Chris Distefano | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

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  • Опубліковано 25 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,8 тис.

  • @chrisdcomedy
    @chrisdcomedy 2 роки тому +2508

    THANKS FOR HAVING ME ON BABE!!!! IT WAS CUTE AS F! I WANNA BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!!

    • @nexuses1
      @nexuses1 2 роки тому +35

      Loved the love story, but the killing the family really made me rethink that 'cute psycho' behaviour

    • @kevinb3300
      @kevinb3300 2 роки тому +31

      Chrissy Caffeines!!

    • @groebot
      @groebot 2 роки тому +8

      Loved the story mate!

    • @SoCal2NC
      @SoCal2NC 2 роки тому +17

      Love Chrissy and the Rat King together!!!

    • @joelm6631
      @joelm6631 2 роки тому +8

      Chrissy Chaos killed it.

  • @jadesurber2051
    @jadesurber2051 2 роки тому +2686

    In this episode: Theo asks one question and spends the rest of the episode listening to the answer

    • @themonger954
      @themonger954 2 роки тому +32

      Is that what happens when Theo doesn’t a line with what the guest is saying….?

    • @fillbill2454
      @fillbill2454 2 роки тому +166

      Chrissy d is the goat so it doesn’t matter still a good episode

    • @jadesurber2051
      @jadesurber2051 2 роки тому +14

      @@fillbill2454 yeah it was good

    • @TendoTheDude
      @TendoTheDude 2 роки тому +55

      Idk if I'd call it listening lol more like interjecting at the best parts

    • @tonyluong6732
      @tonyluong6732 2 роки тому +73

      they just spent an hour talking about love and im here for the entire thing

  • @coltonjones2253
    @coltonjones2253 2 роки тому +590

    I like how Chris said "I can't say the guys name" while describing the most unique person I've ever heard of lmao.

    • @i_Gotcha_
      @i_Gotcha_ 2 роки тому +19

      😂 right. Even threw in “can’t say his name due to HIPAA”

    • @mbrady535
      @mbrady535 2 роки тому +1

      😂😂😂

    • @justinc.536
      @justinc.536 2 роки тому +4

      "He was having shoulder issues"

    • @rawdog9674
      @rawdog9674 2 роки тому +11

      Threw in the university and years the patient was seen too lmaoo

    • @megantrumbull4149
      @megantrumbull4149 2 роки тому

      @@rawdog9674 😆

  • @LiamsComment
    @LiamsComment 2 роки тому +483

    Theo: I don't know if we were in love, but we lived near each other.
    Theos mind is gold.

    • @gunnarbeamer8603
      @gunnarbeamer8603 Рік тому +4

      Maybe the most creative comedic mind ever as far as analogies go

    • @shotoutcurb9071
      @shotoutcurb9071 Рік тому +3

      Bro 😭

    • @Cegros
      @Cegros Рік тому +4

      I actually have a genuine theory on this. Axis Ansari has spoken at length about his parents’ arranged marriage and it’s success and actual love. Now of course arranged marriages are super strange to us, but things are only strange to a mind and culture unaccustomed to it.
      Point being, I know many of you have felt and believed the feeling of being in love with somebody, multiple different times. Our culture stresses the need for a “fairy tale” relationship, where you find your soulmate. And we’re constantly exposed to lust provoking images and ideas, instilling the consumerist ideal of constantly “needing” something “better.”
      I believe human beings are inherently able to learn to love just about anything/anybody. And proximity along with exposure used to be the limiting factors in mate-finding, and I guarantee our great grandparents were much more content in their relationships and lives overall.

    • @Emstensonn1
      @Emstensonn1 Рік тому +1

      He says so many things that belong on a t shirt 👕 ❤😅

    • @SuccessSeeker09
      @SuccessSeeker09 Рік тому

      😂

  • @gordonmacvinish6633
    @gordonmacvinish6633 2 роки тому +317

    Chris excitedly blurting out this story but painfully halted by theos random jokes kills me. But then for theo to give the nod again for chris to continue is just pure ecstasy.

    • @MamaRobynR
      @MamaRobynR 2 роки тому +7

      Right!!! This one of my favorite episodes of a pod ever! So good. And these two are so comfortable w/ each other’s odd personalities are perfectly understanding the crazy tangents each other toss in randomly. It’s just the best!

    • @danielhernandez3831
      @danielhernandez3831 10 місяців тому

      He's the best.

  • @juliovelasco250
    @juliovelasco250 2 роки тому +793

    Theo is so effortlessly funny: "the first girl i ever kissed had a chip tooth and they made us kiss, and we were in love. Well, idk if we were in love but we lived near each other"

    • @TheMmaConnoisseur_
      @TheMmaConnoisseur_ 2 роки тому +1

      😂

    • @TheMmaConnoisseur_
      @TheMmaConnoisseur_ 2 роки тому +2

      Look at Theo's hand @15:00

    • @Unvaccinated_Vern
      @Unvaccinated_Vern 2 роки тому +1

      haha, went RIGHT over Chris's head!

    • @thebourquetorque
      @thebourquetorque 2 роки тому +1

      Highest iq in comedy for sure

    • @aranorbruce
      @aranorbruce 2 роки тому +1

      @@TheMmaConnoisseur_ LOL! Theo: "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah; like BDSM?!" *_Chris:_*_ "Like a suicidal-type thing."_ Theo: "Like _Italian_ BDSM??"

  • @googleapocalypse1967
    @googleapocalypse1967 2 роки тому +754

    I think Chris just beat the world record for most words spoken during a podcast.

    • @chrishan9122
      @chrishan9122 2 роки тому +22

      You're forgetting about Jesse Ventura.

    • @ninjawatchdog
      @ninjawatchdog 2 роки тому +35

      Oh, so youve never heard of Bart Krishner

    • @paigexoann3599
      @paigexoann3599 2 роки тому +1

      Yo Fr

    • @emuccino
      @emuccino 2 роки тому +39

      Cocaine's a hell of a drug

    • @petemal3884
      @petemal3884 2 роки тому +8

      “Chrissy 8 balls” ❄️ 👃🏼 🥶

  • @MrBeProvocative
    @MrBeProvocative 2 роки тому +577

    Theo drops gems every podcast, but describing low-hanging balls as "the devil's mistletoe" legitimately made me cry laughing lmaoooo

    • @James-PHX
      @James-PHX 2 роки тому +8

      Same lmao

    • @allstopblue5717
      @allstopblue5717 2 роки тому +5

      So fuxkjng good. Nobody else saying shit like that either. Lol

    • @NotTheRealCodyDean
      @NotTheRealCodyDean 2 роки тому +1

      That shit killed me stiff lol

    • @vibrantlight90
      @vibrantlight90 2 роки тому +1

      OMGAAAWD!!! I only heard the “mistletoe “ part but “the devil’s mistletoe “ lnfmao!! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂ty!!! Fkn THEO!!! Those one liners are next level!!🤣😂✌🏼

    • @danmarteen8946
      @danmarteen8946 2 роки тому +1

      He’s quick with the analogies

  • @Torroh
    @Torroh 2 роки тому +429

    10:29 Chris: “& I got that bracelet”
    Theo: *looks down disappointed* “I dont have it”
    Theo doesn’t even have to try to be hilarious it’s just pouring out of him 😂

    • @abigailtoomey9883
      @abigailtoomey9883 2 роки тому +17

      This cracked me up more than it should have 😂

    • @seanladden6304
      @seanladden6304 2 роки тому +9

      So glad I have comrades out there that were hit by this small moment the same as I was. Had to play those 5 sec back like 20× to move on

    • @Jessica-zf8dx
      @Jessica-zf8dx 2 роки тому +4

      I rewound this quite a few times. Hilarious 😂

    • @emanaly3323
      @emanaly3323 2 роки тому

      That was hilarious ahahaha

    • @Spooki_
      @Spooki_ 2 роки тому

      Yoooo that shit got me too 😂

  • @gupiluv86
    @gupiluv86 2 роки тому +112

    Theo’s on brand commentary during Chris’s story telling is just THE BEST..

  • @rancewhite9312
    @rancewhite9312 2 роки тому +1597

    Also, shout out to Theo for dressing EXACTLY like my elementary PE teacher. The first lesbian on the block out in Lincoln Elementary in Norman, Ok. Everything from the fit to the hair, ya boys upstairs. Praise God.

    • @JDoradoTube
      @JDoradoTube 2 роки тому +15

      Yes babe

    • @rancewhite9312
      @rancewhite9312 2 роки тому +19

      @@angrybuttlicker just for the sake of accuracy…this was circa 93-97ish.

    • @zayduran710
      @zayduran710 2 роки тому +12

      @@rancewhite9312 early to mid 2000s you can still find them in rural areas closer to the city.

    • @rancewhite9312
      @rancewhite9312 2 роки тому +13

      @UCAc4V2ze7gK2ZMLmkLDp4kA our lesbian PE teacher taught us the fundamentals of form tackling and the Oklahoma Drill with NO shoulder pads when the Oklahoma Sooners football team would come do a special assembly with our school. It was basically like the scene in 300 where the elders watched the children from afar, and if they succeeded in form tackling in the Oklahoma drills, we would be worthy, and if we didn’t we were thrown to the side of the cliff. This was boys AND girls just so we’re 100% clear on all the small details.

    • @thewind6047
      @thewind6047 2 роки тому +7

      @@angrybuttlicker same bruh lmao, shoutout to Mr. Leech the first lesbian on the hardwood at Wilburn Elementary Raleigh, NC, usa

  • @cincinnatiharry2460
    @cincinnatiharry2460 2 роки тому +416

    Love how Theo only asked one question and it turned into this. Already wanting more

    • @janec4
      @janec4 2 роки тому +3

      Yasss agreed!!!

    • @shawnaimus
      @shawnaimus 2 роки тому +3

      Real talk

    • @janec4
      @janec4 2 роки тому +2

      Yasss👍👍👍

    • @avargs3505
      @avargs3505 2 роки тому +3

      Theo actually listens ..met him in a show in Texas and you could tell he was going to be great. This was before he blew up and it was really something. He does care and it’s been wild to see all that’s happened this past weekend over the years.

  • @nevershook970
    @nevershook970 2 роки тому +205

    “I feel like I’m in an Uber x with no brakes.” I’ve never heard Chris D summed up so perfectly 😂

  • @nachomansandyravage2346
    @nachomansandyravage2346 2 роки тому +86

    "They made us kiss. We were in love. Well we lived near each other" I laughed for 3 minutes straight at that. Ha ha

  • @sierramalpass9876
    @sierramalpass9876 2 роки тому +145

    The most accurate representation of current North vs South is Theo saying "dude hold on, you're talking to fast, I'm trying to think" 😂😂😂
    From a southerner 😂😂

    • @lewissavaidis
      @lewissavaidis 10 місяців тому

      I legit had to drop the playback speed to x0.75

  • @chrishan9122
    @chrishan9122 2 роки тому +466

    Theo*clinches jaw*: I definitely am going to go home and probably have more popcorn like I usually do.
    Chris: Popcorn's not terrible for you though, man.
    Theo: it's not terrible, but it's not a family.
    🥺😂😂😂😂😂

    • @rams812
      @rams812 2 роки тому +6

      For the rest of my life, I'm gonna find ways to throw that in 😂😂😂

    • @crustyrage4008
      @crustyrage4008 2 роки тому +11

      That caught me off guard lol it's hilarious but kinda sad too

    • @NotBocephus
      @NotBocephus 2 роки тому

      😂😂 which part is this i missed it

    • @NotBocephus
      @NotBocephus 2 роки тому +5

      Found it 1:30:35

    • @chrishan9122
      @chrishan9122 2 роки тому +1

      @@NotBocephus I was looking through to remember. I knew it was towards the end when Don/Dom came on. Lol

  • @stacey4199
    @stacey4199 2 роки тому +159

    "I don't f*ck anybody out of an urgent care." Lmao I love this man 🙌🏻

    • @aphysique
      @aphysique 2 роки тому +1

      Yeah that's some shiet

    • @magicjackm
      @magicjackm 2 роки тому

      that and "I don't know if we were in love, but we lived near each other"
      episode is stocked w/ quotables

    • @erinzazueta204
      @erinzazueta204 2 роки тому

      I was crying 🤣🤣🤣

  • @8teknik
    @8teknik 2 роки тому +245

    Even though he can hardly say a word, Theo is freaking killing it. Love him.

    • @alec6948
      @alec6948 2 роки тому +22

      They did an incredible two bears one cave impression 😭

    • @8teknik
      @8teknik 2 роки тому +1

      @@alec6948hahahaha youre absolutely right.

    • @ophiophagushannah1573
      @ophiophagushannah1573 2 роки тому

      @Marcus Middleton That's a bad analogy bc Klay gets open looks bc the defense is focused on steph. So in your analogy Theo is the #2?

    • @ashanteywagner7889
      @ashanteywagner7889 2 роки тому

      @Marcus Middleton ff

    • @ashanteywagner7889
      @ashanteywagner7889 2 роки тому

      @Marcus Middleton f

  • @rubenrivera3115
    @rubenrivera3115 2 роки тому +37

    It’s impressive how naturally funny these two are in effortless conversations

  • @jessquinlan3778
    @jessquinlan3778 2 роки тому +47

    theo has such a good heart man, i hope he finds the love he deserves

    • @eddie1975utube
      @eddie1975utube Рік тому

      Theo, your friends are trying to tell you what everyone already knows! You’re gay! Just embrace it and find yourself the man of your dreams!

  • @brooks3765
    @brooks3765 2 роки тому +376

    I actually spit out water when Theo said "the devil's mistletoe"

    • @bigrd007
      @bigrd007 2 роки тому +8

      Lmao same bro fuckin legend

    • @RossCampoli
      @RossCampoli 2 роки тому +2

      @@josephkukaraywhite 36:31

    • @QsReef
      @QsReef 2 роки тому

      That took me out 🤣

  • @SuperZombiekiller77
    @SuperZombiekiller77 2 роки тому +259

    It’s physically impossible not to laugh with how many jokes are just being passed back to each other omg

    • @GabeSutton21
      @GabeSutton21 2 роки тому +9

      Agreed lol this made me laugh so much. Much needed

    • @mattsmith8876
      @mattsmith8876 2 роки тому +7

      Lol that's awesome Paul. I just commented something similar. Gang baby! 🤙

    • @Coloradom3
      @Coloradom3 2 роки тому +4

      Lol these guys were just flowin

    • @omilett
      @omilett 2 роки тому

      paid for comments

    • @brodyfulford6096
      @brodyfulford6096 2 роки тому +2

      Two comedians having a “serious” conversation is always great because it’s half joking the entire time 😆

  • @Lemiwinkss
    @Lemiwinkss 2 роки тому +173

    I really like how Chris acknowledges everything Theo says, and repeats what he says too. I feel like with podcasts and interviews everyone is just waiting for the their chance to talk. This is my first exposure to Chris and he seems like a legitimately genuine guy. It also seems like this is a real conversation without any bullshit. It’s so refreshing and I love it . Gang Gang!

    • @joeangiello9784
      @joeangiello9784 2 роки тому +18

      I just started following Chris in the last year and now I watch everything he puts out. Dude is hilarious and a solid human being. His Patreon is amazing

    • @Lemiwinkss
      @Lemiwinkss 2 роки тому +4

      @@joeangiello9784 oh, I will have to check that out! Thanks!

    • @firstnamelastname180
      @firstnamelastname180 2 роки тому +9

      Yeah if this is the first time you've seen him you're in for a good time, hes one of the best!

    • @brownjatt21
      @brownjatt21 2 роки тому +8

      @@Lemiwinkss definitely search up videos of him talking about his dad. Those are hilarious. His dad is the most old school Italian American dad ever lol.

    • @Ciscokudi
      @Ciscokudi 2 роки тому +4

      Damn can he take a min 2 breath.? Overwhelming with his Talk!!

  • @ebrewer89
    @ebrewer89 2 роки тому +50

    “Mine looks like Charlie Brown’s shirt kinda.”
    Theo: draws invisible jagged line
    Shit kills me 😂

  • @drew8393
    @drew8393 2 роки тому +210

    Chris is a funny dude. He’s definitely a successful comic but he could have made it as an auctioneer, salesman, politician or televangelist with at least as much success. Gift of gab is a good thing. Keep it up Chris!

    • @emuccino
      @emuccino 2 роки тому +25

      It's the cocaine

    • @justinhoran4112
      @justinhoran4112 2 роки тому +22

      @@emuccino It's amazing how few ppl noticed, i mean they were straight gacked out in the beggining lol

    • @captdouche77
      @captdouche77 2 роки тому

      On shit loads of cocaine. Without? ...Hmm..

    • @LoganHolshouser-px5vh
      @LoganHolshouser-px5vh Рік тому

      Yeah he said he had all that food in the morning. Screams last night I did cocaine 😂

    • @variaxi935
      @variaxi935 Рік тому +1

      that is the most accurate comment about chrissy d I have ever seen lmao

  • @jessicabritton8750
    @jessicabritton8750 2 роки тому +281

    Chris: But I wouldn’t NEVER kill my kids.
    Yeah.
    Chris: But I WOULD kill my stepson.
    …yeah.

  • @mrkoffa1492
    @mrkoffa1492 2 роки тому +157

    As a black man I can genuinely say these two are my favorite pseudo racist.

  • @tindlevibes4680
    @tindlevibes4680 2 роки тому +38

    As a real dad, this story fills my heart. That’s love. Chris, you just leveled up in the real dad club.

    • @MoreBud-Angel
      @MoreBud-Angel 2 роки тому

      EVERYONE knows -self Real Dad claims- are just lowkey boxcar drifters.
      -A Nice Guy

    • @rodneyk4476
      @rodneyk4476 2 роки тому +1

      You mean a real dad that just nuts in a woman bc he feels too inferior to a guy he’s never even met?? That’s not a real dad that’s a real piece of shit

    • @jadesurber2051
      @jadesurber2051 2 роки тому +3

      @@rodneyk4476 yeah I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned that he finished in her on purpose as she's trying to push him off.. honestly disturbing

    • @rodneyk4476
      @rodneyk4476 2 роки тому +1

      @@jadesurber2051 THANK YOU! damn finally someone with some sense! I thought I was losing my damn mind reading all these comments talking about how awesome this guy is, he’s a piece of shit and NOT funny whatsoever. Thank you for pointing that out so maybe I won’t look like I’m just hating on the guy for just his lack of talent.. he’s truly a piece of human trash and doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as Theo

    • @jadesurber2051
      @jadesurber2051 2 роки тому +1

      @@rodneyk4476 100% agree w you

  • @Jo-sv6uw
    @Jo-sv6uw 2 роки тому +26

    i love when theo gets nervous about the story & pulls his shirt over his mouth- he feels the feelings so hard! hahaha

  • @first_ones_free6556
    @first_ones_free6556 Рік тому +87

    You always think Theo is the strange one until he sits next to someone like Chris Distefano.

  • @Mossbergg
    @Mossbergg 2 роки тому +49

    I love chris is like "shout out to the people still watching when we not doing jokes and talking about love" meanwhile i was crying laughing hearing them talk about it 💀

  • @dirtydoge756
    @dirtydoge756 2 роки тому +72

    "you sing that like you're deaf"
    I'm not even sure how i'm still alive after that comment.

    • @gabinohidalgo885
      @gabinohidalgo885 2 роки тому +3

      Lol Chris says, "and this is gay, I love cock, when my dad's asleep " lol wtttf that's funny

    • @samuelbarrett9403
      @samuelbarrett9403 2 роки тому

      That one got me! Couldn’t breathe!! 🤣🤣🤣

  • @autumnmount495
    @autumnmount495 2 роки тому +23

    “I’m pretty sure he was having shoulder issues”
    “Oh easily! What do you have left?” 🤣

  • @jazelle1446
    @jazelle1446 Рік тому +14

    This is my favorite podcast episode. I love Jasmin. It’s nice to hear Chris tell this story

  • @tommycurley6101
    @tommycurley6101 2 роки тому +45

    You can see in Theo over the years podcasting he has been depressed at times thanks Theo for still bringing happiness to us all love you brother ❤️

  • @Positive7277
    @Positive7277 2 роки тому +180

    Theo is such a thinker, i love it!! He’s so adorable! He always seems to talk about relationships. I hope he finds a fantastic lady. Don’t settle Theo. Have a fantastic day! 💖

  • @diogenespulicay5562
    @diogenespulicay5562 2 роки тому +173

    “I appreciate your hope for me, and some of it I don’t” - Theo
    Let’s get some love for Theo! Preferably a woman, but maybe a guy

    • @SalemSphynx
      @SalemSphynx 2 роки тому +3

      Awww Theo's awesome, its just tough finding somewhat "normal" right now nevermind love lol😳

    • @diogenespulicay5562
      @diogenespulicay5562 2 роки тому

      @@SalemSphynx true story

    • @samuelbarrett9403
      @samuelbarrett9403 2 роки тому

      @@SalemSphynx Facts!

  • @Twirlingbarbie
    @Twirlingbarbie 2 роки тому +657

    Chris really is like the personification of my ADHD brain

    • @hakunamitatas8525
      @hakunamitatas8525 2 роки тому +7

      i was thinking the same thing lmao

    • @NoVACorpsGaming
      @NoVACorpsGaming 2 роки тому +10

      If neurodivergance was a podcast, I love it

    • @AgendaInMind
      @AgendaInMind 2 роки тому +10

      Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people because an upsetting event occurs in their lives taking them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death.
      While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes.
      Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way.
      It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......

    • @vasey6635
      @vasey6635 2 роки тому +10

      @@KyleBGanger I read it, shit was tight. Philip K Dick novella.

    • @autumnmount495
      @autumnmount495 2 роки тому +1

      Lmao yep 🤣 that’s why his podcast is a favorite. And hey babe.

  • @kiethj7
    @kiethj7 2 роки тому +7

    This is the duo we really need in a podcast. You guys have great respect and love for one another. You can tell by how yall riff off each other in all smiles. Apprecaite you two!!

  • @UsunnTT
    @UsunnTT 2 роки тому +13

    "I been with some... Wounded antilopes" man Theo is such a fucking natural man, gets me cracking everytime

  • @vintz3327
    @vintz3327 2 роки тому +166

    Theo Von is bunch of thoughts wrapped in a beautiful mullet wielding human body, praise God.

  • @tgbeam
    @tgbeam 2 роки тому +41

    Podcasts like this make it that much easier to tell depression to eat shit

  • @siebs.
    @siebs. 2 роки тому +84

    It's been one of those days man. Definitely needed this, thank you so much Theo.

    • @benbolton4221
      @benbolton4221 2 роки тому +1

      gives a little light to anyones day no matter how rough it’s been. laughter is good for the soul 🙏🏼 hope all is well brother. gang gang

    • @alexmcmillan945
      @alexmcmillan945 2 роки тому

      Zip it.

    • @slimjimmy5730
      @slimjimmy5730 2 роки тому

      Hope everything gets better for you bro

  • @jahkohzi3702
    @jahkohzi3702 2 роки тому +7

    Best Theo side comment of the podcast : “ I feel like I’m in a Uber x with no brakes “

  • @brandonmcdaniel6720
    @brandonmcdaniel6720 2 роки тому +29

    "Feel like I'm in a UberX with no brakes in it" 🤣😂🤣😂

    • @Kbwintyy
      @Kbwintyy Рік тому

      My favorite line lmao so good

  • @brucie9977
    @brucie9977 2 роки тому +13

    Bro this is insane Theo asked about how he met his girl and I am legitimately 35 minutes in and this dude chris is still answering the fucking question

  • @andrewbautista7941
    @andrewbautista7941 2 роки тому +45

    Chris Distefano's energy is just so refreshing. I almost feel like he would make a good evangelic pastor.

    • @barryryan5187
      @barryryan5187 2 роки тому

      he is on coke and telling lies, so yeah he would make a great pastor

    • @8CheerleadingGirl8
      @8CheerleadingGirl8 2 роки тому

      @@barryryan5187 how do u know he’s on coke lol

    • @SalemSphynx
      @SalemSphynx 2 роки тому +1

      That'd be umm, something, wow lol😳

    • @SalemSphynx
      @SalemSphynx 2 роки тому

      @@barryryan5187 Not all coke-talkers are liars fyi lol🤣I talk & think super fast cuz of anxiety but have ZERO energy i.e. worst combo ever:(

    • @o2Hayden
      @o2Hayden 2 роки тому +2

      yuh especially with the rapey not pulling out when someones tryna push them off you because he was feeling inferior. Literally his words lmfao

  • @jessicawilson7557
    @jessicawilson7557 2 роки тому +16

    Theo just wants to be loved and love someone. I hope you find that person Theo!!! You are such an amazing soul.

  • @ericaquino5169
    @ericaquino5169 2 роки тому +18

    1:32:30 we all know how quick witted Theo's brain is during any conversation but this moment right here is the closest I've ever seen to Theo's brain almost being speechless!!

  • @douglasmbrannan9728
    @douglasmbrannan9728 Рік тому +9

    I think it is most impressive that Chris is actually a Doctor, but he rarely ever mentions it in any interview. Clearly he is full of confidence... We should all strive to be like this.

  • @christianwensing4104
    @christianwensing4104 2 роки тому +38

    One of the most entertaining episodes to date imo, chris is truly a hilarious guest and his energy and theos work together so well.

  • @sarrrche
    @sarrrche 2 роки тому +51

    “If you want a good woman, go for a republican” 😂😂😂😂😂

    • @mysonandme8424
      @mysonandme8424 2 роки тому +7

      100% true.

    • @samathum4711
      @samathum4711 2 роки тому

      Absolutely right

    • @aphysique
      @aphysique 2 роки тому

      Wow ya a republican like yourself, that's easy on da eyes...Pretty eye's by the way

    • @nightfighter7452
      @nightfighter7452 Рік тому

      Rather date a republican than the polyamorous, he/they women

  • @shawng.478
    @shawng.478 2 роки тому +8

    Chrissy d and his wild stories go perfectly with his freestyles. Chrissy on lead guitar Theo on bass.

  • @TheCrawf28X15
    @TheCrawf28X15 2 роки тому +26

    Also, Theo, get yourself a German Shepherd! They are great companions and you would look great sauntering around with one of those beautiful puppies!

  • @johnwstan4
    @johnwstan4 Рік тому +4

    This entire episode is how Chris met his baby mamma. Great to hear ppl talking realistically in a public forum. Dangerous trends in this country

  • @bori1986
    @bori1986 2 роки тому +35

    I don't know if we were in love but we lived near each other
    -Theo Von

  • @madisondegeorgio1483
    @madisondegeorgio1483 2 роки тому +41

    he is literally my favorite guest youve had, Chris always makes me laugh and he seems like such a fun and nice guy

  • @Im-just-Stardust
    @Im-just-Stardust 2 роки тому +88

    Theo is the type of dude to go to a UFC event shirtless written ''Just Bleed'' on his belly.

    • @bubblywaters3116
      @bubblywaters3116 2 роки тому +1

      Or the "Vagina Chronicles". Lol

    • @RolandO-b32
      @RolandO-b32 2 роки тому +2

      I hope to start seeing this at alllll future ufc events

  • @eall5630
    @eall5630 2 роки тому +4

    Theo's dejected "I don't have it." at 10:30 has me rolling

  • @TheMRock888
    @TheMRock888 2 роки тому +8

    I've watched Chris in 2 podcasts so far, and he's become another entertainer I really like, he's hilarious.

  • @janec4
    @janec4 2 роки тому +57

    THEO: you had sex with a woman on dialysis?
    CHRIS: it wasn’t a proud moment

    • @Toki52
      @Toki52 2 роки тому +2

      "Was it GOOD for her?" She'd be dead without it.

  • @1997HTAA
    @1997HTAA 2 роки тому +20

    That was the most open Chrissy has been with the details of his first pregnancy with Vin. What a lucky guy he is, he’s found the perfect companion for his chaos.

    • @1997HTAA
      @1997HTAA 2 роки тому

      @Dox UA-cam Employees Chrissy Beatings

  • @adamthe1stborn234
    @adamthe1stborn234 2 роки тому +4

    Keep the love flowing gentleman thats what we all need

  • @UnicornmooseE30
    @UnicornmooseE30 2 роки тому +36

    This guy is 1000mg of adderall personified and he’s fucking hilarious

    • @zeroxeroFX
      @zeroxeroFX 2 роки тому

      Which one? lol

    • @aphysique
      @aphysique 2 роки тому

      Except he's prolly all Natural

  • @jrsimpatiko8312
    @jrsimpatiko8312 2 роки тому +27

    Cris “I’m gonna kill my stepson” Distefano

  • @HanasRoom
    @HanasRoom 2 роки тому +25

    I HAVENT BEEN THIS EXCITED FOR AN EPISODE!! I love Theo and Chris, and love them together. Two very sincere and kind souls.

  • @Listarded
    @Listarded 2 роки тому +20

    The chaos takes over no matter what show chris is on

    • @icingcake
      @icingcake 2 роки тому

      He brings the entertainment and even life advice 😂 1:05:00 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @thenickseditious
    @thenickseditious 2 роки тому +46

    Chrissy and Theo together are such an amazing treat they riff off each other perfectly

    • @MrOvlov02
      @MrOvlov02 2 роки тому +1

      chris talks too much

    • @tym5483
      @tym5483 2 роки тому +2

      @@MrOvlov02 so do u

    • @Ciscokudi
      @Ciscokudi 2 роки тому

      Haha not sue if your joking or not!!🤣

    • @tym5483
      @tym5483 2 роки тому

      @@Ciscokudi You're *

  • @Ryther1990s
    @Ryther1990s Рік тому +2

    This was one of my favorite episodes from a podcast I've ever watched

  • @Verifiedsinger
    @Verifiedsinger Рік тому +2

    "You're singing it like your deaf, I like it"
    😂😂😂😂😂

  • @FrostedClarinet
    @FrostedClarinet 2 роки тому +43

    You guys should do a 2nd episode where Theo gets to talk!

  • @user-ru9xw9xi3b
    @user-ru9xw9xi3b 2 роки тому +15

    make no mistake...I have responsibilities and things I need to do but when chrissy chaos visits the rat king, Im here for it and nothing else is getting done.

  • @fazeclapfortnite2624
    @fazeclapfortnite2624 2 роки тому +7

    Theo you can do it. You only live once. Having your own family will probably be your key to Happiness and Mental stability

  • @jecrispy8217
    @jecrispy8217 2 роки тому +3

    Being Italian-American from NY, Chris is like every kid I ever grew up with 🤣🤣🤣

  • @VLE-Grimace
    @VLE-Grimace Рік тому +2

    I could listen to the chaotic conversations of Chris and Theo for the rest of eternity and I don’t think they’d ever run out of wild shit to say 🤣

  • @mhm6
    @mhm6 2 роки тому +9

    Hope Theo finds love in 2022. Rooting for you brother

  • @MaxElliott1
    @MaxElliott1 2 роки тому +12

    Chris is funny as hell man. Love to see him and Theo chopping it up.

  • @Thisguynamedalex
    @Thisguynamedalex 2 роки тому +5

    Destefano and Theo are such gentle souls I want more of this

  • @Alex-hz8ft
    @Alex-hz8ft 2 роки тому +8

    It’s funny how 2 comics together literally can’t get through a story because they’re constantly getting side tracked by little jokes from both sides lol

  • @ElisabethKanyer
    @ElisabethKanyer 2 роки тому +13

    Honestly couldn't love this ep more. Thank you boys!!!

  • @Joshmo1234
    @Joshmo1234 2 роки тому +28

    It's weird. I felt the same way with my wife. I don't know if it was love at first sight, but I felt something different with her than every other girl I was with. We just had our first child together too. Crazy how life goes.

    • @Sarcasmtomasksadness
      @Sarcasmtomasksadness 2 роки тому

      That’s cute

    • @tym5483
      @tym5483 2 роки тому +3

      Just had my son 24 hours ago and I know exactly the feeling you mean. Couldn't have done this with anyone else.

  • @nickpanacci3055
    @nickpanacci3055 2 роки тому +150

    If Chris brings up his leading man face, best friend body, I'm going to throw my phone

    • @shanespence120
      @shanespence120 2 роки тому +2

      He’s definitely got his wires crossed thinking this

    • @tgbeam
      @tgbeam 2 роки тому +12

      Y'all are on noooottttiiiice

    • @madcat5965
      @madcat5965 2 роки тому +2

      What type of dinosaur was the “leading man?” Never heard of it.

    • @AgendaInMind
      @AgendaInMind 2 роки тому +1

      Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people because an upsetting event occurs in their lives taking them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death.
      While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes.
      Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way.
      It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......

    • @BUKWulfSh0t
      @BUKWulfSh0t 2 роки тому +5

      @@AgendaInMind copying and pasting isn't very smart

  • @shumwab
    @shumwab 2 роки тому +12

    On the verge of hitting 1 million subscribers. You earned every one of them. Congrats.

  • @erinzazueta204
    @erinzazueta204 2 роки тому +1

    I fucken screamed when Chris said “ why are singing like your deaf” holy fuck man 😩😩😩

  • @CurtisJBergerJr
    @CurtisJBergerJr 2 роки тому +5

    The things Chris says with a straight face sometime lmao!! 😂

  • @ryanosborn1276
    @ryanosborn1276 2 роки тому +14

    This is probably the best story I’ve ever heard, makes me like Chris a lot. Great episode Theo

  • @cwyatt6066
    @cwyatt6066 2 роки тому +19

    The car being on fire had me rolling laughing through the sponsored ad he read 🤣🤣🤣

  • @Knight10p
    @Knight10p 2 роки тому +71

    Just what I needed this morning, thanks a lot Theo, hope you're good brother

  • @nineteen8122
    @nineteen8122 2 роки тому +4

    You’re singing it like you’re deaf, I like it.
    😂😂😂

  • @beetlestompit
    @beetlestompit 2 роки тому +4

    We need you around Theo ... just chillin or entertaining as you do ... it's a better world with you here in this day an age

  • @kevinparr7369
    @kevinparr7369 2 роки тому +11

    Theo nailed it in reference to young love back in the day... "We were in love, well we lived close to each other anyway." 😂

  • @malachiholder351
    @malachiholder351 2 роки тому +23

    Wow. The story about him and his kid, how he thinks he saw his kid when he looked at her and was in love... touching.

  • @rachelhouse9386
    @rachelhouse9386 2 роки тому +36

    Chris: Did you get the booster?
    Theo: Uhhhh I'm sure I've missed some shots.
    I love Theo Von. I just love him. 😆

  • @syphodyas226
    @syphodyas226 2 роки тому +17

    I hope Theo finds that woman that he can finally fall in love with. I think he needs that in his life.

  • @israelbrandongarcia3911
    @israelbrandongarcia3911 Рік тому +6

    "...and does he have a spine or not...?" Man that's a great question 😂

  • @dirtydoge756
    @dirtydoge756 2 роки тому +32

    Two of my absolute favorites. This is a very tasty pod.

  • @mattpike5264
    @mattpike5264 2 роки тому +8

    I love Chris' strategy: surround yourself with comedians and one day you could be one too

  • @bradmcfelin1594
    @bradmcfelin1594 2 роки тому +6

    That was a beautiful rendition of Eric Clapton 😂
    “Why do sound like a deaf guy when u sing “ was fucking perfect

  • @haydencohen3852
    @haydencohen3852 2 роки тому

    Awesome seeing you live in Jacksonville man! You absolutely killed!! Appreciate all the love!

  • @anniebiz5219
    @anniebiz5219 2 роки тому +2

    “You sing like you’re deaf” 😂😂😂😂😂