@@cartesianer1288 Wieso Motorrad ? Betrunken Fahrrad fahren ist auch super gefährlich. Mit 15 kann man noch nicht mal Führerschein für Motorrad machen. Mofa geht mit 15
Ich mit 15 noch nicht an Alkohol gedacht und auch viel vor Eltern heute Angst haben war noch ein Fremdwort weil, dass in meine Umgebung nicht gab und die Berichte darüber habe nicht mitbekommen. Wobei aber sagen muss das es 30 Jahre her ist.
My first experience of parenting in Germany was 2 days after moving to Berlin my wife, 7-year-old daughter and I were having dinner at a restaurant. At the table next to ours was another family with a 7-year-old girl, a 5-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. After our daughter started playing at the restaurant with the other kids, and as my wife and I started talking to the other parents, they asked if the kids could all go to the playground across the street. I volunteered to go with the kids to keep an eye on them, to which the parents responded, “Why? They can look after themselves.” Letting go that evening was tough. As my daughter is in high school now, it gets even tougher. But I also know that my daughter and her friends were raised learning self-reliance and responsibility. I let my daughter do things with her German friends that I would never allow her to do with American friends the same age.
Tabea Dietz ich liebe die Waffenlobby das ist das Ding man müsste eigentlich nur gucken das keine psyschos und so Waffen bekommen aber ansonsten finde ich es gut und Trump ist ja auch nicht für immer da
Even though german parenting seems to be quite liberal, but it used to be even more so in the past. I feel like little children nowadays are wayy to overprotected.
I grew up in the 70s in a small village in Germany. We only had one rule "Be home for dinner!" That was all. We spent hours outside on the riverbanks, built dams, played hide and seek in the forests surrounding our village etc. During the summer we would go back outside after dinner but had to be back home before it was dark. We did not have much but we were free to do what we wanted as long as we obeyed the rules. I wish children today could grow up like we did.
althelas grew up in the 2000s. Basically same rules. Always had to go home when the streetlights turned on (or at a friends house and then give a quick call home, to let my parents know where I was at)
My mother was like "but don't drink to much" when I was around 16/17 and I went to the club with the boys. At the age of 18 she just gave up and said just don't die 👀😂
@@tompeled6193 no that's wrong 😂😂 if I said "I went to the club too" then it would be right. But hence I said I went "to" the club it's for a direction so it's correct
@@tompeled6193 oh wait hold on this is the internet I am not supposed to be polite: What of a dumb fuck are you to correct me even tho you were wrong. Be sure to check your grammar first before trying to be a smart-ass
@@fredior9714i've missed the deleted part of the conversation "but don't drink to much" is wrong, it should be "but don't drink too much" ... but everyone makes mistakes! :))
Hello Montana, I think if a child is supervised or controlled by their parents 24/7 they cannot become independent. Of course, this also includes trust that a child does not do stupid things. Trust is important so that a child can develop. There should be a middle ground, not just total freedom, not just total control. As the father of a daughter, that was always very important to me. ( Entschuldige mein Englisch ich habe es mit Hilfe von Google getan ;-)
This..is awfully good for google translate. But if you ever need something more reliable check out deepl. Das ist echt gut für Google Translate. Die Qualität erwartet man eher von Übersetzern wie Deepl.
Just to confirm that. My little girl (2 years old) was yesterday for the first time on a rope climbing pyramid. I was kind of having my hands just an inch away from her and she slipped slightly and laughed out of joy - 24 hours later today she was basically climbing around herself, only slipped twice and could both times hold on so I could get her - I was absolutely amazed. Children are amazing you just have to give them a chance. So I can just say many parents here give their children more freedoms, but we also have in mind that there is no real risk. E.g. if she had fallen nothing would have happened it was sand underneath and she was 1m high - so it would have been more frustration than injury.
And if you put things together, it makes perfect sense that people in Germany get quite upset when you jaywalk, in particular before the childrens' eyes. We allow the kids to walk alone to school, to the playgrounds, to friends, so there is an understandable concern that they may pick up bad habits on their way.
also bad example, i told off a couple the other day they said "but its late already there are no kids around.." i just said ... "ever heard of Windows ?" ... so much for the no one is around anyway excuse :P
When I was living in the states I thought it was so crazy that some parents drug test their kids on a regular basis 😂 I’ve never heard of anything like that in Germany lol
don´t knwo if it is an urban myth but I heard aabout a guy in the USA whose parents even set up a video surveillance system in his room! so he masturbated right in front of the camera and then turned his parents in to the police for possession of child pornography! (serves them damn right!)
@@jornschneider2723 my dad did that haha he took us boys and said since we are at that age where we going to do stuff like that anyway so it would better and safer with him around, all of us never cared much for drugs when we were older so i guess it worked ;)
In German universities, you are not made to participate. You can go the whole semester without going to lectures or practical courses or seminars. Nobody cares. But when it comes to taking exams, you have to know what happend in those events. College it more like school, while universities do not care about the single student. The lecturers do not know your name, will not comment on how your grades are or how often you missed a lecture. Not because they are bad people, but because they assume you are old enough to decide to participate on your own. If you do not, that's your decision and they accept it. You have to be responsible for your action or inaction yourself. You do not show up, you have to deal with the consequences. Nobody will pamper you. You haven't signed in for a practical course or an exam, you will not take that course or exam this time. You messed up, you have to deal with it. This makes you learn things fast or you drop out. But it's also like this at your job. There is an emphasis on being responsible for your actions and self-regulate your behavior according to what is needed to succeed. Parents can plant those ideas within their children really early. My kids walked to school alone starting first grade, later they used scooters, skateboards, bikes. We just "kick" them out the door and until now they came back in one piece^^ It's not far, just about 1km to elementary school and about 3km starting 5th grade. When they want to go to friends or sports, they do so by themselves. With smaller kids (
When I was a teenager my parents had a simple rule for me. I had a fixed time when I should be home but if I wanted to stay longer I had to call them and say where I am and when I will be back home. Sometimes this was quite complicated because at this time mobile phones where not invented yet but it worked and this is what I did with my kid as well as long as I knew where he was and when he will come home I was fine and picking the kids from the club or a party is a very normal parent service. What I don’t get in this helicopter parents is how do they want their kids to take over responsibility for their life if they don’t teach it. I still remember when my son was 6 years old he was climbing on such a rope thing which looked like a tent with a middle stem and instead of walls there was this net for climbing. It is about 5 to 6 meters high and I was scared like hell when I saw him almost at the top it cost me a lot to remain silent and just watch him going to the top and later let him find the way down but he was so proud when he came down and he had done this all by himself without help he was talking day about it. I believe this things give children strength and self confidence for their whole life.
Ich nehme mir mal raus, auf Deutsch zu antworten. Wie ist es "very normal parent service", seine Kinder die sich in Clubs oder Parties volllaufen lassen noch als "Belohnung" abzuholen. Ich bin nicht dafür, seine Kinder streng zu erziehen aber etwas Respekt sollte doch vor den Eltern sein oder nicht? Einfach mal das Eltern Taxi mitten in der Nacht bzw. früh am Morgen aus dem Schlaf zu klingeln, damit man seinen besoffenen Hintern ins Bett kriegt, finde ich nicht cool. Will gar nicht wissen, für wie selbstverständlich solche Kinder so etwas erachten nach einer Zeit.
@@scure8931 wer hat etwas von besoffen gesagt? Wenn ich meinen Sohn einmal besoffen oder gekifft angetroffen hätte dann wäre aber was los gewesen. Auch war nicht die Rede davon aus dem Schlaf geklingelt zu werden es gab vorher klare Abmachungen wann er abgeholt wird und das hat gut geklappt. Mir war es allemal lieber als ihn nachts irgendwo einstehen zu lassen. Mach dir Mal keine Sorgen mein Junior ist ganz gut geraten.
@@habi0187 warum fühlst du dich denn so angegriffen? Ich rede in einem völligen allgemeinen Sinne ohne dabei mich auf eine bestimmte Person zu beziehen. Ich kenne dein(e) Kind(er) nicht einmal weshalb sollte ich mich auf diese beziehen? Dein(e) Kind(er) sind mir egal! Ich habe auch nicht vom Kiffen oder anderen Drogen gesprochen. Vielleicht solltest du mal nen Gang zurückschalten, mit dir kann man sich ja nichteinmal unterhalten....
scure sorry ich habe es als Angriff aufgefasst. Es war halt so geschrieben dass ich es auf mich bezogen habe. Das haben Antworten im allgemeinen so ansich dass sie sich auf den vorherigen Post beziehen wenn man nichts dazu schreibt. Ich denke schon das man sich mit mir normal unterhalten kann.
@@habi0187 deswegen schrieb ich auch wie gesagt in einem allgemeinen Wortlaut, da dies sicherlich nicht nur eine Person betrifft. Wieso ich auf deinen Kommentar geantwortet habe? Du hattest das Thema in den Kommentaren mit deiner Sichtweise angesprochen und ich wollte meine kundtun. Das ist doch völlig ok oder nicht?
As a child in Holland I had to walk to school alone when I was 6. It was a 15 minute walk and I had to cross 2 busy roads. I was allowed to ride my bike alone also from 6 years old. I had to be at home for eating and before the street lights went on. That was it. When I was 12 I could stay away all night, as long as my parents knew where I was. I never got into any trouble. The only thing I was not allowed ever, was smoking and guess what I started to do?? Haha. I did not have any pressure on doing well at school. I had my ups and downs, but ended up doing university. Did you know that according to UNICEF Dutch children are the happiest on earth and have been for several years.
I am a German father of 4 children. My oldest daughter is 28 and studying at a university. My son is 18 and my twin daughters are 5 years old. Most German parents enjoy seeing their children dare to do something on their own, seeing how they manage to climb a climbing frame and then seeing the sparkle in their eyes when they make it to the top. And if they didn't make it, we parents are there to comfort them, but also to help them not to give up and try again and again. But there is also a wide spectrum of parents in Germany. From helicopter parents to parents who hardly care about their children. Also the environment (e.g. city or village) makes a big difference. In the villages with a few hundred inhabitants you can see how children at the age of 6 or 7 years buy bread rolls from the small baker next door (even if this is not allowed by law). Or at the age of 8 or 9 they are allowed to go alone to the playground around the corner. In a city this is usually unthinkable. Too much traffic and too many people you do not know. There are school buses in Germany, too. They are usually normal public buses, but especially used as school buses. But there are also children who have to go to school with the regular buses. In the beginning parents are required to accompany their children on their way to school. And every day the children should become a little more independent and the parents in the end just follow them. In my childhood it was about 3km (about 1.86 miles) to school. Most of the time I went by bus, sometimes even on foot. Mostly from the fifth grade on, the children are allowed to ride their bikes to school. Also the playgrounds within Germany are very different. There are playgrounds that offer everything from toddlers' slides, rope slides, water games to pirate castles or ships with large climbing nets. But unfortunately also tiny playgrounds with very little choice. Especially in new development areas more and more importance is attached to large playgrounds. And there are very strict legal requirements for playgrounds. The playgrounds also have to be technically checked regularly. If you have children one day, trust them to do something on their own, let them try it out, let them climb. They will certainly fall once, but they will get up and learn from it and try again. Maybe it takes a band-aid, a hug and of course love, but it also takes their parents' trust in their child.
At least in Hamburg, you usually have students in third grade who go to school by themselves. The “rule” I mostly hear is that they need to be able to cross all streets on their way, read and in case know their address and phone number. Children who go to school by bus are usually on it on their own from the moment they can read. At least, that's what I often see.
Botengänge, die jüngere Kinder erledigen, sind aber legal. Dazu gehört auch, dass Kinder zum Bäcker gehen, wenn ihre Eltern ihnen diese Aufgabe übertragen haben ("Kauf bitte ein Schwarzbrot und 5 Brötchen. Hier hast du dafür 4 Euro.") Und in Berlin gehen Kinder auch in der 1. Klasse mal allein nach Hause, aber der 3. Klasse eigentlich fast alle. Ich arbeite in einer Schule in Berlin. Auch auf Spiel- oder Sportplätze gehen Kinder allein. Sicherlich sind in der Stadt mehr Menschen unterwegs, aber es ist dann Aufgabe der Eltern, ihre Kinder entsprechend vorzubereiten. Also so wie auch auf dem Land.
@@melanieberlin5684 Danke für die Infos... Sicherlich, es ist unsere Aufgabe die Kinder vorzubereiten. Und worauf wir sie vorbereiten ist natürlich auch ganz stark davon abhängig in welchem Umfeld die Kinder aufwachsen. Meinen Beobachtungen nach dürfen Stadtkinder aber meist nicht ganz so früh selbstständig kleine Wege gehen wie es bei uns auf dem Dorf üblich ist. Aber das ist sicherlich von Stadt zu Stadt und von Dorf zu Dorf unterschiedlich. Was das Einkaufen betrifft, sind Kinder erst mit 7 Jahren beschränkt geschäftsfähig und dürfen streng genommen nur mit Einwilligung der Eltern kleinere Einkäufe erledigen. Wobei es hier die Ausnahme durch den "Taschengeldparagraphen" noch gibt. Sie dürfen sich auch Kleinigkeiten was im Rahmen ihres Taschengeldes fällt durchaus selbstständig was kaufen (außer die Eltern haben dies verboten). Kinder unter 7 dürfen dies tatsächlich noch gar nicht.
@@andreasnadobnik8207 Wie gesagt, Botengänge sind auch unter 7 Jahren möglich, da die Kinder nur den Willen der Eltern ausführen. Kaufen sie sich vom Restgeld ein Lolli und die Eltern haben das vorher nicht ausdrücklich mit "in Auftrag" gegeben, dann kann das Geld für den Lolli wieder zurückverlangt werden, weil die Kinder wie du schon sagtest, nicht geschäftsfähig sind. Kaufen sie genau das, was die Eltern "in Auftrag" gegeben haben, darf auch ein 5jähriger schon Brötchen holen.
well i live in berlin and don't think it makes that big of a difference. obviously kids don't go to the other end of the city on their own but since school and friends are often nearby it's the sams
An interesting topic. I have heard stories that helicopter parents become an issue for teachers in Germany as well. About the playgrounds: yes there was a risk to get hurt so that made us more careful as kids. Small injuries or a small wooden splinter in your finger were normal in my childhood. I think the reason that the playgrounds in the US are made so safe might be that the parents could sue the one responsible for the playground if their child got hurt while being on it. Something that would only be possible in Germany in really severe cases like when the slide breaks down while your on it or something like that. I am 40 years old now so it is kind of difficult to remember when i first was sent to the shop alone by my parents.I definitely did go to the bakery to buy bread rolls every saturday once i was in school but maybe even earlier. I did walk to school alone from day one but i did start school one year later so i was already 7 years old, almost 8 in fact. Also there were no big roads on the way though i remember quite well that i got stuck on a muddy field i used as a shortcut one day. I wasn't a kid who especially loved playing outside but normally the rule was to either play in front or behind our apartment block, so my parents could see me from the window. However when i wanted to go to the playground alone which was out of sight that also wasn't an issue. I just had to tell them that i would go there. So in general from my experience at least from school age on it wasn't an issue to be outside alone without the parents. (And at that time parents didn't have Whatsapp to contact their children anytime.) When it comes to school and doing homework my parents did care, but not too much. My grades weren't bad so they didn't have to worry about that. Also i wasn't a bully or something. I think as with most things the middle position is the right one here. Support and Care but not too much (doing the homework for your kids definitely is too much) and if your kid actually is a bully in school then you should take your responsibility as a parent to stop that behaviour. A typical punishment here in Germany was the 'Stubenarrest' the prohibition to go and play outside or visit friends. As i wasn't that fond of playing outside my parents usually used a TV ban instead. Ok i leave it as this. Thanks for taking me down memory lane:-)
I would agree that the US playground design is probably to prevend someone suing the owner. I know a german innkeeper who had problems with helicopter parents and in the end closed the playground he owned right next to his inn though. It was the best playground I know, with a huge wooden pirate's ship to climb on and an enormous slide and so on, I loved to play there as a kid. But some helicopter parents tried to sue the owner. They didn't succeed but after the third time he closed the playground because he was afraid with the society in Germany slowly but steadily evolving away from expecting reason and personal responsibilty from everyone and towards more of a suing culture he would get problems in the future if some kid hurt himself due to the parents not taking care or the child doing dangerous things. So it's now a private playground for his grandkids.
@@regenbogentraumerin I think its no a good direction we are going with this. If a kid should not hurt himself at the playground, parents should teach them to be careful. I don't want to live in a society, where parents sue the owner of a playground because their little prince jumped from the roof of the climbing construction.
@@NeurosenkavalierEmilSinclair I totally agree. But I feel like more and more parents try to blame someone else if the child hurts himself. People in general try to blame others for everything to avoid to admit they might have made mistakes themselves. They also can't accept that some things are just normal and even neccessary in life and noone is to blame for that, they want the world to just be about them and their kids and nobody else.
@Montana here for you an even more "wow-experience" about freedom for kids in Europe: I live in Austria, one of the safest country in the world and where parents give their kids even more freedom than in Germany, I think. I live in Wien, a 1.9 million inhabitants city. Some weeks ago, I saw an about 7 years old boy alone in the underground and saw, that he looked confused and I saw that there were no parents around. I asked him "do you know, were you want to go? where are your parents?" then he said "I am alone and I want to go to ...-place and my mother knows this". Then I said to him "but if you want to got to ...-place, then you are wrong in this underground, let me show you where you have to go" and we jumped out of the underground before it started and I guided him upstairs to the street where a tram was going and I said to him "take this line until you hear ...-place"... ... I was not sure if I should go with him or let him go alone because it was a long trip with the tram to this place and he looked unsure but said "I know how this place looks where my destination is". So he went alone. Then I saw an official person of the public transportations of Wien in a control room with a window and I went to him and described the situation and asked, if that was right that I let the boy without parents going alone and he answered: "In Wien kids from 6 years are allowed by law, to go alone on public transportation" and then he laughed and said "in worst case he just goes in circle with the tram, he will not get lost in this town". I was really surprised about this extent of coolness despite I am used to see very young kids going alone on trams but usually they know were to go and go only few stops. By the way, it's part of the programm in kindergartens here to train with the kids to go on public transportations, surely in kindergarten only guided by adults and in a group, but they go frequently together on public transport.
As you have already said, there are anxious parents often called "helicopter parents" in Germany too. My office is next to a park with trees. Around ten neighboring children between the ages of four and thirteen play regularly there. A newly drawn child with a scared mother also wanted to climb trees but has not been allowed to do so before. Children always want to be like other children. Parents can forbid their children to play with other children. But if their children play in a group, they cannot forbid to play what all other children play. - No way. Because the new girl grew up very sheltered up to the current age of seven, she had never learned how to climb trees. That's why she now kept hurting herself. She came to my office up to three times a day and asked for a plaster, bandage or an ice pack to cool her wounds. But the girl did not give up. She wanted to do what the other children did. Play tag, run through bushes and nettles, climb trees and let off steam. After about a year, the girl stopped coming to my office with bleeding wounds, bruises and bumps. She had learned to climb trees with the other children and run around without hurting herself.
About the kids going by bus alone: could that be because in Europe the public transport is common where in the us there is no not that many buslines? My image of transport in the us is that only big cities have public transport, and therefore schoolbusses are the alternative.
Yeah that is for sure a big reason. I only took public transportation everywhere my whole life starting when I was like 9. I mean no one learned to drive at 15-16 there we dont have any other choice except for bikes. But a big part of us being able to do that is because it is in my opinion a way safer bus and train system then the one I have experienced in the US because so many kids take it and the people are just less likely to be dangerous.
And from movies i got the impression that public transport is only used by "poor people" in the us; so maybe us-parents think its not a good environment. I think german parents wouldn't let their kids take the bus if they thought its just drunks and criminals in there.
@@NeurosenkavalierEmilSinclair Yeah, that stereotype of public transport being for poor people does exist, because it usually means you cannot afford to drive a car. But in most places there aren't really problems with drunks and criminals when kids are going to school, since it is during the day.
An important difference both legally and socially between the US and Germany is, that German people don't consider teenagers to be CHILDREN, even if they're still minors. Teenagers aren't legally considered to be "Kinder" ("chrildren") but "Jugendliche" ("adolescents") and therefor there are different laws for let's say 5 year old children and 16 year old teenagers.
When you compare it with other countries, most young Germans leave their parents house rather early and live on their own. Exception: when your parents live in an expensive city like Munich, Hamburg or Frankfurt (and you study there/make an Ausbildung) it can be a reason to keep staying at home with your parents. Usually, most of the German parents want their kids to move out not too late and let them earn their own money. For example in Italy parents see that differently: When their kids already leave the house with 16 or 17, Italians think they have done something wrong in their education and were not good enough to their child. In big Italian cities (Milan, Rome, Naples) living space is scarce and expensive, so many people often share a little flat and the young people often stay at home very long.
My parents philosophy when I was a teenager can be boiled down (mostly) to: You may have all the freedom you want if your grades are fine (not necessarily perfect). If you get into trouble its your responsibility (not that wouldnt help me when I did).
In Germany younger children with shorter ways to school often walk to school in small groups of children or cycle there later. As a child, I had a next door neighbour who was the same age as me. When went to kindergarten, to primary school and to grammar school together and whenever we would start going to a new school our parents would walk / cycle / ride the bus with us a few times before the start of the year and then we would do it on our own. To kindergarten (ages 3-6), we walked about 200m, to primary school (ages 6-10) it was a walk of about a kilometer. Grammar school (ages 10-18)) was about 3km from where we lived and we would cycle in the summer and take the regular city bus in the winter. Honestly, I cannot remember anything bad ever happening to me, my friends or anyone of my classmates on their way to or from kindergarten or school. Today I'm a teacher and we still try to encourage parents not to drive their children to school, but to let them walk, cycle or take the bus on their own because the need to learn how to do that on their own and it's better for their health, too. We do have the expression "Helikoptereltern" in German too - mainly for those who do their children's school work for them and say things like "We're in 1st grade / we're learning English now" instead of "My child is in 1st grade / is learning English now". Of course this particular type of parent is not very popular with us teachers!
Im German and I think you observed erverything very well. My parents gave me a lot of freedom and just trusted in me that I’m a good person and that I’ll do the right things and not behave stupid. I knew that I can do the things I want and have unconditional support if I need it or ask for it. I can’t speak for everyone, but at least for me that strategy worked very well. It made me wanting to show that I’m worth that trust by being diligent about school and acting responsible when it came to going out/partying. And yes, I got picked up at 3am 😆
I lived in Appalachia for a number of years and there I found there that very small children were often left to their own resources. Toddlers would open a can of green beans and eat them out of the can. I knew a seventy year old man who had left home at 9 years old by hopping a train and going to Detroit. He did not return and had never seen his parents since. I once gave a ride to a couple of children who were hitchhiking on the interstate. The older boy looked about 6 and the younger boy three at most. It seemed incredible that the younger one could have walked as far as apparently he had. They had hitchhiked to a drive-in to watch a movie and we're heading home late at night. The older one asked me to let off him and his brother a few miles down the interstate from where I picked them up, but not at an exit. He said that where I dropped them off was the closest place to their house, which was up a holler about 2 miles off the interstate.
Hi Montana , interesting to see the differences. As I am father of two "creatures" at your age now (more or less) i believ 100 % in the power of youth and a guided way to freedom and independancy for them. I am German and my kids are born in spain so we also travelled a lot and I believe on of the things which let me feel very secure is the point that in comparison to the US e.g. we have not really any danger here in Europe like shootings and heavy crimes. As you know actually it is fun here and if you open minded and talk to your kids abot the dangers there are actually veryy smart. trust your kids and be open . If you are a friend to your kids they will be friend to you :)
I experienced that German teens can be very open and supported by their parents when they start beeing interested in love and physical love. So boyfriends or girlfriends are allowed to stay over night as young as 15 or 16. In the US other parents where shocked when I told them about this. As I was shocked that young couples in their twenties where expected not to live together until they are married.
Well the thing is we get real sex ed over here, not just "abstinence only". So, yeah, the kids will have sex but they'll be safe. It's not like in the US which has the highest number of teen pregnancies and teen abortions out of all industrialized countries. Abstinence only sex ed simply doesn't work. The Scandinavian countries are even better at sex ed and their classes include really practically training how to use condoms (with a banana, of course) and they have the lowest number of teen pregnancies and abortions.
What we all can see through your videos and through the fact that you went abroad on your own is that your own parents parenting is very much based on a trusting and liberal relationship towards you, that’s a gift! Also loved to hear about your view on German parenting❤️
Being from The Netherlands myself (as you probably know, a neighbor country to Germany) I think that the freedom kids have is something you see in Europe in general. But here too it’s definitely a spectrum. At age 10 I took the train all across the country, by myself. I had friends who would take public transport throughout the city I lived in by them selfs, who would bike everywhere they wanted or needed to go. Going to the city center alone, at night. But I also had friends who weren’t even allowed to leave their streets.
Und da sag ich dir Montana, das die Kinder heutzutage, deutlich weniger "Freiheiten" haben und sehr sichere Spielplätze, als ich Kind war. Sämtliche Karussell, Klettergerüste usw. waren komplett aus Metall zusammenschweißt. Sitzflächen, waren aus Holzplatten, ja. Manchmal waren diese auch im laufe der Zeit verfault. Dann standen noch die Schrauben raus. Gespielt wurde dennoch damit. Und, es gab noch viel mehr Dinge, die man gemacht oder eher nicht gemacht hat, die heute undenkbar sind. Und, Ich lebe noch! hehe
Grundsätzlich hast du natürlich recht, das auch mit kaputten Sachen gut weitergespielt werden kann/konnte. Aber die Tatsache, dass DU lebst, beweist in diesem Zusammenhang leider gar nichts, denn vielleicht sind ja -zig andere gestorben, die jetzt nichts sagen können (siehe: de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_Bias )
@@MrJPG1000 , ich wollte auch gar nichts beweisen. Und von den Leuten, die mit mir, damals als Kind, gespielt haben (Klassenkameraden usw.), leben , soweit ich weiß, alle noch. ;-) Aber, wir haben natürlich mehr Verletzungen, davon getragen. Wobei dies heute immer noch passieren kann, jedoch wird das bei der Gestaltung (abgerundete Kanten usw.) , versucht zu vermeiden. Und in den USA, wahrscheinlich noch mehr als hierzulande.
There is a woman on youtube who wrote a book about german parenting vs the us...it is called achtung baby..an she (sara something) even has a whole talk on youtube for you to see if you are interested...from my perspective as a german she described it very good.. try it out if you want
I am mid 50s.When I came home with a wound or bruises my parents just said: "stupid flesh has to be removed" ("Dumm Fleisch muss weg"). We had to make our experiences (and there were really dangerous things we made). This helped us to discover our limits and get aware of tricky situations. I was 11 when had to take the bus all alone to school.In summer i also took the bike for a 10 km ride.
I think the thing with picking your children up from a club at 2am really depends...my father wouldn't even pick me up at 11pm when the last train/bus was cancelled 😅 And I know a lot of people from small villages that walked like 2 hours home after clubbing bc there was no bus and no one would pick them up... So it really depends on the parenting style even in germany
Yes, I always imagined American parents to be more strict and protective than German ones. But this is not necessarily a bad thing. I know that cuz some of my American friends told me, what parenting is like in the US. But I have a question for you: What would you have done in Germany, but couldn’t because you had to fly home due to corona? Großartiges Video, wie immer, Montana! Much love from Germany! 😄
@@jurgnobs1308 they pick you up, because you want them too. its way easier than taking the bus or a train (for yourself lol, the parents have to stay awake or have to wake up again)
@@jurgnobs1308 Not everyone lives in a big city where you can just walk home. In the countryside it's either picking them up or they're basically stranded unless they can find someone else to drive them
The most of us (german teens) interessed for theire own education! In the age from 6 until 12 because your parents told you to do. In the age of 13 to 15 you lose interesting for education but after that they start to care without your Parents told you. Yes we have a lot of freedom but we learn to handel it very early because in the age of 12 they start slowly to give you more responsibility. In the age of 16 we can do whatever we want (not everything but many things) And then we start drinking Alkohol with our Friends nearly every secondtime we meet. We learn to be careful because everytime we get more freedom we get more responsibility. My parents never did something for me like school projekts and i love them for doing that. I would hate to lose my freedom and partying with my friends. My parents support me when ever i pleased them. I feel like they did a very good job (sometimes my mom was very strict but my dad did help me sometimes the other way around) Sry my englisch is very bad (In germany an classic Alman would say: "My english is not the yellow from the egg but it goes"😂😂😂 )
It is so crazy that your channel got recommended to me! I am a student in passau and I know the exact playground you were talking about. Often when we go home from the bar in summer and it is around 2am, we climb into the net and lie in there and talk. It's really comfortable
Your description of schoolchildren riding the bus immediately made me think of the book "Free-Range Kids" by Lenore Skenazy. There is now even a movement in America called "free-range parenting". The basic factor here is that American politicians and media are very good at keeping Americans in a continual state of fear. In America, just as in China (you know, the country America loves to hate), there are only a few good seats at the table, people believe that the best (or only) way to get one of them is by collecting academic achievements and passing competitive exams, and so parents in both countries obsess about getting their children on the right academic track and turning childhood into one long exam preparation. While that's going on, the American parent's mental map is populated by innumerable threats and dangers, from ill-made toys to pedophiles. The result is that the next generation doesn't learn self-reliance and becomes even more susceptible to fearful images. Neat trick!
That is not correct. Kids are allowed to drink beer from age 14 under supervision of their parents. 16 is the age required for buying soft alcohol and drinking without supervision.
I think you have to see this in a way more opportunistic way. Its pretty common that in germany both parents have a job, and you start to work somewhat between 6-8 am, and school starts around 8. And a workday is usually longer than school day, so again, no chance to pick up the kiddies after school.
My parents always left me as much space as i needed, for me it turned out trying some things but than realizing i dont need drugs and lots of alcohol. Aditionally i took the bus to school from the first grade.
My mother always tells the story of me around 2-3 y/o going to a playground 500m from home and nobody knew where I was. I came back 2 hours later to get a toy. She was crazy of sorrow but I managed it quite well. When I was 6 or 7 I used to be outside 5h from Dinner to lunch. Not so any more. My nefews also come around, but most of the time, they're home.
a fun part of my past as a kid was that I took my bank account savings book, went to the bank, withdraw 2 Dollars roughly. With this money I bought a bus ticket, then I stepped on that bus to visit my aunt 20 Miles away. When it got dark I made my way back alone. My age past then, 7 Years, lol
Well if you are used to the Bussystem it is so easy :) and usually there is always older students on the bus from the same school because our schools are from year 5-12 :)
Helicopter parents or "Helikoptereltern" are becoming a problem in Germany as well. yes, you see a lot of kids on the busses, even elementary school kids. but there are also parents who drive their kids to school still when they're sixteen or seventeen.
I know right?! I also used to have this friend and I was like let's meet up and they were like I can't I have to walk my little sister home from school and I was like how old is she? and they said shes 14 xD like what? I walked home alone when I was 6 lmao
Well I was at Europa Park a few days ago and there was this mum who actually walked behind her kid who was like 4 on the tracks of a little kiddie train to make sure nothing happens... the ride was small and she would have seen her kid at all points.. like... I don't get it. There was another set of parents who swam beside their kid on an obstacle course.at the water world rulantica... if it falls you won't be able to catch the kid ... the kid was faster than its parents anyways....
@@ferdipferdi4421 Mit einer wörtlichen Übersetzung, würdest du bei einem Ami wohl nur Kopfschütteln ernten! Wie sagte doch der Formel 1-Fahrer Harald Frentzen, nach seinem ersten Sieg, in die Masse der internationalen Presseriege "This victory was oil on my soul".........
Zu den Schulbusse in Deutschland: in einigen Orten gibt es extra Schulbusse für die Schüler. Diese Schulbusse werden von einem am Ort befindlichen Busunternehmen bereit gestellt oder von einem Busunternehmen in der näheren Umgebung. Diese Schulbusse werden für Schüler bereitgestellt die aufgrund einer schlechten Busverbindung zu lange für die Fahrt nach Hause benötigen würden oder möglicherweise nach Schulschluss gar keine Möglichkeit haben nach Hause zu fahren.
I remember my father telling me how they would always go out into the woods to play as children. Video games, of course, keep children more at home ever since my days. :)
The other day my niece called my parents very late in the evening asking if she could sleep over because she was in town for a music festival. This involved possibly collecting her somewhere by car. My parents where pretty annoyed with this as they planned to leave for vacation early next morning and needed to sleep. Also because she really could have announced this sooner. But they agreed because they'd rather have her be somewhere safe rather than maybe drive home with some drunken idiots. In general it's the same with some other things like allowing teens to have a romantic partner over and have sex. Where Americans have this extremely silly "not under my roof" attitude and seem to prefer their children to sneak around.
I have to drive my 17/18 year old doughter to school and other places, because of corona. It's a totall stress. I hope it will be over soon and she can use the puplic transports as she is used to it since her childhood. How want people do this all the time for their kids?! I will be so happy when I will get my life back!!!🌞
Children actually very rarely do anything alone in Germany. There are always a bunch of kids doing things together and the parents know which children accompany their own child. So for example I took the schoolbus to my school starting at age 6, but nearly my whole class was on the same bus, plus a lot of other older kids and some grannies… When I went to the playground or lake or river or forest or whatever my mom would always ask „who are you with“. And later when I was a teenager she was like: „I know you and I trust you that you won’t do any bullshit, just be at home by 1 am.“ And that was it.
We also have one of those Web Strcutres in our Town .... it's an at least 16~20ft Tall Web Tower, which is standing there for over 20 years now, an always has kids climbing on it with no safty concerns - and as far as I know, nothing had happend so far. I only went back on it once more during my 20th, and I really wondered why the heck did I go on that tower so often back then.. man what a great time xD
I lived as an au pair in the US for a year and had many discussions about freedom for raising kids. It makes me crazy with all the overprotective stuff. 2 hour discussion about why parents would allow teens to have boyfriend/girlfriend over. All the tracking some americans do its crazy.
When i was about 10 yo i finished my homework after lunch, told my parents who i'll meet, jumped on my bike and drove to my friends. We often were alone in the woods, even carried a knife and later with 12 a small ax to build these small "houses". We didn't even had a mobile phone in the beginning. I guess most american parents would have sued my parents directly, but for me and my friends it was totally normal :D With TV or playing video games it was another story - 1 hour max a day. I'm 24 now and I guess, todays parents tend to be more helicopter-like in Germany too.
I think the general parenting in germany might be a point. I remember my parents always asking if my friends were allowed to do that too. So my parents always decided similar to the parents of my friends
Es ist auch normal dass Kinder in Deutschland ab der 1. klasse alleine zur Schule gehen. Und es gibt Schlüssel Kinder. Die haben einen Hausschlüssel und gehen nach der Schule nach Hause und warten, dass Mama oder Papa heim kommen. Das macht die Kinder auch sehr selbstständig.
German kid of two teachers. I never did anything for school, no homework, no learning, nothing. My mum used to tell me that I should do it. For example in 6th grade for my first test in physics. I wrote down two formulas and showed her „that‘s all I need to know, I‘ll be fine.“ when I came home with the test it was an A with full score. That‘s when my mum gave me complete freedom of what I do to spend my time. Btw. In the end i graduated with 1,6 at an Bavarian Gymnasium. I know that I could have done better, but I into the study program of the university I wanted and had a lot of free time in my youth. That‘s what matters more to me.
Hey, as i was in 2th grade I started going to school alone. And immediately other parents started talking bad about my parents. But I also know parents which are totally fine with that. So it really depends. Today I’m 15. As long as I’m back at 10pm I don’t have to tell my parents where I am or what I am doing (same with my friends) but if it’s longer I have to text my mom. But because I learned independence since I was young I know that I should and shouldn’t do. But most importantly my parents trust me and I trust them.
My neighboors in Germany are from Spain. They build for their children a huge playground in the garden, it is like a ship and the children can play, climb. The children are below 4 years old. Maybe it is a US-problem to give no freedom to children.
Sorry guys, picking up your kids at two am at a club is not being protective!! It's givin' them the possibility to have fun without them havin' to worry about how to get home safely. Did it often enough and they were drunken often enough. But that's what Kid's do and all that you can do as a parent is give them a hand to help them up when they fall. My very personal opinion. Father of three, youngest 22.
My parents used to say that they would rather pick us up than someone giving us a ride who was not trustworthy/drunk/tired. Inviting people over and sharing a bed was never a problem either... to quote my mum: Dann kannst du wenigstens schreien wenn was ist (that way you can scream for help if something happens)... always directed at the person that was staying over.
Playgrounds were even more "dangerous" in the 70s/80s. We also just played in woods and gardens and climbed large trees or garden sheds (one of my friends once broke his arm when he fell from such a shed, but overall, real accidents were rare), rode BMX bikes over selfmade jumps. Elementary school kids would carve wood with pocket knifes. At about 11 I started tinkering around with a "chemistry for kids" set, burning stinky bits of sulphur etc. Or make matchboxes blow up. Parents were usually very relaxed about such things. They also drove us around with 6 kids on the backseats of a car. Parental strictness showed in rather different areas, e.g. what kind of punishment would happen if one did not meet a curfew, got bad grades or did something else wrong.
There are actually really crazy rules on playground safety in germany. But those are mostly just about making sure the playground toys are robust enough to not break down even with a boatload of chidlren on them, making sure there are no sharp or stabby bits und having enough room and fall-breaking material around them to ensure children can fall down safely. And all playgrounds are, at least nominally, checked on a regular basis for damages.
Heh, I just had a perspective check. Pertaining to the rope-web-thing on playgrounds, I wanted to say that children have way less fear if they don't know that they should be afraid. But maybe that's different...
The playground that you are explaining over in Germany use to be all over America. That style of playground came about in the late 80's, early 90's and it was the much safer replacement for the earlier designs. They have done away with those types of playgrounds in America because Americans have become neurotic and have irrational fears about everything.
In Germany its allowed to drink beer and wine when youre 14 if the parents allow it. But its very seldom that parents give alcohol, sometimes on new year or birthday parties. When youre 14 beer tastes bad. I had my first drunk experience with 16 when i bought a cheap 2 liters bottle of wine at start of summer holidays. At that day i puked my brain out and i had a bad headache. the next day everything i ate tasted like cheap wine. You can give your kids more freedom because they often do something with friends at the playgrounds. Most of the time they are not alone. But its important to teach them as soon as possible the car traffic rules and show them the dangers of the streets.
In 3rd grade i was on that exact playground in passau you are talking about and as i was raised not far away from passau (~30km) it was completely normal.
When I first moved to Germany (Aachen) I would see these 4-5 year old kids walking to school in the morning. I used to have a heart attack looking around for their parents. I felt compelled to approach them and make sure they were okay. Of course I never did. Germans seem to learn they are alone in life at a very young age. Sometime I think this is good. But there is a flip side. They appear to have a lot of trouble connecting with others and feeling like part of a group when they don't have a beer in their hand.
@@deelvlvlg That's pretty much been my experience in Germany so far. All the things I was looking forward to have unexpected consequences and their own pitfalls.
I have no comparison because I've never been to the US, so all I can say is yes, German parents are usually very relaxed. My parents are arabs so they were stricter, so some of the freedoms my friends had were surprising to me also. But as kids we were outside all of the time, didn't need to be in sight and still had lots of freedom. When it comes to the education part, I think it's because of the system Germany has. It is not the same as the US. The classical ways are either 10ys school and then an Ausbilding (like a 3year training to get an certificate for a certain job) or 12-13 ys school and then go to university to get a bachelor (+masters) degree. There are many other possibilities as well but these 2 are the most common ways. So there isn't necessarily the pressure to get into a good college.
when I was a child in austria I often left home after meal and came back when sun went down ... but I am already 61 years old ... but that was normal for everybody
Seid dem Kindergaten bin ich mit dem Bus gefahren. Meine Mutter hat mich an den Bus gebracht und die Kindergärterin stand an der Haltestelle wo ich aussteigen musste. Später ab der 1. Klasse konnte ich das dann alleine. Es hilft ja auch, das wir Kinder immer eine freie Busfahrkarte hatten, so brauchten wir nicht zu bezahlen. Ist heute noch oft so das Schüler und Studenen von der Stadt Freifahrkarten für den Bus bekommen.
i can vividly remember such a string-climbing structure on a playground in a park where i used to go as a child. it was incredibly tall, like several meters, the peak was at like 5 meters i think and there was no safety net at the bottom or something, just sand. the main part had a really closely weaved web, where even small children had long enough arms and legs to climb it, then there was a side to it that was for bigger kids, were the web had really big holes . and maybe the first few times it was really scary but despite my fear of heights, i loved trying to climb to the top! it is a really great exercise for kids, because you have to figure out, were the lowest point is, so you can even reach it to start climbing....then you basically start figuring out how to hold on, how to grip the strings, how to balance on them and how to sit down without falling down if you need a break. also it teaches a lot of trust and teamwork. no matter if you climb them with siblings or friends or just random other kids, if one of the other kids saw you struggling or being stuck, they would tell you were to grab next, or give you a hand. i can even remember other kids saw my little brother cry, because he was stuck, then climbing down to him and helping him back down to the ground.
i have one those at my school and i never have seen someone realy hurt them selfe exept that one time a guy jumped of the very tip and broke both his legs
Hallo Montana, es ist doch normal daß Eltern ihre Kinder auch mal nachts um zwei Uhr vom Club abholen. War leider bei mir nicht so. Ich musste selbst sehen wie ich hin, und danach wieder nach Hause gekommen bin. Dazu hatte ich zuerst ein Fahrrad danach mit 16 ein Moped (80ccm). Später natürlich ein Auto. Es ist doch wunderbar, zumindest für die Jugendlichen, wenn sie sich keine Sorgen darum machen müssen wie sie nach einer Party nach Hause kommen. Ich denke amerikanische Eltern würden das bestimmt auch gerne machen. Ich würde meine Tochter sogar abholen, egal wo sie ist, wenn sie mich anruft. Leider lebe ich in Scheidung von meiner Frau, somit wohn sie nicht bei mir. Und trotzdem braucht sie sich da keine Sorgen zu machen! Als Helikoptervater würde ich mich jetzt nicht bezeichnen. Trotzdem ist Familie wichtig für mich. Ich wünsche dir eine gute Zeit bis zum nächsten Video. Stay healthy!
Due to circumstances, I, a citizen of Germany, actually rode the bus (two buses, to be precise) for nearly an hour to both school and back as early as second grade, but my mother insisted I give her a brief call every single day before school to ensure my wellbeing. In my many years of traveling by bus, every ride was, apart from one harmless traffic collision and one passenger fainting (both isolated incidents were resolved quickly with no drama) always completely uneventful, and I've never had any reason to fear taking the trusty bus. From my experience, the reputation of our public transport system as an efficient, safe, reliable, and very cost-effective means of travel is nothing but well-earned. It is, however, true that our trains regularly arrive late, and the obligatory complaining is mandatory for every German.
german parents also want their kids so succeed but most of them also know that their child is their own person and especially if they are older they are responsible for their own lives. parents will help ofc but in the end the child can make their own decisions. and i'm talking about decisions like which clubs to join or whether or not to study hard if they want to get into a nice uni. it's so important to let a child learn to take responsibilities step by step by giving them more and more freedom the older they get, so adult life won't be such a shock for them. it's the same with allowance, giving a child a little bit of money teaches them how to handle it properly so they get a feeling for it and don't go into debt by the time they're 25 (and i'm not talking about college fees that's ofc something u can't control)
All you need to know about helicopter parents in America is the app Life360. Parents (like mine) use it to track their kids' locations at all time, and they get notifications on things like their driving speed and when they arrive somewhere. In high school I never went anywhere without my parents permission, and it was suffocating. I even snuck out of the house a few times without my phone at night so they couldn't track me, which is actually pretty dangerous for a girl. There was also a LOT of pressure academically, so I never even went to a single party, drank or smoked anything, prior to college even once. Parents who police their children end up endangering them in the future because they go to extreme lengths like I did to have some freedom, even if it's dangerous. And many freshman in college in the US are incredibly irresponsible with alcohol and drugs because they don't know how to consume it in a responsible and safe way and are immediately thrown into party culture. Like me, many 18 yr olds had no idea how much was a normal amount to drink, how to pace yourself, how to keep track of friends to make sure you all get home safe, really basic stuff like that. In my experience with US parents, not just my own but those of my friends too, helicopter parenting backfires a lot of the time. The pressure to take so many AP classes, always get good grades, excel in extracurriculars, and be "perfect" is crushing. I was borderline suicidal senior year of HS because of the pressure to get into a good college. I even thought I would follow through if I didn't get into any good ones AND get the scholarships to afford them. Most of high school I just hated my existence. If I didn't do something perfect, it was a failure. I still struggle with this perfectionism and my college friends do too. Tiffany Ferg's video on the gifted program and how it affects students also explains this very well. That's my experience in the US as a student, and for a lot of my friends it was the same.
When I'm outside playing with the younger kids in my neighbourhood I have to be at home for dinner. I think I could go everywhere where I want but I always say my parents where I go so they don't have to worry. When we older ones on our street were younger we climbed on trees or even on the Osterfeuer which is collected the whole year. And when it's burned we always stand very close and play with the fire even the the fifth year olds, okay we teens take care that they don't get into danger but there's nearly no dangerous situation and the adults can drink their beers (also some of the older teens drink one) and the kids get Capri Sun for the most teens there's Fassbrause. When the young kids have to go to bed we then listen to the political discussions of the adults and ask things we don't understand. That's the way we learn: Teens show/tell the kids teens listen to the adults.
Yes! Small German children (like really little kid) ride a bicycle alone like a boss without parents supervision. I was very concerned in the beginning and wonder where their parents were but now I'm like well they live in freedom lol
Do you know Sara Zaske? She is american and have a video on UA-cam ,,Achtung Baby,, (talks At google) where she talks about the parenting differences with pictures and short videos. What you say is absolutly similar to her. 🙂
Wanting to say the same: -> Raising Self-Reliant Children | Sara Zaske | Talks at Google ( ua-cam.com/video/L7-k6nK1VUw/v-deo.html ) Also Antoinette Emily did talk about that topic in a few of her videos as well: -> GERMAN PARENTING 🇩🇪 Things that surprised me! ( ua-cam.com/video/vLWFHlPF_g8/v-deo.html )
I think it's maybe also a liability thing, in Germany nobody would or could sue the city or whomever if their child gets hurt at the playground. There are safety standards (obviously lower than in the US) and as long they are hold, the liability/responsibility is on the parents. Like the good old sign on every construction sites says "Eltern haften für ihre Kinder" (Parents are liable for their children ) If someone is interested in an over 30 min. video from a mother (and book author about this subject ) who moved from Oregon to Berlin and her views and parenting lessons she learned from living in Germany. ua-cam.com/video/L7-k6nK1VUw/v-deo.html
I think in general, there just has to be a balance and parents need to be responsive to the needs of the child, not their own( within reason) for eg. It's good to want your child to be independent at a young age but only if the child is also ready to be made independent. If a child has anxiety challenges or is genuinely scared of doing something by themselves and are still forced, then the child will learn that their needs are unimportant and their parent's needs are more important. Then, the child who is being forced into an experience and left alone, it can scar the child which can lead to DEPENDENCE on others in later life.
Well, If you have learnt that your actions have (potentially dire) consequences from a young age on (hence starting early, with first steps in independence so the consequence are not immediately lethal), you can be trusted to have basic common sense and reasonable judgement later on. At least as a rule of thumb. Thus, there is no need to be super protective layer, as the kids do that themselves to a large extent. For most kids that works well. You learn faster when being exposed.
(Most) German Parents are not letting their totally decide how much and when they study. Todays school system in Germany tries to build the necessary skills needed to learn and get better from an early age on. You came in contact with the german schools and german parenting as a teenager. At this age I ( as a parent of a sixteen year old teenage daughter) am confident, that my child is motivated on her own. If you don't learn to motivate yourself and don't have the skills do be on your own in an unfamiliar environment, everything your parents have done for you will be wasted. I have always tried to teach my daughter the importance of learning by example, even if she gets much better grades I did as a kid :-( . We and here I speak for my wife and myself also believe you need a balance in your live even as a kid. Clubs, sports, etc. are not a productive way to "parent" if your child dislikes the actual activities. The german "Kindergarten" tries to enable kids at a basic level in everyday tasks. Kids use actual knifes and scissors on their own (supervised of course). If you let a child finish a difficult and possibly harmful task on its own it builds up confidence. If your child does not succeed, you increase your level of interference. Our schools demanded we train our children for their way to school by going with them the first few weeks, but let them go with their friends and classmates later on. Less cars means less riscs in the proximity of their school. Also the divided german school system (Grundschule -> Hauptschule/Realschule/Gymnasium/Gesamtschule) makes school buses nearly impossible, because there are to many different schools for one bus. Using a bus and to know how to get home by bus is even a very useful skill if your child gets "lost" (by his friends maybe...). I think germans value the privacy of their children much more and so permanent observation is regarded as a breach of their privacy. We still monitor the progress our daughter makes and try to guide her in every way she needs it, but there are a lot of things she needs to learn on her own and sometimes this means failure as long as she does not simply repeat her mistakes.
The US are just some years ahead of germany - in this case in matter of fear concerning parenting. Todays generation of parents hardly let their children run alone for playing.
It's so interesting that playgrounds are that different😂 for me as a German they are so normal Oh and I think my parents would never pick me up somethere in the middle of the night but parents are very different I guess
Ich gehe seit der Volkschule allein zur Schule :) über Spielplätze habe ich nie nachgedacht xD aber in den USA haben die Besitzer vll. auch Angst verklagt zuwerden, wenn was gefährlich ist (vll. ist das aber auch nur meine einseitige Wahrnehmung) 7:15 What!!??
If you can manage to maintain a childs natural curiousity (by not controlling its life 24/7), it might turn out more independent. If you actively prevent your kid from every minor risk of getting a bruise or scratch, how's your kid supposed to learn to asses risks?
Bei uns gabs ab 15 nur eine Regel: Wenn du zu viel getrunken hast, ruf mich oder ein Taxi an. Fahr aber nicht besoffen Rad!
Rad?? Motorrad wohl gemeint ??
@@cartesianer1288 Wieso Motorrad ? Betrunken Fahrrad fahren ist auch super gefährlich. Mit 15 kann man noch nicht mal Führerschein für Motorrad machen. Mofa geht mit 15
Ich mit 15 noch nicht an Alkohol gedacht und auch viel vor Eltern heute Angst haben war noch ein Fremdwort weil, dass in meine Umgebung nicht gab und die Berichte darüber habe nicht mitbekommen. Wobei aber sagen muss das es 30 Jahre her ist.
Bei uns kann man den Moped-Führerschein mit 15 machen. Und Alkohol gab es auch mit 12 Jahren schon, zumindest hinter der Grenze.
dass alkohol legal ist, aber man für Gras 2020 noch immer in den Knast gehen kann, is echt unfassbar.
My first experience of parenting in Germany was 2 days after moving to Berlin my wife, 7-year-old daughter and I were having dinner at a restaurant. At the table next to ours was another family with a 7-year-old girl, a 5-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. After our daughter started playing at the restaurant with the other kids, and as my wife and I started talking to the other parents, they asked if the kids could all go to the playground across the street. I volunteered to go with the kids to keep an eye on them, to which the parents responded, “Why? They can look after themselves.” Letting go that evening was tough. As my daughter is in high school now, it gets even tougher. But I also know that my daughter and her friends were raised learning self-reliance and responsibility. I let my daughter do things with her German friends that I would never allow her to do with American friends the same age.
Your parents did a great job, because in all the videos that i see i get the image of a smart, educated and curious young woman.
I agree.
I also agree. A huge complment to your parents.
Ja auf jeden Fall wenn ich älter bin will ich unbedingt nach Amerika ziehen 🙈❤️🙃🙂
@@outtex warum? gibt doch viele andere tolle Länder. Sie haben eine riesige Waffenkobby, Trump, kaum Sozialstaat usw.
Tabea Dietz ich liebe die Waffenlobby das ist das Ding man müsste eigentlich nur gucken das keine psyschos und so Waffen bekommen aber ansonsten finde ich es gut und Trump ist ja auch nicht für immer da
Even though german parenting seems to be quite liberal, but it used to be even more so in the past. I feel like little children nowadays are wayy to overprotected.
*too
So true
I grew up in the 70s in a small village in Germany. We only had one rule "Be home for dinner!" That was all. We spent hours outside on the riverbanks, built dams, played hide and seek in the forests surrounding our village etc. During the summer we would go back outside after dinner but had to be back home before it was dark. We did not have much but we were free to do what we wanted as long as we obeyed the rules. I wish children today could grow up like we did.
althelas grew up in the 2000s. Basically same rules. Always had to go home when the streetlights turned on (or at a friends house and then give a quick call home, to let my parents know where I was at)
We have "Helicoptereltern" too
My mother was like "but don't drink to much" when I was around 16/17 and I went to the club with the boys. At the age of 18 she just gave up and said just don't die 👀😂
*too
@@tompeled6193 no that's wrong 😂😂 if I said "I went to the club too" then it would be right. But hence I said I went "to" the club it's for a direction so it's correct
@@tompeled6193 oh wait hold on this is the internet I am not supposed to be polite:
What of a dumb fuck are you to correct me even tho you were wrong. Be sure to check your grammar first before trying to be a smart-ass
@@fredior9714i've missed the deleted part of the conversation "but don't drink to much" is wrong, it should be "but don't drink too much" ... but everyone makes mistakes! :))
Uff, da wurde mal schnell die Ehre entwendet.
Trusting each other is a basic element in a family/society. Lacking trust is a general problem in the USA, I think.
You'd be scared too if you were surrounded by Americans.
@@gnash.s probably but its also a self reinforcing cycle.
Hello Montana,
I think if a child is supervised or controlled by their parents 24/7 they cannot become independent. Of course, this also includes trust that a child does not do stupid things. Trust is important so that a child can develop. There should be a middle ground, not just total freedom, not just total control. As the father of a daughter, that was always very important to me. ( Entschuldige mein Englisch ich habe es mit Hilfe von Google getan ;-)
Das is voll gut geworden😂
Ich würd deinem Aufsatz eine 1+ geben👌🏾
This..is awfully good for google translate. But if you ever need something more reliable check out deepl.
Das ist echt gut für Google Translate. Die Qualität erwartet man eher von Übersetzern wie Deepl.
Well said
Just to confirm that. My little girl (2 years old) was yesterday for the first time on a rope climbing pyramid. I was kind of having my hands just an inch away from her and she slipped slightly and laughed out of joy - 24 hours later today she was basically climbing around herself, only slipped twice and could both times hold on so I could get her - I was absolutely amazed. Children are amazing you just have to give them a chance.
So I can just say many parents here give their children more freedoms, but we also have in mind that there is no real risk. E.g. if she had fallen nothing would have happened it was sand underneath and she was 1m high - so it would have been more frustration than injury.
And if you put things together, it makes perfect sense that people in Germany get quite upset when you jaywalk, in particular before the childrens' eyes. We allow the kids to walk alone to school, to the playgrounds, to friends, so there is an understandable concern that they may pick up bad habits on their way.
also bad example, i told off a couple the other day they said "but its late already there are no kids around.." i just said ... "ever heard of Windows ?" ... so much for the no one is around anyway excuse :P
You're right. I didn't know about these different backgrounds. Makes perfect sense.
When I was living in the states I thought it was so crazy that some parents drug test their kids on a regular basis 😂 I’ve never heard of anything like that in Germany lol
don´t knwo if it is an urban myth but I heard aabout a guy in the USA whose parents even set up a video surveillance system in his room! so he masturbated right in front of the camera and then turned his parents in to the police for possession of child pornography! (serves them damn right!)
@@peterkoller3761 wow crazy
What? How about trust? ... 🙈
smoke weed with your kids, so they dont think, its cool ..,-)
@@jornschneider2723 my dad did that haha he took us boys and said since we are at that age where we going to do stuff like that anyway so it would better and safer with him around, all of us never cared much for drugs when we were older so i guess it worked ;)
In German universities, you are not made to participate. You can go the whole semester without going to lectures or practical courses or seminars. Nobody cares. But when it comes to taking exams, you have to know what happend in those events. College it more like school, while universities do not care about the single student. The lecturers do not know your name, will not comment on how your grades are or how often you missed a lecture. Not because they are bad people, but because they assume you are old enough to decide to participate on your own. If you do not, that's your decision and they accept it. You have to be responsible for your action or inaction yourself. You do not show up, you have to deal with the consequences. Nobody will pamper you. You haven't signed in for a practical course or an exam, you will not take that course or exam this time. You messed up, you have to deal with it. This makes you learn things fast or you drop out. But it's also like this at your job. There is an emphasis on being responsible for your actions and self-regulate your behavior according to what is needed to succeed.
Parents can plant those ideas within their children really early. My kids walked to school alone starting first grade, later they used scooters, skateboards, bikes. We just "kick" them out the door and until now they came back in one piece^^ It's not far, just about 1km to elementary school and about 3km starting 5th grade. When they want to go to friends or sports, they do so by themselves. With smaller kids (
When I was a teenager my parents had a simple rule for me. I had a fixed time when I should be home but if I wanted to stay longer I had to call them and say where I am and when I will be back home. Sometimes this was quite complicated because at this time mobile phones where not invented yet but it worked and this is what I did with my kid as well as long as I knew where he was and when he will come home I was fine and picking the kids from the club or a party is a very normal parent service.
What I don’t get in this helicopter parents is how do they want their kids to take over responsibility for their life if they don’t teach it. I still remember when my son was 6 years old he was climbing on such a rope thing which looked like a tent with a middle stem and instead of walls there was this net for climbing. It is about 5 to 6 meters high and I was scared like hell when I saw him almost at the top it cost me a lot to remain silent and just watch him going to the top and later let him find the way down but he was so proud when he came down and he had done this all by himself without help he was talking day about it. I believe this things give children strength and self confidence for their whole life.
Ich nehme mir mal raus, auf Deutsch zu antworten. Wie ist es "very normal parent service", seine Kinder die sich in Clubs oder Parties volllaufen lassen noch als "Belohnung" abzuholen. Ich bin nicht dafür, seine Kinder streng zu erziehen aber etwas Respekt sollte doch vor den Eltern sein oder nicht? Einfach mal das Eltern Taxi mitten in der Nacht bzw. früh am Morgen aus dem Schlaf zu klingeln, damit man seinen besoffenen Hintern ins Bett kriegt, finde ich nicht cool.
Will gar nicht wissen, für wie selbstverständlich solche Kinder so etwas erachten nach einer Zeit.
@@scure8931 wer hat etwas von besoffen gesagt? Wenn ich meinen Sohn einmal besoffen oder gekifft angetroffen hätte dann wäre aber was los gewesen. Auch war nicht die Rede davon aus dem Schlaf geklingelt zu werden es gab vorher klare Abmachungen wann er abgeholt wird und das hat gut geklappt. Mir war es allemal lieber als ihn nachts irgendwo einstehen zu lassen. Mach dir Mal keine Sorgen mein Junior ist ganz gut geraten.
@@habi0187 warum fühlst du dich denn so angegriffen? Ich rede in einem völligen allgemeinen Sinne ohne dabei mich auf eine bestimmte Person zu beziehen. Ich kenne dein(e) Kind(er) nicht einmal weshalb sollte ich mich auf diese beziehen? Dein(e) Kind(er) sind mir egal!
Ich habe auch nicht vom Kiffen oder anderen Drogen gesprochen.
Vielleicht solltest du mal nen Gang zurückschalten, mit dir kann man sich ja nichteinmal unterhalten....
scure sorry ich habe es als Angriff aufgefasst. Es war halt so geschrieben dass ich es auf mich bezogen habe. Das haben Antworten im allgemeinen so ansich dass sie sich auf den vorherigen Post beziehen wenn man nichts dazu schreibt.
Ich denke schon das man sich mit mir normal unterhalten kann.
@@habi0187 deswegen schrieb ich auch wie gesagt in einem allgemeinen Wortlaut, da dies sicherlich nicht nur eine Person betrifft.
Wieso ich auf deinen Kommentar geantwortet habe? Du hattest das Thema in den Kommentaren mit deiner Sichtweise angesprochen und ich wollte meine kundtun. Das ist doch völlig ok oder nicht?
As a child in Holland I had to walk to school alone when I was 6. It was a 15 minute walk and I had to cross 2 busy roads. I was allowed to ride my bike alone also from 6 years old. I had to be at home for eating and before the street lights went on. That was it. When I was 12 I could stay away all night, as long as my parents knew where I was. I never got into any trouble. The only thing I was not allowed ever, was smoking and guess what I started to do?? Haha. I did not have any pressure on doing well at school. I had my ups and downs, but ended up doing university. Did you know that according to UNICEF Dutch children are the happiest on earth and have been for several years.
They deserve it
Ich werde mich nie wieder darüber beschweren das ich nicht raus darf😳
I am a German father of 4 children. My oldest daughter is 28 and studying at a university. My son is 18 and my twin daughters are 5 years old.
Most German parents enjoy seeing their children dare to do something on their own, seeing how they manage to climb a climbing frame and then seeing the sparkle in their eyes when they make it to the top. And if they didn't make it, we parents are there to comfort them, but also to help them not to give up and try again and again.
But there is also a wide spectrum of parents in Germany. From helicopter parents to parents who hardly care about their children. Also the environment (e.g. city or village) makes a big difference. In the villages with a few hundred inhabitants you can see how children at the age of 6 or 7 years buy bread rolls from the small baker next door (even if this is not allowed by law). Or at the age of 8 or 9 they are allowed to go alone to the playground around the corner. In a city this is usually unthinkable. Too much traffic and too many people you do not know.
There are school buses in Germany, too. They are usually normal public buses, but especially used as school buses. But there are also children who have to go to school with the regular buses. In the beginning parents are required to accompany their children on their way to school. And every day the children should become a little more independent and the parents in the end just follow them. In my childhood it was about 3km (about 1.86 miles) to school. Most of the time I went by bus, sometimes even on foot. Mostly from the fifth grade on, the children are allowed to ride their bikes to school.
Also the playgrounds within Germany are very different. There are playgrounds that offer everything from toddlers' slides, rope slides, water games to pirate castles or ships with large climbing nets. But unfortunately also tiny playgrounds with very little choice. Especially in new development areas more and more importance is attached to large playgrounds. And there are very strict legal requirements for playgrounds. The playgrounds also have to be technically checked regularly.
If you have children one day, trust them to do something on their own, let them try it out, let them climb. They will certainly fall once, but they will get up and learn from it and try again. Maybe it takes a band-aid, a hug and of course love, but it also takes their parents' trust in their child.
At least in Hamburg, you usually have students in third grade who go to school by themselves.
The “rule” I mostly hear is that they need to be able to cross all streets on their way, read and in case know their address and phone number. Children who go to school by bus are usually on it on their own from the moment they can read. At least, that's what I often see.
Botengänge, die jüngere Kinder erledigen, sind aber legal. Dazu gehört auch, dass Kinder zum Bäcker gehen, wenn ihre Eltern ihnen diese Aufgabe übertragen haben ("Kauf bitte ein Schwarzbrot und 5 Brötchen. Hier hast du dafür 4 Euro.") Und in Berlin gehen Kinder auch in der 1. Klasse mal allein nach Hause, aber der 3. Klasse eigentlich fast alle. Ich arbeite in einer Schule in Berlin. Auch auf Spiel- oder Sportplätze gehen Kinder allein. Sicherlich sind in der Stadt mehr Menschen unterwegs, aber es ist dann Aufgabe der Eltern, ihre Kinder entsprechend vorzubereiten. Also so wie auch auf dem Land.
@@melanieberlin5684 Danke für die Infos... Sicherlich, es ist unsere Aufgabe die Kinder vorzubereiten. Und worauf wir sie vorbereiten ist natürlich auch ganz stark davon abhängig in welchem Umfeld die Kinder aufwachsen. Meinen Beobachtungen nach dürfen Stadtkinder aber meist nicht ganz so früh selbstständig kleine Wege gehen wie es bei uns auf dem Dorf üblich ist. Aber das ist sicherlich von Stadt zu Stadt und von Dorf zu Dorf unterschiedlich.
Was das Einkaufen betrifft, sind Kinder erst mit 7 Jahren beschränkt geschäftsfähig und dürfen streng genommen nur mit Einwilligung der Eltern kleinere Einkäufe erledigen. Wobei es hier die Ausnahme durch den "Taschengeldparagraphen" noch gibt. Sie dürfen sich auch Kleinigkeiten was im Rahmen ihres Taschengeldes fällt durchaus selbstständig was kaufen (außer die Eltern haben dies verboten). Kinder unter 7 dürfen dies tatsächlich noch gar nicht.
@@andreasnadobnik8207 Wie gesagt, Botengänge sind auch unter 7 Jahren möglich, da die Kinder nur den Willen der Eltern ausführen. Kaufen sie sich vom Restgeld ein Lolli und die Eltern haben das vorher nicht ausdrücklich mit "in Auftrag" gegeben, dann kann das Geld für den Lolli wieder zurückverlangt werden, weil die Kinder wie du schon sagtest, nicht geschäftsfähig sind. Kaufen sie genau das, was die Eltern "in Auftrag" gegeben haben, darf auch ein 5jähriger schon Brötchen holen.
well i live in berlin and don't think it makes that big of a difference. obviously kids don't go to the other end of the city on their own but since school and friends are often nearby it's the sams
An interesting topic. I have heard stories that helicopter parents become an issue for teachers in Germany as well. About the playgrounds: yes there was a risk to get hurt so that made us more careful as kids. Small injuries or a small wooden splinter in your finger were normal in my childhood. I think the reason that the playgrounds in the US are made so safe might be that the parents could sue the one responsible for the playground if their child got hurt while being on it. Something that would only be possible in Germany in really severe cases like when the slide breaks down while your on it or something like that.
I am 40 years old now so it is kind of difficult to remember when i first was sent to the shop alone by my parents.I definitely did go to the bakery to buy bread rolls every saturday once i was in school but maybe even earlier. I did walk to school alone from day one but i did start school one year later so i was already 7 years old, almost 8 in fact. Also there were no big roads on the way though i remember quite well that i got stuck on a muddy field i used as a shortcut one day. I wasn't a kid who especially loved playing outside but normally the rule was to either play in front or behind our apartment block, so my parents could see me from the window. However when i wanted to go to the playground alone which was out of sight that also wasn't an issue. I just had to tell them that i would go there. So in general from my experience at least from school age on it wasn't an issue to be outside alone without the parents. (And at that time parents didn't have Whatsapp to contact their children anytime.) When it comes to school and doing homework my parents did care, but not too much. My grades weren't bad so they didn't have to worry about that. Also i wasn't a bully or something. I think as with most things the middle position is the right one here. Support and Care but not too much (doing the homework for your kids definitely is too much) and if your kid actually is a bully in school then you should take your responsibility as a parent to stop that behaviour. A typical punishment here in Germany was the 'Stubenarrest' the prohibition to go and play outside or visit friends. As i wasn't that fond of playing outside my parents usually used a TV ban instead.
Ok i leave it as this. Thanks for taking me down memory lane:-)
Tv Verbot hatte ich auch, ich bin erst 17
I would agree that the US playground design is probably to prevend someone suing the owner. I know a german innkeeper who had problems with helicopter parents and in the end closed the playground he owned right next to his inn though. It was the best playground I know, with a huge wooden pirate's ship to climb on and an enormous slide and so on, I loved to play there as a kid. But some helicopter parents tried to sue the owner. They didn't succeed but after the third time he closed the playground because he was afraid with the society in Germany slowly but steadily evolving away from expecting reason and personal responsibilty from everyone and towards more of a suing culture he would get problems in the future if some kid hurt himself due to the parents not taking care or the child doing dangerous things. So it's now a private playground for his grandkids.
@@regenbogentraumerin I think its no a good direction we are going with this. If a kid should not hurt himself at the playground, parents should teach them to be careful. I don't want to live in a society, where parents sue the owner of a playground because their little prince jumped from the roof of the climbing construction.
@@NeurosenkavalierEmilSinclair I totally agree. But I feel like more and more parents try to blame someone else if the child hurts himself. People in general try to blame others for everything to avoid to admit they might have made mistakes themselves. They also can't accept that some things are just normal and even neccessary in life and noone is to blame for that, they want the world to just be about them and their kids and nobody else.
Richtig blöd war halt Hausarrest und gleichzeitig Fernsehverbot zu bekommen. :D
@Montana here for you an even more "wow-experience" about freedom for kids in Europe: I live in Austria, one of the safest country in the world and where parents give their kids even more freedom than in Germany, I think. I live in Wien, a 1.9 million inhabitants city. Some weeks ago, I saw an about 7 years old boy alone in the underground and saw, that he looked confused and I saw that there were no parents around. I asked him "do you know, were you want to go? where are your parents?" then he said "I am alone and I want to go to ...-place and my mother knows this". Then I said to him "but if you want to got to ...-place, then you are wrong in this underground, let me show you where you have to go" and we jumped out of the underground before it started and I guided him upstairs to the street where a tram was going and I said to him "take this line until you hear ...-place"... ... I was not sure if I should go with him or let him go alone because it was a long trip with the tram to this place and he looked unsure but said "I know how this place looks where my destination is". So he went alone. Then I saw an official person of the public transportations of Wien in a control room with a window and I went to him and described the situation and asked, if that was right that I let the boy without parents going alone and he answered: "In Wien kids from 6 years are allowed by law, to go alone on public transportation" and then he laughed and said "in worst case he just goes in circle with the tram, he will not get lost in this town". I was really surprised about this extent of coolness despite I am used to see very young kids going alone on trams but usually they know were to go and go only few stops. By the way, it's part of the programm in kindergartens here to train with the kids to go on public transportations, surely in kindergarten only guided by adults and in a group, but they go frequently together on public transport.
"Even more freedom than in germany"
-keine quellen
-österreichischer nazionalstolzist(in)
-XD
As you have already said, there are anxious parents often called "helicopter parents" in Germany too.
My office is next to a park with trees. Around ten neighboring children between the ages of four and thirteen play regularly there. A newly drawn child with a scared mother also wanted to climb trees but has not been allowed to do so before.
Children always want to be like other children. Parents can forbid their children to play with other children. But if their children play in a group, they cannot forbid to play what all other children play. - No way.
Because the new girl grew up very sheltered up to the current age of seven, she had never learned how to climb trees. That's why she now kept hurting herself. She came to my office up to three times a day and asked for a plaster, bandage or an ice pack to cool her wounds.
But the girl did not give up. She wanted to do what the other children did. Play tag, run through bushes and nettles, climb trees and let off steam. After about a year, the girl stopped coming to my office with bleeding wounds, bruises and bumps. She had learned to climb trees with the other children and run around without hurting herself.
About the kids going by bus alone: could that be because in Europe the public transport is common where in the us there is no not that many buslines?
My image of transport in the us is that only big cities have public transport, and therefore schoolbusses are the alternative.
That's definitely a big part of it; even in most of our big cities you can't get around without a car!
@@connorgioiafigliu Yeah it
is so easy to get EVERYWHERE with public transport.
Yeah that is for sure a big reason. I only took public transportation everywhere my whole life starting when I was like 9. I mean no one learned to drive at 15-16 there we dont have any other choice except for bikes. But a big part of us being able to do that is because it is in my opinion a way safer bus and train system then the one I have experienced in the US because so many kids take it and the people are just less likely to be dangerous.
And from movies i got the impression that public transport is only used by "poor people" in the us; so maybe us-parents think its not a good environment. I think german parents wouldn't let their kids take the bus if they thought its just drunks and criminals in there.
@@NeurosenkavalierEmilSinclair Yeah, that stereotype of public transport being for poor people does exist, because it usually means you cannot afford to drive a car. But in most places there aren't really problems with drunks and criminals when kids are going to school, since it is during the day.
An important difference both legally and socially between the US and Germany is, that German people don't consider teenagers to be CHILDREN, even if they're still minors. Teenagers aren't legally considered to be "Kinder" ("chrildren") but "Jugendliche" ("adolescents") and therefor there are different laws for let's say 5 year old children and 16 year old teenagers.
When you compare it with other countries, most young Germans leave their parents house rather early and live on their own. Exception: when your parents live in an expensive city like Munich, Hamburg or Frankfurt (and you study there/make an Ausbildung) it can be a reason to keep staying at home with your parents. Usually, most of the German parents want their kids to move out not too late and let them earn their own money.
For example in Italy parents see that differently: When their kids already leave the house with 16 or 17, Italians think they have done something wrong in their education and were not good enough to their child. In big Italian cities (Milan, Rome, Naples) living space is scarce and expensive, so many people often share a little flat and the young people often stay at home very long.
Would also add Berlin to that list lol
@@sunnyblue7800 berlin ist jetzt nicht soooo teuer
My parents philosophy when I was a teenager can be boiled down (mostly) to: You may have all the freedom you want if your grades are fine (not necessarily perfect). If you get into trouble its your responsibility (not that wouldnt help me when I did).
In Germany younger children with shorter ways to school often walk to school in small groups of children or cycle there later. As a child, I had a next door neighbour who was the same age as me. When went to kindergarten, to primary school and to grammar school together and whenever we would start going to a new school our parents would walk / cycle / ride the bus with us a few times before the start of the year and then we would do it on our own. To kindergarten (ages 3-6), we walked about 200m, to primary school (ages 6-10) it was a walk of about a kilometer. Grammar school (ages 10-18)) was about 3km from where we lived and we would cycle in the summer and take the regular city bus in the winter. Honestly, I cannot remember anything bad ever happening to me, my friends or anyone of my classmates on their way to or from kindergarten or school.
Today I'm a teacher and we still try to encourage parents not to drive their children to school, but to let them walk, cycle or take the bus on their own because the need to learn how to do that on their own and it's better for their health, too. We do have the expression "Helikoptereltern" in German too - mainly for those who do their children's school work for them and say things like "We're in 1st grade / we're learning English now" instead of "My child is in 1st grade / is learning English now". Of course this particular type of parent is not very popular with us teachers!
Im German and I think you observed erverything very well. My parents gave me a lot of freedom and just trusted in me that I’m a good person and that I’ll do the right things and not behave stupid. I knew that I can do the things I want and have unconditional support if I need it or ask for it. I can’t speak for everyone, but at least for me that strategy worked very well. It made me wanting to show that I’m worth that trust by being diligent about school and acting responsible when it came to going out/partying.
And yes, I got picked up at 3am 😆
I lived in Appalachia for a number of years and there I found there that very small children were often left to their own resources. Toddlers would open a can of green beans and eat them out of the can. I knew a seventy year old man who had left home at 9 years old by hopping a train and going to Detroit. He did not return and had never seen his parents since. I once gave a ride to a couple of children who were hitchhiking on the interstate. The older boy looked about 6 and the younger boy three at most. It seemed incredible that the younger one could have walked as far as apparently he had. They had hitchhiked to a drive-in to watch a movie and we're heading home late at night. The older one asked me to let off him and his brother a few miles down the interstate from where I picked them up, but not at an exit. He said that where I dropped them off was the closest place to their house, which was up a holler about 2 miles off the interstate.
Hi Montana , interesting to see the differences. As I am father of two "creatures" at your age now (more or less) i believ 100 % in the power of youth and a guided way to freedom and independancy for them. I am German and my kids are born in spain so we also travelled a lot and I believe on of the things which let me feel very secure is the point that in comparison to the US e.g. we have not really any danger here in Europe like shootings and heavy crimes. As you know actually it is fun here and if you open minded and talk to your kids abot the dangers there are actually veryy smart. trust your kids and be open . If you are a friend to your kids they will be friend to you :)
I experienced that German teens can be very open and supported by their parents when they start beeing interested in love and physical love. So boyfriends or girlfriends are allowed to stay over night as young as 15 or 16. In the US other parents where shocked when I told them about this. As I was shocked that young couples in their twenties where expected not to live together until they are married.
I were allowed to sleep over at my boyfriends house and his bed when I had my first one with 14 years
Many American parents don't allow their *adult* children to sleep in the same bed as their partner when they visit
S Black that’s just strange and weird
Well the thing is we get real sex ed over here, not just "abstinence only". So, yeah, the kids will have sex but they'll be safe. It's not like in the US which has the highest number of teen pregnancies and teen abortions out of all industrialized countries. Abstinence only sex ed simply doesn't work. The Scandinavian countries are even better at sex ed and their classes include really practically training how to use condoms (with a banana, of course) and they have the lowest number of teen pregnancies and abortions.
the sleepover situation was a BIG shock!
What we all can see through your videos and through the fact that you went abroad on your own is that your own parents parenting is very much based on a trusting and liberal relationship towards you, that’s a gift! Also loved to hear about your view on German parenting❤️
Being from The Netherlands myself (as you probably know, a neighbor country to Germany) I think that the freedom kids have is something you see in Europe in general. But here too it’s definitely a spectrum. At age 10 I took the train all across the country, by myself. I had friends who would take public transport throughout the city I lived in by them selfs, who would bike everywhere they wanted or needed to go. Going to the city center alone, at night. But I also had friends who weren’t even allowed to leave their streets.
Und da sag ich dir Montana, das die Kinder heutzutage, deutlich weniger "Freiheiten" haben und sehr sichere Spielplätze, als ich Kind war. Sämtliche Karussell, Klettergerüste usw. waren komplett aus Metall zusammenschweißt. Sitzflächen, waren aus Holzplatten, ja. Manchmal waren diese auch im laufe der Zeit verfault. Dann standen noch die Schrauben raus. Gespielt wurde dennoch damit. Und, es gab noch viel mehr Dinge, die man gemacht oder eher nicht gemacht hat, die heute undenkbar sind. Und, Ich lebe noch! hehe
Grundsätzlich hast du natürlich recht, das auch mit kaputten Sachen gut weitergespielt werden kann/konnte. Aber die Tatsache, dass DU lebst, beweist in diesem Zusammenhang leider gar nichts, denn vielleicht sind ja -zig andere gestorben, die jetzt nichts sagen können (siehe: de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_Bias )
@@MrJPG1000 , ich wollte auch gar nichts beweisen. Und von den Leuten, die mit mir, damals als Kind, gespielt haben (Klassenkameraden usw.), leben , soweit ich weiß, alle noch. ;-) Aber, wir haben natürlich mehr Verletzungen, davon getragen. Wobei dies heute immer noch passieren kann, jedoch wird das bei der Gestaltung (abgerundete Kanten usw.) , versucht zu vermeiden. Und in den USA, wahrscheinlich noch mehr als hierzulande.
And I always thought that my German parents are too overprotective and that American parents are way more chill
There is a woman on youtube who wrote a book about german parenting vs the us...it is called achtung baby..an she (sara something) even has a whole talk on youtube for you to see if you are interested...from my perspective as a german she described it very good.. try it out if you want
Sara Zaske
@@Krokostad thanks/danke
I am mid 50s.When I came home with a wound or bruises my parents just said: "stupid flesh has to be removed" ("Dumm Fleisch muss weg"). We had to make our experiences (and there were really dangerous things we made). This helped us to discover our limits and get aware of tricky situations.
I was 11 when had to take the bus all alone to school.In summer i also took the bike for a 10 km ride.
"Ein Indianer kennt keinen Schmerz!" ;o)
I think the thing with picking your children up from a club at 2am really depends...my father wouldn't even pick me up at 11pm when the last train/bus was cancelled 😅 And I know a lot of people from small villages that walked like 2 hours home after clubbing bc there was no bus and no one would pick them up...
So it really depends on the parenting style even in germany
Yes, I always imagined American parents to be more strict and protective than German ones. But this is not necessarily a bad thing. I know that cuz some of my American friends told me, what parenting is like in the US.
But I have a question for you: What would you have done in Germany, but couldn’t because you had to fly home due to corona?
Großartiges Video, wie immer, Montana! Much love from Germany! 😄
tbh i think going to pick up your kids at 2am from a club is pretty damn protective
Jürg Nobs they want to help you aswell, so you don‘t need to go home by Train/Bus/...
@@jurgnobs1308 they pick you up, because you want them too. its way easier than taking the bus or a train (for yourself lol, the parents have to stay awake or have to wake up again)
@@hannesr133 sure. but it still is quite protective
@@jurgnobs1308
Not everyone lives in a big city where you can just walk home. In the countryside it's either picking them up or they're basically stranded unless they can find someone else to drive them
As kids one of our games was to climb the highest tree we could find while our parents where at home
The most of us (german teens) interessed for theire own education! In the age from 6 until 12 because your parents told you to do. In the age of 13 to 15 you lose interesting for education but after that they start to care without your Parents told you.
Yes we have a lot of freedom but we learn to handel it very early because in the age of 12 they start slowly to give you more responsibility. In the age of 16 we can do whatever we want (not everything but many things) And then we start drinking Alkohol with our Friends nearly every secondtime we meet.
We learn to be careful because everytime we get more freedom we get more responsibility.
My parents never did something for me like school projekts and i love them for doing that. I would hate to lose my freedom and partying with my friends. My parents support me when ever i pleased them. I feel like they did a very good job (sometimes my mom was very strict but my dad did help me sometimes the other way around)
Sry my englisch is very bad (In germany an classic Alman would say: "My english is not the yellow from the egg but it goes"😂😂😂 )
It is so crazy that your channel got recommended to me! I am a student in passau and I know the exact playground you were talking about. Often when we go home from the bar in summer and it is around 2am, we climb into the net and lie in there and talk. It's really comfortable
I grew up in a small Southern Michigan town. I played on the woods for hours; rode my bike for miles and miles.
I just had to be home by dinner
Your description of schoolchildren riding the bus immediately made me think of the book "Free-Range Kids" by Lenore Skenazy. There is now even a movement in America called "free-range parenting".
The basic factor here is that American politicians and media are very good at keeping Americans in a continual state of fear. In America, just as in China (you know, the country America loves to hate), there are only a few good seats at the table, people believe that the best (or only) way to get one of them is by collecting academic achievements and passing competitive exams, and so parents in both countries obsess about getting their children on the right academic track and turning childhood into one long exam preparation. While that's going on, the American parent's mental map is populated by innumerable threats and dangers, from ill-made toys to pedophiles. The result is that the next generation doesn't learn self-reliance and becomes even more susceptible to fearful images. Neat trick!
i think germany has a more relaxed way with kids & teenagers
if the school is
That is not correct. Kids are allowed to drink beer from age 14 under supervision of their parents. 16 is the age required for buying soft alcohol and drinking without supervision.
3:08 I think in german we would call this a Kletterspinne, but I don't know why.
Your videos are great!
Everytime my son had a party (from age 14) at home i visited my friends! I ever trusted him!
You are so impressive, I am guessing you have incredible parents. Because of young people like you we have a bright future/.
I think you have to see this in a way more opportunistic way.
Its pretty common that in germany both parents have a job, and you start to work somewhat between 6-8 am, and school starts around 8.
And a workday is usually longer than school day, so again, no chance to pick up the kiddies after school.
My parents always left me as much space as i needed, for me it turned out trying some things but than realizing i dont need drugs and lots of alcohol.
Aditionally i took the bus to school from the first grade.
My mother always tells the story of me around 2-3 y/o going to a playground 500m from home and nobody knew where I was. I came back 2 hours later to get a toy. She was crazy of sorrow but I managed it quite well.
When I was 6 or 7 I used to be outside 5h from Dinner to lunch.
Not so any more. My nefews also come around, but most of the time, they're home.
a fun part of my past as a kid was that I took my bank account savings book, went to the bank, withdraw 2 Dollars roughly. With this money I bought a bus ticket, then I stepped on that bus to visit my aunt 20 Miles away. When it got dark I made my way back alone. My age past then, 7 Years, lol
Well if you are used to the Bussystem it is so easy :) and usually there is always older students on the bus from the same school because our schools are from year 5-12 :)
Helicopter parents or "Helikoptereltern" are becoming a problem in Germany as well. yes, you see a lot of kids on the busses, even elementary school kids. but there are also parents who drive their kids to school still when they're sixteen or seventeen.
I know right?! I also used to have this friend and I was like let's meet up and they were like I can't I have to walk my little sister home from school and I was like how old is she? and they said shes 14 xD like what? I walked home alone when I was 6 lmao
Well I was at Europa Park a few days ago and there was this mum who actually walked behind her kid who was like 4 on the tracks of a little kiddie train to make sure nothing happens... the ride was small and she would have seen her kid at all points.. like... I don't get it.
There was another set of parents who swam beside their kid on an obstacle course.at the water world rulantica... if it falls you won't be able to catch the kid ... the kid was faster than its parents anyways....
Das grösste Geschenk von Eltern an ihre Kinder????????? Wurzeln in der Kindheit, Flügel in der Jugend.....
was?
Irgendwie erinnert mich das an das Englisch Abi in diesem Jahr 😂
@@ferdipferdi4421 Mit einer wörtlichen Übersetzung, würdest du bei einem Ami wohl nur Kopfschütteln ernten! Wie sagte doch der Formel 1-Fahrer Harald Frentzen, nach seinem ersten Sieg, in die Masse der internationalen Presseriege "This victory was oil on my soul".........
Zu den Schulbusse in Deutschland: in einigen Orten gibt es extra Schulbusse für die Schüler. Diese Schulbusse werden von einem am Ort befindlichen Busunternehmen bereit gestellt oder von einem Busunternehmen in der näheren Umgebung.
Diese Schulbusse werden für Schüler bereitgestellt die aufgrund einer schlechten Busverbindung zu lange für die Fahrt nach Hause benötigen würden oder möglicherweise nach Schulschluss gar keine Möglichkeit haben nach Hause zu fahren.
I remember my father telling me how they would always go out into the woods to play as children. Video games, of course, keep children more at home ever since my days. :)
The other day my niece called my parents very late in the evening asking if she could sleep over because she was in town for a music festival. This involved possibly collecting her somewhere by car. My parents where pretty annoyed with this as they planned to leave for vacation early next morning and needed to sleep. Also because she really could have announced this sooner. But they agreed because they'd rather have her be somewhere safe rather than maybe drive home with some drunken idiots.
In general it's the same with some other things like allowing teens to have a romantic partner over and have sex. Where Americans have this extremely silly "not under my roof" attitude and seem to prefer their children to sneak around.
I have to drive my 17/18 year old doughter to school and other places, because of corona. It's a totall stress. I hope it will be over soon and she can use the puplic transports as she is used to it since her childhood. How want people do this all the time for their kids?! I will be so happy when I will get my life back!!!🌞
Children actually very rarely do anything alone in Germany. There are always a bunch of kids doing things together and the parents know which children accompany their own child. So for example I took the schoolbus to my school starting at age 6, but nearly my whole class was on the same bus, plus a lot of other older kids and some grannies…
When I went to the playground or lake or river or forest or whatever my mom would always ask „who are you with“.
And later when I was a teenager she was like: „I know you and I trust you that you won’t do any bullshit, just be at home by 1 am.“ And that was it.
We also have one of those Web Strcutres in our Town .... it's an at least 16~20ft Tall Web Tower, which is standing there for over 20 years now, an always has kids climbing on it with no safty concerns - and as far as I know, nothing had happend so far.
I only went back on it once more during my 20th, and I really wondered why the heck did I go on that tower so often back then.. man what a great time xD
I lived as an au pair in the US for a year and had many discussions about freedom for raising kids. It makes me crazy with all the overprotective stuff. 2 hour discussion about why parents would allow teens to have boyfriend/girlfriend over. All the tracking some americans do its crazy.
Life360 is this crazy tracking app that most people use!! I think it's a lot for kids though and harms the trust they have with parents :(
When i was about 10 yo i finished my homework after lunch, told my parents who i'll meet, jumped on my bike and drove to my friends. We often were alone in the woods, even carried a knife and later with 12 a small ax to build these small "houses". We didn't even had a mobile phone in the beginning. I guess most american parents would have sued my parents directly, but for me and my friends it was totally normal :D With TV or playing video games it was another story - 1 hour max a day. I'm 24 now and I guess, todays parents tend to be more helicopter-like in Germany too.
I think the general parenting in germany might be a point. I remember my parents always asking if my friends were allowed to do that too. So my parents always decided similar to the parents of my friends
Es ist auch normal dass Kinder in Deutschland ab der 1. klasse alleine zur Schule gehen. Und es gibt Schlüssel Kinder. Die haben einen Hausschlüssel und gehen nach der Schule nach Hause und warten, dass Mama oder Papa heim kommen. Das macht die Kinder auch sehr selbstständig.
German kid of two teachers. I never did anything for school, no homework, no learning, nothing. My mum used to tell me that I should do it. For example in 6th grade for my first test in physics. I wrote down two formulas and showed her „that‘s all I need to know, I‘ll be fine.“ when I came home with the test it was an A with full score. That‘s when my mum gave me complete freedom of what I do to spend my time.
Btw. In the end i graduated with 1,6 at an Bavarian Gymnasium. I know that I could have done better, but I into the study program of the university I wanted and had a lot of free time in my youth. That‘s what matters more to me.
Hey, as i was in 2th grade I started going to school alone. And immediately other parents started talking bad about my parents. But I also know parents which are totally fine with that. So it really depends. Today I’m 15. As long as I’m back at 10pm I don’t have to tell my parents where I am or what I am doing (same with my friends) but if it’s longer I have to text my mom. But because I learned independence since I was young I know that I should and shouldn’t do. But most importantly my parents trust me and I trust them.
My neighboors in Germany are from Spain. They build for their children a huge playground in the garden, it is like a ship and the children can play, climb. The children are below 4 years old. Maybe it is a US-problem to give no freedom to children.
holy cow that sounds sick!
Sorry guys,
picking up your kids at two am at a club is not being protective!!
It's givin' them the possibility to have fun without them havin' to worry about how to get home safely.
Did it often enough and they were drunken often enough.
But that's what Kid's do and all that you can do as a parent is give them a hand to help them up when they fall.
My very personal opinion.
Father of three, youngest 22.
My parents used to say that they would rather pick us up than someone giving us a ride who was not trustworthy/drunk/tired.
Inviting people over and sharing a bed was never a problem either... to quote my mum: Dann kannst du wenigstens schreien wenn was ist (that way you can scream for help if something happens)... always directed at the person that was staying over.
Playgrounds were even more "dangerous" in the 70s/80s. We also just played in woods and gardens and climbed large trees or garden sheds (one of my friends once broke his arm when he fell from such a shed, but overall, real accidents were rare), rode BMX bikes over selfmade jumps. Elementary school kids would carve wood with pocket knifes. At about 11 I started tinkering around with a "chemistry for kids" set, burning stinky bits of sulphur etc. Or make matchboxes blow up.
Parents were usually very relaxed about such things. They also drove us around with 6 kids on the backseats of a car. Parental strictness showed in rather different areas, e.g. what kind of punishment would happen if one did not meet a curfew, got bad grades or did something else wrong.
There are actually really crazy rules on playground safety in germany. But those are mostly just about making sure the playground toys are robust enough to not break down even with a boatload of chidlren on them, making sure there are no sharp or stabby bits und having enough room and fall-breaking material around them to ensure children can fall down safely. And all playgrounds are, at least nominally, checked on a regular basis for damages.
Heh, I just had a perspective check. Pertaining to the rope-web-thing on playgrounds, I wanted to say that children have way less fear if they don't know that they should be afraid. But maybe that's different...
The playground that you are explaining over in Germany use to be all over America. That style of playground came about in the late 80's, early 90's and it was the much safer replacement for the earlier designs. They have done away with those types of playgrounds in America because Americans have become neurotic and have irrational fears about everything.
In Germany its allowed to drink beer and wine when youre 14 if the parents allow it. But its very seldom that parents give alcohol, sometimes on new year or birthday parties. When youre 14 beer tastes bad.
I had my first drunk experience with 16 when i bought a cheap 2 liters bottle of wine at start of summer holidays. At that day i puked my brain out and i had a bad headache. the next day everything i ate tasted like cheap wine.
You can give your kids more freedom because they often do something with friends at the playgrounds. Most of the time they are not alone. But its important to teach them as soon as possible the car traffic rules and show them the dangers of the streets.
In 3rd grade i was on that exact playground in passau you are talking about and as i was raised not far away from passau (~30km) it was completely normal.
Hello! Are you Montana from Virginia? I'm Virginia from Montana, by the way. 😁😆
Ya, u can ride 400 hp Mustangs by age 16 and probably earlier in rural areas. Not so in Germany.
In rural areas of austria you see 6-7 year olds riding dirt bikes around their mountain farms. It's completely normal.
When I first moved to Germany (Aachen) I would see these 4-5 year old kids walking to school in the morning. I used to have a heart attack looking around for their parents. I felt compelled to approach them and make sure they were okay. Of course I never did.
Germans seem to learn they are alone in life at a very young age. Sometime I think this is good. But there is a flip side. They appear to have a lot of trouble connecting with others and feeling like part of a group when they don't have a beer in their hand.
I like how you mention the flip side. There is always a flips side. Humans are flawed.
@@deelvlvlg That's pretty much been my experience in Germany so far. All the things I was looking forward to have unexpected consequences and their own pitfalls.
I have no comparison because I've never been to the US, so all I can say is yes, German parents are usually very relaxed.
My parents are arabs so they were stricter, so some of the freedoms my friends had were surprising to me also. But as kids we were outside all of the time, didn't need to be in sight and still had lots of freedom.
When it comes to the education part, I think it's because of the system Germany has. It is not the same as the US. The classical ways are either 10ys school and then an Ausbilding (like a 3year training to get an certificate for a certain job) or 12-13 ys school and then go to university to get a bachelor (+masters) degree.
There are many other possibilities as well but these 2 are the most common ways.
So there isn't necessarily the pressure to get into a good college.
I always vibe so hard to that intro song 🔥🔥🔥🔥
when I was a child in austria I often left home after meal and came back when sun went down ... but I am already 61 years old ... but that was normal for everybody
Seid dem Kindergaten bin ich mit dem Bus gefahren. Meine Mutter hat mich an den Bus gebracht und die Kindergärterin stand an der Haltestelle wo ich aussteigen musste. Später ab der 1. Klasse konnte ich das dann alleine. Es hilft ja auch, das wir Kinder immer eine freie Busfahrkarte hatten, so brauchten wir nicht zu bezahlen. Ist heute noch oft so das Schüler und Studenen von der Stadt Freifahrkarten für den Bus bekommen.
i can vividly remember such a string-climbing structure on a playground in a park where i used to go as a child. it was incredibly tall, like several meters, the peak was at like 5 meters i think and there was no safety net at the bottom or something, just sand. the main part had a really closely weaved web, where even small children had long enough arms and legs to climb it, then there was a side to it that was for bigger kids, were the web had really big holes . and maybe the first few times it was really scary but despite my fear of heights, i loved trying to climb to the top!
it is a really great exercise for kids, because you have to figure out, were the lowest point is, so you can even reach it to start climbing....then you basically start figuring out how to hold on, how to grip the strings, how to balance on them and how to sit down without falling down if you need a break. also it teaches a lot of trust and teamwork. no matter if you climb them with siblings or friends or just random other kids, if one of the other kids saw you struggling or being stuck, they would tell you were to grab next, or give you a hand. i can even remember other kids saw my little brother cry, because he was stuck, then climbing down to him and helping him back down to the ground.
those things are SO scary but definitely fun!
i have one those at my school and i never have seen someone realy hurt them selfe exept that one time a guy jumped of the very tip and broke both his legs
@@lekter3370 idk why thats soo funny lloool
that was actually very interesting
in some towns theres also school buses just for kids, esp. young kids :) but yes its rather rare
My 3 year old plays in the playground across the street alone. Nothing's gonna happen, there are usually plenty of other kids anyway.
Hallo Montana, es ist doch normal daß Eltern ihre Kinder auch mal nachts um zwei Uhr vom Club abholen. War leider bei mir nicht so. Ich musste selbst sehen wie ich hin, und danach wieder nach Hause gekommen bin. Dazu hatte ich zuerst ein Fahrrad danach mit 16 ein Moped (80ccm). Später natürlich ein Auto. Es ist doch wunderbar, zumindest für die Jugendlichen, wenn sie sich keine Sorgen darum machen müssen wie sie nach einer Party nach Hause kommen. Ich denke amerikanische Eltern würden das bestimmt auch gerne machen. Ich würde meine Tochter sogar abholen, egal wo sie ist, wenn sie mich anruft. Leider lebe ich in Scheidung von meiner Frau, somit wohn sie nicht bei mir. Und trotzdem braucht sie sich da keine Sorgen zu machen! Als Helikoptervater würde ich mich jetzt nicht bezeichnen. Trotzdem ist Familie wichtig für mich. Ich wünsche dir eine gute Zeit bis zum nächsten Video. Stay healthy!
Due to circumstances, I, a citizen of Germany, actually rode the bus (two buses, to be precise) for nearly an hour to both school and back as early as second grade, but my mother insisted I give her a brief call every single day before school to ensure my wellbeing. In my many years of traveling by bus, every ride was, apart from one harmless traffic collision and one passenger fainting (both isolated incidents were resolved quickly with no drama) always completely uneventful, and I've never had any reason to fear taking the trusty bus.
From my experience, the reputation of our public transport system as an efficient, safe, reliable, and very cost-effective means of travel is nothing but well-earned. It is, however, true that our trains regularly arrive late, and the obligatory complaining is mandatory for every German.
A lot of city busses will not let kids on the bus without an adult, unless they are over 13.
german parents also want their kids so succeed but most of them also know that their child is their own person and especially if they are older they are responsible for their own lives. parents will help ofc but in the end the child can make their own decisions. and i'm talking about decisions like which clubs to join or whether or not to study hard if they want to get into a nice uni. it's so important to let a child learn to take responsibilities step by step by giving them more and more freedom the older they get, so adult life won't be such a shock for them. it's the same with allowance, giving a child a little bit of money teaches them how to handle it properly so they get a feeling for it and don't go into debt by the time they're 25 (and i'm not talking about college fees that's ofc something u can't control)
All you need to know about helicopter parents in America is the app Life360. Parents (like mine) use it to track their kids' locations at all time, and they get notifications on things like their driving speed and when they arrive somewhere. In high school I never went anywhere without my parents permission, and it was suffocating. I even snuck out of the house a few times without my phone at night so they couldn't track me, which is actually pretty dangerous for a girl.
There was also a LOT of pressure academically, so I never even went to a single party, drank or smoked anything, prior to college even once. Parents who police their children end up endangering them in the future because they go to extreme lengths like I did to have some freedom, even if it's dangerous.
And many freshman in college in the US are incredibly irresponsible with alcohol and drugs because they don't know how to consume it in a responsible and safe way and are immediately thrown into party culture. Like me, many 18 yr olds had no idea how much was a normal amount to drink, how to pace yourself, how to keep track of friends to make sure you all get home safe, really basic stuff like that.
In my experience with US parents, not just my own but those of my friends too, helicopter parenting backfires a lot of the time. The pressure to take so many AP classes, always get good grades, excel in extracurriculars, and be "perfect" is crushing.
I was borderline suicidal senior year of HS because of the pressure to get into a good college. I even thought I would follow through if I didn't get into any good ones AND get the scholarships to afford them. Most of high school I just hated my existence. If I didn't do something perfect, it was a failure. I still struggle with this perfectionism and my college friends do too.
Tiffany Ferg's video on the gifted program and how it affects students also explains this very well. That's my experience in the US as a student, and for a lot of my friends it was the same.
ua-cam.com/video/YcaD980oYJQ/v-deo.html
@Prymu that might be your personal experience
... but I do doubt that it does apply in general.
When I'm outside playing with the younger kids in my neighbourhood I have to be at home for dinner. I think I could go everywhere where I want but I always say my parents where I go so they don't have to worry.
When we older ones on our street were younger we climbed on trees or even on the Osterfeuer which is collected the whole year. And when it's burned we always stand very close and play with the fire even the the fifth year olds, okay we teens take care that they don't get into danger but there's nearly no dangerous situation and the adults can drink their beers (also some of the older teens drink one) and the kids get Capri Sun for the most teens there's Fassbrause. When the young kids have to go to bed we then listen to the political discussions of the adults and ask things we don't understand. That's the way we learn: Teens show/tell the kids teens listen to the adults.
Yes! Small German children (like really little kid) ride a bicycle alone like a boss without parents supervision. I was very concerned in the beginning and wonder where their parents were but now I'm like well they live in freedom lol
Do you know Sara Zaske? She is american and have a video on UA-cam ,,Achtung Baby,, (talks At google) where she talks about the parenting differences with pictures and short videos. What you say is absolutly similar to her. 🙂
Wanting to say the same:
-> Raising Self-Reliant Children | Sara Zaske | Talks at Google ( ua-cam.com/video/L7-k6nK1VUw/v-deo.html )
Also Antoinette Emily did talk about that topic in a few of her videos as well:
-> GERMAN PARENTING 🇩🇪 Things that surprised me! ( ua-cam.com/video/vLWFHlPF_g8/v-deo.html )
Research well done!
I think it's maybe also a liability thing, in Germany nobody would or could sue the city or whomever if their child gets hurt at the playground.
There are safety standards (obviously lower than in the US) and as long they are hold, the liability/responsibility is on the parents.
Like the good old sign on every construction sites says "Eltern haften für ihre Kinder" (Parents are liable for their children )
If someone is interested in an over 30 min. video from a mother (and book author about this subject ) who moved from Oregon to Berlin and
her views and parenting lessons she learned from living in Germany. ua-cam.com/video/L7-k6nK1VUw/v-deo.html
I think in general, there just has to be a balance and parents need to be responsive to the needs of the child, not their own( within reason) for eg. It's good to want your child to be independent at a young age but only if the child is also ready to be made independent. If a child has anxiety challenges or is genuinely scared of doing something by themselves and are still forced, then the child will learn that their needs are unimportant and their parent's needs are more important. Then, the child who is being forced into an experience and left alone, it can scar the child which can lead to DEPENDENCE on others in later life.
Well, If you have learnt that your actions have (potentially dire) consequences from a young age on (hence starting early, with first steps in independence so the consequence are not immediately lethal), you can be trusted to have basic common sense and reasonable judgement later on. At least as a rule of thumb.
Thus, there is no need to be super protective layer, as the kids do that themselves to a large extent. For most kids that works well. You learn faster when being exposed.
(Most) German Parents are not letting their totally decide how much and when they study. Todays school system in Germany tries to build the necessary skills needed to learn and get better from an early age on. You came in contact with the german schools and german parenting as a teenager. At this age I ( as a parent of a sixteen year old teenage daughter) am confident, that my child is motivated on her own. If you don't learn to motivate yourself and don't have the skills do be on your own in an unfamiliar environment, everything your parents have done for you will be wasted. I have always tried to teach my daughter the importance of learning by example, even if she gets much better grades I did as a kid :-( . We and here I speak for my wife and myself also believe you need a balance in your live even as a kid. Clubs, sports, etc. are not a productive way to "parent" if your child dislikes the actual activities. The german "Kindergarten" tries to enable kids at a basic level in everyday tasks. Kids use actual knifes and scissors on their own (supervised of course). If you let a child finish a difficult and possibly harmful task on its own it builds up confidence. If your child does not succeed, you increase your level of interference. Our schools demanded we train our children for their way to school by going with them the first few weeks, but let them go with their friends and classmates later on. Less cars means less riscs in the proximity of their school. Also the divided german school system (Grundschule -> Hauptschule/Realschule/Gymnasium/Gesamtschule) makes school buses nearly impossible, because there are to many different schools for one bus. Using a bus and to know how to get home by bus is even a very useful skill if your child gets "lost" (by his friends maybe...). I think germans value the privacy of their children much more and so permanent observation is regarded as a breach of their privacy. We still monitor the progress our daughter makes and try to guide her in every way she needs it, but there are a lot of things she needs to learn on her own and sometimes this means failure as long as she does not simply repeat her mistakes.
The US are just some years ahead of germany - in this case in matter of fear concerning parenting. Todays generation of parents hardly let their children run alone for playing.
Ihr Kanal hat wahrscheinlich mehr Deutsche als Amerikanische Abonnenten 😂😂
It's so interesting that playgrounds are that different😂 for me as a German they are so normal
Oh and I think my parents would never pick me up somethere in the middle of the night but parents are very different I guess
Ich gehe seit der Volkschule allein zur Schule :) über Spielplätze habe ich nie nachgedacht xD aber in den USA haben die Besitzer vll. auch Angst verklagt zuwerden, wenn was gefährlich ist (vll. ist das aber auch nur meine einseitige Wahrnehmung)
7:15 What!!??
If you can manage to maintain a childs natural curiousity (by not controlling its life 24/7), it might turn out more independent. If you actively prevent your kid from every minor risk of getting a bruise or scratch, how's your kid supposed to learn to asses risks?