WHY you're still confused about your sexual orientation
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2020
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A while back, we did a video on how to come to terms with your sexuality, and figuring out whether you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight.
Well, we missed some essential information in there, which is why many of you may still be confused.
Here it is - the missing piece - romantic attraction vs sexual attraction, asexuality, and the many other types of attraction you can feel for others...
We hope this clears things up a bit more!
How to figure out your sexuality: • How to Figure Out Your...
Love,
A + L
/ one99four
/ liliangessner
Still confused or wanting some more personalized advice? Send us a message and get a video response from us here: www.wisio.com/Alexis_and_Lilian
I came between your lips two pairs of lips btw. There is no such thing as a supposed lesbian, there's no such thing as woman who doesn't need a man. A woman calling herself a lesbian is like an anorexic chick saying she doesn't need food, she's in a state of denial. Some women go through these phases but the only ones who continue to call themselves supposed lesbians are women that no man wants. I've hit on and gotten hit on by supposed lesbian couples in committed relationships, I've also asked women who dressed and portrayed the part of and acted like if they were a man if at the end of the day, don't need a man? They all told me yes that they would love to have a man. If the virile women who portray to be masculine admit that they would love to have a man, the rest of women who say they are lesbians, fall like dominoes
@@marcopolo9446 😂
Black hair & white clothes vs. white hair & black clothes, gold jewelry vs. silver... Maybe it's a coincidence, but i love it!
@@armymanssg508 Love everyone, Jesus said.
Loved your attention to details ❤️
Haha true. How smooth!
omg yea
I feel that the boomers and the millennials have more clear ideas about sexuality because we put much less thought regarding to these issues , these things were much more black-and-white . Everything seems to got more confusing or I should say it has become confusing with the new generation being there’s too many choices that thinking you have made the right choice in the past or the wrong choice …….sexuality can be very emotional sensitive issues in youngsters in their development of their self-esteem in knowing who they are .It seems like it got more confusing ….
By having so many choices ! And more ways in finding rejection which will question yourself self worth . The new generation is seemly to try to reinvent the wheel we’re had to work perfectly in the past …by making one question and doubt the persons sexuality or to revert to confusion and if you’re not confused you’re not fitting in .
im still trying to figure out whether I'm a homoromantic asexual or just a lesbian who's struggling with religious guilt/ societal shame. I'm most likely demisexual, but coming to terms with your sexuality can be so confusing! I mean for years I couldn't admit that I was gay!
**Edit: I eventually realised that I was a full on lesbian.
it is ok to be confused just by experience you gonna make sure who u truly are 🥰
I feel so similar! You’re not alone 💕
I relate to this so much. It's so hard to figure out your feelings toward sex when you were taught it was wrong to feel them and taught to shove them down.
emily r yes!!! even my straight friends who were raised catholic like me struggle with this. never mind being gay!
Carmen A thank you 💓💓
Still trying to figure out if I'm bisexual, or just a gay who's dealing with CompHet…
@@Hooga89 It's not that easy. When I was a kid I was assaulted, and to this I'm dealing with my trauma. Due to this reason I've never been able to have sex with any gender; so thinking about sleeping with anybody cripples me with fear instead of helping.
Vinnie Royale as a survivor I completely get what your going thru, I’ve had such a complex relationship with sex and trauma so it’s hard to figure out attraction within that
@@user-hl5ed9pd5g yeah… kudos to us tho, for trying to fight through it ☺
Same :((
Same
To quote Hannah Gadsby:
I identify...
as tired.
Just tired
I was confused (still am) because people never talk about romantic feelings towards your own gender, people always talk about bisexuality as sexual feelings. It always felt like something was missing in my attraction to women because I hadn’t understood my romantic attraction to women due to internalised homophobia
What do you mean by that the romantic attraction was due to internalised homophobia? That the homophobia limited it to romance?
@@chloeme3589 I think I'm similar to them. So for me I feel attracted to women and not so much men I think at all. But when I think of myself in a relationship I have trouble seeing it with a women and only with a man. And I think its due to internalized homophobia. Like I'm not used to seeing women and women relationships or something.
Yeah I couldn't have crushes on girls like I had on guys 😅
On guys: oh I want his attention oh he's so cute I want to be his girlfriend 😔
On girls: oh she's so beautiful literally why is she so beautiful wow I get nervous around her... I want to be her friend!!! Definitely!
@@ilovemycats9150 Same I think my girl crushes are platonic like what aces call a squish.
There is no such thing as a supposed lesbian, there's no such thing as woman who doesn't need a man. A woman calling herself a lesbian is like an anorexic chick saying she doesn't need food, she's in a state of denial. Some women go through these phases but the only ones who continue to call themselves supposed lesbians are women that no man wants. I've hit on and gotten hit on by supposed lesbian couples in committed relationships, I've also asked women who dressed and portrayed the part of and acted like if they were a man if at the end of the day, don't need a man? They all told me yes that they would love to have a man. If the virile women who portray to be masculine admit that they would love to have a man, the rest of women who say they are lesbians, fall like dominoes
My aesthetic attraction to men and my wish to be closer platonically to guys always makes me go "what if you aren't gay", I can't see myself be anything more than friends with a guy, I'm straight up disgusted if think about it (I tried a lot of times when I tried to figure stuff out).
"You look so aesthetically pleasing, your voice sounds so nice and you seem to be a good person, I wanna be your friend" makes it very confusing.
I feel the same way but like I also look at their muscles and wish I had them. Some guys effortlessly gain beautiful muscles and I wish I could but my feminine body type makes it difficult. I like guys who looks gangster with tattoos and they just act so cool but I know deep down that I just wanna be them and also accepted by them. Be a bro or homie.
But like girls tho, that’s a different story. I think I might also be trans. So my sexuality might be straight. I’ve been switching from lesbian, pan, to bi over and over. Mostly I think it has to do with my family always seeing me as a girl and they’d never believe how much I dislike being a girl.
Pristine Evergreen same. I just want to be that good looking lesbian with lots of tattoos in the gym looool. But I don’t personally want to have their upper body muscle. Hope you find and accept who you really are:)
Anna Desrosiers thanks 🥴🙃
Are used to think that I like guys and recently I realized that every guy I thought I had a crush on I would’ve liked to have as just a friend way better
There are so many channels of attraction: intellectual, emotional, sensual, aesthetic, romantic and sexual. Understanding each channel helps to get things out of the way. And thanks Lilian and Alexis for throwing more light on your own sexualities.
I am romantically interested in females but not sexually, and basically straight toward men. I am so confused-
Maybe you’re aesthetically attracted to females?
Same
You are probably biromantic and heterosexual.
me too, its soo damn confusing
edit: I'm bisexual
Exactly same problem😑
After 25 yrs of being convinced i was straight, honestly due to society never discussing exactly THIS! Ive realised I'm bisexual with almost 90% homoromantic tendencies. I always put down my inablity to take a relationship past the 1st 2 or 3 date to me being reserved and a "perfectionists" or undesirable as a lover but now I think it's because ive been dating the wrong gender
omg i relate so hard, i always just thought i was bad at relationships and hated romance, but maybe im not? always knew i was bisexual, and i definitely am, but now im like, am i actually biromantic too? or not??
@@user-kt1sn6bj7h idk if this is really a word or label but: panromantic? And i cant assume you're gender but if youre only sexually attracted to females then whatever corresponds to that ie. Lesbian/hetro. But they are all just words and labels. Some of us relate to them, and others feel like they are redundant. I wouldn't put to much pressure on yourself to fit a certian label. You're queer and you already are self aware of the details of youre queerness, so that's amazing and a lot more than other people ever get to figure out about themseleves.
I feel the exact same way as you... but I married a man 🤡🤡 fml
There is no such thing as a supposed lesbian, there's no such thing as woman who doesn't need a man. A woman calling herself a lesbian is like an anorexic chick saying she doesn't need food, she's in a state of denial. Some women go through these phases but the only ones who continue to call themselves supposed lesbians are women that no man wants. I've hit on and gotten hit on by supposed lesbian couples in committed relationships, I've also asked women who dressed and portrayed the part of and acted like if they were a man if at the end of the day, don't need a man? They all told me yes that they would love to have a man. If the virile women who portray to be masculine admit that they would love to have a man, the rest of women who say they are lesbians, fall like dominoes
Likewise
OMG. I think you guys just cracked me. I think I might actually be homosexual and biromantic??? I have been confused by this for YEARS because I have a male best friend whom I have romantic feelings for but I just don’t want to be with him in a sexual way?
I had this exact same thing happe to me and it was really really confusing until I found out that Demi sexuality and Demi romantics were a thing. I am pretty sure I’m homosexual but pan romantic (Its the person I care about more than anything but I also can’t really picture being intimate with a guy ...) which is kind of weird but also feels like it’s right? Lol Anyway just wanted to say I relate to your struggle
You are not alone bb
Same wth !!😄
I'm a biromantic homosexual too
Biromantic homosexual too
At it first it was sooooo confusing to me
Whenever I see a guy, I’m never instantaneously sexually attracted to him. I need to get to know a guy before I can be romantically attracted to him. I need to be friends with a guy first. Apparently I take too long for men because they want to sleep with me right away and I don’t want to. I get scared because the men I’ve met have become angry and stalked me. I’m asexual for sure.
I fall in love with a persons spirit, their mind first. I’ve been celibate for years and it doesn’t bother me. I’ve had my female friends become attracted to me saying they wish they had a guy like me in their life that was sensitive and nurturing but they can’t find it because these men are block emotionally. I had to stop being friends with this girl because she was so deeply attracted to me and wanted to try stuff with me but I said no and it made me uncomfortable.
I’m not gonna let someone between my legs to try something, that would have to mean I see you like that and I don’t. The same way I told this guy he couldn’t do that and he got mad. But the funny thing was. He was married and felt entitled to my body just because I like this poetry cd he gave me. He was like oh she likes my work. Let me see if I can manipulate that into getting some.
I feel because I want romantic love and romantic friendship then making love, it’s a problem for most men because these men are always joking about locking me down with a baby or marriage. I think I’m a beautiful person on the inside and most men say I’m attractive but they are only looking at the exterior and not my heart. I’ll always be a hopeless romantic. 😏
I'm so happy you made that video! I never saw any content like that before and it was very comforting to finally see people talk in that way about sexuality and romantic attraction. I never felt both sexual and romantic attraction at the same time and when talked about it around me, nobody seemed to understand. Now I feel less alone! Thanks a lot
Yay that makes us super happy to hear! ♥️
Men who have sex with other men and women having sex with women are an abomination to God. Sodom and Gomorrha was burned to the ground because of the sexual immorality that permeated the whole place. You don't want to go to hell
hell is real..even atheists saw it for themselves during NDE [near death experience] which made them change their perspective about God and the afterlife.
Jesus died for you that you may have life..if you live in the Spirit, you will not succumb to the desires of your flesh..give it a try, you will not lose anything but will gain more than what you can ever imagine..Give Jesus a chance to transform you..nothing is impossible if you seek God with all your heart.
@@AlexisLilian I have a question about my orientation how Am I supposed to tell if I can’t even tell what orientation am I… like totally I am not having any romantic thoughts about men. I only have some crushes on really REALLY feminine men with makeup and all that. Recently I think I have fallen in love with a girl who’s a twitch streamer… not the point but… it’s the first time I ever thought about woman sexually… but in my thoughts I see her with manly “things” you know the flat chest and you know.. AND I see myself as a manly man in that relationship like I would like to have a femboy who’s a bottom and I am the dom. I just can’t tell what is my orientation… am I at all attracted to men am I attracted to women… am I gay.. lesbian straight not really. Please help me with this question
After months of on and off about my identity (2020 got me crazy lol) I FINALLY have a clear understanding: I am bisexual heteroromantic. I'd always feel out of place because I don't see myself dating or marrying a woman, but I find them sexually attractive, and because of this I felt like an imposter in the LGBTQ+ community. Now I'm confident in myself ad feel comfortable in a long time, thank you for this!!
Samesies
Same, I can't see myself in a romantic partnership with a guy, I'm very heteroromantic but I find men attractive at times and it's always made me feel completely out of control and unable to align myself with either the straight or LGBTQ+ community
I kind of have the same experience. The thing is iam still with my very first boyfriend, so i never really dated women or made sexual experiences with them. Now I am finding myself in crisis because I dont know if i need to make these experiences with a woman but i really love my boyfriend.
I‘m this weird ass thing in between heterosexual and bisexual. I think I‘m just a hetero who wants to be bi.
I don't know on what page you are now but there is this masterdoc that can help people figure some stuff out...
same im not sure if i like girls or not😭😭 aaaaa why does it have to be so confusing
This is exactly what I’m going through rn
@@birdwang_9 Samee 😭😭
same omg
Confused is my default setting. I lived all my life in a heterosexual marriage; I’m 65. It failed 6 years ago. No hurt involved we had just grew apart, and are still friends. I’ve always found women easier to connect with but I no longer see them as a heterosexual male. I’d rather be them.
Have you looked into any trans resources?
Allen Burt no not yet Allen it’s all still at the panic stage. Thanks for asking though I will get there, I have to get angry with myself for the cowardice first.
Congrats on self discovery!!
Hope you're doing well.
@@kevinjackson272 what cowardice?? Obviously you weren’t ready to come out to the world as your true self yet, and thats ok. You are valid anyways, and were valid then too.
that's what i needed
Hey i like ur pfp :0 ! Matches mine!
Yeaah i guess i needed too haha
I'm confident and own up that I wanna be a lesbian
@@jadajohnson6670 same tho! But i wanna get some experiences before def labeling
@@jadajohnson6670 mich respects tho!! And congrats
Great video, this really needs to be talked about more! Regarding sexual attraction i highly recommend Hannah Witton's most recent video. She explains how people can experience desire differently, either spontaneous or responsive or both. So if you don't "get that tingly feeling" just by looking at someone it doesn't have to mean you are not sexually attracted to them maybe you just experience responsive desire exclusively. Just wanted to add that:)
Amazing, thank you!
I think I needed to hear this, thanks a lot for sharing
When I came out as Bisexual, I still felt so confused for a long time about it and experienced lots of self doubt because it still didn't fit right. But, when I educated myself on this topic it gave me lots of clarity! Thank you ladies 💗💜💙
Watched the whole video hoping you would mention asexuality and the ace-spectrum, and I got SO excited when you did omg. It’s so important for people to know that it exists and learn about it.
As a mom to a daughter who is asking these questions and going through the process of self-discovery, I can not thank you enough for your videos!
thank you for this video! you saying you identify as bisexual homoromantic makes me a little less confused because me being bisexual hetero-romantic starts to make sense.
All my life, I thought I was straight, but when I was in seventh grade I met someone... and started questioning. I lived an otherwise closeted life until then, but learned all I could about the LGBTQ+ community. I went through multiple gender and attraction crises over the 7 months and 23 days of the relationship that caused me to start questioning in the first place, but never quite seemed to find a good label. My ex-partner wasn't very supportive and offered no help; my mom and brother are clueless. So I had no help, other than my friends occasionally offering suggestions for what I could identify as. I went through labels like demigirl, non-binary, genderfluid, genderdoe, demisexual, bisexual, omnisexual, pansexual, gynosexual... none of them really fit me. But then I realized I was constantly making an effort to label myself because I felt like I needed to "fit it" with everyone else, who had labelled themselves with very little problems. I decided to stop trying to figure myself out and be patient, And finally, it came to me: I am a lesbian, cisgender woman. I am attracted to women both romantically and sexually, and it feels amazing to have figured it out. Now I happily live my very gay life, searching UA-cam for gay channels. You two are so cute together, I love you guys- keep making videos!!
This was soso helpful!! Now I can say that I'm bisexual and homoromantic. I was sure that I would only date girls but I still find guys "aesthetically pleasing" so I was like OMg what is going ooooon. Now I know what it is! XOXO
Also, you can find people attractive and not want to have sex with them. Alayna Joy talks about it in her coming out again videos.
This was so helpful!! thanks to you guy, get it now mwaaah kisses 💋💋love you guy.
This was so helpful!! thanks to you guy's,get it now mwaaah kisses💋💋love you guys.
Aesthetic attraction is not the same as sexual. You can appreciate someone's beauty and not want a roll in the sack with them
@Nerdish I’m not sure if I’m a lesbian who just finds guys aesthetically pleasing, or I’m bi. What parts about guys do you find aesthetically pleasing?
You guys make me feel very confortable with myself, thank you!
Hello welcome I need a
relationship 👉0903 495 2456
i do find some men attractive because in a way i want to look more masculine but im only really attracted to girls and it's scary to say hi people/parents wtvr im gay cause who knows what happens if i meet a guy i want to be with should i be like BUT NO WAIT A MINUTE sorry no not gay gay a bit gay
I
Facts!
Hello welcome I need a
relationship 👉0903 495 2456
Trying to figure out if I’m bisexual or only thinking of being with women to please the male gaze, cause they feel it.
I've been confused about my sexuality since middle school. While predominantly I would say I am sexually interested in men, I really struggle to connect with them intimately like I can with women. And I have found moments being intensely attracted to more androgynous women. This video is probably the closest I have found to describing how I see and feel about my orientation.
So I’ve been pretty confident in myself as a lesbian for around two years now. I have always been attracted to the same gender ever since I came out, but now I am really second-guessing myself. Whenever I feel like I’m not fully attracted to women, it almost feels like a crime. Like I’ve stuck with this one thing and now I’m just disrespecting that. My sexuality right now is super confusing, it makes me feel broken inside and frustrated in myself that I don’t fit this label I categorised myself into a couple years back. I feel all of these emotions, and sometimes it can get pretty overwhelming, I mean, I’ve always imagined myself marrying the same gender, but now I feel like I could be in a hetero relationship? I’m not sure. Basically, there’s this one person that makes me feel… different. Like an overwhelming amount of joy. Right now, I’m going by no labels, but I think I’m either omnisexual/omniromantic or I am hetero romantic and homosexual. At this point, I think I just need to experiment with both ends of the gender spectrum. Sexuality is fluid, it can change, and that’s really hard to accept in myself as a person, as someone who was so confident in my identity not that long ago.
I think I need to focus on myself, be free in my everyday actions without squeezing myself into a category of who I am, for now. ❤️
Im a girl and Im really confused about my sexuality, cuz i like guys becose of how they look, i think they're hot, but i would never See myselft hug or kiss or cuddle with a guy, or even have any sexual interaction with men.
But i dont fill like girls are atractive in any way about the looks, but i tottaly See and dream about romantic and sexual interaction with girls....
Am i a lesbian, or Am i bi curious? Or maybe i Just have to get to know a girl better to actually fill attracted to her looks in any romantic or sexual way, and not Just her personality? Or maybe im straight ally and im confusing myself for no reason?
What is wrong with me 😩
I'm a guy and I feel about girls the same way you feel about guys. Guys do nothing for me, however. I identify as asexual, because - effectively - I am one.
Maybe you could look into another useful distinction - one between physical and sexual attractiveness?
you might be aeromatic which is when you have no romantic attraction at all but that doesn't exclude sexual attraction so you could be aeromantic homosexual?
you could just feel a different kinda feeling when you're attracted to a guy vs. a girl.
i have that lol. for girls it's like, "wow she's so pretty i want to be her friend and hold her hand and cuddle and maybe be her bf" but for guys it's like, "GOD DAMMIT YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
everyone feels romantic and/or sexual attraction differently, and one may have sexual thoughts towards 1 gender, but only romantic thoughts to another. Sexuality is confusing lol
@@sam-gf6ub not really, cuz that is deffinitly an romantic and sexual attraction to women, but not a visual attraction (i cant like a girl for her looks, but theres some exeptions of course) and with guys its switched up, would never be in a relationship or have sex, but i think theyre attractive visualy
@@meowman69420 yea i agree, but i dont get the fact that i dont have any normal problem with it! 😩 People always Say "oh i like girls romanticly and men sexually what Am iiiiii" but i dont even know if i like women even tho i want to be with them 😔
I love this channel guys! And the comments are always so great to read too. I always feel way less strange when I'm here.
I'm almost 22 and still not very confident in my sexuality, even though I came out as gay this year. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now, I just can't really figure out what I want to do with this new realisation and everyone else seems so sure about how to live their sexual and romantic attraction. Coming out for me feels like admitting that I can even feel attraction at all and that its okay to let it happen
Lilian, thank you so, so much!!! You opened my eyes today! All my life I struggeled with my sexual orientation. I have been watching you both for a while now, and I always felt, that I could really identify quite well with you, Lilian, although I am much older than you, at the end of my fourties. I didn't know exactly why, but now it seems more clear to me. Not only because I am from Germany, too, and because my outer appearence is similar to yours. As you described the different ways you are attracted to men and women, I just felt " Wow, you nailed it, that's me!" Okay, now I have a name for it: I am bisexual and homoromantic! You are right: Now it all makes sense... That helps me so much to unterstand my feelings better. Many thanks to both of you, Alexis and Lilian! Your work is so precious!
Wow! That’s amazing. I’m happy that it’s making sense a bit more now, thanks for the kind words, we feel honoured 💕
needed this video to figure out the comphet guilt I've been having lately. already knew about this but someone else talking about it makes it clearer to me. I'm probably just a biromantic lesbian. still scared of accepting it because I'm currently head over heels for a guy who I'm not sexually attracted to, and i wish I was, he's perfect.
The thing is I know that I’m definitely sexually attracted to guys but then again I see myself being sexually attracted to girls as well and it goes both ways to me being romantically attracted to both genders. But I’m still confused wether I’m actually bi or not. Like i know that I’m definitely into guys but Im still confused about the girl part. I feel like I need to kiss a girl or like have experience with girls to know 100% because I wanna be 100% sure before saying I’m not straight while I am. Its sooo complicated.
Natasha?
@@eri-zj8kr yes?
@@Natashasbeauty i thought you were someone I knew..but i guess not 😆
THIS! it's exactly me, I know for sure I'm attracted to guys (not all but uk the attractive ones lol) but a part of me also says that if an attractive girl asked me out, I might date her. The problem is, I'm not sure 100% like it's so confusing 😭
I think I like the idea of guys, but any time I’ve tried to do things with a guy in reality, it disgusts me and any time I thought I liked a guy romantically, it was really me wanting to be friends. I read this Reddit thread about comphet and arousal, and it really validated that I don’t actually want to be with a guy. I hope this helps someone who feels similarly. Comphet is so complicated sometimes, it took me literally forever to realize I don’t even want to be with a man.
im so thankful that y’all spoke on sexual and romantic attraction. sometimes i feel invalid when it comes to my (a)sexuality but hearing you two mention it right off the bat felt rly nice
I agree, romantic attraction and sexual attraction don't always go hand-in-hand. For me, I don't experience sexual attraction to anyone of any gender; I'm asexual.
But I think I do experience romantic attraction or at least romantic desires and only towards women. Therefore I'm homoromantic, asexual.
Great video! 💚
PS: more specifically aromantic spectrum + homoromantic.
I've explained this kind of thing to my brother before, but it felt so strange to say without the proper words. Like I'm a bi woman, but I would want a relationship with a man, though I also find women and men sexually attractive. Though I wouldn't despise a relationship with a woman, I am just more drawn to one with a man (btw: I've never dated anyone, so it makes it all the more confusing lol).
I am exactly the same as you are from what I'm reading, also my initials are CC too!! I know what you mean cause my sexuality is the same and I have never dated anyone either 😅
@@camigaby2797 Glad to know I'm not alone. And haha that's cool! It definitely makes me feel a bit insecure about my sexuality because of it. But I'm working through it
ME TOO
My thoughts exactly!
i think i can explain this, when ur bi ur more likely to be attracted to one sex and to date one sex, its completely normal
Thank you so much for talking about this!! I think I actually came up with these exact terms on my own, trying to figure out "what" I am, and listening to you talking about this very topic feels so comforting ☺
I adore this video! As a sexuality teacher, this gives me so many helpful cues to help people understand their attractions and come to a place of comfort with what they desire. Thank you both!
Great content! I am happy to hear you will be doing a podcast focussed on asexuality. I knew very little about it until recently and hope to read some interesting discussion here. For anyone else interested, I highly recommend the lesfic romance "Perfect Rhythm" by Jae. There is a relationship between an asexual and a lesbian that I found to be quite beautiful. For those who don't like explicit sex in their romance reading, Jae puts in a trigger warning prior to the chapter where it exists. Good reading to prepare for the coming podcast discussion, IMO.
I (She/her) feel like when I’m looking at a random girl I don’t instantly put her in a scenario of “would she like me?” Like I do with guys, but if I would find out she’s attracted to women I feel differently? Also I think I feel attracted to men because it proves something about me to other people?
It sound like you’re experiencing the male gaze. You feel the need to please men by the way you look/act
@@eloise2232 do you know how to overcome this 😟cause i def go through internalised male gaze
I’ve been binge watching your videos all week between school and work and can I just say, you girls are so charming and insightful!!!! I LOVE your content!!!! Your advice videos feel so real and authentic and you two bring up points that either I’ve never considered or that have been in the back of my mind and I wasn’t sure if others felt that way too. All around super helpful and I’m so glad I found yall 🥺💖 You’re also both sooo cute and sooo affectionate with each other like damn, that’s goals 🥺 I hope that soon I find something like what you two have. So much love from USA 💕💕💕
I thought I was confused (just founding out I like girls, notre being shure) and then I just saw the thumbnail and it waw suddenly way clearer
Very interesting concepts! Was kind of unaware that there could be such a distinct separation between the two...
I'm not a part of LGBTQ+ community but i wanted to educate myself about it and this video really helped me. Thanks lot ❤️
Speak 🗣️ fast bruh 🙂😳l
i just found you guys and watching you makes me feel so safe and calm and happy so thank you 🥺🥺🥺
Thank you! This is so helpful! I find it hard to come out to my friends because I feel like they expect a label in order to be able to understand me and I am so confused and struggling to find the correct words. I really loved it when you said that you feel bisexual but homoromantic at the moment. The “so far” Part is great as it allows me not to limit myself in my future experiences and avoid the “wait, I thought you were this or that” kind of convos in the future.
I love this explanation and really identify with it as a whole :) I wish that using "gay" as an umbrella term was more accepted for women. I feel like it's such a great idea to have identity words that are themselves a little flexible. We're all humans, and we can be a little bit of many different things at the same time.
For a while I was very content considering myself straight, while still occasionally being into girls and just kinda going "alright." But a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ and the topic of what sexuality people are comes up a lot. It feels bad/wrong saying I'm straight, but I'm so terrified of putting it out there that I'm into women, because I'm scared of getting into a relationship with one and then realizing that I'm actually not into them after all. I just don't want to hurt someone like that.
thanks for making this video. This gives me hope that there are people out there who would get me and relate. I have always found it difficult to navigate these sort of split attractions and have often conceded to feeling doomed and bad. The negative stuff can be subtle and just grow insidiously. Its nice to be refreshed and remember what possibilities are out there. Thank you.
Thank you for talking about romantic and sexual attraction. Wish it was a topic in school.
I was so devastated for a while now, and this kinda opend my eyes, I’m so glad and relieved 😄😌 thank you guys sooo much 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 why aren’t we learning about those things in school?
This cleared so many things for me.
Since I was a young girl and still am currently romantically, platonically, sexually attracted to women. I'll give my heart, soul, body, mind to the woman I love. But I never felt the same for men Im definitely sexually attracted to them but I never felt anything more than that. Being married or giving myself to a man mentally and emotionally leaves a hollow feeling for me.
Curious, as i have very similar feelings to you, how do you feel about kissing/making out with men?
It's a relief to hear this kind of validating talk on the internet. It's so much easier to live and love when you understand who you are.
Yaaay Alexis and Lilian are back, where have you been ladies, I’ve missed your videos. I thought you had decided to stop vloging as you haven’t been on for a while, great to see you back. 😍
Haha nahh just didn’t have much time recently and inspiration comes and goes 😊 But we have some regular uploads planned for the next weeks!
I love your channel so much! Thank you for providing LGBTQ+ sex/love education! It makes a huge difference!
Aw thanks! Great to hear!
PLEASE HELP, I'M SO CONFUSED...
I was always attracted to boys, and in high school I started developing crushes to girls and feeling sexually attracted by the female body. I began using the term bisexual, although I rarely ever used it to describe myself to someone else since I didn't feel it fully resonated with me, plus I never had an actual experience with a girl, only sexual fantasies and one sided crushes. I liked the idea of being in a relationship with either a boy or a girl (although I mostly felt romantically and sexually attracted to boys), and in university I started getting strong feelings for a leabian friend of mine. I was imagining myself dating her and I was having sexual fantasies of her, it felt great. But when those feelings faded over a short period of time, I began to question if I was ever really in love with her or I was just enjoying her attention. Those feelings would come and go over time, leaving me very confused. There were days when I would just want to engage into sexual activity with her, days when I would imagine being her girlfriend without any sexual act involved, and days when I would feel nothing romantic or sexual towards her at all. This confusion was driving me mad, until I realized she was only seeing me as a friend so I decided to forget about it and move on. But now, another girl is showing interest towards me and I'm pretty sure she has a crush on me. When she first approached me, I was very excited and I'd imagine myself being with her romantically and sexually. It felt nice, but not as nice as it felt with my lesbian friend. Later, my thoughts and fantasies faded away once again. I was left confused yet again. She seems like a really nice person, we have a lot in common and I want to get to know her but I don't wanna lead her on and then find out I am not romantically attracted to her...I really don't want to break her heart... there are still days i fantasize about her, but I can't tell if any of those fantasies and daydreams come from genuine feelings/desires. Is it me just forcing lesbian fantasies to myself because I thought I was "bisexual"? Am I just afraid because I've never been this close to a girl before and I don't know what to do? Am I just feeling like an "impostor" and trying to avoid being with a girl because I dont feel like "a true bisexual"? Maybe I can only be sexually attracted to girls but not romantically attracted to them? Or is it just me craving their attention to feel better about myself..? This confusion is driving me insane and I don't know what to do...I'd love to see how things can go between me and that girl, but I'm terrified of hurting her... Can someone please help me..?
Yo I'm literally you, confusion to the max
Can I just say, Lilian totally ROCKS the buzz cut. absolutely ROCKS it! You guys are great love ya videos 💓💓
this was actually really helpful! even though i've read up alot on labels the past 30 years of my life lol. i've decided to just not be too concerned about labels in the end because i think gender/sexuality is fluid and people do change over time. but it definitely helps sometimes to sort of be able to relate to something.
Same here! Not that I wouldn't like to have more accurate labels, but I think our vocabulary on feelings can be very stricting. Like how do you explain when you have really complicated feelings for someone? It's hard. Thousand of years of human existence, you would think we already would have named every emotional phenomenon there is! We've written much about it, great poetry, literature... But nothing you can easily communicate.
But even if it's really hard to have clear way of communication, we should always aim towards it. I think we're already a lot better at it than we used to be :)
@@armymanssg508 Are you just a troll or why are you even watching these videos when they're clearly making you upset?
Why don't you relax, log off and try to enjoy life. Even tho I'm not a believer, lots of blessings to you and health and happiness. I hope you're feeling well.
Why are you lesbophobic?
this was soooooo helpful 🥺🙌🏾 thank you so much. i love you guys! 🙏🏾💕
This makes a lot of sense. I used to wonder if I could be bisexual or if I was really a lesbian trying to conform into society. I've never been in love with a man but think that I could be, under the right circumstances but still call myself a lesbian with heterosexual tendencies I guess, because I'm totally okay with having heterosexual experiences. Although I don't see myself in a relationship with a man, I don't cross that possibility out completely. Love is love!
Hello welcome I need a
relationship 👉0903 495 2456
sameee omg
Omg, we're pretty similar. The only thing is i somehow can see myself falling for a guy and a guy as my endgame though 🤷🏻♀️
same but like ive never fell in love with a girl (maybe not) too so it confuses me even more.
Alexis and Lilian - I know there has been a video about this, but could you perhaps make another video about your fashion styles? I've been desperately trying to find the name of your styles (in vain so far) and brands. Love your vids!
Thank you for the video =] I’ve never been clear on this stuff. Thankfully, having accepted myself, started to live *my* life, transitioned mtf and having had grs in July, I’m much closer to understanding myself in relation to others. I appreciated your delineating twixt sexual attraction and romantic attraction, that made sense to me. 💓
I just fan girl'd when you mentioned Orphan Black.
Thank you for the clarification between romantic and sexual attraction. It really helped me distinguish my sexuality in my own words :)
Such an important video! Thank you so much! Wished I would have seen that 2 years ago... And thanks to everyone opening up in the comments! It feels really good to relate to people. So in case anyone needs someone to identify with, I'll share my perspective/story, in case you have a similiar one :)
I am 26 now and decided to not label myself. Whenever people ask me, I go with whatever feels easier at the moment: lesbian, even though I just say gay, sometimes queer, or bisexual. Even though I've only slept/been in a relationship with men until I was 24, I was always very open about the possibility of falling in love with a woman, I also went on a date or two. But somehow it didn't click, I didn't realise that I could actually, really, BE with a woman. I think I was so caught up in my famliy's/society's expectation of ending up wtih a man and fullfilling my deep romantic fantasies (which were only portraied as heterosexual couples in media when I grew up) that I couldn't see my sexual attraction for what it was. What I though what sexual attraction was, was so tangled with romantic attraction (and from my point of view, that goes for a lot of woman) that I didn't understand what real sexual desire is. I liked sex with men. I liked being wanted, I liked making them feel good. Mostly I liked the emotional connection sex created. But when I finally let myself sleep with woman, I realized that my body reacts in different ways, that physical desire is stronger than what I thought it was. And that woman are my sexual "object" of desire. I can still feel attracted to men sometimes, but only to those who are really attracted to me and whom I like very much. Which makes me think that it's more about a projection of their desire towards me. But like I said, that's why I don't want to go with a label. I would always prefer woman (so maybe I am lesbian), but I don't exclude the possibility of sleeping with man (even if I can't imagine dating one) (which could make me a bisexual per definition?). So yeah, basically, fuck labels and just find out what feels good for you and wtih whom you can feel like you are yourself :)
Omg this is the first time I hear it said out loud. I’ve thought it but couldn’t really find the right words. The vulnerability and warmth of a girl. That’s what’s attractive and welcoming! THANK YOU
It's nice to know I'm not the only one a little confused. I identified as bi for years, but recently I came out again as lesbian. However, lesbian doesn't fit me well, it's too restrictive but I'm still physically attracted to men. But then I think about the practice of sex with a man and it's really off putting. With woman, I'm attracted in all ways but because I haven't experienced it I feel confused. The closest I've got to understanding so far is bisexual homoromantic but that still doesn't feel right because it's not set it stone. I think once I date a woman, I'll know for sure if anything I ever experienced for a man was real or whether it was comphet x
Watching your videos always makes me realize something new about myself! It's so refreshing that I always come back! 😍 Also you have this soothing and calming feeling about you that makes me just take a breath and relax especially If I'm having a stressful day! Love you with all my heart♥️
I'm feeling the same way about their videos. Something about them always calms me down and makes me learn and discover new things about myself. I am really glad I found their channel! 😊
@@neanight222 Me too! 😍 😍
Yes this!! All aspects of sexuality and gender are spectrums were on - asexual, romantic, gay-straight, physical-demisexual etc. Also it can all be fluid so for example bisexuals can fluctuate between genders (like waves between straight and gay). I'm 33 and only now is it starting to make sense to me.
Thank you for raising this topic. You helped me understand how to represent myself to others.
Thank you for making this video, I learned a little about the difference between romantic and sexual attraction in women studies, but I didn’t realize you were allowed to feel those differently within yourself. I’ve been identifying as pansexual for a while now, but I don’t want to be intimate with a man, so the struggle and self doubt are real, I was also thinking of just identifying as queer to make things easier, but it’s nice to know I can make more sense of it all by saying I’m a pan romantic homosexual. 🌸
This helped so much!!! Thank you ❤️
i love that you can tell how much lilian enjoys talking about these subjects. i find this stuff interesting as well.
Hahaha yeah just nerding out over here 😄
I think it's so much easier if people think less about weather your gay, pan, or bi, or any other and more about what feels right for them. I've never been so confussed about my sexuality only that I am attracted to whom I am attracted to and its ok no to label yourself and to not over thinking it. Just be who you are love and date who you want to date and see were it takes you.
It's been a journey. I'm bi-ace. It's confusing in a way. I'm attracted to both genders, but I don't feel the desire to date or be intimate. I'm in the closet, but it works okay.
Being a demisexual makes it all more confusing, because I'm straight (until now) but I have feelings for this one girl only and I'm afraid what if I come out but realise I don't like girls
Why is this me
One of the reasons that i liked the term "attraction spectrum" or even "attraction orientation" its because it talks
about more than just sexual attraction and gives the importante to other types of attraction
you both fit together really well (:
also thank you, this video was very well explained and helped me a lot!
wonderful content as always ❇️🧡
Never felt tinglingly in my life just very snuggly .had 23 beautiful year with my man .just discover youtub and your content even though i am not young i love your videos ❤mina.
Ohhh yes this def gave me some answers! It’s craaazy how much you can learn about sexuality. I also never felt quite comfortable labeling myself but now it makes so much sense to me. I feel like, to feel really comfortable with a label, there is always some explaining to make, because sexuality is soo different for everyone and you can’t really put that into one word such as “bisexual”.
Wow soon u guys will have 1M subs! I love u guys!!
So last time I checked I’m a straight female I can’t see myself dating a female but like I think girls are hot but I can see myself dating a guy ??
You can think people a certain gender are hot or aesthetically pleasing without be attracted *to* them
hiii i'm glad u made this video!! im 19 and im still struggling on my sexual orientation. idk if im bi or a lesbian bc i am more leaning towards women than men (i have tried to date both genders btw), but i'm still open about dating men. however, it is just a pain in the ass to communicate with men, i mean i totally agree with what u said that dating men further need a building of chemistry and all, and i just dont have the energy to do that bc it is such a waste of time. all i know for now is that I am more comfortable with women than men.
Although I know exactly who I am with this video. I am very happy to see something new to know you are still out there. Thanks ladies you always have a good message.
I'm very confused about my sexual orientation...it doesn't help that there is this gorgeous human being in my class and i'm looking at her and she is so beautiful
YAY, I've missed you both!!!
💋💋💋💋💋❤❤❤
So i know im demisexual and i think im homoromatic and homosexual.. as well? see im unsure about this because in the past I've had both attractions to males but now thats literally all ✨gone✨
I love this. It's so nice to hear it being talked about.
Thank you for making this video. While I always knew these things, it helped to hear it explained by someone else.
I feel like this almost cleared things up for me! I never realized I am only really romantically attracted to women but also I've only been sexual with men. but maybe its just comphet???
Am stuck.... And am sad 😔... Good luck guys
thank you for making this! although i already knew the terminology, listening to someone talk about it and discuss possibilities makes it feel less pressing. i myself am going both through a sexual orientation search and gender identity search, and it seems like i may be a non-binary (bigender) bisexual with romantic attraction to men only and that sounds... like a lot of words, but it feels good to be closer to having something defined in my head, even if i'd rather not go through explaining it to people haha
I just found you guys and your videos have been making my day and making me feel so safe, thank you
this made me realise i'm definitely homoromantic, at least. when i think about who i want to spend the rest of my life with and cuddle and marry and all that it's just women. i'm fifteen, so i'm not entirely sure what the sexual status is, but not quick to jump to asexual because that's kind of normal. ugh. does that make me lesbian? i don't know why i'm so scared of that word... i used to be with a boy and i felt gross when he called me pet names lmao. but i don't know if there may be one boy out there i might like. is it still okay to identify as lesbian even if you're not sure? sexuality is fluid but i know that many lesbians find that offensive to the community.... i know i don't have to label myself, but i'm the kind of person who loves them. when i first thought i was bisexual scrolling through memes on it gave me a sense of community and belonging. basically i'm 90% sure i'm scared if i do go back that will be hurtful to the lesbian community
Just be yourselves!♥️
I finally came out as bisexual! I love that the umbrella term bi can mean attraction to more than one gender
I love this. I’m still confused but I love that you touched this subject 🥰
Y'all are so cute. I WISH they'd had this info when I came out at age 16 in 1984! Good stuff!