i feel so bad, disgusting even. i feel less than human because i will never be pure again, but deep down i know i never was. i can't help but want to cope, to be a child again, to act immature and cute for other people. but why i keep turning things sexual? why does my brain do this? why does my own body do this? i never asked for that to happen that day, i never wanted that i was just scared i would lose my only friend. i miss being the innocent pure child i never got to be.
sometimes that feeling of being dirty comes back to me, for this case of feelings i got one lyric from a melanie martinez song "pinky promise, i still love your garden" "even with no flowers?" "even with no flowers." im not that moment im not that trauma im a person, my whole life doesnt stick to that i will grow flowers some day
There are bits of steak stuck in my teeth. My tongue flicks at it, trying desperately to get it out. The texture irritates me, but all is well. My bed is comfortable, It is the weekend, and I have no worries. My eyes swirl as I stare at my popcorn ceiling, thoughts running through them. My room is a mess, just like my mothers even if she swears it's all important to her. Piles of useless items, a ton of my old clothing, a collection of beanie babies; all of them stacked up in her lowly room. She tells my doctor I struggle to focus every time we go there. I don't think i struggle with focusing. The doctor tells her that she's gonna give me medicine for it. It makes me feel dread, I hate taking pills. I won't have to though, my mother takes them for me. My mother yells at me a lot, I don't blame her. My mother is stressed. My mother works a lot. She's trying, she's trying and that's all that matters. My friends at school ask me why I smell bad and why I wear the same clothing every day. I don't know why. I don't know why but I never noticed it before. My curls are tough with tangles and dandruff, my clothing is stained and dirty. It wasn't ever something I noticed. These two boys always call me fat. My mother always told me I was beautiful, I don't think i'm ugly but whenever they say things like that it makes me feel bad. I don't know why. I hate not knowing things, I feel stupid. I ask stupid questions and I say stupid things that don't make sense. My friends always talk about boys. I don't know why they do. Why don't we talk about something fun? Why are our conversations centered around their crushes. I've never had a crush before so I don't know what to talk about with them. My birthday is coming up but my mother hasn't spoken to me today. Usually all she talks about is my birthday whenever the week of it comes up. I haven't seen her today. She hasn't even said good morning to me. My feet drag across the gross carpet and I reach up to my mothers doorknob. The handle felt cold and once I touched it, I felt fear. I twisted it anyways, fear never stopped me. No, it never did. Though, the sight in front of me did. My mother's room was a mess like usual, her T.V was on. I stood in the doorway with that innocent glare on my freckled face. My mother was sleeping on the floor with some medicine in her hand. I don't understand my mother, I don't know why she was sleeping on the floor and not her bed. I lightly shook her shoulder, she didn't wake up though. My mother was always a very deep sleeper. If it doesn't make a lot of sense to you i'm sorry. It's based on parts of my childhood.
@@Boooo8005 I'm gonna assume you meant to write this as a new comment instead of an answer to the post above because I genuinely don't see it any other way around; For the story - I have no words.
@@shutup1062 no, im being serious. you don’t need to be sorry. im so sorry what you and other people went through all this… im quite sensitive and this is the reason why i can cry because topics like this, im just sad and a bit angry because of cruelty of this life..
The first song always hits me in my emotions when I hear it, and frankly, I can't handle listening to the whole thing. It makes me think of baby kittens, and something about that in a vent playlist just strikes a personal cord in me that makes me feel bad 😔
I feel so sad when i read peoples vent in the comment, it makes me wanna cry. I hope everyone will be alright, do never give up, you can do it. If you dont feel alright, seek help while you can.
Music, including stuff like this is keeping me alive right now. I have nothing else, because my own choices lead to the burning of every bridge I've ever built I have no fucking idea what to do or where to go anymore
I can be your friend:) Explore:D find places you want to go and do ^_^ it might take a long time but I believe in you! and music is good:) keep listening to it :) and maybe one day you will be happy again ^^
Remember God loves you and you are never truly alone. You are his child and you have no idea how precious you are to him. No matter what you’ve done through he’s there for you to lean on. Just as adorable and lovely my music like this is how he sees you. And you can cry but remember you aren’t crying alone, he’s there catching your tears. You are never too far gone from him. I love you but he loves you so much more
When you’ve done wrong, the only thing left to do is to try and do right. Maybe not with who’s been lost, but with somebody new. You’re deserving of love.
why did I get introduced to all that stuff so early… why, when I was 7. it’s sad… I’m 21 now and I want to be pure again so bad. but I know I can’t. not anymore
I feel you. I got unlimited internet access and discovered p0rn when I was 7-8 and watched it. quite a lot if im gonna be honest. now im 14, and its really screwed me over in the long run.
Kinda wish I could go back and change all the things I did, especially what I’ve been exposed to. My mom blamed herself a lot but in reality, some actions were mine. I wanna help fix her broken mess too. I love my mom, she was busy caring for the family and me. I fucked it up. I’m sorry mama
in case nobody read the description, here are some timestamps 0:00 frakkur: 4;01 - sigur ros 2:41 estranger - jack stauber 4:14 fallen down (reprise) 6:45 glass chime - inoyamaland 10:12 dramamine - flawed mangoes 13:40 cold - flawed mangoes 17:00 it was only temporary 2 u (super slowed) 19:17 mice on venus but extra nostalgic ps: dont do it, live your life to its fullest, i cant guarantee it will get better but you have to keep trying.
Life’s been hard. Lost my job, lost my house, and I’m losing myself. I’m struggling a lot these days. There’s a small light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m trying so hard to grasp it..
{LONG VENT (sorry 🙁)} the first song reminds me of my first cat i had in 2019, i loved her to death, she was a gray shorthair i believed, found her in my backyard, she carried me through quarantine and back. but she went missing in 2023, believed to be either sold or given away by my cousins. i got two more cats (black and gray male cats) after the incident, but i were distraught. couldn’t get over her for months on end. my other gray male (that i named after her) then suffered the same fate. both gray cats “went missing”, obviously because of my cousins, but they didnt know i knew. i still have my black male cat named Domino to this day, who i also love and cling to as much as my other gray cats, and we have moved to a new apartment, away from my cousins after my mother was hospitalized for a stroke (she is ok, just going through rehabilitation while i live with my sister). but i still miss my old life, before it were ruined. quarantine ruined my family. i miss you, Kitty.
Glad to know i'm not the only one who thinks of cats when hearing that song! I've lost too many sweet angels in my life, and the song just hurts to listen to ;; I'm so sorry for your loss 🫂
(I may delete this because venting is an uncommon thing to me) I remember when my friends had to worry about no other title, no other expectation, other than being friends. Friends with guys, gals, no “YOU MUST” to our worlds. When we decided when to close our eyes, and the setting sun meant nothing. When scruffed knees, loss teeth, bandages and bruises were the hardest things about life. When holding onto someone didn’t have to be overthought as something more. Just knuckle heads being knuckle heads. I am the friendly face, the sturdiest chuckle, the strong one. When the going gets tough, I get tougher. I am exhausted. My heart *shattered* when I reconnected with a childhood friend. We were like siblings - people always thought we were siblings. He set me up unknowingly on a date, I had already asked him to not do that. Regardless I befriended the fellow, and all three of us were making jokes. Light hearted, sometimes dark, sometimes puns… But my friend, to his buddy, in front of me, goes “Hey, so pro tip: when courting a woman, don’t make her laugh too much. You want her to remain poise.” “KK… what did you just say to him?” “When courting a wo-“ “I’m your friend before I’m a woman, right? I’m your friend first, right?” “…” “Dude. We grew up together. You see me as your friend first, then recognize I’m a chic, right? Before anything I’m your friend… right?” “…” …I refuse to lose what’s left of my childhood views. People are people, and cruelty is cruelty - double standards, stereotypes, stigmas… I wish I could be hugged again, and feel like it meant nothing more than just a hug. It’s okay though. I keep smiling, my heart keeps beating, and there will be a better tomorrow. Just gotta work towards it so I can wake up there. Yeah. It’ll be okay…
Sometimes the most tragic thing in the world is realizing that in the mind of somebody who was such an important puzzle piece of your life, you were only ever a fleeting memory. It’s okay, though. A fleeting memory or not, memories with them shaped you into who you are today, and you should treasure that. Cause you’re always making new memories. And maybe somebody else out there will be so influenced by you, that they’ll feel the very same way..
I just wish I never became depressed at such a young age… I didn’t even know I was suicidal I just knew I wanted to stop existing since I was 4 and have been wanting to die for the past 14 years… I can’t see the world in a good light and I don’t know what i’m going to do with my life moving forward… I didn’t plan any of this, I thought i’d die at 14 but I didn’t and I wish I did… nothing good came out of staying here, things continue to go downhill. It feels like my brain is rotting and i’m losing sense of who I once was and I can’t genuinely smile anymore… I think i’m dying mentally and I don’t know how to stop it.
Hope you’re still here. I know nothing about you, but I think you’re like a cicada. Y’know, the bug? Tired, wanting to crawl out of its own skin and tear off its face, just to sing. A poet, better than most.
This actually makes me realize that I've been Sa'd by 3 boys. One by my brother for 2 years until he thankfully stopped, my dad who did it twice recently, and by a man that lived in my house for 3 years. No person should go through any of this. My childhood was sadly taken away when I was only 4
I've never really commented of videos but that first song really touched me in a way. So, here I am. I remember on how I used to be, like, going outside and letting my cats follow me in the woods. Or pretending I'm in a fantasy world and sticking my head out of the window from the car. Y'know, the usual good memories of being young. Then I get reminded of what I've been through so far. I miss being unafraid of being myself. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss not getting anxious of everyone around me. I miss feeling myself. I miss being able to talk. I miss feeling free. I hate the choices I've made. I've grown up too fast to the people around me. I absolutely despise myself now. Sure, I can detach to reality and pretend nothing is wrong but it's getting harder to not think of it. Of all of it. It's so difficult not to just vanish from my friends again, I don't want them to worry about me. It's just hard, everything is so hard to do. Honestly, it's getting harder to live. It really is. I just want someone to see me as me, no matter how I act or do. I'm sorry to ramble, I'm not even sure if this makes sense at all but I just wanted to get this off my chest for once. So, to who ever took their time to read this, thank you. I appreciate you.
I was just 8. I was innocent and pure. a christian. yet those acts destroyed my innocence. forcing me to cope in disgusting ways. I'm addicted to this feeling of pleasure to the point it's disgusting. I want to cry every night knowing that I can't get rid of this sexual want. I want more. I'm a child. I'm 9 then 10 then 11 then 12 yet its still there.. after I finish with myself i'm always asking and crying alone in my room " Why the hell am I doing this? " It's pleasure, I remind myself. Yet its so horrifically satisfying.. It brings me guilt. Why do I feel these emotions? I was just a child when I found out all about this.. It aches.. I want to seek more pleasure, I want everything again. It's a bad pleasure. But my mind can't process it's bad. Pleasure is good, right? Pleasure ruined me. I hate myself. I hate what happened to me. Yet my mind can't process the hate for this.. I want to stop this stupid addiction, yet it won't go away.. I can't heal. I'm sick. Why did my childhood get torn like this? I just wanted to be human also.. not some sick porn addicted fuck. I hate this. I hate how I cope. I want to be a human again. I want to be normal once again.
For those hurting and needing to vent, feel free to vent to me. I will try my best to reply to all. I truly hope the best for you all and love you so much
Im completely wasted atm watching this, more over hearing yknow. This will forever be one of my favorite playlists, it reminds me of how much i did wrong in my life, but shows i wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Thank you🫶
. . . . . . . . . . . it was the summer before second grade, he was one of my cousins, in his junior high years. i thought i finally found an older brother that would play with me, he was everything i dreamed of one. watching him playing console games, leads me around and shows me cool things that mine would never do...but then the games turned indoors, and they weren't fun anymore. that one last time, he almost had his way with me, but i ran to tell the adults, i was too scared. i wanted comfort, i wanted justice. but they told me he was just curious, and i need to forget all of this, none of this never happened. and i did, sometimes i did. but it never truly left, it's still here, the vile feeling of his touch upon me, a stain forever to stay. in second grade i stood on the stairs near my classroom, the wind cradled me as kids of my age ran past by to reach the playground, i realized i could never have it back, i could never be the same again. my view of the opposite gender forever twisted, but as i matured, my body still grew to crave the intimacy, to desire the same thing that proved himselves to only bring hurt and tears. and i hate it so much, i don't want it, i just want to feel pure again, i want to experience love like a normal girl. but i can't have it. i wasn't even 10, i was so young. and then so much happened throughout the years, so much injustice, so many fears and unresolved anger. i don't feel like my childhood was there long enough. i miss my innocence, i miss it so much.
I’m glad that this one isn’t titled traumacore I know it’s just a name and it’s to comfort the people with trauma but the name just rubs me the wrong way
i wish i could revert time. I wish i was asleep instead of staying awake. I wish I could just skip that part of my life and continue as if nothing happened. I wish there was a void that could have sucked me in. I wish nothing bad happened. But it happened. I'm sitting here, writing this comment, remembering everything that happened at that day. When I was 5. It still haunts me to this day, the day I was exposed to everything, that day I couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt like someone snatched the part of my brain consisting of innocence, the part of the brain that i lack of now. My friends think i am weird, but i never told them anything. Everyone is oblivious of what my brain is made up of. It may be a weird or a subject that doesn't matter, but after I saw a video of it that was playing on the tv by accident at 2AM, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt dirty, disgusting and terrible for thinking about it. But now, I can't stop. It's like something in my mind still tells me it is ok, but it's trying so hard with no result. I just want to feel normal again, like I never knew, I just want to feel like a careless child again, but it's too late. I guess I grew up too fast. (i wanted to share my thoughts and my feelings on this certain subject, rn i'm trying not to cry but knowing that people also deal with something like this led me to share this, just to tell people they're not alone).
I am sad that my 6 years old me and 8 years old me was too scared and confused to tell anyone about it. I was thinking that it wasn't real, that it was just a bad dream in my head. but I can't go back to be pure again. and I am still sad about it:(
growing up, you start to look around. what happened to everyone and then myself...we didn't deserve it-- but the fucked up thing is we will never be pure in this world. you see it so much when you start to open your eyes , look around you. became so closed off from the world because of it. more and more. like a spinning record on repeat. now, you look pass your shoulder everywhere you go. you jump and immediately defend yourself, even when it's just a small animal. such as a bird flying pass or a squirrel-- you clench at your chest in fear holding your/a weapon. our purity is taken away in this world. and it will always be that way.
The basketball sits in the weeds. It’s tired of being here, wonders if it even matters anymore. Did everybody forget. Then, one day a person comes and picks up the flat basketball. But instead of pumping it up and using the way most people should use a basketball, they slam it down over and over again. Then it just falls in the weed. Through all of this the basketball keeps hope.
Pt 2. The basketball was worried it’d been here for a bit, wondering why it was such a failure. Then one day a group of 3 comes up and picks up the now worthless, beat up basketball. They pump it up and play with it everyday laughing. Occasionally they would get mad, but mostly at themselves and not the ball. When they did get mad at the ball the ball understood. People get mad lots of times. The basketball did not give up hope, and now every time she falls in the weeds, one comes and picks her up. She is theirs. This isn’t about a basketball.
my friend kept asking me why i attempted, i couldnt help but laugh and joke. how can i be serious about my own pathetic, worthless issues? everything hurts but its okay i just keep laughing
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. There are people who are willing to help, and if nothing else you have me and many others going through this as well. I believe in you, please don't give up.
I was 5 when I learned that I was going to navigate myself through a harsh, neurotypical world. Being bullied at school and dealing w/ emotional neglect at home didn't help either... everyone told me to not speak up, for "what happens in private stays private"... including my pain and anger. My Nana, who passed almost 5 years ago, was my safe place. Nothing feels real without her. I was groomed many times by people I met online, starting at the age of 9... almost got s/a'd by a student at school as well back in grade 4. Stupid me didn't even realise those kinds of people had bad intentions for me, despite me wanting real friends who didn't make me feel like an object, or like I never existed... worse yet, I just wanted to see the good in people. Now I have so many mental health conditions at almost 24 years of age. Borderline, generalized anxiety, possible PTSD... it all happens to men, too. We were just children. We had a right to speak up and find our voice, but we were failed; leaving it up to therapy to fix ourselves. Stay strong everyone. I see you, and I love you.
(VENT) The first song reminds me when i was 4-5, i was visiting my grandparent's house. But i saw a big dog who had black dots who was old but i was so happy when i saw him, i played with him ever since and had many good times with him, but when i turn eleven, he wasn't really the same as before, never happy to see me, just play with my little cousins and it hurts so bad because the years of my life were mostly painful and sad moments and i really wanted some happy moments. but now whenever I see him, I just smile at him because I still love him
I was never one to talk about feelings, even as I vented on a multitude of other playlists just like this one. I find it better to write, to sort things in my head even if it doesn’t help much. I will always forget my age and peoples birthdays and names. It makes me feel guilty for forgetting but try as I might, I could never remember. Even as people tell me things others do not know. Even as my fear whispers words in my ear at the dead of night, forcing me to lock my door in fear of him coming into my room. I’ve never feared it before, I wonder what’s changed? Maybe because I’m now aware of how vile he is. Of how easily it’d be to force me to do whatever he wanted. I’m under his thumb, I realize.
He is getting married this year. I just started college and was trying to recover from my bad habits and keep off the thoughts of what he did to me but the fact he's getting married makes me feel this pain all over my body.
I lost my purity when i started to understand why my parents were yelling at eachother. (My step dad cheated on my mom with the most uglyist woman ever, not only that but he also had back surgery so he couldn’t go anywhere when mom confronted him about it. I hope thats man gets the worst of his life.)
Man i feel weird venting here... i was exposed to s3xual content when i was just 5 years old and since then i had problems with that stuff. I used to act older and always try to help people when i was little, about from 5 to 12 years old. I had a relationship online with a girl that was 15 when i was 12 (the relationship was 3 years old so bassicly when i was 9 and she was 12), i dont really know if that can be considered grooming. Iv grew up and still grow up in a household where alcohol abuse is often, there is a lot of arguments almost everyday either my dad with my older sister or my dad with my mom, i get emotional when someone screams at me from it, might be instance of the trauma from little years? My 2 childhood friends that were my only friends have abused me ever since our friendship. we knew eachother since we were 4-5 years old and i cut my ties with the first one about 4-5 years ago, with the second one i cut ties 3 years ago. I had a school best friend but we have went to 2 diffrent primary schools and since then im isolated from my new class, i have no one to talk to and they think im weird or gross or something..this lonliness really screws up with me as i have no friends outside school either..my older sister recently told me what she thinks about me and i dont see her as my sister anymore...i havent done anything wrong to her. Im 16 years old and turning 17 in april but i deny it, i still feel like a 14 year old child and im scared of growing up into adulthood, i feel like im not loved by the ones that are supposed to love me and the mental abuse i endured in an alcoholic family is starting to show..i dont show emotions usualy, i only cry when im alone in my room at night. My parents never gave a care about what i was doing or what i was doing on the internet which led me exposed to terrible stuff at 5 years of age, my father almost threw a crate of beer at me when i was about 12, he only didnt since my 2 older sisters i love very much have took me to their room before he did so, im really torn inside and i dont know what to feel honestly, theres so much i want to talk about to someone, how i felt thru all those years, im just so scared of everything
im sure she died, but i was too young to realize. second grade. that was when she and i met. she was my best friend, and i was hers too. keyword: was. the cafeteria. we were eating and laughing together, but she fell. somehow. I didn't know what to do. I thought shed stand back up, but she didn't. Blue and red lights were blaring. her head was bleeding-i think. the memory is foggy, since it was years ago. I watched as she got carried away, in which seemed to be her father. Or maybe our principal. Weeks later, rumors spreading. Saying she went to hawaii to get 'treatment'. Now that im older, im more open minded. she died and went to hawaii for a funeral, im sure. Fly high, Sophia.
I barely remember any of my child. it's something I mourn a lot. What did I do to pass the time? what did I do to have fun? I remember scattered bits and pieces... how the fan in the game room felt on my face. How cluttered the play room was, with toys and books and puzzles. hitting the tree in the front yard with a stick, going in the ditch at my neighborhood's park to grab all the sticks I could find because I was going to be building a cabin for me in a forest, where me and my dog and my sister could live. I remember sleeping to my sister's breaths in the bed beside me. I remember going to the Y because my parents couldn't watch me and my sister over the summer, and I remember finding a stray cat in the field, and playing tag with it - it was a grey kitten, and it disappeared after playing with me. I remember my dog, who would sleep at my feet once I got my own room. I remember climbing trees, as far as I could go, and sitting. Sitting and enjoying the leaves, enjoying the breeze. The game room and play room are gone. The house I lived in is home to a less than kind family who doesn't trim the bushes or the trees. They don't appreciate the shed my dad built for them, or know my bird is buried in the backyard. They don't know I lost all my childhood cats to old age in that home, and don't look out the front window by the door when someone comes by. They don't have the same carpet, or couches, or tv, or pantry door, or love that was in that house, small and brief as it was. The trees at the park are gone, the kitten is no longer a kitten, and my dog has passed. I grew up but I stayed the same. Now what do I do? (I wrote this to reflect and remember what little I remember about my childhood. This is just for me.)
i hate being able to talk i kept getting caught in the hook of bad bad friends friends who lashed out at me for stupid reasons that ended up shaping me i never want to be a furry again
I think I’m a bad friend She told me she would be there if I ever needed help Idk why I never called She would have picked up It’s too late to ask for help now, I did what I did and now I can’t help but think that I betrayed her in some way I feel like I’m going to throw up from guilt I’ll probably be fine in a week though
I wish I could go back to before I knew it was wrong. I wish I could go back to when I thought it was normal for parents to hit their kids, that every kid went through it. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so different, so wronged, so hurt. Maybe then I wouldn't want to ask them, "why? why did you hurt me? how could you do that to your child you say you love so much? why do you still do it to the other ones?" But I know if I ask him specifically, he'll think I hate him. He'll remember when I admitted that I was scared of him because of his past abuse... how can you still be so scared of a person you still love, you feel close to? How can you explain your trauma to a former abuser who's genuinely trying to change? How can you still be scared of someone you love?
I miss being not being treated bad,wait,I never was once treated right...I miss him,I miss you,I miss them...I'm sorry I'm annoying...What have I become? An aggressive traumatized monster thats insecure,I just want comfort,I get told to let my guard down...I cant ever let it down again,I've hurt people because I'm scared,All I want is a hug..But I cant get one...I'm actually a very vulnerable person,wait,no.. I'm not a person...I'm a filthy relentless monster...I'm vulnerable to things though,I want to feel at home....It's hard to forget people who inflicted something that you will remember....I just want to be hugged,I want to be missed..I don't want to be called childish...I just never had a childhood.... (Me:12))
"I...i dont wanna go to to my room i dont wanna sleep on my beanbag please mother i just want a full week of sleeping on my bed" these are real things i mumble to my self nowadays.
I want to be a little girl again, before everything, before those strange fairy tale monsters came and took away my innocence. I want to feel good about my body again but it's already broken, too broken to be repaired. But I can't, I'm trapped in those memories, where everything stopped being innocent, where everything became scary, where I didn't feel safe even in my own home Where everything became sexual, disgustingly sexual, hated how I work now, how my mind works On my small shoulders, too fragile for such a large and heavy burden as that trauma, it is killing me, it is crushing me. I want to go back to Neverland and stay there, Eternally innocent
when i was nine i got called a groomer. i didnt even say a single weird thing. if anything the other person kinda did because they asked for my home adress. It was terrible. it made me worse then i was. after a month or two after that i had things planned on what to do before i killed myself. but then after i reached out to them they responded. just that simple thing helped me.
I wish I wasn't so pessimistic, so bitter and annoying. But I can't stand the idea of people seeing me as an innocent person. I'm not proud of it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to change it either.
Idk bout y'all, but the first song sounds like little pikmin to me "Meep murp!" Ahh song 🐙 Anyways, wish y'all best in the present, and future. Stay safe!!! ❤
Unlimited access to the Internet as a toddler. I didn't realize it, but i was ruined already. I feel disgusting. I cant see anything normally. I see the world as sexualized. im so disgusting. 3 years old, i ruined myself. I cant handle touch anymore. Im terrified of men, of what they can do to me. Innocence, was just a fever dream.
oh no your not pure anymore but im only 10 no you arent wake up. wake up. its been years. she still hasnt gotten better. she still yells. oh no. why cant i be innocent?
I’m a child. So why did I have to go through all this? Why did we have to go through all this. If there is a God, does he even care? Or is he more scared of us than we are of each other
i'm starting to hate Christmas and new year’s WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DID I HAVE BE THE ONE WHO GET VIOLATED ON NEW YEARS TWO YEAR AGO WHY DO I HAVE NIGHTMARES EVERY NIGHT WHY FUCKING ME! WHAT DID I DO WRONG!
I love how I lost my purest self at the age of 5 due to internet 😂😂!!!!!! I don't like this guys I don't wanna do this,,..... ☹️ will I make it tmrw gangs 😓 honestly no 😁😁!!!!! I don't wanna deal with hypersexuality,,,,, I don't have a diagnosis to it but I get urges and fight them off but like I can't keep doing it for the rest of my life am I wrong??? 😕😕
Can i vent rq? Cool. I fake my happiness so well sometimes i think it's real and then I'm alone again, no one to fool, no one to trick, no reason to hide. I just feel empty but if you ever met me you wouldn't know that. I don't have a personality and it's kinda scary because i don't what my favorite color is or what i like or even who i like, i can't tell the difference between platonic love and romantic so i fall in "love" with everyone i meet. Sometimes i wonder what death is like but i already feel dead inside so there's no reason to off myself.
i hate everything is now sexual themed and i hate begin women. I would prefer to be boy, my life would be easier, maybe i could have gf or smth. Even if im still "pure" im not because i know every bad things, i hate it. But i don't want to be kid because my life in that time was shit.
I just relapsed and im sitting down on the floor and the only thing I can think about is if whatever god out there hates me. And if he hated me at the start of my life or if I just became a bad enough person to deserve his hate. Maybe their plan was for me to kill myself to begin with. I don’t know. Do you think if I did, I'd survive long enough to hear anyone cry when they see me?
YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꁝꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ Ỵ̛̖͋͢O̖̼ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙ͦ S̵̙͕̀̃A̷͙ͭͫ̕I̍̅̀̎̊D̶͔̭̪̻ T̨̨͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷͙ͭͫ̕T̨͈͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̖͋͢O̖̼ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙ͦ A̷͙ͭͫ̕R͉̜̎͡͠Ḛͭ̉̇͟ P̧͕̒̊͘R͉̜̎͡͠O̖̼ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙ͦD̶͔̭̪̻ O̖̼ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖ͫ͘ M͉̅ͮ͒ͤḚͭ̉̇͟ Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ S̵̵̙͕̙͕̀̃̀̃A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕I̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊D̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ T̨̨̨͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕T̨̨͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠Ḛ̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟ P̧̧͕͕̒̊̒̊͘͘R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦD̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖̘͍͖ͫͫ͘͘ M͉͉̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤꏂ̰̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟ Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ S̵̵̙͕̙͕̀̃̀̃A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕I̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊D̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ T̨̨̨͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕T̨̨͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠Ḛ̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟ P̧̧͕͕̒̊̒̊͘͘R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦD̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖̘͍͖ͫͫ͘͘ M͉͉̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤḚͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟ Ỵ̛̛̛̖̣̖̣̖͋͋͋͢͢͢O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ S̵̵̵̙͕̙͕̙͕̀̃̀̃̀̃A̷̷̷͙͙͙ͭͫͭͫͭͫ̕̕̕I̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊D̶̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ T̨̨̨̨͈͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷̷̷͙͙͙ͭͫͭͫͭͫ̕̕̕T̨̨̨͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̛̛̖̣̖̣̖͋͋͋͢͢͢O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ A̷̷̷͙͙͙ͭͫͭͫͭͫ̕̕̕R͉̜͉̜͉̜̎̎̎͡͠͡͠͡͠Ḛ̰̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟͟ P̧̧̧͕͕͕̒̊̒̊̒̊͘͘͘R͉̜͉̜͉̜̎̎̎͡͠͡͠͡͠O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦD̶̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖̘͍͖̘͍͖ͫͫͫ͘͘͘ M͉͉͉̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤḚ̰̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟͟ Ỵ̷̡̛̟̑̍̀̉̿̿̉O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅU̴̡̥̱̫͕̞̐͂͒̑̽̋̐͊̈́͗̚ ️S̴̨̛͇̺͇͕̟̘͎̗͖̙͍̭̞͇̒͆̀͝Ą̵̘̥͉̘͖̱̥̺̿̀̈̒̂̅̀̅̈́̓̏͊͘͝I̸̡̛̳͌̉͋͐͒̍D̸̢̮̫̰̥̗̘̱͉͙͙̺̫̏͒̅̌ T̶̢̧̨̝̺̺̿̑͆̀͋̎̅̓͘̕͝Ḩ̶̳̣̮̻̪̜͍̹̭͓͍̳̼̈́̅́̄̍̀͐́̊̽͌̊̂͂͠͝͝Ą̵̘̥͉̘͖̱̥̺̿̀̈̒̂̅̀̅̈́̓̏͊͘͝T̶̢̧̨̝̺̺̿̑͆̀͋̎̅̓͘̕͝ Ỵ̷̡̛̟̱̑̍̀̉̿̿̉O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅU̴̡̥̱̫͕̞̐͂͒̑̽̋̐͊̈́͗̚ W̴̪̼̩̘͔͒̏̓͐͂̆͑̐͝Ě̵̢̧̛̦̼̜̲͕͕͍̤̙͉͓́̅͒̽̍̐͋͜͝R̴͇͌̀̆̍̽͝͠ͅ️Ě̵̢̧̛̦̼̜̲͕͕͍̤̙͉͓́̅͒̽̍̐͋͜͝ P̴̘̤̯͙͐̔̍͊̑̏́̌̇̎̓̀͘R̴͇͌̀̆̍̽͝͠ͅ️O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅU̴̡̥̱̫͕̞̐͂͒̑̽̋̐͊̈́͗̚D̸̢̮̫̰̥̗̘̱͉͙͙̺̫̏͒̅̌ O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅF̴̢̛̗̹̼̮̲̪̼͕̓͒̃̆̑̊̓̇̔̆̓͝ M̴̨̦͓̰̌͆̉̃̄͆͜ͅĚ̵̢̧̛̦̼̜̲͕͕͍̤̙͉͓́̅͒̽̍̐͋͜͝ ... ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅɪᴅ ɪ ᴅɪᴅ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ?.... ＹＯＵ ＳＡＩＤ ＹＯＵ ＷＥＲＥ ＰＲＯＵＤ.... R I G 𝚃 н?
I was innocent until I watched p*rn and got abused by my dad and got bullied, saw the real world. I used to love the smell of play do and crayons, I put macaroni and cheese on my fork, I was silly, I recorded my dancing and singing, I was sweet, pure, kind, but I’m scared to make friends again, I’m attached to boys my age but scared of men. I have weird perverted thoughts I Cant get rid of, I was pure and beautiful but now I’m dirty and ugly. I wanna relate to others, while being myself, and help others. Some part of me is still beautiful on the inside with my compassionate empathetic heart, but my mind is not so clean. I feel crazy, I am disgusted by what I see in the mirror everyday. I don’t feel like Gods child so I left him forever, he loves me and I’m bad to him. I Cant repent the right way because I only feel bad for what I did, but did not stop sinning. So I love the sin, not God. Help me.
Hey.. you want to fight the sin, and God's proud of you for that. You want to change, let him help you. Remember Him when those thoughts come back around. Talk to Him, keep going. Take it slow, I believe in you, friend. I promise, you are not alone ❤
aww, poor kitty.
i hope it didn’t feel the same way i felt
i hope it’s just sleepy and not sad .
let’s try and make kitty happy,
i want kitty to be ok
I love kitties
I have two kitties
When I grow up I want to make a bunch of money to get kitties
fuck whoever hurt you
@@elise.ch4nn I like kitties too. I also have two. They’re both black 🐈⬛ 🐈⬛ and I love them very dearly. One day, I hope to have even more kitties.
The kitty is just sleepy not sad the kitty was playing a lot that's why he sleepy :)
the first song is legit childhood innonence in a nutshell.
yeah idk how to describe it but you're on the dot with it, it was really hard to listen to for some reason
first one pisses me off idk why but the melody makes me angry its so irritating it scares me a little
@@gyratedpastry this took me ouuutt 💀
i feel so bad, disgusting even. i feel less than human because i will never be pure again, but deep down i know i never was. i can't help but want to cope, to be a child again, to act immature and cute for other people. but why i keep turning things sexual? why does my brain do this? why does my own body do this? i never asked for that to happen that day, i never wanted that i was just scared i would lose my only friend. i miss being the innocent pure child i never got to be.
This hits hard
This is not your fault.
you deserve to be happy
bro?
dont worry, i miss her too...
she had flaws, but she was still better than.. me.
we can only get worse as the years go by though, im afraid.
This is really not your fault. Blame your mind
why are humans so cruel yet innocent at the same time?
I don't know...the world is confusing
I still wonder somedays if I'm still innocent, or if I'm lying to myself.
Loosing ones innocence as a child is like loosing a bit of yourself.
yall ı do NOT wanna ruın the mode but ı genıuenly thought the playlıst saıd ''lost PURRıty''
HELP,,,,
I honestly love this-
Why do your i’s not have dots on top of them…….
@@TheNamesCagney ı have a turkısh keyboard so ıts lıke a quırk type of mıne
typing quirk? homestuck? maybe?
sometimes that feeling of being dirty comes back to me, for this case of feelings i got one lyric from a melanie martinez song
"pinky promise, i still love your garden"
"even with no flowers?"
"even with no flowers."
im not that moment
im not that trauma
im a person, my whole life doesnt stick to that
i will grow flowers some day
There are bits of steak stuck in my teeth. My tongue flicks at it, trying desperately to get it out. The texture irritates me, but all is well. My bed is comfortable, It is the weekend, and I have no worries. My eyes swirl as I stare at my popcorn ceiling, thoughts running through them. My room is a mess, just like my mothers even if she swears it's all important to her. Piles of useless items, a ton of my old clothing, a collection of beanie babies; all of them stacked up in her lowly room. She tells my doctor I struggle to focus every time we go there. I don't think i struggle with focusing. The doctor tells her that she's gonna give me medicine for it. It makes me feel dread, I hate taking pills. I won't have to though, my mother takes them for me. My mother yells at me a lot, I don't blame her. My mother is stressed. My mother works a lot. She's trying, she's trying and that's all that matters. My friends at school ask me why I smell bad and why I wear the same clothing every day. I don't know why. I don't know why but I never noticed it before. My curls are tough with tangles and dandruff, my clothing is stained and dirty. It wasn't ever something I noticed. These two boys always call me fat. My mother always told me I was beautiful, I don't think i'm ugly but whenever they say things like that it makes me feel bad. I don't know why. I hate not knowing things, I feel stupid. I ask stupid questions and I say stupid things that don't make sense. My friends always talk about boys. I don't know why they do. Why don't we talk about something fun? Why are our conversations centered around their crushes. I've never had a crush before so I don't know what to talk about with them. My birthday is coming up but my mother hasn't spoken to me today. Usually all she talks about is my birthday whenever the week of it comes up. I haven't seen her today. She hasn't even said good morning to me. My feet drag across the gross carpet and I reach up to my mothers doorknob. The handle felt cold and once I touched it, I felt fear. I twisted it anyways, fear never stopped me. No, it never did. Though, the sight in front of me did. My mother's room was a mess like usual, her T.V was on. I stood in the doorway with that innocent glare on my freckled face. My mother was sleeping on the floor with some medicine in her hand. I don't understand my mother, I don't know why she was sleeping on the floor and not her bed. I lightly shook her shoulder, she didn't wake up though. My mother was always a very deep sleeper.
If it doesn't make a lot of sense to you i'm sorry. It's based on parts of my childhood.
@@Boooo8005 I'm gonna assume you meant to write this as a new comment instead of an answer to the post above because I genuinely don't see it any other way around;
For the story - I have no words.
@@t3l544 huh
i shed a tear..
@@purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I struggle with understanding texts or comments or other things of the sort. Are you being sarcastic or are you serious? Sorry.
@@shutup1062 no, im being serious. you don’t need to be sorry. im so sorry what you and other people went through all this… im quite sensitive and this is the reason why i can cry because topics like this, im just sad and a bit angry because of cruelty of this life..
consumes playlist
The first song always hits me in my emotions when I hear it, and frankly, I can't handle listening to the whole thing.
It makes me think of baby kittens, and something about that in a vent playlist just strikes a personal cord in me that makes me feel bad 😔
It's okay. Baby kittens are adorable. It's nice to think of something positive now and then.
I feel so sad when i read peoples vent in the comment, it makes me wanna cry. I hope everyone will be alright, do never give up, you can do it. If you dont feel alright, seek help while you can.
Music, including stuff like this is keeping me alive right now. I have nothing else, because my own choices lead to the burning of every bridge I've ever built
I have no fucking idea what to do or where to go anymore
I can be your friend:)
Explore:D find places you want to go and do ^_^ it might take a long time but I believe in you!
and music is good:) keep listening to it :) and maybe one day you will be happy again ^^
Remember God loves you and you are never truly alone. You are his child and you have no idea how precious you are to him. No matter what you’ve done through he’s there for you to lean on.
Just as adorable and lovely my music like this is how he sees you.
And you can cry but remember you aren’t crying alone, he’s there catching your tears. You are never too far gone from him. I love you but he loves you so much more
When you’ve done wrong, the only thing left to do is to try and do right. Maybe not with who’s been lost, but with somebody new. You’re deserving of love.
I hope I could someday live knowing tomorrow is a promise, not a threat.
why did I get introduced to all that stuff so early… why, when I was 7. it’s sad… I’m 21 now and I want to be pure again so bad. but I know I can’t. not anymore
I feel you. I got unlimited internet access and discovered p0rn when I was 7-8 and watched it. quite a lot if im gonna be honest. now im 14, and its really screwed me over in the long run.
Kinda wish I could go back and change all the things I did, especially what I’ve been exposed to. My mom blamed herself a lot but in reality, some actions were mine.
I wanna help fix her broken mess too. I love my mom, she was busy caring for the family and me.
I fucked it up. I’m sorry mama
She loves you deeply, your mom. And no matter how many mistakes you make, nothing will change that.
in case nobody read the description, here are some timestamps
0:00 frakkur: 4;01 - sigur ros
2:41 estranger - jack stauber
4:14 fallen down (reprise)
6:45 glass chime - inoyamaland
10:12 dramamine - flawed mangoes
13:40 cold - flawed mangoes
17:00 it was only temporary 2 u (super slowed)
19:17 mice on venus but extra nostalgic
ps: dont do it, live your life to its fullest, i cant guarantee it will get better but you have to keep trying.
Life’s been hard.
Lost my job, lost my house, and I’m losing myself. I’m struggling a lot these days. There’s a small light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m trying so hard to grasp it..
make your own light:D you are a strong & capable person:33 you deserve love! I believe in you:)
{LONG VENT (sorry 🙁)} the first song reminds me of my first cat i had in 2019, i loved her to death, she was a gray shorthair i believed, found her in my backyard, she carried me through quarantine and back. but she went missing in 2023, believed to be either sold or given away by my cousins. i got two more cats (black and gray male cats) after the incident, but i were distraught. couldn’t get over her for months on end. my other gray male (that i named after her) then suffered the same fate. both gray cats “went missing”, obviously because of my cousins, but they didnt know i knew. i still have my black male cat named Domino to this day, who i also love and cling to as much as my other gray cats, and we have moved to a new apartment, away from my cousins after my mother was hospitalized for a stroke (she is ok, just going through rehabilitation while i live with my sister). but i still miss my old life, before it were ruined. quarantine ruined my family. i miss you, Kitty.
Glad to know i'm not the only one who thinks of cats when hearing that song! I've lost too many sweet angels in my life, and the song just hurts to listen to ;;
I'm so sorry for your loss 🫂
(I may delete this because venting is an uncommon thing to me) I remember when my friends had to worry about no other title, no other expectation, other than being friends.
Friends with guys, gals, no “YOU MUST” to our worlds.
When we decided when to close our eyes, and the setting sun meant nothing.
When scruffed knees, loss teeth, bandages and bruises were the hardest things about life.
When holding onto someone didn’t have to be overthought as something more. Just knuckle heads being knuckle heads.
I am the friendly face, the sturdiest chuckle, the strong one. When the going gets tough, I get tougher.
I am exhausted.
My heart *shattered* when I reconnected with a childhood friend.
We were like siblings - people always thought we were siblings.
He set me up unknowingly on a date, I had already asked him to not do that.
Regardless I befriended the fellow, and all three of us were making jokes.
Light hearted, sometimes dark, sometimes puns…
But my friend, to his buddy, in front of me, goes “Hey, so pro tip: when courting a woman, don’t make her laugh too much. You want her to remain poise.”
“KK… what did you just say to him?”
“When courting a wo-“
“I’m your friend before I’m a woman, right? I’m your friend first, right?”
“…”
“Dude. We grew up together. You see me as your friend first, then recognize I’m a chic, right? Before anything I’m your friend… right?”
“…”
…I refuse to lose what’s left of my childhood views.
People are people, and
cruelty is cruelty - double standards, stereotypes, stigmas…
I wish I could be hugged again, and feel like it meant nothing more than just a hug.
It’s okay though. I keep smiling, my heart keeps beating, and there will be a better tomorrow. Just gotta work towards it so I can wake up there.
Yeah.
It’ll be okay…
Sometimes the most tragic thing in the world is realizing that in the mind of somebody who was such an important puzzle piece of your life, you were only ever a fleeting memory.
It’s okay, though. A fleeting memory or not, memories with them shaped you into who you are today, and you should treasure that. Cause you’re always making new memories. And maybe somebody else out there will be so influenced by you, that they’ll feel the very same way..
my cats were meowing in time with the first song lmfao
nervous for school tomorrow...whoo.....this honestly helped
I just wish I never became depressed at such a young age… I didn’t even know I was suicidal I just knew I wanted to stop existing since I was 4 and have been wanting to die for the past 14 years… I can’t see the world in a good light and I don’t know what i’m going to do with my life moving forward… I didn’t plan any of this, I thought i’d die at 14 but I didn’t and I wish I did… nothing good came out of staying here, things continue to go downhill. It feels like my brain is rotting and i’m losing sense of who I once was and I can’t genuinely smile anymore… I think i’m dying mentally and I don’t know how to stop it.
Hope you’re still here. I know nothing about you, but I think you’re like a cicada. Y’know, the bug? Tired, wanting to crawl out of its own skin and tear off its face, just to sing. A poet, better than most.
This actually makes me realize that I've been Sa'd by 3 boys. One by my brother for 2 years until he thankfully stopped, my dad who did it twice recently, and by a man that lived in my house for 3 years. No person should go through any of this. My childhood was sadly taken away when I was only 4
I still wonder if my life was ruined by losing my innocence or if its just me lying to myself and making it all up.
I've never really commented of videos but that first song really touched me in a way. So, here I am.
I remember on how I used to be, like, going outside and letting my cats follow me in the woods. Or pretending I'm in a fantasy world and sticking my head out of the window from the car. Y'know, the usual good memories of being young.
Then I get reminded of what I've been through so far. I miss being unafraid of being myself. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss not getting anxious of everyone around me. I miss feeling myself. I miss being able to talk. I miss feeling free.
I hate the choices I've made. I've grown up too fast to the people around me. I absolutely despise myself now. Sure, I can detach to reality and pretend nothing is wrong but it's getting harder to not think of it. Of all of it. It's so difficult not to just vanish from my friends again, I don't want them to worry about me. It's just hard, everything is so hard to do. Honestly, it's getting harder to live. It really is. I just want someone to see me as me, no matter how I act or do.
I'm sorry to ramble, I'm not even sure if this makes sense at all but I just wanted to get this off my chest for once. So, to who ever took their time to read this, thank you. I appreciate you.
I was just 8.
I was innocent and pure. a christian. yet those acts destroyed my innocence. forcing me to cope in disgusting ways. I'm addicted to this feeling of pleasure to the point it's disgusting. I want to cry every night knowing that I can't get rid of this sexual want. I want more. I'm a child. I'm 9 then 10 then 11 then 12 yet its still there.. after I finish with myself i'm always asking and crying alone in my room
" Why the hell am I doing this? "
It's pleasure, I remind myself. Yet its so horrifically satisfying.. It brings me guilt.
Why do I feel these emotions? I was just a child when I found out all about this.. It aches.. I want to seek more pleasure, I want everything again. It's a bad pleasure. But my mind can't process it's bad. Pleasure is good, right? Pleasure ruined me. I hate myself. I hate what happened to me. Yet my mind can't process the hate for this.. I want to stop this stupid addiction, yet it won't go away.. I can't heal. I'm sick.
Why did my childhood get torn like this? I just wanted to be human also.. not some sick porn addicted fuck. I hate this. I hate how I cope. I want to be a human again. I want to be normal once again.
I want to forget so badly. I miss when i didnt remember. I miss when i didnt understand. Ive lost all of my innocence and i will never get it back.
For those hurting and needing to vent, feel free to vent to me. I will try my best to reply to all. I truly hope the best for you all and love you so much
yippeee!!!! another playlist from taxcat :D
Man, I need this. The world, both in a greater sense and personally, is kinda shit right now.
I'm kinda irritated by those that are happy.
Im completely wasted atm watching this, more over hearing yknow. This will forever be one of my favorite playlists, it reminds me of how much i did wrong in my life, but shows i wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Thank you🫶
First one is literally so good for agere
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it was the summer before second grade, he was one of my cousins, in his junior high years.
i thought i finally found an older brother that would play with me, he was everything i dreamed of one. watching him playing console games, leads me around and shows me cool things that mine would never do...but then the games turned indoors, and they weren't fun anymore. that one last time, he almost had his way with me, but i ran to tell the adults, i was too scared. i wanted comfort, i wanted justice. but they told me he was just curious, and i need to forget all of this, none of this never happened. and i did, sometimes i did. but it never truly left, it's still here, the vile feeling of his touch upon me, a stain forever to stay. in second grade i stood on the stairs near my classroom, the wind cradled me as kids of my age ran past by to reach the playground, i realized i could never have it back, i could never be the same again. my view of the opposite gender forever twisted, but as i matured, my body still grew to crave the intimacy, to desire the same thing that proved himselves to only bring hurt and tears. and i hate it so much, i don't want it, i just want to feel pure again, i want to experience love like a normal girl. but i can't have it.
i wasn't even 10, i was so young. and then so much happened throughout the years, so much injustice, so many fears and unresolved anger. i don't feel like my childhood was there long enough.
i miss my innocence, i miss it so much.
this is the most beautiful thing i've heard
I’m glad that this one isn’t titled traumacore I know it’s just a name and it’s to comfort the people with trauma but the name just rubs me the wrong way
Its because trauma isnt a core, its a coping mechanism ❤
@@OliverrLilly traumas a coping mechanism? (not trying to be rude so sorry)
i wish i could revert time. I wish i was asleep instead of staying awake. I wish I could just skip that part of my life and continue as if nothing happened. I wish there was a void that could have sucked me in. I wish nothing bad happened. But it happened. I'm sitting here, writing this comment, remembering everything that happened at that day. When I was 5. It still haunts me to this day, the day I was exposed to everything, that day I couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt like someone snatched the part of my brain consisting of innocence, the part of the brain that i lack of now. My friends think i am weird, but i never told them anything. Everyone is oblivious of what my brain is made up of. It may be a weird or a subject that doesn't matter, but after I saw a video of it that was playing on the tv by accident at 2AM, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt dirty, disgusting and terrible for thinking about it. But now, I can't stop. It's like something in my mind still tells me it is ok, but it's trying so hard with no result. I just want to feel normal again, like I never knew, I just want to feel like a careless child again, but it's too late. I guess I grew up too fast. (i wanted to share my thoughts and my feelings on this certain subject, rn i'm trying not to cry but knowing that people also deal with something like this led me to share this, just to tell people they're not alone).
Obsessed w/ this sm 😋
real .
REEEEEEEEEEEEAL
Fallen down❤
A new vent playlist
I LOVE SIGUR ROS
I am sad that my 6 years old me and 8 years old me was too scared and confused to tell anyone about it. I was thinking that it wasn't real, that it was just a bad dream in my head. but I can't go back to be pure again. and I am still sad about it:(
growing up, you start to look around. what happened to everyone and then myself...we didn't deserve it-- but the fucked up thing is we will never be pure in this world. you see it so much when you start to open your eyes , look around you. became so closed off from the world because of it. more and more. like a spinning record on repeat. now, you look pass your shoulder everywhere you go. you jump and immediately defend yourself, even when it's just a small animal. such as a bird flying pass or a squirrel-- you clench at your chest in fear holding your/a weapon. our purity is taken away in this world. and it will always be that way.
I’m in tears, this playlist feels like a warm hug
I am glad I found this channel, your taste in music is impeccable and your channel is very underrated
The basketball sits in the weeds. It’s tired of being here, wonders if it even matters anymore. Did everybody forget. Then, one day a person comes and picks up the flat basketball. But instead of pumping it up and using the way most people should use a basketball, they slam it down over and over again. Then it just falls in the weed. Through all of this the basketball keeps hope.
Pt 2. The basketball was worried it’d been here for a bit, wondering why it was such a failure. Then one day a group of 3 comes up and picks up the now worthless, beat up basketball. They pump it up and play with it everyday laughing. Occasionally they would get mad, but mostly at themselves and not the ball. When they did get mad at the ball the ball understood. People get mad lots of times. The basketball did not give up hope, and now every time she falls in the weeds, one comes and picks her up. She is theirs.
This isn’t about a basketball.
my friend kept asking me why i attempted, i couldnt help but laugh and joke. how can i be serious about my own pathetic, worthless issues? everything hurts but its okay i just keep laughing
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. There are people who are willing to help, and if nothing else you have me and many others going through this as well. I believe in you, please don't give up.
@@Juleeeeeeeeeee thank you so much 💝
@@xxzakz Of course!!!
I was 5 when I learned that I was going to navigate myself through a harsh, neurotypical world. Being bullied at school and dealing w/ emotional neglect at home didn't help either... everyone told me to not speak up, for "what happens in private stays private"... including my pain and anger.
My Nana, who passed almost 5 years ago, was my safe place. Nothing feels real without her.
I was groomed many times by people I met online, starting at the age of 9... almost got s/a'd by a student at school as well back in grade 4.
Stupid me didn't even realise those kinds of people had bad intentions for me, despite me wanting real friends who didn't make me feel like an object, or like I never existed... worse yet, I just wanted to see the good in people.
Now I have so many mental health conditions at almost 24 years of age. Borderline, generalized anxiety, possible PTSD... it all happens to men, too.
We were just children. We had a right to speak up and find our voice, but we were failed; leaving it up to therapy to fix ourselves.
Stay strong everyone. I see you, and I love you.
(VENT) The first song reminds me when i was 4-5, i was visiting my grandparent's house. But i saw a big dog who had black dots who was old but i was so happy when i saw him, i played with him ever since and had many good times with him, but when i turn eleven, he wasn't really the same as before, never happy to see me, just play with my little cousins and it hurts so bad because the years of my life were mostly painful and sad moments and i really wanted some happy moments. but now whenever I see him, I just smile at him because I still love him
I was never one to talk about feelings, even as I vented on a multitude of other playlists just like this one. I find it better to write, to sort things in my head even if it doesn’t help much. I will always forget my age and peoples birthdays and names. It makes me feel guilty for forgetting but try as I might, I could never remember. Even as people tell me things others do not know. Even as my fear whispers words in my ear at the dead of night, forcing me to lock my door in fear of him coming into my room. I’ve never feared it before, I wonder what’s changed? Maybe because I’m now aware of how vile he is. Of how easily it’d be to force me to do whatever he wanted. I’m under his thumb, I realize.
He is getting married this year. I just started college and was trying to recover from my bad habits and keep off the thoughts of what he did to me but the fact he's getting married makes me feel this pain all over my body.
I love this playlist 💗💗💗
I HAD NO IDEA THE FIRST SONG WAS A SIGUR ROS SONG OMG
I lost my purity when i started to understand why my parents were yelling at eachother.
(My step dad cheated on my mom with the most uglyist woman ever, not only that but he also had back surgery so he couldn’t go anywhere when mom confronted him about it. I hope thats man gets the worst of his life.)
I hate that Man.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy thank u
thank you.
hidden deep inside
Man i feel weird venting here... i was exposed to s3xual content when i was just 5 years old and since then i had problems with that stuff.
I used to act older and always try to help people when i was little, about from 5 to 12 years old. I had a relationship online with a girl that was 15 when i was 12 (the relationship was 3 years old so bassicly when i was 9 and she was 12), i dont really know if that can be considered grooming. Iv grew up and still grow up in a household where alcohol abuse is often, there is a lot of arguments almost everyday either my dad with my older sister or my dad with my mom, i get emotional when someone screams at me from it, might be instance of the trauma from little years? My 2 childhood friends that were my only friends have abused me ever since our friendship. we knew eachother since we were 4-5 years old and i cut my ties with the first one about 4-5 years ago, with the second one i cut ties 3 years ago.
I had a school best friend but we have went to 2 diffrent primary schools and since then im isolated from my new class, i have no one to talk to and they think im weird or gross or something..this lonliness really screws up with me as i have no friends outside school either..my older sister recently told me what she thinks about me and i dont see her as my sister anymore...i havent done anything wrong to her. Im 16 years old and turning 17 in april but i deny it, i still feel like a 14 year old child and im scared of growing up into adulthood, i feel like im not loved by the ones that are supposed to love me and the mental abuse i endured in an alcoholic family is starting to show..i dont show emotions usualy, i only cry when im alone in my room at night. My parents never gave a care about what i was doing or what i was doing on the internet which led me exposed to terrible stuff at 5 years of age, my father almost threw a crate of beer at me when i was about 12, he only didnt since my 2 older sisters i love very much have took me to their room before he did so, im really torn inside and i dont know what to feel honestly, theres so much i want to talk about to someone, how i felt thru all those years, im just so scared of everything
Hope ur alr. It’s not weird don’t feel ashamed
sometimes I wonder if someone ruined me or if I ruined myself
im sure she died, but i was too young to realize.
second grade. that was when she and i met. she was my best friend, and i was hers too.
keyword: was.
the cafeteria. we were eating and laughing together, but she fell. somehow. I didn't know what to do. I thought shed stand back up, but she didn't.
Blue and red lights were blaring. her head was bleeding-i think. the memory is foggy, since it was years ago.
I watched as she got carried away, in which seemed to be her father. Or maybe our principal.
Weeks later, rumors spreading. Saying she went to hawaii to get 'treatment'.
Now that im older, im more open minded. she died and went to hawaii for a funeral, im sure.
Fly high, Sophia.
I was four... Barely entering preschool and already needing mental and physical health therapy after that day... ♥
I barely remember any of my child. it's something I mourn a lot. What did I do to pass the time? what did I do to have fun? I remember scattered bits and pieces... how the fan in the game room felt on my face. How cluttered the play room was, with toys and books and puzzles. hitting the tree in the front yard with a stick, going in the ditch at my neighborhood's park to grab all the sticks I could find because I was going to be building a cabin for me in a forest, where me and my dog and my sister could live. I remember sleeping to my sister's breaths in the bed beside me. I remember going to the Y because my parents couldn't watch me and my sister over the summer, and I remember finding a stray cat in the field, and playing tag with it - it was a grey kitten, and it disappeared after playing with me. I remember my dog, who would sleep at my feet once I got my own room. I remember climbing trees, as far as I could go, and sitting. Sitting and enjoying the leaves, enjoying the breeze.
The game room and play room are gone. The house I lived in is home to a less than kind family who doesn't trim the bushes or the trees. They don't appreciate the shed my dad built for them, or know my bird is buried in the backyard. They don't know I lost all my childhood cats to old age in that home, and don't look out the front window by the door when someone comes by. They don't have the same carpet, or couches, or tv, or pantry door, or love that was in that house, small and brief as it was. The trees at the park are gone, the kitten is no longer a kitten, and my dog has passed.
I grew up but I stayed the same. Now what do I do?
(I wrote this to reflect and remember what little I remember about my childhood. This is just for me.)
i hate being able to talk
i kept getting caught in the hook of bad bad friends
friends who lashed out at me for stupid reasons that ended up shaping me
i never want to be a furry again
I'm vile and disgusting, i don't deserve your sweet words of comfort.
I think I’m a bad friend
She told me she would be there if I ever needed help
Idk why I never called
She would have picked up
It’s too late to ask for help now, I did what I did and now I can’t help but think that I betrayed her in some way
I feel like I’m going to throw up from guilt
I’ll probably be fine in a week though
Thx
i don't feel anything. nothing. an empty void is inside of me. i want to cry, but i can't.
i want to end myself.
I wish I could go back to before I knew it was wrong. I wish I could go back to when I thought it was normal for parents to hit their kids, that every kid went through it. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so different, so wronged, so hurt. Maybe then I wouldn't want to ask them, "why? why did you hurt me? how could you do that to your child you say you love so much? why do you still do it to the other ones?" But I know if I ask him specifically, he'll think I hate him. He'll remember when I admitted that I was scared of him because of his past abuse... how can you still be so scared of a person you still love, you feel close to? How can you explain your trauma to a former abuser who's genuinely trying to change? How can you still be scared of someone you love?
I miss being not being treated bad,wait,I never was once treated right...I miss him,I miss you,I miss them...I'm sorry I'm annoying...What have I become? An aggressive traumatized monster thats insecure,I just want comfort,I get told to let my guard down...I cant ever let it down again,I've hurt people because I'm scared,All I want is a hug..But I cant get one...I'm actually a very vulnerable person,wait,no.. I'm not a person...I'm a filthy relentless monster...I'm vulnerable to things though,I want to feel at home....It's hard to forget people who inflicted something that you will remember....I just want to be hugged,I want to be missed..I don't want to be called childish...I just never had a childhood.... (Me:12))
"I...i dont wanna go to to my room i dont wanna sleep on my beanbag please mother i just want a full week of sleeping on my bed" these are real things i mumble to my self nowadays.
i’m the 777 person to like the video
I want to be a little girl again, before everything, before those strange fairy tale monsters came and took away my innocence.
I want to feel good about my body again but it's already broken, too broken to be repaired.
But I can't, I'm trapped in those memories, where everything stopped being innocent, where everything became scary, where I didn't feel safe even in my own home
Where everything became sexual, disgustingly sexual, hated how I work now, how my mind works
On my small shoulders, too fragile for such a large and heavy burden as that trauma, it is killing me, it is crushing me.
I want to go back to Neverland and stay there, Eternally innocent
when i was nine i got called a groomer. i didnt even say a single weird thing. if anything the other person kinda did because they asked for my home adress. It was terrible. it made me worse then i was. after a month or two after that i had things planned on what to do before i killed myself. but then after i reached out to them they responded. just that simple thing helped me.
I wish I wasn't so pessimistic, so bitter and annoying. But I can't stand the idea of people seeing me as an innocent person. I'm not proud of it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to change it either.
Idk bout y'all, but the first song sounds like little pikmin to me
"Meep murp!" Ahh song 🐙
Anyways, wish y'all best in the present, and future. Stay safe!!! ❤
Unlimited access to the Internet as a toddler. I didn't realize it, but i was ruined already. I feel disgusting. I cant see anything normally. I see the world as sexualized. im so disgusting. 3 years old, i ruined myself. I cant handle touch anymore. Im terrified of men, of what they can do to me. Innocence, was just a fever dream.
oh no
your not pure anymore
but im only 10
no you arent
wake up.
wake up.
its been years.
she still hasnt gotten better.
she still yells.
oh no.
why cant i be innocent?
guys i misread the title as "lost purr-ity" i thought it was a silly hehe pun playlist
I was only 7 and you were 22. I trusted you, why would you do this to me?
I wish I had a normal family 😭
I’m a child. So why did I have to go through all this? Why did we have to go through all this. If there is a God, does he even care? Or is he more scared of us than we are of each other
why was it taken away from me so early.
i dont know whats wrong with me but something is and im not sure i like it
i'm starting to hate Christmas and new year’s WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DID I HAVE BE THE ONE WHO GET VIOLATED ON NEW YEARS TWO YEAR AGO WHY DO I HAVE NIGHTMARES EVERY NIGHT WHY FUCKING ME! WHAT DID I DO WRONG!
I love how I lost my purest self at the age of 5 due to internet 😂😂!!!!!! I don't like this guys I don't wanna do this,,..... ☹️ will I make it tmrw gangs 😓 honestly no 😁😁!!!!! I don't wanna deal with hypersexuality,,,,, I don't have a diagnosis to it but I get urges and fight them off but like I can't keep doing it for the rest of my life am I wrong??? 😕😕
I feel disgusting 😕😕😕😕😕😕☹️☹️🫤
Can i vent rq? Cool.
I fake my happiness so well sometimes i think it's real and then I'm alone again, no one to fool, no one to trick, no reason to hide. I just feel empty but if you ever met me you wouldn't know that. I don't have a personality and it's kinda scary because i don't what my favorite color is or what i like or even who i like, i can't tell the difference between platonic love and romantic so i fall in "love" with everyone i meet. Sometimes i wonder what death is like but i already feel dead inside so there's no reason to off myself.
i hate everything is now sexual themed and i hate begin women. I would prefer to be boy, my life would be easier, maybe i could have gf or smth. Even if im still "pure" im not because i know every bad things, i hate it. But i don't want to be kid because my life in that time was shit.
Why did i let him do that to me
what is soft vent?
I just relapsed and im sitting down on the floor and the only thing I can think about is if whatever god out there hates me. And if he hated me at the start of my life or if I just became a bad enough person to deserve his hate. Maybe their plan was for me to kill myself to begin with. I don’t know. Do you think if I did, I'd survive long enough to hear anyone cry when they see me?
sigur ros mention?!?!?
Are you sure it’s not lost purrity?
(Sorry if this offended anyone)
satan?
YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME
YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME
YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME
YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE PROUD OF ME
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꁝꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
ꌦꄲ꒤ ꇙꋬ꒐꒯ ꓄ꍌꋬ꓄ ꌦꄲ꒤ ꋬꋪꏂ ꉣꋪꄲ꒤꒯ ꄲꊰ ꂵꏂ
Ỵ̛̖͋͢O̖̼ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙ͦ S̵̙͕̀̃A̷͙ͭͫ̕I̍̅̀̎̊D̶͔̭̪̻ T̨̨͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷͙ͭͫ̕T̨͈͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̖͋͢O̖̼ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙ͦ A̷͙ͭͫ̕R͉̜̎͡͠Ḛͭ̉̇͟ P̧͕̒̊͘R͉̜̎͡͠O̖̼ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙ͦD̶͔̭̪̻ O̖̼ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖ͫ͘ M͉̅ͮ͒ͤḚͭ̉̇͟
Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ S̵̵̙͕̙͕̀̃̀̃A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕I̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊D̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ T̨̨̨͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕T̨̨͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠Ḛ̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟ P̧̧͕͕̒̊̒̊͘͘R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦD̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖̘͍͖ͫͫ͘͘ M͉͉̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤꏂ̰̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟
Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ S̵̵̙͕̙͕̀̃̀̃A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕I̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊D̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ T̨̨̨͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕T̨̨͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̛̖̣̖͋͋͢͢O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ A̷̷͙͙ͭͫͭͫ̕̕R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠Ḛ̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟ P̧̧͕͕̒̊̒̊͘͘R͉̜͉̜̎̎͡͠͡͠O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦD̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ O̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖̘͍͖ͫͫ͘͘ M͉͉̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤḚͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟
Ỵ̛̛̛̖̣̖̣̖͋͋͋͢͢͢O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ S̵̵̵̙͕̙͕̙͕̀̃̀̃̀̃A̷̷̷͙͙͙ͭͫͭͫͭͫ̕̕̕I̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊̍̅̀̎̊D̶̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ T̨̨̨̨͈͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥHͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔ͥ̽ͣ̃̔A̷̷̷͙͙͙ͭͫͭͫͭͫ̕̕̕T̨̨̨͈͈͈͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ͗̌ͥ Ỵ̛̛̛̖̣̖̣̖͋͋͋͢͢͢O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦ A̷̷̷͙͙͙ͭͫͭͫͭͫ̕̕̕R͉̜͉̜͉̜̎̎̎͡͠͡͠͡͠Ḛ̰̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟͟ P̧̧̧͕͕͕̒̊̒̊̒̊͘͘͘R͉̜͉̜͉̜̎̎̎͡͠͡͠͡͠O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐U̠҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙̠ͦ҉̷̙ͦD̶̶̶͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻͔̭̪̻ O̖̼̖̼̖̼ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐ͩ͌͐F̘͍͖̘͍͖̘͍͖ͫͫͫ͘͘͘ M͉͉͉̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤ̅ͮ͒ͤḚ̰̰ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇ͭ̉̇͟͟͟
Ỵ̷̡̛̟̑̍̀̉̿̿̉O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅU̴̡̥̱̫͕̞̐͂͒̑̽̋̐͊̈́͗̚ ️S̴̨̛͇̺͇͕̟̘͎̗͖̙͍̭̞͇̒͆̀͝Ą̵̘̥͉̘͖̱̥̺̿̀̈̒̂̅̀̅̈́̓̏͊͘͝I̸̡̛̳͌̉͋͐͒̍D̸̢̮̫̰̥̗̘̱͉͙͙̺̫̏͒̅̌ T̶̢̧̨̝̺̺̿̑͆̀͋̎̅̓͘̕͝Ḩ̶̳̣̮̻̪̜͍̹̭͓͍̳̼̈́̅́̄̍̀͐́̊̽͌̊̂͂͠͝͝Ą̵̘̥͉̘͖̱̥̺̿̀̈̒̂̅̀̅̈́̓̏͊͘͝T̶̢̧̨̝̺̺̿̑͆̀͋̎̅̓͘̕͝ Ỵ̷̡̛̟̱̑̍̀̉̿̿̉O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅU̴̡̥̱̫͕̞̐͂͒̑̽̋̐͊̈́͗̚ W̴̪̼̩̘͔͒̏̓͐͂̆͑̐͝Ě̵̢̧̛̦̼̜̲͕͕͍̤̙͉͓́̅͒̽̍̐͋͜͝R̴͇͌̀̆̍̽͝͠ͅ️Ě̵̢̧̛̦̼̜̲͕͕͍̤̙͉͓́̅͒̽̍̐͋͜͝ P̴̘̤̯͙͐̔̍͊̑̏́̌̇̎̓̀͘R̴͇͌̀̆̍̽͝͠ͅ️O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅU̴̡̥̱̫͕̞̐͂͒̑̽̋̐͊̈́͗̚D̸̢̮̫̰̥̗̘̱͉͙͙̺̫̏͒̅̌ O̸̙͙̺̰͚͎̙͔̦͇͗̒̋͛̄͐̓̽̄͛́͂̀̑̕ͅͅͅF̴̢̛̗̹̼̮̲̪̼͕̓͒̃̆̑̊̓̇̔̆̓͝ M̴̨̦͓̰̌͆̉̃̄͆͜ͅĚ̵̢̧̛̦̼̜̲͕͕͍̤̙͉͓́̅͒̽̍̐͋͜͝
... ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅɪᴅ ɪ ᴅɪᴅ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ?....
ＹＯＵ ＳＡＩＤ ＹＯＵ ＷＥＲＥ ＰＲＯＵＤ.... R I G 𝚃 н?
I was innocent until I watched p*rn and got abused by my dad and got bullied, saw the real world. I used to love the smell of play do and crayons, I put macaroni and cheese on my fork, I was silly, I recorded my dancing and singing, I was sweet, pure, kind, but I’m scared to make friends again, I’m attached to boys my age but scared of men. I have weird perverted thoughts I Cant get rid of, I was pure and beautiful but now I’m dirty and ugly. I wanna relate to others, while being myself, and help others. Some part of me is still beautiful on the inside with my compassionate empathetic heart, but my mind is not so clean. I feel crazy, I am disgusted by what I see in the mirror everyday. I don’t feel like Gods child so I left him forever, he loves me and I’m bad to him. I Cant repent the right way because I only feel bad for what I did, but did not stop sinning. So I love the sin, not God. Help me.
Hey.. you want to fight the sin, and God's proud of you for that. You want to change, let him help you. Remember Him when those thoughts come back around. Talk to Him, keep going. Take it slow, I believe in you, friend. I promise, you are not alone ❤
@ Tysm! God is proud of you too!