This is helpful even if I did not struggled that Much? I don't know if that Makes sense. But for me what is a bit stressfull is that when I love I LOVE I mean I am 100% into It (even if I just kissed once and never have sex) I think I am monogamus and not poly so it is hard for me to connect with someone since I don't know all the person I met was not ready to commit or they was just really open to a more free relationship and that's why I don't test the water you know? I don't want to break my Heart because of myself being monogamus
A very close friend of mine came out as bi and then I decided to tell our friends,too, but the problem was that I wasnt quite sure about "how queer I am" an so I just told them that I´m bi, too, but now I think I should´ve used another label, because I´m not bi. I´m still not sure about it but I think the most suitable term for me would be lesbian, but I really don´t like the word, so I prefer gay, or queer. But this is causing weird situations, too, because not everyone (I´m from Bavaria) knows those english terms (especially older people like my grand-parents). But all in all the inner coming out wasn´t very bad, but I´m still not out to my family. My friends and my parents know, but I don´t wanna tell my family, because there are some homophobic guys. my great-aunt and -uncle for example got divorced cause their son is gay, that´s why I´m afraid of their reaction
Yes, you were very Lucky with each other.. Dispite you were so far away. I'm 51 years old and things were difficult when i was more young in Portugal.. I felt guilty and the places where we met were really bad... Not romantic at all to a innocent and young girl. In my thirty's I was, for a períod of time in a informal relationship similar to a weding accepted by family until it endend. Then i decided to have a Child (sperm donator) and i'm raising her alone for twelve years... I need to be in love again but isn't easy to meet someone, despite legal marriage in Portugal...
@@stoopidcrumpet6679 omg really thank god idk why but I'm like what if I'm not gay I just want to be?? Why is it so hard to tell 😭 how is it so obvious for some people
“I’m just forcing myself to think I’m gay because that’s what I want to be but maybe I’m actually straight “ that right there is my thought process 24/7
It's exactly the same with me, i'm like "am I just forcing myself to like girls?, what is wrong with me?" my mind has been a real mess lately. I am so confused ;(
i needed this video so much. i consistently feel invalid in my identity as bi because i didn’t have the typical “i knew when i was a kid!” story. i’m always scared that i’m “choosing” or “pretending” to be attracted to girls. i love this video.
Am I the only girl who thinks boys can be cute and stuff but never sexually attracted to boys but thinks girls are cute and all but I am sexually attracted to girls.... Yes... ok
i'm the exact same, don't worry. i thought i was bi at first because it's so difficult to be outside of the norm in my country and the culture i grew up with. but whether you're actually lesbian or something similar like bi, as long as you're slowly coming to terms with the you that likes people of the same gender... just take it slow.
Look into homosexual OCD, it’s like gay Intrusive thoughts and you don’t know why , I have them sometimes it cares me too but I love my girlfriend lool what the heck
i thought i was bi for awhile because even when i realised i liked girls i tried to stick to heteronormativity and convinced myself i liked guys. anyways, after identifying as bi for awhile i realised that even when i found boys cute it was just their style or hairstyle that i fancied, and there was no real attraction. i couldn't envision myself falling for a guy, walking down the aisle to a man, so i eventually realised i was just a lesbian trying to deny that i was different, because it's so tough to be different in society and the culture that i was brought up in. it's okay to be scared, it takes time and you can only count on yourself to accept yourself before you ask for people to accept you, because you don't have to answer to anybody. give yourself some time and space to be sure and never rush yourself, because it only deters the process of getting to know yourself.
Same but idk. I have a crush on a guy, but I think girls are cute. I cant imagine myself with either but I'm in such a bad place with my mental health (hidden which makes it worse) so it stresses me out so much and I just NEED to know😭🥺
That’s kinda like me. I find guys really hot and can see myself being in a relationship with them. But I also find girls really hot it’s just I can’t see myself being in a relationship with them....idk in sooo confused??!!
A few things I would like to add: 1: There is a difference between sexual attraction and "romantic" attraction. For example, you can be sexually attracted to both genders, but only romantically in one (i.e. you would have sex with both genders, but can only see yourself falling in love/being in a relationship with one). Also, being attracted to someone doesn't necessarily mean you would have sex with them, you can also just "appreciate" someone's beauty. 2: Again about labels: some people are afraid of accepting their sexual orientation because of the connotations a label has for them. For example, you might be afraid to identify yourself as a "lesbian" because you associate that with an intimidating butch woman, and you don't feel like it is an appropriate term for you. That's why I mentioned not worrying about the label so much, or simply reclaim it - we come in all styles, shapes and looks. BUT! A lot of people also find comfort in a label, or by clearly defining what gender(s) they are interested in, and that is important to acknowledge as well. I forgot to mention this in the video. Please post any other thoughts or advice you have on here. Thank you - Lilian
Alexis & Lilian I identify myself as queer as I’m sexually attracted to men and women but only romantically attracted to women. I could never love a man it just doesn’t feel right
It was a big struggle for me. I'm from Latvia.. I grew up in a small town. And I'm from christian family. I thought that I was gay when I was 14, but I blocked it, because I thought that Christ is against it. And than... Two years ago I canceled my wedding with a boy, 8days before the date. And then I thought that I will be single for a little while. Than one day I spoke with my friend about everything and I said that I thought I'm gay when I was 14...she said to me.. don't be afraid and try to go on a date with girl. I went on one date and in Thai date I remembered that one of the sweetest girls I know is gay.. I wrote her. We went on date and next thing I know.. we are together.. now for almost 2years. The best 2years of my life. And I'm still christian. It's still a struggle, because my country is against it and my family too. But.. I'm loving myself.. Thank you for your videos. ;)
well ask yourself, would i be in a relationship with a guy? would i ever be 'sexual' with a gay? would i ever marry a guy? if the answers no to all then u might be a lesbian :) hope this helps bc i'm in the same situation as u r lmao
Honestly after 4 years it's still difficult for me to label myself. I've always gone with "bisexual" but deep inside I frequently still question myself whether I am just fooling myself that I like both and that I actually only like women or men. Sometimes I think I'm gay, sometimes I'm straight... it's really stressful.
Your name being “you” is pretty funny because this is me how I am I’ve been struggling for years about whether I’m bi or not because of what you said here it’s stressful and annoying because at this point I’m just done
I used to think I was straight and never questioned it: I'd had crushes on guys in the past and never really thought about it. When I learned about the LGBTQ+ community, I realised, that I really wanted to be bi: it seemed so cool. Eventually I convinced myself that I was but never truly believed it because I thought I made myself bi and I was really straight. I started to consider going out with my female friends but again, thought I was forcing it. My best friend and I would always joke about dating - she had a 'wife' (one of her friends) and then they got 'divorced' and we became 'together'.This may have been because my subconscious was trying to tell me something... idk. A couple of times, she hinted at us becoming a proper couple and every time she did, I would get really uncomfortable because I was still questioning my sexuality. Eventually we did get together and still are now because I thought 'screw it, what can I lose from a bit of experimenting?' In the past, I had tried out different labels (straight, bi, pan and gay) and bi and pan felt the most right, bi more so than pan but after reading these comments (especially Katie Channing's about listing things she found attractive about both men and women) I think I might be gay but that still doesn't feel quite right. I often fantasise about kissing my girlfriend but again, I don't know if that's me convincing myself that I'm LGBTQ+ and I'm not, or me convincing myself that I'm LGBTQ+ and my subconscious mind knows it but I don't yet. Your video has really helped me - I don't think I'm straight - but I still don't know yet. I know it's okay to be unsure and not everyone likes labels and I can take as long as I need bla bla bla but I still really want a label and I want to know my sexuality. Thanks for reading my TED Talk and letting me dump my thoughts and feelings here where I know I will be accepted xx Update I found a label that fits! I now know that i am omnisexual. This means that I am attracted to all genders. If you had the same kind of experiences as me, I would reccomend that you research every identity you can find until you find one that works. At first it might feel like you're the only one who feels a certain way but i promise you you're not alone. Keep looking and i swear you will find a community of people like you(:
Are you me? My story is quite similar, I did have huge crushes on guys (so romantic attraction is definitely there), but I’m not too sexually attracted to them unless I have a crush. Ever since first hearing the term bisexual (I still remember the situation, I was watching a women’s soccer game with my grandparents and my grandma made a remark about this one player being bi and I was like “what does bi mean”?), I found it cool and wanted to be like that. I always found women to be incredibly pretty and way prettier than guys and I kind of fantasized about them and had several huge questioning phases, but I never had those huge feelings like I had for guys. However, there were some instances where I had “crushes” on certain girls or urges to kiss them, but it was always feeling a bit cold and I had the feeling that I solely forced it. I did, however, have sexual attraction for girls, but sometimes I’m only into guys and then I have a phase where I’m all girls but it still feels fake but I’ve been questioning and lurking around the LGBT online community for so many years, I can’t be completely straight
Well done. I came out in 1992, more than 25 years ago now. It goes without saying I didn't have the resources that people do today. It was probably the most important thing I've done in my life, maybe even more important than getting married and having kids, because I couldn't have my family without coming out. Whoever you are, just be gentle with yourself. Questions are sometimes more important than answers. Be patient. So long as you live your authentic self, whatever that may be at that moment, your life will unfold as it should. You'll zig and you'll zag along the way, but that's what the journey of self-awareness looks like, in sexuality and in all things. Love and hugs to you all.
Alexis’ speech in 5:07 was my case, i felt like i may be bi or whatever but it made no sense since i thought i was never so different from any other girl. After a year of thinking and convincing myself i was straight, i got involved in twitter fan bases and queer communities and finally got over my negative thoughts about the LGBTQ+ community. This was supposed to be a positive experience but it made me stressful since all i could think of was if I were one of them or not. I think it took like 3 months for me to get over that “i may be gay but please i don’t want to” phase to “yes. i am gay. and this is not something i should be ashamed of”. It’s been 6 months since I came out to myself and after that everything just fit right in and i felt happier than ever. I am now in the phase of “oh man what am i gonna do with all these homophobes around me”. Hoping to figure that out by going to an LGBTQ+ friendly university though :)
i feel like i am getting closer to coming out to myself... and that “fit” feeling? it’s exactly how i felt when i literally thought to myself, “okay, shut the fuck up for a minute self, you find girls hot, or beautiful, etc., and you know it and feel it” and i feel so much better ;> i don’t feel comfortable with bisexual right now and prefer to go with how i feel naturally to truly explore & know myself (hate being 14 ahgavagag)
I'd never really thought about the possibility that I might be something other than straight until this year. I had grown up always thinking about what my life would look like in the future, my wedding, everything. I usually imagined it with a man, or thought that a man was somehow in the picture. However, recently, I realized that I'm not excited about that. I had a lot of firsts this year, including my realization that I might actually be gay. It stressed me out at first, because then I tried to evaluate my life and figure out if there was any kind of sign when I was growing up. I'm honestly not sure if there was or not, but within this past year or so I've gotten more comfortable with myself and I was able to realize that I don't have to be straight just because that's what I grew up thinking I was. I'm much more comfortable with the thought of being with a woman than I am with a man, and it is so satisfying to figure that out. These past few days I've looked at a ton of videos on "How to tell if You're Gay" or whatever, but I'm realizing that the more I look into it, the better I've been handling it personally. So, thank you for publishing this video, and I hope you both have a great life.
Amazing. Can you imagine a fifty year old woman getting her best advice and moral support from such wonderful young ladies who are half her age and experience??
I genuinely have no idea what I am. I find both genders attractive and have had crushes on both girls and boys. But my entire friend group is gay, so I keep questioning whether I’m actually attracted or am I just forcing myself to fit in. But then sometimes I really feel like I’m Bi. I’ve had stages but I’m still doubting myself :( I’m so confused but I’m also only 13 and don’t have enough experience so...
I am confused. Cause when I was 11 I was sure I'm straight. When I turned 12, I said to myself that I'm becoming bi. Now I'm 13, and I'm still confused if I'm bi. I feel like I'm bi but nobody accepts me except for my best friend who has been there for me in every situation, and my other best friend that is bi too and recently she started dating her first girl, and I'm very happy for her. :D Thanks for the video, it was so inspirational!
If you're confused right now, don't beat yourself up about it. you're super young! you have a long time to figure yourself out!! and if someone is telling you you need to be someone or is judging you for being different it's non of their business!!
I've only been in straight relationships up to this point, but it is very important to me that I be open to whatever, or whomever, might come into my life. I feel strongly about that.
I’m struggling because I think I’m pan but recently I have been questioning and realizing I may be a lesbian. I really hope to figure it all out soon! 🏳️🌈
@@cherries3077 a lot of thinking and reflection about my attraction to others and about hetronormativity and normalised heterosexuality, hope that helped 😊 if you have any more questions I'm happy to help ❤️
I was in the “family cracks jokes” and “lacking in lgbt people in my area when I was younger” situation so it took a long time for me to come to terms with my sexuality. Lots of repression there haha. But now that I’m out life is so damn much better
I've always been able to emotionally connect with males because I have masculine personality traits. They've always made a good friend, so I've always thought I could "make it work" because we got along. I've always preferred females romantically and sexually. I realized in 2018 just how gay I am. I always thought the reason I didn't get aroused around dudes was because of sexual dysfunction. No, nope not even. I'm just lesbian. Anyway I've been coming out ALL year because people think suddenly I'm gay and I've chose to be this way all of a sudden. Guys in my life accuse me of leading them on. Most of my best male friends don't talk to me anymore because they're afraid I'm going to "lash out" against them because I'm gay. People have asked how am I a lesbian with a toddler. Some people don't even believe me and think I'm lesbian because it's cool. Others have said I've never fked females so how can I be a lesbian. I have an amazing girlfriend, and I was afraid of not finding one because the community here is different. A lot of times if you aren't a "gold star" where I am, you aren't a valid lesbian.
So I have a question , growing up I never had any crushes when my girl friends would ask and I just thought I was weird and didn’t really like anyone , I could only really develop feelings for a guy and attachment if we had a deep friendship , my family normalized “girl crushes “ so I would always blame my feelings on “just admiring “ but I’m now currently struggling to figure out if I’m bi or a lesbian , sex with a man isn’t my thing but is it wrong to call myself a lesbian and basically “disregard” strong feelings for guys that might’ve honestly just been deep friendship ?
@@maeliamochi328 I don't think it's wrong to call yourself a lesbian according to what you wrote. I don't want to say "yeah you're a lesbian" but how you feel is exactly how I felt before I was honest to myself. I stayed in the closet far too long and developed deep self hatred. There's nothing wrong with not knowing yet. You have time to find out who you like.
Deanna C I just recently came out as a lesbian a few days ago and am trying to get passed some of the anxiety surrounding it - like coming out to my friends and I already have come out to my family - thank you for your input on my situation (: it’s nice to hear someone’s been in my shoes
@@maeliamochi328 it gets better for those who accept you, as for those who don't, fk 'em. Those who can't accept you don't deserve to be around you. There's a problem with them, not you. I hope your family and friends received it well. Honestly, I'm still going through very similar anxieties after 2 years of being out. A lot of my family thinks it's a phase but I ignore these claims. I educate those who think I can't possibly be a lesbian with a kid. What exactly are your anxieties you have towards people when it comes to you being out? (If you know how to message people on here, feel free to shoot me a message if that makes you more comfortable).
I‘m very confused. In my mind I feel like I could have a relationship (or sex) with anybody as long as they are a good person who will accept my love, but when I project this idea into real life I just don‘t see myself wanting to be with anyone no matter their gender and stuff. And in one moment I feel like I‘m genuinely attracted to men, but I find myself thinking about my girl best friend the next moment 😩 Send help my hormones. I can’t- I hope this problem will soon solve itself 😭
Sarah Gaib look dude i g’et it but it’s 2020 we gotta be who we wanna be you know before we die of corona besides i can’t deal with people like This i just wanna be me without being Judge but Nature Made me bi so...............
Hi! Thanks for this video, it was really...reassuring? I'm bi and I have known since I was very little - about 7 but it was definitely a process for me. First I came out to My Mum at 16, then at 17/18 I started listing myself as bi on forms and stuff. I came out to a few friends when I was 20/22 and then I came out to my Dad at 24. Funnily enough, my dad has accepted me much better than my mum. There are still lots of my family and friends I haven't told. When I was very small, I saw no 'problem' with having a crush on a girl, but after I told mum that my friend and I had been 'playing boyfriend and girlfriend' so, pretending to be in a relationship - and she acted really shocked and shouted that I shouldn't do that with my girl-friends the attraction became something 'bad' and 'naughty' in my head. I was 12 when I first wondered consciously if a girl would like to do things like kiss with me but I didn't come out to myself properly until I was 16 and I only started to accept myself at 24 after I told my dad and he was super chill about it. - sorry, I'm rambling.
When I was young I had my first girlfriend! The love of my life! I knew I only wanted to be with women but I tried it with guys, never did it for me but it took a long time for me to shout it that I love women! My first love ! I was 14 I am now 55 and I still only want women... but I would love so to see her again! Her name is Lanette. I hope she sees this because I don’t know how to get a hold of her... I tried to look her up on Facebook but no luck I am not using you all for this but I am a total lesbian and only would love to see her again but I am thankful for your channel! Oh if we the
Me: girls are cute Also me: I don’t find guys that attractive My best friend: oh hun you’re just gay Me: but why? Why meeeeee ;-; Also me: **sCrEaMiNg iN Bi**
Makes me feel so much better watching you. I'm married with a child. Been with the same man for 17 years but always known I was bi since I was a kid. I've had a few girl experiences but I feel I am ready to move on and really except myself. So I started to see a therapist to help me through the process.
I'm new to this community (in the middle of this year I finally accepted that I'm bisexual) and I can't wait to meet the love of my life!! I'm 19 so I have time but I can't wait, I hope I have a relationship like yours!
bruh im scared bc i thought i was straight but now i realize it was probably me just trying to convince myself that i am when really i may not be. ik for sure i like boys but idk abt liking girls. im really scared and i have no idea what my sexuality is
I‘m currently in the exact same situation and MAN it‘s so frustrating! :( i‘ve been doing a lot of research but it feels like i‘m making no progress at all
So I came out as bisexual to my friends two years ago, and then as a lesbian to my friends and parents and now I think I'm between bi or pan. I give uppp!!! 😭
Hey I’m not afraid to tell my parents it’s just hard for me to tell my friends and like I don’t want to lose this one friends because she so perfect and I think I’m falling for her and she told me that we can’t be friends if I fall for her but I don’t know if I’m gay or bi I just thought I was Straight...
I'm in the relationship with my girlfriend, in a conservative Asian country. We're also Muslims. I'm having dysphoria with my feminine body and still in the closet. Life is really hard here, but love ease my life and she accepts me the way I am. Watching you guys happy and proud, I wish we have the same opportunity too. But I do understand that our love is restricted in our religion. I hope that our love can reunite in the eternal life, Heaven. I'm happy for you guys. Stay healthy and lovely.
hey, I know your message is 5years old but I just wanted to send you love and strength. It must be very hard to be repressed in this way, I hope you and your girlfriend are okay and know that you are not doing anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with us, our sexual orientation is natural and beautiful and we deserve love and pleasure in our lifetime. I know this is easier said than done and there are many consequences if you are open about your sexuality, but I just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with you or your girlfriend and me! We are not wrong but the people that interpret religions wrong and use it to oppress and judge people (my mothers side of the family are intense Filipino Catholics!! my mum even went to the convent to be a nun before she got married and my other Aunty was a nun for 10 years, so I know how oppressive hyper-religious people and cultures can be!!) Please take care and remember that your sexuality isn’t wrong and God loves all of us
Thank you ❤ Thank you ❤ Thank you ❤ I'm from a tiny village in Germay. There is no queer community and I'm still unsure in terms of my sexuality. I am constantly watching UA-cam and try to figure things out. But until I move by september this year I probably won't have the chance to make "same-sex"-experiences ... But anyways: you are such a cute couple and a great rolemodel for people like me out there !! Thank you for everything you do 💕 Lots of love from Germany 😘😘
Ich antworte mal auf Deutsch, dann verstehst du mich vielleicht auch;) Mir gehts ähnlich, ich wohne zwar in der Nähe von München, aber ich kann auch nicht einfach in die Stadt fahren und bis spät Abends um die Häuser ziehen, allein schon, weil der letzte Zug Richtung Heimat um kurz vor elf fährt... Wenn du noch nicht geoutet bist: Es hilf unfassbar, einfach mit einer Person der du verstraust darüber zu reden, auch wenn du dir noch nicht sicher bist, dann sag das genau so zu der Person. Hab ich auch gemacht und das alles mal auszusprechen hat echt geholfen, die Dinge in meinem Kopf zu sortieren und dann hab ich mich auch tatsächlich bei meinen Freunden ein halbes Jahr später geoutet, nachdem eine Freundin von mir sich als bi geoutet hat und alle gut reagiert haben. Ich hab auch noch kein passendes Label für mich gefunden, aber eigentlich reicht es ja auch, wenn man sagt "Ich steh auf Mädchen." Und außerdem laufen mehr queere Menschen in der Gegend rum, als man vielleicht denkt. Ich hab zwar jetzt hier aufm Dorf auch niemandem zum daten, aber wenigstens ein paar Freunde und Bekannte, die die gleichen Probleme haben.
Zaprina wow danke 💕 so lieb, dass du dir Zeit nimmst, so eine tolle Antwort für mich zu schreiben 🙈 ich weiß schon relativ lang, dass ich nicht bin wie die meisten Mädels in meinem Umfeld, die alle schon unglaublich viele Beziehungen mit Jungs/Männern hatten 😂🙈 aber wie gesagt, hier ist alles nicht ganz so einfach 🤔 super konservatives, katholisches Dorf und der Altersschnitt ist auch dementsprechend... Ich hab echt Angst, selbst bei meinen engsten Freunden, über meine Gefühle zu sprechen, aber ich mache dieses Jahr Abitur und ziehe dann für ein Jahr nach München 😍 ich hoffe, ich kann dort Erfahrungen sammeln und ein bisschen besser zu mir finden 😊 danke dir nochmal, für deine tolle Antwort und dir alles alles Gute weiterhin 😘
Gerne;) Ich war auch immer froh, wenn mir jemand geantwortet hat! Wenn du nach München ziehst, dann würd ich dir empfehlen, mal im Diversity vorbeizuschauen, das ist ein LGBT-Jugendzentrum, wo verschiedene Gruppen sich regelmäßg treffen und jeden Mittwoch Abend "Party" ist. Ich bin einmal zu nem Treffen von den Mädels gefahren (Jules) und hab leider bis jetzt keine Zeit gehabt, nochmal hinzufahren (Oberstufe und so..), aber die Leute sind echt cool und das macht total Spaß da!
I feel like a woman would understand me better. I'm just so scared to do something, because I'm so lost and I don't want to be a burden to someone who is bi or lesbian, like I don't want to hurt their feelings or anything... 😢
Hey Ladies, I only recently discovered your videos when UA-cam suggested to me that I may be interested in them. I have managed to speed through and watch them all in the space of a few days! Absolutely lovely couple, great, honest videos and a genuine like-ability factor (und schön). I look forward to your future videos! 🇬🇧🏳️🌈
You guys are awesome!!! This video deserves much of appreciation. I totally agree with Lilian about the "labeling thing" and I love it when Alexis said "honestly love yourself". These are the words the world needs to hear; LOVE does not need to be labeled, just simply LOVE HONESTLY!❤️
My sister is a lesbian who came out when I was 14 or 15. At this time you test yourself out and I think the fact my sister came out when I just got into love stuff, I never thought about girls. Like, somewhere deep inside me probably thought something like "would be weird if the younger sis likes girls too". Now I am 20, never felt fully comfy with boys but feel really attracted to women. I just realized a few days ago and the cause why I've never thought about it before.
It’s super stressful when your romantic attraction doesn’t line up with your sexual attraction. Like I’ve caught feelings for boys before, never really caught feelings for girls save for one, but if there was a hot guy and a hot girl together in one room, I’m more than likely gonna stare at the girl. And it took me a long time to figure out that I had a same-sex attraction because I thought my attraction was “inconsequential” and I was completely straight for most of my life. Yeah, no, in college I realized I’m very very bi. Probably like a 4 on the Kinsey scale. I do get doubts that I’m actually gay but when I do I freak out because I don’t wanna lose the “other side”. That question of “Do you wanna kiss her or be her”, my brain goes “B O T H.” Like “God I wish I could kiss her” but also “GOD I wish I had a man look at me like that” so I’m just like “what is happening-“. I do find guys attractive and want to kiss them once I get to know them. And normally I don’t “force” my romantic feelings, I could feel nothing for this one guy and then all of a sudden I’m like “Oh...oh no-“
You guys are adorable and I want Lilli's hair! (also, she's gorgeous!) I'm brand new here. I'll tell my story if anyone wants to know. I'll try to keep it as short as poss but honestly, I talk/type a lot. I'm almost 50 (48 right now), disabled with many illnesses and mobility issues. I don't have a car nor any way to get out into my community. I don't know if there's an app like Tinder for women? I have no idea how to meet anyone and I don't know how to find a lesbian community online (reddit or anything?). If anyone can help me, please let me know. I didn't realize my own sexuality fully until my late 30's. And I haven't had sex since my last relationship (hetero) 14 yrs ago! But I don't know how to even make contact because I'm stuck in this house so much. =( So, I identified with several scenarios you guys mentioned. I grew up in a family (2 families... divorced parents) in the south in the 70's and 80's. I had 0 people in my life who were LGBTQ+. There was one MTF transgender person who lived in our neighborhood but she was a big joke. She was very large and obviously masculine. My family and people I knew listened to comedy that was homophobic. My family and friends would tell gay jokes and so I did too. I had no idea about this whole other aspect of life and that I was being harmful in my thinking and words. (when I got into high school and started working at the grocery store, I befriended our wonderful neighborhood trans woman and she always came through my line at the store when she saw me. SO kind and friendly) Okay, so, I am convinced that I am gay. I spent a lot of time in my mid-late 30s pouring over my entire life. I imagine anyone else who realized and/or came out later in life probably did much the same thing. And once you do that, sometimes you end up having this... OMG it was beating me over the head my whole life! My 2 best friends growing up... I always found them so beautiful (especially Jennifer!). I wasn't jealous of them. I didn't want to be them. I just found them to be... eye candy I guess. Also, I never ever look below the waist on a dude. And if two people walk into the place where I am and one is male and the other female, my eyes always automatically fall on the woman and check her out. When I went to college, the best friend I made there was my first real realized crush. She was hetero (so she thought! HAH) and engaged but had been with women in the past. We would play games in the TV room and while she was playing, I'd lean my head on her shoulder or in her lap and think over and over "I hope she kisses me!" LAUGH. I couldn't contemplate fully being with a woman at that time cuz I still had that disgust over the female body that was taught to me by... I dunno, church, society, whatever. (I got over it. but I had to work on it. I couldn't even enjoy touching myself at the time.) I had 2 longterm relationships with dudes. One was a sociopath who I married when I was 17, had a child a month after I turned 18. The sociopath was also the one who discovered my lesbian tendencies when he caught me, late at night, using my "massage wand" while watching the 10 minute obligatory girl-on-girl scene in the middle of the porno he had brought home and made me watch. I was probably 19 or 20. And OMG, that was the first time I ever felt that way. My body became a fucking pinball machine when I watched that scene! When he caught me, he pointed and said "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!. How did he know before me? I don't know. But I was still a good, shy, little Christian girl and so I immediately fled back into my shell (as he gleefully pointed all this out loudly, in public, to anyone who would listen. He was a horrible person). The other was a good, kind guy who couldn't deal with all my oncoming illnesses and bugged out. Each one lasted 8 yrs. I did also engage in a friends-with-benefits scenario and a couple of one night stands which was consensual on both parts (I am all about truth and respect. tell someone what you want upfront). But that last long term relationship ended in 2005. After I finished figuring things out from the breakup, I started going over my life. It took me a little while to finally get that... *ding* lightbulb. But I finally did. I played World of Warcraft for 6.5 years and I made a friend on there, woman named Gwen. She told me she was bi. She would come to visit and we both wanted to hit on each other but were too shy. When we finally kissed, she was holy crap stiff! (I realized later, that girl isn't at all bi. My friends with benefits was with a gay guy who thought he was bi and he would stiffen up like that too whenever I'd touch him or give him a hug.) So we decided to just be friends. Then, take it up to about 3 yrs ago, we decided to try again (cuz she was with a guy who was a Dom and they would go to BDSM parties and she, as always, was trying to please her dude. *sigh*). We talked a lot about what we wanted to do but when she came over, it was on a work night. I threw her on the bed as soon as she got here to tease her. And I went straight for those damn nipples that have been teasing me for so many years. I used to literally play with dudes' nipples with my tongue and they'd look at me weird and be like.. what the hell are you doing? ROFL. Anyway, I made dinner for her. We ate and sat (and danced) topless all night long. When she was getting ready to go, I threw her back on the bed again and dipped my fingers in the water until it flowed, if ya know what I mean. *grin* But she just got up and left saying she had work the next day. Then I didn't hear from her for a week. Anyway, it was a brief encounter and I don't know if I should consider that I HAVE had lesbian sex now or that I haven't. But I know enough to know I want more. (not from her though) Yeah, that's as brief as I know how to be about my story. I dunno if it resonates with anyone or if it's just weird and annoying. *ROFL* There's more to it, of course, but I tried not to put down every single thing in my head. Really. I did! Anyway, again, see paragraph 2 above again and if you can help me, that would be greatly appreciated.
I'm 38 years old, married to a cishet man for 14 years and have 2 kids with. I have been questioning my sexuality for the past year. I had myself convinced I was bisexual but I think I'm a lesbian. I'm so lost and scared and wondering how to even start navigating this situation. Listening to this video really helped me in this moment. I still have no fecking idea what I'm going to do but I know that whatever it is will be because it is right for me and no one else.
2:00 I completely feel that. I started questioning my sexuality lately and I got no one growing up who is other that straight. I didn't even cross my mind I could find somone other attractive. So it is super strange and new to me to realises... Yup I love the way girls look, and their bodies. So I'd label myself as a bisexual (heteroromatic) for now. I haven't experimented with a girl but I'd love to. Hope I'll come to terms one day.
I love you guys. You are making my discovery simpler. Thanks to your advise i’m finding the courage to own and love who I really am. Once again you have assured me that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.
" don't force ur self to be like the norm" hits deeper when u have already led someone on n things seem serious but at the same time u cannot imagine being intimate with them. Okay yea story of my life😪😪😪
I know I can be romantically attracted to both, but I'm sexually attracted to guys more often than girls, to the point where I start to worry if I'm faking it. Then I remembered my tall friend in heels and it somewhat alleviates.
I watch you during the daytime and you both fill me in with love and hope. I watch you at night and things get worse when I frighteningly realize I am stuck and cannot see in the horizon; myself getting out of here. I hope I would have the courage to end it one day. I wish I had the courage to end it. The pain is real and every time I think I get up I fall harder.
I just read a Xavier Dolan’s interview about a movie called “love, Simon”. Dolan said he watched so many LGBTQ movies, when he was a teenager trying to find out the answers he needed to. They gave him both strenght, as a young artist, but also few hope as a young boy (suicide, violent attacks, bulliyng etc). He’s happy about the resolution of his situation, and despite the loneliness you can feel as a teenager trying to coming out, he has felt himself supported. He said he has been lucky, but many people are not. According to hom “Love, Simon” is a huge step for them and us all. What else... I can’t wait to watch this movie, and girls maybe you could also make a video about the LGBTQ movies that you’ve found interesting. Anyway, thank you for sharing your views and experiencies, I found it so usefull (advices, funny moments etc). You spread both good vibes as a single person, and even more as a couple! Thank you
The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about a girl named Elise. I am 13 and think I am straight but she is making me double think this. I get nervous around her, she always stares at me, and I don’t know what I am feeling. I don’t know if this feeling of possibly being gay might be from all people coming out as gay, and all the gay stuff happening on T.V. However, I have taken so many tests and they all say I am bi. I don’t know what to think but this video kinda helped. Let me know what you guys think I should do, or what I am.
I don’t know if I’m bi or a lesbian. I think I’m a lesbian because all the boys I’ve had a crush on very few boys but they looked a lot like girls. I’ve had a lot of crushes on girls and I didn’t realize until now. I thought they were just friend crushes. I’m happy now with my girlfriend though. (I’m a girl)
Okie so when I was little I used to like guys and girls. But I've stopped being that way because I started to learn that it was a bad thing according to my parents. I've had been attracted to my guy and girl friends. I have a problem figuring out if I'm bi or straight. I thought it was just a phase because I feel uncomfortable to kiss a girl or have sexual feelings with a girl. But I've wanted to try it so bad. I've only felt uncomfortable because I'm scared of it being bad (I'm grown up in a very religious home.) I've hated myself for the longest time because I felt uncomfortable about being me. My friends are lgbtq but I needed some better advice. I'm 13 and I thought it was just a rage of hormones. But I'm pretty sure I'm lgbtq because I've always been curious about dating guys and girls.
The sucky thing was I was in a friend group that seemed really accepting, but then when me and my gf broke up they all started calling my homophobic and names (and a few of them were trans and make fun of other trans people calling them lesbians and whatnot, and would attack other people who were in the lgbtq community). It made me feel really bad and made me think I was homophobic and transphobic even though I like women and support transgender community, because I simply just see people as people and like them no matter what. :/
Thank you for every video that you posted ...i think that they really made a difference. And to be honest every time that i am watching your videos i am feeling better and i am very grateful for that. Alexis and Lilian, you are doing a fantastic job. You are great people.
Helloooooes! I remember in your coming out videos, Lilian said she didnt want to come out using a label, but rather announcing dating a girl. This is how I felt as well. I have always had crushes on girls/women growing up, but had my first girlfriend about 8 years ago (25 at the time). I live in Iceland, but grew up in Sweden so my family never really knew. After we broke up, I was with a man and had a baby who is now 2;5. We are since separsted and now Im seeing a woman - def dont identify ad neither straight, bi or gau. If snything, queer is me, hut like you say, I just fall for whom I fall for, and dont think twice about it. For me, the closeness that you have with a woman is much stronger than with a man though. I uust announced to my parents that I was sering s gil, snd their reaction wasnt amazing. They just shut down, but I know they will come to terms with it, they sre just very closed off and abit ignorsnt to the world.
Comin from religion makes IT ALL MUCH HARDER. Also not having a communtiy or knowing other lgbt people makes it lonely. I still wonder if im bi or not and its been YEARS. Its a weird process
I'm still struggling with my expression of bisexuality. I am suffering from silent negativity, homophobia, and disability haters. From disability haters, general homophobes, and homophobes within the Catholic Church. My father is catholic, and my mother is Anglican.
hi, so i just started fully to wonder if i'm bi, like in the past i thought about it for just a second and moved on but now i kinda am realizing that i might have had moments where i was attracted to a girl but idk yet. I've never been in a relationship and i've never kissed anyone before. Now that i'm thinking about it i have no idea what to do! anyone have advice?
i’ve realized a lot from this video. i’m bi but i like the label lesbian bc it’s less to explain to people. but i don’t need to label myself. i just like girls more than guys. i’m not bi. i’m not gay. i’m cadrian.
Dear Alexis and Lillian, I know I am late to comment but I did not know these videos were on UA-cam, I really wanted to know what I was so I decided to find a video and here I am so yeah!!! Thank you this video was amazing and you two are so cute together!!! I really needed this video! I'm not supposed to comment on videos but I really need to say this! I just hope my mom doesn't find out!!! If you don't mind I would really like to tell you my story, I am 14 and have never been in relationship. One day my bestie and I were having a sleepover and were staying up late talking like us girls do. I trust her more than any one! We were talking about gay stuff for some reason, I can't really remember how the conversation started. Then I told her I think I'm lesbian because I think I like girls, but then I said "but all my crushes are boys and each time I watch a movie I crush on the boys!!! Yet I think I like girls too! So what am I? I'm so confused!" my friend then said this to me " You can like both, there is gay, lesbian and bisexual, bisexual means you like both boys and girls." then we both opened up to each other and became even better friends! She told me she thinks she is to and I asked her how she figured it out, she said when she had her first kiss she realized she was. And I have never been kissed before so yeah. I asked her if her mom knows this is what she said " I told my mom but she is against that stuff, when I told her she said god made Adam and Eve not Beth and Eve, and so she said that I am not, but know I am. I just wont talk to her about it." I said that that is messed up and stuff. So yeah that is my story at least what I remember. My mom is very open minded and not against any of it so I am lucky to have her, I haven't told my mom yet though because I am still figuring out if I am or not. Thank you for listening! :)
My problem is that I don’t know whether or not I’m bi, Bc I am 100% positive that I like guys and all my thoughts on a future are usually based around a man, but I’m pretty positive I was in love w my ex bestie Bc I thought abt her constantly and also wanted to kiss her a few times. But I never thought abt how I felt until we stopped being friends and now I’m not sure what I am Bc I think some girls are really pretty, and I’ve kinda always liked some *body parts* on women since I was small but idk Bc I feel like I’m lying Bc I can see myself in a romantic relationship w a girl, but I can’t see marriage? Idk if that made any sense, but if it did, can someone PLEASE help me figure this out????
Q: it is too late to come out at the age of 30 ? For being Asian it’s so difficult for me 😫!!! and yah what should I do for NOT being NERVOUS around girls ☺️, I don’t know how to handle that nervousness!!! nervous suck
Absolutely not! It’s never too late, especially not at 30. As Michelle said, it’s whenever you’re ready and it’s the right tome for you. Being nervous is normal, it will get better with time as you get more confident. Going on dates and exposing myself with „nervous“ situations more helped me with that. You eventually get used to it! Best of luck ❤️
I've been questioning my sexuality for much of my life. I know I'm attracted to SOME men, but if they have a bad personality it ruined the attraction. Same thing goes for women. I'm attracted to women with short hair who aren't as feminine but I've never been in a relationship with a woman. So I have no idea if I'm gay or bisexual or something else. It's so frustrating and idk what I should do.
I grew up with a lot of girls liking me. Of course, a lot of guys like me too. I never felt attraction is only between different genders since that was obviously not my situation. I think it is all about right person for you.
Love your videos . Thank you... i seem to think a lot of folks busy getting themselves a label. What ever you decide you are great as you are and there is support here x
It messes with my mind to. I think it’s because people who are homophobic have put people into boxes. Telling people they can’t like certain things... even things that don’t completely define you as a whole person. But because they said people couldn't have their own choice, it forced people to put on a label to fight for their own rights. I think if people were more accepting there wouldn’t be labels... just individual people that are all beautifully unique and different... with complete worth and value... whether or not what they like and don’t like...
Honestly, I just don’t know what to think. Pretty much all of my friends are gay, trans or pan. It’s a lot of pressure on me when they ask me whether I’m really straight or if I’m just not open enough. It makes me wonder, “Am I? Am I gay? Do I like other women or do I just feel pressured?” And it’s hard to look inside myself and try to see when there is all of this outside input from my friends and the media. I did have a problem. I dated a guy who later wanted to transition to female. After six months of doing everything I could to try to change for them, I just couldn’t do the relationship anymore. I really tore myself apart on that one. I still cry and have a little breakdown every time I think of it. I really regret not being able to change, and it makes me feel even more like there is something wrong with me. They had actually said to me, “It’s incredible. All of this because you’re straight.” I feel like I was in the wrong. That relationship left me really uncomfortable and ashamed of myself. I find it impossible to find myself in all of this. I know white, cis(although I’d rather be a guy because of sexism growing up), straight people are the majority and “privileged,” but I feel so wrong and ashamed of my sexuality. However, I don’t think I really like women either. It just seems that sexuality is like EVERYTHING these days. The first thing someone asks me when they meet me is my sexuality. Not my name or my occupation or where I’m from. That personal thing that drives me insane because I have to put a label to it and admit that I’m straight and “privileged.” I know I shouldn’t complain, but I’m so confused and ashamed of my whole self.
Hey guys I just recently got into ur videos and u two got me hooked like I just realized I have watched all of your videos and I did not even notice. U two are so cute I like the personality of u both lilian is kinda like the calm one or "reserved" like how alexis describe her and alexis is kinda like the goofy one enthusiastic one and that characteristics makes u two so perfect together💗 hope you end up marrying or traveling the world together sending u more love and please stay strong💗💗💗 take care always. Hoping for more videos. Love u😘
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What was this process like for you? Did you struggle or was it easy? What was the most difficult thing for you? ❤
Alexis & Lilian what is the background music u play on? it sound so soft and calm
This is helpful even if I did not struggled that Much? I don't know if that Makes sense. But for me what is a bit stressfull is that when I love I LOVE I mean I am 100% into It (even if I just kissed once and never have sex) I think I am monogamus and not poly so it is hard for me to connect with someone since I don't know all the person I met was not ready to commit or they was just really open to a more free relationship and that's why I don't test the water you know? I don't want to break my Heart because of myself being monogamus
Please do you guys have advice for me?
A very close friend of mine came out as bi and then I decided to tell our friends,too, but the problem was that I wasnt quite sure about "how queer I am" an so I just told them that I´m bi, too, but now I think I should´ve used another label, because I´m not bi. I´m still not sure about it but I think the most suitable term for me would be lesbian, but I really don´t like the word, so I prefer gay, or queer. But this is causing weird situations, too, because not everyone (I´m from Bavaria) knows those english terms (especially older people like my grand-parents).
But all in all the inner coming out wasn´t very bad, but I´m still not out to my family. My friends and my parents know, but I don´t wanna tell my family, because there are some homophobic guys. my great-aunt and -uncle for example got divorced cause their son is gay, that´s why I´m afraid of their reaction
Yes, you were very Lucky with each other.. Dispite you were so far away. I'm 51 years old and things were difficult when i was more young in Portugal.. I felt guilty and the places where we met were really bad... Not romantic at all to a innocent and young girl. In my thirty's I was, for a períod of time in a informal relationship similar to a weding accepted by family until it endend. Then i decided to have a Child (sperm donator) and i'm raising her alone for twelve years... I need to be in love again but isn't easy to meet someone, despite legal marriage in Portugal...
Does anyone else ever just have a voice in your head telling you like... What if I'm faking it and I'm not actually gay
YES ME TO
@@stoopidcrumpet6679 omg really thank god idk why but I'm like what if I'm not gay I just want to be?? Why is it so hard to tell 😭 how is it so obvious for some people
Níamh I feel you girl
@@stoopidcrumpet6679 that makes me feel so much better aha hopefully I'll figure myself out some day
Níamh yes I hope you do ❤️
“I’m just forcing myself to think I’m gay because that’s what I want to be but maybe I’m actually straight “ that right there is my thought process 24/7
Same same same same same!!!!
same i hate it so much
It's exactly the same with me, i'm like "am I just forcing myself to like girls?, what is wrong with me?" my mind has been a real mess lately. I am so confused ;(
Sameeeeeee
@@kathy3689 we're all confused 😂
i needed this video so much. i consistently feel invalid in my identity as bi because i didn’t have the typical “i knew when i was a kid!” story. i’m always scared that i’m “choosing” or “pretending” to be attracted to girls. i love this video.
i relate to you sm! you are not alone!!
Samee
I RELATE SOOO MUCHHH
update:now i know that i'm actually a lesbian and i'm proud yeer
Me toooo
Sameeee. At first I thought I was pretending, but I know for a fact I’m not :0
Am I the only girl who thinks boys can be cute and stuff but never sexually attracted to boys but thinks girls are cute and all but I am sexually attracted to girls....
Yes... ok
ᴋᴘᴏᴘ ᴄᴏᴏᴄʜɪᴇ I have like the opposite lol
i'm the exact same, don't worry. i thought i was bi at first because it's so difficult to be outside of the norm in my country and the culture i grew up with. but whether you're actually lesbian or something similar like bi, as long as you're slowly coming to terms with the you that likes people of the same gender... just take it slow.
Same omg
Maybe you're biromantic but homosexual?
I feel like being with a girl is cooler
like those movies where they’re friends but then they like Eachother and it’s like a shock
I thought i might be bi but now I’m scared that I’m fully gay and idk why it scares me
samee
That's what I'm going through too
I feel you...
Look into homosexual OCD, it’s like gay Intrusive thoughts and you don’t know why , I have them sometimes it cares me too but I love my girlfriend lool what the heck
i thought i was bi for awhile because even when i realised i liked girls i tried to stick to heteronormativity and convinced myself i liked guys. anyways, after identifying as bi for awhile i realised that even when i found boys cute it was just their style or hairstyle that i fancied, and there was no real attraction. i couldn't envision myself falling for a guy, walking down the aisle to a man, so i eventually realised i was just a lesbian trying to deny that i was different, because it's so tough to be different in society and the culture that i was brought up in. it's okay to be scared, it takes time and you can only count on yourself to accept yourself before you ask for people to accept you, because you don't have to answer to anybody. give yourself some time and space to be sure and never rush yourself, because it only deters the process of getting to know yourself.
I find guys hot but like- I only think about girls when I think about relationships and stuff. So, I'm so confused.. :/
+Mya Duffney Could be you‘re bisexual but homoromantic? That’s similar to how I (Lilian) identifies.
Same but idk. I have a crush on a guy, but I think girls are cute. I cant imagine myself with either but I'm in such a bad place with my mental health (hidden which makes it worse) so it stresses me out so much and I just NEED to know😭🥺
That’s kinda like me. I find guys really hot and can see myself being in a relationship with them. But I also find girls really hot it’s just I can’t see myself being in a relationship with them....idk in sooo confused??!!
I’m literally the exact opposite, also confused.
Ik i think it’s like Ik when a guys hot but I don’t actually find him hot-he just is stereotypically, but then girlssss 🥺
I'm from Iran. Whatching u means a lot to me.
Iran, wow..I bet it's even more challenging there..
Dude, me too!
It is truly impressive that you accept yourself even though you live in Iran, things there are kinda risky...
@@maidaitisnot 😍😍😍🌈🌈🌈
@@evatsav7624 tnx for your support 💙
A few things I would like to add: 1: There is a difference between sexual attraction and "romantic" attraction. For example, you can be sexually attracted to both genders, but only romantically in one (i.e. you would have sex with both genders, but can only see yourself falling in love/being in a relationship with one). Also, being attracted to someone doesn't necessarily mean you would have sex with them, you can also just "appreciate" someone's beauty.
2: Again about labels: some people are afraid of accepting their sexual orientation because of the connotations a label has for them. For example, you might be afraid to identify yourself as a "lesbian" because you associate that with an intimidating butch woman, and you don't feel like it is an appropriate term for you. That's why I mentioned not worrying about the label so much, or simply reclaim it - we come in all styles, shapes and looks. BUT! A lot of people also find comfort in a label, or by clearly defining what gender(s) they are interested in, and that is important to acknowledge as well. I forgot to mention this in the video.
Please post any other thoughts or advice you have on here. Thank you - Lilian
Alexis & Lilian I identify myself as queer as I’m sexually attracted to men and women but only romantically attracted to women. I could never love a man it just doesn’t feel right
What am i if i am sexually to both but only romantically to men?
I have a question I use to like boys but I feel like I don’t anymore, so could I be lesbian?
I get scared of approaching a girl because I might not be accepted but I really need a girlfriend and your advice
@@lexigaede009 yes it's the same with me. I just don't know!!!
What it’s like being bisexual:
**CONSTANT CONFUSION**
Yesssss
Yassss
Yesssssss
YES YES YES
Yesssss
It was a big struggle for me. I'm from Latvia.. I grew up in a small town. And I'm from christian family. I thought that I was gay when I was 14, but I blocked it, because I thought that Christ is against it. And than... Two years ago I canceled my wedding with a boy, 8days before the date. And then I thought that I will be single for a little while. Than one day I spoke with my friend about everything and I said that I thought I'm gay when I was 14...she said to me.. don't be afraid and try to go on a date with girl. I went on one date and in Thai date I remembered that one of the sweetest girls I know is gay.. I wrote her. We went on date and next thing I know.. we are together.. now for almost 2years. The best 2years of my life. And I'm still christian. It's still a struggle, because my country is against it and my family too. But.. I'm loving myself..
Thank you for your videos. ;)
Латвия тоже не особо прогрессивна в этом плане?
I hope im surrounded with open minded people
Malacis, Laura!
@@happy_as_f sadly, but yes.
@@happy_as_f I'm from Estonia
I am so confused and stressed idk is I’m bi or not😭
mackmarie4 it’s gonna be ok, I’m kinda in the same situation. It’s ok to be confused because everyone is sometimes. Whatever you decide it’s ok.
Maybe you are pan, anyways We all love you no matter what :)
you could be bi but female/male leaning :p
I don't know if I'm lesbian or bi or straight ahhhhhg help
@@guisonguinevere9909 how would u know if I'm bi????????
Thank you for being supportive of bisexuality
After seeing this video, i feel like...super warm.
'we're all here to support each other' 🏳️🌈❤️
melody vonn thank you😭
I thought I was bi but now I think I'm lesbian I can't tell
Alexis Rodriguez ᗯᗴᒪᒪ ᗪO ᑌ ᒪIKᗴ ᘜᑌYᔕ Iᑎ ᗩᑎYᗯᗩY? Iᖴ Yᗴᔕ YOᑌ ᗩᖇᗴ ᗷI Iᖴ ᑎO ᑌ ᖇ ᒪᗴᔕᗷIᗩᑎ
well ask yourself, would i be in a relationship with a guy? would i ever be 'sexual' with a gay? would i ever marry a guy? if the answers no to all then u might be a lesbian :) hope this helps bc i'm in the same situation as u r lmao
touv chances are u might be a lesbian, but these things take time so dont worry abt it, you'll figure it out eventually
alina ye I'm dat girl who's an annoying as bitch 🙂🙂
Same any advice anyone??
Honestly after 4 years it's still difficult for me to label myself. I've always gone with "bisexual" but deep inside I frequently still question myself whether I am just fooling myself that I like both and that I actually only like women or men. Sometimes I think I'm gay, sometimes I'm straight... it's really stressful.
Your name being “you” is pretty funny because this is me how I am I’ve been struggling for years about whether I’m bi or not because of what you said here it’s stressful and annoying because at this point I’m just done
I used to think I was straight and never questioned it: I'd had crushes on guys in the past and never really thought about it. When I learned about the LGBTQ+ community, I realised, that I really wanted to be bi: it seemed so cool. Eventually I convinced myself that I was but never truly believed it because I thought I made myself bi and I was really straight. I started to consider going out with my female friends but again, thought I was forcing it. My best friend and I would always joke about dating - she had a 'wife' (one of her friends) and then they got 'divorced' and we became 'together'.This may have been because my subconscious was trying to tell me something... idk. A couple of times, she hinted at us becoming a proper couple and every time she did, I would get really uncomfortable because I was still questioning my sexuality. Eventually we did get together and still are now because I thought 'screw it, what can I lose from a bit of experimenting?' In the past, I had tried out different labels (straight, bi, pan and gay) and bi and pan felt the most right, bi more so than pan but after reading these comments (especially Katie Channing's about listing things she found attractive about both men and women) I think I might be gay but that still doesn't feel quite right. I often fantasise about kissing my girlfriend but again, I don't know if that's me convincing myself that I'm LGBTQ+ and I'm not, or me convincing myself that I'm LGBTQ+ and my subconscious mind knows it but I don't yet. Your video has really helped me - I don't think I'm straight - but I still don't know yet. I know it's okay to be unsure and not everyone likes labels and I can take as long as I need bla bla bla but I still really want a label and I want to know my sexuality.
Thanks for reading my TED Talk and letting me dump my thoughts and feelings here where I know I will be accepted xx
Update
I found a label that fits! I now know that i am omnisexual. This means that I am attracted to all genders. If you had the same kind of experiences as me, I would reccomend that you research every identity you can find until you find one that works. At first it might feel like you're the only one who feels a certain way but i promise you you're not alone. Keep looking and i swear you will find a community of people like you(:
Are you me? My story is quite similar, I did have huge crushes on guys (so romantic attraction is definitely there), but I’m not too sexually attracted to them unless I have a crush. Ever since first hearing the term bisexual (I still remember the situation, I was watching a women’s soccer game with my grandparents and my grandma made a remark about this one player being bi and I was like “what does bi mean”?), I found it cool and wanted to be like that. I always found women to be incredibly pretty and way prettier than guys and I kind of fantasized about them and had several huge questioning phases, but I never had those huge feelings like I had for guys. However, there were some instances where I had “crushes” on certain girls or urges to kiss them, but it was always feeling a bit cold and I had the feeling that I solely forced it. I did, however, have sexual attraction for girls, but sometimes I’m only into guys and then I have a phase where I’m all girls but it still feels fake but I’ve been questioning and lurking around the LGBT online community for so many years, I can’t be completely straight
Thunder_sama this is me of you find it out please inform me 😂
Well done. I came out in 1992, more than 25 years ago now. It goes without saying I didn't have the resources that people do today. It was probably the most important thing I've done in my life, maybe even more important than getting married and having kids, because I couldn't have my family without coming out. Whoever you are, just be gentle with yourself. Questions are sometimes more important than answers. Be patient. So long as you live your authentic self, whatever that may be at that moment, your life will unfold as it should. You'll zig and you'll zag along the way, but that's what the journey of self-awareness looks like, in sexuality and in all things. Love and hugs to you all.
Wendy Snelgrove so glad to know im not alone
Now I'm super sure that I'm straight, but I understand to LGBTQ+ community. 💓
I don’t know if I’m like bi or lesbian or something waaaaaa I’m so confused :,(
Juuzo Juuzo omg same
well do have any sexual attraction to guys? like would you be in a romantic relationship with a guy? if not, your gay.
@@avac4761 its not that easy iv never been with a guy so i wouldnt know
tufflove would you ever picture yourself with a guy? like think abt your future, is it with a male or a female?
Sarinas Kekse your probably bi. cuz if ur lesbian you would be fully comfortable and rly want a girl.
Alexis’ speech in 5:07 was my case, i felt like i may be bi or whatever but it made no sense since i thought i was never so different from any other girl. After a year of thinking and convincing myself i was straight, i got involved in twitter fan bases and queer communities and finally got over my negative thoughts about the LGBTQ+ community. This was supposed to be a positive experience but it made me stressful since all i could think of was if I were one of them or not. I think it took like 3 months for me to get over that “i may be gay but please i don’t want to” phase to “yes. i am gay. and this is not something i should be ashamed of”. It’s been 6 months since I came out to myself and after that everything just fit right in and i felt happier than ever. I am now in the phase of “oh man what am i gonna do with all these homophobes around me”. Hoping to figure that out by going to an LGBTQ+ friendly university though :)
recognise your journey, and i'm ancient, compared to you!! :D
Yooo im in the same situation
i feel like i am getting closer to coming out to myself... and that “fit” feeling? it’s exactly how i felt when i literally thought to myself, “okay, shut the fuck up for a minute self, you find girls hot, or beautiful, etc., and you know it and feel it” and i feel so much better ;> i don’t feel comfortable with bisexual right now and prefer to go with how i feel naturally to truly explore & know myself (hate being 14 ahgavagag)
Me: Damn, shes hot
Me: DaMn!! HeS CutE!!
Me: Wtf, who do I like?!?!?! AAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHSHDHDJDBFHEHCBSJJD
Turnip Of All SAME >_>_>_> ;o;
The answer is simply YESS
I keep seeing you
💗💜💙
We're hella many😂😂😂😂damn
I'd never really thought about the possibility that I might be something other than straight until this year. I had grown up always thinking about what my life would look like in the future, my wedding, everything. I usually imagined it with a man, or thought that a man was somehow in the picture. However, recently, I realized that I'm not excited about that. I had a lot of firsts this year, including my realization that I might actually be gay. It stressed me out at first, because then I tried to evaluate my life and figure out if there was any kind of sign when I was growing up. I'm honestly not sure if there was or not, but within this past year or so I've gotten more comfortable with myself and I was able to realize that I don't have to be straight just because that's what I grew up thinking I was. I'm much more comfortable with the thought of being with a woman than I am with a man, and it is so satisfying to figure that out. These past few days I've looked at a ton of videos on "How to tell if You're Gay" or whatever, but I'm realizing that the more I look into it, the better I've been handling it personally. So, thank you for publishing this video, and I hope you both have a great life.
I feeling the same im trying to figure it out.
i am feeling thé exact same way holy shit. the exact same
SAME
Amazing. Can you imagine a fifty year old woman getting her best advice and moral support from such wonderful young ladies who are half her age and experience??
Haha aw thanks you’re sweet and we’re glad we can help, we’re sure you could teach us a lot about many more things in life 😉
I’m a child and I keep questioning. Girls are just so pretty.. and I’ve never once been interested in a guy. :/
I thought I was bi but I’m honestly more attracted to girls, every boy I see I’m just not attracted. Idk km just scared and confused lol
Yeah, me too
same i don't want to make a gut feeling decision and identify as lesbian bc what if i end up finding the "right" guy
It’s ok take your time
I genuinely have no idea what I am. I find both genders attractive and have had crushes on both girls and boys. But my entire friend group is gay, so I keep questioning whether I’m actually attracted or am I just forcing myself to fit in. But then sometimes I really feel like I’m Bi. I’ve had stages but I’m still doubting myself :( I’m so confused but I’m also only 13 and don’t have enough experience so...
damn
I think u grow up knowing from an early age... U don't need any much experience
I am confused.
Cause when I was 11 I was sure I'm straight. When I turned 12, I said to myself that I'm becoming bi.
Now I'm 13, and I'm still confused if I'm bi. I feel like I'm bi but nobody accepts me except for my best friend who has been there for me in every situation, and my other best friend that is bi too and recently she started dating her first girl, and I'm very happy for her. :D Thanks for the video, it was so inspirational!
If you're confused right now, don't beat yourself up about it. you're super young! you have a long time to figure yourself out!! and if someone is telling you you need to be someone or is judging you for being different it's non of their business!!
Same I’m 12 and I’m so confused waa
I've only been in straight relationships up to this point, but it is very important to me that I be open to whatever, or whomever, might come into my life. I feel strongly about that.
I’m struggling because I think I’m pan but recently I have been questioning and realizing I may be a lesbian. I really hope to figure it all out soon! 🏳️🌈
I'm going through the exact same thing, only I thought I was bi
update: I've now came out as a lesbian! 😊🏳️🌈✨
Mizzy 18 how did you figure it out?? I think I might be les but I’m still confused 😭
@@cherries3077 a lot of thinking and reflection about my attraction to others and about hetronormativity and normalised heterosexuality, hope that helped 😊 if you have any more questions I'm happy to help ❤️
Im kinda in the same situation but im not sure if im bi, omni or les ._.
I was in the “family cracks jokes” and “lacking in lgbt people in my area when I was younger” situation so it took a long time for me to come to terms with my sexuality. Lots of repression there haha. But now that I’m out life is so damn much better
it you’re watching this: ya gay
what if ure watchin this and ure a dude
Light o Your still gay
@@QuinnFishh03 gay for watching chicks
Close......
*I GIVE OFF GAY VIBES THO BUT IM PAN*
@@lighto6442 gay for fetishizing a sexuality
I’m straight, but using this video as an exposure for my sexual orientation OCD!! X
Amazing video :)
I've always been able to emotionally connect with males because I have masculine personality traits. They've always made a good friend, so I've always thought I could "make it work" because we got along. I've always preferred females romantically and sexually. I realized in 2018 just how gay I am. I always thought the reason I didn't get aroused around dudes was because of sexual dysfunction. No, nope not even. I'm just lesbian. Anyway I've been coming out ALL year because people think suddenly I'm gay and I've chose to be this way all of a sudden. Guys in my life accuse me of leading them on. Most of my best male friends don't talk to me anymore because they're afraid I'm going to "lash out" against them because I'm gay. People have asked how am I a lesbian with a toddler. Some people don't even believe me and think I'm lesbian because it's cool. Others have said I've never fked females so how can I be a lesbian. I have an amazing girlfriend, and I was afraid of not finding one because the community here is different. A lot of times if you aren't a "gold star" where I
am, you aren't a valid lesbian.
I could have written this myself!
So I have a question , growing up I never had any crushes when my girl friends would ask and I just thought I was weird and didn’t really like anyone , I could only really develop feelings for a guy and attachment if we had a deep friendship , my family normalized “girl crushes “ so I would always blame my feelings on “just admiring “ but I’m now currently struggling to figure out if I’m bi or a lesbian , sex with a man isn’t my thing but is it wrong to call myself a lesbian and basically “disregard” strong feelings for guys that might’ve honestly just been deep friendship ?
@@maeliamochi328 I don't think it's wrong to call yourself a lesbian according to what you wrote. I don't want to say "yeah you're a lesbian" but how you feel is exactly how I felt before I was honest to myself. I stayed in the closet far too long and developed deep self hatred. There's nothing wrong with not knowing yet. You have time to find out who you like.
Deanna C I just recently came out as a lesbian a few days ago and am trying to get passed some of the anxiety surrounding it - like coming out to my friends and I already have come out to my family - thank you for your input on my situation (: it’s nice to hear someone’s been in my shoes
@@maeliamochi328 it gets better for those who accept you, as for those who don't, fk 'em. Those who can't accept you don't deserve to be around you. There's a problem with them, not you. I hope your family and friends received it well.
Honestly, I'm still going through very similar anxieties after 2 years of being out. A lot of my family thinks it's a phase but I ignore these claims. I educate those who think I can't possibly be a lesbian with a kid. What exactly are your anxieties you have towards people when it comes to you being out? (If you know how to message people on here, feel free to shoot me a message if that makes you more comfortable).
I‘m very confused. In my mind I feel like I could have a relationship (or sex) with anybody as long as they are a good person who will accept my love, but when I project this idea into real life I just don‘t see myself wanting to be with anyone no matter their gender and stuff. And in one moment I feel like I‘m genuinely attracted to men, but I find myself thinking about my girl best friend the next moment 😩 Send help my hormones. I can’t- I hope this problem will soon solve itself 😭
I’m really confused because some days I’m really attracted to girls and I can’t see myself with a guy but other days it’s the complete opposite.
I really love you guys..u should get married
Bruh can they have kids with each other?
Sarah Gaib bruh Can you not be rude
@@thetrendymood6947 well I am trying not to be u but this is the nature we ca not deny it
Sarah Gaib look dude i g’et it but it’s 2020 we gotta be who we wanna be you know before we die of corona besides i can’t deal with people like This i just wanna be me without being Judge but Nature Made me bi so...............
@@thetrendymood6947 dude u r bi?
Hi! Thanks for this video, it was really...reassuring? I'm bi and I have known since I was very little - about 7 but it was definitely a process for me. First I came out to My Mum at 16, then at 17/18 I started listing myself as bi on forms and stuff. I came out to a few friends when I was 20/22 and then I came out to my Dad at 24. Funnily enough, my dad has accepted me much better than my mum. There are still lots of my family and friends I haven't told. When I was very small, I saw no 'problem' with having a crush on a girl, but after I told mum that my friend and I had been 'playing boyfriend and girlfriend' so, pretending to be in a relationship - and she acted really shocked and shouted that I shouldn't do that with my girl-friends the attraction became something 'bad' and 'naughty' in my head. I was 12 when I first wondered consciously if a girl would like to do things like kiss with me but I didn't come out to myself properly until I was 16 and I only started to accept myself at 24 after I told my dad and he was super chill about it. - sorry, I'm rambling.
katherine Smith hey like you said you knew at young age
I’m young and confused how did you exactly know
When I was young I had my first girlfriend! The love of my life! I knew I only wanted to be with women but I tried it with guys, never did it for me but it took a long time for me to shout it that I love women! My first love ! I was 14 I am now 55 and I still only want women... but I would love so to see her again! Her name is Lanette. I hope she sees this because I don’t know how to get a hold of her... I tried to look her up on Facebook but no luck I am not using you all for this but I am a total lesbian and only would love to see her again but I am thankful for your channel! Oh if we the
Me: girls are cute
Also me: I don’t find guys that attractive
My best friend: oh hun you’re just gay
Me: but why? Why meeeeee ;-;
Also me: **sCrEaMiNg iN Bi**
You are becoming real experts in advising
Makes me feel so much better watching you. I'm married with a child. Been with the same man for 17 years but always known I was bi since I was a kid. I've had a few girl experiences but I feel I am ready to move on and really except myself. So I started to see a therapist to help me through the process.
I believe in going with what you feel right. It is never a struggle for me. I am who I am, and love who I love.
I'm new to this community (in the middle of this year I finally accepted that I'm bisexual) and I can't wait to meet the love of my life!! I'm 19 so I have time but I can't wait, I hope I have a relationship like yours!
bruh im scared bc i thought i was straight but now i realize it was probably me just trying to convince myself that i am when really i may not be. ik for sure i like boys but idk abt liking girls. im really scared and i have no idea what my sexuality is
I dont know what i am but my yoga teacher is lesbian and most of my friends in it are pan and bi and i dont know what s going on
I don't know what the hell is going on to my lyf .
am I lesbian or straight?
ufff it's really hard to figure it out man
I’m so glad others feel the same as me, I literally don’t know what I am 😭
I‘m currently in the exact same situation and MAN it‘s so frustrating! :( i‘ve been doing a lot of research but it feels like i‘m making no progress at all
i have it worse. i cant tell if im pansexual or asexual
So I came out as bisexual to my friends two years ago, and then as a lesbian to my friends and parents and now I think I'm between bi or pan. I give uppp!!! 😭
Hey I’m not afraid to tell my parents it’s just hard for me to tell my friends and like I don’t want to lose this one friends because she so perfect and I think I’m falling for her and she told me that we can’t be friends if I fall for her but I don’t know if I’m gay or bi I just thought I was Straight...
Alexis and Lilian, you women are so supportive of other girls and women .Great and friendly advice to all your followers.. Love you
You are wonderful! You advice is very precious for me🌈
I feel like I’m either bi lesbian or straight, i don’t know and I’m scared to know, idk bc I want to come out straight but whatever I am is what I am
Im bi and i dont know if i have more feelings for girls or boys
Exotic I had the dame thing. But now i more like girls so I like (now) Boys=25%. Girls=75%
And it is my bestie why i like girls more
I'm in the relationship with my girlfriend, in a conservative Asian country. We're also Muslims. I'm having dysphoria with my feminine body and still in the closet. Life is really hard here, but love ease my life and she accepts me the way I am. Watching you guys happy and proud, I wish we have the same opportunity too. But I do understand that our love is restricted in our religion. I hope that our love can reunite in the eternal life, Heaven. I'm happy for you guys. Stay healthy and lovely.
hey, I know your message is 5years old but I just wanted to send you love and strength. It must be very hard to be repressed in this way, I hope you and your girlfriend are okay and know that you are not doing anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with us, our sexual orientation is natural and beautiful and we deserve love and pleasure in our lifetime. I know this is easier said than done and there are many consequences if you are open about your sexuality, but I just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with you or your girlfriend and me! We are not wrong but the people that interpret religions wrong and use it to oppress and judge people (my mothers side of the family are intense Filipino Catholics!! my mum even went to the convent to be a nun before she got married and my other Aunty was a nun for 10 years, so I know how oppressive hyper-religious people and cultures can be!!) Please take care and remember that your sexuality isn’t wrong and God loves all of us
Thank you ❤ Thank you ❤ Thank you ❤ I'm from a tiny village in Germay. There is no queer community and I'm still unsure in terms of my sexuality. I am constantly watching UA-cam and try to figure things out. But until I move by september this year I probably won't have the chance to make "same-sex"-experiences ... But anyways: you are such a cute couple and a great rolemodel for people like me out there !! Thank you for everything you do 💕 Lots of love from Germany 😘😘
same here :D
Ich antworte mal auf Deutsch, dann verstehst du mich vielleicht auch;) Mir gehts ähnlich, ich wohne zwar in der Nähe von München, aber ich kann auch nicht einfach in die Stadt fahren und bis spät Abends um die Häuser ziehen, allein schon, weil der letzte Zug Richtung Heimat um kurz vor elf fährt...
Wenn du noch nicht geoutet bist: Es hilf unfassbar, einfach mit einer Person der du verstraust darüber zu reden, auch wenn du dir noch nicht sicher bist, dann sag das genau so zu der Person. Hab ich auch gemacht und das alles mal auszusprechen hat echt geholfen, die Dinge in meinem Kopf zu sortieren und dann hab ich mich auch tatsächlich bei meinen Freunden ein halbes Jahr später geoutet, nachdem eine Freundin von mir sich als bi geoutet hat und alle gut reagiert haben.
Ich hab auch noch kein passendes Label für mich gefunden, aber eigentlich reicht es ja auch, wenn man sagt "Ich steh auf Mädchen."
Und außerdem laufen mehr queere Menschen in der Gegend rum, als man vielleicht denkt. Ich hab zwar jetzt hier aufm Dorf auch niemandem zum daten, aber wenigstens ein paar Freunde und Bekannte, die die gleichen Probleme haben.
Zaprina wow danke 💕 so lieb, dass du dir Zeit nimmst, so eine tolle Antwort für mich zu schreiben 🙈 ich weiß schon relativ lang, dass ich nicht bin wie die meisten Mädels in meinem Umfeld, die alle schon unglaublich viele Beziehungen mit Jungs/Männern hatten 😂🙈 aber wie gesagt, hier ist alles nicht ganz so einfach 🤔 super konservatives, katholisches Dorf und der Altersschnitt ist auch dementsprechend... Ich hab echt Angst, selbst bei meinen engsten Freunden, über meine Gefühle zu sprechen, aber ich mache dieses Jahr Abitur und ziehe dann für ein Jahr nach München 😍 ich hoffe, ich kann dort Erfahrungen sammeln und ein bisschen besser zu mir finden 😊 danke dir nochmal, für deine tolle Antwort und dir alles alles Gute weiterhin 😘
Gerne;) Ich war auch immer froh, wenn mir jemand geantwortet hat! Wenn du nach München ziehst, dann würd ich dir empfehlen, mal im Diversity vorbeizuschauen, das ist ein LGBT-Jugendzentrum, wo verschiedene Gruppen sich regelmäßg treffen und jeden Mittwoch Abend "Party" ist. Ich bin einmal zu nem Treffen von den Mädels gefahren (Jules) und hab leider bis jetzt keine Zeit gehabt, nochmal hinzufahren (Oberstufe und so..), aber die Leute sind echt cool und das macht total Spaß da!
Same thing :) #tinygermanvillage😂
I feel like a woman would understand me better. I'm just so scared to do something, because I'm so lost and I don't want to be a burden to someone who is bi or lesbian, like I don't want to hurt their feelings or anything... 😢
Hey Ladies, I only recently discovered your videos when UA-cam suggested to me that I may be interested in them. I have managed to speed through and watch them all in the space of a few days! Absolutely lovely couple, great, honest videos and a genuine like-ability factor (und schön). I look forward to your future videos! 🇬🇧🏳️🌈
You guys are awesome!!! This video deserves much of appreciation. I totally agree with Lilian about the "labeling thing" and I love it when Alexis said "honestly love yourself". These are the words the world needs to hear; LOVE does not need to be labeled, just simply LOVE HONESTLY!❤️
My sister is a lesbian who came out when I was 14 or 15. At this time you test yourself out and I think the fact my sister came out when I just got into love stuff, I never thought about girls. Like, somewhere deep inside me probably thought something like "would be weird if the younger sis likes girls too". Now I am 20, never felt fully comfy with boys but feel really attracted to women. I just realized a few days ago and the cause why I've never thought about it before.
It’s super stressful when your romantic attraction doesn’t line up with your sexual attraction. Like I’ve caught feelings for boys before, never really caught feelings for girls save for one, but if there was a hot guy and a hot girl together in one room, I’m more than likely gonna stare at the girl. And it took me a long time to figure out that I had a same-sex attraction because I thought my attraction was “inconsequential” and I was completely straight for most of my life. Yeah, no, in college I realized I’m very very bi. Probably like a 4 on the Kinsey scale. I do get doubts that I’m actually gay but when I do I freak out because I don’t wanna lose the “other side”. That question of “Do you wanna kiss her or be her”, my brain goes “B O T H.” Like “God I wish I could kiss her” but also “GOD I wish I had a man look at me like that” so I’m just like “what is happening-“. I do find guys attractive and want to kiss them once I get to know them. And normally I don’t “force” my romantic feelings, I could feel nothing for this one guy and then all of a sudden I’m like “Oh...oh no-“
I feel the same way! Have you had any new ideas/feelings? Because this quite confuses me!
You guys are adorable and I want Lilli's hair! (also, she's gorgeous!) I'm brand new here. I'll tell my story if anyone wants to know. I'll try to keep it as short as poss but honestly, I talk/type a lot.
I'm almost 50 (48 right now), disabled with many illnesses and mobility issues. I don't have a car nor any way to get out into my community. I don't know if there's an app like Tinder for women? I have no idea how to meet anyone and I don't know how to find a lesbian community online (reddit or anything?). If anyone can help me, please let me know. I didn't realize my own sexuality fully until my late 30's. And I haven't had sex since my last relationship (hetero) 14 yrs ago! But I don't know how to even make contact because I'm stuck in this house so much. =(
So, I identified with several scenarios you guys mentioned. I grew up in a family (2 families... divorced parents) in the south in the 70's and 80's. I had 0 people in my life who were LGBTQ+. There was one MTF transgender person who lived in our neighborhood but she was a big joke. She was very large and obviously masculine. My family and people I knew listened to comedy that was homophobic. My family and friends would tell gay jokes and so I did too. I had no idea about this whole other aspect of life and that I was being harmful in my thinking and words. (when I got into high school and started working at the grocery store, I befriended our wonderful neighborhood trans woman and she always came through my line at the store when she saw me. SO kind and friendly)
Okay, so, I am convinced that I am gay. I spent a lot of time in my mid-late 30s pouring over my entire life. I imagine anyone else who realized and/or came out later in life probably did much the same thing. And once you do that, sometimes you end up having this... OMG it was beating me over the head my whole life! My 2 best friends growing up... I always found them so beautiful (especially Jennifer!). I wasn't jealous of them. I didn't want to be them. I just found them to be... eye candy I guess. Also, I never ever look below the waist on a dude. And if two people walk into the place where I am and one is male and the other female, my eyes always automatically fall on the woman and check her out.
When I went to college, the best friend I made there was my first real realized crush. She was hetero (so she thought! HAH) and engaged but had been with women in the past. We would play games in the TV room and while she was playing, I'd lean my head on her shoulder or in her lap and think over and over "I hope she kisses me!" LAUGH. I couldn't contemplate fully being with a woman at that time cuz I still had that disgust over the female body that was taught to me by... I dunno, church, society, whatever. (I got over it. but I had to work on it. I couldn't even enjoy touching myself at the time.)
I had 2 longterm relationships with dudes. One was a sociopath who I married when I was 17, had a child a month after I turned 18. The sociopath was also the one who discovered my lesbian tendencies when he caught me, late at night, using my "massage wand" while watching the 10 minute obligatory girl-on-girl scene in the middle of the porno he had brought home and made me watch. I was probably 19 or 20. And OMG, that was the first time I ever felt that way. My body became a fucking pinball machine when I watched that scene! When he caught me, he pointed and said "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!. How did he know before me? I don't know. But I was still a good, shy, little Christian girl and so I immediately fled back into my shell (as he gleefully pointed all this out loudly, in public, to anyone who would listen. He was a horrible person).
The other was a good, kind guy who couldn't deal with all my oncoming illnesses and bugged out. Each one lasted 8 yrs. I did also engage in a friends-with-benefits scenario and a couple of one night stands which was consensual on both parts (I am all about truth and respect. tell someone what you want upfront). But that last long term relationship ended in 2005. After I finished figuring things out from the breakup, I started going over my life. It took me a little while to finally get that... *ding* lightbulb. But I finally did.
I played World of Warcraft for 6.5 years and I made a friend on there, woman named Gwen. She told me she was bi. She would come to visit and we both wanted to hit on each other but were too shy. When we finally kissed, she was holy crap stiff! (I realized later, that girl isn't at all bi. My friends with benefits was with a gay guy who thought he was bi and he would stiffen up like that too whenever I'd touch him or give him a hug.) So we decided to just be friends. Then, take it up to about 3 yrs ago, we decided to try again (cuz she was with a guy who was a Dom and they would go to BDSM parties and she, as always, was trying to please her dude. *sigh*).
We talked a lot about what we wanted to do but when she came over, it was on a work night. I threw her on the bed as soon as she got here to tease her. And I went straight for those damn nipples that have been teasing me for so many years. I used to literally play with dudes' nipples with my tongue and they'd look at me weird and be like.. what the hell are you doing? ROFL. Anyway, I made dinner for her. We ate and sat (and danced) topless all night long. When she was getting ready to go, I threw her back on the bed again and dipped my fingers in the water until it flowed, if ya know what I mean. *grin* But she just got up and left saying she had work the next day. Then I didn't hear from her for a week.
Anyway, it was a brief encounter and I don't know if I should consider that I HAVE had lesbian sex now or that I haven't. But I know enough to know I want more. (not from her though)
Yeah, that's as brief as I know how to be about my story. I dunno if it resonates with anyone or if it's just weird and annoying. *ROFL* There's more to it, of course, but I tried not to put down every single thing in my head. Really. I did!
Anyway, again, see paragraph 2 above again and if you can help me, that would be greatly appreciated.
I'm 38 years old, married to a cishet man for 14 years and have 2 kids with. I have been questioning my sexuality for the past year. I had myself convinced I was bisexual but I think I'm a lesbian. I'm so lost and scared and wondering how to even start navigating this situation. Listening to this video really helped me in this moment. I still have no fecking idea what I'm going to do but I know that whatever it is will be because it is right for me and no one else.
2:00 I completely feel that. I started questioning my sexuality lately and I got no one growing up who is other that straight. I didn't even cross my mind I could find somone other attractive. So it is super strange and new to me to realises... Yup I love the way girls look, and their bodies. So I'd label myself as a bisexual (heteroromatic) for now. I haven't experimented with a girl but I'd love to. Hope I'll come to terms one day.
I love you guys. You are making my discovery simpler. Thanks to your advise i’m finding the courage to own and love who I really am. Once again you have assured me that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.
Thank you so much for this video. It's really helped me understand that you don't need a label to be queer. Thank you so much again.
I can't thank you enough for this video!! Also y'all are sooo adorable 😭❤️
" don't force ur self to be like the norm" hits deeper when u have already led someone on n things seem serious but at the same time u cannot imagine being intimate with them.
Okay yea story of my life😪😪😪
I know I can be romantically attracted to both, but I'm sexually attracted to guys more often than girls, to the point where I start to worry if I'm faking it. Then I remembered my tall friend in heels and it somewhat alleviates.
Romantic and sexual attraction don't always match. It doesn't make you any less valid
I watch you during the daytime and you both fill me in with love and hope. I watch you at night and things get worse when I frighteningly realize I am stuck and cannot see in the horizon; myself getting out of here. I hope I would have the courage to end it one day. I wish I had the courage to end it. The pain is real and every time I think I get up I fall harder.
I don’t really know about sexual relationships but I can’t imagine myself with a guy but I can with a girlll
I have a crush on my bestie. But idk if she is lesbian. And well I dont want to ruin our friendship. ☹️
Wow Lillian’s hair looks perfect on this video 👌
I don’t know if I’m bi or a lesbian and it’s hurts my brain😞
I just read a Xavier Dolan’s interview about a movie called “love, Simon”. Dolan said he watched so many LGBTQ movies, when he was a teenager trying to find out the answers he needed to. They gave him both strenght, as a young artist, but also few hope as a young boy (suicide, violent attacks, bulliyng etc). He’s happy about the resolution of his situation, and despite the loneliness you can feel as a teenager trying to coming out, he has felt himself supported. He said he has been lucky, but many people are not. According to hom “Love, Simon” is a huge step for them and us all. What else... I can’t wait to watch this movie, and girls maybe you could also make a video about the LGBTQ movies that you’ve found interesting. Anyway, thank you for sharing your views and experiencies, I found it so usefull (advices, funny moments etc). You spread both good vibes as a single person, and even more as a couple! Thank you
The thing is, I can’t stop thinking about a girl named Elise. I am 13 and think I am straight but she is making me double think this. I get nervous around her, she always stares at me, and I don’t know what I am feeling. I don’t know if this feeling of possibly being gay might be from all people coming out as gay, and all the gay stuff happening on T.V. However, I have taken so many tests and they all say I am bi. I don’t know what to think but this video kinda helped. Let me know what you guys think I should do, or what I am.
I don’t know if I’m bi or a lesbian. I think I’m a lesbian because all the boys I’ve had a crush on very few boys but they looked a lot like girls. I’ve had a lot of crushes on girls and I didn’t realize until now. I thought they were just friend crushes. I’m happy now with my girlfriend though. (I’m a girl)
Okie so when I was little I used to like guys and girls. But I've stopped being that way because I started to learn that it was a bad thing according to my parents. I've had been attracted to my guy and girl friends. I have a problem figuring out if I'm bi or straight. I thought it was just a phase because I feel uncomfortable to kiss a girl or have sexual feelings with a girl. But I've wanted to try it so bad. I've only felt uncomfortable because I'm scared of it being bad (I'm grown up in a very religious home.) I've hated myself for the longest time because I felt uncomfortable about being me. My friends are lgbtq but I needed some better advice. I'm 13 and I thought it was just a rage of hormones. But I'm pretty sure I'm lgbtq because I've always been curious about dating guys and girls.
The sucky thing was I was in a friend group that seemed really accepting, but then when me and my gf broke up they all started calling my homophobic and names (and a few of them were trans and make fun of other trans people calling them lesbians and whatnot, and would attack other people who were in the lgbtq community). It made me feel really bad and made me think I was homophobic and transphobic even though I like women and support transgender community, because I simply just see people as people and like them no matter what. :/
And yes I am a girl so... me having a gf = homophobia? Like whaaa lol
Thank you for every video that you posted ...i think that they really made a difference. And to be honest every time that i am watching your videos i am feeling better and i am very grateful for that.
Alexis and Lilian, you are doing a fantastic job. You are great people.
Helloooooes! I remember in your coming out videos, Lilian said she didnt want to come out using a label, but rather announcing dating a girl. This is how I felt as well. I have always had crushes on girls/women growing up, but had my first girlfriend about 8 years ago (25 at the time). I live in Iceland, but grew up in Sweden so my family never really knew. After we broke up, I was with a man and had a baby who is now 2;5. We are since separsted and now Im seeing a woman - def dont identify ad neither straight, bi or gau. If snything, queer is me, hut like you say, I just fall for whom I fall for, and dont think twice about it. For me, the closeness that you have with a woman is much stronger than with a man though. I uust announced to my parents that I was sering s gil, snd their reaction wasnt amazing. They just shut down, but I know they will come to terms with it, they sre just very closed off and abit ignorsnt to the world.
Comin from religion makes IT ALL MUCH HARDER. Also not having a communtiy or knowing other lgbt people makes it lonely. I still wonder if im bi or not and its been YEARS. Its a weird process
I'm still struggling with my expression of bisexuality. I am suffering from silent negativity, homophobia, and disability haters. From disability haters, general homophobes, and homophobes within the Catholic Church. My father is catholic, and my mother is Anglican.
hi, so i just started fully to wonder if i'm bi, like in the past i thought about it for just a second and moved on but now i kinda am realizing that i might have had moments where i was attracted to a girl but idk yet. I've never been in a relationship and i've never kissed anyone before. Now that i'm thinking about it i have no idea what to do! anyone have advice?
they're so freaking wholesome 💗
So good to hear from you...great advice and you are so sweet together.
i’ve realized a lot from this video. i’m bi but i like the label lesbian bc it’s less to explain to people. but i don’t need to label myself. i just like girls more than guys. i’m not bi. i’m not gay. i’m cadrian.
Dear Alexis and Lillian, I know I am late to comment but I did not know these videos were on UA-cam, I really wanted to know what I was so I decided to find a video and here I am so yeah!!! Thank you this video was amazing and you two are so cute together!!! I really needed this video! I'm not supposed to comment on videos but I really need to say this! I just hope my mom doesn't find out!!! If you don't mind I would really like to tell you my story, I am 14 and have never been in relationship. One day my bestie and I were having a sleepover and were staying up late talking like us girls do. I trust her more than any one! We were talking about gay stuff for some reason, I can't really remember how the conversation started. Then I told her I think I'm lesbian because I think I like girls, but then I said "but all my crushes are boys and each time I watch a movie I crush on the boys!!! Yet I think I like girls too! So what am I? I'm so confused!" my friend then said this to me " You can like both, there is gay, lesbian and bisexual, bisexual means you like both boys and girls." then we both opened up to each other and became even better friends! She told me she thinks she is to and I asked her how she figured it out, she said when she had her first kiss she realized she was. And I have never been kissed before so yeah. I asked her if her mom knows this is what she said " I told my mom but she is against that stuff, when I told her she said god made Adam and Eve not Beth and Eve, and so she said that I am not, but know I am. I just wont talk to her about it." I said that that is messed up and stuff. So yeah that is my story at least what I remember. My mom is very open minded and not against any of it so I am lucky to have her, I haven't told my mom yet though because I am still figuring out if I am or not. Thank you for listening! :)
My problem is that I don’t know whether or not I’m bi, Bc I am 100% positive that I like guys and all my thoughts on a future are usually based around a man, but I’m pretty positive I was in love w my ex bestie Bc I thought abt her constantly and also wanted to kiss her a few times. But I never thought abt how I felt until we stopped being friends and now I’m not sure what I am Bc I think some girls are really pretty, and I’ve kinda always liked some *body parts* on women since I was small but idk Bc I feel like I’m lying Bc I can see myself in a romantic relationship w a girl, but I can’t see marriage?
Idk if that made any sense, but if it did, can someone PLEASE help me figure this out????
Q: it is too late to come out at the age of 30 ? For being Asian it’s so difficult for me 😫!!! and yah what should I do for NOT being NERVOUS around girls ☺️, I don’t know how to handle that nervousness!!! nervous suck
Am eagerly waiting for ur answer and how to handle nervousness 😫😫😫
The right time is when you're ready !!
Absolutely not! It’s never too late, especially not at 30. As Michelle said, it’s whenever you’re ready and it’s the right tome for you. Being nervous is normal, it will get better with time as you get more confident. Going on dates and exposing myself with „nervous“ situations more helped me with that. You eventually get used to it! Best of luck ❤️
Alexis & Lilian thank u so much
Michelle Galué thank u and I hope it will go well 🤞
With my last relationship with a guy, it was the opposite. For some reason it felt wrong??
Its been ten years and i dont know if I'm gay or straight
I've been questioning my sexuality for much of my life. I know I'm attracted to SOME men, but if they have a bad personality it ruined the attraction. Same thing goes for women. I'm attracted to women with short hair who aren't as feminine but I've never been in a relationship with a woman. So I have no idea if I'm gay or bisexual or something else. It's so frustrating and idk what I should do.
I grew up with a lot of girls liking me. Of course, a lot of guys like me too. I never felt attraction is only between different genders since that was obviously not my situation. I think it is all about right person for you.
Love your videos . Thank you... i seem to think a lot of folks busy getting themselves a label. What ever you decide you are great as you are and there is support here x
Love this that lilians lips turn more red with every cut 😂😍
Real question that I tortured me : why does who you like becomes who you ARE ? It breaks my brain.
It messes with my mind to. I think it’s because people who are homophobic have put people into boxes. Telling people they can’t like certain things... even things that don’t completely define you as a whole person. But because they said people couldn't have their own choice, it forced people to put on a label to fight for their own rights. I think if people were more accepting there wouldn’t be labels... just individual people that are all beautifully unique and different... with complete worth and value... whether or not what they like and don’t like...
SimplyKara I really like how you think and that really makes sense to me. Thank you for that
In other words, why are people struggling so much with it? Maybe due to them worried about not being accepted such as by family etc.
Because people like labeling things too much.
Honestly, I just don’t know what to think. Pretty much all of my friends are gay, trans or pan. It’s a lot of pressure on me when they ask me whether I’m really straight or if I’m just not open enough. It makes me wonder, “Am I? Am I gay? Do I like other women or do I just feel pressured?” And it’s hard to look inside myself and try to see when there is all of this outside input from my friends and the media. I did have a problem. I dated a guy who later wanted to transition to female. After six months of doing everything I could to try to change for them, I just couldn’t do the relationship anymore. I really tore myself apart on that one. I still cry and have a little breakdown every time I think of it. I really regret not being able to change, and it makes me feel even more like there is something wrong with me. They had actually said to me, “It’s incredible. All of this because you’re straight.” I feel like I was in the wrong. That relationship left me really uncomfortable and ashamed of myself. I find it impossible to find myself in all of this. I know white, cis(although I’d rather be a guy because of sexism growing up), straight people are the majority and “privileged,” but I feel so wrong and ashamed of my sexuality. However, I don’t think I really like women either. It just seems that sexuality is like EVERYTHING these days. The first thing someone asks me when they meet me is my sexuality. Not my name or my occupation or where I’m from. That personal thing that drives me insane because I have to put a label to it and admit that I’m straight and “privileged.” I know I shouldn’t complain, but I’m so confused and ashamed of my whole self.
Hey guys I just recently got into ur videos and u two got me hooked like I just realized I have watched all of your videos and I did not even notice. U two are so cute I like the personality of u both lilian is kinda like the calm one or "reserved" like how alexis describe her and alexis is kinda like the goofy one enthusiastic one and that characteristics makes u two so perfect together💗 hope you end up marrying or traveling the world together sending u more love and please stay strong💗💗💗 take care always. Hoping for more videos. Love u😘
Thank you both so much for being so inspiring!
I just do it by letting myself being completely influeced by social media. culture, and what everyone tells me i should be