Having dealt with multiple narcissists not only is this brilliant but it genuinely made me laugh because really is the level you end up working on with a narc. And just saying the same thing again and again with an ‘I’m dead inside to you’ tone. This is ninja level! Absolutely brilliant!
I’m about to make a phone call, could be so simple but it’s a narc. I’ve been having to prepare and delay and try to self affirm my reminders since last night. Crazy making- but it’s because I need a change, and to change. But I think while I try to not be autopilot codependent and actually leave a silence for the firrst time.. I will be using a “huuu-wahhh” chant in my head to keep me on track. Thanks
Yes!! They are not used to coming up against someone who doesn't back down. Repeating your point without defending yourself throws them off. It's not the typical response they get from people..
You are truly walking in your life purpose and thats so powerful. You are a King of Swords Upright and and Emperor. Today i stood up to a narcissist at work who picked a fight with me on lunch and i asked her "are you trying to make me feel a certain way by asking me that?' And totally caught her off guard. I said "im relaxing on my lunch minding my own business" and she said "Well i guess im not minding my own business" 😂 and this was in front of other people and then i left amd came back, shut the door to the break room and said my peace. I told her that speaking like that was not OK and she said "i hear you, but..." and i said "No, you're too interested in saying what you have to say. Were done" and cut her off.. then had to come back to put my phone up and as i left she said "Stop!" And i said "I have a client". Later a note was left in my cubby from her saying "From now on our conversations are only business related" 😅 and she had reception put it in my cubby on my purse! So she implies we had a relationship like you said lol. I just sent it all to the boss later as thats way out of line. Really psycho!!
Two more that are worth noting and work very effectively as I can attest having experienced Narc Abuse…. 1) “That is your opinion” and say nothing afterwards. Stay silent. The silence is the key component. 2) “That kind of behavior is not acceptable”. Because individuals with a narcissistic personality style struggle with introspection, stating the first one causes huge confusion for them. The second one is effective because in understanding how a narcissist thinks, they may lack self awareness but they are keen in watching and mimicking behavior. They know what is good behavior and what is not good behavior, so lighting up that football field of unacceptable behavior has been highly effectively in my experience. Hope that insight is useful to you or anyone else who reads this. As always thank you, Dan, for all your tips and info and for being uniquely you. 🙏🏻
Absolutely useful and well put. Thank you so much. Come to the live show on June 6th at 7:00 Chicago time. We have a psychologist on and you'll enjoy the show. If you click the "join" button and become a member, we can dialogue about this topic live.
@@TheWizardOfWords Do I need to rsvp in advance somewhere on your channel or your website for the June 6th LIVE event? I didn’t see anything on your channel or on your website. I have your energy vampire ebook and thought I was already a member. If I send an email to you from your website, would you be able to confirm this? What additional info can I provide that would be helpful for you?
Joseph, there is a "join"button next to subscribe under the videos or around the video. Joining makes you a member. You can tell who is a member because there is a shield next to their name, and during my live show they are identified also--automatically. For example, right above you there is a message from brightpage. Under that, Lizzie Choate is making a comment to Brightpage. Lizzie has a shield next to her name, so I know she is a channel member :). Also, you need no reservation for the live shows. Just come to my channel and click "live"at 7:00 Chicago time on June 6th and you'll meet Lizzie Choate. If you are identified as a "member" who has pressed the "join"button--you can ask questions. ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin:)
The 3 second stare is priceless here. I use it to decide IF or how to respond. Often, the fool puts on her clown makeup and acts out, and then I don't need to do a thing. Once, the dream scenario happened. Bully narc tried to push me to do something that's against policy. I said no. She tried again, I stared. She yelled, the boss looked and saw me (outwardly) calm, her in full tantrum. Who looked good that day? My thoughts: what are you gonna do, tattle? *Please* go tell my boss that I'm following policy!
I also imagine circus music over narc tantrums. It is hard to get hot mad over a clown. I am very grateful I don't need these tricks in my current workplace!
Another helpful technique, depending upon circumstances: "so you say," issued very calmly, without making any eye contact, and then walking calmly away. You can vary this by remaining where you are and carrying on with what you were already doing, ignoring them completely.
I just love you ! I would appreciate more lines I could use with the narccisists in my life... not at work. Teach me to say "F U" without having to use those words. I want to be able to say it with a little more class. 😊
Thank you for your channel, it has helped me so much. I found your channel close to two years ago. I have watched some of your videos at least three times, taking notes and practicing. Your channel is the best one that offers power phrases. They work!
Excellent advice and love your presentation! Not assigning blame, just solving the problem. Great approach with children too. Not caring about them ... I had to work on detaching emotionally, especially from loved family members being cruel and manipulative. Sad but so freeing! Thanks Dan!
Mmm. I am going to be seeing my Dad, whom I have not spoken with in 13 years, and his allies at a family gathering end of the month. Will see how this goes...
Thank you, Dan. I will no longer be a victim. I am out of my toxic job . May 25th was my Last day. I have an interview coming up the end of June for another position within the school district. I have gained the skills from you to not be a victim anymore. I hope you have more videos coming out on interviews and resume writhing. By the way! I have heard you say that you are from Fargo. I am from Arizona, however I attended North Dakota State University where I started a Master's degree program in Botany, but I didn't finish it, I switched over to science education. I did my student teaching at West Fargo Middle School . I loved Norh Dakota !!! I only moved back to Arizona because all of my family is Arizona . Oofda! You are from an awesome state and you are awesome.
Thank you, Sarah. I love North Dakota and am always happy to return for family events. Though my family all attended UND in Grand Forks, we have many many friends who chose NDSU, especially for anything that relates to agriculture or engineering. (My family is HEAVILY weighted to law--thus UND.). Sarah, if you want the best in resume work and preparing for the interview, let me recommend Heather Lipmann. She is not cheap, but she is great--and that's pretty important when writing the resume and preparing for the interview. info@hirewriting.com.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you for the information, I will definitely look into that. I will let you know if I get the job. I will rewatch your video before my interview on what to say in the interview and the one on body language during the interview. Also I think you said it was okay to bring notes to an interview? Any advice on what notes I should bring to an interview besides asking why they might not want to hire me and what do I need to do to get this job ?
Dan O conner is the saavy King of Communication and authority on empowering people to step up their game. Love your videos, very inspirational and thought provoking.
Great advice. I was married to a narcissist and I've heard all these lines from him - and yes there was always the underlying message that I could not possibly be as cleaver/intelligent/capable as him. Love your channel. I learned the hard way - no one respects a doormat, especially the narcissist.
Loved the “slots available for relationships, and you do not have one” hat tip for you love your sense of humor. Can you do some more videos for people like me who over explain and over talk in social environments due to anxiety? Thank you❤
ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html. Under the banner, next to "subscribe" you will find the "join" button 😇 This support allows me to keep putting out videos and live shows. Dan
These are so helpful for me and I’m definitely going to use these while communicating with my coparent. He personalizes everything! He tries to make any and everything into a argument. So these are helpful!
In my previous work relationship, any time I asserted myself, my manager would distort the conversation and document it in a way that put me in a bad light so that she could bring it up to her manager. She would switch between playing victim, gaslighting and acted as though I was to be questioned and doubted. It was all charades. I could see through it all. I didn’t know how to stop it. It was very vengeful. This went on for months and she put me on a performance improvement plan. I was sure she was trying to fire me. I didn’t know what else I could say or do. It was such an awful feeling.
Although there were some red flags in the beginning, things got the worst when I brought up that my plate was over capacity, which she requested that I let her know. I had two bosses at the time. She was the one that had ultimate authority over my role though. Instead of supporting me she acted as though she did not understand, pretended that she had no insight into my role even though she micromanaged and oversaw everything, and said that I should be able to get more done and work faster even though she knew she was dumping work on me and all I did was tirelessly turn it around. It’s a shame because I saw a future for myself there and really enjoyed my role minus the unhealthy managing.
I really like that he uses a certain assertive tone and will repeat it in the same phrase, until the right words are just ingrained with great affliction.
hahahaha....... such a serious topic put in the MOST understanding way to cope with narcissists head-on....while still being hilarious in your teachings. hahah. The best I've ever seen. Wonderful. 👍 Absolutely the BEST!
Oh my, I found myself constantly saying to my ex… “do you understand?” I had never done that with anyone else before. This was before I found out he had NPD or I realized what was happening. Makes sense now.
WOW Wow Wow! I've watched a handful of your videos and made a couple of comments. I can't decide if I have narcissists tendencies or I don't know how to behave in a working environment. In any case your videos have been very helpful in not what to do and how to behave appropriately in public. Church has put me in a more public eye and they don't teach you how to handle the public in situations. Your approach is perfect in a non emotional way, very tactful, non judgmental, and not done in a hateful manner. Making it more like what would Jesus say or how would he handle it. Truthfully I think it's the way you are teaching us. Stay at home mom and now grandma thanks you cause she's not been working out in the public for years.
Sometimes I go to ask questions in this comment box and when I write them down or thumb them in the answer becomes ridiculously clear. Thank you! For the words and ideas!
I'm thinking ..."Do you understand that or this?" is a very strong question. May not be good under certain job situations. Love your information - Thank you for your strength and direction.😊
I agree, Deb. You have to be discerning and choose the words that work FOR YOU. I am giving you patterns and phrases, and if there are better words to insert to suit any particular moment, I encourage people to insert them. There is no one-fixes-all :)
I'm getting the opposite only from one manager when I said im here to work and work only toodles I guess this is her way of finding care I am definitely going to use I'm not assesing blame
Lollllll I adore your personality and the sass? The theatrical parts of you I just love it. You’re awesome Dan! (But I’m sure you know that) keep up the great content !!! Ps.. I hope to see a relationship series in the future sometime :X
Will, come to the live show tonight at 7:00 Chicago time. We have Lizzie Choates, a licensed relationship therapy as guest. If you want to interact, make certain you've pushed the "join" button and become a member ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin. Membership also allows me to keep on delivering these YT messages :)
I am learning so much from your videos! I was wondering if you have ever addressed the topic of people not just listening but trying to do the whole one up thing where they share their story on top of yours. Like that competition energy. How does one go about dealing with that???
Hi Anna Moody--To have your UA-cam chat question answered, press the "join" button and become a channel member. ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html
ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html. Under the banner, next to "subscribe" you will find the "join" button 😇 This support allows me to keep putting out videos and live shows. Dan
Love your videos Mr Wizard! Upfront communication has always been difficult tor me being from a conservative mid west family so I am learning a lot and trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. One video I would love most from you is what to do when you see people (ie women) looking you up and down. This could either be admiration for how one dresses or presents themselves or straight up judgement so it’s really hard for me to know how to handle this situation. I like to wear nice clothes and present myself well in a progressively casual world (Florida now). So often I’m tempted to call people out like my older neighbor that I do lunch with on occasion. She always looks me up and down from behind and one time I let her know I saw her and did it back in a joking manner then she said “I approve” as if I needed her approval for what I was wearing. It’s constant and I’m tired of it, please help!
Glossyvixen--To have your UA-cam chat question answered, please press the "join" button and become a channel member. ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html
I’m completely stuck. I’m a dependent, incapacitated adult and my carer is a ‘loved one’ who is gaslighting and stonewalling me relentlessly. I have no other options for care. I have PTSD and I can find plenty of videos on how to move through trauma but they all rely on being OUT of trauma and safe first. I’m appreciating these videos a great deal. To most of the phrases, my carer is responding in the same way; “Whatever gets you through the day. I don’t care”, or “It’s all in your head”, or “Keep talking and I won’t do it” (referring to something I need). I recognise this is spiralling into emotional abuse but I genuinely have no other care options. Any advice would be massively appreciated.
Spellywelly, I am afraid your problem is not related to communication, but rather to abuse. Normally I would tell you to run from an abusive relationship, but since you cannot, the only thing I can suggest is calling a social service agency to see if there is any help available for you. My guess is you've already done this, or talked to a friend. My friend, it is social services you need, not my training, and believe me, I wish I could help. My only suggestion is to interact with this person and talk to this person as little as possible--grey rocking it all the way.
Heartbreaking, OP. I sincerely hope that you are able to find help outside of this situation, possibly through social services, or maybe local mental health helpline. At least as far as communication goes with this person, try your best to stay calm, cool, and collected. I understand how hard that can be! Be well, my friend, and may you be blessed with a solution to your troubles.
Sincerely enjoy your delivery, don’t have to wait to learn. Quick to the point Master. Your every syllables a pearl. Thank you. The best part for myself is retention. Professional example set and Fun, yep. If you were a doctor, I’d say you have a bed side manner🥰. Honestly, I’d be an asshole just to have you line me out like a 007 of fact and etiquette. Where the heck is that join button😎💥
Hey Helicopterway--thanks for a very colorful post :). And as for that "join" button, you'll find it right next to subscribe at the top of my homepage.ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html. I look forward to welcoming you and thanking you for your support :) :)
"It is not a matter of what I believe. It is a matter of what I know. And you know it too." I would repeat that as a broken record and not be drawn into their drama.
The final advice is great fir most people, they might even respect you, but if you say this to a Scorpio they will sting you when you least exoect it. You won"t even know where it came from but they will. Good luck! 😅
These are great in a professional atmosphere. What type of phrases do you suggest to stop gaslighting in personal relationships? For example, if someone is acting rude with their tone, is condescending and you tell them they are being rude and they deny it. What is a better way to handle something like that, please?
Dan! I love your channel so much. I honestly just wish we could be best friends. I do want to let you know that the music in the background of your videos makes it hard to understand you, if you could lower it that would be amazing.
tips for dealing with toxic in-laws that intentionally stir the pot, insert themselves into my relationship and intentionally make me uncomfortable and openly berate me???
"There is no you, there is no me...." Perhaps this could be work shoped a touch, for me it comes off quite esoteric, existentialist, ambiguous at the least. Professional relationship....this kind of relationship operates differently than a personal relationship where a question like "why are you doing this to me" may apply.... what is it about professional relationships that make them unavailable in a personal way, where questions like 'why are you doing this to me' cant, dont apply? ***AH. Maybe this is what you were honing in on...perhaps better put (i could be wrong of course) is something like: It about the client, our customers, not about you or me. All we have is a professional relationship, it would be wrong to focus on each other rather than fulfilling what our clients want. Its a bit wordy perhaps, not perfect, but maybe has something more to do with WHAT and WHO this is all about, a redirecting, reorienting of what the focus and frame is all about in a way that always you to dismiss bad behavior like this and proceed forward meaningfully.
I love your content. Question- if this crap happens via email….how does that change (or not) the exchange? I recently got a temper tantrum response via email and I have chosen not to respond rather to get into a worse situation….but I want to address it!
King of Direct Burns Wow you are amazing! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and power 🙏🏻 Do you know who Bagalamukhi is? She could be your Mother 😂❤I have prayed to her and she helped me find your channel. I’ve moved from the negative and into not only defending myself, but owning my own power. You’re so great at making me laugh and motivating me! I look forward to your videos every day, thank you
I don't know who Bagalamukhi is, but I do believe that truth comes through various religions and no one has cornered the market. (I also believe that lies can be perpetuated by religions, but that is another topic altogether.)
If you liked this video and want to support this channel, please consider pressing the "join" button--right here www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords
YEARGH!!!
I have used "Blame is not a solution. Let's find a solution instead of wasting time with blame. You in?"
❤
And THAT'S why I want to spend time with you, Lizzie.
Wrong
@@drjekl44 enlighten me. How does placing blame solve any problem?
“My job is not to enlighten you of things you should already know.”
Having dealt with multiple narcissists not only is this brilliant but it genuinely made me laugh because really is the level you end up working on with a narc. And just saying the same thing again and again with an ‘I’m dead inside to you’ tone. This is ninja level! Absolutely brilliant!
I humbly thank you :) :)
I’m about to make a phone call, could be so simple but it’s a narc. I’ve been having to prepare and delay and try to self affirm my reminders since last night. Crazy making- but it’s because I need a change, and to change. But I think while I try to not be autopilot codependent and actually leave a silence for the firrst time.. I will be using a “huuu-wahhh” chant in my head to keep me on track. Thanks
Yes!! They are not used to coming up against someone who doesn't back down. Repeating your point without defending yourself throws them off. It's not the typical response they get from people..
"I'm not interested in assessing blame. I'm interested in correcting the problem..."
‘That may be’ has been a game changer phrase in my call centre day when someone is trying to drag me into their verbal swamp.
It is one of my all-time-go-to's.
You are truly walking in your life purpose and thats so powerful. You are a King of Swords Upright and and Emperor. Today i stood up to a narcissist at work who picked a fight with me on lunch and i asked her "are you trying to make me feel a certain way by asking me that?' And totally caught her off guard. I said "im relaxing on my lunch minding my own business" and she said "Well i guess im not minding my own business" 😂 and this was in front of other people and then i left amd came back, shut the door to the break room and said my peace. I told her that speaking like that was not OK and she said "i hear you, but..." and i said "No, you're too interested in saying what you have to say. Were done" and cut her off.. then had to come back to put my phone up and as i left she said "Stop!" And i said "I have a client". Later a note was left in my cubby from her saying "From now on our conversations are only business related" 😅 and she had reception put it in my cubby on my purse! So she implies we had a relationship like you said lol. I just sent it all to the boss later as thats way out of line. Really psycho!!
Two more that are worth noting and work very effectively as I can attest having experienced Narc Abuse…. 1) “That is your opinion” and say nothing afterwards. Stay silent. The silence is the key component. 2) “That kind of behavior is not acceptable”. Because individuals with a narcissistic personality style struggle with introspection, stating the first one causes huge confusion for them. The second one is effective because in understanding how a narcissist thinks, they may lack self awareness but they are keen in watching and mimicking behavior. They know what is good behavior and what is not good behavior, so lighting up that football field of unacceptable behavior has been highly effectively in my experience. Hope that insight is useful to you or anyone else who reads this. As always thank you, Dan, for all your tips and info and for being uniquely you. 🙏🏻
Absolutely useful and well put. Thank you so much. Come to the live show on June 6th at 7:00 Chicago time. We have a psychologist on and you'll enjoy the show. If you click the "join" button and become a member, we can dialogue about this topic live.
@@TheWizardOfWords Do I need to rsvp in advance somewhere on your channel or your website for the June 6th LIVE event? I didn’t see anything on your channel or on your website. I have your energy vampire ebook and thought I was already a member. If I send an email to you from your website, would you be able to confirm this? What additional info can I provide that would be helpful for you?
But when your a new employee it is hard to stand up like that.
Joseph, there is a "join"button next to subscribe under the videos or around the video. Joining makes you a member. You can tell who is a member because there is a shield next to their name, and during my live show they are identified also--automatically. For example, right above you there is a message from brightpage. Under that, Lizzie Choate is making a comment to Brightpage. Lizzie has a shield next to her name, so I know she is a channel member :). Also, you need no reservation for the live shows. Just come to my channel and click "live"at 7:00 Chicago time on June 6th and you'll meet Lizzie Choate. If you are identified as a "member" who has pressed the "join"button--you can ask questions.
ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin:)
Thank you @wizardofwords A prime example why a detailed response, such as yours, will never go out of style. 🙏🏻
The 3 second stare is priceless here. I use it to decide IF or how to respond. Often, the fool puts on her clown makeup and acts out, and then I don't need to do a thing. Once, the dream scenario happened. Bully narc tried to push me to do something that's against policy. I said no. She tried again, I stared. She yelled, the boss looked and saw me (outwardly) calm, her in full tantrum. Who looked good that day? My thoughts: what are you gonna do, tattle? *Please* go tell my boss that I'm following policy!
I also imagine circus music over narc tantrums. It is hard to get hot mad over a clown. I am very grateful I don't need these tricks in my current workplace!
Problem is when the problem maker is the boss.
Another helpful technique, depending upon circumstances: "so you say," issued very calmly, without making any eye contact, and then walking calmly away. You can vary this by remaining where you are and carrying on with what you were already doing, ignoring them completely.
I just love you ! I would appreciate more lines I could use with the narccisists in my life... not at work. Teach me to say "F U" without having to use those words. I want to be able to say it with a little more class. 😊
Stay tuned or just go to danoconnortraining.com and check around :)
Thank you for your channel, it has helped me so much.
I found your channel close to two years ago. I have watched some of your videos at least three times, taking notes and practicing.
Your channel is the best one that offers power phrases. They work!
I need to watch this video about 10 times and write down the responses and laminate them and memorize them! Pure gold for manipulative family members.
Excellent advice and love your presentation!
Not assigning blame, just solving the problem. Great approach with children too.
Not caring about them ... I had to work on detaching emotionally, especially from loved family members being cruel and manipulative. Sad but so freeing!
Thanks Dan!
Mmm. I am going to be seeing my Dad, whom I have not spoken with in 13 years, and his allies at a family gathering end of the month. Will see how this goes...
@@samboonstra471 hoping it goes well for you all
Thank you, Dan. I will no longer be a victim. I am out of my toxic job . May 25th was my Last day. I have an interview coming up the end of June for another position within the school district. I have gained the skills from you to not be a victim anymore. I hope you have more videos coming out on interviews and resume writhing. By the way! I have heard you say that you are from Fargo. I am from Arizona, however I attended North Dakota State University where I started a Master's degree program in Botany, but I didn't finish it, I switched over to science education. I did my student teaching at West Fargo Middle School . I loved Norh Dakota !!! I only moved back to Arizona because all of my family is Arizona . Oofda! You are from an awesome state and you are awesome.
Thank you, Sarah. I love North Dakota and am always happy to return for family events. Though my family all attended UND in Grand Forks, we have many many friends who chose NDSU, especially for anything that relates to agriculture or engineering. (My family is HEAVILY weighted to law--thus UND.). Sarah, if you want the best in resume work and preparing for the interview, let me recommend Heather Lipmann. She is not cheap, but she is great--and that's pretty important when writing the resume and preparing for the interview. info@hirewriting.com.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you for the information, I will definitely look into that. I will let you know if I get the job. I will rewatch your video before my interview on what to say in the interview and the one on body language during the interview. Also I think you said it was okay to bring notes to an interview? Any advice on what notes I should bring to an interview besides asking why they might not want to hire me and what do I need to do to get this job ?
Dan O conner is the saavy King of Communication and authority on empowering people to step up their game. Love your videos, very inspirational and thought provoking.
Great advice. I was married to a narcissist and I've heard all these lines from him - and yes there was always the underlying message that I could not possibly be as cleaver/intelligent/capable as him. Love your channel. I learned the hard way - no one respects a doormat, especially the narcissist.
Loved the “slots available for relationships, and you do not have one” hat tip for you love your sense of humor. Can you do some more videos for people like me who over explain and over talk in social environments due to anxiety? Thank you❤
ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html. Under the banner, next to "subscribe" you will find the "join" button 😇 This support allows me to keep putting out videos and live shows. Dan
These are so helpful for me and I’m definitely going to use these while communicating with my coparent. He personalizes everything! He tries to make any and everything into a argument. So these are helpful!
Glad it was helpful!
Dan’s videos are GOLD! Thanks Dan!
Thanks, Lauraon and thanks for your membership!
How can I be against you; you just do not matter! Yes, that will stay in my head, but what a tool to keep one's cool! Thank you!
The "do you understand" trick is excellent
Concise, clear and neutral -- love it!!!!
I’m literally laughing because this is true & hilarious thank you for this video!
In my previous work relationship, any time I asserted myself, my manager would distort the conversation and document it in a way that put me in a bad light so that she could bring it up to her manager. She would switch between playing victim, gaslighting and acted as though I was to be questioned and doubted. It was all charades. I could see through it all. I didn’t know how to stop it. It was very vengeful. This went on for months and she put me on a performance improvement plan. I was sure she was trying to fire me. I didn’t know what else I could say or do. It was such an awful feeling.
Although there were some red flags in the beginning, things got the worst when I brought up that my plate was over capacity, which she requested that I let her know. I had two bosses at the time. She was the one that had ultimate authority over my role though. Instead of supporting me she acted as though she did not understand, pretended that she had no insight into my role even though she micromanaged and oversaw everything, and said that I should be able to get more done and work faster even though she knew she was dumping work on me and all I did was tirelessly turn it around. It’s a shame because I saw a future for myself there and really enjoyed my role minus the unhealthy managing.
I really like that he uses a certain assertive tone and will repeat it in the same phrase, until the right words are just ingrained with great affliction.
I’m taking notes… boy, you demolish them with class and style 😂
hahahaha....... such a serious topic put in the MOST understanding way to cope with narcissists head-on....while still being hilarious in your teachings. hahah. The best I've ever seen. Wonderful. 👍 Absolutely the BEST!
Thanks, Jay :)
Oh my, I found myself constantly saying to my ex… “do you understand?” I had never done that with anyone else before. This was before I found out he had NPD or I realized what was happening. Makes sense now.
WOW Wow Wow! I've watched a handful of your videos and made a couple of comments. I can't decide if I have narcissists tendencies or I don't know how to behave in a working environment. In any case your videos have been very helpful in not what to do and how to behave appropriately in public. Church has put me in a more public eye and they don't teach you how to handle the public in situations. Your approach is perfect in a non emotional way, very tactful, non judgmental, and not done in a hateful manner. Making it more like what would Jesus say or how would he handle it. Truthfully I think it's the way you are teaching us. Stay at home mom and now grandma thanks you cause she's not been working out in the public for years.
Many thanks, Sunny :). There is nothing that YOU NEED to say that can't be said in a loving way.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you!!!
I love you Dan and I am just saying this to get on your good side.
I have a good side? You mean THEY'RE NOT BOTH GOOD???
It's like they are a child who hates admitting they are wrong. I hope I never meet a person like that.
Love this. You are awesome!
See how simple that was, only Dan O Conner can say that with a smile.🎉
Sometimes I go to ask questions in this comment box and when I write them down or thumb them in the answer becomes ridiculously clear. Thank you! For the words and ideas!
Dan, you're a godsend! I just love your perfectly-timed, politically correct verbal jabs.
I'm thinking ..."Do you understand that or this?" is a very strong question. May not be good under certain job situations. Love your information - Thank you for your strength and direction.😊
I agree, Deb. You have to be discerning and choose the words that work FOR YOU. I am giving you patterns and phrases, and if there are better words to insert to suit any particular moment, I encourage people to insert them. There is no one-fixes-all :)
Is that clear to you or do you have a question for me?
Teacher
matter of fact tone .
Look hopeful!
The background music is hilarious 😂 love your videos
Thanks Vanner :)
"Above reproach"! Do you have a book yet? Is this the title?!? Yeaaaahhssss!!
Maybe?
I'm getting the opposite only from one manager when I said im here to work and work only toodles I guess this is her way of finding care
I am definitely going to use I'm not assesing blame
Lollllll I adore your personality and the sass? The theatrical parts of you I just love it. You’re awesome Dan! (But I’m sure you know that) keep up the great content !!! Ps.. I hope to see a relationship series in the future sometime :X
Will, come to the live show tonight at 7:00 Chicago time. We have Lizzie Choates, a licensed relationship therapy as guest. If you want to interact, make certain you've pushed the "join" button and become a member ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin. Membership also allows me to keep on delivering these YT messages :)
I am learning so much from your videos! I was wondering if you have ever addressed the topic of people not just listening but trying to do the whole one up thing where they share their story on top of yours. Like that competition energy. How does one go about dealing with that???
Hi Anna Moody--To have your UA-cam chat question answered, press the "join" button and become a channel member. ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html
I’ve used similar statements with my NPD male doc peers and a family member
You are so good. Thank you.🙏😇
More videos on how to communicate with narcs please.
ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html. Under the banner, next to "subscribe" you will find the "join" button 😇 This support allows me to keep putting out videos and live shows. Dan
ouch! you're such a word wizard! I love it!
Bro eats narcissists for breakfast 😭
We have to care 1st about ourselves❤
Love your videos Mr Wizard! Upfront communication has always been difficult tor me being from a conservative mid west family so I am learning a lot and trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. One video I would love most from you is what to do when you see people (ie women) looking you up and down. This could either be admiration for how one dresses or presents themselves or straight up judgement so it’s really hard for me to know how to handle this situation. I like to wear nice clothes and present myself well in a progressively casual world (Florida now). So often I’m tempted to call people out like my older neighbor that I do lunch with on occasion. She always looks me up and down from behind and one time I let her know I saw her and did it back in a joking manner then she said “I approve” as if I needed her approval for what I was wearing. It’s constant and I’m tired of it, please help!
Glossyvixen--To have your UA-cam chat question answered, please press the "join" button and become a channel member. ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html
Hi Don will you ever consider doing a podcast? It would be great
Sweetie, I’ve fallen in love with your style. You are doing such a WORK.
Thank you so much! Helping you chop down the trees of hate as we change the global dialogue one conversation at a time :)
You are wonderful. Respectful boundary setting is the answer!
I LOVE you. You are my God father fairy angel of narcissistic abuse!! Thank you. We DO have a relationship here, btw ha ha!!🤣😂🙏❤️
Well OK then!
Love your vibes!!!❤
The humor is the best don't take these demons seriously. Talking back to them like that will piss them off. 😊
And therefore?😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is the absolute best!
Thank you.🥰🌹
I’m completely stuck. I’m a dependent, incapacitated adult and my carer is a ‘loved one’ who is gaslighting and stonewalling me relentlessly. I have no other options for care. I have PTSD and I can find plenty of videos on how to move through trauma but they all rely on being OUT of trauma and safe first.
I’m appreciating these videos a great deal. To most of the phrases, my carer is responding in the same way; “Whatever gets you through the day. I don’t care”, or “It’s all in your head”, or “Keep talking and I won’t do it” (referring to something I need). I recognise this is spiralling into emotional abuse but I genuinely have no other care options. Any advice would be massively appreciated.
Spellywelly, I am afraid your problem is not related to communication, but rather to abuse. Normally I would tell you to run from an abusive relationship, but since you cannot, the only thing I can suggest is calling a social service agency to see if there is any help available for you. My guess is you've already done this, or talked to a friend. My friend, it is social services you need, not my training, and believe me, I wish I could help. My only suggestion is to interact with this person and talk to this person as little as possible--grey rocking it all the way.
Heartbreaking, OP. I sincerely hope that you are able to find help outside of this situation, possibly through social services, or maybe local mental health helpline. At least as far as communication goes with this person, try your best to stay calm, cool, and collected. I understand how hard that can be! Be well, my friend, and may you be blessed with a solution to your troubles.
I love it!❤️
I typed this stuff in my notes
right on the money! thank you Dan for sharing your wisdom :)
Fabulous I have so much more confidence because of your teaching xx ❤ love from Liverpool Uk 🇬🇧 xx
Thanks, Ann from Liverpool :)
My narc boss has given me the silent treatment and now I can only communicate via email
Well if he's a narc--email would work for me!
@@TheWizardOfWords she argues and accuses every email. So I give short direct answers
I've shared this. Thanks
Thanks for the shares, Nicky, and I hope you are a subscriber and someone who has pressed the "join button" to become a member :)
This is absolutely genius
Utter perfection ❤
Sincerely enjoy your delivery, don’t have to wait to learn. Quick to the point Master. Your every syllables a pearl. Thank you. The best part for myself is retention. Professional example set and Fun, yep. If you were a doctor, I’d say you have a bed side manner🥰. Honestly, I’d be an asshole just to have you line me out like a 007 of fact and etiquette. Where the heck is that join button😎💥
Hey Helicopterway--thanks for a very colorful post :). And as for that "join" button, you'll find it right next to subscribe at the top of my homepage.ua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.html. I look forward to welcoming you and thanking you for your support :) :)
The pic of you on the intro is adorable uuu🥰💕
Repeating words like that is so good!!!❤🎉
GOLD. thank you sir 🙏🏽 very helpful tools.
Were done here❤
Sparkling gems 💎✨ of wisdom and advise. I bow down to your wizardry sir! 😌🙏💕
Perfection yet again you've nailed it
ResponsibiliTAY!!❤❤❤
How about using this on a family member in a different way? So unfortunately, I can't use the phrase containing "we don't have a relationship".
Annabelle, good question--press the "join" button and come to my live shows and ask it! 7:00 Chicago time on Tuesdays.
I understand.
Thank you!
great video
I benefit a whole lot from you more than I've ever been on UA-cam. However, how do you respond to " believe whatever you want" thanks. I love you.
"It is not a matter of what I believe. It is a matter of what I know. And you know it too." I would repeat that as a broken record and not be drawn into their drama.
@@TheWizardOfWords I appreciate your quick response. Thanks a lot.
@@TheWizardOfWords that " broken record" part, is hilarious. Making me lol.
The final advice is great fir most people, they might even respect you, but if you say this to a Scorpio they will sting you when you least exoect it. You won"t even know where it came from but they will. Good luck! 😅
I need your coaching stat! Thank you always for your guidance!
Go do danoconnortraining.com and you'll find additional resources.
These are great in a professional atmosphere. What type of phrases do you suggest to stop gaslighting in personal relationships? For example, if someone is acting rude with their tone, is condescending and you tell them they are being rude and they deny it. What is a better way to handle something like that, please?
Baker, check out other videos on the topic--from my playlist.
Dan! I love your channel so much. I honestly just wish we could be best friends. I do want to let you know that the music in the background of your videos makes it hard to understand you, if you could lower it that would be amazing.
Carrie, have you pressed the "join" button, next to subscribe, so I can continue to bring these videos to you? :)
Thanks!
tips for dealing with toxic in-laws that intentionally stir the pot, insert themselves into my relationship and intentionally make me uncomfortable and openly berate me???
Several videos already on this topic. Go to my channelua-cam.com/channels/5Zb02pmVD2VA7lnx8mV4gw.htmljoin
"There is no you, there is no me...." Perhaps this could be work shoped a touch, for me it comes off quite esoteric, existentialist, ambiguous at the least.
Professional relationship....this kind of relationship operates differently than a personal relationship where a question like "why are you doing this to me" may apply....
what is it about professional relationships that make them unavailable in a personal way, where questions like 'why are you doing this to me' cant, dont apply?
***AH. Maybe this is what you were honing in on...perhaps better put (i could be wrong of course) is something like:
It about the client, our customers, not about you or me. All we have is a professional relationship, it would be wrong to focus on each other rather than fulfilling what our clients want.
Its a bit wordy perhaps, not perfect, but maybe has something more to do with WHAT and WHO this is all about, a redirecting, reorienting of what the focus and frame is all about in a way that always you to dismiss bad behavior like this and proceed forward meaningfully.
Hi Jay: A discussion of this nature has to be reserved for members-only, due to its length.
I love your content. Question- if this crap happens via email….how does that change (or not) the exchange? I recently got a temper tantrum response via email and I have chosen not to respond rather to get into a worse situation….but I want to address it!
02:00
🌷 🙏✨Thank You ✨🙏 🌷
How do you respond to your boss who calls you out for allegedly not doing your job over the entire store headsets!
Can this work for cutting ties with family as well?
Yes.
5:20
You're a ruthless vato. But I like it.
Hmmmm. Gracias :)
this editing is fucking hilarious
King of Direct Burns
Wow you are amazing! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and power 🙏🏻 Do you know who Bagalamukhi is? She could be your Mother 😂❤I have prayed to her and she helped me find your channel. I’ve moved from the negative and into not only defending myself, but owning my own power. You’re so great at making me laugh and motivating me! I look forward to your videos every day, thank you
I don't know who Bagalamukhi is, but I do believe that truth comes through various religions and no one has cornered the market. (I also believe that lies can be perpetuated by religions, but that is another topic altogether.)
Can you actually be friends with a narcissistic person? I mean are they capable?
Silver Carolina-- I would never choose to have a narcissist in my life. I wouldn't want to work for one, befriend one, or do business with one.
If there are 11 layers of heaven you are going to the 12th!!! Xoxox😊🎉❤
WAIT WAIT WAIT, were I to believe you, wouldn't I be guilty of pride and therefore demoted to a lower layer? :) :)
Can I just say that I love you, man? You know, in a platonic, superhero worshipping kinda way???
hahaha--yes, you can say that-- :)
You are a communication guru!!! ♥ thank you so much for your help!
I love cutting the cord! 😊
You are so welcome
❤️