I also hate it when you wanna say no, you have to come up with an excuse/explanation as to why you are declining their request... We aren't obliged to explain anything, yet some people want an explanation. It's so exhausting.
Correct. “No” from others often saved my live, although the people who gave me a “no” suffered often much more than I, I found out. Mostly people have problems with “no”, because of feeling unworthy 🤭
I have been working for Goodwill for some 6 years now,.. one my main duties at Goodwill is to say. No to people when we are unable to accept their donations we can't take donations that go straight into the trash .. feeling like the nice guy by not saying no ..at Goodwill we are not the dump and can't resale trash
Not physically but No has meant disconnection and exile in my world. Family and friends. Obviously these aren’t positive stable reciprocal relationships. Changes, even small ones, I made to improve my life and alter my role a bit was meant I’m left without connection and support and also the subject of devaluation amongst these people.
@@llkellenba Thank you for responding🙏 I am sorry for your pain too. It is quite challenging to resist the compulsion to move into a Caretaking role just to alleviate sensed disconnection. But I am at the stage of life now where not doing so is the most life giving thing. Is that how you are experiencing it?
@@leoniphelan5278 true - I did that for decades and never realized once I couldn’t, took a step back from that role or was no longer needed by family I had no further value or place in the family system. That was seriously bitter pill to swallow. Doing my own recovery ❤️🩹 it’s becoming much clearer.
I've been there . The only advise I can give is try to take very small steps every day to improve or change the situation . Over time you will see the progress
Yep, I’ve been yelled at and screamed at or pouted at or physically harmed more times when I did say “No” (or the like) than having a kind and understanding interaction with other people when I put down my boundaries clearly. It’s terrifying to put down boundaries, for 20 years I was in physical danger and the last 10 years it’s been a combination of dangers. But if I don’t do it then I continue to be walked all over and death sounds easier than living this way. I need to save my own life so I must say No to others… but others can be quite cruel to Serving Doormats like myself.
I may not get an invitation at all for the holidays though I live close to a fairly large family. They are mostly absorbed in their own lives. And their political religious viewpoints. If I do receive an invitation then I have to decide whether to go and walk on eggshells or be ignored like the rest of the year OR just stay home and spend the holidays alone. I put all my eggs in the family basket hosting many a holiday meal in the past-for 20 + people never imaging I’d be left out by myself in my later years. I’m a respectful responsible grateful guest but 🤷♀️. My family is cold.
I can say no and be punished or yes and avoid the bullshit. It’s unfortunate that the people watching these videos are not fucked up. It’s the assholes in this world who need to watch these videos. I don’t have a problem saying no it’s the consequence of saying no that’s the problem. Let’s talk about that
Need new people surrounding us. People who can honor and accept your no. Also we ourselves need to ground our own hearts in the knowledge that we are entitled to say no without guilt. It’s ok to say no - it actually is! Whoa. Amazing. Also I find it to be amazing that the ones who can’t hear “no” well are usually the ones who use it just fine.
I was extremely abused, I was called evil and demonic as a child, beaten horribly quite often along with my siblings. My guilt and anxiety has been an unfortunate permanent part of my character for 30 years on this planet. My parents were evil and sadistic and deserve prison, left myself and my siblings with complex ptsd. Your videos really have been helping me!! Thank you!
😅 yep, “in my culture” we prefer living in “harmony” (aka walking on eggshells).
I also hate it when you wanna say no, you have to come up with an excuse/explanation as to why you are declining their request... We aren't obliged to explain anything, yet some people want an explanation. It's so exhausting.
No is a complete sentence.
@@sheilaabrahams1322 Tell that to them...
If you are in a relationship and you can’t say no, then you are in a dysfunctional codependent relationship and you might be better off alone
Correct. “No” from others often saved my live, although the people who gave me a “no” suffered often much more than I, I found out. Mostly people have problems with “no”, because of feeling unworthy 🤭
I have been working for Goodwill for some 6 years now,.. one my main duties at Goodwill is to say. No to people when we are unable to accept their donations we can't take donations that go straight into the trash .. feeling like the nice guy by not saying no ..at Goodwill we are not the dump and can't resale trash
Thank you for your videos and all the work you put in! Your videos have been an amazing resource to help with my anxiety!
That was super😍 helpful and interesting, thank you!
All good points I hadn’t thought of, thank you.
Not physically but No has meant disconnection and exile in my world. Family and friends. Obviously these aren’t positive stable reciprocal relationships. Changes, even small ones, I made to improve my life and alter my role a bit was meant I’m left without connection and support and also the subject of devaluation amongst these people.
Same
@@leoniphelan5278 I’m sorry 😞 - it’s a disappointing and painful experience
@@llkellenba Thank you for responding🙏
I am sorry for your pain too.
It is quite challenging to resist the compulsion to move into a Caretaking role just to alleviate sensed disconnection.
But I am at the stage of life now where not doing so is the most life giving thing.
Is that how you are experiencing it?
@@leoniphelan5278 true - I did that for decades and never realized once I couldn’t, took a step back from that role or was no longer needed by family I had no further value or place in the family system. That was seriously bitter pill to swallow. Doing my own recovery ❤️🩹 it’s becoming much clearer.
My situation here has gone from bad to worse. I honestly am stuck physically, financially, and emotionally. No way forward no way out. Its impossible.
I've been there . The only advise I can give is try to take very small steps every day to improve or change the situation . Over time you will see the progress
Can we talk about why we are afraid to say no for once. I’m afraid to say no because most people are unable to HEAR the word no
Yep, I’ve been yelled at and screamed at or pouted at or physically harmed more times when I did say “No” (or the like) than having a kind and understanding interaction with other people when I put down my boundaries clearly. It’s terrifying to put down boundaries, for 20 years I was in physical danger and the last 10 years it’s been a combination of dangers. But if I don’t do it then I continue to be walked all over and death sounds easier than living this way. I need to save my own life so I must say No to others… but others can be quite cruel to Serving Doormats like myself.
Another great video
I do t know how to say no
It's especially tough during the holidays to decline an invitation for dinner at Thanksgiving or Christmas. I always struggle with this. Thank you.
I may not get an invitation at all for the holidays though I live close to a fairly large family. They are mostly absorbed in their own lives. And their political religious viewpoints. If I do receive an invitation then I have to decide whether to go and walk on eggshells or be ignored like the rest of the year OR just stay home and spend the holidays alone. I put all my eggs in the family basket hosting many a holiday meal in the past-for 20 + people never imaging I’d be left out by myself in my later years. I’m a respectful responsible grateful guest but 🤷♀️. My family is cold.
All you have to say is, I can't make it but thank you for the invitation. Done
Well explained and too good a subject in the present era of nuclear family
Thank you for this video.
Awesome video.
My family would get upset at me & fight me or take away money they are giving me
❤
I would have to pick a group of females who won’t put me in risky situations if i were to make friends
I can say no and be punished or yes and avoid the bullshit. It’s unfortunate that the people watching these videos are not fucked up. It’s the assholes in this world who need to watch these videos. I don’t have a problem saying no it’s the consequence of saying no that’s the problem. Let’s talk about that
Need new people surrounding us. People who can honor and accept your no.
Also we ourselves need to ground our own hearts in the knowledge that we are entitled to say no without guilt. It’s ok to say no - it actually is! Whoa. Amazing.
Also I find it to be amazing that the ones who can’t hear “no” well are usually the ones who use it just fine.
There is no such thing as a culture that over emphasizes individual autonomy or independence
Agreed!
I was extremely abused, I was called evil and demonic as a child, beaten horribly quite often along with my siblings. My guilt and anxiety has been an unfortunate permanent part of my character for 30 years on this planet. My parents were evil and sadistic and deserve prison, left myself and my siblings with complex ptsd. Your videos really have been helping me!! Thank you!
But i feel nervous when trying to answer