourself.What is important is Love in Heart and not Attraction.
Tough question. 😀😀 but vain.
Even as a Christian, isn't it about the girl? I mean she is the one who has to be happy, right?
We’re sinners going to hell but Jesus died so you can have eternal life. Repent and trust in Him only as your savior (not on being a good person)