I hate small talk and socializing with people Because a few minutes into the conversation, they say something that causes me to regret that I engaged in the conversation in the first place. I am not on the spectrum. I have a HFA teen and what I tell him is that don’t mask, and don’t be afraid to tell people that you are on the spectrum, for understanding purposes, and you will draw the people that are interested in being in your life versus people who want to bully you. And you will know who is safe to be around and who is not.
I can relate, I’m an introvert I don’t care for social interaction but can tolerate it if I mentally prepare myself. I mostly cope in social settings by asking people questions about themselves not because I want to get to know them it’s just a way to pass the time. Fortunately most extroverts like talking about themselves so it works.
I too am an introvert. I dislike social situations but if forced into one I have also learned to ask questions and let the extroverts talk. I am 65 and still feel so so awkward in large social settings other than immediate family. Its terrible.
I like socializing one on one but when there's more than one person I'm usually the quiet one listening to the conversations. I wish I could jump in the conversation but it's hard
ADHD introvert here. I get so drained socializing with most people. Only a very select few help recharge me when I hang out with them and even then I really have to be in the mood to do so (ie every few months is fine).
I am 48 years old and the oldest in my family. I was recently diagnosed with Autism and ADHD recently by a Psychologist and I can really relate to the caller’s story. I appreciate Dr. Delony’s advice about how to socialize with people because I struggle in this area.
I have never felt so connected to this call, I would like to thank this person for being brave in calling, I am in the UK so I can't exactly call Dr John but I always tune in, might not always relate to a person's situation but I learn. Today this call has touched me because all the points in wondering how to connect, not feeling like I can contribute, small talk, I felt it all. I am in CBT now, not diagnosed with Autism but I speculated years ago of the possibility but God willing I am on a path to becoming a Butterfly. Not comparing, listening and being confident and engaging. Not all days are the same. I wish the caller and anyone who feels this way a beautiful life and a wonderful journey.
I learned how to get out of my comfort zone and forced myself to socialize to get a very prestigious job. It’s NOT easy and I’m definitely an introvert and get tired from interacting with anyone. I’m this way even with family. I need a LOT of alone time. However, learning to socialize is very rewarding in the long run. And I have met many amazing ppl in my life because I put myself out there. I am slightly autistic and am a functioning ADD (I learned to work around my issues). I love nothing more than being alone but my family needs me and by my interactions with our neighbors and community, I have made it better for my family. Some things you just have to grit and bear to get the rewards on the other side. Socializing is a skill that needs practice. Keep at it and it stops feeling difficult. Which in turns mean you can be picky about who your friends are.
Girl I don't like people either. I had a great childhood and had friends growing up and throughout college and early adult years. Now, I just really dislike connecting with new people and don't know where it comes from. I don't even date, that's how annoyed I am of people. People really be pissing me off 😂
I don't like labels. It's NEVER what's wrong with you. It's what happened to you. Trauma's run deep within our cells and we can change them. With the right help we can teach ourselves coping skills. Our childhoods were delusional and as adults we need to retrain ourselves into thinking differently. Its hard, but can be done. Stay strong, we got this!
yup thats what i was telling myself i am who i am and thats what ill be, if i was a social person id be socializing non stop so im not forcing anything im not comfortable with
There's a huge difference between social anxiety and not enjoying socializing. From the title I thought the caller was going to be someone who just didn't enjoy socializing. I have great people skills but I dont get much out of socializing and am essentially a loner. Wherever I go, though, in terms of places of business, I'm a favorite client or customer because of how I treat people and I can make business contacts very easily. Point is, if you're someone who doesn't enjoy socializing, that's not a problem. But having good people skills can be very helpful in business whether you are a customer or a networker. Mind you, I was very shy and socially anxious as a child and teenager and was bullied in middle and high school. I also had an addict for a mother who neglected me. All this to say, I had major self-esteem issues to overcome before I became the type of person who can pretty much charm anyone, anywhere but socializing drains me and there are very few people who I find interesting enough to want to add them into my personal circle. Other than spending time with my boyfriend, I prefer spending my time alone.
I have social anxiety and it’s been like 2 or more years since I’ve hung out with old friends. And I’ve been through the lonely phase and everything and I don’t really get lonely anymore and I really enjoy just being alone , but I’m always told it’s unhealthy.
Man my autism really makes me prefer to be alone. I despise small talk and socializing is exhausting. I’m beyond even trying to enjoy socializing at this point. I’m 43 and I’m just done with it. I feel for this lady because I get where she’s coming from so much.
With autism, I think you just have to respect who you are. If you don't like it, you don't like it. As an autistic, I love my hobbies. I am obsessed with many different technical hobbies, math being the largest, and I would much rather dive into those than deal with people. Nothing wrong with that.
“People have never been safe for you.” That was a bombshell. I’m a man (32) and I probably experience this a bit differently but I have a similar history as the caller. I’ve gotten better about socializing mostly through realizing I’m safest when I am listening and that my body is not wrong. Thanks for this, it was healing to hear.
I relate and was diagnosed with ADD later in life along with other life experiences that impacted on who I am today. Laura, you are one of my tribe, and you’re ok.
I feel for this lady soo much, I have been where she is and am only now coming out of it a little, and starting to see the beauty of being able to connect after soo long being disconnected. I think CBT around social anxiety ( poss also symptoms of Neurodivergence too) helped me somewhat , but specially learning to shift from self focus , which can cause me to have racing thought in social situations and preoccupation with what ppl think about me, to focus my mind on the outside through mindfulness type practices. I hope Laura is able to find authentic connections, no one should have to go without it, it’s truly a simplicity but beauty of life, life has become more colourful for me being able to connect since it is in all aspects of what we do, I can now do more things with less hesitation ✨ If you read this Laura, one thing I have learned is to also notice the moments I am at peace, and be present in them because you are teaching yourself (your central nervous system particularly) that you don’t always have to be anxious and essentially you can reset your CNS over time. Also deep breathing exercises help is strengthen our vagus reflex, apparently involved in relaxation through parasympathetic responses ✨
6:00 as soon as she started describing it i knew it was Anxiety related, the whole want to escape the situation, which is really hard to combat sometimes
This was an interesting conversation for me because my sister and I lived in a really dysfunctional alcoholic family. We are 15 months apart. I handled it by going inward and staring at the dysfunction straight in the eye and my sister handled it by going outward and she was very social. I got a lot of therapy as a young teenager and young adult (I paid for all of it myself) and my sister got no therapy or very little. I was depressed and suicidal and my sister was la la la la la I'm not going to think about it. Now we are in our 60's and I am still an introvert and I still don't trust people much and my sister has friends all over the world, but her adult daughter doesn't want to be around her much. My sister keeps busy, busy, busy. I'm trying to live a zen life. I feel like I learned a lot of tools in therapy, but I still have issues and I deal with them the best I can when they pop up. My sister went to therapy several times as a adult, but she leaves therapy every time the therapist hits a nerve. My sister believes her problems are always caused by other people and that she is fine. She's not. I accept my introversion now, but I do speak to neighbors and people when I run around town. But I pretty much stopped trying to be more social than that because I'm happier being alone and not having to deal with other people a lot. I commend Laura for trying to understand her uncomfortableness in social situations. I hope that she learns the tools to help her navigate in a social world without pain. I wish her the best.
I too dislike "socializing". I am fine with getting together with a group to DO SOMETHING!!! Go on a hike, kayak, build a dog house, help someone move. But to hang out in a bar or someone's livingroom to discuss the latest reality TV. Na. At my age (70) I have learned this is who I am and I am fine without the chitchat other folks desire.
CPTSD mimics autism and other disorders - with her upbringing story alone she should seek a therapist who specializes in CPTSD. Was a game changer for me when I realized how bad it was, and how to work through it all
I have complex PTSD from my upbringing and my 25 yrs of working as a corrections officer. I can relate to automatically thinking people are not safe. It is a struggle to meet new people. It is a struggle to not isolate. But as I get older, I don’t want to be lonely anymore.
This call really resonated with me. I absolutely loathe small talk. I hate being in a room full of people because it makes me so sick to my stomach and I worry that I'll end up saying or doing something dumb that I'll be judged for. My dad was also an alcoholic and he had alzheimers my whole childhood so I felt like I never knew him.
It's interesting that introverts are always expected to " step outside their comfort zone" , but no one ever asks the same from an extrovert. Like "can you be silent for a half hour or an hour in a social setting?" , Or, " can you answer a question with one word?" Listening to some of the people who call in on this show would be crazy-making if I lived in close proximity to them. I don't have social anxiety, but I don't enjoy the mindless chatter that takes place in most social situations.
I know they are a sponsor, but I like how John doesn't push Better Health for serious things, even hers. They are good for people who need to talk things out, but for serious issues, IDK. I just noticed it doesn't come up and I feel he has integrity that way
I like that too, I noticed it more lately, serious issues need someone there and maybe an MD. They have a lot of sponsors now and Rachel will like a different game or something like that, but mental health isn't something to be frivolous about.
Regarding small talk--at work it's necessary. I don't want to know the innermost beliefs of the cashiers. And I don't share mine. Some scenarios require shallow conversation. I learned this lesson hard.
For me, I have outgrown friends and even family members. It’s lonely but there was no relationship with people I have nothing in common with and can only relate or talk about a specific time in our lives. Everything outside of that, our values and likes don’t match and that’s fine.
There are many different therapies suggested on this thread but if you haven’t heard /tried the Internal Family Systems model (IFS) developed by Dr Richard Schwartz (people think it’s inner child work but it goes way deeper in my opinion) I would strongly recommend looking into his work, Laura! I feel so connected to your call. A part of me feels socially anxious a ton (work and social functions activate that part of me) but I’ve been learning through IFS how to separate myself from those activated parts and to see them as “my protectors”.. like Dr John was saying, your body is reacting this way for a reason (being in the environment you were brought up in and then your body reacting to others as though they can’t be trusted- it can become a never ending cycle if you don’t address the cause). Definitely sounds like CPTSD as well. Stay strong!
@@name9601 no ad, just a believer in this form of therapy I learned about last year that has helped me see myself and others in a different light. Learned about IFS through my therapist and then I watched Dr Schwartz in an interview with Rich Roll and learned so much that now I tell many people about it if they’re open to it! I am currently reading one of his books. It’s deep stuff!
I’ve discovered that most people are extroverted and they have no ability to comprehend introverts. I’m very introverted. Being social is exhausting and I avoid it when ever I can. I can small talk with people but it’s always like pulling teeth. I can never remember anything about the convos because I’m in autopilot mode the whole time.
Autistic/ADHD adults are far more likely to experience trauma, anxiety and depression, also addiction, but unfortunately it also can prevent us from getting the correct diagnosis. Even if we do get the diagnosis, there is very little help for autistic adults because discrimination against us is built into the law - in my state insurance companies only have to provide benefits to children. Many of us have really messed up families because autism is largely genetic and our parents also didn't get the right help or diagnosis either. The trauma goes back generations.. ABA does more harm than good for most of us. Please learn more about adult autism Deloney show. . We really need the legalized discrimination to change and that starts with awareness
Pretty sure my mom and one of my sisters are on the spectrum. It has caused me to be more aware and educate myself on the subject. What you said makes so much sense to me.
I stopped being a people person at 15 due to a traumatic experience due to people almost ruining my life. I told my parents i wanted no friend or socialized. At 26, it's hard to try to socialize and make friends. im so used to being alone. I feel ppl will hate me for not being outgoing or friendly.
I used to work with two guys. One had some degree of autism the other was some form of aspbergers . Both would give one word answers and not even look at you while talking. Long story short, after about 3 years, both were super social even with new people. They both still described themselves as having social anxiety disorders, but they didn't realize they were more social than most other people I know. It was just years of them gradually talking to lots of people at work and slowly starting to do things with those people after work. Socializing is like getting in shape or getting rich. The process is so gradual that you dont believe anything is happening. All people have to learn there are jerks you have to cut out, people in the middle you have to enforce boundaries with, and people who like you who will still occasionally say things that hurt your feelings unintentionally. There is no perfect people. But i believe its set up this way to teach you to be a better stronger person, and to teach you to watch what you say to others because you also unintentionally hurt people all the time. Its life. GOD said in the bible it wasn't good for people to be alone. And i agree, we all need breaks from people, but to hide from them is to cheat yourself out of growing into your best self. And to cheat the world out of the gift that is you. If your an introvert, you can learn to be as outgoing as you want. GOD gave us free will, you can be anything you want. But just like someone out of shape no matter how much they want it cant bench press 300 pounds the first day at the gym. That same person after putting in the work a few days a week for 2 or 3 years can handle that weight with ease. Go be who you want to be. ❤❤❤
Just FYI, Asperger's and autism are not two different things. The term "Asperger's" has technically been taken out of use, now they use the "autism spectrum". Some people use the term "high functioning autism" to refer to what was once called Asperger's. It's all just autism.
I am glad i wasnt diagnosed as a child. It labels you and you live by that expectation. It did affect me...not gonna lie. But also, I need to take responsibility for myself and not let it rest on a diagnose
I think language is important. I dont think you should have said "two things wrong with you" i know what you meant but there was a distinct change in her demeanor after that. The stigma surrounding her diagnosis is why individuals on the spectrum struggle with social interactions. Imagine having a conversation with someone and you are telling them you are broken or wrong. We understand the language for other things i.e. "struggle with alcoholism ", "experiencing homelessness", "having a mental health episode" etc. All those are people experiencing challenges not people who are broken or wrong inherently. My perspective. Previous ABA therapist and about 10 years experience working with ESE/ Special Needs/ individuals on the Spectrum/ Differently Abled individuals
You're trying to change yourself...and you will never be happy with that ever...You're not a people person and you shouldn't apologize for that...keep with close family and small group of friends and you'll be ok don't try to be something you're not
Maybe volunteer or take up a hobby so that you have a group of people who like what you like and you don't have to do small talk. That's how i do it because as i get older i have less patience for doing small talk.
I’m good at listening but never felt comfortable starting a small talk. I always wondered why that is the case. I’m fine being by myself, but I do wish I would socialize little bit more.
It’s a Canadian way of speaking in which you end every sentence with an upward lilt to signal that you’re not done talking yet. When your voice goes down, it signals to the other person that you’re done. Mike Meyers does that intentionally for his character in Wayne’s World and discusses it in interviews.
Dr. John getting to fit. I like very very marginally chubby Dr. John (he was never chubby at all). Fit Dr. John or regular Dr. John, hard to go wrong with him. Lol.
You are doing small talk with John, so don't be hard on yourself. My opinions here as a 68 year old man this lady needs to look at her positives. Stop looking at her negatives we all have both.
That's not small talk...small talk is when people are throwing around ideas just to be silly even though they aren't necessarily logically connected to one another...like "imaginative play" sort of. It is much more confusing for autistics than the kind of conversation on this phone call, believe me.
Pretty bold dude...I wouldn't go around telling people to ghost their family on a simple phonecall...you said you weren't willing to diagnose because you don't know her, but you'll tell her to go no-contact? Pretty bold. You also cast doubt on her autism diagnosis despite it being given by specialized professionals. Not good for her.
Side note: The way she talks is annoying. The way she speaks sounds like everything she’s saying is a question. She raises the pitch of each word at the end of her sentences and drags it on. It sounds like a mix of questioning and being condescending
That is a ridiculous take. You can't cure it. Obviously you don't know any seriously autistic people, it would be immediately obvious to you that it's not something that can be cured by "getting away from screens". There are plenty of over-diagnosed dubious disorders out there...autism is not one. As for the label not helping, it does help. It helps you to understand that this strange way of being is just who you are, and isn't going to change. It helps you to accept it. It also helps other people to understand you. When they may have thought you didn't like them or something or were odd, now they understand you are autistic. It's very helpful. Western society is in this phase of massive over-indulgence in mental diagnoses and self diagnoses and "mental disorder communities"...I know. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater: autism is very real. This is like telling someone with down syndrome to just...stop having it.
This woman is so relatable. I'm highly introverted and have rarely ever liked people.
I used to be a people person until people ruined that for me.
Haha so edgy!
I hate small talk and socializing with people
Because a few minutes into the conversation, they say something that causes me to regret that I engaged in the conversation in the first place. I am not on the spectrum. I have a HFA teen and what I tell him is that don’t mask, and don’t be afraid to tell people that you are on the spectrum, for understanding purposes, and you will draw the people that are interested in being in your life versus people who want to bully you. And you will know who is safe to be around and who is not.
Same, most people are at the very least such a disappointment; at worst.. don’t even get me started!
Very dramatic. I mean you can’t get on in life without people so…
George Carlin: "the public sucks! F_¢k hope! F_¢k hope!"
I can relate, I’m an introvert I don’t care for social interaction but can tolerate it if I mentally prepare myself. I mostly cope in social settings by asking people questions about themselves not because I want to get to know them it’s just a way to pass the time. Fortunately most extroverts like talking about themselves so it works.
Same here 😅
I too am an introvert. I dislike social situations but if forced into one I have also learned to ask questions and let the extroverts talk. I am 65 and still feel so so awkward in large social settings other than immediate family. Its terrible.
Yep...same here!😊
I like socializing one on one but when there's more than one person I'm usually the quiet one listening to the conversations. I wish I could jump in the conversation but it's hard
Same!
This affects so much more than social life, though. It keeps you in an underpaid job and feeling financially trapped.
Or you can become a software developer like I did, make a ton of money working from home and basically interact with nobody. It’s great!
@@thorneto2742please do tell more about being a software developer, did you get a certification or a bachelor’s?
I became a psych. Nurse then onto mental health and addictions counselling. You can train yourself to overcome.
💯
@thorneto2742 the bar for entry is so high for that right now though.....
ADHD introvert here. I get so drained socializing with most people. Only a very select few help recharge me when I hang out with them and even then I really have to be in the mood to do so (ie every few months is fine).
Small steps forward are still progress. Introverts only need one or two close friends
I'm a introvert and have Complex PTSD , so one or two people is ok , large crowds cause my anxiety to get worse
I am 48 years old and the oldest in my family. I was recently diagnosed with Autism and ADHD recently by a Psychologist and I can really relate to the caller’s story. I appreciate Dr. Delony’s advice about how to socialize with people because I struggle in this area.
I have never felt so connected to this call, I would like to thank this person for being brave in calling, I am in the UK so I can't exactly call Dr John but I always tune in, might not always relate to a person's situation but I learn. Today this call has touched me because all the points in wondering how to connect, not feeling like I can contribute, small talk, I felt it all.
I am in CBT now, not diagnosed with Autism but I speculated years ago of the possibility but God willing I am on a path to becoming a Butterfly. Not comparing, listening and being confident and engaging. Not all days are the same. I wish the caller and anyone who feels this way a beautiful life and a wonderful journey.
❤
I learned how to get out of my comfort zone and forced myself to socialize to get a very prestigious job. It’s NOT easy and I’m definitely an introvert and get tired from interacting with anyone. I’m this way even with family. I need a LOT of alone time.
However, learning to socialize is very rewarding in the long run. And I have met many amazing ppl in my life because I put myself out there.
I am slightly autistic and am a functioning ADD (I learned to work around my issues). I love nothing more than being alone but my family needs me and by my interactions with our neighbors and community, I have made it better for my family.
Some things you just have to grit and bear to get the rewards on the other side. Socializing is a skill that needs practice. Keep at it and it stops feeling difficult. Which in turns mean you can be picky about who your friends are.
Girl I don't like people either. I had a great childhood and had friends growing up and throughout college and early adult years. Now, I just really dislike connecting with new people and don't know where it comes from. I don't even date, that's how annoyed I am of people. People really be pissing me off 😂
Same here!
Same here. I want people to get faaaar away from me. lol.
I like to socialize to an extent but if a person doesn’t like to then why should they?
@@stephaniek2018My dream would be to live in the mountains in a shack…with electricity, running water and internet of course 😂
@@supernova11711 Mine is the beach. lol
I don't like labels. It's NEVER what's wrong with you. It's what happened to you. Trauma's run deep within our cells and we can change them. With the right help we can teach ourselves coping skills. Our childhoods were delusional and as adults we need to retrain ourselves into thinking differently. Its hard, but can be done. Stay strong, we got this!
There is zero wrong with not liking socializing and small talk. You have to honor yourself and not force something that's not for you.
Right
yup thats what i was telling myself i am who i am and thats what ill be, if i was a social person id be socializing non stop so im not forcing anything im not comfortable with
There's a huge difference between social anxiety and not enjoying socializing. From the title I thought the caller was going to be someone who just didn't enjoy socializing. I have great people skills but I dont get much out of socializing and am essentially a loner. Wherever I go, though, in terms of places of business, I'm a favorite client or customer because of how I treat people and I can make business contacts very easily. Point is, if you're someone who doesn't enjoy socializing, that's not a problem. But having good people skills can be very helpful in business whether you are a customer or a networker. Mind you, I was very shy and socially anxious as a child and teenager and was bullied in middle and high school. I also had an addict for a mother who neglected me. All this to say, I had major self-esteem issues to overcome before I became the type of person who can pretty much charm anyone, anywhere but socializing drains me and there are very few people who I find interesting enough to want to add them into my personal circle. Other than spending time with my boyfriend, I prefer spending my time alone.
I have social anxiety and it’s been like 2 or more years since I’ve hung out with old friends. And I’ve been through the lonely phase and everything and I don’t really get lonely anymore and I really enjoy just being alone , but I’m always told it’s unhealthy.
Man my autism really makes me prefer to be alone. I despise small talk and socializing is exhausting. I’m beyond even trying to enjoy socializing at this point. I’m 43 and I’m just done with it. I feel for this lady because I get where she’s coming from so much.
With autism, I think you just have to respect who you are. If you don't like it, you don't like it. As an autistic, I love my hobbies. I am obsessed with many different technical hobbies, math being the largest, and I would much rather dive into those than deal with people. Nothing wrong with that.
“People have never been safe for you.” That was a bombshell. I’m a man (32) and I probably experience this a bit differently but I have a similar history as the caller. I’ve gotten better about socializing mostly through realizing I’m safest when I am listening and that my body is not wrong. Thanks for this, it was healing to hear.
I really wish you everything good, Laura. I'm rooting for you.
I relate and was diagnosed with ADD later in life along with other life experiences that impacted on who I am today. Laura, you are one of my tribe, and you’re ok.
I feel for this lady soo much, I have been where she is and am only now coming out of it a little, and starting to see the beauty of being able to connect after soo long being disconnected. I think CBT around social anxiety ( poss also symptoms of Neurodivergence too) helped me somewhat , but specially learning to shift from self focus , which can cause me to have racing thought in social situations and preoccupation with what ppl think about me, to focus my mind on the outside through mindfulness type practices. I hope Laura is able to find authentic connections, no one should have to go without it, it’s truly a simplicity but beauty of life, life has become more colourful for me being able to connect since it is in all aspects of what we do, I can now do more things with less hesitation ✨
If you read this Laura, one thing I have learned is to also notice the moments I am at peace, and be present in them because you are teaching yourself (your central nervous system particularly) that you don’t always have to be anxious and essentially you can reset your CNS over time. Also deep breathing exercises help is strengthen our vagus reflex, apparently involved in relaxation through parasympathetic responses ✨
Great info, thank you ❤
@@texuztweety You are welcome ☺️
umm, I could've made this same call. Same problems, same situations, just a few details of my past will be changed. Girl you are not alone in this.
6:00 as soon as she started describing it i knew it was Anxiety related, the whole want to escape the situation, which is really hard to combat sometimes
This was an interesting conversation for me because my sister and I lived in a really dysfunctional alcoholic family. We are 15 months apart. I handled it by going inward and staring at the dysfunction straight in the eye and my sister handled it by going outward and she was very social. I got a lot of therapy as a young teenager and young adult (I paid for all of it myself) and my sister got no therapy or very little. I was depressed and suicidal and my sister was la la la la la I'm not going to think about it. Now we are in our 60's and I am still an introvert and I still don't trust people much and my sister has friends all over the world, but her adult daughter doesn't want to be around her much. My sister keeps busy, busy, busy. I'm trying to live a zen life. I feel like I learned a lot of tools in therapy, but I still have issues and I deal with them the best I can when they pop up. My sister went to therapy several times as a adult, but she leaves therapy every time the therapist hits a nerve. My sister believes her problems are always caused by other people and that she is fine. She's not. I accept my introversion now, but I do speak to neighbors and people when I run around town. But I pretty much stopped trying to be more social than that because I'm happier being alone and not having to deal with other people a lot. I commend Laura for trying to understand her uncomfortableness in social situations. I hope that she learns the tools to help her navigate in a social world without pain. I wish her the best.
I too dislike "socializing". I am fine with getting together with a group to DO SOMETHING!!! Go on a hike, kayak, build a dog house, help someone move. But to hang out in a bar or someone's livingroom to discuss the latest reality TV. Na. At my age (70) I have learned this is who I am and I am fine without the chitchat other folks desire.
CPTSD mimics autism and other disorders - with her upbringing story alone she should seek a therapist who specializes in CPTSD. Was a game changer for me when I realized how bad it was, and how to work through it all
Im pretty sure this is me.
Never related to something more, wishing the best for Laura
3:09 the same thing happened to me. I was born on 1988 and i guess adhd wasnt well diagnosed back then AND I AM GLAD! This was in NYC
I have complex PTSD from my upbringing and my 25 yrs of working as a corrections officer. I can relate to automatically thinking people are not safe. It is a struggle to meet new people. It is a struggle to not isolate. But as I get older, I don’t want to be lonely anymore.
Wow. Nice conversation. Laura, sending hugs. You got this. Get the help you need. ❤
This call really resonated with me. I absolutely loathe small talk. I hate being in a room full of people because it makes me so sick to my stomach and I worry that I'll end up saying or doing something dumb that I'll be judged for. My dad was also an alcoholic and he had alzheimers my whole childhood so I felt like I never knew him.
It's interesting that introverts are always expected to " step outside their comfort zone" , but no one ever asks the same from an extrovert. Like "can you be silent for a half hour or an hour in a social setting?" , Or, " can you answer a question with one word?" Listening to some of the people who call in on this show would be crazy-making if I lived in close proximity to them. I don't have social anxiety, but I don't enjoy the mindless chatter that takes place in most social situations.
I know they are a sponsor, but I like how John doesn't push Better Health for serious things, even hers. They are good for people who need to talk things out, but for serious issues, IDK. I just noticed it doesn't come up and I feel he has integrity that way
I like that too, I noticed it more lately, serious issues need someone there and maybe an MD. They have a lot of sponsors now and Rachel will like a different game or something like that, but mental health isn't something to be frivolous about.
Regarding small talk--at work it's necessary. I don't want to know the innermost beliefs of the cashiers. And I don't share mine. Some scenarios require shallow conversation. I learned this lesson hard.
For me, I have outgrown friends and even family members. It’s lonely but there was no relationship with people I have nothing in common with and can only relate or talk about a specific time in our lives. Everything outside of that, our values and likes don’t match and that’s fine.
There are many different therapies suggested on this thread but if you haven’t heard /tried the Internal Family Systems model (IFS) developed by Dr Richard Schwartz (people think it’s inner child work but it goes way deeper in my opinion) I would strongly recommend looking into his work, Laura! I feel so connected to your call. A part of me feels socially anxious a ton (work and social functions activate that part of me) but I’ve been learning through IFS how to separate myself from those activated parts and to see them as “my protectors”.. like Dr John was saying, your body is reacting this way for a reason (being in the environment you were brought up in and then your body reacting to others as though they can’t be trusted- it can become a never ending cycle if you don’t address the cause). Definitely sounds like CPTSD as well. Stay strong!
helpful should have more likes, unless it's an ad then forget it
@@name9601 no ad, just a believer in this form of therapy I learned about last year that has helped me see myself and others in a different light. Learned about IFS through my therapist and then I watched Dr Schwartz in an interview with Rich Roll and learned so much that now I tell many people about it if they’re open to it! I am currently reading one of his books. It’s deep stuff!
I’ve discovered that most people are extroverted and they have no ability to comprehend introverts. I’m very introverted. Being social is exhausting and I avoid it when ever I can. I can small talk with people but it’s always like pulling teeth. I can never remember anything about the convos because I’m in autopilot mode the whole time.
Great counsel, I will definitely keep watching this channel
This is an awesome start! Hope it comes together for this lady
I relate to this a ton, always wondered what was wrong with me. Turns out i have autism.
Me too….
I’m the same way except im 41
I try to make friends that’s my therapy but I don’t care anymore if they like me back. I just be the best me I can ❤
Yeah working thru that discomfort is so uncomfortable 😂😅 I felt panic just listening but I’m gonna try holding more conversations with ppl and listen
This caller could have been me. I completely relate. I wonder if she is by chance an INFJ?
INFJ is suuuuuuuper common among autistics.
Happy New Year 🎉
Greetings from New Caledonia
I enjoy socializing except for parties. I avoid them. Maybe it's the alcohol but people at parties are so phony as if their performing on stage.
Autistic/ADHD adults are far more likely to experience trauma, anxiety and depression, also addiction, but unfortunately it also can prevent us from getting the correct diagnosis. Even if we do get the diagnosis, there is very little help for autistic adults because discrimination against us is built into the law - in my state insurance companies only have to provide benefits to children. Many of us have really messed up families because autism is largely genetic and our parents also didn't get the right help or diagnosis either. The trauma goes back generations.. ABA does more harm than good for most of us. Please learn more about adult autism Deloney show. . We really need the legalized discrimination to change and that starts with awareness
Pretty sure my mom and one of my sisters are on the spectrum. It has caused me to be more aware and educate myself on the subject. What you said makes so much sense to me.
Well damn. This sounds like something close to what I needed to hear.
Same, this caller could've been me with some slight alterations
I’m going 12 hr shifts 5 days a week day shift in someone else’s home…. It’s torture
I stopped being a people person at 15 due to a traumatic experience due to people almost ruining my life. I told my parents i wanted no friend or socialized. At 26, it's hard to try to socialize and make friends. im so used to being alone. I feel ppl will hate me for not being outgoing or friendly.
Same here I resonate to everything you said.
I highly relate to this girl.
I used to work with two guys. One had some degree of autism the other was some form of aspbergers . Both would give one word answers and not even look at you while talking. Long story short, after about 3 years, both were super social even with new people. They both still described themselves as having social anxiety disorders, but they didn't realize they were more social than most other people I know. It was just years of them gradually talking to lots of people at work and slowly starting to do things with those people after work. Socializing is like getting in shape or getting rich. The process is so gradual that you dont believe anything is happening. All people have to learn there are jerks you have to cut out, people in the middle you have to enforce boundaries with, and people who like you who will still occasionally say things that hurt your feelings unintentionally. There is no perfect people. But i believe its set up this way to teach you to be a better stronger person, and to teach you to watch what you say to others because you also unintentionally hurt people all the time. Its life. GOD said in the bible it wasn't good for people to be alone. And i agree, we all need breaks from people, but to hide from them is to cheat yourself out of growing into your best self. And to cheat the world out of the gift that is you. If your an introvert, you can learn to be as outgoing as you want. GOD gave us free will, you can be anything you want. But just like someone out of shape no matter how much they want it cant bench press 300 pounds the first day at the gym. That same person after putting in the work a few days a week for 2 or 3 years can handle that weight with ease. Go be who you want to be. ❤❤❤
This is powerful thank u ❤
Just FYI, Asperger's and autism are not two different things. The term "Asperger's" has technically been taken out of use, now they use the "autism spectrum". Some people use the term "high functioning autism" to refer to what was once called Asperger's. It's all just autism.
I am glad i wasnt diagnosed as a child. It labels you and you live by that expectation. It did affect me...not gonna lie. But also, I need to take responsibility for myself and not let it rest on a diagnose
Oh this question is very similar to me. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until I was 27.
I think language is important. I dont think you should have said "two things wrong with you" i know what you meant but there was a distinct change in her demeanor after that. The stigma surrounding her diagnosis is why individuals on the spectrum struggle with social interactions. Imagine having a conversation with someone and you are telling them you are broken or wrong. We understand the language for other things i.e. "struggle with alcoholism ", "experiencing homelessness", "having a mental health episode" etc. All those are people experiencing challenges not people who are broken or wrong inherently. My perspective. Previous ABA therapist and about 10 years experience working with ESE/ Special Needs/ individuals on the Spectrum/ Differently Abled individuals
I would ask my doctor and address to your doctor especially the one who prescribed it ;…. Tell him your exact symptoms … very important
Hang on. Is he saying a conversation ISN'T supposed to be a performance???
Relatable.
You're trying to change yourself...and you will never be happy with that ever...You're not a people person and you shouldn't apologize for that...keep with close family and small group of friends and you'll be ok don't try to be something you're not
Maybe volunteer or take up a hobby so that you have a group of people who like what you like and you don't have to do small talk. That's how i do it because as i get older i have less patience for doing small talk.
How much of our identity relies upon other's reactions to us?
I’m good at listening but never felt comfortable starting a small talk. I always wondered why that is the case. I’m fine being by myself, but I do wish I would socialize little bit more.
0:39 thats crazy
Bobsled? Bloody hell? Call from Canada? C’mon, Dr. D.
Painful to hear this lady ending every sentice with a question mark
I would imagine she's difficult to be with too. Meaning she's probably a bitter person.
I notice a lot of folks on the spectrum talk this way
It's referred to as "uptalk", and there's a reason for it. Hopefully she can get help for this.
It’s a Canadian way of speaking in which you end every sentence with an upward lilt to signal that you’re not done talking yet. When your voice goes down, it signals to the other person that you’re done. Mike Meyers does that intentionally for his character in Wayne’s World and discusses it in interviews.
@@leohernandezcolonful Interesting. All I ever learned about how Canadians talk is "Eh?"
Dr. John getting to fit. I like very very marginally chubby Dr. John (he was never chubby at all). Fit Dr. John or regular Dr. John, hard to go wrong with him. Lol.
People are the worst
So Kelly does coke? 😂
Explains SO much ❄️ ❄️
Just jokes 😂
I think it was a bad joke on his part
@@candyluna2929Relax! That's why they call it a joke!
@@candyluna2929they cut to her and you could see on her face that joke didn't land well
First step: stop blaming others. Second step: Most people only really cares about themselves. Step 3: Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Emphasis On: Most people only care about themselves and use socializing as a tool for their own advancement. Know this insight helps Introverts
You are doing small talk with John, so don't be hard on yourself.
My opinions here as a 68 year old man this lady needs to look at her positives. Stop looking at her negatives we all have both.
That's not small talk...small talk is when people are throwing around ideas just to be silly even though they aren't necessarily logically connected to one another...like "imaginative play" sort of. It is much more confusing for autistics than the kind of conversation on this phone call, believe me.
Me too. Ugh
This me fir real
I was a people person until I had my twins. So hard now.
Sounds like an introvert that hasn't been found and picked up yet by "the right" extrovert
Pretty bold dude...I wouldn't go around telling people to ghost their family on a simple phonecall...you said you weren't willing to diagnose because you don't know her, but you'll tell her to go no-contact? Pretty bold.
You also cast doubt on her autism diagnosis despite it being given by specialized professionals. Not good for her.
Part of using your hands makes you interesting...I'm sure your friends aren't great speakers!
Side note: The way she talks is annoying. The way she speaks sounds like everything she’s saying is a question. She raises the pitch of each word at the end of her sentences and drags it on. It sounds like a mix of questioning and being condescending
The label of autism doesn't help anyone. Just go do it and get away from screens you'll figure it out
That is a ridiculous take. You can't cure it. Obviously you don't know any seriously autistic people, it would be immediately obvious to you that it's not something that can be cured by "getting away from screens". There are plenty of over-diagnosed dubious disorders out there...autism is not one.
As for the label not helping, it does help. It helps you to understand that this strange way of being is just who you are, and isn't going to change. It helps you to accept it. It also helps other people to understand you. When they may have thought you didn't like them or something or were odd, now they understand you are autistic. It's very helpful.
Western society is in this phase of massive over-indulgence in mental diagnoses and self diagnoses and "mental disorder communities"...I know. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater: autism is very real. This is like telling someone with down syndrome to just...stop having it.
For some reason I can’t stand this guy. His poor wife looked like an absolute meek frightened mouse. He just says the obvious.
Why are you watching then?
@@RepentImmediately because everyone watches a freak show for 2 minutes
@@lillybell2557he appreciates you giving him the income off views! Happy new year! 😁
@@flashthecorgi2053 hahahahaha! Evil people
@@RepentImmediatelyexactly 😂