When My Husband Blames Me For Everything | Paul Friedman
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- Опубліковано 2 гру 2020
- "When my husband blames me for everything, what should I do?"
I'm going to try to give you some perspective and please never feel like I'm speaking down to you at all or that I question your ability to reason things out. But remember, I have a lot more experience than you do, and sometimes what is obvious to me may not be obvious to you, or maybe it is obvious to you but you didn't really want to address it because you didn't think that part was important. I'm going to try and give you perspective and context. More importantly, I'm going to try to give you a pathway out of your problem which is your husband's blaming you for everything.
So, what does that really mean to me?
It means that your husband is angry with you. We don't blame somebody for everything when we are feeling love towards them. It's sort of a contrary feeling rather than him feeling love towards you. He's angry with you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore but he's angry and you're not in control over his anger. Everyone has individual free will but you're definitely you know the old saying "don't don't kick the dog when it's asleep because it'll bite you when it wakes up," and a lot of times what happens and I'm sure this is happening now in your marriage is that we become over-familiar with each other over time. And being familiar with each other is a real benefit when you use that familiarity in a positive way but it's not human nature to do so. So you've become over-familiar with your Husband as he has with you. And so you think it's okay to be critical of him. You think it's okay to raise your voice towards him. You think it's okay to be argumentative to argue with him and to point out his mistakes in thinking and you may be saying, "Well sure, why not?"
I'm going to tell you why not before we get into the what you can do about him blaming you for everything. You see you didn't get married in order to have a partner to wrestle with for the rest of your life. You didn't. You got married in order to be happier than you were. You got married so that you would feel unconditional love. Remember those two things happiness, unconditional love. Remember how you were floating a little bit while you were dating and really enjoying the attention and really enjoying lavishing attention on your newfound soul mate. Everyone thinks in our world that that's only normal for people who just meet and then things are supposed to tone down but that is not true -- that's incorrect. The reason people think that way is Because there is this non-receptive to spiritual things.
Nobody wants to admit that they're spiritual in general so what they do is they put a material context around everything and in the material context happiness is a waning commodity. It seems to dissipate. It's like you get a new car, you get a new apartment, a new home and slowly you become less happy but that's incorrect. We're souls. We have a body, we have a Mind those are material but we didn't get married for those. We got married for love. We got married to be happier. And so when you infuse these negative reactions towards each other that love we can't see it anymore. It's always there. Love never goes away. It's the constant but we lose sight of it and then we start thinking, "Well, this is what's wrong, that's what's wrong."
In your case, what's wrong is your husband is blaming you for everything but that's just on the surface. What's really wrong is your husband isn't feeling the love. You're not feeling the love and the love is the very foundation of your marriage and you get used to it, and you start losing the ability to even imagine what it's like to have a real marriage where you're feeling the love. My whole thing is to bring people back to that place, what I consider to be the real place that marriage has in your lives to make it the happiest place in your life.
Watch the video for more.
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Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by:
1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing.
2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways
3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions.
Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.
If someone cuts you off on every level? Everything is without emotion. It’s hard to fix
You have free will and volition. I reject the idea that anyone can make you unhappy once you choose to be happy.
@@TheMarriageFoundation very true
@@TheMarriageFoundation Why even marry then ? if we can make ourselves happy
@@shrutirathi4416The point of marriage isn’t for the other person to make you happy.
This made me cry because it's really very true.
I am there too!!!😢
Felt like my papa God was talking to me through you - such wisdom and insight thank you and bless you 💖
Truth..
1000% nailed it.
Food for the soul.
My husband and I are newly weds. We have been having so many arguments. We are both from very different cultures and religions. It's got to the point where I'm the only one trying to fix things but he keeps cutting me off. He gets angry so easily and there's no way talking to him. He has left the home several times and I'm always the one asking him to stay. I dont know what to do anymore. Currently i am staying with my parents to give him space since he doesnt want to even see me 😔
You can turn things around, don't give up themarriagefoundation.org/about/our-approach/
Im in the exact same scenario. I feel like he’s been angry with me more than ever been happy. He says Im the only one with flaws. If Im not shutting off my feelings and needs he is upset with me. I am type B personality and he is type A and his level of expectations are impossible to meet
Are you a victims of love zihad Tania ? Please don’t cut off your parents ever for your own safety and reach out for help if you see any sinister signs 🫶
No worries you are not alone and this and many other videos I watch seems they defend the men's feelings when I know for me I give my heart and soul and so why he doesn't feel love I'm not the one it is something else I wish you the best❤
❤ praying 🙏
Omg you are perfect!! You explained it perfectly, thankyou so much.
I like the advices you have given
What do you think about jealousy of ex husband? My husband brings him up all the time, punishing me for having been married before
He is punishing you because he is not getting what he married you for; unconditional love. Always look within the marriage for the core of the problems.
@@TheMarriageFoundation but if you're are giving unconditional love and support, what to do next
That's his insecurity and he needs therapy so he can stop taking it out in you. It's not your fault.
I like this approach
Very true
I still had the happy in love with me and in love with us feelings. I couldn't wait to see my husband after I got off work each day. He started getting his happy from social media and started an emotional affair. I became the ogre that only got one word grunts. While women online got long prose. I am sitting right beside him as he tilts his phone away or puts it down if i walk behind him. Every time I ask him anything I get my head bit off.
You need more help than just these videos themarriagefoundation.org/
I have been done the same way! FOR NO REASON !
I notice that men need alot to fill up their love cups but we only need the ones we truly hold dear. Our spouse, children, family close friends. I think this is why some men need to socialize with their buddies on a weekly basis but fail to continue to date their wives.
Your analasys sounds pretty good but the truth is that when a man has a wife who has learned to open her heart he will want to be around her...all the time. 🙏
@@TheMarriageFoundationwhy is this always blaming talk?
Is the course available online for people who live across the world?
Yes. Here' s the link themarriagefoundation.org/system/
Husband is blaming me whenever he fails at anything, somehow he finds a way to connect me to it. He keeps on saying that I am not helping him, but I already have so much on my plate, having a full time job, while pregnant, while also planning our wedding and getting everything that we need for our baby.
My husband is fixing some documents that he needs for his visa, I went through it before, and have done it alone. I expect him to be able to do the same, but he wants me to go through his documents, review everything for him, assist him, help him complete his requirements but I already have so much on my plate.
I feel very much alone, and I he's not giving the support that I need too. I have communicated this to him, but in his perspective, I should be the one who's helping him out, even if I have explained to him that I am already overwhelmed with everything that I need to do.
Is it stil me that needs to adjust to this?
He is your husband and you must love him with all your heeart, mind, and soul. Are you expressing that with your current attitude?
@@TheMarriageFoundation I love him.
Why do women always need to adjust to the emotional limitations of men? Should I prioritize his needs over mine and my unborn child? Is it right for him to demand that?
I feel like this is very much victim blaming - and by victim, I mean teaching people that women should always adjust to men.
Nice to meet you a nice topic my husband and I been separated for almost 2 years married just passed 13 years I still love him I believe you still love me he's very angry what is your advice to me?
If you are communicating with him then learn what to do using either one of the books or the course. Otherwise, pray for him, love him from a distance, and move on with your life.
Thanks 4 All Ur advice!
When do I know if it’s time to walk away?
Instead of looking at your marriage as something to walk away from "when" look at your lack of marital know-how as an incentive to get marriage help that works, like ours themarriagefoundation.org/
what about when he says he doesn't believe in love?
It means his mind is so far winning the greatest of all battles. But that doesn't mean you should not experience and manifest that which is the only reality.
I'm in a relationship been in this relationship for 5 years he got to meet my kids then I had lost 2 baby's by him at 5 months and 7 weeks and I been put down alot from his family his mom & brother & now we living together and his always putting me down calling me names and his always saiding because of me being in his life thats why his life is not going the right and because of me thats why he did not finish college 💔 then the next day he would be saying sorry that he did not mean it but now im just always crying and worry and sad I don't know what to do please give me some advice I feel like everything I do is just not good enough
At a minimum read one of my books. If you are not able to control your emotions and inner negative reactions then take the course for women. Your situation is not bad compared to most though it feels that it is. But, it is quite fixable.
He is not grown man. Prob narcissistic. If mother and brother in law are involved via him involving them..then there is already boundary issues. Trust me. I have the most evil,narcissistic, selfish mother in law , no boundaries with her 2 sons. Only woman good enough for them is her or woman that doesn't talk,works full time and does/ pays for everything her sons want. Hookers ,porn,drugs. Her sons are way too important and she and they are perfect. No one else. I've spent 18 yrs in marriage. Truthfully only 4 have counted . Before the last 4 years his mother controlled his decisions, our relationship etc. Only after she and brother in law dropped his father, my father in law off at our house...said u deal with him, after 46 years of marriage I don't need him Only my youngest son. My father in law blew his brains out in my house when he found out after a year that she was demanding he come back and live with her and younger son because his money, if he didn't she would call lawyer and government and have it took away. So me and my husband the oldest son, had to deal with that in our home of 12 years, with our daughter at 13. Then mother in law and brother in law demanded to take the remains, no service. They threw his ashes away in gas station dumpster. They called my husband, the oldest son to brag. After that . My husband finally woke up. But the the damage from entire childhood from this manipulative woman and his younger brother still fool him at times. It's really sick. And SAS. Byt if no kids and not married. I would tell you either they go to counseling, lie and manipulate or they refuse . It took my husband years to admit he reacts and says things that are manipulative and he can't help it. It's engraved, engraved on him. Most dint recognize it even when they're seeking help. It comes normal as thats the normal they were taught. I would get out of relationship now , get therapy ,get independence. He he truly loves you. He will understand your concerns,feelings and as a ADULY MAN ! SET BOUNDARIES THAT HIS FREINDS AND FAMILY ARE NOT TO CROSS. it's hard on them at first. Mother is usually always still back talking and spreading lies and rumors. Anything to keep control. But he has to set the boundaries 'if your gonna bad talk or complain about my choice of a wife as adult than I'm not speaking to you!', 'please don't put down my wife, you are putting me down and causing me depression and sadness ', ' I want you in my life mom,mama,mother but I'm an adult and I can make decisions on who I want in my personal life and you can accept me and them or you can't and if you can't then we will not have close relationship anymore'...etc. its not hard. If a man loves you. A woman loves you. Even if things are f u c k Ed up , then they will fight for you. If its still early on relationship like less than 5 years and they r still letting mommie run show.. then yes you need to move on. If he cannot recognize it and ge doesn't stand up for you now. Chances are slim he will in future. Of you have kids with , his mom and brother are going to bring child services or get lawyer and do what mine did. 2 years in court every week because mommie and little brother had all the proof and evidence that I was a cheater and bad mother. Do not chance this. Take your kids. Get out now. Yes I got through still married. But very unhappy as most memories are so mired in mommie and brother constantly ruining our lives daily for 14 years. I mean seriously get out. Our daughter had severe ptsd and anxiety from the abuse her grandmother and uncle gave her. At 16 she refuses to see, talk and said don't tell Me anything about them unless their dead. You don't want this abuse to yourself, of the system and you definitely don't want it on your children. As cycle creates and you don't want your sons or daughters treating their spouses, dates like this. I would get out now. I know it's hard. But your making your life hell the way your living. Your kids see it. It's not normal. It's not safe. It's not unconditional love or he would understand. Create a plan, get help from anyone that can offer and give your kids a healthy , happy and safe mommy.
You can change all you want, but if he doesn't want to change, your relationship will never work. He has to want to change to. It sounds like he is manipulative. He thinks that just because he says sorry that you have to continue to forgive him for beating you down. And that's not right. Your children do not deserve to go through this either.
@@azariahescalante7787 yes but people do deserve forgiveness. And holding someone as unforgivable then everything they do will always be wrong, they'll continue to be upset, and you will stop showing love. And that will certainly end a relationship. So yes, forgive if they are sincere. Also we don't know whats going on from his perspective. Kids deserve a happier and healthier family. They BOTH have work to do. I pray for them to find one another again in that light they once saw each other in and they find a positive and peaceful resolve...Amen
He doesnt see his flaws only mine, what can i do. 30 years of marriage.
Marriage is not about flaws. Learn to love him unconditionally...
6:00 the LOVE, stopped reciprocating 😥
reciprocation is nice but unconditional is the principle that creates happiness
@@TheMarriageFoundation I find lots of people don't understand the difference between the two.