Iam going through this with my 3 son’s my oldest he is in recovery and doing so great Iam so proud of him, my other son wants is thinking of going also, but my middle son he has it bad, he is homeless and it is hurting me bad, iam always thinking he is out passed out in the streets, I would love to get into a program to help me as a mother, it’s so hard for a mother to not help your child, awhile we eat and have a warm bed, and your son in the cold 🥶 and hungry, I tell my son’s I ❤️them always, but 🙏is so powerful, I pray in my room, in my car at work everywhere, but when Iam driving and waiting for the light, I see homeless in addiction and pray for them. Ty for this video it helps me not to feel alone in this.
i have given my partner 15 + years to change. He promised me from the beginning he would quit his addiction and fast forward, he still continuing his addiction now its at the point its effecting my mental well being , cant sleep. I am at the crossroads of leaving him ... time to set up the boundaries 😢 i am just so sick and tired of feeling such sadness every week ... hes a good man but i can't continue no more , and wait another 15 years to see him change 😢
Addiction is a symptom of loss of connection. Trauma can trigger dissociation disorders and we can reconnect thru hanging out with people of similar tastes and traumas without even discussing them, thereby entering an arena of repetitive traumas and risky behaviours. Counselling is an imperative first step however painful to put the trauma into words. Journaling helps, to slow down racing thoughts and ruminating. Although the last time I tried I was in such a frightened hyper vigilance state during breakdowns I couldn’t cope with that so listening to binaural beats calmed me down enough to write. Deep breathing and relaxation techniques (gaming not allowed it’s actually overstimulating.)After counselling comes therapy and that takes work. Acknowledgment of our own mistakes and resolving to learn from them
Thank you so much for this I needed to hear this I am at breaking point with my adult son who won't admit his problem exists. Each day my heart breaks with worry I have been enabling him and now I realise this.
As a mother of an addict that has been an addict for over 10 years now it's so hard. He hid is so good for so long that when it finally came to light I felt so stupid and I feel so lost. I have custody of 2 of his kids and barely see him. I was enabling him so long and didn't even realize it until a year ago. I had to pull back and pulling back had made our relationship non existent basically. Sometimes it feels as if I'm mourning him though he is still alive. I hear stories about him being under bridges, living in the streets and it breaks my heart. I tried so long to fix him thinking I was the reason he is like this. I had to start understanding that it isn't and no matter what I do or say he will not change until he wants to. I still find it hard to not go rescue him but I know leaving him in God's hands is the best and only thing I can do. 😢
I feel very alone and need to get on board with a good support group like this. Its so hard to be happy for othet parent's kids that are doing really great things in life, not to mention the guilt of not being happy for them. I have got to stop enabling and realize that I'm only feeding the addiction. So many parents are struggling with this right now and connection with one another is so important.
I’ve enjoyed listening to this, my heart breaks for them, that has the addiction, I’m like the rest of the moms. I don’t want my children or grandchildren living on the street, I don’t want them or cold. Us moms try’s to fix everything, but we can’t, it takes a long time for us to realize it. My daughter and my son , and two grandsons, and there’s many more, I’ve watched them, sometimes I get so sick seeing this young children, and dying so young, middle age, my God what’s go on In this live. God please HELP us, to hold on to your hand. That we put our faith in you, and you alone.
You don't see what you don't know. I'm also a mom of an addict. Our son is 30 and has been using drugs for many, many years. A dozen rehabs behind him. He's presently in jail again. I do not bail him out. They are talking to him about Family Court, but he's scared that he will fail again. He's been accepted to a rehab after he has court in June. Our journey is Exhausting! It took a long time to figure out what was happening and after we figured it out, we blamed ourselves even though we had never had addiction in our families. About 2 years ago, while he's in rehab, he realized that he had been molested at around 8 or 9 by a female neighbor that was on the sex abuse list. They used to post names and addresses in our local paper. This lady had a new puppy and asked him for help, and she proceeded to molest him, gave him a joint and threatened to kill his family if he told. Our neighborhood was a safe and quiet place and "things like that don't happen here". So, our journey had begun. It took our pastor a long time to convince us that everyone has free will and it was not our fault. We stay close to him and his wife who was our support system. I'm now on Drug Free Council and try to help and educate others. I started an Afterschool Program to help keep kids out of trouble in a safe and drug free place after school. Some of our kids come from generational homes and homes with abuse. We just keep trying to education everyone.
I love these podcasts. I work with folks in recovery and sometimes their loved ones too. I also have a 35 year old son who is an addict and alcoholic, currently living on the street or in a hotel from time to time. It's certainly easier for me to be a counsellor for others struggling than it is to deal with my own son. Thank you for the great practical insights. I'm trying to follow the great advice with my own child.
I’m a clinical social worker in the field 39 years. I have a 33 year old son who’s been in and out of recovery for 16 years. I think it’s even harder for me in some ways, than others who are not in this field, because I do know what the addict needs to do and not do. But I can’t do that because he can’t hear it from me and it makes it even harder for me to set boundaries at times. It’s HORRIFIC for me. 😢
Exactly. Not too many people understand. I am a counselor/ case manager treating addiction and mental health and it’s like when a doctor is told you can’t treat your own family members
Do you do private counseling ? Everything your talking about is exactly what Im going through with my 32 year old son who is addicted to alcohol, meth and weed. In 2019 he jumped off the Coronado Bridge in San Diego CA. He survived but ended up with a severe spinal cord injury and a crushed hand. After 4 months in the trauma unit he was released. I brought him home. And my life has been a living hell ever since. Countless rehabs where he just walks away. Numerous apartments left in shambles or calls from management not wanting him there anymore. We have sent him on so many fresh starts out of state out of pure desperation of wanting peace. Every single time within a couple weeks or maybe a month and then the cycle begins again. He uses my fear of him killing himself as a weapon to manipulate me. That part you said about when your phone rings is a trigger is so true for me too, but you gave me a few ideas about how to handle those situations that Im going to try. You gave me a different way to think about it like Im not giving him the opportunity to experience the consequences of his actions and grow. I like that. Any other advice I will surely appreciate. Thanks for giving me a place to vent. Best regards Janice
Enabling has ruined my family. I have one parent dead from it, and the remaining parent has gotten too old to deal with it. Our family is pretty much ruined. 25 years is a long time to deal with all of this.
I wish I can find a group of mom’s with the same connections I live here in Oxnard California, maybe we can start a group, some of other moms I know are going through the same pain😢
As a child of an alcoholic, I thought my dad just didn’t love us enough, that he chose alcohol over us. And guess what? He did. All an addict or alcoholic cares about is that next high. I put myself last on the list. My feelings were not as important as his. I developed unhealthy communication skills. I stopped sleeping. Fast forward 30 years. Now I am the mother of an alcoholic. I put myself last, I don’t sleep at night. It’s amazing how those bad habits just came back. I went right back to thinking that I can fix this. How do I live everyday, knowing my child may die today from his addiction? How do I deal with being triggered CONSTANTLY?
@@suenorwood-evans9724 tried that now attend Invitation to Change ITC groups and SMART for family and friends . So much more helpful in finding solutions and showing our loved ones they matter to us. They need to know they are loved. Connection is the antidote to addiction not tough love and 'let them hit rock bottom' . That often results in death 😢
Im so confused. How do they build up their life with no job , no $ ,no support from family . Is that how addicts become homeless and or disappear? How does one stop enabling when that is the result 😭
But we have to in My case I AM sister of an Addict and My brother is killing My mom slowly My mom has breast cancer and his actions are killing My mom slowly so I had to tell him You want to continúe with You addiction then You need to live by your self.
@@bentmch1I lost my sister to addiction and saw what my old mum went through and my dad before he passed too I loved my sister and always will but got mad at her sometimes.
I know my son wants to quit drinking. I've seen the desperation in his eyes. I just wish he would get the help he needs in order to do so. He keeps thinking he can do it on his own.
My 33 yr. old son has been an alcoholic since he was 17; I dont see an end:( He cant hold a job, apartment, or girlfriend for more than a month. He doesn't live with me because I'm single in an elderly apartment...but worried he will show up! How can I prevent him from showing up? I'm to the point I cant even have him visit:/
My son is 32 and is an alcoholic. We can no longer allow him to stay with us. He is in a hotel currently. We have offered support snd desperately want him to get treatment snd counseling. He isn’t eating and has been drinking nonstop. He is in a constant state of intoxication. He needs help with alcoholism and depression. He refuses to, saying he “has a plan”. I have been told that he has to be the one to decide it is time for treatment, but I am afraid his organs will start shutting down, and he will die. I am desperate for help for him.
I'm praying for you and your family. My whole family is littered with addicts. And it doesn't matter that they are adults, our children are our hearts we can't help but to love them & want them to live happy normal lives. As parents of addicts it's hard , there is only so much we can do. You are not alone, keep praying and never give up on your child.
@@shadoejones3288 We will never give up. Thank you for the kind words. I pray everyday for him to finally decide for good that he can no longer do this or that some intervention takes place. I’m praying for your family as well and the many many more families dealing with this heartache 🤍
Still having trouble about enabling, the addict has no money. Does that mean leave the addict in the garage with no bathroom and no food? We have already replaced all the window when the temp got cold. We have rent dupkex, and the garage is not heated. I get angry when the addict has 10 people at 3:00 in the morning, l see people leave at 5:30 am. I lose my cool then. The addict has no place to go.as a human being what help is there. Is having a cell phone enabling. In Canada , the doc in ER will not treat with drug issues, not even the mental health problem. The addict almost died in the med field.l am so fed up with back and forth crap. My family all have trauma issues, l am not happy, how can l love myself. The addict does not care of the other family members.again what is enabling.?sorry , misspelt words, l have a rented duplex. I am in physical pain now emotional and mental, cause of drug use. I pretty much stilled my life and extreme anxiety. I can’t cope!
Still having trouble about enabling, the addict has no money. Does that mean leave the addict in the garage with no bathroom and no food? We have already replaced all the window when the temp got cold. We have rent dupkex, and the garage is not heated. I get angry when the addict has 10 people at 3:00 in the morning, l see people leave at 5:30 am. I lose my cool then. The addict has no place to go.as a human being what help is there. Is having a cell phone enabling. In Canada , the doc in ER will not treat with drug issues, not even the mental health problem. The addict almost died in the med field.l am so fed up with back and forth crap. My family all have trauma issues, l am not happy, how can l love myself. The addict does not care of the other family members.again what is enabling.?
I just followed your FB page ,i am alone !
Iam going through this with my 3 son’s my oldest he is in recovery and doing so great Iam so proud of him, my other son wants is thinking of going also, but my middle son he has it bad, he is homeless and it is hurting me bad, iam always thinking he is out passed out in the streets, I would love to get into a program to help me as a mother, it’s so hard for a mother to not help your child, awhile we eat and have a warm bed, and your son in the cold 🥶 and hungry, I tell my son’s I ❤️them always, but 🙏is so powerful, I pray in my room, in my car at work everywhere, but when Iam driving and waiting for the light, I see homeless in addiction and pray for them. Ty for this video it helps me not to feel alone in this.
i have given my partner 15 + years to change. He promised me from the beginning he would quit his addiction and fast forward, he still continuing his addiction now its at the point its effecting my mental well being , cant sleep. I am at the crossroads of leaving him ... time to set up the boundaries 😢 i am just so sick and tired of feeling such sadness every week ... hes a good man but i can't continue no more , and wait another 15 years to see him change 😢
Addiction is a symptom of loss of connection. Trauma can trigger dissociation disorders and we can reconnect thru hanging out with people of similar tastes and traumas without even discussing them, thereby entering an arena of repetitive traumas and risky behaviours. Counselling is an imperative first step however painful to put the trauma into words. Journaling helps, to slow down racing thoughts and ruminating. Although the last time I tried I was in such a frightened hyper vigilance state during breakdowns I couldn’t cope with that so listening to binaural beats calmed me down enough to write. Deep breathing and relaxation techniques (gaming not allowed it’s actually overstimulating.)After counselling comes therapy and that takes work. Acknowledgment of our own mistakes and resolving to learn from them
Thank you so much for this I needed to hear this I am at breaking point with my adult son who won't admit his problem exists. Each day my heart breaks with worry I have been enabling him and now I realise this.
As a mother of an addict that has been an addict for over 10 years now it's so hard. He hid is so good for so long that when it finally came to light I felt so stupid and I feel so lost. I have custody of 2 of his kids and barely see him. I was enabling him so long and didn't even realize it until a year ago. I had to pull back and pulling back had made our relationship non existent basically. Sometimes it feels as if I'm mourning him though he is still alive. I hear stories about him being under bridges, living in the streets and it breaks my heart. I tried so long to fix him thinking I was the reason he is like this. I had to start understanding that it isn't and no matter what I do or say he will not change until he wants to. I still find it hard to not go rescue him but I know leaving him in God's hands is the best and only thing I can do. 😢
I feel very alone and need to get on board with a good support group like this. Its so hard to be happy for othet parent's kids that are doing really great things in life, not to mention the guilt of not being happy for them. I have got to stop enabling and realize that I'm only feeding the addiction. So many parents are struggling with this right now and connection with one another is so important.
I am in the same position as you and I know how traumatic it is. I am ready to stop enabling him and know my heart is going to break more....
I’ve enjoyed listening to this, my heart breaks for them, that has the addiction, I’m like the rest of the moms. I don’t want my children or grandchildren living on the street, I don’t want them or cold. Us moms try’s to fix everything, but we can’t, it takes a long time for us to realize it. My daughter and my son , and two grandsons, and there’s many more, I’ve watched them, sometimes I get so sick seeing this young children, and dying so young, middle age, my God what’s go on In this live. God please HELP us, to hold on to your hand. That we put our faith in you, and you alone.
You don't see what you don't know. I'm also a mom of an addict. Our son is 30 and has been using drugs for many, many years. A dozen rehabs behind him. He's presently in jail again. I do not bail him out. They are talking to him about Family Court, but he's scared that he will fail again. He's been accepted to a rehab after he has court in June. Our journey is Exhausting! It took a long time to figure out what was happening and after we figured it out, we blamed ourselves even though we had never had addiction in our families. About 2 years ago, while he's in rehab, he realized that he had been molested at around 8 or 9 by a female neighbor that was on the sex abuse list. They used to post names and addresses in our local paper. This lady had a new puppy and asked him for help, and she proceeded to molest him, gave him a joint and threatened to kill his family if he told. Our neighborhood was a safe and quiet place and "things like that don't happen here". So, our journey had begun. It took our pastor a long time to convince us that everyone has free will and it was not our fault. We stay close to him and his wife who was our support system. I'm now on Drug Free Council and try to help and educate others. I started an Afterschool Program to help keep kids out of trouble in a safe and drug free place after school. Some of our kids come from generational homes and homes with abuse. We just keep trying to education everyone.
I love these podcasts. I work with folks in recovery and sometimes their loved ones too. I also have a 35 year old son who is an addict and alcoholic, currently living on the street or in a hotel from time to time. It's certainly easier for me to be a counsellor for others struggling than it is to deal with my own son. Thank you for the great practical insights. I'm trying to follow the great advice with my own child.
We are not alone ❤️ there are so many out there are ashamed to come out to light 🥰
Amazing work! Passing down the information for struggling moms.
When she said we are here for you you are not alone it made me cry😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💖🙏
I’m a clinical social worker in the field 39 years. I have a 33 year old son who’s been in and out of recovery for 16 years. I think it’s even harder for me in some ways, than others who are not in this field, because I do know what the addict needs to do and not do. But I can’t do that because he can’t hear it from me and it makes it even harder for me to set boundaries at times. It’s HORRIFIC for me. 😢
Exactly. Not too many people understand. I am a counselor/ case manager treating addiction and mental health and it’s like when a doctor is told you can’t treat your own family members
This hits home! Going through this right now. My heart is breaking.
Your not alone, I am going through the same thing
Six years and counting. What an emotional roller coaster. 😢
Can’t thank you enough for this
Do you do private counseling ? Everything your talking about is exactly what Im going through with my 32 year old son who is addicted to alcohol, meth and weed. In 2019 he jumped off the Coronado Bridge in San Diego CA. He survived but ended up with a severe spinal cord injury and a crushed hand. After 4 months in the trauma unit he was released. I brought him home. And my life has been a living hell ever since. Countless rehabs where he just walks away. Numerous apartments left in shambles or calls from management not wanting him there anymore. We have sent him on so many fresh starts out of state out of pure desperation of wanting peace. Every single time within a couple weeks or maybe a month and then the cycle begins again. He uses my fear of him killing himself as a weapon to manipulate me. That part you said about when your phone rings is a trigger is so true for me too, but you gave me a few ideas about how to handle those situations that Im going to try. You gave me a different way to think about it like Im not giving him the opportunity to experience the consequences of his actions and grow. I like that. Any other advice I will surely appreciate. Thanks for giving me a place to vent. Best regards Janice
This is very helpful. My best friend is an addicted and I now see I’ve been an enabler but thought I was being supportive and a loving friend 😢
It’s hard cause they feel sorry for theirselves and manipulate us.
Enabling has ruined my family. I have one parent dead from it, and the remaining parent has gotten too old to deal with it. Our family is pretty much ruined. 25 years is a long time to deal with all of this.
This is so confronting in a good way. So many kids struggle alone.
Wow the story about the 1st meeting amazing it was a blessing. How can I get information about this group of mom’s, because I feel alone😢
Jen Hope God has given you a calm, soothing voice. That brings comfort and peace. Keep up your good work.
Thank you for this video. It is very timely. I am grateful for all of you. 🙏
Thank you for this video.
Thank you for this...I am currently getting on Facebook to follow and would like to also start attending zoom meetings.
I relay to your story.I am adult child of alcoholic I dint not know my Father was Alcoholic until my counselor told me to go to Al-Anon .
Thank you❤
I wish I can find a group of mom’s with the same connections I live here in Oxnard California, maybe we can start a group, some of other moms I know are going through the same pain😢
Hello you can attend Al Anon for parents me and my wife go every Thursday it’s been a lifeline for us
It is a family disease- I had to admit I was powerless and stop trying to think I could control or fix the addict.
It's called a Al-anon group, they are everywhere!
As a child of an alcoholic, I thought my dad just didn’t love us enough, that he chose alcohol over us. And guess what? He did. All an addict or alcoholic cares about is that next high. I put myself last on the list. My feelings were not as important as his. I developed unhealthy communication skills. I stopped sleeping. Fast forward 30 years. Now I am the mother of an alcoholic. I put myself last, I don’t sleep at night. It’s amazing how those bad habits just came back. I went right back to thinking that I can fix this. How do I live everyday, knowing my child may die today from his addiction? How do I deal with being triggered CONSTANTLY?
Omg,my exact story too...
It's not about you. Check out Alanon for you.
Me too 😢
I just hope you go to alAnon!
@@suenorwood-evans9724 tried that now attend Invitation to Change ITC groups and SMART for family and friends . So much more helpful in finding solutions and showing our loved ones they matter to us. They need to know they are loved. Connection is the antidote to addiction not tough love and 'let them hit rock bottom' . That often results in death 😢
Im so confused. How do they build up their life with no job , no $ ,no support from family . Is that how addicts become homeless and or disappear? How does one stop enabling when that is the result 😭
It's their life.
I couldn’t see my son suffering in the streets 😢😢😢
But we have to in My case I AM sister of an Addict and My brother is killing My mom slowly My mom has breast cancer and his actions are killing My mom slowly so I had to tell him You want to continúe with You addiction then You need to live by your self.
@@pattyhernandez6546I understand what about your suffering though.
@@bentmch1I lost my sister to addiction and saw what my old mum went through and my dad before he passed too I loved my sister and always will but got mad at her sometimes.
I know my son wants to quit drinking. I've seen the desperation in his eyes. I just wish he would get the help he needs in order to do so. He keeps thinking he can do it on his own.
It seems like the times during which they get increasingly more addicted, should be some of the most productive times in ones life
Any link to the full story of the 1st speaker's recovering journey ?? And what the parents did ??
My 33 yr. old son has been an alcoholic since he was 17; I dont see an end:( He cant hold a job, apartment, or girlfriend for more than a month. He doesn't live with me because I'm single in an elderly apartment...but worried he will show up! How can I prevent him from showing up? I'm to the point I cant even have him visit:/
Do you have places in Asheville, Hendersonville NC That can help the Moms addiction. Children Addiction.? And Grandchildren Addiction.?
My son is 32 and is an alcoholic. We can no longer allow him to stay with us. He is in a hotel currently. We have offered support snd desperately want him to get treatment snd counseling. He isn’t eating and has been drinking nonstop. He is in a constant state of intoxication. He needs help with alcoholism and depression. He refuses to, saying he “has a plan”. I have been told that he has to be the one to decide it is time for treatment, but I am afraid his organs will start shutting down, and he will die. I am desperate for help for him.
I'm praying for you and your family. My whole family is littered with addicts. And it doesn't matter that they are adults, our children are our hearts we can't help but to love them & want them to live happy normal lives. As parents of addicts it's hard , there is only so much we can do. You are not alone, keep praying and never give up on your child.
@@shadoejones3288 We will never give up. Thank you for the kind words. I pray everyday for him to finally decide for good that he can no longer do this or that some intervention takes place. I’m praying for your family as well and the many many more families dealing with this heartache 🤍
Know that God loves your addicted son at his worst and is interrupting his comfortable addiction so he will ask for help.
@@daphnekessel14 that means so much to hear. Thank you. 🙏❤️
How much time do you give them to get help or move out?
❤
Ooo zoom so international thats huge good people from Oz can get help to.
Still having trouble about enabling, the addict has no money. Does that mean leave the addict in the garage with no bathroom and no food? We have already replaced all the window when the temp got cold. We have rent dupkex, and the garage is not heated. I get angry when the addict has 10 people at 3:00 in the morning, l see people leave at 5:30 am. I lose my cool then. The addict has no place to go.as a human being what help is there. Is having a cell phone enabling. In Canada , the doc in ER will not treat with drug issues, not even the mental health problem. The addict almost died in the med field.l am so fed up with back and forth crap. My family all have trauma issues, l am not happy, how can l love myself. The addict does not care of the other family members.again what is enabling.?sorry , misspelt words, l have a rented duplex. I am in physical pain now emotional and mental, cause of drug use. I pretty much stilled my life and extreme anxiety. I can’t cope!
Still having trouble about enabling, the addict has no money. Does that mean leave the addict in the garage with no bathroom and no food? We have already replaced all the window when the temp got cold. We have rent dupkex, and the garage is not heated. I get angry when the addict has 10 people at 3:00 in the morning, l see people leave at 5:30 am. I lose my cool then. The addict has no place to go.as a human being what help is there. Is having a cell phone enabling. In Canada , the doc in ER will not treat with drug issues, not even the mental health problem. The addict almost died in the med field.l am so fed up with back and forth crap. My family all have trauma issues, l am not happy, how can l love myself. The addict does not care of the other family members.again what is enabling.?
❤