Testing Brush Mildliners & Opening up about Disability.. - Studio Art Vlog
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- Опубліковано 23 бер 2024
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Hi Art Friends!
We're Adam and Steph, we're a British Art couple that love to make art together despite both having disabilities. Adam is colourblind and Steph has a neurological disorder which means she has a tremor, this throws some extra obstacles our way when it comes to creating art but we still enjoy the process anyway! Subscribe to follow along with our future art adventures :o)
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im really glad steph has opened up about her disability, steph your valid and seen and you do not need to feel bad or embarassed about having a mobility aid, i had the same thoughts before using my stick when i developped a chronic illness, you got this and we all support you
Thank you so much Kaelin! This honestly means so much to me 😭
@@DoodleDate aww your welcome !
There is color names above where it says acid free on the barrel, it took me absolute ages to notice it too
OMG WHY THERE LOL
I'm not sure, probably Terrances idea😊
Yes I was about to say the same. In super tiny font 🤓
Oh my god it's so teeny tiny too!
8.56 zoom in and its there ……. Violet/ Violet
It is the same on a different make of brush water colour pens I own ….. otherwise I would not have known either 😊
Everybody deserves accessibility im glad steph got a mobility aid, it’s super pretty ( like steph ) ❤
Thanks so much Sabrina oh my god 😭😭😭❤️
You mentioned how getting aid feels like you've admited your defeat. I think its the other way round! Getting the aid you need is accepting yourself and showing how strong you are! You choose to be good to yourself and your body and thats a very tough decision sometimes. Steph, you are wonderful and its okay to struggle with little mean voices! Just never let them get you because you deserve everything good in this world!
I have a very close and beloved friend with chronic pain and mobility issues.
As an able bodied friend, I can very confidently say that spending time with your friend is so much more wonderful when you know they are comfortable and taking care of themselves.
Things like asking for a break to rest may not occur to us, since we aren't in your body, but taking a break and resting together with my friend is part of spending time together with her. Just because she needs to rest and I don't doesn't change that we are together to spend time together!
Also, knowing that she needs to rest or stop etc, makes me keep an eye out for good places to rest.
If we are spending time together doing something or spending time together resting or even spending time together deciding to relax at home instead of go somewhere that day, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I get to spend lovely time with my wonderful friend!
I'm sure your friends feel exactly the same.
It's hard to get over the accepting that "I specifically need help" in this situation. For me it always seemed like I was allowed to be a helper, not to be someone who was given help.
But it's good for us to grow and learn to accept the help that we need. Everyone needs help sometimes, whether its using a mobility aid, a therapist, medicine, or someone to make sure you don't forget to eat/eat healthy food.
Good for you getting your cute butterfly walking stick. If it helps imagine yourself as a fancy 1800s gentleman who never leaves the house without a proper cane! lol
Steph, hearing you say that you would come home and cry after making some of the videos broke my heart and I had to pause the video just to make this comment. I’m so glad that you found something that will be help you be more mobile and make those tough times easier. You’re such an incredible person and I’m proud of you for all you’re doing! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your disability journey. I think it’s really helpful to hear yours and other peoples experiences. The stick is beautiful! I really like the butterflies.
Thank you as well! Our amazing community here has certainly made it easier to open up too, I can't thank you all enough ❤️
I’m only 24 and I use a cane! Everyone’s different and every day is different. I definitely get weird looks depending on where I am using it and I don’t need it everyday so I play it by ear. A dear friend of mine that passed last year used both a cane and a wheelchair on a daily basis and really helped me realize how much we need more general education about disability and mobility aids. When we took him to the aquarium I had to literally yell at people to move out of the handicap marked spots in front of the tanks while I was pushing his wheelchair and most of them didn’t apologize or look guilty at all. Just a small mat on the ground that’s not for you, I shouldn’t have to yell for you to get off it! Sometimes it’s so much easier to advocate for others than it is to advocate yourself. Remember that you deserve it just as much as the people you love and it’s not silly to advocate for your needs.
Hey Steph, im Autistic and also physically disabled (finally got a connective tissue disorder, waiting on genetic testing which takes forever, but probablt a form of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome). I also work in disability rights (in the U.S.), and have for a long time.
I related so hard to everything you shared. It's also definitely difficult to figure out your limits and actually express them when youve grown up disabled, but not really had a diagnosis or acknowledgement of your disability. Part of it is just finally learning to listen to your body, and Autism definitely complicates this.
A lot of people dont realize that Autism on it's own is an energy limiting disability and it physically effects your body. You can assume you have enough energy for an activity - but then if there are extra or unexpected lights, smells, sounds can be extra draining - sensory experiencings are tiring even if you dont have a full meltdown or shutdown. Sometimes you won't notice until it's "too late" - the important thing is to not blame yourself for things tou can't control.
Having any disability requires extra time and effort to listen to your body, etc. But Autism does complicate things because Autistic people (diagnosed and undiagnosed) are taught from a young age that listening to their bodies is wrong (no the lights not too bright, the clothing store music isnt too loud, you cant be too tired youve napped and havent dont anythinf else today). So overtime you have to convince youself you cant listen to those signals and act like youre not in pain even when your body is screaming at you. Learning about ans accepting being autistic means learning to tap back into those experiences and accepting that - oh, that is actually painful to hear the hum of the fridge, the sun DOES hurt my eyes even with wrap around sunglasses and a hat even if its cloudy (my personal experience).
And it takes years to unlearn the distrust of your body/its messages and to learn to trust yourself again. Especially if your formative years were masking and trying to act normal to not get in trouble (either actual punishment from adults or social ostracization). So give yourself grace.
Disability is dynamic, so just because something changes doesnt mean you "messed up by not knowing sooner" or "shouldve done something different" - its that things change, and thats super difficult to communitcate even without being Autistic.
You're doing great, and its fantastic to share about this online so other people can see it and relate, or spark personal conversations for people.
Really appreciate you being open.
P.s. to anyone else reading this who might need to hear it: if you're thinking you could benefit from a mobility aid occasionally, you probably couldve used it ages ago - if you have the means, give it a try. When i started using a walking stick 2 yrs ago, i was like, damn, shouldve picked this up a long time ago. I dont need it all the time, but youd be surprised how much mobility aids help, even in ways you didnt know you were struggling yet.
Its about making life a little more accessible, so you can do things and go places you enjoy. You dont need to be reliant on it 24/7 for it to be valid, remember, disability is dynamic.
aaaah you phrased so much of this perfectly!!! that's exactly the feeling! "well everybody else is dealing with it fine, so I just need to Push Through it" both about autistic things *and* physical things. and YES I wish people could understand the physical drain of energy being overstimulated is ;;
You have really perfectly phrased a lot of my experiences. With hyper mobility nobody seems to think it’s painful. I’m just now starting to work with professionals to pursue a diagnosis and manage my problems in the meantime. Also learning how to accommodate yourself/accept that actually you do need that accommodation and you are valid.
I'm 22 and have arthritis in both my hands and wrists, so I completely understand the frustration of "everyone else can do this why can't I??" but it's just about giving yourself grace and understanding. You are a different person with different needs, and that's okay! There isn't a too old or too young. Pain is pain. Even if you think other people have it worse than you, your pain is still valid and needs to be taken care of.
I know I mentioned this on a stream but I love the fact Steph is disabled (like Im not glad you are 🤣) but as someone who is also disabled REPRESENTATION MATTERS I've always looked up to Steph for this exact reason!!! I love your cane Steph it's perfect for you
It's taken time to become more open about it but it's nice finally sharing more of it with our community 😭❤️ everyone is so sweet and supportive!!
I think we often are less kind and aware of our own needs. When I got my first stick in my late 20s it hadn't even occurred to me I could use one until a nurse (not a horse as autocorrect suggested) recommended it to me and I literally said "but I'm not disabled enough" and she gently chided me over it.
Even on my good days I use it when I leave the house because I've had far to many occasions like your crying bench where I was stuck and had to either seriously strain myself, pay for taxis I couldn't afford it call around car owning friends and family until someone could rescue me.
Re: train journeys. Any journey that's more than half an hour or requires changes I'll either get my sister to call the starting station or go to the ticket office on arrival and arrange for help from staff. This has included rides on their little tractor cart things, the escorting me while carrying all bags for me, staff literally going into the train to get me settled, holding a connecting train as I couldn't move fast enough to make my change and on one occasions rearranging my route at no extra cost to avoid a lift free station.
For London underground on the, increasingly rare, tonnes I go into London I have a badge and lanyard asking people to give up their seat that tfl posted to me after my sister requested it for me. I usually don't have the executive function to ask for a seat when it's busy, even when I'm close to tears so they're really useful when I don't forget them.
Finally, duvet think of it as giving up, think of it as leveling up (which goes with your dice rolling) your quality of life, something everyone deserves.
Tldr : you deserve nice things. Your stick is a nice thing and you are nice thing... Or person.
Ohhhh the wonderful world of moving around when you're disabled! When my brother and I went to the zoo there was a massive hill and we were taking breaks every five minutes or so, just because it was so steep and he got out of breath so fast. As someone who does walk very fast, you get used to it- time sitting down is time to chat, drink some water, check your messages etc! We formed a route before we went there so we could see what we wanted to without him feeling absolutely miserable later.
I love watching the pigs eat. Their mouths go so fast!
Have you heard of a flipstick? It’s a cane with a seat that can flip out. There are other kinds too- if that one is hard to balance on. I use it or a wheelchair or a rollator- and I’m 31- so I’m right here with you!
It has been amazing to have more energy by using mobility aids- it lets me go out more without hurting myself (as often lol)! I hope it helps you too 💕
That sounds super useful! I'll have to check them out, thank you 😊❤️
I have chronic migraines and y'all's videos are the only ones I can watch when I'm having a bad flair!! I've always pushed myself and only recently I've been advocating for myself. I use a cane and a walker and the anxiety of thinking I'm to young to need a cane and sometimes I don't use them out of embarrassment. I definitely understand where Steph is coming from
the cane is so cute and stephcore! :3 im glad she has a community where she can feel safe enough to talk about disability, as a disabled person too it can be so tough!
I’m always so grateful when someone else talks about their disability, because it makes it easier for me to be open too. I think it’s healthier for everyone.
The sleepy caterpillar is so cute!! I love him so much.
I appreciate Steph feeling comfortable talking about her disability! I’m in the process of being diagnosed with a few things myself with the goal of trying to go on disability and get a carer as well - it’s a long, slow process but hopefully worth it!
The last few months I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I probably need a mobility device, I totally understand the back and forth about whether or not to use a cane or crutch.
Hey Steph, just wanted to tell you that I am 32 and I've been using a cane and sometimes a wheelchair since I was 29. I absolutely understand the feeling of not wanting people to see that you have mobility issues for a plethora of issues BUT hiding it and continuing to cause yourself damage will only make it happen faster... for worse reasons. You deserve to be mobile and have the aids you need so that you can live your life with at least a few less struggles.
I have a royal blue "Hurrycane" and I really like it. It's light, stands on its own, is slender and foldable! I don't work for them I swear. I just like my cane lol
There are other smaller businesses that make really fun/custom canes as well! It doesn't have to be an "old lady" style cane, I promise.
It has helped me so so much and it is VERY rare for me to have a negative interaction because of my aids in public as well. The vast majority of people simply do not care which means you can do whatever you need to in order to lessen the negative impact your health can have on you sometimes. It's okay to need help...even in the form of a stick, but like a really cool stick 😂❤
I just love the way Adam talks to Steph and calls her dear its so sweet! I love you guys your videos are always so relaxing!
ahh im so glad that you feel safe to be so open about mobility aids! that internalised ableism is really hard to overcome!!! a good rule of thumb for mobility aids to me is always "if using it would be more helpful than hindering, you should use it", which is something that really helped me have the confidence to use a stick myself. because to someone who it isnt helping, it would be annoying to use!
and yes!!!! using mobility aids isnt "giving in" its *giving the ability* to do more!
(also, maybe it helps to know, im 25 and have been using a stick for a couple of years now(which i say because i definitely understand the feeling of "im wasting my youth"))
OH ACTUALLY the mixture of autism and physical disability... it took me *SO LONG* to realise that my physical experiences were not the same as other peoples. because, the same as autism, i just assumed that everyone else was experiencing the same, i was just "bad at dealing with it" ^^;
AND ANOTHER THING (haha, sorry this just means a lot to me) if you feel like the getting from the car park to the building is a struggle (which i absolutely understand) you should be able to get a blue badge! unless you already have one, because obviously, even the disabled parking spaces arent actually in the buildings ^^;
and just to round it off, im really so glad that you're comfortable to share! really, thats such a huge step in getting past forcing yourself beyond your limits! you're doing amazing!
@9:08 I can see the word "violet" with the purple you're holding! Right under the words brush pen-to the left of logo. Not sure if the others are like that, but figured I'd give a head's up!
I’ve had to use mobility aids my whole life. Started with a walker when I was 3, switched to crutches about 5 years later, and when I moved into my own place and had to do more housework myself I switched to a walker around the house (for the tray to carry stuff) and crutches everywhere else. Except for when I have to go long distances, like at the grocery store or theme parks. I use a wheelchair there. I used to feel very self conscious about it, but now I’ve realized that I have to use them no matter how I feel about it, and anyone who thinks it’s weird or unappealing is just wrong. I’m still working on not feeling self conscious about my braces, especially when other people are really dressed up and all I can wear with my braces is hiking boots or sneakers. I even wear long skirts or baggy trousers to cover the braces up, but I can’t cover up the shoes. Its a journey and you’ll make it through. Just go at your own pace and don’t let anyone push you beyond your limits. There’s a difference between pushing yourself to be adventurous and allowing yourself to be put in a situation that’s going to be detrimental to your future self. You got this! Praying for you!
Steph, you are not useless for battling with your flesh wagon, nor are you old, or anything of the sort. Beauty is understanding your limits and figuring out how to work around them to give yourself the quality life you deserve. And when you think about it, isn’t your mind working a little harder, because you have these new things to figure your way around? Thinking more hardly seems useless, no?
You’ve been a champ for a long time, and you are continuing to be one. Keep on keeping on you two, the stars only shine brighter on you with each passing day.
"Battling with your flesh wagon," lol. That sounds about right... the number of times I've come home early from work in tears, feeling like a failure...
So proud of you Steph for getting a mobility aid to help you improve your freedom and independence
I have a tremor and conntective tissue issues (and AuDHD) that affect so many aspects of my life, it makes me happy to see someone i look up to share their experience ♥️
This means so much to me, I was diagnosed with a sciatica and minor scoliosis which has made things as simple as laying on my side painful enough for me to have to take 1000mg paracetamol. It all happened whilst I was already (and currently still am) dealing with homelessness that has no signs of ending any time soon.
It's so healing to open up and be vulnerable about your disability. I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease at the age of 16 and have had 3 back surgeries and a knee surgery all before I turned 25. I was born with some shitty genetics and I'll have this old lady body forever.
I am not able to do a lot of what my friends can. I am currently in the process of getting approved for a mobility aid through my pain management. I don't need it every day, but like you, there were times where I got somewhere and realized I couldn't get home because the pain was so great. It's scary and upsetting. Especially knowing that others around me could cast judgement for me being so young.
You're so brave and such a bright light. Thank you for opening up
I know exactly what you mean. I have a chronic illness that makes me physically disabled and I struggle to do day to day things. I have had the same feelings about using mobility aids but that's what they are for after all, and there is no reason we should feel embrassed or ashamed for being differently abled people. I think you would really benefit from using a wheel chair or mobility scooter when you are going on bigger adventures. So that you can save up the spoons you have to be able to do the more adventurous things you enjoy doing, especially when alone and to keep you safe from falling and hurting yourself.
I've been watching you two for years and years, but I don't think I've ever commented before. I just wanted to applaud you, Steph, for finally getting a mobility aid. I know it will help you a ton. My partner was just diagnosed with severe osteoarthrosis in his hips, he has no cartilage left at all and needs a double hip replacement. He finally gave in a got a cane (colorful and polka dotted, like his personality!), which took way longer than it should have due to his internalized ableism. But, it's helped him tremendously. He still hurts, and can't always do all the things, but it has given him a bit of independence again while we wait for his surgery. I am so proud of the both of you, and you've got this!!
Thanks Steph for this open and vulnerable account. Having recently had a “situation “ So I know what it’s like walking through a minefield trying to hide things and blend in until I eventually stopped going out unless I absolutely had to. Thank goodness for Adam and your art
Needing a mobility aid as a young person is completely valid! I'm in my 20s, and I use the same type of walker that my grandma does, the kind with wheels that you push in front of yourself. Admittedly at first I felt embarrassed that I needed it, but then as soon as I went on my first long walk in 2 years, that shame faded away, and was replaced with such relief and an overwhelming thankfulness that I had regained some of my freedom. I had been slowly losing my ability to walk for years, so regaining that ability felt like a dream. It's still hard, and I still feel pain when I push myself beyond my limits, but I'm so much happier now than I was without my walking aid!
I've been a fan and try and watch every video of yours, art being the main thing. I became wheelchair bound 10 years ago when I was only 13 (I had been a walker user before than and very rarely needed my wheelchair). For years I beat myself up over it, that maybe if I did things differently I could be able to walk today, but really it didn't matter what I did, I was born this way and it would have happened at some point in my life. I'm now almost 23 years old, I have a great job to help others with disabilities and neurodiverse people, art being the biggest part of that job, teaching them how draw, like this channel has done for me since I was a kid! One thing I wish I learnt sooner than I did; it is okay to grieve your past self, it's healthy, you can reflect on that and help make your life more accessaible. I'm proud of you Steph for working on yourself and finding what's best for you now and as you carry on. I'm also proud of Adam for being able to help make both of your lives easier to transition into this new grey area of life. It will be scary, it will be fun, you will find new things that will amaze you everyday about your body and strength! Stay safe, loads of love to you both and the piggies!
I only recently was able to admit to myself that I was disabled and it's so refreshing seeing someone I look up to talking about this!! much love ❤
Stephanieeee!! I got diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome in Jan and it opened up my world and i fi ally had answers to all the issues ive been facing my whole life. At first when my doctor told me to get a wrist brace for when i draw, i felt like a total fool or like i wasnt trying hard enough. But seeing you with your brace and how open you are about physical disability that is way out of your control, ive been really comfortable with my EDS, a d i wear braces and straps when i need to, and i find that i validate my own disability more. So please, know that by sharing your struggles you are inspiring those in your audience to A) seek treatment and diagnostics, B) be realistic about the limits of a disabled body, and C) own that sometimes youre gunna need help and thats okay!.
Thank you steph, you really have touched so many lives, and i think about you and your inspirational journey almost daily whenever i face my own battles with my body. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When I was younger, I was able to walk miles without any issues, other than get a bit tired - I could be outside all day doing wildlife conservation work and then after tea in the evenings, take my dog out for a couple of hours. Thanks to problems with my back and my knee, I can't do that any more and even going to the shops is tiring. I also have to be careful about walking off road (on country tracks, in the woods, etc) now because I'm not flexible enough to get over rocks and tree roots that stick out. It's annoying and I also fear getting stuck somewhere because of the back pain, and my dodgy knee - you don't appreciate something until you can no longer do it.
I use both a cane and a wheelchair to get around. Feeling like you're somehow a failure for being disabled is something I struggle with a lot, myself. A good thing about mobility aids, though, is that they are a visual reminder to your friends and family that you need special considerations when you go out, so I think you'll find your outings easier from now on if simply for that. Just remember to rest often, and learn to allow others to do certain things for you (I still struggle with that too, lol).
Steph flinging the slime around was so funny! Patches made me want red peppers. Steph looks like she's glowing in this video! Always love seeing both of your beautiful faces. HOW DARE YOU NOT FILM ALL OF STEPH'S SWATCHES?!! You're wrong about Steph being the best at bugs and animals. She is, in fact, the best at everything. I've been rooting for Steph to get a cane for ages now!! I'm so mad the train platforms didn't have ramps! The worst experience with my disability I faced was being questioned by an officer than asked me why I was on disability (PTSD) and then he forced me to tell him WHY I have PTSD, making me relive it. Of course that's jelly beans compared to what Steph goes through. Steph is amazing, and she is disabled, and neither of those things are in spite of each other.
Your talk about your disability and your relationship with your aids is super relatable! You're not alone! I pushed off using a wheelchair to the point I couldnt leave the house (and even inside I had to be carried around some days it was so embarrassing). My wheelchair is so freeing, I can go out and about again, I can do more than I've been able to do in years and years. Also in way less pain (even when doing more). I remember getting stuck in the grocery store one day and I just started crying, ended up having to wait for 1,5 hours for someone to be able to pick me up and bring me home and that was a turning point.
Ive only discovered you just now due to this video, but I do want to say that I'm super proud of you for taking this step in taking care of yourself. Unmasking (be it neurodiversity or disability) is a hard journey, but I hope it can give you so much peace and freedom and joy ❤️
I masked my disability so long I conviced myself I could overcome it with "willpower".... then, I had a mental and physical breakdown. I quit my job and stopped forcing myself to live based on other peoples standards.
It makes sense why there's so much overlap with the art and disability community! Sending my love 🩷
One of my mottos in life is "I may not NEED help, but that sure would make it easier!"
I used to be a big stickler for denying help if I could do something on my own. Maybe trying to prove that I don't need help. But I've been trying to change that mentality. It takes time, but I started with how I respond if someone asks "Do you need help?" Instead of saying "No, I've got it", I might say "I could do it on my own, but some help would be nice, thanks." Saying that kind of thing out loud to others has helped me to internalize that mindset.
I'm autistic and had social therapy as a kid for years. Because I was bullied, I naturally started developing a mask and because of social therapy now, I'm so good at masking people don't even know I'm autistic.
I relate to you Steph on masking in front of friends, especially ones I meet in person. I try not to do that much anymore though! Please try ignore that mean voice in the back of your head! Your friends love and respect you, don't forget that :>
Friends who genuinely want to spend time with you are there to spend time with you. They will work with your needs if you speak up and help them understand what you need even if you can’t explain the why 😊 good friends only ask why to help plan in the future not to judge
Oh gosh Steph I totally get it! My disability is pretty invisible because it's all internal. I get winded easier than others and people just did not get that growing up. It basically meant I wasn't as active as other and boy fid did I get bullied in gym class for that!
On a lighter note. I hope the cane helps you get back to your normal activity level. And congrats on selling 100 copies of Dogs With Jobs, Adam!!
Yesss! This is the internet. It says "violet" in tiny print at 8.53. Wasn't able to paste my snip of the pen, but it's pretty clear in the video. Best of luck, Guys.
I'm so glad that you've gotten to a place where you feel more comfortable talking about your disability. You don't owe anyone information about your heath AND (not 'but') it's always nice to hear from other disabled folks. I finally got to a point where I accepted that I'm disabled and allowed myself to use mobility aids and it has made a world of difference for me. I wish I taken care of myself sooner because it may not have gotten this bad this soon if I had. I'm only 22 and i spend nearly every day in a wheelchair, but now I can do so much more than I could before and actually enjoy what I'm doing. I appreciate your content so much. Thank you for doing what you do
Dont know if anyone else has said it the mildliners do have the colour name on them 😊 Its very small you can see it at 8:54 the second line down of the small writing on the left it says 'Violet/Violet' ❤️
I too have a hard time with that mean inner voice, I hope you don't give it too much power. At this point in my life I've just been acknowledging the thought and then I try and remind myself that those types of thoughts aren't helpful and sometimes that helps. Love you guys, best wishes and your feelings are always valid!
Thank you for opening up about your disability. I feel so much less alone in my experiences.
I hope some helpful business watches this video and sends Steph a super cool and modern wheelchair or any othe things that can help you with your daily life. Or even someone who can provide you with a more friendly house. I've been watching your videos for ages and I know you both deserve it so much!! Greetings from Spain xx
i was one of the first people in my social circle to start using a cane and being vocal about my mobility issues. i don't have a particular diagnosis, just some bad joints and coordination, but i had a lot of similar hesitations and self-doubt moments at the beginning! i totally understand the masking thing- i honestly thought that everyone was in pain when they walked until people started telling me that it wasn't normal.
something that was very uplifting and validating to me was that a lot of my friends started opening up about their own struggles with me and felt more comfortable using mobility aids if they saw that i was using mine. sometimes id bring my cane even on good days just in case one of my friends ended up needing it. i think a really important lesson i took from that is that accessibility is not just for one group of people!! sometimes even people who identify as completely able bodied need an accessible space or a mobility aid just to get through a bad day. theres no shame in it and the more that it is normalized (especially by the people who have those doubts about "not being disabled enough"), the more people feel comfortable doing what they need to feel comfortable and safe!
steph, not only are you extremely valid, but talking about these feelings is going to help a lot of people who may be struggling with the same mindset- so thank you for your vulnerability and congrats on taking that step to help yourself!
also one of my favorite things to do ever is sit around and parallel play with my friends!! u are not a burden or a disappointment because you can't go out every day- good friends will have fun just being around you and doing nothin'!!!!
I'm proud of you Steph. When I was 45 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. 28 years ago. I absoLUTEly understand what you're saying. One thing that EYE, do at the end of each day, is list the things I accomplished that day. No matter how small. Maybe that would be a help to you. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing! You're so right: accommodating our disabilities can be hard at first. It DOES feel like "admitting I'm a failure because I couldn't beat this on my own. It IS difficult to advocate for ourselves, and to take on a new physical tool/aid adds a level of visibility that feels really uncomfortable at first. My life hack, my mantra when I'm feeling down about using my accommodations publicly, is taking myself, "I am a permission slip." For myself, for other people who are struggling, for other people who are struggling and don't realize that there IS a better way! I am a permission slip. To be weird, to stand out, to represent the change and destigmatization of my disabilities that I want to see in the world. So future generations might one day not experience the nasty voices in their heads like I do. Your use of any accommodation that helps you is valid, especially if it helps you have more spoons for the things you want to spend them on 💜
So I never comment on videos or really anything on UA-cam but I felt that I had to this time. I've been watching you guys since the beginning. A few years before that my hips and back basically deteriorated and I became disabled from a degenerative connective tissue disorder and began using a cane by age 18. Your videos kept me company through many sleepless pain-filled nights.
Listen. EVERYTHING you are going through, feeling, and thinking, is completely normal. It was a huge blow to go from being "abled" (masking, just like you said) to suddenly needing convenience devices. It is an incredibly hard transition, and even years later, I feel myself being frustrated that I have to use it. BUT! It has drastically improved my life. I am able to walk farther, be more independent, work a job I love, and actually be in less pain. You are going to be okay and if you feel you need a cane - then you do. They exist for you. You are valued and loved regardless of your disability status or your convenience devices. Be proud of yourself for this decision. A lot of people underestimate how hard of a decision it is to make.
This advice is completely unwarranted so please feel free to ignore it! I have found that collapsible canes are great for day trips where you may or may not use it, but bend and warp with more use. I would highly recommend having a non-collapsible option as well, just to allow your cane some more breathing room. Either way, you've got this.
i relate to a lot of what you (steph) said about disability and not feeling valid and not "really" disabled or disabled "enough" to justify being granted accessibility stuff.
i dont have the energy in me to form coherent thoughts rn but yeah, mood
its difficult to accept that yes, actually, i AM disabled, and I deserve accessibility as much as everyone else
Well done Steph, for getting yourself accessibility tools to to support your needs! It's a good thing, because you get to enjoy things for longer and it doesn't make you (or anyone else for that matter) a failure or something along those lines.
Get the help you need, take care of yourself and enjoy life 💜
Steph, you're a Spoonie! You should look into the bazillion groups who are just like you, with only a certain number if spoons, or rolls, as you put it. You are not alone ❤ I wonder if you've ever been evaluated for Ehlers-Danlos syndrome which is in fact very common in autistic people? Your symptoms sure seem to match up. It's such a relief to have a name for a crazy health problem. It took me years to get diagnosed with my autoimmune disease and once i did my problems seemed "legitimate."
As i write this the ice cream truck music is playing outside and j can't help but think how it would be fun to treat you both to an ice cream (i bet they have a pokemon one) and sit and chat. ❤
Just wanted to say I’m so proud of Steph for opening up about her disability! And admiting when she needs help which is imo very brave, and makes you stronger than most!
Tho that’s not to devalue your struggles, I hope for nothing but the best! And good on you for still going out when you can! I think it’s super important to keep doing that in manageable chunks bc I can’t speak for you but for myself and those I’ve known with various disabilities going out usually improves mental health too!
And when you can’t go out for whatever reason, sunlight and being by a window with sunlight pouring in can help boost moods and mental health too and still help you feel connected to the outdoors inside. 😊 (if that sort of thing helps you.)
Btw loved the art you made in this video sooo cute! 🫶🏻😊🥺
If Steph gets a snazzy hat that matched THE STICK, like with butterfly's or maybe flowers, it'd be so cute! maybe attract some cute lil critters
Thank you for sharing Steph ! After all those years my autistic brain wants to do so much more than my body can handle. Like last Saturday I went to an art workshop, took me 2,5 to get there with public transport and buzzy city walking, and on the way home I was in so much pain that I couldn’t walk home anymore. Now 2 days later I’m still in so much pain, so not fair. You’re so brave to use that mobility aid ❤
Really proud of Steph for opening up about her disability. The masking part is so real. I have autistic friends who have thought they were in mild pain and then turned out to have broken a foot or arm and stuff. So the masking thing definitely comes into play, its unfortunate because in the long run, if we had decided to get help for some of these things sooner it would be much better for us. Also, I just wanna say, you chose such a pretty cane! ❤️
I have that cane!!! But its black with the butterflies! :D It took me forever to admit I actually needed one but it has honestly been a lifesaver. I have hip dysplasia and the tendon on my right hip will "slip" over the bone and I lose the weight bearing capacity so I stumble or fall so having the stick helps me to offset that and makes it a lot safer. It was also very nice to see some STEPHASWATCHES! :D
*edit* you should definitely look at getting a blue badge as then the Taxi CAN drop you off right at the doorstep as the blue badge allows them to park on double yellow lines and such.
from one disabled artist to another, steph you are so strong and a true inspiration for talking about this stuff. you and adam have helped me since i was in freshman year of high school. i'm almost 22 now and still here because you two are just the greatest!! thank you for making such a safe space
❤❤❤❤ Thank you for sharing so openly about your disability, Steph! I hope hearing stories like yours makes me a better friend to the people in my life with disabilities ♥️
steph, I'd never heard of CPTSD until you talked about it on your channel. Years later, I was diagnosed with CPTSD. I remembered you have it and though I don't know you, knowing someone else had it and had love, art, and guinea pigs in their life made it less scary.
I hope the mobility aid gives you freedom! So much love
We love you Steph! I watched Doodle Date all the time around 6-7 years ago. I recently remembered the channel and came back to it. I’m so glad I did :)
Steph, I had no idea you had a disability and I want to let you know that as a viewer, I don’t feel any different about you :). You are a wonderful brave and talented artist and that’s what defines you
I used to watch you guys back in the day when i was "able-bodied" or at least pretending to be. You came back up on my feed today after i'd been out and about whizzing in my wheelchair. It all feels very full circle and i'm glad to be back. Kudos to steph!
It took me awhile to get over the "mean voice" in my head about mobility aids. It still pops up in the form of feeling self-concious, but I try to remind myself that the mobility aid gives me freedom and safety. Plus I went online and followed a lot of disabled and chronic illness creators and I start to feel more normal.
Hi Adam and Steph, I love your coloring book Adam. Steph, being disabled happens at any age. My 9 year old grandson is disabled. He has leg braces, a walker, a special kind of chair so that he can sit at the kitchen table. And he has a wheelchair for long distances. He was born with a congenital brain defect. I have a rollater which helps when walking. Disabilities happen to all kinds of people at sorts of ages. There is nothing to be ashamed about. The worst thing you can do, is to compare yourself to others. It is hard on your self esteem when you do that. So don't. Those who are worthy don't care if you need devices of any kind, and those that think you shouldn't use them are not worthy.
Steph just know that if they love you they will understand that you need to rest to regain your strength to keep going! This past year I have been struggling with my legs. I can't go up stairs anymore like before. It is hard to think how something I thought was simple is making me struggle and trying to avoid stairs. I went to the doctor but they blame my shoes 😑 I've tried a variety of shoes and it is still a struggle to walk and go up stairs. I do the masking to especially because no one has told me what I have exactly but I know it isn't normal. So hang in there! ❤
I also have autism and fibromyalgi and have been walking with a walking stick for almost 3 years now! Your feelings are so valid and I can really relate to your experience! My advice is: hang in there, always take that elevator instead of the stairs if you can, use noise cancelling headphones even when you are having conversations with other people (it's not rude to be comfortable!), and check if a museum or another place you are going to have wheelchairs you can borrow! Take up space, you deserve it!! ❤🌻 I love that you got a stick that looks so beautiful, I get compliments for mine all the time and I know you will too!! 🥰❤️❤️❤️
I have also waited too long to seek out getting a mobility aid for the same reasons for years, and now it's a situation where it's too late and i'm waiting months & months for a custom wheelchair from insurance while being unable to get around my house let alone OUT. so pursuing it as soon as you're contemplating it is the best way to take care of yourself. i know tons of disabled people will resonate with what you're saying, so thank you for sharing!
I used to watch doodle date all the time when I was younger, and all of a sudden I get this video in my recommendations. My heart is so full!!!
I hope life has been treating you both well ♥️
I don't really leave comments on videos and stuff, but as someone who's also struggling with my disabilities and struggling with accepting how my life has changed, this was insanely relatable. And as someone who needs a mobility aid, sadly can't afford them atm, I struggle with that day arriving because I'm scared of finally "showing" my disability because of the stigma and almost being 26. I still struggle with rationing my spoons properly because I still see myself as more able bodied like before. You're not alone steph.
Thank you for sharing more about your disability. Please continue recognizing that you would never scrutinize anyone else in the way you scrutinize yourself. It’s important to interrupt that thought process and challenge yourself to give yourself the grace you give others. ♥️
I had to go through this process myself. It wasn’t from disability, but from a serious injury from a car accident and multiple spinal surgeries as a result. I still consider myself able-bodied, but pain is a daily part of my experience and it gets exhausting. I’ve had over a decade to process all of this, but in the beginning I had a lot of thoughts about it not being fair, me being too young, etc. Please recognize that those feelings are normal and that you are allowed to feel them. Just don’t get stuck in them.
Awe, I miss watching your videos. I wish you the best of luck, Steph. It's very brave of you to come on and talk about your disability. 🐛🐛🐛
I'm also autistic and chronically ill and I'm 20, and I've had a walking stick for just under a year. I totally understand it being difficult to get a mobility aid, even if you're born with ypur disability. Obviously I don't know your exact diagnosis, but I've also had joint issues since birth and I've been coming to terms with it and unmasking it along with unmasking my autism.
I can totally relate to these emotions you're feeling. It's by no means an easy journey, but you've hot this (especially with some moral support from Adamo). Well done for taking the step to get a stick and to open up about it too. Thankyou!
Sending all of my love! I got my first cane and crutches recently because of chronic pain and fatigue and those feelings of defeat and trying to hide your disability are so hard. I'm lucky to have some really understanding and lovely people around me, and learning how much more I can do with my mobility aid is amazing. Canes can be freedom and we love them for that!
I have chronic pain all the time, I have fibromyalgia that appeared after I finished fighting cancer. I know how you feel and I’m still avoiding the cane but I really don’t go out anymore. You have given me the strength that it’s ok to use a cane. I love you both so much and the piggies too, you both got me back into doing art and your channel always brightens my day, thank you for making your videos👍👍❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m glad to see that you’re working through those voices that say you’re not enough because of your disability or that you should be “better”. As someone who was born disabled and didn’t find out until they were 16, I have a lot of thoughts like those. I think a lot about what I “should” be able to do. I used to be able to do a lot more and it’s still really hard to accept that sometimes I need my wheelchair. Sometimes I just can’t go somewhere. Sometimes my experience is gonna look different from an able bodied person’s experience. It’s encouraging to see you doing what you can and learning! I hope you have a good day :) ❤
Your cane is beautiful and it's very cool that it folds up so you can stuff it into your purse or pocket once you get where you're going. Please never feel bad about using it or any device, because these devices are your keys to freedom. At least that's how I look them.
Hey Steph! I just wanted to comment and tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve had a back issue for a while and I’m working through that “I’m too young for this” or “I didn’t need aids before” mindset too. Your aids are NOTHING to be ashamed of and if it helps you please use it. You don’t deserve to live in pain. We all support you and the cane is very nice! I’ve been thinking of getting one myself so seeing you with one that looks so pretty is super awesome.
Thank you Steph so much for being willing to talk about your mobility and your inner thoughts about your disability. My fiance(e) and a couple of my friends really struggle with some of the exact thoughts you had about feeling like using a cane or other mobility aid was “giving up”. Our brains can be so so mean, but if it’s any consolation, sometimes I find it helpful to remind myself that some of the mean things my brain tells me are just it trying to keep me safe from dangerous circumstances or people. It’s similar to masking in a way, but more internal. Your thoughts about not feeling like your struggles are “bad enough” to warrant using an aid may not be correct, but they might be a reflection of the sorts of hurtful things youve seen other people say about disabilities, and your brain doesnt want you to be hurt by those people in the same way.
So glad that Adam has the legal sanction to take care of a lot of things for Steph! I hope the cane will help make more things possible or even just give the comfort of knowing that if she does have to push herself she'll at least have it.
Hi Steph and Adam, thank you Steph for talking about disability. I had a car accident when I was 24 years of age and I have to use a walker and occasionally a stick on and off sometimes even a wheelchair and I understand how you feel I always have a voice in my head saying well you could do this you could do that I also used to fear people looking at me however now I know that it’s just a helper to keep me independent and actively doing the things I still want to do and there’s no shame in that. Thank you for also not hiding the disability away because people like you and myself shouldn’t have to be shut away from society, but included.
also i know there are different kinds of canes and walkers depending on your mobility needs and sources of pain, so if this one doesnt work as much as you hope, keep trying with a different kind, or ask your doctor for a recommendation
Ah Steph I feel super bad for you, I know what the struggle is like. I’m 21 and got a condition diagnosis at 19, it was super hard to deal with. I’d definitely suggest therapy for it if needed, it helped me. I understand your frustrations though, not ‘looking’ disabled and not ‘being old enough’ to have a disability
Justsomeratz here from twitch/discord to say NEVER push yourself for us. The ableist people are the ones who have implanted this mindset of feeling with inadequacy as disabled humans. You using an aid is so good for you and your body and that’s all that should matter; your health and your happiness is number one. Having rest and a cane is awesome and keep doing it. As an autistic person I completely understand that masking aspect as well as disability. It’s like life kinda makes you feel really bad for needing help, but your disability fam has you. ❤much love and healing on your journey to allow yourself to be gentle with YOU! That’s important.
im 23 and have had really bad arthiritis since I was probably about 16, ive just recently started using a cane to get around the house on my bad days. I haven't gotten the courage to take it in public yet because im worried people will assume i dont need it since on the outside i look fine. I really appreciate steph talking about her needing a cane, it takes so much courage to be open about it. i feel like its given me a bit more bravery and self-compassion to use mine as well :)
I’m 26 and I frequently have break downs about my health. I will be bed ridden for days and I feel useless, as 26 it’s not fair to be in such bad health. I see everyone else in my age doing such big things and know I can’t do it but I have to remind myself it’s ok. I have to make the best of my situation and I’m not alone. I have people in my life that love me and support me. Thank you for opening up and showing representation it’s very important to show us we aren’t alone.
Zebra brand also make mechanical colored pencils! I love them for on the go. I take them in my pencil bag when I go to the dr and such to doodle and color.
Usually I watch sooner on Sunday but I've had a big stressful day so I saved it for winding down for bedtime- about 10:30pm here rn and I'm so glad
Hi art friends :)
The color name for the Mildliner pens is listed on the barrel, just below the line of text that says "brush pen". Hope this helps any color blind friends :)
The mildliners should have color names on the barrel in tiny little writing somewhere!
COLOUR NAMES FOR ANTS OMG
@@DoodleDate yes very much so 😭
as a special education teacher who is educated on and sees all kinds of disabilities, visible and invisible:
It's as normal as glasses! Your eyes just need a little help doing their job. Why can't your hips need help doing their job? Sometimes you need a blanket because your body needs more warmth than it's got available. Why can't the same be with mobility?
Also- self advocacy is a skill that you have to practice. Remember that assertion of needs is NOT burden, NOT aggressive, and NOTHING to be ashamed of.
Practicing conversations or phrases is also helpful with autism. "Can we stop for a moment?" "Hold on one second- I want my cane!" (Or better) "Hmmm. Stick time." "I think one more shop and we should head home." "Can you help me ---?"
I have also seen it helpful to personify the aid- name it a fun name, game-ify it a little. It becomes a helpful little friend to lean on rather than an object you HAVE to use. It might be more fun to think "sticky to the rescue!" Than "ugh I have to use this thing" etc.
Aww, hugs. I have chronic health issues (IBD is the main one), and my stamina is limited too. My sister, though, almost certainly has POTS (working on a diagnosis), and her stability has gone downhill over the past couple of months. The family worked hard to get her moved from the bedroom above the barn (with no bathroom and stairs dangerous for someone who's unstable) to renovate my brother's old bedroom (he got married in the summer & moved out). Now she's across the hall from me, and I can hear if she falls or needs help, there's a bathroom right here, and the house stairs are wide and safe (relatively speaking--sometimes she can't do them at all). Anyway, I mention her because she's going through similar mental things as you as she's trying to get approved for a walker--the kind with a little seat on it. It's weird being 30-something and needing a tool usually associated with 80-somethings... but on the other hand, it's a blessing such things are available. And potentially life-saving.
I think it does have a really tiny colour name, I saw the purple one Adam was holding said violet in REALLY TINY letters, easy to miss
IT DOES OMG I completely missed it!
Also disability masking and imposter syndrome and mobility aid stigma are definitely real things. As an autistic and "young" chronically ill person, I relate so much to Steph on so many levels. Watching other disabled creators online has helped me to start unlearning some of the crap thoughts we have about ourselves from internalized ableism, but it's a whole journey and it can be hard and stressful being around people who don't really understand what you're going through
Also I think you guys would like the channel Complicated Knots, she's been playing Pokémon games (including Soul Silver randomized) and designing a crochet pattern for each one she catches, it sounds like something you'd find fun :) some patterns might be a bit tough for a beginner to crochet but in general she's got a lot of cool patterns and I've been hyperfixating on the channel for like a month lol.
I hope the butterfly stick helps you to feel a bit more secure and comfortable while you're out, I know it's hard trying to adjust to body being able to do less than we would ideally want it to
Swatching swatching swatching!!!!!!
Loved watching steph have a play with those mildliners *chef's kiss
16:58 hearing that story of the way you felt getting stuck on the platform brought me to tears Steph! I have mobility issues too, I had to have 5 surgeries on my thigh, and losing your mobility just really messes with your head, especially so young, i'm 18. When you described that feeling of being so stuck and feeling so useless, I related so much on a level of mental health too- it's not just the physical limitations, but you get mentally trapped too. Thanks so much for sharing
I can relate to you, Steph, with living with a chronic illness. It does take a lot of rest and a lot of energy to do the simple things that most people take for granted daily. I've also had a hard time letting myself use a wheelchair to get around the zoo. Just so I wouldn't flare up for weeks. I always feel guilty using it even though I (we) are all valid to use it too. Invisible illnesses are so tough to get people to understand. Because on the outside we look fine.. but on the inside, we are miserable with all we do. Thank you for sharing your illness with us. I also love your interpretation of the dice rolls or the disabled mario party. That's definitely 💯 true description of it! Steph,sending lots of healing hugs your way. Adam, lots of good vibes to you for being so understanding and caring to Steph. Your videos help get me through some of my rough days. Thanks so much to the both of you for being so awesome!