@@TitanGames86 thank you so much. I wish I came out when I was a kid instead of my 30s. I was a 90s girl and back then I thought I was the only one who felt like I did
Me too. As I think my daughter is trans gender. I don’t know and I’m so confused. The least o can do is just try to find out. I feel I need help to learn
Same. I just wanna stab myself . I wish I could stop seeing myself but reflections are everywhere. I wish I was lucky and rich enough to have surgeries I need. I wish I had a proper body. Wish I was cute as her :(
I've always hated the way I look, hated the way I take pictures, refused to smile or pose unless bribed or tricked. And I absolutely hate having my picture taken. Two months into my transition, I am starting to understand where that hatred came from, where 20+ years of beard and oversized clothes was leading me. Most of my dysphoria centers around my face and body hair.
One of the main hallmark of gender dysphoria for me was that I can never shave my face enough, and there's always some five o'clock shadow left. It honestly makes me want to not shave sometimes because I know it'll just never be perfect.
When I’m wearing a nice dress, have my hair & make up just right I feel ...complete and emotionally content. Returning to drab mode always gives me the feeling of “something” not being right. “Comfortable in my body” that hit the nail on the the head for me. I’m not comfortable in my body. I’m a senior citizen now and the one thing stuck in my head is “I’m running out of time.”
Hi Suzi. Finding those things that help us feel content and complete is so important. I'm sorry that the thought of "I'm running out of time" is running through your head, but I'm happy to hear that you're able to finally be yourself 💜
You are not alone with that feeling, whether you’re trans or not. We all, if not most of us go through those feelings. A lot of cis gendered women experience this, we waste our lives in our safety bubble fearing what society thinks of us, not dressing as we like, etc, then as we get older we realise, this is our life and it’s our choice to live as we choose. It’s all self esteem. Simply giving yourself a kick to do what you love can help. Say, every Saturday you’ll wear your favourite clothes out, even if it’s just shopping. Little things will give you confidence and soon you’ll appreciate life. No matter how old or young you are. You are where you are and you appreciate your time and that’s a gift to indulge in.
I feel that most of my life has been hyjacked. That my identity has been inadvertently kidnapped in plain sight. So much so that to this very minute I am barely convinced that I have a right to my own identity nor can I legitimately act upon my own intentions instead of those imposed upon me. Medical transition for me is the easiest part, social transition is excruciating because I've always been conditioned to be hyper vigilant to satisfy everyone else's sensibilities instead of my own. I question every facet of my own thoughts, emotions or aspirations. Do I have a right to want anything for myself. Being misgendered is my norm and it registers as a slap in the face most times. Being correctly gendered feels profoundly satisfying. Before I continue whining indefinitely. Thank you for giving me a vent for a fraction of my turmoil and I also love the glimmer of recognition that I might be real after all. I love your work! I really wish you well!
Thank you for sharing that D Lynn. It means a lot that you feel comfortable sharing that and venting here. I know that it's tough, believe me. But also hold to that recognition that you are real and valid, like you said. Holding on to that can be such a strength for me as well 💜💜
Hi,after 35 years a secret im finally transitioning and your vids are incredibly reassuring.This vid is really brutally honest(which i love).The dysphoria i hoped would subside but its actually rewarding to hear you say that ooh no that ain't gonna happen lol.Keep making these vids pleeeease,so helpful.Big thank you from here in the uk x
Hi Jessica! Thanks for being so supportive! I try to be as honest and vulnerable as possible. I feel like not doing so gets in the way of my goal of wanting to help others on their journeys 💜
Thank you for talking about this girl! This was really insightful and informative on what a transgender person goes through. Sending you lots of love 💕
I just came across this video and I loved it. For me I don’t really get body dysphoria. Rather, I get social dysphoria that sometimes manifests as body dysphoria. I happen to be genderfluid, so this happens when I’m in nonbinary mode. When I feel off about my body it stems from a “oh god I’m gonna get clocked as AFAB and I’m gonna be called ma’am” rather than a feeling that I don’t belong in my body. My voice is a big part of this. Even though I love my boobs I use a binder when I’m nonbinary and I’m out in public, but when I’m at home I don’t care. For me my dysphoria stems from a place of “what can I do to hide my feminine features so that people can’t tell that I’m AFAB?”. When I do get dysphoria at home it’s more in anticipation of “If I were out in public right now I’d get clocked so hard”. It’s subtle for me but it sucks. Dysphoria is...interesting 😅.
Hi Keelan! I’m so glad you enjoyed the video! Gender dysphoria certainly is interesting, strange, frustrating and so much more! I think I can definitely relate to some of that fear of getting clocked, just from the perspective of not wanting people to know I’m AMAB but frequently fearing that they do
@@wa9neu it's been a year so you probably learned it by now, but I'm tired so I'll answer anyway. AMAB stands for "assigned male at birth". likewise, AFAB stands for "assigned female at birth".
Thank you for this Chloe! I started transitioning at age 23 and had SRS at 30, am now 60 and have days where I feel totally dysphoric which really shocked me the first time it happened to be honest, I remember one day at work (I’m a Nurse) where a patients wife was being really rude and misgendering me to another patients wife and being loud so I could hear her, the other Woman didn’t believe her and I just felt so humiliated and wasn’t out at work so the dysphoria every time she visited her husband was really bad
Hi Jenny! Thanks for watching and sharing that. I'm so sorry that you went through that. That's their loss, not being able to past their own bias to see the wonderful person underneath 💜
Hi Chloe! Yep, dysphoria certainly comes in waves! Right after coming out to the first person ever and acknowledging that being trans was an extremely important aspect of my very being, my dysphoria ramped up. I started being hit with a giant wave of it hourly, 24/7 for six weeks. Each of the waves would slam me into the rocks and leave me whimpering and drained. The moment the edge of the adrenalin rush from the panic attack started to wane, another wave would hit. Shaving any facial or body hair has always triggered my dysphoria. I only shave when I start plucking hairs out with tweezers (at least my hair is light and I have never had a 5 o'clock shadow ...). When I shave, it's at night, in the shower, and with my eyes closed. I do this so that I can finish before I get too dysphoric. The reason I shave at night is so that the bleeding and dysphoria has time to ebb before morning. I can't stand to use a mirror and when I do, I only pay attention to a small portion portion of my face and never my whole face. Makeup is a bitch and takes way longer than it should ... Lol! Much love! ❤💃💞
Hi Francesa! Thanks for sharing that! That dysphoria definitely hit me hard for those first 6-12 months, especially the first few months. And I can somewhat relate to your shaving experiences as well. I don't necessarily get dysphoria when shaving any more, but I've been shaving my face in the shower without any mirror for several years now. It just feels easier for me. And I also could never get a good shower mirror that didn't fog up! 💜
A Lot of the time for me, it feels like a pit in my tummy, whenever i have to go to the bathroom, it just gets worse, or when someone calls me a guy, it just feels like this constant reminder that poking you saying "this isn't who you are"
I feel like I am going through life wearing my shoes on the wrong feet. Other people will not really notice, but you feel a distinctly awkward and off balance, and at time it really hurts.
I have been going back and forth since I realized I needed this 4 months ago. I just suddenly woke up and said out loud "OMG, I'm a woman". Of course there's more to it than that. Chloe, I feel so loved and validated by your practical approaches to these terrifically complex thoughts, ideas and experiences. You truly make the me I am working on becoming smile from the inside and invigorate my soul. Thank you.
I’m a pre transition 16 year old trans girl and personally my dysphoria will start wherever triggers it (or in the pit of my stomach or the sides of my head for being misgendered or deadnamed) then spreads as it gets worse until it is just throughout my entire body and I’m physically sick and can start shaking which looks a bit unusual to most people as I haven’t socially transitioned beyond my friend circle
I just tried a hair routine that people in my family said was for African descendants. Anyways it has worked really well for three weeks and my hair has less split ends. Shampoo and condition once a week, while the hair is still wet I add a very small amount of hair oil to my scalp put on a satin bonnet and sleep. My hair is clean and perfectly balanced between oily and dry. It actually bounces!
Afte coming out 8/2021 and starting HRT 9/21, I FINALLY understand what DYSPHORIA has been for me. Until this day I did not feel my identity or reality as female was acceptable or real but imagined and immature but listening to you has finally helped me see the reality of who I am and why the hidden fearful self was shielding me from hurt and rejection which has VERY HARD FOR ME!! This person, the girl inside, hid away for fears since the early 1970's!!!!!!!!!!
I spent thirty years thinking I might be an elf or an alien because I had no way to reckon with everyone around me being so good at pretending to feel normal. Turns out I was just a girl, but that was something I hid even from myself. Dysphoria is exactly what I once had. Not to be wished upon even an enemy.
Hi April. Dysphoria is a hell of thing, and just like you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am very glad though that you have been to figure things out and start living more as your fullest self 💜
I totally agree with you. I am just new into the transition, and dysphoria became worse than before. I fell very bad some days, then i feel happy, but it doesn't last a very long period of time. Hope it gets better when i start hrt! Love you Chloe!
Hi Miriam! I know for me it got much better once I was on HRT so I hope the same will happen for you 🙂 Stay strong! Thank you for the love and support! 💜🙂💜
Hi Miriam! Being on HRT is different for everyone so YMMV but starting HRT was like a miracle had been performed. My dysphoria immediately became much more manageable and my depression disappeared completely for a while (and was much more manageable when it returned). Taking a positive step towards being my authentic self removed a huge burden from my shoulders and I felt better than I ever had. Best wishes on your journey sweetie! 💃💞
Chloe you are ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL and what you share about being Trans is TRULY LIFE SAVING AND FREEING and EYE OPENING to those of us who have had to hide so long in shame and guilt and self rejection!! God love you dear!!
I'm just starting my own transition, and I feel like I skipped straight over dysphoria about my body straight into apathy for my body and appearance. Now that I am taking my first small transition steps, I feel dysphoria hitting me hard in certain places. My body hair, my underwear, my lack of a bra and chest to put into said bra, etc all are hitting me at once.
this is more or less my experience, realizing that what I thought was apathy was actually just a *heavily* veiled dysphoria. when my mind recently decided to lift that veil, it was just awful, just the most *potent* disgust and repulsion I have ever felt, genuinely the *worst* feeling I have *ever* had because it had been steeping in my subconscious for so long. but of course, my mind helps itself with visual metaphors, so the dysphoric tsunami wasn't directed at any part of my physical form, but rather I had manifested mental horns that the dysphoria would target. I still feel the horns sometimes, but since I've started acknowledging that that's what I was feeling, it hasn't been *nearly* as bad (still bad tho, just not *completely unbearable).*
That "wave experience" is such a great analogy. I felt that description in my soul, and I totally relate to everything you just said. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
For me it's like I want to pull off my skin. I feel dysphoric about my voice, about my boobs, my lack of penis and sometimes it's so bad I want to not leave the house forever. What really bugs me is I don't know if I'm a trans man or nonbinary, cuz sometimes I'm not dysphoric at all. It can last for a week and then come back. I'm just so confused. I've tried to come out to my family but they were not understanding, they said that I'm a girl and that I should live like a girl, and that hormones and operations will make me be someone else. But at least they said that it's my decision and that they will love me no less. I think I'm constantly supressing who I really am.
Thank you for sharing that. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this pain. I never thought about it like that, but I can certainly relate to the feeling of wanting to pull my skin off, or wanting to just not be in my body. You mention having a lack of dysphoria from time to time making things even more confusing. I would try seeing what, if anything, brings you gender euphoria rather than dysphoria. What aspects of gender bring you joy, rather than pain. That could be another to help you figure things out. Not only focusing on the pieces you don’t like (the dysphoria), but also the pieces you do like or do want (the euphoria). I talk about it a bunch as well, but if therapy is accessible, I highly recommend at least trying out an affirming therapist. Therapy really helped me unpack things and explore and figure out who I am 💜
Hello, quick little update, I'm so much happier in my skin now, started T 7 months ago and I'm well on my way to transition. My family has accepted me fully after I came out the second time (I already had psychotests done)
Awesome video! It captures exactly what I’ve experienced. I didn’t really feel dysphoria, until I began my transition. Sure I felt guilt at times because if my life-long cross dressing habit, but I never felt dysphoric. When I started my transition and fully accepted myself as trans, I felt acute dysphoria. It wasn’t all about my body initially. It was more about passing. Later, my body became the primary issue. I lived 57 years as a male, and I know I’ll never truly feel (be) female, so I call myself gender queer. I’ve been full time female for almost 2 years, but I don’t refer to myself as woman. This is a coping mechanism. I feel less dysphoric because I don’t need to meet my expectations for being a woman and although I feel male sometimes, it no longer distressed me.
"It was more about passing" - I can very much relate to that being a huge spike in dysphoria early in my transition. Thank you for sharing that. I imagine it can be somewhat distressing or disappointing to refer to yourself as gender queer instead as a woman, but I'm also happy to hear that your distress seems to be low these days 💜
I can totally relate, when I finally recognized and acknowledged at age 51 I felt like a woman inside, the Sh*t really hit the fan. There was no more denying. After that it took some time to actually accept. Not too long ago I started making changes to myself and because I now changed my name just recently to a female name, every now and then I accidently introduce myself with the old name e.g. on the phone for example talking to people I know a long time such as family, I really can be hard on myself by doing that. I am trying to change so many things all at once, I have to be gentle with myself and do some TLC. In general in my experience for about a year now, people have been very nice and understanding. You are always you worse critic, right. Anyways excellent video apart from the swearing, but I understand.
OMG! i know exactly what you gone through as this is me atm. I was fine and and coping most days but recently got offered a supervisor Position with a training course and lets just say i had to speak to my manager to hold it for a while after the 1st session as this hit me with a tsunami.
Hi Hannah! Yeah dysphoria really is like a huge wave sometimes! But it does often get a little bit easier as time goes on, the waves get smaller and more manageable 💜
Thank you so much for posting this. As a parent of a child just beginning their MTF journey it helps to understand a little bit more about dysphoria, and a little bit more about some of their reluctance to leave the house. I am excited to see what parts of their personality might begin to bloom in the months and years to come. (I am also having to deeply restrain myself from a 'let's buy all the girl clothes!' shopping spree and let them figure out their style in their own time.)
I’m here to educate myself because I don’t understand. I thought everyone is a little uncomfortable in their bodies for a while at least, but I suppose that if you never want to look the way you do, and you want to look like the other gender, I see that. As long as people are feeling so much better than they were before, I am all for it and I don’t even need to understand. I’ll just accept. The more positivity in the world the better!
I have just acknowledged that I am a trans man. For me, you nailed it. Thank you for making this video. That is how I feel almost everyday. Except for me would be issues such as I don't have a flat chest, my face not masculine, my skinny arms, not having a bulge down there, my walk, my voice, my body looks like a girl and so on. Sometimes I want to scream, shout, I just get annoyed, frustrated, angry, sometimes I have rage. It is exhausting, I can see why some have committed suicide💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭 Then my cis brother who doesn't know about the trans part of me..yet, tells me not to think about the thing that I'm thinking about. Not to think is his advice. 😶 All I want to say is how do you stop yourself from thinking? Is that even possible? How come I can't do it, how not to think?
As you’ve pointed out, I can definitely relate just on the opposite end of the struggles you mentioned. I don’t think we can truly “stop” ourselves from thinking. The thoughts are going to come at least every now and again, so it’s more what we do with those thoughts (my psychology student side is kicking here if it wasn’t obvious ha). It’s important to remind ourselves that are our thoughts are just our thoughts. We are often our own worst critics, but it’s important to remember that our thoughts don’t define us. What helps for me, among other things, is remembering that my identity as a woman is valid and remembering that despite all of the struggles, I’m the happiest I have ever been and transitioning was so worth it. For me, remembering these things can help ease that dysphoria. So the thoughts and dysphoric feelings do continue to happen but they’ve gotten much more manageable over time. You mentioned that you just acknowledged that you are a trans man, so the thoughts and feelings are likely more pronounced right now because you’re allowing yourself to start recognizing who you really are for the first time. It’s very uncomfortable at the beginning of transition because we’re hyper aware of all of the things that don’t align with how we internally identify. But I do believe we get more comfortable in our own skin over time. For me, it took time and the help of hormones and surgery to get things in sync, but time alone helped before I started anything medical and then being hormones is when things really started to sync up. I know that was a lot that I just shared, but I hope it was helpful 💜
Wasn't sure I had dysphoria (from not understanding the term well), Now I know I do have dysphoria very much (thank you for putting a name to my anxiety and worries) and you are right I feel a hundred percent about my decision to transition but my dysphoria is a very real thing
Ive started having this ever since my wife left me. I wasnt allowed to feel anything and “be a man” including with how people treat me as a male its just hard to bare. I just feel as if my trauma of being betrayed by a girl who gets all of these positives of blaming the guy and i wasnt allowed to be sensitive or emotional, when i poured all of my soul out and just got cheated and lied about. I felt depressed and suicidal to the point my thoughts didnt point to killing myself but to change genders to avoid the hardships of being a man. I have now a severe problem with my self image that i wasted my life on trying to be the man my parents wanted. When i told them i want to transition they want to kick me out of the house at my darkest hours. Ive pictured of what life could have been as a cisgender transwoman as i still like girls so the dating scene and responsibilities are on the same level so i never hurt again. On a plus side: Im 25 and will start transition on June 11. Please help pray, wish me luck, or something as i have no hope until this pain goes away.
For me , it feels like wearing an outfit you don't like to a party you really don't want to go to. I'm 49 and finally accepted I'm a woman. I knew I felt more comfortable in girls clothes when I was 8. My birthday this year was the breaking of the dam. I finally made an appointment to talk with a doctor to talk about hormones. My mot major dysphoria is my testicles. At 29, I tried something drastic. I had a bad therapy experience and crawled back into the closet. My only comfort has been wearing female underwear since I was 13. I'm honestly at the point where I look at womens clothes and can see myself weraing the cute top or dress.. I'm used to costumes and dressing up for roles. I wore a dress to a holloween dance in high school and it was the best night of my life so far.. I remember that night vividly. A boy asked me to dance a slow dance jokingly, but he was so cool. I rested my head on his shoulder and swayed to the music. It just felt so right.. That's the fuel that sustains me with a partner who is terminally ill, living in a small town, and unable to dress as my gender unless I take a night drive. I'm moving forward anyway because I want to live as my true self even if for the last 10 or 20 years of my life. I am Ella and I'm determined to live in the light of day.
For me my dysphoria surfaces when I consciously acknowledge I want to be a girl. I then feel anxiety and frustration with the thought that I am not one. The desire and what I perceive as the reality are in conflict. It is not that I hate my body parts, it is just I want them to be different because that is more in line with who I really am. I am an older trans women who started transitioning in my late sixties. I have been on HRT for five months and see changes in my body and sexual function that delight me. This feels wonderful because I am taking steps to become the woman I want to be and know I am. I am not sure I will reach my ideal and expect there will always be some dysphoria. I do not hate my body, so thankfully this is something I hope I will tolerate. But, I expect the desire to be a woman and my perception about whether I am one will be dysphoric even if I reach some endpoint in my transition. It is important to know there is well being in accepting your authentic gender.
I’ve been questioning this for a long time( at least 2 years) because I don’t know what I am. I’ve been so focused on sexuality, I never had a prospect of “what am I gender wise?” And things started making sense. I don’t like my body hair, my privates get to me, my facial hair really gets me going to the point where I feel so anxiety filled. I asked my friends at one point to use female pronouns and they agreed. It was nice being called my name while hearing she her but it was hard to tell cause they didn’t always do it. Even now I’m still so confused. I don’t know if I’m actually trans, or if I’m just not happy with myself.
Thank you for sharing 💜 I can’t say for certain whether you’re trans or non-binary or something else, but it does sound like there’s some discomfort around your gender. It is also possible that your gender is fluid or non-binary, it does not have to be a transition from one binary to gender to another. I would say continue experimenting with gender. Try small changes like painting your nails, wearing jewelry, wearing a little makeup, etc. See what fits and brings you joy, and what doesn’t. You definitely don’t have to figure out all at once 💜
@@TheChloeConnection first off I’d like to say thank you for getting back to me. It’s honestly really nice to know I’m not just over thinking this too bad. I have actually tried experiment in make up and painting my nails. I first did my nails with my little sister and really liked it, then tried doing make up which (when does well) makes me feel really cute. I will definitely take your advice on experiment with my my name and pronouns. Thanks you once again!
@@TheChloeConnection thank you! I’ve actually spoke to my friends about it and until I’m more sure, I wanna go with non-binary. I’m using any pronouns, she/they preferably and my name is sparrow for no! I’ll defo comment on here once I’m more sure of myself and thank you more so for helping me find myself but until then, thank you and have a great life!
I do experience dysphoria but mostly in the way that my masculine traits feel like they’re in the way of my womanhood rather than feeling distressed. This does cause some doubts, paired with internalized transphobia, which makes me go from “yes I’m definitely trans” to “no you’re just stupid, you’re not trans, it’s in your head” and back to “no I am trans , I obviously am “ I’m still very fresh in my realization and only shared this with one friend so far. I’m thinking finding a gender therapist will help me to crush my doubts because I’m pretty damn sure I’m trans but those previously stated factors do cause occasional doubts. I wish I could stop doubting myself and be who I am, but being who I truly am is also scary in this current world. I think the doubts are also a defense mechanism because it would just be easier to repress my identity and conform to how society thinks I should be.
For me dysphoria felt like I drive a truck and always wanted a compact car but was told boys drive trucks and girls drive cars. I was so unhappy driving a big truck I chose not to drive more often than not. That's dysphoria for me, wanting something you can't have and being stuck with what you got.
I can relate to everything you mentioned in this video aside from the fact that I am a trans man and you are a woman. Dysphoria is so overpowering oh my god.
dysphoria for me is like a wave too, just when ur feeling happy it comes back to bite, i usually get it about the fact that my hair isnt how i want it and that i cant wear more feminine clothes(im not out yet)
My dysphoria hits me at work a lot. I'm out to only two of my coworkers. When people look at me I panic like they know. What helps a little, I wear my name badge backwards so I dont have to look at the picture and name in it. The panic attacks happen at night when I'm trying to sleep. My wife reassuring my it will all right is the only way I can get sleep.
I'm sorry to hear that Jeanine. That sounds really really tough, and unfortunately very relatable as well. It may not feel like it now, but I truly believe it will get better 💜
I've never considered anything but a male identity growing up in the middle of nowhere, and I was never particularly upset about my masculinity. However, lately I've been trying more feminine expression and it feels so freeing, but now I spend much more time in the bathroom stressing out. I want to feel accepted but I don't want to demand anyone around me to accept me. It's weird
Hi Rylee. I don’t think that’s weird at all. You’re exploring a new side of yourself that you maybe held back for a long time. It’s likely both exciting and scary. I can certainly relate to spending more time in the bathroom, more time looking in the mirror, more time getting ready, etc. I want to look good for me but I also want to reduce the chances of someone being mean (aka transphobic or just ignorant) by hopefully being more “passable.” I think what you’re experiencing is very normal and I do think it will get better with time because it often does for many of us 💜
@@TheChloeConnection thank you so much for taking the time to reply, and for the words of encouragement :) I'm trying my best to trust the process and embrace the journey, and videos like yours make it a lot easier to do so
Is it possible to have dysphoria and not be trans? For the most part I'm happy as a guy. But every now and again I just feel extremely feminine and it lasts for 3-4 days.? I'm 30 and I've been like this all my life. Can anyone help?
Hi Charlie. It wouldn’t necessarily be gender dysphoria in the classic sense if you’re not trans, but I think it is very possible (and probably much more common than you think) to not feel fully comfortable in your gender. I would take a guess that some of that discomfort comes from feeling like you don’t meet the classic expectations of masculinity or of “being a man”? Correct if I’m wrong. But many people experience a discomfort from not being able to meet often impossible and restrictive gender norms. I obviously don’t know you, but I would encourage to explore that side of yourself more. There might be shame there but integrating it more fully with who you are may be helpful. You can still be a man and be very feminine - absolutely nothing wrong with that. In exploring, maybe you’ll find that you’re a feminine guy, maybe you’ll find that a non-binary identity fits for you. I definitely understand the discomfort. Giving yourself the space to explore can really work wonders though.
I've never experienced dysphoria untill i realised i was trans. Then BOOM! It's literally the worst thing! However it's worth it to be your authentic self!
I only realized my dysphoria since my online friend helped me realize that I am a trans girl. (that just happened a few days ago) It's all very confusing still. Sometimes I look into the mirror and see my cute face and then I see a boy and I hate that but then a girl again and then it just morphs into each other and I have to look away. It's so weird. I also experience bottom dysphoria in the shower now. Before all that I was just "yeah I got a body, somehow gotta work with that" but that didn't at all make me happy. I felt like I couldn't have a future. Now I feel euphoric about any step I continue going into the area of discovering myself I never went because I told myself I were a boy. I still can go outside and act male and all. I'm scared to come out and talk to people I know irl about this. And I mean, I just started this journey, I think I need a bit of time to find myself.
You definitely don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You’re right about probably needing some more time to find yourself. It’s wonderful that you’re already experiencing gender euphoria only several days after starting your journey though 💜
This seems like a good place to ask questions about sex and gender, and I really hope I can get some things cleared up that have confused me. Please correct anything I get wrong, that's why I'm here. My understanding of things so far is that the words male and female refer to sex. Like genetics, and how we classify any other species. (I thought this was something that everyone agreed on, but I've been noticing people using gender along with the terms male and female) Traditionally people have used words to condense down sex and species, like saying rooster instead of saying male chicken, or hen instead of female chicken. I grew up thinking this was the same when talking about people. I've never heard people casually say "female human" when referring to someone, they just say woman. Now I'm not really sure what any of those words mean anymore. I think there is a spectrum of how masculine or feminine someone is, and I thought that was encouraged by society due to biological pressures. But I never thought where you landed on that spectrum changed you being a man or a woman. Or a gay girl, who was a tomboy, was still a girl. Now there's some things that confuse me. What does gender mean? Is it something that society made up, as a status quo for looks and behavior? Does it still refer to sex, and people just use it loosely now? Is it an arbitrary self identifier that isn't tied to anything? What do the terms man and woman mean now? I have many more questions, but this is already looking like a first draft of a high school essay.
Hi there! First off, thank you so much for being open about wanting to genuinely learn answers to these questions. As you’ve touched on, a lot of these things aren’t always clear cut, especially if you’re not familiar with some of the terms and such. Male and female do typically refer to sex, like primary and secondary sex characteristics (e.g., genitalia, breasts, chromosomes, etc.). Sex and gender are different, but sometimes male and female are used in the context of gender. It’s technically incorrect (and I do it myself sometimes). You might sometimes hear someone say something like “I identify as a female” or simply “I am female.” It’s often implied that what they mean is that they’re a woman, but yeah it can be confusing. But sex refers to those physical characteristics, while refers to how you identify. These are aligned for most people (e.g., someone who has female sex characteristics and also identifies as a women), but for trans and non-binary people, those don’t align. Like in my case, I had male sex characteristics at birth, but I identify as a woman, and I’ve also gone through medical interventions to change my body to more align with my identity as a woman. And this can be confusing for people who haven’t had to think about the difference between sex and gender. For cisgender people (people for whom their sex and gender are aligned), the fact that their sex and gender is aligned is often taken for granted. So it may seem weird or uncomfortable when conversations come up about sex and gender and how they aren’t the same thing. But the easiest way I think to differentiate them is: Sex - physical characteristics Gender - identity as a woman, man, or other gender I’m not sure if I answered everything you asked so let me know, but I hope that helps!
I'm 12 and i think I might be trans of feeling dysphoria but i don't know. I feel like I might identify as a guy since im super uncomfortable about my chest, and also a bit about my voice when i dont force it low. But also i dont know since when i tried telling my mom she said it mighy just be a phase because im too young to know
Too Young too know? Thats bullshit, i knew i was à girl when i was 6 , and many kids know their are born in the wrong body when they are very Young so if you know you know!!
Hi Evan. I obviously don't know you, but I think it's very safe to say that 12 is not too young to know. Like Alice said, many (not all but many) know their gender at a young age. As a side note, there's plenty of well-established psychological research that supports that kids typically figure out their gender identity before their teen years. It's a double standard if you think about it because cisgender kids are never questioned whether their gender is a phase or not. It's the same for sexual orientation - heterosexual is not questioned, but LGBQ+ is often viewed as being a phase at least at young ages. You being a guy is different than what you're mom has known, so it's likely easier for her to be in denial or dismiss this as phase. I would say explore this side of yourself and see how identifying as a guy fits for you. If identifying as guy brings you joy and euphoria, and being viewed as a girl brings you discomfort and dysphoria, you might be trans.
I know that was definitely a concern for me as well 🙁 I imagine things regarding surgery are even more difficult with everything going on in the world right now 🙁
I hate the anxiety that comes with being trans. I've heard people on tiktok, Instagram and even snapchat say sh!t like "oh yeah I wish I was trans" or people just flat out lying about being trans for attention, or becuse they want to feel special. You don't ever want to be trans. I'm proud of who I am but if I could chose to be cis, if I could chose to not have to Iive with all this extra anxiety of weather or not people see me as masculine enough, I would chose not to deal with it, becuse it sucks! And it can ruin so many of my best memories cuz I'm just thinking "holy crap I look like a women." On a less serious note does anyone have a really good day then you get a small glance of yourself in the mirror and just get a huge wave of dysphoria for the rest of the day....I hate when it ruins my day😅
Oh that last part for me literally all the time, also for me I would wish to be cis but like cis as my desired gender because I can’t imagine wanting to actually be my birth gender/sex
If I were a woman If I were a woman, Would I get a tender touch? If I were a woman, Would I dream as much? Would I get flowers, And know how it feels? Be held and feel safe, And know it’s appeal? Would I not have to think Where to put my hands? Stand, or turn my head And yell fake demands? Could I peel off this amour That is bound to my skin? That keeps things from flowing out, And letting anyone in. Would my voice be softened, And say what I think? And wear what I want Be it yellow or pink. Could I walk in the sunshine And move as I please? And not fear of a habit That might expose me. Can I stop lying to myself And the the question be asked? Locked in a hole without windows With no present or past. I’ll create a day, When I can finally breathe, And not be in my prison, And live what I believe! Nadia Kent
I’m a mum and I’m so confused as I think my daughter is struggling with this. She hasn’t told me outright. I feel sad and confused for her future 😢 xxx
@@Ill-think-of-something-later I am. Got my GD certificate. I have a girlfriend now. We are in a lesbian relationship. They are awesome. I will start my HRT soon.
@@ishachakraborty9967 o my goodness I'm am so glad that you are doing well! Thank you for responding and letting me know! I am so happy for you and your girlfriend. And I know I don't know you, but I am so happy that you are starting hrt soon!! That is amazing 🤍💗💙
@@ishachakraborty9967 ugh, I know! EVERYTHING is so expensive, including essential medical Care ): that sucks! I hope they aren't unpaid internships! I have not pursued any steps toward transition, social or medical, I'm not even sure if I am trans, I'm just really confused and trying to work out what's going on (hence all the video watching). So other than all that, I'm mostly good, and I certainly could be worse, lol. Thank you for asking.
I have to agree that even with all the misgendering and shittyness that people throw at trans peeps these days, living as your true authentic self is so much better. I started transition 5 years ago and have never felt as good as i do now. Yeah i have bad days but at least i'm me.
It’s like an annoying little bug that’s constantly buzzing in your ear and won’t shut the f*** up and let you be :(. I had no idea these feelings of constant discomfort with my body and the fact I was a male were actually signs of dysphoria. I mean it’s not that I was content with being a boy because that’s far from the truth I just didn’t know what it all meant until I did. It always felt right for me to be feminine and dress and act like a girl because that’s honestly how I’ve always seen myself in my mind. Then you get a reality check every time you look in the mirror or take your clothes off and all of a sudden you feel this dreadful feeling like “why is this me?” “Why do I have to look like this?” “Why can’t I be the woman I want to be?” “I hate having to look and sound like this!”. All of these constantly play on repeat in my head. People say you just don’t love yourself! But what’s there to love? I don’t feel like myself and I don’t understand why. I don’t like looking like a man or sounding like one because I don’t feel like I am a man. I never have. Makeup helps out a little and so do the people who don’t misgender or deadname me they really help me feel some relief but it’s not enough. Cross dressing and makeup aren’t making these feelings go away. Because I still look like a man underneath it all and it’s so frustrating!
Im ftm, Being at work is very hard because of disphoria, i am constantly thinking about how all my coworkers can tell that im not cis. Im always aware of my binder and have to keep adjusting it because i have a larger chest, and i know my co workers see that and see that im not entirely flat. It feels so embarrassing all the time, im always disgusted with myself to the point were i cant ask for help if im confused on anything, leading to terrible panic attacks. I just want to start hormones and get top surgery already.
i myself dont have dysphoria i am very sure of who i am. on the other hand somone very important to me has it bad sometimes and is there any ways i can help them with it? i love them so much and just want them to be comfortable in there own skin.
I think being supportive by creating space for them to express their struggles to you. Just allow them to have an affirming space with you where they feel heard. Offer to do things with them if they need support, like if things like clothing shopping can trigger dysphoria, offer to go with them. For me, some of the most helpful things people did were just listening to me and my struggles, not trying to fix it, not downplaying my feelings, and not forcing me to go out or do certain things if I was having a particularly day of dysphoria. I hope this is helpful 💜
@@TheChloeConnection it very much is makes me happy to know that my offer to go shopping with them when they came out to me was a good thing to do thank you so much
My own experiences with dysphoria, hmm, this could take a bit: My dysphoria is quite strong, from how my body feels in regards of the unwanted parts between my legs as they feel so uncomfortable to me, that they're misplaced and don't belong to me. Any stimulation from them revolts me. My body hair, my facial hair, the degradation that hit when I was 25 that cost me a fair amount of my head hair all adds to the dysphoria. My body suffered a lot of degradation and the HRT can sadly only do so much at my age, it's infuriating. I should have gotten to start earlier if it wasn't for the constant onslaught of transphobia and severely underfunded trans health care here in the UK that prevented me from being able to be myself for decades. Being misgendered and dead named causes dysphoria spikes, also playing as male in video games hurts a lot. Especially if it's first person or being addressed as male in general, Dragon Quest 11 for example is male lead only when they should have allowed for playing as female for once. The game addresses the player as male the entire time from narration, menus and more. First person person where that are male lead only are painful as well, plus Dragonball Fighter Z refers to the player as male only, no pronoun choice, it's unsettling for me. Male lead only games are very painful for me as a whole, especially white cis het male lead only titles after being forced to be as such for most of my life due to society's obsession with genitals. I deeply hate struggling with dysphoria.
This video is on the money. For me who's not started but due to start hormones I'm exactly like when I go out people look at me and I'm like they see a man and I just want to hide😱 and yes life is hard as a transgender women but I'm looking on the bright side. Love your videos
Its like people controlling every aspect of your expression. It feels like you need to get permission to express yourself but everyone else out there can do what they want.
Suffering with it right now 😭it sucks I get it a lot because of my facial stubble I don't get a lot of it on my face but I get it and that is enough to give me dysphoria but I get it due to my voice too and my shoulders
This is an interesting topic and it’s quite sensitive to talk about. Like, how can someone describe what it feels like to be a woman if you’ve never been that, yet me as a cis gendered woman, I can’t explain it much either, it just is. So, I would say it’s similar to body dysmorphia, or is exactly the same thing, not experiencing a connection with your body. “This identify fits me better” is a good simple way of putting it. Lol.
Idk if anyone is going to see this, or respond and if not thats ok, but I.. im amab and I play D&D ALOT. I play almost exclusively women and the few men i do play people say I seem to feel uncomfortable and unnatural in playing them. They are right, i am really uncomfortable getting into the headspace of "man" but I get into the headspaces of my characters who are women almost without effort and being there feels.... like home idk. I am struggling with figuring out if I am trans because I go throughout most of my days in just gender neutral clothing and not thinking about gender because it ultimately, so far as im aware, doesnt affect my day.... im realizing that that lack of awareness may actually be the source of some of my day to day discomfort with myself Im genuinely feeling doubt about even things that make me feel comfortable and wondering if im just... idk if someone reads this, does any of this make sense? does this sound like a trans (Specifically someone that might be mtf) experience to anyone?
Gender Dysphoria for me is when my voice is affected by my allergies, it gets really raspy and if I have to talk over the phone, I try everything to avoid doing so. Sex is on the list because when I think of how I used to have sex, it was very masculine and I don't want to approach it that way. I am afraid that if I did that out of habit, in my mind my thoughts would be telling me that this isn't how females would have sex but how males do. My facial features cause me distress, it has gotten to a point that I constantly wonder how much of a improvement my face would have if I went through with FFS. Certain clothes that I have that have sleeves cut off of showing my shoulders, pants/shorts that are too tight, shirts that are so tight they cling to my body also don't help with my dysphoria
I think you are very pretty. Your voice is very feminine. You have a lot more going on then many cis women (BTW that is why feminist hate us I think). When my wife divorced me one of the last thing she told me was that she hated that she was jealous of how I looked when I was "dressed". I could not have ever imagine that a cis woman could be jealous of a "crossdresser".
It's hard to accept my dysphoria. It goes in waves where I'm like yeah ill be a dude then hate myself then grow my hair out the hate myself cause I'm not being a man so I shave it all off to look more masculine. I've tried so hard to just suppress all of it and be what people feel comfortable with. Sucks truly does but I'm hoping to accept myself at some point.
You know that musky feeling you have when you don’t shower after you went for a run? Kinda like that. The male body feels gross wearing even if I shave and stay very clean, I always felt female bodies were clean and have a more sense of home but that’s just one way to describe it lol
It’s weird… I’m trying to figure out if I’m just looking too deeply into this… I don’t see myself as being a guy (at the time I’m cis female). But I’m not sure if I actually FEEL non binary or if I just don’t like female anatomy in general. It’s always been just me too, like I never think about this with other girls, just how I wish I didn’t look like this… Just a warning, I get a bit sexually explicit kind of? I don’t really like how accidentally sexual I look, I think? I don’t like having bigger -breasts- , but other than that, I don’t mind my female anatomy, but I’m just not sure if I’m overthinking this. But things like skirts and dresses do make me feel uncomfortable. I also don’t like the idea that I may have to get surgery or change how I look in order for somebody from the outside to refer to me as they/them, but sometimes I wonder if I’m actually fine with the she/her pronoun, or if I’m just tolerating it for other people 😔
I have a question? If gender essentialism has largely been discredited & false, then what's the point of getting breast enhancement or mastectomies? Because from what I understand America & Western culture has greatly sexualized cis-women's breasts & bodies & if you go to some society, like say in Africa, especially some random indigenous culture, they don't care at all. All the women have their breasts on full display & not one man will notice or harass them. So what does it matter if you have certain body parts if fundamentally they don't truly matter? What does it matter if you have broad shoulders & a penis if none of that indicates man or woman?
Hi Magdalena! Essentially, I feel that my nose masculinizes my face and doesn’t belong with other parts of my face and body. It’s not as intense as the gender dysphoria I’ve experience with other parts of my body, but it’s still unpleasant. I’ve kinda learned to just deal with it for now and maybe I’ll do something in the future. And it hurts to be misgendered because it indicates that people aren’t seeing me as I see myself. It can be really disheartening to feel like I’ve come so far in my transition only to not be seen as the woman I know myself to be. I’m proud and confident in who I am but it sometimes doesn’t feel great to think that I’ll always be seen as an outsider in some spaces
I certainly agree from the sense that I don't know what that would feel like either, being a trans person without dysphoria. But I think it's important to let people self identify, even if their experiences of dysphoria are minimal or very different.
I was sexually assaulted by a older relative when I was little and the person force me to wear girl’s cloth while doing it. I hate that part of my memory but I also hate myself for enjoying being treated as a girl. I was always live in guilt and think it is my fault to enjoy that sexual assault done by that old man. Deep down I think this is why I recognize myself as transgender women, because it helps me relief the child hood Trauma so I don’t have to live under guilt. But I always doubt myself if I am a transgender women but self realized through childhood trauma or I am hiding my childhood trauma by pretending a transgender women. I always ask myself Am “really” a trans women or I always feel I am less transgender than “real” trans. I guess I am having very different gender dysphasia than most of other trans women experienced, it’s almost like a “dysphasia of gender dysphasia”
For over the past month, I think around February, I started feeling uncomfortable with my body. I didn't like how I had boobs and a vagina. I had this like craving for a penis on my body around May-ish, and it was really bad. At the beginning / halfway of June, it felt like I actually had a penis. I thought it was kind of weird because I knew I didn't have a penis. I thought I was going a little crazy. I searched up gender stuff on google and found gender dysphoria as one of the pop ups. I even searched up if it was natural for me, a female, to have a desire for a penis. I read some comments and replies and I found/read this one comment. It said if I have a desire for a penis, I probably have gender dysphoria. I'm not a 100% sure if I have gender dysphoria, I'll probably have to get a diagnosis from a doctor.
What do I think? You made me cry bitch lol but I pretty much share your expierence. Im pucky to have the job I have. I even love the shitty customers. They call me a stupid bitch and have no clue im walking away smiling under my mask lol. Thank you for this I thought about doing the same thing. Your a Queen Lady thank you ❤
o/~ Some days are Diamonds, Some days are stones ... o/~ ... and some days I wish I was! ;-) All your vdos I've watched are great! I'm 71 and change and just starting out. My first major intention is to start HRT on Aug. 11th. That would be my "half-birthday." (My real B'day if Feb. 11, but it always either gets SNOWED or ICED out, so I have my birthday with a Barbie and Beer bust in Aug. sooo.) Aug is my target GO date . I've been through all the experiences you went through in school ... and some worse {'Nuther story;'nuther time} But ,for it all, I've had to be the consummate actor all my life! NO MORE!! I had started to come out somewhere about the early 2Ks, but I shut it down; asking myself "If you can't answer the following question with an Unqualified 'YES!' Stop right where you are." The question was "Are you fully willing to take the same kinds of abuses that you had all you school life to transition to make your full transition to a female person?" I couldn't, so I stopped. Now, I'm out! BIG TIME. I told my Psych MD 9who I knew since before that Qx, just back this winter, ""The BITCH IS BACK!" and I've been actioning my transition since then. Goodonya for making your vdos. Most are highly instructive to me. Thankyoueversomuch! In the mean, Stay sweet! Be Healthy, stay well and, "DonLetDaBugzGITCHA!!!" TY ;*
Hi Kjiersten! It’s almost August 11 already! Very excited for you 😊 I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been able to really embrace who you and move forward in your journey. It’s scary and stressful at times, but so worth it 💜
I don't have gender dysphoria; I just have a wish I was fictional, because I'm a hetero-fictosexual. That means I tend to prefer fictional men to real men. Reading is so therapeutic for me!
I love your vdos and this one seems to hit my issue straight on the head. I'm just now starting to come out I wanted to put up somewhat of a lengthy letter/post to FaceBook to "Come Out there," if you will. What I'd like to do is get your permission to post it here or maybe another of your articles as you may think appropriate, so you and maybe others will give it a read and provide some feed back on whether/how to edit/reconstruct it. I'd sincerely 'preciate it if you could do this for me. Ty everso, Kjiersten! P.S. OBTW, I just started my Sprinolactone yesterday and I'm scheduled to start my Estradiol patches tomorrow! (periodic is 2 Q wk, Suns * Weds) Hey, not the 11th!, but close enuf for Gov't work. Today's Saturday, so, we're still working for the Gov't. ;-) Wish me luck!
Hi Kjiersten! That's so exciting that you started hormone therapy! 💜 And you can certainly post your coming out letter in a comment on this video or another if you want to! Just post it in a new comment. I don't always get notifications about replies to existing comments but I do for new comments. Just want to make sure that I'm able to easily see your letter when you post it 💜💜💜
@@TheChloeConnection Chloe, THIS is "What Does Gender Dysphoria Feels Like To Me (Kjiersten) and this is what I'm placing up on my original name in facebook as I begin to phase over into my new name and the new me. G’day, all. Most of you have seen many of my posts which would be the "funny. Keith, -- ever the jolly joker, -- " put up some funny ones. I’ve put up some strange quotations. I put up some politicals that I had copied and pasted from other people of similar like. But today is something completely different. Be advised, the “Stray Caps” are not editing mistakes, they are here for emphasis. I am the me you have always known. I still have my wry, dry, sometimes sarcastic sense of humor, I still have my “pet issues” such as bullying, child abuse, kiddie-diddlers etc. I am still a bit conservative. Some things will never change. But, today, I am writing this post of a serious nature of something that I Must get off my chest. It is something that has been affecting me all my life and I need to deal with it; not now … but Yesterday! Now, I am writing is to bring it all to all your attentions so that we know what I am struggling with; how I am going to be doing it and what are some of surrounding implications. So please sit back have a read on this article in its entirety before you make any decisions so we can perhaps discuss these issues later. Thank you and off we go. You have all known me as Keith. I’m 771 and I am now reintroducing myself as Kjiersten, (pronounced SHEERsten) and I have Gender dysphoria. Dysphoria is “feelings of sadness or depression or unhappiness.” Hence, gender dysphoria is a depression from the fact your perception of your gender - your sense of self - is misaligned with the physical presentation of your body. A person assigned male at birth is at total odds that his presentation of his identity being not aligned with his male body characteristics. In Female Assigned at birth it is similar but opposite. Many times, this issue can be raised at an early age in childhood, while in others, the onset of this dysphoria can show up as a “later in life” onset. Mine was an early onset, in that I began questioning about 7 or 8 or so. In my early life, and, in my exceedingly strict upbringing, where everything I thought did or said was considered !!SENful!!” (pronounced as written, at the at the top of your voice,) I had absolutely no choice or action I could have taken...EVer. What is the one thing so, my issue is my gender identity not sexual identity. Gender is your sense of self. It is who you are it is what is between your ears. Your sex is between your legs. Sexual preference is who you want to be with. That is180 degrees diametrically opposed to your gender identity. I am not gay. I never have been gay. Nor will I ever be gay. Let us get that right clear, right now before any questions are asked. If I ever had thoughts or even leanings in that direction having been raped and sodomized with a stick by a predatory homosexual guy in my high school, four years my senior put paid to that right straight away. It was not until I got well out of the Air Force, I got that tear surgically repaired. This is the way it is. It is my gender identity. THAT is my issue. End of Message. I am now struggling with serious issues that have dogged me for all my life. I have, several times, contemplated and even Acted on suicide over this. Why have I waited so long to do this? Simple. I have lived in FEAR (Fuck Everything And RUN!) I can no longer run from it, repress it; push it down; suppress it. Call it whatever you will. This is a Nasty, Vicious beast that I have not been able to outrun. Well My days of running have Stopped. The only way to fly is to turn Into The Wind. Well, I am turning into the wind to take off and I am starting to make a major change of my life as I begin to change my gender. To those of you who are local and have seen me around, you may have noticed small changes; and, gradual though they are, they will become more and more visible as time goes on. I have begun to take medications to treat this issue. There will be more and more pronounced visible changes arising from these medications. What those medications are is between my Doctor, my Pharmacist and myself. I know many folks will have Severe philosophical disparities with my decision and, by extension, what I am doing about it. I know I will lose friends. This is a fact of life in this transition. I am ready for that. I have gone through and what I will go through. And that, not necessarily for this reason, I am very experienced with that and ready to accept it. I am sorry you feel as you do, and I will understand why and how you do. If you have any intelligent, well thought out questions, directed toward the issue, I will be more than happy to answer them. If I cannot answer them directly, I will look them up in the medical or psychological literature so that I can answer them for you in a good time. please feel free to ask the questions. If the questions are transphobic or misogynistic, I shall treat them with the contempt that they so richly deserve and will promptly delete them. You can delete me; remove-unfriend me; block me if you like I do not care. I am used to it I've “Been There Done That” way too many times. You may shred me all you want if that is your inclination. I have heard it all too much --so much more than anyone would want to imagine. The abuses I have heard would make a Drill Instructor blush; hence I have inured myself to all the noise. So, in a word, do not waste your breath. I do not care. This is My life! I will fix it the way I can -- the best I can -- for Me to be Happy in Me. Thank you very much. Kjiersten
Hi Kjiersten! I love this. I feel like you really explain who you are and what you need to do to be your fullest self. I especially love the self-confidence. This is what you need to do and people may disagree, but they won’t dissuade you because you know what’s best for you. I’m so sorry I did not see this earlier. Im curious. Have you already posted this and if so, what was the reaction? 💜💜
What are your experiences with gender dysphoria? What are your thoughts on whether or not dysphoria is "required" to be transgender?
I get that my Dong is a big annoyance
To me,gender dysphoria is like you're living inside a prison inside yourself
@@themikaylashow1987 yeah I feel that
@@TitanGames86 thank you so much. I wish I came out when I was a kid instead of my 30s. I was a 90s girl and back then I thought I was the only one who felt like I did
@@themikaylashow1987 I am like 19 but it felt like a long time before I felt valid with being trans sometimes I doubt it myself.
Educating myself on what gender dysphoria is so i can understand what my trans friends are feeling. Thanks!
And thank you for taking the time to take steps to help support your friends! 😊💜
Similar.
Started as the same here but now..
Me too. As I think my daughter is trans gender. I don’t know and I’m so confused. The least o can do is just try to find out. I feel I need help to learn
Honestly dysphoria Is extremely painful, it's hard to deal with at times, and it can often keep me from leaving my bed
I can definitely relate to that, especially early in my transition
Same. I just wanna stab myself . I wish I could stop seeing myself but reflections are everywhere. I wish I was lucky and rich enough to have surgeries I need. I wish I had a proper body. Wish I was cute as her :(
@@ameliabuns4058 I know how you feel. My heart,body and soul I'm her but on the outside all I see is "him"
Exactly
I've always hated the way I look, hated the way I take pictures, refused to smile or pose unless bribed or tricked. And I absolutely hate having my picture taken.
Two months into my transition, I am starting to understand where that hatred came from, where 20+ years of beard and oversized clothes was leading me.
Most of my dysphoria centers around my face and body hair.
I can certainly relate. Looking at my pictures, I feel like I hardly ever had a genuine smile in pictures until after starting my transition
@@TheChloeConnection Relatable.
I relate
Relatable
One of the main hallmark of gender dysphoria for me was that I can never shave my face enough, and there's always some five o'clock shadow left. It honestly makes me want to not shave sometimes because I know it'll just never be perfect.
I know what you mean. Laser hair removal really helped me a lot.
When I’m wearing a nice dress, have my hair & make up just right I feel ...complete and emotionally content. Returning to drab mode always gives me the feeling of “something” not being right. “Comfortable in my body” that hit the nail on the the head for me. I’m not comfortable in my body. I’m a senior citizen now and the one thing stuck in my head is “I’m running out of time.”
Hi Suzi. Finding those things that help us feel content and complete is so important. I'm sorry that the thought of "I'm running out of time" is running through your head, but I'm happy to hear that you're able to finally be yourself 💜
You are not alone with that feeling, whether you’re trans or not. We all, if not most of us go through those feelings. A lot of cis gendered women experience this, we waste our lives in our safety bubble fearing what society thinks of us, not dressing as we like, etc, then as we get older we realise, this is our life and it’s our choice to live as we choose. It’s all self esteem. Simply giving yourself a kick to do what you love can help. Say, every Saturday you’ll wear your favourite clothes out, even if it’s just shopping. Little things will give you confidence and soon you’ll appreciate life. No matter how old or young you are. You are where you are and you appreciate your time and that’s a gift to indulge in.
@@copyrightcharacter1166 thanks for your thoughts Catherine ! 🥰💫✨
I feel that most of my life has been hyjacked. That my identity has been inadvertently kidnapped in plain sight. So much so that to this very minute I am barely convinced that I have a right to my own identity nor can I legitimately act upon my own intentions instead of those imposed upon me.
Medical transition for me is the easiest part, social transition is excruciating because I've always been conditioned to be hyper vigilant to satisfy everyone else's sensibilities instead of my own. I question every facet of my own thoughts, emotions or aspirations. Do I have a right to want anything for myself.
Being misgendered is my norm and it registers as a slap in the face most times. Being correctly gendered feels profoundly satisfying.
Before I continue whining indefinitely. Thank you for giving me a vent for a fraction of my turmoil and I also love the glimmer of recognition that I might be real after all. I love your work! I really wish you well!
Thank you for sharing that D Lynn. It means a lot that you feel comfortable sharing that and venting here. I know that it's tough, believe me. But also hold to that recognition that you are real and valid, like you said. Holding on to that can be such a strength for me as well 💜💜
You made me feel so valid in this video I appreciate you making this🥺💞 Thank you
Hi Queen Jordie! I'm so glad that you found this video helpful 💜💜💜💜
Hi,after 35 years a secret im finally transitioning and your vids are incredibly reassuring.This vid is really brutally honest(which i love).The dysphoria i hoped would subside but its actually rewarding to hear you say that ooh no that ain't gonna happen lol.Keep making these vids pleeeease,so helpful.Big thank you from here in the uk x
Hi Jessica! Thanks for being so supportive! I try to be as honest and vulnerable as possible. I feel like not doing so gets in the way of my goal of wanting to help others on their journeys 💜
Im trans as well and I like what you are doing with your channel! You seem like someone I would enjoy talking with in person!
Hi Lily! That’s so sweet! I’m glad you’re enjoying the channel and thank you for the love and support 💜💜💜
Thank you for talking about this girl! This was really insightful and informative on what a transgender person goes through. Sending you lots of love 💕
Aww thank you so much for saying that Barbara! 💜🙂💜
I just came across this video and I loved it. For me I don’t really get body dysphoria. Rather, I get social dysphoria that sometimes manifests as body dysphoria. I happen to be genderfluid, so this happens when I’m in nonbinary mode. When I feel off about my body it stems from a “oh god I’m gonna get clocked as AFAB and I’m gonna be called ma’am” rather than a feeling that I don’t belong in my body. My voice is a big part of this. Even though I love my boobs I use a binder when I’m nonbinary and I’m out in public, but when I’m at home I don’t care. For me my dysphoria stems from a place of “what can I do to hide my feminine features so that people can’t tell that I’m AFAB?”. When I do get dysphoria at home it’s more in anticipation of “If I were out in public right now I’d get clocked so hard”. It’s subtle for me but it sucks. Dysphoria is...interesting 😅.
Hi Keelan! I’m so glad you enjoyed the video! Gender dysphoria certainly is interesting, strange, frustrating and so much more! I think I can definitely relate to some of that fear of getting clocked, just from the perspective of not wanting people to know I’m AMAB but frequently fearing that they do
@@TheChloeConnection What is AMAB? I am curious . I haven't heard that as of today or I mssed its meaning. I am a transgender woman ag 74 ... thanks
@@wa9neu it's been a year so you probably learned it by now, but I'm tired so I'll answer anyway. AMAB stands for "assigned male at birth". likewise, AFAB stands for "assigned female at birth".
Thank you for this Chloe! I started transitioning at age 23 and had SRS at 30, am now 60 and have days where I feel totally dysphoric which really shocked me the first time it happened to be honest, I remember one day at work (I’m a Nurse) where a patients wife was being really rude and misgendering me to another patients wife and being loud so I could hear her, the other Woman didn’t believe her and I just felt so humiliated and wasn’t out at work so the dysphoria every time she visited her husband was really bad
Hi Jenny! Thanks for watching and sharing that. I'm so sorry that you went through that. That's their loss, not being able to past their own bias to see the wonderful person underneath 💜
What a horrid thing for her to do.
FUCK that patient you’re a beautiful woman and deserve all the gender euphoria 🏳️⚧️❤️🖤
This was uncomfortably relatable. But that discomfort should be addressed. Thank you very much, Chloe! ❤
Thanks Rômulo! I definitely agree that the discomfort should be addressed. It only gets worse if we try to ignore it 💜
Hi Chloe! Yep, dysphoria certainly comes in waves! Right after coming out to the first person ever and acknowledging that being trans was an extremely important aspect of my very being, my dysphoria ramped up. I started being hit with a giant wave of it hourly, 24/7 for six weeks. Each of the waves would slam me into the rocks and leave me whimpering and drained. The moment the edge of the adrenalin rush from the panic attack started to wane, another wave would hit.
Shaving any facial or body hair has always triggered my dysphoria. I only shave when I start plucking hairs out with tweezers (at least my hair is light and I have never had a 5 o'clock shadow ...). When I shave, it's at night, in the shower, and with my eyes closed. I do this so that I can finish before I get too dysphoric. The reason I shave at night is so that the bleeding and dysphoria has time to ebb before morning. I can't stand to use a mirror and when I do, I only pay attention to a small portion portion of my face and never my whole face. Makeup is a bitch and takes way longer than it should ... Lol! Much love! ❤💃💞
Hi Francesa! Thanks for sharing that! That dysphoria definitely hit me hard for those first 6-12 months, especially the first few months. And I can somewhat relate to your shaving experiences as well. I don't necessarily get dysphoria when shaving any more, but I've been shaving my face in the shower without any mirror for several years now. It just feels easier for me. And I also could never get a good shower mirror that didn't fog up! 💜
A Lot of the time for me, it feels like a pit in my tummy, whenever i have to go to the bathroom, it just gets worse, or when someone calls me a guy, it just feels like this constant reminder that poking you saying "this isn't who you are"
I feel like I am going through life wearing my shoes on the wrong feet. Other people will not really notice, but you feel a distinctly awkward and off balance, and at time it really hurts.
I have been going back and forth since I realized I needed this 4 months ago. I just suddenly woke up and said out loud "OMG, I'm a woman". Of course there's more to it than that.
Chloe, I feel so loved and validated by your practical approaches to these terrifically complex thoughts, ideas and experiences. You truly make the me I am working on becoming smile from the inside and invigorate my soul. Thank you.
I’m a pre transition 16 year old trans girl and personally my dysphoria will start wherever triggers it (or in the pit of my stomach or the sides of my head for being misgendered or deadnamed) then spreads as it gets worse until it is just throughout my entire body and I’m physically sick and can start shaking which looks a bit unusual to most people as I haven’t socially transitioned beyond my friend circle
I just tried a hair routine that people in my family said was for African descendants. Anyways it has worked really well for three weeks and my hair has less split ends. Shampoo and condition once a week, while the hair is still wet I add a very small amount of hair oil to my scalp put on a satin bonnet and sleep. My hair is clean and perfectly balanced between oily and dry. It actually bounces!
That’s so wonderful! 😊💜
Afte coming out 8/2021 and starting HRT 9/21, I FINALLY understand what DYSPHORIA has been for me. Until this day I did not feel my identity or reality as female was acceptable or real but imagined and immature but listening to you has finally helped me see the reality of who I am and why the hidden fearful self was shielding me from hurt and rejection which has VERY HARD FOR ME!! This person, the girl inside, hid away for fears since the early 1970's!!!!!!!!!!
I spent thirty years thinking I might be an elf or an alien because I had no way to reckon with everyone around me being so good at pretending to feel normal. Turns out I was just a girl, but that was something I hid even from myself. Dysphoria is exactly what I once had. Not to be wished upon even an enemy.
Hi April. Dysphoria is a hell of thing, and just like you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am very glad though that you have been to figure things out and start living more as your fullest self 💜
@@TheChloeConnection i believe you mean fullest elf.... /s
I totally agree with you. I am just new into the transition, and dysphoria became worse than before. I fell very bad some days, then i feel happy, but it doesn't last a very long period of time. Hope it gets better when i start hrt! Love you Chloe!
Hi Miriam! I know for me it got much better once I was on HRT so I hope the same will happen for you 🙂 Stay strong! Thank you for the love and support! 💜🙂💜
Hi Miriam! Being on HRT is different for everyone so YMMV but starting HRT was like a miracle had been performed. My dysphoria immediately became much more manageable and my depression disappeared completely for a while (and was much more manageable when it returned). Taking a positive step towards being my authentic self removed a huge burden from my shoulders and I felt better than I ever had. Best wishes on your journey sweetie! 💃💞
Francesca Jensen Thanks! I'm happy for you! 💕
Chloe you are ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL and what you share about being Trans is TRULY LIFE SAVING AND FREEING and EYE OPENING to those of us who have had to hide so long in shame and guilt and self rejection!! God love you dear!!
I'm just starting my own transition, and I feel like I skipped straight over dysphoria about my body straight into apathy for my body and appearance. Now that I am taking my first small transition steps, I feel dysphoria hitting me hard in certain places. My body hair, my underwear, my lack of a bra and chest to put into said bra, etc all are hitting me at once.
this is more or less my experience, realizing that what I thought was apathy was actually just a *heavily* veiled dysphoria. when my mind recently decided to lift that veil, it was just awful, just the most *potent* disgust and repulsion I have ever felt, genuinely the *worst* feeling I have *ever* had because it had been steeping in my subconscious for so long. but of course, my mind helps itself with visual metaphors, so the dysphoric tsunami wasn't directed at any part of my physical form, but rather I had manifested mental horns that the dysphoria would target. I still feel the horns sometimes, but since I've started acknowledging that that's what I was feeling, it hasn't been *nearly* as bad (still bad tho, just not *completely unbearable).*
That "wave experience" is such a great analogy. I felt that description in my soul, and I totally relate to everything you just said. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
You have helped in more ways than just by this one video, itself...
in many ways, in many vids. Thanks, for creating them.
I’m very happy to hear that 💜💜💜
For me it's like I want to pull off my skin. I feel dysphoric about my voice, about my boobs, my lack of penis and sometimes it's so bad I want to not leave the house forever. What really bugs me is I don't know if I'm a trans man or nonbinary, cuz sometimes I'm not dysphoric at all. It can last for a week and then come back. I'm just so confused. I've tried to come out to my family but they were not understanding, they said that I'm a girl and that I should live like a girl, and that hormones and operations will make me be someone else. But at least they said that it's my decision and that they will love me no less. I think I'm constantly supressing who I really am.
Thank you for sharing that. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this pain. I never thought about it like that, but I can certainly relate to the feeling of wanting to pull my skin off, or wanting to just not be in my body. You mention having a lack of dysphoria from time to time making things even more confusing. I would try seeing what, if anything, brings you gender euphoria rather than dysphoria. What aspects of gender bring you joy, rather than pain. That could be another to help you figure things out. Not only focusing on the pieces you don’t like (the dysphoria), but also the pieces you do like or do want (the euphoria). I talk about it a bunch as well, but if therapy is accessible, I highly recommend at least trying out an affirming therapist. Therapy really helped me unpack things and explore and figure out who I am 💜
I can so relate to this. Thanks for sharing!
Hello, quick little update, I'm so much happier in my skin now, started T 7 months ago and I'm well on my way to transition. My family has accepted me fully after I came out the second time (I already had psychotests done)
@@dandeocelot so happy for you ((:
Awesome video! It captures exactly what I’ve experienced. I didn’t really feel dysphoria, until I began my transition. Sure I felt guilt at times because if my life-long cross dressing habit, but I never felt dysphoric. When I started my transition and fully accepted myself as trans, I felt acute dysphoria. It wasn’t all about my body initially. It was more about passing. Later, my body became the primary issue. I lived 57 years as a male, and I know I’ll never truly feel (be) female, so I call myself gender queer. I’ve been full time female for almost 2 years, but I don’t refer to myself as woman. This is a coping mechanism. I feel less dysphoric because I don’t need to meet my expectations for being a woman and although I feel male sometimes, it no longer distressed me.
"It was more about passing" - I can very much relate to that being a huge spike in dysphoria early in my transition. Thank you for sharing that. I imagine it can be somewhat distressing or disappointing to refer to yourself as gender queer instead as a woman, but I'm also happy to hear that your distress seems to be low these days 💜
I can totally relate, when I finally recognized and acknowledged at age 51 I felt like a woman inside, the Sh*t really hit the fan.
There was no more denying. After that it took some time to actually accept. Not too long ago I started making changes to myself and because I now changed my name just recently to a female name, every now and then I accidently introduce myself with the old name e.g. on the phone for example talking to people I know a long time such as family, I really can be hard on myself by doing that.
I am trying to change so many things all at once, I have to be gentle with myself and do some TLC.
In general in my experience for about a year now, people have been very nice and understanding. You are always you worse critic, right.
Anyways excellent video apart from the swearing, but I understand.
OMG! i know exactly what you gone through as this is me atm.
I was fine and and coping most days but recently got offered a supervisor Position with a training course and lets just say i had to speak to my manager to hold it for a while after the 1st session as this hit me with a tsunami.
Hi Hannah! Yeah dysphoria really is like a huge wave sometimes! But it does often get a little bit easier as time goes on, the waves get smaller and more manageable 💜
Thank you so much for posting this. As a parent of a child just beginning their MTF journey it helps to understand a little bit more about dysphoria, and a little bit more about some of their reluctance to leave the house. I am excited to see what parts of their personality might begin to bloom in the months and years to come. (I am also having to deeply restrain myself from a 'let's buy all the girl clothes!' shopping spree and let them figure out their style in their own time.)
I’m here to educate myself because I don’t understand. I thought everyone is a little uncomfortable in their bodies for a while at least, but I suppose that if you never want to look the way you do, and you want to look like the other gender, I see that. As long as people are feeling so much better than they were before, I am all for it and I don’t even need to understand. I’ll just accept. The more positivity in the world the better!
I have just acknowledged that I am a trans man. For me, you nailed it. Thank you for making this video. That is how I feel almost everyday. Except for me would be issues such as I don't have a flat chest, my face not masculine, my skinny arms, not having a bulge down there, my walk, my voice, my body looks like a girl and so on. Sometimes I want to scream, shout, I just get annoyed, frustrated, angry, sometimes I have rage. It is exhausting, I can see why some have committed suicide💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭
Then my cis brother who doesn't know about the trans part of me..yet, tells me not to think about the thing that I'm thinking about. Not to think is his advice. 😶 All I want to say is how do you stop yourself from thinking? Is that even possible? How come I can't do it, how not to think?
As you’ve pointed out, I can definitely relate just on the opposite end of the struggles you mentioned. I don’t think we can truly “stop” ourselves from thinking. The thoughts are going to come at least every now and again, so it’s more what we do with those thoughts (my psychology student side is kicking here if it wasn’t obvious ha). It’s important to remind ourselves that are our thoughts are just our thoughts. We are often our own worst critics, but it’s important to remember that our thoughts don’t define us. What helps for me, among other things, is remembering that my identity as a woman is valid and remembering that despite all of the struggles, I’m the happiest I have ever been and transitioning was so worth it. For me, remembering these things can help ease that dysphoria. So the thoughts and dysphoric feelings do continue to happen but they’ve gotten much more manageable over time. You mentioned that you just acknowledged that you are a trans man, so the thoughts and feelings are likely more pronounced right now because you’re allowing yourself to start recognizing who you really are for the first time. It’s very uncomfortable at the beginning of transition because we’re hyper aware of all of the things that don’t align with how we internally identify. But I do believe we get more comfortable in our own skin over time. For me, it took time and the help of hormones and surgery to get things in sync, but time alone helped before I started anything medical and then being hormones is when things really started to sync up.
I know that was a lot that I just shared, but I hope it was helpful 💜
Wasn't sure I had dysphoria (from not understanding the term well), Now I know I do have dysphoria very much (thank you for putting a name to my anxiety and worries) and you are right I feel a hundred percent about my decision to transition but my dysphoria is a very real thing
I’m glad this could help clarify things for you Paige! 💜
You hit the nail on the head! Story of my life
💜💜💜
Ive started having this ever since my wife left me. I wasnt allowed to feel anything and “be a man” including with how people treat me as a male its just hard to bare.
I just feel as if my trauma of being betrayed by a girl who gets all of these positives of blaming the guy and i wasnt allowed to be sensitive or emotional, when i poured all of my soul out and just got cheated and lied about.
I felt depressed and suicidal to the point my thoughts didnt point to killing myself but to change genders to avoid the hardships of being a man.
I have now a severe problem with my self image that i wasted my life on trying to be the man my parents wanted. When i told them i want to transition they want to kick me out of the house at my darkest hours.
Ive pictured of what life could have been as a cisgender transwoman as i still like girls so the dating scene and responsibilities are on the same level so i never hurt again.
On a plus side: Im 25 and will start transition on June 11. Please help pray, wish me luck, or something as i have no hope until this pain goes away.
Thank you for explaining this very personally so its easier to more fully understand to someone with no experience. you did a great job!
For me , it feels like wearing an outfit you don't like to a party you really don't want to go to. I'm 49 and finally accepted I'm a woman. I knew I felt more comfortable in girls clothes when I was 8. My birthday this year was the breaking of the dam. I finally made an appointment to talk with a doctor to talk about hormones. My mot major dysphoria is my testicles. At 29, I tried something drastic. I had a bad therapy experience and crawled back into the closet. My only comfort has been wearing female underwear since I was 13. I'm honestly at the point where I look at womens clothes and can see myself weraing the cute top or dress.. I'm used to costumes and dressing up for roles. I wore a dress to a holloween dance in high school and it was the best night of my life so far.. I remember that night vividly. A boy asked me to dance a slow dance jokingly, but he was so cool. I rested my head on his shoulder and swayed to the music. It just felt so right.. That's the fuel that sustains me with a partner who is terminally ill, living in a small town, and unable to dress as my gender unless I take a night drive. I'm moving forward anyway because I want to live as my true self even if for the last 10 or 20 years of my life. I am Ella and I'm determined to live in the light of day.
For me my dysphoria surfaces when I consciously acknowledge I want to be a girl. I then feel anxiety and frustration with the thought that I am not one. The desire and what I perceive as the reality are in conflict. It is not that I hate my body parts, it is just I want them to be different because that is more in line with who I really am. I am an older trans women who started transitioning in my late sixties. I have been on HRT for five months and see changes in my body and sexual function that delight me. This feels wonderful because I am taking steps to become the woman I want to be and know I am. I am not sure I will reach my ideal and expect there will always be some dysphoria. I do not hate my body, so thankfully this is something I hope I will tolerate. But, I expect the desire to be a woman and my perception about whether I am one will be dysphoric even if I reach some endpoint in my transition. It is important to know there is well being in accepting your authentic gender.
I’ve been questioning this for a long time( at least 2 years) because I don’t know what I am. I’ve been so focused on sexuality, I never had a prospect of “what am I gender wise?” And things started making sense. I don’t like my body hair, my privates get to me, my facial hair really gets me going to the point where I feel so anxiety filled. I asked my friends at one point to use female pronouns and they agreed. It was nice being called my name while hearing she her but it was hard to tell cause they didn’t always do it. Even now I’m still so confused. I don’t know if I’m actually trans, or if I’m just not happy with myself.
Thank you for sharing 💜 I can’t say for certain whether you’re trans or non-binary or something else, but it does sound like there’s some discomfort around your gender. It is also possible that your gender is fluid or non-binary, it does not have to be a transition from one binary to gender to another. I would say continue experimenting with gender. Try small changes like painting your nails, wearing jewelry, wearing a little makeup, etc. See what fits and brings you joy, and what doesn’t. You definitely don’t have to figure out all at once 💜
@@TheChloeConnection first off I’d like to say thank you for getting back to me. It’s honestly really nice to know I’m not just over thinking this too bad. I have actually tried experiment in make up and painting my nails. I first did my nails with my little sister and really liked it, then tried doing make up which (when does well) makes me feel really cute. I will definitely take your advice on experiment with my my name and pronouns. Thanks you once again!
I’m so happy to hear that this was helpful! I hope the continued gender exploration is still going well 😊💜
@@TheChloeConnection thank you! I’ve actually spoke to my friends about it and until I’m more sure, I wanna go with non-binary. I’m using any pronouns, she/they preferably and my name is sparrow for no! I’ll defo comment on here once I’m more sure of myself and thank you more so for helping me find myself but until then, thank you and have a great life!
That’s wonderful. I love the name Sparrow 😊
I do experience dysphoria but mostly in the way that my masculine traits feel like they’re in the way of my womanhood rather than feeling distressed. This does cause some doubts, paired with internalized transphobia, which makes me go from “yes I’m definitely trans” to “no you’re just stupid, you’re not trans, it’s in your head” and back to “no I am trans , I obviously am “ I’m still very fresh in my realization and only shared this with one friend so far. I’m thinking finding a gender therapist will help me to crush my doubts because I’m pretty damn sure I’m trans but those previously stated factors do cause occasional doubts. I wish I could stop doubting myself and be who I am, but being who I truly am is also scary in this current world. I think the doubts are also a defense mechanism because it would just be easier to repress my identity and conform to how society thinks I should be.
Hello! Thank you so much for your video, my daughter is 16 y/o she’s struggling with gender dysphoria and what you said put a lot into perspective.
For me dysphoria felt like I drive a truck and always wanted a compact car but was told boys drive trucks and girls drive cars. I was so unhappy driving a big truck I chose not to drive more often than not. That's dysphoria for me, wanting something you can't have and being stuck with what you got.
I can relate to everything you mentioned in this video aside from the fact that I am a trans man and you are a woman. Dysphoria is so overpowering oh my god.
dysphoria for me is like a wave too, just when ur feeling happy it comes back to bite, i usually get it about the fact that my hair isnt how i want it and that i cant wear more feminine clothes(im not out yet)
Hi Lylaha. I can absolutely relate. I truly believe that it will get easier with time as you keep moving forward in your transition 💜
@@TheChloeConnection
My dysphoria hits me at work a lot. I'm out to only two of my coworkers. When people look at me I panic like they know. What helps a little, I wear my name badge backwards so I dont have to look at the picture and name in it. The panic attacks happen at night when I'm trying to sleep. My wife reassuring my it will all right is the only way I can get sleep.
I'm sorry to hear that Jeanine. That sounds really really tough, and unfortunately very relatable as well. It may not feel like it now, but I truly believe it will get better 💜
I've never considered anything but a male identity growing up in the middle of nowhere, and I was never particularly upset about my masculinity. However, lately I've been trying more feminine expression and it feels so freeing, but now I spend much more time in the bathroom stressing out. I want to feel accepted but I don't want to demand anyone around me to accept me. It's weird
Hi Rylee. I don’t think that’s weird at all. You’re exploring a new side of yourself that you maybe held back for a long time. It’s likely both exciting and scary. I can certainly relate to spending more time in the bathroom, more time looking in the mirror, more time getting ready, etc. I want to look good for me but I also want to reduce the chances of someone being mean (aka transphobic or just ignorant) by hopefully being more “passable.” I think what you’re experiencing is very normal and I do think it will get better with time because it often does for many of us 💜
@@TheChloeConnection thank you so much for taking the time to reply, and for the words of encouragement :)
I'm trying my best to trust the process and embrace the journey, and videos like yours make it a lot easier to do so
Im in the same situation right now! There are dozens of us!
Is it possible to have dysphoria and not be trans? For the most part I'm happy as a guy. But every now and again I just feel extremely feminine and it lasts for 3-4 days.? I'm 30 and I've been like this all my life. Can anyone help?
Hi Charlie. It wouldn’t necessarily be gender dysphoria in the classic sense if you’re not trans, but I think it is very possible (and probably much more common than you think) to not feel fully comfortable in your gender. I would take a guess that some of that discomfort comes from feeling like you don’t meet the classic expectations of masculinity or of “being a man”? Correct if I’m wrong. But many people experience a discomfort from not being able to meet often impossible and restrictive gender norms. I obviously don’t know you, but I would encourage to explore that side of yourself more. There might be shame there but integrating it more fully with who you are may be helpful. You can still be a man and be very feminine - absolutely nothing wrong with that. In exploring, maybe you’ll find that you’re a feminine guy, maybe you’ll find that a non-binary identity fits for you. I definitely understand the discomfort. Giving yourself the space to explore can really work wonders though.
Maybe you're genderfluid?
Being masculine or feminine doesnt really dictate gender. It’s actually good to have androgynous traits according to my personality psych professor
I've never experienced dysphoria untill i realised i was trans. Then BOOM! It's literally the worst thing!
However it's worth it to be your authentic self!
I only realized my dysphoria since my online friend helped me realize that I am a trans girl. (that just happened a few days ago)
It's all very confusing still. Sometimes I look into the mirror and see my cute face and then I see a boy and I hate that but then a girl again and then it just morphs into each other and I have to look away. It's so weird. I also experience bottom dysphoria in the shower now. Before all that I was just "yeah I got a body, somehow gotta work with that" but that didn't at all make me happy. I felt like I couldn't have a future. Now I feel euphoric about any step I continue going into the area of discovering myself I never went because I told myself I were a boy.
I still can go outside and act male and all. I'm scared to come out and talk to people I know irl about this. And I mean, I just started this journey, I think I need a bit of time to find myself.
You definitely don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You’re right about probably needing some more time to find yourself. It’s wonderful that you’re already experiencing gender euphoria only several days after starting your journey though 💜
This seems like a good place to ask questions about sex and gender, and I really hope I can get some things cleared up that have confused me.
Please correct anything I get wrong, that's why I'm here.
My understanding of things so far is that the words male and female refer to sex. Like genetics, and how we classify any other species. (I thought this was something that everyone agreed on, but I've been noticing people using gender along with the terms male and female)
Traditionally people have used words to condense down sex and species, like saying rooster instead of saying male chicken, or hen instead of female chicken. I grew up thinking this was the same when talking about people. I've never heard people casually say "female human" when referring to someone, they just say woman.
Now I'm not really sure what any of those words mean anymore.
I think there is a spectrum of how masculine or feminine someone is, and I thought that was encouraged by society due to biological pressures. But I never thought where you landed on that spectrum changed you being a man or a woman. Or a gay girl, who was a tomboy, was still a girl.
Now there's some things that confuse me. What does gender mean? Is it something that society made up, as a status quo for looks and behavior? Does it still refer to sex, and people just use it loosely now? Is it an arbitrary self identifier that isn't tied to anything? What do the terms man and woman mean now?
I have many more questions, but this is already looking like a first draft of a high school essay.
Hi there! First off, thank you so much for being open about wanting to genuinely learn answers to these questions. As you’ve touched on, a lot of these things aren’t always clear cut, especially if you’re not familiar with some of the terms and such. Male and female do typically refer to sex, like primary and secondary sex characteristics (e.g., genitalia, breasts, chromosomes, etc.). Sex and gender are different, but sometimes male and female are used in the context of gender. It’s technically incorrect (and I do it myself sometimes). You might sometimes hear someone say something like “I identify as a female” or simply “I am female.” It’s often implied that what they mean is that they’re a woman, but yeah it can be confusing. But sex refers to those physical characteristics, while refers to how you identify. These are aligned for most people (e.g., someone who has female sex characteristics and also identifies as a women), but for trans and non-binary people, those don’t align. Like in my case, I had male sex characteristics at birth, but I identify as a woman, and I’ve also gone through medical interventions to change my body to more align with my identity as a woman. And this can be confusing for people who haven’t had to think about the difference between sex and gender. For cisgender people (people for whom their sex and gender are aligned), the fact that their sex and gender is aligned is often taken for granted. So it may seem weird or uncomfortable when conversations come up about sex and gender and how they aren’t the same thing.
But the easiest way I think to differentiate them is:
Sex - physical characteristics
Gender - identity as a woman, man, or other gender
I’m not sure if I answered everything you asked so let me know, but I hope that helps!
That's tough. Through all that I'm glad you can be yourself. Nice video and nice thumbnail, love you hair in black❤👍
Thank you 😊💜
I'm 12 and i think I might be trans of feeling dysphoria but i don't know. I feel like I might identify as a guy since im super uncomfortable about my chest, and also a bit about my voice when i dont force it low. But also i dont know since when i tried telling my mom she said it mighy just be a phase because im too young to know
Too Young too know? Thats bullshit, i knew i was à girl when i was 6 , and many kids know their are born in the wrong body when they are very Young so if you know you know!!
Hi Evan. I obviously don't know you, but I think it's very safe to say that 12 is not too young to know. Like Alice said, many (not all but many) know their gender at a young age. As a side note, there's plenty of well-established psychological research that supports that kids typically figure out their gender identity before their teen years. It's a double standard if you think about it because cisgender kids are never questioned whether their gender is a phase or not. It's the same for sexual orientation - heterosexual is not questioned, but LGBQ+ is often viewed as being a phase at least at young ages. You being a guy is different than what you're mom has known, so it's likely easier for her to be in denial or dismiss this as phase. I would say explore this side of yourself and see how identifying as a guy fits for you. If identifying as guy brings you joy and euphoria, and being viewed as a girl brings you discomfort and dysphoria, you might be trans.
I really want to get SRS, not sure when I will be able to.. :(
I know that was definitely a concern for me as well 🙁 I imagine things regarding surgery are even more difficult with everything going on in the world right now 🙁
@@TheChloeConnection sad but true... :(
I hate the anxiety that comes with being trans. I've heard people on tiktok, Instagram and even snapchat say sh!t like "oh yeah I wish I was trans" or people just flat out lying about being trans for attention, or becuse they want to feel special. You don't ever want to be trans. I'm proud of who I am but if I could chose to be cis, if I could chose to not have to Iive with all this extra anxiety of weather or not people see me as masculine enough, I would chose not to deal with it, becuse it sucks! And it can ruin so many of my best memories cuz I'm just thinking "holy crap I look like a women."
On a less serious note does anyone have a really good day then you get a small glance of yourself in the mirror and just get a huge wave of dysphoria for the rest of the day....I hate when it ruins my day😅
Oh that last part for me literally all the time, also for me I would wish to be cis but like cis as my desired gender because I can’t imagine wanting to actually be my birth gender/sex
Gender Whac-a-mole sped up through transition, it’s exhausting, and I’m realising it will be something that I probably have to live with forever.
Thank you so much, you've made me feel so much better about even understanding or something myself
If I were a woman
If I were a woman,
Would I get a tender touch?
If I were a woman,
Would I dream as much?
Would I get flowers,
And know how it feels?
Be held and feel safe,
And know it’s appeal?
Would I not have to think
Where to put my hands?
Stand, or turn my head
And yell fake demands?
Could I peel off this amour
That is bound to my skin?
That keeps things from flowing out,
And letting anyone in.
Would my voice be softened,
And say what I think?
And wear what I want
Be it yellow or pink.
Could I walk in the sunshine
And move as I please?
And not fear of a habit
That might expose me.
Can I stop lying to myself
And the the question be asked?
Locked in a hole without windows
With no present or past.
I’ll create a day,
When I can finally breathe,
And not be in my prison,
And live what I believe!
Nadia Kent
I’m a mum and I’m so confused as I think my daughter is struggling with this. She hasn’t told me outright. I feel sad and confused for her future 😢 xxx
How are things going with you guys?
As a closeted trans woman, I can super relate.
I can see that this comment is from almost a year ago, I hope you are doing ok. 🧡
@@Ill-think-of-something-later I am. Got my GD certificate. I have a girlfriend now. We are in a lesbian relationship. They are awesome. I will start my HRT soon.
@@ishachakraborty9967 o my goodness I'm am so glad that you are doing well! Thank you for responding and letting me know! I am so happy for you and your girlfriend. And I know I don't know you, but I am so happy that you are starting hrt soon!! That is amazing 🤍💗💙
@@Ill-think-of-something-later ya financing my transition is still the biggest prblm. Doing internships. Btw thank you very much asking. How r u btw?
@@ishachakraborty9967 ugh, I know! EVERYTHING is so expensive, including essential medical Care ): that sucks! I hope they aren't unpaid internships!
I have not pursued any steps toward transition, social or medical, I'm not even sure if I am trans, I'm just really confused and trying to work out what's going on (hence all the video watching). So other than all that, I'm mostly good, and I certainly could be worse, lol. Thank you for asking.
This is so me , I have so many problems with dysphoria. I hide a lot.
I have to agree that even with all the misgendering and shittyness that people throw at trans peeps these days, living as your true authentic self is so much better. I started transition 5 years ago and have never felt as good as i do now. Yeah i have bad days but at least i'm me.
It’s like an annoying little bug that’s constantly buzzing in your ear and won’t shut the f*** up and let you be :(. I had no idea these feelings of constant discomfort with my body and the fact I was a male were actually signs of dysphoria. I mean it’s not that I was content with being a boy because that’s far from the truth I just didn’t know what it all meant until I did. It always felt right for me to be feminine and dress and act like a girl because that’s honestly how I’ve always seen myself in my mind. Then you get a reality check every time you look in the mirror or take your clothes off and all of a sudden you feel this dreadful feeling like “why is this me?” “Why do I have to look like this?” “Why can’t I be the woman I want to be?” “I hate having to look and sound like this!”. All of these constantly play on repeat in my head. People say you just don’t love yourself! But what’s there to love? I don’t feel like myself and I don’t understand why. I don’t like looking like a man or sounding like one because I don’t feel like I am a man. I never have. Makeup helps out a little and so do the people who don’t misgender or deadname me they really help me feel some relief but it’s not enough. Cross dressing and makeup aren’t making these feelings go away. Because I still look like a man underneath it all and it’s so frustrating!
this helped me confirm that I am experiencing gender dysphoria, thank you
Im ftm, Being at work is very hard because of disphoria, i am constantly thinking about how all my coworkers can tell that im not cis. Im always aware of my binder and have to keep adjusting it because i have a larger chest, and i know my co workers see that and see that im not entirely flat. It feels so embarrassing all the time, im always disgusted with myself to the point were i cant ask for help if im confused on anything, leading to terrible panic attacks. I just want to start hormones and get top surgery already.
Yaaay finally found the video i was looking for.
😊
i myself dont have dysphoria i am very sure of who i am. on the other hand somone very important to me has it bad sometimes and is there any ways i can help them with it? i love them so much and just want them to be comfortable in there own skin.
I think being supportive by creating space for them to express their struggles to you. Just allow them to have an affirming space with you where they feel heard. Offer to do things with them if they need support, like if things like clothing shopping can trigger dysphoria, offer to go with them. For me, some of the most helpful things people did were just listening to me and my struggles, not trying to fix it, not downplaying my feelings, and not forcing me to go out or do certain things if I was having a particularly day of dysphoria. I hope this is helpful 💜
@@TheChloeConnection it very much is makes me happy to know that my offer to go shopping with them when they came out to me was a good thing to do thank you so much
My own experiences with dysphoria, hmm, this could take a bit:
My dysphoria is quite strong, from how my body feels in regards of the unwanted parts between my legs as they feel so uncomfortable to me, that they're misplaced and don't belong to me. Any stimulation from them revolts me. My body hair, my facial hair, the degradation that hit when I was 25 that cost me a fair amount of my head hair all adds to the dysphoria. My body suffered a lot of degradation and the HRT can sadly only do so much at my age, it's infuriating. I should have gotten to start earlier if it wasn't for the constant onslaught of transphobia and severely underfunded trans health care here in the UK that prevented me from being able to be myself for decades.
Being misgendered and dead named causes dysphoria spikes, also playing as male in video games hurts a lot. Especially if it's first person or being addressed as male in general, Dragon Quest 11 for example is male lead only when they should have allowed for playing as female for once. The game addresses the player as male the entire time from narration, menus and more. First person person where that are male lead only are painful as well, plus Dragonball Fighter Z refers to the player as male only, no pronoun choice, it's unsettling for me.
Male lead only games are very painful for me as a whole, especially white cis het male lead only titles after being forced to be as such for most of my life due to society's obsession with genitals.
I deeply hate struggling with dysphoria.
This video is on the money. For me who's not started but due to start hormones I'm exactly like when I go out people look at me and I'm like they see a man and I just want to hide😱 and yes life is hard as a transgender women but I'm looking on the bright side. Love your videos
Hi Stef! Thank you! Things definitely can be hard in transition, but I’m happy that you’re able to also see the brighter side of things 😊💜
Its like people controlling every aspect of your expression. It feels like you need to get permission to express yourself but everyone else out there can do what they want.
Suffering with it right now 😭it sucks I get it a lot because of my facial stubble I don't get a lot of it on my face but I get it and that is enough to give me dysphoria but I get it due to my voice too and my shoulders
I'm not looking forward to the fear of beeing clocked in public. But maybe I should just not give a shit 😄
I am a straight white male and there is nothing wrong with your face I think you are pretty 🖤
This is an interesting topic and it’s quite sensitive to talk about. Like, how can someone describe what it feels like to be a woman if you’ve never been that, yet me as a cis gendered woman, I can’t explain it much either, it just is. So, I would say it’s similar to body dysmorphia, or is exactly the same thing, not experiencing a connection with your body. “This identify fits me better” is a good simple way of putting it. Lol.
im only just finding out im a trans and im experiencing so much gender dysphoria since (i cry everyday for hours). idk what to do, any advice? thanks
Idk if anyone is going to see this, or respond and if not thats ok, but
I.. im amab and I play D&D ALOT. I play almost exclusively women and the few men i do play people say I seem to feel uncomfortable and unnatural in playing them.
They are right, i am really uncomfortable getting into the headspace of "man" but I get into the headspaces of my characters who are women almost without effort and being there feels.... like home idk.
I am struggling with figuring out if I am trans because I go throughout most of my days in just gender neutral clothing and not thinking about gender because it ultimately, so far as im aware, doesnt affect my day.... im realizing that that lack of awareness may actually be the source of some of my day to day discomfort with myself
Im genuinely feeling doubt about even things that make me feel comfortable and wondering if im just... idk
if someone reads this, does any of this make sense? does this sound like a trans (Specifically someone that might be mtf) experience to anyone?
POV: it 5 am and you’re having an identity crisis
Hopefully this was helpful in starting to figure some things out 💜
Thx so much hun, & ur hair looks fantastic
Gender Dysphoria for me is when my voice is affected by my allergies, it gets really raspy and if I have to talk over the phone, I try everything to avoid doing so. Sex is on the list because when I think of how I used to have sex, it was very masculine and I don't want to approach it that way. I am afraid that if I did that out of habit, in my mind my thoughts would be telling me that this isn't how females would have sex but how males do. My facial features cause me distress, it has gotten to a point that I constantly wonder how much of a improvement my face would have if I went through with FFS. Certain clothes that I have that have sleeves cut off of showing my shoulders, pants/shorts that are too tight, shirts that are so tight they cling to my body also don't help with my dysphoria
I think you are very pretty. Your voice is very feminine. You have a lot more going on then many cis women (BTW that is why feminist hate us I think). When my wife divorced me one of the last thing she told me was that she hated that she was jealous of how I looked when I was "dressed". I could not have ever imagine that a cis woman could be jealous of a "crossdresser".
It's hard to accept my dysphoria. It goes in waves where I'm like yeah ill be a dude then hate myself then grow my hair out the hate myself cause I'm not being a man so I shave it all off to look more masculine. I've tried so hard to just suppress all of it and be what people feel comfortable with. Sucks truly does but I'm hoping to accept myself at some point.
I really like your approach, and you make me laugh! Thanks for your videos
You know that musky feeling you have when you don’t shower after you went for a run? Kinda like that. The male body feels gross wearing even if I shave and stay very clean, I always felt female bodies were clean and have a more sense of home but that’s just one way to describe it lol
Dysphoria is so cruel,its like you're living a prison inside yourself
That’s a really powerful way of phrasing. I can say it has definitely felt like that for me at many points.
@@TheChloeConnection thank you so much. I wish my family understood what its like
Exactly!! 🥺
It’s weird… I’m trying to figure out if I’m just looking too deeply into this… I don’t see myself as being a guy (at the time I’m cis female). But I’m not sure if I actually FEEL non binary or if I just don’t like female anatomy in general. It’s always been just me too, like I never think about this with other girls, just how I wish I didn’t look like this…
Just a warning, I get a bit sexually explicit kind of?
I don’t really like how accidentally sexual I look, I think? I don’t like having bigger -breasts- , but other than that, I don’t mind my female anatomy, but I’m just not sure if I’m overthinking this. But things like skirts and dresses do make me feel uncomfortable.
I also don’t like the idea that I may have to get surgery or change how I look in order for somebody from the outside to refer to me as they/them, but sometimes I wonder if I’m actually fine with the she/her pronoun, or if I’m just tolerating it for other people 😔
I have a question? If gender essentialism has largely been discredited & false, then what's the point of getting breast enhancement or mastectomies? Because from what I understand America & Western culture has greatly sexualized cis-women's breasts & bodies & if you go to some society, like say in Africa, especially some random indigenous culture, they don't care at all. All the women have their breasts on full display & not one man will notice or harass them. So what does it matter if you have certain body parts if fundamentally they don't truly matter? What does it matter if you have broad shoulders & a penis if none of that indicates man or woman?
I'm so happy for you living life your way
I completely understand
Hey! What do you mean that you experience dysphoria with your nose? Also why does it hurt so much to be misgendered?
Hi Magdalena! Essentially, I feel that my nose masculinizes my face and doesn’t belong with other parts of my face and body. It’s not as intense as the gender dysphoria I’ve experience with other parts of my body, but it’s still unpleasant. I’ve kinda learned to just deal with it for now and maybe I’ll do something in the future.
And it hurts to be misgendered because it indicates that people aren’t seeing me as I see myself. It can be really disheartening to feel like I’ve come so far in my transition only to not be seen as the woman I know myself to be. I’m proud and confident in who I am but it sometimes doesn’t feel great to think that I’ll always be seen as an outsider in some spaces
No , a non dysphoric trans person is rare, i dont no what that could feel like . Tucking is a killer .❤
I certainly agree from the sense that I don't know what that would feel like either, being a trans person without dysphoria. But I think it's important to let people self identify, even if their experiences of dysphoria are minimal or very different.
I was sexually assaulted by a older relative when I was little and the person force me to wear girl’s cloth while doing it. I hate that part of my memory but I also hate myself for enjoying being treated as a girl.
I was always live in guilt and think it is my fault to enjoy that sexual assault done by that old man.
Deep down I think this is why I recognize myself as transgender women, because it helps me relief the child hood Trauma so I don’t have to live under guilt.
But I always doubt myself if I am a transgender women but self realized through childhood trauma or I am hiding my childhood trauma by pretending a transgender women.
I always ask myself Am “really” a trans women or I always feel I am less transgender than “real” trans.
I guess I am having very different gender dysphasia than most of other trans women experienced, it’s almost like a “dysphasia of gender dysphasia”
Perhaps this is something you should bring up with a trauma therapist :/
You're beautiful my girl! And thank you for your videos you teach so much
🔥🔥🔥ur helpin people, including me
For over the past month, I think around February, I started feeling uncomfortable with my body. I didn't like how I had boobs and a vagina. I had this like craving for a penis on my body around May-ish, and it was really bad.
At the beginning / halfway of June, it felt like I actually had a penis. I thought it was kind of weird because I knew I didn't have a penis. I thought I was going a little crazy. I searched up gender stuff on google and found gender dysphoria as one of the pop ups. I even searched up if it was natural for me, a female, to have a desire for a penis. I read some comments and replies and I found/read this one comment. It said if I have a desire for a penis, I probably have gender dysphoria. I'm not a 100% sure if I have gender dysphoria, I'll probably have to get a diagnosis from a doctor.
What do I think? You made me cry bitch lol but I pretty much share your expierence. Im pucky to have the job I have. I even love the shitty customers. They call me a stupid bitch and have no clue im walking away smiling under my mask lol. Thank you for this I thought about doing the same thing. Your a Queen Lady thank you ❤
Aww thank you for saying that! I’m glad you could relate to all this. And sorry not sorry for making you cry 😭😂😭💜
@@TheChloeConnection Don't be Im glad My wife clicked on your video do you have a facebook?
very good video ,chloe ,thank you
Thank you 🙂💜
o/~ Some days are Diamonds,
Some days are stones ... o/~
... and some days I wish I was! ;-)
All your vdos I've watched are great! I'm 71 and change and just starting out. My first major intention is to start HRT on Aug. 11th. That would be my "half-birthday." (My real B'day if Feb. 11, but it always either gets SNOWED or ICED out, so I have my birthday with a Barbie and Beer bust in Aug. sooo.) Aug is my target GO date .
I've been through all the experiences you went through in school ... and some worse {'Nuther story;'nuther time} But ,for it all, I've had to be the consummate actor all my life!
NO MORE!! I had started to come out somewhere about the early 2Ks, but I shut it down; asking myself "If you can't answer the following question with an Unqualified 'YES!' Stop right where you are." The question was "Are you fully willing to take the same kinds of abuses that you had all you school life to transition to make your full transition to a female person?" I couldn't, so I stopped. Now, I'm out! BIG TIME. I told my Psych MD 9who I knew since before that Qx, just back this winter, ""The BITCH IS BACK!" and I've been actioning my transition since then.
Goodonya for making your vdos. Most are highly instructive to me. Thankyoueversomuch!
In the mean, Stay sweet! Be Healthy, stay well and, "DonLetDaBugzGITCHA!!!" TY ;*
Hi Kjiersten! It’s almost August 11 already! Very excited for you 😊 I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been able to really embrace who you and move forward in your journey. It’s scary and stressful at times, but so worth it 💜
I don't have gender dysphoria; I just have a wish I was fictional, because I'm a hetero-fictosexual. That means I tend to prefer fictional men to real men. Reading is so therapeutic for me!
I love your vdos and this one seems to hit my issue straight on the head. I'm just now starting to come out I wanted to put up somewhat of a lengthy letter/post to FaceBook to "Come Out there," if you will. What I'd like to do is get your permission to post it here or maybe another of your articles as you may think appropriate, so you and maybe others will give it a read and provide some feed back on whether/how to edit/reconstruct it. I'd sincerely 'preciate it if you could do this for me.
Ty everso, Kjiersten!
P.S. OBTW, I just started my Sprinolactone yesterday and I'm scheduled to start my Estradiol patches tomorrow! (periodic is 2 Q wk, Suns * Weds) Hey, not the 11th!, but close enuf for Gov't work. Today's Saturday, so, we're still working for the Gov't. ;-)
Wish me luck!
Hi Kjiersten! That's so exciting that you started hormone therapy! 💜 And you can certainly post your coming out letter in a comment on this video or another if you want to! Just post it in a new comment. I don't always get notifications about replies to existing comments but I do for new comments. Just want to make sure that I'm able to easily see your letter when you post it 💜💜💜
@@TheChloeConnection Chloe, THIS is "What Does Gender Dysphoria Feels Like To Me (Kjiersten) and this is what I'm placing up on my original name in facebook as I begin to phase over into my new name and the new me.
G’day, all. Most of you have seen many of my posts which would be the "funny. Keith, -- ever the jolly joker, -- " put up some funny ones. I’ve put up some strange quotations. I put up some politicals that I had copied and pasted from other people of similar like. But today is something completely different. Be advised, the “Stray Caps” are not editing mistakes, they are here for emphasis.
I am the me you have always known. I still have my wry, dry, sometimes sarcastic sense of humor, I still have my “pet issues” such as bullying, child abuse, kiddie-diddlers etc. I am still a bit conservative. Some things will never change.
But, today, I am writing this post of a serious nature of something that I Must get off my chest. It is something that has been affecting me all my life and I need to deal with it; not now … but Yesterday!
Now, I am writing is to bring it all to all your attentions so that we know what I am struggling with; how I am going to be doing it and what are some of surrounding implications. So please sit back have a read on this article in its entirety before you make any decisions so we can perhaps discuss these issues later. Thank you and off we go.
You have all known me as Keith. I’m 771 and I am now reintroducing myself as Kjiersten, (pronounced SHEERsten) and I have Gender dysphoria. Dysphoria is “feelings of sadness or depression or unhappiness.” Hence, gender dysphoria is a depression from the fact your perception of your gender - your sense of self - is misaligned with the physical presentation of your body. A person assigned male at birth is at total odds that his presentation of his identity being not aligned with his male body characteristics. In Female Assigned at birth it is similar but opposite.
Many times, this issue can be raised at an early age in childhood, while in others, the onset of this dysphoria can show up as a “later in life” onset. Mine was an early onset, in that I began questioning about 7 or 8 or so. In my early life, and, in my exceedingly strict upbringing, where everything I thought did or said was considered !!SENful!!” (pronounced as written, at the at the top of your voice,) I had absolutely no choice or action I could have taken...EVer.
What is the one thing so, my issue is my gender identity not sexual identity. Gender is your sense of self. It is who you are it is what is between your ears. Your sex is between your legs. Sexual preference is who you want to be with. That is180 degrees diametrically opposed to your gender identity. I am not gay. I never have been gay. Nor will I ever be gay. Let us get that right clear, right now before any questions are asked.
If I ever had thoughts or even leanings in that direction having been raped and sodomized with a stick by a predatory homosexual guy in my high school, four years my senior put paid to that right straight away. It was not until I got well out of the Air Force, I got that tear surgically repaired.
This is the way it is. It is my gender identity. THAT is my issue. End of Message.
I am now struggling with serious issues that have dogged me for all my life. I have, several times, contemplated and even Acted on suicide over this. Why have I waited so long to do this? Simple. I have lived in FEAR (Fuck Everything And RUN!) I can no longer run from it, repress it; push it down; suppress it. Call it whatever you will. This is a Nasty, Vicious beast that I have not been able to outrun.
Well My days of running have Stopped. The only way to fly is to turn Into The Wind. Well, I am turning into the wind to take off and I am starting to make a major change of my life as I begin to change my gender. To those of you who are local and have seen me around, you may have noticed small changes; and, gradual though they are, they will become more and more visible as time goes on. I have begun to take medications to treat this issue. There will be more and more pronounced visible changes arising from these medications. What those medications are is between my Doctor, my Pharmacist and myself.
I know many folks will have Severe philosophical disparities with my decision and, by extension, what I am doing about it. I know I will lose friends. This is a fact of life in this transition. I am ready for that. I have gone through and what I will go through. And that, not necessarily for this reason, I am very experienced with that and ready to accept it. I am sorry you feel as you do, and I will understand why and how you do.
If you have any intelligent, well thought out questions, directed toward the issue, I will be more than happy to answer them. If I cannot answer them directly, I will look them up in the medical or psychological literature so that I can answer them for you in a good time. please feel free to ask the questions. If the questions are transphobic or misogynistic, I shall treat them with the contempt that they so richly deserve and will promptly delete them.
You can delete me; remove-unfriend me; block me if you like I do not care. I am used to it I've “Been There Done That” way too many times.
You may shred me all you want if that is your inclination. I have heard it all too much --so much more than anyone would want to imagine. The abuses I have heard would make a Drill Instructor blush; hence I have inured myself to all the noise. So, in a word, do not waste your breath. I do not care. This is My life! I will fix it the way I can -- the best I can -- for Me to be Happy in Me.
Thank you very much. Kjiersten
Hi Kjiersten! I love this. I feel like you really explain who you are and what you need to do to be your fullest self. I especially love the self-confidence. This is what you need to do and people may disagree, but they won’t dissuade you because you know what’s best for you. I’m so sorry I did not see this earlier. Im curious. Have you already posted this and if so, what was the reaction? 💜💜