To my future daughter in law, I will not put you under pressure. My home will be your home. Yours is to be a daughter just like my biological daughter. I am more interested in a good heart than a wonderful performance to impress me 😂😂😂❤. If you don't know how to cook, that can be learned.
Thank you Mummy-In Law in advance...I love you already❤❤❤🔥❤🔥. Please take your flowers💐🌻🌺🥀🌹🏵🌷🌼. I know how to cook and clean though but don't enjoy doing them anymore.
Gbam! And if they don't like you, the best and most reasonable thing to do is walk away and leave their son alone but love won't let some women think straight and that's how they spend the next couple of decades unaccepted but tolerated by their in laws instead of embraced with love and respect. The matter long but I'll stop here
I respect and value my self enough to be true to myself wherever I go. I also respect my in-laws and treat them in high esteem. When marrying this together, I am happy and my in laws are happy. When I first met my in-laws, I was a young girl in my early 20s. But I decided to be myself and dress my age. I wanted them to see me as the awesome person that I was, with a touch of crase 😂. My father Inlaw fell in love with me cos he said I wasn’t pretentious. My mother Inlaw hugged me and said I Reminded her of her youth. She re named me England lady, a name she still calls me today.
As a leader and Pastor, I totally understand where Pst Adejumo is coming from. The reality is that a lot of young people these days lack basic 'home training'. The things we think are 'common sense' are no longer common again. A lot of young people are not being raised by parents anymore. Many do not understand basic ethics of respect for elders, social etiquettes and the likes. Some people go for job interviews and don't know the appropriate behaviors. As a Pastor, you meet with all kinds of people from different backgrounds week in, week out. Hence, we are tasked with teaching basic morals and etiquettes even in Church. This is why Pst Adejumo is having to teach this. If you listen to other teachings of hers, she speaks a lot on being confident as a woman, being yourself, knowing your worth, etc. She has championed the empowerment of women. I think her comments here are just a context thing within our culture of respect.
The annoying thing is that they have zero expectations for men...pls let women breathe. society is too harsh on women...I love my parents so much,our in-laws are treated well
There is nothing wrong with expecting more from women in this regard. There are other areas where more is expected from men. For instance, men are compulsorily expected to go to war; women are not
@@itiswritten9423I appreciate your reply. Firstly, your first response was very insightful so thank you. Secondly there is absolutely nothing wrong in the real sense of it but as a general rule of thumb, the motive for some of these 'expectations' or 'more' is highly questionable. Do they really foster closeness, unity, togetherness, or even love at its core? Thirdly and finally to answer your question (forgive the long read), I was privileged enough to co-author a research paper on war (it's a much more specific topic than that) and I won't bore you with the details of it, however, it highlighted that men for centuries have been in advantaged positions of leadership, politically and geographically speaking now, and therefore can be blamed for the causes as well as the effects of war (economic implications, genocides, mass rapes, deaths amongst others, and many times these are often carried out on women and children). Can we then say women and children don't also bear the burden of war along with their male counterparts? Let's not delve into medieval times where some kings went to war for such flimsy reasons e g. their ego, and would then make people's sons go fight their fights for them. Now whether or not, women in leadership will do or would have done better might be another paper topic for me😅. Thank you for listening! Much appreciated.
We should let our children be please. If we do our homework well with our girls and our boys when the time comes the values in them will force itself out. They will be natural not forced. There is no need to pretend, our daughters are not going into the “war front” just because they are going to get married.
Moderation is key! If you finish the food and eats like you are hungry, trust me you will collect when you eventually married the man and you have issues with such in laws. Trust me, they will discuss you when you leave there, be wise . Don't eat carelessly, if accident happened, that is understandable. Everything Pastor Funke said does mean you should be timid but rather be courteous. @Amaka, saying you brought gifts when you came for your audition, was that after you have been selected as part of the crew or what? That could mean your gifts influenced the decision to select you above others. Pst. Funke is not saying pretend but be displomatic! Nyma- thanks as always!
Some of us won't eat at all. I have to know you enough, be comfortable with you to eat in someone's house. So if you actually have people eating when they visit you be grateful. Telling someone not to finish their food, what is the point? Then what will happen to the food you left over? it means it will be thrown away? That is food waste, too many people can't even afford a meal. I think we should all be careful of assumptions and perspectives.
I think the one word that is causing this discussion is where she said “pretend” most people are taking it out of context. Even with Amaka’s gift giving gift, she won’t go to her in laws place jumping up and down showing her real color that first visit.
It definitely depends on the family. If you decide to sweep when I came then just follow through. I’m also there to make sure I can deal with your family. So all these little games would have had my parents pulling me to the side and asking me to be guided. They know how they raised me and I’m sorry all this does not impress my family. In fact they might think you have nothing else to offer and you’re desperate 😂😂😂😂😂 I remember my cousin on the morning after her traditional wedding her mother in law knocked on the door at the crack of dawn to sweep the compound. Let’s just say mama was not prepared for the advice she got from her new daughter in law. I feel Pastor Funke is actually teaching girls to be deceitful. Deceitful and then what? Show the young man her true colors after marriage? It is ungodly to even suggest she pretends. Good manners are not tied to how well you pretend. As Nema pointed out, it depends on the family. We do not kneel to greet anybody in our family. My aunty who was Hausa (God rest her beautiful soul) used to do it when she first married my uncle and he always used to tell her to stop. Eventually she did. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert, it really doesn’t matter. Either one should mind their manners and minding your manners does not mean pretending. I think what I have realized about many aspects of the culture is that people don’t really understand respect. It’s just grand gestures and eye service. My advise to young girls is to be careful. Be fully aware that you’re not going for the first visit to be inspected like a prize cow. You should go there to also see what you might deal with. The man you’re with might be totally different without his family’s influence. How his family behaves is very important to your decision to be forever tied to them.
Really people define respect with respect to that particular culture. Which is of course is not standardised. Because what is acceptable in a particularly culture may be wrongdoing somewhere else.
There are many things to talk about than wasting time on what Pastor mrs Funke Adejumo said. If you like go and stand on your mother inlaw, no courtesy , wear revelling clothes or go there naked, go for the biggest meat in their pot etc etc , when you turn 40 at home your eyes will clear and receive wisdom. As a Pastor ,she only advised. Remember she used the culture she is conversant with as an example. Enough of this castigation. It is very easy to criticise someone else's script.
I think it's important to understand what respect means in people's culture. When you go to other people's place, you treat them in the way respect means to them and not what it means to you.
They compel the woman to know everything yet their son's knows nothing. That is why most Nigeria men are easily divorced when they go overseas because they know nothing of how to take care of the most minor thing at home.
I stand with the pastor! Their position on the issue easily reveals why many homes are the way it is today. 😢😢😢 me me me,my my my😢😢😢! Thanks to Morayo and Nyma for their understanding cultural wise🎉.
Respectfully, what they shared on this discussion is not responsible for the state of marriages today. It's mothers who propagate the Patriarchal system that make their sons feel entitled in the marriage.
I appreciate Morayo's stance the most, I mean, why are we all pretending like we didn't grow up hearing all these things from our parents? When you go out for interviews or you have an opportunity to meet the president, if you were naturally nasty and disrespectful, will you go there and "be yourself", won't you try to put up a good First impression? Amaka agrees with her but even in your disagreement you are still saying the same thing she said. She didn't say be timid, she just said, be careful and don't be too forward. Simples. Morayo, I love your shoes, they are giving.
you know the funniest thing about this video is that it is not even a recent video and the way it is being dissected kinda shocked me. everyone is acting like these things were not inculcated into us while growing up. Meeting your inlaws for the first time is a big deal especially if there is a high indication that marriage is the goal. Nigeria is even still cool. You wanna try Asians?
I think the best way to go about it either woman or man is to act naturally the way you will behave with your mother or father. You don’t need to pretend and act as if you are going in for an interview. People can easily know when you are acting. Have a good conversation with your mother-in-law and appreciate your father-in-law That will have a lasting impression on them. They will know you the first day instead of being known later when you display your real self.
Thank God she said in her culture. So I am from the Great Igbo Nation, in my land humans (males and females) do not bow to greet other humans, so I did not kneel or act in a particular way, I was myself. Very relaxed, I did not even know people had to act. I do not expect my daughter in law to act off, except the usual good behavior everyone should have whether it’s in law or anywhere one needs to make first impression. When you pretend too much, my people could become suspicious
FALSE! In the traditional Igbo marriage - Igba nkwu, do the women not kneel to serve their to-be husbands palm wine?? If you decide to "be yourself" that's fine and is your right. But you can't speak for the entire Igbo nation of over 20 million individuals.
@@Wils0n_ Thanks for your observation, but to serve their husband-to-be wine in a single setting to make a statement of respect is different from kneeling down to greet him (or others) whenever he appears or you encounter them. Ndigbo DO NOT kneel to greet people; this is truth. It doesn’t mean that cultures that do so are wrong or right; it’s just different. Igbo world view.
❤ i miss Tope on this Episode. I love what Nyma said, if its a culture when I get to that house I must the daughters kneeling and sons prostrating. They must also replicate this culture when they come visiting
I agree that women and men visiting trips are to be managed differently.... 1. A woman is the home builder... so be real, all the family is watching out for is to see if this lady will be a good home builder that's all. 2. The man is to be the head of a new home. So, they taste him with power and authority to see how he would behave if he is treated kingly...I personally would make sure to see that the husband to be is not a proud boastful person because the lady will most likely be oppressed in the marriage. That's my thought.😊
My first date many moons ago refused to eat at the expensive restaurant we visited. She watched me enjoy my plate and thereafter accused me of not offering her a single chip off my plate. I really couldn't figure out what her game was. 40 years later...I still couldn't, but this video just explained it all! Thank you.
During my 1st visit, I didn't see the kitchen o. I ate pounded Yam. It was a go-come visit, from Akure to Okitipupa. For me, it wasn't an audition, it was a loving loving visit. My 1st visit was part of the reason I married my husband.
I eagree. There are areas where women get preferential treatment than men. For instance, in the event of war, men are required to fight while women are not. In fact, women are protected. If a woman's car breaks down on the road, men are more willing to assist her than if it's a man whose car broke down.
@@enaiagodo9847The real question is, why are the standards different? Male and female job seekers must BOTH comport themselves for an interview. As my dad would fondly say (yes my dad!), "I'm not asking someone's son to come over and weed my compound or wash the cars, so you my daughter are a queen. I raised you all well but you are all royalty." Both genders should just always choose each other and learn to be of service when in such situations but not that 'more is demanded' from either gender in the real sense of it.
What a ground breaking innovative news for the ladies. I dont think i have heard this kind of news before. Now am knowledgeable enough to extract data and analyse for inventories and documentations NICE EMPOWERMENT FOR THE WOMEN.KUDOS
Pastor Funke is on point here. It’s not her, it’s our culture. I think we should listen to her and put in context what she means by pretend. She is also talking in a Christians. I don’t think she expects anyone to be wolf in sheep clothing in that setting
When having a formal visit normally, all these courtesies are required just like a job interview. I believe that first impressions matter a lot in every facet of life not just with inlaws. The only thing I am not comfortable with is being quiet during the visit. I love friendly interactions and discussions that are respectful.
Lol Im youruba and I kneel down to greet my elders but I think Pastor Funke exaggerated it 😂😂😂.... One shoes does not fit all... I did all that to my inlaws but they didn't like me 😂😂😂... Everyone go dey alright . The relationship is better now but trust me I did all these things she said and thats who i am and how I was trained . If they dont like you they dont ...they like me at first but started coming up with their primitive way of thinking
Just be yourself. And be kind to them. See them as your new family, not a set of people ready to fight you. Love will conquer all tings. Most inlaws will respect and love you if you show love and are real, genuine.
In my time i didn't pretend at all but my mother-in-law accepted me without questioning even when she would have preferred a core church girl. I was always cheerful to the core.
I think we are glorifying and encouraging pretension rather than genuine cultural values as done in those days. If a girl or boy is well trained at home you do not need rehearsal or special lessons on how to behave in any occasion wether visiting inlaws, other family members or total strangers. I think what Pastor Adejumo should be teaching is not how to rehearse but the real values and strength in this cultural values.
Decency and common etiquette is a everyday alway things. Culture dictates norms. In my culture there isn’t much pressure. We are very selective about eating so most of us will not want to be offered food on first meeting. It’s mostly for conversation. If it’s a stay over trip, we will offer our help; it’s then up to the in law to accept or decline. Have the best relationship with my in-law met them as “myself “.
Unfortunately, several prospective in-laws in Africa are judgemental especially the senior women except for a pre arranged marriage between both families. I think Pastor Funke was erring on the side of caution because these double standards are real factsssss. The lady needs to pass the entrance examination first. The getting-to-know part is going to take years, even decades after the marriage.The lady should also evaluate her in laws too during that first meeting to decide whether she is willing to go ahead with the package deal or not.
She said “even if you are an extrovert you should pretend” My question is why pretend then years down the line you bare your fangs? That’s hypocrisy if you ask me.
If Parents in laws treats the lady like queen they will be treated likewise. Pretence should be out of it. Ladies be yourself. What u can eat dont bring it close to your nose. My first time of attending an interview was great , fortunately I was very punctual and I was the second person to be called ask for a seat so confidence that day, I got the job because God has destined it and was qualified due my experience. During the interview I asked questions it was as if I was having conversation with the panelists. Oh no I can never forget that day.
It depends on individual mindsets. My husband's family have an only daughter who is my very good friend, si I had it good from day one in their home. My mother in law spoilt me something and treats me like a daughter ❤.
The man that is marrying the woman has not set all these tests for the woman he intends to be living with, but it’s the people who will not live with him that are setting internship program for the woman. Just like the ladies o the panel are saying, if you like coach your young daughters to go and pretend, they will show you pepper when they eventually enter the house 😂
Exactly what I said when it was posted on my family WhatsApp group. Is it maidship we are auditioning for abeg? Which one is put your head down. Ha, on top of what?
Pst.Mrs Should revise her advice edition. When you are talking with anyone be it in-laws or not, observe rules guiding communication. Be confident not proud, be friendly and warm. People like someone who knows how to communicate. Then on the issue of food. Abeg if you fit clear the plate , clear am. So in this economy, I will serve you and you will be cos u want to be a good wife leave my food and want to waste it. You go carry takeaway for your head. Better you request moderate quantity you will be able to finish. No Cap. Kneeling down these days does not mean good behavior. However, for the sake of culture, kneel down very well and then rise to get a seat. You are a guest, a special guest at that!
My advice, as an individual. Always respect all stakeholders in your life. Show respect in the way you know how or are trained. Ladies, do not ever kill yourself for validation from anyone. Once you start, you will have to keep up till the Lord calls you. Be yourself. Many Nigerian girls show more love to their in laws than their families while Nigerian Men show more love to their family than in laws. Borrow yourselves brain. The only one we should please in any marriage is God. Submit to your own husband. Husband, love your wife. Every other person is a third party- Let no Man…..
There is nothing wrong with what the Pastor has said it's a guide and being overly all over the place on your first visit could send a wrong signal and a visit to in law is not a place to access true behavior of a person if you go deep into culture they already have a load down of your person before your arrival. Getting to know people takes building, research, test and nurturing a relationship with them and find your match. If both parties have trained their children well they would bring home something presentable by God's help. May we not fall victim of two faced humans
Everyone has spoken well. But the bottom line is that in many cases, what people say is different from what they do and the happenings in our society. Nigeria hasn't lost its culture yet, be cultured and respectful when you visit your in-laws, especially for the first time.
Abeg who is this guest lady coming on TV Chatting rubbish. A wise counsel from woman like Pst Adejumo is golden. If you like, don't behave yourself when meeting your inlaws its true in almost every culture across the world. You risk ruining your relationship. I agree that the inlaws expectation is unfavourable to women however
Your language alone shows that you don't listen to wise counsel. You don't even have respect for the Pst Adejumo you are quoting to hide your uncouth self. Look at how you address a woman on TV
😂😂😂😂This is funny to me sha .....cos i offered to wash plate, they said i should not worry, and i did noy force it( my family did not like it sha😂), we were even lodged in a guest house.and i have the best Inlaws ....but Pastor Funke is right sha
Blend in as a family member. If you are marrying into the family and becoming a new member learn their ways and adopt them. This will be the test of your welcome or rejection and what you believe you can live with. Do not fake being someone you are not. The deception will wear off as soon as you are married and conflict will ensue. Be wise and choose wisely.
So I remember like it was yesterday the first day I met my mother in-law she asked me to sit that she is making beans and plantain that she wants me to eat and honestly I sat just chatting with my sister in-laws. She served me when the meal was ready and it was the yummiest beans and plantain I ever ate
All the panelists are saying the same tin as Rev. Adejumo, they're all agreeing and disagreeing with her at the same time cos all she said is simple etiquette required when visiting 👌
Honestly, the best thing to do is just to be urself!! And be sincere, if they want to like u, they will definitely like u no matter what, so no need to pretend!! Up till date, my inlaws know my flaws right from day one and they accepted me that way!!! I also applied that method of sincerity when i went for job interview, I was asked if I would accept any where am being posted to, and I said NO!! Guess what, I got the job, and they said one of the basis for me being employed was my being sincere!! So, I dont encourage people pretending.
Be yourself and at the same time be moderate in everything you do at your first visit. Either you pretend oooo, diplomatic or even show your true colour somehow certain act will speak whom you are especially if you visit the intelligent inlaw. To me what matter most is you being yourself, moderate and display of your intelligence.
People should be reasonable please. I see nothing wrong in all Pst Funke said...respect them and be careful of the impression you will give them about yourself.
Let's be honest with ourselves. The first time meeting your inlaws can't reveal everything about you or them enough to ascertain if they'll like you or you like them. For me, it's a normal visit. It becomes complicated when we have a mindset that we are going for approval or acceptance and start to put up walls that are not necessary.
Pasor Funke is giving an exact advise she will give to her daughter on her first visit to her in laws. So it is not out of way. I believe she couldn’t find a word better than the “pretend”
Amaka she did not say pretend. She said be diplomatic. Thank you Hajia, Amaka is going forth and back. She's taking the woman on the wrong context. She said contribute to discussion and not be too forward. Everything in moderator
This our generation, e be as e get🤔.......Just be the best of yourself😍. You can't give what you don't have👌, start dropping those bad habits now. Also pray that your village pple will not follow you there😀😀...... Ire o🎉😎
Some people can't eat without dropping food on themselves. A senior nurse met me eating during break that time. I was pregnant then, and loved eating dried cat-fish in my my palm-oyel drenched rice stew. I never knew she had watched me overtime. That day, she said, I love the way you eat, she said, do you know, I can't eat without dropping oil on my cloths. No matter how I tried and that's why she always cover her cloths. We are all just differently framed.
Am from Cameroon we have so many ethnic groups and no one of this groups has any culture that normalizes kneeling down or genuflecting to greet elders or in-laws. All this is very strange to me.
She was addressing ladies, so of course she would give advice that benefits ladies. What she was talking about is emotional intelligence. If you were going to visit a king, it would be wise to know the protocol. The same thing applies to men. If a man is coming to meet his girlfriend's parents for the first time, he must also know how to comport himself. It has nothing to do with slavery. These days we just seem to be on the look out for what to criticise. Thank God the Pastor is very focused and pays the naysayers no mind.
All these rules! hian. Please build a sound mind, be a beautiful heart and be yourself anywhere you go, this life is too short to be tip toeing up and down like a thief or pretending like a scammer. Man or woman just be yourself and make sure you are bringing something to the table, don't be empty.
Ima. You are 100 percent. right. Is all ways different? For girls Why? No body the man will do why. Is time we stop all this nonsense. And all this pastors should stop all this ok
My God, people are very quick to be judgmental these days. The pastor said a lot of things on etiquette, and elegance. Nobody focused on that. Funny, when I went to Zimbabwe, it was the groom that had to impress his wife's family. They cook, and I mean do the turning of the Fufu, and fetching of water, splitting firewood. It all depends on the in laws and the man who is marrying. In my case, my husband went through the hoops before my dad gave him the green light.
To my future daughter in law, I will not put you under pressure. My home will be your home. Yours is to be a daughter just like my biological daughter. I am more interested in a good heart than a wonderful performance to impress me 😂😂😂❤. If you don't know how to cook, that can be learned.
Thank you Mummy-In Law in advance...I love you already❤❤❤🔥❤🔥. Please take your flowers💐🌻🌺🥀🌹🏵🌷🌼. I know how to cook and clean though but don't enjoy doing them anymore.
You are amazing and would be warm to live with
YK..... ❤😂🎉 Me that was a parrot. 😅😅
Amazing😢
Thanks ma
No matter what you do for them , if they don't like you, they don't like you o o . It is when they like you that they will appreciate whatever you do.
Gbam! And if they don't like you, the best and most reasonable thing to do is walk away and leave their son alone but love won't let some women think straight and that's how they spend the next couple of decades unaccepted but tolerated by their in laws instead of embraced with love and respect. The matter long but I'll stop here
You are not doing it for them to like you, you are going it to show that you have cultural manners. If they don't like you, that's their own business.
Gbam you can't please some in-laws no matter what you do!
Thank you for this statement o
I respect and value my self enough to be true to myself wherever I go. I also respect my in-laws and treat them in high esteem. When marrying this together, I am happy and my in laws are happy.
When I first met my in-laws, I was a young girl in my early 20s. But I decided to be myself and dress my age. I wanted them to see me as the awesome person that I was, with a touch of crase 😂. My father Inlaw fell in love with me cos he said I wasn’t pretentious. My mother Inlaw hugged me and said I Reminded her of her youth. She re named me England lady, a name she still calls me today.
As a leader and Pastor, I totally understand where Pst Adejumo is coming from.
The reality is that a lot of young people these days lack basic 'home training'. The things we think are 'common sense' are no longer common again. A lot of young people are not being raised by parents anymore. Many do not understand basic ethics of respect for elders, social etiquettes and the likes.
Some people go for job interviews and don't know the appropriate behaviors.
As a Pastor, you meet with all kinds of people from different backgrounds week in, week out. Hence, we are tasked with teaching basic morals and etiquettes even in Church. This is why Pst Adejumo is having to teach this.
If you listen to other teachings of hers, she speaks a lot on being confident as a woman, being yourself, knowing your worth, etc. She has championed the empowerment of women.
I think her comments here are just a context thing within our culture of respect.
The pressure is too much on women just for validation. Just do what you know how to do, be yourself, and do the right thing.
We know your kind.....You better go and get home training because that's how some of you nowadays laddie don't want and will never learn
Don't pretend. Be yourself. Don't start what you can't finish.
Very true
Simple
To my future daughter in law
You are blessed and highly favoured.
I will treat you like my own daughter infact, we are going to be teammates😊
A simple rule is.... be yourself.
💯
Ah… no o
In purpose of this, it comes with advantages and disadvantages
I would rather say you should observe
Correct! For how many years will you pretend and be in bondage
This Nyma is so funny and confident in herself, things I love to see🥰🥰
The annoying thing is that they have zero expectations for men...pls let women breathe. society is too harsh on women...I love my parents so much,our in-laws are treated well
Truee
There is nothing wrong with expecting more from women in this regard.
There are other areas where more is expected from men. For instance, men are compulsorily expected to go to war; women are not
@@itiswritten9423we understand you. A question though, who causes most wars?
@@ijafiadabenhirki6786
I don't know. Do you know what causes most wars?
@@itiswritten9423I appreciate your reply.
Firstly, your first response was very insightful so thank you.
Secondly there is absolutely nothing wrong in the real sense of it but as a general rule of thumb, the motive for some of these 'expectations' or 'more' is highly questionable. Do they really foster closeness, unity, togetherness, or even love at its core?
Thirdly and finally to answer your question (forgive the long read), I was privileged enough to co-author a research paper on war (it's a much more specific topic than that) and I won't bore you with the details of it, however, it highlighted that men for centuries have been in advantaged positions of leadership, politically and geographically speaking now, and therefore can be blamed for the causes as well as the effects of war (economic implications, genocides, mass rapes, deaths amongst others, and many times these are often carried out on women and children).
Can we then say women and children don't also bear the burden of war along with their male counterparts?
Let's not delve into medieval times where some kings went to war for such flimsy reasons e g. their ego, and would then make people's sons go fight their fights for them.
Now whether or not, women in leadership will do or would have done better might be another paper topic for me😅.
Thank you for listening! Much appreciated.
We should learn to keep first impression that last, but without hypocrisy
We should let our children be please. If we do our homework well with our girls and our boys when the time comes the values in them will force itself out. They will be natural not forced. There is no need to pretend, our daughters are not going into the “war front” just because they are going to get married.
Moderation is key! If you finish the food and eats like you are hungry, trust me you will collect when you eventually married the man and you have issues with such in laws. Trust me, they will discuss you when you leave there, be wise . Don't eat carelessly, if accident happened, that is understandable.
Everything Pastor Funke said does mean you should be timid but rather be courteous.
@Amaka, saying you brought gifts when you came for your audition, was that after you have been selected as part of the crew or what? That could mean your gifts influenced the decision to select you above others.
Pst. Funke is not saying pretend but be displomatic!
Nyma- thanks as always!
She used the word pretend!
Let’s call a spade a spade
Two things can be true
Some of us won't eat at all. I have to know you enough, be comfortable with you to eat in someone's house. So if you actually have people eating when they visit you be grateful. Telling someone not to finish their food, what is the point? Then what will happen to the food you left over? it means it will be thrown away? That is food waste, too many people can't even afford a meal. I think we should all be careful of assumptions and perspectives.
I think the one word that is causing this discussion is where she said “pretend” most people are taking it out of context. Even with Amaka’s gift giving gift, she won’t go to her in laws place jumping up and down showing her real color that first visit.
@@Gray_Studytube: that pretend too is good. Some of us need to really stem down our hyperactivities.
I like Amaka's points. She balanced it well
It definitely depends on the family. If you decide to sweep when I came then just follow through. I’m also there to make sure I can deal with your family. So all these little games would have had my parents pulling me to the side and asking me to be guided. They know how they raised me and I’m sorry all this does not impress my family. In fact they might think you have nothing else to offer and you’re desperate 😂😂😂😂😂 I remember my cousin on the morning after her traditional wedding her mother in law knocked on the door at the crack of dawn to sweep the compound. Let’s just say mama was not prepared for the advice she got from her new daughter in law. I feel Pastor Funke is actually teaching girls to be deceitful. Deceitful and then what? Show the young man her true colors after marriage? It is ungodly to even suggest she pretends. Good manners are not tied to how well you pretend. As Nema pointed out, it depends on the family. We do not kneel to greet anybody in our family. My aunty who was Hausa (God rest her beautiful soul) used to do it when she first married my uncle and he always used to tell her to stop. Eventually she did. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert, it really doesn’t matter. Either one should mind their manners and minding your manners does not mean pretending. I think what I have realized about many aspects of the culture is that people don’t really understand respect. It’s just grand gestures and eye service. My advise to young girls is to be careful. Be fully aware that you’re not going for the first visit to be inspected like a prize cow. You should go there to also see what you might deal with. The man you’re with might be totally different without his family’s influence. How his family behaves is very important to your decision to be forever tied to them.
Totally totally totally 100% agree. Gbam. What type of advice is that? What the heck?
❤❤❤
Really people define respect with respect to that particular culture. Which is of course is not standardised. Because what is acceptable in a particularly culture may be wrongdoing somewhere else.
Exactly my opinion just be you no pretence because such person will have a problem with the in law
My opinion is just to be composed without pretense. Be naturally real to your inlaws during the visit.
There are many things to talk about than wasting time on what Pastor mrs Funke Adejumo said. If you like go and stand on your mother inlaw, no courtesy , wear revelling clothes or go there naked, go for the biggest meat in their pot etc etc , when you turn 40 at home your eyes will clear and receive wisdom.
As a Pastor ,she only advised. Remember she used the culture she is conversant with as an example. Enough of this castigation. It is very easy to criticise someone else's script.
God bless you. I love your comment
My daughter(s) in-laws are blessed to have me. Just be good enough for the Holy Ghost.
I love you already Mummy-In-Law in advance❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥
I think it's important to understand what respect means in people's culture. When you go to other people's place, you treat them in the way respect means to them and not what it means to you.
& when you don't meet up to their cultural standard of showing respect you're labeled as disrespectful right?
❤🎉
They compel the woman to know everything yet their son's knows nothing. That is why most Nigeria men are easily divorced when they go overseas because they know nothing of how to take care of the most minor thing at home.
@@anthoniasegun7000 Overseas...most Nigerian ladies are sick 😷
I stand with the pastor! Their position on the issue easily reveals why many homes are the way it is today. 😢😢😢 me me me,my my my😢😢😢!
Thanks to Morayo and Nyma for their understanding cultural wise🎉.
Respectfully, what they shared on this discussion is not responsible for the state of marriages today. It's mothers who propagate the Patriarchal system that make their sons feel entitled in the marriage.
You can never please them. So just try and do the right things
The remaining 3 women were deceiving us except 1 person. statement of the pastor mrs is what every african parent will tell their daugther to do.
I appreciate Morayo's stance the most, I mean, why are we all pretending like we didn't grow up hearing all these things from our parents? When you go out for interviews or you have an opportunity to meet the president, if you were naturally nasty and disrespectful, will you go there and "be yourself", won't you try to put up a good First impression? Amaka agrees with her but even in your disagreement you are still saying the same thing she said. She didn't say be timid, she just said, be careful and don't be too forward. Simples. Morayo, I love your shoes, they are giving.
you know the funniest thing about this video is that it is not even a recent video and the way it is being dissected kinda shocked me. everyone is acting like these things were not inculcated into us while growing up. Meeting your inlaws for the first time is a big deal especially if there is a high indication that marriage is the goal. Nigeria is even still cool. You wanna try Asians?
Later..love 💕 the dress...photo Sabinus
Just be the best version of yourself. Let's be kind and less judgemental, too. There's no😊 need to fake it.
Some family are terrible to marry you can never please them. The really want a maid and not a wife
Exactly
Just be polite, nice and be yourself. The lady is someone’s daughter for heaven’s sakes: she is not auditioning to be a maid!!
I think the best way to go about it either woman or man is to act naturally the way you will behave with your mother or father. You don’t need to pretend and act as if you are going in for an interview. People can easily know when you are acting. Have a good conversation with your mother-in-law and appreciate your father-in-law That will have a lasting impression on them. They will know you the first day instead of being known later when you display your real self.
Thank God she said in her culture. So I am from the Great Igbo Nation, in my land humans (males and females) do not bow to greet other humans, so I did not kneel or act in a particular way, I was myself. Very relaxed, I did not even know people had to act. I do not expect my daughter in law to act off, except the usual good behavior everyone should have whether it’s in law or anywhere one needs to make first impression. When you pretend too much, my people could become suspicious
FALSE!
In the traditional Igbo marriage - Igba nkwu, do the women not kneel to serve their to-be husbands palm wine??
If you decide to "be yourself" that's fine and is your right. But you can't speak for the entire Igbo nation of over 20 million individuals.
@@Wils0n_ I think they are talking about first visit to the in-laws and not traditional marriage yet.
@@Wils0n_
Thanks for your observation, but to serve their husband-to-be wine in a single setting to make a statement of respect is different from kneeling down to greet him (or others) whenever he appears or you encounter them.
Ndigbo DO NOT kneel to greet people; this is truth. It doesn’t mean that cultures that do so are wrong or right; it’s just different. Igbo world view.
❤ i miss Tope on this Episode. I love what Nyma said, if its a culture when I get to that house I must the daughters kneeling and sons prostrating. They must also replicate this culture when they come visiting
It's senior women giving examination to the younger ladies. The men are not critical
Lol. Big Belle.
I agree that women and men visiting trips are to be managed differently....
1. A woman is the home builder... so be real, all the family is watching out for is to see if this lady will be a good home builder that's all.
2. The man is to be the head of a new home. So, they taste him with power and authority to see how he would behave if he is treated kingly...I personally would make sure to see that the husband to be is not a proud boastful person because the lady will most likely be oppressed in the marriage. That's my thought.😊
My first date many moons ago refused to eat at the expensive restaurant we visited. She watched me enjoy my plate and thereafter accused me of not offering her a single chip off my plate. I really couldn't figure out what her game was. 40 years later...I still couldn't, but this video just explained it all! Thank you.
Amaka, thank you so much. I love your point. God bless you
During my 1st visit, I didn't see the kitchen o. I ate pounded Yam. It was a go-come visit, from Akure to Okitipupa. For me, it wasn't an audition, it was a loving loving visit. My 1st visit was part of the reason I married my husband.
Hmmm, Dear God! I covet this experience
Our culture treats men and women differently. Simple as that. It is not right vs wrong. That is just the way it is.
I eagree. There are areas where women get preferential treatment than men. For instance, in the event of war, men are required to fight while women are not. In fact, women are protected.
If a woman's car breaks down on the road, men are more willing to assist her than if it's a man whose car broke down.
What Past Adejumo is talking about is about the culture.
No she teaches pretence
According to this video
@deborahidowu2056 Is it pretense to comport yourself properly at an interview?
@@enaiagodo9847The real question is, why are the standards different? Male and female job seekers must BOTH comport themselves for an interview. As my dad would fondly say (yes my dad!), "I'm not asking someone's son to come over and weed my compound or wash the cars, so you my daughter are a queen. I raised you all well but you are all royalty."
Both genders should just always choose each other and learn to be of service when in such situations but not that 'more is demanded' from either gender in the real sense of it.
What a ground breaking innovative news for the ladies. I dont think i have heard this kind of news before. Now am knowledgeable enough to extract data and analyse for inventories and documentations
NICE EMPOWERMENT FOR THE WOMEN.KUDOS
I really love your point of view Amaka.No need for pretence at all.
Be yourself and be confident. Discuss wisely, know when to talk and when not to talk. Be wise period.
Pastor Funke is on point here. It’s not her, it’s our culture. I think we should listen to her and put in context what she means by pretend. She is also talking in a Christians. I don’t think she expects anyone to be wolf in sheep clothing in that setting
Pls she exaggerated I beg
Mrs. Pastor. People should be themselves. That is the right thing to do period
When having a formal visit normally, all these courtesies are required just like a job interview. I believe that first impressions matter a lot in every facet of life not just with inlaws. The only thing I am not comfortable with is being quiet during the visit. I love friendly interactions and discussions that are respectful.
This teaching is extreme. For ladies to be timid before their inlaws
God forbids it
Lol Im youruba and I kneel down to greet my elders but I think Pastor Funke exaggerated it 😂😂😂.... One shoes does not fit all... I did all that to my inlaws but they didn't like me 😂😂😂... Everyone go dey alright . The relationship is better now but trust me I did all these things she said and thats who i am and how I was trained . If they dont like you they dont ...they like me at first but started coming up with their primitive way of thinking
My sister 😂
Pastor Mrs Adejumo is saying the truth, she is #100% right.don't argue on what is not thank.
They are just pretending. Do they pray that their male child should bring home someone that will come and be too extra.
I will be myself, and that is what I have done since getting married. If they don't like to leave it.
Just be yourself. And be kind to them. See them as your new family, not a set of people ready to fight you. Love will conquer all tings. Most inlaws will respect and love you if you show love and are real, genuine.
You come to my house and you're too perfect, it won't work for me. Relax
In my time i didn't pretend at all but my mother-in-law accepted me without questioning even when she would have preferred a core church girl. I was always cheerful to the core.
Thank you madam YK, I love your conversation because you nail It is not good to be pretending.
I think we are glorifying and encouraging pretension rather than genuine cultural values as done in those days. If a girl or boy is well trained at home you do not need rehearsal or special lessons on how to behave in any occasion wether visiting inlaws, other family members or total strangers. I think what Pastor Adejumo should be teaching is not how to rehearse but the real values and strength in this cultural values.
As a Yoruba man I totally agreed with the Pastor
Decency and common etiquette is a everyday alway things. Culture dictates norms. In my culture there isn’t much pressure. We are very selective about eating so most of us will not want to be offered food on first meeting. It’s mostly for conversation. If it’s a stay over trip, we will offer our help; it’s then up to the in law to accept or decline. Have the best relationship with my in-law met them as “myself “.
Unfortunately, several prospective in-laws in Africa are judgemental especially the senior women except for a pre arranged marriage between both families.
I think Pastor Funke was erring on the side of caution because these double standards are real factsssss.
The lady needs to pass the entrance examination first. The getting-to-know part is going to take years, even decades after the marriage.The lady should also evaluate her in laws too during that first meeting to decide whether she is willing to go ahead with the package deal or not.
I love this esp the last part
She said “even if you are an extrovert you should pretend” My question is why pretend then years down the line you bare your fangs? That’s hypocrisy if you ask me.
If Parents in laws treats the lady like queen they will be treated likewise. Pretence should be out of it. Ladies be yourself. What u can eat dont bring it close to your nose. My first time of attending an interview was great , fortunately I was very punctual and I was the second person to be called ask for a seat so confidence that day, I got the job because God has destined it and was qualified due my experience. During the interview I asked questions it was as if I was having conversation with the panelists. Oh no I can never forget that day.
It depends on individual mindsets. My husband's family have an only daughter who is my very good friend, si I had it good from day one in their home. My mother in law spoilt me something and treats me like a daughter ❤.
The man that is marrying the woman has not set all these tests for the woman he intends to be living with, but it’s the people who will not live with him that are setting internship program for the woman. Just like the ladies o the panel are saying, if you like coach your young daughters to go and pretend, they will show you pepper when they eventually enter the house 😂
Hypo jik😂
Exactly what I said when it was posted on my family WhatsApp group. Is it maidship we are auditioning for abeg? Which one is put your head down. Ha, on top of what?
Pst.Mrs Should revise her advice edition. When you are talking with anyone be it in-laws or not, observe rules guiding communication. Be confident not proud, be friendly and warm. People like someone who knows how to communicate.
Then on the issue of food. Abeg if you fit clear the plate , clear am. So in this economy, I will serve you and you will be cos u want to be a good wife leave my food and want to waste it. You go carry takeaway for your head. Better you request moderate quantity you will be able to finish. No Cap.
Kneeling down these days does not mean good behavior. However, for the sake of culture, kneel down very well and then rise to get a seat. You are a guest, a special guest at that!
My advice, as an individual. Always respect all stakeholders in your life. Show respect in the way you know how or are trained.
Ladies, do not ever kill yourself for validation from anyone. Once you start, you will have to keep up till the Lord calls you. Be yourself.
Many Nigerian girls show more love to their in laws than their families while Nigerian Men show more love to their family than in laws. Borrow yourselves brain.
The only one we should please in any marriage is God. Submit to your own husband. Husband, love your wife. Every other person is a third party- Let no Man…..
There is nothing wrong with what the Pastor has said it's a guide and being overly all over the place on your first visit could send a wrong signal and a visit to in law is not a place to access true behavior of a person if you go deep into culture they already have a load down of your person before your arrival. Getting to know people takes building, research, test and nurturing a relationship with them and find your match. If both parties have trained their children well they would bring home something presentable by God's help. May we not fall victim of two faced humans
Everyone has spoken well. But the bottom line is that in many cases, what people say is different from what they do and the happenings in our society.
Nigeria hasn't lost its culture yet, be cultured and respectful when you visit your in-laws, especially for the first time.
Abeg who is this guest lady coming on TV Chatting rubbish. A wise counsel from woman like Pst Adejumo is golden. If you like, don't behave yourself when meeting your inlaws its true in almost every culture across the world. You risk ruining your relationship. I agree that the inlaws expectation is unfavourable to women however
Your language alone shows that you don't listen to wise counsel. You don't even have respect for the Pst Adejumo you are quoting to hide your uncouth self. Look at how you address a woman on TV
I go to my inlaws and sit in the parlor and I'm served. I gist with them, eat, Say thank you , cleared the table and went back to watch tv
COMMON SENSE AND COURTESY!
I agree with Aunt Yeni Ooo,let him or her be themselves...make them comfortable
YK, have scattered the table 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What a performance! Lol. Some of it is common courtesy.
😂😂😂😂This is funny to me sha .....cos i offered to wash plate, they said i should not worry, and i did noy force it( my family did not like it sha😂), we were even lodged in a guest house.and i have the best Inlaws ....but Pastor Funke is right sha
Blend in as a family member. If you are marrying into the family and becoming a new member learn their ways and adopt them. This will be the test of your welcome or rejection and what you believe you can live with. Do not fake being someone you are not. The deception will wear off as soon as you are married and conflict will ensue. Be wise and choose wisely.
So I remember like it was yesterday the first day I met my mother in-law she asked me to sit that she is making beans and plantain that she wants me to eat and honestly I sat just chatting with my sister in-laws. She served me when the meal was ready and it was the yummiest beans and plantain I ever ate
All the panelists are saying the same tin as Rev. Adejumo, they're all agreeing and disagreeing with her at the same time cos all she said is simple etiquette required when visiting 👌
Honestly, the best thing to do is just to be urself!! And be sincere, if they want to like u, they will definitely like u no matter what, so no need to pretend!! Up till date, my inlaws know my flaws right from day one and they accepted me that way!!! I also applied that method of sincerity when i went for job interview, I was asked if I would accept any where am being posted to, and I said NO!! Guess what, I got the job, and they said one of the basis for me being employed was my being sincere!! So, I dont encourage people pretending.
She said be diplomatic
If you come to my house and waste food I will think you don't like the food.
This food aspect is not entirely true
I simply love my sons, and trust their choice and want to love my daughter in law.. be yourself.
She’s not even a Nigerian 😂.. let there be love jare
In 2024 be yourself.. mine was just be friendly and respectful. We are also marrying from various cultures so no test.. be yourself.
I agree with everything Amaka said.
Be yourself and at the same time be moderate in everything you do at your first visit. Either you pretend oooo, diplomatic or even show your true colour somehow certain act will speak whom you are especially if you visit the intelligent inlaw. To me what matter most is you being yourself, moderate and display of your intelligence.
People should be reasonable please. I see nothing wrong in all Pst Funke said...respect them and be careful of the impression you will give them about yourself.
Let's be honest with ourselves. The first time meeting your inlaws can't reveal everything about you or them enough to ascertain if they'll like you or you like them. For me, it's a normal visit. It becomes complicated when we have a mindset that we are going for approval or acceptance and start to put up walls that are not necessary.
No kneeling 🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️
Everyone RELAX
Alhaja it happens if grand children are in dt house it could be dirty when the girl comes visiting.
Pasor Funke is giving an exact advise she will give to her daughter on her first visit to her in laws. So it is not out of way. I believe she couldn’t find a word better than the “pretend”
I love this conversation so well😄😃
I agreed with pastor funke
Amaka she did not say pretend. She said be diplomatic. Thank you Hajia, Amaka is going forth and back. She's taking the woman on the wrong context. She said contribute to discussion and not be too forward. Everything in moderator
The truth is, either way this is spun, she is actually right. Her choice of words though 👀
This our generation, e be as e get🤔.......Just be the best of yourself😍. You can't give what you don't have👌, start dropping those bad habits now. Also pray that your village pple will not follow you there😀😀...... Ire o🎉😎
That's the opposite in the Western world.
Some people can't eat without dropping food on themselves. A senior nurse met me eating during break that time. I was pregnant then, and loved eating dried cat-fish in my my palm-oyel drenched rice stew. I never knew she had watched me overtime. That day, she said, I love the way you eat, she said, do you know, I can't eat without dropping oil on my cloths. No matter how I tried and that's why she always cover her cloths. We are all just differently framed.
Am from Cameroon we have so many ethnic groups and no one of this groups has any culture that normalizes kneeling down or genuflecting to greet elders or in-laws.
All this is very strange to me.
She was addressing ladies, so of course she would give advice that benefits ladies.
What she was talking about is emotional intelligence. If you were going to visit a king, it would be wise to know the protocol.
The same thing applies to men. If a man is coming to meet his girlfriend's parents for the first time, he must also know how to comport himself.
It has nothing to do with slavery. These days we just seem to be on the look out for what to criticise.
Thank God the Pastor is very focused and pays the naysayers no mind.
How does being a free maid in other people's home benefit women?
I just came across this, what about unless that pretend they like the lady. After the wedding they start to show that they don't like you.
All these rules! hian. Please build a sound mind, be a beautiful heart and be yourself anywhere you go, this life is too short to be tip toeing up and down like a thief or pretending like a scammer. Man or woman just be yourself and make sure you are bringing something to the table, don't be empty.
Ima. You are 100 percent. right. Is all ways different? For girls Why? No body the man will do why. Is time we stop all this nonsense. And all this pastors should stop all this ok
I will rather be myself than to pretend,
There's an award.
My God, people are very quick to be judgmental these days. The pastor said a lot of things on etiquette, and elegance. Nobody focused on that.
Funny, when I went to Zimbabwe, it was the groom that had to impress his wife's family. They cook, and I mean do the turning of the Fufu, and fetching of water, splitting firewood. It all depends on the in laws and the man who is marrying. In my case, my husband went through the hoops before my dad gave him the green light.
Just be yourself...time will tell