Misogyny Blame Game
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- Опубліковано 9 тра 2024
- This clip is from Talk Heathen, Episode 08.18 for May 05, 2024 with Sydney Davis Jr. Jr. and Christy Powell!
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Man, the topic of literally anything women go through in this episode was unexpectedly efficient in rooting out antifeminists within my community.
I went to school with a number of guys who were inclined to gawk & stare at both women they found attractive &/or guys dressed in a way that they considered uncool or different, especially on the train ride to & from school. Much of the time they would stop staring when I, or another friend (someone from their own social group), simply said something gentle & to the effect of 'dude, you're staring'.
Many, not all, though many of these guys were unaware that they were staring. Once pointed out to them, they just stopped doing it from that point forward. Sometimes people will stare at others due to being motived by a power dynamic, & sometimes it may simply be a product of one or another degree of social awkwardness.
On a side, I have atypically light coloured eyes similar to Sydney's. Generally speaking, when people are stared at, the gaze from the other can wonder from the face, body, clothing, & back & forth from one focal point to another. In Sydney's case, being stared at is going to feel more intrusive than usual, because of the predominate focus directly into her eyes (hence the reason why no matter what she wears, she'll receive a greater amount of eye contact), though that is because it's her eyes that people are trying to wrap their minds around, & unless she, or I, plan to wear sunglasses 24/7, we're going to receive a significant uptick in eye contact because we have significantly atypical eye colour - which can be draining at times, but understandable
"people are going to look at each other, but you don't have to make it so creepy" + "we all know what we're talking about, grow up"
These dismissive responses are not helpful for addressing the situation.
Men (and people in general) often don't know that other people are perceiving them as being "creepy" (especially given that women often don't want to make a scene by calling that out, because they're polite and for their own safety).
It's not about whether or not you're intentionally looking at someone. It's about whether or not you know that the other person is or is not receptive to that, i.e. whether they like you looking at them.
Calling guys immature and creepy for possibly judging this incorrectly doesn't help them better judge the situation, and if it happens to lead to them acting appropriately, it would be for the wrong reason, and it leads to this belief that men have that anything they do is automatically wrong and their mere existence is a problem. Because you aren't explaining what the actual problem is. Then they end up going down the wrong rabbit holes.
I'm autistic. It's particularly difficult for me to figure out what behaviour is and isn't appropriate, and how people feel about it. The most useful thing I figured out (eventually) in regard to this, is that every other man stares. So women rarely perceive it as flattering, and it tends to make them uncomfortable. So I don't do it. Simply some blanket statement that it's creepy or that I need to grow up wouldn't have really helped me understand or navigate that appropriately.
There are certainly also some men who feel entitled to be able to stare however much they want regardless of how the other person feels about it. That's certainly not okay, and that's not what I'm talking about here.
Kind of off-topic question led to an excellent conversation.
It's likely not the mere act of being stared at that bothers her, but rather the person doing the staring that she finds unsettling.
What was she wearing ?
I’m guilty of looking at a woman’s chest, sometimes up close, sometimes far away. It is because I think they’re attractive, but I also notice the style they got. I see women with tattoos, wearing necklaces, or a cool shirt. Usually I see a woman with a design with My Hero Academia, or Venom, or Wutang, Nirvana, etc. But I don’t engage with that person (partially because I’m socially inept) since I don’t know if that person wants to engage with me. Consent is more than sex, it’s safety, it’s respect and understanding. Consent is public not just private.
Sometimes people look in your direction, but in truth they are looking at something behind you.
I'd say just develop yourself. Be the best version of yourself you can be, and you'll recognize and attract the best people.
Dressing to be attractive is only "empowering" in the most superficial of ways. It's the easiest way to be "unique," and attracts shallow people at best, and creeps at worst.
This is one of the few areas I really don't agree with the Left. It seems like the women's empowerment thing isn't at all about developing critical thinking, self-awareness, social skills, hobbies, life experiences, etc. It's just taking the stigma off of revealing clothing and casual sexual encounters. Seems kinda like the lowest possible form of empowerment.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but there is absolutely nothing you can do about people looking at you/checking you out. It's simply going to happen, and there is nothing wrong with this. Maybe just go about your life instead of being paranoid about what strangers are doing with their eyeballs.
You can remind people that their mother should have taught the manners that it's rude to stare
“Checking you out” for what though what are the intentions of “checking someone out”… we also shouldn’t hold a double standard women are guilty of this also
@@pragmaticcrystal Myself, since you asked, I'm "checking out" the size (I prefer smaller) and shape of a woman's ass and breasts. I like a smaller waist and a natural (not made up) look. As far as what are my intensions when I'm "checking out" women as they go by (perhaps, maybe, when I'm sitting outside at a restaurant), well I think it's a bit of a sexual buzz or something like that. How old are you @pragmaticcrystal-I'm surprised this is all such a mystery to you. I suspect a lot of people's response to being "checked out", particularly women's responses, have to do with self-righteous indignation being humanities favorite emotion. Oh, and in case there are some trans-men-pretending-to-be-women out there, *I'm not interested.* I'm not sure if it matters to the conversation, but I'm a 74 y.o. geezer.
@@pragmaticcrystal it's rude for anyone to stare I'm not sure why you're putting a gender behind it
@@pragmaticcrystal What the hell do "intentions" matter when we are talking about simply looking at someone you find attractive and enjoying the sight? You're literally getting into thought crime territory here, and you sound just like the puritanical Christians you say you're not allowed to look at somebody with lust in your heart.
Sydney is gorgeous. Perfect hair.
Her hair is gorgeous. 😊
Literally a man’s haircut 😂
Were you staring at her?
I find her eyes to be more, well, eye catching.
@@kingvicious8332 The only thing cringier than this comment is your pfp.......
This is not a womans issue.
Men are every bit as capable of being sexualy objectified or physically assaulted by men aswell.
I also get very anxious and dislike it very much when men leer at me or objectify and make catcalls and follow me for a block too far.
In fact, statisticaly, this is much more a mans issue as we are more likely to be the victim of men, sexualy or otherwise.
At least women enjoy the cultural barriers of having seperate change rooms, bathrooms, prisons, etc. Men are forced to share those facilities with these predators.
a point of view I have never considered.. Thanks for sharing it.
Being sexual assaulted in prison is such a common trope and so _accepted_ that is often used as the punchline in jokes.
@@BlarglemanTheSkeptic2imagine if those jokes were told in reverse
@@WarriorOfEden3033 exactly. The fact that people think that "grape" is a deserved part of going to prison is f*ing appalling!
Oh this is far more of a woman issue, but I do agree it happens to men too.
What is the ratio of men vs women calling into the show. I would say it's 90% men. What makes men more likely to call in?
They are more susceptible to thinking they are the correct ones
@@nikkinicol78Ha! I've met VERY few women who are capable of actually listening, and especially of changing their mind, during a disagreement. NARCISSISTS refuse to listen, and there's plenty of those on both sides.
@nikkinicol78 poor take. Probably a larger percentage of men engaging on this type of content means more callers from men would be my guess.
@@nikkinicol78 😂😂😂 Yeah, I bet you're real open minded with a remark like that.
Most of the calls they take are Christians, and strict Christianity doesn’t let women have thoughts or opinions.
While it is true that you will potentially get stares or worse no matter what you do or wear, it is also true that what you do or wear affects how you are perceived and how much attention you get. Wear a short mini, fish net stockings and a halter top as you window-shop in the main street, and you'll get looks.
The caller said she looks at men, gets sexual thoughts, but is not a creep because she does not undress them in her mind? It might not be the norm, though I’ve never seen any data either way, but I don't mentally undress every pretty girl that runs past in tights leggings and a sports bra. But I get the impression she would regard me as worse than her.
Her take on the man / bear is both silly and expected. She's met thousands of men. A majority of which she had no problems with (or she must live in a terrible city!) If she had encountered as many bears, as closely as she had men, she'd likely be dead multiple times over. She thinks a wild, apex predator known for its unpredictability, is safer than another human?! Only a city girl would say that.
This conversation is ever so tangentially related to religion. First the Bear and now this, I wish TH would get back on track and talk about "...on-going dialogue with theists and atheists about religion, theism and secularism", there are already way too many feminist, gender relations, MRA channels out there to cover these topics.
We take the calls we get. The best way to get Theist callers is to share the show with the religious people you know.
Suggest full niqab for these young sisters inshallah
I was standing at a Starbucks with a few girls. Just waiting for my coffee to be made. I was not consciously looking at anyone a girl came up to me so can I help you? I said no. I'm just waiting for my coffee and she said stop staring at Me.
I said I'm not looking at you. I was so angry. I had to keep my nose shut though.
If I saw a girl that I thought was staring at me. I would not think old boy what a s*** I What a creep. I would be quite happy. Oh I must be somewhat appealing.
I think women take it way too far.
I think everyone should consider the consequences before engaging in intercourse. Because intercourse has consequences. Thats why they require consent to give it.
These are the same people who have no problem with prostitution
I'm sorry that is just stupid! If a 'person' walks around completely naked and you stare at them, it's 100% the naked person's fault!
Now the naked person some underwear or a swimsuit, depending on the context it's no longer 100%
and go on like this there comes a point where it's 50-50
put on a full burka and them you can say it's the watchers fault...
The idea that woman can wear anything they want in PUBLIC and man don't have the right to stare is just stupid and goes against biology as well...
My wife is pretty (imo), but her style is dressing like a truck driver. Nobody stares. She's a very interesting person, though, thoughtful, funny and unique. That's why I like her. I also take steps not to draw attention to myself, but to each their own.
The way I would phrase it: “You can’t control how other people look at you. That is not within your power, and you aren’t responsible for their dirty minds. That doesn’t mean you have to be a victim. If you want to take control of something, take control over how you present yourself and who you associate with.”
Or, “If you are hoping one day to be in a long-term relationship, the best way to prepare yourself is practicing being in one. Having a lot of short little flings isn’t going to give you the life experience you need to be able to sustain a long-term relationship. It’s a skill like every other skill; you have to get good at it.”
I'd say just develop yourself. Be the best version of yourself you can be, and you'll recognize and attract the best people.
Dressing to be attractive is only "empowering" in the most superficial of ways. It's the easiest way to be "unique," and attracts shallow people.
Where are they going where men stare at them? I'm thinking this is made up. No one pays attention to others. If they see people staring at them they are in fact staring back. Creating the same situation. Some men are pigs. But quit staring back. But I'm sure now I will be called names.