Outsmart Covert Narcissist Coworkers with These 5 Communication Strategies
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- Опубліковано 2 лис 2023
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🔔 tinyurl.com/ashfla 🔔 FLASH SALE 50% OFF My COMPLETE COMMUNICATION COURSE Struggling with narcissist coworkers, a toxic work environment and difficult personalities can drain your joy and power. But it doesn't have to be that way!
🌟 www.danoconnortraining.com/En... 🌟For Dan's FREE "Enneagram at a Glance Kit" you can use to read others and determine their motivators and fears. It's like a mini communication course that helps you deal with narcissists at work
Discover how to set unbreakable boundaries with covert narcissists and other workplace narcissists so you can reclaim your joy and take your power back in the workspace. In this video, we're going to discuss 5 communication strategies you can use to deal with narcissistic coworkers. No matter how good you are at your job, if you have a narcissist on your team, you're going to have to deal with their toxicity.
Join Dan O'Connor, your communication strategist, as he unveils practical tactics to handle narcissistic colleagues with finesse. Don't just survive until retirement; thrive and prepare for a future filled with endless new beginnings.
Empower yourself with Dan's techniques and transform your workplace dynamics. Dive into this essential guide for professionals or anyone seeking to navigate toxic workplace relationships with confidence and grace.
🎥 In this video, you'll learn:How to identify narcissistic behaviors at work.Effective strategies to communicate your boundaries clearly.The power of 'I' statements in maintaining professional distance.Ways to remain present and joyful in your personal life, free from work stress.
🚀 Ready for a transformative communication journey? Check out Dan O'Connor's free 3-video series and premium resources at [YourWebsite]. Subscribe for more empowering content and join a community committed to growth and positivity.#communicationskills
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Remember, your voice matters, and how you communicate can change your world. Let's get started on this journey together!
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If you liked this video and want to support this channel, please consider pressing the "join" button--right here www.youtube.com/@TheWizardOfWords
I sure wish I had access to you and your awesome coaching 10 years ago. That being said, I'm glad your here now. Thanks 👍
To everyone getting flashbacks while watching this…you’re not alone!
THANK GOD
Thanks this was painful to watch
I forget that not everyone thinks like I do. Good thing there are plenty of people to remind me.
I experience the same. People ask me to do things for them then hate me for having done it- to their specifications. I am an interior designer and also paint houses, cabinets, murals. So I painted my daughter's house 3 times it looked amazing and she was so hateful to me for months?! WHY?! I didn't even charge her or make her pay Benjamin Moore for the paint. I am discovering I am a Sigma Empath. You may be also.🤗
@@vickigonya9432 I didn't know much about narcissists until one ruined my job. I had not thought about personality types until then.
@vickigonya9432 did you do it without her consent? Did you choose the colors without letting her pick them?
Hell no they dont
Been slapped with this same reality check lol.
I changed my expectations. My blood pressure decreased 😅
The narcissist in my team talks about himself the entire time during projects and it is very hard to steer away the conversation from himself...
"I can't think like people who personality disorders that I don't have..."
very wise... took me decades to learn this lesson
@@moonhunter9993 Decades for me to learn as well. (Not many knew this stuff until recently.)
I ghosted a narcissist neighbor a couple of years ago. No contact. ...what a relief.
Such great information! As someone who grew up with a mother who has strong narc traits, people pleasing and twisting myself like a pretzel to suit her needs was the only way to survive. Learning piece by piece to have boundaries and not allow others to push me around at work. Not getting involved in company gossip is a really good one. If they'll gossip to you, they'll gossip about you.
💯 agree! My utmost respect to you 🙌 I’m a therapist and had some clients, friends and co-workers who have narcissistic parents. You are incredibly strong!
I relate 🎉
OMG The " Pity them" faces made me laugh so hard that I cried. THAT WAS FANTASTIC I could so go out to cocktails and dinner and after dinner drinks with Dan.
As long as you are paying, Andrea . . . .
@@TheWizardOfWords It would be my pleasure Dan.
😂😂😂 Dan, I LOVE your humour, omg ! 😂😂😂
Ah.. Looking back at my business life, I recall telling one of my directors (a full-blown narcissist) that unless it was business related, I did not have time to discuss anything with her. And so she left. 30 minutes later, she entered my office, closed the door and laid down on the floor, next to my desk, in a fetal position.
I ignored her, and continued working. After three minutes had elapsed, I took a sweater I had in the drawer and threw it over her shoulders. I never said a word to her. She stayed on the floor for a full 15 minutes. Eventually she got up, nicely folded the sweater, placed it on my desk and left. I must’ve done the correct thing because she never tried that stunt again.
Your lovely channel brings back such memories.❤
Well I will tell you that story was most interesting--and a first--and I think you handled it magnificently :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Because this was so outlandish, this experience (and this crazy lady) often comes to mind. It always makes me wonder if I handled it correctly, or if I should have done something differently. I’ve never had anyone to ask.
Thank you so much. After all these years, you’ve put my mind to rest. ☺️💜
Very happy to help, Susan😎
@@TheWizardOfWords 💜
Glad you didn't get sucked into that...
I work with some. My boss has to always be the centre of attention. No one can be better then her!
I hear you Dan! It gets difficult when the narcissist is being enabled and affirmed by the boss though. Using the language you're suggesting actually worked against me and I got fired by trying to engage with them.
Really? This exact language and tone? Can you tell me the exact language you used that got you fired?
There really is nothing you can do to save yourself with these types. How can you when they’re committed to miscommunication? The best course of action I’ve found is to use take a page from their playbook. Don’t tackle the narc, tackle your other coworkers minds first.
I'm guessing they got DARVO’ed - a sophisticated retaliation technique that has 3 steps: Deny; Attack; Reverse Victim and Offender. The only way to defend yourself in this situation is lawyer up (employment law) or leave.
I havent worked in 20 years because of disability but Ive learned a lot about group dynamics. Your stuff can be adapted to many different venues.
Yes, it can and I hope it is, SilverCottage.
My boss is absolutely a covert. 😅 every email is you’re doing it wrong. Thank goodness. I’m still doing your job 🙄
The worse offenders at my work is HR & her bestie. 😓
HR is rarely your friend. It is a last resort and should be saved for very serious legal issues--e.g. if you feel you are in danger.
@@TheWizardOfWordsWhat if you feel that you're not in any physical danger, but you ARE in danger of getting fired (due to false accusations being made against you and that kind of thing)? Is it ever a good idea to be proactive in talking to HR, or is that most likely going to backfire?
HR departments are ALWAYS full of toxic control freaks. Record and document EVERY interaction. If I had followed these guidelines at least 3 managers of mine over the years would have been looking at lawsuits and or prison. NEVER trust them, always get evidence of thier indiscretions
@kylemacdougall8355 in my experience, HR is usually there to protect the company and the company's liability in situations. When I was younger, I thought they were there to help support employees and solve issues, maybe viewed them as similar to union reps (who advocate to the company for you) but this is not what HR does. They want to minimize danger to the company/agency.
Your saying the words it's zero importance, whose fault is irrelevant, no consequence, etc was so comforting. It completely kills stress and made me want to work hard at being part of the solution. It's really motivational.
i'm married to a pathetic covert narcissist. this video is so spot-on accurate- as usual! 🎉❤
My condolences. Yikes.
When will you be planning the divorce?
I was married to a covert narcissist too, for 11 years. Learning to deal with people and situations all over again cause they mess with the mind by chaos and confusion.
Omg. You said it there. «Its impossible for someone who cant see the truth about themself to see you clearly»
You are so hilarious! That's what helps me learn & remember my go-to phrases.
My coworker narc (overt) is a steamroller. I won't even bother trying to bust in. She can't take any criticism, to the point where when we had an anonymous poll on how well our migration was done, and 2 people out of 12 said it was not run well, she spent a half hour of the meeting explaining how these people are wrong, and how hard the "team" (e.g., her) worked and pulled it off. She was a disaster in the migration, even though she did work hard, she sowed confusion and chaos all throughout. She's smart, though, and I refuse to compete with that level of manipulative.
Great information! Thankfully I am retired so no corporate office politics, drama, personalities, or meetings. That said, same could be used at family Thanksgiving tables. ❤
Won't be engaging there either❤ I've opted out😊 looking so forward to a peaceful, unencumbered holiday season - no hustle and bustle, no stress , just happily unplugged❤❤
Well, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming soon . . . . :)
@@TheWizardOfWords daylight savings ends tomorrow 😱😰😭 so many things to do. I hope you and your family and loved ones, friends, etc have a fulfilling wonderful holiday season! 😊 Thank you for sharing all this wonderful knowledge. There really isn't anywhere we can learn it in high school or college prior to entering the work force. I'm retired but it was very difficult for me to navigate human relationships. I always felt being forthright, honest, cards on the table, open, giving, accepting of positive corrective critism and self correction and self improvement were the way to go. Apparently not. 😝
Vicki I think you have beautifully outlined "the way to go." However--we have to know that most times it is uphill--yet onward we go. Sometimes, however, we all need a little help in protecting boundaries and navigating relationships when people around us think life is a competition, and they have to win at all costs.
@@TheWizardOfWords Yes, correct. I wish I'd had the benefit of your expertise from my 20's through my 50's 😍
Preach! I actually have a narcissistic PTA mom that I will be effectively shutting down at the next meeting thanks to you Dan! 👏
Dan, I come for the communication videos, and also learn about the deeper psychology of people behind these behavior traits. It's enlightening.
Over the years I developed a mental jiu-jiutsu defense system against narcissists. It sucks when the mask falls and you had no idea who they are :( But having a great strategy helps. I usually ignore them and outsmart them whenever I can.
Unfortunately I saw too late that we had a narcissist on the team. Only when he stole my work and claimed it as his own and then proceeded to badmouth me on the team
That sucks. I'm sorry you had to deal with that cr@p.
This video was BRILLIANT!!! Thank you so much. I’m always looking for this topic and never find it quite this specific. It’s usually “toxic people in the workplace” which is good but doesn’t zero in on the narcissists. I would really love to see a series on this🙏🏼 because it has been such a challenge for me in my jobs. I would love to see topics include narcissistic female supervisors and mean girls and how to navigate politics at work with narcissists because they usually have some level of power- both socially and hierarchically. People usually kiss their ass to stay in good graces. What is a good way to deal with these issues and not hold resentment all the time or get in bad graces with the narcissist with power and suffer the consequences ? I’d love to see more on this🙏🏼thank you!!!!!!!
Arrogant people will betray..wow. I see it, but wow.
wisdom!
Hilarious and well organized video.
Like your 'pity face'.I do 'pity words'.It's very powerful and healing at the same time.
New Subscriber!!🎉 I’ve spent days searching “tough coworker issues” with little takeaway. Then💥BAM💥finally found the perfect channel!🙌🏼
Your content is the key 🔐 to successfully navigating the workplace ~or life in general!! I’m loving your self disciplined, emotionally intelligent, often comical or tongue-in-cheek advice!
And bonus points: you’re attractive with a soothing tone of voice!! My anxiety level has dropped while binge watching all your videos!!
Thank you 🙏🏼
Well Melindakeown, you have made my day and I thank you :)
Taking them home with you... Resonates...😳
Wow best video ever on narcissists ! And I have watched a lot !
Exactly ! My store manager needs to see this ..she let's my narcissistic manager tells her what to do and me and this lady has gotten into it bc she so petty ...crazy part is she doesn't even have to work but see work is her way to CONTROL... I can't stand her and she knows it ... I PRAY for my sanity when I'm round her cause she steady plotting and keeping up ish
Great information. I need all the help I can get. I have a co-worker who triggers me every time I talk to him, and I know it's on purpose. That makes it more infuriating. We work from home, so I decided I will not answer my phone ever again when he calls. Text only! Virtual group meetings when he talks, I completely check out so he doesn't trigger me in front of people. I can not let him trigger me any more, he gets off on it, ugh!. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He is no team player. I'm constantly picking up his slack, and yes, my supervisor knows. I do it to get the job done. I know he has mental health issues but I'm sick of him getting a pass over it.
He would def get narcissistic supply if you react. It's good you cut off his narc high.
Document everything
3:40 OMG Dan! That was a true gem hidden in the middle of this video! Thank you a ton for that precious advice!❤ Xoxo from Brazil!
You're so welcome from Mexico and the U.S.
The wisdom and love you share are like a refreshing breath of fresh air, I can’t thank you enough 💖
You are welcome, Joy.
The most arrogant and abusive preachers that I have worked with will say about anyone that disagrees with them:" that person has no humility" and undermine that person relentlessly and have no understanding that they are projecting their arrogance onto others
In my opinion, the only religious leader worth their salt is one who recognizes he/she is here to serve the rest.
@@TheWizardOfWords yes...
I want to say that”If I had free time I would be home” 😒 lol🤣
Great video! I found out that my colleague talked to my boss about me behind my back. Now whenever my colleague and I discuss about work on social media, I would email her and cc my boss. She has started to talk to me less.
Valuable information and advice that should be a part of every new employee orientation and Health and Safety meetings (especially during mental health month) and annual courses!
If you're a union member, always insist on your union steward being present.
Great video, Dan!
Thank you!
Oh, Dan, speaking the truth with instruction🥰 So right! I don’t want to take that narcissist home with me in my mind, which is far too easy to do when overwhelmed!!
They are aways obssessed with their cell phones.
I love you, Dan! Bobart is a perfect example!
I've studied the topic as I have experience in my field of work. You nailed it. Your topics were so helpful. Thank you.
I'm going to watch this video at least a couple times so I can remember this very helpful information.
OMGG so many things are so clear now 😮 thank you for this video
You are THE best communication coach ever! I can’t take your course at this time, but I have already decided to after I graduate. I’m going to watch ALL you videos. 🙏
Helpful and clear as always.
This is so helpful! Too many narcissists in the work place lately. Ooo I like the “they aren’t in the room to defend themselves, that’s poor form”.
Your content is so good. Thank you.
Oh my god. I’m dealing with a coworker narcissist literally named John who is gossiping and spreading rumors about female coworkers. Thank you. Your example is so perfect and thanks for what you do. Ps eyebrows and hair on point!
Well eyebrows are just there--but the hair does have to be combed, as my mother points out every time she sees me. Rest in peace, Mom. Someday. I AM JUST KIDDING WHEN I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, BTW. :) :) :)
Love this, please expand on how to address a toxic boss
Check out my channel--passive-aggressive bosses
Love it! Practical gems! Many thanks!🚀
I think you may be my favorite narcissist whisperer yet! Brilliant
Thank you--I say very very very softly.
Very helpful and funny. Boundaries, documentation, compassion and clearness
You make this so easy to digest and put into practice. I just love your information and teaching style!
I appreciate that, dmc and as always, I thank you for your membership:) :)
One of your best videos! Great content and excellent suggestions!
Thanks, Always.
You are preachin to me today!! Dropping some sacred messages 🙏🏻 def divinely sent 🌈💜
Wonderful!
Luz, consider pressing that "join" button and becoming a member of my channel :)
Hi Dan my name is Arturo I’m in process of writing a book and am researching. You channel full of gold nuggets. You’re a world class trainer. I hope I can be a world class trainer like you. Sincerely Arturo Bolanos Houston Texas. I only met on world class trainer named Phillipp Thalmann from Swissport. He trained me as a LEAN Coach and LEAN Facilitator Trainer.
Happy to help in your research, Arturo. And thank you for your kind words :)
Excellent advice.
This was great, helpful advice!
I work for the EU in Brussels and am a 55 year old woman. I'm now in a new job and omg, there are 3 other assistants : 1 outright narc and 1 covert.
I nearly CHOKED when you said, "Hey narky narc." 😂😂😂😂😂
Ok the subject is extremely serious but you made me ROAR !!!
THANK YOU ! 😂😂😂❤
Everything you said is SOOOO reassuring and I loved your delivery !
Ok, tomorrow I will know what to say.
I mean no one would ever think of me as a person who finds herself as a "victim" of these people as I'm extraverted and kind but hooooo mama, I must attract these kinds like flies to poo. 🤔
Omg the getting-us-alone covert narcs : wow! I hadn't seen that.
I was telling my husband, as a newcomer to the division, and hearing the covert talk about the overt only made me think : omg FOR SURE they will be talking about me.
Anyway, I have to repeat : I love your way of delivering the message with the music and your way of talking.
Again, thank you for this video! I'm going to search out more from you.
Thanks Canuckbelgo; I appreciate your message :)
@@TheWizardOfWords je vous en prie, monsieur ! 🙂👍
Thank you ❤ Great advice! Very helpful tools ✌️
Well said, and a little humor to go with it. ❤😂
This was incredibly awesome!
Lauren H!tLer... you're sooo funny 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you, really helpful
I love this!!!
Omg I needed you. There is this crazy narcissistic old lady at work she is know by ex employees for getting people fired or getting people to quit and she hates me plays weird mind head games with me all the time one minute she's giving me dirty looks acting like she's staying 10ft away from me in front of patients and other employees and next day she's all nice and endearing always talking bad about others and trying to get others in trouble I'm sick of her mind games I didn't know how to deal with her so after last Mondays bullsh** from her I'm done luckily I don't see her everyday i see her like 3 times a week but so I'm ignoring all her conversations and staying away from her unless we need to come together for work and when iv tried to ignore her b4 it bothers her alot she comes asking if I'm OK as if something must be wrong with me if I'm staying away from her. Lol I needed ur video thank you so much I'm subscribing right now. I really need help with this im a total people pleaser.
Keep doing what you're doing--DISTANCE--she does seem like a covert narcissist, so you don't want to be alone with her AT ALL.
@TheWizardOfWords ah I need to not be alone with her. Today she asked me to help her put up Christmas decor in the office. And iv been ignoring her so that was weird and like a bozo I said yes but I only helped her with 1 thing but now I will not do it again and will make sure not to be alone with her. Thank you so much for reminding me. ❤️
😂 I love you. I woke up feeling flat. I watched this video and it made me chuckle. You're brilliant. Thank you x
Okay you’re amazingly on point!
Thank you!!
Thank you I love this so much
I'm glad you like it
I love you! Thank you!
This video was incredibly informative and very accurate and I was intently engaged...
Except for at the end when he went into an unusal political rant that seemed, frankly, irrelevant. I don't really know anything about Lauren Boebert but, the segment in this video about her seemed to be very out of place and really confused me.
I just can't seem to understand the point of all that. I feel like it really took away from the video.
Quaagin, first, please learn about Ms. Boebert and then return to the video.
This is so entertaining 😂❤
Wow! You're awesome!
Thank you! 😃
"Smokey Eyes and Pageant Hair"...got my attention!
Brilliant information, thanks very much
Glad it was helpful!
This is helpful. OMW ❤
Excellent advice, especially at 8:13 👍
Love what you do Dan. However, please use psychology terms carefully. Psychosis should not be lumped with psychopathy. Those who experience psychosis are not psychopaths. I think that's a widespread misconception that needs to be clarified ❤. Thanks for the great food for thought as always. Everyone can benefit from learning about narcissism. Doing so honestly changed my life.
Thanks for the clarification, Annie. I appreciate it.
It's not the same... however, people with personality disorders can have psychotic episodes, delusions etc. It's not always obvious...
I’d agree in principle about not co-opting psych terms, but on the other hand, we need to concede when a word has entered popular vernacular and pay attention to the connotation vs merely the denotation. Otherwise you’ll end up being the person chastising others for saying something entirely benign like “this song is depressing”
DANG - your boebert caricature is a brilliant demonstrative 💥
I come for the knowledge, and stay for the sass !
hahahahaha :) :) :)
This is amazong 🎉❤
I’m new to your work and dang I wish I would’ve found you years ago 🙏As a self-described light in the world, I’ve attracted these types my whole life they’re everywhere and it’s exhausting. I think the problem is far worse than I thought and I was just putting lipstick on a pig lol I love the phrases that you give people to use . Thank you so much since I turned 40 I ain’t got time for shenanigans no more. Thank you for being here!
Thanks much t0talrecall. 40? You're just a kid! :)
Oh wow, very good strategies. I never knew these existed.
YES, the armor I equipped was- learn their language…and identify them to protect myself. You’re totally spot on. Thank you for the insight. I’ve gotten REALLY good at identifying different types of people.. not by body language- but down to how they dress, where they’ve shown up (let’s say they’re dressed like they’re high class, and randomly choose to eat that the hood McDonald’s, knowing there was a more corporate run location in their neighborhood) 😂😮💨
I don’t even talk to the overt but the covert oh boy 😂
I’m laughing 😂😂😂. I have a colleague who I respond to the way you describe it in the video and it works!!
"public urination" LOL!
You're the best.
You’re doing The Lord’s work and I’m grateful for you. ❤
We had one girl bring her laptop to work. She sat it on the point of sale counter ( we sell shoes ), and proceeded to continue writing her personal fantasy novel. At work! I'm dumbfounded and confused. I'm thinking "is that what we pay you for?" You are supposed to be out on the floor, helping customers and selling shoes!? 🤦♀️
Where is your manager?
@TheWizardOfWords I'm the assistant manager and my store manager was not there. Although, I advised him of what she was doing. I'm guessing he talked to her about it, because the next day instead of the laptop being there, she had a journal notepad she was writing the novel in instead of the laptop. When I asked my store manager about it, he said he told her that if her laptop gets stolen, the company will not be responsible for any theft or damage. While that might have been a temporary deterrent, it still did not stop the behavior. She just changed forms of already said bad behavior. The girl no longer works there, however she was the type that you couldn't say anything to because she would make it a huge drama or run to HR. Since then I have been watching your videos and learning new ways in which I could have possibly approached her and said something. It still might have triggered her, on the other hand, it might have worked like a charm. I have taken to role playing with family members to practice your techniques as well. Though all that being said, I imagine one could still be the best communicator in the world, and still lose the battle. Much as I try to steer from negativity I think it's wise to understand that certain people in this world are a lost cause, no matter how hard we try. Thanks so much for all your amazing videos, they really help!
@@denster77 no amount of communication will ever make someone passionate about being a wage slave. I can understand why she’d want to focus on something more fulfilling and impactful on her overall career, even if that makes you upset bc it’s not fulfilling your wants. You’d probably have more luck approaching these situations with more empathy. Understand the employee’s motivation for their behavior that you don’t like, and you can steer it in a direction more beneficial to yourself
Lauren H tler had me howling. I’m now going to watch this again to get those narc tips. Thanks for the laugh and the info.
This was great! Especially the "Bobert" narcissistic
😅😂😆🤣
You are God's blessings. You have helped me countless times dealing with difficult people and my lack of skills to communicate effectively. I have learned a lot for the past 5 or 6 years from you and today...I had to go back and do a refresher and as always m..you provide effective skills and an outlook to understand other people better. Thank you so much.
You're welcome, Christine. :)
This is best best advice on how to be around or working with BPD person .
You mean NPD.
How did you become so people knowledgeable!? Every time I watch you, I'm amazed by your emotional intelligence. Thank you for sharing 💗
Jeanmarierock--if my mother sees your handle, she'll steal it :). To answer your question--I try very hard to stay awake and alert on this brief journey and encourage others to do the same.
@@TheWizardOfWords it's my REAL name ,lol😂 thanks for sharing your knowledge ❤
Well the Jean Marie part is my mother's name, and she only WISHES she rocks. (Just kidding, Mom; don't call me up and give me a speech--please.)
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm positive your Mom "Rocks" with a son as well spoken, and with your quick wit, I know she raised you just right. I appreciate your advice on handling difficult people, it really valuable information! Thanks again for all your advice. 🙏❤🕊
Yes truth be told my mom rocks.
Aging senior citizens who won’t retire and don’t acknowledge their own use by date, uselessness and toxicity are the worst.
I am dealing with a narcissist and recently he just repeated (word for word), my argument to other people claiming it was his argument, and yet that argument contradicted his whole point.
I love your advice and how you present it....idk if I can be so blunt though lol
Some work environments will now make you an outcast when you call out the gossipers.
Call them out how? You mean by telling them you want no part of gossip or telling ON them to someone--HR, e.g.
By telling them you do not want any part of it. Besides, HR is a no go area for me:-)@@TheWizardOfWords
Very happy to hear that HR is a no-go. It should be a no-go for most people most of the time. In re being an outcast--remember that the workplace isn't a social club. If people who gossip see you as a non-participant, THAT'S A GOOD THING and gives you more time to devote to your work, which is why you are AT WORK in the first place.
Rofl 😂 “Lauren Hitler over and over again.”Explains a lot! Thanks!
This guy rocks. He speaks the truth...yet retains kindness while talking about terrorist coworkers
Thanks Middle :)