This lady is in survival mode right now, but I hear a very strong lady who had the courage despite faith pressure and family pressure to escape this dangerous marriage. She's a trailblazer to break the multi-generational trauma that came before her. You are a warrior! Take your time processing what happened, and you will help so many others. Love from Canada x
I am a long time victim of sexual abuse and rape, mine started at 4 and lasted for 5 years, then another separate incident at 13. My heart broke as soon as I heard this call unfold. You are not taking away from anyone, how disgustingly horrible that the man you loved and trusted put you through this. I am so sorry ❤
I WAS this woman. He lied, cheated & abused me to the point that I had to have reconstructive surgery to recover. Staying faithful, being a good loving, attentive wife, I was the only one working on the marriage. Finally, I'd had enough when women in Germany began calling our home phone at 2 am. He was on a temp assignment with the military when we lived in Colorado, USA. I left, then divorced him, began the pain filled reconstructive surgery. That was 2007. Just 2 years ago people began contacting me about him sexually molesting their sons when their sons were 4 - 6 years of age. They blame me! I knew nothing about it. If I HAD known, I would have encouraged them to file charges against him. Our 4 children know what went on & they just make excuses for him, blaming me for the divorce. It's so sad.
@@candyluna2929 Nope. He's so slippery, he skates away. It's not me or my child so, I can't file charges. If the child is a minor, the parents could. Now that the boys are adult age, they could. I believe there is no statute of limitations for charges to be filed for child molestation.
Oh my heart. You can feel her brokenness in her voice and that voice has been mine. There’s a quiet strength shining through, too. I wish you a big, free, and successful life in exactly the ways that means to you. EMDR was life-changing for me and I hope you do follow through. You are SO worth this fight, dear one!
So he’s a criminal on her word alone? No evidence or trial needed? I can only hope someone who thinks like you is never given a shred of power to wield
@@Diashi1267Let me ask you this question what good does it do for her to lie and call into the show where everything is anonymous (in these situations they are likely using a pseudonym, and different location.) she didn’t say one thing about her ex to get back at him. She’s genuinely asking the question is it just better to keep quiet or should I speak up? She said multiple times she’s not looking to cause drama and is actually taking the steps of seeing a professional counseling! What good does calling a radio show and lying do for her? I’ll tell you NOTHING. Even Dr. D the trained counselor in this situation says she has the language and behavior mannerisms of somebody who was abused and traumatized. Yes, there are women who do this crap just to get back at their ex’s but I’m 99.9% this woman isn’t one of them!
Yes, 18 years later my sisters are still befriending my ex and using him in their hate campaign. My parents knew my ex was abusive, but I wasn't close to my sisters so they didn't know his extreme anger issues. He can't see they are just using him. When we were married they used to make fun of him. I feel for this woman, family should know you well enough to be supportive.
This is amazing. I just realized that not being able to talk about anything negative has affected me. It helps to know I’m not alone and it’s a justifiably confusing thing to experience.
Im so sorry dear lady, if i would suggest anything it would be to congratulate yourself on the saving of yourself. You dont owe anyone an explanation, you were not in the wrong. Love yourself during this time of turmoil, keep yourself safe most of all ❤
Miranda, just by leaving and taking the steps you've taken so far proves that you are stronger and more emotionally intelligent than those around you (mother, etc). I don't know you personally but I am so proud of you for getting out before this lasted 5, 10, 15 or 20 years and there were children involved. As someone who experienced some of the same, I can tell you without a doubt that sitting down and telling your entire story to someone will benefit you in so many ways. You will experience a lightness that you can't imagine. I wish you well and continued healing.
Very similar to my story. The s**ual abuse, followed by gaslighting, emotional abuse, then turning my own family members against me… keeping silent about it because I didn’t want to diminish things that had happened to other people… I still find it hard to say out loud what I went through. I want to give her a giant hug! Dr. John’s response made me very emotional. I needed to hear that, even if he wasn’t saying it directly to me, it’s what I needed someone to tell me. Thank you to her for being brave enough to tell her story so that this healing message could be delivered to the rest of us who still struggle to be heard.
I feel so much for her. It’s sad to see how many go through this and then, to top it all off, don’t get the support they need. Those who would rather support the abuser’s reputation and would rather have a negative view of you
I think she minimizes what happened because it's just to painful to think about and she has a lot of shame around this. She doesn't owe his family any explanations, but I hope she can gain some strength from her own family.
I’ve been there. Assaulted by a cop at a party. The gymnastics your mind goes thru when you blame yourself… I found I did this often. Superhero to everyone but myself. Because every time I’d say something about what hurt me I was always shut down. Healing…time, acceptance it gets better.
I went through this too. I am just going through the divorce now, 6 years after leaving. He abused me. Then he reported me for rape. Made up a whole story. Wouldn't tell me where my kids were, then attempted to blackmail me for money.
I have so much respect that as shell shocked as she still sounds, she also articulated herself so perfectly. Incredibly brave woman, I hope she gets to the place where she sees that she did something incredible leaving him. She deserves so many blessings for the rest of her days to live in peace and serenity
Thank you for your bravery and courage, Miranda. I understand the feeling of wanting to share about the abuse, yet the fear of doing so. I can say that the safe and true people in your life will believe you. I believe you. Be proud of you for putting yourself and your safety first. Comparing and defending the abuse to other survivors is unfortunately common, at least, it was for me. I wish you peace and healing.
Girl, I’ve been exactly where you are. Heard the “go now” voice in my spirit after 4 years, and then I had to tell the truth to myself, get out or be destroyed. It will get better, I promise you. The disassociation and self gaslighting will end. Trust the Lord, trust your friends, and it’s ok to leave the family and friends behind for now. It’s been 4 years now for me and the truth is coming out on its own. God is good, all the time
She needs to tell people. The fact that he went from never doing this while dating, to doing a complete 180 within a few days of marriage is a sign he is a psychopath, like dsm 5, hits all the markers for antisocial personality disorder, and he will do this again. He became comfortable doing it because she became his wife. What happens if he became so comfortable that he feels safe enough to do it to a woman he's on a date with, or even a random stranger. He has already proven himself to be a predator and he needs to be dealt with before there are more victims.
Boy is she so right about this topic. People think of rape as a stranger attacking you in a dark alley in the middle of the night. It is nearly impossible to find the words to explain adult sexual abuse, or to find someone who you think may be able to understand it, even if you find the courage to give the detailed truth about what happened. It’s insidious. More conversation around this topic would help so many people 👍
And in reality a LOT of women know the rapist (apart from rape by a family member or husband). Maybe not well, but the guy knows that she could easily find out his name. And they dare to do it nontheless. (these days often using drups to spice a drink). Or these guys feel safe to violate because of being aquainted. She feels safe because she "knows" him a bit .... surely that would keep him from trying anything. He on the other hand feels safe because after all she was seen in his company, and he can paint her accusations as being lies. Her word against his word (or their word if it is more than one dude). Some guys are vile enough to calculate that they will get away with it. A work collegue went out to an event (it was a youth club). This was little town in a rural area, people know each other. She had seen these guys before in the club, they were friends or aquaintances of friends. So when they offered her a ride home she felt safe to accept it. She would not have entered the vehicle of strangers, but these were no "strangers". 3 young men and one young woman in the car, she in the back seat, and then the driver started telling her, they (he) could abduct her and have "some fun" with her. She got real scared, could not get out of the car. Told him / them not to do do anything stupid, she knew them, she would tell her parents and the police ... These were not ghetto criminals, just young men from a fairly rural area with low crime rate. Even if they had no intention to acutally abduct and rape her and just wanted to "prank" her - that was some psychopathy on display. Interestingly none of the other 2 guys called the driver an idiot and told him to shut up. I am not sure if they participated in the lewd talking but they sure as hell did not say to her or him that he was an idiot and that nothing was going to happen, he should pay attention to the street and bring her home. I am not sure if they dropped her in the middle of nowhere or if they brought her home (I seem to remember she demanded that they let her out, and they dropped her off where she needed to go home for quite a while). I hope she told everyone that knew these guys what they had done.
I never understood women and men who pick partners and choose not to leave at the first sign of abuse. Somehow the abuse and mistreatment is magically an issue after a number of years of living it. I always questioned why these individuals don’t leave at the first sign or pattern of abuse.
@@standground8284 People ask all the time, actually, and blame the victim. Most of the time it's because the little behaviours that start wearing us down are "normalised" by upbringing so it doesn't seem like something they should leave over, it feels like it's them being too sensitive. And then, like this woman in the call, you're made to believe you're crazy or you're the problem, that you need to be better, that no one else would love you - and your sense of self is bad enough that you believe it by this point. The other reality is that the first signs of abuse can be explained away as human mistakes - "I didn't mean to say cruel things to you, I was just angry, I won't do it again," "'I'm not trying to control you, I'm just worried and protective and maybe I took it too far" - just little things for someone to work on a bit. But then they're happening a little bit more often, and a litle bit worse, but you already accepted it once because you're a forgiving person and after forgiving before where do you draw the line and say you won't do it anymore (especially in light of everything I said at the start of this reply - it's normalised, and if you do realise things are wrong you believe on some level you're the problem/over sensitive/not forgiving enough). And it gradually gets worse. There's also the kind of man this caller was married to, who acts like a different person until you're married to them, and then there's this cognitive dissonance where you can't believe this is really them, it's a bad day, they're under stress, etc, because this is the person you love acting "out of character." Then again, before you know it things have become routinely bad and you're dissociating, confused, scared and embarassed. No one, woman or man, "picks" an abusive partner. We're attracted to the familiar, so we can end up with people who seem different on the surface but are ultimately like the abusers we've had in the past and we don't see the red flags until it's too late (therapy can help, but it takes a long time), and/or someone hides their real self until they've "locked you in" (eg with marriage) and the mental whiplash and legal situation make it hard to leave. Let's not act like abuse is coming from cartoon villains in black hats who are easy to spot, and let's not ignore the reality of how abuse affects people and prevents them from easily leaving. By its nature that's what abuse does.
@@TesriaT You basically wrote all of that to admit that people do actually pick who they decide to be in a relationship with. After cheating or abuse happens they consciously decide to stay because the abuser convinces them that it won’t happen again or you too sensitive, etc. If you get abused and you decide to chalk it up “human mistakes” then what are we talking about. Your entire response is dripping with making every possible excuse to not to leave the abuser instead of just leaving.
My sister still talks to my first ex husband abused and raped me in my marriage. It’s been 40 years since the divorce, and its hurtful and confusing when your family takes the side of your abuser over your family.
Miranda you are brave to leave that situation. Please work on understanding and forgiving yourself of this hurt, pain and shame. Wishing and hoping you all the best and happiness. ❤❤❤
I never react this way to a call but wow… I want to weep for her and give her a hug. Praying that God may restore her soul and that she might find love again with a solid, godly man that will honor and cherish her.
Thanks to John and Miranda...brought tears to my eyes...her sharing her pain and his validation and understanding. 🎯❤ So glad you left Miranda!! You deserve to be safe.
She sounds just like me 15 years ago except i stayed WAY longer and things got worse. I DID admit myself and signed a power of attorney to give him full control over me. Im so glad she got out sooner! It took many years but my family finally believed me. I pretty much dont tell my story anymore unless there is a really good reason. It hurts too bad when people hear your story and STILL blame you. Plus it opens you up to targeting from more predators.
I totally resonate with this woman of God who walked in extreme forgiveness and grace. I'm so proud her! I covered up anger, emotional abuse, stone walling, because I can see who God created him to be and see his demonic attack. Recently, i have confided in a couple of people and am creating boundaries. 9 months since he's even touched my hand as i serve him as Christ, with joy. I cry on my face before my Father in Heaven to change his hard heart and set him free. I live in God's love for me. 🙏♥️ Isaiah 54: 5-6;11-17 I'm glad she was able to leave. I can't financially. And i don't believe that's what I'm called to do at this time. He's in organ failure and I'm believing for his entire miracle healing heart/mind/body. But thankyou for helping me learn that this is abuse. 30 years ago i would've left if i knew - especially if it forced him/us to get counseling from our childhood traumas. And yes, i married what i was already used to.
I had a similar experience it wasn't until the end when I found out about affairs did it flip and when I filed charges and went through horrible custody battle for 8 years after and it wasn't ever resolved charges were dropped I was bombarded with custody to stay on top of it and it got taken from civil to family court and never brought up again. From false accusations on me I spent more time defending myself than getting my side out
I know that "spiritual feeling" that she had. I had something similar after constantly questioning whether i should leave my ex and he tried to blatantly manipulate me and it was like i felt my hurt at such a gut level that my conscience screamed repeatedly " get away from him!!" . I did and since that day i haven't been in touch with him. whenever i try to call his number, i can't even do it. i think sometimes you have an experience so bad that your body kicks in to avoid it at all costs.
*It’s not worth it to explain yourself or justify your actions* to anyone, that includes family members and close friends. Abusive people are gifted at lying and painting you as the bad person. I encourage you to take the heat and let your family and close friends believe the liar. If you are abused you should just leave with no explanation, that’s your business. If family or friends later found out about your abuse, that you were telling the truth and come to you apologizing - let them know that their apology isn’t necessary and they can continue to view you negatively… *especially if they were badmouthing you about your decision to leave.*
Those that aren’t supportive or don’t believe you don’t deserve to be in your life, it’s as simple as that. Maybe I’m over simplifying idk 🤷♀️ of course it’s difficult to cut them off but the more time you waste on them and not focus on your own healing, the longer you’ll take to recover from the abuse. I wish you all the best ❤
My husband was very similar to this. He raped me several times and tried to convince me that wasn't what happened. He cheated on me with a woman i thought was my friend. I found out they were plotting to kill me. I still don't mention it to others. It's very hard to find others who'd hear this out. I still don't have any friends. It's nine years later and I'm remarried to someone who's way better and a man of integrity. Unfortunately i can't stomach the idea of making other female friends.
It's not that her mother didn't believe her. It's that her mother didn't want to acknowledge the words from her daughter that she knew was the truth because that would mean she would have to do what it takes to change the situation for the better for her daughter and put her daughter first. Mom was too selfish and cared more about having this loser around in her life that was abusing her daughter van protecting her own daughter. Some parents truly should not be parents
The scary thing is there are people who believe no fault divorce should be banned. Thank God for it, because this lady would be stuck with her monster ex.
I divorced my husband at age 19 because he was cold and controlling to me and mean to our baby. At the time the entire world was against me because he had somewhat celebrity status and money and appeared from the outside very nice. The divorce caused me to lose all my friends and I had no one to support or comfort me. After many years now looking back at a very successful life where I was mostly a one woman show and a single mother I had many spectacular successes on different levels. But the fact that I did NOT stay with him and divorced him being so young is something I am immensely proud of. It is typical that outsiders always seem to blame the woman when she claims to be abused. It is even more disturbing that the worst critics are other women. I was told to be grateful that a man like him even pays attention to me and was called "an ungrateful brat" to dare to divorce him BTW my son, also being a baby then can still remember something and refuses any relationship with him.
divorce at 19? Your still practically a child (brain development wise) at that age. No one should be getting married before the age of 25 untill the brain is fully developed
I got married at 18 because I was pregnant and at the time in history I did not have the option of using real birth control or abortion. I can assure you that I was a lot more mature than others at that age and also very intelligent. This was 1966. But it doesn't change the fact that I made a real good and mature decision. I have accomplished more big things in my life than most people would even dream of and most women I know wouldn't dare to try. BTW the baby son is now a doctor. So it all worked out beautifully. @@boston312
@@boston312I understand where you are coming from there. However, then what else can, and should any government prohibit to anyone who isn't 25 yet? Should no one between the ages of 18-25 be allowed to have sex? Consume alcohol? Join the military? Take out loans for school?
@@boston312 I totally agree! When I found out our brain isn't completely developed at age 25, give or take, I kind of jokingly but kind of seriously told my children they weren't allowed to date until they turn 25. Of course once they're 18 in out on her own I can't tell them what they should or shouldn't do however I did very thoroughly explain the reasoning behind my suggestion and so far they seem to be taking it to heart. It also helps that they know I got married at 19 and it was a disaster!
This woman's situation sounds a lot like mine. My husband's siblings are like my husband and are abusive. I am going through a divorce as well. His family has never loved and respected me as a human being. They have been emotionally and verbally abusive to me our whole marriage when around me alone. My husband refused counseling because he doesn't think he has problems. His family has disconnected from me and it started years ago. My husband grew up in an abusive home that had one rule. "WHAT GOES ON IN THIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE." It is time to move on and heal myself and our children.
Aw no, rape is rape.. Whether the perpetrator is your husband or a stranger. Never allow yourself to minimise what happened to you, or believe that you’re not entitled you use that word, rape is rape full stop. I was raped by a stranger, and I would not say that your experience is any less serious or traumatic than mine. I’m sending you so much love and prayers. I’m so glad you got away & remember you’re not alone, just look at this comment section, you have so many people here for you.. ❤🙏🏽 xx
Yeah she needs to move on. If his family is the bigger issue they’ll find out soon enough because he will do it to the next woman too. 😢 Never mind I commented before we got to her family and wow! She’s gotta work on either cutting them off or working through it. It really sucks when it your own family. 😮
I’m so sorry your husband wasn’t the person you thought he was and he waited until you were married to reveal himself. Lots of people will ask you, straight up, why you got divorced, and you need to come up with a response that’s authentic but not too revealing, so you don’t have to re-live the trauma each time. I’m also really sorry your mom doesn’t know how to hear you or protect you. Women have been enabling abusive men for a very long time and some women teach their daughters it’s okay. You broke the cycle and I’m so happy for you and your future family. Time to heal, which means leaning into healthy habits and people, and slowly backing away from anyone in your life who feels toxic.
In any divorce people take sides. You can tell the truth 100% and it's still no guarantee people are going to take yours. It stinks but it's something you can't change. You just have to know you know the truth and accept that you can't make others acknowledge that truth.
Abusive people always know how to play victim and make the other person doubt their own sanity I believe everything she’s saying plus what she didn’t say I’m happy she got out safely
Comparing trauma may be exhausting but it is what other people do to women. Has it ever occurred to John that maybe she doesn't want anyone to know? There is a stigma that comes with this. Women are harder on women because sometimes they don't understand why she didn't just leave because they don't have experience. Also, if they put up with it they think everyone else should put up with it. Better to remain silent sometimes.
I can hear her meak and mild demeanor in her voice. She has probably taken responsibility for everyone of her husband's issues and violence. I hope she get therapy and finds her voice and values herself.
She’s protecting herself and locking some things away. It is easier to lock it away in the closet than deal with it immediately, unfortunately the demons will open that door and come out to play her whole life and that’s a set up for all future relationships to fail. Her family ,unless they know everything, can not be held responsible for not responding appropriately if they do not have all the information.
Her family chose not to believe she had a very good reason for divorcing her husband. That's emotional betrayal. They were far more willing to attack and criticize her. There's no excuse for that. Her family is toxic.
I feel awful for her. I am always curious how long married couples in these situations date each other. It's very difficult to completely hide who one is for more than a few months. Warning signs eventually show up if the time is given for them to. People don't just drastically change the core of who they are overnight like that.
Unfortunately, that is not the case for many women. This thing we tell ourselves, that if we’re just smart and tactful and wise, we’ll avoid being abused is to provide comfort to ourselves that it is something we ourselves have control enough to avoid. But it’s a false comfort. I know women like Miranda who took things slow and dated the man for years and were very careful and their husbands also flipped on them as soon as they were married. In a perfect world, abuse is something we could avoid with tact and intelligence, but in reality, anyone can end up abused.
I'm sorry that happened to you. And, actually it is nobody elses business why you had to divorce someone...and you don't have to answer questions from nosy people who haven't earned the right to know! ...Hope you get more help
Only my brothers have been supportive the _women_ in my family really have been toxic. Again the evasive speech pattern. She cannot even SAY: My mother does not support me, does not believe, or does not think it is a big deal and thinks that I am to blame for the end of the marriage (that is why should could not phone them right away after the abuse started). And what about her FATHER ? Edit: a bit later she did say that her MOTHER was dismissive of her being abused (likely by a step dad). Well then the stance of the mother is understandable, after all she has chosen her husband and staying married over the wellbeing of her daughter. Delony must have seen some information on a screen, background info that the callers submit, when they apply, that he did not mention. Either there was some editing in the video or he slipped up (a bit). She opened up about abuse, and enabling women, but did not mention a step dad. Well, her step dad did it - and her "mother" chose the husband, her status as wife, maybe financial benefits - over her daughter.
He wanted to have sex or he demanded specific sex acts from her. He started that behavior directly after the wedding, maybe she was a virgin or not very experienced, so his desires never showed up during premarital sex. Or he felt entitled to more frequent sex or certain sex acts. Persons with a personality disorder typically wait until they have secured the partner - and then they show their true colors and start the abuse. So the bad behavior starts after the wedding, or when they moved away (from her support network), after she gave up her job, her apartment, or when she gave birth (and leaving him would be much more complicated). His signal - now I got her - was that she was his spouse. From then on he did not have to deceive her anymore and could drop the (exhausting) act. Some (malignant) narcissists engage in love bombing in the dating phase, while they also make sure to move things along quickly. The engagement, the wedding, moving, chaning jobs ... it all happens in a hurry. Presenting the facade is exhausting, so they want to seal the deal as fast as possible and have their victim in a dependent position.
You never know maybe she didn't feel well, maybe she didn't want too, maybe he was a total ass towards her,Maybe he wanted to dominate her. No means No. Husband or not. He had no right
Maybe he was interested in controlling her right out of the starting gate. According to her, he appeared to enjoy it when he hurt her, and liked seeing her cry, so sexual assault doesn't seem far fetched.
So the chill pill (Valium) was used in the 60s, 70s on wives like her. Men should cite the “lack of prescription tranquilizers” as reason for divorce today.
It’s so interesting isn’t it? I will stand still on the other side of this microphone to honor your pain Acknowledging yours Waiting for you to acknowledge my pain But back to where we were though
I don’t understand when women don’t believe their family members. Hear a lot cases and its always the women who don’t believe and not only that blame. I get being skeptical of famous people. I don’t get not taking you child or family member seriously. Even if there was a possibility that they are lying I will still take them seriously until it’s proven without a shadow of the doubt. How can you side with someone your own sister and daughter
Either there is something missing and she isn’t disclosing everything or her family members are absolute scum for not hearing her side of the story and find out the truth for themselves.
They're scum. She shouldn't have to "disclose everything" for her own family to be fully supportive of her. (Her mother even chose to stay with the step-father who had sexually abused her, claiming not to believe her. )
Is it rape in every state? It is wrong and abusive regardless. As is withholding sex. They should have annulled the marriage or divorced immediately; without becoming a monster.
YES, in every state it would be called marital rape. There is ZERO situations where it’s legal to force yourself on to a woman or man for that matter after they said NO.
@@flashthecorgi2053That is good news. The marital exemption still existed in my area not so long ago. Looks like SC still has some interesting caveats. "Also, in South Carolina, a prosecution for spousal sexual battery may not proceed unless the offending spouse's conduct was reported to law enforcement within 30 days of the event."
She sounds a bit off to me. Why would he completely change a couple days after wedding? Definitely 2 sides of this story: she was very vague, never reported alleged crime, all her family is against her, keeps changing facts and timelines.
OInce again we need to hear his side..... J Daphony automatically jumps to the side of the female caller. Women are notorious for creating sob stories and manipulative the reality.
The caller sounds sweet as pie and I hope it ends up heads up for her. I do have a question. I am a single straight man, and a few past GFs flat out told me that they like it behind closed doors very rough and take them when they least expect it and that sort of thing. Honestly that isn't my preferred way, but I did as they asked to keep the relationship afloat. I guess what I am trying to say is there may he a thin line between raping your wife/GF and being spontaneous or dominant. Please do not take this as disrespectful or me being a jerk or anything of the such, I am just saying in a sense it isn't that there is a thin line per se, but my experiences is that some very sweet and normal girls I have dated seemed to want it in a tougher way. IDK anyone have any thoughts on this? Again, please do not take this as disrespectful to the caller who seems really amazing and nice as heck.
No because rough sex is an agreement. he totally changed after the wedding (within days) and he became coercive. You did not coerce your girlfriends, and if they had used the agreed upon code word (for stop) you would have stopped immediately. She likely was a virgin or not very experienced, I assume the coercion was regarding sex acts he expected from her. A man that CARES about the woman will always notice if she is fine with what happens or if he is being too rough, too coercive. A woman also can unexpectely feel pain. Both do what they always do and all of a sudden she feels pain - well then she will tell him it hurts - and he has to stop immediately. If sex includes "some" pain (some type of BDSM) it is very common that the couple will agree upon a code word. Protesting and saying no might be part of the role play, so there needs to be a clear signal of STOP.
@@DominickSpano Well I guess I'm vanilla too then because that doesn't sound fun at all. Sex is more than enough pleasure with out getting smacked around and such.
I was sexually assaulted by a friend; I had to weigh whether or not to keep it quiet or blow up his world, my world, and everything. I just wanted it all to go away, but who else had he done this to? Who else WOULD he do this to? I owed it to every woman this man ever interacted with to hold him to account in public, so maybe he had an opportunity to recognize his own patterns and change his whole life. I couldn’t have lived with myself knowing I could have prevented what happened to me from happening to anyone else.
@@ladyvikingHe coerced or pressured her into sex. He didn't violently rape her. There isn't really a whole lot she can legally do. And she doesn't owe anything to any woman. Just because he pulled one over on her doesn't mean he can pull one over on someone else. If you want my body and I don't want to give it, you're going to have to pull out a gun or something because no.
@@ashleysalazar2012 I hope you never have to find out how you would react. But A: you don't know how her situation went down, whether it was violent or coercive - and B: you NEVER know how you would act in this situation, regardless of how you imagine it. I'm telling you .
People in her real life don't believe her because they know both sides and her true character. The new "abuse" = everything didn't go 100% my way when I look back on those situations and being a victim shields me from all of my bad behaviors. Big business for weaponized therapy. 😂😂😂
This lady is in survival mode right now, but I hear a very strong lady who had the courage despite faith pressure and family pressure to escape this dangerous marriage. She's a trailblazer to break the multi-generational trauma that came before her. You are a warrior! Take your time processing what happened, and you will help so many others. Love from Canada x
I am a long time victim of sexual abuse and rape, mine started at 4 and lasted for 5 years, then another separate incident at 13. My heart broke as soon as I heard this call unfold. You are not taking away from anyone, how disgustingly horrible that the man you loved and trusted put you through this. I am so sorry ❤
I’m so sorry you went through that 😢
I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. No one should, especially a child. I pray healing and love finds it’s way to you ❤
I WAS this woman.
He lied, cheated & abused me to the point that I had to have reconstructive surgery to recover.
Staying faithful, being a good loving, attentive wife, I was the only one working on the marriage.
Finally, I'd had enough when women in Germany began calling our home phone at 2 am. He was on a temp assignment with the military when we lived in Colorado, USA.
I left, then divorced him, began the pain filled reconstructive surgery.
That was 2007.
Just 2 years ago people began contacting me about him sexually molesting their sons when their sons were 4 - 6 years of age. They blame me!
I knew nothing about it. If I HAD known, I would have encouraged them to file charges against him.
Our 4 children know what went on & they just make excuses for him, blaming me for the divorce.
It's so sad.
What is wrong with those kids of yours? They witnessed all the abuse and still blamed you? Smh.
@@RealAnita926 It happens more often than many people realize. Although it's very extreme, the Betty Broderick divorce is a prime example.
Were charges pressed against that man?
@@candyluna2929 Nope. He's so slippery, he skates away. It's not me or my child so, I can't file charges. If the child is a minor, the parents could. Now that the boys are adult age, they could. I believe there is no statute of limitations for charges to be filed for child molestation.
@@dabd8175Get your head on straight, Dabby, and maybe you can graduate from your blowup dolls.
Oh my heart. You can feel her brokenness in her voice and that voice has been mine. There’s a quiet strength shining through, too. I wish you a big, free, and successful life in exactly the ways that means to you. EMDR was life-changing for me and I hope you do follow through. You are SO worth this fight, dear one!
I’m so glad she was able to escape but at the same time the damage was done…this man is a criminal :(
And a Narcissist!!
@@salonsavy6476did everything become narcissistic and gaslighting these days?
So he’s a criminal on her word alone? No evidence or trial needed? I can only hope someone who thinks like you is never given a shred of power to wield
@@Diashi1267Let me ask you this question what good does it do for her to lie and call into the show where everything is anonymous (in these situations they are likely using a pseudonym, and different location.) she didn’t say one thing about her ex to get back at him. She’s genuinely asking the question is it just better to keep quiet or should I speak up? She said multiple times she’s not looking to cause drama and is actually taking the steps of seeing a professional counseling! What good does calling a radio show and lying do for her? I’ll tell you NOTHING. Even Dr. D the trained counselor in this situation says she has the language and behavior mannerisms of somebody who was abused and traumatized. Yes, there are women who do this crap just to get back at their ex’s but I’m 99.9% this woman isn’t one of them!
@@WillIam79-c7fThis guy sure seems to qualify.
My mother was abused and even now decades after her divorce her family still interacts and is friendly with her ex. It’s repulsive.
Such lack of boundaries is so painful. It’s disgusting especially when people say “They are family”. That doesn’t mean you reconcile with them.
They know and still keep contact? Wtf that is fd up
I’m really proud of her for getting out! She’s smart! I feel for her. I’ve been in abusive relationships. She deserves healing and peace!
Yes, 18 years later my sisters are still befriending my ex and using him in their hate campaign. My parents knew my ex was abusive, but I wasn't close to my sisters so they didn't know his extreme anger issues. He can't see they are just using him. When we were married they used to make fun of him. I feel for this woman, family should know you well enough to be supportive.
Everything is about you huh?
@@fauxbro1983How sure are you of that judgement?
Your sisters suck.
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240tbh i didn’t even really understand the story
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240 read her diatribe.
This is amazing. I just realized that not being able to talk about anything negative has affected me. It helps to know I’m not alone and it’s a justifiably confusing thing to experience.
Im so sorry dear lady, if i would suggest anything it would be to congratulate yourself on the saving of yourself. You dont owe anyone an explanation, you were not in the wrong. Love yourself during this time of turmoil, keep yourself safe most of all ❤
Miranda, just by leaving and taking the steps you've taken so far proves that you are stronger and more emotionally intelligent than those around you (mother, etc). I don't know you personally but I am so proud of you for getting out before this lasted 5, 10, 15 or 20 years and there were children involved. As someone who experienced some of the same, I can tell you without a doubt that sitting down and telling your entire story to someone will benefit you in so many ways. You will experience a lightness that you can't imagine. I wish you well and continued healing.
Very similar to my story. The s**ual abuse, followed by gaslighting, emotional abuse, then turning my own family members against me… keeping silent about it because I didn’t want to diminish things that had happened to other people… I still find it hard to say out loud what I went through. I want to give her a giant hug!
Dr. John’s response made me very emotional. I needed to hear that, even if he wasn’t saying it directly to me, it’s what I needed someone to tell me. Thank you to her for being brave enough to tell her story so that this healing message could be delivered to the rest of us who still struggle to be heard.
Miranda, I am so glad you got out. 💜
I feel so much for her. It’s sad to see how many go through this and then, to top it all off, don’t get the support they need. Those who would rather support the abuser’s reputation and would rather have a negative view of you
I think she minimizes what happened because it's just to painful to think about and she has a lot of shame around this. She doesn't owe his family any explanations, but I hope she can gain some strength from her own family.
I’ve been there. Assaulted by a cop at a party. The gymnastics your mind goes thru when you blame yourself… I found I did this often. Superhero to everyone but myself. Because every time I’d say something about what hurt me I was always shut down. Healing…time, acceptance it gets better.
I went through this too. I am just going through the divorce now, 6 years after leaving. He abused me. Then he reported me for rape. Made up a whole story. Wouldn't tell me where my kids were, then attempted to blackmail me for money.
I’ve been there!!! I’m so sorry for this caller.it’s so hard. You must do what is best for your safety!! Prayers for you
I have so much respect that as shell shocked as she still sounds, she also articulated herself so perfectly. Incredibly brave woman, I hope she gets to the place where she sees that she did something incredible leaving him. She deserves so many blessings for the rest of her days to live in peace and serenity
Thank you for your bravery and courage, Miranda. I understand the feeling of wanting to share about the abuse, yet the fear of doing so. I can say that the safe and true people in your life will believe you. I believe you. Be proud of you for putting yourself and your safety first. Comparing and defending the abuse to other survivors is unfortunately common, at least, it was for me. I wish you peace and healing.
I hope he stays away from her and doesn’t come after her in any way.
That poor woman, my heart bleeds for her, you can hear the tears in her voice, John, lead this lady into the best therapy there is
Girl, I’ve been exactly where you are. Heard the “go now” voice in my spirit after 4 years, and then I had to tell the truth to myself, get out or be destroyed.
It will get better, I promise you. The disassociation and self gaslighting will end. Trust the Lord, trust your friends, and it’s ok to leave the family and friends behind for now. It’s been 4 years now for me and the truth is coming out on its own.
God is good, all the time
She needs to tell people. The fact that he went from never doing this while dating, to doing a complete 180 within a few days of marriage is a sign he is a psychopath, like dsm 5, hits all the markers for antisocial personality disorder, and he will do this again. He became comfortable doing it because she became his wife. What happens if he became so comfortable that he feels safe enough to do it to a woman he's on a date with, or even a random stranger. He has already proven himself to be a predator and he needs to be dealt with before there are more victims.
Boy is she so right about this topic. People think of rape as a stranger attacking you in a dark alley in the middle of the night. It is nearly impossible to find the words to explain adult sexual abuse, or to find someone who you think may be able to understand it, even if you find the courage to give the detailed truth about what happened. It’s insidious. More conversation around this topic would help so many people 👍
And in reality a LOT of women know the rapist (apart from rape by a family member or husband). Maybe not well, but the guy knows that she could easily find out his name. And they dare to do it nontheless. (these days often using drups to spice a drink). Or these guys feel safe to violate because of being aquainted. She feels safe because she "knows" him a bit .... surely that would keep him from trying anything.
He on the other hand feels safe because after all she was seen in his company, and he can paint her accusations as being lies. Her word against his word (or their word if it is more than one dude). Some guys are vile enough to calculate that they will get away with it.
A work collegue went out to an event (it was a youth club). This was little town in a rural area, people know each other.
She had seen these guys before in the club, they were friends or aquaintances of friends.
So when they offered her a ride home she felt safe to accept it. She would not have entered the vehicle of strangers, but these were no "strangers".
3 young men and one young woman in the car, she in the back seat, and then the driver started telling her, they (he) could abduct her and have "some fun" with her. She got real scared, could not get out of the car. Told him / them not to do do anything stupid, she knew them, she would tell her parents and the police ...
These were not ghetto criminals, just young men from a fairly rural area with low crime rate.
Even if they had no intention to acutally abduct and rape her and just wanted to "prank" her - that was some psychopathy on display.
Interestingly none of the other 2 guys called the driver an idiot and told him to shut up. I am not sure if they participated in the lewd talking but they sure as hell did not say to her or him that he was an idiot and that nothing was going to happen, he should pay attention to the street and bring her home.
I am not sure if they dropped her in the middle of nowhere or if they brought her home (I seem to remember she demanded that they let her out, and they dropped her off where she needed to go home for quite a while). I hope she told everyone that knew these guys what they had done.
@@franziskani What a horrible experience for your friend. And you're right: even if that was a "prank", there was clear psychopathy in it.
I’ll never understand husbands who abuse their wives. What weak little men
*weak little boy
And I never understood wives that lied about abuse in a divorce. Weak little women.
I never understood women and men who pick partners and choose not to leave at the first sign of abuse. Somehow the abuse and mistreatment is magically an issue after a number of years of living it. I always questioned why these individuals don’t leave at the first sign or pattern of abuse.
@@standground8284 People ask all the time, actually, and blame the victim. Most of the time it's because the little behaviours that start wearing us down are "normalised" by upbringing so it doesn't seem like something they should leave over, it feels like it's them being too sensitive. And then, like this woman in the call, you're made to believe you're crazy or you're the problem, that you need to be better, that no one else would love you - and your sense of self is bad enough that you believe it by this point. The other reality is that the first signs of abuse can be explained away as human mistakes - "I didn't mean to say cruel things to you, I was just angry, I won't do it again," "'I'm not trying to control you, I'm just worried and protective and maybe I took it too far" - just little things for someone to work on a bit. But then they're happening a little bit more often, and a litle bit worse, but you already accepted it once because you're a forgiving person and after forgiving before where do you draw the line and say you won't do it anymore (especially in light of everything I said at the start of this reply - it's normalised, and if you do realise things are wrong you believe on some level you're the problem/over sensitive/not forgiving enough). And it gradually gets worse. There's also the kind of man this caller was married to, who acts like a different person until you're married to them, and then there's this cognitive dissonance where you can't believe this is really them, it's a bad day, they're under stress, etc, because this is the person you love acting "out of character." Then again, before you know it things have become routinely bad and you're dissociating, confused, scared and embarassed.
No one, woman or man, "picks" an abusive partner. We're attracted to the familiar, so we can end up with people who seem different on the surface but are ultimately like the abusers we've had in the past and we don't see the red flags until it's too late (therapy can help, but it takes a long time), and/or someone hides their real self until they've "locked you in" (eg with marriage) and the mental whiplash and legal situation make it hard to leave. Let's not act like abuse is coming from cartoon villains in black hats who are easy to spot, and let's not ignore the reality of how abuse affects people and prevents them from easily leaving. By its nature that's what abuse does.
@@TesriaT You basically wrote all of that to admit that people do actually pick who they decide to be in a relationship with. After cheating or abuse happens they consciously decide to stay because the abuser convinces them that it won’t happen again or you too sensitive, etc. If you get abused and you decide to chalk it up “human mistakes” then what are we talking about. Your entire response is dripping with making every possible excuse to not to leave the abuser instead of just leaving.
Goodness I just want to hug her and be her friend! 💔
John, your ability to shine light on a situation never fails!
My sister still talks to my first ex husband abused and raped me in my marriage. It’s been 40 years since the divorce, and its hurtful and confusing when your family takes the side of your abuser over your family.
I'm sorry you have such a toxic sister. It may be best to go no contact with her.
@@vaska1999 thank you. It’s very limited for sure.
Narcissist:psychopaths are always able to come out smelling like a rose.
Miranda you are brave to leave that situation. Please work on understanding and forgiving yourself of this hurt, pain and shame. Wishing and hoping you all the best and happiness. ❤❤❤
It's not her responsibility to protect his reputation!! With the help of a therapist, she needs to find her voice, and then tell EVERYONE!
I never react this way to a call but wow… I want to weep for her and give her a hug. Praying that God may restore her soul and that she might find love again with a solid, godly man that will honor and cherish her.
Thanks to John and Miranda...brought tears to my eyes...her sharing her pain and his validation and understanding. 🎯❤ So glad you left Miranda!! You deserve to be safe.
EMDR was very helpful to me! It made zero sense but sometimes it doesn’t matter that I don’t understand but what matters is that it works.
leaving was the right choice... sorry you went through this
She is brave and strong!! I wish her healing and a bright future ❤❤
She sounds just like me 15 years ago except i stayed WAY longer and things got worse. I DID admit myself and signed a power of attorney to give him full control over me. Im so glad she got out sooner! It took many years but my family finally believed me. I pretty much dont tell my story anymore unless there is a really good reason. It hurts too bad when people hear your story and STILL blame you. Plus it opens you up to targeting from more predators.
YOU GO, DR. JOHN!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Rape is not how you see it in movies. It’s often someone you know crossing the line & hoping you’re ashamed enough to never mention it to anyone
How does that work in a marriage?
She has to answer to no one about her life choices but herself. She will find people who are compassionate and will love her.
I totally resonate with this woman of God who walked in extreme forgiveness and grace. I'm so proud her! I covered up anger, emotional abuse, stone walling, because I can see who God created him to be and see his demonic attack. Recently, i have confided in a couple of people and am creating boundaries. 9 months since he's even touched my hand as i serve him as Christ, with joy. I cry on my face before my Father in Heaven to change his hard heart and set him free. I live in God's love for me. 🙏♥️ Isaiah 54: 5-6;11-17
I'm glad she was able to leave. I can't financially. And i don't believe that's what I'm called to do at this time. He's in organ failure and I'm believing for his entire miracle healing heart/mind/body.
But thankyou for helping me learn that this is abuse. 30 years ago i would've left if i knew - especially if it forced him/us to get counseling from our childhood traumas. And yes, i married what i was already used to.
I had a similar experience it wasn't until the end when I found out about affairs did it flip and when I filed charges and went through horrible custody battle for 8 years after and it wasn't ever resolved charges were dropped I was bombarded with custody to stay on top of it and it got taken from civil to family court and never brought up again. From false accusations on me I spent more time defending myself than getting my side out
I feel your pain. Stay strong!
I know that "spiritual feeling" that she had. I had something similar after constantly questioning whether i should leave my ex and he tried to blatantly manipulate me and it was like i felt my hurt at such a gut level that my conscience screamed repeatedly " get away from him!!" . I did and since that day i haven't been in touch with him. whenever i try to call his number, i can't even do it. i think sometimes you have an experience so bad that your body kicks in to avoid it at all costs.
Why on Earth would you want to try to call his number?!
This poor woman seems so alone
*It’s not worth it to explain yourself or justify your actions* to anyone, that includes family members and close friends. Abusive people are gifted at lying and painting you as the bad person. I encourage you to take the heat and let your family and close friends believe the liar. If you are abused you should just leave with no explanation, that’s your business. If family or friends later found out about your abuse, that you were telling the truth and come to you apologizing - let them know that their apology isn’t necessary and they can continue to view you negatively… *especially if they were badmouthing you about your decision to leave.*
I feel so sorry for Miranda. I live in Phoenix and would love to be her friend.
"If your silent about your pain, they'll delete you and say you enjoyed it. "
-Zora Neale Hurston
This call broke my heart
Those that aren’t supportive or don’t believe you don’t deserve to be in your life, it’s as simple as that. Maybe I’m over simplifying idk 🤷♀️ of course it’s difficult to cut them off but the more time you waste on them and not focus on your own healing, the longer you’ll take to recover from the abuse. I wish you all the best ❤
The amount of abuse and rape deniers in the comments is incredibly shitty. These should be moderated better for other victims who are listeners.
My ex husband and his whole family blamed me for everything wrong. So glad to have left him and got a much needed divorce.
My husband was very similar to this. He raped me several times and tried to convince me that wasn't what happened. He cheated on me with a woman i thought was my friend. I found out they were plotting to kill me. I still don't mention it to others. It's very hard to find others who'd hear this out. I still don't have any friends. It's nine years later and I'm remarried to someone who's way better and a man of integrity. Unfortunately i can't stomach the idea of making other female friends.
It's not that her mother didn't believe her. It's that her mother didn't want to acknowledge the words from her daughter that she knew was the truth because that would mean she would have to do what it takes to change the situation for the better for her daughter and put her daughter first. Mom was too selfish and cared more about having this loser around in her life that was abusing her daughter van protecting her own daughter. Some parents truly should not be parents
🎯
The scary thing is there are people who believe no fault divorce should be banned. Thank God for it, because this lady would be stuck with her monster ex.
Went to autopilot until your body says i quit. This is the f***king final nail in the coffin.
I divorced my husband at age 19 because he was cold and controlling to me and mean to our baby.
At the time the entire world was against me because he had somewhat celebrity status and money and appeared from the outside very nice. The divorce caused me to lose all my friends and I had no one to support or comfort me.
After many years now looking back at a very successful life where I was mostly a one woman show and a single mother I had many spectacular successes on different levels.
But the fact that I did NOT stay with him and divorced him being so young is something I am immensely proud of.
It is typical that outsiders always seem to blame the woman when she claims to be abused.
It is even more disturbing that the worst critics are other women.
I was told to be grateful that a man like him even pays attention to me and was called "an ungrateful brat" to dare to divorce him
BTW my son, also being a baby then can still remember something and refuses any relationship with him.
divorce at 19? Your still practically a child (brain development wise) at that age. No one should be getting married before the age of 25 untill the brain is fully developed
I got married at 18 because I was pregnant and at the time in history I did not have the option of using real birth control or abortion.
I can assure you that I was a lot more mature than others at that age and also very intelligent. This was 1966. But it doesn't change the fact that I made a real good and mature decision.
I have accomplished more big things in my life than most people would even dream of and most women I know wouldn't dare to try.
BTW the baby son is now a doctor.
So it all worked out beautifully.
@@boston312
@@boston312I understand where you are coming from there. However, then what else can, and should any government prohibit to anyone who isn't 25 yet? Should no one between the ages of 18-25 be allowed to have sex? Consume alcohol? Join the military? Take out loans for school?
@@proudatheist2042the answers to those questions should probably be no 😅
@@boston312
I totally agree! When I found out our brain isn't completely developed at age 25, give or take, I kind of jokingly but kind of seriously told my children they weren't allowed to date until they turn 25. Of course once they're 18 in out on her own I can't tell them what they should or shouldn't do however I did very thoroughly explain the reasoning behind my suggestion and so far they seem to be taking it to heart. It also helps that they know I got married at 19 and it was a disaster!
This woman's situation sounds a lot like mine. My husband's siblings are like my husband and are abusive. I am going through a divorce as well. His family has never loved and respected me as a human being. They have been emotionally and verbally abusive to me our whole marriage when around me alone. My husband refused counseling because he doesn't think he has problems. His family has disconnected from me and it started years ago. My husband grew up in an abusive home that had one rule. "WHAT GOES ON IN THIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE." It is time to move on and heal myself and our children.
People who make other people keep quiet about the situation ARE THE PROBLEM.
Aw no, rape is rape.. Whether the perpetrator is your husband or a stranger. Never allow yourself to minimise what happened to you, or believe that you’re not entitled you use that word, rape is rape full stop. I was raped by a stranger, and I would not say that your experience is any less serious or traumatic than mine. I’m sending you so much love and prayers. I’m so glad you got away & remember you’re not alone, just look at this comment section, you have so many people here for you.. ❤🙏🏽 xx
This man was toxic. She is lucky to be alive.
Yeah she needs to move on. If his family is the bigger issue they’ll find out soon enough because he will do it to the next woman too. 😢
Never mind I commented before we got to her family and wow! She’s gotta work on either cutting them off or working through it. It really sucks when it your own family. 😮
I’m so sorry your husband wasn’t the person you thought he was and he waited until you were married to reveal himself. Lots of people will ask you, straight up, why you got divorced, and you need to come up with a response that’s authentic but not too revealing, so you don’t have to re-live the trauma each time. I’m also really sorry your mom doesn’t know how to hear you or protect you. Women have been enabling abusive men for a very long time and some women teach their daughters it’s okay. You broke the cycle and I’m so happy for you and your future family. Time to heal, which means leaning into healthy habits and people, and slowly backing away from anyone in your life who feels toxic.
In any divorce people take sides. You can tell the truth 100% and it's still no guarantee people are going to take yours. It stinks but it's something you can't change. You just have to know you know the truth and accept that you can't make others acknowledge that truth.
Wow he was such bad news…I’m so glad she left
Thank you Miranda, this was helpful for me.
Thank you. I needed this information.
Abusive people always know how to play victim and make the other person doubt their own sanity I believe everything she’s saying plus what she didn’t say I’m happy she got out safely
I is actually none of their business. Time to set boundaries re their opinion. See a therapist about how to set uour own healthy boundaries
Comparing trauma may be exhausting but it is what other people do to women. Has it ever occurred to John that maybe she doesn't want anyone to know? There is a stigma that comes with this. Women are harder on women because sometimes they don't understand why she didn't just leave because they don't have experience. Also, if they put up with it they think everyone else should put up with it. Better to remain silent sometimes.
No you speak up. Just use discernment in the ones you choose to talk to.
I can hear her meak and mild demeanor in her voice. She has probably taken responsibility for everyone of her husband's issues and violence. I hope she get therapy and finds her voice and values herself.
In marriage you have the right to mutual love and not withholding as a pattern except by mutual agreement. But the solution to that is NEVER force.
She’s protecting herself and locking some things away. It is easier to lock it away in the closet than deal with it immediately, unfortunately the demons will open that door and come out to play her whole life and that’s a set up for all future relationships to fail. Her family ,unless they know everything, can not be held responsible for not responding appropriately if they do not have all the information.
Her family chose not to believe she had a very good reason for divorcing her husband. That's emotional betrayal. They were far more willing to attack and criticize her. There's no excuse for that. Her family is toxic.
Spousal rape is rape. No is no.
I don't think you need to explain to anyone why you got divorced or even justify you decision, especially if you are not comfortable. It's your life.
I wonder how long disassociation can go on for.
A lot longer than you’d think
For decades.
I feel awful for her. I am always curious how long married couples in these situations date each other. It's very difficult to completely hide who one is for more than a few months. Warning signs eventually show up if the time is given for them to. People don't just drastically change the core of who they are overnight like that.
Unfortunately, that is not the case for many women. This thing we tell ourselves, that if we’re just smart and tactful and wise, we’ll avoid being abused is to provide comfort to ourselves that it is something we ourselves have control enough to avoid. But it’s a false comfort. I know women like Miranda who took things slow and dated the man for years and were very careful and their husbands also flipped on them as soon as they were married. In a perfect world, abuse is something we could avoid with tact and intelligence, but in reality, anyone can end up abused.
Why doesn't she come out and say what happened. Very vague about her complaints. No wonder her friends are confused.
Probably embarrassed, especially if she was warned about him but ignored it. She doesn't want to hear "told ya so"
She's embarrassed. And she doesn't owe it to anyone to provide them with specific illustrations of the abuse she experienced.
Oh god tell the truth !!!
I'm sorry that happened to you. And, actually it is nobody elses business why you had to divorce someone...and you don't have to answer questions from nosy people who haven't earned the right to know! ...Hope you get more help
Only my brothers have been supportive the _women_ in my family really have been toxic. Again the evasive speech pattern. She cannot even SAY: My mother does not support me, does not believe, or does not think it is a big deal and thinks that I am to blame for the end of the marriage (that is why should could not phone them right away after the abuse started). And what about her FATHER ?
Edit: a bit later she did say that her MOTHER was dismissive of her being abused (likely by a step dad).
Well then the stance of the mother is understandable, after all she has chosen her husband and staying married over the wellbeing of her daughter.
Delony must have seen some information on a screen, background info that the callers submit, when they apply, that he did not mention. Either there was some editing in the video or he slipped up (a bit). She opened up about abuse, and enabling women, but did not mention a step dad.
Well, her step dad did it - and her "mother" chose the husband, her status as wife, maybe financial benefits - over her daughter.
We need 2 make it more fair and have the other person there
This isn't Oprah, thank God.
What circumstances would have created a situation where he would have forced himself upon her?
He wanted to have sex or he demanded specific sex acts from her. He started that behavior directly after the wedding, maybe she was a virgin or not very experienced, so his desires never showed up during premarital sex. Or he felt entitled to more frequent sex or certain sex acts.
Persons with a personality disorder typically wait until they have secured the partner - and then they show their true colors and start the abuse. So the bad behavior starts after the wedding, or when they moved away (from her support network), after she gave up her job, her apartment, or when she gave birth (and leaving him would be much more complicated).
His signal - now I got her - was that she was his spouse. From then on he did not have to deceive her anymore and could drop the (exhausting) act. Some (malignant) narcissists engage in love bombing in the dating phase, while they also make sure to move things along quickly. The engagement, the wedding, moving, chaning jobs ... it all happens in a hurry.
Presenting the facade is exhausting, so they want to seal the deal as fast as possible and have their victim in a dependent position.
You never know maybe she didn't feel well, maybe she didn't want too, maybe he was a total ass towards her,Maybe he wanted to dominate her. No means No. Husband or not. He had no right
Maybe he was interested in controlling her right out of the starting gate. According to her, he appeared to enjoy it when he hurt her, and liked seeing her cry, so sexual assault doesn't seem far fetched.
So the chill pill (Valium) was used in the 60s, 70s on wives like her. Men should cite the “lack of prescription tranquilizers” as reason for divorce today.
It’s so interesting isn’t it?
I will stand still on the other side of this microphone
to honor your pain
Acknowledging yours
Waiting for you to acknowledge my pain
But back to where we were though
You never force yourself on a woman married or not.
OMG. Call it what it was.
Wonder if Dave Ramsey would think of this marriage isn't always the right decision it could be a trap then pay lawyers enormous amount to get our😢
Did you read this before posting it? No one has any idea what you are talking about.
I don’t understand when women don’t believe their family members. Hear a lot cases and its always the women who don’t believe and not only that blame. I get being skeptical of famous people. I don’t get not taking you child or family member seriously. Even if there was a possibility that they are lying I will still take them seriously until it’s proven without a shadow of the doubt. How can you side with someone your own sister and daughter
Either there is something missing and she isn’t disclosing everything or her family members are absolute scum for not hearing her side of the story and find out the truth for themselves.
They're scum. She shouldn't have to "disclose everything" for her own family to be fully supportive of her. (Her mother even chose to stay with the step-father who had sexually abused her, claiming not to believe her. )
What a liar!
She should get counseling so nobody can abuse her again .
Is it rape in every state? It is wrong and abusive regardless. As is withholding sex. They should have annulled the marriage or divorced immediately; without becoming a monster.
YES, in every state it would be called marital rape. There is ZERO situations where it’s legal to force yourself on to a woman or man for that matter after they said NO.
@@flashthecorgi2053That is good news. The marital exemption still existed in my area not so long ago. Looks like SC still has some interesting caveats.
"Also, in South Carolina, a prosecution for spousal sexual battery may not proceed unless the offending spouse's conduct was reported to law enforcement within 30 days of the event."
@@diggernash1 Right you may have to report it and give proof but it would be considered marital rape.
She sounds a bit off to me. Why would he completely change a couple days after wedding? Definitely 2 sides of this story: she was very vague, never reported alleged crime, all her family is against her, keeps changing facts and timelines.
Well the not reporting it part isn't uncommon at all. I think more often than not it isn't reported when a partner rapes.
A sudden change in behaviour is typical of predators once they have secured their prey (i.e. got married).
@@ashleysalazar2012 Well, combined with the other context, it just works against her here.
@@vaska1999 Where are you getting that from? Quite the opposite.
@@BillDaBurgerEater Read up on (malignant) narcissists.
OInce again we need to hear his side..... J Daphony automatically jumps to the side of the female caller. Women are notorious for creating sob stories and manipulative the reality.
No, we don't. This is your way to cast aspersions and absolutely unfounded doubts about this person's veracity.
He is answering to the story it is presented, he is not a detective. We do not to hear nothing, just learn from what was said.
It's only one side of a story. It can be also a fake one to condone her cheating
😂
Glad I’m not much into being a “good Christian”.
Eye roll.
The caller sounds sweet as pie and I hope it ends up heads up for her. I do have a question. I am a single straight man, and a few past GFs flat out told me that they like it behind closed doors very rough and take them when they least expect it and that sort of thing. Honestly that isn't my preferred way, but I did as they asked to keep the relationship afloat. I guess what I am trying to say is there may he a thin line between raping your wife/GF and being spontaneous or dominant. Please do not take this as disrespectful or me being a jerk or anything of the such, I am just saying in a sense it isn't that there is a thin line per se, but my experiences is that some very sweet and normal girls I have dated seemed to want it in a tougher way. IDK anyone have any thoughts on this? Again, please do not take this as disrespectful to the caller who seems really amazing and nice as heck.
No because rough sex is an agreement. he totally changed after the wedding (within days) and he became coercive. You did not coerce your girlfriends, and if they had used the agreed upon code word (for stop) you would have stopped immediately. She likely was a virgin or not very experienced, I assume the coercion was regarding sex acts he expected from her.
A man that CARES about the woman will always notice if she is fine with what happens or if he is being too rough, too coercive. A woman also can unexpectely feel pain. Both do what they always do and all of a sudden she feels pain - well then she will tell him it hurts - and he has to stop immediately.
If sex includes "some" pain (some type of BDSM) it is very common that the couple will agree upon a code word. Protesting and saying no might be part of the role play, so there needs to be a clear signal of STOP.
@@franziskani Thanks for the information. It wasn't like BDSM on my end, they just liked it on the rougher side. I understand.
@@DominickSpanoWhen they least expected it? Like while they were sleeping or on the toilet?
@@ashleysalazar2012Meant be spontaneous and adventurous and such. Lol. I guess I am sort of vanilla.
@@DominickSpano Well I guess I'm vanilla too then because that doesn't sound fun at all. Sex is more than enough pleasure with out getting smacked around and such.
She has a responsibility to all other women who come after her, to speak up.
No. She has no responsibility towards anyone else. She is a victim and doesn't owe anyone anything.
I was sexually assaulted by a friend; I had to weigh whether or not to keep it quiet or blow up his world, my world, and everything. I just wanted it all to go away, but who else had he done this to? Who else WOULD he do this to? I owed it to every woman this man ever interacted with to hold him to account in public, so maybe he had an opportunity to recognize his own patterns and change his whole life. I couldn’t have lived with myself knowing I could have prevented what happened to me from happening to anyone else.
@@ladyvikingHe coerced or pressured her into sex. He didn't violently rape her. There isn't really a whole lot she can legally do. And she doesn't owe anything to any woman. Just because he pulled one over on her doesn't mean he can pull one over on someone else. If you want my body and I don't want to give it, you're going to have to pull out a gun or something because no.
@@ashleysalazar2012 I hope you never have to find out how you would react. But A: you don't know how her situation went down, whether it was violent or coercive - and B: you NEVER know how you would act in this situation, regardless of how you imagine it. I'm telling you .
@@ladyviking well she said how it happened
People in her real life don't believe her because they know both sides and her true character. The new "abuse" = everything didn't go 100% my way when I look back on those situations and being a victim shields me from all of my bad behaviors.
Big business for weaponized therapy. 😂😂😂
You are so disgusting. You know nothing about how abuse is. Go away and never come back.