Relationship Advice Blogs? | Doug Wilson
Вставка
- Опубліковано 18 жов 2024
- In this episode of Ask Doug, Pastor Doug Wilson answers a question about his series of letters to a fictional nephew surrounding relationship advice.
Watch the blog series here: • Life in Girl World | D...
For more from Doug, check out his page on Canon+
mycanonplus.co...
Ask Doug is presented by Canon Press.
Watch the blog series here: ua-cam.com/video/2R17n_HFIc0/v-deo.html
To the young single from an old single, be aware 90% of relationship advice is wrong and very bad, unless the person is happily married. Doug Wilson is a great example of who to listen to. Ask couples who have been together a while for advice. Ask old singles like me what doesn’t work.
As another old single, I understand where you're coming from. The people who gave me the worst relationship advice were my parents and grandparents. All my friends growing up (and I was a social outcast, so the number of my friends was small) were in the same boat as I was. My understanding of what women are like was so far off, it's pitiable. I never got any good advice until about five years ago, when I started seeing it on UA-cam. I'd never heard anybody talk like that in real life before--but it was far too late for me. I was already an old man by that point.
Unless the single you’ve gone to for advice is telling you advice from happily married Christians... Second-hand relationship advice, so to speak.
All I'm saying is this: "Dear Dawson" needs to be put in book form!
Hmmm...
It's called the book of Proverbs 🤣
... But you're right, that would be great
I would buy it
It already exists in a 4-volume series called Rational Male.
@@CanonPress please!!
When dominance is destructive, everything it builds is too. We are so thankful for the strong, constructive men building things that will last. Thank you for working so hard on such good content!
We appreciate you Doug and Ben! Cheers from Montana
I love your state!
I am many decade younger than Pastor Doug and I also got married at 22. My husband and I were mocked by almost everyone (except our parents) and told we should wait. 🤷🏼♀️
Same here. Married at 21, had children immediately, and were told we would end up in poverty.
I was adamant on being married to my husband (one and only boyfriend) at 19-20 years old and a lot of older people (30s-40s) often told me to date around before settling down otherwise I'd regret it 🤨 kinda weird
In my social circles, it’s often the men who are indeed initiating relationships and seeking marriage. Unfortunately, it seems most often to be the women who are afraid of commitment, unsure of what they want, etc. Not that it’s an excuse, but I can see how after many times of being rejected, men might be tempted to become depressed and retreat into themselves. There is definitely a sad dynamic at work in our culture that requires much prayer.
If your a man you wouldn't want to get married any way it's modern slavery.
@@greenghost6416 So if you WERE married to someone, and your spouse asked you to take out the garbage, would you do it because you were a slave or would you do it out of spontaneous love?
I find it weird how people equate a good relationship to slavery. Marriage implies commitment to a cause that not only serves the individuals in the relationship but a higher cause that is the relationship.
This ^ Aquila is on point.
@@kennorthunder2428 I think he's more talking about how your wife could screw another guy and then take your kids and half your net worth, whilst enjoying the acclaim of the culture and the tolerance of the feminist Church. Young men aren't so worried about taking out the garbage when we talk about modern slavery.
@@MrBolshevik17 that’s exactly what hes talking about. The commenter needs to read your reply to them.
Thank you for doing the dear Dawson series Doug, it's been very helpful information as a guy in college. Having a hard time finding someone, but hopefully I can put your advice to use soon.
Pastor, thank you for bringing up the active war against masculinity. I myself am currently unmarried and turning 30 very soon, but I very much desire to be and not even a couple of years ago was on track to being married before things went south. I constantly hear the blame being assigned solely to the men for "not getting out there and asking" or "not taking initiative" or what have you while the women are sitting around listening to their biological clock ticking. While I do agree that there is definite blame that we have to own (the prevalence of pornography and videogames are a big issue), the fact is that men today are belittled from birth so that they no longer act like men because it is "toxic, misogynistic" etc. The fact is that modern feminism has slowly but surely infiltrated the church and now the women are miserable because they were told "focus on a career first, forget men" and now no men want a 30+ year old woman with bunches of letters after their name because they are past their primes. And we are being blamed for it.
I'd blame professing female Christians the most since they date non-Christian men and then after they've already made their "whoops" with multiple of them and "repent" of it, after 30 of course, they expect a Christian male to just accept it.
Douglas McNay, I"m glad you mentioned this side of the story because it can be true in some cases. But let me share with you the other side as well. I am female, married at 19, fast forward 15 years later and 3 kids, hubby committed adultery and divorced me against my will (I forgave him and he still divorced me) so he can be with another woman that is old enough to be his mom. This is not unique to me, I am church going (Presbyterian) woman and have lots of stay home mom friends who homeschool. About half have major issues with the husbands either cheated or porn addicts and/or domestic violence, although they are all still married and working things out (praise God!), except me, I'm the only divorce in the group, sadly. Can you blame women who want a career considering the culture is about 50% divorce? Both sides are failing, men and women, and both sides have saints who are often the ones suffering and praying in these tragedies. Wherever you see much evil, you got to start wondering if there is indeed some child of God suffering and praying in the middle of the tragedy, because often there is, and these sufferings are far from in vain.
@@christianmama2441 When identifying Christians, you look at their fruit and not their profession of faith. Looking at their profession of faith is useless since you can have a dead faith. A true Christian will have good fruit. This is the issue that causes the problem I stated above.
Single man in my late 20s here. Thank you for this
Rock n roll man
Speaking as an attorney it's more common than you think for men to get married, have children then after they go to college for the wife to get a divorce ie no contest divorce and say pay me for the rest of my life. So there is an unfairness written into the system. It's come to the point where you need a contract prior to marriage.
Are you really an attorney? I find your failure to use necessary commas disconcerting. But you are kind of right. Back when society and the law treated marriage correctly, a prenuptial agreement was unnecessary. Now that things have gotten out of whack, it's no surprise that prenups have sprung up as one response.
@@bigscarysteve If you're big and scary then yes I am an attorney. Apparently, one who doesn't care about commas.
Douglas Johnson, perhaps you're not familiar with cases of men who have money, get married, make a couple of kids, cheat on their wives, divorce them, pay child support, marry another woman, have some more kids, divorce that wife too and so it goes. These dudes often have their own businesses and are wealthy and it is a kind of polygamy for them, they simply do not care how much child support they have to pay because the States have upper limits and their incomes can absorb the pitiful child supports (multiple, from multiple marriages) they have to pay. The abuses with divorce are done by both, men and women, its not a women get away with it type of thing like you suggest.
@@christianmama2441 okay listen to the podcast again. the question is why men seem to be a strike and not getting married. Secondly i agree with you that but both men can women get divorced. I'm concerned with issues like lifetime alimony not child support which in most states ends at 18. Or how about a Woman that has a baby and just doesn't expect child support but a house, car, and income while she raises that child. meanwhile she parades men through the house.
All I’m going to say is I thought this was his real nephew the whole time 😂I’m stupid. Keep up the amazing work Doug.
As a single 35 year old but newly Christian man, I really do appreciate these columns. Though I have to say I’m feeling a bit hopeless and too old right now.
At 35 you're definitely not too old to get married. Not by a long shot. The real issue it seems, or one of the big issues, is the influence the secular culture has had on the Church and how this affects the attitudes of both men and women. With regards to women they definitely seem much more apprehensive about marriage, wanting to be "powerful women of the 21st century" blabbity blabbity blah blah. I suppose I'm largely thinking of feminism when I say this. Women are very strongly encouraged to not get married until their 30's after they've been solidly indoctrinated by the universities. The nuclear family is in apparent dire trouble as a result, also with a lot of help from the LGBTQLMNOP+ crowd.
My own imperfect opinion on being a new Christian at your age is being very careful and prayerful in finding a genuine believing woman who's sold out to Christ (meaning committed with all her heart). My own minor struggle over here in getting married (much older than you) is women who seem to have the attitude "Jesus is my boyfriend!". I'm certain this is a direct result of Hollywood culture and other secular influences. Maybe the young ones are like this, too. I want to tell them, "Jesus is not your boyfriend. He's the Risen Lord of Glory and the Creator of the Universe. God Almighty. The Alpha and Omega. When He tells us we're His bride it doesn't mean He's your personal fiancée with you two destined to be married and ruling over the rest of us."
I know you didn't ask for that advice. ha ha Mainly want to encourage you that it's not hopeless and you're not too old to get married. :)
Agreed. Im a 32 year old man who married a "Christian" woman at a "Christian" college when I was 20. 6 years later I had to deal with 2 rounds of false accusations and was divorce raped for thousands of dollars and my daughter. Now 6 years later, I still desperately want a family, but cant find a single woman to save my life who doesnt exhibit the same pathological tendencies. Im on the edge of giving up hope and terrified Ill never have a family. God's will be done, but I still cry.
@@highlightning6693 thanks, I appreciate the advice
@@Shadenir That's really sad to hear, especially because I honestly spend a lot of my days wishing I was raised a Christian and that I married young to a Christian woman like you did. I guess that can go bad as well...I'm sorry.
@@Shadenir I'm sorry that happened to you bro. God keep you.
Listening to these sermons about roles of men and women has definitely changed my life this past year. I'd been going to pentecostal churches all my life and they had nothing to offer on this topic. But then again those churches don't know anything.
I agree
If you gained any insight from this worthless drivel then I think it might be you who knows nothing
Excellent diagnosis for an ailing society. Alas, few have “ears to hear”.
I was expecting Doug to star talking about the Green Line theory, now that's an episode i'd like to see but most people aren't ready for that conversation.
Haha 😂
Doug’s “radical” sermons from 20 years ago play like descriptions of todays headlines.
Senator Hubert Humphrey was the most liberal member of Congress in the 1960's. Play his speeches today, and most people's reaction would be that he was a dangerous far-right radical racist.
I love the way you phrase the concept that you can't just turn off the cultural hostility that today's young people are steeped in. I'm finding the same to be true of childbearing. Trying to convince a young married couple to not follow the worldly wisdom about childbearing is almost impossible. Trying to communicate to anyone that "one and done" or "don't let the kids outnumber you" aren't Biblical principals is even harder. Trying to forge the lonely path of leading a large family when the culture thinks that's tantamount to wreckless insanity...well it requires a lot of grace and faith, and seeking out like-minded folks at least online. The cultural hostility has far more sway than we'd like to admit.
Thanks guys
In America it’s nearly impossible to live a comfortable life with the 1 man money maker and woman stay at home work. This becomes another issue where marriages could fall apart or come later in life. As a Christian I just think it’s a little annoying sometimes churches or leaders push the marriage thing or almost judge you for not being married so that means you’re not mature. It’s like every leader in a church has to be married or is seen not worth being a leader if they are not head of a household
Solid counsel for unmarried men. We need more civilization builders!
True words, Doug. As a 24-year-old adult, I realize that the 21st-century male figure is highly charged with an enormous need for professional success. I feel as if my personal goals are increasingly strict and selective, fueling this insecurity of looking for a partner and building a family at a younger age. The fear of failing as a man, as a husband, and as a father.
Has the Dear Dawson series been made into a playlist yet?
ua-cam.com/play/PLbaiRaGZC38wv__7L55HSt27jYK6kZ-Gb.html
I have been wondering if Dawson was fictional.
I figured he probably was since you would be unlikely to publicize the personal drama of a real nephew so freely, but I know a Dawson that fit the character so well that I actually asked him if he has an Uncle Douglas in Idaho. Needless to say he was surprised and amused at the oddly specific question.
CS Lewis’ Screwtapes is what got you
I'd like to hear your thoughts on the legal side of marriage as it relates to young men.
If it turns out your wife isn't the Godly woman you thought, you're liable for up to 50% of your assets, your home, and your income going forward. Access to your children and your liberty are also at risk. In addition, the young women you find in church tend to follow a depressingly repetitive pattern; a dose of college feminism, a humanities degree, and 30k of student debt, with some Bible tacked on. Looking at it rationally, it's a huge risk, with potentially infinite downside and uncertain upside. If marriage were a stock you would think twice before buying under the present legal dispensation.
i'll be getting married in such a way as to circumvent state oversight, in order to try and dodge this problem. i think it's entire conscionable for other christian men to do the same.
also, if you think it's unconscionable... that's still not an excuse to forego the creation mandate (should you believe it's still in effect, and i think it is). god didn't say following this command, or any of his, would be without trial, but he still expects us to obey. so just keep that in mind when you are considering the negatives.
and, like i said... don't get married by the state :)
@@xxxViceroyxxx not sure how it is in the States, but here (UK) we have a common law system so even if you live together as man and wife without the state licence you're still on the hook legally speaking.
Just for the record, I'm very much in favour of marriage but I think an unjust weight and measure has been introduced through the legal system which may carry more weight in young men's reluctance to get married rather than them just being deadbeat, promiscuous, or culturally disincentivised.
You're signing a contract that incentivizes and benefits one party for breaking it ...
@@MrBolshevik17 it will likely require things like regular change of address every few years, separate addresses for some time at regular intervals, and/or residing in states or countries that do not enforce common law marriage for the purposes of divorce.
it is doable though.
@@JonJaeden sad truth bro.
Well with that, this 28-year old single male is going to have to watch every installment again in one sitting just to make sure I didn't miss anything.
But now he's America's Uncle Douglas ❤️
Well said.
Yep, very true.
Wishing it weren’t, but that’s what parts of society want, and God help them, but God is going to show them the folly of their desires by giving them what they want.
I thought it was like the opposite of Screwtape Letters
Thank GOD that we have courageous Men like Doug Wilson in the Church! So many deceptions and falsehoods are being enabled and perpetuated today by those who profess the name of Christ.
Lol just realized the Rivelino green lines are in the thumbnail
Why buy the cow if you have to pay for the milk anyway?
So true… hungryyyy for God’s will for family and for me As A WOMAN.
Wait? The nephew is fictional?
I think it was Kevin Samuels that said "The problem we find ourselves in today is that men are taught their whole lives about how to treat women and women are taught their whole lives what to expect from men."
Scripturally, the husband has the authority and "power", but culturally and legally, women have all the power. And should men seek to exercise their authority, women threaten them with the authorities. Even many so-called "God-fearing conservative" women I talk to have a mindset that the man is supposed to reliquish all his hoals and aspirations for the sake of catering to her own goals. The same women who will say that Feminism poisons everything have bought into every lie that feminists make, minus abortion. If men are unable to be Biblical without receiving persecution from their own wives, then they will take the Paul route until further notice. They might be lonely, and the temptation for porn will be great, but at least they won't have a potential custody battle constantly hovering over their heads. Most men would rather not have kids than to have those kids held hostage.
“Your desire will be for (to rule over) him but he will rule over you.”
the Bible gives great relationship advice.
What do you think of pre university children having relationships. Is that Biblical?
Mary married Joseph at pre-university age.
@@zacdredge3859 Different cultural context. I was asking if it is wise in this day and age
Men are dominate I agree. And there r good and bad forms like u said.
As we have pushed God out of our society, what can we expect than to see the attack on the roles God had for men and women. God has made it abundantly clear that a husband and his wife should be the image of Jesus and the church. Of course the enemy would attack that. Genesis 3:16 is very clear on the division lines that would happen as a result of sin.
I feel so lost as a 27 y/o male. There’s nothing else I can say.
I am also a new Christian. I don’t even feel like I am truly a Christian. But I believe in Jesus and have given myself to him. But it’s hard because so many of my relationships are with non-believers. I feel lonely and I feel out of place when it comes to meeting new people in church communities. I fall back on old relationships that are no good. I know they are no good. But it’s just hard. Not looking for advice really, just wanted to vent a little. I really have no one to turn to besides Jesus. I’ll be praying as well.
Sometimes the Christan Walk is lonely and you might indeed have to cut off relationships that steal your joy from following Christ.. persevere and try meeting new born again Christan...all things will work out for good.
It was the same for me years back when I got saved .
Women can have men as their providers and protectors, or they can have men as their predators. This is the choice of women.
Wait Dawson isn’t real. Oh the lies
Here is an angle you may have overlooked... the female body count, as in women (not restrictive to attractive women) have had sexual encounters well into the double digits... and beyond. And do not think your evangelical church girl is exempt from this. There has been infinite ragging on men from every direction, but precious little as to teach young girls and women the value of chastity. I could go on for awhile. I just felt compelled to make this point...
I've heard that the historical average age of marriage is actually around 30, and our culture having it be closer to 20 is what was unusual.
I've also thought this and looking that, I also think it's more of a southern thing but idk for sure l.
When life expectancy for most people throughout history was 45? Come on--do the math--that doesn't work! Historically, the age of marriage has been closer to 14 for most of the world's history.
@@bigscarysteve That average is brought down by the depressingly large amounts of infant mortality that has been prevalent through history. If you can survive childhood and there are no wars in your lifetime, even a Stone Age caveman can live to a ripe old age.
😊💕❤️Nice 😊💕❤️ blogs 😊💕❤️ video 😊💕❤️
We women need real men.
Society has been on a crusade for decades to emasculate us through feminism. If you want to assign blame, there is plenty to go around.
@@douglasmcnay644 lol
What's funny?
@@douglasmcnay644 what’s funny is you blaming your celibacy on everyone else. The problem isn’t society. It’s you.
The truth is the truth, troll.
I wish I could even go to church with people my own age. People at churches I have seen are my parents age or grandparents. I wish I had the issue of lots of single women
It's almost as if Christian men should do what Christian men are supposed to do. Oh Snap! We're doomed!
Most men do not fully mature emotionally until ages 35-45. Some earlier, some later. While woman's sexual value is 20-30 years. As a 65 year old man, I grew at the beginning of the sexual revolution. There is much to be said about dating/ marriage. Read Isaiah 3. God gives us answers on how men and women have rejected the covenant of marriage. It doesn't end well.
Women's 'sexual value'... Zeke, really? Fertility peaks around 30 for males and female alike. Isaiah 3 gets really gross. That's where the Lord brings sores on the heads of the women of Zion, right? And threatens to make them bald, and take away all their accoutrements and possessions because they've been haughty?
Men are supposed to be dominant and women are supposed to obey. But even Doug is afraid to say that outright. And then he wonders why society is failing. Society fails when men fear women more than they fear God. So maybe stop fighting this rearguard action and continually losing and just stand up and speak the truth for once man.
WEIRD