People like you blame capitalism for all the ills of the world. But you fail to study history and look at what the common alternate to that has resulted in. Russia, China, Cambodia, Venezuela..... And what you call capitalism isn't capitalism. Corporation are not capitalism, they are fascist, socialist, partnered with government. You education institutions have failed you and led you down a false path. the ism you want will not result in as much community as you think, because our problems with community have nothing to do with ism, it's the tech doing it to us, no matter what ism. Perhaps you need a few more years on Earth to understand. Study history more, and the horrors of the 20th century.
@@peterbelanger4094 I was just about to say the same things. Socialists and ignorant people vote in Socialist policies, then blame the results as being Capitalist. The US hasn't been Capitalist since December 25th, 1913. What these people fail to understand is the economic system that the US operates under is specifically defines as 'Fascistic-Corporatism'.
29 year old dad of 2 under 2 here. Your video validated much of what I've been feeling. I was working 80+ hours across 3 jobs to afford our mortgage but was burning myself out and missing some of the most precious years of the kids lives. Soooo we sold the house and moved in with my inlaws and I have never been happier. To be able to only work 40 hours has been a blessing, and we are also able to help our aging family who are starting to struggle to do things on their own. I sleep better, eat better, am more active, and my kids gave a much better quality of life with 2 parents. I'm more social with friends, read more, and don't dread each day anymore. I am now poor in money and rich in community and it feels 1000x better
Libraries libraries libraries! Please go to your local public library and ask them what they have on. They are free, safe, inclusive, and very community minded. Plus, they always have loads of kids activities and community programs. But, they need your support to justify their budgets. Without attendance, programs and funding gets cut.
Why go to a Libray when when have Google? Google knows everything!!! They even know when you peeeeeee! Why would Google wanna know that? So they can sell you a product!!!!!
Its really sad because if they would make drinks without alcohol they would not earn enough money to keep the buisiness open anyways. In Europa its gerting more and more common to open up Cafes for parents with children and I love that idea. But they get just as expensive as every thing else with inflation right now... its literally a never ending story 😅
Sorry if I hurt some feelings, but children do not belong absolutely EVERYWHERE. Adults need spaces where they can relax and be adults without having to worry about/be distracted by kids. I DO agree that *everyone* needs third places to feel safe and relaxed and to be themselves.
I don’t think it’s that people are unwilling to, it seems more like people are unequipped with skills to build relationships, also the skills to deal with rejection which leads to a deep fear in even starting.
No one knows conflict resolution... myself included. I'm trying to put myself out there more, which creates lots of uncomfortable, awkward communication and lots of opportunity for conflict resolution. Most of the time, I just want to hide, though.
Even when you do manage to go out to try to make new friends, people look at you like you’re insane for trying to speak to them, like you’re inconveniencing them
I think that is kinda true to an extent, I get coffee before work and have my laptop out for an hour or two, usually just browsing news and stuff for a bit. So for me personally that's not a social time, but there are alot of people, especially at like neighborhood coffee places that like to be sociable, it's not really an either/or.
Honestly, I think this is primarily an American phenomenon. Is there anyone from other countries here? At least in Argentina this doesn't happen, everyone says good afternoon to you when you enter somewhere, if you are waiting in a line it's normal to start chatting about the crazy weather or the crazy economic situation xd. You can go for a walk to the neverhood and the neighbors will ask you how life is going... Honestly, I think this is mostly to you guys, maybe it's a problem because the suburbs are isolated from city life.
@gabrielacanette5485 that's 100% what it is. In many cases Americans get away from cities and move to suburbs for space, more isolation, and not having the stress of sharing space with alot of people.
This is 100% something I think about all the time. We have no friends bc we can’t MAKE friends. While out we’re always avoiding people or fearing people or too annoyed for people. How do you build connections like that? Something I’ve noticed a lot is in poorer communities. I live in a predominantly very low income part of town. A lot of people don’t have phones or social media. But parks are always full, people are sitting outside talking to each other. In line somewhere people are making conversation with you instead of everyone looking at their phone. People will make general commentary and small talk more. You’ll actually get asked “does it look like it’s going to rain out there today” when walking into a building when other people would just check an app. Or a quick “oh that color on your car is cool, what do they call that one?” Just to interact with you. We replace every single tiny social interaction with a screen that community and socialization seems weird or foreign or even worrying.
I moved back home after living in Hong Kong through 4 years of Covid and not being able to come home. I was trying to speak to people here part of the established "group" of friends in my town, friends of my brothers etc and were really close. I literally got "kicked out" of the group because the girls didn't like the way I spoke to their partners... Like speaking to everyone as actual humans not just shallow interactions. And the girls weren't interested in acting ually building real relationships and friendships either. All just surface level high school stuff? So now I just chill alone with my 3 cats and speak to all my long distance friends 😂❤
the bottom line is America has a huge neoliberalism and corruption problem that started in the 1980s that has resulted in the consolidation of wealth and power in the hands of the top one percent at the expense of everybody else. This was also exacerbated by the Citizens United SCOTUS decision of 2010. Private Equity taking over every single industry, small businesses being run out of business, schools being privatized, the minimum wage being stagnated, crippling student loan debt, i can go on and on!
@@faithm.4084 neoliberalism is anything but liberal, its basically conservative policies that include deregulation, privatization, mass incarceration, and capitalism.
It just occurred to me that the “problems” we had 25 years ago (a president getting a questionable bj) have become endemic (president raping and pillaging the entire system)
This is SO wrong!!! It could litteraly be me speaking, as the girl saying she doesnt have time or energy for ANYTHING... Commute and work take ALL day!!! And still you cant buy a house or an apartment (in a safe area in the city close to work).... No time or energy to do anything healty or good for you.... Just go to bed and start over... This is NOT life.... And WHY do we all feel ungreatful etc for feeling its super wrong??? Ppl saying new generations are lazy... its just not true... the world is SO different now.
I felt that way too, when entering the workforce. But with the years, you will grow as a person: you streamline your household chores, find nooks for healthy habits, manage your energy at work, multitask while commuting and hopefully make more money, too. The same with parenting, it starts overwhelming but you grow. So, it gets better, as you get better. Growing up does not stop after reaching adulthood.
Past generations worked as hard. But they also were paid enough for a family of 5 to live off 1 income with a house and 2 vehicles minimum on a 40 hour week. Today’s adults would have to work 100+ hours a week to approach that standard of living.
When I was young, we would meet up at the beach or in the woods, have a fire , play music. Now people my age just want to meet at the bar near the beach. Well, I can’t afford to blow $8 on a beer, spend $20 every evening. The beach is still right there. Picnic tables. Free parking.
It's probably because of the developing need for (over) stimulation in that scenario. It's not enough for some people to just have a conversation with one or a few people in more quiet setting, but they need constant ambient noise on top of trying to yell to even hear each other. It was just as alarming to me how many people just couldn't take their own company during the pandemic or even the company of the person they decided to swap bodily fluids with on a regular basis. The ways in which we relate to ourselves and each other have been scrambled so dramatically. I don't think the answer is to snap into a hyper community though. You don't realize how little you like always having someone just around in your space until you've joined and experienced life outside the military again. I like to have control over when and how much I engage in community personally, because 8 people to tent (when it could be 16 since they're bunk beds) with shared bathrooms ain't it at 30 years old. I don't care how progressive the people around me are lol. Even my friends know I'm not about to be up in their dm every other day. I have way too many other hobbies that I tend to default to since they're normally within reach (music, art, hiking). It's not that I see them as a burden, but I've never felt like my life was falling apart if they didn't tell me every detail of their lives.
I am also alone. But I like it. I've always liked walking alone in the morning. Now I just bought a bicycle, I ride to the nearest forest or to a park. Like, today I bought a simple cheap bun in the bakery, took water, banana and a book from home, rode to farthest park, ate my bun, read my book and rode back. Not much money spent, no desire to go to restaurants.
The traditional housewife that everyone pictures for the 1950s was only if you were middle class or higher. Poor women and girls from lower income families have always worked. Husbands died, got sick or disabled, etc and there was no safety net. Both of my grandmothers and both great grandmothers worked after marriage. One grandma even earned her own pension.
The happiest women were the riveters working in the factories when the men were away. Not a single one of those women looked manic or faking a smile, you can't say the same for 50s housewives. They were high all the time or hiding their issues, lest they'd suffer a forced lobotomy.
And the late 19th and early 20th century were already historical low periods for women working to begin with. It was a bubble built in cheap credit and war racketeering that was only for the middle class that was always going to deflate/pop eventually.
21:33 "but we are finding more and more that social media is less of a platform for people to share with their friends, and more an influencer platform". well said👏
Regarding what she says about Capitalism and a feature of it being the ability to be "self-made," there's no such thing as a self-made anything. Whether you're rich or poor, there will always be external forces at work that contribute to where you end up in life. While you do have a degree of control over success and failure, still, you can do everything right and still fail and you can do absolutely nothing and succeed. If people can be self-made that would mean life is fair and it's not.
Bulltwang !!! Tell me one person that has sat on their arse and been successful!! Apart from Trust funded and those that win the lottery which is nothing but chance. Taking a measured risk and working hard are the only way to sure fire success. It ain’t a guarantee but certainly far more successful than sitting on your butt.
Life isn't fair. Who said it was? Luck plays a part. But if you work hard and work smart, the odds will be un your favor, even though you still might get killed in a car crash on you way to work or just drop dead from a brain aneurysm on any given day. I started off working for minimum wage, sharing a house with 4 other people. I made the least, but always had the most at the end of the month because of careful planning and no expensive vices. But everyone has emergencies and they can and should be planned for. Now, 20 years later I own my own small house, not because I was born into privilege or stole it from the deserving, but because I worked hard, and worked smart, and planned ahead, and sacrificed short term pleasure for long term gains. People who prattle on about life being unfair make me nervous; they are the same kind of people who carried out the Kulak genocide (killing all the Russian middle class).
@@whitemagus2000so you don’t believe luck played ANY part in your life improving? Pretty naïve if you think that. You seem to think you have control over 99.99999% of it but you don’t.
@@whitemagus2000 in other words you had to slave and sacrifice to still be nothing but a Tax slave. You don't a small home. You pay property taxes etc
@@whitemagus2000no. Some are in the right place at the right time. Most aren’t. And it’s not hard work that succeeds. Sometimes it’s a$$ kissing. People use that “life isn’t fair” as if that justifies everything. It justifies nothing. It’s your duty to make it as fair as possible. Greed is all that america is anymore. Just greed.
As a disabled person dealing with some social turmoil, yeah. I'll be the first to say I have shopped when I have felt too alone for comfort items or activities. And lonliness is a huge issue for everyone, but especially disabled people who are isolated even further by society than able-bodied people.
I'm half white/Asian married to an Asian man. My white side of the family is super isolated & we don't even talk nowadays 😢. My Asian side is super close & my husband's family is also super supportive! We have 2 kids & I honestly love how our families value & Prioritize thriving loud children lol. The culture/values here in the west is drastically different compared to the rest of the world. We live in Canada too, the cost of living just gets higher. 😢
True. Americans don't have to reinvent anything to live a better life just take a look at the rest of tbe world. In my country the average wage is way less than 1000 dollars a month yet we live better. Community is key.
@@bettinak.4 Agreed I grew up in the US and while that made me very independent and gave me many practical skills, it meant I was really lacking in important places. I met and married a Colombian and it's amazing because we bring different skills that really help each other based on our previous experiences, culture, and values.
Born white/asian and same. Dad's side is spread apart in different states and hasn't seen each other in years. My mom's side gets together several times a year for huge dinner, and once or twice a year with all the extended relatives who fly in from other states. I'll run into relatives at these functions whose names I can't even remember that's how connected my Chinese side is.
Whenever i see a bunch of middle aged or older men hanging out in public or getting a meal together at restaurant, they're always Eastern European. Same goes for the white women. I've never seen a group of older American men hanging out together
Yeah, people are going to blame capitalism, but its really american culture. Poor hispanic communities also tend to be very close and find time to get together but no one else prioritizes it because they are too busy chasing validation from the outside world
I just want to point out that into the 1920s it was expected that middle class families would have access to at least one and preferably two servants, so the women were household managers, but the weren’t responsible for doing everything. Household management manuals from the era explicitly state that when families can’t afford household help, the woman should do all the cooking and laundry, and all other chores should be delegated to the other family members.
That was before or just as the electronic revolution began. Washing machines created literal extra hour for woman. Laundry was the most labor intensive task. Instead of lugging a heavy wool rug outside and beating it for an hour they now had vacuums. There are many examples of this.
In the Jim Crow Era, black women were forced to do that domestic labor for white families. Black women had to neglect their own children and households to work for deplorable wages in abusive circumstances. Women of color have always held the burden of juggling childcare and domestic labor, for themselves and society. There was only a middle class because of the oppressed class of black people.
Middle class? The average middle class family *never* had servants. Servants were a part of families, too! More families lived on farms, ranches and the like, or had some sort of family business - like all the mom and pop stores that all died off to huge chains. Sevants were an upper class phenomenon.
Nope. My kids had chores. From the time they could reach the washing machine they were doing their own laundry. Sure, they needed help when they were little. But, soon they were doing the entire task on their own and never looked back. They were astonished that their peers didn't know how to do laundry when they went off to college. Incompetence is learned.
@@BErectus "when they went off to college." I would like to gently point out that you raised children at least 20 years ago. The world is different even from when my son was born in 2016. Teaching these skills takes time and patience, and that's a resource parents have less and less of these days. There are multitude of reasons for this. 1) jobs in general are understaffed, which means the job you do manage to get is more stressful 2) as mentioned in the video, kids don't have many outlets for socialization or excess energy, so the kids are less agreeable, too 3) in addition to jobs being more stressful, it often takes longer and requires more finesse to get to that job, not to mention getting the kids to where they need to go. 4) oh, yeah. TRANSPORTATION. When I was younger buying a used car was something you could do with a part time job, not anymore. Not to mention the cost of gas. Before you dismiss any of that as petty excuses, please try doing it for a month. With all the extra stressors and time being taken away from you, do you REALLY have the energy left to gently correct the child who let the laundry get moldy? When I'm at the end of my rope it's just not worth it. I need his clothes to be clean, so I do it myself sometimes. He's 8 now and I'm really trying quite hard to instill good habits, but it is TOUGH
Honestly this all makes so much sense As a kid the thing I picked up on most about my mom was that she was constantly exhausted. She’d come home from work with barely enough energy to make dinner and she’d snap very easily. I didn’t blame her but I definitely became afraid of becoming an adult because I didn’t want a job to turn me into an unpleasant person annoyed by everything (she’s otherwise an amazing human, I just think having to work as much as she did to support us affected our relationship and her ability to parent)
Don’t give up! Plenty of meet-up groups for about any hobby/activity you can think of. Much less pressure to plan things, and the people involved actually want to do the thing
I remember recently seeing someone talk about loneliness for kids and teens in the suburbs, cause even though there was a bunch of houses crammed together there was nowhere for kids to go. Few trees for shade, big empty laws with nothing to do, can't play in the streets, parents want you out of the house, no businesses to visit, parks don't want teens hanging around. So where do they go? They play video games instead, and you can't really blame them for it. It feels like everywhere has became a wasteland for socialization. I feel very fortunate that I have a hobby that allows me to spend time with my friends a few times a year in a fun settling so I get a boost of socialization. (for those curious, my husband and I are both renaissance faire performers and have many friends at these events that we get to hang out with) I also don't think an economy which supports the ability to be an individual who can support their own needs is a bad thing. Lots of people, for a variety of reasons, don't have a support system to fall back on and shouldn't be left out in the cold because of that. The opposite also isn't a bad thing and has plenty of value. I think the problem is a society where people are forced to do one or the other, regardless of what works best for them and their situation. If you're born into a really abusive family situation being forced to stay in it and being punished for leaving is obviously not good. Of course if you are forced by the economy into isolation and are lonely that's not good either.Holy shit that Danish park looks amazing. Now I want to move there even more.
this isolation grows stronger every year without anyone noticing. I grew up in a small village in greece where you knew everyone, your neighbors where your friends and we used to share our food with each other and spend the night sitting around and just talking. I would give anything to have those years back. I think that people who hadnt had the luck of experiencing real comunity wouldnt really undestand how dangerous this hyperindividualism actually is. capitalism is destroying us.
If everyone is miserable, there really is no point to the destruction we wreak to be alive. There’s no justification for it. I’d rather not witness the collapse of civilization, but it does seem like the natural outcome of this course.
I meet up with a group of moms every week so that we can chat and our kids can socialize. During the summer and fall it's fine to meet at the park, but on cold winter days we have nowhere to meet for free. At the library the kids can't play, and the only community center that would give us space wanted to charge us $40 per hour 😅. It's just not fair that our communities don't have these third places anymore, it's sad actually. We have to spend money for everything!
I did a group like this when my kids were young. We took turns hosting, but it wasn't like a formal party, it was just 4 or 5 women and all their kids coming over for a few hours. It was chaotic but really nice! (It was a bit different because this was "craft group" and we were trying to make stuff, or just hang out and drink tea while one person makes something, lol, and the kids were just running around in the background, so the focus wasn't on the children, but they still had a great time)
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTigerthe group may be too large to accommodate everyone at every family involved home/apartments this would create a strain for those who may be able to and cause imbalances within the group
@@AmaniStudio Apartments have a clubhouse. It is open for use to the Residents. Sometimes there are spaces where clubs meet, that can be rented out like let’s say at the Library or even locally.
It’s my mom, sister, me and my niece. All 4 of us work. We live in a 3 bedroom house in a decent neighborhood. My mom and I share the master bedroom. We are a one car family. Even with all of that we still struggle financially so we know others who live alone without people to depend on are struggling.
my husband and I bought the house next to my parents, and it is so nice knowing they're there, especially expecting our first child this fall. We also share things like the lawnmower, other garden tools, and we share a storage space. I would so much rather live like this than just our nuclear family on our own
And for people like me, who grew up in a village of real community it becomes hard to find likeminded people, social contacts have become replaceable. My partner is strong on my side but the thing I suffer most of is heartache because of friends suddenly disappearing and people using community as long as it pleases them. Community is work, it’s emotional work to keep it up and it requires love and care. I am happy to put in the work but I can’t gift all my energy when people leave when I need their help in return. A lot of people are not used to invest in anything else than themselves and so everything dies
this is such an amazing viewpoint of everything happening right now! if america keeps going like this.. it's going to die with a lot of suffering (that's already happening). thank you for commenting! such an amazing perspective
ONe of your phrases really hit home. These third places ARE around, but not being used. We recently moved to another city and within the first year got a library card, joined a gaming group at the local hobby store, visited a bunch of farm markets and breweries, checked out a couple of the local parks, and joined a church. My daughter just graduated college and has joined a roller derby group and her boyfriend found a martial arts group, and they found a tabletop gaming group as well. You've got to get out there!
I don’t recognize the world anymore. I just work and try to survive the day. It makes me sad. I spend most of my free time researching how to make friends. And how to make more money so I can maybe not be a wage slave anymore. Sometimes I try to reach out to people. But it’s typical to get a response 3 days later. It’s just weird how I communicate more through technology.
I don’t recognize the world either and I’m in my mid-30’s. I do not do well with social media or texting or reading FB updates as if they are telling me themselves. I focus on work but that has no structure now that I know I’m spiraling.
Try to stay positive. I don't recognise the world either. I've fathered two boys, along with my wife. I feel a sense of guilt as they never chose to be born and we've brought them into a world that isn't right for them.
@@Liz-in8luit's easy to get sucked into work. I've done it to the detriment of my relationships. Are you able to join a club or take up an group based activity? I know it can he daunting but if you can muster the energy it could work out for you
I don’t have human contact for months. I talk to clients and friends on zoom 3-4 times a week, but I don’t physically see friends for sometimes months at a time. I work from home, live alone, and have no family on this side of the country. It’s expensive to leave the house, and it’s a challenge to make new friends (in my area, and at my age - 35yrs old). I want to join clubs, go to events I enjoy, and things like that to meet people, but I either don’t have the time, the energy (thanks depression) or the money (or all of the above). This world we’ve actively participated and consented to building NEEDS to change. Economic and social collapse will be the result if we don’t take action to change these patterns and rebel against the capitalism that has driven us apart. I don’t have the solution, but I’m glad we’re open to discussing this with one another. United we stand, divided we fall..
The american culture of work, work, work is so unsustainable for your physical and mental health! Europeans have a better sense of separating work and life and have proper parental leave and 4-5 weeks annual leave/holidays to refresh themselves.
Thanks for being bold and calling out the systems that perpetuate this bullshit rather than blaming individuals or pretending this shit isn’t happening. ❤
Grew up in Panama ( Central America) consider 3 world country when I moved 11 years ago , I felt so freaking lonely , I even miss the street dogs , the old neighbor who said hi to me , the music in the buses , at times , it's so quiet in the neighborhood , I started to wonder if I have neighbors and then Halloween came and I realized I did , but I think depression it's so prevalent here because in this country ( which has many good things) the interactions between people naturally can be avoided and people are trained no to bother one another , I even remember asking my neighbor back in Panama if I ran out of salt , sugar, matches , paper , I wil just knock and they will provide for me and viceversa
I can relate to you even though I come from a "first world" country we still have a strong sense of community expecially in the south part of the country where I come from
Another banger on pulling in thoughts from social media. I can’t say I align with all of the thoughts of course, but it’s nice to sit down and listen to others for a bit, taking in their perspectives. We can’t change what we can’t change, but I choose to change one thing at a time that I do have power over: Getting sleep (sorry new parents! It won’t be forever) Getting 5 min of sunlight in your eyes in the morning Taking your medications, vitamins, and nutritious food Making one social “appointment” each week Drinking less alcohol Getting some physical touch in each day (this is a benefit for new parents!!) Working toward a personal goal Movement & Exercise (UA-cam videos are great. I use MadFit but let me know if you have other suggestions. In the least, a 10 min walk can work wonders.) Not sure why I took the time to type all of that out. I guess I just hope if anyone reads this, they feel empowered. We only get one shot on this floating rock. ❤❤
I think what has ultimately made us more isolated is television and phones. Phones are literally an addiction. Dopamine is released with each video etc. there is a reason content creation has skyrocketed people watch more content than ever before, and it’s starts with babies! When I go to the store most kids I see are riding in the cart watching a phone. I am a mom of 4 kids 7 & under and find that to be one of the saddest things. If we went back to the corded phone on the wall, we would be instantly more connected.
I have thought about getting a landline phone. I refuse to get my kids phones because I believe they are too young, but I also know I'm isolating them because their friends don't want to call my cell phone. Our phone company is trying to do away with landline services. It all makes me sad and anxious.
I remember a time when going to Blockbuster on a Friday night with your friends and picking out a movie (on VHS and yes I'm old now) was a social event in of itself. We'd spend an hour browsing movies and goofing off. Nowadays, people don't even have friends, let alone ones they see on a weekly basis.
A major part of that was actually having to leave the house to get a movie before streaming became a thing. CD shopping was fun too because of being able to listen to a preview in the store while engaging with the physical media. Unless you go out of your way to get vinyl from a local store (it it exists), people will find themselves interacting with others less organically because of the instant gratification behind purely digital media while sitting on their toilet at home.
loneliness isn't an "epidemic". an epidemic happens suddenly. our loneliness is the result of decades of policies that deliberately put individualism and profit over community, while the media we consumed showed a different story. our parents were also exhausted, touched out, and losing community from their 9-5s. we're just noticing this now because it's being talked about on social media.
How sad. As a 40 year old woman with 4 homeschooled kids, we are ALWAYS out and about!! The kids have other homeschool families on our street, they do their work and then they go and play for the day! And us moms rotate coffee mornings at our homes too.
Ive tried to get into homeschool groups both online and verbally in person Every time i get crickets. Its awkward when I ask in person and they get defective or drandofish after talking so highly of their own homeschool experience. I dont know whats with my area but no one locally wants to meet up or add new memebers even if they claim to be open. I would start my own group but im not academically smart enough and i have never observed how a homeschool group, works in person.
Do you have a 30 min commute 4 hours work 30 min break/standby 4 hours of work 30 min commute 60 minutes of cooking= 11 hours out of 16 and with that 5 hours of free time your to tired to do anything
@@mikemadsen7926 Nope, because my life choices were to find a man who wanted the same things I did out of a family/life and we made different choices. I worked from age 15-30 until we started a family, at which time I chose to dedicate my life to my family. So instead, I am the first one awake, I get breakfast ready for six, the kids get up and they prepare themselves, we start our homeschooling day. After lessons we go to the gym, we play outside, we go to the park, museums, library, whatever!! I made lunch, I make dinner, clean the house, do laundry, we always watch a family movie and have dinner together and then we start a new day. We all have life choices and the same 24 hours. There is no right and wrong, there is just what you need/have to do with the life you've cultivated for yourself.
My husband works overtime almost everyday and never gets to see that money, we moved out of the city to save money on rent but end up spending more on gas bc everything around us is a 20-30 min drive. When my husband comes home from work he’s too tired to eat or spend time with his family he just goes to bed and wakes up for work. He told me that lately he’s just wants to be alone.
People have been poor for centuries. They were not lonely. Kids used to go outside and play basketball with neighbors. Social media and video games has physically isolated people.
Yeah people grow up and they stop playing ball games they want to do another activities but in the city you cant do sh1t without spent a lot of money, and is hard to have a decent place to live , with the current situation, so guess what people prioritize food and shelter over anything else. And these days have both its a luxury.
@@TheCarlinCoop the park is free, your house is free to have people over at. How does it cost to socialize? How does it cost to have a cookout on the weekends? The quiet part is that most of you have low self esteem around not having the newest stuff to show-off and thus feel like people dont want to just hang out with you. Thats what it really is! Youre too insecure to downsize your house, buy a used car with and wear no label clothes. Poor people all across the US are having fun, inviting friends over, drinking, smoking, grilling or watching the latest episode of RealHouseWives from some city. The same way people have become more shallow about who they date, is the same way they have become more shallow about who they hang with. But with a straight face have no idea why they dont have any real tried and true friends
I live in Denmark, most of my colleagues have young children, and I can tell they are not doing some social activities (like eating out) because they feel their children may make other people uncomfortable. I would like to meet with them -and their children-, but they would not do it unless they have arranged somebody else to take care of their children. Therefore, we seldom meet… Also, my feeling is that many people in Denmark feel lonely. It doesn’t help that loneliness is a taboo topic in conversations.
That's a trait that I've seen It's common among central and north europeans societies. They don't like to bother people which Is ok but this isolate you from the community while us south european don't mind bothering others and kids being loud in public It's nothin to worry about
“Why don’t the kids go outside anymore?” Because there’s no community spaces or walkable spaces or spaces safe enough for children to go out to unsupervised, and in order to not have their family starve parents don’t have time to take their kids out as much as they should be able to. And don’t even get started on the lack of concern for public health, air quality, or accessibility for disabled kids and parents.
You’re right !!! And there’s also the fact that children are less and less welcomed in public spaces and seen as a burden… it brings even more loneliness to parenthood, especially in the early stages of the kids’ lives. In France there are so many people asking for « childfree spaces » like restaurants, cafés, beaches, public transports… and as I agree that some spaces like that can be good, it feels like everyone wants to erase children (and parents, specially mothers) from public spaces nowadays. Some old lady made a playground close just because it was in front of her home and she didn’t want the noise of kids nearby, and there are more and more demands since. If kids are playing in the streets, people call the police and CPS almost immediately! Hell, people also wants to childfree days in Disneyland Paris… As girl said in the video, children must be mute and invisible. And who benefits this? Businesses who offer child friendly spaces but make it pay entry or unreasonable food and drinks prices. And I can’t get off my mind that segregating a part of population is never good, except from children apparently who are considered as burden and less than humans.
I saw kids outside for the first playing hide and seek a few weeks ago and I was honestly so shocked I didn’t care that they were touching my car to play I was just happy to see kids being kids because it’s not common to see that these days.
Also, alternative perspective here: but when I was homeless this wasn't a problem. No one cared, we stuck up for each other we helped each other out we worked together. We socialized together even if none of us had money, and if one of us did we would treat everyone as we work together more... Just like, it seems like this is only more of an issue with privledged people to begin with. It's crazy how you can have a more honest open conversation with some homeless guy on a walk than with some people you've known for years and years and years. Idk what it is, but having the privilege and ability to pay rent and have walls and make money flips something in people's brain.
the ugly jumpscare to liberalism at the end took my soul fr "being able to be self-made"--as though profiting off of the labor of others inherently makes you "self made," and as if the individualistic nature of contemporary societies being good hasn't been contradicted w/ earlier points "the opportunity to follow your dreams"--as though a socialist, or even classless/hierarchical society or community doesn't offer that with needs ACTUALLY being covered "the potential to jump social classes"--social classes created by what, whom and for what purpose? not to mention the whole "go on out there and make use of your third places, spend money to support them! 😊" etc point is literally impossible for people who are farther from places of privilege with what's been shown, with evidence, in the rest of the vid, with people working to survive and not having money, time, or energy to do a thing that isn't work or a point of necessity.
For a lot of people, the problem with capitalism isn't its inherent structural problems, it's that it's unfair and needs to be tweaked so they can also live in a state of abundance, without acknowledging the cost incurred in making that possible.
I miss my third places. The Starbucks near my house is now drive-through only. My beloved Korean sauna that used to charge $20 to stay up to 24 hours has tripled the price and reduced their business hours. Parks are an option if the weather is good. Unfortunately my local library is not a cozy place. My third place is actually my car.
Love these MIP videos! I literally threw down my phone and made my husband put his down too so we could chat and connect 😂 we talked about ways we could get out and strengthen bonds in our community and reach out to friends we’ve been neglecting. Great inspo!
I've been preaching the problems of capitalism for decades. Greed is a huge driver - as most have to struggle more and more, the top 1% has insane disparity with the rest of us. The costs of capitalism include a rash of mental health issues and problems for kids, the elderly, and the environment, in addition to loneliness. Nobody is actually self-made - everything requires the social infrastructure we all pay and work for.
I feel that in southern european countries we don’t have much of those places designated for children… but there may be an explanation for that… any public space can be used by children… for instance, it is kind of interesting going into the typical tapas bar in Spain and observe children, adults and elderly sharing the same space… it is kind of messy and loud… but it is a place for everybody… everyone enjoys and share a nice drink and food, and everyone is allowed to be loud 😂
It is now up to us to accept defeat or create our own communities. It's really frustrating that even something as normal as wanting to have a family has become almost impossible.
In the past, there was always someone who did a lot of work to bring people together. If we viva I go the 50’s for example. They often went unnoticed but they understood how important it was. It’s up to you, to decide what kind of a world you want to create. It doesn’t get created alone. It counts on people to make things happen… Potluck dinners, everyone bring a dish… then everything comes together, that kids start playing in a yard and people have a good time passing a few hours together helps bring balance and joy and purpose and cohesion. It benefits everyone. Think about how you could be a part of this, to shape your surroundings. ❤
Really well researched topic, you did an amazing job again! Also, when I am watching these “motherhood in progress” videos, I feel so lucky that I am European, because so many of your problems don’t really apply to us, especially in the eastern european countryside where I live, we have other issues of course, but kids running around on the fields isn’t one of them 😊
In the past, there was always someone who did a lot of work to bring people together. (If we look at the 1950’s for example.) They often went unnoticed, but they understood how important it was. It’s up to you, to decide what kind of a world you want to create. It doesn’t get created alone. It counts on people to make things happen… Potluck dinners, everyone bring a dish… then everything comes together, that kids start playing in a yard and people have a good time passing a few hours together helps bring balance and joy and purpose and cohesion. It benefits everyone. Think about how you could be a part of this, to shape your surroundings.
Also, let's not forget about the war on children in the 90s and 00s. Back in the 80s and 90s, places like malls, restaurants, arcades, etc, were places where kids and teens could hang out unsupervised. But due to a few bad apples, most businesses either made it so kids and teens needed to be accompanied by a parent, were required to buy things to hang out, or both. Due to this, the number of places kids and teens can hang out in public has decreased, and simultaneously, it has become socially unacceptable, if not illegal, for kids to go out in public unaccompanied. This and the increasing danger to padestrians posed by taller and taller vehicles has made it so parents, when they are able, have to chaufer their kids around from place to place. We're literally getting hit with the consequences of the last 80 years of bad and short-sighted policy decisions all at once and it shows.
I think the blonde woman in red really made me realize why I don't want to go back home and live with my parents: It really has nothing to do with me being too old to live at home or that I'm embarrassed. It's that life is so hard and demanding that to live with other people means that you need to make room for their wants and needs as well. When you come home after a long day when everyone has asked you for a million and one things, you don't want to make any mental space for anyone else. You just don't have the capacity.
I have autism but was late diagnosed. I was already isolated before social media and Capitalism really took over. I also went no contact with my narcissistic mother at 22, so I didn't have a choice. I feel extremely lonely sometimes but also have trust issues. My friends are definitely overwhelmed by the system but they have more family support than I do.
😮 Denmark as a 14 year old American was amazing ! There is a huge amusement park in the center of Copenhagen and I could hop on a bike and go anywhere with other kids or by myself. It's a great place to be a kid
I'd enjoy life with many people to talk to on a daily basis. This comes from an introvert. Even I'm struggling with feeling so lonely. While studying here in another city, I've always had two female roommates, and we have always spent the 99% of the day in our rooms and not socialising. At the University, you rarely meet new friends because, after being done with the classes, everyone just goes home. Most people I've met and chatted with were from work, but then again when you leave that job you also leave them, you don't really stay in contact. I love being by myself, but I really think it's sometimes just wasting time: I want to be around people, not because I'm needy but because I find it being one of the life meanings- relationships. With people, animals, nature, but firstly with other people. It bothers me so much sometimes. I'd like to establish a small brand and family business and I hope I'd meet many people daily and be able to spend more time with family and friends, making more memories with them.
I live in Germany but there are so many parallels to our life in the city. I grew up in a tiny village with lots of friends and I am so thankful I kept these friends (mostly from highschool) even tho we all moved far away from eath other. I am the only one in my friends group in university now that has more than 1-2 friends outside from uni. Thats so crazy to me! But also Third Places are a huge thing here too. A plane cup of coffee in our fav cafe is around 7$ and thats crazy expensive for a student. At least I live in a shared apartement but as the girl in the video said - sometimes I am too tired and dont even want to talk. I really hope things are changing again because I dont want to raise my future children in a society that is so emotional disconnected.
Same for meee. Unsere Kindheit war so anders als es heute möglich ist. Ich arbeite als Sozialarbeiterin und kriege es jeden Tag mit, auch die Angst der Eltern ist gestiegen, wir durften die Welt viel angstfreier erkunden
We're basically following the same model that Russia and China are using: 1. Separate people through algorithms. So they have no community except TikTok. 2. Spamming of "junk mail" content. To prevent personal development. 3. Use bullies and fringe groups as "enforcers." To prevent people from wandering out of the loop.
We moved from the city to the suburbs as soon as we had a child and I couldn’t be happier that I now know my neighbors and I’m closer to my parents. We are a two parent working household so having family and community nearby was definitely something we wanted. If we had stayed in the city I think we would have been a lot more isolated. Even though we had friends, we had none with kids and they are all working and busy themselves.
My husband works overtime almost everyday and never gets to see that money, we moved out of the city to save money on rent but end up spending more on gas bc everything around us is a 20-30 min drive. When my husband comes home from work he’s too tired to eat or spend time with his family he just goes to bed and wakes up for work. He told me that lately he’s just wants to be alone. We’re all working too much, not making enough and because of that will never have the time or money to spend with our families.💔
I didn't grow up in a nuclear family. My mom and my grandma raised me together. Three generations of women and one girl lived together in one house, which my mama bought and paid for in the late 70s, and it was heavenly. I had an extended family who pitched in to help my mom, who worked to support us, and my grandma stayed at home and educated me before I started kindergarten. She taught me to read and speak two languages, English and her native German, how to cook, sew, knit, fix things around the house, mathematics, art, music, and so much more. When mom came home, we had dinner on the table for her, flowers I picked from the garden, we cleaned up together, and my mom played with me and read to me before I went to bed. It was so peaceful, but for some reason, she thought I needed "more," so she married my stepfather. That ruined me. The nuclear family is a destructive myth that doesn't work in the real world.
I love your videos and viewpoint, but I think the biggest thing you neglected to see in your research is that a huge factor in loneliness is the move away from organized religion. My husband and I moved our 3 kids to a whole new state where we had no family or friends and I was super nervous about making friends.. We joined the church here and they have a “life group” setup where they place you in a group of people to meet with weekly and have questions that open people up. It has been absolutely amazing! We have become like family with this group and gather weekly for our formal meetings, but also spend all the holidays together, go out to parks, meet at the library, and are just comfortable meeting at each other’s house. Our kids get to play with their kids freely. We don’t have to spent money to be friends and through the church process have gotten to know each other on a deep and meaningful level. Our church also offers a free indoor playground that is amazing in colder climates for gathering year round. There are tables and chairs set up and coffee available for parents to hang out while the kids are in a protected and enclosed area. Also through volunteer opportunities at the church we have made so many friends, just from the consistent interactions with the same people. I think if I were to remove all our friendships that we got from the church, we would have had an incredibly lonely move and it would’ve taken years to have become friends with others on the level we got too so quickly.
It's great that joining a church worked for you. Unfortnuately churches haven't exactly made the effort to reach out to young people and help them feel accepted as they are.
@casebeth and what if you're not religious or belong to a religion less represented in your area? These community resources should be available without the trade-off of joining a religion
This is a very interesting point which I do agree with, even though I’m not religious at all and my family have never been involved with a church or religious group. But I see religious groups and how their faith brings them together to make a big family and it’s a beautiful thing
Not dimissing the loneliness, but closer family structures as a network does have draw backs too. Less freedom to choose the future you want, more direct pressure to fall inline, some of the kids favored over others (siblings raising each other, the elder kids seen as free labour or free babysitters or cooks/cleaners, only one can inherit the family business or farm, others stand the chance of being outsourced to childless extended family with needs for free labor). Family structures can be just as lonely as being on your own. And having a different family structure myself, I often hear negatives remarks about the ways new types of famy structures have found to build a community (co-parents, three or four parent families, etc). Whilst those families proactively sought a way to build a network that suited them, and are thus very invested in that and keen to sustain and upkeep it. The nuclear family was a concept conceived by the church cos it suited them, but we can do better.
I really resonated with what you said about people drowning out their problems by buying more stuff. I just graduated high school. I remember asking my friends on numerous occasions if they wanted to put aside $10 to go to a restaurant (we live in suburbia so no third places)and split an appetizer. They never once went out with me because they “didn’t have the money”. They didn’t have the money due to spending every cent they got their hands on hauls of fast fashion and other useless trinkets. $10 to go out and socialize? No. Blowing $200+ on products you’ll never use every time you get a paycheck? Yup.
I’ve been going to the library lately and I can actually ride my bike there it’s been amazing. Even tho I’m still depressed I can definitely fell the difference in my head and physically with my body now that I’ve been able to get out of the house and go somewhere. I’ve also been enjoy going out for trail walks but I also know it’s a privilege to have a lot of them and to even have the time to do so
It’s been that way for decades, but this is a much more recent phenomenon. Somehow I work 40-50 hours a week and still find time for my wife and son, not to mention hanging with friends either at my house or theirs every Friday or Saturday. For decades people did this, it was just normal
You need to put the kids to bed by5:30 pm. A strict bedtime routine for yourself helps the body recover and set better energy levels. Children need to learn to do things themselves like washing and putting on their clothes and learning how to manage little tasks. Parents today, are indulging their children to the point of self exhaustion and satisfying them with all kinds of rewards which is making them even more hyper. It is normal to have 2 days off, but it’s challenging all the tasks required during your time off that it doesn’t feel like time off, so you aren’t rested when you go back to work. Kids need to be on a strict routine for you to have any successful time management in your life.
A lack of spaces for children being a societal failure... This is also for disabled people. Society is so able-ist and it makes it hard for disabled people to just live their lives. This is all connected. Society needs to change to fit people, not the other way around!
I wonder if the housing crisis has also played a part in this? After all, it’s harder to invite people over to socialize if you live with your parents and have to ask for their permission, and it’s also more difficult to have deep, honest conversations with friends when your parents are in the next room and can probably hear everything you say (especially if they’re the subject of the conversation)
Glad I grew up in the 70’s 80’s and 90’s. Ever since I’d say around the 08 crash, society has just seemed to be so disconnected. I’m so sorry for the youth that will never get to know how free and easy my generation and the ones before me had it.
We live in a system of financialism, not capitalism. Capitalism hasn't existed a single day I've been alive-I just turned 41 in March. Companies are allowed to fail and aren't bailed out in real capitalist systems. Financialism is a system in which the real economy plays a secondary role to the financial economy, in the process stripping future real economic profits for present consumption. While it bears similarities to the process often identified in the economic literature as "financialization," it differs in historical scope and suggests that financialism differs fundamentally from capitalism.
I was waiting for solutions. I had a friend once say 10% problem 90% solutions. I didn’t realize this video was for parents until the very end. I studied capitalism along with other systems and you need to have a healthy active citizenship voting for companies via dollars. Americans have gotten more into a learned helplessness era and it’s time to make our own things! Relying on city governments to create what we want or need is like watching frozen ice cream drip. People need to be proactive and start getting together and start building and creating! Not waiting for permission.
I think something that is also isolating that we don’t talk as much about it the fact everyone wears headphones in public all the time. We aren’t communicating with people as we walk by and witness things together, we don’t even make eye contact. It feel so dehumanizing sometimes
the way the world is and how little time and energy or money i have left i have completely given up, everyday is mindless repetition and i just slowly wait for the weekend to have fun but when the weekend rolls around im too stressed about how i know in a couple days im going back to that cycle so im exhausted and just sleep through it and it never ends
this video sums up the feeling i’ve had since i had my daughter in 2020. i crave community and togetherness from the world around me but there’s nothing to facilitate that in my area
When I was in my 20s I used to play basketball, and one of the courts got shut down at night because someone complained that the lights for the courts were a problem. It didn't take long until most of the courts got shut down the same way.
Wow. This is *TREMENDOUSLY* informative for people who are planning families. Thank you for making this documentary! Will share with my sugar mamiz. 🙏🐇💜
absolutely loved this! it's really solidified things Ive been thinking recently, since becoming a stay at home mum. One other thing Ive been thinking how capitalism really frustrates the impulse to care for those around us, because we're made to feel that we should be paid for every action. Like I have time in the day where I feel like I could help some one out in a more adhoc way, but it feels like a barrier having to apply for specific jobs and become an employee. In the UK care in general is in crisis and I wonder how much this can be salvaged in such a ruthless capitalist society. Although I think proper taxation would be a start!
I been working on my social skills gor about 5 years now. I find that its harder to make new friends as a grown up than it is as a kids... Everyone is so geared up with fear to approach anyone an say hello to start a conversation is concidered sketchy an weird. Im not weird, im searching for connection between humans being humans.
The squeezing out every last penny segment really got me. I’m currently going for my masters. But recently have been wondering if I even want a more stressful job that it will bring me. My job is very low stakes and comfortable but I need “to make more money”. But maybe I don’t want to do something that would allow that….
Im the first person to reach out to people but oh man, people are so rude, mean, toxic, insensitive and condescending. No wonder people avoid each other like the plague ☠️
this is such an important point. I've spent so much energy on building relationships or trying to get to know people, but most of the time it's just me putting in the work and the other parties solely focusing on their own life
This isn't a money issue like you seem to think... It's cultural/lifestyle. India for instance has no issues with a lack of community and they obviously don't have money. Same goes for people choosing not to have children, it's not about the money or capitalism. It's about priorities and what you value. It's great to push for more family connection and "3rd places" and whatnot, but make no mistake: this isn't "society's fault" it's every individual's responsibility to cultivate a community and sacrifice to keep it. For instance, are you lonely but you left your home state to go to start over and go to college elsewhere? That's on you. You left what could have been your community and communicated with your actions that sitting in a slightly nicer cubical is more important to you. Keeping a community takes effort, financial sacrifice, and intentional attention. If you don't wanna be lonely don't blame "society", blame yourself and reorganize your priorities.
I think part of this is continually putting yourself out there. A lot of the videos shown were people wanting to be brought into a community but not seeking it. It is a matter of priorities and taking the time to seek out relationships.
Yeah, I think it's also important that you can still find community in a new way and not spend much money or any to hang out. But you do need to put in effort
Good video and I agree with almost everything that you said but over my dead body I will live again with my in laws that was a living hell. I work extra hours to support my family so I can have peace when I go home, my house not the other way around
Before we worked 8 hours a day, we were in school for 7 hours, not getting paid. The adjustment was not that extreme when I started working full time a couple of months after I graduated high school. I went to the gym after school and I went to the gym after work. I partied on the weekends. I had time to date, and I went to night school. I understand the cost of living right now makes it hard, but as far as time, how has it changed? My millennial children don't seem to have any of these concerns either. They work, they live, have families and hobbies, and have a reasonable work/life balance.
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People like you blame capitalism for all the ills of the world. But you fail to study history and look at what the common alternate to that has resulted in. Russia, China, Cambodia, Venezuela.....
And what you call capitalism isn't capitalism. Corporation are not capitalism, they are fascist, socialist, partnered with government.
You education institutions have failed you and led you down a false path. the ism you want will not result in as much community as you think, because our problems with community have nothing to do with ism, it's the tech doing it to us, no matter what ism.
Perhaps you need a few more years on Earth to understand. Study history more, and the horrors of the 20th century.
@@peterbelanger4094
I was just about to say the same things. Socialists and ignorant people vote in Socialist policies, then blame the results as being Capitalist. The US hasn't been Capitalist since December 25th, 1913.
What these people fail to understand is the economic system that the US operates under is specifically defines as 'Fascistic-Corporatism'.
@@peterbelanger4094Also, quite ironic that she's complaining about Capitalism, while promoting consumerism herself.
Most people couldn’t afford the ‘nuclear family’ lifestyle. A lot of women were still working at the time unless they were rich they could stay home.
Your cute Ashley I like you ❤❤❤❤❤
29 year old dad of 2 under 2 here.
Your video validated much of what I've been feeling. I was working 80+ hours across 3 jobs to afford our mortgage but was burning myself out and missing some of the most precious years of the kids lives.
Soooo we sold the house and moved in with my inlaws and I have never been happier. To be able to only work 40 hours has been a blessing, and we are also able to help our aging family who are starting to struggle to do things on their own. I sleep better, eat better, am more active, and my kids gave a much better quality of life with 2 parents. I'm more social with friends, read more, and don't dread each day anymore.
I am now poor in money and rich in community and it feels 1000x better
That’s so beautiful and encouraging to hear, that’s so good for you and your family 🙂
I love being with family
That’s so beautiful you have family support! What a blessing for you!
Good job! Your worth is not your dang income, your worth is the smiles you give your kids 😊
Love this❤ I’ve had a similar experience since moving back in with my parents.
Libraries libraries libraries! Please go to your local public library and ask them what they have on. They are free, safe, inclusive, and very community minded. Plus, they always have loads of kids activities and community programs. But, they need your support to justify their budgets. Without attendance, programs and funding gets cut.
Why go to a Libray when when have Google? Google knows everything!!! They even know when you peeeeeee!
Why would Google wanna know that? So they can sell you a product!!!!!
As a librarian, it would also be nice if our pay was good enough for us to live in the neighborhood we support.
@@Lily-ni5po yeah I know, it's made me consider a career change several times.
Sadly our library is no longer a safe place to visit.
several of the libraries in my area have been shut down due to “loitering” 🙃
Just the fact that a business had to remove a place for children due to city ordinances is so telling
If it had been a dog area they would have been allowed to keep it...
Its really sad because if they would make drinks without alcohol they would not earn enough money to keep the buisiness open anyways.
In Europa its gerting more and more common to open up Cafes for parents with children and I love that idea. But they get just as expensive as every thing else with inflation right now... its literally a never ending story 😅
I think my brother has a cafe he visits like that in the state he lives in. Never seen another one tho. @@littlemaniacinmyhead
capitalism ruining everything as per usual
Sorry if I hurt some feelings, but children do not belong absolutely EVERYWHERE. Adults need spaces where they can relax and be adults without having to worry about/be distracted by kids.
I DO agree that *everyone* needs third places to feel safe and relaxed and to be themselves.
Everyone wants community but nobodys willing to actually build relationships.
So painfully true. 👥😢
the horrific consequences of government aspired capitializm and the sardine-tight mental impact of school have been disastrous for modern humans
I don’t think it’s that people are unwilling to, it seems more like people are unequipped with skills to build relationships, also the skills to deal with rejection which leads to a deep fear in even starting.
No one knows conflict resolution... myself included. I'm trying to put myself out there more, which creates lots of uncomfortable, awkward communication and lots of opportunity for conflict resolution. Most of the time, I just want to hide, though.
@@katel1316there is no conflict. You talking to someone isn’t a conflict. It’s just being normal.
Even when you do manage to go out to try to make new friends, people look at you like you’re insane for trying to speak to them, like you’re inconveniencing them
I think that is kinda true to an extent, I get coffee before work and have my laptop out for an hour or two, usually just browsing news and stuff for a bit. So for me personally that's not a social time, but there are alot of people, especially at like neighborhood coffee places that like to be sociable, it's not really an either/or.
Honestly, I think this is primarily an American phenomenon. Is there anyone from other countries here? At least in Argentina this doesn't happen, everyone says good afternoon to you when you enter somewhere, if you are waiting in a line it's normal to start chatting about the crazy weather or the crazy economic situation xd. You can go for a walk to the neverhood and the neighbors will ask you how life is going... Honestly, I think this is mostly to you guys, maybe it's a problem because the suburbs are isolated from city life.
@gabrielacanette5485 that's 100% what it is. In many cases Americans get away from cities and move to suburbs for space, more isolation, and not having the stress of sharing space with alot of people.
This is 100% something I think about all the time. We have no friends bc we can’t MAKE friends. While out we’re always avoiding people or fearing people or too annoyed for people. How do you build connections like that?
Something I’ve noticed a lot is in poorer communities. I live in a predominantly very low income part of town. A lot of people don’t have phones or social media. But parks are always full, people are sitting outside talking to each other. In line somewhere people are making conversation with you instead of everyone looking at their phone. People will make general commentary and small talk more. You’ll actually get asked “does it look like it’s going to rain out there today” when walking into a building when other people would just check an app. Or a quick “oh that color on your car is cool, what do they call that one?” Just to interact with you.
We replace every single tiny social interaction with a screen that community and socialization seems weird or foreign or even worrying.
I moved back home after living in Hong Kong through 4 years of Covid and not being able to come home. I was trying to speak to people here part of the established "group" of friends in my town, friends of my brothers etc and were really close. I literally got "kicked out" of the group because the girls didn't like the way I spoke to their partners... Like speaking to everyone as actual humans not just shallow interactions. And the girls weren't interested in acting ually building real relationships and friendships either. All just surface level high school stuff? So now I just chill alone with my 3 cats and speak to all my long distance friends 😂❤
the bottom line is America has a huge neoliberalism and corruption problem that started in the 1980s that has resulted in the consolidation of wealth and power in the hands of the top one percent at the expense of everybody else. This was also exacerbated by the Citizens United SCOTUS decision of 2010. Private Equity taking over every single industry, small businesses being run out of business, schools being privatized, the minimum wage being stagnated, crippling student loan debt, i can go on and on!
What do you mean by neoliberalism
@@faithm.4084 neoliberalism is anything but liberal, its basically conservative policies that include deregulation, privatization, mass incarceration, and capitalism.
You're just a communist...😂
It just occurred to me that the “problems” we had 25 years ago (a president getting a questionable bj) have become endemic (president raping and pillaging the entire system)
I 100% agree and blame Reagan for 99% of these issues
This is SO wrong!!! It could litteraly be me speaking, as the girl saying she doesnt have time or energy for ANYTHING... Commute and work take ALL day!!! And still you cant buy a house or an apartment (in a safe area in the city close to work).... No time or energy to do anything healty or good for you.... Just go to bed and start over... This is NOT life.... And WHY do we all feel ungreatful etc for feeling its super wrong??? Ppl saying new generations are lazy... its just not true... the world is SO different now.
Let’s go Brandon. This president has us in wars sending BILLIONS of dollars to other countries. That is where the problem lies.
I felt that way too, when entering the workforce. But with the years, you will grow as a person: you streamline your household chores, find nooks for healthy habits, manage your energy at work, multitask while commuting and hopefully make more money, too. The same with parenting, it starts overwhelming but you grow. So, it gets better, as you get better. Growing up does not stop after reaching adulthood.
Past generations worked as hard. But they also were paid enough for a family of 5 to live off 1 income with a house and 2 vehicles minimum on a 40 hour week. Today’s adults would have to work 100+ hours a week to approach that standard of living.
@@lstuffle9910this is a long term problem with a variety of causes as discussed by the video, not one caused by Biden smfh
Fjb
When I was young, we would meet up at the beach or in the woods, have a fire , play music. Now people my age just want to meet at the bar near the beach. Well, I can’t afford to blow $8 on a beer, spend $20 every evening. The beach is still right there.
Picnic tables. Free parking.
Try taht now and you'd be kicked out for loitering and fined for the fire
It's probably because of the developing need for (over) stimulation in that scenario. It's not enough for some people to just have a conversation with one or a few people in more quiet setting, but they need constant ambient noise on top of trying to yell to even hear each other. It was just as alarming to me how many people just couldn't take their own company during the pandemic or even the company of the person they decided to swap bodily fluids with on a regular basis. The ways in which we relate to ourselves and each other have been scrambled so dramatically. I don't think the answer is to snap into a hyper community though. You don't realize how little you like always having someone just around in your space until you've joined and experienced life outside the military again. I like to have control over when and how much I engage in community personally, because 8 people to tent (when it could be 16 since they're bunk beds) with shared bathrooms ain't it at 30 years old. I don't care how progressive the people around me are lol. Even my friends know I'm not about to be up in their dm every other day. I have way too many other hobbies that I tend to default to since they're normally within reach (music, art, hiking). It's not that I see them as a burden, but I've never felt like my life was falling apart if they didn't tell me every detail of their lives.
I am also alone. But I like it. I've always liked walking alone in the morning. Now I just bought a bicycle, I ride to the nearest forest or to a park. Like, today I bought a simple cheap bun in the bakery, took water, banana and a book from home, rode to farthest park, ate my bun, read my book and rode back. Not much money spent, no desire to go to restaurants.
dab pen, case of seltzer, bluetooth speaker, vibin
This is exactly the kind of chilling I want to do but it’s rare to find people now who just want to hangout at a park😢
The traditional housewife that everyone pictures for the 1950s was only if you were middle class or higher. Poor women and girls from lower income families have always worked. Husbands died, got sick or disabled, etc and there was no safety net. Both of my grandmothers and both great grandmothers worked after marriage. One grandma even earned her own pension.
She was able to work due to family co-operation. Doubt she paid for a maid or child-care.
The happiest women were the riveters working in the factories when the men were away. Not a single one of those women looked manic or faking a smile, you can't say the same for 50s housewives. They were high all the time or hiding their issues, lest they'd suffer a forced lobotomy.
My great grandmother. My grandfather got lymphoma in the late 60s/early 70s. She had to work enough to take care of him and four children.
And the late 19th and early 20th century were already historical low periods for women working to begin with. It was a bubble built in cheap credit and war racketeering that was only for the middle class that was always going to deflate/pop eventually.
it sounds like you are basing personality and behavior off of political posters.
21:33 "but we are finding more and more that social media is less of a platform for people to share with their friends, and more an influencer platform". well said👏
Money talks...
Sell yourself, your ideology, and your products to support said ideology.
Regarding what she says about Capitalism and a feature of it being the ability to be "self-made," there's no such thing as a self-made anything. Whether you're rich or poor, there will always be external forces at work that contribute to where you end up in life. While you do have a degree of control over success and failure, still, you can do everything right and still fail and you can do absolutely nothing and succeed. If people can be self-made that would mean life is fair and it's not.
Bulltwang !!! Tell me one person that has sat on their arse and been successful!! Apart from Trust funded and those that win the lottery which is nothing but chance.
Taking a measured risk and working hard are the only way to sure fire success. It ain’t a guarantee but certainly far more successful than sitting on your butt.
Life isn't fair. Who said it was? Luck plays a part. But if you work hard and work smart, the odds will be un your favor, even though you still might get killed in a car crash on you way to work or just drop dead from a brain aneurysm on any given day.
I started off working for minimum wage, sharing a house with 4 other people. I made the least, but always had the most at the end of the month because of careful planning and no expensive vices. But everyone has emergencies and they can and should be planned for. Now, 20 years later I own my own small house, not because I was born into privilege or stole it from the deserving, but because I worked hard, and worked smart, and planned ahead, and sacrificed short term pleasure for long term gains.
People who prattle on about life being unfair make me nervous; they are the same kind of people who carried out the Kulak genocide (killing all the Russian middle class).
@@whitemagus2000so you don’t believe luck played ANY part in your life improving? Pretty naïve if you think that. You seem to think you have control over 99.99999% of it but you don’t.
@@whitemagus2000 in other words you had to slave and sacrifice to still be nothing but a Tax slave. You don't a small home. You pay property taxes etc
@@whitemagus2000no. Some are in the right place at the right time. Most aren’t. And it’s not hard work that succeeds. Sometimes it’s a$$ kissing. People use that “life isn’t fair” as if that justifies everything. It justifies nothing. It’s your duty to make it as fair as possible. Greed is all that america is anymore. Just greed.
As a disabled person dealing with some social turmoil, yeah. I'll be the first to say I have shopped when I have felt too alone for comfort items or activities. And lonliness is a huge issue for everyone, but especially disabled people who are isolated even further by society than able-bodied people.
I'm half white/Asian married to an Asian man. My white side of the family is super isolated & we don't even talk nowadays 😢. My Asian side is super close & my husband's family is also super supportive! We have 2 kids & I honestly love how our families value & Prioritize thriving loud children lol. The culture/values here in the west is drastically different compared to the rest of the world.
We live in Canada too, the cost of living just gets higher. 😢
True. Americans don't have to reinvent anything to live a better life just take a look at the rest of tbe world. In my country the average wage is way less than 1000 dollars a month yet we live better. Community is key.
@@bettinak.4 Agreed I grew up in the US and while that made me very independent and gave me many practical skills, it meant I was really lacking in important places. I met and married a Colombian and it's amazing because we bring different skills that really help each other based on our previous experiences, culture, and values.
Born white/asian and same. Dad's side is spread apart in different states and hasn't seen each other in years. My mom's side gets together several times a year for huge dinner, and once or twice a year with all the extended relatives who fly in from other states. I'll run into relatives at these functions whose names I can't even remember that's how connected my Chinese side is.
Whenever i see a bunch of middle aged or older men hanging out in public or getting a meal together at restaurant, they're always Eastern European. Same goes for the white women. I've never seen a group of older American men hanging out together
Yeah, people are going to blame capitalism, but its really american culture. Poor hispanic communities also tend to be very close and find time to get together but no one else prioritizes it because they are too busy chasing validation from the outside world
I just want to point out that into the 1920s it was expected that middle class families would have access to at least one and preferably two servants, so the women were household managers, but the weren’t responsible for doing everything. Household management manuals from the era explicitly state that when families can’t afford household help, the woman should do all the cooking and laundry, and all other chores should be delegated to the other family members.
That was before or just as the electronic revolution began. Washing machines created literal extra hour for woman. Laundry was the most labor intensive task. Instead of lugging a heavy wool rug outside and beating it for an hour they now had vacuums. There are many examples of this.
In the Jim Crow Era, black women were forced to do that domestic labor for white families. Black women had to neglect their own children and households to work for deplorable wages in abusive circumstances. Women of color have always held the burden of juggling childcare and domestic labor, for themselves and society. There was only a middle class because of the oppressed class of black people.
Middle class? The average middle class family *never* had servants. Servants were a part of families, too! More families lived on farms, ranches and the like, or had some sort of family business - like all the mom and pop stores that all died off to huge chains. Sevants were an upper class phenomenon.
Nope. My kids had chores. From the time they could reach the washing machine they were doing their own laundry. Sure, they needed help when they were little. But, soon they were doing the entire task on their own and never looked back. They were astonished that their peers didn't know how to do laundry when they went off to college. Incompetence is learned.
@@BErectus "when they went off to college." I would like to gently point out that you raised children at least 20 years ago. The world is different even from when my son was born in 2016. Teaching these skills takes time and patience, and that's a resource parents have less and less of these days. There are multitude of reasons for this. 1) jobs in general are understaffed, which means the job you do manage to get is more stressful 2) as mentioned in the video, kids don't have many outlets for socialization or excess energy, so the kids are less agreeable, too 3) in addition to jobs being more stressful, it often takes longer and requires more finesse to get to that job, not to mention getting the kids to where they need to go. 4) oh, yeah. TRANSPORTATION. When I was younger buying a used car was something you could do with a part time job, not anymore. Not to mention the cost of gas. Before you dismiss any of that as petty excuses, please try doing it for a month. With all the extra stressors and time being taken away from you, do you REALLY have the energy left to gently correct the child who let the laundry get moldy? When I'm at the end of my rope it's just not worth it. I need his clothes to be clean, so I do it myself sometimes. He's 8 now and I'm really trying quite hard to instill good habits, but it is TOUGH
Honestly this all makes so much sense
As a kid the thing I picked up on most about my mom was that she was constantly exhausted. She’d come home from work with barely enough energy to make dinner and she’d snap very easily. I didn’t blame her but I definitely became afraid of becoming an adult because I didn’t want a job to turn me into an unpleasant person annoyed by everything (she’s otherwise an amazing human, I just think having to work as much as she did to support us affected our relationship and her ability to parent)
I’m tired of constantly making attempts to socialize and trying to get people to do things with me and getting flaked on and rejected. I give up
Don’t give up! Plenty of meet-up groups for about any hobby/activity you can think of. Much less pressure to plan things, and the people involved actually want to do the thing
I remember recently seeing someone talk about loneliness for kids and teens in the suburbs, cause even though there was a bunch of houses crammed together there was nowhere for kids to go. Few trees for shade, big empty laws with nothing to do, can't play in the streets, parents want you out of the house, no businesses to visit, parks don't want teens hanging around. So where do they go? They play video games instead, and you can't really blame them for it. It feels like everywhere has became a wasteland for socialization. I feel very fortunate that I have a hobby that allows me to spend time with my friends a few times a year in a fun settling so I get a boost of socialization. (for those curious, my husband and I are both renaissance faire performers and have many friends at these events that we get to hang out with)
I also don't think an economy which supports the ability to be an individual who can support their own needs is a bad thing. Lots of people, for a variety of reasons, don't have a support system to fall back on and shouldn't be left out in the cold because of that. The opposite also isn't a bad thing and has plenty of value. I think the problem is a society where people are forced to do one or the other, regardless of what works best for them and their situation. If you're born into a really abusive family situation being forced to stay in it and being punished for leaving is obviously not good. Of course if you are forced by the economy into isolation and are lonely that's not good either.Holy shit that Danish park looks amazing. Now I want to move there even more.
😊😊😊a😊a
this isolation grows stronger every year without anyone noticing. I grew up in a small village in greece where you knew everyone, your neighbors where your friends and we used to share our food with each other and spend the night sitting around and just talking. I would give anything to have those years back. I think that people who hadnt had the luck of experiencing real comunity wouldnt really undestand how dangerous this hyperindividualism actually is. capitalism is destroying us.
I feel that, I miss that village lifestyle from my upbringing in central Africa
If everyone is miserable, there really is no point to the destruction we wreak to be alive. There’s no justification for it. I’d rather not witness the collapse of civilization, but it does seem like the natural outcome of this course.
I meet up with a group of moms every week so that we can chat and our kids can socialize. During the summer and fall it's fine to meet at the park, but on cold winter days we have nowhere to meet for free. At the library the kids can't play, and the only community center that would give us space wanted to charge us $40 per hour 😅. It's just not fair that our communities don't have these third places anymore, it's sad actually. We have to spend money for everything!
Wow that’s so tragic! Especially when you have the community that wants to meet up but no infrastructure to support it.
Why don’t you invite them to your home and rotate with each other? Three hours visit and that’s it.
I did a group like this when my kids were young. We took turns hosting, but it wasn't like a formal party, it was just 4 or 5 women and all their kids coming over for a few hours.
It was chaotic but really nice!
(It was a bit different because this was "craft group" and we were trying to make stuff, or just hang out and drink tea while one person makes something, lol, and the kids were just running around in the background, so the focus wasn't on the children, but they still had a great time)
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTigerthe group may be too large to accommodate everyone at every family involved home/apartments this would create a strain for those who may be able to and cause imbalances within the group
@@AmaniStudio Apartments have a clubhouse. It is open for use to the Residents. Sometimes there are spaces where clubs meet, that can be rented out like let’s say at the Library or even locally.
It’s my mom, sister, me and my niece.
All 4 of us work. We live in a 3 bedroom house in a decent neighborhood. My mom and I share the master bedroom.
We are a one car family.
Even with all of that we still struggle financially so we know others who live alone without people to depend on are struggling.
😢
my husband and I bought the house next to my parents, and it is so nice knowing they're there, especially expecting our first child this fall. We also share things like the lawnmower, other garden tools, and we share a storage space. I would so much rather live like this than just our nuclear family on our own
Congratulations on you your new member of the family! At least you have babysitters nearby. I wish we had our family close by
And for people like me, who grew up in a village of real community it becomes hard to find likeminded people, social contacts have become replaceable. My partner is strong on my side but the thing I suffer most of is heartache because of friends suddenly disappearing and people using community as long as it pleases them. Community is work, it’s emotional work to keep it up and it requires love and care. I am happy to put in the work but I can’t gift all my energy when people leave when I need their help in return. A lot of people are not used to invest in anything else than themselves and so everything dies
this is such an amazing viewpoint of everything happening right now! if america keeps going like this.. it's going to die with a lot of suffering (that's already happening). thank you for commenting! such an amazing perspective
ONe of your phrases really hit home. These third places ARE around, but not being used. We recently moved to another city and within the first year got a library card, joined a gaming group at the local hobby store, visited a bunch of farm markets and breweries, checked out a couple of the local parks, and joined a church. My daughter just graduated college and has joined a roller derby group and her boyfriend found a martial arts group, and they found a tabletop gaming group as well. You've got to get out there!
But all those activities except the libary cost money. I thought third spaces were suppose to be low cost
@Shay416 Churches are technically free but there is an unspoken expectation that you give them money if you want to keep attending.
I don’t recognize the world anymore. I just work and try to survive the day. It makes me sad. I spend most of my free time researching how to make friends. And how to make more money so I can maybe not be a wage slave anymore.
Sometimes I try to reach out to people. But it’s typical to get a response 3 days later. It’s just weird how I communicate more through technology.
I don’t recognize the world either and I’m in my mid-30’s. I do not do well with social media or texting or reading FB updates as if they are telling me themselves. I focus on work but that has no structure now that I know I’m spiraling.
Try to stay positive. I don't recognise the world either. I've fathered two boys, along with my wife. I feel a sense of guilt as they never chose to be born and we've brought them into a world that isn't right for them.
@@Liz-in8luit's easy to get sucked into work. I've done it to the detriment of my relationships. Are you able to join a club or take up an group based activity?
I know it can he daunting but if you can muster the energy it could work out for you
@@ddanielsmc thanks for the reply. You’re right, a little bit of effort could go a longer way to something working out. 😌
I don’t have human contact for months. I talk to clients and friends on zoom 3-4 times a week, but I don’t physically see friends for sometimes months at a time. I work from home, live alone, and have no family on this side of the country. It’s expensive to leave the house, and it’s a challenge to make new friends (in my area, and at my age - 35yrs old).
I want to join clubs, go to events I enjoy, and things like that to meet people, but I either don’t have the time, the energy (thanks depression) or the money (or all of the above). This world we’ve actively participated and consented to building NEEDS to change. Economic and social collapse will be the result if we don’t take action to change these patterns and rebel against the capitalism that has driven us apart.
I don’t have the solution, but I’m glad we’re open to discussing this with one another. United we stand, divided we fall..
The american culture of work, work, work is so unsustainable for your physical and mental health! Europeans have a better sense of separating work and life and have proper parental leave and 4-5 weeks annual leave/holidays to refresh themselves.
This! 💯
So basically America got what they voted for?
Yep I miss living in Europe 😢
Europeans all have subreplacement birthrates, their standard of living is going to drop a lot in the coming decades.
Europeans could do that bc they oursource their unpleasant part of the work to countries like india or southeast asia, wake up and see the reality 😂
Thanks for being bold and calling out the systems that perpetuate this bullshit rather than blaming individuals or pretending this shit isn’t happening. ❤
Grew up in Panama ( Central America) consider 3 world country when I moved 11 years ago , I felt so freaking lonely , I even miss the street dogs , the old neighbor who said hi to me , the music in the buses , at times , it's so quiet in the neighborhood , I started to wonder if I have neighbors and then Halloween came and I realized I did , but I think depression it's so prevalent here because in this country ( which has many good things) the interactions between people naturally can be avoided and people are trained no to bother one another , I even remember asking my neighbor back in Panama if I ran out of salt , sugar, matches , paper , I wil just knock and they will provide for me and viceversa
I can relate to you even though I come from a "first world" country we still have a strong sense of community expecially in the south part of the country where I come from
Another banger on pulling in thoughts from social media. I can’t say I align with all of the thoughts of course, but it’s nice to sit down and listen to others for a bit, taking in their perspectives.
We can’t change what we can’t change, but I choose to change one thing at a time that I do have power over:
Getting sleep (sorry new parents! It won’t be forever)
Getting 5 min of sunlight in your eyes in the morning
Taking your medications, vitamins, and nutritious food
Making one social “appointment” each week
Drinking less alcohol
Getting some physical touch in each day (this is a benefit for new parents!!)
Working toward a personal goal
Movement & Exercise (UA-cam videos are great. I use MadFit but let me know if you have other suggestions. In the least, a 10 min walk can work wonders.)
Not sure why I took the time to type all of that out. I guess I just hope if anyone reads this, they feel empowered. We only get one shot on this floating rock. ❤❤
So in love with your positive thoughts ❤ thanks for taking the time to write it out 🎉😊
@@littlemaniacinmyheadyou are so welcome!
I think what has ultimately made us more isolated is television and phones. Phones are literally an addiction. Dopamine is released with each video etc. there is a reason content creation has skyrocketed people watch more content than ever before, and it’s starts with babies! When I go to the store most kids I see are riding in the cart watching a phone. I am a mom of 4 kids 7 & under and find that to be one of the saddest things. If we went back to the corded phone on the wall, we would be instantly more connected.
I have thought about getting a landline phone. I refuse to get my kids phones because I believe they are too young, but I also know I'm isolating them because their friends don't want to call my cell phone. Our phone company is trying to do away with landline services. It all makes me sad and anxious.
It's not a government anymore, it's a corporatocracy.
Worse, they're in cahoots. Nothing is getting regulated anymore. Everything is to profit the rich AND the government
I remember a time when going to Blockbuster on a Friday night with your friends and picking out a movie (on VHS and yes I'm old now) was a social event in of itself. We'd spend an hour browsing movies and goofing off. Nowadays, people don't even have friends, let alone ones they see on a weekly basis.
A major part of that was actually having to leave the house to get a movie before streaming became a thing. CD shopping was fun too because of being able to listen to a preview in the store while engaging with the physical media. Unless you go out of your way to get vinyl from a local store (it it exists), people will find themselves interacting with others less organically because of the instant gratification behind purely digital media while sitting on their toilet at home.
Yoooo so true and then fighting over snacks we could share. That was so awesome.
loneliness isn't an "epidemic". an epidemic happens suddenly. our loneliness is the result of decades of policies that deliberately put individualism and profit over community, while the media we consumed showed a different story. our parents were also exhausted, touched out, and losing community from their 9-5s. we're just noticing this now because it's being talked about on social media.
How sad. As a 40 year old woman with 4 homeschooled kids, we are ALWAYS out and about!! The kids have other homeschool families on our street, they do their work and then they go and play for the day! And us moms rotate coffee mornings at our homes too.
Ive tried to get into homeschool groups both online and verbally in person
Every time i get crickets. Its awkward when I ask in person and they get defective or drandofish after talking so highly of their own homeschool experience.
I dont know whats with my area but no one locally wants to meet up or add new memebers even if they claim to be open.
I would start my own group but im not academically smart enough and i have never observed how a homeschool group, works in person.
Do you have a 30 min commute 4 hours work 30 min break/standby 4 hours of work 30 min commute 60 minutes of cooking= 11 hours out of 16 and with that 5 hours of free time your to tired to do anything
@@trottfoxx4467 I am so sorry!!!!! I hope you guys are able to find a community! That really does stink.
@@mikemadsen7926 Nope, because my life choices were to find a man who wanted the same things I did out of a family/life and we made different choices. I worked from age 15-30 until we started a family, at which time I chose to dedicate my life to my family. So instead, I am the first one awake, I get breakfast ready for six, the kids get up and they prepare themselves, we start our homeschooling day. After lessons we go to the gym, we play outside, we go to the park, museums, library, whatever!! I made lunch, I make dinner, clean the house, do laundry, we always watch a family movie and have dinner together and then we start a new day.
We all have life choices and the same 24 hours. There is no right and wrong, there is just what you need/have to do with the life you've cultivated for yourself.
Did you not hear? People have no time or money for that. 20% have too much and 80% don’t have enough.
We've traded our humanity for convenience.
And now it's circling back to bite us in the ass.
My husband works overtime almost everyday and never gets to see that money, we moved out of the city to save money on rent but end up spending more on gas bc everything around us is a 20-30 min drive. When my husband comes home from work he’s too tired to eat or spend time with his family he just goes to bed and wakes up for work. He told me that lately he’s just wants to be alone.
WERE NOT LONELY WERE POOR
People have been poor for centuries. They were not lonely. Kids used to go outside and play basketball with neighbors. Social media and video games has physically isolated people.
Yeah people grow up and they stop playing ball games they want to do another activities but in the city you cant do sh1t without spent a lot of money, and is hard to have a decent place to live , with the current situation, so guess what people prioritize food and shelter over anything else. And these days have both its a luxury.
How does money fix you not having friends?
@@maniac50ae14bc if we didn’t have to work as much and had more money to pay for things to socialize and more time to actually socialize
@@TheCarlinCoop the park is free, your house is free to have people over at. How does it cost to socialize? How does it cost to have a cookout on the weekends?
The quiet part is that most of you have low self esteem around not having the newest stuff to show-off and thus feel like people dont want to just hang out with you. Thats what it really is! Youre too insecure to downsize your house, buy a used car with and wear no label clothes. Poor people all across the US are having fun, inviting friends over, drinking, smoking, grilling or watching the latest episode of RealHouseWives from some city.
The same way people have become more shallow about who they date, is the same way they have become more shallow about who they hang with. But with a straight face have no idea why they dont have any real tried and true friends
One of the best MIP videos you have done yet! I love these video essays and appreciate how much work you put into them!
Thank you so much!! 💛
@@AshleyEmbers I agree, they are great, looking forward to these videos. Keep them coming 💪
I live in Denmark, most of my colleagues have young children, and I can tell they are not doing some social activities (like eating out) because they feel their children may make other people uncomfortable. I would like to meet with them -and their children-, but they would not do it unless they have arranged somebody else to take care of their children. Therefore, we seldom meet…
Also, my feeling is that many people in Denmark feel lonely. It doesn’t help that loneliness is a taboo topic in conversations.
That's a trait that I've seen It's common among central and north europeans societies. They don't like to bother people which Is ok but this isolate you from the community while us south european don't mind bothering others and kids being loud in public It's nothin to worry about
“Why don’t the kids go outside anymore?”
Because there’s no community spaces or walkable spaces or spaces safe enough for children to go out to unsupervised, and in order to not have their family starve parents don’t have time to take their kids out as much as they should be able to. And don’t even get started on the lack of concern for public health, air quality, or accessibility for disabled kids and parents.
You’re right !!! And there’s also the fact that children are less and less welcomed in public spaces and seen as a burden… it brings even more loneliness to parenthood, especially in the early stages of the kids’ lives. In France there are so many people asking for « childfree spaces » like restaurants, cafés, beaches, public transports… and as I agree that some spaces like that can be good, it feels like everyone wants to erase children (and parents, specially mothers) from public spaces nowadays. Some old lady made a playground close just because it was in front of her home and she didn’t want the noise of kids nearby, and there are more and more demands since. If kids are playing in the streets, people call the police and CPS almost immediately! Hell, people also wants to childfree days in Disneyland Paris… As girl said in the video, children must be mute and invisible. And who benefits this? Businesses who offer child friendly spaces but make it pay entry or unreasonable food and drinks prices. And I can’t get off my mind that segregating a part of population is never good, except from children apparently who are considered as burden and less than humans.
I saw kids outside for the first playing hide and seek a few weeks ago and I was honestly so shocked I didn’t care that they were touching my car to play I was just happy to see kids being kids because it’s not common to see that these days.
THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT VIDEO. Thank you for having the courage to call out capitalism at the core of this issue.
Thank you, it was such an interesting video to research!
Courage? Y'all are delusional, she risks nothing. She literally has paid ads in the video.
@@AAKing-d8b...no shit? We live in capitalism currently u bozo
damn, had me until the lame qualifier at the end that "CaPiTaLisM CaN sTilL bE gOOd guyyyssss."
Also, alternative perspective here: but when I was homeless this wasn't a problem. No one cared, we stuck up for each other we helped each other out we worked together. We socialized together even if none of us had money, and if one of us did we would treat everyone as we work together more...
Just like, it seems like this is only more of an issue with privledged people to begin with. It's crazy how you can have a more honest open conversation with some homeless guy on a walk than with some people you've known for years and years and years. Idk what it is, but having the privilege and ability to pay rent and have walls and make money flips something in people's brain.
How did you make this whole great video and then make that reductive ass conclusion in the end? I'm baffled
“we can keep the benefits of capitalism” like WHAT BENEFITS
the ugly jumpscare to liberalism at the end took my soul fr
"being able to be self-made"--as though profiting off of the labor of others inherently makes you "self made," and as if the individualistic nature of contemporary societies being good hasn't been contradicted w/ earlier points
"the opportunity to follow your dreams"--as though a socialist, or even classless/hierarchical society or community doesn't offer that with needs ACTUALLY being covered
"the potential to jump social classes"--social classes created by what, whom and for what purpose?
not to mention the whole "go on out there and make use of your third places, spend money to support them! 😊" etc point is literally impossible for people who are farther from places of privilege with what's been shown, with evidence, in the rest of the vid, with people working to survive and not having money, time, or energy to do a thing that isn't work or a point of necessity.
blessed yugopnik sighting
I thought the same thing lol. Like she spent the whole video talking about why capitalism caused our isolation, then says she's pro-capitalism.🤦 lmao
For a lot of people, the problem with capitalism isn't its inherent structural problems, it's that it's unfair and needs to be tweaked so they can also live in a state of abundance, without acknowledging the cost incurred in making that possible.
I miss my third places. The Starbucks near my house is now drive-through only. My beloved Korean sauna that used to charge $20 to stay up to 24 hours has tripled the price and reduced their business hours. Parks are an option if the weather is good. Unfortunately my local library is not a cozy place. My third place is actually my car.
Love these MIP videos! I literally threw down my phone and made my husband put his down too so we could chat and connect 😂 we talked about ways we could get out and strengthen bonds in our community and reach out to friends we’ve been neglecting. Great inspo!
Wow, this is the best thing I could hope to come from my video 💛
I've been preaching the problems of capitalism for decades. Greed is a huge driver - as most have to struggle more and more, the top 1% has insane disparity with the rest of us. The costs of capitalism include a rash of mental health issues and problems for kids, the elderly, and the environment, in addition to loneliness. Nobody is actually self-made - everything requires the social infrastructure we all pay and work for.
I feel that in southern european countries we don’t have much of those places designated for children… but there may be an explanation for that… any public space can be used by children… for instance, it is kind of interesting going into the typical tapas bar in Spain and observe children, adults and elderly sharing the same space… it is kind of messy and loud… but it is a place for everybody… everyone enjoys and share a nice drink and food, and everyone is allowed to be loud 😂
Yes as an italian I can confirm, plus most of the time grandparents are the one bringing children to parks
This is the main reason I don't want kids. We have no Community to raise them within. No thanks.
It is now up to us to accept defeat or create our own communities. It's really frustrating that even something as normal as wanting to have a family has become almost impossible.
@@poisonivy9820 i don't have the mental stamina to create community. Nor are the people around me interested
@@casebeth I hope one day you manage to do it! Truth be told, I hope we all manage to...
@@poisonivy9820 Everyone deserves community.
In the past, there was always someone who did a lot of work to bring people together. If we viva I go the 50’s for example. They often went unnoticed but they understood how important it was. It’s up to you, to decide what kind of a world you want to create. It doesn’t get created alone. It counts on people to make things happen…
Potluck dinners, everyone bring a dish… then everything comes together, that kids start playing in a yard and people have a good time passing a few hours together helps bring balance and joy and purpose and cohesion. It benefits everyone. Think about how you could be a part of this, to shape your surroundings. ❤
I am 38... I've been lonely most of the time. This new world is sick.
I agree
@@AlbertoGarcia-qr7qg 🌼🧡
@@frederika3013 ❤️❤️
Really well researched topic, you did an amazing job again! Also, when I am watching these “motherhood in progress” videos, I feel so lucky that I am European, because so many of your problems don’t really apply to us, especially in the eastern european countryside where I live, we have other issues of course, but kids running around on the fields isn’t one of them 😊
In the past, there was always someone who did a lot of work to bring people together. (If we look at the 1950’s for example.) They often went unnoticed, but they understood how important it was. It’s up to you, to decide what kind of a world you want to create. It doesn’t get created alone. It counts on people to make things happen…
Potluck dinners, everyone bring a dish… then everything comes together, that kids start playing in a yard and people have a good time passing a few hours together helps bring balance and joy and purpose and cohesion. It benefits everyone. Think about how you could be a part of this, to shape your surroundings.
That's how my family is.
There's always one person who likes to meet people face-to-face. And they're like a magnet. Drawing the rest of us in.
I love how the video is about how capitalism is destroying communities, yet the sponsor is about buying things you don't need, peek capitalism.
you obviously don’t know what capitalism is lmao
Commerce is not capitalism
@@ryanwilliams3857 it is when they are selling unnecessary items.
Self interest comes before ideology
Absolutely phenomenal video ❤
Also, let's not forget about the war on children in the 90s and 00s. Back in the 80s and 90s, places like malls, restaurants, arcades, etc, were places where kids and teens could hang out unsupervised. But due to a few bad apples, most businesses either made it so kids and teens needed to be accompanied by a parent, were required to buy things to hang out, or both. Due to this, the number of places kids and teens can hang out in public has decreased, and simultaneously, it has become socially unacceptable, if not illegal, for kids to go out in public unaccompanied. This and the increasing danger to padestrians posed by taller and taller vehicles has made it so parents, when they are able, have to chaufer their kids around from place to place. We're literally getting hit with the consequences of the last 80 years of bad and short-sighted policy decisions all at once and it shows.
I think the blonde woman in red really made me realize why I don't want to go back home and live with my parents: It really has nothing to do with me being too old to live at home or that I'm embarrassed. It's that life is so hard and demanding that to live with other people means that you need to make room for their wants and needs as well. When you come home after a long day when everyone has asked you for a million and one things, you don't want to make any mental space for anyone else. You just don't have the capacity.
Absolutely this
14:50 her schedule and commute reminds me of my dad growing up. He had zero social life and was miserable
I have autism but was late diagnosed. I was already isolated before social media and Capitalism really took over. I also went no contact with my narcissistic mother at 22, so I didn't have a choice. I feel extremely lonely sometimes but also have trust issues. My friends are definitely overwhelmed by the system but they have more family support than I do.
😮 Denmark as a 14 year old American was amazing ! There is a huge amusement park in the center of Copenhagen and I could hop on a bike and go anywhere with other kids or by myself. It's a great place to be a kid
I'd enjoy life with many people to talk to on a daily basis. This comes from an introvert. Even I'm struggling with feeling so lonely. While studying here in another city, I've always had two female roommates, and we have always spent the 99% of the day in our rooms and not socialising. At the University, you rarely meet new friends because, after being done with the classes, everyone just goes home. Most people I've met and chatted with were from work, but then again when you leave that job you also leave them, you don't really stay in contact. I love being by myself, but I really think it's sometimes just wasting time: I want to be around people, not because I'm needy but because I find it being one of the life meanings- relationships. With people, animals, nature, but firstly with other people. It bothers me so much sometimes. I'd like to establish a small brand and family business and I hope I'd meet many people daily and be able to spend more time with family and friends, making more memories with them.
Same
I live in Germany but there are so many parallels to our life in the city. I grew up in a tiny village with lots of friends and I am so thankful I kept these friends (mostly from highschool) even tho we all moved far away from eath other. I am the only one in my friends group in university now that has more than 1-2 friends outside from uni. Thats so crazy to me! But also Third Places are a huge thing here too. A plane cup of coffee in our fav cafe is around 7$ and thats crazy expensive for a student. At least I live in a shared apartement but as the girl in the video said - sometimes I am too tired and dont even want to talk. I really hope things are changing again because I dont want to raise my future children in a society that is so emotional disconnected.
Same for meee. Unsere Kindheit war so anders als es heute möglich ist. Ich arbeite als Sozialarbeiterin und kriege es jeden Tag mit, auch die Angst der Eltern ist gestiegen, wir durften die Welt viel angstfreier erkunden
We're basically following the same model that Russia and China are using:
1. Separate people through algorithms. So they have no community except TikTok.
2. Spamming of "junk mail" content. To prevent personal development.
3. Use bullies and fringe groups as "enforcers." To prevent people from wandering out of the loop.
Hence why we have a long ad in the middle of a capitalism critique video. Gotta get that money because you don't have any community.
😂😂😂😂
We moved from the city to the suburbs as soon as we had a child and I couldn’t be happier that I now know my neighbors and I’m closer to my parents. We are a two parent working household so having family and community nearby was definitely something we wanted. If we had stayed in the city I think we would have been a lot more isolated. Even though we had friends, we had none with kids and they are all working and busy themselves.
The fact that family dynamics were better before the industrial revolution tells a lot about capitalism.
My husband works overtime almost everyday and never gets to see that money, we moved out of the city to save money on rent but end up spending more on gas bc everything around us is a 20-30 min drive. When my husband comes home from work he’s too tired to eat or spend time with his family he just goes to bed and wakes up for work. He told me that lately he’s just wants to be alone. We’re all working too much, not making enough and because of that will never have the time or money to spend with our families.💔
I didn't grow up in a nuclear family. My mom and my grandma raised me together. Three generations of women and one girl lived together in one house, which my mama bought and paid for in the late 70s, and it was heavenly. I had an extended family who pitched in to help my mom, who worked to support us, and my grandma stayed at home and educated me before I started kindergarten. She taught me to read and speak two languages, English and her native German, how to cook, sew, knit, fix things around the house, mathematics, art, music, and so much more. When mom came home, we had dinner on the table for her, flowers I picked from the garden, we cleaned up together, and my mom played with me and read to me before I went to bed. It was so peaceful, but for some reason, she thought I needed "more," so she married my stepfather. That ruined me. The nuclear family is a destructive myth that doesn't work in the real world.
I love your profile picture ^_^ From one book nerd to another
Thank you for recognizing this!!! Feel this 100000000% as a stay at home/ homeschooling who refuses to pay for community
I love your videos and viewpoint, but I think the biggest thing you neglected to see in your research is that a huge factor in loneliness is the move away from organized religion.
My husband and I moved our 3 kids to a whole new state where we had no family or friends and I was super nervous about making friends.. We joined the church here and they have a “life group” setup where they place you in a group of people to meet with weekly and have questions that open people up. It has been absolutely amazing! We have become like family with this group and gather weekly for our formal meetings, but also spend all the holidays together, go out to parks, meet at the library, and are just comfortable meeting at each other’s house. Our kids get to play with their kids freely. We don’t have to spent money to be friends and through the church process have gotten to know each other on a deep and meaningful level.
Our church also offers a free indoor playground that is amazing in colder climates for gathering year round. There are tables and chairs set up and coffee available for parents to hang out while the kids are in a protected and enclosed area.
Also through volunteer opportunities at the church we have made so many friends, just from the consistent interactions with the same people.
I think if I were to remove all our friendships that we got from the church, we would have had an incredibly lonely move and it would’ve taken years to have become friends with others on the level we got too so quickly.
It's great that joining a church worked for you.
Unfortnuately churches haven't exactly made the effort to reach out to young people and help them feel accepted as they are.
@casebeth and what if you're not religious or belong to a religion less represented in your area? These community resources should be available without the trade-off of joining a religion
@@s.a.w5493 I completely agree. I just don't see that happening at all.
She did address this, not specifically by name, but churches and religious community are third places.
This is a very interesting point which I do agree with, even though I’m not religious at all and my family have never been involved with a church or religious group. But I see religious groups and how their faith brings them together to make a big family and it’s a beautiful thing
Not dimissing the loneliness, but closer family structures as a network does have draw backs too. Less freedom to choose the future you want, more direct pressure to fall inline, some of the kids favored over others (siblings raising each other, the elder kids seen as free labour or free babysitters or cooks/cleaners, only one can inherit the family business or farm, others stand the chance of being outsourced to childless extended family with needs for free labor). Family structures can be just as lonely as being on your own. And having a different family structure myself, I often hear negatives remarks about the ways new types of famy structures have found to build a community (co-parents, three or four parent families, etc). Whilst those families proactively sought a way to build a network that suited them, and are thus very invested in that and keen to sustain and upkeep it. The nuclear family was a concept conceived by the church cos it suited them, but we can do better.
Co-parenting is trash
Indeed. There were reasons why it fell apart and why so many people rejected it.
I really resonated with what you said about people drowning out their problems by buying more stuff. I just graduated high school. I remember asking my friends on numerous occasions if they wanted to put aside $10 to go to a restaurant (we live in suburbia so no third places)and split an appetizer. They never once went out with me because they “didn’t have the money”. They didn’t have the money due to spending every cent they got their hands on hauls of fast fashion and other useless trinkets. $10 to go out and socialize? No. Blowing $200+ on products you’ll never use every time you get a paycheck? Yup.
I’ve been going to the library lately and I can actually ride my bike there it’s been amazing. Even tho I’m still depressed I can definitely fell the difference in my head and physically with my body now that I’ve been able to get out of the house and go somewhere. I’ve also been enjoy going out for trail walks but I also know it’s a privilege to have a lot of them and to even have the time to do so
Literally too hard to watch. Been scream for years that there is NOWHERE to go. NOTHING to do. Of course we don't have friends! We don't have ANYTHING
People are working : 40 plus hrs and tired as efff and only have 1 or 2 days off
It’s been that way for decades, but this is a much more recent phenomenon. Somehow I work 40-50 hours a week and still find time for my wife and son, not to mention hanging with friends either at my house or theirs every Friday or Saturday. For decades people did this, it was just normal
You need to put the kids to bed by5:30 pm. A strict bedtime routine for yourself helps the body recover and set better energy levels. Children need to learn to do things themselves like washing and putting on their clothes and learning how to manage little tasks. Parents today, are indulging their children to the point of self exhaustion and satisfying them with all kinds of rewards which is making them even more hyper. It is normal to have 2 days off, but it’s challenging all the tasks required during your time off that it doesn’t feel like time off, so you aren’t rested when you go back to work. Kids need to be on a strict routine for you to have any successful time management in your life.
A lack of spaces for children being a societal failure... This is also for disabled people. Society is so able-ist and it makes it hard for disabled people to just live their lives. This is all connected. Society needs to change to fit people, not the other way around!
Life requires ability, wasn't "society's" fault some are very dependent.
I wonder if the housing crisis has also played a part in this? After all, it’s harder to invite people over to socialize if you live with your parents and have to ask for their permission, and it’s also more difficult to have deep, honest conversations with friends when your parents are in the next room and can probably hear everything you say (especially if they’re the subject of the conversation)
Glad I grew up in the 70’s 80’s and 90’s. Ever since I’d say around the 08 crash, society has just seemed to be so disconnected. I’m so sorry for the youth that will never get to know how free and easy my generation and the ones before me had it.
We live in a system of financialism, not capitalism. Capitalism hasn't existed a single day I've been alive-I just turned 41 in March. Companies are allowed to fail and aren't bailed out in real capitalist systems. Financialism is a system in which the real economy plays a secondary role to the financial economy, in the process stripping future real economic profits for present consumption. While it bears similarities to the process often identified in the economic literature as "financialization," it differs in historical scope and suggests that financialism differs fundamentally from capitalism.
I was waiting for solutions. I had a friend once say 10% problem 90% solutions. I didn’t realize this video was for parents until the very end. I studied capitalism along with other systems and you need to have a healthy active citizenship voting for companies via dollars. Americans have gotten more into a learned helplessness era and it’s time to make our own things! Relying on city governments to create what we want or need is like watching frozen ice cream drip. People need to be proactive and start getting together and start building and creating! Not waiting for permission.
Who has the time? Or the money?
“If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.” - Albert Einstein
Capitalism has eliminated a lot of third places over the last 5 to 7 decades.
Clara Mattei’s The Capital Order provides very interesting historical examples from Italy and Britain.
I think something that is also isolating that we don’t talk as much about it the fact everyone wears headphones in public all the time. We aren’t communicating with people as we walk by and witness things together, we don’t even make eye contact. It feel so dehumanizing sometimes
GREAT VIDEO!!!! You're working your butt off on the Motherhood in Progress videos and IT SHOWS!!! ❤
Thank you ☺️
the way the world is and how little time and energy or money i have left i have completely given up, everyday is mindless repetition and i just slowly wait for the weekend to have fun but when the weekend rolls around im too stressed about how i know in a couple days im going back to that cycle so im exhausted and just sleep through it and it never ends
this video sums up the feeling i’ve had since i had my daughter in 2020. i crave community and togetherness from the world around me but there’s nothing to facilitate that in my area
When I was in my 20s I used to play basketball, and one of the courts got shut down at night because someone complained that the lights for the courts were a problem. It didn't take long until most of the courts got shut down the same way.
The video essay format is working really well! Excellent editing.
And thank you for ruining your algorithm for research purposes haha
Wow.
This is *TREMENDOUSLY* informative for people who are planning families.
Thank you for making this documentary!
Will share with my sugar mamiz.
🙏🐇💜
@14:30 poor girl doesn't even know this is just the standard for Americans, college doesn't even prepare us emotionally for this reality
absolutely loved this! it's really solidified things Ive been thinking recently, since becoming a stay at home mum. One other thing Ive been thinking how capitalism really frustrates the impulse to care for those around us, because we're made to feel that we should be paid for every action. Like I have time in the day where I feel like I could help some one out in a more adhoc way, but it feels like a barrier having to apply for specific jobs and become an employee. In the UK care in general is in crisis and I wonder how much this can be salvaged in such a ruthless capitalist society. Although I think proper taxation would be a start!
I been working on my social skills gor about 5 years now. I find that its harder to make new friends as a grown up than it is as a kids... Everyone is so geared up with fear to approach anyone an say hello to start a conversation is concidered sketchy an weird. Im not weird, im searching for connection between humans being humans.
The squeezing out every last penny segment really got me.
I’m currently going for my masters. But recently have been wondering if I even want a more stressful job that it will bring me.
My job is very low stakes and comfortable but I need “to make more money”. But maybe I don’t want to do something that would allow that….
Literally i work all day, I don’t even want kids I just want financial stability. Everything in this economy is expensive
You make so much sense. I’m so glad I found this channel.
💛
Im the first person to reach out to people but oh man, people are so rude, mean, toxic, insensitive and condescending. No wonder people avoid each other like the plague ☠️
this is such an important point. I've spent so much energy on building relationships or trying to get to know people, but most of the time it's just me putting in the work and the other parties solely focusing on their own life
It's like they say: you make the problem. Then charge for the so-called solution.
This isn't a money issue like you seem to think... It's cultural/lifestyle. India for instance has no issues with a lack of community and they obviously don't have money. Same goes for people choosing not to have children, it's not about the money or capitalism. It's about priorities and what you value. It's great to push for more family connection and "3rd places" and whatnot, but make no mistake: this isn't "society's fault" it's every individual's responsibility to cultivate a community and sacrifice to keep it.
For instance, are you lonely but you left your home state to go to start over and go to college elsewhere? That's on you. You left what could have been your community and communicated with your actions that sitting in a slightly nicer cubical is more important to you. Keeping a community takes effort, financial sacrifice, and intentional attention. If you don't wanna be lonely don't blame "society", blame yourself and reorganize your priorities.
Blaming capitalism is just the lazy way out. Just demanding more free shit is so disingenuous.
I think part of this is continually putting yourself out there. A lot of the videos shown were people wanting to be brought into a community but not seeking it. It is a matter of priorities and taking the time to seek out relationships.
Yeah, I think it's also important that you can still find community in a new way and not spend much money or any to hang out. But you do need to put in effort
Good video and I agree with almost everything that you said but over my dead body I will live again with my in laws that was a living hell. I work extra hours to support my family so I can have peace when I go home, my house not the other way around
This video was absolutely brilliant!!!! Thank you for your hard work 🙏🏽
Before we worked 8 hours a day, we were in school for 7 hours, not getting paid. The adjustment was not that extreme when I started working full time a couple of months after I graduated high school. I went to the gym after school and I went to the gym after work. I partied on the weekends. I had time to date, and I went to night school. I understand the cost of living right now makes it hard, but as far as time, how has it changed? My millennial children don't seem to have any of these concerns either. They work, they live, have families and hobbies, and have a reasonable work/life balance.