10 Steps To Being More Sociable
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- Do you wish you were more sociable? For some people, it may seem to come naturally, but being sociable and outgoing is something that can be practiced and learned.
In this video, I talk about 10 steps to being more sociable, how to practice being sociable, and give actionable steps that can help you on your social journey.
In this video:
0:00 Intro
1:30 Why do we have friends?
2:20 Sociable step #1
3:46 Sociable step #2
5:37 Sociable step #3
8:55 Sociable step #4
10:32 Sociable step #5
12:24 Sociable step #6
14:15 Sociable step #7
15:24 Sociable step #8
16:38 Sociable step #9
17:58 Sociable step #10
19:15 Bottom line
Captivate anyone you meet and succeed with people with my new book Captivate! Get yours here: www.scienceofpeople.com/capti...
Read all the cues at any social event with my new book Cues: www.scienceofpeople.com/cues/
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Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.
Do you want to be the most likable person in the room? Get my FREE guide now: www.scienceofpeople.com/
My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication (www.scienceofpeople.com/cues/) Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People (www.scienceofpeople.com/capti...) and I am the creator of People School. This advanced video communication course is for high achievers who want to be confident communicators.
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.
PS - Get our free 60-minute online trainings: www.scienceofpeople.com
+ Join the party on Instagram: / vvanedwards
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#social #sociable #friends #friendship #outgoing #vanessavanedwards #captivate #captivatebook #cues #cuesbook
Learn more about being more sociable in our full article on this topic: www.scienceofpeople.com/be-more-social/
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In step 3 you forgot omnivert
Introvert -> ambivert -> omnivert -> extrovert
Nobody is fully intro or extroverted
If it is raining on your way to work, and you stop in for coffee at the convenience store, instead of opening with the negative comment on the weather outside, say something like, "Boy, is it nice and dry in here!" with a big smile of grateful appreciation.
This is a brilliant suggestion. Commenting on a less that pleasant situation with something positive. 👍 Nice!
@@gamesinfoprofile Well, it took 31 years, but Jesus finally fixed my cranial rectal inversion! LOL
I do that. I hadn't thought about it.
I haven't always done that.
I think that, when you are generally happy and have an empowered attitude (I'm doing instead of I'm being done to), it's natural to see the good thing right away, and comment on it.
If l am happy, people are more likely to respond positively to honest expressions.
Yeah good point
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I just turned 30, and 29 really was my most friend-filled year.
Proverbs 20:15
There is gold, and a multitude of rubies: but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.
I am 57 years old, a very strong introvert, and I need to make more friends... This is a relevant video... Many thanks
I’m 41, and only discovering my introvert ways now. It’s exhausting! Wish I could connect easier with people 😓
51, and still learning too.
How is it going with making friends?
For introverted people who thrive on genuine connections it's WAYYYYYYY more than 90 hours to make a best friend.
The START FRESH TIP is what got me. I always go into a conversation with baggage, "i don't know how to start talking" " i am socially awkward" "i have social anxiety" . All these kind of thoughts just make it harder to talk to people. Thanks for this video
Instead of asking " What do you do?" Ask them what they like most about what they do.
I am exacted to practice all this.
I am from Brazil,but I got married with a Oregonian guy 😊.I am a Ambivert person.After 3 years leaving in a different country with a different culture I started to feel more comfortable being myself.
Thank you for your videos.It helped a lot to improve my English and also help me in my journey to be more sociable.
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Sorry, ma'an
Brasil! Yay!
Sorry for what?
Yeap Brazil🎉🎉🎉
This is hands down the best guide to improving social skills I have ever come across. Thank you Vanessa! I know I'll remember all of your tips for life
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Yay! I'm a hairdresser. Now I feel like a secret weapon, when it comes to social practice lol love your videos 💕
i need a haircut :)
Always great content with a wonderful attitude. Thanks Vanessa for the gem tips!
Fantastic tips Vanessa! Especially in these times of a lack of connection amongst people.
This was a really delightful discussion... Your smile and presence alone is very inspiring. Thanks & God Bless.
This was really beautiful! Thank you, Vanessa. 😇
You make me more better Vanessa. You are my social teacher 😇
Thank you for sharing your expertise and wonderful insights!
you are helping me to be more communicative and sociable. I love you so much
Me: What personal passion projects are you working on?
They: Sorry, what is that again?
😎😁🖐️
I suggest trying the channel Charisma on command.
I am a visual learner so they use movie and interview clips
as examples of how to interact.
What the hell! Talk like a normal person when asking me questions.
You can ask about their hobbies.
😂 hope you since met someone who has hobbies!
Really appreciated your sincere dedication to tell us most important points connected for social relation.....!!!💕💕💕
My favorite video because it’s completely what I wanna do! Connect with others and open up!!
Hey Vanessa, I would love to say these are very helpful tips. I got admit you are amazing and thank you for everything for trying to help
I am so glad that I found you and learn more about this topic and you are so amazing with the content. Thank you for the really informative tips. Learning lots. 😊
I really enjoyed listening to this. You're a great speaker because your speech strays from word fillers and you're energy is magnetic here ! I am not familiar with the word ambivert; I don't consider my self the either two extremes like yourself, so I learned something new. This video is one that I will rewatcj and most definitely share ! Thanks for the golden nuggets of knowledge!
I love lerning with you, thank u big hug
I have watched a LOT of videos like that and I must say, this one is definitely the best!
Starting fresh and being kind to ourselves are probably the biggest tips. They really help with fighting discouragement and I'm inspired to try being social again. Thanks VVE!
no cuz it’s crazy how were literally best friends now i love u so much
Thank you Vanessa for all the tips you share! You are so friendly and optimistic!
Thank you so much! It's a pleasure ❤
Am I the only person who absolutely dislikes when their hairdresser is trying to do the small talk?? 😁 Guilty! Hehe
Vanessa, you got me thinking about the interactions we have these days. Everything moving to the online space and how some people may go for weeks without talking to anyone face to face. Sometimes it feels so lonely out there.
I just got my coffee. And usually I'd have a little chat with a barista, but recently they've introduced a pick up option. If I didn't make a conscious effort to say at least 'thank you' this would have been another robotic transaction.
By the way, your camera presence is out of this world. I'm taking notes to do better on my own channel 💕🧜🏻♀️
You make me nervous but happy at the same time. So if I type something wrong or misspell something forgiving me but you know what I saying. I hope. Thanks for helping me step out of my comfort zone.
That 90 hour thing makes a lot of sense when you think about how easy it is for kids to make friends. They spend 6 hours a day with each other in school! LOL In the early grades before they change classes. I assume that is why we make so many friends as kids. The same dynamic would apply to kids on your block (well, before cell phones!).
It also reveals why most of our adult friends are formed at work; we spend all day every day with such people. As for the 29 year mark, that is when you have finally discovered, and come to grips with the fact, that people are jerks, generally speaking. (Yes, all of us; me too.)
Ummm... There are 24 hours in a day. So if one doesn't have 4 days within a month or even two to spend with another person, I seriously do not know how invested one will be in friendship that one expects to grow or a friendship one realistically expects to become fulfilling and sustain.
If one doesn't have time. One simply does not have the time.
And if one can't make the time. Then, be true to thineself.
Investing in an appropriate therapist seems like a far better option.
@@drzennAvian Well, I was speaking of a dynamic that all can clearly observe occurring in all of our lives. Why it is this way is a topic for another discussion.
So, your entire comment was completely off topic. But, thank you for feeling free to vent...?
P.S.
It is sad that you clearly think therapy is a good thing. Unfortunately, therapy is just one Hell bound sinner trying to make another Hell bound sinner feel better about themselves on their way to Hell. God said His people have committed two evils. They not only rejected Him, the fountain of living waters, but then they hewed out for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold water. That is your psychological counseling.
Continue on your present course of life and your depression will get progressively worse until you cannot bear it. You would become a happy person if you just get your rebellious, proud fist out of God's face and repent.
I am free from fear, pride, condemnation, and depression. They have no place in the life of a true believer. I am praying for you to get saved, so that your stupid pride does not drag your sorry butt into the Lake of Fire with your father the devil...forever.
You are hereby commanded, in the name of Jesus Christ, to repent.
@@busker153 haha 😄 well that was a refreshing response.
Yeaaaah. I didn't think I was venting (I've put in time and effort to have friends for that), but...okay, if you say so.
Well, it seems like you've got the best friend of them all.
THE LORD.
So I hope God gives you a friend.
A human one.
(If that's something you'd be interested investing in... and not just as a mere observation of when we were kids). It's possible too as an adult to make new friendships if you're willing to put in the work and not self-righteously thump people in face with your interpretation of Scripture.
OFF-PUTTING behaviour.
No need to be soo combative.
Jeez-Louise 😄
(This man is coming on stronger than Old Spice). 😆 🤣
I just came on here, because there is always room for improvement. But I see this is clearly NOT the platform. Lol.
Vaya con Dios.
Peace. Love and Apple 🍎 juice.
I don't care anymore. 😆 🤣
@@drzennAvian You were not venting, "because I say so." That was a childish response on your part. Passive aggressive attacks designed to make you look innocent do not wash with people who know better.
God has given me friends. But, again, that is you trying to exalt yourself by tearing me down. That is what satan and his foolish children do: steal, kill, and destroy.
I said making friends as an adult is a different dynamic. You still have failed to grasp my original comment in favor of continued venting of your ever increasing hatred of all people other than your foolish self.
Since you jumped on my comment like a vulture, it is further clear that you are the one who, "self-righteously thumps people in face with your understanding of the world around you" (otherwise known to intelligent people as your religious beliefs).
"I just came on here, because there is always room for improvement. But I see this is clearly NOT the platform. Lol."
That was you playing the victim. Well, you are not a victim; only a volunteer. You only get the pain you inflict on yourself. Please, do not embarrass yourself further by trying to vent at me further.
Repent, or you will go to hell forever.
@@busker153 yeah... Have a Blessed Day to YOU too!
Outstanding stuff. With practice this will help me to take steps to recovery. Also a newly recovering awkward person ☺️
I don’t think you are awkward. I could listen to you all day
A lot of useful gems in this video. Thank you, Vanessa.
Do you have a podcast channel? It would be great to listen to these pointers while I’m out and about.
I am so glad I found you ☺
Very shy person who overthink so much or I am boring to talk to..generally want to get into persons stories
Well not anymore and ill practice all these tips you give out
Thank you Vanessa
My name is Zdenka and its a pleasure listening to you 😊
Those questions made me realize that I don't really care that much about making friends...
I love your videos, Vanessa! I love your wisdom:)
This video is so incredible Vanessa!
You sure know how to make people give you likes. You’re an expert in this. Awesome videos, I’m learning so much from you. Just like you I’m a recovering awkward person.🙈
Great tip to start off with less daunting people and situations. Use this to warm up, get your confidence up and then move on to slightly more challenging people.
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You're really awesome! Thanks for sharing
Hi Vanessa, I think you offer some excellent advice. Perhaps it’s just me, but people may think I’m a bit strange if we just met and I started asking them questions like “ what’s the highlight of your week?” “what passion project are you working on ?” or “ did you learn a thing interesting today?”
I’ve watched many of your videos and notice you mention this tip often, but I don’t believe most people speak this way in everyday life.
Aside from that, you share some really wonderful tips for social connecting! xoxo❤
I hear you, and it's a common concern. The beauty of these questions is that they're designed to break the ice in a fresh and engaging way, moving us beyond the typical "What do you do?" and into more meaningful territory. It's true, they might feel unconventional at first, but that's exactly what can make them so memorable and impactful. It's all about the delivery-ask with genuine curiosity and a smile, and you'll be surprised how often people are delighted to share. ❤
Very helpful. I like the comment about highlight so far of the week.
you present these points so well, thank you!
Thank you! You're so welcome!
Thank you so much. I will practice to talk to an easy one I appreciate yours. Love your video❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm 49 and went down to having one friend. Its all I need. After all, we've been friends for 32 years and counting.
It is better to have two friends. Just in case if one od them die soon.
Thank you for your thought and Ideas. I wish I could have heard from you over fifty years ago. That is a very serious statement. I could only find one book in a university or public library on the topic of conversation.
I am actually surprised that the peak friend age is as high as 29. From my own personal experience, that age was around 21 for me. I had a steep decline in my number of friendships starting in my mid-twenties. My goal is to become more social and make 1 to 3 new friends this year.
Love to hear this ❤
For me it was age 12 😂
The content on your video is awsome, but watch you makes me happy! your voice and you ways transmit such a good vibe! thanks for share it!
I really like your recommendations. Thank you 😊
God bless you
U are the best.🙏.
My number 1 conversation starter is, "I'm just curious...... (fill in the blank). Works 99% of the time. For example, if a group of people are speaking in a foreign language, I always ask, "I'm just curious, what language were you speaking?" With women with large bags, I ask, "I'm just curious, guys always wonder what a woman could possibly put in a bag like that?" Always get a laugh and a smile when I use that approach. With anybody that has a sports shirt or hat, I always ask how their team is doing?
That makes total sense - I love that! Thanks for sharing this approach =)
Literally ! You make my day awesome.I like your positive attitud and good info you share :*
Awesome video informative and useful, thanks Vanessa
I was so sociable before that I talked to everyone around me, but now I’m not that person anymore... the heck 😂.
Same here lol
Good tips. Thank you, Vanessa.
I enjoyed the video and got some good tips. Thanks!
Hi, 'Nessa!
I see one of 2 barbers every week. These girls are excellent at conversation, like you say. (Sometimes one is busy or not there, so i see the other.)
Sometimes i start out with a negative (bad weather, traffic) because the conversation can only get better, right?!
It's also a good recovery test. You're right, i almost always get a negative response, because they're stressed out too.
So, I'll quickly change it up. I almost always have a great chat with them.
But i always practice my banter with them.
Great video!
EDIT:
Regarding when to show up: I've discovered that, for certain events, it pays y to show up early, then offer to help "set up." This is usually last minute easy stuff. In addition to getting an early start "grouping" and "chatting," it puts you in s different category from the other "guests."
Here's an example: a networking get-together with the local Chamber of Commerce, or a church group.
Other guests will see you differently when you're active like "one of the organizers," and it just works for you on so many ways!
I discovered this by accident, and i use this strategy often!
Love that you're practicing all of these skills! Amazing work ❤
you are golden.really good advice.
Thank you Vanessa
loved this video
Thank You really
I love your videos . I hate when they end 😭😭
Thank you! You're sooo positive that you inspired me to try. 😊
Amazing! I'm so happy to hear that 😊 You're very welcome!
We need to try ❤
Will be watching on repeat
❤❤
You a wonderful speaker!
The right person will respond the right way so don’t worry .. I love it
So true! 💯
this is a god send one of the only videos that actually gives really good advice thank you
Love to hear this! You're welcome :)
Nice video!
Good to see you after long time.
Been too busy.
powerful advice !! thank you !
Glad it was helpful!
I loved your content, amazing tips thanks
The problem for me, is that I don’t even enjoy any type of social interaction. It doesn’t elicit any sort of pleasure or excitement. In the contrary, it depletes me and makes me feel very tired.
I understand the importance of solid communication and talking to people. That’s why I’m here
So glad you're here, would love to help ❤
If i may give some input. I think that is because you see social interactions as threatening. You feel like they are a challenge, and then you get stressed.
Maybe force youserlf for now and at some point you may get used to social interactions and no longer find them tiring.
That was fabulous thank you very much
Glad it was helpful!
I wish I could find the study for you, but there was a similar one where they found intimate friendship takes about 180hrs. What I found fascinating was that if you did not meet certain criteria for intimacy, the friendship fails, intimacy will NEVER develop and the person will remain an acquaintance. So you can't be lazy about that vulnerability if you want to recruit someone to that special catagory
Yes so true!
I really loved those tips, thanks so much
Glad it was helpful!
Funny thing....I thought sharing anything in common was good. How interesting that a less than positive share might not be! Living in Florida I will now be inclined to say, "Thank goodness for air-conditioning!" rather than my usual, "Holy cow, it's hot today." Thanks so much for your inspiring and entertaining talks, Vanessa. They are more helpful than you can ever possibly imagine.
Thank you so much ❤ I am honored to hear that!
Glad I found your videos ❤
Honesty, I am watching this video so I can be sociable when I am around people. I prefer my own company. Actually, I have beautiful memories that I have spent alone. The other company I enjoy is that of my partner.
Excellent! Always important to be able to enjoy your own company first.
I enjoy my own company but sometimes I need the company of others to actually feel alive
Thanks Vanessa!
Great advice.
I practise a lot of what you've mentioned, just wanted to add that as a male it can feel different at times.
By this I mean that expressing vulnerability, authenticity and enthusiasm towards others can be incorrectly perceived.
It can be seen as weakness or an attempt to manipulate.
Thank you for sharing! 💕 That's an important point to highlight. It's great to hear that you're embracing vulnerability, authenticity, and enthusiasm in your interactions. It's unfortunate that these qualities can sometimes be misunderstood, but continuing to be your genuine self contributes significantly to changing perceptions and creating a more open and accepting environment for everyone. 🙌🏼
You are amazing vanessa ❤️
When i was in primary school i had 6 boys in my class and 12 girls, that was because i live in a small village in my city in greece, along the 6 grades in primary school i had the class with the least boys in it one of them being my cousin...After i bonded With those 6 people so much in my life after primary School i lost them, I got into Junior high school in a half greek and half turkish school, So I became more Introverted because i was afraid of their arrogance. I didnt had my friends i was alone but finally i made some good people that cared about me! In my second year in High school one of my friends was forced to Transfer into a different school due to his family so i lost my "Best friend" At that time. I had one more good friends but he was and extrovert and a very outgoing person, His friends were just like him, So i tried to be more with them but i failed, they said we didnt had good Chemistry. Right now im in my second year in high school and i live my worst part of my life... I met some 4-5 good friends but they are best friends since primary school.. After 1 year I got into high school im still trying to be happy and i can't, All my cousins and my sister have best friends and when they experienced Life in high school it was their biggest And Greatest Part of their life...I guess i cant do anything right, i should give up. Thank you for this video, even tho it Helped some people im still trying to be less hard with my self but i dont see a difference
What should I do then?
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! It’s really important to talk things over with someone, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. I will also link some articles below that may be helpful. Try not to be too hard on yourself ❤
www.scienceofpeople.com/teen-conversation-starters/
www.scienceofpeople.com/best-friendship-apps/
www.scienceofpeople.com/make-friends/
Read: How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to WIN friends and influence people ;) I guess i blew it with you guys lol
@@Bigboss-xe6lm thanks
By Dale Carnegie?
Where can l get it for free?
@@saradeen3984 You might find a hard copy from Goodwill on the cheap.
I am happy I found this channel. Good stuff, I will try some of these tips. Time to head to the barber! Oh yeah, I find Uber drivers to be similar to Barbers: Amazing, soul-touching conversations with Uber drivers!! If I were rich, I would take Uber all the time, just for companionship
Lol I found myself liking the video at the end without even realizing it. You incited me, well done😂💕
First comment here! Got your book! ❤️❤️❤️
I needed this video.. I have like two friends.
Looking, on a different view or thought from someone of a different walk. Glad, I came across this video (blog).
So glad you found me! Thank you for watching.
@@ScienceOfPeople thank you, for making these kind of video's. Coming from the streets and no affection being taught in the home, had me cold, I began watching and reading books about these topics which many don't try, stay stuck accepting the concept of being strong.
Thank you
Of course! ❤
Thanks
I loved you, this is way too good, you're so insightful and a breath of fresh air, i hope you have more content like this.
Thank you so much! Can't wait to share more content with you ❤
@@ScienceOfPeople Oh wow, i didn't expect to be noticed! I'm so happy
Wow, I just found you and I subscribed immediately after the first video.
A lot of knowledge gained already. And your videos would be instantly shared with loved ones and future friends.
I plan to join your insider subscription gang after watching a few more videos.
I Need This😁
Thanks!😁🙏🏽
Omg! Thank you so much for your support! I'm glad to know you learned a few things 🤗
I love this!
Blessed
useful tips... tnx
Im a hairdresser and I am watching this hahaha. I put on an act at work but having ADHD and Aspergers makes it very hard to make friends.
Haha I always thought it must be really tough to be a stylist if you arent good at small talk. Hats off to you! No way I could do that 😂
Lol ong same !! A hair dresser at AVEDA currently and small talk is SO draining with these people 😭 ( clients AND classmates ) LMAO I love this video and the advice though !
Thank you so much for sharing this information! I love to listen to you. And I’m going to the store next door and practice being more social.
Love it!
I think i can make a friend just in minutes, just because i meet the right person, if we have very similar back ground, value, interest, believes, virtue, experiences, charactors, we canbe friend easily.
Gentle banter....
Thanks for the juicy nuggets
Of course! Thank you for watching. :)