Kodwa ladies, some of us are on the other side of the coin. Having a friend distance themselves from you after they get married also hurts. The fact that a single woman can automatically be labelled as a bad influence just because they are single is unfair and judgmental, especially when we've proved ourselves to be the exact opposite over years of friendship. Thank you so much for great content sis❤... triggering!😅
That’s also very cringe worthy because marriage is not the be all and end all. Yes it’s a good thing but just because of that, you cannot look down on people .
I have experienced this a few times. Imagine dreaming about your friends wedding forever kanti that very same thing you were praying for will separate you because some mama who doesnt know you said they shouldn't have single friends
Very interesting topic. I am a married woman myself and I did in some way experience the same. However ,I realized that as much as we've branched into a different departments to our friends, we do at times push our friends away. Just like in a normal friendship, if you have two friends and you're forever talking about the 1 friend(my husband this, my husband that),posting the one and cancelling your plans to be with this one, your other friendship will deteriorate because no one wants to be replaced or feel like they have to constantly listen to you rave about your "special friendship" ALL THE TIME. So as married women we need to sometimes be able to know when to be a wife, sister or friend. On the contrary ,our husbands don't shove their wives in their friends faces, they are friends when they need to be and become husbands when its necessary ,hence they are able to maintain their friendships effortlessly .
Yaaaaaas! This comment right here. Why are we women like that? And like you said, the men don't have the same energy for us😂😂 I recall literally thanking a friend of mine for referring to her husband by his name instead of "my husband this, my husband that" as if we don't know the guy. That time we've known him 7 years. Ha e sale Thabo, ke "my husband"😂😂
@@omphilemoerane2569 lol I'm an advocate for happy marriages myself ,but we as women sometimes like proving(unnecessarily ) to others (including our friends)that we are happy in our marriages. And it shouldn't be that way
You got it. N like the other lady said, the friendship breakups are worse than romantic 1s. Also they're not only broken by singleness n marriage, so I agree we really must pray.
Got married at 22 and most of my friends at the time were still single, they just vanished lol. At 23 i had my son with no friends and had post natal depression. I had never felt so lonely in my life. 5 years later, most of them are now married and they start looking for me lol, and yeah my hubby still has all his friends too
It's funny how we respect our friends when they take new roles whether being CEOs , going back to school, motherhood but we can't adjust to their role as the wife
Very enlightening video. Thank you. We're a group of 5 friends, and one is married with a kid, but we still get along and hang out. She's exactly the same person she was before she got married - just with different responsibilities. Her son has become our son too, and we're always happy for him to come along when we hang out (it's important for single friends should be accommodating). It also helps that her husband is chilled.
My sister-in-law shared this video with me after I posted a status on Whatsaap saying "Can I rent a friend, concerned hubby is asking me where my friends are and I have run out of answers". And he was very concerned since I lost two family members at the same month and there was no one for me. Thank you for this video it made me feel better. So it is normal for friends to keep their distance after marriage, yet I really don't see why they should. So I have been following you since then, I enjoy your content and the people you feature.
Interesting conversation. I have one friend who I grew up with that got married. I was that friend who thought “I should give them space”, she reached out ta me one day and said “I don’t know what’s going on in your life anymore, just coz I’m married, it doesn’t mean the friendship is over”.. I felt bad for cutting her off but I was so excited to know that she still values me as a friend and sister. And now we are cool. I think both the single and married friend go through a lot and we need ta communicate instead of assuming... What I found amazing though was that, as I grew older, i made solid friendships with other married girls (I found them married). As much as I’m very much single, I feel more connected ta them than my single friends.. At first, I used ta have a low self esteem, thinking that they’ll judge me for not having a husband and kids, but ta my surprise, they don’t even sit and think about my relationship status. They see me first as a human being, a friend and a sister and that helped with regards ta my confidence
Tjooo guys this topic! Iam unmarried and have experienced the loss too. I actually once put out a roundom post on FB the other day asking Married ladies why do they seem to disconnect from their single friends, trust me most of them came out and gave an indication that, they rather feel more safer talking to fellow wives, which they eventually befriends them😧😉,. For me really it painted a picture that, marriage life must really be stressful for a lot of people if the only thing that they will want to speak about is the marriage life, What about careers, spiritual life, social ,busines and ect that we used to relate on? I well agree that it may be truly safer to speak more with follow wives, especially on marriage challenges that need wisdom and experience but is that all about life guys?. Talking about this makes me realize that m actually still bit hurt, I mean these are people u used to pray with , have relationship talks with , u were happy for them through out the wedding journey and boom after the wedding iam just this baby that you can not longer relate with? So Yeh, the betrayal do happen in both way.
TRUTH ONLY 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏾 Single friends honestly remain as they were before. I'm also still hurt by married friends I guess 😅. I guess I swept it under the rug for so long. I mean I don't have friends anymore coz they almost all got married. I've been the 1 running after them to connect but I since got tired.
I hear you . It’s just that I cannot relate . Because my girls are not yet married but I cannot imagine them not imagine not being able to walk with them in every phase of my life . Again I’ll say . 2 different extremes. In this video we also wanted to point out that some of still want to keep our friends. Single or married !
Effort is needed on both ends. As a single friend who constantly reaches out to married friends I can say its hard.Married people just disappear on us and they isolate themselves from us single friends.Its also hard on us to adjust guys but we put in efforts that are never reciprocated and when we move forward we her labelled as the ones who "leave". It's so draining being the one constantly reaching out yhuu. Married friends push us single friends away.
Single friends are over analysed, everything you say is misconstrued, it's like they're waiting for you to be jealous or break their marriage cause you're single. That's why I stayed away from my married friend cause I was tired of walking on egg shells as the single friend.
Stunning video. Relatable content!! ❤️ It’s actually soooo childish! Really unnecessary but hey, we’re here and we need to deal with these issues, hence this video. 🙌🏾
Mrs M & Mrs M 😍😍😍 I felt this because one of my friends felt like we had abandoned her because she was married and she felt lonely for the first part of her journey without us. Well we did make up and speak about our assumed responsibilities. We were so happy that our assumptions were so far fetched. Thank you beautiful queens for this 😘😘😘
We must also look at what our families are secretly saying to our friends. I remember hearing my grandmother tell my cousins friends, who were also her bridemaids, that their friendship is basically over. She needs to be surrounded by married friends.
I relate so much to this topic. I lost friends after my wedding. The saying "You can do 99 things right and all people will remember is the one thing you did wrong" was so real. The hurt and disappointment lingered for months, but I kept it moving. The girls that were meant to stay are still here. I accepted that some friendships were only for a season.
I'm not married yet but I follow both you ladies and enjoy you guys so much. Your content is helping me grow even before I get married. Ngiyabonga bo sisi💕
This really hit home and i'm so relieved to know that its not just me. But thank God that my friends, although at some point did make those assumptions unconsciously, after having the conversation with them, they understood and apologized. No married girl friendships can ever replace the sisterhood that I have formed with my day ones, and its important to reassure them as well. And its even better that my friends know and respect my husband and our marriage. Thank you for the relatable content sisi.
I must say that as a single friend, I had many assumptions, thinking I'm doing my friend a favor by distance myself. Many times it's done for the wrong reasons. “Married people needs space" I gave my friend unnecessary space but through her reaching out & our communication we are still best friends.
Having single friends while you are married is okay. I think it takes a lot of maturity from both parties to realize that nothing has to change. Just like a relationship, a friendship requires work from both parties. It’s give and take. You can’t expect the friendship to work if you are not putting anything in it.
This hits home. I lost a childhood friend because of this. One day, she just decided to send me voicenotes saying I think marriage is every thing and iv made it an achievement. I was so heartbroken but I had to understand that we didn't speak the same language anymore. My whatsapp statuses about my partner and I offended her, so I saw fit to just cut her off
If someone has a new born baby, that is all they will talk about. If someone starts a new role at work they will discuss the joys and stress of it. How is marriage different? Can’t we just be happy for each other? Change is good and we should encourage our friends to evolve, grow, challenge themselves in different ways.
Thank you for this lovely chat bo Mrs. M❤ It's great to hear this from a wife's perspective. It's a very interesting dynamic to navigate through. I believe there are many reasons why the 'single' friends break away. Feeling left out is one of them - quite a few of my friends got married recently and I find that everytime we're in the group, they talk about all things marriage (sometimes even stuff that happens in the bedroom which can be a little uncomfortable when you can't relate). So you distance yourself (sometimes unconsciously) so that they have room to engage freely. Also, I think that we distance ourselves because we just have this thing in the back of our minds ukuthi you have a new family you're building so you probably don't have time for us, etc etc. This video has helped me understand that them having a life partner doesn't make me any less important in their lives. One of my friends recently reached out to me for a lunch date and I was pleasantly surprised, so sometimes the olive branch helps🙂
Very interesting. I have friends that are single, engaged and married. There are times when we relate differently, but they are valued all the same -some of them go waaaaay back. Communication is key.
It is really good to get a married woman's perspective on this, especially since we also tend to experience such as single girls from our married friends. I lost a tight friend a couple of years ago and after a number of attempts from my end to meet up and do something together, I gave up. I have to bring it back to the advise abo mama give women when they are about to become wives, a single friend is posed as a distraction to ones marriage without necessarily looking at the journey you've travelled with the particular friend and knowing how their intentions have always been pure.
Yhooo this is so valid and true . I am single but I have a friend who recently got married. I'm actually going to share her this video to see how she feels about this . So we are just aware as her friends should we ever make her feel in this manner . Thank you for this . Very informative. I learnt alot . Thank you Ladies
Often time when we change we hardly notice it especially when it's gradual... We need to be honest with ourselves and stop pointing fingers at the other party (single or married),it is normal that significant changes create drifts.. When you have a baby that's where your interest lies you don't even realise how much it's changed your life whereas your friendship may be based on nice-times, you relocate we drift apart.. It's normal. Also girls are generally complicated 😅 niyazi mos.
With the scenario of the "strict" husband as a friend I would advise that you keep the communication open and let your friend know and feel that you are still there for them irregardless of their situation.
I recently discovered you and I spent my day today glued to your old sit downs 😍 omg. This wife talk series is very relatable content. You are so beautiful ❤
The conversation we always have me en my girls , that we really don’t wanna loose each other even if we get married 1 day 🙏🏻🤗! Love u Buli en Ladylovebug🥰u both my favs
This is such a lovely chat... I once went to a wedding where the pastor told the best friends of the couple that the “friendship is over”. It’s then that I saw that it may be a societal expectation. It definitely should not be the case. 🤍
I recently learned that my mom's best friend was actually initially my aunt's best friend but they stopped being friends when my aunt got married because this best friend was still single. I'd never heard of anything more ridiculous 😂😂 Oh and the funniest part is, my aunt is divorced now so she basically lost her best friend for nothing 😂😂
It's maturity for sure, yes I am not married but I also have my boundaries and maybe I too don't want to go to Taboo too. Its really about maturity and timing too...ya ne its tough
I honestly thought there's something wrong with me, but after watching this video, I am glad I am not the only one who experienced this. I got married 5 months ago with 6 bridemaids (close friends), best believe I am no longer friends with 3 of them. I felt so bad, however, this video liberated me. It happens 🤷♀️ Looking forward to losing more friends 😂🤣😂 Side note : Can we have part 2 please!
Wow this hit home, thanks for sharing ladies i ended up letting go after trying to reach out for so long, till hubby told me to *let them go and let God* and i believe in praying for the people that come into our lives, God will send the right people, and when God is involved the respect and love will be there.
Im fairly new to your platform Buli. totally totally Loved this content. i re-listened a few times, I must say. Such relevant conversation here. It touched my heart and brought truths and experiences to mind as i watched. I am married befriended ladies in this time. I have experienced being placed somewhat aside as a "married person" a few times where without thought or even an ask - there would be assumptions made around me (that i cant be part in a sleep over, a visit, even a scenario that was outside of work-hour things) Fun things...i was brought to the realisation that this friend was not as close as i thought as she would have known my heart i guess. .. no, i did not confront her. i realised the closeness i had taken our friendship as was realistically not the level she saw it as. I can suggest to definitely carefully consider " managing expectations mutually " when one is not married and one friend is. It can help avoid lots of heartache, disappointment and bring clarity and clear boundaries for both parties. Excited for possible part 2. LOVED also seeing Lovely Lebo.
Thank you for this conversation. Friendships are important relationships and it's conversations like this that help us to be intentional in our friendships. It's awesome to get the perspective of married people in this area. You both look stunning by the way
Thank you for sharing, I recently got married and I needed to hear this and learn not be insensitive to my married friends or single friends. Love you ladies
This was an interesting video ladies thank you so much. I am the single friend and in my experience, once a friend gets married they distance themselves. Also there’s the part where the new bride is given advice by older married women “don’t be friends with single women because you now have nothing in common” I completely disagree with this but it’s definitely up to the individual to take the advice or not. There is the anomaly of married friends who do distance themselves because they are wives and moms and we single friends suddenly “don’t understand”. It’s tricky ☹️ We don’t wanna lose the friends but sometimes they wanna lose us. Thank you for the video. Love and light 💡
WOW I really enjoyed this and learned a lot. I really liked the last part when you said why is it that we make up with a boyfriend and be patient with bf but we are not with our friends. I just distanced myself from some friends this year because i asked myself the same question and i just got tired of always being the friend who always reached out as if this is my friendship alone.
That comment reminded me of the Khloe Kardashian - Jordyn Woods drama. People will cancel their best friends and forgive their boyfriends. Double standards.
I think it's how we are/ were socialized you even hear with speeches at some weddings where advice like your husband is now your best friend and visa versa are some of the root causes of why we lose our friends. This topic was so painful because hai we go through the most on the journey to becoming a Mrs. Still wondering how we can bridge the gap between both sides. Definitely in need of a follow up or part 2 of this conversation❤️😩
This was very interesting. I lost friends after I got married and I assumed it was the distance though I was trying to keep up on my side. Ended up letting go recently though I've been married for over 6 years because some of the friendships were very one sided. It's interesting to learn that it can be caused by just being married and not necessarily the distance
I enjoyed this conversation so much ❤️ Thanks for addressing this ladies. I'm not married, nor do I have any married friends, but this was very insightful.
I generally think the ladies are a problem.. From my own experience, one of my married friends cut ties with me the single friend 😢 I obviously understand that she is in a new role but it's sad we had to lose our friendship in the process.
My reality. Its the other way round. Married people believe they're busy or something. Like they only want u if u're married otherwise u dnt meet the standard 🤷♀️
yep not always the friends giving space we are replaced with other married ladies . Some ladies assume now that they are married they cant relate with single ladies. It is what it is
Thank you for such an insightful video, we really need to have these conversations more often. Btw this deserves a part two 😉 we are definitely learning a lot here.❤❤❤❤
New here and I love the content. So imagine this, I was the 1st of my friends to get married and 11 months in the marriage broke. I was depressed and with a new born baby….. jus imagine how that experience would have been had I been disconnected to my friends after getting married! My friends were there for me throughout the process and I am very grateful for that and for them. A lot of us believe in the your spouse should be your best friend etc but it is important to have your people in your corner that we’re there before it all, that are still there and will still be there regardless….
I honestly give my married girls space because I assume they need to focus on their families. But I see now that my approach is wrong. Thanks for this.
I agree with both of you, you do not have people be involved with the process or the day expecting it to a send off. Yes you're stepping into a new role, but you want to journey with them still. I didn't have bridesmaids but I have a very small intimate wedding so I was intentional about who was there to celebrate with us. I wanted those closest to me, people who had been a part of my life, different phases of it and I believed would continue to be a part of it even in this phase...
I couldn't have said it better. I've only been married for 3 months but i've gone through this already. I felt sidelined and not "fitting" anymore, but i sat them down and told them how i felt and that im still the same. So should this happen again i will know that it's what they have consciously decided to do, so i can take a step back. PS: Im open to newly weds clubs in jhb.🙃just putting it out there lol
Hey hey gorgeous! You remind me so much of Mariam Miss, you’re glowing and I appreciate these talks (all your videos) so much! I lost so many friends along the way and as much as I miss them, I feel like it was for the best. My lifestyle truly doesn’t always allow me to maintain the friendships fully because I move away a lot...like a lot!!!
I have been waiting for this topic. 💃💃💃💃 I was so vocal on Insta😃😃😃 Let me watch. I really enjoyed this. We never realise how much we hurt each other and that's made more by lack of communication. This was fun and informative.
It hurts so much, till this day my hubby still has his friends and even added. I have NO friends at all except my daughter and my husband's brother's wife
Lost a lot of friends and still loosing acquaintances but Im really no longer phased ,as I realized where my stance is and some females are just full of bs , and also admitted to myself that nami I have my own vibe that may not agree with certain people...I also believe that letting people go gives you so much peace 💚
Towards the end of the video... I was thinking is there a need for us married girls then to have "Th talk" with our single friends. But have one with regards to marriage. To talk to them about friendship and the dynamic in marriage.
Sorry MsLadylovebug for yr friendship breakups those r hectic, had bestie breakup, the lady didn't have my best interests at heart&was clearly jealous of my new phase as she dreamed of it too n I thanked God for removing her in my life. But I have both single& married girls n it's dope, one thing for sure I don't discus married stuff with my single girls no hate
Funny how I went through this during my engagement 😃 Lesson learnt. We heal. We move. This content is what we need. I love your channel Buli. ❤️🌸 You’re so amazing.
Well it depends on the type of people you be friend. I for one is not married and most of my friends are and we are still tight and our friendship is still growing.
Relatable content! I also don’t like being in a space where I’m not wanted. If yal wanted me there in the first place, yal would’ve invited me. Now things have to be awkward cos you forced yourself in things you weren’t initially invited to, and you actually sense the energy that’s always off. It sucks!
Lol relatable content. This whole levels thing is really silly honestly. Being married is a level? A former friend used that line on me as well and I just thought, I'd rather you address the real reason why things are as they are and not make it about me getting married. Ey... We move.
I think if the husband is difficult like that as a friend i wouldnt let go of the friendship instead I’d check up on you over the phone and chat when we can and that will be our friendship But only if my married friend tries and the conversations are not always one sided
Never really struggled with this, maybe its because i have very fewer friends and we have never been"let meet up"kinda friends. My biggest friends are my sister - i have 5 siblings and all girls so all my life i have received friendly love from them and expects less from friends. This is interesting to watch ladies
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Kodwa ladies, some of us are on the other side of the coin. Having a friend distance themselves from you after they get married also hurts. The fact that a single woman can automatically be labelled as a bad influence just because they are single is unfair and judgmental, especially when we've proved ourselves to be the exact opposite over years of friendship. Thank you so much for great content sis❤... triggering!😅
Yeah 4 me this is the common 1... them looking down on you for not being married. Im sick n tired of that.
And this is also true sis. Yes I agree that there are women who disappear completely and focus on their new husband. So yes that definitely hurts.
That’s also very cringe worthy because marriage is not the be all and end all. Yes it’s a good thing but just because of that, you cannot look down on people .
@@achatwithgoitse you know when they start giving advise about what you need to FIX 2 seconds after being married🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I have experienced this a few times. Imagine dreaming about your friends wedding forever kanti that very same thing you were praying for will separate you because some mama who doesnt know you said they shouldn't have single friends
hey gorgeous ladies!!! i have fomo for this meet. love yall!
Thank you for watching love 💕
Very interesting topic. I am a married woman myself and I did in some way experience the same. However ,I realized that as much as we've branched into a different departments to our friends, we do at times push our friends away. Just like in a normal friendship, if you have two friends and you're forever talking about the 1 friend(my husband this, my husband that),posting the one and cancelling your plans to be with this one, your other friendship will deteriorate because no one wants to be replaced or feel like they have to constantly listen to you rave about your "special friendship" ALL THE TIME. So as married women we need to sometimes be able to know when to be a wife, sister or friend. On the contrary ,our husbands don't shove their wives in their friends faces, they are friends when they need to be and become husbands when its necessary ,hence they are able to maintain their friendships effortlessly .
Yaaaaaas! This comment right here. Why are we women like that? And like you said, the men don't have the same energy for us😂😂 I recall literally thanking a friend of mine for referring to her husband by his name instead of "my husband this, my husband that" as if we don't know the guy. That time we've known him 7 years. Ha e sale Thabo, ke "my husband"😂😂
Love love love this! You hit it right on the nail.♥️
This comment is boss👊
@@omphilemoerane2569 lol I'm an advocate for happy marriages myself ,but we as women sometimes like proving(unnecessarily ) to others (including our friends)that we are happy in our marriages. And it shouldn't be that way
What I learnt here is that it's important to pray for our friendships... Can we get a part 2😭
You got it. N like the other lady said, the friendship breakups are worse than romantic 1s. Also they're not only broken by singleness n marriage, so I agree we really must pray.
I agree. Part 2 please!
So true
Yes to Part 2 please!!!
So true.
Got married at 22 and most of my friends at the time were still single, they just vanished lol. At 23 i had my son with no friends and had post natal depression. I had never felt so lonely in my life. 5 years later, most of them are now married and they start looking for me lol, and yeah my hubby still has all his friends too
Shuuu 🥴😔... if your heart is open , and wants them back then welcome them back. If not , release them in love .
It's funny how we respect our friends when they take new roles whether being CEOs , going back to school, motherhood but we can't adjust to their role as the wife
True.
Very true
Very enlightening video. Thank you. We're a group of 5 friends, and one is married with a kid, but we still get along and hang out. She's exactly the same person she was before she got married - just with different responsibilities. Her son has become our son too, and we're always happy for him to come along when we hang out (it's important for single friends should be accommodating). It also helps that her husband is chilled.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
My sister-in-law shared this video with me after I posted a status on Whatsaap saying "Can I rent a friend, concerned hubby is asking me where my friends are and I have run out of answers". And he was very concerned since I lost two family members at the same month and there was no one for me.
Thank you for this video it made me feel better. So it is normal for friends to keep their distance after marriage, yet I really don't see why they should. So I have been following you since then, I enjoy your content and the people you feature.
I wish you can have another video where you bring your single friends to speak for themselves too. It would actually be nice.
Interesting conversation. I have one friend who I grew up with that got married. I was that friend who thought “I should give them space”, she reached out ta me one day and said “I don’t know what’s going on in your life anymore, just coz I’m married, it doesn’t mean the friendship is over”.. I felt bad for cutting her off but I was so excited to know that she still values me as a friend and sister. And now we are cool. I think both the single and married friend go through a lot and we need ta communicate instead of assuming... What I found amazing though was that, as I grew older, i made solid friendships with other married girls (I found them married). As much as I’m very much single, I feel more connected ta them than my single friends.. At first, I used ta have a low self esteem, thinking that they’ll judge me for not having a husband and kids, but ta my surprise, they don’t even sit and think about my relationship status. They see me first as a human being, a friend and a sister and that helped with regards ta my confidence
So good !
This is so positive. They are keepers!
Tjooo guys this topic! Iam unmarried and have experienced the loss too. I actually once put out a roundom post on FB the other day asking Married ladies why do they seem to disconnect from their single friends, trust me most of them came out and gave an indication that, they rather feel more safer talking to fellow wives, which they eventually befriends them😧😉,.
For me really it painted a picture that, marriage life must really be stressful for a lot of people if the only thing that they will want to speak about is the marriage life, What about careers, spiritual life, social ,busines and ect that we used to relate on?
I well agree that it may be truly safer to speak more with follow wives, especially on marriage challenges that need wisdom and experience but is that all about life guys?.
Talking about this makes me realize that m actually still bit hurt, I mean these are people u used to pray with , have relationship talks with , u were happy for them through out the wedding journey and boom after the wedding iam just this baby that you can not longer relate with? So Yeh, the betrayal do happen in both way.
TRUTH ONLY 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏾 Single friends honestly remain as they were before. I'm also still hurt by married friends I guess 😅. I guess I swept it under the rug for so long. I mean I don't have friends anymore coz they almost all got married. I've been the 1 running after them to connect but I since got tired.
I hear you . It’s just that I cannot relate . Because my girls are not yet married but I cannot imagine them not imagine not being able to walk with them in every phase of my life .
Again I’ll say . 2 different extremes. In this video we also wanted to point out that some of still want to keep our friends. Single or married !
Effort is needed on both ends. As a single friend who constantly reaches out to married friends I can say its hard.Married people just disappear on us and they isolate themselves from us single friends.Its also hard on us to adjust guys but we put in efforts that are never reciprocated and when we move forward we her labelled as the ones who "leave".
It's so draining being the one constantly reaching out yhuu. Married friends push us single friends away.
Exactly my thoughts. Who dissappears first and when do married friends realise that their "friends" have disappeared.
Londiwe I agree with you. I experienced the same thing sometimes its not single friends that are a problem.
Single friends are over analysed, everything you say is misconstrued, it's like they're waiting for you to be jealous or break their marriage cause you're single. That's why I stayed away from my married friend cause I was tired of walking on egg shells as the single friend.
Stunning video. Relatable content!! ❤️
It’s actually soooo childish! Really unnecessary but hey, we’re here and we need to deal with these issues, hence this video. 🙌🏾
Mrs M & Mrs M 😍😍😍 I felt this because one of my friends felt like we had abandoned her because she was married and she felt lonely for the first part of her journey without us. Well we did make up and speak about our assumed responsibilities. We were so happy that our assumptions were so far fetched. Thank you beautiful queens for this 😘😘😘
We must also look at what our families are secretly saying to our friends. I remember hearing my grandmother tell my cousins friends, who were also her bridemaids, that their friendship is basically over. She needs to be surrounded by married friends.
I relate so much to this topic. I lost friends after my wedding. The saying "You can do 99 things right and all people will remember is the one thing you did wrong" was so real. The hurt and disappointment lingered for months, but I kept it moving. The girls that were meant to stay are still here. I accepted that some friendships were only for a season.
I'm not married yet but I follow both you ladies and enjoy you guys so much. Your content is helping me grow even before I get married.
Ngiyabonga bo sisi💕
Same here😀
“ unmute, unblock and heal” well said Buli. 🔥🔥🙌
This really hit home and i'm so relieved to know that its not just me. But thank God that my friends, although at some point did make those assumptions unconsciously, after having the conversation with them, they understood and apologized. No married girl friendships can ever replace the sisterhood that I have formed with my day ones, and its important to reassure them as well. And its even better that my friends know and respect my husband and our marriage. Thank you for the relatable content sisi.
I must say that as a single friend, I had many assumptions, thinking I'm doing my friend a favor by distance myself. Many times it's done for the wrong reasons. “Married people needs space"
I gave my friend unnecessary space but through her reaching out & our communication we are still best friends.
❤️
Having single friends while you are married is okay. I think it takes a lot of maturity from both parties to realize that nothing has to change. Just like a relationship, a friendship requires work from both parties. It’s give and take. You can’t expect the friendship to work if you are not putting anything in it.
This hits home.
I lost a childhood friend because of this. One day, she just decided to send me voicenotes saying I think marriage is every thing and iv made it an achievement. I was so heartbroken but I had to understand that we didn't speak the same language anymore. My whatsapp statuses about my partner and I offended her, so I saw fit to just cut her off
Yoh
@@nomthandazonkomo493 its really sad.
You did well
I think there was a bit of jealousy there...
If someone has a new born baby, that is all they will talk about. If someone starts a new role at work they will discuss the joys and stress of it. How is marriage different? Can’t we just be happy for each other? Change is good and we should encourage our friends to evolve, grow, challenge themselves in different ways.
Interesting Topic.
we are Going through the most in this Journey, Its the Inlaws, its friends, its too Deep
The inlaws😔. Am not married but I have heard stories about inlaws😒
@@ThandiKhalaki yoooh Its hectic especially divorced inlaws yoooh
Yeyi it's very deep
But women go through the most guys. Especially from other women😢
Thank you for this lovely chat bo Mrs. M❤
It's great to hear this from a wife's perspective. It's a very interesting dynamic to navigate through.
I believe there are many reasons why the 'single' friends break away. Feeling left out is one of them - quite a few of my friends got married recently and I find that everytime we're in the group, they talk about all things marriage (sometimes even stuff that happens in the bedroom which can be a little uncomfortable when you can't relate). So you distance yourself (sometimes unconsciously) so that they have room to engage freely.
Also, I think that we distance ourselves because we just have this thing in the back of our minds ukuthi you have a new family you're building so you probably don't have time for us, etc etc. This video has helped me understand that them having a life partner doesn't make me any less important in their lives.
One of my friends recently reached out to me for a lunch date and I was pleasantly surprised, so sometimes the olive branch helps🙂
Very interesting. I have friends that are single, engaged and married. There are times when we relate differently, but they are valued all the same -some of them go waaaaay back. Communication is key.
😂🤣 I’m BIG on muting! I refuse to be hlugumezarrrd ngi mncani
I'm on the delete stream lately
It is really good to get a married woman's perspective on this, especially since we also tend to experience such as single girls from our married friends. I lost a tight friend a couple of years ago and after a number of attempts from my end to meet up and do something together, I gave up. I have to bring it back to the advise abo mama give women when they are about to become wives, a single friend is posed as a distraction to ones marriage without necessarily looking at the journey you've travelled with the particular friend and knowing how their intentions have always been pure.
Yhooo this is so valid and true . I am single but I have a friend who recently got married. I'm actually going to share her this video to see how she feels about this . So we are just aware as her friends should we ever make her feel in this manner . Thank you for this .
Very informative. I learnt alot . Thank you Ladies
You are most welcome !
I am single, and I think the type of friends I have now will still be there after I get married. I thank God for that.
Communication is important in relationships, as a single I need to respect your knew role💜🔥💜
I like your humility Lebo in trying to make up with your friends and loving them regardless..
Often time when we change we hardly notice it especially when it's gradual... We need to be honest with ourselves and stop pointing fingers at the other party (single or married),it is normal that significant changes create drifts.. When you have a baby that's where your interest lies you don't even realise how much it's changed your life whereas your friendship may be based on nice-times, you relocate we drift apart.. It's normal. Also girls are generally complicated 😅 niyazi mos.
With the scenario of the "strict" husband as a friend I would advise that you keep the communication open and let your friend know and feel that you are still there for them irregardless of their situation.
I recently discovered you and I spent my day today glued to your old sit downs 😍 omg. This wife talk series is very relatable content. You are so beautiful ❤
The conversation we always have me en my girls , that we really don’t wanna loose each other even if we get married 1 day 🙏🏻🤗! Love u Buli en Ladylovebug🥰u both my favs
This is such a lovely chat... I once went to a wedding where the pastor told the best friends of the couple that the “friendship is over”. It’s then that I saw that it may be a societal expectation. It definitely should not be the case.
🤍
This is so true.... Even the older women that advise makotis sometimes say this....
I recently learned that my mom's best friend was actually initially my aunt's best friend but they stopped being friends when my aunt got married because this best friend was still single. I'd never heard of anything more ridiculous 😂😂 Oh and the funniest part is, my aunt is divorced now so she basically lost her best friend for nothing 😂😂
@@omphilemoerane2569 eish🙆♀️
I enjoy you and your wife talks so much, I enjoy Lebo too so seeing you with her made me smile.
You're both lovely humans! 💜
It's maturity for sure, yes I am not married but I also have my boundaries and maybe I too don't want to go to Taboo too. Its really about maturity and timing too...ya ne its tough
I agree , its alot to do with maturity from both side ,the married and unmarried.
I honestly thought there's something wrong with me, but after watching this video, I am glad I am not the only one who experienced this. I got married 5 months ago with 6 bridemaids (close friends), best believe I am no longer friends with 3 of them. I felt so bad, however, this video liberated me. It happens 🤷♀️ Looking forward to losing more friends 😂🤣😂
Side note : Can we have part 2 please!
Sho! I was fine but this one scared me! I mean just 5 months ago & U already experienced it. Its a gain & Lose moss!! At least u still have three.
Wow this hit home, thanks for sharing ladies i ended up letting go after trying to reach out for so long, till hubby told me to *let them go and let God* and i believe in praying for the people that come into our lives, God will send the right people, and when God is involved the respect and love will be there.
Im fairly new to your platform Buli. totally totally Loved this content. i re-listened a few times, I must say. Such relevant conversation here. It touched my heart and brought truths and experiences to mind as i watched. I am married befriended ladies in this time. I have experienced being placed somewhat aside as a "married person" a few times where without thought or even an ask - there would be assumptions made around me (that i cant be part in a sleep over, a visit, even a scenario that was outside of work-hour things) Fun things...i was brought to the realisation that this friend was not as close as i thought as she would have known my heart i guess. .. no, i did not confront her. i realised the closeness i had taken our friendship as was realistically not the level she saw it as. I can suggest to definitely carefully consider " managing expectations mutually " when one is not married and one friend is. It can help avoid lots of heartache, disappointment and bring clarity and clear boundaries for both parties. Excited for possible part 2. LOVED also seeing Lovely Lebo.
Thank you for this conversation. Friendships are important relationships and it's conversations like this that help us to be intentional in our friendships.
It's awesome to get the perspective of married people in this area.
You both look stunning by the way
Thank you for sharing, I recently got married and I needed to hear this and learn not be insensitive to my married friends or single friends. Love you ladies
This was an interesting video ladies thank you so much. I am the single friend and in my experience, once a friend gets married they distance themselves. Also there’s the part where the new bride is given advice by older married women “don’t be friends with single women because you now have nothing in common” I completely disagree with this but it’s definitely up to the individual to take the advice or not. There is the anomaly of married friends who do distance themselves because they are wives and moms and we single friends suddenly “don’t understand”. It’s tricky ☹️ We don’t wanna lose the friends but sometimes they wanna lose us.
Thank you for the video. Love and light 💡
Truth.
Very very true 🙌🏽🙌🏽
I pray I don't lose my friends when I get married one day.. Shew! I love this content ladies ❤️
WOW I really enjoyed this and learned a lot. I really liked the last part when you said why is it that we make up with a boyfriend and be patient with bf but we are not with our friends. I just distanced myself from some friends this year because i asked myself the same question and i just got tired of always being the friend who always reached out as if this is my friendship alone.
That comment reminded me of the Khloe Kardashian - Jordyn Woods drama.
People will cancel their best friends and forgive their boyfriends. Double standards.
Females really don't like each other that why ulahlwa on the first misunderstanding ...tiring really
I think it's how we are/ were socialized you even hear with speeches at some weddings where advice like your husband is now your best friend and visa versa are some of the root causes of why we lose our friends. This topic was so painful because hai we go through the most on the journey to becoming a Mrs. Still wondering how we can bridge the gap between both sides. Definitely in need of a follow up or part 2 of this conversation❤️😩
This was very interesting. I lost friends after I got married and I assumed it was the distance though I was trying to keep up on my side. Ended up letting go recently though I've been married for over 6 years because some of the friendships were very one sided. It's interesting to learn that it can be caused by just being married and not necessarily the distance
A very insightful video. You ladies came with a variety of perspectives, which I really loved. Thank you.
I enjoyed this conversation so much ❤️ Thanks for addressing this ladies. I'm not married, nor do I have any married friends, but this was very insightful.
Huuu what an insightful conversation ❤️ thank you Buli and Lebo for this talk.
I generally think the ladies are a problem.. From my own experience, one of my married friends cut ties with me the single friend 😢 I obviously understand that she is in a new role but it's sad we had to lose our friendship in the process.
My reality. Its the other way round. Married people believe they're busy or something. Like they only want u if u're married otherwise u dnt meet the standard 🤷♀️
yep not always the friends giving space we are replaced with other married ladies . Some ladies assume now that they are married they cant relate with single ladies. It is what it is
Thank you for such an insightful video, we really need to have these conversations more often. Btw this deserves a part two 😉 we are definitely learning a lot here.❤❤❤❤
Yay...we here 💃🏾💃🏾❤️🤗... Really enjoyed the wife talk...
#within
Loved this ladies 🌺💙 loved this.. not yet married, I'll keep these gems for future use
New here and I love the content. So imagine this, I was the 1st of my friends to get married and 11 months in the marriage broke. I was depressed and with a new born baby….. jus imagine how that experience would have been had I been disconnected to my friends after getting married! My friends were there for me throughout the process and I am very grateful for that and for them. A lot of us believe in the your spouse should be your best friend etc but it is important to have your people in your corner that we’re there before it all, that are still there and will still be there regardless….
Its quality for me,whether single or married
Had only 2 friends, got married and lost both. Now i am looking for a healthy sisterhood. Miss those ladies though honestly :-(
It’s fair to miss them. If the relationship is not salvageable, pray for healing and pray for new friends then go out and meet new people 😌
This was beautiful😊... my friend leboooooooo ,you ladies look amazing 👏 😍
I thank you guys for this because I'm learning from it. Thank you I need part 2.
An insightful conversation ❤
I honestly give my married girls space because I assume they need to focus on their families. But I see now that my approach is wrong. Thanks for this.
I agree with both of you, you do not have people be involved with the process or the day expecting it to a send off. Yes you're stepping into a new role, but you want to journey with them still. I didn't have bridesmaids but I have a very small intimate wedding so I was intentional about who was there to celebrate with us. I wanted those closest to me, people who had been a part of my life, different phases of it and I believed would continue to be a part of it even in this phase...
I couldn't have said it better. I've only been married for 3 months but i've gone through this already. I felt sidelined and not "fitting" anymore, but i sat them down and told them how i felt and that im still the same. So should this happen again i will know that it's what they have consciously decided to do, so i can take a step back.
PS: Im open to newly weds clubs in jhb.🙃just putting it out there lol
Lol you can join Levi’s Married girls club .
That’s the only club I know of
I totally feel the same. I have decided that the right kind of friends will find me instead....
Why is the unmarried friend automatically viewed as bad influence and then later cut off?!
Aaahhh. Two beautiful and phenomenal women 😍❤️
Hey hey gorgeous! You remind me so much of Mariam Miss, you’re glowing and I appreciate these talks (all your videos) so much! I lost so many friends along the way and as much as I miss them, I feel like it was for the best. My lifestyle truly doesn’t always allow me to maintain the friendships fully because I move away a lot...like a lot!!!
thanx for this chat ladies I learnt alot
I'm not alone! 😭 I lost all friends as soon as lobola was paid, they didn't even come to my wedding. My bridesmaids were family members
Eish this is sad...only one came to my lobola and now all gone
@@paulinedhlamini7869 such is life hey, we shall keep moving and living our best life
😿 Askies guys
@@ThandiKhalaki we will be strong 💪🏿
Yhooo that's just not okay . Sorry you had to deal with such
Awww soo sorry you had to go through that mama lovebug❤
Such a cute conversation!
I have been waiting for this topic. 💃💃💃💃 I was so vocal on Insta😃😃😃 Let me watch. I really enjoyed this. We never realise how much we hurt each other and that's made more by lack of communication. This was fun and informative.
It hurts so much, till this day my hubby still has his friends and even added. I have NO friends at all except my daughter and my husband's brother's wife
I lost a really good friend when my hubby paid lobola. I know that pain but we keep it moving!😕✌. #letthemgo
@@jabulileskosana848 we surely keep it moving but yhooo it's so hard to make new friends when you're married
Y
@@TanyaHela let's just be friends and move on. I have no friends too, except my daughter ❤️
@@paulinedhlamini7869 Crazy how I was going to say let's be friends too😃
Lost a lot of friends and still loosing acquaintances but Im really no longer phased ,as I realized where my stance is and some females are just full of bs , and also admitted to myself that nami I have my own vibe that may not agree with certain people...I also believe that letting people go gives you so much peace 💚
This was such an interesting chat. Everything is love❤️
Really insightful thank you😘 I have experienced being the only single person within my friend group and damn that was so hard😢😭
Towards the end of the video... I was thinking is there a need for us married girls then to have "Th talk" with our single friends. But have one with regards to marriage. To talk to them about friendship and the dynamic in marriage.
My faves😍. Being a newly wed, I really enjoy all your wife talks🥰
I also mute 😂 I don't like hurting myself me.
I love this topic thanks Buli🌼Love you guys❤❤
Very important conversation!! 👏🏼👏🏼❤️❤️
Inspirational talk, it honestly hits that placcccceeee. LEBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO when are you posting? Love you both ladies
Such a powerful conversation, feel like I was in the room with you! 🌸
Notification Gang Gang💃!!
Love you Buli❤
Great topic ladies....mine is a bit different I'm divorced and after my divorce I lost almost all of my married friends 🙃...
Shu 😔😔.. I’m so sorry about that
Sorry MsLadylovebug for yr friendship breakups those r hectic, had bestie breakup, the lady didn't have my best interests at heart&was clearly jealous of my new phase as she dreamed of it too n I thanked God for removing her in my life. But I have both single& married girls n it's dope, one thing for sure I don't discus married stuff with my single girls no hate
Thank you for posting this!! I recently got engaged and am ALREADY facing this with my friends, most of whom are single. #whoaskedforspace not me!
Chopped this one up thoroughly. The faves in one video!!!! As soon as a delegation is sent to your family, boChoma start falling off Eyoooo
They wait until the celebrations are over then disappear ... lol aowa
Funny how I went through this during my engagement 😃 Lesson learnt. We heal. We move. This content is what we need.
I love your channel Buli. ❤️🌸 You’re so amazing.
Well it depends on the type of people you be friend. I for one is not married and most of my friends are and we are still tight and our friendship is still growing.
Relatable content! I also don’t like being in a space where I’m not wanted. If yal wanted me there in the first place, yal would’ve invited me. Now things have to be awkward cos you forced yourself in things you weren’t initially invited to, and you actually sense the energy that’s always off. It sucks!
Thanks ladies. Yall are inspiring. We’re learning.
Lol relatable content. This whole levels thing is really silly honestly. Being married is a level? A former friend used that line on me as well and I just thought, I'd rather you address the real reason why things are as they are and not make it about me getting married. Ey... We move.
I think if the husband is difficult like that as a friend i wouldnt let go of the friendship instead I’d check up on you over the phone and chat when we can and that will be our friendship
But only if my married friend tries and the conversations are not always one sided
argh you guys i enjoyed watching this !! it was worth it uhm espcially when you spoke about friendship
Never really struggled with this, maybe its because i have very fewer friends and we have never been"let meet up"kinda friends. My biggest friends are my sister - i have 5 siblings and all girls so all my life i have received friendly love from them and expects less from friends. This is interesting to watch ladies
Yoh wow I have learnt a lot today, I did not know that such things happen. Thank you ladies for this instalment
I can relate so much with you ladies, and it is so sad.. But I agree, lets start this young wives club guys.