'Acting' More Autistic After Diagnosis (Learning to be Autistic)
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- Опубліковано 20 бер 2024
- Here's the link to the last episode! • The Process of being D...
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When you have to hide how you function in order to survive, relearning your natural way is the opposite of acting - it's liberating your real self.
I got my diagnosis in 2021 at age 50. ONE person that was in my life before diagnosis is still here now. My family, my partner of 23 years, all our friends - every one of them apparently has more psychological training than the INSTITUTION that diagnosed me…because their response was “You’re not autistic” and to reject me. I am on my own trying to figure all of this out because the closest therapist that has any autism training is 2 hours away from where I live now. If it wasn’t for you and the other autistic people here…I firmly believe I would not be alive today. 9 months after diagnosis, I overdosed on my prescription meds and should have died. March 2022. So, thank you. Y’all are keeping me alive and fighting to have a better life experience.
Oh dear, sorry for all you have been through and so glad you are still here!
Being diagnosed much later in life has been similar for me. I’ve lost all of my friends (my choice, mind you, I could finally see how horribly I was being treated). My mom and I haven’t spoken in 6 months. My brother, one cousin, and an old friendship from 20 years ago are the only people left in my life.
It hurts to no end, but there’s also freedom from those people’s limiting conception of you. I hope that you find hope in this new beginning, however rough it has been.
Imagine sitting on a bus seat, keeping your arms in, your body tight, and your legs pressed tightly together, so you don't accidentally bump into the person next to you. Then all of a sudden, someone says to you "The person next to you got off three stops ago." When you realise you're autistic, and everyone else around you is going to treat you like they've always treated you, regardless of whether you relax your rigid mask of neurotypicality, it can be a tremendous relief to relax. The first person that needs to make appropriate accommodations for us, is ourselves. When you know you're autistic, and you start to be aware of the things that are harder or easier for you due to that, it's absolutely normal to readjust how we go about things. And yes, sometimes that means we "seem more autistic". It's not us putting on an act of being more autistic, it's us putting on LESS of an act of being neurotypical.
That's how I see it at least - but hey, if you've heard one autistic person's take, you've heard one autistic person's take :D
Also a people pleaser and have had the same of people who I would bend over backwards for to do stuff complain, invalidate and outright reject me being autistic and adhd. They would ask "why are you like this" and I would say its because my autism or adhd makes things more difficult and then you get "Oh it's always something, normal people just deal with it, everyone's a lil bit autistic". Apparently people dont like you answering their rhetorical questions. Another thing I've had is people suggest things to try and they are things I know wont work through experance or thinking about it a lot and when I respond with "that won't work or thats unhelpful" I get "you don't try" or "Oh well I'm always wrong then arn't I". People basically take us for granted and as soon as we try to advocate for our autonomy or mental wellbeing, we are "difficult", "not actually neurodivergent", "jumping on a trend" etc
I was having so many mental health issues I ended up in a psych unit where the psychiatrist gave me the working diagnosis within 10 minutes. Everyone close to me all suspected autism apart from one, me! I had the official assessment and diagnosis accelerated by the psychiatrist. Since then I have mentioned I might have ADHD and when I mentioned this to my psychiatrist her response was, “You mean you’ve only just realised?” I have these conditions and I’ve been unknowingly broadcasting without realising!
I’m glad you mentioned it to them so they could confirm and validate that!
Everyone knew I was Autistic and adhd but me! Now I feel free to be who I am and my entire self expression has changed. I feel so much less depressed/burned out!
I definitely identify with the idea that since identifying that I'm autistic I no longer make myself do the things that I find overwhelming that I thought I had to do. Recently I got overwhelmed and someone asked if my nervous system gets so overwhelmed because I've created such a safe and comfortable environment for myself. I found that pretty offensive, as I've only allowed myself to feel safe since identifying that I'm autistic. My nervous system reacts like an autistic person's nervous system, and has done so all of my life because I've been autistic all of my life. It's only now that I know I'm autistic that I have the tools to manage it.
It's like you realise there's nothing "wrong" with you, after what's sometimes year of people wonder what's wrong with you.
I do the leg bounce too, it drives people around me nuts lol. I've been unmasking more and more though and fortunately I've only gotten a few comments. It's weird, though, I keep surprising myself with new behaviour. Like I'll get stressed out and then suddenly I'm rocking back and forth and I'm like "Okay, this is new... and just feels right?" and now suddenly I'm coping with a situation that I would normally have struggled with. It's wonderful (and frustrating) to learn that all this time, the struggles had names.
I’ve been getting annoyed with MYSELF for acting more autistic, but when I try to go back to masking, the unsettled feeling I’ve always had was worse than I remembered it being before! I’m giving myself permission to behave naturally more often and I am gradually getting more open around my family and friends.
I have experienced the same thing. I feel like I can do things or not now. Eye contact - before, I tried to force that but now I don't. Stimming - I don't care, I just do it now.
Hi, Dana,
I was diagnosed in 2022, at the age of 48. I have been through a similar emotional journey to what you have gone through: it's just that mine took a little longer!
I've felt off-key and alienated since early childhood, when I first entered the social world. These feelings developed into confusion, depression, anxiety and psychosis, eventuating in my being sectioned in my 30's. I was disagnosed variously with depression, personality disorder and, at one time, sociopathy.
I knew these were all wrong, by the fact that counselling, group therapy and medications were either not working or causing more chaos. Once I had the correct diagnosis, my true personality slowly fell into place and I stopped with all the people-pleasing/passive-aggressive crap.
I spend 15 years of my life out of work, which could have been avoided had I had the correct diagnosis and guidance from childhood. I am becoming the type of the person that I am comfortable with, and have stopping gaslighting myself and undermining my own confidence.
Having undiagnosed ASD is a very dangerous place to be. I got out of this place by turning my back on the mental health services that failed me and paying for a proper assessment by professionals who knew what they were doing. There is a decent life on the other side, but you may well have to fight for it.
I'm still pretty new to my diagnosis, but I don't feel like a whole lot has changed for me other than taking some naps because I know they're necessary for my brain. I don't feel like I'm masking at home, but then it never felt like it did so it's hard to say.
Regarding “people pleasing”, I did it to the extreme, for most of my life. In my early thirties, I realized that I never got anything out of it. It was totally one-sided. I stopped. My life isn’t better, but I have more me time.
It’s terrible being an autistic child if your parents don’t want to accommodate your needs because it makes their life difficult, and or if they don’t understand you very well.
I was diagnosed as a child but I also had MH issues. My parents and I had a very basic understanding of my autism and didn’t really know much about it. A lot of my behaviours would be mistaken for “misbehaving” or “being a bully” or “trying to hold everyone hostage”, I was often screamed at, threatened and punished. I didn’t know really know enough about myself or why I did certain things either, but now I’ve moved out I am trying to learn about myself and accommodate myself too
Just got my diagnosis and this was helpful, I have been starting to act different and getting imposter syndrome a bit but I'm not really 'trying' to do anything other than try to stop telling myself to shut up and be quiet all the time. Anyway good video.
Radical self acceptance can be really hard. Thankyou so much for sharing your experience. It's courageous. It's helped me so much❤
Is this a re-upload?
Yeah, I was a leg bouncer too. Once my leg started bouncing I couldn't stop. This happened usually when at school sitting at a desk. Guess it was my way of relieving stress of just being there?
Team leg bouncer 😉
I was enjoying your fidget noises throughout the video :)
Aaaah, the sound of an autistic person regulating - great asmr idea, actually!
Yes❤ it was Nice.
“I have a self to be” 🩵
Getting more autistic after diagnosis. 2 reason I see for this
1) You just put their focus on autistic traits you may display
2) You relax more allowing more autistic traits to show, let the mask relax a bit more
This just what I notice when I tell some I'm on the spectrum.
Tangles for the win! 🌈🦄🥔
2:36, I remember being envious of my firstborn, around age six. On the playground, he’d walk up to a kid he didn’t know, and start playing, like they’d known each other, forever. I’d sit there, and think, “I wish I could do that”. But finally realizing the things I’d done for years…were autistic. 😌
Yes, absolutely. Introspection has really helped me become a better person since diagnosis. I finally feel that I know myself.
Hey! Hope you are well, thanks so much for sharing your perspective, btw i love how you have styled your room, it reminds me so much of my own. Love your Ringo poster!
Thank you. You're so good at explaining this topic and I related to so much of it 😊
Thanks!
I loved this video so much! It has helped me 💜
I’m a big tangle fan too!! Great video
Is it also something to do with Confirmation Bias in the person observing and commenting on you because they now know you're autistic and not just a bit quirky?
ie They're looking for it so they see it.
Oooh good shout, this definitely plays into it too!
Thank you
Great video! I bounce my leg as well😁
You are amazing and you are unmasking. It’s so healthy for you🌸😄
You are doing so Well!
I was diagnosed with BPD and have been in the horrible system on various drugs for over 10 years.
Now at age 32 Im finally finding out Im autistic.
I was very angry too.
I also got slapped with BPD and a cocktail of meds for 12 years when, in fact, it's autism. It makes me so mad too. The stigma just shifts genres. Good luck on your journey, your comment punched my heart a little and I genuinely wish you the best.
@@snorlaxgender we Got this 😁💓✨
Justice for our autistic minds! Sending you so much love. Its Nice some one can relate to it. Feels less lonely. 🥹❤️🌻
Free being ❤❤❤❤
Im autistic too.
It feels so nice to Free yourself 😄
Hey Dana! i also left a super long term relationship when i discovered my autism. thank you for the content
My ex claimed my attitude stank since my diagnosis and the process of starting to unmask and figure out who I am. It ultimately led to the end of my relationship. I'm doing better now. It's not "becoming more autistic".
14:32 lol
👍
Once we don't present as others want us to be they're not happy to accommodate us. Sad but time to move on.
Snap 😩
I was diagnosed when I was 9, but I have never accepted the fact that I am autistic.
I am currently 26 almost 27, and I have just recently together with my therapist started the journey of unmasking an letting me actually be me.
It is so hard and getting diagnosed and having to deal with OCD on top of it is super hard lol.
Then my stepfather also died a year ago now, and I was in such a bad conditiont that I could not even get up from the bed because I got so dizzy.
I want so bad to just accept that I can't do what everyone else can, even other people with Autism seem to have more energy and seem to be better able to cope with things than me and I hate it, and even myself because of it.
Don't be like me and listen to people saying you should hide your autistic traits, please.
Also! I LOVE tangles but I recently found some magnets that I can put on my fingers and they are amazing, maybe even better than tangles imo.
It's definitely a thing of having the language and awareness to stand up for yourself and look after your needs. People see that as you acting entitled because you did not have the ability to before and could demand whatever
I’ve been getting annoyed with myself for acting more autistic, but when I try to go back to masking, the unsettled feeling I’ve always had was worse than I remembered it being before! I’m giving myself permission to behave naturally more often and I am gradually getting more open around my family and friends.