Narcissists and Linguistic Manipulation
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- Опубліковано 20 тра 2024
- Narcissistic people often manipulate and control the meaning and use of words and language in order to control and dominate others.
By leveraging linguistic ambiguity, non sensical gobbeldygook, word salad, technical jargon and emotive arguments they gain and maintain control over narratives, other people and situations. By using various linguistic tactics they manipulate perceptions and behaviours to serve their own interests, and avoid facing consequences for their actions.
This video outlines some of the common tactics used and gives examples of how they gaslight others.
#narcissism #manipulation #narcissisticbehaviour
I hope to never meet another narc in my life. Nothing scarier than their intent to destroy another person. Thank you Darren.
Just please remember you meet a lot More of them than you’ll ever identify. I bet most people thought your one was great. They only show the ugly to their victims. We are more adept at spotting them sooner, but have to accept the fact we can screen for them more, the closer they get
My sister used an entire language to control/dominate me for years! We grew up in a bilingual household, speaking Welsh and English, but my Welsh was always poor compared to my English, whereas my sister over time elevated the Welsh language to be morally "superior" to English.
I started asking her about 15 years ago to speak English to me as we were both equal adults in the medium of English, whilst in Welsh I had the vocabulary of a 5 year old. She always refused, saying it was "too painful for her, the thought that she couldn't speak to her only sister in Welsh".
My sister speaks English to my husband, my two sons and our father - who is Welsh but has never spoken Welsh. She has also published academic books in English. But with me she "must" speak Welsh because it's too "hurtful" otherwise.
We're estranged now!
She’s full of superiority towards you, definitely using a manipulative tactic to maintain fake “high ground.”
Wow this is beyond sad… I hope her abuse hasn’t spoilt you for the beautiful welsh language 😢
(I mean, ruined it for you)
Thank you so much!
It's made my trips back into Wales to visit my father rather conflicted as I associate all the Welsh language road signs with her grandiose/punitive attitude...but I'm gradually learning to forge my own identity with my homeland.
Mostly it just doesn't come up in my life these days, as I married an Englishman and live in England, and it's amazing how often the supposed moral superiority of the Welsh language doesn't come up around here :-)
After the life lesson that I received, when I get the sense of what a person is about, i.e., narcissism, I immediately do a Snaggle Puss and "exit stage left."
The longer that you wait, the more trouble you are asking for.😉
That's funny, I'm guessing generation x
@brianreed8271, I just came in under the wire: 56.😊 I watched it a lot as a kid.
@@jeffreyjackson5229 I just turned 57. I'm pretty sure Saturday morning cartoons are gone forever. The next time I see my 32 year old son if he knows who snagglepuss is. I'm pretty sure he well think it is somebody he went to high school with. And I already know my grandson will have no idea. It is Saturday morning computer games now.
😂@@brianreed8271
😂@@brianreed8271
It was interesting to see that when my husband had a stroke he afterwards had problems with language and interpretation. His narc mother couldn't manipulate him anymore because the intend to misuse language didn't have the same impact anymore. He would also come out with direct responses which would upset and throw her.
A stroke is serious, but I sometimes wonder if we should fake being hard of hearing or having a migraine to deflect their tactics. Also anytime you say you have diarrhea, it shuts the conversation down, haha
@@ginafarley6190I’d use this but my n-mum is in health, she’d start to wonder why I have a chronic case of it, and harping on giving me stuff for it 😂
The conversation around not using the word “late” is epic and spot-on. 😂
Thank you Darren. You've just described cult leaders!
Looking forward to the next part about how they manipulate the rules. Thanks again for this.
I agree with the Gobbledygook🤣. Call it what it is! So true!
I cant help but think that this emotive language seems to parallel what we hear around topics like climate change, vaccines and gender affirming care.
emotive language appears anywhere there is emotion and language. sometimes people get confused simply because they can't understand a straightforward idea that goes against what they wish to hear.
Nah. The story around these are just bare faced lies.
My narcissistic sister in law who I've been out of sorts with for many years, when I had to place my mother in a care home at age 99 (My mother was completely in agreement with my decision, which was not easy for me to do. SIL: "She DUMPED her mother into that place." Those are the words she used to anyone who would listen. The care home was the nicest one we could have afforded, and she told me before she died at 103, that she had enjoyed her life there. I visited her every day, and we had a good relationship, which I think also offended my sister in law, since I was power of attorney. She wanted my brother to have POA, so that she could be in charge of my mother's money. The use of emotive language has always been one of her tactics.
You did right by your mother, and the narcissist's babble is never going to change that. You did very well.
@@jumpinjohnnyruss , Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding.
Looking forward to this
This is great. Very insightful and very real.
Thank you Darren
even in texts...Me: "I'm sick of the putdowns" Him: "You're sick of me?!" ... and then takes off with the "fact" that I said I was sick of him. Even when a screenshot with the obvious twist is circled... does not matter.
Excellent
This one: Withholding certain information - telling people about someone's reaction (words or otherwise), but not the narcissist's words or actions that CAUSED the reaction in order to negatively manipulate the opinions of others about the target/victim.
It used to be important to me that he not misrepresent me, but I finally came to realize that if the people I was being misrepresented to were so quick to believe the manipulations and lies, then these were actually not people who cared about me to begin with, so what was the point in worrying? It was pretty hurtful initially, but I totally removed myself from the flying monkeys, so now he can misrepresent and gossip at will, and I no longer care.
I completely concur.
A lot of this going on in international politics at the moment.
Absolutely 100% correct! Always something to be offended by! Always expecting an apology so they can be the victim!
Oh my goodness... exactly. And then demand an apology for the word that they found so utterly horrific.
Exactly!
I asked a person who fits this description that I needed help with day to day household chores. They stated, “I don’t know?”.
I was told, “it’s your job” by my daughter when I asked for help with chores.
If you have to communicate with them concentrate on why they are saying what they are saying as much as what they are saying. They will have disguised intent that may not correlate with their words.
Sam Vaknin talked about this today...worth a watch, and uncharacteristically short
Yes. The way people's speech functions is something that a person can get better at understanding with practice and contemplation. Sometimes those functions are intentional, and sometimes they're not. Honest people won't try to steer away from discussions about it.
Once you know…
Yes game changer for sure and they're doomed, talk about knowledge is power and how about knowledge of our own strenght, something narc wants and needs, tough!
@@joseenoel8093 right on 💯✌️
Mine outright told my colleagues about the version of me they made up in their head.
My reaction to this AARRGH. LOL
Yes ....Indeed. ... Exactly
I noticed one of my mother's tricks the other day. She was an English teacher and this tool (language manipulation) is a powerful one:
"I often keep my mouth shut with you. For example, I could've said, "[insert list of insults based on reality enough for me to feel upset]". I laughed and said, "well you just did."
This is great stuff. There is an individual at my workplace who does several of these things constantly. Withholding information is one of her favorite tools.
They love saying others they are late even if they are not.
Busy busy, you’re always busy.
Even when they are
@@amarbyrd2520 Or not busy...just busy amusing themselves.
My parents joined the lds cult so they could totally change the meaning of words but also have an entire community sharing in their delusions.
So many narcs in that religion in particular.
Experienced this a lot in toxic work environments.
My narcissist father was a police detective. Talk about master language manipulation! When I was just a little kid, he'd employ the interrogation tactics he used on the job, much of which is the exact same mentioned here. Especially "I already know everything. I know what you did. If you tell me the truth up front, things will go easier." I didn't know what he meant so I'd start confessing to all the things I'd done that day. Then he'd pick whatever he felt like abusing me over. It wasn't even necessarily kid misbehavior. It could be spending my allowance on candy after school. He never would accuse me up front, he was always fishing in hopes I'd expose the evil stuff (drugs, crime,sex) that he had it in his mind I was doing. Anyhow, one of his biggest rage episodes was when I was 16 and I said, "I'm not going to incriminate myself. Either you lay out an incident you think I'm involved in, or I'm walking out of this fake interrogation room. I want my lawyer." Omg, I thought he might literally have a stroke. I got grounded for 6 months, but oh man, it was worth it to see that look when he didn't get me to confess things I didn't do out of fear and shame.
😂 this is a late comment and it's your fault Darren! 😂 actually, thank you for an excellent video. ❤
The mental torture from such people is so horrific that I am being gaslighted all ways in all direction. Whatever I do is wrong. Speaking up for myself, i am met with such manipulative and wrong for reacting to their behaviour. When i gave up addressing the issue and keep quiet, I am wrong for not wanting to speak up and acting rational. Whenever I try to speak of an experience or address the issue, i am met with "why"? Questioning everything i do. Why am i reacting this way? Why should i act this way? Do you think you are being wrong for acting this way? What is the rational reason for you to be addressing this issue? Is there a rational reason behind your emotions?
I had enough of this mistreatment.
Amen, you just described my mother. Has anyone had their items disappear, then reappear again 🤔? To make you feel like your crazy 🤪, what is with that
Thank you, Darren. Another great episode. You have been so helpful with providing an explanation to relationship difficulties I have had with my brother.
Some languages derive more meaning through context than others. I have studied both German and Mandarin Chinese. Those two languages appear to be polar opposites in this regard.
But it's also true that narcissists have many ways to manipulate through language regardless of the language they are speaking, as this video thoughtfully describes.
This miniseries is gold!
Hacking requires a firewall. It is essential to prepare for information warfare against them, including reaction control. They will set a trap even when you first meet them.
My favorite is " I know we've had our differences " as a means to hoover. No, you and your demon husband were disrespectful and you had to go. Also my husband had passive language and that comes directly from dealing with hia narcissistic parents. You something as direct and simple as no they take it as disrespect. And his parents
Are extremely passive aggressive
Nearly all my mother's language is passive aggressive. When asked what does she mean, it's a tirade of word salad
Wow- a lot of hater comments on this one. Thanks for reminding of us of who we don't want to be 🤥
I have experienced this first hand, it's so disgusting and used to drive me insane. Eventhough I would love to ask does a narcissistic parent's envy affect children differently? Meaning does a narc father sabotage the golden child's success less than he does to his other children?
I'm my family's scapegoat and the answer is yes. Narcissistic parents help one while ruining chances to other. They want some of them to remain stuck with them while making them feel like a burden.
Over all, they pit siblings against each other in covertly ways.
In my family the golden child was the one my narc parents could sabatoge the best or easiest. As long as you have a life of constant chaos which means you need them financially to survive so they can look down on you, then you are the golden child favorite.
@@amberinthemist7912Thank you for sharing your experience.
@@LyrielonwindThank you! I experienced this myself as I became the main scapegoat. The nar parent though was constantly gaslighting me to believe that I've done it to myself and that these are the consequences of whatever I did. Pure evil.
Great video! 😃👏😃
I see this in court, where it’s amplified by the court itself. An example is giving a narcissistic defendant the floor, to smear and lie (and oh boy are they lying and will even lie, after they’ve already told the court the truth). But then, the court won’t allow their target to respond to the smear. I am not a lawyer. But the whole dynamic leads me to wonder, if I were and more seasoned, would it be possible to request the judge recuse themselves, for partiality.
Hello, fan and subscriber. Here in 'states, they like to promulgate certain modes of speech to dement folk. E.g. "be a one issue voter" i.e. "vote for the "economy"....'dont discuss religion politics and taxes e.g. 'don't be a human being', etc. And so forth. I mean, what?
Time manipulation + gaslighting in language, by a narc with malevolent intent:
•When I tell the narc something, she frequently says ‘Why didn’t you tell me already?’ I say, ‘I couldn’t have told you this before, this is me telling you for the first time’. 🧐
•A variation is when I ask her a question or ask her to do something, and she responds as if I demanded she hurry, or as if I asked for it to be already done, which is impossible. I couldn’t ask for it to be done before I asked! ?!?! 😵💫 And I’m not demanding she hurry, it is just an ordinary ask.
•When she does this in front of someone, they often somehow ignore her odd language and concentrate on me appearing to be demanding. It is as if their brains say ‘does not compute’ about the illogic of her gaslighting language, and then they just see me as being demanding, from her defensive response. Argh. 🤨😢
•I’m not asking her to hurry, yet she responds as if I had said , ‘What’s wrong with you! Why haven’t you handed me a pen already,’ etc. When I might have asked, ‘Could you please hand me a pen?’
•All of these time and timing manipulations make me wrong automatically, her response words make me appear demanding and unfair, when they are very ordinary questions, often just seeking information.
I might say, ‘Did you check the mailbox’, or ‘Did you put the trash out?’ The answer to those is yes or no, and then if it’s ‘no’, I can do it myself, or if it’s ‘yes’, I can say thanks, etc.
•By just asking those simple questions, I get embroiled in a bizarre timeloop argument which is pure manipulation and punishment, No Matter What I Say.
•It gets more complex than that too, but it is hard to describe because it is so disorienting that I have trouble remembering what is said, and how it works.
•It’s as if Charles Dodgson or another logician were evil, with malevolent intent, using illogic to cause their target to think in continual illogical loops, to exhaustion.
•It causes a powerful and painful injury to the psyche. It is intentional and repeated multiple times daily.
•There is no protection, and sometimes she will take both sides, stating that I have asked her a question which I haven’t, then answering her part and then continuing both sides from there.
😵💫😖😖
•This is part of the escalation I have been experiencing over the last year, since we found out our lease is ending. She tries to disable my ability to think, so I can’t plan my escape from her. Bizarre, huh? I am disabled with 4 TBIs, and this wears me out.
•Today I have to be moved out in 8 days, neither of us have a place to go, and it is very hard to find any rentals in a tourist area with lots of air bnb conversions.
•She insists that I move into a hotel with her (protecting her narc supply). I told her I only wanted The Information on long term hotel stays (e.g. one month) and the associated cancellation policies, and that I never agreed to rent the same hotel room with her.
•That would be 3 cats and 2 people in one hotel room, it’s hard enough to get a hotel to agree to 1 cat in a room for 1 day!
•This is manipulation in the extreme, and has the same gaslighting quality as the time/timeloop manipulation.
•I have noticed I have to be careful not to try to answer her illogic in my head when I’m not with her. Many kinds of narc attacks on a person can cause us to spend off-time trying to create defenses and strategies for when the next attack happens.
•But these illogic attacks use up far more energy and brain power than constructing ordinary defenses. In particular, I would say that it is not safe to do while driving. 😖😵💫😢 Bizarre, huh?
•And driving is one of the few times I am alone, and might not be interrupted, alone in my car, and with a safe excuse not to answer a demanding text or call.
•So I quickly trained myself to change the subject in my own mind while driving, by listening to the radio or something like that. The illogic causes looped distorted attempts to straighten out the meaning.
This is a psychic wound that tempts me to devise creative defenses, with harmful results. It is not safe to think these badly-structured thoughts. 🤨
The "looped distorted attempts to straighten out the meaning" is the perfect way of putting it. I've been experiencing that after having ended a friendship with a potentially narcissistic person for some time now, and I keep wondering why my mind can't just let it go. I know all the ins and outs of conversations that took place, and where I stand and why I left etc, but my mind still loops around trying to make sense of their nonsense. It's difficult to stop the loop.
@@muchamocha7 How awful, sorry you are experiencing this. I found I couldn’t block or prevent this, but I could change the subject in my mind to something else, which became easier with practice. I would find something else to listen to that would fill my attention. Good luck with your healing.
@@Denise11Schultz Thank you, same to you. 🌻
"Word salad' is from the American dialect - the term really got going back when Sarah Palin was trying to be relevant and Tina Fey was on fire doing parodies of her. "Gobbledegook" is an excellent word, and lacks the looming fascist political overtones of "word salad", so probably more appropriate when talking about civilian narcissists. I'll keep using "word salad" for the narcissists that have the power to pass laws and drop bombs.
There's this orange guy who can toss the salad "like nobody's ever seen before". It's rumored he can see Russia from his house, too. Or at least one really particular Russian.
It's my life, my family 😢
Are there any resources that outline the best language to use "back" when people use these manipulation tactics? They're used by toxic strangers sometimes as well. Walking away is always preferred, but if there is knowledge out there for deflection, I'd love to educate myself.
I think pretend you misunderstand, but yet seriously pretend you’re very upset that they’re so smart and you don’t get it. It could be funny! But don’t let on. This is serious stuff for them
My Dad ( full on Narc) speaks in riddle to make you get angry
My ex-husband threatened my son to unalive me last summer. It was filed but no restraining order. Yesterday he show up to my door unannounced, completely disregarded it wasn’t appropriate.
I called him on it, he’s pissed, I don’t care.
In the work place and in the family they weaponize words you have said to punish you and make themselves out to be the victim.
My narc knew how important it was for her to transfer her job closer to home. It was a move that would benefit her and our child more than anything. I basically had to let her kno that if she didnt make the move that life would begin to look a tad bit different going foward. Long story short she made the transfer and i was the last to find out. I actually over heard her tell someone else and almost couldn't believe my ears smhhh i cant i cant i cant!!!!
That's why Satan was said to Beguile Eve. In new translations of the bible state it as she was decieved, poor replacement in my opinion. That poor woman didn't stand a chance against the serpents beguiling. Kind of telling who they belong to, right?
Just food for thought...
Sounds like a politician that some journalist had discovered with his/her hands in mom's cookie jar.
@7:07 💯‼️
Great dr...i had 2 stop watchn ur vids cuz ur audio is sooooo terribly low. I understand that u seem like a soft-spoken person but my god. Volume up, bass down n straight treble n i still struggle making ot what ur saying (accent aside).
“If only other people knew who you really are *[the version of you I manufactured in my mind, or the things I blame you for]* “
That’s so profound. Really freeing to think of their threats that way. Thank you. This has happened irl to me. My parents lied about me to get me in trouble when I was struggling, bc I left their religion, and no one believed them. Then when I was almost free from the harm my mom threw another lob into the mix that made it take even longer. Craziness. My dad ended up paying thousands in legal fees, and the entire time everyone except my parents continually reinforced to me that they knew it was all a smear campaign. The time and cost it takes to clear a reputation is ridiculous though.
Welcome to politics
OMGsh! @00:03:33 - 00:04:03
Sounds more like a histrionic or borderline.