Is "Gentle Parenting" Ruining The Next Generation?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 14 січ 2024
- Millennials are raising an entire generation of out of control children. Is it due to their "gentle parenting" approach? What exactly is that? Let's talk about it.
Get a free Jumpstart Trial Bag at www.RuffGreens.com/Brett, or call 877-66 My Dog
Don’t forget to like this video, subscribe to our UA-cam channel, and ring the notification bell so you never miss a future upload! www.youtube.com/@TheCommentsS...
Become a DailyWire+ subscriber today to get exclusive weekly content! bit.ly/3UHJmVf
Check out the Brett Cooper collection now: bit.ly/3On9jrP
Follow Brett Cooper on social media:
Instagram - imbrettcoop...
Twitter - / imbrettcooper
Facebook - / brettcooperdw
#TheCommentsSection #BrettCooper #DailyWire #Reaction #React #Politics #Culture #Entertainment #TikTok #tcs #otc #GentleParenting #GenZParenting #Parenting #Woke #Cringe - Розваги
Parents who use advice from Tik Tok are why we have warning labels on shampoo.
Good one
Damn! Beat me to it!!
And laundry detergent.. 😂
Yes
Lol
Child therapist here. Many parents are confusing respectful/gentle parenting and permissive parenting. We have plenty of research that shows permissive parenting is damaging to the child and their ability to become competent, well adjusted adults. Permissive parenting is where there are no consequences, no boundaries, no reliable structure or authority from the parents. Gentle/respectful parenting isn’t new, it’s just authoritative parenting rebranded in a more popular way. It’s involves discipline and consequences (but with a respectful tone and loving motivation). It is parenting for the purpose of guiding, teaching, and loving our kids- not just trying to modify their behavior and get them to bother us less. Every kid has a different temperament and of course the same strategies aren’t going to work for every child. But the point of “gentle parenting” is that we’re not using shame, and fear to motivate behavior AND that parents are actually modeling the behavior they want to see in their kids. When kid’s experience shame and fear (because the parents are yelling, threatening, or simply talking to them with disgust) the reasoning and logic part of their brain is not “online” anymore. So connection based parenting (I would say this is a big component of gentle parenting) is integral to raising well adjusted, competent, kind kids.
That's what my family did. My grandma passed that way down. My sister needed that harder hand while I didn't. She has two that are the same.
Thank you 🙌🙌
That is true.
It kinda depends on the child. If I ever become a parent, I personally would do a hybrid parenting style of keeping a close eye on them and gentle parenting because even I needed discipline. I'm not the type to brag about what my mom's chosen weapon was, but I needed correction too.
I believe you’re mixing up permissive and passive, could be wrong though :]
I was coming here to say there’s a misconception between gentle and passive. Gentle doesn’t mean there’s no boundaries, it means we establish them in a gentle way, one where the child learns from connection and safety verses fear.
As Gentle/respectful parent myself, lots of what you showed in your video is permissive parenting that people think is gentle parenting and it is SUCH a problem! In the gentle parenting and neurodiverse parenting communities that I’m in I see it confused a lot too. The example you gave of your brother going to school in his pajamas is an excellent natural consequence and absolutely something in line with real gentle/respectful parenting. Trying to prevent our kids from experienced consequences or negative emotions isn’t healthy at all. I absolutely send my kid to his room when he hits his brother. The main difference is I’m not saying “you’re being so naughty go to your room” I’m saying “hey that’s not an appropriate way to treat people, you need to go in your room and calm down until you’re ready to use your words and act kindly”. Usually it’s more simplified than that but you get the idea.
I think the main issue is that authoritative parenting got rebranded as gentle parenting and that's why people assume it's the same as permissive parenting
This is why it annoys me when people try to speak on gentle parenting without actually knowing what it is and what the purpose of it is. They just observe people who claim they’re gentle parenting but actually just permissive parenting or even “neutral” parenting (aka hands off and not actually parenting at all) and don’t bother to do actual research. Especially people who don’t even have kids themselves.
@@bleechrcreechrrI’ve moved to calling it conscious or responsive parenting instead because it’s not always “gentle” in the sense that I don’t coddle my kids and talk to them like we’re constantly in a disney movie but I don’t disregard their feelings and I parent them according to their development and with understanding where their minds are coming from. I still hold them accountable and they have discipline, I just don’t hit them, degrade them, dismiss their feelings or gaslight them etc.
@@94cokegirlThat is probably one of the best explanations I’ve heard. I think those are good names for it too. You’re being “conscious” of your words and the example you’re setting each time you speak to them. I love that!
I agree. A lot of “gentle parents” I see don’t implement consequences for the bad behavior. They preach communication, but there are rarely any consequences. Kids need to learn that both negative and positive actions have consequences. If my kids hit while playing we do have a sit down and then they lose play privileges for 15-30 minutes. I feel like it sticks more because they know they will lose play time if they continue being rough. I also do the other way and if they are showing a lot of good behavior we reward that to make sure they continue the good behavior. I refuse to raise kids that will be menaces to society and believe that they can’t do anything wrong.
I’m a parent of 3 “neurodivergent” kiddos. And I totally agree with you! The best advice that I got when my 1st son was diagnosed was from another mom that had a kiddo with a similar diagnosis but he was currently a teenager. She told me, “You are raising a kid with a disability, not a brat.” I LOVED that! My kids may have disabilities, but because I love them, I held them accountable, taught them to respect others & themselves, taught them manners, etc. I’m not a harsh parent, but I am firm & I have tried to teach them there are consequences to our choices. Good & bad. They are all teenagers now & they are really neat kids. They are caring, considerate, respectful, etc. I have had numerous teachers say they wished they had more kids like mine. I am far from perfect, & my kids know that, but to this day I do not want to raise brats, I’m just raising kids with disabilities.
I love you. ❤
I’m neurodivergent and as a kid I had very severe behavioural issues. My parents were understanding of my challenges but also strict when it came to discipline. I was the type of kid that needed clear expectations of my behaviour and to know that certain things were unacceptable and lead to bad consequences. My parents are not perfect (no parents are) but I’m responsible enough and have never gone to jail so I think they did a pretty good job! I’m glad that you too raised respectful neurodivergent kids because I know a lot of parents that use their kids disabilities as an excuse for bad behaviour and don’t try to discipline them.
All 3 are disabled? What were you drinking while pregnant?
@@sharkeishatwerks1731 That's rude. Not how it always works
@sharkeishatwerks1731 dude, my lovely mother who later abandoned us did a boat load of drugs and drinking ans somehow had 6 healthy kids 😑 I knew someone whose wife kept having miscarriages and eventually had a baby that only survived for 4 hours. They did a boat load of tests and realized he had some issues with HIS chromosomes that when trying to have a baby made non viable offspring.
Disabilities are conplex
As a millennial father of 4 I am currently teaching my kids to defend themselves from those monsters. Kids that are given respect and boundaries reflect those values. I'm not worried about my kids behavior, it's more about their safety outside of my influence.
This is my big fear about having children. Children are being raised to be little monsters nowadays and I worry about how difficult it will be to raise good kids when they're surrounded by such bad influences
Millennial parent here. Our neighborhood is half and half monsters vs kids being raised right.
Slowly the kids being raised right are starting to accept that the monsters are monsters and staying away from them.
What’s great about our children is that it will be easy for them to shine when compared to the monsters!
Yes I had a 7 yo girl bullying my 3 yo right in front of her mother and her mother did nothing, I told the mother off and left the playground. At first my son thought he was in trouble and was crying we were leaving. I pulled him aside a few feet away and said very loudly, " honey you are not in trouble at all. I will not let that little girl bully you. Her momma is not teaching her how to be kind and I will not let you be around that kind of behavior." He immediately stopped crying and was so proud his momma stood up for him.
it's so hard, my son with autism had agression issues while little, we worked SO hard to get him to the point of where he properly expresses his disappointment and anger and then he's having to defend himself at school from kids physically bullying him. like I told him no hitting for the longest time cuz he'd go berserk but now I have to teach him, well only hit to defend yourself. luckily the school doesn't punish him if he just hits back, cuz if they did it would make it even harder
My 4 year old was at his gym class and this other little 4 year old was getting aggressive and grabbing him by the wrists and shaking him. He said stop, but the kid did not stop until I spoke up. Where was the mom? On the chair behind him on her phone. Next time, I'll ask the instructor how he handles it. If he doesn't then I'm stepping in. I find it difficult when it's the kids in a class, and who is supposed to correct them. Cause I will do it no doubt!! I'm not letting my kids be wild. No gentleness here if they can't be gentle themselves.
Children NEED boundaries. It makes them feel safe. Consistency is what these parents need to learn.
It's funny that I've seen a few videos by people who claim to be doing gentle parenting but they all only spend their time trying to defend gentle parenting.
None of them are saying what it is as an educational video they are just having to constantly defend themselves from from being confused for everything else or from confusion generally and that sounds like a failure of it.
First of all gentle parenting seems to be inaccurate because they say that they do discipline the children which doesn't sound very gentle.
But it's always confusing what they define as discipline or how they enforce boundaries.
They only seem to say that as long as you explained things to a little child that has no rational faculties that child's going to understand and be a good kid and you will never have to discipline them.
This sounds great if you have perfect kids that have just that perfect genetic makeup that they are mellow and obedient and not irrational and boundary breakers like most kids.
But what really annoys me about dental appearances an example I saw once.
one woman was trying to defend her husband by saying she's a gentle parent but her husband's not very good at it and that's all she said
She didn't imply that he hits the kids (another problem is they falsely equivocate all terms of discipline together, So they equates spanking with beating the child) nor did she imply that he yells at the kids. He simply wasn't whatever the define as gentle.
So most of the comments from the women in the comment section where that he was an abusive father and she needs to take the children away and leave him
AMEN!! Rules, schedules, consistency ECT are crucial for kids. They are literally ensuring their kids do NOT have the skills and tools necessary to succeed in the real world. Succeed in life.
Gentle isnt no boundaries. It just means no violence. Conservatives are so odd
@@Dan16673 what do you define as violence? Is it anything that makes them cry? Because that's not very gentle.
Liberals are very odd
@@waltermh111 im not liberal. I find all sides to be insane
I hate the idea of putting your feelings on your children. Telling them that their behavior makes you feel “anxious” puts quite a burden on them. As if it were their fault. I have personally had to carry weight of my mother’s emotions my whole life and let me tell you, it is not a positive experience. You are the parent, your emotions are yours alone to deal with. The child needs to understand that you are in control, have their best interest at heart, and that there will be consequences for disobedience. I’m watching gentle parenting play out with some family members and these children are so soft, emotional, and unable to handle trying situations. It breaks my heart.
Yes, all of this-I absolutely understand the “carrying my mother’s emotions” problem and I am determined not to do that with my child
As a teacher I had a lot of gentle parenting kids. They are overwhelmed with everything and alway crying. I don't know if they will ever be competent and independent
It's such a big problem as-is, which is only going to become worse.
Well, it's not gentle parenting, it's passive.
How do you know they’re being gentle parented? My kids have been raised this way (WITH BOUNDARIES) and are mature, responsible kids. I only hear really great things about them from all the teachers and adults in their life.
@@KristenPenn-dh5nd I'm a teacher in Germany. We know the parents and their parenting pretty well. If you found a way to raise your kids to still be responsible, that's great! Most of the times, they tend to have anxiety, because they're overwhelmed with the tiniest things. We as teachers have to be so careful with them, since they're so sensible
I agree. I work with elementary school kids and the amount of times I’ve had to de-escalate a tantrum because the kid didn’t want to do a task is incalculable. Please teach your kids that they have to respect societies rules. They can’t run around and do as they please at every second of the day. Actions have consequences.
My mother was a ‘gentle parent’ and did an absolutely horrible job lmao. She loved putting on the facade of a perfect parent with a perfect child on social media and in front of other people but in reality she was incredibly neglectful, manipulative and passive aggressive about my appearance and weight that she made me believe I was non-binary for like 2-3 years. Whenever she was called out for her terrible parenting she would play the victim card “But I’m brown!” “I was adopted as a child!” “I’m not perfect!😢” “I’m so stressed!” “It’s not my fault I left my 12 year old child home alone until 9:AM while I went out partying!”😅
My father on the other hand is most definitely not a gentle parent and would actually discipline me and teach me not to do wrong. He’s awesome, very hardworking and kind. I owe everything to him, he’s the best dad I could of ever wished for ❤
ahhhh i just wanna hope you are a troll because that sounds horrible. i hate parents ;_;
Thank God you had a good father. My childhood was kind of similar. My mom was addicted to substances, bringing johns over that would put her for favors, she was bipolar, and just an awful mother. I used to search drive throughs at night for dropped change to get food for my little brother and I. On the other hand my dad was incredible. He was strict but fair and very loving. He was also very good at teaching me and my siblings skills. I'm very thankful I had such a great father. My only regret is leaving my father's home at 12 to live with my mother. I felt like I had to in order to protect her from the situations she put herself in. I also wanted to protect my brother who lived with her and wasn't my father's son. If it wasn't for my father I would not be here.
Your dad is a legend. All the praise and respect to him
I grew up with one's who had a passive father they grew up to have very little respect, even hit there father. But the one's whose father's who would have hit there kids got more respect,they weren't beating them to an inch of their lives but they were hit.I've been hit more than once and by my mother it didn't hurt but I still got it.
@@niroshanaperera7330 No you're wrong I had a loving mother an absent father.My mother had too work all her life to keep food in my belly and clothes on my back.she went into debt every year for birthday's and Christmas I don't have words to explain how much respect and love I had for her. She brought me up in the 70s 80s and 90s during a civil war we call the trouble's here it takes a lot to keep you're son out of jail and out of paramilitaries.You might say you should never hit you're child but if she hadn't I would have been wild she done what she had to do.Dont worry by the time a boy reaches puberty his mother can't physically heart him.
There is a difference between true gentle parenting and passive parenting. Gentle parenting includes setting and holding clear boundaries (consistently), letting the kid have their feelings and the natural consequences that comes along with their actions. Based on what you are describing of some of your childhood, that is more of a true form of gentle parenting. There is a lot of scientific research that many parents are not taking the time to truly understand and learn. I have two kids, sometimes things are wild, but they are respectful in public and to their teachers. The push the boundaries with us (the parents) because we are the safe space for them to try and we will hold the boundary and love them unconditionally.
This. It drives me crazy how permissive parenting (and sometimes passive parenting) gets mixed up with gentle parenting. When gentle parenting is supposed to actually be authoritative. I would also agree that Brett's mom sounds a lot like a gentle parent! I think people are taking the term "gentle" and running with it do do whatever they want.
which is what destroyed the Boomers. Rent an education
fr, these gen alpha parents can't tell the difference from being gentle from completely enabling their kids on being complete entitled brats. It's gonna be a horrible future for gen Z to handle and tolerate these gen alphas when they enter the workforce.
The use of true gentle parenting can give children a lot more feelings of control over themselves. Ive noticed with my oldest that because we talk to him like a person who just doesn't understand yet and is still learning (a phrase we use often with him) he does the same with other children. When patience is modeled for children its more prevalent in their behavior. Setting up a system to communicate and encouraging them to solve problems on their own also sets them up to feel comfortable trying to handle things and then ask for help when it doesn't work. Permissive parenting does none of this, it ends up with almost opposite results and those kids grow up thinking they can get away with things as long as they cry long enough about it.
@@manda506 "When patience is modeled for children its more prevalent in their behavior" exactly this. So much of gentle parenting is the idea of modelling. Another example is speaking to a child using polite words (please, thank you) because you want that child to use that kind of language with their peers. If children are never shown healthy ways to communicate then they can't model and adopt them for themselves.
There was this mom with her toddler son at the park yesterday and she was communicating how much time he had left on the swing before they had to go home. Then she spent the next 5 minutes trying to convince him to let her take him out of the swing and kept offering him fun things to do at home. I parent different and her way is fine if it works for them.. I just kept thinking take your kid out of the damn swing. He doesn’t need to be convinced, YOU are the parent. Take him out and take him home, he doesn’t get to decide that.
Amen. the minute my kid starts throwing a fit, I do the sprint of shame and do the "tantrum carry" which is kind of a modified fireman's carry. I'm autistic/Adhd and i didn't know until I had my girl. If I had, I would have prepared better for her and taken classes or something. But doing this coaxing thing that this other mother does wouldn't work well for either of us--she gets overwhelmed, then I get overwhelmed and either become aggressive (not physically, mind you, just short-tempered and verbally snappy) or shut down completely because I have a touch of selective mutism. Sometimes it's easier and quicker to just pick them up and haul them away.
@@anablackwood6141 yes! I do the same thing. I can totally understand where you’re coming from ♥️
A resounding YES! (I’m a teacher.)
School administrators are also too soft in regard to real disciplining troubled students - they walk with the students and talk gently to them. Then I get an apology letter from said students. I DO NOT want an apology letter from them; I want them to learn respect for others and self control!
this!!!!
Same. My 3 year old says "sorry" a lot but I remind her that if she was truly sorry, she'd learn from her mistakes. Sorry doesn't mean anything if they don't change their ways.
"Stop being uncomfortable seeing your child be uncomfortable." I love how that teacher thinks. Learning the natural consequences of your actions is how you learn to stay out of jail, stay alive, get a good education, get a good job, take care of your family, and live a happy life. Do your kids a favor; respect them, love them, don't EVER abuse them.... but please, discipline them and don't give them everything they want.
My mother use to threaten to buy a gun and end me almost daily. Led me to getting a felony when I was 17 and ruining my life for around 10 years.
Now 32, I can’t even imagine having the other side of the spectrum, these monsters have no idea how lucky they have parents not actually trying to end them or hurt them.
I literally got the shit knocked out of me for leaving a spoon in the sink.
@@JamesCook76131 At least you have a first hand experience on "how not to be a good parent" so you don't need books or whatever when raising your kids. You just need to remember what your mother did and not do those.
@@JamesCook76131 I'm sorry that happened to you. Most of these kids growing up don't know how good they have it.
@@JamesCook76131See now that right there is actual child abuse….
@@marckid93 oh it gets worse, but yeah I agree. If you have ever seen the movie “mommy dearest” it encapsulates my childhood lol.
I always say to my husband that I will teach our daughter: "You are the center of my world, but you are not the center of THE world". I've never heard anyone else say that before. How cool!
📝📝📝
I say exactly this!!!
Sad Beige cooper
Dear Erica,
I beg to disagree.
Your daughter or child is not the center of anyone's world. Not even yours. You might choose to sacrifice your life for her. I understand you can put her first etc. but that does not make her the center of your world and you better not try to make her the center of your world. For her own good.
Now I will tell you why.
You better not do it, because no matter what you say, your child will get imprinted with how you ACT. If you act as if your child is the center of the world it will learn (at a very deep level) that it is entitled to have all that attention and it will expect to be the center of the world for other people too. That is setting them up for a very rough awakening down the line when they grow up.
@@h0ph1p13 teach it to ya own kids champ, Erica’s gonna be alright.
Who wants to bet me that hophip does not have children
Great video! I’m an elderly millennial 😅 with two little boys. I also have CPTSD, and disciplining them so hard for me to do at times. But I do it anyway. Being calm, present, giving age appropriate explanations and age appropriate DISCIPLINE all needs to work together. Discipline alone isn’t great. Gentle explanations alone isn’t great. My three year old sees the behavior of his peers (running into traffic without any parental reaction, hitting other kids, etc) and has this to say: “Mama…that’s kind of weird, isn’t it?” Yes, son. It really is.
As a millennial mom I so appreciate this video! I have 3 boys ages 11, 8 and 4 and we homeschool. I have watched it happen in real time and struggled so much with my own parenting because of all the “positive parenting” messaging and villainizing of any kind of discipline or perceived “negativity” towards children, no matter how loving the discipline is delivered. It’s been hard raising kids in today’s world! I’ve been chastised for having expectations of my kids and not allowing them to run things. When I was trying to be more “gentle” I was a mess and the kids were clearly craving boundaries. Kids need boundaries! I finally found my people within the last couple of years and am way more confident in my parenting than I was. God gave us these kids - so I trust Him to help us raise them right. I do not need a Tik Tok parenting influencer to tell me how to raise them any more than I need the public school system to educate them. I got this. Thank you Brett!
The type of parent each child needs cannot be reduced to gentle parenting. Some children will benefit and thrive with gentle parenting while others won’t. What I think is truly ruining the next gen is NEGLECTFUL parenting.
I agree. I was someone who was obedient. You didn’t have to tell me twice. My brother on the other hand…he use to tryyyy my parents. They had to be stern and very serious with him.
Neglect is the biggest contributor to trauma. Tim Fletcher has a GREAT series on childhood trauma and shame. Free on UA-cam.
I agree with this. But also my dad was incredibly strict I hardly ever broke his rules growing up and was treated like shit and like a devil child my sister always broke the rules and got pregnant at 17 and was treated like the golden child. I think how you treat your child also affects how your child acts and if they listen to those rules or not. I was scared to get hit so I listened to the rules my sister wasn’t so she didn’t. If that makes sense. I think if you are gentle with your kids and explain things to them in a way they understand from the start then they won’t have behavior problems but if you’re an iPad kid and your parents talk to you like shit then that’s how you’re going to act. I think it needs to be a balance.
I see this a lot when my children's friends come over to hang out here. They are always surprised at the rules and the way my kids follow them. Watching these other kids fall in line so easily when this isn't something they get at home...kids NEED structure...WANT structure. Some of these parents just aren't paying attention.
@@djidjine5082That was my brother and I too.
My first, my daughter, benefitted from “gentle parenting”. She’s very self controlled and she responds much better to gentle (but firm) discussions. She never hit, bit, pushed or yelled so it matched her well. My son is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY. He’s very sweet but definitely needs a hard boundaries to push up against. He needs more structure and I say NO a lot to him. He also has a lot more consequences than my daughter. But he also needs way more time outside and more play time to meet his threshold. It’s not that we don’t have sensitive conversations with him but he doesn’t respond like my daughter does. I agree with the dysregulated child comment… we don’t do our kids any favors by giving them everything they want. In fact, it makes you selfish to put your needs (not wanting negative emotions) before their needs (hard boundaries).
You have the right idea, different styles work for different kids. Some need some physical discipline and others need it less.
in general, boys and girls are different exactly in the way you described. This does not mean boys more unruly, they just respond to different methods of asserting boundaries. Boys are more physical, they need more movement than girls, they learn better through being outside and being active, and care much less about words. Not that it isn't still important to communicate with them (it's crucial, of course), but they are not going be convinced to do what is appropriate because of a cute speech, you need to put things in more practical terms. And this is not bad, just different.
I have the same issue with my two daughters. Oldest is super easy going, listens, respectful etc. like model child.
Her little sister, 😮💨 just like your son. She’s a piece of work and requires way more discipline. Still a good kid though, she’s just a lot to deal with sometimes
yeah, it has been proved: It is always the second child 🥲@@austyn5004
@@MsInescruz it's usually more so the difference between first borns and second borns than it is between boys and girls at that age. Like when people have only daughters or only sons, you'll still get a similar split. It's not until they go to daycare or grade school where they'll start developing habits and behaviors among their peers.
When I was 19 I was asked to teach nursery age kids in my church (kids like 2-4 years of age) and I remember one kid just terrorizing the nursery and attacking other kids. One day I told my ex husband (husband at the time) to go grab the kids dad while I stood between the child and another child that he was full on trying to attack. When the dad came in he immediately says with the sweetest voice "oh buddy, why are you acting this way???" I was FLOORED. What?! No discipline, no time outs, no stern talking, just hugs and kisses. I am now a mom and I sure as hell have not and will not let my daughter act in such a way. Unfortunately most parents my age do let their kids just do what they want and act how they want, and so I am constantly having to explain to my daughter why that behavior is not acceptable because she sees her classmates act in those ways.
I’m watching this as I’m in the middle of a week-long visit with my sister (a “gentle parenting” household). I have never seen so much disrespect from a preschooler. The total lack of anything that resembles redirection or discipline by her parents was laughable at first but is now just mind-boggling. When Brett made the comment about “tiptoeing around” these kids she was spot on. That’s all someone can do lest they want risk pushing back and setting off the little angels and reap the whirlwind from their parents.
Your sister isn't a gentle parent. She's a passive parent. There is a difference. Gentle parenting is teaching your child respect without having to beat your them. Passive parenting is walking on eggshells around your child so that they don't get their feelings hurt. A lot of passive parents think they are gentle parents. They have good intentions but it doesn't do anything good for their child. Would that be something you could bring to her attention?
I absolutely agree. The “gentle parenting” name is one that they use, not one that I’d describe it as at all.
Gentle parenting is not suppose to be passive parenting! Their needs to be a balance between strict and gentle parenting.
Yes, she's conflating gentle parenting with permissive parenting. They are NOT the same
They’re the same thing. Sorry.
Gentle parenting isn’t been undisciplined or without limits. Different things. You must set limits to the children, and teach them how to have a good behavior.
@@amandabarber8161it’s not the same thing at all.
But because of morons on tick-tock who want to reduce a whole parenting philosophy into video laxative, it’s been reduced to lazy, permissive parenting.
Gentle parenting is about not yelling or punishing kids in anger. It’s about consistent discipline, that is clearly communicated, and actually followed through with, so your children know where the boundaries are, and don’t end up with anxious attachment styles.
When it's done correctly, it likely is effective and positive; i see this conflation all the time. If the child is running the house- that's not gentle parenting.
My journey as a nanny started in 1989. There have always been two extremes of parenting with the mainstream in between. We had it even then we didn't call it gentle parenting, but it was the same concept. The other extreme goes to the parents that want super over achievers at any cost. I dealt with them all. My advice having been both a professional in the field for over 25 years and Mum is simple and it's not. Stop coming up with labels for parenting, stop following trends. Be a parent. Nurture them, discipline them when needed, listen to them, talk to them, and love them. Pay attention to what they are doing, because the world isn't going to be gentle with them. Once they leave your loving protection they'll have to face the cold reality that most people don't care how they make them feel. Prepare them for that. Peace be with you.
My grandma used to take care of us when our parents were at work.
We were 15+ kids ranging from 5 yrs old to 14-15. We were wild as a group. And although she was really strict, we were always in line around her because she still listened and was there to teach and love us. No one ever doubted her love or good intention.
We knew why we were getting in trouble when she lectured us for something, oftentimes we were the ones to snitch on ourselves cuz she taught us to be honest even if we didn't like the results.
She is someone who uses a wooden spoon and a chancla. But she never hit you more than once and she always made a point to give you 2 chances beforehand to correct your behavior before using it.
Perfectly put
Hear hear!!! I resent gentle parenting, because it would make those children THINK that would be the only correct reaction when they goes to the world.
I watched some of your videos and became a member of your channel. You explain things very well. And as a millennial parent, I shake my head to people who tip toe around their kids like this.
My son is 8 months old and I am always joyful around him. But if he hits me, or does something he isn’t allowed to do. He’s gonna know. I’ll be using a firm voice and make sure my energy matches what I’m trying to do.
Hitting your children is wrong. But showing emotions like anger or any other emotion is normal. I have emotional regulation issues, but my focus is mainly to teach my kid that it is okay to be sad or angry. But I won’t be tolerating back talk or disrespect.
It’s what you said. It’s a hard job being a parent and to be honest, I kinda did think it would be easier. But it isn’t. You are indeed learning a small human being how to be a well functioning human being. The world won’t bunch. Not an inch.
A difference with classroom vs home in regards to discipline/gentle parenting is the adult/kid ratio which results is how something works at home won’t necessarily work in the classroom. In the classroom you will have 20-30 kids of the same age with one adult where as at home you have usually see 3 kids under kinder age of different ages with one adult. This greatly effects how things work.
We don't need gentle nor strict parenting. We need a balance. Yet no one seems to find it. It seems like an avoidance mechanism because we've had both extremes. 💖👑💖
A tool in the toolbox... No single tool works for every job.
Authoritative parenting is actually the best style. I think gentle parenting got so "gentle" that it became permissive parenting.
@@tiffles699If the situation calls for a screwdriver, don't use a hammer.
@@danika9411Fully disagree. Demanding your kids do as you say without giving them any chance of making their own choices and mistakes isn’t in their benefit.
EXACTLY SING IT! Thats exactly what I'm saying!
As a mother of 5 children that are Gen alpha… There is a difference between gentle and PERMISSIVE. Gentle parenting doesnt mean no discipline! Gentle parenting means you hold boundaries and stay calm while doing it. I hate my generation. They ruin everything.
I never see those transitions coming, Brett you’re the best!
Great video Brett. As a parent to a wonderful (most of the time) 5 year old, I have to say parenting is HARD. It is relentless and there are no days off, so there is always the temptation to provide a screen so you can have some downtime yourselves and we do it sometimes, hopefully not too often. There is also no right or wrong way to raise a child, what works for one child may not work for the next one. I try to avoid giving parenting advice for this reason, but if your child is misbehaving, then something has to be done to change that behaviour before it becomes a pattern. So, I think gentle parenting may have a time and a place, as long as you are prepared to be less gentle when you need to be.
My dad always said to me in my teens “my job is not to be your friend”, but to be your parent even if you get angry with me”. Im 24 now and I’m glad he did that.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I've found myself saying that exact thing to my 15 year-old! Our job is to raise polite, useful members of society.
Your dad decided to speak truth ❤
I guess things like that work for some children, but it broke my heart with me and my mom. But perhaps a lot of my sadness over her saying things like that had to do with feeling neglected in other ways and not feeling as if she was correctly playing her part as a mother, so I yearned for something more comfortable and closer to her.
I don't know. I think there is a balance between being a parent and making sure your child knows you are someone to listen to as an authoritative figure, but also not neglecting your child completely in safety, and comfort, and being someone they can go and talk to when they need someone. If there is no balance, I fear you will create tension and distance in the relationship.
@@may-rw5jj it's still not healthy to be your kids "friend". they don't need a friend they need a loving, firm parent to guide them.
Having to discipline a kid is not easy to do, but it is vital. You only have to do it once or twice so the kid learns what the limits are.
Agreed, but as long as it is done early. Waiting too long and the behavior is set.
@@alanking7331you can change negative behaviors in older children, but like many other things in life, it's more work than if you nip them in the bud early
Yep. My grandpa hit us once and never again…😂😂😂 my sister and I learned our lesson.
@@Dontworrybhappy_That's not discipline then. Discipline includes consequences - punishments. If you don't punish a kid, you failed that kid & that kid will most likely fail.
@@Dontworrybhappy_ The root of the word is not the word itself. Discipline includes the use of punishment to enforce boundaries. You can't properly raise a child without punishment. It's not punishing a child that is the easy/lazy way out. It's an absolutely inexcusable thing to do to a child.
Kids are supposed to want to rebel. Natural part of human development & nature. If kids are just complacent & don't need to be kept in check by their parents something is very wrong.
You hit the nail on its head. Thanks for a fresh breath of air. I also agree with your view of passive parents. We have seen it in our own family and the kids are falling apart now because they have developed zero resilience and emotional intelligence.
We always knew WHY we were in trouble and WHAT the specific consequence was coming. My mom never yelled at us. We were never terrified of random abuse. She took the time to explain to us, to communicate expectation. But she made certain that discipline was as consistent as the communication. And we did not make the rules. When we got older and had been taught logic, we were allowed to negotiate rules we felt no longer applied. Until then, we had to trust that they knew best. (And shocker...they did!)
I’m a play therapist and advocate for gentle parenting but most of these influencers and people who do gentle parenting are passive parents. The key of gentle parenting is limit setting and consistency. Most gentle parenting I’ve seen is validating feelings without discipline. There are consequences in gentle parenting. When done right, gentle parenting is effective and teaches kids to communicate instead of having negative behavioral outbursts.
Gen z therapy lol. No thanks! Lose that license bc gentle parenting is bullshit
it works for some kids, but not all@@BirdiePlaysYT
@@BirdiePlaysYT It is not, many elements of gentle parenting is likely a lot of the same shit you had growing up. It's just rebranded. Gentle parenting is a tool, like spankings, grounding, or time outs. The tools can be abused and misuses and cause serious damage onto a child. Spanking your toddler for crying when you say no (note, not wailing or fit throwing, just *sniffle sniffle* in the corner) is a misuse of spanking, as an example.
@@Carsky-op9nr Spanking is absolutely ok, if used correctly. You have to teach a child to not do life threatening behavior somehow, if a toddler runs into the street, try to play with a cord, reach for a pot of boiling water, a pop on their ass will leave an impression. And it doesn't even have to hurt, because the shock will be hat leaves the impression.
What you are also not considering are children who do not respond to anything but spankings. My mother raised 5 children. My older brother's best response punishment was being put in the corner, my "punishment" was being talking to. My younger sister and youngest brother responded to nothing but spankings. My second youngest brother responded best to guilt, which my mother did not want to spend his whole life guilting him into behaving, and so he got his second best response punishment, which was spanking. Children are not universal, and they all respond to different things in different ways.
Any punishment can become abuse, you can abuse a child by grounding them, you can abuse a child with confiscation. Does that mean you shouldn't be allowed those tools? To claim such is silly.
@@Carsky-op9nr A cord plugged into an electrical socket? Do you have some magical method of keeping those out of children's reach in every circumstance, esp considering the placement of most electrical sockets?
You spank a child when they do any life threatening behavior. If you raise your child correctly, you shouldn't need spankings past the point of being a very, very young child. It's easy to look down your nose at others, but sometimes you don't have the luxury of banning a child from the kitchen, in fact, I think that wasn't a luxury we could afford in any house I lived in growing up. In some places, the kitchen is a core pathway through the house.
Spankings are abuse if you misuse the tool, such as spanking out of anger. Any other punishment can become abuse if you misuse it. You need to have the option of discipline, and some kids don't care if they're grounded, put in a corner, lose privileges, ect. What do you do then? My brother and I were easy, well behaved kids, but my younger siblings were not. Their natural personalities made them little tormentors. The boys are fine now that they're older, my sister has problems but the problems are personality traits she's always shown (manipulative, drama queen, ect).
My mother was actually physically abuse, as in, her stepfather almost killed her when he nearly snapped her neck. What she lived through is NOTHING compared to a properly used spanking. Do not treat them as the same thing.
Our society is obsessed with removing boundaries and being totally and completely free to do whatever you want depending on how you feel that day- not surprised that this same concept is being applied to parenting 😥
How to raise a psychopath 101. But seriously. I had mostly regular parenting but my little sister was starting to manipulate people as early as 12-13. But she never got any consequences for her actions so her manipulation escalated more and more in her teen years. She would nag at my tired mom for 2 hours straight until my mom turned her no into a yes. She knew she could always get her way by bullying people into submission. I think my sister was born a psychopath as she has shown many times she has no morals or empathy, on top of being a spoiled brat who has never really been told "no". Or she was told no but she would in the end get her way anyway. If you only care about money and how to get your way + zero empathy you are a born psycho or narc. I never submitted to my sister when she tried to nag me, the consequences for me telling her no? To make my life a living hell with constant harassment and not giving me any space for myself. Tried to break my door down when I told her I wanted to be alone. I think her message was something like "not even your room is safe, I will come in here by force!" Bloody psycho bitch! When she has done crazy shenanigans like that she has always laughed like she thinks it's super funny. Her harassing/bullying people is her fun time. And when confronted with her past bad behavior she doesn't say "sorry I did that", instead she laughs like "oh man, that was so funny!" Yeah it was so much fun for me... Not.
I will say that thats not even gentle parenting 😭
This country was literally founded on that idea. We even have an entire constitution dedicated to it. Especially the right to liberty. And the 1st amendment. And the 2nd amendment. I like freedom and oppose authoritarian tyrants like Brandon. As Alex Jones said to Piers Morgan: “1776 will commence again if you try and take away our firearms!”
@@johnmartin4641 You need to educate yourself on the essence of freedom. Freedom does not equate to a license to do what you want to whomever you want, regardless of consequences. We live in a civilized society. Actions matter. How we treat others matters. Children need to learn that choices have consequences.
@@nateh3441 that’s exactly what the fascist Democrats say and are saying now about Trump questioning the 2020 results in his J6 case. They say “you can speak freely, but there are consequences to your speech”, to which I always respond “take your consequences and shove them up your a$$”. If your speech has consequences, then it’s not free. They always justify their censorship and wanting to abolish the 2nd amendment by saying “we live in a civilized society.” Nowhere in the Constitution does it guarantee or even mention a civilized society. It does guarantee liberty, free speech, right to keep and bare arms, etc. Consequences are the opposite of freedom. If I ran an advertisement that said “buy 1 Ferrari, get one free”, and you show up at my dealership and pay for 1 Ferrari and then ask where your 2nd Ferrari is, I can’t say “well, it’s free, but one of the consequences of getting that free Ferrari is paying me an additional $550,000”; I would be thrown in prison and sued for fraud because that’s not free. If your speech has consequences, then it’s not free. We need to rid the country of tyrants who think there should be consequences for exercising your constitutional rights and give them the consequences they’re so fond of by throwing them in prison. There should be no consequences for anything that’s legal, especially if it’s a constitutional right.
I didn’t watch your videos for 3 weeks and you have an entire new set up 😂😂😍😍😍😍
Well said. You’re on point about so many things.
I’m a teacher and decided this is my last year. The amount of these dis-regulated children is insane and they’re getting mislabeled into special education at high numbers.
Lack of parent involvement doesn’t equal a special education label. Cultural differences doesn’t equal a special education label. Students who don’t speak English doesn’t equal a special education label. Opposition Defiance Disorder shouldn’t be Normalized as a label. Teachers are at their lowest levels of energy and more children are coming in with behaviors at alarming rates.
Maybe someone else can handle this now that I’m stepping away!
Leaders aren’t supporting teachers and teachers aren’t getting support for the additional special needs students in the classrooms. We aren’t giving them proper educations if there is no support meaning an assistant. FAPE is being violated and so are students IEPs.
There's a world of difference between "gentle parenting" and "not being an abusive asshole to your kids". One leads to iPad Kids, the other leads to having a good, but reasonable relationship.
No. Covid tyranny, forced masks on children, closed schools and extracurriculars, and every single outlet for families closed down for 3 years is what leads to iPad kids.
It’s a trauma we need to correctly identify if we want to fix it.
Before having kids I had decided to not do tablets or do very little. I was criticized by many “you say that now!! Wait till you have kids” well, I was pressured into getting them tablets. Told by people “if you don’t get them one I will” and I didn’t want them to get something I don’t trust. So I got them each one. They only get their tablets on rare occasions. Like when I’m sick. My son is special needs and is a tornado. Everything is very interactive on their tablets and educational. So they get them during that time so the house isn’t destroyed when I’m sick. They went 10 months without the tablets and we just started on that path again. Told the kids no more tablets. They only had them on weekends for 2 months and I don’t feel they’re ready for them. I notice a large change in attitudes and emotions. My son is more aggressive, doesn’t listen, is more verbally defiant, has a smaller attention span and doesn’t want to play with his toys. We decided to possibly try tablet time next January… or longer if it’s more peaceful. I see a lot more issues with children who get unlimited screen time.
@@4everloved142uhg, I'm with you. We said no. (Oldest was 4&2 at the time) Grandma got them for Christmas anyways. We lived with them. So if we put them away she'd get them out. Or give them hers. Then complain about behavior. Then I'd tell them it was the iPad. Didn't believe me or take me seriously 🤦♀️ it was a rough time.
@@BerrysweetLove91This is my husbands dad and step mom. His mom passed away in 2015 and his dad got married to a very progressive woman. Back in 2016 I had told his step mom about tablets and what they’re finding. She said that I was crazy (always starting arguments with me) and that tablets don’t cause anymore harm then books. Now she won’t pick up one of her grandchildren unless he leaves the tablet at home because he is so defiant with it. Gotta love it, and of course she doesn’t remember ever telling me what she did. She still says “they need technology in moderation because otherwise they will be behind everyone” but I argued that it’s better to learn without it and then have it to use later then it is to learn with it and lose it and then be lost without it. My son being special needs, he almost died as a baby and has a brain injury, he is doing multiplication at 6yo almost 7yo. Ahead of his peers in most subjects. He is doing so great! I credit this to no technology.
It really sucks when you’re living with someone and they go against your parenting. Like they know better than you. Makes me angry thinking about it, and then you need to live with them for many reasons (we’ve been there too) and you don’t want to step on toes because of it. It’s a really difficult place to be in.
I told my children it is your home, although it is my house and home and there are rules in my house and you will follow the house rules and their are consequences for not following the house rules! I spanked each of my children twice and not out of reaction only after explanation! They are perfectly fine on their own well adjusted adults who understand respect and have self respect!
I have to point out. There's a difference between gentle/ respectful parenting and being a pushover parent. I generally would say I practice gentle parenting, but I still agree with the donut scenario. There are boundries and I will not be raising an obnoxious ingrate. The goal is to acknowledge their feelings as well as the feelings of others.
Exactly, like I believe gentle parenting is very good but a lot of people nowadays don’t know what it actually is and are calling things gentle parenting which are not. The gentle parenting I heard of and agree with certainly includes punishment, but it’s all natural consequences of your actions. Like Brett said, you refused to get dressed? Okay going to school in your pjs. Or you thought it would be fun to knock the plants off the shelves? Now you have to clean it up and can’t come in this room for the rest do the day. Boundaries and consequences are vital, and with gentle parenting you’re supposed to be setting a mature example. You aren’t emotionally or physically abusive-no screaming at your child because you are the adult and should model how to control your emotions when you’re upset. Apologize to your child when you have made a mistake. And no physically lashing out because we try to teach our children not to hit or throw things, so why would we then do that exact thing? And not only do actions have related consequences, but you explain the reasoning behind why we do what we do. You respect children’s ability to understand in developmentally appropriate levels.
Anyway, there’s a lot to it. But it’s interesting and frustrating how someone will be like “gentle parenting is the bane of society today! This is what you should be doing-“ and proceeds to describe what I would call gentle parenting. At least some styles like Montessori have a leader who gave it the name and label, gentle parenting is loose and whatever people what it to be…
@@gretaeder5996Exactly. Give your children boundaries and teach them about the consequences of actions, but you should also follow what you say and not physically hit or hurt your child
Exactly. I am a gentle parent and part of my parenting includes teaching boundaries and respect to my kids. I have 4 kids under 5 and even though they are young, none would be so disrespectful to another person. If they don't like something another person made, they will tell me in private because, while I feel it is important they know they can tell me anything, they understand that making negative comments towards another person can hurt their feelings.
Also, I do not bring my feelings into my parenting because that is super self centered. I'm honestly shocked that a parent would do this. It's not about you, it's about helping a child learn to manage their emotions in a safe and appropriate way not making them feel guilty about how they "make" you feel. We are all responsible for our emotions and reactions and that is what I teach my kids
those labels are absurd and confusing, I don't hit or insult my kids as my father did with me, I almost never raise my voice but I'm always certain of the direction I give, I never say something that I don't believe in 100% "put on your shoes" there is no way out, they will put on the shoes, and they always do. Exept for some time out in the terrible twos I never have any problem geting things done I even overcome small resistance by making gentle jokes . I don't burden them with "my feelings" they are my sole responsability as an adult. Children should'nt have to feel that anything they can do could destabilize me , hurt me, I see that as abusive and bad parenting, how can we protect them if we can get hurt by whatever a five years old might do ?
The problem is that every parent I've seen saying they're doing gentle parenting, and that other people aren't doing it right, and creating absolute horrors.
This makeup looks amazing on you!!
Im glad a took the time to watch this video. I occasionally get shorts from your full videos that are taken out of context and make you sound intolerant almost. Im glad i took the time to get the full version and understand your commentary. I agree with this, i feel like consequences are the most important part of parenting.
Single dad of two boys here. Kids are not being raised right these days, and people look at me like I’m crazy sometimes, when they hear how I’m raising my kids.
First, they didn’t have any games, iPads, or anything like that until this year for Christmas (they’re 8 and 9 now).
I also don’t typically let them watch TV during the week.
When they get in trouble at school, I give them a punishment that makes sense, and will incentivize them to behave better.
I also talk them through their feelings and teach them to communicate. Maybe this is extreme, but when they fight, they always try telling on each other. So, now I have them sit down and try to solve their problems on their own. If they figure it out, I’m proud of them. If they can’t figure it out, they do get a time out for 5 minutes (I specifically mean if they can’t be civil about it).
Being a single dad is hard, but since they’re with me they can learn how to be men. I have a lot more to say, but I definitely think being too soft on kids (as in not holding them accountable for their decisions), is making people and society worse.
Outside of disciplinary measures, I’m very loving and supportive. I take them to a nice dinner once a month to check in and see if they’re working on their goals, and if they need extra support in any areas.
How to raise decent people.
Very good dad! Keep it up they will cherish all your hard work!
We need more fathers like yourself. I tip my hat to you sir.
I just wanted to say thanks for the nice comments, it's absolutely not easy. This week the kids did great, but personally it was a rough week emotionally. Gotta keep our heads up. God Bless and thanks again.
You've got this, I admire your ideas and effort. Keep it up💪
My wife and I have had a front row seat to this with our niece.
The difference is between gentle parenting and PERMISSIVE parenting.
Gentle parenting is focused on not using the traditional punishment styles. It's much more involved and requires you to essentially treat your children like adults as much as possible and talk to your children and talk through their emotions and problems.
That being said we tried that for like ten minutes because our twin boys are non-verbal so it doesn't really work.
Thank you for pointing out the difference, it’s so sad to see gentle parenting labeled as permissive because it actually takes so much work. I wish I could just take toys away and chuck my kids in time out, but that’s lazy and doesn’t actually teach them anything other than resentment towards the parent 🥲
Kids are not adults, parents need to stop treating them that way period!
Gentle parenting only works when kids are developed enough. We're talking ages 10+ when they are smart enough to observe, know right from wrong and are reaching the age where they resent being treated like they are kids.
Before that there definitively needs to be a firm hand in place to help the kids develop good habits, and when they are old enough to talk about it that you can explain to them that the good habits will help them throughout their whole life.
That means discipline, that means just saying "no" without an explanation at times because the child is behaving in a way that doesn't deserve the dignity of a response, just the consequence.
It’s actually really easy to ‘gentle parent’ little kids/toddlers when they’re not doped up on artificial colours and screen time 😂
Gentle parenting means actually understanding and knowing your child so that you can discipline accordingly. Each of my 5 children have needed different discipline techniques and I don’t have to yell at them like a maniac to get results. It means being present and consistent in boundaries. And guess what! My children know how to respect adults. They understand and respect boundaries. And they don’t act like assholes in public.
I am 26. I was going to go into teaching I had 1 year left in my program. I had to sit down and really think if this was still what I wanted. Both my parents are teachers and are in their late 50’s thinking they won’t be able to retire until their 70’s. The kids going through are the worst in both behavior and education level. They are constantly filming my parents and each other trying to instigate problems to go viral. My parents don’t make enough and are falling deeper into depression. It’s not as rewarding of a career as it used to be. It’s also a dangerous career in more ways than one.
Yes!!! Finally someone said it! My mom is a teacher herself, her 1st class is absolutely wild.
Different approaches work for different kids. Being sweet works on some kids. Being firm works with others. Damon Wayans had a hilarious bit about how each of his kids required a different approach. All he had to tell his daughter was "I'm real disappointed in you," and she'd correct herself. With his oldest son, if he tried that his son would just be like, "oh yeah? You're gonna be real pissed off when you see the rest of the shit I did."
My friend has two girls one will work better for rewards, the other reactes better to punishments and having stuff taken away. Mind you they both get treated to rewards. More telling One girl Get your room clean and you will get a special treat. Other daughter clean you room otherwise you lose the special treat we are getting tonight.
@@redfoxgirlthis is how it is with my two 9 year olds my daughter is the easier one and my son is the one who tried to be defiant about literally everything. He will say I wanna go to sleep and I’ll say ok take you a nap then he will cry saying I don’t want a nap and get mad I told him to when he already said he was going to. With him we have to threaten to take things away because if not he just won’t mind and even still I have to be patient because he will still fight me on just anything and everything but I stay stern and tell him what’s gonna be done or else no games, ect.
The trick is to be firm and strickt ONLY in the moment it is needed, and then switching back to being nice(in severe cases get so firm and strickt for a moment the kid gets slightly scared, then switch to explain and negotiate-mode again)... When I used to babysit it used to be enough just to be strickt for a few seconds most of the time, show him I'm serious and mean buisness... And once he'd fix his attention on me instead of all over the place, I'd calmly start explaining to him what how and why... This had the huge benefit that HE UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS WRONG and he'd often PERMANENTLY adjust his behaviour, because it was explained to him and it made sense ;-) I never had to use any threats of 'do this or you wont get that' or 'do this or punishment this', just a mean look and a firm voice for a few moments followed by a good explaination or conversation...
My mother and sisters on the other hand all used parenting skills, or rather disabilities, of complaigning about 'how this made them feel', screaming like a raging b*tch, threatening CONSTANTLY, taking away their dinner or their toys/sending them to their room or into the corner WAY TOO OFTEN, insults from time to time, losing it and getting physically assaulting, and offcourse their personal favorite: staying mad for HOURS OR EVEN THE ENTIRE DAY about some little thing the kid had done AND NAGGING ABOUT IT ON AND OFF TO THE KIDS FOR HOURS TO COME... And on top of that they were completly inconsistant: they could be in 'I dont care mode/dont bother me you brat mode' while the kid was doing seriouly wrong things one day, and just explode in an agressive abusive tantrum for the smallest thing the next day, it just all depended ON THEIR MOOD/EMOTIONS and not the kids actual behaviour(it left the kids constantly looking and trying to read mommies feelings/emotional color-state of the day, and that's terrible for the kids having to be the responsable ones when their mommies aren't). Offcourse any adult with 2 working braincells that doesn't have a mean b*tch disorder will realise that their behaviour made their kids NOT CARE about doing things mommy tought was wrong, because heck she'll always find something to go mad b*tch tantrum abusive about anyway because the problem is inside her and her emotional spectrum... They were just petty disgusting human beings looking for ANY EXCUSE to take their frustrations out on their kids, and those were already existing underlying frustrations that had NOTHING to do with the childrens behaviour 😖
So my advice: be firm AND consistant but listen to your kids, explain them things, negotiate when possible, BE THE ADULT=> don't throw abusive tantrums at your kids, because THEY WILL HATE YOU AND PURPOSLY GO IN AGAINST YOU AT EVERY TURN ;-) Thus creating an endless cycle of adult abusive behaviour & endless punishments and the kids refusing to do as that specified parent tells them to do anyway due to a completly adult-caused lack of respect for them ;-)
And remember: kids don't mind being disciplined by some1 they respect, that is consistant AND gives the good example... Use threats and punishment too often for every little thing and they'll lose respect. And keep your feelings between you and your partner, 'this hurts my feelings' is the lamest thing you could ever say to a child: it doesn't explain anything about the behaviour or the fault, it's emotional blackmail and it makes you look like you're emotionally unstable in the eyes of your kid. You should be considerate of the feelings of your child and not the other way around, otherwise you should've just gotten a dog(that you can scream at and bully and order around) or a cat(that you can ignore one moment and spoil and bribe into liking you the other moment) PS: poor pets are underrated
You can’t avoid childhood trauma. Even kids raised in loving homes develop trauma from school or other social situations. I speak from experience here. Honestly, good discipline and truly being taught how the world works is a better defense against trauma than soft parenting.
People wouldn't dare to attempt to parenting thier kids and have risk of giving them trauma from thier rules
Gentle parenting is ultimate safe and good thing to do - for a individual, not for child.
It's not only OF girls, that obviously don't care about thier future kids. General parents afraid to parenting thier kids too, thus do not care about them, but thier feeling of is they are good or bad
People just confuse bad experiences with trauma. There is trauma for some people with certain situations, but some experiences are just bad, not traumatic
@@sabrinamichelle3588 and how would random parent tell the difference?
The same way all women seemed to find men a threat, because deceiving exist, uncertainty in thier children drawing parents towards "everything is trauma" - proceeds gentle parenting.
Especially now, when families so rare, stake is much higher, motivation is super low, courage is demolished
Exactly, which is why we shouldn't blame everyone else for someone behaving badly, especially if the kid is their teens, it doesn't automatically mean it's the parent's fault. In majority of the woke cases, it's actually something their parents don't have a clue that their kid is watching social media and getting brainwashed to be miserable and self-diagnose themselves with disorders. If they're there being miserable up in their big lavish room, chances are at worst, the parents just simply don't know what caused their behaviour and don't know how to fix it, or are afraid of being called "abusive" for trying to fix it. A kid who has dyed hair and Doc Martens isn't being neglected, even. The only person who's neglecting them is themselves. Their parents aren't able to physically or verbally change them at this point without backlash.
Also, trauma is a very big word. It's not traumatic to have a bad day or simply a bad experience, and being a naive girl =/ getting traumatised, that word is overused and abused.
Best place to start is not everything is trauma. Stop letting people corrupt serious words with petty meanings.
I actually had the opportunity to watch my parents raise my two younger sisters the exact opposite as they raised my two older sisters and myself. I am so grateful that I was part of the first part of their parenting journey. I always though I would parent more like they parented my younger sisters but I watched how that played out and was able to learn from the mistakes they made. I parent way closer to how I was parented. Responsibility and accountability are two of the greatest things my parents taught me and I hope that someday my stepson says the same thing.
Along with the dog thing, I had a neighbor family who got a hyper puppy and whenever the puppy did anything wrong, they would say “Oh puppy we don’t do that🥰” in a sweet and loving voice. It took a VERY long time until that dog was even safe for most kids to be around. The dog would hear the voice, not the content, and knew that no matter what it did, it would be rewarded with love and snuggles. It is important for your dog (or kid) to understand the seriousness of their mistakes. A stern voice and consequence conveys the gravity of a situation much better than love and snuggles.
I work with kids, and in one particular group, pre-kindergarten, I’ve had several kids who clearly were raised “gently”. These kids tend to expect as soon as they want something, they start crying for it, it will be given to them instantly. Not a normal tantrum or anything, and no asking for it first. Just crying. They start seeking attention by crying, pretending to get hurt, attempting to harm other children, etc. often times these “Gentle parenting methods” become closer to just pure neglect.
Why someone would take parenting advice from parents who barely even spend time with their kids, baffles me. 🤣
What’s surprising is that boomer’s parents spent much less time with the kids than today. The parenting style is the issue as well as the lack of public shaming by others.
I work with kids, and it's honestly so sad to see how many kids have just been given an iPad and the iPad has raised them instead of the parent. I know eight-year-olds who can't read or write, and about half of the kids I work with have lots of trouble concentrating or sitting still. It's clear that many of them have also never been told no in their life, as they'll have a meltdown and get aggressive when things don't go their way. So sad.
not to mention the amount of kids i see at restaurants with ipads. if a 5 year old cannot eat a full meal without an ipad that’s a problem. family time is super important and these parents aren’t giving them this. when i was younger i remember we always ate as a family and then we had an hour or so and then we played a game together. i know it’s not conventional for some families but everyone should prioritize family time in some way for kids.
That’s sad I was able to read 10th grade level books at age 9 and could write letters in the mail by age 8 I also had to get on the bus by myself once I got into middle school
Z@@idioticbagel2833-I am Gen-X and I remember going to a restaurant and being expected to behave. Also, the restaurant would often have a menu to color/do activities on and crayons. I also would still be part of the conversation.
That is just what my son is like. I have disciplined him carefully and not given him excessive screen time. I homeschool and have poured endless hours of my time, energy, into teaching him boundaries and respect. My other 3 children are doing great. He is more work than all of them put together. He is neurodivergent and very hard to deal with. People see him and think I’m a bad parent. Nothing else I can do to help him. He does know how to read and write though. He’s 10.
It's called ADHD (except for no reading or writing)
You're really encouraging me to become more firm with boundaries and spend less time catering and offering second chances. I think part of it for me is guilt over how little time I have to spend with them so I want it to be positive and not me carrying them screaming to the car every day. That and laziness TBH. I've been a lot less gentle lately but am still not holding to some rules I really should he holding to and I know it's not serving him well.
How has that affected your relationship with him?
Yes, moderation is key. I believe in setting an example of how to respond to certain situations.
However. Setting boundaries and showing your kids that their feelings are not the only valid feelings and mama is getting upset and there is going to be consequences for your actions if you continue to push the envelope, is a something that needs to be implemented too. Because you don't want to raise kids that are only aware of their own feelings and to run though life thinking there are no consequences so I'm going to push what I can when I can
My parents were strick but fair. They tell me I was an easy child to raise but I was definitely disciplined when needed
Parenting in my opinion is depending on those 4 things:
1. Kids should respect their parents and Parents need to show understanding
2. Discipline so the kids can learn how to be good and independent human beeings
3. Unconditional love to show them how real love looks like ( give them a loving inviroment)
And 4. An open ear so they know they can always come to you if they have an issue
Just a side note: Discipline doesn't mean hitting a helpless child.
@@anaalina5964 no but if it means Fall on your face then do it... learning from mistakes is needed
@@gd-ashereu3261 Agreed! This is why old fashioned playgrounds are such an important part of play! Need to learn motor control amongst a variety of other skills that too many US modern playgrounds "protect" children from. Children need risk as part of their play.
Terrific guide for parenting! My list is very similar:
1. Always lead with love and compassion
2. Ensure all of my child's needs are met
3. Use age-appropriate, clear, and consistent expectations and consequences
4. Give safe opportunities for learning independence and life skills
5. Model the behaviour I want my child to learn
You can do a lot of things with a child who is well-behaved and responsive. You have to do much different things with children who are not behaved and are not responsive.
I normally skip the advertising in the videos but that was clever … you win this time
I have a core memory from either kindergarten or pre k when the class was getting cupcakes for sometimes birthday, and it was the day when I was taught “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” and now I’m 20 and I still make that so important in my day to day
A couple weeks back, I was at a party with my friend who brought her 18 month old daughter. When it came time to eat, her daughter started throwing her food so my friend sternly told her daughter “no. We don’t do that.” And took the food away. Her daughter of course cried. There was one woman there who is into the whole gentle “parenting” that could not believe that this child was being “so severely punished” at a young age. Me and my friend are both thirty and this gentle parenter is 25. I should add that her son was running around screaming the entire time. Meanwhile, after my friend’s daughter calmed down, she behaved for the most part. The effects of each parenting style were represented right there and the lady still thought her hands off approach was the way to go.
That's not gentle parenting...
@@ticktacktick Regardless of whether or not a child will grow out of childish behavior or not, it is your job as the adult in the room, to help them learn. Teaching behavior begins at a young age and becomes a habit.
Obviously, no one is expecting perfect obedience or manners from a baby, but teaching them "no!" and reinforcing the meaning of "no!" by physically preventing them from continuing to do something you said "no" to (e.g. no more food right now) can literally be life-saving later (e.g. saying "no!" and then moving them away from the hot stove, taking the scissors away from them, etc.). And if you start teaching them, then yes, a baby as young as 9 months old CAN at least vaguely understand the basic concept of "no."
Think about how young you start training a puppy and then tell me an 18 month old human toddler who is rapidly learning language isn't capable of basic "yes/no/come/sit/stay" instructions. If a child is throwing food, more than once, it is appropriate to take that food away for a bit to teach actions and consequences.
And before you say it: NO ONE is saying that child will starve either. Because guess what, if the kid throws all that food on the floor he STILL isn't eating it. It just ends up in the trash, instead of getting eaten 15 minutes later when the kid is calm enough to try eating again.
@@ohifonlyx33 very true. And by teaching kids no that early, by the time they start to become more mobile the word no means something and they tend to listen. Nothing is gained by letting the child simply throw food "because kids his age throw food", because without instruction (no) and limitation (removing the food temporarily) the child won't learn that it's wrong. An 18 month old doesn't know the meaning of no. We need to teach them.
Haha, your friend of the 18-mos old actually did gentle parenting, while the so-called gentler was only passive. That’s the issue, people claiming they’re gentle because they don’t want to deal with teaching their kids anything. “Severely punished” would have been derogatory/abusive language, yelling at the toddler, or physical harm….sigh…
Your friend demonstrated "gentle parenting" hy laying down thr boundary which is we don't throw food around and then enacted on that boundary with a natural consequence to that action which is if you want to throw food can go away for thr moment and then we can reset and try eating lunch again. The other "gentle" parent and I struggle to use that term was just very permissive and had no idea what actual gentle parenting is.
I can't help but think how much harder this makes parenting on the parents who are actually trying to shape their kids. Like sending your well-behaved child to school and them spending a full day surrounded by monsters undoing all your hard work 😐
Homeschool them
This is precisely why we homeschool and chose a private homeschool group that is selective and on our page
✨homeschooled✨
That’s why I am homeschooling my boys 😅
It doesn't help that both parents are usually required to work outside the home and their shifts aren't over until further in the evening so the kids don't really get much time with them. terrifying.
I’m a coach and work with kids ages 2-13 and I completely agree this is the WORST way to parent for almost every child.
One of the biggest problems is they have no idea how to function in a group. They question everything, they are INCREDIBLY sensitive to the point where it’s actually crazy like they don’t get the thing they want the throw an entire fit, disrupting the group. They’re very unhappy and have a very low tolerance for discomfort, difficulty, or setting long term goals. It’s really sad how negatively this parenting is affecting everyone.
I love this girl in the tiktoks, i follow her!! Shes actually really great and her kids cook, etc, amd she's so good with them. She does explain to her kids, etc.
Gen Xer here. All my kids are adults now (and my oldest has her own babies.) but what I learned was A) you have to adjust your approach to the child. What worked with my oldest did not work with her younger brother. They were two very different personalities. B) You have to adjust with the situation. There were times I was my oldest daughter's friend and we'd watch the same shows and stalk the same celebrities and there were times I had to be the parent. You have to know what is called for at the time. and C) In the end, you are the adult and your end goal is to raise a functioning, productive adult. I always got down on their level so I knew they were listening and so I could hear them. I explained why the rules were there, I listened to their input, and then I did the appropriate thing. Sometimes, that was punishment. No, I cannot let you bite your sibling just because you were upset and if I let you get off with a "don't do that," you won't take it seriously. Break your sibling's toy? You do chores to earn money to replace it. Hurt someone and we are having a bigger discussion about how this leads to jail time. There are rules and boundaries and you have to live within them, even if you don't agree with them. All my kids grew up to be good people. They love us and talk to us all the time, they have jobs and spouses and volunteer in their communities. Sometimes there has to be punishment; there always have to be boundaries. That's just how life is.
I’m an older millennial. My husband is younger Gen X. Our children are Gen Alpha. This how we’re raising our children.
Some would say that describes gentle parenting as long as you didnt spank or hit your kids as punishment. Gentle parenting does involve consequences like replacing a broken toy with pocket money. If someones parenting doesnt involve consequences, they are permissive parenting and that is different and will not yield good and kind adults.
That sounds like what gentle parenting is supposed to be 👍🏼
Good job.
Lazy, IPad parents are now just calling their laziness ‘gentle parenting’ to justify their disconnect, selfishness, and passive approach to not raising their children properly.
Would have loved parenting like this. When your (my parent's) child (me) has depression and is harming themselves in middle school and you not only do nothing about it, but continue to be verbally and physically abusive, you're doing it wrong.
It's amazing no one seems to recognize that. There is no one method that works and as you said, it has to be tailored to the kid. I needed and deserved every belt to the ass I ever got. Scolding my brother worked fine because he was sensitive and didn't want to disappoint them. I was stubborn as hell. And when I got old enough to where the belt didn't work, being grounded from friends was the new punishment. My parents didn't just punish us differently, they evolved their punishment as we aged. Luckily for me, my daughter is not like me in that regard LOL.
I think there are benefits to both. With my kids, I do the “gentle parenting” thing the majority of the time, but mix in natural consequences when appropriate. Our kiddos are fairly well behaved for their ages (oldest is 6). We can teach empathy and develop their confidence while having expectations and consequences
I think we over-emphasize empathy. So much so that when people steal Amazon packages in Canada they say you can’t post it due to privacy concerns and presumption of innocence. That’s the empathy culture. “Yes he raped you, but imagine how hard his childhood was.”
Humans have all the empathy they need naturally. They don’t need to be taught more empathy n
same my mom doesn’t dicapline us anymore bc my siblings and i are older than 16
but we adopted recently and my brother is 2 and he rlly only gets spanked for like supper bad stuff
my mom talks to him gently but even when i was growing up shed spank us talk to us and have us apologize or fix our wrongs
and my sibling and i are respectful and grateful
spanking isn’t abuse and i hate when ppl say that
See I’m confused because I thought part of gentle parenting was the natural consequences. I don’t know if I’ve heard one singular definition of gentle parenting. This emotions reign supreme type view doesn’t make sense because emotions are so fickle. I’d argue I go against it to an extreme degree. If my kids are too emotional about a topic we just wait until it’s died down so the conversations can be rational.
I also get confused about the time out hate because what other way do you teach your kids it’s cool for them to walk away till they’re in a less emotional frame of mind to have a discussion. You can illustrate it yourself which helps but they have to do it too. Call it a time in if that suits your sensibilities, or ‘take a knee’.
@@theirishsaint4324 well cos now a days time outs and spankings are considered child abuse (all the ppl who do gental parenting say it’s abuse)
@@sm0ll how is time out abuse? Sounds like you are teaching your kids to calm down and be rational
honestly Brett cooper's add transitions are perfect
I am not a parent, yet, I am just a daughter. However based on conversations I've had with my mom and my own observations on the approaches she has taken when it came to raising my sister and I, I can conclude that there is no way she could've gone about it in the same way. My sister and I have very different temperaments and approaches to life. So my mom went about it differently. I am older and I used to get upset with my mom because she was always a lot harsher and firm with me. Until one day we actually talked about it and she pointed put how different my sister and I are. Where my character is a lot tougher yet carefree my sister is more sensitive and takes things more to heart than I do. She was less harsh on her but still firm when raising her. I think the key really came down to my moms attention and observations of us. She adjusted her way of going about things when it came to disciplining us, teaching us, talking to us and interacting with us in general. What worked with me didn't always work with my sister and vice versa. I am very grateful for my mom and my sister and I have turned out just fine. Gentle parenting isn't all bad its just not for every kid. Probably would not have worked on me growing up to be honest. I was definitely a menace at times lol.
I’m a millennial and can confidently say after having tried gentle parenting for 2 1/2 years, it will mess your children UP. My kids are a little older now and my husband and I realized the error of our ways before things got worse but I could tell you a 50 reasons why it’s bad but amongst the top is the amount of anxiety it caused our kids. It made them think we weren’t in control or protecting them because we always let them “decide”. We have been paying the price for many of the decisions we made and I’d shout it from the rooftops if I could. Learn from my mistakes. My kids are electronic free, and I don’t say that to boast but only to say my kids, myself, and my husband were just as addicted as everyone else to their screens. One week of asking to watch stuff and me having to tell them no we’re are going to try no electronics, and they’ve not ever asked again. I wish I could tell parents how much easier it actually makes your lives. You can still get your chores done by just telling them to go play, color, or read. We are the ones in control. By eliminating the electronics, I’ve eliminated the fights and arguments and bad attitudes when it came to taking the screens away for the night. I no longer have to hear “just one more” and then cries when it ends because they want more. It’s a parenting decision i’ve made and have only seen good things come from it.
Mine never got to decide anything beyond the small, age appropriate things I allowed. Also a millennial and authoritative parent…which is actually what gentle/respectful/conscious parenting is supposed to be, rather than the permissive/passive/negligent way people do and claim it is. I think that’s the trouble with it, people misunderstanding the name and thinking their kids’ fleeting feelings have to matter most, instead of letting them be upset while the consequences happen/ boundaries are enforced anyway. Daycare/school love working with my kiddo; strangers compliment his behavior in public all the time; and any “tantrum” he has in public is quiet pouting because that’s what he learned was the appropriate way to express his upset in public spaces, lol. And no, he’s not “easy going”; he’s strong willed and stubborn, looks for any loopholes, and needs to experience most consequences at least once to realize it’s “real” hahaha.
I too am authoritative, and am always grateful we turned our ways around when people compliment my children’s behavior. You are totally right though, absolutely stubborn. 🤣 we’ve raised them on yes sirs and no ma’m’s and to always say you love your relative when you see them. I have a son who is autistic and is still more well behaved than “gentle parented” kids in public. It’s so destructive.
What you explained at the beginning of your comment is not “gentle parenting.” It sounded more like permissive parenting. A “gentle parent” still has control. They understand where their child is at developmentally and parent accordingly. They are authoritative. Gentle parenting really is authoritative parenting.
Because children absolutely WANT AND NEED structure and guidance.
I'm actually a parent- and I agree that nothing is one size fits all for parenting. I think getting on eye level and trying to calm a toddler who is acting out is a good thing, and it does work. This does not work on a 10 year old. I think remaining calm is generally a good thing, but once in a while, I do have to exhibit dominance because I am, in fact, in charge. It's just the natural order. Sometimes no is just no, and I don't have to explain myself to a 3 year old. I will explain my reasons to my teenager, but he has understanding. I'm not a perfect parent, but I try my best. Gentleness is a virtue, but we must discipline our children until they achieve self discipline.
Maybe I'm too old to understand gentle parenting, but it seems to me that a lot of these parents are just allowing their children, especially the older ones, to steamroll them. They have no back bone so they just give in at every turn to keep the peace, but all that does is show the kids that they can do what they want, their parents don't care and they won't get in trouble. Kids need discipline. They may say they don't, but the kids that get it growing up will thank their parents for it later when they see how kids without it act.
Little kids don't have self discipline. That's why parents need to provide it for them.
I'd say gentle parenting is a good thing once your children are adolescents. Before that... it's just a waste of your nerves. 'Cause they will try to find your limits. :)
The add transitions 🔥
Thank you for this topic
I'm not a parent, but I've been a day camp counselor for around five years now, and I would say that at the camp I work at, I'm probably the toughest counselor out there. I start out pretty strict compared to some of the other counselors, and yet, I'm still the absolute favorite for so many of the kids I work with. And, some of the kids I have to be the toughest on love me the most. Kids need structure, they need boundaries, and when they have them, they thrive.
I had a fellow counselor who asked how I handled the kids, literally saying, "My kids aren't behaving, and I'm afraid to be tough, because I want to be their friend." I told them that what kids need isn't a friend. They need a solid constant, and as a counselor, authority figure. Being friends can come later.
Everything you said is dead on.
i see this with parents too, people who want to be a friend to their kids first and foremost but thats not your job as a parent, you have to employ both tough love and gentle touch at times
My dad's gentle parenting was "stop doing that your gonna hurt yourself.... See, what'd i tell you? Why are you crying? You knew what was going to happen"
This is such a good discussion.
Hey Brett. I am a young millennial mom with two teenage boys. I definitely feel like one of the few that implemented discipline with my kids but when my first was a baby and I was a single mom I had to make sure that he would be respectful and listen so that he would be bearable in childcare and after seeing other kids when I was growing up being bratty. Gentle parenting has been around for awhile and I feel like it’s such a disadvantage for kids when they grow up. I had a somewhat strict upbringing but my mom was an immigrant with stricter values than my American millennial peers. I didn’t appreciate it as a kid but am grateful for it as an adult and I see my kids have mixed frustration and gratitude with the expectations we have for them…I know the adults who meet my kids are grateful for their attitudes
Rule 5: Do not let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them.
No rule has been more important to what we're going through today.
Jordan Peterson
Just got to that part in the book
Those gentle parenting videos always make me feel like a terrible parent. Thanks for helping me be more confident in my parenting choices.
"Stop being uncomfortable with seeing your child uncomfortable." So good.
maybe instead commit a moment to thinking about what is making you feel like a terrible parent exactly?… we all expect our kids to respect us and know immediately what we want and yet we cant afford them kindness and patience. this is why this world is going to shit
Again, leaving comments as I watch your videos so my opinion may change or I may see where we agree or disagree further on in the video I like your videos because you bring up the talking points you show clear examples on your own point with it with that being said, going into my experience, my son was in a daycare for a little bit because me and his dad thought it was really important for him to have some in action with other kids where he was used to a routine of how school and stuff like that would be early on we could not financially keep him in daycare, but we did it for as long as possible he learned a lot it was a great experience. He got trouble one day, and the teacher had to talk to me when I picked him up asked her why didn’t she call me and she seemed timid about calling parents. I told her anytime she has an issue with her son that she could let me know and one of us would come pick him up. She said she knew that we were separate. She didn’t know who’s weak it was, and she didn’t know how we would handle being told that he must behave that it was different with every parent they chose to discipline and what they saw as an appropriate reason to call response I know growing up I would be terrified if a teacher had to go home and it is important for kids to have more understandings that if there’s something wrong, they can’t stand up for themselves and it’s not just you’re in trouble at school you’re in trouble at home maybe being terrified of ever getting trouble at school I went through a lot of bowling and things that I shouldn’t have even young age things like by kindergarten because other kids have picked on my widows peak. I kept pulling the hairs out in the front literally ripping the hairs out to the point where my widows peak didn’t grow back. I had really long eyelashes as a kid still do, I would pluck them, so they didn’t go back near as long as they were because I got picked up for having spider eyes, I never did anything back or responded to the bullies because I was scared of getting in trouble, so I just cried a lot my younger siblings on the other hand yet they got in trouble at school got in trouble at home got their butt popped and we do it again however, they did not have to deal with what they watch. Their older sister go through and now, if either one of them sees someone else being mean to me, they rushed to my ad I don’t want to raise a child who has to be like that so I do want him to stand up for himself and tell the teacher if there’s a problem, etc. however the teacher being scared to tell you that your kid did bad because of how you may react to me is completely unacceptable after I let that teacher know that she could communicate with me and his dad freely and whoever picked up, would happily come pick him up whether was their week or not, and we would figure stuff out amongst us that that wasn’t her concern. Her concern was making sure that not only our son, but the other kids in his class were safe, they were times where she called me and let me talk to him if he had an issue issues were common things like wanting to stay outside longer, but the rest of the class was lined up and ready to go inside and he had to follow directions running more snacks than meal times not wanting to be quiet during nap time etc. however these behaviors can cause a lot of issues when there’s multiple kids so I would talk to him over the phone and normally the issue would be resolved but his teacher knew if these issues were I would happily pick up my child to think what experience her and other teachers have gone through that they’re scared to tell the parent what their kid did i’ve also got text. I’m sorry to tell you, but Michael fell and skate his knee while riding a bike. OK thanks for letting me know. I’m really sorry that this happened on my watch just send me a picture of his knee. It took her a minute to get a picture of his knee because he was too busy still riding the bike, OK he’s fine. Thanks for the update. I’m truly sorry this happened you don’t have to apologize he’s a toddler he’s learning how to walk climb and all kinds of things he gets boo-boo it’ll be all right thank you for letting me know again makes me stop and wonder what is the response that these teachers have gotten that have them so timid to tell a parents what’s going on it creates a whole new issue that’s not talked about because I don’t know how to respond they’re scared will be too laid-back or not get onto our kids or I’ve seen teachers I knew growing up who were scared that the parent would be too hard on the kid so they don’t tell the parent what’s going on the problem is causes is I cannot properly correct my child or do anything about the situation if I’m not told this is all true with family members and friends watching kids if you have an issue with the child you’re watching doing something tell the parent I have a friend that kids are always welcome to come over to my house. I caught one of them stealing a marker, honestly if she would’ve asked to the marker I wouldn’t of cared but it was the fact of she took it without asking so we had a conversation about it with her mom. I didn’t tell her mom to get her in trouble. I told her mom while it was something minor so it could be corrected so it doesn’t become something bigger. I feel like that’s also a big thing as well. We correct the minor behavior at a small level while it’s easy instead of waiting for it to become a bigger behavior, I corrected my son, not wanting to come inside with the rest of his daycare class, although whining, and not wanting to get in line, may not seem like that big of a deal right now at one point I was told the whole class had to stay outside for an extra 20 minutes because my son didn’t want to line up, so he was gotten incorrect and after that he lined up even when he didn’t want to, but when he made it clear that he was struggling with having to line up, mommy would talk to him and if need be, I would come and get him because that behavior of being hesitant about lining up when he was supposed to go inside, kept other kids out in the cold or in the hot kept other kids from being able to get water or being air condition or heat or get to go to have their potty break really concerned me and is an issue that I’ve brought up to other parents of if we’re not wearing teachers can communicate with us about our children’s needs or they feel safe or comfortable to or even just making sure they have a working phone number we can’t correct the minor things before they become and what happens when a serious issue happens and they don’t have a right phone number or they don’t have that relationship where they know they can talk to us about what’s going on what the whole class stayed outside an extra 20 minutes because one kid didn’t want to line up so your kid that you’ve been struggling to potty train didn’t get to go to the bathroom because we couldn’t get another kid to listen if I was that parent I would be beyond ticked off
Nobody will read all of that
@@jadefinia9976anyone who wants to is free to do so if they not lazy
@@jadefinia9976and how do you know that
I teach first grade and leaving after this year. I'm not dealing with this mess anymore.
Really weirded out knowing that in 10 to 20 years i will have to deal with the adult outcomes of these kids
Saying to your child "you not doing what I want makes me sad", is going to be so much worse than the "mom stare". Teaching our children that they are responsible for doing what others say because of feelings is why we have so many messes right now
This was the line that made me WTF too. It's an impossible loop. I tell them what they are doing frustrates me, and they are just going to do it back and wonder why my feelings matter and not theirs. I don't care about those feelings, yours or mine, when they are irrational. There's a problem that is FACT that needs solved. Feelings are a fleeting mess and not always worth making decisions around.
The day I realized that a kid's feelings doesn't matter is during the time I was taking care of my sister's kid while she works and during the time... Let's just say "the transfer" to make it more easier to understand, that part where my sis would hand me the kid and say "You be good", then the kid tantrums inside the mall while everyone is looking at us.
Then, after my sis cannot be seen, the kid would stop crying. You know those behind the scene in the movies where it's like, "Okay, you going to cry now for this scene" and then after the scene, they stop. The kid is I think 3 at that time.
After a few scenario at that, I stopped taking the crying seriously.
@@konaqua122how in the world can you say anything like “kid’s feelings dont matter”. like wtf. are you aware how many cases of actual abuse and violence arent investigated because the kid is not believed ?????
It's a manipulative thing to say imo too
@@60oh Because at the end of the day, that's a kid and you're the adult. You are he responsible one and every action your kid does and doesn't is your responsibility.
If a kid wants a real gun because he saw in the internet that it's cool, would you buy it to him? Because saying no to this means you do't care about the kid's feeling. What I said is very specific. I am talking about the kid's feeling. Not his safety, not being responsible but his feeling. So let me ask you.
If a kid wants a real gun because he saw in the internet that it's cool, would you buy it to him? Yes or no?
Here in Japan, homeroom teachers visit the homes of each of their students from their homeroom early in the school year. This allows them to meet the families and find out how the children are doing. Many years ago when I was working in a jr high school here, 1 of the teachers I worked with said it wasn’t very surprising meeting the parents and comparing their attitudes to those of the various students.
Haven't even listened yet and my answer is YES!!!! Comments I have seen on multiple channels are totally crazy 😂
My parents were too strict with me. Not because they're strict by everyone's standards, but because I'm very sensitive to corrections/disciplines. If they even looked a little angry with me, that was enough to rattle me and for me to never do it again. To this day, I still struggle with this. I thought they were too strict and I'd try this gentle parenting approach, when I was younger. That I would never even hint at being upset with my kids, for fear of them ending up like me and taking corrections as hard as I do. But then I see crap like this and I realize the strict parenting wasn't the issue with me - it's that I was raised in a way that isn't great for my sensitivity as a kid. It worked wonders for my older brother and younger sister, they're very well-adjusted and not sensitive the way I am.
Gentle parenting isn't bad. Neither is strict parenting. What's bad is a lack of balance. There is a time, place, and *requirement* for both, and different kids will need a different balance. That's the conclusion I've come to, at least.
My mom’s a teacher and the kids are sooooo bad. Also she’s not allowed to give “F’s” anymore as a grade. It has to be “I” for incomplete. Even tho it’s completed and they failed. But apparently it’s “to harsh”
The new grading scale is fxcking stupid. There was nothing wrong with A through F. I literally have to ask my kids what the report card says. 😂😂😂
Coddling and permissive parenting is definitely hurting kids.
Love this video!!
Really great video!
I'm not a passive parent at all . My 3 year old was makeing a mess in a small store ( I was sending a quick text) as soon as I saw what was going on, I took the next thing from him got down on his level and told him that those toys were not his and that we were in a store and how he was behaving was not ok and that he was going to pick up his mess and apologized to the lady, and that if he didn't it would not be fun for him. He picked everything up and I put it back were it belonged I apologized to the lady after we got done then had him apologized too. Needless to say the fact that I held my kid accountable was shocking to her is an understatement. If we don't step up now our country and kids are going to pay the price for our lack of parenting. We aren't raiseing kids we are raising adults and right now alot of us are doing a bad job at it.
Do you think your kid will resent or rebel against you later on
@@Tast-1934. It's how my Mom delt with me and I don't resent her. All kids rebel at some point its a part of growing up. Just asking how many kids do you have?
@@brennarush1402 I have 1 daughter and I treat her with respect and dignity, and I never treat her as inferior
@@Tast-1934. holding your kids accountable is not treating them as inferiors it's teaching them responsibility, and making sure that they don't end up like spoiled little brats
@@brennarush1402 I'm sorry but it sounds like you were less holding him accountable and more being cruel to him. Seriously "it's not going to be fun for you" who threatens a 3 year old like that. And I'm sorry but I don't believe in forcing kids to apologize, that is and should always be a choice so that they only apologize when they mean it.
I would say as a mom of a toddler in my early 30s, I was guilty of being sucked into the gentle parenting trend. I would also say that a lot of my errors had to do with scientific research on childhood brain development, and so in my head, I excused a lot of Behavioral actions as it being developmentally appropriate and then not correcting it. But I would say thanks to my husband and other resources. I have corrected myself on that because at the end of the day it is our job as parents to correct those developmentally appropriate behaviors because how else will they learn to be functionalhumans within a society
I will say, gentle parenting os good but people use it to be lazy parents, and that is Not gentle parenting
"a lot of my errors had to do with scientific research on childhood brain development, and so in my head, I excused a lot of Behavioral actions as it being developmentally appropriate and then not correcting it"
My sister does this, it drives me bonkers. Her kids are all 5 and under (four of them!!) and they throw food everywhere, pee themselves occasionally, lick furniture (and sometimes people, ugh). It's maddening.
@@blushbb. It's like a different form of permissive parenting.
I work at an elementary school. I heard 3 calls for support in a 10 minute time frame. 3 different classes were interrupted by these students who were throwing a fit. One class had to be evacuated for the safety of the other students because the kid was throwing the chairs around because he wanted to go to recess when it wasn't time. Yesterday a kindergarten kid pulled the fire alarm because he thought it would be nice to go outside.
There needs to be a balance, explaining emotions is how they learn what they are feeling but if that is not paired with a consequence for their actions, then it is futile. A lot of preschools are also requiring a “gentle parent” approach now and it adds a whole new level of stress for teachers (can’t say no, no timeouts, not allowed to take items away, etc)
All this positive only gentle parenting/good vibes parenting is ruining our schools. As a teacher I see it daily. There are no more real consequences for children at schools anymore. They even took away time-outs for the little kids at our school because, I guess, even that is considered abusive now. So now if a child is throwing chairs or running around hitting other kids all we are allowed to do is say, "use safe hands!". Its completely asinine
What does using safe hands mean when kids are throwing stuff and hitting? Lol
Uggfh I wish people would stop calling this gentle parenting it’s driving me nuts! I’m a product of permissive parenting and I am gentle parenting. I am doing things SO differently. So please stop calling it that
Yep. I also work in a school and we all know the kids who have never been told “no” before
@@fionabrennan9148 those kids are never told no they are given "choices" instead 😒
@@divinelov3777 gentle parenting is condescending and narcissistic with a pretty bow.
im a pre k teacher. my class is 13 3-4 year olds, 80% of my kids are gentle parented. and it is so obvious. the way it translates into the classroom is that there’s at least 2 temper tantrums everyday. they have screamed in my face, spit on me, kicked me, punched me, and just genuinely disrespected me. that was never even an option when I was a kid, doing any of that to your teacher wasn’t even something I thought about because you knew what would happen. also the kids who are gentle parented will throw temper tantrums and it teaches the other kids it’s okay to do that too.
Yep, I teach in elementary school which also has pre k students. The pre k kids act like wild animals.
if you tried to do half the stuff some kids do 40 years ago you would be slapped and the parents would have thanked you for it. now the kids do even worse stuff and the parents defend the kid for their terrible behavior, and we wonder why so many kids act so bad. you enable (if not encourage) bad behavior, the child isn't going to understand between right and wrong
Putting children in uncomfortable situations and telling them no is the way to prepare them for the real world .. a lot of things in life do not go our way and they need to be able to navigate thru that and not let their emotions get to them..
Brett, where did you get that mug and plate? Its so cute, such a pretty color and so minimal
At the end of last year I gave birth to my 1st child, while I was pregnant I saw a lot of "gentle parenting" videos, and I was also more aware of how parents around me were interacting with their children. And something that my husband and I quickly noticed was the lack of discipline. My husband and I were invited to a birthday party, and the host made a wonderful Mexican dinner, but they also ordered pizza because the kids would probably prefer that instead. I'm of the generation of you eat what you are served or don't eat at all. These kids also decide to torment the poor cat that was hiding from all the guest, my husband had to tell them to stop because none of the parents paid attention to their kids, also at one point one of these kids bumped into my husband to grab a roll of paper towels and didn't bother to say "excuse me" or apologize for how rude he acted. The mother just said "you can't just be bumping into people" then let her kid go back to play, but even she didn't apologize for his behavior. At the end of that party my husband and I had a long talk as to what kind of parents we want to be. And even though we want our children to trust us and be able to come to us when they need it and my fear us, and have to go to others for advice, like we did with our parents, we both were on the same page that we would hold our children accountable for any misbehaving they would do.
Also nothing irritates me more than seeing parents go out for dinner and as soon as they sit down, they hand over the phone to their kids and nor interact with them at all.
Speaking of the phone thing, my mom and I went out to dinner on my birthday. We spent the time before getting the food chatting and catching up. I happened to look over at the table at my left side and noticed that the mom was on her phone and the kids desperately wanted her to engage with them. It made me really sad. Parents living on their phones are missing their kids. One day, they’ll look at their kids and realize that they don’t even know their own children. It’s heartbreaking.
That's not gentle parenting!
My Dad was a firm believer in gentle parenting. He'd get two inches from the end of your nose, speak quietly, but firmly, and the chills would race up your spine. He gave you one shot, if you blew that, he'd have that talk, and that didn't stop until I left for the Army. I never found out what would happen the second time you screwed up. Dad was 6" shorter that me, 100 lbs lighter, and ten times faster. Nobody with half a brain messed with my Dad, specially me. I've heard stories, and seen him whittle a man twice his size down to a mouse, just with his words.
Smoothest ad transition ever, what a pro
I'm a millennial raised by my grandparents, their style with each of us was different. My sister they were very firm with & had to tell her, her boundaries. They were very relaxed, had open diologue with me even as a child as i was so soft. & By the time my brother came around a lot of truama had gone on within the family home, and they just tried their best to create security for us. I think people are just trying their best. I agree that too much of anything causes issues down the line. i feel many who try gentle parenting are trying to heal something within themselves, but its not about them. Its about boundaries and being able to see what your child needs. Again, softer, open conversations work with some children, and more firm boundaries work with others.
I'm at the age where a lot of my friends have children ranging from 1 - 8 years old... And i have to genuinely say i think theyre all doing amazing jobs and their kids are so polite & constantly get good feedback school/groups they attend. And I think its that consistency of boundaries, and being emotionally available to their needs.
Apparently the “gentle parenting” has varying degrees of severity and interpreted differently through each parent. For me, I want to be a compassionate and empathetic parent who cares to listen to how they feel and understand how I can help. Also, when I say no I mean it and consequences have actions. I’ll always remember how my mom told me “it’s not my job to be your friend. It’s my job to raise you to be a good person.” And I try my best to implement that with my 3 boys, 4 and 18 month twins. I don’t understand people against discipline. Either you can hear it from me or the world. No one is gonna love you more than your mama, kid. I promise, it’s all done in love!
I wholeheartedly agree with you. There should definitely be a balance between compassion and discipline to help shape a well-balanced human being!
As a young adult who works in retail, it always surprises me when I hear kids and teens talk to their parents with such attitude and disrespect. I would never dare speak to my parents or authority figures that way. The parents tolerate their behavior and get their children whatever they want. In return their kids called them annoying and ignore them when their parents refuse to buy them a crop top.
That is not gentle parenting
I woulda got SLAPPED for talking back to my mother in front of retail workers and don’t let me doing it in front of my baby boomer grandparents I woulda got my ass whooped now with that being said I still got to choose what I wanted to wear after the age of 10 but I didn’t wear a fuckin banana hammock but I wore a lot of band t shirts bc I enjoyed music I almost got kicked outta school for wear a shirt I REFUSED to take off and my dad threaten to beat up my vice principal and I’m in the back like THATS MY DADDDDD THATS MY DAD THATS MY DAD
I've seen plenty of parents with screaming kids the grocery store, they just give them a doughnut or candy to get them to stop.
A few years down the road the parents will start to wonder "why don't they respect/listen to me?"
Yeah if I did that the store would become my home
100% agree
1. Honestly as a parent it sets me under pressure to know that this trend is around. In pubilc I'm sometimes worried that people perceive me as being cruel to my kids or something. In the end this also effects the way people whithout kids see parenting right? So most parents at least know the struggle but to think that some people with no clue about reality think I can discuss something out with my toddlers? Anyways it was encouraging that the lady in the clip you played said that 90% people agreed to her taking the donut away.. That gives me some hope 😉
2. I believe gentle parenting is a new form of legitimised manipulation for some moms. You want to be friends with the child and make them believe you can be friends if you are always talking nicely to one another, discussing all the emotions out.. This whole let's be friends lie disables the child to figure out the differens between their feelings and their moms feelings. Their relationship seems great but in the end when the child moves out and marries it will discover that this was a toxic manipulative relationship the whole time. (doesn't have to be the case for all gentle parenting parents but it's a way this parenting style can play out)
My mum did the same thing for me getting dressed, I'd constantly make us late because I didn't get dressed on time so my mum said fine get into the car and if you're not dressed by the time we get to school you're going to school in your PJ's - flipping worked! So true though my siblings say that my mum was softer to me but she was pretty harsh in other ways because all three of us are different people and what worked with one doesn't necessarily work for the others.